World Cup 2014 Part 12 - Supporting Germany is not Natural!

Outside the Box but Still a Red Card (but not against Brazil)

12/7/14

3^rd/4^th Place Playoff

Brazil 0 Netherlands 3

This is usually the game where no one gives a shite about the result and both teams play all the reserves and just want to get it out of the way and go home.  Brazil are already home which is why this game actually mattered to them and I guess it mattered to The Dutch as it was van Gaal’s last game in charge before taking charge of Manchester’s second club.  The question was if Brazil would be a train wreck after the 7-1 drubbing they got off the Germans and within 90 seconds we had our answer as Robben broke through and Thiago Silva grabbed him and wrestled him to the ground as he burst into the box.  It’s got to be a red card but the only question is whether it’s inside or outside the box.  Refeenho gives the penalty and books him and in doing so, manages to get both decisions wrong.  Anyway, up steps RVP and 1-0.  A repeat of the German dicking was on the cards after 10 minutes when a terrible clearing header from Luiz went straight to Daley Blind who was stood on the penalty spot on his own and he lashed it into the roof of the net.  Brazil showed no real signs of getting back into it, even without Hulk and Fred who had been dropped for being abysmal footballers.  Oscar was still playing though and he managed to get booked for a dive.  It’s an odd one as Daley Blind clearly fouled him but Oscar had dragged his feet and was already going down before contact.  If he’d kept running, it's a clear foul but I’m glad the ref booked him as he was looking to cheat.  The game chuntered on uneventfully until the last minute when Wijnaldum fired into the net for 3-0 to prove what we all expected – that Brazil are piss poor.

Five minutes later, an Argentinian clattered him

13/7/14

World Cup Final

Germany 1 Argentina 0 (aet)

For the biggest game in the World, you have your tactics and you know what you team is going to be and then someone gets injured in the warm up. So Khedira was out and Krammer was in.  The new guy was involved in the first major incident of the game as Garay came across to clear and nearly took Krammer’s head off with his shoulder as he ran past.  It didn’t look deliberate to be fair but Jesus, did he hit him hard.  You really want that to happen to someone like Pepe or Cristiano Ronaldo.  The game itself is exactly as predicted with the Germans dominating possession and Argentina sitting back, trying to get the ball to Messi and hoping that he does something.  They are creating the better chances when they do get the ball and an appalling back header by Kroos puts Higuain through on goal.  As he reached the edge of the box and took aim, time stood still and I wondered if he was going to prove me wrong as everytime I’ve seen him play he’s looked like a slow donkey who doesn’t deserve his massive reputation.  1-0 to me but not 1-0 to Argentina as he shanked it horribly wide.  Allegedly a world class striker with a 1v1 with the keeper from 18 yards?  Sorry – that was shit.

Ten minutes later and Argentina broke down the right through Lavezzi and his excellent cross was met by Higuain and this time he buried it, only this time he was a couple of yards offside.  Messi wasn't doing much but when he did, he burned past Hummels before seeing Schweinsteiger clear his cross.

Maybe this Argentina pressure is due to the fact that Germany are playing with 10 as Krammer still doesn’t know what day it is and he comes off and is replaced with Schurrle which on the face of it, is an attacking substitution.  The final two chances of the half fall to Germany with Schurrle blasting a shot striaight at Romero who parried it away and then right on half time, a corner was swung in and Howedes go up superbly and from 5 yards, smacked his header against the post.You have to score from there…. But 0-0.

The second half starts well for Argentina and Messi is through on left but he screws his shot past Neuer and past the far post.  The best German chance fell to Kroos but his sidefooted effort from an Ozil pull back was shocking in the extreme and just dribbled wide.  Palacio and his rat tail hair statement is on for Higuain who in addition to missing a sitter has got Neuer’s knee in the face as he came out and punched a ball.  With the 90 minute mark approaching, the clearly knackered Miroslav Klose is replace with Mario Gotze.

The first half of extra time is quite cagey and Argentina have definitely settled for penalties.  They have a decent chance though as Palicio and his rat get through but when presented with Neuer flying out, he shites himself and lobs wide.  I’ve given Bastian Schweinsteiger some stick before, mainly for being the archetypal German with the most German name you could possibly have but fair’s fair – he’s some player.  His latest challenge is to not react as the Argentinians line up to kick the shit out of him.  The worst incident is Aguero going up for a header and just smashing him in the face.  The referee predictably doesn’t send Aguero off and the commentators predictably blather on about him “not being that type of player”.  The blood pouring out of Schweinsteiger’s cheek suggests otherwise.

On 113 minutes it happens as Schurrle gets away down the left and his cross curls to Gotze who controls and swivels and volleys into the net past Romero in one movement.  When he emerges from the pile of bodies, the look on his face is one of “what the fuck just happened” and is similar to the look on Krammer’s face when he got smashed in the head.  Argentina have got nothing but they do get a free kick in the 120^th minute.  After a long wait, Messi launches the free kick miles over the bar.  It was the first time I’d noticed him for about an hour.

After the final whistle we had the interminable wait for the presentation.  First up was Manuel Neuer to collect the award for best keeper, then it was player of the tournament time and up went Muller, no Schweinsteiger, no Lahm, no Robben, no James Rodriguez…. MESSI – fuck off.  OK, he was decent in the group stages when they had an easy group but nothing since.  Is that award sponsored by his mum or something?  Ridiculous.

Anyway, up went the German team and then the party started.  With an average age of about 24, it’s quite scary for the future.

And so it came to pass that 32 teams turned up to play in the World Cup and the best team won and they totally deserved it.  They had an injury in the warm-up, an injury to his replacement, a change of tactics, some more substitutions and they still won.  The first European team to win the World Cup in South America – and beating  Brazil and Argentina on the way.  It doesn’t get much better than that.  The big sides who they beat on their way to lifting the World Cup were the South American giants and Portugal, three sides who are more or less, through Messi, Neymar and Ronaldo, one man teams.  The Germans are an 11 man team, 23 man squad.  That’s why they won it and deservedly so.  It felt odd supporting Gremany in a game but there’s so much to admire about them that you can’t help but be impressed…. And Beckham had his kids there in Argentina kits.  Probably some sort of symbolic gesture… a man of your profile should have some awareness ... you complete knob.

Usually I’d use that Beckham link to lead into writing about England here and how we can hope to compete but we’re not worthy of being on the same page as the Germans.  We are light years behind.  In 2000 when both teams got knocked out of the Euros in the group stages, both teams were shit but only one did anything about it – they reviewed, came up with a plan, the Bundesliga bought into it and 14 years later they win the World Cup.  We got Sven and basically did nothing whilst allowing the Premier League and Sky to dictate everything.  The truth hurts but at the end of the day, it’s the truth.  The Germans are travelling home with the World Cup and we are still shit.

Next up is the Euros in 2016 in France.  Spain & Italy will come again, Netherlands will be there or there abouts, Belgium will be a dark horses and England will be nowhere.  Germany will take some stopping.

Mario Gotze had a good day.

World Cup 2014 Part 11 - If Carlsberg did Opposition Centre Backs...

Scolari had 7 in the Sweepstake

8/7/14

Semi Finals

Brazil 1 Germany 7 (SEVEN)

All anyone was focussing on was how Brazil would replace Neymar and they all wore ‘Forca Neymar’ caps which made them look stupid.  A ‘Forca Thiago’ cap would have been a much better investment as the main man in the defence was always going to be more missed against the Germans.  David Luiz even held up Neymar’s shirt for the national anthem.  Knob.  I rarely listen to the TV pundits but Alan Hansen said before the game that Luiz “doesn’t have an ounce of communication in him”, clearly implying that he defence would be a shambles without their leader.  How right he was.  You also wondered where Brazil were going to find a goal from without Neymar and relying on Hulk and Fred or “Can’t Shoot” and “Won’t Move” as they should be known.

After 10 fairly even minutes, Germany won a corner and swung it into the box.  Germany’s best player Thomas Muller was totally unmarked about 8 yards out, right in the middle of the goal and just cushioned a volley into the net.  David Luiz was supposed to be marking him but was nowhere to be seen.  I went to the pub at this point and was at the bar, just as Klose had a free shot from 10 yards which Cesar parried out and then another free shot which he rolled into the net. 2-0 and the camera pans to aghast looking Brazilian people in the crowd.

By the time I’d finished getting served and sat down, it was 4-0.  At 2-0, what you should do is say “we’re going to get to half time at 2-0 down, chat from the manager and come out firing, get an early goal back and who knows”.  You’re still in the game at 2-0 but you’re not if you do what Brazil did next.  Marcelo went wandering off up the wing and no defensive cover was forthcoming from the pathetic Bernard.  Lahm’s cross was missed by Fernandinho and Kroos steamed in and smashed it past Cesar for 3-0.  Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse / funnier / humiliating / shocking – Brazil kicked off, passed it back through Luiz to Dante who fed it into Fernandinho who lost the ball to Khedira, Khedira to Kroos, Kroos to Khedira and back again, sidefoot, 4-0.  I can’t remember ever seeing something more ridiculous on a football pitch anywhere, let alone from the home team in a World Cup Semi Final.  What you need now if for your main central defender and captain to turn his back on a 50/50 challenge like a complete fucking pussy and allow Khedira to win it, play a 1-2 with Ozil and pass another on into the net for 5-0.  Half time... what the fuck.  Luiz is great with the snidey elbow in the face on the blindside of the ref but when it comes to actually doing his job and making a tackle in plain sight – forget it.

All Scolari could do was damage limitation and maybe take some of his shit players off so that meant the end of Hulk and Fernandinho for Ramires and Paulinho respectively.  Go and score 6 lads...  The second half was a bit half paced as Germany just passed it around.  No one was going to risk getting booked or copping a bad tackle so it was all a bit stand-offish until Germany brought on Schurrle for Klose.  Schurrle obviously wants to play in the final and with 10 minutes of coming on he got himself on the end of another right wing move around Marcelo and put it past Cesar for 6-0.  7 up wasn’t long in coming and this was possibly the best goal of the lot in terms of the finish as Schurrle crashed it first time, off the underside of the bar from the near post

It should have been 8-0 as Ozil was clean through with just Cesar to beat but he rolled it wide and he was made to pay, sort of, as Brazil went straight up the other end and Oscar got to blast one past Neuer from point blank range to make it 7-1. 

Make no mistake, Germany were excellent and back to their ruthlessly efficient best but Brazil were fucking terrible.  It was like watching the worst school kids team when their manager is just yelling at them for being shit.  There was no plan and no discipline and it was basically just a fucking shambles which has to go down to Scolari.  David Luiz proved Alan Hansen correct with quite possibly the worst captains’ performance ever.  I guess as a captain you can lead by word or deed or preferably both but leading by ‘none of the above’ really isn’t going to cut it in a World Cup Semi Final when your team is struggling.  Lots of tears all round from all the players but to be honest, 7-1 flattered Brazil.  Germany eased off in the second half and regardless of this, Ozil missing a sitter was all that stopped it being 8-0 anyway.  The biggest shame was the way that Brazil played in the tournament as a whole.  Too many piss-poor players – how does Bernard and Hulk get picked ahead of Coutinho -  and their strong arm tactics combined with Refereenho mean that not many tears will have been shed outside of Brazil itself.  They’ve managed to go from the team everybody love to the opposite.

Netherlands 0 Argentina 0 (Argentina win 4-2 on penalties)

It was always gong to be a case of after the Lord Mayor’s show and within 5 minutes you could see that this was going to be a tactical battle between two teams who were reluctant to open out and go for it.  Argentina rely solely on Messi doing something whereas the Dutch just want to use Robben’s pace.  I think I fell asleep in the first half.  There were that few incidents of note and one shot from free kick which Messi put straight at Cillessen.  The second half was different in that it was even worse.  Extra time was a little bit better with Robben actually having a shot and Cillessen made a coupe of routine saves but it was always going to go to penalties.  Van Gaal, praised for the keeper substitution in the last round, had made all 3 subs including taking off van Persie who took the first penalty for them in the last round penalty win against Costa Rica. 

The first penalty is so important and really needs your best penalty taker.  The Dutch sent up Ron Vlaar and the Argies sent up Messi.  Vlaar’s kick was crap and straight down the middle and an easy save for Romero and by the time Romero had pulled off a decent save from Sneijder’s kick and then Aguero scored, it was 3-1 to the Argies and the game was nearly up.  Kuyt scored, Rodriguez scored and game over.  The Netherlands best penalty taker, Huntelaar, never even got to take one.  Maybe van Gaal isn’t so much of a genius after all.  More evidence is in that the Dutch haven’t scored for 240 minutes in open play.   You could see why he put Krul in goal for the penalties in the last round – it turns out that Cillesen has never saved one ever and you could see why as he kind of collapsed in on himself with every penalty.  It turned out later that two Dutch players bottled taking the first kick which is why Vlaar ended up taking one so he can be excused but they should have got Huntelaar on the first one and worried about the 5^th if they were still in it.

So – we have Europe against South America in the final and I’ll be hoping Europe win through Germany.  I remember sitting down to watch the final in 1986 when it was these two teams and as it was post-Hand of Bastard, it was an easy decision to make as to who to support…. Not the mention the Falklands thing.  In the 1990 final, Germany had just knocked England out and Klinsmann was at his diving bastard worst and the Argies were a piss-boring team of thugs with a fading Maradona who was public enemy number 1.  In 1990 I wanted both to lose.

What we really need in the 2014 final is an early German goal or else I can see it being another bore-fest as the Germans mark Messi out of the game and Argentina play 9 at the back.  Before that though there is the 3^rd place playoff or the ‘Not Give a Shit’ match which will see all the squad players from the Netherlands play against the strongest team Brazil can possibly put out.

World Cup 2014 Part 10 - Brazilian Hacking Enquiry

David Luiz points out who Brazil kicked the shit out of

4/7/14

Quarter Finals

France 0 Germany 1

 Before this game, my humble opinion was that France were a really good bet to win the World Cup as they don’t have any obvious weaknesses but first they have to get past Ze Germans and with Ze Germans it is psychological as they always reach the semi final.   France have the first half chance as Benzema sidefooted wastefully wide and on 12 minutes he was made to pay as Kroos curled in a free kick and Hummels got up and flicked it in giving Lloris no chance.  You sensed that France would ned a quick response and Neuer had to save well from Valbuena and then comfortably from Benzema who looked like he was having one of those games which makes you wonder why the hell he’s so highly rated.  The second half saw half chances come and go for France without ever really testing Neuer and Germany should have wrapped it up on the break as Ozil got down the let and put in on a plate for Schurrle who passed it straight to the keeper in really piss-poor fashion.   With time running but, Benzema got through again but was too wide and his shot was easily beaten away by Neuer.  The four players screming for a pass in the middle were not impressed.  A poor game, a poor performance from France and a professional job done by ze Germans.  “Professional” means much rolling around and timewasting, by the way.

Brazil 2 Colombia 1

Thin Brazil and you think of the beautiful game.  There has always been a harder edge to their game but now it’s almost tat he exclusion of anything beautiful.  The tactics they emplyed in this game was to basically target James Rodriguez and kick the hell out of him.  Of course, this should be allowed to work because the referee will stamp it out but there’s a new concept in this tournament – it’s called Refereenho who basically allows Brazil to get away with murder.  Paulinho should have been booked after five minutes and Fernandinho after 10.  Off the ball blocks were ignored and Rodriguez in particular spent the first half sitting on the ground wondering what had just hit him.  Brazil went 1-0 up on 8 minutes as Sanchez completely dozed off at the back post and a flick on was easily converted by Thiago Silva.  The kicking continued, not only on Rodriguez but on Cuadrado and still the cards stayed in the pocket, except for when Silva got booked for stopping the keeper rolling it out quickly.  He should have drop kicked him in the chest as that would be allowed.  Colombia offered little up front as it had been kicked out of them. 

The second half started better for Colombia and the old man of the side, Yepes, had the ball in the net only for it to be ruled out for an earlier offside.  Up the park went Brazil and disbelief all around as Rodriguez clipped Paulinho and the yellow card came out.  David Luiz sidefooted an incredible free kick over the wall and in from 35 yards and it was party time.  With nothing now to lose, Colombia piled forward and Bacca was put through only to be hammered by Cesar – penalty and a red card surely.  No, just a yellow – fuck off!!!!  Up steps Rodriguez to score his 6^th of the tournament as the lucky Cesar went the wrong way.  The one notable incident before the end was Zuniga steaming into Neymar from behind and with a knee n the back, put Brazil’s only flair player out of the tournament with a fractured vertebra.  Nasty.  Phil Scolari may want to reflect on the fact that you quite often reap what you sow.  He had the balls to complain that Neymar had been hunted down in all their matches and he still decided to appeal Silva’s yellow card on the basis of nothing whatsoever but you know, I’d have done the same if I was him.  Brazil are getting away with murder at this tournament.

I can’t believe I’m saying this but I hope the Germans beat them.

".... and then the complete c**t took me off"

5/7/14

Argentina 1 Belgium 0

Having looked better in the USA game, it was a case of which Belgium turned up today.  On paper they look a better all round side than Argentina but Argentina have the magic man in Messi who is streets ahead of Hazard who is Belgium’s most talented player.  The Argies took the lead on 8 minutes as Messi picked out di Maria and his pass infield was deflected up in the air but in front of Higuain who without breaking stride, lashed it first time past Courtois and into the corner of the net for 1-0.  The sides traded chances without ever looking like adding to the scoreline with Messi putting a free kick over the bar and Mirallas heading a decent chance wide from a Vertonghen cross.  Fellaini was doing his usual in midfield in that he finds it impossible to go near an opposition player without fouling them.  If football had a basketball style disciplinary code whereby you have 5 fouls and then you’re off, then Fellaini woudn’t get past half tie in any game he plays.  Into the second half and Higuain set off on a run from halfway and goes straight for goal, megging Kompany on the way who has bottled it and when presented with just Courtois to beat, Higuain loses composure and hits the bar.  There was little urgency from Belgoim and they only created a couple of chances.  Vertonghen again put in a cross which Fellaini headed over and and when it did eventually get a bit frantic in the last 5 minutes, Lukaku’s pull back was half cleared and Witsel smashed it over the bar from the edge of the penalty area.  In between those two chances, Messi had been put clean through against Courtois but had surprising made a balls of it.  So, 1-0 to Argentina it finished and you can’t help but feel that Belgium flattered to deceive.  Didn’t Januzaj do a lot as well – no, he did sod all.  Overrated perchance. 

Netherlands 0 Costa Rica 0 (Netherlands win 4-2 on pens)

I expect the Dutch were expecting to play Uruguay, Italy, or maybe dear old useless England when the draw was made.  Actually, they were expecting to be knocked out by Spain but here they are playing Costa Rica.  The Costa Rica boys have been superb so far and desperately deserve to be where they are but I had a feeling gong into this that this was one game too far.  The first half though was pretty boring with the best chances falling to the Dutch with Navas pulling off a decent save from van Persie and then being ready to save the rebound from Sneijder.  Sneijder pinged a free kick off the post and with Costa Rica offering so little up front, Van Persie had two great chances in the 2^nd half to score what would surely be the winning goal when first he saw navas again block is near post drive and then the contrived to completely miss a superb cross from Sneijder when it looked easier to score than play the airshot that he did.  It certainly wasn’t RVP’s day as Blind gets down the left, crosses low and RVP at back post, shoots and sees it hit Tejeda who is back on the line and deflect up onto the bar and out.  Extra time is more cagey but Costa Rica have a decent shout for a penalty as Vlaar clumsily fouls Bolanos and though he went down like a sack of shit, there was contact there.  Something has happened to Costa Rica at half time and they have their best chance to score as Umana goes on a mazy and ends up with a clear shot at Cilessen which the keeper superbly keeps out.  There is just enough time for the Dutch to have their head int heir hands again as Sneijder curls in a shot from the left of the penalty area which beats Navas and comes back off the bar.  There are 120 minutes up and Van Gaal brings on Tim Krul in place of Cilessen and he hasn’t touched the ball before it goes to penalties. 

As we all saw, Krul went the right way on every penalty and saved the 2^nd and 4^th and was allowed by the ref to get away with so much gamesmanship that it was all anyone spoke about afterwards.  I wonder if there are any rules as to what happens if the referee red cards a keeper in the shootout?  Unlikely I guess but the Dutch are through to play Argentina.  Many a time I've seen a striker put on in the last minute because he's taken a penalty so why is the substitution such a big deal.  I guess it's a bigger deal for keepers as you live for these moments.  I can't believe Cillesen didn't know it was happening before the game and he'll be back in goal in the semi final.

So, Brazil v Germany and Argentina v Holland.  An all South American Final and you have 2 teams that don’t like each other much – an all European Final and you have 2 teams who don’t like each other much – Voller v Rijkaard 2 perhaps and Dutch banners about Germans nicking their bike.  I’ll stick my neck out and predict an all European final.

World Cup 2014 Part 9 - England Post Mortem (without swearing)

I'm useless, me!

Well what a complete and utter unmitigated disaster that was.  Out of the World Cup after two games, out without winning a game, out having played passably for half a game, bottom of the group and in the worst 3 or 4 teams out of the 32 at the tournament.  GARBAGE.

Roy Hodgson of course had a free hit at Euro 2012 and he went with a conservative 4-4-2 formation with Milner and Chamberlain on the wings. Rooney was banned but was of course brought back as soon as he wasn’t and we crashed out but Roy was given a free ride because he was only in the job about a month before the tournament started.  This time it’s all his own work and he has no-one else to blame.  The qualification started terribly and we came to life at the end of it in a very easy group and qualified comfortably enough.

 

The squad was announced and it wasn't bad on the face of it.  There were a couple of shockers in there like Chris Smalling and Frank Lampard but there were some young players like Barkley, Sterling and Shaw so not bad.  He had a team in mind for the first game of the World Cup and there were vague assurances that he’d pick players in form which we all knew was rubbish as Rooney was not in form, nor was Welbeck who were both guaranteed to start.  Adam Lallana, who had had a superb season was pencilled in to start on the right but the press wanted Raheem Sterling on the back of 15 good games at the end of the season.  Despite getting sent off in the last warm-up game, Sterling was picked and Lallana was benched instead of switching to the left and replacing Welbeck.

This was down to Hodgson’s naturally cautious approach.  We are the only team who has players who are ‘defensive wingers’.  In other words, wide players who offer next to nothing going forward but are picked because they work back well, allegedly.  We have James Milner and Danny Welbeck in this role and I guess the theory is that they cover to compensate that both of our full-backs in Johnson and Baines, cannot defend.  To be fair, only one of them ever gets picked to start a game and it’s usually Welbeck but by definition,  it’s negative. 

Liverpool’s fine end of season run had also propelled Jordan Henderson from being a joke player who can’t control a ball to a starting defensive midfielder for England, despite the fact that he doesn’t play this role for Liverpool.  We were chronically short in this area as a natural like Jack Cork was overlooked and aside from Henderson and the ageing Gerrard (also not a natural in this position) we had Jack Wilshere who is a) never fit and b) not a natural in this position and Frank Lampard who is an attacking midfielder who can’t defend and is 35 years old and his legs have gone.  Shocking squad selection.  What a surprise – we got completely outplayed and overrun in this area and Hodgson did nothing.  He didn’t put a 3^rd player in there and he didn’t change the personnel until we were out of the tournament.

Leighton Baines was shocking against Italy but did have the bottle to bring Luke Shaw in for Uruguay – of course not. Henderson and Gerrard were woeful against Italy but did he have the bottle to change it for Uruguay – no. Did we do the same things in the Uruguay game and did we get the same result – yes of course!  Hodgson’s substitutions were a joke a well as he just put on the players he probably felt were unlucky to be left out.  Against Italy, Barkley was brought on, Lallana was brought on, Wilshere was brought on like it was pre-planned as they were all unlucky to not be in the starting line up.  There were no formation changes, nothing different was tried.  In the Uruguay game at 2-1 down he took off Henderson and brought on Rickie Lambert... with 4 minutes to go and we went 2 up front... with 4 minutes to go and we were desperate.  The only bit of decisive management that Hodgson came up with all tournament was to slag off Ross Barkley for losing the ball too much after an energetic and lively cameo appearance.  Yeah, we can’t have players who are exciting and make things happen can we?  Much better to have a team of plodders who play it safe.  Hodgson conveniently overlooks the fact that Rooney gives the ball away more than anyone.

We were poor all over the pitch with the attack missing chances (Sturridge) and giving the ball away constantly (Rooney).  The midfield didn’t close down and neither protected the back for, nor supported the attack and as for the defence.  When we coughed up possession then we were almost always caught in a 4-2-4 formation with no protection for the full backs and the central midfielders not being able to cover all the ground.  Defending is a collective thing and all 4 goals we conceded were shocking.  For Italy’s first we allowed Pirlo to dummy a short corner while we slept and Marchisio was allowed a free shot.  For their second there was no pressure from Baines or Rooney on Candreva as he crossed it and neither of the defensive midfielders got out there. Balotelli was allowed to peel off of Cahill and unimpeded by Johnson, allowed a free header from 5 yards.  Uruguay’s first goal was identical to that one with just a different cast of characters.  Cavani crossed under no pressure, Suarez peeled off of Jagielka and free header.  The second Uruguay goal was straight off of the local park.  Big boot from the keeper, flicked on by Gerrard who took his eye off it, Suarez runs on and scores with no centre back covering round.  Pathetic.  We weren’t a team, we weren’t a unit, we weren’t playing to any plan, we weren’t anything.

We all know that our players are not as good as Sky Sports Hyperbole channel paints them to be.  As a rule, our players are one trick ponies who can’t adapt to anything but what they’re used to, be it conditions or positional changes etc.  I think we have a right to epect a player to be a bit versatile when he's paid £150k a week or whatever.  Where you have players from other countries who can play right back, central midfield and left wing, we have players who can’t perform when they’re moved ‘a bit to the left’.   Our players don’t appear to be trying or playing with any urgency and after an hour, many of them look like they’re blowing out of their backsides.  Not fit enough, not prepared enough.

There’s a general attitude problem.  From the national anthem to the end of the game, players from countries such as Chile, Croatia, Brazil, Uruguay to name but 4, look like they’d be prepared to die for their country and they are certainly going to put 100% into the 90 minutes that’s in front of them.  You get the impression that when their playing careers are over, they will be in the crowd at future tournaments, supporting their country because their country is what matters most.  Even though many will be earning mega-money abroad, there’s a real sense of when they pull on their national teams shirt that they haven’t lost the connection with the man in the street.  No matter how well or badly they do, you get the impression that they want to be able to look the normal supporter in the eye and at least say “I gave it my all” and sleep at night happy in that knowledge.  Do you get that impression with any of the England players?  They'll sleep at night because they don;t give a stuff - they might think they do but do they really? Maybe it’s a society problem in England where you can’t be patriotic or thump your chest in nationalistic pride in case you offend someone.  Can you imagine telling a Croatian or a Chilean that you’re not really allowed to outwardly promote your own nation when in your own nation as it might offend someone who is not from here originally?  I guess it’s the manager’s job to inspire the troops – Roy Hodgson.  Yes.

Our players just care about their clubs – witness the behaviour of Adam Lallana.  He went to the World Cup, probably the only one he’ll ever play in, bleating on about his move to Liverpool and how much he wanted it.  He even signed a Liverpool shirt for a fan when in Brazil and got caught on camera saying he hoped it went through.  I hope that his pre-occupation with this lead to him being dropped by Hodgson but that would imply strong, good management so the chances are that it was just the media clamour to play Sterling and the conservative desire not to drop our defensive winger in Welbeck.

A few managerial failures have been sticking their head above the parapet to have a go including Rent-a-quote Redknapp who did his usual and threw in an accusation without anything to back it up.  Apparently, some players want to get out of international call-ups but he didn’t say who and he didn’t say when.  Even when Steven Gerrard asked him to name names, he didn’t.  The last time Gerrard and Redknapp were in the same sentence was when Harry said that he’d received a text for Gerrard saying how he wished he’d got the England job.  That turned out to be a big lie as well so I wouldn’t believe a word that ever comes out of Redknapp’s mouth for this and a whole host of other reasons.

Then we had dear old Sven who said that if Hodgson was foreign then he’d have got the sack.  Maybe he would have but one thing is for sure; he’d have got the sack if he’d a) wasted a golden generation of players, b) openly touted for the Chelsea job whilst England manager,  c) took turns with his boss to bang his secretary.  Ah Sven – what a genius he was – took the best generation of English footballers for years and totally wasted it, forcing Paul Scholes to retire in the process as he had to accommodate all the big names like Beckham, Gerrard and Lampard. 

Under Ericsson we used to be fine against the Croatia’s and Mexico’s of this world but we would always come up short against anyone from the traditional top tier of nations.  However, Hodgson’s England could only dream of getting a result against the Croatia’s and Mexico’s of this world.  Now we’d struggle against Australia and I reckon we’d be deserved underdogs against the USA.  After the Costa Rica game, Roy did his interview and if he’d come out and said “not good enough” or “we’ve been shocking” or better still “the players and I have to have a damn good look at ourselves as the standard of the performances by England in this tournament have been totally unacceptable”,  then it would at least show a recognition of the problem and a desire to improve.   Instead of that he said,  ‘I’m pleased’.  Pleased with what Roy?  Pleased with bottom of the group, pleased with mediocrity – not even mediocrity – pleased with coming last.  You can’t fix anything unless you acknowledge the problem after a failure and that is what this is.  A complete abject failure and you, Roy Hodgson are the main architect of that failure.  You can blame the players that are available to a degree but if you gave Hodgson James Rodriguez from Colombia – one of the outstanding players from this World Cup, I guarantee he wouldn’t start him in the 10 role.  He’d want Rooney there as he’s undroppable and now he unmoveable so Rodriguez would be competing with Welbeck for the left wing spot which he wouldn’t get as he’s not as much of an athlete.  My point is that even if he had an embarrassment of riches, Hodgson would have no idea.

Greg Dyke is the man in control and he could start the ball rolling on the recovery by getting rid of this abject failure of a manager, one who settles for mediocrity, has no tactical idea and who fails to get the best out of a group of players.  Before the dust had even settled though, there was Greg saying that the managers’ job was safe and therefore condemning us to more of the same in the next tournament in 2 years time.  Great, I can’t wait.  He then said that the motivation in the squad would have been better if Prince Harry had addressed the squad first.  Unbelievable.   Mind you, I’m sure The Ginger Prince could have given a better motivational speech than Roy Hodgson but then so could anyone.  Cheers Greg, can we have a vote of no confidence in you?

How many teams in this World Cup do you reckon we could have beaten in a competitive game?  As far as I’m concerned, the only ones we could have had a shout of beating are South Korea, Honduras, Cameroon and at a push, Australia.   All of these teams in their 3 games showed more dynamism, will to win and commitment than we did.  We’d have been better off not qualifying as this tournament has been a complete waste of time for us but even then, Hodgson would probably still be in charge for the next 2 years.  How bad does it have to be Mr Dyke before you realise that it isn’t working?  Hodgson is a monumental failure and he needs to be treated as the monumental failure that he is and got rid of.  We will qualify for the Euros as it’s practically impossible not to but we haven’t; got a prayer of doing anything in it if Hodgson is in charge.

Much was made of the fact that we had really low expectation as a nation in this tournament.   So, we went in the low expectations and after World Cup 2014, we haven’t even come out with the bare mimimum, which was some hope that the future will be any better.  Personally, I don’t think that’s acceptable and can’t believe Greg Dyke or anyone else does either.  We need a strong manager who is going to make us over-perform, who is not frightened to drop big names if it’s for the benefit of the team, who is prepared to tell some players that just because you earn £200k a week, you’re not the finished article.  That man is not Roy Hodgson – get rid of him.  It can’t possibly get any worse.

**** (Insert your own swear word here)

World Cup 2014 Part 8 - Brazil Shits Itself and Robben Dives into Quarter Finals

Rearrange the Letters in HULK and it spells SHIT (if you change a few)

28/6/14

2^nd Round – Brazil 1 Chile 1 (Brazil win 3-2 on penalties)

The knockout stages started with the host nation in a game which according to manager Scolari, they really didn’t want against Chile.  I love the way Chile approach things – they haven’t got many great individual players but they are so much more than the sum of their parts and they play as if their lives depend on it.  That said, they fell behind on 18 minutes when a cross was flicked on and was bindled into the net at the far post with David Luiz getting the credit.  There is a curious phenomena at this World Cup where the replay proves something quite different and the commentators refuse to alter their original belief.  It’s quite clearly an own goal by Jara who has stuck a leg out but no matter how many times this is shown, it’s still David Luiz’ goal and then FIFA announce that it’s Luiz’ goal.  It ultimately doesn’t matter a shit but Luiz hasn’t even got a touch there.  Against the script and therefore hugely funny was a Chile equalizer before half time. Marcelo took a throw in near his own corner flag and threw it to Hulk who had the first touch of a man wearing concrete wellies.  Aranguiz nicks in and passes infield to Sanchez who, being unmarked as he is, fires it past Cesar and into the far corner.  Great finish but shocking play from Brazil.  Much has been said about bent refereeing favouring the host nation but Howard Webb hasn’t read the script as a long cross picks out Hulk who controls around the shoulder area and mis-hits it into the net off his knee.  It looks perfectly ok and then gets disallowed for handball.  It’s marginal to say the least but fair play to Webb, he believes he’s right and disallows it and shows a yellow card to Hulk.  Scolari is going beserk and you just know that Webb is on his way home now.  Personally I think it’s a harsh decision and if Chile had had a goal disallowed like that then we’d all have been going nuts.  The problem with Brazil is that they have some right shit payers and they keep the quota the same by removing Fred and bringing on Jo who is slightly more mobile but still shite.  Hulk is their most likely forward to score but he mixes up great runs with throwing himself on the ground.  Extra time passes and Brazil collectively shites its pants and Panilla smacks the bar from 25 yards on 119 minutes and we have our first penalty shootout.

The penalty shootout is an average affair and it’s 3-2 to Brazil as Gonzalo Jara takes the fifth Chilean penalty and hits the inside of the post and Brazil are through – just.  Needless to say, Hulk missed.

2^nd Round – Colombia 2 Uruguay 0

Before this game we get word that Luis Suarez has made a statement and it’s that he slipped and kept his balance only by plunging his teeth into the shoulder of Chiellini.  This is about as hilarious as when an MP says that he slipped and fell into that rent boy.  By showing no remorse and no admission that anything was wrong, he should really be slapped with a longer ban whch of course, won’t happen.  To the game itself and Colombia are the better side throughout and a new global star is born as James Rodriguez controls a high ball on his chest with his back to goal, chests is sideways in the same movement and volleys it left footed in off the bar.  It’s a ridiculous goal and put the Colombians 1-0 u after half an hour.  It’s 2-0 straight after half time as the Uruguayans are carved open and Cuadrado cushioned a header back for Rodriguez to score again.  Cuadrado seems to be a very influential player and he’s got nifty dance move as all the Colombians do their thang corner flag.  Ospina made a couple of saves as Uruguay belatedly went for it but Uruguay and their fans with their Suarez masks are gone.  Colombia will be a major threat to Brazil in the quarter finals.

How to Make Sure the Ref Gives It

29/6/14

2^nd Round – Netherlands 2 Mexico 1

The first half of this was interesting without ever really catching fire, unlike anyone who was in the stadium as the temperatures were ridiculous – so much so that we had the first ‘cooling break’ of the tournament after half an hour which gives FIFA delegates a chance to do some spread betting.  Mexico looked the better side but in truth, neither really looked like scoring though the Dutch should have had a penalty when Robben was hacked over twice in one move but not given.  The Mexicans went 1-0 up straight after half time as the ‘useless at Spurs’ Giovani dos Santos lashed in a shot from 30 yards which gave the keeper no chance and sent his manager pogoing round the technical area in celebration.  Mexican keeper Ochoa came into his own at that point and made a series of saves, mainly good reaction stops to efforts fired straight at him.  The best of which was an instinctive block from a close range de Vrij volley which bounced off his hands, onto the post and away.  The second cooling break sw van Gall replace van Persie with Huntelaar which basically heralded a change of tactic to ‘long diagonal ball’.  It worked though with 2 minutes to go as Huntelaaar headed down a cross at the far post and Schnijder, despite being invisible all tournament, fired brilliantly into the bottom corner from 20 yards showing that the keeper is beatable if you stop shooting straight at him.  Extra-time here we come but a last Dutch attack saw them feed Robben who attacked the box, skipped past one lunge and then went down under a tired hack from Marquez.  Has he touched him? yes, is it a dive? yes, should it have been a penalty? In my opinion yes.  Up stepped Huntelaar, 2-1 and we get to hear Chiles calling him van Huntelaar in the post match shambles but the Netherlands march on and the Mexican manager Herrera throws a colossal wobbler but what a legend he has been.

2^nd Round – Costa Rica 1 Greece 1 (Costa Rica win 5-4 on penalties)

Let’s face it, the first half was shit as it always seems to be when Greece are playing and they should have taken the lead on half time as Salpingidis met a superb cross from the left on the full and Navas deflected it wide with his foot.  Five mintes after half time it was the Costa Ricans who took the lead as Fulham reject Bryan Ruiz sidefooted home beautifully from the edge of the box and everyone just watch it rll in.  The should have had a penalty as well for a clear handball a bit later but they handed Greece a lifeline when Duarte lunged in and was sent off for a second yellow. Greece are hardly known for their skills in chasing the game but they now have a chance which they took until the 91^st minute to take as Papasthatopoulos rammed home a rebound.  Extra time and the ten men were now clear 2^nd favourites and Greece had the best chances extra time but it was penalties again.  The Greek manager managed to get himself sent to the stands at this point and there were 7 successful spot kicks with neither keeper getting near any of them until, with Costa Rica leading 4-3, Navas superbly saved Gekas’ kick and Umana casually stroked home the winner.  Costa Rica in the last 8 and the only team they’ve played who they didn’t beat… bloody England.

Keeper Legend

30/6/14

2^nd Round – France 2 Nigeria 0

The biggest surprise of the World Cup is not Costa Rica making the last 8 – it’s been that France haven’t had to send a player home yet.  Nigeria on the face of it should cause them any problems but they do and have the ball in the net as Emunike slides it past Lloris only for a very tight (but correct) offside flag to deny the Africans.  France are playing some decent stuff though and it’s amusing that Paul Pogba is at the centre of it.  This is the guy that Man United had but never gave him a chance and so he left.  Now he’s one of the best central midfielders in Europe and United have Tom Cleverley.  Pogba drives forward and sets up Valbuena who picks him out with the cross but Pogba’s volley is spectacularly kept out by Enyeama.  The seond half sees Nigeria looking like the better side but France creating the chances.  Benzema plays a quick 1-2 to get free and his shot is half blocked by Enyeama and then hacked off the line by Moses then following a corner, the ball finds its way out to Cabaye on the egge of the box and his angled volley hits the bar on the far side with the keeper nowhere.  Enyeama had been having a great game for Nigeria but he handed the game to France on the 80^th minute when he came for a cross, got nowhere near catching it and just flapped it up in the air for Pogba to head into the empty net.  In the last minute, a Valbuena cross was deflected into his own net by Yobo to confirm French passage into the next round to play the winners of ze Germans and Algeria.  For me, the French are still a good bet to win it – they seem solid all over the pitch and don;t have any obvious weaknesses.

2^nd Round – Germany 2 Algeria 1 (after extra time)

Joachim Low seems to have a strange compulsion to play players out of position.  The have centre backs at full back on both sides and Philip Lahm who is one of the best  in the World in either full back position, playing in midfield.  Germany are basically very lethargic and not very good.  Most of their play goes through Mesut Ozil who then gives the ball away.  Algeria look dangerous on their forays forward with Neuer often having to race from his line to compensate for a ponderous back 4.  He’s out and making a superb sliding tackle on Slimani which could easily have resulted in a goal or a red card.  Slimani has the ball in the net as he slides in a Musa cross but he’s offside.  Ze Germans are having chances though and the excellent Rais MBohli pulls of an excellent double save from Mario Gotze.  The bloody keeper is at it again when he somehow blocks a point blank header from Thomas Muller and then is up to smother the rebound from Schurrle.  The reason I say ‘bloody’ keeper is because I have Germany to win in 90 minutes as part of an accumulator.  It goes against every fibre of my being to want ze Germans to win and typically, they are messing me about.  The keeper makes a wonderful finger tip save from Lahm and the 90 minutes are up, the bets are screwed and now I can support Algeria.  As soon as extra time starts they concede a goal as Muller gets down the left, crosses behind Schurrle who manages to drag a leg and flick it into the net past MBohli – could have done that a minute earlier you git.  It’s soon 2-0 as Ozil passes the ball in the right direction to Schurrle.  His shot is blocked by a defender and the rebound falls kindly for Ozil to smash it in the net.  Algeria give it a spirited response and pull one back with a minute to do as Fegouli (who has what looks like a maxi-pad taped to his head) crosses and Djabou rams it into the net on the volley.  Too little too late though and the very average Germans are through to play France.  Algeria go out with their head held high having given it a real go in almost exactly the same way as England didn’t.

I know who you learnt that shit celebration off of

1/7/14

2^nd Round – Argentina 1 Switzerland 0 (after extra time)

I’ve kind of been ignoring Argentina in this World Cup so far as they’ve progressed through a pretty easy group.  Excellent attack, good midfield, dodgy defence.  They surely would have too much for Switzerland but the Swiss have the best chances of the first half as Xhaka hits one from the edge of the box which requires a decent stop from Romero, who then saves the shot from the rebound for good measure.  The keeper gets lucky before half time as Shaquiri plays Drmic though and Romero comes, then stops, then goes back and Drmic made a right balls of it and his attempted chip landed in the keepers arms. Argentina wake up after half time with Higuain having a header tipped over by Benaglio and Messi teeing himself up for a volley from the edge of the box which narrowly clears the bar.  Messi is of course the main threat and some quality dribbling in the box sees him find a yard and fire for the bottom corner but again, Benaglio gets down well to save.  It’s all Argentina at the start of extra time and Benaglio is there again to superbly deny di Maria who is shooting on sight virtually every time he gets the ball.  Its 2 minutes to penalties when Messi picks it up on halfway, skips away from a tackle and slides it right to di Maria who passes it into the far corner of the net.  Great finish and Switzerland are done.... or are they.  Time is up as a cross is swung over, Dzemaili gets his hed to it and it thumps off the base of the post, rebounds back, hits Dzemaili on the knee and trickles wide.  Argentina through but not particularly convincing.

2^nd Round – Belgium 2 USA 1 (after extra time)

Belgium have had enough of Lukaku and dropped him with Devock Origi taking his place.  He has the first shot after 30 seconds and Tim Howard saves it – and so the pattern of this match is established.  The match sees better quality from the Belgians in the face of great spirit by the Diving German’s Yanks but Howard makes save after save after save from Origi, Mirallas and Kompany.  In nearly all cases though, it’s poor finishing and Howard would have been mortified if any of those had beaten him.  The Yanks have a great chance to win it as Dempsey heads down int he box and Waldalowski blazes wide from 5 yards.  It’’s a shocking miss but hte lino has flagged which is odd and he was about 3 yards onside.  0-0 at full time and so we’re on extra time patrol again and like the German game the other night, a goal is soon coming as Lukaku bulldozes down the right, cuts in and pulls it back to de Bruyne who takes a touch, turns and lashes past Howard.  It looks like it’s all over before the first half of extra time is up as another Belgian break ends up with de Bruyne on the left and his pass is perfect for Lukaku to sweep it into the net for 2-0.  From looking dead on the ir feet though, the Yanks rally in the last 15 minutes, get a goal back through a mis-hit volley from Green and then pen Belgium back.  Jones fired narrowly wide and the n a cleverly worked free kick saw the ball break to Dempsey but his te poke was smothered by the onrushing Courtois.  2-1 in the end but a massive effort from the USA who went down with all guns blazing.  How said it is that I’m thinking that England would have little chance against America.  Coach Jurgen is still a massive, massive helmet though.  Belgium through to play Argentina and fair play to them.

For me, the pick of the quarter finals is Brazil v Colombia.  If the referee is fair then I see Colombia winning it to be honest, probably after extra time as I can’t see Brazil dealing with Cuadrado and James Rodriguez. I’m going for France against Germany in what will probably be a dour affair, Netherlands against Costa Rica where the Costa Rica bubble will burst and Argentina against Belgium after extra time.  I never win my accumulators so ignore me.

World Cup 2014 Part 7 - Bye Bye Ronaldo and Capello's Laser Treatment

Odd Face Paint

26/6/14

Group G – Portugal 2 Ghana 1

Like their playoff final against Sweden, this was always going to be about how many goal Ronaldo could score to carry this relatively poor Portuguese side through.  Hampered by injuries though, you could see he was going to struggle despite still being the best player on the pitch regardless.  Ronaldo hit the bar with a chip and then hit the keeper with a point blank header which saw the keeper celebrating in the way that scorers of winning goals do.  Eventually they took the lead and it was hilarious.  Veloso went down the left wing and crossed and the amusingly named John Boye took time off from appearing in The Waltons to brilliantly slice into his own net.  Great finish.  The lead lasted until 10 minutes after half time when Kwadwo Asamoah curled in an amazing cross with the outside of his boot and Asamoah Gyan thumped a header into the net.  Suddenly Ghana had a chance to qualify but the keeper fucked it up for them by patting a cross down into the centre of a penalty are in much the same way that an 11 year old would do and Ronaldo wasn’t going to miss from there.  2-1 to Portugal and you’re both going out.

Group G – USA 0 Germany 1

There’s not a lot to like about this match.  On the one hand you have Ze Germans and everything about them and on the other you have Jurgen Klinsmann.  Ze Germans started the better of the two sides and the Yanks didn’t shake them out of their stride at all but still reached half time at 0-0.  On 55 minutes Mertesacker got a header in which Tourette Tim parried out and before he could say ‘fuck shit bollocks twat’, Thomas Muller rocketed a perfect sidefoot finish past him from the edge of the box to make it 1-0.  You sensed there and then that that was going to be game over.  The Yanks created a couple of half chances as the game wore but nothing of note really and so ze Germans went through as top of the group and because Portugal failed to hump Ghana out of sight, the USA went through as well.  If I’m honest I would have preferred Ghana to go through in this group but I guess the Americans making it is marginally preferable to Ronaldo. Just.

Group H – Algeria 1 Russia 1

Russia and Capello have been bloody tedious in this competition.  They should have got through easily but were relying on beating Algeria.  They took the lead on 6 minutes as Kokorin headed in but couldn’t finish the game off.  They were knocking on the door in the second half but they had an Achilles heel in the hapless Akinfeev in goal who had made such a bollocks of the South Korea game.  This time he came for a cross, got nowhere near it and it was bundled in by ????  TV pictures later proved that someone was shining a green laser on the keepers face as the cross came in which is a bit of a bastard thing to do and it’s also a bit of a waste of effort with this keeper as the chances are that he’s going to drop it anyway.  So, out go the Russians and Capello of course made a load of noise about the laser on the keeper etc.  I’d say that no wins in three games is more of an issue as one of the greatest managers in club football, proved for the second World Cup running that he doesn’t do international football.

Group H - South Korea 0 Belgium 1

This was a tedious game only made slightly interested when Defour managed to get himself sent off for Belgium for a shin-scraping high tackle.  Ten man Belgium wre still too good for the South Korean’s who stood no chance of repeating their 2002 heroics with hometown referees.  They hit the bar in the first half and had a couple of near things but nowhere near enough and Belgium duly won it with 10 minutes to go when lively substitute Origi had a shot parried and Jan Vertonghen was there to knock it in the net.  Belgium though as group winners, South Korea going home.

World Cup 2014 Part 6 - Samaras Doesn't Dive For Once and Messi Walks on Water

Unbelievably, this isn't a dive.

24/6/14 (Continued)

Group C – Greece 2 Ivory Coast 1

Ivory Coast needed a draw and Greece had to win so it all got interesting when Tiote dawdled about in midfield and Greece nicked the ball and ran though and Samaris scored easily.  Spurred on by actually scoring a goal, Greece nearly scored again as a long ranger from Karagounis hit the bar.  It was all Ivory Coast in the second half and they equalized with 15 minutes to as Gervinho and his forehead set up Bony who couldn’t miss and didn’t. With Ivory Coast one minute from the second round, Samaras takes a tumble in the box under the challenge of Sio.  He’s a cheating diving bastard at the bets of times so I’m sceptical but for once it’s not a dive as the defender has caught his foot as he pulled it back to shoot.  Samaras himself takes the penalty and though Barry goes the right way, it’s over him and in and there’s barely time to kick off.  A national stereotype maybe but I guess there are some serious plates being smashed all over Greece.  It’s had to get away from the impression that they are complete shite though.  The Ivorians really should have finished second – they have far more ability in their ranks than Greece but they haven’t the discipline and seem to cough up ridiculous goals in every game.

Group C – Japan 1 Colombia 4

Colombia emerged from this match looking like one of the favourites to win the whole thing but make no mistake, Japan weren’t very good.  Needing a win to have any chance of going through, they shot themselves in the foot when having shepherded the striker away from goal, Konno dived in and hacked him down.  Penalty, Cuadrado, 1-0.  Japan are ok coming forward though and went close a couple of times before right on half time, Honda cut in from the right and crossed for Okazaki to athletically head past the keeper.  Game on…. But not for long as James Rodriguez (that’s “James” pronounced “Ham-mez”) put Jackson Martinez through to finish with ease.  The same combination put the game to bed in the 80^th minutes with Rodriguez again putting a superb ball through and Martinez turning a defender inside out before scoring with aplomb.  Just tot take the piss in the last minute Rodriguez danced through, turned Saints’ Maya Yoshida inside out and then chipped over the keeper to make it 4-1.  It has to be said that Colombia look bloody good and their game against a Suarez-less Uruguay should see them into the last 8.

You shouldn't put the little bloke on the end

25/6/14

Group F – Bosnia-Herzigovina 3 Iran 1

Iran actually had a shout of going through in the group but it looked to me like they never really believed it.  Bosnia looked to more dangerous from the outset and after having one shot tipped over the bar, Edin Dzeko gave them the lead, arrowing one intot he bottom corbner from 25 yards.  He’s an odd player, part genius, part donkey.  Iran were stung into life and hit the bar but in the second half it was back to Bosnian control and Dzeko slid Pjanic through to roll it under the keeper for 2-0.  With 10 minutes to go Iran got one back as following a bout of pinball from a corner, the man with Reza on his back tapped in following a low cross.  It woke the Bosnians up though and in the last minute they gave the scoreline a more realistic look when Vrsajevic got put away in the same way as Pjanic earlier but on the other side – same result though.  Bosnia are a bit unlucky as the shit decision they got when Dzeko’s perfectly good goal against Nigeria has cost them. They certainly looked good enough to go through from this group and another team, like Iran who play with a real pride in their shirt in exactly the same way that England don’t.

Group F – Nigeria 2 Argentina 3

Let’s face it, Messi is a genius.  He put Argentina ahead when di Maria’s shot came back off the post and could have bounced to anyone but it bounced to Messi about 15 yards out and his rising drive nearly ripped the net off.  For all his attacking genius though, Argentina are ropey as you like in defence and allowed Nigeria to score straight away as Musa picked up the ball on the left, cut inside and smashed a fabulous shot across Romero and intot he far corner.  The rest of the first half was about di Maria shooting from anywhere and Enyeama just about keeping him out but the keeper was rooted on 45 as messi’s 30 yard free kick was clipped over the wall and beautifully into the top corner.  Their lead lasted only a minute longer than last time (though there was half time in the middle) as Nigeria came straight out and played Musa through and again he was absolutely dead-eye to equalize.  The winnign goal owed more than a little bit to good forture as Lavezzi’s corner was flicked on, hot Rojo on the knee and bounced past Enyeama.  Di maria carried on his one man mission to score but couldn’t manage it and Nigeria knew by this time that they wre going through regardless.  I would be amazed if the Argies won the World cup with their defence.  Nigeria will give it a go against France but I can only see them having the one more game.

 Group E – Ecuador 0 France 0

An mainly tedious game between Ecuador who had to win but they weren’t good enough and France who didn’t need to win and didn’t look that bothered.  Squad rotation by the Franch saw Morgan Schneiderlin make a full debut and France were tidy in possession without really letting Ecuador have a sniff.  One Enner Valencia header from a Montero cross was all that Lloris had to deal with and that was easy enough.  The second half wasn’t much better, the main talking point being Antonio Valencia getting sent off for a two footer on Digne.  Phil Neville on commentary managed to watch the incident and say it wasn’t a red about 10 times without mentioning once that he had both feet off the ground and it was dangerous.   These United lads certainly stick together.  Anyway, Ecuador are out now so they can discuss it at their leisure.

Group E – Honduras 0 Switzerland 3

Honduras are a team that won’t be missed but they had one last chance to boost the amount of players in Brazil’s hospitals when they played Switzerland.  The Swiss are nothing remarkable either but they have an outstanding player in Shaquiri who took just 6 minutes to open the scoring, collecting a throw and cutting across the top of the box before lashing a 25 yarder into the far corner.  Brilliant goal.  It was 2-0 on the half hour as the Honduran defence went walkabout and Drmic put Shaquiri though again against the keeper and he was never going to miss.  Honduras had one kicked off the line and it should have been a penalty and a red card against Djourou but it wasn;t given and you knew what was coming next as Drmic got free on the left again, beat his man and laid it on a plate for Shaquiri’s hat-trick.  So the Swiss go through where they’re likely to play Argentina.  If they can defend properly (not pick Senderos) then they may have a squeak but I can’t see it somehow.

World Cup 2014 Part 5 - Fred in Movement Shocker and Suarez Has Another Nibble

Fabio's World Cup Record is not improving

22/6/14

With England gone I have gone into a bit of a malaise about the World Cup.  I’ve never ereally been the sort to watch 90 minutes on TV of  match where I’m not supporting wither team and the clusterf**k of commentators they have on BBC and ITV in particular are enough to make anyone switch off.  So here’s a catch up of the post-England elimination.

Group H – Belgium 1 Russia 0

In recent tournaments, Russia have always started well and looked like a very skilful attacking side and then blown it.  They brought in Fabio Capello to manage them and now they are boring (pragmatic is the buzzword) and will blow it anyway.  A draw with South Korea was followed by a quite tedious game against Belgium.  There was one chance in the first half when Kokorin headed wide from 5 yards.  It’s the sort of chance that a 10 year old would score if he shut his eyes and just let the ball hit his face.  The highly fancied (not by me) Belgians woke up in the 85^th minute as Mirallas hit a post and they scored in the 88^th minute as Origi, who intriguingly, doesn’t play in England, was on hand to put away a pull back from Hazard.  Capello’s charges can still go through if they beat Algeria but I wouldn’t bet on it.

Group H - South Korea 2 Algeria 4

A really good attacking game which was made all the more entertaining but he fact that South Korea can’t defend for shit.  The first goal was straight out of the England manual as a massive welly forward was missed by everyone and Slimani held of a couple of half-arsed challenges to dink it over the keeper.  The keeper Fah Keung-Crahp was certainly at fault with the second as he came for a corner but before it got to him, Halliche got u and powered it into the net.  2-0 became 3-0 when another long ball found Slimani who easily brought it down and fed Djabou to wrap up the game.  A ridiculous goal got the Koreans back into it when another hoof forward was controlled by Son Heung-Min between his shoulder blades but it worked for him as he turned and smashed it through the keeper.  They had a chance to make it 3-2 but it soon went the other way as Algeria tiptoed through the defence and a nice passing move ended with Brahimi slotting home.  There was still 20 minutes to go when Lukk Ki-Git scored off his knee after another long ball caused carnage but Korea achieved distinction by being the first team I’ve seen so far who are probably worse than England.  As long as they avoid defeat against Russia, then Algeria will be going through.

Group G – USA 2 Portugal 2

Portugal were so bad in their first game that they had to be better here and it took all of 5 minutes to take the lead against the USA as a cross from the left found its way through so abysmal defending by Geoff Cameron for Nani to score as the keeper Howard, sat on his arse.  He made amends after a fashion right on half time when after making a right hash of a Nani shot and allowing it to come back off the post, he changed direction superbly to palm the rebound away.  The second half saw Portugal and Ronaldo do nothing much and the US nearly equalised when a Bradley shot was cleared off the line with the keeper nowhere.  They did eventually tie the soccerball scores in the 19^th minute of the second period when Jermaine Jones picked up a cleared corner and easily cut inside his marker but fairly lashed it into the far corner from 20 yards for 1-1.  With 10 to go the Yanks took the lead as Portugal defended abysmally as Dempsey managed to turn a cross into the net with his stomach.  It’s really strange watching a game where you want both teams to lose but I was looking forward to the tears when Ronaldo got knocked out but that pleasure will have to wait a few days as with 90 minutes up, Ronaldo put in a wonderful cross from the right and Varela dived in to power a header past Tourette Tim Fucking Shit Bollocks Howard to make it 2-2 and leave the Americans in pole position to qualify behind ze Germans.

Fred celebrates moving 5 yards

23/6/14

Group B – Netherlands 2 Chile 0

Away we go with the group deciders and both Netherlands and Chile had one eye on the next round as they were both already through.  It’s nice to get your job done with a game to spare – just ask England.  Both teams rested a few players but it was still a decent enough game.  Chile had first half chances from set pieces and Arjen Robben was at it again for the Dutch, causing mayhem whenever he ran with the ball.  Both he and Depuy tested Bravo with long range efforts before they finally took the lead as a free kick was swung in by Robber and substitute Fer scored with virtually his first touch as he powered in a header.  Chile tried to chase the game and had a half shout for a penalty but committing men forwards is suicide against the Dutch as Robben got away down the left and got his head up to pick up Depuy who steamed in and got the touch for 2-0.  

Group B – Spain 3 Australia 0

Usually, a dead rubber is a dead rubber for one team but this match had the distinction of being dead for both participants.  I’m taking the piss but I wish I’d been smart enough to have some money on that at the start of the tournament.  Spain had a Villa-Torres partnership up front and looked dangerous every time they went forward with Iniesta in brilliant form in central midfield in what will surely be his post-World Cup position.  They took the lead as Villa backheeled a Juanfran cross past Ryan.  Juanfran had been released by a slide-rule Iniesta pass and he was at it again as they went 2-0 up in the second half as he put Torres clean through and even he couldn’t miss.  Mata made it 3-0 after Fabregas picked him out and he took all the time he needed to control it and pass it through the keepers legs.  Australia were pretty decent to be fair until they ran out of steam and though they’ve finished bottom with zero points, they are showing signs of getting better which is annoying.  Spain are out of course but have enough players who will still be around in 2016 to be a serious threat for the next Euro’s.  You have been warned.

Group A – Brazil 4 Cameroon 1

On paper this looks like it should be a slaughter and it’s all going according to plan as Neymar opens the scoring and everyone is happy.  Cameroon however summoned up a bit of the spirit of 1990 and equalised when Matip was on hand to stab in a cross from the left wing.  The calculators briefly come out as there is a slight chance that Brazil might go out which would be hilarious but Neymar is having none of it and turns a player inside out as he runs at the penalty area before smashing it low past a wrong-footed keeper.  In 1982 when Brazil were magnificent, they had Zico, Socrates, Eder, Falcao etc but they had a big lump of a centre forward who was useless called Serginho.  The 2014 Brazil have Fred who is really really bad and as immobile as they come but even he can;t miss when presented with an open goal from 5 yards to make it 3-1.  All over bar the shouting but Fernandinho bundles through to roll in the 4^th and Brazil have won the group and will paly against Chile in the 2^nd Round.  I’m sure that the referee will be chosen carefully for that one. 

Group A – Mexico 3 Croatia 1

The first half of this was pretty average.  Croatia had to win but didn;t really look like a side who believed that they could.  They are almost England-esque in the way they shoehorn players into the wrong positions with Rakitic and Modric both deployed deep in midfield when neither can tackle or neither have much defensive awareness.  Mexico came closest to scoring when Herrera smacked the bar from 30 yards but otherwise the first half was lame.

The second half started in much the same way and with about 20 minutes to go it was like a bomb went off and Croatia just collapsed.  Marquez headed them in front from a corner and within 10 minutes it was 3-0 with Guardado finishing off a brilliant move by driving past the hapless Pleitikosa and Javier Hernandez nodding in from his usual distance of two feet. The best bit was the spectacle of the Mexican manager going absolutely but celebrating his sides goals, pulling ridiculous faces and being wrestled to the floor by players and support staff.  Compare and contrast to Roy Hodgson – the most uninspiring manager ever.  Croatia got a consolation goal through Perisic but no one cared and Mexico go through to play the Netherlands in what should be a fantastic game.

Animal.

24/6/14

Group D – England 0 Costa Rica 0

Hodgson decided that this was a game he could use to give the rest of the squad a game and so we got to witness the future of English football in Frank Lampard, James Milner, Chris Smalling and Ben Foster.  In the next breath he’ll be moaning that we don’t have enough friendlies to hone our team.  Surely better to mix and match as if it was the first game of the next qualifying tournament but no matter really – we’re out after all and he’s keeping his job.  To be brutally honest, I didn’t even watch this as I couldn’t be bothered, this was despite the presence of two Saints players in the team in Lallana and Shaw.  A month ago I’d have been gagging to watch this game for this reason alone but more of that later.  Costa Rica didn;t need to win as they’d already qualified and England didn’t know how to win.  Sturridge missed chances again and though he should have had a penalty in the first half – that was about it.  Boring game, boring performance, boring manager but Uncle Roy said we played well – really?  Costa Rica win the group and fair play to them.

Group D -  Uruguay 1 Italy 0

Before it became apparent how crap England were, I thought the Italians looked decent but the defeat to Costa Rica showed up their limitations which were all on display again here.  Pirlo had a free kick which caused some panic for Muslera but other than that they produced very little.  Marchisio managed to get sent off for a ridiculous stamp tackle in the 2^nd half and Uruguay were the better side and forced Buffon into a number of decent saves.  They eventually did win as Gaston Ramirez swung in a corner and Godin, who should of course have been sent off against England and not playing here, headed the winner and put Uruguay through and Italy out.  The game will of course only be remembered for Hannibal Suarez going for it again and biting Chiellini on the shoulder.  He then compunded it by diving on the ground and pretending his teeth hurt.  I expect they did as shoulders can be quite tough if you bite them.  He obviously has serious mental issues, as do the Uruguayan representatives who defend him as if it’s an everyday thing.  Sorry – none of your other players do it.  I’m sure there have been other players who have bitten someone but I can't think of one off hand and 3 times in a few years?  The guy is a fucking animal and if he’d done that 3 times on the street then he’d be in prison, or a zoo.  

**Update: Suarez banned for 4 months from all football.... good news for Rickie Lambert I guess.  Personally, I think it should have been 6 months with a suspended life ban if he does it again.