World Cup 2018 - Round of 16 - It's Coming Home (Maybe)

Listen Radamel - It's Coming Home You Shithouse

France v Argentina
The round of 16 kicks off with France against Argentina. These are two sides who were not supposed to meet at this stage but they are two sides have both been pretty poor so far. France won the group of life whilst Argentina were as desperate as Diego Maradona is when he runs out of marching powder. So, me being the football expert that I am, expected this to be really really dull when actually, what followed will go down as one of the best World Cup matches of recent times.

France have obviously had some sort of revolution behind the scenes – I mean, Deschamps is still in the dugout but maybe in some sort of coup d’état they’ve had him murdered and just propped him up and said ‘Viva la Revolution – we have all these attacking players – let’s go for it’  Griezmann smacks the bar with a great effort before Mbappe takes off like an Olympic sprinter and Marcos Rojo has almost no choice but to clumsily knock him over.  Penalty, Griezmann, 1-0.  The Argies have been pretty shite all tournament and one of their chief shite players, Angel di Maria produces a ridiculous long range effort which gave Lloris not a prayer to make it 1-1.  Second half and Argentina in front as Messi shanks and Mercado sticks out a foot and deflects it for 2-1.  I’m waiting for the French to implode but not a bit of it – a cross from the left evades everyone and French right back Pavard – who like di Maria, has looked shit in every game, hits across the ball on the bounce and it swerves inside the far post.  It’s an unbelievable goal.  You could try that 20 times and the other 19 would be row Z.  Mbappe has been ok without being outstanding so far but he killls it dead in 5 minutes, firstly firing under the keeper and then finishing easily when put through by Giroud.  4-2 and Aguero flicks a superb Messi cross into the net with his head in the 93^rd minute to give them the faintest of hope but no – France through, Argentina out, Maradona on a massive fucking drugs bender in his role as FIFA ambassador or whatever the fuck he is. It’s enough to make Diego have a fucking heart-attack and I hope his bag of cocaine went all lumpy when he cried on it

Uruguay v Portugal
It turned out to be the day where Cristiano Ronaldo couldn’t drag his team over the line. It just never look like working out of him at any point in the game. Unsurprisingly, no one else really stepped up to help. Uruguay have got two very good attacking players and they combined brilliantly with Cavani sweeping a long ball out to the left for Suarez to cross back in Cavani to continue his run and bullet header past Patricio to give Uruguay a lead which they never look like surrendering before half-time.

The second-half was not all about Ronaldo but was about King Shithouse or Pepe as he is otherwise known. Pepe is such a likeable chap so everyone was thrilled when he had an unchallenged header at the start the second half to draw Portugal level. Such joy at Pepe having such a great moment but it quickly turned round the opposite way when he totally fucked up a basic defensive header and the subsequent cross from the Uruguay right winger fell for Cavani to brilliantly sweep to the net for what ultimately turned out to be the winning goal. Uruguay are a bloody good side and one that you’re certainly glad, as an England supporter, to see on the other side of the draw.

Not Bad These Two

Russia v Spain
Russia’s game plan, which is perfectly valid against Spain, was to keep 10 men behind the ball at all times and see if Spain could play through them which of course, they couldn’t. It was Spain at their worst going sideways, backwards, sideways, backwards, sideways, backwards. They did take the lead early on when a corner was heading towards Sergio Ramos and the Russian who was wrestling with him turned his back on the ball and hit his heel and flew in the net for a comical own goal. Russia equalised just before half time with a strange goal. A cross came over, Pique got underneath it and to some reason threw his arms up in the air. The ball was headed goalwards and hit his arm but Pique was not even looking at it. As the rules stand at the moment, handball has to be deliberate. Important distinction to make is that this is a rule, not open to interpretation. My interpretation of the incident is that Pique knew exactly what he was doing but there is no way, according to the rules of the game that that is a penalty. Regardless, Dzyuba scored to give us another 45 minutes and then another half an hour of boredom and Spain passing the ball about. Half the time they don’t even look to pass the ball to a striker. There was one bit on about 90 minutes where Busquets played a straight ball in to the feet of Isco on the edge of the Russian penalty area and he just fired it first time, straight back to Pique without looking for any other strikers next to him. No holding the ball up and wait for support-he just knocked it straight back out back to the halfway line like a clearance. Fucking bizarre.

There was one controversy in extra time when Pique was clearly wrestled down in the penalty area but hey this is Russia, this is Putin’s Russia and there is no fucking way that that’s getting given by VAR. To be fair it wasn’t Tunisia and Panama level holding but it should still have been given. Penalties and it was one of those shootouts where you could pick who was going to miss from the way they walked up to the ball. You could also tell that de Gea wasn’t going to save a fucking thing. There was one that he really should’ve reached and one which he dived over the top of. In the event Koke missed and when Iago Aspas had a kick to keep Spain in it you knew the game was over and so the Russians went through and probably the best team in England’s half of the draw have gone out which makes it interesting If we start getting ahead of ourselves, which of course we do.

South Korea 2002 All Over Again

Croatia v Denmark
Croatia have been excellent in every game in the group but knockout football is different and it suits them more pragmatic, organised and some would say fucking boring teams like Denmark. There’s a goal in the first minute for Denmark as a ball bounces kindly for Jorgenson and then a similar scenario three minutes later at the other end which allowed Mandzukic to level it. There then followed 86 minutes of mind-numbing bollocks followed by another 26 minutes of mind-numbing bollocks in extra time. At this point, Modric split the difference with a pass through to Rebic who skated round Kaspar Schmeichel and was about to roll into and empty net when Jorgensen trashed through the back of him. Penalty of course and a yellow card. Absolute bollocks. I know the rule has been changed so that if you make a genuine attempt to play the ball then you don’t get sent off but think about it - three minutes to go in a knockout World Cup game, the striker’s gone round the goalkeeper and he has an empty net. He deliberately trashed him and he should’ve been sent off. There is no fucking way you could say he was going for the ball. The only reason this is relevant because Modric stepped up and hit a tame penalty which Schmeichel pushed aside to send us into a penalty shootout. It was 2-2 as we got the 5th kick for each team with Johansson seeing his kick saved by Subosic and Ivan Rakitić rolling penalty past Schmeichel to send Croatia through. Bye Denmark. Thanks for nothing.

Brazil v Mexico
I always feel that teams from South and Central America going to any game with Brazil are half beaten before they even start. Mexico looked lively to a point but it was only Brazil who were ever going to score. Ochoa, the Mexican keeper, saves well from Neymar and Coutinho but he was never going to get to 90 minutes without letting in a goal. When Neymar stops rolling around like a fucking little pussy, he’s actually a brilliant player and his backheel caused mayhem in the defence before Willian put the ball across and Neymar himself finished off from close range. Mexico didn’t really threaten at all and in the 92nd minute they got caught on the break as Neymar went away on the left and via a deflection, found Firmino in the middle to roll into an empty net for 2-0, nice and easy for Brazil.

Belgium v Japan
Belgium were remarkably low in intensity in the first half and Japan held out fairly comfortable with the magnificent Maya Yoshida to the fore. The second half started with the Japan breakaway, the through a ball that should’ve been cut out by Vertonghen but he missed it and Kawaguchi fired across Courtois to tear up the script. After Hazard hit the post, away went Japan again and Inue let fly from 20 yards and found the corner of the net again to give Japan a ridiculous 2-0 lead. Sadly, it wasn’t to last. Vertonghen made amends for his earlier fuck up for scoring with a fluke head across goal which dropped in the far corner of the net. Then a cross found the wig of Fellaini to make it to 2-2 and in the last minute, Belgium showed how good they can be. Courtois cleaned the corner and bowled it out to De Bruyne.  He charged forward, found Meunier on the right and his low class was dunmmied by Lukaku and there was Chadli to break Japanese hearts. Japan were fucking brilliant and unlike some of the shit teams who added nothing, they will genuinely be missed.

Switzerand v Sweden
It will surprise absolutely no one that the most predictably shit game of the World Cup was a predictable shit game. Two bollocks teams is very little attacking intent produced a diabolical first half with a few chances each but nothing great until Sweden’s Emil Forsberg produced a fitting winning goal for such a shit game with a half hit shot which was deflected in off a Swiss defender before it could roll to the goalkeeper. Fucking rubbish really. Switzerland go home having got a point against Brazil courtesy of a shit refereeing decision, two points against Serbia due to VAR not picking up the double assault on Mitrovic in the box and that’s about it really. They really haven’t had much to the proceedings. Sweden go through to the quarter-finals of the winners of England and Colombia.

England v Colombia
Same lineup as the opening game With James Rodríguez missing for them and a cagey even slightly boring first half.   Columbia are intent on making it as niggly as possible with lots of off the ball stuff and the referee, who is apparently American, is trying his best to keep a lid on it. We have another VAR farce as Colombian midfielder Barrios clearly nutted Jordan Henderson and though Henderson made a meal of it, there was definitely deliberate contact but instead of inviting the referee to go and look at the pictures for himself, the VAR officials advised him from afar that it should only be yellow card. Complete fucking joke. 10 minutes into the second-half and Harry Kane gets his usual rogering off a defender when he’s trying to make himself free at a corner and the ref gives England a penalty and mayhem happens, Led by Colombia’s captain and chief arsehole, Radamel Falcao. The Colombians are all round the referee and taking their opportunity to scuff the penalty spot and all that sort stuff and I’ve seen this a few times in this World Cup now and I just don’t understand why the referees don’t say, “you have 30 seconds to clear the penalty area, anyone still here will get booked. Anyone who leaves the penalty area and comes back in will be booked. Simple. Three minutes later, Colombia decide that the game can go ahead and Harry Kane passes it down the middle and puts us 1-0 up. The next 20 minutes are fine and then Southgate fucks up. He didn’t fuck up taking off Dele Alli who was clearly injured but he fucked up putting on Eric Dier instead of Ruben Loftus-Cheek because all of a sudden we completely lost our shape and just became very negative. Dier was playing like someone had won a raffle to play in a testimonial match. Kyle Walker then chose the wrong moment doze off and lost the ball on the halfway line which allowed Columbia to break and luckily, Cuadrado smashed it over the bar. Colombia manage their first shot on target in the 91st minute, a long range effort from Uribe which Pickford brilliantly clawed out of the top corner. From the resulting corner, Yerry Mina beat Maguire in the air and headed down seeing it bounce over Trippier on the line and fucking unbelievable, the scumbags had equalised. The first half of extra time was fucking dreadful and it look like England had gone. The second half was better as he took the woeful Ashley Young off and put Danny Rose on and the left-footed left back came closest to winning it for us with a shot across the goal that went about 6 inches wide of the far post.

Penalties. We’ve been here before. Pickford didn’t get near the first three Colombian penalties with Kane and Rashford converting for England. Up stepped Jordan Henderson, a bit of ball juggling, a very short run up and saved. Bollocks. Uribe then tried to take the roof of the net off and succeeded in clattering the crossbar so we were back in it and Trippier made it 3-3. The final Colombian kicker was Carlos Bacca and you could tell that he was absolutely shitting himself as he stood on the spot. I would be shitting myself too if I was intending to go home to Colombia if I missed. Pickford dived one way and stuck up a strong hand the other way and push the ball out. Superb save. I was waiting for Jamie Vardy to walk up but oh fuck, it’s Eric Dier. In this tournament, he could only have been more aptly nine if his name was Eric Completelyfuckinguseless. Buried it, 4-3, cheating cunts are going home and football is coming home. Perhaps. Peak England. Make it as difficult as we possibly can. The difference is this time that we actually managed to get over the line.

There are still issues for another day. Sterling and Alli totally failed to provide anything of note for Kane to feed off of, Ashley Young provided nothing whatsoever from the left hand side which is becoming a theme and having both Dier and Henderson on the pitch in midfield just doesn’t work. However, despite these problems, we are in the quarter-finals of the World Cup with the game against Sweden.  Get past that and it’s Russia or Croatia.  We will never have a better chance than this of making a World Cup final.

News gets even better when you find out that the Diego Maradona was supporting Colombia and he thinks England won by robbery. Maradona has of course been supporting the Colombian economy for many years the cocaine addled fat cheating fuck. Hurry up and OD you horrible bastard. Just stop fucking lingering.

Quarter Final Predictions....

Uruguay to beat France

Belgium to beat Brazil

Croatia to beat Russia

England to beat Sweden

World Cup 2018 - Group Round 3 - Sadness as Germany go out.

Where the Fuck is Manuel Neuer ?

Round three and the end of Group A with Russia playing a decent team in Uruguay and the battle of the top place in the group quickly went to shit for the Russians with Suarez drilling a freekick into the corner when the wall decided to stand about 10 yards right of where it should have been. It was 2-0 soon after and it was game over with the Russians having someone sent off the two bookings. Vladimir will not be pleased. The rest of the game just petered out with the highly rated Edinson Cavani scoring a tap in in the last minute with his 300th effort on goal in the tournament so far. In the dead rubber match, Egypt took the lead in when Salah lobbed in with the commentator giving it the big one and “Mo Salah never misses from there“. It must be difficult for these commentators to both hold a microphone and wank themselves into a frenzy every time Salah is playing. 10 minutes later he did in fact miss from the place he never misses from when he chipped wide when clean through. This miss was costly as back came Saudi Arabia. They won a penalty which was expertly saved by the 74-year-old goalkeeper, then got another penalty for handball which they scored and then spawned an equaliser in the last couple of minutes to send Egypt home without a point. So, Uruguay top and Russia second. It did make me laugh the people taking the piss because Russia had finally played a decent opponent and come up short. These are probably the same people saying England are going to win it after wins against world superpowers Tunisia and Panama

Portugal versus Iran and Spain versus Morocco didn’t promise that much but it was a fascinating evening with Spain quickly going behind. Even if they lost, their qualification wasn’t under threat but even so, Isco equalised soon afterwards. Portugal and Iran was a decent match with Ricardo Quaresma putting Portugal ahead with the ridiculous goal the outside of his right foot. In the second half of the Portugal game, the referee came under intense pressure from the players and the Iranian manager, Carlos Queiroz who has always been a fucking arsehole. First of all Ronaldo was given a penalty after VAR. He was clearly fouled but Mark Lawrenson thought it wasn’t a penalty because he didn’t have control of the ball which is of course, utterly irrelevant. Up stepped the chosen one and the goalkeeper correctly guesses and saves it. Iran, clearly incensed by the correctly awarded penalty then going to playacting overdrive, encouraged all the way by the shithouse of a manager. The next major incident was a tussle between Ronaldo and a defender with the defender going down and everyone appealing for it to be reviewed on VAR which duly was and the ref, quite rightly in my view, decided it was a yellow card and not a red. With 90 minutes on the clock it all went fucking nuts as Cedric and an Iranian striker went out for a high ball and the Iranian unsurprisingly won it because he’s taller than 5 foot 5. Cedric was right underneath the guy with his eyes shut and the ball may have skimmed his arm on the way down. There are so many reasons why this is not a penalty and the referee quite correctly didn’t give a penalty. What is bizarre is that no Iranian appealed for penalty because it clearly wasn’t but somehow it got reviewed and the referee got called over. Somehow, probably through the shit house antics of Queiroz, he looked at the television pictures and decided that that was a deliberate hand ball. Utter fucking shambles. Anyway, they scored and then had a glorious chance within a minute to knock Portugal out which thankfully for the world at large they didn’t take. VAR is not the problem-it’s the fucking idiot referees and fucking idiot VAR operators. They are only supposed to call the referee if it’s a clear and obvious error so they are basically not doing their job correctly. Sadly, at the moment they are just appears to be giving incompetent referees one more opportunity to fuck it up. Meanwhile, Spain manage to go behind again to Morocco before equalising with a correctly awarded VAR goal in the last minute so, after all that shit, Spain win the group and go on to play Russia and Portugal, thanks to the dodgy penalty that was awarded against them, now play Uruguay.

VAR-cical

The group of life, or the group of complete fucking tedium as it should be known, drew to a close with the most predictable 0-0 bore draw between Denmark and France. Australia, when they actually needed to go out and win a game, predictably had no fucking idea how to do that and lost 2-0 to Peru who perhaps showed what might of been if only they hadn’t of missed that penalty against Denmark. The forthcoming France implosion will now happen in one of the knockout rounds. Whoever Denmark are playing in the next round, they will probably play for penalties from the first minute and hopefully not get there.

It was do or die for Argentina as they took on Nigeria with Croatia taking on Iceland in the other game. Basically the Argies had to win and all looked well when Messi brilliantly controlled a long ball from Banega and put them into the lead. My opinion of Mascherano has always been that he is a brainless moron and he proved that again when, after having seen penalties given the grappling in the penalty area he decided to wrestle a Nigerian bloke to the ground and was then genuinely shocked when a penalty was given against him. Victor Moses made it 1-1 and it seemed for a glorious 20 minutes that the Argentinians and their cheerleader, the cocaine addled fat fuck heart attack waiting to happen that is Diego Maradona, were heading out the tournament. With three minutes to go however, a cross from the right wing and Marcos Rojo, a left footed centre back found himself on the penalty spot to convert a right footed volley into the corner. To be fair, it was a brilliant finish and only serve to highlight that Gonzalo Higuain, a striker who is been transferred for about hundred million pounds in his career, it’s fucking garbage. They have another big reputation player who never does anything and that Angel DiMaria, the most one footed player I have ever seen. So, with Croatia reserves beating Iceland 2-1, Argentina are through to the next round and apparently Maradona ended up in hospital but this was not before giving out entertainment, flicking the double bird at some supporters who had predictably been given him a load of shit during the game. Add that to the slitty eyed gesture he aimed at some Korean fans earlier on in the tournament and he really is a great bloke isn’t it he. I remember 1986 and yes, you’re still a fucking cheating twat.

After the game against Germany when he conceded the foul in the last minute to allow the Germans to win, Swedish winger Jimmy Durmaz, because he happens to be of Turkish origin and has a beard, received a lot of racial abuse, death threats and the usual predictable bollocks that goes on these days. He stood in front of the whole Swedish the squad and made a little video and the last two words of it were 'fuck racism' which I thought was rather cool. So Sweden have my new found respect and I hope they get through today as they take on Mexico. The other game is of course Germany playing South Korea which will no doubt be the predictable German win and passage through to the last 16 like they always do.

Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

The Sweden v Mexico game was pretty much over bar the shouting with Sweden winning 3-0 but Germany were still drawing 0-0 with South Korea with 20 minutes to go. Just one goal needed for the Germans and it would be Mexico who will be going home despite having won the first two matches. But oh glorious day, a scramble from a corner and South Korea find themselves with the ball 5 yards out with just Manuel Neuer to beat, goal. Hang on, the fucking referee's gone and disallowed it but thankfully we have this wonderful new invention to this World Cup called VAR and they go and review it and Germany now need two goals in the 10 minutes that remain. To be fair, they go for it because they have to do but they are fucking shit. They just don’t have the players in the forward positions with no replacement for Miroslav Klose and Thomas Müller looking about a third of the player he was four years ago. Mesut Özil - If ever there was a time to come out with an assist mate, it’s now. Mats Hummels puts a couple of headers over and they disappear into the crowd along with his future international career. Then, hilarity. Manuel Neuer thinks he’s a midfield player and starts fucking around 40 yards from goal. They lose the ball, one big hoof forward and Son Heung Min is not going to miss given that he has the ball, 40 yards from goal and no one in goal. 2-0 and off you fuck Germany and off you fuck Joachim Low you dodgy looking geezer. Good player Son - probably better than Mo Salah and he’s had a better World Cup. Not that it matters as long as they go out but Germany actually managed to finish bottom of the group and 15 years of extreme smugness has come to an end. For the record Sweden smashed Mexico 3-0 so go through as top of the group.

Dodgy Geezer Directs Germany to the Lufthansa Check-In Line

I thought that Brazil might have been in for a difficult time against Serbia but in the end they ran out comfortable 2-0 winners without too much drama. Once Paulinho had given them the lead, there was really no way back for the Serbs, a couple of half chances but that was it. So, Brazil won the group and Switzerland finished second after drawing 2-2 with Costa Rica in what surprisingly, turned out to be a really entertaining game. I can’t see the Swiss going much further and it was amusing to see the penalty in the last minute which Bryan Ruiz smashed off the crossbar, into the back of the goalkeepers head and into the net.

The last round of matches in Group H saw Colombia play Senegal and Poland play Japan. Both games were pretty dull until Southampton’s very own Jan Bednarek put them in the head against Maya Yoshida’s Japan. A few minutes later, a goal for Columbia meant that Japan were hanging on to 2nd place by virtue of having had less bookings then Senegal and so the final 20 minutes was an absolute farce with Japan prepared to pass the ball around the back and happily lose 1-0 whilst hoping that Senegal wouldn’t score against Colombia which of course they duly didn’t. Colombia first and Japan second and awaiting the second and first place teams respectively from England’s group.

The excitement that has built up around England was dissipated the moment the teams were announced for the game against Belgium. Both teams rested everybody and played all of the squad players. Whilst Southgate has not a lot wrong at this World Cup, the starting 11 highlighted some of the poor choices in the squad. The first half was fucking boring with Belgium nearly scoring following a scramble when Batshuayi was allowed to kick the ball out of Pickford's hands. Neither team could really be arsed and they were cheers from the Belgian fans when a couple of their players got booked which meant they were four bookings behind us in the race for second place. In the second half, Januzaj, a player who I have always thought was a complete waste of space, scored what was actually a really good goal but probably not what his manager wanted as he cut inside a pathetic challenge from Danny Rose and curled it past Pickford who did some sort of midair handstand in very bizarre fashion. England have a fantastic chance to equalise when Vardy puts Rushford clean through but he put the shot too close to Courtois who got a finger to it and deflected it wide. Make no mistake, this was a diabolical miss. If Raheem Sterling had done that then he would’ve got absolutely slaughtered by everyone but because it’s Rashford and there's no real agenda against him, none of the commentators on the TV say anything about it and none of the pundits in the studio afterwards said anything about it either. No one also said anything about Trent Alexander-Arnold and his free-kick delivery where none of them got above knee height. I know he is a young lad but he’s been picked for a World Cup squad. I’ve said all along that he shouldn’t of been picked but he has been so he should be able to get a free-kick more than 8 inches off the fucking ground. England’s back up players looked very very poor. Phil Jones, Fabien Delph, Eric Dier...all terrible. Again, the decision to give Danny Rose special dispensation when he is clearly not fit looks more and more bizarre by the day. Ironically, Ryan Bertrand started preseason training today. And so we lost and now face a second round match against Colombia . Win that and we are playing one of Sweden or Switzerland for a place in the semi-final so it really hasn’t worked out badly. Belgium go through to play Japan which should be straightforward enough, but then they get Brazil so who are the real winners today? Not the fans that’s for sure. In the other match which was the deadest of dead rubbers, Tunisia beat Panama 2-1. That’s Panama who qualified ahead if the almighty USA.

The thing that I keep coming back to when I think about the tournament as a whole is that it's currently the perfect size.  32 teams is ideal as it of course, neatly goes 16,8,4,2 with half of the teams exiting after every round. 48 teams is going to be a joke as you're going to have 12 groups of 4 and 8 3rd place teams qualifying from the groups.  Not only does this mean more substandard teams but you'll be able to get through a group with two 0-0 draws so it's going to mean more dull games.  There haven't been many in this tournament so far and that's been refreshing.  The format we have now is perfect for the World Cup but whatever format we have, Germany would still have gone out.  

Anyway, in the Germany free last 16, my predictions are.

France to beat Argentina
Uruguay to beat Portugal
Brazil to beat Mexico
Belgium to beat Japan
Spain to beat Russia
Croatia to beat Denmark
Sweden to beat Switzerland
England to beat Colombia

Now it gets interesting...

World Cup 2018 - Group Round 2 - We've Beaten Panama - It's Coming Home!

"You Mean I Can't Fold Him in Half"

The second round of matches started with Russia against Egypt but forget that, it’s all about Mo Salah. At least the fucker is actually playing this time, well sort of. He was clearly protecting himself and I was just thinking, protecting himself for what? It’s a World Cup do or die game for Egypt. How many more times in his career are Egypt going to qualify? What is more important than this? Pre-season tour with Liverpool perhaps. Anyway, it was do or die and Egypt died with Russia comfortably winning 3-1. It’s still hard to know if Russia are any good or not because Egypt were fucking dreadful. Still, the chosen one scored a penalty in the last few minutes so everyone in the national media could tug one off and award him some sort of gallantry medal for being half arsed in the most important game Egypt have ever had. I expect Vladimir Putin’s influence will become greater, the further the Russians go in the tournament. They do look lively upfront with Cheryshev providing trickery and goals and Dzyuba just being a massive handful. Much fancied Uruguay laboured to a 1-0 win against Saudi Arabia with everyone’s favourite fat bucktooth psychopath scoring the winning goal. One thing for sure is that Uruguay won’t give a shit they only won 1-0 but the game against Russia coming next will be interesting to establish if these two sides are any good or not.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s mission to make this his World Cup took another step in the right direction as he was allowed a free header from about 5 yards the only goal as Portugal beat Morocco. He really has his work out to drag his team far into the tournament because Morocco on another day could easily have won this game if it wasn’t for some inspired goalkeeping by Rui Patricio and some wasteful finishing.  Spain beat Iran 1-0 in the evening and it was pretty tedious to be honest with Spain having all the possession and Iran showing no ambition whatsoever to try and score until they went 1-0 down to a fluke Diego Costa goal when a defenders clearance ricocheted into the net off the bastards knee. Iran did have a few moments after that and had a goal disallowed and also missed some decent chances. There was a quality comedy moment as in the 94th minute an Iranian player went to try and do the somersault throw in which I think is now illegal but the only shame was that he pulled out of the move before he finished it. Absolute quality nonetheless. If Iran have to got the guts to go at Portugal in the third game then we could be on for an interesting end to the group.

In Group C, where C is short for crap. Denmark and Australia played out an average 1-1 draw with Denmark‘s goal coming from their one quality player Christian Eriksen and Australia’s coming from the only way they are ever going to score, a penalty from Jedinak. Incidentally, the penalty award was a VAR one for handball from point-blank range... absolute fucking farce. France again looks pretty and inspiring, somewhat fortuitously beating Peru 1-0 with a slightly lucky goal as Giroud’s shot deflected over the goalkeeper meaning Mbappe couldn’t miss. France loked a more balanced side than they did in the first game but they still conceded a hell of a lot of chances against Peru who can consider themselves slightly unfortunate to be going home. If that guy scores the penalty in the Denmark game rather than smashing over the moon when I feel that they would still be there.

Look who Drew Croatia in Argentina's Group

Will the real Messi show up tonight for Argentina against Croatia? Nope. Unfortunately, there is only so much you can do as defensively, Argentina are fucking dreadful. Willy Caballero bettered his fuck up in the first game with one of the worst bits of goalkeeping you will ever see casually chipping a ball straight to Rebic and the forward compounded matters by brilliantly volleying into the net first time. A further brilliant goal by Modrić and then a last-minute one from Rakitic to rub the salt in the wounds. Argentina really are in the shit regarding qualifying to the next round. The highlight for me was the third goal with Mascherano standing there appealing for offside whilst Croatia tried to make up their mind about who was going to put the ball in the net. Nigeria showed up against Iceland and put the Vikings in their place with a relatively comfortable 2-0 win.. Ahmed Musa scored two excellent goals with the Icelandic response being a penalty from Sigurdsson which he casually side footed over the bar. The implications of this result are that Argentina will in all likelihood, go through if they beat Nigeria in the final game.

It looked for 90 minutes that despite all of Neymar’s theatrics that Brazil we’re not going to beat Costa Rica but in injury time, Coutinho came to the rescue again and then Neymar finished it off with the tap on in the last minute, or the 97th minute as it’s known in this World Cup. Neymar managed to dive and get awarded a penalty by the referee, only for VAR are to comprehensively prove that he is a cheating fucker so free-kick to Costa Rica and yellow card to Brazil’s number 10. Serbia and Switzerland was a fantastic game with Serbia taking the lead from a Tadic cross and a Mitrovic header before dominating the rest of the first half. Switzerland equalised when the previously shit Granit Xhaka smashed in a ball from miles out but then refereeing ridiculousness took over as two Swiss players wrestled Mitrovic to the ground in a penalty area and the referee linesman and video officials somehow between them decided that it was a free-kick the other way. Needless to say Switzerland benefited after a dreadful bit of defending allowed one pass on the middle of the pitch put Shaqiri away and he showed enough pace to hold off the defender and roll it under the keeper.  Shaqiri went mental and pulled out the ‘double eagle’ celebration as Xhaka had done earlier.  Two players of Albanian origin giving it large to the Serbian fans who had been giving them dogs abuse over their Kosovan roots.  Politics and football… great.  It was a bit of a crushing blow to Serbia who are now going to have to get a result against Brazil to have any chance of going through. 

Mexico following up their win against Germany with another win again South Korea. It was only 2-1 but much more convincing than the scoreline suggests. Six points from six for Mexico and in all likelihood, through to the last 16 but you really can’t see them getting too much further as they are just too lightweight.. South Korea will be on their way home and hopefully will be taking Germany with them.  Germany against Sweden started really well for everybody outside of Germany when Toivenen gave Sweden to leave halfway through the first half. At half-time Germany were really looking at doing in England in 2014 and being out after two games but they equalised right at the start of the second-half through Reus and despite having the hopeless Jerome Boateng sent off, there was only ever one team that was going to get a winning goal and sure enough, 96th minute, Sweden stupidly giving away free kick, one touch to Kroos and bang, top corner meaning that Germany are probably going to get through now.  Wankers…. and their bench started a ruck by giving it the large one… wankers.  Without that goal there was a real possibility of Mexico And Sweden holding hands for 0-0 draw in the last game which would’ve put them both through and not the Germans out which in someway would’ve been revenge for the disgraceful carve up between Germany and Austria in 1982.

In England’s group, Belgium pissed past Tunisia who once they went a goal down to an early has a penalty, had to attack and they basically got brutally exposed with Lukaku scoring twice, Hazard adding another and then Batshuayi scored the fifth. A couple of goals for Tunisia but no one really cared and so on to England against Panama.

The build up to this game is been about the press filming the team sheet with a long lens on the coaches notepad. The atmosphere in this World Cup has been completely different with the press been invited into the England camp and playing darts and all that sort stuff with the players so there are two ways of looking at it. One is that the press have managed to get an exclusive and that’s what the job is. the other way of looking at it is that they have been given unprecedented access in this World Cup and they’ve just taken the piss. I must admit on leaning more towards the latter. Either way the pathetic childish response to being having their methods questioned has been what I have taken away from it. Anyway, the final punchline was that that wasn’t the team anyway Sterling keeping his place. In fact, the team was unchanged with the exception of Loftus Cheek coming in for the injured Dele Alli. To the game itself and it quickly became apparent that Panama couldn’t of been more out of their depth if they had been nailed to the bottom of the Caspian Sea. The marking at the corners was more like the wrestling that we had from Tunisia but whoever was supposed to be wrestling John Stones didn’t bother and he had a free header which he put away with aplomb. Jesse Lingard for some reason was the one player that Panama wanted to kick all over the place and they did but unfortunately for them he was in the penalty area. Harry Kane 2-0. We then went 3, 4, 5 in about 15 minutes as Lingard played a  neat 1-2 with Sterling before curling into the top corner.  Stones again was on hand to nod in after an intricate training ground free-kick move and then Kane was given another chance from the spot when the player who was marking him at a corner grabbed hold of him and then decide that he needed to do more so he basically folded Kane in half. Bearing in mind it was fucking hot, the second half was a bit of a non-event and was played at walking pace. It went to 6-0 when Loftus Cheek had a shot from outside the area which deflected of Kane’s heel and flew in the other side of the goal to give him his hat-trick.  Panama scored to keep us on our toes when shit marking at a free kick allowed a free shot from the edge of the box for 6-1 and that goal will have done them no harm whatsoever. So, England and Belgium go into the last game against each other with absolutely identical records with England being top of the group courtesy of having had one the booking less. So far so good for England. There are still some and answer questions with Raheem Sterling again not bring his club form to the international stage and Ashley Young bringing his club form to the international stage. Right-footed English left wing backs are never going to catch on I’m afraid. There was one point where it was a simple left footed clearance required and instead he turned onto his right foot and underhit a pass to Maguire and we ended up giving away throw-in roughly where Young was standing. All I can say is that Danny Rose must be really really unfit for Young to be a starter.

Japan and Senegal produced an excellent game in Group H with Senegal going in front twice, only for Japan to peg them back both times. A fair result and both teams move on to 4 points each which meant that the losers of Colombia against Poland or going home. There was only ever going to be one winner and Colombia basically tore Poland a new arsehole. It was only one team with any positivity, one team with any invention and one team with any intent and Columbia were all of them. 3-0 and easy.  Poland didn’t have a clue and have exited the tournament as easily the worst European side there. It’s actually quite funny that Poland spent the last two years manipulating their world ranking by not playing any friendlies so they were seeded for this tournament and were absolute gash. Perhaps if they had played a few friendlies, they might have a style of play and wouldn’t have thrown their formation in the bin after 45 minutes of the first game. Jan Bednarek played the whole game to them and certainly wasn’t the worst player and he will be better for the experience. Colombia on the other hand, look really good. They will need to beat Senegal in order to qualify and if they do that, will be a team that England want to avoid in the next round. James Rodríguez was back today and boy, did it make a difference, setting up the first goal for Mina and the third goal for Cuadrado with superb passes. Radamel Falcao got the other goal after being put through by their other outstanding player, Quintero.

All the teams that are next to the tournament after two games deserve to have done so with the possible exception of Morocco at least played some good football. Egypt and Saudi Arabia are both complete shit, as are Tunisia and Panama from England’s group. Costa Rica and Poland won’t be missed by anyone either.

They may well all end up getting through but you can’t help but feel that one of the big boys is going to go out. Argentina are definitely the favourite to go out and hopefully it’s them and we’ve seen the last of the gurning coke added fat prick cheerleader they have but Germany and even Brazil still have work to do.

World Cup 2018 - Group Round 1 - Oh No Germany Lost.

"Now Comrade Infantino... England and VAR and the Salisbury thing...."

Away we go with the World Cup in the first game was nicknamed El Gassico because it was Russia against Saudi Arabia, the two lowest ranked teams in the competition. I expect that there was a big opening ceremony before the game and I say expect because I didn’t watch it. I expect it illustrated all aspects of Russian life like shooting down passenger jets, polonium darts and nerve gas. Vladimir Putin was in the ground, as was is counterpart from Saudi Arabia and they sat with FIFA chief Infantino. Nothing corrupt going on here…. nothing to see here.

To the game itself out quickly became apparent that Saudi Arabia were totally justified in their low ranking as they were absolutely shit. 2-0 down at half-time, 3-0 straight into the second half and then they chucked in another couple of late goals just to make the scoreline more reflective of the game. It’s hard to tell if Russia were really good or not but it was probably the result that Vladimir paid for. The following day saw the other game in group A with Uruguay and their bucktoothed psychopath Luis Suárez making heavy weather of beating Egypt 1-0 with a classic last minute header from a corner. The British media saw fit to make the reporting of this game solely about Mohammad Salah despite the fact that he sat on the bench for 90 minutes for the losing side.

In Group B there was another last-minute winner as Iran beat Morocco 1-0 with a spectacular headed own goal in the last minute. Not the way to start the tournament but the World Cup officially started in the evening with Spain against Portugal. I thought this game would be a bit boring with it being the first game of the group and featuring two heavyweight times but fuck me, what a game. It started off with Ronaldo suckering in the defender and winning a penalty in the third minute which he duly dispatched before Spain equalised when Diego Costa got away with a forearm smash on Pepe before making Jose Fonte look every one of his 58 years before scoring.  VAR or not – a forearm smash on Pepe is never a foul – ever.  It was now all Spain but then Ronaldo took a pot shot just before half-time and the media appointed best goalkeeper in the world, David de Gea , basically did a Karius and threw the ball in his own net to make it 2-1 at half time. Again Spain dominated start the second half and pretty soon were in front with a tap in from Diego the Bastard and a ridiculous half volley from Nacho which flew in off of a post. It really looked like it was playing out to a 3-2 win to Spain until Pique had a brain fart and trashed through the back of Ronaldo on the edge of the box and up steps of the magnificent beast to curl it over the wall into the top corner. Portugal are totally a one man team but they know this and has as they haven’t got another part remotely on Ronaldo‘s level, you can’t blame them for the way they go about things. Technically, Spain are absolutely brilliant. Totally on a different level to any other team in the world and are my early tip to win it.

"No Worries Lads, I've Got It"

Saturday brought some dull shit in Group C France labouring to a 2-1 over Australia which they barely deserved. France were shit, with no balance to their team whatsoever in spite having some pretty good players. Australia were good defensively but had absolutely nothing in the front half of the pitch. France won with a very dodgy VAR penalty which Griezmann scored before Umtiti thought that the best way to deal with hopeful cross into the France penalty area was to punch it away. Jedinak from the spot, 1-1. Carlton Pogba had been complete shit all game but he actually looked decent when he played a couple of quick one-twos and burst into the box but then he got incredibly lucky as an Aussie tackled him and the ball looped up, off the bar in just over the line. Somehow, Pogba got given the goal despite the fact it was the clearest own goal you’ve ever seen. Peru and Denmark provided an interesting game with Peru looking the better side but they blew it when they smashed a penalty at the moon after the guy decided to do a wanky stutter after he’d started his run up. Denmark, despite not being much good managed to pinch it with a header in the second half.

The main talking point on Saturday was Argentina’s opening game in Group D and of course it was all about Lionel Messi and how he would respond to Ronaldo‘s hat-trick from the night before. I’m sure that Messi himself doesn’t don’t give a toss about Ronaldo but in any case, he didn’t bother to compete in that particular competition. It’s easy to forget Argentina have some other very good players and one of them, Sergio Aguero turned the Iceland defence inside out to put Argentina in front before Chelsea’s Willie Caballero made two consecutive fuck ups present the ball to Iceland and Finbogason equalised. Argentina were awarded a slightly fortunate penalty in the second half and up stepped Messi to keep up his poor penalty record with Halldorsson making a decent save. Argentina really should realise themselves that they do have other good players other than Messi and there is no need for virtually every single pass to go to him or him to take the penalties when he is clearly not very good at them. He misses one in four for Barcelona which is a ratio of that I think of any relative competent penalty taker could beat. Anyhow, also in the same group, Croatia comfortably beat Nigeria without Lovren making any colossal fuck ups which was a bit of a shame. All the focus seems to be on the Nigeria kit, the memory of which will last longer than their team probably will at this competition.

Sunday and Group E with Southampton interest and Dusan Tadic playing against Costa Rica. To be fair, he had a really good game as Serbia ran out 1-0 winners with a tremendous free-kick from Kolarov. Serbia look at a really decent side it will be interesting to see how they get on against Brazil later on in the group. Talking of Brazil, they started well against Switzerland with Coutinho scoring a fantastic goal from outside the but went off the boil after that and Switzerland scored a goal from the corner which really should’ve been disallowed because of the blatant shove on Mirandha before the Swiss headed into the net. It was reviewed by VAR and deemed that two hands in the middle of the back and a big shove wasn’t enough to disallow it. Utter bollocks. I was wanting Brazil to play like they did in 1982 when they were brilliant and different to anybody else. Now, they are pretty uninspiring and average. Everything goes through Neymar who is really unlikeable diving little shit but to be fair to him, Switzerland were allowed to kick the crap out of him. Some of the magic is definitely gone from Brazil, with all their players being based in Europe.

The game of the day though was in Group F with Germany looking very old and pedestrian against Mexico especially in the first half when Mexico really should have scored three but they kept butchering the final ball. They had to settle for the one Lozano goal. Back came the Germans in the 2nd half but they just didn’t do enough and Mexico held out, despite looking half dead at the end. You don’t have to know anything about football to enjoy the Germans getting beat. You know that they will be there or thereabouts at the end but they looked really really bad for the majority of the game, lacking in energy and even lacking in structure which is absolutely unheard off from the German team. The ease with which Mexico broke on them is something that you really don’t see from Germany, like... ever. Hopefully this will be one tournament too far for this team and they will be embarrassing rubbish but I somehow doubt it.

Monday saw the other game in Group F with Sweden beating South Korea 1-0 with a VAR awarded penalty which was this time, correctly awarded. Like with Denmark, I’m never sure what Sweden really add to a tournament apart from colour. Dull team and no Zlatan anymore. Then we moved on to England’s Group G. It started with Belgium comfortably, in the end, beating Panama 3-0 with a superb volley from Mertens and two goals from Lukaku. Belgium still don’t really look like a cohesive team to me and I do wonder if they’re overhyped because of all their Premier League players.

Then it came to England in the evening. It didn’t get off to a great start when Ashley Young was selected and Southgate also picked Jordan Henderson, because he hates me but to be fair, Henderson had a really good game. England started brilliantly and should’ve scored twice before Kane put us into the lead, knocking in after ex-Saints goalkeeper Mouez Hassen pushed out the Stones header. We were totally in control until we had a pretty harsh penalty given against us as Walker tried to let ball run in the penalty area and caught a forward with his arm. 1-1. The second half was largely terrible with Raheem Sterling, Ashley Young and Jesse Lingard constantly taking the wrong option and giving the ball away. On came Rashford and Loftus Cheek for the last 20 minutes and made a huge difference. With Tunisia hanging on, quite literally as Kane was repeatedly wrestled to the ground when we took corners, a 92nd minute set piece won it for us with Maguire winning a header and Kane poaching from 3 yards out. A winning start and much to work on. From a Saints point of view, It was a tough 90 minutes watching Ashley Young be absolutely garbage at left back when Ryan Bertrand is sat at home and Danny Rose is obviously not fit. The main talking point of the game what’s the use of VAR. I’m sorry but that was totally corrupt. How England were not given two penalties when Harry Kane was basically the victim of one wrestling throw and one guy jumping on his back quite literally is astounding unless of course you subscribe to the conspiracy theory that Russia have not reacted terribly well to the fallout from the Salisbury incident.

V.A.R is B.E.N.T.

Group H finally got on the way with what were on the face of it to surprise results with Colombia losing 2-1 to Japan and Poland losing by the same score to Senegal. The Columbia v Japan game was incident packed with Colombia having a man sent off after three minutes for deliberate hand ball. Penalty and 1-0 until just before half time when Radamel Falcao reminding everybody what a fucking diving shit he can be, buying a freekick on the edge of the box which Quintero cleverly passed under the wall into the corner past at the flapping goalkeeper. Playing with 10 eventually caught up with Colombia though and Osaka score with a header in the second half to give Japan and our own Maya Yoshida a decent chance of making it to the next round. You would expect Colombia and a fully fit James Rodriguez to still have a large say in that however. More Saints interest in the second game with Jan Bednarek on the bench to Poland who were 1-0 down  to a deflection when he came on in the second half. Unfortunately he was involved in a classic incident where are Senegal player was being treated off the pitch and was waved back on by the referee at the precise moment that Krychowiak played a shit back pass.  On came the ‘injured’ player, sprinting straight from the dug out, past Bednarek, knocked the ball past Sczezseny and put it into an empty net. Classic shithousing. Krychowiak got a goal back with a header but it wasn’t enough for Poland who are now severely up against it with Colombia and Japan still to play.

So the first round of matches hasn’t had a single 0-0 draw and in the main so far, it’s all been decent. Empty seats in the grounds is not a surprise but if you think it’s bad this time round, wait till Qatar in four years time. For me, the team looking most likely to win it at the moment is Spain .... oh and Germany of course.

World Cup 2014 Part 10 - Brazilian Hacking Enquiry

David Luiz points out who Brazil kicked the shit out of

4/7/14

Quarter Finals

France 0 Germany 1

 Before this game, my humble opinion was that France were a really good bet to win the World Cup as they don’t have any obvious weaknesses but first they have to get past Ze Germans and with Ze Germans it is psychological as they always reach the semi final.   France have the first half chance as Benzema sidefooted wastefully wide and on 12 minutes he was made to pay as Kroos curled in a free kick and Hummels got up and flicked it in giving Lloris no chance.  You sensed that France would ned a quick response and Neuer had to save well from Valbuena and then comfortably from Benzema who looked like he was having one of those games which makes you wonder why the hell he’s so highly rated.  The second half saw half chances come and go for France without ever really testing Neuer and Germany should have wrapped it up on the break as Ozil got down the let and put in on a plate for Schurrle who passed it straight to the keeper in really piss-poor fashion.   With time running but, Benzema got through again but was too wide and his shot was easily beaten away by Neuer.  The four players screming for a pass in the middle were not impressed.  A poor game, a poor performance from France and a professional job done by ze Germans.  “Professional” means much rolling around and timewasting, by the way.

Brazil 2 Colombia 1

Thin Brazil and you think of the beautiful game.  There has always been a harder edge to their game but now it’s almost tat he exclusion of anything beautiful.  The tactics they emplyed in this game was to basically target James Rodriguez and kick the hell out of him.  Of course, this should be allowed to work because the referee will stamp it out but there’s a new concept in this tournament – it’s called Refereenho who basically allows Brazil to get away with murder.  Paulinho should have been booked after five minutes and Fernandinho after 10.  Off the ball blocks were ignored and Rodriguez in particular spent the first half sitting on the ground wondering what had just hit him.  Brazil went 1-0 up on 8 minutes as Sanchez completely dozed off at the back post and a flick on was easily converted by Thiago Silva.  The kicking continued, not only on Rodriguez but on Cuadrado and still the cards stayed in the pocket, except for when Silva got booked for stopping the keeper rolling it out quickly.  He should have drop kicked him in the chest as that would be allowed.  Colombia offered little up front as it had been kicked out of them. 

The second half started better for Colombia and the old man of the side, Yepes, had the ball in the net only for it to be ruled out for an earlier offside.  Up the park went Brazil and disbelief all around as Rodriguez clipped Paulinho and the yellow card came out.  David Luiz sidefooted an incredible free kick over the wall and in from 35 yards and it was party time.  With nothing now to lose, Colombia piled forward and Bacca was put through only to be hammered by Cesar – penalty and a red card surely.  No, just a yellow – fuck off!!!!  Up steps Rodriguez to score his 6^th of the tournament as the lucky Cesar went the wrong way.  The one notable incident before the end was Zuniga steaming into Neymar from behind and with a knee n the back, put Brazil’s only flair player out of the tournament with a fractured vertebra.  Nasty.  Phil Scolari may want to reflect on the fact that you quite often reap what you sow.  He had the balls to complain that Neymar had been hunted down in all their matches and he still decided to appeal Silva’s yellow card on the basis of nothing whatsoever but you know, I’d have done the same if I was him.  Brazil are getting away with murder at this tournament.

I can’t believe I’m saying this but I hope the Germans beat them.

".... and then the complete c**t took me off"

5/7/14

Argentina 1 Belgium 0

Having looked better in the USA game, it was a case of which Belgium turned up today.  On paper they look a better all round side than Argentina but Argentina have the magic man in Messi who is streets ahead of Hazard who is Belgium’s most talented player.  The Argies took the lead on 8 minutes as Messi picked out di Maria and his pass infield was deflected up in the air but in front of Higuain who without breaking stride, lashed it first time past Courtois and into the corner of the net for 1-0.  The sides traded chances without ever looking like adding to the scoreline with Messi putting a free kick over the bar and Mirallas heading a decent chance wide from a Vertonghen cross.  Fellaini was doing his usual in midfield in that he finds it impossible to go near an opposition player without fouling them.  If football had a basketball style disciplinary code whereby you have 5 fouls and then you’re off, then Fellaini woudn’t get past half tie in any game he plays.  Into the second half and Higuain set off on a run from halfway and goes straight for goal, megging Kompany on the way who has bottled it and when presented with just Courtois to beat, Higuain loses composure and hits the bar.  There was little urgency from Belgoim and they only created a couple of chances.  Vertonghen again put in a cross which Fellaini headed over and and when it did eventually get a bit frantic in the last 5 minutes, Lukaku’s pull back was half cleared and Witsel smashed it over the bar from the edge of the penalty area.  In between those two chances, Messi had been put clean through against Courtois but had surprising made a balls of it.  So, 1-0 to Argentina it finished and you can’t help but feel that Belgium flattered to deceive.  Didn’t Januzaj do a lot as well – no, he did sod all.  Overrated perchance. 

Netherlands 0 Costa Rica 0 (Netherlands win 4-2 on pens)

I expect the Dutch were expecting to play Uruguay, Italy, or maybe dear old useless England when the draw was made.  Actually, they were expecting to be knocked out by Spain but here they are playing Costa Rica.  The Costa Rica boys have been superb so far and desperately deserve to be where they are but I had a feeling gong into this that this was one game too far.  The first half though was pretty boring with the best chances falling to the Dutch with Navas pulling off a decent save from van Persie and then being ready to save the rebound from Sneijder.  Sneijder pinged a free kick off the post and with Costa Rica offering so little up front, Van Persie had two great chances in the 2^nd half to score what would surely be the winning goal when first he saw navas again block is near post drive and then the contrived to completely miss a superb cross from Sneijder when it looked easier to score than play the airshot that he did.  It certainly wasn’t RVP’s day as Blind gets down the left, crosses low and RVP at back post, shoots and sees it hit Tejeda who is back on the line and deflect up onto the bar and out.  Extra time is more cagey but Costa Rica have a decent shout for a penalty as Vlaar clumsily fouls Bolanos and though he went down like a sack of shit, there was contact there.  Something has happened to Costa Rica at half time and they have their best chance to score as Umana goes on a mazy and ends up with a clear shot at Cilessen which the keeper superbly keeps out.  There is just enough time for the Dutch to have their head int heir hands again as Sneijder curls in a shot from the left of the penalty area which beats Navas and comes back off the bar.  There are 120 minutes up and Van Gaal brings on Tim Krul in place of Cilessen and he hasn’t touched the ball before it goes to penalties. 

As we all saw, Krul went the right way on every penalty and saved the 2^nd and 4^th and was allowed by the ref to get away with so much gamesmanship that it was all anyone spoke about afterwards.  I wonder if there are any rules as to what happens if the referee red cards a keeper in the shootout?  Unlikely I guess but the Dutch are through to play Argentina.  Many a time I've seen a striker put on in the last minute because he's taken a penalty so why is the substitution such a big deal.  I guess it's a bigger deal for keepers as you live for these moments.  I can't believe Cillesen didn't know it was happening before the game and he'll be back in goal in the semi final.

So, Brazil v Germany and Argentina v Holland.  An all South American Final and you have 2 teams that don’t like each other much – an all European Final and you have 2 teams who don’t like each other much – Voller v Rijkaard 2 perhaps and Dutch banners about Germans nicking their bike.  I’ll stick my neck out and predict an all European final.

World Cup 2014 Part 8 - Brazil Shits Itself and Robben Dives into Quarter Finals

Rearrange the Letters in HULK and it spells SHIT (if you change a few)

28/6/14

2^nd Round – Brazil 1 Chile 1 (Brazil win 3-2 on penalties)

The knockout stages started with the host nation in a game which according to manager Scolari, they really didn’t want against Chile.  I love the way Chile approach things – they haven’t got many great individual players but they are so much more than the sum of their parts and they play as if their lives depend on it.  That said, they fell behind on 18 minutes when a cross was flicked on and was bindled into the net at the far post with David Luiz getting the credit.  There is a curious phenomena at this World Cup where the replay proves something quite different and the commentators refuse to alter their original belief.  It’s quite clearly an own goal by Jara who has stuck a leg out but no matter how many times this is shown, it’s still David Luiz’ goal and then FIFA announce that it’s Luiz’ goal.  It ultimately doesn’t matter a shit but Luiz hasn’t even got a touch there.  Against the script and therefore hugely funny was a Chile equalizer before half time. Marcelo took a throw in near his own corner flag and threw it to Hulk who had the first touch of a man wearing concrete wellies.  Aranguiz nicks in and passes infield to Sanchez who, being unmarked as he is, fires it past Cesar and into the far corner.  Great finish but shocking play from Brazil.  Much has been said about bent refereeing favouring the host nation but Howard Webb hasn’t read the script as a long cross picks out Hulk who controls around the shoulder area and mis-hits it into the net off his knee.  It looks perfectly ok and then gets disallowed for handball.  It’s marginal to say the least but fair play to Webb, he believes he’s right and disallows it and shows a yellow card to Hulk.  Scolari is going beserk and you just know that Webb is on his way home now.  Personally I think it’s a harsh decision and if Chile had had a goal disallowed like that then we’d all have been going nuts.  The problem with Brazil is that they have some right shit payers and they keep the quota the same by removing Fred and bringing on Jo who is slightly more mobile but still shite.  Hulk is their most likely forward to score but he mixes up great runs with throwing himself on the ground.  Extra time passes and Brazil collectively shites its pants and Panilla smacks the bar from 25 yards on 119 minutes and we have our first penalty shootout.

The penalty shootout is an average affair and it’s 3-2 to Brazil as Gonzalo Jara takes the fifth Chilean penalty and hits the inside of the post and Brazil are through – just.  Needless to say, Hulk missed.

2^nd Round – Colombia 2 Uruguay 0

Before this game we get word that Luis Suarez has made a statement and it’s that he slipped and kept his balance only by plunging his teeth into the shoulder of Chiellini.  This is about as hilarious as when an MP says that he slipped and fell into that rent boy.  By showing no remorse and no admission that anything was wrong, he should really be slapped with a longer ban whch of course, won’t happen.  To the game itself and Colombia are the better side throughout and a new global star is born as James Rodriguez controls a high ball on his chest with his back to goal, chests is sideways in the same movement and volleys it left footed in off the bar.  It’s a ridiculous goal and put the Colombians 1-0 u after half an hour.  It’s 2-0 straight after half time as the Uruguayans are carved open and Cuadrado cushioned a header back for Rodriguez to score again.  Cuadrado seems to be a very influential player and he’s got nifty dance move as all the Colombians do their thang corner flag.  Ospina made a couple of saves as Uruguay belatedly went for it but Uruguay and their fans with their Suarez masks are gone.  Colombia will be a major threat to Brazil in the quarter finals.

How to Make Sure the Ref Gives It

29/6/14

2^nd Round – Netherlands 2 Mexico 1

The first half of this was interesting without ever really catching fire, unlike anyone who was in the stadium as the temperatures were ridiculous – so much so that we had the first ‘cooling break’ of the tournament after half an hour which gives FIFA delegates a chance to do some spread betting.  Mexico looked the better side but in truth, neither really looked like scoring though the Dutch should have had a penalty when Robben was hacked over twice in one move but not given.  The Mexicans went 1-0 up straight after half time as the ‘useless at Spurs’ Giovani dos Santos lashed in a shot from 30 yards which gave the keeper no chance and sent his manager pogoing round the technical area in celebration.  Mexican keeper Ochoa came into his own at that point and made a series of saves, mainly good reaction stops to efforts fired straight at him.  The best of which was an instinctive block from a close range de Vrij volley which bounced off his hands, onto the post and away.  The second cooling break sw van Gall replace van Persie with Huntelaar which basically heralded a change of tactic to ‘long diagonal ball’.  It worked though with 2 minutes to go as Huntelaaar headed down a cross at the far post and Schnijder, despite being invisible all tournament, fired brilliantly into the bottom corner from 20 yards showing that the keeper is beatable if you stop shooting straight at him.  Extra-time here we come but a last Dutch attack saw them feed Robben who attacked the box, skipped past one lunge and then went down under a tired hack from Marquez.  Has he touched him? yes, is it a dive? yes, should it have been a penalty? In my opinion yes.  Up stepped Huntelaar, 2-1 and we get to hear Chiles calling him van Huntelaar in the post match shambles but the Netherlands march on and the Mexican manager Herrera throws a colossal wobbler but what a legend he has been.

2^nd Round – Costa Rica 1 Greece 1 (Costa Rica win 5-4 on penalties)

Let’s face it, the first half was shit as it always seems to be when Greece are playing and they should have taken the lead on half time as Salpingidis met a superb cross from the left on the full and Navas deflected it wide with his foot.  Five mintes after half time it was the Costa Ricans who took the lead as Fulham reject Bryan Ruiz sidefooted home beautifully from the edge of the box and everyone just watch it rll in.  The should have had a penalty as well for a clear handball a bit later but they handed Greece a lifeline when Duarte lunged in and was sent off for a second yellow. Greece are hardly known for their skills in chasing the game but they now have a chance which they took until the 91^st minute to take as Papasthatopoulos rammed home a rebound.  Extra time and the ten men were now clear 2^nd favourites and Greece had the best chances extra time but it was penalties again.  The Greek manager managed to get himself sent to the stands at this point and there were 7 successful spot kicks with neither keeper getting near any of them until, with Costa Rica leading 4-3, Navas superbly saved Gekas’ kick and Umana casually stroked home the winner.  Costa Rica in the last 8 and the only team they’ve played who they didn’t beat… bloody England.

Keeper Legend

30/6/14

2^nd Round – France 2 Nigeria 0

The biggest surprise of the World Cup is not Costa Rica making the last 8 – it’s been that France haven’t had to send a player home yet.  Nigeria on the face of it should cause them any problems but they do and have the ball in the net as Emunike slides it past Lloris only for a very tight (but correct) offside flag to deny the Africans.  France are playing some decent stuff though and it’s amusing that Paul Pogba is at the centre of it.  This is the guy that Man United had but never gave him a chance and so he left.  Now he’s one of the best central midfielders in Europe and United have Tom Cleverley.  Pogba drives forward and sets up Valbuena who picks him out with the cross but Pogba’s volley is spectacularly kept out by Enyeama.  The seond half sees Nigeria looking like the better side but France creating the chances.  Benzema plays a quick 1-2 to get free and his shot is half blocked by Enyeama and then hacked off the line by Moses then following a corner, the ball finds its way out to Cabaye on the egge of the box and his angled volley hits the bar on the far side with the keeper nowhere.  Enyeama had been having a great game for Nigeria but he handed the game to France on the 80^th minute when he came for a cross, got nowhere near catching it and just flapped it up in the air for Pogba to head into the empty net.  In the last minute, a Valbuena cross was deflected into his own net by Yobo to confirm French passage into the next round to play the winners of ze Germans and Algeria.  For me, the French are still a good bet to win it – they seem solid all over the pitch and don;t have any obvious weaknesses.

2^nd Round – Germany 2 Algeria 1 (after extra time)

Joachim Low seems to have a strange compulsion to play players out of position.  The have centre backs at full back on both sides and Philip Lahm who is one of the best  in the World in either full back position, playing in midfield.  Germany are basically very lethargic and not very good.  Most of their play goes through Mesut Ozil who then gives the ball away.  Algeria look dangerous on their forays forward with Neuer often having to race from his line to compensate for a ponderous back 4.  He’s out and making a superb sliding tackle on Slimani which could easily have resulted in a goal or a red card.  Slimani has the ball in the net as he slides in a Musa cross but he’s offside.  Ze Germans are having chances though and the excellent Rais MBohli pulls of an excellent double save from Mario Gotze.  The bloody keeper is at it again when he somehow blocks a point blank header from Thomas Muller and then is up to smother the rebound from Schurrle.  The reason I say ‘bloody’ keeper is because I have Germany to win in 90 minutes as part of an accumulator.  It goes against every fibre of my being to want ze Germans to win and typically, they are messing me about.  The keeper makes a wonderful finger tip save from Lahm and the 90 minutes are up, the bets are screwed and now I can support Algeria.  As soon as extra time starts they concede a goal as Muller gets down the left, crosses behind Schurrle who manages to drag a leg and flick it into the net past MBohli – could have done that a minute earlier you git.  It’s soon 2-0 as Ozil passes the ball in the right direction to Schurrle.  His shot is blocked by a defender and the rebound falls kindly for Ozil to smash it in the net.  Algeria give it a spirited response and pull one back with a minute to do as Fegouli (who has what looks like a maxi-pad taped to his head) crosses and Djabou rams it into the net on the volley.  Too little too late though and the very average Germans are through to play France.  Algeria go out with their head held high having given it a real go in almost exactly the same way as England didn’t.

I know who you learnt that shit celebration off of

1/7/14

2^nd Round – Argentina 1 Switzerland 0 (after extra time)

I’ve kind of been ignoring Argentina in this World Cup so far as they’ve progressed through a pretty easy group.  Excellent attack, good midfield, dodgy defence.  They surely would have too much for Switzerland but the Swiss have the best chances of the first half as Xhaka hits one from the edge of the box which requires a decent stop from Romero, who then saves the shot from the rebound for good measure.  The keeper gets lucky before half time as Shaquiri plays Drmic though and Romero comes, then stops, then goes back and Drmic made a right balls of it and his attempted chip landed in the keepers arms. Argentina wake up after half time with Higuain having a header tipped over by Benaglio and Messi teeing himself up for a volley from the edge of the box which narrowly clears the bar.  Messi is of course the main threat and some quality dribbling in the box sees him find a yard and fire for the bottom corner but again, Benaglio gets down well to save.  It’s all Argentina at the start of extra time and Benaglio is there again to superbly deny di Maria who is shooting on sight virtually every time he gets the ball.  Its 2 minutes to penalties when Messi picks it up on halfway, skips away from a tackle and slides it right to di Maria who passes it into the far corner of the net.  Great finish and Switzerland are done.... or are they.  Time is up as a cross is swung over, Dzemaili gets his hed to it and it thumps off the base of the post, rebounds back, hits Dzemaili on the knee and trickles wide.  Argentina through but not particularly convincing.

2^nd Round – Belgium 2 USA 1 (after extra time)

Belgium have had enough of Lukaku and dropped him with Devock Origi taking his place.  He has the first shot after 30 seconds and Tim Howard saves it – and so the pattern of this match is established.  The match sees better quality from the Belgians in the face of great spirit by the Diving German’s Yanks but Howard makes save after save after save from Origi, Mirallas and Kompany.  In nearly all cases though, it’s poor finishing and Howard would have been mortified if any of those had beaten him.  The Yanks have a great chance to win it as Dempsey heads down int he box and Waldalowski blazes wide from 5 yards.  It’’s a shocking miss but hte lino has flagged which is odd and he was about 3 yards onside.  0-0 at full time and so we’re on extra time patrol again and like the German game the other night, a goal is soon coming as Lukaku bulldozes down the right, cuts in and pulls it back to de Bruyne who takes a touch, turns and lashes past Howard.  It looks like it’s all over before the first half of extra time is up as another Belgian break ends up with de Bruyne on the left and his pass is perfect for Lukaku to sweep it into the net for 2-0.  From looking dead on the ir feet though, the Yanks rally in the last 15 minutes, get a goal back through a mis-hit volley from Green and then pen Belgium back.  Jones fired narrowly wide and the n a cleverly worked free kick saw the ball break to Dempsey but his te poke was smothered by the onrushing Courtois.  2-1 in the end but a massive effort from the USA who went down with all guns blazing.  How said it is that I’m thinking that England would have little chance against America.  Coach Jurgen is still a massive, massive helmet though.  Belgium through to play Argentina and fair play to them.

For me, the pick of the quarter finals is Brazil v Colombia.  If the referee is fair then I see Colombia winning it to be honest, probably after extra time as I can’t see Brazil dealing with Cuadrado and James Rodriguez. I’m going for France against Germany in what will probably be a dour affair, Netherlands against Costa Rica where the Costa Rica bubble will burst and Argentina against Belgium after extra time.  I never win my accumulators so ignore me.