World Cup 2014 Part 8 - Brazil Shits Itself and Robben Dives into Quarter Finals

Rearrange the Letters in HULK and it spells SHIT (if you change a few)

28/6/14

2^nd Round – Brazil 1 Chile 1 (Brazil win 3-2 on penalties)

The knockout stages started with the host nation in a game which according to manager Scolari, they really didn’t want against Chile.  I love the way Chile approach things – they haven’t got many great individual players but they are so much more than the sum of their parts and they play as if their lives depend on it.  That said, they fell behind on 18 minutes when a cross was flicked on and was bindled into the net at the far post with David Luiz getting the credit.  There is a curious phenomena at this World Cup where the replay proves something quite different and the commentators refuse to alter their original belief.  It’s quite clearly an own goal by Jara who has stuck a leg out but no matter how many times this is shown, it’s still David Luiz’ goal and then FIFA announce that it’s Luiz’ goal.  It ultimately doesn’t matter a shit but Luiz hasn’t even got a touch there.  Against the script and therefore hugely funny was a Chile equalizer before half time. Marcelo took a throw in near his own corner flag and threw it to Hulk who had the first touch of a man wearing concrete wellies.  Aranguiz nicks in and passes infield to Sanchez who, being unmarked as he is, fires it past Cesar and into the far corner.  Great finish but shocking play from Brazil.  Much has been said about bent refereeing favouring the host nation but Howard Webb hasn’t read the script as a long cross picks out Hulk who controls around the shoulder area and mis-hits it into the net off his knee.  It looks perfectly ok and then gets disallowed for handball.  It’s marginal to say the least but fair play to Webb, he believes he’s right and disallows it and shows a yellow card to Hulk.  Scolari is going beserk and you just know that Webb is on his way home now.  Personally I think it’s a harsh decision and if Chile had had a goal disallowed like that then we’d all have been going nuts.  The problem with Brazil is that they have some right shit payers and they keep the quota the same by removing Fred and bringing on Jo who is slightly more mobile but still shite.  Hulk is their most likely forward to score but he mixes up great runs with throwing himself on the ground.  Extra time passes and Brazil collectively shites its pants and Panilla smacks the bar from 25 yards on 119 minutes and we have our first penalty shootout.

The penalty shootout is an average affair and it’s 3-2 to Brazil as Gonzalo Jara takes the fifth Chilean penalty and hits the inside of the post and Brazil are through – just.  Needless to say, Hulk missed.

2^nd Round – Colombia 2 Uruguay 0

Before this game we get word that Luis Suarez has made a statement and it’s that he slipped and kept his balance only by plunging his teeth into the shoulder of Chiellini.  This is about as hilarious as when an MP says that he slipped and fell into that rent boy.  By showing no remorse and no admission that anything was wrong, he should really be slapped with a longer ban whch of course, won’t happen.  To the game itself and Colombia are the better side throughout and a new global star is born as James Rodriguez controls a high ball on his chest with his back to goal, chests is sideways in the same movement and volleys it left footed in off the bar.  It’s a ridiculous goal and put the Colombians 1-0 u after half an hour.  It’s 2-0 straight after half time as the Uruguayans are carved open and Cuadrado cushioned a header back for Rodriguez to score again.  Cuadrado seems to be a very influential player and he’s got nifty dance move as all the Colombians do their thang corner flag.  Ospina made a couple of saves as Uruguay belatedly went for it but Uruguay and their fans with their Suarez masks are gone.  Colombia will be a major threat to Brazil in the quarter finals.

How to Make Sure the Ref Gives It

29/6/14

2^nd Round – Netherlands 2 Mexico 1

The first half of this was interesting without ever really catching fire, unlike anyone who was in the stadium as the temperatures were ridiculous – so much so that we had the first ‘cooling break’ of the tournament after half an hour which gives FIFA delegates a chance to do some spread betting.  Mexico looked the better side but in truth, neither really looked like scoring though the Dutch should have had a penalty when Robben was hacked over twice in one move but not given.  The Mexicans went 1-0 up straight after half time as the ‘useless at Spurs’ Giovani dos Santos lashed in a shot from 30 yards which gave the keeper no chance and sent his manager pogoing round the technical area in celebration.  Mexican keeper Ochoa came into his own at that point and made a series of saves, mainly good reaction stops to efforts fired straight at him.  The best of which was an instinctive block from a close range de Vrij volley which bounced off his hands, onto the post and away.  The second cooling break sw van Gall replace van Persie with Huntelaar which basically heralded a change of tactic to ‘long diagonal ball’.  It worked though with 2 minutes to go as Huntelaaar headed down a cross at the far post and Schnijder, despite being invisible all tournament, fired brilliantly into the bottom corner from 20 yards showing that the keeper is beatable if you stop shooting straight at him.  Extra-time here we come but a last Dutch attack saw them feed Robben who attacked the box, skipped past one lunge and then went down under a tired hack from Marquez.  Has he touched him? yes, is it a dive? yes, should it have been a penalty? In my opinion yes.  Up stepped Huntelaar, 2-1 and we get to hear Chiles calling him van Huntelaar in the post match shambles but the Netherlands march on and the Mexican manager Herrera throws a colossal wobbler but what a legend he has been.

2^nd Round – Costa Rica 1 Greece 1 (Costa Rica win 5-4 on penalties)

Let’s face it, the first half was shit as it always seems to be when Greece are playing and they should have taken the lead on half time as Salpingidis met a superb cross from the left on the full and Navas deflected it wide with his foot.  Five mintes after half time it was the Costa Ricans who took the lead as Fulham reject Bryan Ruiz sidefooted home beautifully from the edge of the box and everyone just watch it rll in.  The should have had a penalty as well for a clear handball a bit later but they handed Greece a lifeline when Duarte lunged in and was sent off for a second yellow. Greece are hardly known for their skills in chasing the game but they now have a chance which they took until the 91^st minute to take as Papasthatopoulos rammed home a rebound.  Extra time and the ten men were now clear 2^nd favourites and Greece had the best chances extra time but it was penalties again.  The Greek manager managed to get himself sent to the stands at this point and there were 7 successful spot kicks with neither keeper getting near any of them until, with Costa Rica leading 4-3, Navas superbly saved Gekas’ kick and Umana casually stroked home the winner.  Costa Rica in the last 8 and the only team they’ve played who they didn’t beat… bloody England.

Keeper Legend

30/6/14

2^nd Round – France 2 Nigeria 0

The biggest surprise of the World Cup is not Costa Rica making the last 8 – it’s been that France haven’t had to send a player home yet.  Nigeria on the face of it should cause them any problems but they do and have the ball in the net as Emunike slides it past Lloris only for a very tight (but correct) offside flag to deny the Africans.  France are playing some decent stuff though and it’s amusing that Paul Pogba is at the centre of it.  This is the guy that Man United had but never gave him a chance and so he left.  Now he’s one of the best central midfielders in Europe and United have Tom Cleverley.  Pogba drives forward and sets up Valbuena who picks him out with the cross but Pogba’s volley is spectacularly kept out by Enyeama.  The seond half sees Nigeria looking like the better side but France creating the chances.  Benzema plays a quick 1-2 to get free and his shot is half blocked by Enyeama and then hacked off the line by Moses then following a corner, the ball finds its way out to Cabaye on the egge of the box and his angled volley hits the bar on the far side with the keeper nowhere.  Enyeama had been having a great game for Nigeria but he handed the game to France on the 80^th minute when he came for a cross, got nowhere near catching it and just flapped it up in the air for Pogba to head into the empty net.  In the last minute, a Valbuena cross was deflected into his own net by Yobo to confirm French passage into the next round to play the winners of ze Germans and Algeria.  For me, the French are still a good bet to win it – they seem solid all over the pitch and don;t have any obvious weaknesses.

2^nd Round – Germany 2 Algeria 1 (after extra time)

Joachim Low seems to have a strange compulsion to play players out of position.  The have centre backs at full back on both sides and Philip Lahm who is one of the best  in the World in either full back position, playing in midfield.  Germany are basically very lethargic and not very good.  Most of their play goes through Mesut Ozil who then gives the ball away.  Algeria look dangerous on their forays forward with Neuer often having to race from his line to compensate for a ponderous back 4.  He’s out and making a superb sliding tackle on Slimani which could easily have resulted in a goal or a red card.  Slimani has the ball in the net as he slides in a Musa cross but he’s offside.  Ze Germans are having chances though and the excellent Rais MBohli pulls of an excellent double save from Mario Gotze.  The bloody keeper is at it again when he somehow blocks a point blank header from Thomas Muller and then is up to smother the rebound from Schurrle.  The reason I say ‘bloody’ keeper is because I have Germany to win in 90 minutes as part of an accumulator.  It goes against every fibre of my being to want ze Germans to win and typically, they are messing me about.  The keeper makes a wonderful finger tip save from Lahm and the 90 minutes are up, the bets are screwed and now I can support Algeria.  As soon as extra time starts they concede a goal as Muller gets down the left, crosses behind Schurrle who manages to drag a leg and flick it into the net past MBohli – could have done that a minute earlier you git.  It’s soon 2-0 as Ozil passes the ball in the right direction to Schurrle.  His shot is blocked by a defender and the rebound falls kindly for Ozil to smash it in the net.  Algeria give it a spirited response and pull one back with a minute to do as Fegouli (who has what looks like a maxi-pad taped to his head) crosses and Djabou rams it into the net on the volley.  Too little too late though and the very average Germans are through to play France.  Algeria go out with their head held high having given it a real go in almost exactly the same way as England didn’t.

I know who you learnt that shit celebration off of

1/7/14

2^nd Round – Argentina 1 Switzerland 0 (after extra time)

I’ve kind of been ignoring Argentina in this World Cup so far as they’ve progressed through a pretty easy group.  Excellent attack, good midfield, dodgy defence.  They surely would have too much for Switzerland but the Swiss have the best chances of the first half as Xhaka hits one from the edge of the box which requires a decent stop from Romero, who then saves the shot from the rebound for good measure.  The keeper gets lucky before half time as Shaquiri plays Drmic though and Romero comes, then stops, then goes back and Drmic made a right balls of it and his attempted chip landed in the keepers arms. Argentina wake up after half time with Higuain having a header tipped over by Benaglio and Messi teeing himself up for a volley from the edge of the box which narrowly clears the bar.  Messi is of course the main threat and some quality dribbling in the box sees him find a yard and fire for the bottom corner but again, Benaglio gets down well to save.  It’s all Argentina at the start of extra time and Benaglio is there again to superbly deny di Maria who is shooting on sight virtually every time he gets the ball.  Its 2 minutes to penalties when Messi picks it up on halfway, skips away from a tackle and slides it right to di Maria who passes it into the far corner of the net.  Great finish and Switzerland are done.... or are they.  Time is up as a cross is swung over, Dzemaili gets his hed to it and it thumps off the base of the post, rebounds back, hits Dzemaili on the knee and trickles wide.  Argentina through but not particularly convincing.

2^nd Round – Belgium 2 USA 1 (after extra time)

Belgium have had enough of Lukaku and dropped him with Devock Origi taking his place.  He has the first shot after 30 seconds and Tim Howard saves it – and so the pattern of this match is established.  The match sees better quality from the Belgians in the face of great spirit by the Diving German’s Yanks but Howard makes save after save after save from Origi, Mirallas and Kompany.  In nearly all cases though, it’s poor finishing and Howard would have been mortified if any of those had beaten him.  The Yanks have a great chance to win it as Dempsey heads down int he box and Waldalowski blazes wide from 5 yards.  It’’s a shocking miss but hte lino has flagged which is odd and he was about 3 yards onside.  0-0 at full time and so we’re on extra time patrol again and like the German game the other night, a goal is soon coming as Lukaku bulldozes down the right, cuts in and pulls it back to de Bruyne who takes a touch, turns and lashes past Howard.  It looks like it’s all over before the first half of extra time is up as another Belgian break ends up with de Bruyne on the left and his pass is perfect for Lukaku to sweep it into the net for 2-0.  From looking dead on the ir feet though, the Yanks rally in the last 15 minutes, get a goal back through a mis-hit volley from Green and then pen Belgium back.  Jones fired narrowly wide and the n a cleverly worked free kick saw the ball break to Dempsey but his te poke was smothered by the onrushing Courtois.  2-1 in the end but a massive effort from the USA who went down with all guns blazing.  How said it is that I’m thinking that England would have little chance against America.  Coach Jurgen is still a massive, massive helmet though.  Belgium through to play Argentina and fair play to them.

For me, the pick of the quarter finals is Brazil v Colombia.  If the referee is fair then I see Colombia winning it to be honest, probably after extra time as I can’t see Brazil dealing with Cuadrado and James Rodriguez. I’m going for France against Germany in what will probably be a dour affair, Netherlands against Costa Rica where the Costa Rica bubble will burst and Argentina against Belgium after extra time.  I never win my accumulators so ignore me.

World Cup 2014 Part 7 - Bye Bye Ronaldo and Capello's Laser Treatment

Odd Face Paint

26/6/14

Group G – Portugal 2 Ghana 1

Like their playoff final against Sweden, this was always going to be about how many goal Ronaldo could score to carry this relatively poor Portuguese side through.  Hampered by injuries though, you could see he was going to struggle despite still being the best player on the pitch regardless.  Ronaldo hit the bar with a chip and then hit the keeper with a point blank header which saw the keeper celebrating in the way that scorers of winning goals do.  Eventually they took the lead and it was hilarious.  Veloso went down the left wing and crossed and the amusingly named John Boye took time off from appearing in The Waltons to brilliantly slice into his own net.  Great finish.  The lead lasted until 10 minutes after half time when Kwadwo Asamoah curled in an amazing cross with the outside of his boot and Asamoah Gyan thumped a header into the net.  Suddenly Ghana had a chance to qualify but the keeper fucked it up for them by patting a cross down into the centre of a penalty are in much the same way that an 11 year old would do and Ronaldo wasn’t going to miss from there.  2-1 to Portugal and you’re both going out.

Group G – USA 0 Germany 1

There’s not a lot to like about this match.  On the one hand you have Ze Germans and everything about them and on the other you have Jurgen Klinsmann.  Ze Germans started the better of the two sides and the Yanks didn’t shake them out of their stride at all but still reached half time at 0-0.  On 55 minutes Mertesacker got a header in which Tourette Tim parried out and before he could say ‘fuck shit bollocks twat’, Thomas Muller rocketed a perfect sidefoot finish past him from the edge of the box to make it 1-0.  You sensed there and then that that was going to be game over.  The Yanks created a couple of half chances as the game wore but nothing of note really and so ze Germans went through as top of the group and because Portugal failed to hump Ghana out of sight, the USA went through as well.  If I’m honest I would have preferred Ghana to go through in this group but I guess the Americans making it is marginally preferable to Ronaldo. Just.

Group H – Algeria 1 Russia 1

Russia and Capello have been bloody tedious in this competition.  They should have got through easily but were relying on beating Algeria.  They took the lead on 6 minutes as Kokorin headed in but couldn’t finish the game off.  They were knocking on the door in the second half but they had an Achilles heel in the hapless Akinfeev in goal who had made such a bollocks of the South Korea game.  This time he came for a cross, got nowhere near it and it was bundled in by ????  TV pictures later proved that someone was shining a green laser on the keepers face as the cross came in which is a bit of a bastard thing to do and it’s also a bit of a waste of effort with this keeper as the chances are that he’s going to drop it anyway.  So, out go the Russians and Capello of course made a load of noise about the laser on the keeper etc.  I’d say that no wins in three games is more of an issue as one of the greatest managers in club football, proved for the second World Cup running that he doesn’t do international football.

Group H - South Korea 0 Belgium 1

This was a tedious game only made slightly interested when Defour managed to get himself sent off for Belgium for a shin-scraping high tackle.  Ten man Belgium wre still too good for the South Korean’s who stood no chance of repeating their 2002 heroics with hometown referees.  They hit the bar in the first half and had a couple of near things but nowhere near enough and Belgium duly won it with 10 minutes to go when lively substitute Origi had a shot parried and Jan Vertonghen was there to knock it in the net.  Belgium though as group winners, South Korea going home.

World Cup 2014 Part 5 - Fred in Movement Shocker and Suarez Has Another Nibble

Fabio's World Cup Record is not improving

22/6/14

With England gone I have gone into a bit of a malaise about the World Cup.  I’ve never ereally been the sort to watch 90 minutes on TV of  match where I’m not supporting wither team and the clusterf**k of commentators they have on BBC and ITV in particular are enough to make anyone switch off.  So here’s a catch up of the post-England elimination.

Group H – Belgium 1 Russia 0

In recent tournaments, Russia have always started well and looked like a very skilful attacking side and then blown it.  They brought in Fabio Capello to manage them and now they are boring (pragmatic is the buzzword) and will blow it anyway.  A draw with South Korea was followed by a quite tedious game against Belgium.  There was one chance in the first half when Kokorin headed wide from 5 yards.  It’s the sort of chance that a 10 year old would score if he shut his eyes and just let the ball hit his face.  The highly fancied (not by me) Belgians woke up in the 85^th minute as Mirallas hit a post and they scored in the 88^th minute as Origi, who intriguingly, doesn’t play in England, was on hand to put away a pull back from Hazard.  Capello’s charges can still go through if they beat Algeria but I wouldn’t bet on it.

Group H - South Korea 2 Algeria 4

A really good attacking game which was made all the more entertaining but he fact that South Korea can’t defend for shit.  The first goal was straight out of the England manual as a massive welly forward was missed by everyone and Slimani held of a couple of half-arsed challenges to dink it over the keeper.  The keeper Fah Keung-Crahp was certainly at fault with the second as he came for a corner but before it got to him, Halliche got u and powered it into the net.  2-0 became 3-0 when another long ball found Slimani who easily brought it down and fed Djabou to wrap up the game.  A ridiculous goal got the Koreans back into it when another hoof forward was controlled by Son Heung-Min between his shoulder blades but it worked for him as he turned and smashed it through the keeper.  They had a chance to make it 3-2 but it soon went the other way as Algeria tiptoed through the defence and a nice passing move ended with Brahimi slotting home.  There was still 20 minutes to go when Lukk Ki-Git scored off his knee after another long ball caused carnage but Korea achieved distinction by being the first team I’ve seen so far who are probably worse than England.  As long as they avoid defeat against Russia, then Algeria will be going through.

Group G – USA 2 Portugal 2

Portugal were so bad in their first game that they had to be better here and it took all of 5 minutes to take the lead against the USA as a cross from the left found its way through so abysmal defending by Geoff Cameron for Nani to score as the keeper Howard, sat on his arse.  He made amends after a fashion right on half time when after making a right hash of a Nani shot and allowing it to come back off the post, he changed direction superbly to palm the rebound away.  The second half saw Portugal and Ronaldo do nothing much and the US nearly equalised when a Bradley shot was cleared off the line with the keeper nowhere.  They did eventually tie the soccerball scores in the 19^th minute of the second period when Jermaine Jones picked up a cleared corner and easily cut inside his marker but fairly lashed it into the far corner from 20 yards for 1-1.  With 10 to go the Yanks took the lead as Portugal defended abysmally as Dempsey managed to turn a cross into the net with his stomach.  It’s really strange watching a game where you want both teams to lose but I was looking forward to the tears when Ronaldo got knocked out but that pleasure will have to wait a few days as with 90 minutes up, Ronaldo put in a wonderful cross from the right and Varela dived in to power a header past Tourette Tim Fucking Shit Bollocks Howard to make it 2-2 and leave the Americans in pole position to qualify behind ze Germans.

Fred celebrates moving 5 yards

23/6/14

Group B – Netherlands 2 Chile 0

Away we go with the group deciders and both Netherlands and Chile had one eye on the next round as they were both already through.  It’s nice to get your job done with a game to spare – just ask England.  Both teams rested a few players but it was still a decent enough game.  Chile had first half chances from set pieces and Arjen Robben was at it again for the Dutch, causing mayhem whenever he ran with the ball.  Both he and Depuy tested Bravo with long range efforts before they finally took the lead as a free kick was swung in by Robber and substitute Fer scored with virtually his first touch as he powered in a header.  Chile tried to chase the game and had a half shout for a penalty but committing men forwards is suicide against the Dutch as Robben got away down the left and got his head up to pick up Depuy who steamed in and got the touch for 2-0.  

Group B – Spain 3 Australia 0

Usually, a dead rubber is a dead rubber for one team but this match had the distinction of being dead for both participants.  I’m taking the piss but I wish I’d been smart enough to have some money on that at the start of the tournament.  Spain had a Villa-Torres partnership up front and looked dangerous every time they went forward with Iniesta in brilliant form in central midfield in what will surely be his post-World Cup position.  They took the lead as Villa backheeled a Juanfran cross past Ryan.  Juanfran had been released by a slide-rule Iniesta pass and he was at it again as they went 2-0 up in the second half as he put Torres clean through and even he couldn’t miss.  Mata made it 3-0 after Fabregas picked him out and he took all the time he needed to control it and pass it through the keepers legs.  Australia were pretty decent to be fair until they ran out of steam and though they’ve finished bottom with zero points, they are showing signs of getting better which is annoying.  Spain are out of course but have enough players who will still be around in 2016 to be a serious threat for the next Euro’s.  You have been warned.

Group A – Brazil 4 Cameroon 1

On paper this looks like it should be a slaughter and it’s all going according to plan as Neymar opens the scoring and everyone is happy.  Cameroon however summoned up a bit of the spirit of 1990 and equalised when Matip was on hand to stab in a cross from the left wing.  The calculators briefly come out as there is a slight chance that Brazil might go out which would be hilarious but Neymar is having none of it and turns a player inside out as he runs at the penalty area before smashing it low past a wrong-footed keeper.  In 1982 when Brazil were magnificent, they had Zico, Socrates, Eder, Falcao etc but they had a big lump of a centre forward who was useless called Serginho.  The 2014 Brazil have Fred who is really really bad and as immobile as they come but even he can;t miss when presented with an open goal from 5 yards to make it 3-1.  All over bar the shouting but Fernandinho bundles through to roll in the 4^th and Brazil have won the group and will paly against Chile in the 2^nd Round.  I’m sure that the referee will be chosen carefully for that one. 

Group A – Mexico 3 Croatia 1

The first half of this was pretty average.  Croatia had to win but didn;t really look like a side who believed that they could.  They are almost England-esque in the way they shoehorn players into the wrong positions with Rakitic and Modric both deployed deep in midfield when neither can tackle or neither have much defensive awareness.  Mexico came closest to scoring when Herrera smacked the bar from 30 yards but otherwise the first half was lame.

The second half started in much the same way and with about 20 minutes to go it was like a bomb went off and Croatia just collapsed.  Marquez headed them in front from a corner and within 10 minutes it was 3-0 with Guardado finishing off a brilliant move by driving past the hapless Pleitikosa and Javier Hernandez nodding in from his usual distance of two feet. The best bit was the spectacle of the Mexican manager going absolutely but celebrating his sides goals, pulling ridiculous faces and being wrestled to the floor by players and support staff.  Compare and contrast to Roy Hodgson – the most uninspiring manager ever.  Croatia got a consolation goal through Perisic but no one cared and Mexico go through to play the Netherlands in what should be a fantastic game.

Animal.

24/6/14

Group D – England 0 Costa Rica 0

Hodgson decided that this was a game he could use to give the rest of the squad a game and so we got to witness the future of English football in Frank Lampard, James Milner, Chris Smalling and Ben Foster.  In the next breath he’ll be moaning that we don’t have enough friendlies to hone our team.  Surely better to mix and match as if it was the first game of the next qualifying tournament but no matter really – we’re out after all and he’s keeping his job.  To be brutally honest, I didn’t even watch this as I couldn’t be bothered, this was despite the presence of two Saints players in the team in Lallana and Shaw.  A month ago I’d have been gagging to watch this game for this reason alone but more of that later.  Costa Rica didn;t need to win as they’d already qualified and England didn’t know how to win.  Sturridge missed chances again and though he should have had a penalty in the first half – that was about it.  Boring game, boring performance, boring manager but Uncle Roy said we played well – really?  Costa Rica win the group and fair play to them.

Group D -  Uruguay 1 Italy 0

Before it became apparent how crap England were, I thought the Italians looked decent but the defeat to Costa Rica showed up their limitations which were all on display again here.  Pirlo had a free kick which caused some panic for Muslera but other than that they produced very little.  Marchisio managed to get sent off for a ridiculous stamp tackle in the 2^nd half and Uruguay were the better side and forced Buffon into a number of decent saves.  They eventually did win as Gaston Ramirez swung in a corner and Godin, who should of course have been sent off against England and not playing here, headed the winner and put Uruguay through and Italy out.  The game will of course only be remembered for Hannibal Suarez going for it again and biting Chiellini on the shoulder.  He then compunded it by diving on the ground and pretending his teeth hurt.  I expect they did as shoulders can be quite tough if you bite them.  He obviously has serious mental issues, as do the Uruguayan representatives who defend him as if it’s an everyday thing.  Sorry – none of your other players do it.  I’m sure there have been other players who have bitten someone but I can't think of one off hand and 3 times in a few years?  The guy is a fucking animal and if he’d done that 3 times on the street then he’d be in prison, or a zoo.  

**Update: Suarez banned for 4 months from all football.... good news for Rickie Lambert I guess.  Personally, I think it should have been 6 months with a suspended life ban if he does it again. 

World Cup 2014 Part 3 - Changing of the Guard

Did someone say ...Siberia?

17/6/14

Group H - Belgium 2 Algeria 1

The highly rated Belgians faced Algeria as the final group got under way.  They’re highly rated in this country because a majority of them play in the Premier League but then, so do all of the England players and we’re world beaters after all.  As if to prove my point, Belgium went 1-0 down as Vertonghen got caught ball watching and did what Vertonghen does and grabber to forwards arm and pulled him down. Penalty and to my mind it should have been a red card but no matter as up stepped Feghouli and set Courtois the wrong way with one of those shit penalties that was the easiest save imaginable if he went the other way.  Belgium huffed and puffed until the 70^th minute and it was a premier League player who finally equalized for them and the shock was that it was a player who has been shite this season as Fellani got his wig on a cross and powered home a header in exactly the sort of way he used to do for Everton before he fucked himself up by joining Man United.  With 20 minutes left there was only going to be one outcome and sure enough Belgium scored again when Hazard played a ball to Mertens who had acres and he smashed it past the excellent Algerian keeper MBohli and into the roof of the net.

Group A - Brazil 0 Mexico 0

Mexico were not here to roll over and die but they knew that if you have a shot and Julio Cesar turns it over the bar, then it’s a goal kick.  Ochoa, the keeper at the other end saved well from a Neymar header and a close range blast from the same player as Brazil made chances without ever really looking like a top class team. Marcelo got in after a fantastic crossfile ball from Luiz but decided to have a dive like a complete wanker and to my amazement, the referee didn’t give it so that will probably be his last game officiating at this World Cup.  Ochoa made another fantastic reflex save from Thiago Silva’s point bank header and Mexico kept Brazil thinking at the other end.  Brazil are not going to win it with this team.  They’d have a chance if they had a striker but Fred is an absolute liability.  In two games he’s hardly touched the ball because he doesn’t move. 

Group H - Russia 1 South Korea 1

It’s a bit odd that Brazil and Mexico have played their 2^nd game before these two have started but here we are in the presence of Fabio Capello and his Russians.  This game was obviously played with a big round bar of soap instead of a ball – either that or both goalkeepers were shit, especially Akinfeev for Russia who spilled everything but got away with it until Lee Keun-ho shot from 25 yards and the keeper got his hands to it and virtually threw it over his shoulder and into the net.  Capello made a sub and put on Kerzhakov and within two minutes he’s equalized as a clearance smacked into a Russian player and dropped for him to turn it past the keeper.

"To be fair Fernando, you are shite"

18/6/14

Group B - Netherlands 3 Australia 2

It would be great if Australia got annihilated and it looks like it might happen as Arjen Robben started running from the halfway line and didn’t stop until he’d beaten the entire Aussie defence and smashed it across the keeper and into the net.  Happy days but fair play to the Aussies as Tim Cahill smashed in one of the best goals you’ll ever see, fastening on to a ball chipped across from the right and crashing it into the net with a left footed volley which I cannot possibly do justice to.  The the ref go involved and gave the Aussies a penalty for handball which was ridiculous as the defender as not even looking and Jedinak put the Aussies 2-1 up but the hope didn’t last long as van Persie levelled which he will do if you give him a free shot from 10 yards.  The winner was amusing as substitute Depay tried a pot shot from miles out and the keeper went down in instalments and away it swerved and into the net.  Bye Australia.

Group B - Spain 0 Chile 2

With the Dutch having won earlier in the day, Spain went into this game knowing that if they lost then they would be out.  Del Bosque realised that he had to do something and so he dropped Xavi which though he was poor against the Dutch, looked like a ludicrous decision when the equally anonymous David Silva and Diego Costa were retained with David Villa and Fabregas on the bench, not to mention Cazorla and Mata.  Even after a goalless half an hour you could see that Spain were stuggling.  They got hustled out of their stride by the high pressing game of the Chileans and kept giving the ball away.  Xabi Alonso was having mare and it was he who coughed up the ball to Alexis Sanchez who drew the defender and slipped the ball inside to Aranguiz to moved it on to Vargas who scored expertly.  Another player who had survived the Dutch game was Iker Casillas and he again showed why he should have by flapping a long range free kick back into the middle and Aranguiz brilliantly put away the rebound.  Half time 2-0 and Spain have had it.  To be fair they tried in the second half but theor best chances fell to two players who were never going to score as long as they had a hole in their arses as Busquets put an open goal wide and Diego Costa gave us hope that Chelsea have signed another duff Spanish striker.  Talking of which, del Bosque replaced Costa with Torres with 20 to go whilst Davis Villa sat and watched on.  Carzorla made things better when he came on and forced a couple of saves out of the excellent Brava but Chile easily held on and totally deserved to win.  As for Spain – well they got old and the manager failed to use younger fitter squad players and stuck with the tried and tested and old in conditions that didn’t suit them.  Mata, Fabregas and Cazorla should all have played more and Casillas is shot to bits having not played any football this season.  It will be a new broom for Spain as the manager will doubtless go and we’ve probably seen the last of Xavi, David Villa, Xabi Alonso, Torres and Casillas.  They’ve been brilliant in their time but it looks like their time has gone.  It wasn’t even a surprise that they lost today – the only surprise is that Sergio Ramos didn’t wipe someone out and get sent off after a 21 man brawl.  I wonder if they can flog Costa back to Brazil?

Group A - Croatia 4 Cameroon 0

Croatia, probably fuelled by the shite referiing they got against Brazil, tore into Cameroon at the start and took ten minutes to go 1-0 up as Mandzukic squared and Olic tapped in at the far post.  Cameroon then showed their amazing discipline as Alex Song produced a kind of martial arts flying elbow down a players back as he was running away from him.  Quite bizarre and a great spot from the officials to send the twat off.  It was still 1-0 at half time but there was no way this was going to end in any other way than a hammering.  Perisic got away down the left and cut in with no challenge to slip it past the keeper who dived the wrong way.  Mandzukic then scored with a header from a corner as no one challenged him and the same player rounded off the scoring as Eduardo’s tame effort was present to him by a chocolate wristed goalkeeper.  The game ended with Assou-Ekotto pushing his head into the face of another one of his players.  They’re a shambles and Croatia have a do or die match against Mexico.

Tomorrow it's time for England... oh joy.

World Cup Part 8 - Anyone for Penalties ?

Remember this Franz ?

WEDNESDAY 23rd JUNE

Today it was all about England, who, lest we forget, have been abysmal so far. All the permutations had been analysed but let’s cut to the chase here, win and we’re through, anything else and we’re out. Yes we could technically go though with a draw but it’d have to be 3-3 or something so unlikely. After all the shite since the Algeria game, England replaced the suspended Carragher with Upson, replaced Blind Alley Lennon with James Milner and replaced Sack-of-Shit Heskey with Jermain Defoe. Steven Gerrard was still stuck out on the left so I was expecting another disjointed performance.

The first 10 minutes were dreadful and a continuation of the Algeria match. Slovenia didn’t look upto much but neither did England. England should have felt like they were at home with vociferous backing from the crowd and a cabbage patch to play on, just like Wembley. Milner was having a shocker for England for the first 20 minutes with every single touch resulting in the ball being given away. The next time he got it though he fired in a peach of a cross where the onrushing Defoe nipped in front of his marker and smashed it over the keeper for 1-0.

For the rest of the first half it was all England with the Slovenian keeper being an irritating bastard and saving everything. The save he made from Gerrard’s side footer was particularly annoying as I’d had one of those moment when you stand up and yell ‘goal’ before sheepishly sitting down and getting something to mop up the drink you’ve just spilt.

Half time and 1-0 to England and the Yanks are 0-0 with Algeria meaning as it stands, England are going through as top of the group. There have been chances for both sides in this match but the US have had a goal disallowed that looked onside and Altidore has put a volley on the moon when he was only 4 yards out.

England came flying out again in the second half and should have made it 2-0 straight away when another Milner cross was punched as far as Barry who returned it to Defoe who flapped at it rather and scuffed it wide. As the half wore on, more chances came and went as the bloody keeper saved again from a JT header and managed to tip a Rooney shot from 6 yards onto the post. In truth, that was a dreadful miss – OK a good save but he shouldn’t have even seen the ball, let alone managed to get anywhere near it.

Rooney was soon subbed and replaced with Joe Cole before the moment we’d all been waiting for, the introduction of Heskey in place of the goalscorer Defoe. Slovenia in truth didn’t get near the goal but all the back 4 at one time or another made important blocks at vital times. It was nervy, solely because it was only 1-0 but the final whistle went and we were through and were top of the group…. and then the bloody Americans scored to win 1-0 and top the group, meaning we were now finishing 2nd and in the toughest half of the draw. In the post match analysis, Gary Lineker pointed out that due to Landon Donovan’s last minute goal, we’d now be in the half of the draw that would contain Argentina, Germany and Spain.. Who do I blame… Landon Donovan… nope, he was doing his job… Robert Green… we have a winner!!! To be honest, I don’t give a toss – we’re through and that’s all that matters. Spare a thought for Slovenia who were qualifying until the last minute goal for the US which was watched by Bill Clinton who will probably not be having sexual relations with any woman tonight. He’ll probably be having it with 3 or 4.

England marks….

David James 8 - Faultless, didn’t have much to do but did everything well. It’s a funny day when you realise that James is a calming presence on the back 4 . he may be nearly 40 but he’s still the best we have by a mile.
Glen Johnson 6 – not too clever at times and picked up a booking
John Terry 8 – the perfect game for him against two big lumpy centre forwards, a couple of great last ditch blocks as well. Didn’t shag anybody.
Matthew Upson 7 – I was dreading him playing but he did ok. Would have got a 6 but for an excellent tackle right at the death.
Ashley Cole 7 – Constant threat going forward and sound defensively. Divorce proceedings obviously not bothering him.
James Milner 8 – some of his play was poor but the delivery into the box was everything that Lennon and Wright-Phillips can only dream of.
Frank Lampard 7 – Dug in well and made some forward breaks without ever getting the ball at the right time.
Gareth Barry 7 – Steady Eddie was steady.
Steven Gerrard 7 – Stuck to his wing more than usual and some good interchanges with the forwards. unlucky not to score.
Wayne Rooney 6 – Obviously still bothered by something and should have scored. Ankle knock forced him off with 20 to go.
Jermain Defoe 7 – didn’t do much other than score – we’ll let him off.
Joe Cole 6 – Some nice pissing about by the corner flag to waste the last few minutes.
Emile Heskey ? Not enough time to be truly dreadful.

Oh yeah, Fabio’s interview – brilliant. He really cares.

Now to the evening where Ghana played Germany and Serbia played Australia. There were many permutations that could have happened but the only ones I was interested in were ‘Germany lose…’ and ‘Germany draw and Serbia win’ which both of course meant that Germany and Franz were gone.

Both matches were 0-0 at half time and dream of a German exit were dashed on the hour mark when Mesut Oezil smashed Germany in front from the edge of the box. Australia then threatened to make it interesting by scoring two goals in a couple of minutes through Cahill and Holman before Serbia immediately pulled one back when Mark Schwarzer coughed up a Jubulani shot and Pantelic poked in the rebound and that was the end of the scoring meaning that Germany won the group with Ghana going through in 2nd to at least give Africa a team in the 2nd Round. The Aussies and Serbia went out and will be missed by not many people I expect.

And the kicker…. Germany v England in the 2nd Round on Sunday. I wonder if Franz regrets having a pop at England now. Anybody for penalties.... do you fancy it Franz?

World Cup Part 4 - Taxi for Heskey & Podolski

Laugh....? Oh yes...

FRIDAY 18th JUNE

Germany against Serbia was supposed to provide evidence that Germany were the new football master race and Franz Beckenbauer certainly expected this to be the case. The opening 20 minutes of the game wasn’t pretty and it was never going to be as the referee booked anyone who made any sort of challenge for the ball. Klose, the main German –Polish striker made the mistake of trying to tackle someone on two separate occasions and was sent off on the half hour mark. Whilst they were still re-organizing, they want 1-0 down as the right winger skinned the useless lump of a German left back (Batstuber), crossed and it was converted by Jovanovic. I always find it amusing when Germany concede but especially when they’ve just had a man sent off because it implies a lack of organization and efficiency, doesn’t it Franz. The game meandered on and the pivotal moment came when Vidic pointlessly, stupidly and ridiculously, dived to head a ball in his own penalty area and handled it, under pressure from no one. Up stepped the German-Polish striker Podolski to ruthless despatch the penalty with typical German efficiency…. Only he missed it, Ha ha fucking ha, must have been his Polish heritage coming to the fore. And then they gave up and did nothing for the remaining 20 minutes and their young team looked a bit like little boys lost. Great stuff and well done Serbia.

USA and Slovenia in england’s group was up next and to my delight, Slovenia raced into a 2-0 lead which lasted until half time and the Yanks looked doomed. Tourette Tim Howard said “shit, fuck, bugger, fuck, wank, Heskey”. Sadly, the US came out and scored through Landon Donovan straight after half time and from then on, looked the more likely winners. The managers’ nipper equalized with ten minutes and two minutes later they had the ball in the net again and it was disallowed. The cross came over and the whistle went for the foul – then someone stuck it in the net. It’s not a if anyone at any point thought it was a goal so stop bloody going on about it. The game ended 2-2 which was a pretty decent result for England.

The evening kick off of course bought England round again, this time against Algeria who are thought to be generally crap and England should win comfortably and with style and stick Franz’s words right up his arse. After the Green fiasco in the last match and the media explosion that followed, the 100% correct decision was taken by Capello to put David James in goal. More debateable however were the decisions to bring in Gareth Barry and move England’s best outfield player and captain to the left wing and keep Emily Heskey in the team. You can’t call Heskey a striker because he doesn’t ever ‘strike’. Replace the work ‘strike’ with ‘wank’ and you’re getting there.

England again look disjointed and there is nothing happening up front with Rooney not getting the ball which if you remember, is the only reason that Heskey is in the team for. Gareth Barry is doing ok in his first game for 6 weeks and Gerrard is flitting in and out with some sort of intent. Algeria begin to look a bit threatening and soon the ball comes down from the sky on top of James and he flaps it away in none to convincing fashion and it’s like Rob Green is still here. From and Algerian corner, taken by Belhadj, James makes a superb catch under pressure and suddenly, Rob Green is history. Note that James is an England player and Belhadj (and Yebda for that matter) are Skate Bastards.

It’s all a big load of nothing for the rest of the first half and in we go at 0-0 but most worrying is that we’ve hardly had a shot aside from a Lampard effort which was clawed away by the keeper. The second half begins and Carragher gets booked, ruling him out of the Slovenia match. Following this, Capello has obviously despaired at the fact that Lennon has not managed a single decent run or pass all game and replaces him with Joe Cole… oh no he doesn’t, he replaces him with Shaun Wright-Phillips. Heskey gets the ball out on the right wing and surges upfield with what looks like real intent until he is confronted by the left back, at which point he stumbles over the ball before regaining his balance and hoofing it behind the goal – fucking clown. He is eventually put out of his misery and replaced with Defoe who immediately snapped a shot just over the bar. Crouchie gets his token 8 minutes at the end but never really gets on the ball as he’s such a difficult guy to give the ball to, being 8 foot 3 and all that.

And so it ended, 0-0, absolute shit.

James 8 – one flap aside, proved what everyone already knew which is that he should have played the USA match. I reckon that if he had we would have beaten USA and would have therefore also beaten Algeria.
Johnson 5 – Some poor defending and not a lot going forward.
A.Cole 7 – Totally committed and gave us some decent width on the left.
Terry 7 – Solid, didn’t have much to do, managed to keep his dick in his pants
Lennon 3 – Shite to be honest – again proving that Walcott should be out there
Barry 6 – Tired but at least you could always see what he was trying to do
Lampard 3 – Barry’s inclusion was supposed to allow him to drive forward and dominate the game – he didn’t.
Gerrard 6 – Flitted about, looked willing but it’s so obvious he hates playing out on the left… also, the passed it when he had a sight of goal which he NEVER does for Liverpool, causing me to swear out loud which in turn caused my 11 year old daughter to leave the room in disgust
Heskey 0 – not his fault he gets picked but he’s shite and enough is enough. You cannot expect to win a World Cup with a centre forward who is not a goal threat and if a striker is not confident then he’s never going to be any use. Not a striker, a wanker.
Rooney 2 – Alarmingly bad. If he wasn’t who he is then he would have been substituted. Brett Ormerod would have done better to be honest. No fight, no enthusiasm, no strength, no ball control – absolutely nothing… and then an ill thought out swipe at the England fans for booing. Get a grip boy…
Wright-Phillips 1 – Garbage – should never have been in the 30, let alone the 23, let alone on the pitch, one trick pony of the worst kind, just pace and nothing else.
Defoe 6 – At least looked lively
Crouch ? – Not enough time again.

I’ve been a big fan of Fabio Capello up to now but he’s worrying me. The ignoring of Joe Cole, the inclusion of Heskey and Wright-Phillips, Gerrard on the left, shit players in the squad (Carrick, Upson, Wright-Phillips), better ones at home (Parker, Adam Johnson, Jagielka, Walcott), dodgy substitutions, picking Green for the USA game… and I’m worried he’s going to bring in Upson for the suspended Carragher on Wednesday and Upson is another player who should not be out there as he’s had a crap season….. also, in order for England to do anything, our big players have to perform and these are Terry, Lampard, Gerrard and Rooney. Lampard and Rooney have been shocking so far and unless they sort it out, we’re going home early. I can see us scraping the win to get us though to the last 16 but if we line up against Slovenia with Heskey in the side then we’re coming home on Wednesday. My side would be James; Johnson, Dawson, Terry, A.Cole; Lennon, Lampard, Barry, J.Cole; Gerrard; Rooney. If he wants to play two out and out strikers though, there has to be a case for leaving out Lampard and of course, Heskey must not play...ever... again

SATURDAY 19th JUNE

Didn’t watch much today as I was on the beer. The odd snippet of Holland and Japan was viewed though my glass as Holland won 1-0 with a Jubulani goal as Wesley Schneijder hit a shot that the keeper dived right for, only to see it disappear over his left shoulder and into the net. Holland closed it out and are the first team through to the next round.

Following their pasting by Germany, Australia took the lead v Ghana before Harry Kewell was sent off for handball and Ghana made it 1-1 from the resulting penalty. In case you’re reading Harry, you handle it on the line when the ball was going in, you get a red card, you get off the fucking pitch, you don’t hang around arguing for 10 minutes while the rest of us look at replays which clearly show you handling the ball on the goal line, making you look even more like the bell end I suspect that you are. I have never like Harry Kewell, a classic ‘wage packet’ player who has loads of ability but a shit attitude.

A shocking pass across their own penalty by a Dane, gave the ball to Samuel Eto’o who said thanks very much and smashed it in the net. Denmark equalized when the walking wig that is Nicklas Bendtner slid in a Rommedahl cross. Chances apleanty for both side but Rommedahl won it for Denmark when a Cameroon defender waved him past and he curled a nice shot into the far corner which made Cameroon the first team to go out.

World Cup Part 1 - Robert Green

Behind You, You Fucking Idiot

FRIDAY 11th JUNE

France v Uruguay was my pick for Day 1, mainly because I was out for South Africa v Mexico. That particular game ended 1-1 which was a shame as I want South Africa out as soon as possible. I am still scarred by the 2002 World Cup in South Korea when fair play went out the window and some incredibly odd refereeing decisions helped Korea to the Semi finals. So – as we have another minnow hosting the thing, I want them out in the group phase before it becomes important. I listened to a bit of it on the radio or rather, I listened to the Vuvuzela noise of a thousand wasps and a commentator trying to shout over the top of it – I will not refer to the Vuvuzela again and it shall be referred to as ‘Those Fucking Horns’. I tuned into France v Uruguay hoping to see two strong teams who would ensure South Africa get knocked out. However, Uruguay qualified through a playoff and we all know how France got there with the Hand of Henry.

A lot of the names in the French team are familiar though the Champions League and you always expect them to be a decent side but lets cut quickly to the chase here – they are shite and when you look at the players they have and the manager they have, it’s not surprising. Lloris in goal is OK and the back 4 is alright with Gallas, Sagna and Evra in there, along with Abidal who is a shocking player who happens to play for Barcelona, one of the biggest clubs in the world. It’s an interesting phenomenon where you have a shite player playing for a great club. Think Djimi Traore at Liverpool and you’re getting there with Abidal – big donkey. Replacing ZZ in midfield they have Yoann Gourcuff who is just bollocks. Gets it, gives it away, crosses it over everyone. Then you have Franck Ribery who (if you believe the media) was attracting bids of 60 million Euro last summer. Average at best and a graduate from the Iain Dowie / Brett Ormerod School of Beauty. Thierry Henry’s legs have gone so no more Va-va-voom and that leaves Anelka who never really got the ball unless he dropped back to the half way line. Worst of the lot was Sidney Govou who was picked ahead of Florent Malouda who has had a brilliant season. Govou was a complete embarrassment until he was eventually substituted by the genius that is Raymond Domenech, manager of the Century. The best thing about France is that I have them in the sweepstake, along with Japan, who I feel will get me more points.

The game…? Oh yeah, it was dreadful and 0-0 and they should have refunded all the admission money to the paying customers who bought a ticket thinking they were going to see a football match.

SATURDAY 12th JUNE

Day 2 saw South Korea beat Greece 2-0 and Argentina hammer Nigeria 1-0. with Argentina, all the focus is on the fat, cocaine snorting, cheating bastard and not on the players they have on the pitch which is a shame because any team that has Messi, Tevez and Higuain in it is worth watching, for more so than that little shit. Of course, Day 2 saw England play the USA.

Due to unbelievable timing, my missus needed picking up from Southampton Airport at 7.10 with the game kicking off at 7.30 so I missed the first five minutes. I was listening to Those Fucking Horns on the radio when Gerrard scored and nearly crashed the car but luckily I was the only car on the motorway. Home and in front of the TV, sorted, Robert Green, oh my god. Usually I would let rip big style but I’m sharing a sofa with my kids, aged 5, 9 and 11 so I managed to restrict it to ‘idiot’ as I threw myself back into the chair. ‘Dad… why did he do that ?’. ‘Yes son, I know you would have stopped it and you’re only 5 and yes, Grandma would have stopped it and she’s been dead 5 years’.

After half time, Lennon puts Heskey through with just the keeper to beat. I was transported back a couple of years to Bradley Wright-Phillips playing for Saints. He’s clean through and I’m not on the edge of my seat, I know he’s not going to score so what’s the point in getting excited. Blam, straight at the keeper. I just shut my eyes and sighed. Talking of Wright-Phillips, Shaun gets the ball laid to him on a plate by Rooney and he too has just the keeper to beat and instead of smashing it, he tamely chips into Tourette Tim Howard’s hands. I sigh again and then the camera shows SWP clearly laughing. I ask him ‘WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT YOU DICKHEAD ?’ to the mild amusement of my 9 year old but the 11 year old is a bit of a sensitive type and goes to find her mum. Apparently she said that ‘Daddy’s not been too bad but he’s just said a naughty word…. But it’s ok, as it’s one I’m familiar with’.

Moving on and Altidore skins Carragher and bobbles a shot at the near post which Green again makes a complete ricket of and it bounces off his hand onto the post and out. Imagine if he’d added a near post bobbler to the one he let in earlier. He should have got a good hand to it and pushed it round the post but thank Christ he got lucky this time. England have the better of the play and create chances with Lampard and Rooney going close but nothing’s really happening and it ends 1-1, not a disaster, not a great start.

My England Marks out of 10 are:
Green 0 – just abysmal goalkeeping, no excuses, just crap, off you go, never play for England again, you’re not good enough, you’ve been crap all year for West Ham as well.
Johnson 8 – storming game, some great runs forward and solid enough at the back
A.Cole 7 – not too bad though didn’t offer much going forward but good to see that his divorce isn’t playing on his mind too much.
Terry 7 – Solid, kept his concentration and didn’t shag anyone
King 5 – Slow and injured at half time, not a surprise on either count.
Lennon 6 – Very quick, very erratic, better than Walcott?
Lampard 6 – Not seen much but was playing anchor role in midfield which he did well at even though it’s foreign to him.
Gerrard 8 – Great goal and some good tackling. A real Bryan Robson performance – very impressed
Milner 4 – Ran about for half and hour, got booked, did nothing. Wasn’t fit, shouldn’t have played.
Rooney 6 – Looked dangerous when he got the ball which wasn’t often. Would do better up there on his own.
Heskey 6 – Same old same old, set up the goal but when we needed him to score, bollocksed the best chance of the match and the sad thing is – everyone (including himself and Capello) knew that he would.
Wright-Phillips 4 – Rubbish, not good enough to play in his best position and certainly not good enough to play on the other side.
Carragher 6 – He did ok aside from the aforementioned skinning. I expect him to play the next game from the start.
Crouch ? Not enough time for our big centre forward who can actually score goals.

Disappointed but following England has never been easy. Today was mainly worrying because the first cracks appeared in Fabio Capello’s selection with his main decisions being Green in goal, King at centre back and Milner on the wing. These all went wrong but of course it all comes down to the goalkeeper. If he’d saved that and we won 1-0, then no one would be talking about the things that weren’t quite right. I trust him to get the right team on the pitch for the Algeria match, one that includes David James, Joe Cole and Gareth Barry.

SUNDAY 13th JUNE

Germany against Australia was up on the next day and I expected this to be similar to England v USA. The ‘big’ team should win but the opposition are decent enough to make a very good game of it. I watched it with the hope of an Australian win. 4-0 to the sodding Germans and not only that, they looked really, really good which is never nice to see. Three up front who all look dangerous (and all scored) and three in midfield who all worked hard and could all pass the ball with Khedira and Ozil looking class players. If we come 2nd in our group then we’ll play the Germans and then we can all go home. The only chink of light is that Australia were truly dreadful and played the last half hour with 10 men after Tim Cahill’s deserved (I don’t give a shit what anyone else says) red card.

There were also two real stinker matches today, one of which, Algeria v Slovenia was in England’s group as Slovenia won 1-0 with a goalkeeping error almost as bad as Robert Green’s. Another abysmal match saw Ghana beat Serbia 1-0. Serbia were well hyped before the tournament by the English media, mainly because they have a Man Utd player in their team. Aside from Vidic though, they are pretty average and my tip to be the first team eliminated when they take on Germany in their next game.

So, best team so far – Germany, worst – France. Germany aside, the standard has been poor and those fucking horns are really annoying.