Premier League Match 38 - Southampton 1 Manchester United 1

"Ask me one more bastard time about any bastard leaving and I'll bastard well kill ya"

Roll up roll up for a mid-table clash with not much riding on it as Saints entertain Manchester United.  Usually this fixture would be a victory lap as United celebrated the title whilst their gloating fans chunter away in irritating fashion for 90 minutes. “We’re the greatest Man United and we’ve won the Premier League”.  Err, no!  The last time we had this fixture on the last day of the season was of course in 2004/5 when we lost 2-1 and got relegated as a result.  I remember watching our pathetic surrender, looking round and seeing Matt le Tissier looking at the floor as all his hard work went to pot as Harry Redknapp picked Brett Ormerod ahead of Kevin Phillips in a game we had to win.  No such worries today.

Let’s have a laugh at United.  The season started with Sir Alex choosing his successor and that was David Moyes.  They made a big banner to hang on the ground alongside all that Republic of Mancunia bollocks and United were pretty average from the outset.  They’d beat a couple of the weaker sides and then lose to anyone who was any good amongst much gnashing of teeth.  Welcome to football for the other 99% of us lads.  Most of the fans complaining blamed Moyes when anyone with half a brain could see that Taggart head left him with an ageing and in some places, poor squad.  The other big teams had all improved massively and bought well in the summer.  The United hierarchy brought in Fellaini as a panic measure as the window shut but didn’t address the main issues – defensive midfield and a defence.  Generally poor results continued and a January window when they once again, brought in a player in the wrong positions in Juan Mata and things didn’t improve much.  Eventually, Moyes was fired a few games ago and paragon of virtue Ryan Giggs was put in charge.  John Terry got pilloried for banging a team-mates ex-girlfriend once and lost the England captaincy for it whereas Giggs bangs his brothers wife over an 8 year period and get made manager of the biggest club side in the world.  Only in football.

To the teams and Saints had Corky, Big Vic and Morgan in midfield with Steve Davis pushed up to support Adam and Sir Rickie.  Big Sam was on the bench with Guly and Gaston Ramirez wasn’t, which is surprising as I would have thought he would have wanted some practice of sitting on his arse for the World Cup where he will do that for Uruguay.  He’s turning into the next Agustin Delgado isn’t he?  Never fit when Saints need him but then the World Cup comes around....miraculous recovery!  Giggs had rated all his players wives in order of how much he’d like to bang them on a spreadsheet and picked the corresponding husbands of the Top 11.  There’s was no Rooney or Fellaini (well Colleen isn’t great is she) but there was Robin Van Persie who has scored about 60% of his career goals exclusively against Southampton.  Adnan Januzaj is playing after declaring he wants to play for the land of his birth at the World Cup.  Medialand wanted him to play for England after his two goals on debut against a then-woeful Sunderland side but I can’t think there are many England fans who give a shit.  Giggs himself is not on the bench which is a surprise, given that this may well be his last ever game. 

If anything you would expect United to have the faster start as they can still qualify for the Europa League if by some miracle, Spurs fail to beat Villa at home and they win here but the opposite happens and Saints keep the ball for a full minute before Adam Lallana of all people mis-controls and Vidic comes in and hoofs it out.

It’s all us but we’re not testing the very dodgy looking defence.  Vidic is still a good player but Ferdinand resembles a player who should have retired 3 years ago and Smalling is showing the watching Roy Hodgson that he cannot play at right back.  Big Vic has our first shot – if it flies in then it’s goal of the season but he doesn’t catch the volley cleanly and though it’s on target, de Gea picks it up.

The first strains of ‘Giggs will tear (his family) apart’ can be heard from the United faithful which soon gives way to a goading chant at Steven Gerrard for slipping on his arse.  Obviously they’re please that City are going to win it, meaning that they’re not even the best team in their own city.  United are pleased to get away with a penalty shout a few minutes later as Shaw beats Dogshit Smalling and crosses to where Vidic completes with Sir Rickie, spins round and almost throws the ball out of the penalty area.  It’s another nailed on, cast iron penalty but not given, yet again.  Does anyone think that Twattenburgate is coming back to haunt us?  I’m not one for conspiracy theories as a rule but it’s becoming a bit of a joke – it’s almost every fucking game.

We’re playing some lovely stuff and are all over them.  After a long period of possession, Big Vic again shanks one from the edge of the box and Lallana tries to backheel it past de Gea but he reads it easily enough.  Shaw has the next effort as he burns in from the left, switches it back to Adam on the wing whose cross is a little high for Shaw but he still reaches it and loops his header over the keeper and onto the roof of the net.  De Gea is called into action when Vidic messes about with it and gets caught in possession by Lallana who plays a 1-2 with Big Vic and then curls his shot too close to de Gea who saves comfortably.

And then, Adnan Januzaj touched the ball... and lost it to Shaw, had a dive and had a tantrum.

How often does it happen that we play loads of football and fail to score and then try a more direct approach and then bingo!  Jose Fonte lobs on forward towards Sir Rickie, he wins it in the air against Vidic who tried to challenge and Ferdinand who didn’t and knocks it down to Davis.  Davis returns the ball to Sir Rickie, past the flailing Rio who tries to throw a zimmer frame at it but he’s too slow.  Sir Rickie vs de Gea with loads of time, bang.... 1-0.  Get in.  As we celebrate, All 10 outfield players for United are crowding the referee as only they can without getting a charge of failing to control their players.  Later replays show Vidic going to head the ball and heading Sir Rickie’s elbow (I’m not making this up) and there’s plenty of claret around so we got a bit lucky there.  In my opinion, it’s the correct decision.  The United reaction is truly pathetic though, especially from Januzaj who is nowhere near it but he runs 40 yards to get involved and say his bit.  As if anyone’s going to listen to you, you little shit.

As if by magic, United then summon up an attacking move which starts with RVP down our left.  He chips into Evra and the ball finds its way to Smalling who screws his shot across the goal and out for a goal kick.  Oh look, they’re all round the ref again wanting a corner.  What a complete shower of cocks.  United are getting close to scoring though as we fail to pickup from a throw-in and Mata managed to screw another shot across the goal and past the far post when he should have done better.  Januzaj caps a great first half for the overrated one and gets booked for spitting his dummy out once too often.

Half time comes and goes with me pondering just how bad United have been.  Van Persie has worked quite hard but not had any of the ball.  Kagawa and Januzaj have been non-existent and only Welbeck and Evra have looked anything approaching decent.  Defensively they look so slow and J-Rod would have torn them a new one down Smalling’s wing.  Giggs tries to redress the balance by removing Kagawa and bringing on Carrick and away we go again.  Ah, hang on a minute, it’s all changed.  United have pushed up and are controlling the tempo and we are suddenly incapable of string passes together.  The referee seems to have been convinced by all the crowding of him in the first half, that he’s been treating United harshly and every coming together is being given as a free kick to United, even incidents involving Januzaj who is basically looking to dive every time a player goes near him.  Welbeck goes over on the edge of the box and it’s a foul by Big Vic as he’s kicked him high.  It’s just to the right of centre and Mata and RVP are over it.  The wall is to the right, King Artur to the left and as Mata approaches it I’m thinking ‘we need a man on the line’ and Mata gets it up and over the wall and in with no bother at all for 1-1.  Old habits die hard – we’ve dominated 45 minutes of this game and scored once, United have dominated for 5 minutes and scored once.

Hang on… suddenly they’re all over us and we can’t get out of our half.  They’ve pushed up and because we have no pace up front, we can’t get in behind them and turn them round.  Januzaj actually manages to deliver something and Welbeck gets up well but heads over the bar.  Just after the hour mark we make our first sub and it Big Sam on for Jack Cork who is obviously being rested for the World Cup and then the highlight of the game as Luke Shaw manages to foul Januzaj before he dives and picks up a yellow card as a badge of honour.  It’s still all United but there’s no danger as Smalling hoofs a ball over from the wing and Fletcher gets up and heads wide.

We finally create something and it’s more down to Rio’s walking frame than anything else.  The ball breaks to Big Vic on the edge of the box and Rio gets his frame and his legs tangled up as he tries to close him down.  In his head, Big Vic smashes it into the top corner but the reality is that he shanks it wide again.  It’s all gone very end-of-season as Lallana goes off to a standing ovation to be replaced with JWP.

Surely it’s Guly-time as the clock ticks down but the departing Brazilian is not ready to come on but Calum Chambers is to replace Luke Shaw who gets a predictable standing ovation from the Saints fans and an extremely annoying one from the United fans who really should just fuck off as they obviously assume he’ll be with them soon. 

We have one situation that nearly comes off for us as the season ticks down as Sir Rickie tries to chip one over the defence to Steve Davis but it’s just too long and de Gea picks it up.  Even if Davis had controlled it, he’d have passed it so no damage done.  Final whistle, season over, summer of speculation and World Cups begins.

Ultimately, the 2^nd half was the dampest of damp squibs as we did nothing to get anyone excited.  United stepped up their game a bit and we didn’t seem to have the energy to respond.  The first half was excellent but we needed to be more than the one goal up given our dominance and United’s lethargy.  I think United managed 2 shots on target all day and one was the free kick.  Mauricio played down the game today and spoke in the context of the whole season and he was right to do so.  Today preserved the feelgood factor of the season as a whole and not getting beat meant that everyone was happy.

The post-match lap was a celebratory affair but both Luke Shaw and Adam Lallana made the mistake of actually waving at the crowd which will immediately be picked up on as ‘waving goodbye’.  I think that in the media outlet race to put that caption on a website, talkSHTTE were the winner.

Within an hour of the season finishing, we had allegedly received a bid of £27million for Shaw and £20million for Lallana.  Will it ever stop?  The answer to that one is no, even if Ralph Krueger gives Mauricio a budget of £200million for the forthcoming season and the two players in question sign new deals.  Ralph was interviewed live on local radio and as usual, spoke a lot of sense.  No one has contacted the club regarding any players or Pochettino and discussion will now start regarding the future.   It’s a message that has been consistently stated for the past 3 months or so and I see no reason to believe that it’s not true.  The one thing you can safely say about the Liebherr dynasty is that it has integrity and a belief in doing things the right way.  Mauricio said he wanted to get the season done first, they respect that so that’s what happened.

Meanwhile, back in media bullshit fantasy land, the big clubs (and Spurs) want to sign our entire team before the World Cup.  In case you hadn’t heard of it, the World Cup is the biggest football tournament in the universe and every professional club will be watching it and looking out for players they might want to sign.  As all our players are contracted until well after the World Cup, it would make perfect sense to us to sell now of course, before they shine at the aforementioned World Cup and stick millions on their value.  It would also make sense to sell now so every club knows how much money we have to spend on replacements.  In case you missed it, I was being very sarcastic.

Talking of the World Cup, Sunday night brought the leaks and Monday brought the squad announcement.  The first news was Ashley Cole announcing his international retirement which of course meant that he hadn’t been picked, refused to go on standby and that Luke Shaw was in the squad.  Twitter went in to meltdown as everybody went ‘in the know’ crazy but it wasn’t until 2pm the next day that we heard that Adam Lallana and Sir Rickie had been called up as well.  It’s a great day.  Of the three, it’s Sir Rickie’s inclusion that is the story for me.  It’s his one shot at this and there cannot possibly be a more deserving player to make it to the World Cup.  His football career is building up to be a Hollywood movie in the making though Hollywood will have him scoring the winner in the final.  I wonder what odds you could get on that.

The rest of the England squad was more or less as predicted.  I thought Roy would pick Carrick but he did have the balls to go with Barkley in the end.  I also thought he’d bottle taking Shaw as well so fair play to him.  Now he has to follow this through in the tournament and play the younger players.  There’s a still a very pedestrian and dull starting XI that he could pick out of that squad but for now, Roy is doing ok.  Having said that, the standby list was the major disappointment where is seems that the criteria was that you have to be past it or just shit.  Consequently, Nathaniel Clyne didn’t make it which despite me being biased, is astonishing to me.  We have Glenn Johnson in the squad who is average at best and can’t defend for shit, covered by Jones and Smalling who are not good enough in their proper position, let along out of position on the right.  The one decent player on the standby list is John Stones but other than that you find Flanagan who is as raw as you can be, Carroll who is a one trick pony, Ruddy who is useless, Carrick who never had it at international level, Defoe who has retired from proper football and Cleverley who is just a bad joke.  Clyne and Jack Cork should be on the standby list – no question.

Anyway, the World Cup and England is a month down the line.  As it stands, we have 3 players in the squad and if we still have 3 in the squad when England play Italy then Katharina, Ralph and Mauricio will have done well.

Back to SFC and it’s been a fantastic season.  We’ve finished 8^th and as is always the case – where you end up is where you deserve to end up.  Out squad was not big enough to finish higher than Everton, Spurs and Man United as we suffered due to the injuries to King Artur and Big Vic and also the Dani Osvaldo situation.  Regardless of all that though, from my 38 years of being a regular at The Dell and St Mary’s, this season ranks in the top 5 and in terms of achievement in modern football it probably the best, given the way we’ve done it, the football we’ve played and the way we’ve got English Academy kids through into the team.  We are the blueprint for English football going forward – not some B League bollocks.  We have a great thing going here – let’s keep our better players and push on – please!

Season review to follow shortly.

Premier League Match 37 - Swansea 0 Southampton 1

Quality Finish....

In the world of premier League football there is no such thing as a meaningless game as there are millions of pounds available for finishing just that one place higher up the table.  Well that’s bollocks for starters because if we lose both our remaining games we wil finish 8^th and if we win them both we will finish 8^th.  Swansea do have a slight variation in where they can finish but they’re not going down and this was only confirmed last week and so I can’t imagine they’re going to be that bothered either.

The Saints Board couldn’t have known this was going to be a nothing game when they heavily subsidised the ticket and travel prices but obviously thought that a further inducement was needed and threw in a cardboard mask of a player for everyone and a free scarf.  I went to a wedding once where there were celebrity cardboard masks and we had pictures of Wayne Rooney banging Camilla Parker-Bowles who was the oldest we could find.  I expect to see a Vodka and Charlie picture of our goalkeeper on the #sfcselfie tag on Twitter.

Swansea have had an odd season.  They did ok in the Europa League and this doubtless affected their league form and they ended up as surprise relegation candidates.  That they didn’t get sucked into it was down to the form of Wilfried Bony up front who has rattled in 15 league goals and notable performances by Jonjo Shelvey in midfield who is a player we have come across many times over the last few years and I’ve never been impressed by.  They swapped manager in mid-season with ex-Saints Garry Monk replacing Michael Laudrup.  Can you imagine if that swap had been made during their playing careers?  They were at slightly different ends of the ability spectrum weren’t they?  Anyway, Monk has done ok and looks like he’s going to get given the job for next season.  I like Swansea as a club as like us, they believe in passing it on the floor and the whole club is set up to play this way and fair play to them.

The impressive showing by the Big Vic-Corky-Davis midfield three last week led to speculation as to what decision Mauricio would make now they were all fit.  I read that Corky would be dropped and this would be the final straw for him at the club…. What utter shit.  Even if he had been dropped that wouldn’t have been the case.  As it was however, the decision wasn’t required because of Sir Rickie Lambert’s arse.  Having torn Everton a new arsehole last week, he’d managed to tear something similar on himself and was fit only for the bench.  Big Sam continued up front with Morgan shoe-horned into the midfield and something told me that we were going to have lots of possession.

Swansea started well and knocked the ball about but as is their way, they didn’t do much with it until we presented them with the ball near our goal.  Jose Fonte knocked a back-pass to King Artur who safely distributed it and Steve Davis got himself in a right state in the right back position and started running across the top of the penalty area, persued by Shelvey who got a toe to the ball and poked it to Bony.  He back heeled it to Hernandez who had a free hit at The King from the edge of the box but luckily for us and Mr Davis, the finish was tame and Artur got across well to beat it away.  The rebound fell to de Guzman who took a touch and then shat it over the bar.

Shall we play properly now then? Not just yet as the next chance fell to the Swans as well as Shelvey was allowed to ping a cross in and Bony got up and flicked a header wide.  Next to head wide was Morgan who took his turn to break into the box and was in the right place as Big Vic switched play to England’s Number 3, whose cross was good but Morgan’s header was not.

Saints were now having all the possession that I thought they were going to have but we weren’t doing anything with it until Big Sam picked up a Lallana pass, turned and charged towards goal and reached the edge of the area before being unceremoniously turfed up in the air by Amat to give us a free kick on the left of the penalty area.  With Sir Rickie and Gaston off the pitch, I expected Morgan or Adam Lallana to hit it but Dejan obviously shouted loudest and curled it over the wall and just over the bar at the near post.  Six inches lower and Vorm wasn’t getting it.

England’s Number 2 then got in on the act and got a run at Davies at left back and annihilated him.  His cross was superb and right onto the head of Big Sam who tried to flick it but got under it and headed over from 6 yards when he really should have scored.

Bony should also have scored before half time as Swansea went route 1 and Hernandez headed down Shelvey’s cross only for Bony to lash it over the bar as he shat himself as the large Polish nutter come flying out.

There is a distinct half-arsed 3^rd place playoff feel to this game and the second half starts without any sort of spark.  Corky mazies this way thorough midfield and sets up Adam who tries his luck from range but doesn’t really get hold of it and Vorm picks it up easily enough.

Sir Rickie is on for Adam just after the hour mark which is not the substitution you would make if the game meant anything.  Swansea bring on Nathan Dyer Bag Thief who is often forgotten by the media when they talk of Saints Academy alumni but here he is in the Premier League so it’s another feather in the cap.  I wonder if he still keeps in touch with Bollocks Wright-Phillips?  There’s a little bit of Swansea pressure and King Artur comes and misses a corned which Ashley Williams gets his head to but it flies over.  Dejan needlessly hoofs Bony over which gives them a free kick which they waste and we have another victim of Big Vic as Pablo Hernandez jinks in from the left but as he’s about to shoot, he runs into Vic and all the air in his lungs leaves his body at once and the shot dribbles along the ground.

It’s like an episode of Doctor Who or Star Trek as we time jump over a tedious passage of play.  JWP is on for Big Sam and Harry Reed in on for Corky as we enter the last few minutes of this instantly forgettable 0-0 draw.  93 minutes were on the clock and the stewards were getting ready for the pitch invasion when Davis chipped a ball through towards Sir Rickie, Williams sliced it miles up in the air as Vorm came out and it came down practically on the goal line, hit Sir Rickie on the shoulder when he wasn’t even looking at it and bobbled into the net.  What a shit goal but we’ll have it.  After the Everton double own goal last week, it’s becoming a welcome trend but this one will go down as Sir Rickie’s 12^th league goal of the season.  Get in!  Full time and happy days.

Much was made in the post match interviews of the fact that this is our best points haul in the Premier League.  Whilst I can remember that football did exist before the Premier League and remember us finishing 2^nd, it’s not an achievement that should be sniffed at. Football is a very different beast now to what it was in the pre-Prem days so it’s quite something to be up on 55 points.  Five years ago we were getting relegated out of the championship with the worst Saints team that I’d ever seen.

It’s hard to read anything too much into this game other than it’s always good to win away from home and there was another clean sheet for the boys at the back which remarkably, has coincided with the return of King Artur, Nathaniel Clyne and Big Vic.

Mauricio believes we deserved our luck and I’d say that’s true,  If all that shite about it evening up over a season is true though, I still want to see us get given 4 penalties for handball next week at home to Manchester United.  Talking of which – their brave new era that every media outlet as creaming over last week lasted all of 6 days as they got a Moyes-era result, losing at home to Sunderland who look like they’re staying up now, barring legal challenges against their lack of points deduction for fielding an ineligible player in 4 games.  One of the games the illegal played in was the 1-1 draw with us at the start of the season so maybe if we do eventually get awarded those extra 2 points then we can catch Man United after all.  That’s about as likely as Ryan Giggs being invited around to his brothers’ house for dinner and polite conversation.

One more game to go.  Guly’s last game for the club in all likelihood – lets hope he gets on the pitch.

This match report is about as half-arsed as the game.

Premier League Match 36 - Southampton 2 Everton 0

Big Vic says "Get out of my way!"

With three meaningless games to go, we welcome Everton to St Mary’s and they still have an outside chance of claiming the coveted 4^th Champions League spot where you get to play a few qualifying rounds in outposts of European football like Kazakhstan, Moldova, Azerbaijan and Scotland.  Win those and you qualify for the Champions League proper.  It’s what’s known as the Arsenal Route.  However, they ballsed up a home game with Palace a week or so back and now have to win pretty much every game to make it, including of course, this one.  Roberto Martinez has done a lot better than I expected him to since taking over from David Moyes in the summer.  Talking of Moyes – whatever happened to him?  Last I heard he was tieing up the loose ends on the already agreed Luke Shaw transfer to Manchester United…. Or maybe that was bullshit.

Martinez has got Everton playing better football and has given young players like John Stones and Ross Barkley a chance and they’ve done well.  They have the excellent Baines and Coleman at full backs and then there are the loan brigade which no matter how many times I talk about it, still never fails to piss me off. 

It’s been an interesting week at SFC with Les Reed releasing a statement which must have been like a plastic undersheet for any bedwetters out there.  No clubs have enquired about our players, no one has been given permission to speak to other clubs, everyone is under contract, the media are all full of shit.  He didn’t actually say the last bit but that was the message loud and clear.  As an attempt to placate irritated fans it was a good one.  Will it stop the media writing bullshit? Of course it won’t.  Will it make the first question of any news conference any different – probably not but if it was me, I’d just politely refer the interviewer to Les Reed’s statement, call him an twat and then walk out.

To the teams and Saints have a couple of changes with Morgan Schneiderlin picking up and injury and Corky coming in to play alongside Big Vic for the first time.  I’m interested to see how this works out.  We have also named Sam Gallagher in the starting XI with JWP dropping to the bench where he was joined by the usual suspects like Gazza, Big Jos, and Guly but also by Harrison Reed and Matty Targett.  Gaston was once again out injured, presumed waiting to be a sub at the World Cup.

I was looking forward to seeing Ross Barkley play and told my son to look out for him.  The first thing he did was get the ball straight from the kick off and give it away.  The next Everton touch wasn’t long in coming as Saints played keep ball and eventually worked it down the left to Sir Rickie who crossed towards Big Sam and Alcaraz showed all the defensive instincts he picked up under Martinez at Wigan and dived in to bullet a header past Howard to make it 1-0 in less than a minute.

Everton attempt to tear into us from the restart, helped by Barkley not giving the ball straight back to us this time.  Deulofeu, their on-fucking loan winger from Barcelona is given the ball and attempts to run past Nathaniel Clyne, once, twice, three times and gets dispossessed every time.  He’s too good for you son – give up!

Everton play some good stuff but Saints are better as a prolonged passing move again finds Sir Rickie on the left and this time he weights a beautiful ball along the ground and Steve Davis arrives and sidefoots wide from the edge of the box.  It’s a poor end to a fantastic move and brings much holding of heads from the Saints technical area.

It matters not a few minutes later though as Clyne gets a run down the wing and takes on England’s Number 1 left back Leighton Baines.  He does him for pace on the outside and fires over the cross, Stones and Alcaraz miss it and it hits Coleman on the head, back across Howard and inside the post – textbook header, great finish! 2-0.  The immediate chant of “We are Southampton, We Don’t Need to Score” was replaced with “Who Needs Rodriguez, We’ve Got Your Back Four”.  Love it! Come On!!!

The final 15 minutes of the half sees Lovren thump a header from a corner straight at Howard and Deulofeu works out that he’s not going to beat Clyne and dropping deep on the Everton right.  From there, on-fucking-loan-Deulofeu (to gove him his full title) crosses and on-fucking-loan-Lukaku heads over the bar from about 4 yards out.  On-fucking-loan-Gareth Barry then summons up the ghost of World Cup 2010 and gets dispossessed by Lallana and runs like he’s towing a caravan as he hauls him down and gets booked. In amongst all this, Lallana twists and turns in the box anf flips a cross over which hits Stones’ arm which is away from his body but yet again, not given.  It would have been harsh but I’ve seen them given – just never for us.  At least the ref is consistent few minutes later as Naismith attempts to put in a cross which hits the similarly outstretched arm of Lovren.

Half time comes and goes and one guy in the round the pitch relay takes a pot shot from half way which hits Everton sub McGeady on the head.  We’re two nil up without scoring a goal and it’s all very amusing but we have played well and we’ve certainly played better than Everton.  Big Sam has certainly got something and after a ropey opening fifteen minutes he’s started to be more confident and hold the ball up for others.  It’s interesting to see Sir Rickie in a designated deeper role as he’s getting on the ball more often than usual.  Highlight for me so far has been the midfield three and how can Gareth Barry be an England fringe player when Jack Cork isn’t.  The annoying woman with the radio who sits behind me has actually said something useful in that Roy Hodgson is here yet again.  I wonder what he’s made of Baines vs Shaw so far.

As the teams emerge it’s apparent that Martinez has replaced Barkley with Leon Osman which is odd when you think about it.  If you need to make a tactical switch to get back into the game, the answer is never ‘bring on Leon Osman’.  It just can’t be.

The second half starts and I was fearing a fast Everton start but our midfield holds firm and is magnificent.  Big Vic looks like he’s lost weight to me but he’s just awesome – smashing through people and using the ball intelligently.  It’s interesting to see Gareth Barry shit himself as well and bottle out of a tackle against the big man.  In addition, Corky and Steve Davis are just everywhere with Corky playing with more freedom knowing that Big Vic has his back.  From one forward run, he’s chopped down by the lumbering Barry to give us a free kick 25 yards out.  Up steps Sir Rickie, round the wall and it pings off the outside of the post with Tourette Tim shouting ‘fuck bollocks wanker’ as it flies past him.

Everton are playing a bit better this half though and Dejan has a bit of a rush of blood and launches a slide tackle at Osman from miles away.  Over he goes and it looks a penalty from where I am up the other end but the ref has a yellow card out and books him for diving.  Later replays show that he did in fact dive and was on his way down before Dejan got there and if he hadn’t started his fall early then he probably would have been given it..  If Dejan had done that in an away game it would have been a penalty which just goes to highlight the inconsistency of referees.  But for now anyway, Osman is a diving prick.

McGeady does get away down the left and fires in a cross which on-fucking-loan-Lukaku heads straight at King Artur who saves confidently.  To stem a bit of Everton pressure Mauricio brings on JWP for Big Sam with Sir Rickie moving up top.  Saints get back on top straight away and Lallana gets free on the right and tries to flick the ball over Stones who pats it down with a raised arm and clears it. The lino is looking right at it from 5 yards away and gives nothing.  It’s not even worth getting angry about any more but I do anyway and vent loud spleen at the lino which loses effect as I’m trying not to swear as I’m in the family centre.

Harrison Reed in on for Lallana as we need to add some Scholes to the proceedings and Guly is on for Steve Davis as we’ve exceeded the maximum number of gingers on the pitch at any one time which hopefully won’t lead to a points deduction.  There’s time for one more shot as JWP tried again to score his first league goal with a blast at Howard which he beats away in exaggerated fashion and the whistle goes and we’ve won… and comfortably… and Arsenal are in the Champions League again in all probability.

It was an odd second half in that I never felt that Everton we’re going to score and the reason for that is the fact that like last week we had a first choice back 4 and keeper and Big Vic.  Add to that the tenacious performances by Corky and Steve Davis and Everton didn’t really have a sniff which considering the quality they have is quite a pat on the back for our lads.  It’ll get spun as an Everton off day in the media but there you go.

I read an Everton blog before the game which informed me that Baines would prove that he was miles better than Shaw and that Coleman would tear Shaw a new one down the wing.  Also of course it predicted an Everton win.  How did that little lot work out for you lads?  Let me tell you, Shaw defensively was excellent and shat all over Baines who got left for dead by Clyney for the second goal and ended up getting injured and going off.  Then you have Coleman who scored a very deft header in the wrong net and didn’t beat Shaw once.  Oh yeah… and you lost.

Roy Hodgson would have seen all that and I think you could make a case for Shaw to be first choice now – not just vying with Ashley Cole for the last seat on the plane.  Whilst we’re at it – is there a better English right back than Nathaniel Clyne or a more in-form central midfielder than Jack Cork?  My question to Roy Hodgson is – have you got the balls to pick them ahead of the ‘big’ club boys. 

I loved our midfield three today – just awesome.  If Davis and Corky could stick the odd ball in the net then it would be perfect.  Big Vic was huge today, even winning one header above two men when he was sat on his arse.  I still maintain that if he’d been fit all season we’d have been top 6.

The PFA Player of the Year dinner happened on Sunday night and whilst predictably, Luis Suarez and Eden Hazard won the player and young player awards, both Adam Lallana and Luke Shaw got named in the Team of the Year which is pretty cool and means of course that the headline writers will disrespect Southampton even more.  Luke even got asked what it was like to be linked to big clubs.  Going back to the Hazard award, it seems a bit odd to me that a player can br bought from abroad for £30 million quid or whatever and win the Young player of the year award. To me, that should go to Luke Shaw or Ross Barkley who are still playing for the clubs they made their professional debut for.

Anyway – next up we have the trip to Swansea who are now safe from the drop. We are guaranteed to finish in 8^th place in the league now so there’s absolutely no pressure on anyone so it should be a cracking game with a good atmosphere, especially as our travelling fans have only paid a fiver to get in.

Bring it on.

Premier League Match 35 - Aston Villa 0 Southampton 0

Yet another blind linesman....

Aston Villa away and oh look, all the teams down the bottom are winning games and Villa are suddenly in the shit.  It’s too much to hope for that they go down but you never know.  When a team is threatened and are playing a mid-table side with nothing to play for at home, then they usually blitz them and win cos if they don’t then they deserve to go down.  The scenario of them blitzing us would be a bit of a change for Villa as they don’t appear to attack anyone – home and away they just sit back and try and play on the break using Agbonlahor’s pace or cross it from miles out towards Benteke.

Well, Benteke is injured which is good for us, meaning that we have nothing to fear really aside from our sudden inability to score goals post J-Rod’s ACL.  We do owe Villa one though.  That game at SMS when we lost 3-2 was one of the most annoying of the season given our total dominance that day.  Villa’s manager is of course Paul Lambert who speaks less English than Mauricio does, just mumbling bollocks in a Scottish accent.

To the teams and we’ve made a few changes.  The first is that the King is back in goal and Nathaniel Clyne is back at right back.  Also back is Big Vic who replaces Corky in midfield.  This will be the first outing in a while for what I’d call the first choice defensive 6.  Big Vic’s inclusion is massive for me as he defends to ensure we don’t get caught on the break which is all Villa have got.  Gaston is injured again so JWP comes in to the starting XI which Steve Davis shunted to the left.

The first major action is a decent chance to us.  You shouldn’t be surprised that it’s a chance to us as Paul Lambert has lined up Villa in a kind of 8-1-1 formation so we’re dominating possession.  El Ahmadi gets the wrong side of Shaw and Luke is gone down the left and gets to the line before crossing right onto Sir Rickie’s head but he makes a complete bollocks of it and shoulders it straight to Guzan.  A goal there and the Paul Lambert gameplan would have been out of the window after 5 minutes but as it is, then can carry on playing as if they were away to Barcelona in the Nou Camp.

After we ping a few passes about in front of the massed claret and blue shirts, morgan chips a superb ball over the defence to Steve Davis on the left and his cross it met by Sir Rickie and is heading in before Baker gets in a decent block and deflects it for a corner as the big man holds his head in his hands again.

The Paul Lambert Football Genius gameplan is almost executed to perfection but fails when Agbonlahor fastens onto a through ball on the break but his first touch is so bad that any one of the 11 Saints players could have covered across but in the event, Jose Fonte is the man.

We’re playing some really good stuff as usual and working positions to cross the ball but not getting enough players in the box.  A great move eventually finds Shaw and his cross is hammered away for a corner by Baker.  Baker is involved in presenting us with our best chance so far as JWP crosses, it goes over Sir Rickie, hits Baker and plops straight to Steve Davis who has half a goal to aim at as Guzan has covered the cross.  Surprisingly, he doesn’t try and pass it but shoots too close to Guzan who saves it easily.

The final action of the first half is a Vila attack down our left where Bertrand plays a 1-2 round Clyne and crosses.  King Artur comes out and pushes it into Dejan who must have momentarily shat himself as it bounced off him and went for a corner.  Half time and 0-0 and not much to see here.

Mauricio: Mantenga una defensa sólida, no hagas nada estúpido

Interpreter : he says “keep it tight, don't do anything stupid”

Boruc: Jestem znudzony. Mam zamiar zrobić odprawę gówno prosto do odtwarzacza Villa

Interpreter: he says “I’m bored and I’m going to do a shit clearance to a Villa player”

Mauricio: Ha, Ha, el loco.

So, away we go and Clyne knocks a ball back to King Artur who shanks it straight to a Villa player and it ends up with el Ahmadi who makes a bit of room for himself and dribbles an effort along the ground which gives the King time to put his vodka down, change the track playing on his ipod and flop on the ball.  Three Villa fans have a heart attack at the excitement of it all.

It takes us 10 minutes to create a chance and again it’s Shaw and he gets past the last man and squares to Adam Lallana who has to score but he manages to overrun it and clatters into Guzan without first lifting the ball over him.  It’s not a sitter but a player of his ability should really have done better.

Villa then manage to serve up double the exciting moments that they usually produce as Albrighton (who at east looks lively) cuts in and hits a potshot straight at King Artur who casually flips it up and catches it at the second attempt.  I’m sure I lost time after that because the next time I was awake there was only 10 minutes to go and we won and wasted another corner as Shaw again fastened onto a Morgan pass and Vlaar cleared.

For a change we then build up down the right and Clyne is confronted by Bertrand.  He takes him on, gets half a yard and fires it over.  Bertrand dives to block, his arms are out and it hits one of them and goes for a corner.  The wanker is holding his face – he fucking knows.  Everyone fucking knows except the two twats who matter.  The lino is about 6 yards away and it’s his call – how can he fucking miss that.  Mind you, how can that fucking lino at Man City not see that Silva is five yards offside.  If, as they always say, the luck evens out over a season then we are in for about 4 penalties and two offside goals in our favour in the next three weeks – hopefully against Man United.

Villa bring on a player who looks like Grant Holt’s fat lookalike and we bring on Corky for Big Vic who has been impressive.  Nothing much happens, Villa are still settling for the point that they settled for at the start and we bring Harrison Reed on for Lallana with a minute to go as we do the same.  From virtually the last play of the game, Clyne nips in front of Agbonlahor in the box who clips him.  Again, I’ve seen them given but never for us and no one really complains.  To my mind, that would have been worth a really massive massive shout and surrounding the referee as he might have had it in his mind that he should have given the first one.  Full time, Paul Lambert delighted. Tosser.

If I was a Villa fan I’d be looking round Villa Park and thinking that this is one of the best stadiums in the country.  I’d be looking at my club’s history and thinking that we’re one of the biggest clubs in the country, former Champions, former European Champions.  Then I’d be listening to my manager bigging up a point at home against a side with nothing to play for and I’d be thinking how the fuck has it come to this?  Villa were dull as ditchwater and as unambitious as they have been all season.  How can you set up to play that way at home in front of all your season ticket holders who shell out fortunes.  Absolute fucking dirge.  They need to get rid of the manager, regardless of whether they stay up or go down.  

However, I’m not a Villa fan.  Saints were much better than Villa but it was Groundhog day again in that we couldn’t score.  Sir Rickie should have taken the headed opportunity he had in the first five minutes and Steve Davis and Adam Lallana were both guilty later on.  Then of course we have this weeks penalty shout for handball which was another fucking obvious one.  He’s thrown himself in front of the cross, with his arms up and it’s hit his hand – it’s a penalty and if it gets given then we win 1-0 and everyone is happy and this is seen as a good performance.  It joins the ever expanding list of Norwich away, Everton away and Cardiff home on the non-penalty front.

The basic fact that the referee and linesman have done for us is lost on many it seems.  I only hope that players don’t read the negative reactions of a lot of our fans on forums and on Twitter.  To recap - we went away from home with nothing to play for against a team scrapping for their lives and got a point – it would have been three but for a blind lino.  The opposition didn’t have a single shot to cause us any concern at all.  Three years ago we were in League 1 but never mind that – just fucking moan.  It’s a bit like Man United fans teeing off at David Moyes when they’re enduring their first blip for about 20 years.  Try having a memory that is a bit longer term than that of a goldfish.  Yes, we all want to be constantly moving forward but sometimes you have to reflect on how good things have been or how far you’ve come in a short space of time.

The major positive for me today was the return of the first choice defence with the first choice goalkeeper and the best defensive midfielder.  I know Villa were shite but we didn’t even look like conceding a goal and Clyne and Shaw both got forward to good effect.  Shaw in particular had a blinder going forward and whilst some crosses still failed to locate targets, there was enough quality in his first cross to Sir Rickie to have brought a goal.  With just 3 games to go it’s getting more impossible for Shaw to not make the World Cup squad but it was disappointing to see the tired old Match of the Day pundits talking of Ashley Cole’s experience.  He’s had experience of sitting on his arse for the best part of 12 months.  Mourinho is one of the most decorated managers ever and he’s seen something to suggest that Cole (and Lampard for that matter) are gone.  Also, regarding Hansen’s assertion on experience being key; Correct me if I’m wrong but we always go with experience to these tournaments and where does it get us?  We go with the old heads, they’re shit and we underachieve and go home.

In other news, Big Vic was huge in midfield and we’re a better team with him it and that’s the key, the word ‘team’.  This is no reflection on Jack Cork but it’s just a fact.  Can anyone find me the stats for when Vic starts and when he doesn’t.  Mauricio spoke afterwards of a lack of cutting edge but aside from Sir Rickie and Lallana – who is going to score?  Morgan, Steve Davis and JWP have a grand total of about 4 goals this season between them.

Next up are Everton at home who are going for the 4^th Champions League spot.  They’ve been very impressive this season but the old bugbear of loan players looms large with Lukaku and Barry being two of their best performers this year.  Regardless, it’s a hell of a tough game for us and we need to find a way to score in it which sounds obvious… because it is.

Come on You Reds!

Southampton in INCOMING transfer shocker!!!

I read a Rumour on Twitter today.....

Having got sick to death of reading shite about players and managers leaving my football club, I am going to turn it on its head and write an article about who I would possibly like to join Saints as I believe, as a Top 10 Premier League club that we will be an attractive proposition for a few players and believe it or not, we might be signing some decent players.  It won’t be headline news I know as we’re not Man United, Chelsea or even that North London joke team that is Tottenham.

My assumptions are that Mauricio Pochettino will be here next season and so will .... wait for it.... Luke Shaw, Morgan Schneiderlin, Adam Lallana, Jay Rodriguez, Dejan Lovren, Calum Chambers and despite scoring 15 goals in the World Cup including the winner in the final, so will Sir Rickie Lambert.  They’re all under contract for next year after all which while it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be here, it carries more weight than any bullshit rumour you might read on a website or in a chip-paper.  I read today that Luke Shaw was going to be a Man United legend.  Odd that... and a tad presumptuous.

Some more assumptions are as follows:  Guly do Prado is out of contract and won’t be renewed, Jos Hooiveld will be paid up and move on, Kelvin Davis will move into coaching or into a rest home for bewildered people and Dani Osvaldo will be back as no other team is going to want him unless we give him away so we’re going to have to have a go at rehabilitating the prick.

Here we go…

We need another keeper to put pressure on Artur Boruc for the No1 spot and not have the situation we have this year of an injured 1^st choice, a Championship standard 2^nd choice who is always injured and a League 1 standard 3^rd choice who gets thrown in the deep end without armbands, before he can swim.  My choice is David Marshall from Cardiff who has been brilliant this year.  We’re probably the team who are going to finish highest this year who he’ll have a chance of being first choice at, so why not?  Cardiff are going down so why not?

We have two quality right backs in Clyne and Chambers and left back is covered by Shaw and Matt Targett who is well thought of and should be capable of being a capable back-up next season.  The assumption that I’ve made that is most likely to not be true is that Shaw will still be here.  If he does go then we would need to buy a first choice left back and Ryan Bertrand would be available from Chelsea and not cost the earth.  He has played for England before and is young enough.  Of course, Shaw may move to Chelsea so we may be able to pick up Chelsea players as makeweights in the deal, as they have about 40 that they don’t use but more on that later.

At centre back we have Dejan Lovren, Jose Fonte and Maya Yoshida and in my opinion, only the former is good enough to warrant being an automatic starter so we need to hit the market for a centre back and my choice would be Steven Caulker from Cardiff who won’t want to be playing in the Championship next season and like Bertrand, is only 23/24 and has played for England.  He’d cost a few quid (Cardiff paid £8m last summer) but would be worth it.  Also worth remembering is that Jack Stephens is well thought of and maybe his loan at Swindon this year is part of preparing him to step more into the first team picture next season.  If so then we could also see Maya Yoshida depart.  Whatever centre back we bring in will need to be comfortable on the ball and be able to pass it and not straight to the opposition like Jose Fonte has been doing recently.

We are well stocked in defensive midfield with Big Vic, Morgan and Corky competing for two positions and the right hand side sees Steve Davis and JWP in competition and there will also be Harrison Reed in the mix.  The left hand side is covered by …. no one really as J-Rod is injured so we need someone else – a pacy winger type to can score goals and stretch teams like Wilfried Zaha or Thomas Ince.  Like J-Rod, both are proven at Championship level and with the right coaching, belief in them and patience, they could do a very good job for us.  United will want shot of Zaha as the emergence of Januzaj has scuppered his chances and if they didn’t find a place for him this season when they were shit then they’re never going to.  If he did join us, expect David Moyes to be linked to us as his daughter was upset.  Ince hasn’t pulled up any trees on loan at Palace this season but could be available for a song in the summer, especially if his parent club Blackpool get relegated to league 1.  Signing him would probably mean that his Dad was linked with a coaching role here but there’s no worries there because of Ince Snr’s managerial track record of being shit.  The ‘unknown’ here is Gaston Ramirez.  He’s not really a winger but he would be picked at the moment if J-Rod or Adam Lallana were unavailable.  If I was him I’d be looking to leave though as he’s been selected to start about 5 games so far this season.  There is always an ‘if’ about Gaston.  If he sorts himself out and manages to stand up for 90 minutes then he could be one hell of an asset.  He certainly has the ability but how long do we want to wait and how long will he put up with being a fringe player.

Up front we have Sir Rickie who obviously, will be one year older. It’s not as if any other player is not going to be one year older but you know what I mean here.  We need to have a further option in addition to him as playing every game up front on your own when you’re 32/33 is not easy.  Osvaldo will still be around I’m sure, unless we loan him out again to another dumb foreign club.  Let’s hope he makes the Italian World Cup squad and does well, then there’s bound to be someone mug enough to take him off our hands.  I don’t think Sam Gallagher is quite ready yet so just for fun, lets make Shaw’s potential transfer to Chelsea contingent on Romelu Lukaku coming the other way.  I can’t imagine for a second he’d want too come to us but he might be happy to give us two years until Gallagher is ready to lead the line after Sir Rickie rides off into the sunset.  It’s probably not as far fetched as you might think.  Of course, if all else fails we can fall back on Emmanuel Mayuka, the little African bloke who has gone to Sochaux for the season and has been crap, so he’ll no doubt be rocking up back at Staplewood once the World Cup is over.

The players I’ve mentioned as potential incoming are already in the English Leagues and I’m sure that there are a multitude of European and South American players that I’ve never heard of who would make exciting signings for us.  Yes, I’d heard of Dejan Lovren before we signed him but had no appreciation of how good he was and I’d heard of Osvaldo but didn’t know just what a psychopath he was.

So, we will be bringing players in during the summer and they will be decent and hopefully, like with the signings of Lovren, Wanyama and Osvaldo last summer, fans of rival clubs will sit up and take notice.

So, a final message to the agents of Marshall, Bertrand, Caulker, Zaha and Lukaku - We are Southampton – we are a top 10 Premier League Club on he up and we are a desirable club to come and play for….. and your client gets the bonus of reading about themselves every day getting linked with all the big clubs…. and Tottenham.  Whether you agree with the players on my list is irrelevant really - the big news is that some will be coming in - let's start talking about that!

Premier League Match 34 - Southampton 0 Cardiff 1

The new range of Saints 'End of Season' seats were proving popular.

When we played Cardiff at the City of Cardiff Stadium, we won 3-0 and the fact that Gazza kept a clean sheet was much more surprising than the news that Malky MacKay got sacked straight afterwards.  Vincent Tan, Football Administrator Genius, then flexed his muscles and appointed Ole Gunnar Solskjaer on the back of some success in the Norwegian League which is about the same standard as the Skill league where Pompey will hopefully be next year.  The Tan masterstroke has seen Cardiff go from ‘above the relegation zone’ to well and truly ‘in the relegation zone’ and now looking odds on to return to the Championship that they had spent so many years trying to get out of.

Talking of football administrators, it was leaked accidentally on purpose by the club that The Don was paid nearly £2 million quid a year as CEO which was higher than nearly all CEO’s of football clubs.  Ok, so we went up two divisions under his stewardship but another facet of CEO work is bringing in commercial revenue and it was leaked accidentally on purpose that ours was lower than all other Premier League clubs and .... wait for it.... Brighton and Watford.  What?  How is that possible?  The inference is of course that The Don alienated a lot of people in the business world and they wouldn’t deal with him which maybe goes partway to explaining Katharina’s desire to act and sort things out and now of course, the new board is on a charm offensive.  Maybe you’ll finally be able to buy a Saints shirt from somewhere else other than the club shop.

To the charm offensive and the club have heavily subsided the upcoming Swansea away trip so tickets and travel are a fiver each and also, they’ve secured a £10 a head refund from Newcastle who overcharged us in relation to their own fans in identical seats.  Top work from the board.  The next win will be the return to stripes for next season and let’s hope the spirit of generosity extends to Season Ticket prices being pegged where they are at the very least.  Living in a country where we have politicians who promise much and deliver nothing or who give something and then take something much better away, it makes it hard not to be cynical sometimes so let’s hope all these things continue and Ralph Krueger and the new board can really make a mark.

The new more open and approachable nature of the current board of course means more information is out there for the media to cut and paste and twist.  We have to publish accounts so the fact that we own £27million in transfer fees in the coming year was there for all to see but the media probably would have been too lazy to look for it.  However, Hans Hofstetter mentioned that figure as a headline so now that gets quoted as the figure that we’re selling Luke Shaw to Man United for.  The other headline he gave about ‘no need to sell any of our players’ was of course ignored.  It really is laughable..... and annoying. I try and ignore it but it still seeps in.

Back to the team on the pitch and the worst fears were confirmed regarding J-Rod’s injury being a ruptured cruciate.  Life just isn’t fair sometimes and he misses the World Cup and the start of next season.  These days of course, this isn’t a career threatening injury so he should make a full recovery and be a good as before.  It does however mean that we are more likely to have to suffer Danny Welbeck at the World Cup.  Who’ll replace him in the Saints side for the rest of this season is the question – it should really be Gaston Ramirez but the rumours are that he’s injured so who knows.

The team news is in and Gaston is fit and is the only change in the 18 as he starts.  Cardiff have picked a very tight looking 4-5-1 formation so they’re obviously here to soak it up and try and nick it so it will either be 0-0 for ages or we’ll score early and end up winning easily.

Cardiff have obviously won the toss and decided to swap things around and we’re kicking the wrong way towards the Chapel.  You can see how the pattern of play is going to be immediately as Cardiff retreat behind the ball and leave Campbell on his own up front about 40 yards from the nearest Cardiff midfielder as Saints pass the ball around.  The first ball into the box by Shaw is not dealt with convincingly and to be honest, Cardiff look there for the taking.

The first laugh of the day comes when we get given our first free kick and the Cardiff fans sing ‘same old English, always cheating’.  To be fair, they don’t have many English players in their side but there are certainly more English than there are Welsh.  We continue to create opportunities but can’t get past the last ditch tackle or block which inevitably comes in, this time from Cala as Sir Rickie expertly tees up Lallana.  It is looking like it will be a matter of time though but it’ll have to wait for now as Steven Davis actually has a shot but it’s rubbish and going sideways.

Campbell has already fallen over three times but the next time he gets the ball he is trashed by Lovren and Cardiff get a free kick on the edge of the box.  Whittingham has a go but Gazza is across to punch it clear.  Up the other end we create a chance for Adam Lallana who hits it as well as he hit that one against Newcastle a couple of weeks back but this time it flies straight down Marshall’s throat.  Marshall should really have been worked a few minutes later as a Davis cross was met by Sir Rickie but he couldn’t quite climb high enough above the midget Fabio and so the header flew over the bar.

Cardiff were beginning to live dangerously and a harmless looking ball was left by Marshall and both his centre backs inviting Sir Rickie to stick it in the empty net but Marshall took responsibility in time and hacked it clear.  Then Lallana played Gaston in on the left and his shot took a deflection off of Caulker and up onto the bar and away.  Bollocks!

Lallana was involved again for the next chance when he was taken out by Cala on the edge of the box and up stepped Sir Rickie to curl it over the wall and towards the bottom corner but Marshall had read it and got across quite easily to save.  The ball went across to Shaw on the left but his cross was shite and straight to Marshall. Another chance came and went as Lallana fed Sir Rickie on the left but he ended up poking a shot at Marshall which he clawed away at the near post.

Shaw is away down the left again and past the hopeless Theophile-Catherine at tight back and crosses it.  The ball is passing in front of Caulker and towards Steve Davis but Caulker sticks his left arm out in front of him, controls it with his arm and clears it.  Jon Moss is the referee and I tell you, he’d have been better off staying as the drummer in Culture Club and hanging around with Boy George.  How the fuck can this not be given.  Does he move his arm towards the ball... yes, does he do it on purpose... yes,  can I fucking see it from where I am... yes.  No penalty, fuck off.  It’s not as bad as the Bradley Johnson one at Norwich earlier in the season when he spiked it like a volleyball player but it’s pretty bad.

Every time Cardiff come forward, their attack is halted by Frazier Campbell who invariably falls on his arse under no challenge whatsoever.  It doesn’t stop them winning a succession of corners and on all of them, Gazza is decisive and punches the danger clear.  Cardiff actually committing bodies into our half allows us a break which ends with six players in the Cardiff penalty area but the ball is with Corky and he tries a shot.  Corky really shouldn’t be allowed to shoot if there are women and children behind the goal.

The half draws to a close and we go in at 0-0.  We’ve played ok to be honest with Gaston looking lively aside from a couple of loose passes as half time approached.  The lack of goal is a slight worry and I’m still shaking my head over the non-penalty which was ridiculous.

The first 10 minutes of the 2^nd half were scrappy with no change in the outlook of the two sides.  Saints attacked, Cardiff parked the bus and tried to get something going on the break.  Shaw lashed one into the side netting and then from a rare Cardiff attack , Mutch fired one in from 20 yards which Gazza punched clear in slightly unorthodox fashion.  I don’t care how Gazza saves them as long as he just gets something in the way.   Chambers got free down the right and fired over a rare good cross which was just too high for Sir Rickie who headed it over the bar.

Wilfried Zaha came on for Medel and had nothing to do with Cardiff taking the lead.  It all started with Jose Fonte who played a shocker of a pass when under no pressure to Chambers which was picked off by Daehli.  Chambers decided to wrestle down the Cardiff player who was going nowhere and give away a free kick.  Whittingham curled it into our box and it bounced around before Chambers produced a weak header to knock it out to Cala on the edge of the box.  He knocked it past two half-arsed challenges from Morgan and Davis before swinging a boot and giving Gazza no chance as it flew past him.  To be fair it’s a brilliant goal by the centre back but yet again – we’ve given it to them.

Having fallen on his face with no one near him, Gaston hobbles off to be replaced with Big Sam which gives us another goal threat and I assume means Sir Rickie dropping back a bit.  Also on is Nathaniel Clyne in a like for like swap with Calum Chambers.

Time seemed to fly by as we produced absolutely nothing aside from a lot of passing about in front of 10 Cardiff players.  Opportunities to shoot came and went as both Morgan and Davis elected to pass when they really should have just lashed it.  Morgan did produce a superbly weighted chipped pass which was met by Gallagher and Marshall spread himself to block really well.

With just the one sub left and some urgency being required, Corky is replaced with Guly, a player who wouldn’t add any spark or energy if he had 240 volts put up his arse.  I don’t mind him as a player but he’s really not an impact substitute.  We have another decent chance as an attack is cleared out as far as Clyne who takes it infield and shoots with his left foot, only to see Marshall fly across and beat it away again.

86, 87 and here comes the timewasting substitution as the little blonde Norwegian lad goes off to be replaced with Craig Bellamy which at least gives us a hate figure for the last few minutes.  The bombardment of the Cardiff goal consists of a corner which no one can get on the end of and that’s about it and the feeling that I’d had from 70 minutes onwards that we were never going to score is going to come true.

It nearly got worse as Zaha broke away on the left and managed to bundle past Jose and then evade Lovren’s lunge bofore seeing Gazza produce a very good save to deny him a goal.  The loan system is a continual bugbear of mine but I wish he played for us as he’s just what we need - maybe David Moyes will flog him to us to get him away from his daughter. The final couple of minutes saw us produce absolutely nothing and so the game limped to a conclusion.

Well that was shit wasn’t it?  You can divide the game into thirds – we were decent in the first, average in the second and downright shite in the third.  It should have been the Alamo after Cardiff had scored but we managed the grand total of two shots, one from Big Sam and one from Clyne.  Two shots in half an hour when 1-0 down at home to a team as limited as Cardiff. – that’s shite whatever way you look at it.   We all know however that we’d have won if we’d got a goal in that first half an hour and we would have done if it wasn’t for a fucking blind referee again.  How obvious a handball does it have to be?  A goal then would have meant Cardiff had to come out and attack and left us with more space.  As it was however they could sit back and let us pass it about in front of them.

J-Rod missing was huge for us, not because Gaston was poor (far from it) but we didn’t have any pace to get in behind them and we didn’t seem to have anyone who wanted to shoot.  Everyone wanted to pass the ball and we were always trying to thread a killer ball past masses of defenders.  Steven Davis drives me nuts with this – if he had an open fucking goal from 5 yards to roll a ball into, he’d pass it to someone else if he could.  The pace and width was all to be provided by the full backs and they both had shockers regarding crossing the ball.  Things improved when Nathaniel Clyne came on but it was too little too late.

It’s hard to criticize Mauricio regarding the non-use of young players but today really could have done with some pace on the bench in the form of Omar Rowe or Sam McQueen.  What was the point of Guly being on the bench?  He’s not an impact player and he’s not going to be here next year so why not give someone a game who may light up the place.  These games are hardly meaningful are they regarding our overall finishing position.

It was good to hear Mauricio in his post match interview that possession without end product was useless.  It’s good to hear him say that as there have been times when it seems like we value possession over everything.  Gaston played well for half an hour and then a few mistakes started creeping in as half time approached and in the second half he did nothing and got injured, again.  I have to mention Gazza in goal who had no chance with the goal he conceded but dealt with everything else with the minimum of fuss and made a very good save from Zaha at the end after he’d turned Jose Fonte inside out.  Fonte’s shite pass to Chambers led to the free kick which led to the goal so the Portuguese Man of War’s form is not improving.

It’s hard to begrudge Cardiff the win as they were comfortable in the last half an hour but it still probably won’t save them from the drop.   If they do go down, I’d definitely add Marshall to Caulker on the list of players who I’d be quite happy to see at St.Mary’s next season.

Next up we have Aston Villa away who robbed us at SMS earlier on in the season.  It would be nice to beat them next week, especially as they are getting that squeaky arsehole feeling that you get when you’re near the bottom, losing most weeks and teams are catching you.  Would I like to see Villa go down?  Oh yes.

Premier League Match 33 - Manchester City 4 Southampton 1

Textbook Defensive Line.  Well played Linesman you blind fucker.

Manchester City away is not a very appetizing fixture when you look at their list of results at home this season. Five, Six, Five, Six etc.  There is something about Saints this season though that gives you a bit of optimism that teams don’t like playing against us and we might get something from the game.  In truth though, this game is a free hit and anything we get is a massive surprise and a bonus.  City dispensed of Mancini in the summer when he finally went insane and appointed Manuel Pellegrini who has made them mush more open and free flowing.  They are the favourites to win the league and have done this without Sergio Aguero who has been injured for the best part of 4 months.  It’s a bit like expecting Liverpool to still be up there without Suarez or Chelsea without Torres… sorry, couldn’t do that last one with a straight face.

We’re on the lunchtime shift for BT Sport and the build up for the game is provided by a panel of 3 ex-pros who are David James (ex-City…. and an ex-Skate), Owen Hargreaves (ex-City) and Steve McManaman (ex-Saints… only kidding, ex-City).  Totally impartial analysis coming our way then.   In addition to that we have commentary from Ian Darke who is a Skate.

The team news is in and….. oh fuck, King Artur is out and Gazza is in goal. Jesus Christ.  We’re playing the most free-scoring team in the country, away from home and we have a League 1 standard keeper in goal.  Elsewhere the team is bolstered with Morgan returning in place of JWP and there is a place on the bench for Big Vic but Gaston is injured and not available.

Away we go and we go bombing forward like we usually do and lose the ball.  Suddenly City are away down our right in the big space where Chambers should be and Dzeko is cutting into the box.  Jose Fonte blocks him off but when Dzeko tries to beat him, Jose inexplicably lifts his leg up to waist level and Dzeko runs into it, dives on the floor and the ref buys it and gives it.  There are many ways to look at this… the first and most glaringly obvious thing is that Jose was fucking ridiculous in sticking his leg up like that as it was just asking for it.  Michael Owen who of course, famously dived over Mauricio Pochettino’s outstretched leg for England in 2002, says on the commentary that as Fonte has left a leg there, Dzeko is entitled to fall over it.  Utter bollocks.  There is a rule covers this and it’s called ‘obstruction’.  If you put something in the way and a player can’t get past then it’s obstruction, not a fucking foul.  I can understand why the ref gave it and it’s a fine line between obstruction and a foul but I can’t understand anyone saying that Dzeko didn’t dive because he fucking did.  He ran through the leg Jose left dangling out, took a step and then threw himself.  So, 2 minutes in and a penalty, Yaya against Gazza and 1-0 to City as easy as you like.

Saints start to play and we’re working the ball up to the front men and looking decent whilst City chase shadows.  J-Rod picks it up on the left and curls in a right footed cross which is a fraction over Sir Rickie’s head as he made a run behind the centre backs.  The big man is once again showing what a good player he is by dropping deep and pinging passes around and he chips a good one over the defence to Lallana and it’s a major surprise when he doesn’t kill it cleanly, even though it was a difficult ball to take and away it runs for a goal kick.  There’s more passing and more decent play and another chipped pass forward and J-Rod leaps high to bring it down and then disaster.  As he’s landed, his face has creased up in pain and something is very obviously wrong with his right knee which bent at a nasty angle as he came down.  It’s one of those ‘look away now’ moments.  Fellow pros know when it’s bad and the fact that there is no one near him when he falls makes everyone know it’s really bad and after a few minutes, he’s off on a stretcher, the rest of the season and a place in the England World Cup Squad probably going up in smoke at the same time.  Shit.

JWP comes on in his place and it looks like Steve Davis has been pushed forward a bit but the rest of the game suddenly seems a lot less important and then something comes along to piss you off again.  City build up down our left and the ball is worked into Toure on the right hand edge of the box and he’s challenged by Dejan and has a good old dive which once again, Chris Foy completely buys and gives them a free kick.  Toure curls it in, Dzeko is totally free at the back post and it takes something really shit for a 6 foot plus striker to hit the bar from that close in with a free header.  I’m surprised he didn’t appeal for a penalty.

Did someone say penalty?  Corky picks up the ball in midfield and just sets off.  He slaloms past a couple of half-arsed challenges and gets into the box before Zabaleta turfs him up in the air.  Lovely.  Zabaleta’s appeal that it was outside the box is laughable and Sir Rickie has the ball.  Bang… Hart goes the right way but he’s got no chance and 1-1.

As the first half ticks on, Morgan dinks the ball over Toure and leaves him on his arse and Fernandinho decides to stop a Saints break by playing basketball and getting booked.  Saints are undoubtedly the better side with City not making much of an impression at all as we go into the added on minutes for the J-Rod injury.  Toure feeds a ball into to Dzeko who flicks it on the Silva who is five yards offside.  He squares it to Nasri who smashes it past Gazza.  No flag.  Oh fuck off, it’s fucking miles off.  I thought Silva was offside from the original pass but it turn out he was level but by the time Dzeko has flicked it, he’s five yards offside and the lino has a clear view.  It’s a fucking scandal and it’s so far offside that the referee should really overrule him.  Needless to say he doesn’t.  Mauricio is going absolutely nuts on the line and who can blame him.  ‘Great passing move’ says Ian Darke, ‘level’ says Michael Owen, ‘wankers’ says I.

So, City have created three chances.  Two from dives and one which was offside and they’ve scored two goals… oh look they’ve scored again as they work it down our right, Chambers gets pulled horribly out of position and Kolarov crosses.  Gazza is about five yards too far forward and comes flying out like a twat and doesn’t get there leaving Dzeko with a free header from 5 yards which even he’s not shit enough to miss.  He nearly misses mind but it slides off his head and goes in off a post.  Half time, 3-1, fuck off.

Half time gives us all the chance to ponder how shit it is.  Again we’ve had the most possession and passed it around better than they have yet we’re 3-1 down thanks to a dive, a horrific mistake by an official and a goalkeeping error.  In addition, our top scorer and hope for the World Cup is on his way to hospital.  It all evens out over the season does it?  Fuck off.

The only change at half time is that Fernandinho has been subbed and replaced with Garcia.  If that’s to stop him getting a second yellow then why bother, with this ref?  The opening action of the second half was positive from Saints and we’d reverted almost to a 4-4-2 with Lallana up with Sir Rickie and Steve Davis on the left.  City were still dangerous though and Toure galloped into the box and fell to ground like a sack of shit again under a Fonte challenge.  Dzeko showed how shit he is on the hour mark by blasting at Gazza who made a decent block but with an open goal to aim at and a keeper on the ground, Dzeko managed to put his shout out for a throw in.

Dzeko went off and Negredo came on and he managed to look even worse but it took until 75 minutes for us to create another chance as Lallana put Sir Rickie through but from a tight angle, he lashed it just wide of the far post.  Big Sam got 10 minutes instead of the usual 1 in place of Davis abd City sent on Jevetic in place of Silval who wasn’t offside this time.

Toure has another run at our defence and gets into the penalty area as the cover comes across so instead of trying to score he has another fucking dive and flops to the floor like the massive wanker that he is.  This time the dive is so horrible that even Chris Foy spots it and books him.  Big Vic comes on for Corky to hopefully give Yaya something to fall over about.

The fourth goal that City were always going to get duly arrives and it’s another horror show from Gazzaniga. Navas fires in an early low cross from the right, Gazza gets caught in three minds and just flops on the ground whilst the ball continues to Jovetic who can practically walk it into an empty net.

The game is done and the only notable incidents were JWP leaving a foot in on Toure who over reacts like the big pussy that he is and Gazza made a couple of good saves to deny Negredo who was clean through and Toure whose bobbler he tipped onto the post.

Full time and time to listen to some even handed analysis from 3 ex-Manchester City players.  In the post match interviews, Pellegrini correctly points out that Saints had no shots on target aside from the penalty and Mauricio goes nuts about the 2^nd goal which changed the game.  I would say that if the 2^nd doesn’t go in then the 3^rd doesn’t either and we reach half time at 1-1 and all to play for.  Mauricio was so angry that he spoke in English whilst the interpreter just stood there and wondered about his job prospects.  His assertion that the offside goal killed the game was of course, picked up on by the 3 City pundits who slaughtered it.  The fact is though that it’s hard enough to win at these places when you get a fair shake of the stick but when you get shite officials making decisions in the favour of the big boys then it becomes all but impossible.  I knew we were fucked once the 2^nd goal went in and the 3^rd arriving straight after it just proved it.

However, you can’t blame anyone but ourselves for the fact we have a League 1 standard goalkeeper in goal who is worth 2 goals a game to any opposition.  We have a Number 2 goalkeeper who is hardly ever fit and a No 3 who is not good enough in a million years and the thing with Gazzaniga is that he’s not improving.  He’s flapping around with poor positioning and no idea on crosses in exactly the same way as he was when he arrived nearly two years ago.  After two years of coaching you’d think he’d know where to stand when a cross comes in so either the coaching is poor (which I doubt) or he just hasn’t got what it takes.   He made some decent blocks later in the game but that’s minimum requirement for a keeper.  There are two positions in a team where you can’t have a kid making mistakes and they’re centre back and goalkeeper.  I know he’s 3^rd choice so this shouldn’t be an issue but the real problem is the fitness levels of Kelvin Davis.   It is one thing we certainly need to sort out in the summer with a reliable back up for King Artur.

Not far behind Gazza in the liability stakes at the moment is Jose Fonte who has really hit the buffers regarding good form.  We’ve had the backpasses in the last two home games and the stupid penalty he gave away today which was straight out of the Hooiveld book of clumsy defending.  However, Maya Yoshida’s injury leaved Big Jos as the only alternative to Jose at the moment so hopefully Jose can sort himself out.  Calum Chambers had his arse handed to him today by City and defensively he was all over the place.  This is always going to happen occasionally with the full backs with the way we play but today was a particularly tough one for him.

The bottom line is that we went to City and lost and so what really.  As I write, we wait to hear the news on Jay Rodriguez and fingers crossed that he’s just jarred his knee or strained ligaments and he’ll be back soon.  Next up we have Cardiff at home who are all but down following a pathetic home defeat to Crystal Palace today so they will be going for it as they have no other choice.  They have a centre back that I like in Steven Caulker who I think would make an excellent signing for us as he’s only about 23 and already an England international.  It’d be nice to read a rumour about an incoming player, rather than our entire first team being linked with other clubs.  Hopefully Gaston will be fit to take J-Rod’s place against Cardiff but if not, then we need to have some pace up front which may open the door for Sam Gallagher or even Sam McQueen or another academy prospect.

Get well soon Jay.