World Cup 2022 Part 2 - Groups A-D

Serious Football Heritage Country

Group A – Qatar, Netherlands, Senegal, Ecuador

20/11/22
So, all eyes will be on the games involving Qatar, playing in their own government run tournament. A government that appear to think nothing of throwing money at things to get what they want.  Qatar versus Ecuador. I have absolutely no desire to watch the opening ceremony or any of the build-up shit so 4 pm it is for the opening game, which is of course Qatar’s easiest game on paper against the South American minnows. I’m actually looking forward to when Qatar play the Dutch because if there’s anyone at this World Cup involved with any of the teams who is going to say it as it is, it’s Louis van Gaal. Partly because of his age and the fact that he has had health issues but mostly because, the man don’t give a fuck.

Anyway, the game was basically League 1 standard and it was pleasing to see that Qatar were absolutely shit and got easily beaten 2-0. It was also amusing to see banks of Qatar fans who had obviously all been given the same T-shirt to wear and it was amazing to see the load of them fucked off as soon as they went a couple of goals behind. In the second half they were massive gaps in the crowds where the fanatical Qatari football fans should’ve been. It was comforting to see that Qatar are not going to be around the tournament for very long.

21/11/22
A potential last 16 game for England is against a team from a Group A. It seemed likely on the face of it that the top two were playing in the next game and oh my God it was shite. Senegal had no ambition beyond getting a point and the Dutch didn’t seem to have the quality to do anything in the final third and so it came to an 80th minute goal to break the deadlock from Cody Gakpo who, before the goal had been fucking dreadful along with the rest of the Dutch attacking players. Senegal woke up and went for it but got done with Davy Klaassen scoring a second which almost certainly means that the Dutch will win the group.

25/11/22
Qatar got the second round of games under way with a match against Senegal which they of course, really had to win and to the delight of everybody outside Qatar, they lost 3-1. The first goal was hilarious as a Qatar defender controlled the ball in the area and then sat on his arse. To be fair, Qatar probably should’ve had a penalty which may well have levelled the game up for once it went 2-0 at the start of the second half, they were dead in the water, or the desert.

Senegal of course gave themselves a really good chance of making the next round especially with Netherlands and Ecuador playing out a 1-1 draw in the other game in the group. Cody Gakpo once again found the net for the Netherlands and it was the former West Ham straiker Enner Valencia who once again came to Ecuador‘s rescue. All Ecuador need to do to reach the second round is of course avoid defeat against Senegal. I would back the Dutch to record the biggest win of the tournament so far against Qatar who are officially out of their own World Cup, probably never to be seen again on the world football stage.  It’ll be interesting to see how many of their ultras turn up for it.

29/11/22
There was nothing much riding on the Netherlands v Qatar game as we all knew that the Dutch would win and it was just a case of ‘how many’.  Cody Gakpo scored for the third game in a row and a Frenkie de Jong goal meant that Man United fans would have been going to town on themselves over both goalscorers.

Senegal found themselves in front early against Ecuador but the game was decided in 5 minutes in the second half as Ecuador equalised, thus putting themselves through as it stood, but then conceded straight away, which ultimately knocked them out.  They won’t really be missed and Senegal at this stage looked the most likely opponents for England in the last 16.  Their manager used to play for Portsmouth you know…

Fuckin' Have It

Group B – England, Iran, USA, Wales

21/11/22
England against Iran is the 1 pm kick-off. England have been concentrating mainly on virtue signalling since they got out to Qatar. A training session with some migrant workers and the commitment for our captain to wear a One Love armband. FIFA then said that Kane couldn’t wear it and so we completely caved in like the pussies that we are.

To the game in Southgate picked what was for him and adventurous 4-3-3 formation which still found room for Harry Maguire and the major disappointment for me was Mason Mount starting ahead of Phil Foden. Iran came into the World Cup with the reputation of being hard to beat and hard to break down with a good defence. I don’t know what teams they have been playing to build up that reputation and to rise to 20th in the world in the FIFA world rankings but they were absolutely fucking dire. Once England went ahead and the 35th minute through Jude Bellingham, it was simply a case of how many England would get. In the end it was six with Iran replying with one Maguire assist as he dozed off and one penalty in the last minute which was absolutely hilarious. In the first half, Maguire had been wrestle-thrown to the ground without VAR getting the referee involved but in the last minute, the slightest shirt pulled by John Stones saw the referee go to the pitch-side monitor and give the penalty.

Media folk were going overboard about England being potential winners a problem for England has never been against the shite teams as we’ve always been able to beat them. Will Southgate maintain his bottle and his bravery when we play someone decent and will the defensive side of our game stand up? Jude Bellingham was the star of the show today and to have a 19-year-old with that all round game and the amount of composure playing in the centre midfield is an amazing thing. Purely in terms of putting on a performance in the first game of the tournament and beating who is in front of you, it was an excellent start for the Three Lions with the other goals by Saka (2), Sterling, Rashford and Grealish.

Next up was Wales, 1958 and all that and a game in England’s group against the USA, who are always ranked highly but are never anything much more than a very functional team who are relatively difficult to beat. USA actually play pretty well in the first half and thoroughly deserve their 1-0 lead, given to them by Timothy Weah, son of George, second cousin therefore of Ali Dia, Southampton legend.  Wales pressed the ‘big man’ button at halftime with Kiefer Moore coming on at front and his presence rattled the Americans so much that they gave away an absolutely brain-dead penalty with 10 to go, which Gareth Bale comfortably converted. It was more or less the only time that Bale kicked the ball in the right direction all game but he was hailed as a genius by the commentators in a moment of ridiculous over exaggeration. If you were going to mark Bale out of 10 for the game that you would be struggling to award more than 5 for his overall performance. However, it does give Wales a great chance for making the last 16 because you would like to think that Wales should comfortably see off Iran but stranger things have happened…. And they did…

25/11/22
Wales played Iran, no doubt buoyed by the fact that England had thrashed them so easily but this was a different Iran that showed up. Not that different however… it’s just that Wales were all kinds of shite. The big change to their game plan against the States was to play Moore from the start but if they thought Iran’s defence was going to buckle as easily as it did against England, and they were sadly mistaken and aided by some somewhat lenient refereeing, Iran got stuck in from the first whistle. It was 0-0 with 10 minutes to go until Wayne Hennessey came donkeying out of his goal like a twat and carted over to Taremi, the Iranian centre forward, and after VAR check, it was decided that wellying a forward in the head when you are last man and 40 yards from goal is a red card offence.  In the 90th minute, Iran scored after Joe Allen had given the ball away with a shit clearance and it was Allen again with the assist as he gave the ball away up the pitch which allowed Iran to break free to seal the win in the 98th minute.

The main take away from this game was that Gareth Bale is absolutely done as a top-level footballer. He can’t run anymore and that was what his game was all about. He’ll probably put on a masterclass against England in the third game but you would have to say the odds are against it. I do hope that when Wales go out of the tournament that no one from England is tempted to make a tinpot arrogant celebration video. That would never do.

Southgate picked an unchanged team and England were expected to beat the USA but England didn’t turn up and we are slightly fortunate to go in at half-time at 0-0 with Christian Pulisic having hit the bar. The second half was turgid in what turned out to be a really crap substandard game. For all of the USA’s huff and puff, they didn’t threaten Pickford’s goal at all in the second half and England didn’t do a thing either. It was a spot of redemption for Harry Maguire he was by far and away England’s best player. Luke Shaw wasn’t bad, but Southgate needs to have a good old look at the rest of them.  England never got going with the forwards players that sparkled so much against Iran, being nowhere to be seen. Saka, Sterling, Kane, Bellingham and particular Mason Mount - all shit.

There was some hope from the bench in the shape of Jack Grealish but Mason Mount stayed on the pitch for 90 minutes whilst Phil Foden watched on. I can understand Southgate picking the same team that played against Iran but there was nothing in this performance, so he has to change it against the Welsh. He said himself that those 11 players who played so well, deserve to start and there’s a case for that, but likewise, the same 11 do not deserve to start against Wales, having stunk the place out today. Mason Mount will probably still start the fucking game. 

I don’t feel that there is much tolerance of Southgate anymore.  Despite our last two tournament performances (semi-finals and runners-up) there is a feeling that he’s held us back in some way because we’ve limped out of both tournaments with a whimper, just sitting back and waiting to get beat.  A point today isn’t a bad result in the context of the group but performances like that won’t do him any favours.  We’ve played an organized hard-working team and done nothing really.

29/11/22

More Wales Goalkeeper Shenanigans

In the build-up to the game, Iran against USA threatened to turn into the political shit fest that it was always going to. There was one particularly aggressive interview by an Iranian journalist of Tyler Adams, the USA midfielder but he handled it exceptionally well. I know this has nothing to do with Qatar but it seems to be a theme of this World Cup that very young footballers are having to be politicians whilst the politicians don’t say or do much at all.

England played Wales with Wales needing a win of any kind and hoping that USA and Iran ended in a draw.  The first part of the equation of course was Wales beating England. England didn’t really have anything to fear with regards to qualification for the next round, in fact they would’ve had to have lost by 4 to give themselves a chance of being knocked out. I don’t know what the odds were but there’s never been more of a certainty than England not losing by 4 to this Wales team.  Southgate changed the team a bit with Trippier, Mount, Saka and Sterling all left out having been crap against the States and being replaced with Walker, Henderson, Foden and Rashford.

The first half saw endless England possession with Wales barely getting out of their half and it got even worse for Wales at half-time when Gareth Bale failed to emerge for the second half. Apparently, he had a tight hamstring, I mean, what is he saving himself for?  Frightened of getting injured for golf? This is Wales in the first World Cup since 1958. Not exactly going out on his shield, is he?

In the other game, the USA were winning 1-0 courtesy of a goal by the cringingly nicknamed Captain America Christian Pulisic so as it stood, they are going through in second place.

Whilst the first half was frustrating from an England point of view, with Rashford missing the one good chance of the half, he more than made up for it in the second half when England were awarded a free kick on the edge of the box and Rashford superbly conned Danny Ward in the Welsh goal into taking one step to his right as the ball flew past him to his left. Great strike, poor goalkeeping.

Foden Points the Way Forward

From the kick-off, Wales tried to keep possession but merely succeeded in giving the ball away at left back when Ben Davies was tackled by Rashford. The ball broke to Kane and he hit a superb first time cross along the ground which Foden rammed into the net on the back post. Game over. England scored a third with Rashford cutting from the right wing before smashing the ball through an embarrassing attempt to stop it by Danny Ward and the rest of the game is extremely comfortable as England brought all the fringe players on to give them some minutes and rested the likes of Kane, Rice and Shaw.

Meanwhile in the World War 3 game, despite nine minutes of injury time which must’ve given everyone the shits a little bit, USA managed to hold on to their 1-0 lead and therefore qualify in second place. The USA go onto play the Netherlands whilst England face Senegal.

Once more, there is a euphoria around England but the note of caution is that we have once more comprehensively put away a very poor team and England can always do that. Senegal will be a tougher test because they are a decent side, they play with a hell of a lot of spirit and knockout games always raise the levels because it’s do or die.  It was a good night for the manager though and Gareth Southgate got everything right from the selection at the start right on through.  England are a better side without Mount and Sterling so let’s keep it that way.

As for Wales, well ultimately it was all rather disappointing, and they finished deservedly bottom of the group without a win. This was a knockout game for them and given the ‘Do-or-Die’ options, they chose to just curl up and die.  I was amazed that they didn’t even have a go. At 2-0 they could’ve got the next goal and then who knows, but they just sat back, let in a third and then settled for getting beat 3-0.

There will surely be some players heading into international retirement and a bit of a rebuild. Gareth Bale indicated after the game that he wanted to carry on but seriously, he can’t carry on as a forward because it just looks like he simply can’t run anymore and that his legs are gone, which of course happens to everyone at some point. With his game at his prime all being about his strong running, maybe he has to reinvent himself as a defensive midfielder or something so he can still be on the pitch, still be an influence in games and to younger players and still be there for those big moments that he’s still good at - free kicks and penalties. It’s a shame when great players can’t do what they used to do but it happens to everybody but it looks like a combination of getting older, not playing for Real Madrid for the best part of three years and then playing in America, has caught up with him and in fact, he’s gone a hell of a lot further downhill since his spell Tottenham a couple years ago.

Don't Cry For Me Argentina

Group C – Argentina, Saudi Arabia, Poland, Mexico

22/11/22
Messi, Argentina, tournament favourites up against Saudi Arabia. The major first-half  surprise was Argentina only being one up due to having a couple of goals disallowed for very tight offsides. The goal they did get was courtesy of a very dubiously awarded Messi penalty when it looked like Palacios grabbed a defender and then threw himself to the floor. Having barely set foot in the Argentinian half in the first half, it was therefore amazing and bloody funny to see the Saudis be 2-1 up after the hour mark. From now on it was a case of whether Argentina could break down the massed ranks of Saudi defenders and they did fuck all really and fell to one of the most embarrassing defeats imaginable. This wasn’t funny at all.  Argentina may well recover because it’s a poor group but I’m not having some of their players when you’re talking in terms of winning the tournament.  Otamendi, Tagliafico, Di Maria to name but three.

There are certain players in the world that the media always big up as being a real top level talent but I look at them and just think they are shit. Angel DiMaria is one that I have seen play several times and though he’s played for some unbelievable clubs in Real Madrid, Manchester United and Paris Saint-Germain, I’ve only ever seen him be one footed shite and he did it again today when his country most needed him. You always in a feeling sorry for Messi because of the lesser players that he has to play with in the national team. For years It was Gonzalo Higuain who was very average and today, the much-hyped Lautaro Martinez didn’t look much good either.

The other two teams in the group served up a turd of a game - fucking awful. Mexico and Poland was notable only for Robert Lewandowski missing a penalty.  Two dull sides and that is why Argentina will probably still make it through.

26/11/22
Argentina had a must win game against Mexico and couldn’t have had more suitable opponents.  Even with that, the game was still shite until Messi speared in a shot from the edge of the box to give Argentina the lead.  He really is all they’ve got still.  Mexico didn’t get near the Argentina goal and Fernandez made it 2-0 in the last few minutes with a superb curling effort into the top corner.  Argentina will still win the group.

Gerrard Slips, Ba Scores

Poland and Saudi Arabia finally saw Poland show up for a game in a major tournament.  It wasn’t plain sailing after a very dodgy penalty was awarded against them but Al-Dawsari, the hero of their win against Argentina, saw Woijczecjieczzjk Szezczzxczzezceny save it and then the rebound, which paved the way for Robert Lewandowski to tee up Zielinski to put the Poles 1-0 up.  Poland’s main man had never scored at a World Cup so he will have been delighted when the Saudi centre back let a ball roll under his foot in Steven Gerrard style, which gave him a clear run on goal.  He didn’t miss.  I’m a huge fan of Lewandowski.  No bullshit about him and a real team player.  He does all the dirty work chasing back when Poland haven’t got the ball and is a real leader of what is basically a very average team. They’ll need a point against Argentina to go through which I can’t see them getting so anyone winning the other game will be well placed to overtake them.

30/11/22
Poland are a team who have a history of always fucking it up when it really matters and so it proved again as they were comfortably beaten 2-0 by Argentina. They weren’t helped by a scandalous referee decision to award a penalty against them (and for Messi) after a VAR check but justice was done because Messi’s was expertly turned aside by Woijczecjieczzjk Szezczzxczzezceny.  With the unmistakeable stench of corruption around this tournament, it does make you wonder if the sponsors want Messi to stay in the tournament a while longer.

All the save did was delay the inevitable though as Brighton’s Alexis MacAllister bobbled one into the net off his standing leg and Manchester City’s Julian Alvarez scored a goal that he properly intended, smashing it into the top corner.

All eyes we’re on the other game where Mexico were leading Saudi Arabia 2-0 courtesy of a tap-in and one of the best free kick goals you will ever see. As we approached the 95th minute, Mexico we’re going out to Poland courtesy of having more yellow cards and they went for it, throwing bodies forward and Saudi Arabia broke away, a quick 1-2 and pulled a goal back which basically meant that Poland squeaked through.

Mbappe - This Group is Shite

Group D – France, Denmark, Australia, Tunisia

22/11/22
Denmark and Tunisia was just fucking boring and was remarkable only for the fact that Christian Eriksen was playing in a major tournament again. Denmark looked solid as you’d expect but no cutting edge at all. 0-0

France went behind to a really well worked goal by Australia but when the French got into their stride they looked really good with goals by Rabiot, two from Giroud, deputising for the injured Benzema and one for the ridiculously talented Mbappé, making a nice easy win in the end. I hear lots of stories about Mbappé in the way behaves at PSG but the guy is a ridiculous footballer and based on what I’ve seen so far, looks the most accomplished individual player in the world at the moment. The thought of him coming up against England’s defence in the quarter-finals is not an appetising one.  It’s annoying how good France are, even without three of their biggest players in Kante, Pogba and Benzema.  Imagine England without Kane, Rice and Bellingham.

26/11/22
I have a theory with this group that France are potential winners of the World Cup and everyone else in the group is average as shite. There was no change needed to this theory in the second round of games as Australia beat Tunisia 1-0 and then France only needed to play in fits and starts to beat Denmark 2–1. It was Mbappé again who made the difference with another two goals, again showing that he is the best individual player in this tournament. I’m sure the diving fucker Ronaldo would disagree. The question is really, who comes second of this group and with Denmark left to play, my money would actually be on Australia.

30/11/22
France and three shit teams finished off the group with France putting out reserve side and losing 1-0 to Tunisia with a goal scored by Wahbi Khazri, who I remember playing for Sunderland about 10 years ago and being a complete dick. France thought they’d equalised in the last second through Antoine Griezmann but it was ruled out for offside. Basically the winners of the other game were always going to go through and Denmark, complete with their kit that “didn’t want to be noticed“, lost 1-0 to bloody Australia and finished bottom of the group and therefore, weren’t noticed themselves in this tournament.

Australia’s reward is the game against Argentina in the next round whilst Poland have to play France. I think we can safely predict how those two games are going to turn out.

Euro 2020 Part 6 - (One More Game and Maybe) It's Coming Home

England Celebrate a 1-2 Off the Keeper

Day 20 – Tuesday 6^th July (Italy 1 Spain 1 (4-3 on pens)

Semi-Final time

Both managers made somewhat surprising changes with Roberto Mancini bringing in Chelsea reserve (who never plays), Emerson Palmieri to replace the injured Spinazzola and Luis Enrique decided his team will be better served at not having a centre forward as opposed to Álvaro Morata. Enrique picked Oyarzabal upfront with Olmo on one wing and Ferran Torres on the other. They also had the very average Eric Garcia in central defence alongside every Spaniards favourite Frenchman, Aymeric Laporte - he who still can’t close his Spanish passport in case the ink smudges.

I generally thought these two teams were going to cancel each other out and it would be a bit dull but the opening of the game showed it was never gonna be like that. Italy were the first to show, tearing into their opponents and Emerson worked an opening down the left and put Barela throughout his chip over the stranded goalkeeper bounced off the far post. In the event, the flag went up afterwards anyway. Spain then got into possession mode and in the main didn’t create much because they were trying to play without a centre forward, so they didn’t actually have anyone in the box.  Olmo had an effort from the edge of the box which was well saved by Donnarumma and Oyarzabal had a good opening for a shot from the edge of the box but Row Z. Half-time and 0-0, Cracking game though. The Spanish looked the more accomplished footballing side but Italy looked more the more dangerous when they did attack.

After 10 minutes of much the same in the second half, Italy took the lead when after a break up the left hand side, Chiesa picked up the ball and scored an almost identical goal to the one Insigne scored Belgium. This time it was Laporte and Garcia not covering themselves in glory as defenders as he bent his right foot effort around them and inside the far post with Simon not even managing a dive as it went past him.

Morata: Good Times

Louis Enrique utilised his bench, one of which was bringing on Morata because there was no way Morata could be worse than Oyarzabal who signed off by missing an absolute sitter of a header from an Olmo cross by basically shutting his eyes and missing the ball. Unbelievably, Morataa had a brilliant 15 minutes and was a constant menace to the imperious Chiellini and Bonucci, culminating with him driving forward with the ball, playing a 1-2 with the impressive Olmo and then sliding it past Donnarumma to make it 1-1 with 10 minutes to go.

Extra time and the Italians were just content to suck it up and Spain didn’t have enough about them to create any more real clear-cut chances. Anything they did create floundered on the twin rocks of Bonucci and Chiellini and so we came to inevitable penalties.

Chiellini Finds A New Way to Shithouse an Opponent

The first incident was the coin toss with Chiellini doing his level best to intimidate the hell out of Jordi Alba by basically treating it as a big joke and smiling and laughing and hugging the Spanish captain. Would’ve been interesting to see if he would’ve tried that if Sergio Ramos was the Spanish captain. Anyway, Italy first and Locatelli produced a piss weak effort easily saved by Simon. Spain sent up their most impressive player, Olmo, next and he skied about 6 foot over the bar. Dreadful. Five successful kicks followed and then up steps Morata. For a guy who has come on and scored in a semi final, you would think he would be confident but he looked absolutely terrified.  As a fan, you always look for the little signs of who is going to miss and I have never felt more confident that this wasn’t going in.  Needless to say, his half hit penalty was easily pushed aside by Donnarumma and with a hop step and a jump, Jorginho, passed the winning penalty into the corner of the net to put the Italians through.

Morata: Bad Times

Overall, a brilliant game that had everything and neither side deserve to lose. I actually felt sorry for Álvaro Morata. There is no way that he should’ve been sent up to take a penalty because he clearly has massive confidence issues and doesn’t respond well to pressure. The Spanish would’ve taken the semi-final before the start of the tournament I’m sure but losing at this stage is heartbreaking. No such problems for Italy though who will grace the final. Even though they haven’t lost a game for 33 matches, the opposition will feel that they have a chance, simply because of the way for Italy commit players to the attack.

Day 21 Wednesday 7^th July (England 2 Denmark 1)

What’s going on today then? Oh yes, England are in the semi-final of a major tournament. The bad guys who we are up against are Denmark who are of course, not bad guys at all.

Once more the team leaked on the morning of the game and there was just one change from the Ukraine match with the fit again Bukayo Saka taking the place of Jadon Sancho. Again, I am not here to pick holes in Gareth Southgate’s selection, I am just here to report on it.

There’s a decent chance each in the opening minutes of the game.  Kane drives forward and feeds Sterling who cuts in and then scuffs his shot.  Dmasgaard gets on the ball on the left of the England penalty area, works a yard and then shoots just wide of the far post.  The first 25 minutes flies by despite no more goalmouth incident.

Lying on the Ground Behind the Wall, Didn't Help Much

On the half hour, Denmark win a free kick on our left hand side about 50 yards away but that wasn’t the issue. The issue was when the free-kick was fired over towards the edge of the box, the referee, in amongst about 30 people wrestling, arbitrarily gave a freekick against Luke Shaw who didn’t do very much at all. Now the freekick was 25 yards out. Up steps Damsgaard and it’s over the wall and into the net with Pickford absolutely nowhere. Fuck. He’s played so well this tournament but Pickford will be disappointed as the ball has gone nowhere near the corner of the net. How would England respond to going a goal down?

The answer was, very well indeed as we immediately got down the right hand side and a cross came in from Kane and Sterling met it 5 yards out and managed to put it in the only place where the keeper could possibly save it and it hit Schmeichel before he could move and was cleared away. Great save said the commentators… I guess that’s one way of looking at it… but it really was a diabolical miss.

No one cared a few minutes later though as Saka got down the right hand side beyond Vestergaard and Maehle and as Sterling closed in to tap the cross into an empty net, Simon Kjaer had to do something and ended up doing his job for him. 1-1.

A patchy first half from an England point of view, came to an end. It had been 15 decent minutes, 15 terrible minutes and then 15 good minutes again. Denmark always looked dangerous when they got the ball down and played with Braithwaite, Damsgaard and Dolberg giving the England offence all sorts of problems with their movement. England’s midfield doesn’t seem quite to be at the same pace as it was in previous games.

England start the second half the strong and there’s a “yeaaaaaah- fuck” moment when Mount’s cross from free kick is superbly met by Maguire’s big fat head but Schmeichel’s having a worldie. Great save.

And 67 minutes the Danish manager Hjelmund, rolled the dice with the substitutes with Stryger Larsen, Dolberg and Damsgaard being replaced by Wass, Norgaard and Poulson. That’s three downgrades. Two minutes later, Southgate sent on Grealish for Saka which is certainly not a downgrade.

It’s all England now and Denmark are hanging on.  Kane bundles his way into the box and is taken out  - has to be a penalty but the ref is pointing the other fucking way.  He’s pinged Kane for a real non-event challenge just before.  Fuck’s sake.  It was just a case of whether England could get a winner before the 90 minutes and take advantage of the territorial dominance. Didn’t happen of course and we went to extra time.

The first period of extra time is all England possession and desperately hanging on from Denmark.  Kane barges through on right and with no support, shoots from a narrow angle but once again, well saved by Schmeichel.  Grealish has a lash from the edge of the box and Schmeichel this time has to punch it away.

Denmark may as well be wearing “we want penalties” t-shirts and there were two minutes to go in the first period when Sterling picks up the ball on the right hand side and runs directly at the goal in between Maehle and Jensen and down he goes. Penalty given. On first viewing, it certainly look like a penalty and when you see the replay, not so much. There is the slightest of touches by Maehle and the slightest of touches from Jensen and when that goes to VAR, it isn’t going to get overturned. Soft.

Harry Kane is of course a formidable penalty taker for Tottenham but even he gets the shits in a moment like this and his penalty is dreadful, so dreadful that Schmeichel almost dives too far and the ball gets away from him and back to Kane he buries it to send everybody batshit mental.

I Think Phil Was Pleased

Half-time in extra time and Southgate rolls the dice again, bringing on Trippier and taking of Grealish, which is a bit of a kick in the nuts for a player he was only been on as a substitute for about 40 minutes. We are clearly intent on holding what we have but I don’t think anyone realise that Denmark were playing the last 15 minutes with 10 men because one of their subs Jensen, was unable to continue and they had already made six substitutions. What this meant was that we just sat back with a flat five along the edge of our penalty area, which made the second half of extra time a lot more uncomfortable than it should’ve been.  When we got the ball, we managed it well though, keeping it for 50 odd passes at one point and booked our first appearance in a major national final for 55 years.

You have to say that it was another Southgate masterclass. The team selection was right and the players he put out there did the job. The substitution of the substitute when he took Grealish off the second half of extra time, showed a toughness and an absolute determination to do what he thinks is right. You can’t argue with it and it’s a testament to the spirit in amongst this group of players that he has cultivated, that Grealish seemed to take it quite well. I wonder if Southgate realised that Denmark have gone down to 10 men because we certainly didn’t need to play with five at the back and if anything, that just encouraged Denmark to push on top of us which made the second half of extra time slightly more nervy than it should’ve been.  In reality though, Denmark didn’t really threaten our goal from the 45 minute mark onwards.

Denmark have had a remarkable tournament.  To reach the semi-final after what happened in their first game is remarkable.  They have unearthed a real talent in Damsgaard and Hojbjerg, Maehle, Stryger Larsen, Christensen, Kjaer,, Vestergaard, Delaney, Schmeichel and Braithwaite have proved that they belong at the business end of tournaments.  Overall though, the way that they and their suppoters have conducted themselves has been absolutely first class.  I sense that they just ran out of steam a bit today.

Whattaboutery is one of the biggest curses of the social media age but I’m going to engage in a bit of it. Sterling’s penalty is soft but then so was the free-kick given to Denmark that they scored from. If you’re a bitter supporter from another country complaining that England got a hometown decision, well we didn’t get one in the first half. There was also a much clearer penalty shout on Harry Kane which wasn’t given and would’ve been given in the Premier League. So, you bitter and twisted supporters of other nations, especially the Scots, Welsh and Irish can just jog on. Was it a penalty? I’ve seen them given. Would I be angry if it was given against us? Fuck yeah. That's football.

This game was covered by ITV. Of course, you accept having to go to commercial break just when the atmosphere is building but I don’t accept Sam Matterface as a commentator because he is absolutely fucking dreadful. He was bad throughout but at the end of the game when he was telling everybody to have a day off school or a day off work when we were all just trying to take in the atmosphere as best you can through the TV.  It was absolutely peak “shut the fuck up man“. I’m not a fan of Lee Dixon either and I don’t think Lee Dixon is a fan of Sam Shutyerface, judging by a couple of putdowns in the second half. Another Peak Partridge moment came at 1-1 in the first half with “Another goal for England now would be….. good”.  No shit Sherlock.  Basic rule of TV commentary – if you’re not adding anything worthwhile – shut the fuck up.  Also, Twatterface knew he was shit as well, practically begging viewers to watch ITV on Sunday, rather than BBC.  Thanks for your recommendation mate… no.

I Wonder Why Every Other Country Hates Us

It was brilliant seeing Wembley 70% full and the atmosphere was incredible, despite Matterface trying to ruin it. He wasn’t alone though in trying to ruin everyone’s fun. Did the gammons boo the national anthem of Denmark? Of course they did. It’s embarrassing and pathetic. Did Boris Johnson & Priti “Send ‘em Back” Patel grab a photo op wearing an England shirt in the ground, of course they did. It’s embarrassing and pathetic. Did someone bring a fucking laser pen just to point at Kasper Schmeichel? Oh yes, It’s embarrassing and pathetic.  Ever wonder why other countries hate us?  It used to be because our team and/or manager wasn't very likeable - there's no issue on that score now.

England will take on Italy in the final of the European Championships. I would not have believed that this was possible and it is not a final that anyone would’ve predicted before the tournament. It’s going to be emotional.

Euro 2020 - Part 5 (Is Anyone Beginning to Think That) It's Coming Home

How Big is My Big Fat Fucking Head?

Day 18 Friday 2^nd July – Spain 1 Switzerland 1 (3-1 on pens), Italy 2 Belgium 1

The first Quarter Final was Spain against Switzerland. Spain had started the tournament sluggishly and were actually in danger of going out of the tournament in the group stages until they clicked and hammered Slovakia 5-0 and some people somewhere one assumes, made some money at the bookies.  The Spanish scored five again against Croatia in the Round of 16 but somehow, the perception is that they are a team that can’t score goals. This image is of course because of the performances of Alvaro Morata. Nevertheless, he will no doubt be present again today as they take on the Swiss, surprise conquerors of France in the last round. The more I think about that, the more glorious it gets. Also though, I would find it surprising if they are able to go to the well one more time today.

Spain took the lead early on in somewhat fortuitous fashion as a ropey corner from the right was hammered back into the penalty area by Jordi Alba, flicked off a defender and gave Sommer absolutely no chance. The rest of the first half is nothing much to write home about but the Swiss start of the second-half well and started taking the game to Spain. Ekanji headed wider and Zuber had a close range effort blocked by Simon. They eventually got back in it when Laporte thought he was playing for France and combined with Pau Torres to completely fuck up a harmless looking ball forward. The ball broke to Froyler, who teed up Shaqiri and the little fat bloke knocked it into the net.   Having worked so hard to get back into the game, the Swiss then attempted to commit suicide with Froyler steaming into a challenge on Moreno and catches him with his trailing leg. It’s harsh as you like but off he goes.

The last 10 minutes of the game and the extra time period were basically an attack versus defence training exercise and as we know, the Spanish don’t have that clinical striker so couldn’t force to win so off we went to penalties.

Azpilicueta Celebrates After Goalkeeper Watches Penalty Go into Orbit

The Swiss must’ve been confident going into the penalty shoot-out because they won one a few days ago and the Spanish have 100% record in major tournaments of losing every single fucking one. Anyway, the form book was somewhat turned on its head as Switzerland, with four out of the five penalty takers who took one the other night available, contrived to miss three out of the first four with only Gavranovic finding the net whilst Ekanji, Schaer and Vargas all missed horribly.  Spain just about did enough with Oyarzabal knocking in the winner.   It was tough on the Swiss to go out that way, especially after fighting their way to the penalty shoot-out with 10 men but if you’d offered them a quarter-final place before the tournament started, they would’ve taken your hand off for it.  They can leave the tournament with their heads held high, knowing that they beat the World Cup holders and any team that knocks France out is a friend of mine. The Spanish didn’t look entirely convincing but they are the first team through to the semi-finals.

This My Son, is Defending

Italy and Belgium was the heavyweight clash of the quarter-finals. De Bruyne was fit for the Belgians and they brought in Doku to replace the injured Hazard the Better. The Italians made a couple of changes with Chiesa coming in for Berardi and Georgio Chiellini was fit again. At 38, he has of course been around for years but it’s amazing to see the man who is probably the last to old school Italian defender, Still playing international football at this age.

It was his defensive partner, the 34-year-old youngster Bonnuci who looked to put the Italians head after about 10 minutes when a free kick was delivered from the right hand side, di Lorenzo nudged it on and Bonucci eventually bundled it into the net with his stomach. Unfortunately, the touch on by di Lorenzo meant he weas offside and so one replay was all that was needed to show that it was going to be ruled out. The Italians responded to that setback by just playing in exactly the same way and Belgium had their first decent effort on goal as De Bruyne carried the ball forward before smashing it with his left foot from 25 yards and forcing a sprawling one-handed save from Donarumma, who according to Danny Murphy, is going to be quite a good goalkeeper one day. The Belgian defence was good one day… but it was a long time ago. They have a combined age of about 120 between three of them and they creaked alarmingly as Barela got free inside the box and smashed it across Courtois and in at the far post.  The most remarkable thing about this goal was the contribution of Ciro Immobile. He was basically lying on the ground feigning injury and this put off the very experienced Thomas Vermaelen who forgot about defending just to go and tell him to get up. As soon as the ball hit the net then Immobile was mobile again, funny that.

Having had a warning, the Belgian defence then allowed Insigne to do what he’s always trying to do, which is cutting from the left, onto his right foot and hitting it at the far corner. Neither Alderweireld or Vermaelen covered themselves in glory, static as they were but it was a brilliant strike and Courtois once again had absolutely no chance. The Italians looked to be going in with a very well deserved 2-0 halftime lead until Doku took on Di Lorenzo on the outside, DeLorenzo lent on him and Doku hit the deck. Penalty was given by the Slovenian referee and VAR wasn’t about to overturn it because there was contact. Not enough contact to shove him to the floor but there was contact. Let’s just say that Doku earned the penalty and put himself on the ground rather than the Italian putting him there. Up stepped Lukaku to halve the arrears.

Belgium should’ve been level just after half-time as the ridiculously quick Doku went down the right hand side and pulled the ball across, taking out three Italian defenders and the goalkeeper and it looked like a tap in at the back post for Lukaku but there is no such thing as a tap in for Lukaku when it’s on his right foot.  He managed to poke it goalwards but Spinazzola had got back to block the ball on the line. The miracle of this is that it was Spinazzola, nominally a left back but rarely back on his own and a half. Doku was the main man, weaving across the pitch from the r left hand side, beating three men before crashing over from the edge of the box. For the last 15 minutes, Italians were the Italians of old with some of the most incredible shithousery techniques you have ever seen to waste time. It was almost beautiful in its execution. The one bit of bad news for them was that the excellent Spinazzola collapsed to the ground and whilst Dr Vertonghen insisted he got back to his feet, it turned out afterwards that he had ruptured his achilles and so will be out for the rest of the tournament.

The Italians seem to have a lot of momentum and are going to be tough to stop.  The injury to Spinazzola is going to mean a change in style of play but they'll adapt.  Mancini is a good manager of course and their defenders, whilst as old as Belgium's, are still putting in top level performances.  Chiellini in particular, was brilliant today.

KDB: Doesn't matter what I do, look at those old clowns at the back

Chiellini: Yeah but they're all younger than me

The Belgians meanwhile, can console themselves with the meaningless title of being the Number One ranked team in the world which they have been for the last three years.  You don’t get a medal for that, which to my mind, shows what a load of old bollocks it is. They need to find a new defence before the World Cup in 18 months and I also have a feeling that when it comes to their business end of tournaments, when you are playing the really good sides, their manager isn’t up to it either.

Day 19 - Saturday 3^rd July (Denmark 2 Czech Republic 1, Ukraine 0 England 4)

Delaney Celebrates Having the Penalty Area to Himself

Denmark versus Czech Republic was the appetiser on Saturday and of interest to England because we would hopefully be playing whoever won this game. The Danes were favourites but I expected this to be a close game because the Czech’s looked decent against the Dutch.  However, if you leave players free at corners then you’re in for a long day and it was 1-0 to Denmark after only five minutes as Stryger Larsen’s corner was powerfully headed home by Delaney, who had the freedom of the penalty area to run into. The Czech’s tried to get back into it but in reality, Denmark looked really comfortable and made it 2-0 after 25 minutes when Vestergaard put Maehle away on the left and he curled in a ridiculous cross with the outside of his right foot and Dolberg come steaming in at the back post to double the lead. The Czech’s had to make a better game of it in the second half and Schick added a few more zeros to his price tag by guiding home a cross from the left wing with a smartly taken volley to make it 2-1.  They didn’t seem to have the energy however to make Denmark really work for the win and they held out relatively comfortably to make their fairytale continue.

One Goal appears to Have Cured all Kane's Movement Issues

England had had to travel for the first time in the tournament and were in Rome to play against Andrei Shevchenko’s Ukraine. As usual, the team leaked on the morning of the game and according to that, we were back to a four-man defence and despite therefore, us having an extra attacking player on the pitch and despite his involvement with two goals in the Germany game Jack Grealish was again left out with Mason Mount and Jaden Sancho coming in for Trippier and Saka. Coincidentally I’m sure, Sancho had that morning been revealed as a Manchester United player. So, the talk was that now he was free from distractions, he would be picked.  As it turns out, Bukayo Saka was carrying a knock and Sancho it’s probably the nearest like for like replacement in the squad. I still don’t get it really but after the Germany game, I have decided not to take issue with Gareth Southgate’s decisions. Let’s just go with it and trust that he knows what he’s doing.

We have barely been going three minutes and Raheem Sterling looks like he’s run up a dead end on the left hand side but when off-balance, manages to slide in a wonderful ball to Harry Kane who is clean through and he almost toe pokes it past the keeper into the net. What a fucking start – Harry is alive!  The rest of the first half was fairly controlled, limiting Ukraine to one half chance and having a couple of attempts ourselves with Rice smashing one straight down the keepers throat and then Sancho really should’ve done better when he took a marvellous touch and turn on the edge of the box before firing straight the keeper.

If we were worried that Ukraine were going to come out and have a serious go at it in the second half, such fears were dispelled within five minutes as England won a corner on the left.  Shaw’s delivery was on the money and there was Maguire to get that big fat fucking head of his on it and bullet it into the net. A couple of minutes later and Shaw again down the left, crosses for Kane to head powerfully through the keepers legs from 8 yards to put the game completely to bed. The rest of the game was an absolute cakewalk with England keeping control of the ball for long periods of time and Ukraine waiting for the plane back to Kyiv. Southgate even had the luxury of being able to substitute all the players who were on yellow cards, with Rice and Phillips being replaced with Henderson and Bellingham and it was a nice moment when the corner from the right by Mount was headed in by Henderson at the near post for his first international goal after 50 odd games. Easy.

With a semi-final place secured in such emphatic fashion, there is course the problem now of keeping a lid on expectations.  England have a semi-final against Denmark at Wembley and win that and the final is of course at Wembley as well.  However hyped the fans get, we can rest assured that Southgate will keep a lid on it in camp. He has undoubtedly created an atmosphere which has a lot more humility than previous England groups and the players all seem to be supporting eachother, no matter what.

Denmark will be the best team England have played so far, by a long way. The attacking talents of Dolberg and Damsgaard and the full backs Stryger Larsen and Maehle will need to be contained but if England can do that then, with the players we have in the front half of the pitch, we should have enough to get through, no matter how much Denmark are carried on a tide of Christian Eriksen emotion. They are a popular team so maybe the gammon headed element of our fan base won't boo the Danish national anthem this time. 

I’d just like to highlight by Quarter Final predictions, which picked 4 out of 4 winners, with one perfect score… they were:

Belgium 1 Italy 2, Czech Republic 1 Denmark 3, England 2 Ukraine 0, Spain 2 Switzerland 1

Anyhow, for the semi-finals I’m going with:
Spain 1 Italy 2
England 3 Denmark 2 (aet)

Euro 2020 Part 4 - (OK, I Accept That There's a Possibility That) It's Coming Home

 

Cheer Up Thomas!

Stop press, England want to offer Gareth Southgate a new contract to take him up to 2024. Do we never learn anything? Didn’t we do this with Fabio Capello and then we absolutely stunk in the World Cup in 2010 and then couldn’t get rid of him because it would’ve cost too much money? It’s absolutely ludicrous to even think about offering Southgate a new contract until this tournament is over. Fuck me, if we go out and play shit negative football and get beaten by the Germans on Tuesday, then this will have been a tournament played exclusively at Wembley and we will have sucked ass both in reality and in public perception. Just no. Don’t fucking do it.

Day 14 Saturday 26th June – Wales 0 Denmark 4, Italy 2 Austria 0

But Ref... We've Travelled Fucking Miles

Moving on - In the 1998 World Cup, there was a round after the first group stage which had 16 teams in it and it was called “The Second Round”. In that round, England lost to Argentina on penalties when David Beckham kicked Simeone up the arse.  The point of bringing this up is that it is no longer called the Second Round but the Round of 16 which as you know, is the number of teams that should’ve been in the tournament in the first place. We don’t call it the Round of Eight or the Round of Four, when we get to the quarter-finals and semi-finals and there’s never been a Round of 32 anywhere. I don’t know why but it just annoys me.

A bit like the coverage of the Welsh in this tournament. Every time we get a studio full of Welsh people - Gabby Logan, Ashley Williams, Hal Robson-Turmeric-Supplements-Kanu and ex-Saints legend Mark Hughes. On top of that, we get Robbie “The Prick’s Prick” Savage on co-commentary, with insightful comments like “wow” and “phew”. Ryan Giggs is nowhere to be seen. Surprise that! It’s like he doesn’t exist.

Savage had a little bit to get excited about in the first 20 minutes as Wales started the better and Bale put a long-range drive narrowly wide. Denmark sussed out the way Wales were playing and tweaked their formation and from that moment on, it was simply a case of how many Denmark would win by. It’s safe to say that they absolutely pissed it. Four goals to nil and Wales lost their shit at the end and started hacking into people. The ball started rolling at the end of the first half with Maehle and Damsgaard combining to release Dolberg who rifled a superb shot into the bottom corner from 25 yards. The second goal was game over and there is an element of controversy about it because it was probably a free-kick to Wales up the other end of the pitch but maybe instead of worrying about that, they could’ve actually done some defending and it might have been helpful when the cross came into the box, if Neco Williams hadn’t tried to use the left foot that he clearly hasn’t got and hadn’t spammed it back across his own goal for Dolberg to make it 2-0. The third goal from Maehle confirmed that he has been one of the best players in this tournament. As an aside, it’s interesting that he got linked with Southampton last year - I think he may be out of our £10 million price range by now.  

Harry Wilson, who is a horrible little shithouse, then decided that he would hack Maehle down in full flight with no interest whatsoever in the ball and then looked surprised when the referee sent him off. To be fair you don’t usually get sent off for this sort of tackle as it wasn’t dangerous as such but I have no problem with players getting sent off for challenges where they are about 10 yards from the ball and just deliberately taking a player out.  Denmark scored a fourth through Braithwaite in the last couple of minutes and this was particularly hilarious because there was a very long VAR check, so Wales had to wait around a good few minutes at the end of a game that they had already lost, just to find out if they’d lost it by more.

Back to the studio for some Taff-punditry, which of course focused on the potential foul in the build up to the second goal and the fact that in the build up for the same goal, it might have gone out of play.  They showed a replay of Braithwaite clearly keeping the ball in play and then went back to the pundits who said “well that looked out”.  No it fucking didn’t you twat. Then we had “no excuses but…“  and then all the excuses about having to travel more than the Denmark team were wheeled out.  Yeah, Denmark have had it far easier than Wales.. they had a player nearly die on the pitch… shut up!

Interim manager Rob Page gave an interview which he will probably regret later.  He seemed to be implying that it was totally unfair because they were the better side for the first 20 minutes until the Denmark manager changed his tactics. That’s how football works you fucking League Two idiot. Manager spots a problem and changes it so team is better. Surprising that no one is discussing one of the ready-made excuses, which is that the proper manager wasn’t there. Maybe the England team are filming a celebratory video of Wales going out… But somehow I doubt it because we might not be very good, but we are not a bunch of small time tinpot wankers.

Denmark are going to take some beating. They play as a team and are technically very, very good. After all they’ve been through, all I can say is good luck to them and I hope they go far. They play attacking football, have an astute manager and have had to delve deep into their squad and just seem to be getting better and better as the tournament goes on.

Italy against Austria should really have been a walk in the park for the Italians but there was a question mark over them because the best team they had faced in their group was Wales. However, tonight‘s opponents Austria, were pretty ropey in their group games as well and qualified due to finishing above Ukraine and North Macedonia so no big deal really. The first half was mainly all Italy but they didn’t look like scoring. Lots of good play in midfield and then usually getting into the final third and then losing the ball. The second-half carried on in much the same vein with Austria coming more into it and it look like a shock was on the cards and 75 minutes when Arnautovic headed in. It would’ve been the first goal Italy conceded since about 1938 but if we go to VAR and the goal is correctly ruled out. The decision is undoubtedly correct and it’s made all the more funny because it’s Arnautovic of course. Into extra time we went and Mancini brought on Chiesa for the misfiring Berardi and it was the sub who opened the scoring, producing a really smart finish from the right and side of the box, nodding the ball backwards to create himself an angle and they’re smashing it in first time with his left foot. Another sub Passina, made it 2-0 not long after that and so the Austrian challenge fizzled out. To be fair, they acquitted themselves pretty well but it’s the Italians who go on to play the winner of the very interesting looking Belgium versus Portugal game.

Day 15 - Sunday 27th June – Netherlands 0 Czech Republic 2, Belgium 1 Portugal 0

A Greater and Lesser Hazard

Like the Italians, the Dutch have got this far, winning three games out of three and not playing anyone any good. They also, like the Italians, have played all of their games at home and this was their first trip somewhere else in Europe, to Budapest to take on the Czech Republic who had of course qualified in third place in England’s group. I got the impression that the Dutch thought they were going to steam roller this but one thing that was apparent was that they weren’t playing as a team where is the Czech’s really were, defending as a unit and attacking with purpose. 0-0 at half time and then 10 minutes into the second-half, the defining moment as Malen got clean through and ran in on goal with just a goalkeeper to beat.  He tried to go round him instead of slotting it and Vaslik pulled off a good old fashion block at the forwards feet.  Straight from that the ball went up the other end and de Ligt should’ve dealt with it but he slipped over and with Schick about to run through on goal he shovelled it back with his hand. The referee initially just booked him, VAR got involved, correctly sent the ref to the monitor and he decided on second viewing that it denied a clear goalscoring opportunity, so off he went. Technology and referee working perfectly to quickly get the right decision.

That shouldn’t necessarily have meant that the Dutch caved in but manager Frank de Boer royally fucked up by keeping five at the back with a back three of De Vrij, Blind and van Aanholt. The Czech’s had already looked dangerous from free kicks with de Ligt on the pitch, so the Dutch could really have done without Stekelenburg needlessly juggling the ball out of play and then van Aanholt needlessly giving away a stupid fail from the corner. Over came the freekick, headed back and there was Holes to thump a header past the defender on the line. Stekelenburg should’ve been in goal but he made a half-arsed attempt to try and catch the initial freekick and was way out of position. The Dutch needed their big players to step up but the big players just did nothing. Frenkie De Jong got all petulant and Memphis Depay didn’t seem to find a single Dutch player with any of his passes. As it turned out the Czech’s broke again down the left, pulled the ball back and there was Schick to sweep a superb left footed finish first time in at the near post. Brilliant goal and a thoroughly deserved win.

Portugal against Belgium was of course, the first real heavyweight clash of the tournament and for the first half, it was fucking boring. Portugal’s default mode is to be really, really dull and defensive and Belgium didn’t have the wit to break them down. Just before half-time, Thorgan Hazard the Lesser, picked up the ball on the left hand side about 30 yards out and just lashed it. Rui Patricio took a step to his right which turned out to be fatal as the ball moved a mile in the air and sped past him on the other side. Bit of a goalkeeping error because the ball didn’t exactly go into the corner. From that moment on, Portugal were a team transformed and threw the sink at it, throwing on attacker after attacker to support the previously isolated Cristiano Ronaldo.

It probably didn’t feel like it at the time but Belgium saw it out relatively comfortably. The experience of Alderweireld, Vermaelen and Vertonghen, even though they have an average age of about 37, did the job they were required to do. Portugal hit the post through Guerreiro but other than that, Courtois was barely called upon. Belgium go through to what should be a fantastic game against Italy in the quarter-finals but will have to do it without Kevin De Bruyne who was cynically taken out by some snide little arsehole called Paulinho who Portugal had a midfield. They might also have to do without Eden Hazard the Greater, who twinged one of his little fat hamstrings again. As the game ended, Pepe went into “I’m 38 and I’m probably retiring and I don’t give a fuck“ mode and started wiping players out but anyone who had “Pepe red card” on their betting slip was ultimately disappointed.  Personally, I had “Ronaldo crying like a baby” on my accumulator and I lost, as the great man managed to keep it in, this time.

Day 16 - Monday 28th June – Croatia 3 Spain 5 (aet), France 3 Switzerland 3 (4-5 pens)

Not Funny At All

I had a feeling that Croatia in Spain was going to be a decent game but for the first half an hour, it didn’t really look like it. Croatia sat deep in Spain did that pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, Morata, miss thing. Our favourite profligate striker had a glorious chance with a free header from 5 yards out but chose sideways instead of forwards and so the chance went begging. Hilariously, Spanish wonderkid Pedri, then pinged a ball straight back to his own goalkeeper and Simon totally missed it to put Croatia 1-0 in front. 40 yard own goal by the 18-year-old. For fucks sake Simon!  Whilst the masochist in me was hoping that it would be the only goal of the game, it’s probably quite good for the mental well-being of the goalkeeper that Spain equalised when The Croat keeper could only parry out a shot from the left and there was Sarabia to ram it into the roof of the net.

The second-half started and it was all Spain with Ferran Torres on the left, picking out Azpilicueta, who had continued his run after starting the move, with a superb cross to make it 2-1. Spain suddenly turned into peak Xavi & Iniesta Spain and it was soon 3-1, with a bizarre goal as they pinged a big diagonal out to the right wing and Ferren Torres ran in front of the Croatian left back and just walked unopposed to the goal before passing it into the corner. Game over, or so we thought.

85 minutes gone and still nothing to see here until Modrić suddenly found himself running in on the goalkeeper and following a spot of pinball, Orsic managed to bundle it over the line. It wasn’t finished there then as we got to 92 minutes Orsic swung over a brilliant cross on the left-hand side and there was Pasalic, totally unmarked to bullet the header past Simon to send us to extra time.

Croatia had the first big chance of extra time as a ball pinged around in Spanish box and fell to Kramaric, once of Leicester City, about 6 yards out he managed to hit the goalkeeper when he had the whole goal to either side and above him to hit. Great save, shite finish. Talking of shite finishers, at the other end and across from the right wing by Olmo, was missed by the Croatian right back and Morata is possessed by the spirit of something or someone decent, brings it down and smashes it into the roof of the net for them to put the Spanish in front again.  That’s it - the Spanish score another goal as well which doesn’t matter because Croatia are now officially done – they clearly missed the suspended “one of the best defenders in the world”.

Having got my breath back from that game, it was time for France against Switzerland which on paper, didn’t promise anything much. France have been functional so far and Switzerland have been bang average. However, France started the game very sluggishly and Switzerland looked bang up for it and it was made much more interesting after 10 minutes when Zuber’s cross on the left was superbly headed in by Seferovic.  Deschamps is an interesting manager in that he chose today to totally change the formation that France have been playing and the back three off of Verane, Lenglet and Kimpembe, played like they had never met each other before. With Rabiot out of position on the left and Pavard not pushing forward, the midfield two of Kante and Pogba were getting overrun, with Granit Xhaka being the star of the show.

In the second half, we got to see the real France for 20 minutes but only after Switzerland are awarded and miss a penalty, awarded for a quite ridiculous challenge by Pavard on Zuber which the ref gave after a VAR check.  Rodriguez’ penalty though was one of those where if Lloris goes the right way then he saves it and sure enough, he did. 10 minutes later and France are 3-1 up. First Griezmann put Benzema through and he produced a ridiculous bit of  skill to get the ball in front of him before poking into the net. Next up, a shot by substitute Griezmann, was deflected up in the air and there was Benzema to nod in from virtually under the bar and then Pogba.  He’s an enigma and he’s not everyone’s cup of tea but fuck me, did he produce something quite ridiculously brilliant, bending a shot into the top corner from about 30 yards.  Like Pogba. France looked absolutely brilliant and it all went a bit showboat and everyone was talking about the quarter-final against Spain, which made what happened next even more funny.

3-2 with 10 minutes to go as a cross from the right wing was powerfully headed home again by Seferovic.  You would have thought that Varane and Kimpembe would have good enough memories to remember that half an hour ago, this guy scored when completely unmarked.  It still look like the Swiss we’re going to run out of time, then Pogba pissed around in midfield and lost the ball, one pass from Xhaka and substitute Gavranovic easily stepped round Kimpembe, who totally sold himself, and fired into the corner to send it to extra time but not before Coman went up the other end and hit the bar.  Not a lot happened in extra time, so penalties it was.

Now, bearing in mind Switzerland’s first choice penalty taker was absolutely shocking, I was expecting France to win this comfortably but Switzerland went first and the first nine kicks were all comfortably scored and then up steps Mbappe.  He’d been shite today with most of the French attacks breaking down on him, usually through him holding the ball too long and trying a shot which was inevitably blocked. Could he score a penalty with the eyes of the world on him? Nope, Jan Sommer guessed right and saved it and so the Swiss go through to play Spain in the quarter-finals after all.  It’s always nice when the favourites go out isn’t it – especially when they’ve pissed it away.

No, Definitely Not Funny

What a mental day of football that was.

Day 17 Tuesday 29th June - England 2 Germany 0, Ukraine 2 Sweden 1 (aet)

Sterling, Grealish, Shaw and a Pitch Invader

Rumours started to emerge that Gareth Southgate was going to go with a back five against Germany and his rumour proved to be correct with the only change from the Czech Republic game being Jack Grealish left out and Kieran Trippier brought in.  I have to admit to being disappointed but not remotely surprised. The last time England use this formation was in the Europa league when it ended up as a 7-0-3 and there was no connection between the midfield and the front players at all. If you play attacking football and lose, there is a bit of forgiveness because at least you are having a go. If you set up to be dour and defensive and don’t win then the sympathy will be in short supply because they will be absolutely nothing to fall back on. I guess you have to admire Southgate for having the courage of his convictions.

The first half was pretty uneventful with England failing to come up with any decent balls into the box and Germany not being much better. England had one effort from Sterling from distance which Neuer saved comfortably and the German Shane Long, Timo Werner had an effort which was well smothered by Pickford.  Right on half time a chance fell to Harry Kane but his attempt to take a touch and finish gave away his lack of form, as the ball ran away from him.  An on-form Kane would have shot first time.  The formation wasn’t really working with the full-backs not getting forward and Rice and Phillips therefore having to go and press on their own.

The second half saw an early attempt from Havertz, acrobatically tipped over by Pickford. Yes it was straight at him but he absolutely fucking hammered it so he did well to get it over the bar. 65 minutes and nothing much happening and the cautious one decided it was time to bring on the attacking players from the bench. In order to do this of course, he had to take off one of our attacking players because you can never have too many of them and Saka came off for Grealish. Then it happened. Sterling picked up the ball in midfield and ran directly towards the goal, fed Kane, back to Grealish and the perfectly weighted ball in front of Shaw to roll in from the left and Sterling it made in his way into the box to put it under Neuer. Get in.

Sterling had a go at going from hero to zero by coughing up possession in midfield and one pass from Havertz later, Thomas Müller of all people was clean through on goal but when faced with the mighty Pickford, he totally shat his pants in un-German fashion and dribbled it wide of the left-hand post. That miss would’ve brought on a really intense scratch and sniff session from his manager.

Harry Kane has basically been walking about upfront for the whole of the tournament so far and I don’t reckon there was an England fan out there who would’ve complained if he’d been substituted at some point but he was still here and he was in the right place as Shaw carried the ball forwards, got the ball out to Grealish on the left and he put over a perfect cross for Kane to stoop and head into the net. Game over. See you later Germany.

Efficient is often a word used in connection with Germans and German football but England were the efficient ones today. We did what we had to do to win the game and you can’t criticise that. Sure, we are not the most entertaining side but we are very well organised, very hard to beat and we have enough good players to create enough to score. Portugal won the tournament last time, playing the same way.  It’s a formula that will be hard for a lot of people to buy in to but whilst wins against the likes of Czech Republic and Croatia are nice, they don’t really convince anyone.  This is Germany however and this is a statement win, this was a 4-1 vs Holland in Euro 96 win. The mood has changed and even the more cynical are now getting cautiously optimistic – that’s me by the way.  Fuck it - give Gareth a new contract.  England will find out who they play after the next game in a few hours but it’s in Rome on Saturday and there is the potential for this to be the only away game that we play in the entire tournament. We are never going to have a better chance of reaching a major international final.

So, Sweden versus Ukraine. The game actually started in quite entertaining fashion with Ukraine taking the lead, well created by Yarmolenko and finish superbly by Zinchenko. Twenty minutes later Sweden were level when Forsberg took aim from the edge of the box and got a fortunate deflection which bounced the ball over the goalkeeper. Half-time came and went and if the first half had been surprisingly entertaining, the second half was shite. Both teams hit the post but in general terms it was piss poor. This led to the inevitable extra time when both teams just started kicking the fuck out of each other. Sweden’s Danielsson was sent off for a high follow-through after clearly winning the ball. Once it went to VAR and got slowed down, he was a dead man. Extra time trundled on with Ukraine kind of half looking to take advantage of having one more man and Sweden just being content to hold on for penalties. 121 minutes on the clock and ball finds its way out to Zinchenko on the left and he gets over a perfect cross and one of the many substitutes, Dovbyk (I swear Jonathan Pearce called him Dogdick) stoops to crash the header past Olsen to send Ukraine through to play England.

Quarter-final predictions:
Belgium 1 Italy 2
Czech Republic 1 Denmark 3
England 2 Ukraine 0
Spain 2 Switzerland 1

Caveat: My predictions for the Round of 16 were absolute shite… Three winners out of eight, those being Denmark, Italy and England