EFL Championship Match 36 - Southampton 4 Sunderland 2

 

The moment Russell Realised What Joe's Best Position Is

Sunderland, remember them? Yes, that’s right… we thought we’re invincible at the start of the season and fully on board HMS Piss The League and then we went to the Stadium of Light, picked Mason Holgate and got drubbed 5-0 and deservedly so. 2-0 down in five minutes and then it got worse. Horrific from start to finish off and today is a chance for revenge.

The fact that our mid-week game against Preston got called off because of a fire within spitting distance of St Mary’s, is not gonna give us many advantages this season because of the fixture congestion which we will no doubt fall foul as a result, but the one good it will give us is that we will be fresher than Sunderland, who played in mid-week when they lost narrowly to Leicester.  They should have had a penalty in the last minute but when Leicester are going for the title, be in in the Premier League or the Championship, you don’t get those decisions against them.   

Sunderland have had a strange season in that they sacked the manager who beat us 5-0, Tony Mowbray, when he was doing pretty well and replaced him with Michael Beale who was an unmitigated disaster and saw Sunderland fall right out of playoff contention. There are certain similarities with Birmingham City who travelled the same road by sacking John Eustace and appointing old squirrel heading himself, Wayne Rooney.  In a strange twist of fate, Birmingham appointed Mowbray to replace Squirrel Head, before Mowbray himself had to be replaced due to ill health. As I said last week when we played Birmingham, get well soon Tony – one of football’s good guys.

Back in September when they hammered us, the main architect was Jack Clarke, whose name has come up a couple of times this season as being linked with Southampton in the summer. Agent bullshit I’m calling on that one because we have three left wingers as it is. Clarke is injured today so in his absence, Sunderland will be hoping for some magic from Jobe Bellingham brother of you know who.

It's got to the stage of the season now where we need to start looking at the results of other teams around the automatic promotion places and the mid-week postponement meant we watched all of Leicester, Ipswich and Leeds put in ropey performances and all managed to win by the odd goal. This means that it’s now eight points between us and Ipswich and second place, which is more or less what it was when we started our long unbeaten run. From that you can see just how little margin for error we have now if we want to make the top two. Sunderland at home is a must win.

Russell Martin made the admission in the week that he was changing the team to accommodate Jack Stephens.  I think this is dumb but there you go, so it’s no surprise today that THB is going to be right back as we break up our proven and effective clean-sheet keeping central defensive partnership.  Flynn Downes has mercifully had no reaction to the Birmingham game and is fit to play with David Brooks keeping his place in the side

Saints start in confident fashion, knocking the ball about and Brooks plays a lovely through ball to Stuart Armstrong who is in behind Seelt, who holds him back but lets go which probably meant that he only got a yellow card when it quite possibly have been red because he made no fucking attempt play the ball whatsoever.  Stuart Attwell is the referee, refereeing in the Championship because he’s been shit in the Premier League, even with the help of VAR.  Why is he suddenly going to be competent because he’s now got to make more decisions?  Anyway, a short free kick from Smallbone to Brooks and chipped to the back post and straight off the training ground, Jobe Bellingham heads it across the face of his own goal, Bednarek powers in a header, the keeper parries it away and Stuart Armstrong stuffs the rebound into the net. Great start, 1-0, we want five.

Sunderland respond by being a shambles, trying to pass the ball out from the back and failing, giving it away to Stephens, who does that Beckenbauer thing in the midfield and we eventually work it out to Stuart Armstrong, whose effort is deflected out for a corner.  Come on lads – these are shite.

Another shite clearance from the Sunderland keeper and Stuart Armstrong produces a superb first time pass to put Adam Armstrong clean through but he goes for it first time and it’s high and handsome and shit to be quite honest. The mackems behind the goal enjoyed it though, Arma being a Geordie and all that.

Sunderland have a bit of possession for the first time and work a decent opening on the left, switched to the right and after a couple of crosses are blocked back to him, Burstow tries to hammer it across from virtually the goal-line and it pings off the near post and flies away to safety.

Normal service is resumed as Sunderland right back Hume gives it away and Adam Armstrong plays it to Stuart Armstrong and onto the overlapping Manning, who pulls a Cruyff turn and gets absolutely totalled by a stupid Chris Rigg sliding tackle for the clearest penalty you’ve ever seen in your life.  However, we have a Premier League ref today….

Stuart Attwell: Hi there Stockleigh Park, it’s Stuart Attwell at Southampton. Hello… hello?
Howard Webb: This is Howard Webb at Stockley Park. What do you fucking want Stuart?
SA: Hi … can you check the penalty shout at Southampton?
HW: No Stuart, fuck off, sort it out yourself
SA: But I can’t… I’ve been in the Prem so long, I’ve forgotten how
HW: Yes Stuart, you were shit and now you’re in the Championship, much like Southampton
SA: But I need the backup
HW: Stuart… you’re in a proper league now.  You have to wipe your own arse.  Put your big boy pants on and make a decision.
SA: Can I come back Howard, please?
HW: No, you were shit, you got demoted, that’s the way it works
SA: But… but… Michael Oliver, Paul Tierney ?
HW: They’re next Stuart
[Howard Webb hangs up]

Penalty. Up steps childhood Newcastle fan Adam Armstrong and slips as he crashes it past the keeper and for some reason there’s a few Sunderland players all moaning at the referee Attwell, but he’s given the goal and Arma is off giving it the big one to the Sunderland fans.  I think they’re complaining about the fact that he may have kicked it twice as he slipped but we haven’t got VAR so it’s a fucking goal isn’t it?

Arma Plays a 1-2 With Himself

Half time and 2-0 and this has been pretty routine so far.  Just need to keep it going and not give them a sniff.  No changes for either team and away we go.

The opening twenty minutes of the second half doesn’t see any change of the direction of travel of the game with Saints being a better side and then it’s time for some substitutions. When I say it’s time for some substitutions, I mean we’ve reached the time of the game when substitutions get made by Russell Martin but we didn’t actually need to make any because we are playing pretty well and dominating the game. Change it we do though with Joe Aribo coming on the excellent Will Smallbone and Kamaldeen Sulemana for some reason, coming on for David Brooks meaning that Adam Armstrong switches to the other side. What’s Sam Edozie done to be behind Sulemana in the pecking order?

Sunderland suddenly look like a half decent side and after a cross gets cleared, Sulemana overplays and gets tackled and it gets worked to Mundle who takes a pot shot from the edge of the box and it flicks off of Jack Stephens who’s not closing him down quick enough and flies into the net giving Baz no chance at all. Fuck off.  To be fair, Mundle has deserved that goal as he’s been energetic and their sole threat throughout.

A few minutes later and Saints are still a shambles, giving the ball away and following a rushed clearance from Manning because Bazunu has given him a shit pass, Sunderland recycle it and there’s a couple of headers that THB can’t get away and then Aribo heads are in the wrong direction and Jobe Bellingham picks it up cuts across and curls a ridiculous shot into the top corner. Fuck me. Two substitutions, both given goals away.

Now it’s substitution time to correct the complete bollocks that the first two substitutions have made. James Bree is on for Jack Stephens giving us a balanced back four and Joe Rothwell comes on for the tiring Stuart Armstrong.

Saints break out of defence with THB finding Bree, who sends Adam Armstrong scampering away on the right hand side.  He burrows into the box before firing it across and it deflects out as far as Rothwell on the edge of the box and the substitute almost goes ‘full Huddersfield’ as he absolutely drills it past the keeper into the net. What a strike that is.

Ten minutes plus extras to go and Saints keep piling forward and with Sunderland throwing bodies forward, there’s so much space as Aribo sends Rothwell away at the middle of the pitch and it’s a four and three break.  With 30,000 people shouting ‘fucking hit it’ as he gets to the edge of the box, he doesn’t and plays it to Adam Armstrong, who tries to slide in for Adams but the ball gets half cleared straight out to Rothwell and you know the rest. Drilled into the middle of the net. 4-2, three points baby.

The game is done and the last few minutes have a sense of relief about them.  Sunderland don’t have anything left and Saints are happy just to let it play out.  Stuart Attwell gets something right and blows the final whistle.

It’s amazing how hard we make things for ourselves but at least in games where you finish with the three points, you can look back on it and laugh. We were completely and utterly in control of this game, 2-0 up and cruising until we made a totally unenforced double substitution on the hour mark, removing Smallbone and Brooks and replacing them with your Aribo and Sulemana, which spectacularly destabilised everything and within 10 minutes Sunderland, who had been showing as much life as eleven corpses in a mortuary, scored twice. Luckily, in these days of five substitutions, you can make up for your mistakes, which we did with the arrival of Rothwell for Stuart Armstrong and Bree for Jack Stevens, which of course allowed THB to go back to his proper position.  A balanced team, round pegs in round holes – who’d have thought it?

Now I haven’t been the biggest fan of Joe Rothwell since he started at Saints. I’ve put his goals against Huddersfield down as lightning striking twice within ten minutes but I can see what the issue is now because previously I couldn’t tell what sort of midfielder he was. There were rumours that he was a defensive midfielder, which he most definitely is not. Russell Martin tried to use him as a number eight midfielder alongside Will Smallbone and that wasn’t unmitigated disaster. Today he came on as a direct replacement for Stuart Armstrong as the most advanced of the midfield three and that’s his position, end of discussion.  His carrying of the ball and shooting was first class today and brought him another two goals and rescued us from one of those games where we dominate and I’ll come on the way wondering how the fuck we haven’t won it.

Rothwell playing well in his best position kind of reminded me of one of the unescapable truths of football which is that balance is everything.  If you get the balance right in midfield between attacking and defending then you are sorted and likewise if you get the balance right in defence with everybody playing the correct positions that they are good at, then that is going to serve you well. Don’t overcomplicate it. Having proper full backs on for the last 20 minutes and our two best to central defenders in tandem in the middle of a pitch made us look so much better. It’s not rocket science.

Sulemana Gets Involved

We were treated to half an hour of Kamaldeen Sulemana on the left wing today and he was to be frank, the same as always is. Burns past the fall back on a regular basis and then makes you think that he may as well not a bothered because the final ball or shot is just never there. If I have to watch him cutting off the left and onto his right foot before passing it straight to the keeper one more time, I will scream.  That, combined with another 10 minutes of nothing from Sekou Mara just made me think that we would get more out of Kamaldeen if he played up the middle and bearing in mind we have Fraser, Edozie, Brooks and Adam Armstrong, who all contribute goals and assists from the wing, maybe it’s worth trying Sulomana as a central striker as a back up to Adams. He can’t be worse than Mara and he can’t be less effective than he is on the wing.  He scosred his only goals for us when he played up top, so why not....?

Will Smallbone had a great game in midfield for us today and his partnership with Brooks down the right hand side is really blossoming.  There was a noticeable loss of control when the two of them went off.

The first half saw us deservedly two goals ahead and the second half should’ve been simple and we should’ve equalled the five goals Sunderland football put past us.  Never mind though as three points is what it’s all about.  I can see myself saying that lots between now and the end of the season.

Onwards … and now a bizarrely long break of about three weeks before we play Middlesbrough at home.  We need three points from that one as well, you’ll be surprised to hear.  Up the fucking Saints.

EFL Championship Match 5 - Sunderland 5 Southampton 0

It was Round About now that Russ realised His Starting 11 was Crap

Even this many years after it was named, I still cringe when I hear the name ‘The Stadium of Light’.  Stealing name of one of Europe’s iconic stadiums will always jar with me a bit. Roker Park just sounded so much better.  We could’ve called Saint Mary’s the Camp Nou or the Bernabeu but thankfully, we called it the Friends Provident Stadium before seeing sense.

Sunderland have generally struggled over the past few years, doing the well trodden trip from the Premier League down to League one and now trying to get back again. Having got out of League one, they had as very good first season in the Championship and sneaked into the final playoff place last season before being knocked out by Luton, who are of course completely drowning in the Premier League right now.

Sunderland have made a solid If unspectacular start this season and have been struggling for goals a bit this year, probably down to their main striker Ross Stewart having been injured. More on him later I suspect.

So, what’s gone on this week? The final week before the end of the transfer window started with a couple of outgoings with Lyanco departing online for a year to some club in Qatar whose name I can’t be bothered to learn.  He was one who always tried his best but there was always one too many calamities just waiting to happen and you knew that he was never going to be able to string together a few games without one happening. Good defending is all about consistency and doing the right things often, and Lyanco was never gonna do that. He was however a completely mad bastard and there were times last season when he seemed incredibly valuable because he at least showed the determination required in a relegation battle that others could’ve learned from.  He’s going out on loan for the season but I suspect he is never to return

I’ve heard it said that all the celebrating tackles and bringing the crowd into play was a little bit of a bluff to distract from the fact that he wasn’t very good and I can’t possibly comment on that. Good luck to him - he tried his best and wanted to be here but he just wasn’t good enough. The bottom line that his signing from Torino was a cheap punt for £6 million quid and for that outlay, he did okay.

Next out the door was Romain Perraud who moved on a season long loan to Nice in France. This one is slightly different because He didn’t really do anything wrong. He has fallen down the pecking order this season with the signing of Ryan Manning and the emergence of Jayden Meghoma means that it’s probably okay to let him go for the season. Again, I wish him well because he always put in 100% effort despite being messed around quite a lot last year by a variety of managers who picked players out of position, rather than play our only senior left back. It was all rather weird. Put all that together and this is probably a move that will benefit all parties.

And so we get to deadline day with a number of issues up in the air.  One was sorted with relative calm early on in the day with Taylor Harwood-Bellis joining from Manchester City on loan. The deal is that we have an obligation to buy at £20 million, if we get promoted. As a player who got promoted with Burnley last season, Harwood-Bellis will most definitely be hoping to do the same again. The most important thing about him is that even at 21, he’s already established leadership credentials by captain in the England under 21 side. I expect him to be a regular in the team sooner rather than later.

We were heavily rumoured to be signing the Sunderland striker Ross Stewart and we were also heavily rumoured to be losing Che Adams to Wolves. As the day went on it became apparent that Che was going to sign a new contract with Saints but move to Wolves on loan for the season which means that we would still get the £15 million quid for him this time next year plus a loan fee for this season.  

As the day went on, Ross Stewart still hadn’t happened and then some news spread by bellend Internet ITK wannabes suggested that the Stewart deal was off which probably came from the very definite news that Saints has decided that the Che deal with Wolves was a load of shit and they pulled the plug on it. At the end of the day, Stewart signed and Che Adams didn’t go anywhere so we now have the striking options sorted, even though Che is understood to be somewhat pissed off with his move to Wolves not happening. Hopefully when everything settles down, he will see it as a blessing in disguise.

Ross Stewart - Before and After the Game

When the transfer window finally closed, everyone realised that no one had bought Kyle Walker-Peters so we have by far the best right back in the Championship and also, no one had come in for Kamaldeen Sulemana , despite his agent desperately pushing out at the last minute that he had a £30 million release clause. No one was ever gonna pay that because Sulemana has not remotely done anything to warrant it. That one will be very interesting as it still wouldn’t surprise me at all if he sits on his hands until January. If he does get his head down and play then he’s the Nathan Tella replacement we needed, until January at least.

The other minor footnote regarding those brought in in the great Rasmus Plays Scattergun Football Manager Bullshit Transfer Window of January 2023, was that Tall Paul didn’t find an escape route, so the poor bugger is stuck with us with no prospect of getting anywhere near the match day squad. With a few countries still having open transfer windows, I hope a solution can be found for the big man.

Overall, on the face of it, I think the transfer window was a success. There was a lot of work needing doing and a decent percentage of it has been done. Some players who didn’t wanna be here have moved on and unfortunately, the real top level talent has inevitably moved on also. We have also got rid of some dead wood.  We have brought players in quite astutely and have two players for every position now so on the face of it, it’s not bad. Financials are boring obviously but we have balanced the books regarding the money wasted last season and mitigated a lot of the loss of income from getting relegated to the Championship.

So with the transfer window done and dusted and the squad all settled, what would Russell Martin’s first team selection be.  Interesting – on the face of it it’s a bit fucking weird with four changes from a winning side.  Out of the team go the injured Jack Stephens along with Charly Alcaraz, Sam Amo-Ameyaw and Shea Charles, the latter of whom has definitely not done anything to warrant getting left out. In came Mason Holgate, Will Smallbone, Flynn Downes and …. FFS Sekou Mara.

It’s the first time I’ve looked at a Russell Martin Championship team selection and wondered what the fuck is going on. Chucking Holgate in for his first game seems like a massive risk and I can’t help but feel that Smallbone would be better off coming off the bench in his first game back from injury. Mara didn’t exactly do much last week when he came on and with the 11 names on the timesheet today, I guess it’s either going to be him or Adam Armstrong playing out wide right.

The referee today is David Coote who like us, was so shit he’s been relegated down into the Championship but unlike us, he’s only there for a week.

Sunderland start the game on the front foot and build at their right and under no pressure, the cross comes in, bending behind our defence and under no pressure, Clarke nips in front of Edozie and has a free header at Baz from about 6 yards. 1-0 - Jesus Christ that’s pathetic.

Plenty of time to sell into the game let the next action is more unopposed Sunderland play down our left with Bellingham being allowed time to set the ball back for a simple pass across the top of the penalty area to Ekwah, who takes a touch and under no pressure drills it across Baz, into the far corner. To be fair to Baz, it was going wide until it flicked off of Flynn Downes but I would ask, what exactly are we trying to fucking achieve here and what do we expect if we just stand off all the time ?

We finally get a bit of possession until Holgate gives the ball away on the halfway line to send Sunderland away on the right. Again there is no pressure on the ball as Ba just advances to the edge of the penalty area before curling a shot just wide of the far post. You just sense that unless we get the next goal, which we don’t remotely look like doing, that this is going to be absolutely horrible because Sunderland are now just sitting in and playing on the break, which is the luxury but the 2-0 head start has given them.

We decided to try and put them under pressure a bit in their own half and our first chance comes because of it with Ekwah presenting the ball straight to Edozie 25 yards out and he barrels towards the edge of the penalty area and slams it just wide.  He really had to hit the target there and it’s a poor effort.  The game should change a bit soon after that as Edozie’s cross from the left is picked up by Manning and Dack runs across the back of him.  Looks like a penalty but not in David Coote’s eyes.

We’re back to our worst soon after though as Clarke is allowed to break through the centre of our midfield with players jogging alongside him before he gets carted over on the edge of the box by Holgate, who to be fair, had to do something. From the free-kick, Bradley Dack hits it and Baz manages to parry it away. Again, there is no reaction from any of our defenders and it takes an air shot from Sunderland forward before we managed to get a boot to it and clear it.

With a couple of minutes to half time, and Holgate on the ball, he gets closed down by a Sunderland striker and passes it 10 yards straight to Ekwah in midfield. Holgate goes charging after the ball and leaves the striker who closed him down but Ekwah however doesn’t need the striker because he jinks past Holgate as if he is not there, advances a few yards and then smashes it low into the bottom corner of the net under the wrist of the diving Baz. 3-0, game completely fucked.

Russell Martin has no choice but to ring the changes at half-time, with the ineffective Stuart Armstrong and Sam Edozie replaced with Ryan Fraser and Che Adams.  To be fair, he could have subbed any of the outfield ten and not many could have complained.  Any thoughts we may have had about any sort of unlikely come back I completely fucked within the first couple of minutes of the second half as a cross comes in from the left, a free header parried out by Baz but when the ball comes back in, Holgate swings at it and misses, and Bradley Dack stabs into the net from 5 yards. Our defending is so shit it is unbelievable. Mason Holgate is showing Alan Bennett levels of debut calamity. He is not alone in the air-shot stakes though with Ryan Manning having also wafted at fresh air when the ball has come back off of Baz in the first place.

Jack Clarke is proving to be a real handful on the left wing for Sunderland but then if you give any player acres of space that they are going to be a problem. Clarke drives straight to the heart of the defence before anyone could get to him and gets about 8 yards out before poking a shot which Baz does really well to get down and save. Our desire to get near them in midfield is non-existent. Downes is trying his best but Smallbone looks like he is running in treacle and is never near any Sunderland player.

Out of nowhere we came closest to scoring as we have done all game as Holgate tries a potshot from 30 yards and the Sunderland goalkeeper Patterson is very fortunate as he makes a complete bollocks of it but it bounces off his knee and goes wide for a corner. In it comes from Manning and Holgate has a free header at the back post but it goes well wide.

It’s more or less Holgate’s last involvement as he is taken off and replaced with a man who should’ve started, Shea Charles, also off is Smallbone who also shouldn’t have started, and he’s replaced with Alcaraz.

There is time for us to immediately add the dog leg offside trap to our list of shit things that we’ve done in defence which gives another clear run at Baz coming in from our left but once again, the goalkeeper is up to the task producing an outstanding so have to keep the score down.

As we get into extra time with no further calamity, we then allow Burnett in midfield to perform three or four roulettes and drag backs which really should’ve seen him booted into the stand - but no one does anything and he is allowed to swing over across and Rigg, a child, barely out of school, gets up to head across Baz to make the misery complete. Fuck off. So shit it’s actually funny.

Well fuck me we are shit again after that very brief four-game interlude of not being shit. We got hammered in textbook fashion.  If you just look at the timings of the goals then it’s the perfect recipe for getting mullered.  Two down in the opening 10 minutes and then just when you could think about regrouping at half-time, you let in another one. Though it’s very unlikely, it’s not infeasible to have a much better second half at 3-0 down but if you come out and immediately let in a fourth then you are completely fucked, so we did that. From then on it’s just damage limitation.  Four goals can kind of be put down to have a horrendous day but then you put a different slant on it all together by letting in a fifth in injury time and the goalscorer is a schoolboy that they have just thrown on for a laugh because the game is over and we are so shit that the schoolboys development can’t possibly be harmed. The only good thing about that goal is that a lot of your own fans will have left.

The tone was set by Russell Martin’s team selection. The negative headlines will all go to Mason Holgate and he was truly horrific but he should never of been selected because as was said earlier, Shea Charles deserved to start the game and has proved to be a very capable central defender when called upon. The other mystifying selection was that of Sekou Mara. He was 24 hours from leaving the club if the rumours are to be believed, yet he starts and unsurprisingly, he was shit, because he always is and consequently the attack had no balance. It’s no coincidence that it’s the first game this season where we haven’t scored. Will Smallbone also struggled massively on his return from injury so you could argue that that’s another selection that shouldn’t have been made.

Balance is a key word with this team at the moment. I don’t like the make up of our side in away games which is basically one defensive midfielder and five attackers. We are always going to concede goals playing this way and I would much rather see two number sixes, Downes and Charles and one other more attack minded midfield player - one of Stuart Armstrong, Alcaraz, Smallbone or Adam Armstrong in away games. We got away with it against Plymouth and Sheffield Wednesday but we got found out today.

Another balance issue we have is in central defence. I don’t know too much about Taylor Harwood-Bellis but I hope he’s comfortable playing on the left of the central defenders because all of Holgate, Stephens and Bednarek prefer to play on the right. That was probably the only mitigating factor for Mason Holgate today.

The finger of blame will also be pointed at Baz again today and the third goal was bad from his perspective as it sneaked under his arm. Again though, Russell Martin’s usual defence of him that it is more about those in front of him, largely stands up. He also made some very good saves today.

You can’t really blame the referee David Coote for much that went in today in terms of the result but he was easily the worst referee that we’ve had so far this season. All over the fucking place with a series of mystifying decisions against both teams. It would’ve made any difference today because we were that shit but the only thing you could maybe point out is the penalty we didn’t get at 2-0 for the foul on Manning which could certainly have changed things. Premier League referees who are used to operating with VAR shouldn’t be dropped into the Championship for a week, where you have no back up from the goons at Stockley Park and therefore have to referee the game differently.  Today though, we would’ve probably missed the fucking penalty and even if we had been given one, we would’ve thrown in another goal straight afterwards so it wouldn’t have ultimately made any difference.

Today’s capitulation should actually do us good. It should give some major learning points to Russell Martin and it should also instill in the players that you have to be on it in every single game otherwise this can happen. Everyone says the Championship is a tough league and I’m not sure that a lot of the players believed it. They had better believe it now.

Regarding this game, it’s time to be all Nigel Adkins about it and draw a blue line under it and move on. Next up is Leicester at home on a Friday night after the international break. What could possibly go wrong?

Premier League Match 25 - Sunderland 0 Southampton 4

Manolo Sends the Sunderland Defenders Over There for a Hot Dog

A quick glance at our forthcoming fixtures shows away games at Sunderland and Watford and then we start playing the heavy hitters so we really need to get something today, even if it’s only a point.  This game is almost being seen as a home banker as Saints have been pretty woeful of late and Sunderland won 4-0 in a relegation 6 pointer at Palace last week.  Jermain Defoe’s two goals in that game have given us a week of the media cracking one off over him and how he’s going to fire them to safety etc.  I like Defoe – good player who should have played for some better clubs than he has.  Spurs were his main club but I don’t remember him being much of a first team regular and of course he had that spell at the club that could never afford his wages in a million years.  Still, even with that blemish on his record – he’s still a decent player.  David Moyes is the manager there these days and he wears the hangdog expression of a man who’s just stumbled into a party round at Wilfried Zaha’s house.  He’s been predicting a relegation struggle since the opening week of the season and he’s got his wish. 

Since the closing of the transfer window and the balls up that has seen us short at centre back, we have been heavily linked with free agent Martin Caceres who was at Juventus but had an achilles injury and has been without a club for 6 months.  A Uruguayan international with 60 odd caps so he’s got to be decent and he’s been pictured at the Saints training ground in a training kit.  The word is that it’s all done but we’re waiting for the work permit before announcing it.  Now, he hasn’t played in 75% of Uruguay’s recent internationals because it’s hard to do so when you are wearing a surgical boot so he should be here soon.  I’ve only been aware of him as a right back but apparently his preferred position is centre back.  He’s not the tallest at 5 foot 11 but beggars cannot be choosers.  Let’s face it, it’s hardly shopping in the bargain bins if you can pick up a player with 60 caps for a decent country and has Barcelona and Juve on his CV.  If we can get him and keep him fit then there’s your José replacement.  However, on Friday night a story appeared that he’s returned to Uruguay because of a death in the family so it may well be all up in the air again.

To today and we have gone with two changes from the West Ham game with Redmond and Tadic coming in for J-Rod and the injured Boufal.  There has been some talk in the buildup about Ryan Bertrand being centre back but that doesn’t appear to be the case.  As the teams line up, Sunderland have a player who looks like he has a blonde palm tree on his head.  It’s a bit like 90’s whipping boy Jason Lee with his pineapple.  I know not who or what it is but it’s in Sunderland’s midfield.  As befits an ex-United and Everton manager, they have a team of United and Everton has-beens with Darron Gibson, Bryan Oviedo, John O’Shea, Adnan Januzaj and Steven Pienaar on the bench. Welcome to the Wearside Retirement Home for players who are not as good as they thought they were.  Oh look, there’s Joleon Lescott on the bench and Wabhi Khazri, what a wanker he is.

Hang on, why is JWP so wide and what is Tadic doing there in the middle.  Fucking hell it looks like we’re playing 4-2-3-1.  Halle-fucking-lujah!  The new formations is not an instand fix though as we are resembling a pub team at the start and Sunderland are having the better of it.  A cross comes in from the Sunderland left and Bertrand doesn’t get much distance on the clearing header allowing Januzaj to have a shot which hits Bertrand and goes behind.  The biggest surprise is that the little twat had a shot instead of diving which is always his first option.  Another of my favourite players, rat face little shite Seb Larsson tries to work a short corner and then totally makes a balls of crossing the ball.  It’s a bit worrying that Sunderland are still looking the better side and Januzaj crosses form the left again which causes panic but luckily Defoe seems surprised by a cross actually reaching him and it rather hits him and bounces off for a goal kick.

We get out first chance on about 20 minutes and it’s from a mistake.  Redmond tries to find Bertrand on the left but passes it straight to Billy Jones who knocks it to Gibson who just gives it away allowing Gabbiadini a snap shot which he gets all wrong and well wide.  Looking at the Sunderland defence it’s an accident waiting to happen – Jones, O’Shea… not good.

Sunderland have it in midfield and it’s played to Januzaj who gets completely manshamed by Yoshida and just grizzles on the ground.  Both Saints and the referee ignore the little prick and carry on, Tadic playing Gabbiadini through.  Mannone forces him wide but he gets his head up and pulls it back to Cedric on the edge of the box, a lazy waft of the right boot and well wide and well shit.

Luckily we didn’t have long to wait as Romeu put Bertrand away on the left and he produces a wicked curling cross which flies into the net off Gabbiadini who has got inbetween Kone and O’Shea, despite O’Shea’s efforts to rip his shirt off.  It’s a bit lucky, in fact it looks like it’s flown in off his arm but there’s no way that’s going to get given as handball. Get in and 2 in 2 for the new man.

We’re controlling the game now and going into half time with a 1-0 lead as we build on the right with JWP and Cedric before the ball finds its way to Tadic whoo finds Gabbiadini with his back to goal but a second later he’s facing the right way and Kone and O’Shea have gone for a hot dog and bang, 2-0.  I fucking love this clinical lark.  What a turn, what a goal.  Top man.

Moyes responds at half time by taking off a United has been in O’Shea and sending on an Everton has been in Pienaar.  There’s no change to the pattern of play though and early pressure bring a corner, in it comes from JWP and Gabbiadini half connects with a volley in the box which is straight at Mannone.  JWP is growing into his more attacking role and after a move which started with Stephens expertly binning Defoe, JWP tries a 30 yarder which curls about a foot wide of the post.

It’s all us and we’re peppering the goal with decent efforts with Bertrand and Tadic testing the keeper from the edge of the box and JWP heading Redmond’s excellent cross down and wide when he really should have buried it.  There will be no hat-trick for Manolo and he’s off with Shane Long on and the new man tests Mannone as well with a header from a Cedric cross which the 8-0 keeper tips over.  Hojbjerg is on for Tadic in the last ten minutes and the camera pans to J-Rod chucking his shin pads around in the dug out, obviously narked off at not getting on.

There is only a slight fear that Sunderland will score with an Oviedo cross and a Borini header wide the closest they get.  It’s game over soon afterwards if it wasn’t already as Fraser boots long, Shane holds it up, Redmond sends Bertrand away and another wicked cross towards Shane but Denayer dives in and slams it into his own net.  The notable thing about this goal was that Bertrand got on his bike to receive the pass and Khazri who was marking him just let him go like the useless lazy wanker that he is.

Two minutes later and Sunderland have totally given up, the fans have fucked off and so have most of the players.  Bertrand to Long, first touch to JWP, back to him and a precise side foot finish into the corner.  Who’d be Vito Mannone – four goals conceded and no fault of his – totally down so the useless sacks of shite in front of him.

There’s one more incident of note as Sunderland get a free kick on the right, whip it in and it ends up in the net but have no far – that complete wanker Khazri has punched it into the net.  What a fucking tool.

Now that is more fucking like it.  A comprehensive away win and a handing out of the dicking that the relegation threatened club deserves and boy did Sunderland deserve it. I think they actually thought they could just turn up and win today having won so comfortably at Selhurst Park last week. They were fucking dreadful but more on them later.

We looked like a proper team today, solid at the back, combative in midfield and a threat upfront. The arrival of Gabbiadini has changed everything. Now, we have a focal point, a forward with a great touch on the ball and a player with clever movement and confidence and most importantly, he knows where the fucking goal is.  Early days I know but we seem to have a complete beauty on our hands here. Without him it would've been 0-0 at half time like countless other games that we had this season but he had three chances in the first half and two of them ended up in the net. That's clinical, the exact opposite of what we have been all season and we go in with a 2-0 lead and are able to manage the game in the second half. Tadic in particular had a good game today with Redmond and JWP providing good support and good quality from the wings. Shane Long also look very good when he came on and deserved his goal. It was interesting seeing that J-Rod threw a bit of a paddy on the bench when he wasn't called upon as the last substitute. I understand his frustration as he probably wanted to put a case for being included at Wembley but he can have absolutely no complaints as he was completely shocking against West Ham last week.

This of course was a different formation today as we went back to the Koeman-Pochettino-Adkins 4-2-3-1 and boy does it look better.  We had some proper protection for our suspect centre backs and it made a huge difference and it gave us a player in the No.10 position. Romeu and Davis totally bossed the centre of the park after the first 15 minutes with Cedric and Bertrand especially being a threat going forward. The centre backs coped admirably with the threat of Defoe who was restricted to trying to pick a fight with Jack Stephens and the Sunderland man actually look like he was about to cry at one point.

Yoshida and Stephens manage to be part of the defence are kept clean sheet today, as they were against Liverpool. In both of those matches, the opposition did not have a traditional target man centre forward. In the other two games where we had this defensive pairing, Andy Carroll and Fernando Llorente have caused havoc, so any thoughts along the line of we've cracked it, really need to be put into that context and the fact that in our next game, we are against possibly the best in the business at being at target man in Zlatan Ibrahimović.

So Claude gets another big pat on the back for changing the formation and I really hope that he sticks with it. It gets our attacking midfielders further up the pitch and closer to the striker and also protects the back four better and doesn't leave Romeu having to do it all on his own. Please stick with it...

Now for the jokes - Sunderland were fucking awful. The list of things that would piss me off if I was one of their fans is endless but will start with Didier N’Dong in the centre of midfield. In the 90s, you could get away with it wearing a pair of coloured boots if you were a good player. If you weren't then you just looked like a complete wanker. Now, in 2017, virtually all the players wear coloured boots so the extrovert has to find a new way to stand out. N’Dong does it by having a ridiculous fucking haircut which no one would really give a shit about if he was a world-class or even a good player. Gareth Bale has a stupid monstrosity on his head but no one cares because he is one of the best players in the world. Likewise, Lionel Messi can have a ginger beard and blonde hair and no one cares because he's Lionel Messi. Didier N’Dong has a stupid name, a stupid haircut and in addition to that, he is fucking shit, quite possibly the worst player I've seen this season. Halfway through the second half, he along with the rest of the Sunderland midfield, he just stopped giving a shit, stop running back and that's why we helped ourselves to two more goals in the last few minutes. 

I will also say a special mention for Adnan Januzaj, who once scored a goal for Manchester United, ironically against Sunderland which got him hyped up as the next greatest thing, the next Cristiano Ronaldo, the next George Best, tug-of-war between England and Belgium and some Balkan country for his services at international level. He is a lightweight, cheating diving little cunt and fair play to the referee today. He must've refereed Januzaj before because he was not giving him a single fucking thing even when he was getting absolutely smashed. You reap what you sew you cheating little cunt.  Then we have Wabhi Khazri – an absolute disgrace of a player.  Sunderland are screwed – their players with the right attitude are not good enough (O’Shea, Gibson, Jones, Mannone, Pienaar) and there are loads with the wrong attitude who are absolutely stealing a living (N’Dong, Denayer, Januzaj, Khazri).  No chance.

I briefly mentioned our next game and our date with Zlatan. Our next game is two weeks away and it is the EFL cup final against Manchester United at Wembley. As I write, my tickets haven't arrived yet so I don't think it's truly sunk in that we are off to Wembley. As for our line-up on the big day, I think it will be the line-up that started today. Even if Boufal is fit, he will only be on the bench so I guess that leaves the question of who plays alongside Yoshida at centre back. Jack Stephens must be favourites but it could still be Martin Caceres though with today's news that possibility has receded somewhat. shit, I'm even hoping for a miracle return Virgil van Dijk.

This win today should calm a few nerves that we were going to get dragged into the relegation dogfight and we can now go to Wembley with a bit more confidence both as a team and as fans. 

Que Sera Sera, whatever will be, will be....

EFL Cup 4th Round - Southampton 1 Sunderland 0

This is Going In!

EFL Cup Round 4 and Sunderland at home, a team who we’ve failed to beat at home in our last two home matches with them.  The one before that was the 8-0 game of course.  Where is Mr Poyet and Mr Vergini today?  Davis Moyes is here and if I was him, bottom of the league and Allardyce without a job, I’d be putting my strongest team out today.  They’ve been desperately poor at the start of the last 4 or 5 seasons but this year has topped the lot with just two points so far, one of which was of course against us.  They’re in trouble this year as Newcastle have been relegated so that’s six extra points they have to find from somewhere.

We knew that Claude was going to rotate and it was just a question of how much.  They answer was ‘a lot’.  No Fraser, Virgil, Oriol, Charlie, Dusan, Nathan, Davo from the regular first team and Cuco was also rested so in came McCarthy, Maya, JWP, Hojbjerg and J-Rod as expected.  Others included were Sofiane Boufal making his first start and the kids – Harrison Reed, Jack Stephens at right back, Sam McQueen and Lloyd Isgrove.  There was a place on the bench for Olofela Olomola as well.  So; five academy players – nice one Claude.

Saints start well and pass it about nicely but mainly in front of Sunderland with the first real threat being a ball fired into the box by McQueen which resulted in J-Rod and Billy Jones clashing heads. Initially, J-Rod seemed to have come off the better of the two and got back up and got on with it but was obviously bothered by it and had to go off to be replaced by Olomola.  J-Rod’s run of luck is ridiculous.  He could fall in a bucket full of tits and come up sucking his thumb.  You get the impression that no one wants to play more than him and things just keep going wrong.

Sunderland are making some inroads, mainly behind Jack Stephens who is looking a bit ‘Bambi on Ice’ at right back.  Doing a job but not entirely comfortably. On we go and Sunderland have Wabhi Khazri who was 10 out of 10 for being a prick last season and yep, he still is so it’s amusing when he tries a shot and plays a big air shot and falls on his arse.  Olomola is trying to make his presence felt by running around like a lunatic and Claude is quite clearly trying to calm him down from the technical area.

As you can tell, there is precious little going on.  Boufal lights up proceedings with some ridiculous skill, nutmegging a Sunderland defender with a move straight out of a football freestyle video before winning a corner.  Lloyd Isgrove, who must be in the last chance saloon as a Saints player being 23 and not made it yet, has a chance to run at Djilibodji and bottles it.  Instead of taking him on he kind of runs away from the ball and lets him have it.  What the fuck is that all about?

Sunderland have half a shout for a penalty as Watmore breaks forward and passes it before crashing into McQueen and then Khazri ups his ‘prick’ rating even more by losing the ball and then hammering back to cynically hack Boufal over from behind and about 5 yards from the ball.  Up steps JWP and he should shoot but he doesn’t and it gets headed up in the air and Olomola smashes it at the roof.  0-0 at half time and all a bit crap.  It’s understandable from us as we have so many kids out there but Sunderland are just shocking really.

The second half starts with a Yoshida mistake as he clears a cross straight to Watmore who fires well over.  On the hour mark JWP puts in a  poor cross which is cleared back towards half way and José get in ahead of Anichebe and sends it back, miles up in the air.  Down it comes on the left edge of penalty area where Boufal brings it down with the outside of his right foot, before one touch inside and curling it right footed over Pickford and into the far top corner.  It’s a fantastic goal and totally at odds with the rest of the game.  What a goal and what have we got here and standby for a load of ‘Welcome to Liverpool’ jokes – fuck off!

We defend the lead by giving McNair a free header from a corner which he heads onto the outside of the post and both managers roll the dice with the bench.  Moyes brings on Defoe, the one player who he rested and Isgrove is done in what is probably his last appearance in a Saints shirt and is replaced by Redmond.

Redmond’s first contribution is to fuck up and give the ball to N’Dong who passes through to Defoe and the clearly limping McCarthy gets down well to block the left footed effort.  As well as the injured keeper, Boufal is clearly knackered but Reed is unable to run so he has to be replaced with Clasie and the club record signing just has to get on with it as there are no subs left

Nothing happens at all for the rest of the match until the 93^rd minute when a ball is played into Anichebe and before it gets to him, over he goes like the big sack of shit that he is.  Moyes goes nuts as no penalty is given and ends up getting sent to the stand.  It wasn’t til I saw the replay that I realised that Yoshida has needlessly and clumsily tripped him.  It should have been a penalty all day long.  What the fuck was Maya doing? – there is no need to foul Anichebe ever because he is complete wank.

We play out the remaining few minutes with some nice ‘take the piss’ possession triangles in the left hand corner between Boufal, McQueen and Hojbjerg and we’re through to the quarter finals again.  Get in!

So somehow, we had managed to beat another Premier League side who had a virtually their full team out whilst we had a team of kids, some of whom were wearing nappies. We got lucky with the blind referee at the end but apart from the one shot from Defoe I can't remember them getting near our goal.

The only memorable thing about this pretty shite game is the goal. The goal was a complete thing of beauty, from the moment Boufal's ridiculous first touch brought the ball down out of the sky. Not bad for a debut goal and right up there with the rock 'n' roll pirate nutter Dani Osvaldo's goal against Manchester City.

Of the youngsters, I thought Reed was excellent again before he had to go off. If given an opportunity more often then he certainly wouldn't be any worse than Clasie. these two players sum up what was wrong with The Lying Dutchman’s mindset over the past two years. We sign a relatively expensive foreign player when we had just as good a player in the Academy who has basically stagnated for the last two years. Considering he was playing out of position, Jack Stevens had a solid enough game at right back. His wing play was pretty shocking to be honest but he got in a few good tackles and blocks and didn't look out of place. Lloyd Isgrove had a decent loan spell at League 1 Barnsley last season so I was expecting a decent performance out of him today but he was crap.  In the first half he had a couple of chances one on one with a big slow defender and it just seemed to be scared to take him on. If you are a small pacy winger and you are not going to take on a big slow defender for pace or trickery then what the fuck are you doing out there?  He lost the ball in every challenge that he was involved in and at 23 the time has come to say that he's never going to be good enough to play in the Premier League. Also, bear in mind that this was virtually a Championship side we were playing against today. Olafela Olomola looked enthusiastic but it was far too difficult for him. He's only 18 so has loads of time to learn but it did prove that he is not ready to have any significant impact yet.

As for Sunderland well they were fucking dreadful. It amused me hugely to read the Sunderland press after the game and they were saying that this was one of their better performances. You are playing against a team of kids for fuck's sake and you still only created a chance when you brought on the one player who you have rested from your regular starting 11. They were so much bigger than us all over the pitch that you felt we could just get overpowered eventually but they made up for being bigger by being fucking useless.  Boufal could hardly run for the last 10 minutes and McQueen was struggling as well and then that was McCarthy in goal who couldn't move. I know they should've had a penalty but come on, that was a shocking display. I hope that all the fans in there and were local and haven't travelled down from the other end of the country to watch that shit.

On a personal note, tonight I sat in the Northam as opposed to my usual seat in the Family Stand in the Chapel.  Usually I have two year olds kicking the back of my seat and general non-football blather going on all around me as youngsters don’t have the attention span to sit through 90 minutes.  They are infinitely preferable though to the teenage twats who were all around me tonight.  There was a row of 5 of them right in front of me and all 5 of them were looking at their phones all match, trying to get a picture put up on the big screen.  Watch the game you stupid fuckers!  The good news is that when the goal went in and most us all went nuts, it became apparent that three of them completely missed it because they were staring at their phones.  If you’re gonna look at your phone all game – why bother going?

Anyway, so what have we got in Sofiane Boufal? Well, he's got some ridiculous skill and he certainly has an eye for the spectacular.  I think that if we can give in the ball in the right areas when he only has one defender to beat then we are going to have a great time seeing him rip Premier League right backs to bits.  He will be coming off the bench for now but he can do a lot of damage in 20 minutes.  I hope he can withstand getting kicked up in the air because it’s going to happen a lot.

As we went home in the car, the radio reported the draw, part picked by Francis Benali.  Arsenal versus Southampton, an interesting draw because they certainly won’t play a full side and we won’t either, given that the quarter final is going to part of 9 games in 30 days that we have.  We knocked them out at The Emirates a couple of years ago and we should have got something in the league game this year (Thanks Bobby Madley) so why not.  Last time we were in the quarter final of the League Cup we got humped 6-1 so we’ve gotta do better than that.  Before that though we have a shedload of other games, starting with Chelsea at home in the league.  They’ve won their last three and are looking decent again.  Any team that has David Luiz in it will give you a chance though so bring it on.

Premier League Match 3 = Southampton 1 Sunderland 1

Diamonds. Merde

Sunderland at home but before we get onto that, we've had shed loads going on this week.

All the tinpot piece of shit clubs who aren't in Europe like Everton, Liverpool and Chelsea were in Round 2 League Cup action this week and the draw for Round 3 when the elite join, paired us with.... fucking Crystal Palace.... Again. Talk about dull and they'll be thinking exactly the same thing about playing us yet again.
It's being reported that we will be breaking our transfer record in the next few days to sign Sofiane Boufal, a Moroccan attacker who tore up Ligue 1 for Lille last season. At 23 and £21 million, it would show that Saints have not been put off by the Osvaldo debacle or the Gaston near-debacle. There is also talk of Nicolae Stanciu, who was Romania's best player in Euro 2016 but that one seems to have cooled as the Boufal rumours have heated up. Again, he's a Number 10 – winger type and to be honest, I'd be happy with him as well.
Of course we can't have rumoured incomings without rumoured outgoings. Jose Fonte is still being linked with Manchester Red Cunts and there is a growing feeling that J-Rod may go out on loan? Until someone proves they can stick the ball in the net for us this season, I'd be strongly against this.
The Europa league draw was made on Friday with us in pot 3 out of 4 and we got more or less the perfect draw when put in a group with Crystal Palace, Crystal Palace U23s and Crystal Palace Women.  Not really, we got Inter Milan, Sparta Prague and the Israeli team that Celtic scraped past in the Champions League, Hapoel Be'er Sheva. Hapoel is a long Thursday night trip for the team and will be an entertaining and different experience for the fans who travel. On that score, Prague and Milan will be amazing, almost like a stag night.  I guess results against Sparta will be the biggest indicator as to whether we'll get through the group or not and then there's Inter. What a fucking draw that is... From League 1 Minus 10 to the fucking San Siro. What a journey.  You’ll still find fans saying we have no ambition though.
The good news wasn't finished there for the day either as Cedric the European Champion (to give him his full title), signed a new four year contract, joining all the others and basically, just leaving Jose unresolved.

Team news was interesting in that Charlie Austin started ahead of Shane Long but other than that it was as expected.  Ryan Bertrand had made it back as far as the bench so some good news there.  Having lost their manager to England, Sunderland replaced him with David Moyes who will do a good job but it will take time.  He’s come in and had a look around and obviously doesn’t fancy what he has to work with much and declared that they will be fighting relegation this season.  Very honest of him but it just fuels the belief that we have to win today.  They still have that little bastard Defoe and he’s still decent and on the other end of the scale, they have Fabio Borini who is a diving shit house and he’s amplified his shit house characteristics by having a shit house blonde hair do.  How would you like it Sir? I know – make me look like a complete fucking cock.  Talking of diving fuckers, they also have Adnan Januzaj who scored a goal once for Man United so was hyped to be the next George Best.

Like the Watford game, we start well with Targett getting down the left and crossing into Tadic who takes a great touch before lashing it just over the bar.  The next chance fall to Austin as Tadic plays him through but he doesn’t trust his pace against the last defender and takes the shot early from 30 yards and the keeper comfortably pushes it wide.

Sunderland’s first attack brings a corner on their right. Van Aanholt’s corner is panic cleared back out to him and he slings in another cross and Cedric is appealing for offside like a 13 year old and Kone has a free header at the back post.  As we wait for the net to bulge he has a 50p head moment and somehow manages to head it past the far post.  Properly shit.  Meanwhile, Cedric is still appealing for offside.

We’re looking very slack at the back and most of it down to Jose Fonte who is having a mare.  A low cross in from the right sees Fonte ball watching and Defoe is alive and gets there first and we’re very lucky to get away with it as the ball bounces to safety.

After the bright start we’re creating not much.  Romeu is showing up well in midfield, winning the ball back and getting us going and from one such interception, Tadic crosses from the left having made the full back look an arse and the ball ends up with Cedric on the far side and he cuts inside before trying a left footed effort from 30 yards which Pickford again saves comfortably.  Isn’t Tadic good when he’s out on the left?  That’s a rhetorical question.  Half time, Zzzzzzz!

The referee is Lee Mason, last seen by us sending off Sadio Mané for nothing up at Stoke last year.  Referees are shit for different reasons.. Clattenburg for example is shit when he decides it has to be all about him.  Mason is different because he’s so shit that it ends up all being about him.  Following a foul on Redmond on the left hand edge of the box, the free kick is swung over towards Fonte and Kone jumps with his hand up and slaps the ball away.  Deliberate yes, hand moved towards ball yes, hand in unnatural position yes.  No, it’s Lee Mason.  The lino decides that Mason can’t be the only one who is shit and when Redmond puts Austin through, up goes the flag when he was never offside.  He missed anyway but there you go.

We are the better side by miles but there’s not really a feeling that we’re going to score. Some neat play puts Hojbjerg in and his shot, again from outside the box is well blocked away for a corner. Januzaj has been quiet but we notice him as he dances through four players before Fonte clumsily carts him up in the air on the edge of box.  Shit house Borini is over it and he tries to be clever and ends up just sidefooting it at about 5mph straight to Fraser.  What a load of shit.

Shane Long is on for Tadic with 25 to go to try and liven things up with Redmond dropping into the 10 position and Shane finds himself running onto the ball and tries his luck (from outside the box) and Pickford is again equal to it.  Another sub and this time it’s a straight swap with J-Rod on for Austin who has been off the pace and very disappointing.

Disaster strikes on 80 minutes as Sunderland break down the right and in a carbon copy of the first half incident, a low cross (which Targett should have cut out) and Defoe is moving whilst Fonte is not and the striker gets to the ball first and Jose hauls him down with some of the laziest defending you’ll ever see.  You didn’t win the Euro’s playing that that José.  Up steps Defoe and you know he’s going to score, 1-0.

Claude pulls another like for like swap with JWP coming on for Hojbjerg as Sunderland sit back and Romeu drives forward and the ball falls to J-Rod about 20 yards out and he smashes it first time and Pickford dives all over it and it flies under him and into the net.  Get in.  With 5 minutes of normal time left, there is time for the Alamo but we don’t get it and limp tamely to another home draw against a relegation candidate.

Well that was a bit crap.  Dominating possession is all well and good but if it’s in front of the opposition defence then it just makes for a frustrating afternoon.  Limited teams are usually ok at packing their defence and we’re trying to play tippy tappy football through a forest of players like a low-budget version of Arsenal.  We looked notably more lively once J-Rod came on with his ‘see the goal – shoot’ attitude.  The goal was a good hit from the edge of the box and ok, the keeper made a bollocks of it but at least the shot was from close enough to make him work and give him a chance to make a bollocks of it.  Again, most of our efforts were from miles out because we seemed incapable of working the ball into the strikers unless they were away from the goal.  I mean, it’s good that full backs and midfielders are encouraged to shoot but if ultimately, all your shots are from 40 yards then you’re not going to score many.

Having said that, the selection of Charlie Austin didn’t work as he was dreadful, working in the wrong areas and being ineffective when he picked the ball up centrally, or offside of course – he liked that.  With Shane having had a couple  of games and now Charlie getting a start, you have to think that it’s Jay’s turn next and after his cameo and goal today, he deserves the chance…. And not for West Brom or Hull either.

Also crap today was Jose Fonte.  Fucking hell he was bad culminating in his clumsy as fuck effort at hauling Defoe down for the penalty.  Anyone can have a bad game but I do wonder how he’s going to get on this season without the presence of Big Vic in front of him or maybe it’s not the absence of Big Vic specifically but the absence of two defensive midfielders to protect the centre backs.  Is his mind not on it?  Possibly.

That’s two seasons in a row where we’ve clawed it back late against Sunderland at home.  On the one hand it must be hard for them to take especially with the keeper dropping a bollock but on the other hand they would have definitely taken a point beforehand.  As long as Defoe stays fit they have a decent chance of staying clear of any trouble again.  Moyes is a shrewd enough manager to keep them up and if given time, he’ll gradually improve them so they’re not relegation contenders every season.  He must enjoy being out of the ‘Man United Zaha’s Shagging Your Daughter’ bubble.

Claude was clearly disappointed with the two points dropped and he should be.  The first half was great for 10 minutes and then it went to shit and really, if Kone didn’t have a 50p head, we’d have been behind long before we were.  I’m really not sure if this formation suits the players we have or suits the Premier League in England.  Defensively we look short handed at times, particularly if the opposition break into wide areas quickly.  The full backs are there but he wide midfielders and the strikers are kind of half there but 15 yards infield.  Attacking wise, it’s a no from me, trying to play through packed defences with little width and if that fails, shoot from miles out.  I don’t remember a shot or a header from inside the box.  If we persist with it, we have to hope that there is something that the players are not getting and it will suddenly all click.

The disappointment was evident in the post match interviews, particularly Virgil’s where the phrase ‘not good enough’ was used quite a lot.  Well at least no one’s settling for mediocre.  It was hardly the kind of performance to have Inter Milan quaking in their boots.

Onwards and it’s international break time but Saints are kind of in action in what was the JPT as our Under 23s take on Charlton.  I really can’t be arsed with this.  I don’t really think it’s the beginning of Premier league Under 23 teams competing in the league but I do think it’s a load of shite and a dumb idea as far as the lower league clubs are concerned having thought about it a bit.  Back to the proper football and we’re 15^th in the league and Arsenal away is up next along with the last few frenetic days of the transfer window.  We usually do nothing on deadline day but Jeremy Pied is rumoured to be out for the season so we may be in the market for another right back.

A frustrating start to the season continues but we had the same last year and that turned out all right.  I remember last year writing something along the lines of ‘these gutless twats will get us relegated’.  I am determined not to be such a drama queen this time. 

PS…

As I took so long top get this out, we have started the JP Whatever campaign and drew 0-0 with Charlton before getting beaten on penalties.  This gives us one point in the four team group whereas Charlton get two.  What a load of shit.

We’ve also had the transfer window close and we did fuck all on Deadline Day as usual but a couple of days before that we did sign Sofiane Boufal for a club record £16 million quid.  A very exciting looking winger who should liven things up a bit in that area.  When his name was originally mentioned a month or so ago, the concensus was that we’d have no chance of signing him as he was at too goo a level and clubs like Barcelona and Chelsea were looking at him, but here he is at Southampton, saying that it’s the best place for him to develop.  I’d assumed he was French before we signed him and he is… but he plays internationally for Morocco which I assume means he’ll be gone for the African Nations Cup in January which is a bit of a bummer.

The standard You Tube compilation looks good but then so did Agustin Delgado, Gaston Ramirez and Steve de Ridder.  We can but hope he is considerably better than those three and I’m pretty confident that he will be.  So, up front we’ve sold Mané and Juanmi for £40 million and signed Boufal and Redmond for £27 million.  In my opinion we could have done with another centre back and it’s a shame that Pied’s injury meant we couldn’t flog Martina to Everton.  Now it’s up to Claude Puel to get us playing and winning and soon.  I also feel that we’re taking a chance by not having a replacement for Graziano Pellè and the thought of him up front with Boufal, Tadic and Redmond buzzing around him is one that I wish was a reality but we are where we are now so let’s stop moaning and get on with it.  Premier League, League Cup, Europa League…. Let’s fuckin’ ‘ave it!

Premier League Match 29 - Southampton 1 Sunderland 1

Virgil Secures Player of the Season

Sunderland are in town hoping to not get beaten 8-0 again like they were last time.  In truth, much water has flowed under bridges since then as since that day, Sunderland have sacked Gus Poyet, hired Dick Advocaat, stayed up, seen Dick resign, seen Dick change his mind, seen Dick leave by mutual consent, appointed Sam Allardyce, sign a load of new players and harbour a paedophile.

Usually at this point I talk about what’s been going on with Saints since the last game but there’s not been much.  Shane Long is out for one match and Charlie Austin for about a month.  Sunderland on the other hand have had the Adam Johnson situation.  On the face of it, the club had been aware of his guilt in kissing a 15 year old since the start of this season but they have continued to play him and hid the fact that they knew.  It also appears that the PFA knew all about it as well but now it’s all gone very quiet with the only sound being people desperately covering their arse which ironically, is probably what Adam Johnson will be doing in prison.  I would be very very uncomfortable if my club had hidden the fact that we were playing a player who had done that and admitted to it.  I wonder if Fat Sam knew – I’d like to think that he didn’t as whilst I don’t like the way his teams play football, he doesn’t seem the type of bloke who’d play Johnson if he had known.  He seems like the type who would have kicked seven bells of shit out of him.  Moving on…

UPDATE:  The Sunderland CEO has thrown herself under a bus and said she acted alone and no one else at the club knew.  OK then….

I assumed we’d have three at the back but it’s a back 4 with Martina at right back and Cédric on the bench.  Ok then.  Clasie is back in midfield with Romeu and Steve Davis and we have last seasons front three in Tadic, Mané and Pellè.  On the bench is a new name and what a name in Olofela Olomolo who’s an Under 18s striker and is destined to be the scourge of stadium announcers everywhere.  He’s on the bench due to the injuries to Austin, Long, J-Rod and Ryan Seager.  We do have another striker on the bench but it’s Juanmi.  Sunderland have a few different players to last year and Jermain Defoe is on the bench.  In goal they have Mannone who gave us one of the worst performances by a keeper at St Mary’s ever in his last appearance here.

The game has a strange start as we attack down the right, lose the ball and it get cleared as far as Khazri on the left wing about 40 yards out and he seems to have a fit of temper and lashes it straight out for a corner for us.  Very odd.  The corner is cleared and then the same player trashes through the back of Mané, gets a yellow card and gives us a free kick.  It’s in exactly the same position as Ritchie’s was for Bournemouth on Tuesday and Bertrand tries to whip in the same style of free kick (hammering it at the goal) but puts too much height on it.

Graziano hasn’t scored since Rome was built and you can see why when he gets the ball in a lot of space on the edge of the box but instead of taking it on and shooting he just balloons a first time effort closer to the corner flag than the goal.  Our next chance is a very good one and it’s promising for later as Mané gets down the left and chips it in to Pellè who heads down perfectly for Tadic to shoot but he bounces it into the ground and it flips up at a nice height for Mannone to push over the bar.  Bertrand’s corner is straight to the keeper who we are making look good when he really isn’t.

To be fair to Sunderland, they are having their moments and to be fair to Fat Sam, they’re not just wellying the ball up to N’Doye.  He picks it up on the Saints right and Virgil is across and takes him out.  It’s not that bad and there’s no injury but there’s an audible blood curdling girlie scream and so Virgil goes in the book.  Khazri is on the free kick and he’s obviously been watching the second Bournemouth goal as he curls it towards the back past from miles out and Fraser again seems rooted too the spot before flailing his arms about at the last minute and he gets lucky as he flaps it onto the post and Kirchoff hits the rebound miles over.

The game is pretty dull and so is the chanting from the Sunderland end.  I can’t hear all the words but it’s the latest trendy chant with “….I just don’t think you understand” in it.  Boring as fuck and van Aanholt gets down the left and puts over a decent ball which Rodwell meets and skews his volley into the crowd.  Rodwell was of course a good player once when he was at Everton but he followed the money to Man City and his career died before he moved on to Sunderland… a bit like Adam Johnson really but without being a nonce.

Playing well for Saints is Oriol Romeu and he starts a flowing move which goes through Pellè and Bertrand whose low cross is met by the sliding Spaniard but he can’t get enough on it to beat Mannone.  The last action of the first half is the 6 foot 4 Kirchoff having a massive dive when challenged by the giant that is Jordy Clasie.  It’s too pathetic for words.  The lino has given it from 5 yards away and the ref almost seems to apologise to Clasie as he comes over.

If anything we’ve been the better side without looking fluent and the front three look woefully out of form.  Pellè is at least bringing others into play but Tadic and Mané are way off the pace.  So, when your front three are not on it, you need to get your set pieces right so winning three corners at the start of the second half and seeing Davis hit the first man twice and then Bertrand clear everyone and out for a goal kick… is very frustrating.

Borini has a couple of chances for Sunderland, firstly dropping out to pick up a van Dijk clearing header and volleying just over and then trying to score from a tight angle which Fraser blocked well.  There’s then a spate of substitutions which brings Defoe on for them, whilst we take off Clasie and Davis and throw on JWP and make the curious decision to play with ten as fucking Juanmi comes on.

Khazri is one of the more annoying players I’ve ever seen and then he goes ‘full pathetic’.  After a nothing clash with Graziano, he goes down when there’s nothing wrong.  Pellè clearly thinks he’s being ridiculous and tries to pull him to his feet but he wrestles himself away and throws himself to the floor again like a three year old having a massive tantrum in a supermarket aisle whilst his mother sighs and everyone else looks away, glad that it’s not their child.  What a wanker.

On we go with nothing much happening aside from Juanmi getting brushed off the ball with ease before Fat Sam decides to remove Khazri as it’s embarrassing and on comes one of my favourite players, Seb Larsson, he with the face of someone chewing a wasp which was licking piss off a stinging nettle.  Straight after that…. disaster as a ball forward finds Borini and he’s suddenly away from Fonte who has the choice of ‘let him shoot’ or ‘dive in’.  He opts for the latter and it’s kind of a wrestling throw tackle which he tries to make look like an untidy challenge but the ref has blown and he’s off.  Bollocks.

The free kick from van Aanholt is well saved by Fraser and we eventually bring on Yoshida for Mané and within a minute he’s allowed Kone to beat him with ease in the box and feed it across to where Defoe is and he isn’t going to miss and 1-0, ten men and 10 to go.  The Northam respond to our plight with a chant of ‘paedo, paedo, paedo’ at the Sunderland fans which is rather simple and rather disgracefully, there’s a rush for the exits in all four of our stands which doesn’t improve my mood.

So what are these twats going to miss?  Well, quite a lot as we start playing with a bit of intensity going forward.  Martina bursts forward and slides a ball too far in front of Pellè before getting involved again and getting on the end of a short pass in the box and side footing straight at Mannone when he really should have laced it.  Virgil is playing up front and we have a kind of 2-3-3 formation going on.  I know that’s one player less than ten but we have Juanmi on the pitch.  Fat Sam takes off Kirchoff and brings on O’Shea as he’s panicking but too late as Tadic picks it up on the left and pulls it back low and Virgil has pulled away from his defender and whips a first time shot inside the near post to make it 1-1.  What a finish that it.  Deserved.  The Sunderland players are shattered and another 2 minutes and I think we could have won it but there’s only another 30 seconds.  It’s a great goal and a great moment and one of the best things about it is that all the Saints fans who in a show of true support, fucked off when the Sunderland goal went it will have missed it.

It’s odd how this game has been reported in the media in that it appears we somehow robbed them of two points by equalising in the last minute when we had ten players.  If you look at the game overall there was only one side that deserved to win it and that was us.  Their keeper kept them in it and they never really looked like scoring until Fonte got sent off.  They’ll see it as a perfect away performance until the last minute.  Keep it tight, nick a goal and hold on… whoops.  Fat Sam was bemoaning the fact that they sat back but hang on... he took off a midfielder and put on a centre back so by definition he was inviting it.

I have no complaints about the red card and José had to go.  I thought at that point though that Ronald took the wrong player off as Mané was beginning to show signs of life and we could have done with his pace as an outlet.  He should have been brutal about it and taken Juanmi straight off again.  That bloke is absolute bollocks though that’s not really fair as ‘bollocks’ do at least have a purpose.  There is nothing about him that suggests there’s a Premier League footballer in there – nothing at all.  I’ve downgraded him to ‘worse than Mayuka’ which takes some doing.  At least Mayuka had pace – this guy has nothing.  It was good to see Olomola on the bench but I knew that Juanmi would get on first but there’s no point in putting him on, ever.  He’s shit and I hope we fuck him off back to Spain as soon as possible as we don’t want him hanging around picking up wages for three years.  Not a season long loan, not a try before you buy, just get shot of him.

We weren’t great today of course but we still did enough to win.  The final third was generally poor with Mané still playing at Salford level and Tadic not putting in a decent ball all game until the last minute.  I thought Pellè did ok in the main but he’s devoid of confidence in front of goal.  When we are struggling to score and our strikers aren’t really on it, we need to have JWP on the pitch.  When he’s not the set pieces are fucking awful.  That little spate of corners hitting the first man or clearing everyone just makes me angry.  It’s such a waste when you have a flappy goalkeeper like Mannone against you and an ideal chance to put him under pressure.

Talking of flappy goalkeepers, Fraser did ok aside from that free kick in the first half which was horrible again as he froze (a la Bournemouth) but he just about got away with it…. And then there was Virgil van Dijk – Player of the Season.  I’ll be amazed if anyone else even gets a vote for them aside from their immediate family.  He was magnificent throughout yet again and of course he scored and what a great finish.  The other stand out player was Oriol Romeu who did all his usual work in winning the ball back but also drove the team forwards and he’s a good passer of the ball as well.  The defence in the main coped well but why on earth was Martina playing.  There are two different Martina’s – pre and post Arsenal Wondergoal.  Pre-Arsenal, I thought he was dogshit, then post-Arsenal you think that there might be something worth persevering with but there really isn’t.  Today he broke well and got in good positions but his ball into the box was uniformly terrible.  Cédric wasn’t great against Bournemouth but then, no one was so why leave him out today when we needed some quality coming in from the flanks.  There is no hiding that Yoshida was weak as you like on the goal as well and it’s an area we need to address and soon, Maybe Florin Gardos is the answer to maybe Jack Stephens or Jason McCarthy but it needs sorting.

We’ve slid down the table a bit and currently sit in 9^th but still in touch with the top 6.  Chelsea are lurking ominously behind us though so it’s going to be tough and we need to go on another run again or else (stating the obvious) we’re going to end up 13^th and falling behind teams like Stoke and West Brom.  It was a bit odd today that it was only when we went down to 10 that we played with anything like the urgency we played with when he humped this lot 8-0 last season.  It just shows how much you can achieve by being positive and playing with energy, regardless of how many players you have on the pitch.

Next up is the big question – can we do it at Stoke?