EFL Championship Match 26 - Norwich 1 Southampton 1

 

Russell Tries to Not Pick Up Another Booking

Our fourth festive fixture takes us to Carrow Road and Norwich City, who under David Wagner have been sinking without trace in their quest to try and get back to the Premier League at the second season of asking. It’s rather important that they do because the parachute payments run out at the end of this year and having finished 13th last season, I expect that being 13th again at this stage of the season, wasn’t something that was in Delia Smith’s recipe books for a good season.

A side packed with experience (the oldest average age in the division) should be doing a lot better than it is and that’s always dangerous times for any manager, including the dour Mr Wagner.  When we played them at St Mary‘s earlier on in the season, the main man was Jonathan Rowe who has electric pace, good dribbling and is very direct. He would be a dream signing for us in this transfer window but I assume Norwich would want more money than we are prepared to spend right now. Also in the Norwich ranks is big ugly brute of a centre forward Ashley Barnes, still sporting his face that looks like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle. The goalkeeper of course is Angus Gunn, now fully recovered from the somewhat abrupt ending of his time with Saints, mainly caused by the fall out from the 9-0 defeat to Leicester. Great days.

Russell Martin is of course returning to the club where he had his best times as a player, appearing in a couple of Premier League relegation campaigns at a time when Norwich consistently yo-yoed between the Premier League and the league that they are in now. Having dispatched Swansea 5-0 a couple of weeks ago, Martin will no doubt be looking to leave another set of his former supporters feeling miserable.

Team news and it’s slightly weird. Players who played well against Plymouth have been left out, in the shape of Charly Alcaraz and Che Adams and in their place, Jack Stephens has been shoehorned into right back which means KWP playing on the right wing with Adam Armstrong as the central striker.  Not sure about that I have to say.  Surely playing Stephens at right back and KWP on the wing means that you are simply playing two players of position.  Another surprise is that Flynn Downes is back, having missed the last game with another illness - maybe he's been on the raw chicken liver again.  Rumour has it that he’s wearing a club branded adult nappy in case he over-stretches and goes full Gary Lineker World Cup 1990 versus Ireland.

You Don't Want to go 'Full Lineker'

It’s also apparent from the kick-off that Norwich are adopting what looks like a ten at the back formation. It’s actually 5-4-1 but they are all on top of eachother.  Saints have an early sniff with Ryan Manning chucking a cross into the box which Joe Aribo doesn’t seem to fully commit to and heads well wide.  Another ball into the box it’s knocked back by Adam Armstrong and Stuart Armstrong smashes it so far over the bar that the ball probably landed in Ipswich.

Two consecutive corners from opposite sides from Manning, both find their way towards Jan Bednarek. The first one sees him miss a header and then THB’s shot is deflected for the second corner which finds Bednarek at the back post and after his first shot is blocked, he shanks the second one wide.

Norwich‘s first attack unsurprisingly comes down the Manning Chasm, which has made an appearance with Manning hiding behind Bednarek. Stacey’s cross is headed down by Hwang and the flag is up and everyone stops, before Sara sticks in the net off of the far post.

Sam Edozie then nicks the ball off of Rowe and takes on Stacey on the left, who absolutely trashes him, studs up on his standing leg and full weight sliding along the ground whilst standing on his ankle.  Fucking disgraceful challenge which Darren England must have seen because he gives the foul and then decides it’s only a yellow card. You can tell that Edozie is fucked however, and he won’t be coming back.

The free kick comes in and headed by THB but straight at Gunn. Edozie limps back on after a few minutes but he’s clearly fucked and off he goes and has to be replaced with Ryan Fraser. Nice one Jack Stacey, nice one Darren England. Absolute arseholes.

Norwich actually attack and win a free kick in the middle of the park and a decent set piece move finds McCallum out on the left and his volleyed cross causes a bit of grief in a penalty area but the ball eventually goes out for a goal kick and Hwang and THB challenge.

It’s a momentary respite for the Norwich back ten however and they are all back in place as Saints build again with Manning playing a low cross into the box, flicked by Adam Armstrong and The Cornish Cafu has lumbered up from the back and sidefoots a shot from the edge of the box onto the angle of post and bar. Unlucky and half-time.

I know it’s their prerogative to play that way if they want to, but I find it hard to believe that Norwich are going to sit in this ‘back ten’ formation for the whole of the second half. It is up to us to find a little bit more urgency and quality in attacking areas however. For me, the absence of Che Adams has been clearly felt…. and he is on at half-time with Bednarek going off, presumably injured, meaning that Stephens reverts to centre back and KWP is now in his correct position.

Che is playing with a bit of confidence and like Arma did against Plymouth, he goes for the 45 yard lob and gets Angus Gunn panicking, but it drops a few yards wide.  We are soon back to 85% possession territory against the back ten, with Fraser getting away down the left, not getting crippled by Stacey and getting a cross into the back post and Aribo again doesn’t seem to really commit to the header and it slides off its head and wide.

More decent play down the lift which ends in a shot from KWP but of course, he’s trying to get the ball through ten players and it’s blocked yet again. Che Adams has obviously got the bug for shooting from distance today and it takes aim from the best part of 40 yards and absolutely smashes it but unfortunately it straight at the goalkeeper again.

The Attack versus Defence training drill continues as Aribo chips a ball into the box which is completed for by Adam Armstrong and it eventually bounces back to Flynn Downes on the edge of the box who slashes it just wide.

Once again down the right and Aribo plays KWP in and he megs McLean and fires it across and Hanley totally fucks up on the goal line because he’s a clumsy bastard and Adam Armstrong is stood behind him, Johnny on the spot, to knock it into the empty net from about 6 inches out. No more than we deserved. Flynn Downes joined in with the celebrations and fortunately, didn’t over stretch.

Arma: Deadly From There

We now have to look after the ball and not get caught on the break but our next attack is curtailed with a trampoline touch by Adams which sends Rowe running away up the pitch. Norwich really only have one player and all we have to do is stop him picking up the ball and running at us but we don’t, and he finds Sargent who in turn find Sainz on the left two hits into the side netting. It’s a warning however.

Fraser gives the ball away and once again we are allowing Rowe to run us and he takes a return pass before slipping it through for Sargent, who passes it through KWP‘s legs and then in off the post. It’s a great finish to be fair and totally fucking undeserved but there you go.  KWP should have got closer to him but then, we caused our own problems by allowing Rowe to run.

Unbelievably, Norwich now think they can win it and a cross in from McCallum causes all sorts of problems and Sainz effort is saved by Baz before bouncing wide off the Norwich winger.

With six minutes to go Smallbone and Charles come on for a Aribo, who is off to Africa, and Downes who is off to the toilet.  That really isn’t going to change anything going forward and it takes until the 90th minute to get Charlie Alcaraz on, replacing Stuart Armstrong who has been disappointing today and probably has been on the pitch half an hour too long.

Flynn Making a Run for the Gents

Immediately Alcaraz makes a difference and knocks a ball through to Adam Armstrong who just has Gunn to beat from the edge of the box but in typical fashion, he’s just smashes it straight at him.  Saints are still doing a majority of the attacking and the game ends in typical fashion as Rowe hacks down KWP in full flight on the right wing and rather than make an actual fucking decision, the referee decides to end the game. Fucking arsehole.

I’m finding it really hard not to get a severe case of sour grapes after that one. Norwich set up like they were about to play prime Barcelona and managed to sneak a point out of it. Lucky bastards.  I have to admire David Wagner in some ways because the set up like that at home and make it like a training exercise attack versus defence, takes some bollocks and he would’ve got absolutely murdered for it if Norwich hadn’t of got the breakaway goal and the point at the end.  It’s hard to believe that a team with pretensions of being in the Premier League next year, in a home game, played for a 0-0 draw from the outset with ten men behind the ball at all times. I can understand it from Plymouth during the week because they are solely about staying up this year but to set up like that at home is fucking embarrassing and it’s really annoying that he got what he wanted with that approach.  The Norwich fans are going to be conflicted about this game – pleased with the point but somewhat disappointed by the shit football and I don’t think it will do much for Wagner’s long term employment prospects in East Anglia.

So, it’s another game on the unbeaten run and a point away from home.  Dropping points in this manner is disappointing against incredibly limited and unambitious opponents but no damage done as such because Ipswich didn’t manage to win.  Though we played pretty well, being critical, we are our own worst enemies though and our lack of quality in the final third came home to roost, never more apparent than Adam Armstrong with his glorious chance to win it in the last couple of minutes when he could’ve put it in either of the fucking great spaces either side of Angus Gunn but instead of that, drilled it straight down his throat.

Let’s talk about Darren England the referee.  Arsehole.  I’d love to know why Jack Stacey was not sent off for the dreadful tackle on Sam Edozie, which led to him being substituted and reappearing on the sideline in the second half in a protective boot. In the first half, Norwich were leaving a foot in all over the place and they hundred percent have a right to do that but Darren England basically just let them get away with it.  The former Premier League referee was a joke today, he really was. Off the top of my head there was

1 - Not sending off Stacey - excessive force, dangerous, studs up, endangering opponent

2 - Giving that ridiculous freekick against KWP when Rowe fell into him

3 - giving a free kick against Arma when the clumsy bastard Hanley fell over his own feet.

4 - He also of course missed the foul on Ryan Fraser in the penalty area and instead gave the free kick the other way for Fraser's crime being cleaned out by Shane Duffy.

These are just the main ones and these are just our ones.  I'm sure Norwich had a few as well but you don;t tend to have as many complaints about the ref when you are in a back ten.

Our goal came from a lovely bit of play on the right wing by KWP, after he had been reverted to his proper position right back and a really good bit of anticipation by Adam Armstrong to know when the ball was going to drop.  We were given a warning just before Norwich‘s goal of Jonathan Rowe running from deep with the ball but we allowed him to do it again and he teed up Sargent for the equaliser. To be fair, it was a really good finish.

I don’t feel that Russell Martin had a particularly great day with the Stephens right back issue and it took far too long to get Charly Alcaraz onto the pitch in place of Stuart Armstrong who had his worst game for quite a long time.  You could argue that Charly did more in five minutes today, than Stu did in ninety. Che Adams would’ve been much better in the central role than Adam Armstrong after having had a good game against Plymouth on Wednesday.  Yes, we got that in the second half but could have done with it in the first.  An early goal today would have made things so much easier and Wagner would have had to come up with something other than ten at the back.  It’s a compliment I suppose.  Yep, still pissed off that he got a point out of it.

Onwards and a small break in the league program as it’s FA Cup 3rd Round time next week against Walsall. Joe Aribo now departs for the AFCON with Nigeria and I’m assuming there will be a raft of other changes against the League 2 side, maybe an appearance for Tyler Dibling and Sam Amo-Ameyaw and Flynn Downes can have a good old rest on the toilet.

18 games unbeaten and up the fucking Saints.

EFL Championship Match 2 - Southampton 4 Norwich City 4

 

Gunn at St Mary's? - Of Course It Went In

The days after the Gillingham defeat have been a mixture of sadness, acceptance, annoyance and hilarity.

Sadness. After 20 years at the club, James Ward-Prowse decided to join West Ham and the club accepted a £30 million package for his signature. I have been preparing myself for this day since January to be honest, which was exactly the same time that I accepted that we were going to get relegated.  This is an inevitable consequence.  I was hoping that no one would come in or that he’d fail the medical (not very likely as he never misses a game) but sadly for all of us, he’s off.

Acceptance.  There was no way that at 28, JWP was going to drop down to the Championship if he had any opportunity at all to play for a half decent Premier League club, especially one that was in Europe. As I write, it’s not confirmed as a done deal yet but despite some rumours to the contrary, there’s no way he’s gonna make an appearance against Norwich today.

Annoyance.  Liverpool continued their very strange pursuit of Romeo Lavia by adding another few coppers to the bids they had made previously but then it all went batshit mental when they suddenly decided to offer more than double their highest pisstake bid for Lavia, for Moises Caicedo from Brighton, who of course plays in the same position. Basically, in that instant, they told Romeo that he wasn’t their first choice and it also implied that they were doing what Fulham did with Salisu and what Besiktas did with Lyanco in taking two deals forward and then binning one off if the preferred target went through to completion.

Hilarity.  So, Brighton accepted their offer for Caicedo and then a few hours later, Caicedo himself said he didn’t wanna fucking go there which leaves Liverpool right in the shit and then it got even funnier because as I write, it looks like both the Brighton and Southampton player are going to go to Chelsea.

It is however tough for Romeo Lavia who at the end of the day, is a 19-year-old kid who has had his head thoroughly messed with over the past few weeks.  Liverpool should be ashamed of themselves but we all know that they won’t be.

With news of JWP‘s almost certain exit, Jack Stephens was sworn in as the new club captain and one assumes, on field captain. Jack’s leadership skills have never been in doubt. His problem has always been keeping his performance levels high enough to warrant being a starter in the defence. That should certainly be a lot easier for him to achieve in the Championship. What can’t be argued is that he is a player of very good character who will take the role very seriously and I expect him to do a very good job.

Norwich are of course the club that Russell Martin played 300 games for and it was a widely assumed by those in the yellow part of East Anglia that he would one day be their manager. Not today. Norwich arrive with ex-Huddersfield post David Wagner in charge and are off the back of an opening day last minute win against Hull at Carrow Road.

They bucked to their own trend last year and stopped yo-yoing between the Championship and the Premier League by having a pretty shit season and finishing 15th. They looked decent in their opening game and you would expect them to mount a challenge for a playoff place at least this season. They have some exciting young players like Jonathan Rowe who scored a fantastic goal at the weekend and they mix that in with some gnarly old bastards have been kicking around the Premier League for years like Ben Gibson, Shane Duffy and Ashley Barnes - he with the face of a man licking piss of a stinging nettle. A horrible bastard to play against and despite now being 33, I am sure he will cause a lot of problems. Gibson and Duffy are of course going to be a threat at the set pieces which we are not very good at defending, to put it mildly

We have a JWP sized hole to fill in the centre of midfield and it seems like a choice between Stuart Armstrong and Shea Charles. This for me, is a massive game for us because our home form over the last three or four seasons has been absolutely shocking. I have hope however, that the Russball approach will enable us to have a better chance of winning home games and it’d be great if it started today to get the fans onside.  The atmosphere at St Mary’s for the last couple of seasons has been absolutely apathetic. With more people having bought season tickets this year, it will be great if we can hit the ground running and give everybody something to get excited about.

Five minutes in and Norwich attack down our right and the ball gets played in to Ashley Barnes chest and under a real weak challenge from Stephens, he is allowed to bring the ball down on the edge of the box and switch it out to the right hand side to Stacey. No one is close to him either and he takes a touch and chips over a lovely cross to the back post where the unmarked Sargent heads into the net with Baz having absolutely no chance at all.  Fucking hell – how simple was that and how dreadful was our defending?

Saints respond well to going behind and soon we have the waves of attacking that we saw up at Sheffield Wednesday. Alcaraz wins a corner with a shot from a narrow angle which Gunn pushes wide. We take it short and KWP’s cross to the back post is powerfully headed goalward by Captain Jack and Angus Gunn flaps it out into the middle of the penalty area allowing Bednarek to absolutely crash it back past him to make it 1-1. Excellent finish and what the fuck is this? Goal music? Piss off.

Saints are definitely on the front foot now and win a free kick on right hand side.  In it comes from Smallbone and Shane Duffy, for reasons best known to himself, gets the header all wrong and ends up patting the ball to the ground in the middle of the penalty area. Well, that’s always going to be given and so it was. So far, JWP has been replaced on corner duties by Smallbone and Manning and now it’s time to find out who is on the penalties.  Nathan Tella is the one with the ball but it’s that distraction technique and once the penalty area is cleared it’s Adam Armstrong who steps up to power the ball past Angus Gunn.

Let's Stand Off, Let Him Shoot and See What Happens

If there was a sense that we were now going to keep the ball and see this game out with no issues and win relatively comfortably, it lasted the entire two minutes it took for Norwich to kick off and work the ball to Sara upfront and us to allow him, courtesy of  a combination of Smallbone, Bednarek and KWP standing off, to turn and absolutely smash it past Baz to bring Norwich back level again. The lack of intensity in our defending is almost funny. Training cones all three of them.

With half-time approaching at the end of a very entertaining 53 minutes or whatever, Norwich win a corner on the right and it’s time to demonstrate how much better we’ve got a defending set pieces since the Sheffield Wednesday game but not a bit of it. Over it comes and there is the very average height Jonathan Rowe, completely unmarked about 10 yards out to loop a header over Baz and into the far side of the goal. I actually feel sorry for Baz– I’m not his biggest fan but he has had absolutely no fucking chance with any of these goals and has been horribly let down by those in front of him.

Half-time and there are a smattering of boos but mainly, the atmosphere is very positive. Good stuff.  That half of football was absolutely mental and the one thing you know for sure is that we are not out of this and that there will be more goals.

We get an early setback in the second half as Sam Edozie goes down and has to be substituted but after it initially looked like a bad hamstring strain, he got up and walked off fairly comfortably so hopefully it’s not too bad. Instead of calling on a replacement winger, Russell Martin brings on the big gun in Che Adams and moves Armstrong out of the left.

Like he did last week at Sheffield United, Che makes an impact straight away as he tries to slip a pass through on edge of the penalty area and the ball ricochets back to him off the Norwich defender before he absolutely drills it across Gunn and into the far side of the net for 3-3. Fucking get in. Now come on and fucking win it.

Stuart Armstrong has been dangerous all game with his forward running and he cuts in off the left and goes for the far post but just wide.  It’s more or less his last contribution as he is replaced with Shea Charles who instantly makes us look more solid in midfield, with Smallbone pushed up a bit.

Norwich are not sitting in however and from a free kick on the edge of the box, Baz saves well, Sargent knocks it back across and there’s fucking Ashley Barnes to turn it in but the angry bollocks is offside, I assume because he went early from the original free kick.  There’s another Norwich break as KWP goes down in their half but nothing is given and so we’re over-committed again and once we’ve made yet another balls of tidying up the danger, Sargent is streaking away on the right.  He tries to find Fassnacht who mercifully has a poor touch and Baz snuffs out the attack by diving at his feet.

Smallbone, having already been booked, like 75% of the players who have set foot on the pitch today, goes awkwardly into another tackle on the left wing and I would not remotely be surprised if this is another yellow card but that doesn’t happen but his game is over anyway because he has stayed down. When play restarts, we still have 10 and Norwich stream forward in the chaos about the ball into the box should be dealt with by Manning but he inexplicably gets his feet all fucking wrong and presents it to Fassnacht who buries it past the helpless Baz. Three minutes of normal time to go and we are 4-3 down but there’s no panic because you know there is going to be at least eight minutes added and so it proves.

Sam Amo has come on for the injured Smallbone and started making a massive difference out on the right hand side.  His ball inside finds KWP barrelling into the penalty area and down he goes under a clumsy challenge from behind and another penalty.  Fuck me that looks soft. Looked to me like he was running, knew the defender was behind him and just stopped. Is VAR going to overturn it?  no it fucking isn't cos we're having a proper game here.  Up steps Adam Armstrong again and even though you are usually less confident with a player taking a second penalty in the same game, I am absolutely more confident that he is going to score and bang, Gunn goes the wrong way and the ball rips past him to the other side. With two minutes of normal time to go we are treated to Saints players sprinting back to the halfway line with the ball. We want to win this.

Excited by the Goal Music, Arma Runs Back to the Middle.

Just maybe - another Amo break up the right and he skips past one and feeds it to Charly Alcaraz on the edge of the box and “we’re gonna win 5-4” and he sets off an effort with his right foot and “we’re not gonna win 5-4” as it curls about 6 inches wide of the far post. Fuck that would’ve taken the roof off if that had gone in.

Well that was absolutely mental. Easily the most entertaining game at St Mary‘s since the last one, against Liverpool on the last day of last season. Discounting that one because that that game was effectively a friendly with nothing riding on it, this was the most entertaining game I’ve seen at St Mary‘s since Ronald Koeman was in charge. It could’ve been even better if Charly’s shot had found the bottom corner in the last minute but regardless - what a fucking game.

Let’s start with the bad stuff – our defending was fucking shambolic to say the least. Even if you ignore the four actual goals we conceded, the way we set up and the lack of the intensity in our defending was hilariously bad. I was about to say we had a 4-0-6 formation but in fact it was more 2-0-8. The amount of times we lost the ball with at least half of our team in front of the ball was absolutely ridiculous. Will Smallbone does a great job at intercepting the ball in tight areas but in open field, we had absolutely no one doing anything defensive until they got to the centre backs. We did have a bit of a warning in pre-season when there were some games that our midfield just didn’t do any work defensively when we lost the ball. Replacing JWP with Stuart Armstrong changed the balance of things in the midfield.  JWP was always running back and putting tackles in and was prepared to track his man and play as an orthodox number six. Neither Stuart Armstrong or Charly Alcaraz are capable of that and though Will Smallbone does some really good stuff defensively - at the end of the day I can’t help but feel that he is much more suited to a more advanced position.

Defending?  Nah!

Russell Martin was spot on his post-match interview when he said there’s a balance that needs to be had there between committing bodies forward and having some sort of structure in place for when the other team wins the ball back.  How much was down to the midfield structure though and how much was down to us being just plain old shite in defence?  The four goals we conceded were all different shades of shite.  The first was allowing Barnes to bring the ball down about 20 yards out and lay it off under no pressure.  He laid it off to an unmarked and untracked fullback in Stacey, who crossed to to the unmarked Sargent at the back post.  The second saw Sara pick the ball up and turn and with Smallbone, Bednarek and KWP all watching him from a couple of yards away, he laced it into the corner.  The third was "oh will you look at that, a totally unmarked player with a free header from a set piece about ten yards out" and the fourth was a beautifully cushioned set up by Manning.

However, if given a choice between the safety-first crap and losing anyway, that we had to watch last season, or having the odd 4-all draw, then I’ll take this every day of the week. The attacking play at times was superb, and 31 shots in any game is a ridiculous statistic. So much for the doom and gloom merchants who assumed we were just going to pass the ball endlessly without having any shots.  We could have scored more and should have scored more.  We didn’t work the keeper enough but we certainly had a go.

Norwich were almost as bad as us with gift-wrapped goals.  Angus Gunn flapped out Stephens’ header for Bednarek to score the first and Shane Duffy must’ve known that playing basketball in your own penalty area is not a good idea.  Even though it looked like KWP bought the penalty at the end slightly, it was a clumsy-ass challenge by the left back who had come in from the wrong side. 

I loved the spirit we showed in the game.  We were behind three times remember and still came away with something.  Over the last couple of years, we’ve frequently thrown in a bad goal and then given up or lost without having a shot.  Not today and we got the point we deserved.

When he was talking about the balance of how we attack and defend in his post-match press conference, Russell Martin also talked about the fact that Flynn Downes will be arriving from West Ham and mention the fact that if he had been here, we wouldn’t have let in four goals today. It seems that that one is imminent, and it sounds like it’s going to be a loan with an option to buy.

There were over 30,000 in St.Mary’s today, which is quite remarkable really.  That’s the sort of football that will bring back the fans, as opposed to the pins-in-your-eyes shite of the past two seasons.  The atmosphere was decent as well, which makes a massive change for the better.  However, goal music can absolutely get in the bin.  This is not some new format cricket competition – this is probably the most authentic league in the world.  No VAR, no bullshit and we don’t need the abomination of goal music.  Get rid.  Rumour has it that we had goal music last year but we never actually heard it.

Four points from the opening two games isn’t bad but seven out of nine will be very decent indeed and it’s a visit to another newly promoted side next as we take the road West down to Plymouth.  They look decent in attack so we won’t be able to pull the shit we pulled today and get away with it.  However, they won’t have played anyone recently that attacks like we do.  Bring it on.

Premier League Match 26 - Southampton 2 Norwich City 0

 

Unleash The Thunderbastard

Lettuce begin (in-joke)

Norwich at St Mary‘s on a Friday night. Fucking ridiculous day of the week for a game, again illustrating the total contempt that match going fans are held in by the Premier League and the television companies, in this case, Sky.  Norwich to Southampton is not an easy journey by car or by train so to move it to a Friday night 8 o’clock kick-off is an absolute disgrace, especially for those travelling from East Anglia.

It’s not as if Norwich fans haven’t had enough to moan about this season. It’s been another one where after getting promoted at a canter, they will have been hoping that this year it was going to be different, that this year they were not going to be in the bottom three all season but here we are at the end of February with Norwich in danger of getting cut adrift in last place.  This season started with Daniel Farke, who was kept in place until they won their first game away at Brentford and then they got rid of him and appointed Dean Smith, who three days earlier had been sacked by Aston Villa.  Of course, Saints at Carrow Road was Dean Smith’s first game and we gave him the best new manager bounce possible by basically throwing them three points when Alex McCarthy had a day to forget.

Talking of goalkeepers, Smith has had Angus Gunn in goal for the last month or so and he will no doubt be remembering the last time he played at St Mary‘s on Friday night, when we conceded nine in that infamous game that is now Leicester's best selling DVD.  That was his last Premier League outing for the Saints and he never played for us again once that FA Cup run of that year was over, courtesy of The Minge diving over him to win the penalty to knock us out against Tottenham. There’s been a lot of talk about goalkeepers at Saints at the moment with all four of the most senior goalkeepers on our books out of contract at the end of the season. The intention when we signed him, was clearly for Gunn to be our first choice when we reached the summer but it never worked out and there must have been a good reason why Saints were prepared to write off approximately half of the £12 million investment we made in the goalkeeper, first to loan him out to Stoke and finally selling him on to Norwich.

This is the sort of game today that we really should win relatively comfortably because at the end of the day, Norwich aren’t very good but sods law and experience as a Saints fan tells you this the sort of game we will usually make a complete bollocks of, like we did at Carrow Road.  However, if we can’t get a few goals against a team that has Ben Gibson and Grant Hanley as centre backs in front of the goalkeeper then questions will need to be asked.  Billy Gilmour is on loan for season from Chelsea but he has struggled to have any sort of impact, being singled out for criticism from their fans and I suspect that his undoubted talent has being stifled by the shambles around him. Teemu Pukki up front is another who would be a better player in a better team and he has already proved that he can do it in the Premier League despite the deficiencies of the club he plays for.

It’s been all plain sailing on the good ship Southampton since the Everton game so there are no reasons to not put in a good performance tonight. The one advantage of being on the Friday night is there if we win, we will go up into ninth place in the table.  The plain sailing is illustrated by the fact that we have an unchanged team from the Everton game with Romain Perraud returning to the bench after Covid.  There’s a slight mystery in that Nathan Redmond is not on the bench when the only players reported as having knocks are Lyanco, McCarthy and Tella.

Saints are quickly on the front foot with the full backs pushed well forward.  Norwich are actually the first team to show a decent threat with Pukki breaking down our left hand side and his cutback picks out Sargent on the edge of the box and his shot, which was straight at Fraser, was blocked back out to Gilmour, whose goal bound effort  was pushed away by Fraser.

The shocking Norwich defending which we are hoping for doesn’t take long to appear as Brandon Williams, a bullet dodged in the summer, puts Gibson in the shit allowing Broja to nick the ball off him and drive forwards but his mis-hit effort with his left foot was easily saved by Gunn, who simply fell on it.  We fail again to work the keeper particularly hard when after a nice move, KWP who again drills it straight at the goalkeeper who catches it in front of his face

And there’s more as KWP and Broja combine to create a crossing opportunity for Elyounoussi which everyone misses and JWP’s return cross eventually drops for Elyounoussi who copies what had gone before and drills it straight at Gunn who it hits and Norwich clear it.

For fucks sake we are missing some chances here again. Another corner comes in from JWP and it’s right on Che Adams head on the 6 yard line but it slides off his face down and wide for what is hopefully his one bad miss for the week.

All is right with the world a couple of minutes later as  Livramento barrels down the right, gets a bit of a fortunate break to get past Williams and then fires in low cross across the 6 yard line which Gunn, for some reason goes for with his feet. There is carnage as Adams plays an airshot and ends up on the deck but luckily for us, the ball drops with him and he is able to scoop it into the net from a position of lying on his arse. Goal of the month it is not but we will take it.

The Norwich response to going behind is non-existent and we go close again as Fraser’s big boot finds Adams, on to Stuart Armstrong who tees it up for Elyounoussi on the left hand side and he dribbles it across goal and wide of the far post. Half time and this should be dead – should be 3-0 and don and dusted.  I mean, I don’t think Norwich are going to score but until we get the second, like with the Everton game, it will be nervy at some point.

The Dean Smith half time masterclass produces nothing as the second-half begins in much the same way the first have ended with no noticeable improvement from Norwich. We are still passing the ball round and cutting through them fairly easily.  Livrament gets forward on the right hand side and his cross picks out Elyounoussi at the back post.  Moi can’t get a shot away but eventually finds Stuart Armstrong, whose shot is blocked away by a combination of Hanley and Gunn.

Another chance comes and goes as Broja gets down the right and side and gets to the line and he shows he has learnt from the Everton game by picking out Stuart Armstrong. The man with a magnificent hair can’t pick anyone out though but it eventually get scooped up into the air by a Norwich player and it’s met on the volley by KWP about 10 yards out and guess where he puts it, yes straight at the goalkeeper who doesn’t have to move. For fuck‘s sake

With time running out Dean Smith rolls the dice with a  couple of subs and it seems to injuect some life into them.  The ever-willing Pukki bundles passed a couple of players in the area, forcing Salisu to throw himself in the way - corner.  More threat as the resulting corner is chipped back in from the other side and Hanley heads is well wide. We can’t let a player like him score his second goal of the season against us.

We have some Scotland handbags as we win a free kick on the edge of the box as Adams anticipates the challenge from McClean and goes over but the big build-up for JWP’s free-kick, ends up within firing it over the top of the right hand side of the goal.  Ralph has sensed a slight nervousness about us and we go to 3-at-the-back with quick succession substitutes of  Long and Stephens for Broja and Adams

Norwich then do what they’ve done all game and when trying to build up, lose the ball enabling Armstrong to find Elyounoussi and he advances before smashing it and it looks like it’s nearly going through Gunn’s hands but it flops wide for a corner.  Over it comes from JWP, headed out as far as Romeu and […. Drumroll….] Enter the Thunderbastard and he crashes it into the net from the edge of the box at about 100 miles an hour. It’s not in the corner but the goalkeeper hasn’t got a prayer.

Game well and truly done. Stu off, Moussa on, Moussa controls it out of play, the end.

Overall, that was incredibly similar to the Everton home game last week. The same result and ultimately very comfortable but like against Everton , we needed the second goal from an unlikely source to seal the deal. One of the things that always irritates me about fans is when the ball goes to Oriol Romeu and he is anywhere between 25 and 40 yards out and the crowd shouts “shooooooot”.  No, don’t fucking shoot because someone will have to go and fetch the ball and someone in Row Z will get hit in the face and end up being treated by St John’s Ambulance. What a fucking goal that was.  You can’t strike a ball any better than that. We have turned into a team that misses simple chances but it seems now that with quite a lot of regularity, someone unleashes a thunderbastard and all is well with the world.

Che Can Score From Anywhere

The first goal or straight out of Sunday morning park football with a low cross, a goalkeeper trying to kick it instead of using his hands and an almighty scramble involving air shots and scooping the ball into the net from the prone position.  Che won’t care and nor do I. That goal followed a ridiculous opening to the game where we peppered the Norwich goal without any conviction, firing wide and high but mainly straight at the goalkeeper I don’t think he made one save where he actually had to dive.  Not his fault of course and if you keep the ball out then you’ve done your job.

Ralph was predictably delighted with a win, highlighting again that games like this against teams are expected to beat are often the most difficult ones to win.  There is a truth in that because they are fighting for relegation but of course, the reason they are fighting relegation is because they are not very good. Norwich didn’t even fight that hard to be honest. Too passive and hardly laid a glove on us.  They had a little go for about 10 minutes late in the second half but that was it.  Unfortunately, you can’t see them doing anything other than getting relegated.  Dean Smith was quite magnanimous in defeat – “The best team won” and decrying his sides inability to keep the ball or play through the aggressive press.

The cat is well and truly out of the bag now with the mainstream media, that Saints are playing well and have a well organised and very good football team.   They are noticing that it’s a ‘team’ rather than a bunch of individuals.  It is starting again, just like it did in 2014-2016. You will notice that there will not be a single mainstream media figure who will talk about our players or manager without it being in the context of them moving onto a bigger club. Gary Neville was all about JWP going to a big club today and we’ve already had the same over Ralph. It will also be coming regarding KWP, Tino and Salisu – two of whom were at big clubs before and never got a game. What irritates me is that they assume that it is the endgame of every player to play for a dysfunctional bag of shit like Manchester United or Tottenham. I guess it depends how loudly money talks.

This was an extremely functional win and it sets up next weeks FA Cup tie against West Ham nicely. After that we are back to the league with games against Villa Newcastle Watford and Burnley. There are points to be had if we go into every game with the same attitude that we’ve shown in the last four or five. Quarter-finals of the FA Cup would be nice as well.

Up the fucking Saints.

Premier League Match 12 - Norwich 2 Southampton 1

 

McCarthy In Training on Sunday Morning

We have an odd situation today in that we beat Aston Villa in our last game and Dean Smith got sacked as their manager. A few days later, Dean Smith got appointed manager of Norwich who we are playing today. Can we play you every week? Indeed.

I suppose it will be interesting to see if Dean Smith can get a result against us now that he’s been given an immediate second chance to do so. You have to say that the odds are probably against it given that Saints are going pretty well at the moment and Norwich have been showing at their usual Premier League form which has seen Daniel Farke exit the club. They did win last time out against Brentford however, which in a way is a nice way for Farke to go but before that, it had been the usual story as whenever Norwich are in the Premier League, with a consistent run of defeats of varying magnitude. This is the reason of course why they parted company with the former German porn star because basically, they spent a bit of money by their standards and Norwich were heading in exactly the same direction as they did the last time they were in the Premier League and that’s rock bottom and relegated by the end of February.

The one thing that the appointment of Smith does tell you is that Norwich had absolutely no plan.  You get the feeling that they knew Farke was going to leave but by appointing a manager who only got fired himself about a week before they appointed him, you know that they are just winging it, much like Delia Smith with a recipe when she’s been at the cooking sherry. Let’s be Having You.

Norwich may have signed a few players this season but their squad still has an unmistakable “Championship“ look about it. They still have Grant Hanley playing at centre back for example.  Midfielder Todd Cantwell, who is easily one of the better players, has found himself not in the squad this season so there is clearly something gone on behind the scenes there, so I would expect him to have a clean slate and be back in the side today. Tim Krul is a decent keeper, still in and around the Dutch national squad and Teemu Pukki has shown before that he can score at this level if given the right service.

James Ward-Prowse and Tino Livramento pulled out of their respective England squads for the recent international break so it will be interesting to see whether they are fully fit. It’ll also be interesting to see if both Che Adams and Stuart Armstrong come back injury and Covid free from two international games with Scotland as both have fallen foul of one ailment or another on recent trips. 

The good news is that there are no more fucking international breaks until March. England qualified from the Group of Extreme Life, overpowering Albania and San Marino by a combined 15-0. Jan Bednarek and Poland will be in the play-offs, along with Stu and Che’s Scotland. Che Adams had a really good week for Scotland, scoring in both games including one against Denmark where he ran through having been played on side by a big clumsy Danish central defender called Vestergaard.

To be honest I’m expecting us to go with exactly the same team as started against Villa the one assumes that Nathan Redmond will be recovered from Covid and will be in a shout for a starting place, probably ahead of Stuart Armstrong if anyone.  In the event we had a few missing that weren’t necessarily expected from the outside – Stuart Armstrong had again fallen foul of the Scotland curse, Nathan Redmond was still out with Covid / New Baby and there was also no sign of Moussa Djenepo, who had been away with Mali.  Diallo came into midfield which meant no right sided width.  Might have been a good day to try the KWP/Tino combination on the right but not to be.

Three minutes in and Norwich are looking very tentative and we’re buzzing around the edge of their penalty area.  Romeu tries to thread a pass through but it’s cleared and he tries again and finds Armstrong who pokes through to Adams. Che holds off Hanley, works half a yard and passes it into he far corner.  What a fucking start – get in.  Dare I say it – a proper Danny Ings finish

And it all Started So Well

Come on lads, foot to the throat and bury these.  KWP goes flying up the wing, gets past Rashica who seems to foul him but wins the ball.  Norwich advance into the KWP sized hole on the left and Aarons fires over a cross and there is Pukki, darting in front of Salisu to get a header in at the near post.  McCarthy should stop it but doesn’t and can only push it into the net.  Shit.  Ralph is not happy at Martin Atkinson, presumably over the KWP challenge but that’s pretty irrelevant if others do their jobs properly.

Saints crack on and start to dominate the game.  Elyounoussi has a shot blocked and JWP gets a good strike I on goal but unfortunately it’s straight down Krul’s throat.  Dean Smith has recalled My Little Pony Todd Cantwell to the starting line up and the lightweight Canary makes his first contribution when KWP gets down the left and puts over a great cross left-footed, which Diallo is about to head as Cantwell barges into his back.  Martin Atkinson, last seen not giving us a penalty for Kyle Walker’s 100mph body check at Man City, again fucks us and doesn’t give anything and VAR is obviously broken.

A Salisu long ball sends Adams away and he finds Elyounoussi whose shot is deflected wide for a goal kick (fuck sake Martin!!!) and more chances come and go as Armstrong has a shot blocked and then JWP picks out Tino on the right and his beautiful cross is crying out for forwards to throw themselves at it but no one does.  Salisu then tries to unleash a thunderbastard from distance but it picks out Krul as clean as you like.

Cantwell is still in with a shout of being our best attacker as he fannies about on the edge of the box and loses the ball. Diallo produces a classy turn before teeing up Elyounoussi who again saw his shot blocked out to JWP who hammers one just wide.  Fucks sake come on.  Hanley lives up to his billing of being dreadful by doing a little shite dance around the ball on half way and losing it to Diallo.  On goes the ball to Adams who bears down on goal before hitting a half decent shot which Krul saves well.

Half time and we really should be a couple of goals in front.  didn’t I say that in our last two games?  Against Viall and Watford though, we were in front at half time but not here.  I can’t believe Dean Smith won’t change things around in the second half and we really have to stay on the front foot and keep going.  As the teams emerge, Smith has taken off our best attacker in Cantwell and replaced him with Sargeant, who is I think, a striker.

OK, this is different.  Norwich have gone to what looks like a 4-4-2 with Sargeant up with Pukki and we are struggling a bit. Diallo gives the ball away in midfield and Rashica thankfully drills it straight at McCarthy.  Normann then finds time to come forward from midfield and hammer a shot just wide.  After 15 minutes of nothing, we need a change and Ralph makes one, bringing on Broja in place of Elyounoussi who I feel is a bit unfortunate to go off.  This leaves us with no wingers and Adams and Armstrong are pushed right and left respectively with Broja up the middle.

Another ten minutes of very little and another change and this one is mindblowing as Ralph takes off our in form striker Che Adams… and puts Theo Walcott on, whose last good form for Saints was in 2006.  It still looks like a 4-3-3 though and it still isn’t working with both Broja and Walcott struggling to contribute anything much.

Pukki bulldozes his way though for a shot at the near post which McCarthy saves comfortably enough before Ralph completes a hat-trick of questionable substitutions, bringing on Lyanco for Romeu.  I guess this is to get the full backs further forward again as they’ve stopped.  Why take Romeu off though when Diallo is clearly struggling?

Ten to go and Rashica gets a cross in without much pressure from the clearly knackered Livramento and Bednarek heads it out for a corner.  Over it comes from our right and there’s Hanley at the back post, unmarked (by Lyanco) to head it down and over the falling tree that is McCarthy.  Oh for fucks sake, that’s as soft as you like. Utter bollocks.

We wake up now but Norwich have of course got something to hang on to now and we spend a lot of the remaining time going sideways and backwards.  On 90 we create our one opening as JWP slings in a cross from the right and up goes Walcott, meets it on the edge of the box and heads it down and wide.  Bollocks.

Well what a result that is, in a bad way.

Great first half followed by an absolutely dogshit second half. What’s more, like against Watford in our last away game, we should have been out of sight at half time but we managed to throw a goal in to go in level and then somehow not score again when we were on top for the following 35 minutes. In the second half, Norwich upped their game and despite a couple of tactical reshuffles, we didn’t cope and eventually, without having to work very hard for it, Norwich were gifted the winner as we threw another goal in our own net.

It’s never nice to call out individuals but if your goalkeeper makes two horrendous mistakes in the same game, then the chances are that you will not be getting anything out of the game. The game is decided ultimately in both penalty areas and we were not clinical enough in the first half and we threw away two horrendous goals. Not only did McCarthy get beaten twice at his near post from two pretty soft headers, he also was flapping at corners and generally, dropping a 2 out of 10 performance.

He is certainly not the only reason that we didn’t come away with anything today amongst the players. The second-half performances by virtually everyone on the pitch, were not good enough and the substitutions and tactical switches by Ralph were absolutely fucking baffling at best.

Shane Look On Knowing He Could do Better than Walcott

We have an in-form striker who are scored five goals in his last six games including international football and he gets dragged on the hour mark and replaced with Theo Walcott who is absolutely stealing a living as a footballer at the moment.  Theo has no confidence and just never does anything that comes off. He doesn’t beat players, he doesn’t get shots on target, he doesn’t make tackles, he doesn’t do anything. Again, I’m left asking myself what an earth Nathan Tella has done to be behind Walcott in the pecking order. Even Shane Long would’ve been a better choice off of the bench.

It’s not Theo's fault he gets put on the pitch though, that one is 100% on Ralph. The deployment of Diallo on the right hand side (ish) was very strange and though he had a good first half, helped by Tino bombing up the wing providing width - in the second-half he had an absolute shocker but was left on for the full 90 minutes. Armando Broja was the first sub used and he came on for Elyonoussi which unsurprisingly, considering he was the only winger on the pitch, meant we had no width so we went to a narrow 4-3-3 formation.  It is actually hard to remember Broja touching the ball in 35 minutes that he was on the pitch. The final roll of the dice was to go to 3 at the back to try and get Tino and KWP back into play further up the wings and that did at least give us a little bit more pressure on the Norwich goal but too little too late. Dean Smith basically took the tactics that served Villa better in the second half in our last game and this time it got him the result. They still didn’t create much but when they did, we obligingly made it very easy for them. We let Grant Hanley score the winning goal for fuck’s sake, a player who is definitely in the conversation when you talk about the worst current Premier League player.

The good news is that having lost away from home to the team at the foot of the table, our next game is away at Liverpool. Liverpool have of course just smashed Arsenal 4-0 at home so that’s gonna be a whole load of fun.

Premier League Match 30 - Norwich 0 Southampton 3

Oh Yes We're Back.

A trip to an empty Carrow Road for the first game of Project Money-Grab, to play the team currently sitting in last in Premier league.  I heard it said by clueless people, that they were the best team ever to have been bottom of the table. What a load of horse shit, said by people who in the next breath say that this is the worst standard Premier League of all time…. Can’t have it both ways.  We even beat them at St Mary’s for fuck sake and everyone beats us there. I remember thinking that Norwich were the perfect team for us to play – incapable of being defensively disciplined for 90 minutes, not a lot of physical presence up front and being fairly open. I feel that today is more about how we play, rather than how they play.  If we match their work rate, then the quality should show.

Think of Norwich and what do you think of? Personally, I think of Alan Partridge and Grant Holt for some reason. During our ascent of the leagues when we were competing with Norwich who made the same journey as us.  Grant Holt was their talismanic striker in the same way that Sir Rickie Lambert was ours. Whilst Rickie lost weight to play his best football, Grant Holt remained a big fat bastard but he was effective for a short period of time.

I also remember Grant Holt falling over another guy who had a few weight issues as well (and still does) in Luke Shaw and he won a penalty off of Mark Twattenberg at Carrow Road.  Holt missed the resulting penalty and we got a draw out of the game but I didn’t stop Mauricio Pochettino marching across the pitch to have words with Twattenberg after the game. Oh how I hated Mark Twattenberg but in the eyes of many, he was a decent referee who got selected to go to international tournaments, unlike any of the arseholes we’ve got refereeing games at the moment. Today it’s Kevin Friend – oh deep joy.

Of course, Norwich have the legendary Delia Smith and “lets be ‘avin you” when pissed as a fart and all that stuff. Norwich have left themselves a mountain to climb if they want to not get relegated at the end of their first season back in the Premier League and this is a game that they must surely win to have any chance as banking on Coronavirus getting the league voided, didn’t work.  They have taken a few scalps at home but I see them as a bit of a soft touch and we should be confident about getting a result from this game, strange conditions or not.

Norwich don’t have Grant Holt any more but they do have Teemu Pukki who for a while looked like he was going to keep them up single-handedly but his goal return has dried up and we could do with that remaining the case today. Todd Cantwell and Emiliano Buendia have chipped in with a few goals from midfield but just not enough and defensively, fuck me, they still have Grant Hanley in the team. I’m sure there are League 1 sides that he would struggle to get in. Tim Krul is in goal and he has always been decent and I like the look of Max Aarons at right back.  We kicked Cantwell all around the pitch at St.Mary’s and he didn’t react well to it so it’ll be interesting to see if that tactic is used again.

All we have to gauge Saints on is a friendly against Bristol City at St Mary‘s which consisted of three 45 minutes “halves”. Overall, it was as you’d expect with us looking pretty good up front and forcing mistakes in the Bristol City defence but then us throwing in a couple of crap goals to keep them in it. Not that the result is important but we won 3-2 with two early goals from Stuart Armstrong and one from Danny Ings. As for pointers towards the starting line-up, it was interesting to see Michael Obafemi upfront with Ings with Shane Long out injured. Slightly worryingly, Pierre Hojbjerg started at right back so it will be interesting to see who wins the lucky dip to play there against Norwich. With Pierre a right back, Will Smallbone played in midfield and looked very good indeed going forward. I feel that whilst we may get away with him playing at home games and he may provide some good ammunition from strikers in tight games, I am worried that he’s just going to get bullied in away games. The other interesting point also concerned Pierre and that he was not captain, given his contract situation and so JWP deservedly was given the armband.

To the game and the Pick Channel – I have decided on having piped in crowd noise so let’s go.   Our line-up is a solid choice with Hojbjerg in midfield and Valery winning today’s right back tombola.  Michael Obafemi is preferred to Che Adams up front.  Our two extra bench spots are taken by Kevin Danso who is clearly just seeing out his time here and Nathan Tella, who has always looked like a very positive presence in the age group teams.

Before we get going there is a minutes silence for the Covid victims and then we had the taking of the knee by all players for the Black Lives Matter initiative. Incredibly powerful stuff all round.... and if you don’t like football using its platform for this, then I suggest you go elsewhere and worship at the altar of Donald Trump, Nigel Farage and Katie Hopkins (to name but three)

Away we go and Norwich are on the front foot and they really look like they want it, as you would expect and we are all over the place. We all know that Valery is going to be a weak link at right back and you just hope he starts the game solidly but he doesn’t and ends up giving the ball away, forcing Armstrong to wrestle Pukki down and give away free kick on the edge of the box.  Kevin Friend really should have booked him for that.  Over it comes from Buendia, Valery flicks it on like a boss and it drops in the box and Danny Ings produces a brilliant bit defensive work to prevent Trybull scoring at the back post. Another three corners follow in succession which we defend in not-too-convincing fashion before we finally get in their half.

We make the first really decent chance though as JWP switches the ball out to Armstrong who is on the left. He takes a touch past the defender before clipping across into the middle, where Ings throws himself at it and it either comes off of Danny’s head or off of the Norwich defender but Krul has to change direction smartly to drop on it on the line.

Norwich are going to give us chances and there is absolutely no question about it. They are trying to play the ball out of defence against our high press but they in no way have the ability to do this so we keep winning the ball back near their goal. The only frustration is that we haven’t done anything with it but the tide is certainly turning and we are now looking the better side. Ings steals the ball on the halfway line and sets off towards goal and it takes a last-ditch tackles by Aarons which sees the ball loop up fortunately for Norwich, to their goalkeeper.

Valery is having a fucking nightmare in defence for us and he continues this by shielding a ball out perfectly and conceding a corner. For fuck‘s sake.  At the other end of the pitch he’s doing okay and his persistence wins a corner. JWP has obviously been working on variations on the training ground as he pulls it back to the penalty spot where it’s met first time by Armstrong who connects well and the ball flies through a ruck of players but Krul gets down well to make a decent save.

Norwich try to play out of defence with a ball up to Pukki’s feet Jack Stephens nips into win it and turns into Franz Beckenbauer, slaloming his way up the pitch and it all opens up on the edge of the box and you think he’s going to shoot but he slides it left to Danny Ings who gives the keeper the eyes but manages to hit the crossbar right next to the near post. In all truth, it’s a bad miss and Stephens will be thinking that he should’ve hit it himself.  Great play by Jack though.

We look like the only team this likely to get a goal but frustratingly, the final pass or cross always goes astray.  Half time and we really have to be in these as they are absolutely shit. All we need is just to be a little bit more clinical and this game is absolutely there for the taking.

Two minutes into the second half and all is well with the world, football is back and we love it, regardless of fans in the ground or not…. because we’ve scored.  It starts with a throw in by Bertrand, Obafemi and Redmond compete for the ball well and Armstrong gets a slightly fortunate poke on the ball through to Danny Ings right foot on the edge of the box and he absolutely does the rest, curling/smashing it past Krul who has no chance at all and into the far side of the net to make it 1-0. The King of the Scummers is alive and well.

What have Norwich got? – not a lot as five minutes later we break out a defence with Redmond carrying it forward before finding Ings. A pass to the right to Armstrong who bundles past three half-arsed non-challenges before hitting it left footed low into the bottom corner of the net. 2-0 and two goals in eight minutes at the start of the second half and that really should be enough.

Saints can now continue with a game plan of sitting deep and allowing Norwich to attack, which they are not capable of doing and then we can play on the break. We give away a corner after a Bednarek mistake which he makes up for and then the plan to play on the break really should work as Redmond sends Obafemi away and he is one-on-one with the last defender but he dithers instead of passing it square to Armstrong and though the ball does eventually deflect to JWP, his effort is comfortably cleared from in front of the goal.

The first substitution happens on the hour mark with Norwich deciding that wearing both a hairband and an alice band is too much when you’re putting in zero effort and losing 2-0 and so Cantwell is off. We didn’t even have to kick him to bits for him to be rubbish this time.

We are playing superbly at the moment and knocking the ball around brilliantly around the edge in Norwich is box with JWP having another shot blocked at the end of the six or seven man passing move.  Our only danger is from our own right back as he again fails to clear a long clearance which results in Norwich picking up the ball and Pukki gets the shot away from the penalty spot which is superbly blocked by Bednarek.   From the resulting corner, Norwich do actually get the ball in the net but it’s a very very obvious offside.

As long as we keep the ball away from our right back then we are doing fine with another flowing move coming soon after starting off with Armstrong on the left hand side, multiple passes out to the right and then back to Armstrong in the middle and he dug out a shot from under his feet which had Krul scrambling away to give us another corner.

It’s another chance a moment later as JWP clips of all down the left and Obafemi is away and onside, played on by Norwich defender in the middle who is about 20 yards behind everybody else. It’s a 2v1 break but Obafemi again completely butchers it by not getting his head up and playing in Danny Ings for what would’ve been a simple goal.   Ings such a lovely bloke he just smiles about it. I would’ve been going absolutely fucking mental.

Just a couple of minutes later and Michael gets another chance as we break away down the right and this time he gets his head up picks up Redmond, who waltzes around the last defender and plants it into the far corner for 3-0.  It’s remarkable what happens when you pass the ball.

For the last 10 minutes, Ralph goes substitution mad with first Smallbone and Adams on for Armstrong and Obafemi. Next up a debut for Nathan Tella who comes on for Ings and with just a couple to go, Boufal and KWP come on for Redmond and Valery.  Of the subs, Adams looked more lively than usual and Tella showed that he wasn;t afraid to put himself about and he had a half chance just before the final whistle but didn’t get hold of it.

Nice one.  A completely deserved win and the only mystery is how we didn’t win by more.  We can have absolutely no complaints though, given the strange situation that the players find themselves in and the rustiness they must have had. They went out there and they beat what was in front of them, which is all you can do.   What was in front of them was absolutely fucking crap. If I was in Norwich fan, I would probably be inbred but I would also be absolutely furious.  It’s fine for a team not to be good enough but it’s not fine to have had three months thinking about it, to then come out and not look like the team who had the most to play for given their situation. They did alright for the first 10 minutes which was more down to us being poor than them doing anything spectacular but after that they were absolutely abysmal.  Todd Cantwell looked like My Little Pony with his alice band and hairband set.  If you look like that and you don’t want to get rinsed for it then you really have to be a special player.  Daniel Farke had the look of a condemned man at the end - actually he had the look of a retired porn star like he usually does.

Daniel Farke - "We're fucked"

One comment that I made when Ralph signed a new contract and we were talking about our somewhat traditional piss poor start to the season, was that at least we had the same manager going into this new season so there should be no continuity issue.  Boy did it show. The players looked fit and very well prepared and everyone knew exactly what they were doing.  Ralph and the staff must take huge credit for this. Leading the way with a central midfield pair of JWP and Hojbjerg. Many fans have written Hojbjerg off because after all, he hasn’t signed a new contract yet so he is therefore the antichrist and everything he does is absolute shit.  Newsflash - he is a very good player and deserves more respect and we’ll have a tough job finding a replacement if/when he goes. The pair of them absolutely bossed the centre of the park today and JWP might’ve worn the armband but we had two captains in there.  

Elsewhere, Armstrong started dreadfully but played a major part in the first two goals and was great in the second half and likewise, Redmond had a quiet first half before terrorising Norwich in the second. Up front, Danny Ings looked as sharp as if he’d never been away, scoring one and he would’ve had another one had Michael Obafemi got his head up.  Obafemi did some really good things upfront but his decision-making was shocking, butchering two easy goals before finally getting it right on the third attempt.  It’s perfectly ok for someone else to score.  He is young as he will learn and the minutes he will get in the remaining games will help him.  At the moment he’s a bit like a young Shane Long – all pace and not a lot of brain, chasing things after the fact rather than making intelligent runs.

In defence, the three players who you knew were going to be solid, were solid and Valery did okay going forward but was an absolute fucking nightmare every time the ball went near him in a defensive capacity. Kyle Walker-Peters must be fucking dreadful in training or we have already decided that we are not going to buy him.

Overall, it was a perfect first game back for Saints which all but dispels any lingering doubt about our ability to stay in this division for next season. Norwich, if they weren’t anyway, are completely fucked.  As for the experience of watching a game on TV without fans being in the stadium. I went to the crowd noise on option as I said and overall, it was decent. It helps that we won of course but I think I can live with this for the rest of the season.

Next up is Arsenal at home which is, given their post-restart performances so far in defeats against Manchester City and Brighton, a decent opportunity for three points. We can certainly approach it with no fear after today’s result. Bring it on.