Premier League Match 33 - West Ham 1 Southampton 1

 

Big Les and the Derby Equalling Moment

West Ham are currently residing in the position that Wolves were residing in when we played them a few weeks ago, namely ‘the worst of the rest’ or ‘the worst of the ring fenced 17’ permanent Premier League clubs. They’ve been pretty average this season and if we didn’t have a situation we currently have in the Premier League, where relegation is decided at the start of the season, they would be having a nervous glance over their shoulder and battling out to avoid one of the relegation places along with the likes of Manchester United and Tottenham.  No such fear though.  

In one way, West Ham are exactly the same as us in that they just can’t wait to get this season done and start a fresh next season. Their manager now and their manager at the start of next season will be Graham Potter who came in to replace the hapless Julen Lopetegui a few months ago. Lopetegui was the manager who was to take West Ham to a new level, having replaced David Moyes who won them their first ever European trophy, even though it was the Conference League.  Careful what you wish for because Lopetegui was shit and clueless and collected a bunch of players who the current manager won’t want as he has a different style.  Another similarity.

One player that the current manager does want that Lopetegui didn’t, is James Ward-Prowse, who is now starting every game when under the previous boss, he was loaned out to sit on Nottingham Forest bench.  Potter has made mention of JWP still being one short of David Beckham‘s all-time free-kick record in the Premier League and he thinks it would be “football karma“ if he scored one today against us. I don’t think you know what karma means you dickhead.  It of course means some sort of payback and I really don’t think that James has got any sort of grudge against us. As I said at the time here: https://leagueoneminus10.blogspot.com/search/label/James%20Ward-Prowse, it’s Saints / Sport Republic’s fault that James is not wearing one of our shirts today, though if we play in that fucking pink one, he’d probably be quite glad.

As it turns out we are in yellow and on paper, our team looks decent.  Last week’s one selection anomaly, Cameron Archer, makes way for Flynn Downes.   JWP starts for West Ham, as does Nicolas Fullkrug, who will be a physical handful for our defenders. The referee looks about twelve though I guess we that we should forgive the appointment of a referee doing his first Premier League game as this game is as close to not mattering to anyone as you can possibly get in the Premier League. 

No matter how hard I try and however long ago it was, it still irritates me that the Dildo Peddlars got gifted this stadium for next to nothing in the wake of the Olympics being held here.  Anyhow, Saints as usual start the game brightly but the only chance of the first five minutes comes from the Hammers as Sulemana completely bottles a challenge against Paqueta, who then feeds it into the middle with Fullkrug poking it goalwards at Ramsdale’s near post but the keeper is equal to it.

The one worry under Simon Rusk is that we send a team out with no attacking plan but it becomes apparent that the players have some license as Flynn Downes strides forward, finds Fernandes and then on to Sulemana, who has a dig from the edge of the box and it deflects and goes wide. The comes the corner from Manning and after a bit of head tennis, West Ham clear it.

Sulemana is threatening again soon after as a good ball in from the left from Manning picks up the run from Sulemana who cuts it onto his right foot and with just the goalkeeper to beat, of course, he hits his straight at him but then the flag goes up anyway.  In a parallel universe far away, there is a version of Sulemana who can finish and he’s worth north of £50 million.

West Ham can’t deal with the version in this universe however and another decent move up the left with Tall Paul holding the ball up for Sulemana who survives a heavy touch to go through a piss-weak challenge by Soler before finding Fernandes in the middle he rolls it wide to KWP who really has to score…. but he drills it right across the goal and wide.  I wonder if that will count for him or against his in this rumoured West Ham audition.

There has been little threat from West Ham since the opening few minutes, but Emerson leads a break from left back, plays a couple of nice 1-2’s and shoots but it’s well blocked by Stephens and Saints break through Downes.   He eventually gets cynically brought down by Paqueta, who then deliberately blocks the quick free kick being taken. Paqueta is allegedly known for allegedly getting deliberate yellow cards allegedly, but the family members who allegedly had money on it are disappointed as Andrew Kitchen bottles handing out a yellow.   Unperturbed, we feed into the penalty area and after Manning’s shot is blocked, it drops down from a challenge and Sulemana has a reaction volley to take and again, manages to miss, this time flicking the ball against the angle of post and bar from ten yards.

It's not a free kick but there’s a potential “karma” moment as West Ham break and Fullkrug shows excellent awareness to lay the ball back to JWP right on the edge of the box and we all close our eyes and await the inevitable and he really has to do better than launching it into space and sending it bouncing down the long jump pit.  He loves us and is clearly still playing for us.

All West Ham seem to have is breaks after we attack. In the main it’s all Saints and some more quick play on the left and Fernandes has a race to the ball against Coufal and he gets there first and Coufal is late and catches him.  A clear yellow card foul and Coufal has already been booked but Kitchen doesn’t even give us a free-kick. I guess if he gave the free-kick he’d have to send him off.  He gets his book out though at the next opportunity as Manning brings down Bowen and Tall Paul has clearly said something about his refereeing, whilst looking tall and threatening.

Out of the way James

Another free kick given on the right-hand side this time as Fernandes gets cleaned out again by Emerson. It’s a left footers kick and of course we’ve got Ryan Manning who has never scored a free-kick in his life.  Manning‘s effort is catching practice for Areola.  Saints are still on the front foot as we reach half-time with Downes battering JWP midfield and running him off the ball and sets up an attack with Sulemana flicking the ball back to Downes and a 50-50 with the ex-Saints man and Downes wins that one as well and we get a corner.  That’s karma Graham if anything… he left us and the man we replaced him with batters him. We do nothing with the corner as usual because that’s what we do and we want to finish last in ‘goals from set-pieces’ as well, so at least we’re consistent across all categories of attacking shiteness.

Half-time in the usual concern that the good chances we have missed will come back to bite us in the second half. The misses by Sulemana and KWP are just not acceptable if you want to win football matches in the Premier League. No changes and away we go and it’s Saints who show first with Sulemana winning a corner off of the clumsy Coufal.  In it comes and another one without a goal, as it’s headed away, back in and shite and West Ham break down the left through Kudus and the ball get switched infield to Fullkrug and one more onto Bowen and Bowen turns Manning inside out before smashing it past Ramsdale. Fucks sake.  You know he’s going to go onto his left foot as he’s built an entire career on that, so sending him that way and then falling on your arse is not great defending.

So, will we collapse?  Saints at least don’t look like they are going to buckle and Manning and Sulemana combine up the left-hand side to get the latter a shooting opportunity which true to form, he scuffs straight to the goalkeeper.

There’s a bit of a worry up our end as a corner comes in and Ramsdale goes up with Fullkrug, who jumps into Ramsdale and the ball ends up in the net.  Luckily, the referee is happy making this decision as it’s a clear foul.  After the infamous incident at Palace this season, you can never take it for granted.  After that decent decision by the ref, he’s back to normal as he then allows Kilman to trash through the back of Tall Paul without a yellow card despite that tackle being outlawed at some point before this referee was even born.

It's substitution time, which is always a worry for us and Simon Rusk then decides to play with ten as Tall Paul is replaced with Cameron Archer and as if by magic, Ryan Manning puts over one of the best crosses of the season, but of course, Paul has gone off and his replacement is hiding behind a centre back somewhere.   Saints keep the pressure on and the ball eventually breaks to Jack Stephens on the edge of the box and he absolutely leathers one through the crowd but Areola reacts well.

Dibling comes on for Sulemana who has had a good game if you ignore the total lack of end product, as usual.  Saints still look the most likely to score but it all comes down to end product and some good play by Dibling and Big Les pokes the ball out to Manning but having put over a brilliant cross a few minutes ago, hits this one into the steeplechase water jump.

We’re pushing on now, so of course more susceptible to the break, which as mentioned, as all West Ham have.  Fullkrug gets the ball and just barrels into the penalty area before knocking it right for Guillerme to smash it straight at Ramsdale. Back up the other end and another glorious opportunity as Dibling puts KWP away down the right but his cross is shit and way in front of everybody.

And another sitter...

A foul on KWP by Guillerme gives us a free kick on the halfway line and in it comes, gets sent in, THB heads down and Dibling has to score but even on his least favoured right foot, he really has to score… but lifts it over the bar.  I know the pole vault was at that end but we don’t want to clear the bar on this occasion.

Ref watch and Kilman goes smashing through the back of Dibling and that’s the second player he smashed through the back of and this time he actually gets booked for it.  Well done ref.  Kilman must be wondering where the consistency is.

Five to go and Ross Stewart and Welington are about to come on as Manning is about to make his last contribution with the free-kick and chips it straight to a West Ham defender and the situation comes to nothing as far as we’re concerned. The substitution eventually happens and it’s THB who joins Manning on the bench. At the same time, JWP goes off to applause from all four sides of the London Dildo Bowl Athletics Free Stadium. Kilman then gets beaten to the ball by Fernandes and executes an Olympic Greco-Roman wrestling move to stop him.  We await with bated breath for the inevitable second yellow that will surely be branded but no, the referee bottles it.

92 minutes and it’s all Saints pressure but it seems that we are sliding to an unjust defeat and Dibling feeds KWP through on the right hand side and he has a dart for the line and crosses and it flicks up in the air off a defender and Big Legs comes flying in with a left footed thunderbastard volley from 15 yards to smash it into the net. Get in, round the 400m track and over some hurdles goes Les.  It feels like we won a fucking gold medal or something.

Now let’s go and fucking win it… ok, let’s not, the end.

It says something about how this season has been the last-minute equaliser against the team just three places above us in the League is greeted by the biggest celebration since we got promoted last year. Not that I am belittling the moment that Big Les smashed that into the net.

We totally deserved that point and on balance we totally deserve to win the game because we played really well, restricting West Ham purely to breaks from deep and posing most of the goal threat ourselves. There is a reason that we are bottom of the league however because even when we play well, there is one part of the game which we’re not very good at and today it was finishing. The missies by KWP and Sulemana in the first half and Dibling in the second half meant that we still need another point to overhaul Derby‘s record whereas today really should’ve been putting all that to bed.

It was a good day for Simon Rusk and Adam Lallana, who got the team selection completely right And the substitutions were pretty much perfect as well. The main thing was leaving Big Les and Flynn in place in the middle of the park for the entire 95 minutes and the pair of them was still everywhere snapping it challenges as the game went into injury time. It’s not exactly rocket science but it’s been incredibly obvious ever since we started playing a two man central midfield that Les and Flynn are the only two players in the squad really capable of playing there for any length of time.

"Flynn, Les...Fucking Stay Out There!"

If Rusk got his substitutions right, then Graham Potter got his wrong, taking off his entire forward line of Fullkrug, Bowen and Kudus and replacing them with more defensively minded players, and the immobile Evan Ferguson.  West Ham had very little going on going forward anyway but taking them off meant their attacking effort just died on its arse and allowed us to push forward without too much fear of consequences and we were rewarded in the end.

A word for the referee Andrew Kitchen and the word is ‘bottler’.  I was put in mind of a referee on a Sunday morning who doesn’t want to send players off because he doesn’t want to do the admin.  Coufal and especially Kilman should both have walked and if they’re doing their job properly, PGMOL should be marking him down for that, exemplary organization that they are.  Don’t hold your breath.

Fulham at home next week before the big one against Leicester at the King Power in the already relegated “El Shattico”. With Everton away and Manchester City and Arsenal at home to follow after those two games, next week is now shaping up to be a glaring opportunity to get that one point that we need to at least get something, no matter how shit, out of this season.  Get that point next week and it’s time for a pitch invasion, pyro, commemorative t-shirts and an ‘I was there’ DVD.

Up the fucking Saints

Premier League Match 18 - Southampton 0 West Ham United 1

 

Managing Southampton Brings You To Your Knees In No Time

The first part of the Miracle of Ivan starts today with the visit of West Ham to St Mary’s on Boxing Day 2024. I just hope that no one lets the football ruin their Christmas though I’m pretty sure it would ruin Ivan’s Christmas if we didn’t win today

Rumour has it that, after the pathetic defeat by Spurs, the players were given a day off in the aftermath of Russell Martin being sacked. I found that completely infuriating given how shit they were that particular game.  The manager got sacked but the players were shit and should have been in.  Rumour also has it that the players were supposed to be off on Christmas Day, but the new manager made them come in and train. More power to him if all that is true.

If Ivan only had minimal input against Fulham, then today will certainly have more of the new managers footprint on it.  The main questions today are about who will start as the central attacker and who partners Flynn Downes in midfield. There shouldn’t be a question of Jack Stephens coming back into the team now he’s available, but there just might be.

West Ham have flattered to deceive this season. They should be doing a lot better than they are but Julen Lopetegui has found it hard going. West Ham seem to see themselves as a big club because of the stadium they got gifted and the fact they are playing in front of 60,000 people every week but yet they still find themselves in the bottom half of the division and more concerned about keeping out of the bottom three then challenging for the European places. With the squad they have, they should of course be challenging for said European places and trying to emulate what their last manager, David Moyes achieved by winning the Europa Conference League.

When you look at the West Ham team on paper, the main weakness appears to be the central defence and goalkeeper. The keeper is 39-year-old Lukas Fabiański and Max Kilman is a solid player and has been for a few years at Wolves before he moved to West Ham, the same cannot really be stared for Stefano Mavropanos, West Ham strengths lie in attacking areas with Jared Bowen, Lukas Paqueta, Thomas Soucek,, Mohammed Kudus and Nicholas Fullkrug the big names, with Fullkrug, the eighty-fifth centre forward that West Ham have signed in the last five years.  Paqueta certainly won’t be playing because he is suspended and this suspension is nothing to do with gambling, other than gambling on not getting five yellow cards. Kudus has been liked to moves away, mainly by desperate Manchester United client media. One player who always scores against us, who won’t score against us today is Michael Antonio who is recovering following a car crash that is probably going to keep him out for a year. As an ex-Saint, I can only wish him well in his recovery.  With the way Russell Martin used to set up a defence, Antonio probably would’ve had a chance of scoring from his hospital bed.

It promises to be different today with the improvements that we made in that area against Fulham and the fact that Ivan Juric teams are always built on a solid defence, so in a way today, I am expecting more of the same as that game. I just hope we can nick it and provide some sort of threat of the other end, which we didn’t do last week at Fulham.  It’s unfortunate for Ivan in a way, that this game family falls into the category of “must win”. Logic says that we are absolutely no chance of getting out of the situation that we’re in but you never know.

Team news and the big lads are in with both Tall Paul and Big Les in the side, with Dibling and Aribo dropping out.  Kick off and Saints immediately continue the no nonsense approach that we saw last week against Fulham with the ball going long towards Tall Paul earlier on.  The energy is there and the pressing is evident straight away.  We are kind of playing a man for man system but it breaks down horribly on four minutes as Bowen drops deep and turns and plays a ball to send Wan Bissaka away down the right hand side and with KWP in his wake, he gets all the way to the penalty area before pulling it back to the penalty spot where Soler meets it and manages to smash out onto the bar with Soucek’s follow up blocked by Sugawara.

When Ramsdale has the ball, the tactic is to put it long towards Tall Paul and he immediately holds off a defender and brings the ball down on his chest and gets the attack moving. Fernandes plays it wide to Sugawara who tosses it into the mix, but it looks too long and then KWP appears and stabs it back across first time and Tall Paul rises on the 6 yard line having not looked like he anticipated the cross and heads it just past the post.  Fuck.  It’s still going to be epic when he scores.

With one big man making an impact, Lesley Ugochukwu is doing the same in midfield and via Wood, the ball goes out to Armstrong on the left and he put over a decent cross which is met well by Fernandes bursting into the box but his header is straight at Fabiański.  Another good chance and Armstrong has started the game pretty brightly, spinning off his man and trying to make things happen.  Another chance as Tall Paul and Les combine to get the ball out to KWP on the left and he tries and optimistic shot from an angle and Fabianski fumbles it and regathers but keeps it away from danger.

That problem with the man to man thing is illustrated again as Bowen picks up the ball in midfield and has acres in the centre of the park and gets to the edge of the penalty area before dragging his shot wide as Wood throws himself in the way. Bowen had started on the right wing and picked up that ball in central midfield so this really looks like new system teething troubles to me as KWP had not tracked him into midfield and no one there had picked him up.

Tall Paul Doing Everything But Score

The attacking side of things is working much better than this season so far, in all but the final finish as THB pings are brilliant diagonal ball out to KWP on the left who again, stands up Wan Bissaka before chipping it into the middle and Tall Paul, has to reach and twist for it but manages to get a head on it and Fabiański defies his 39 years and takes off keeps it out. For fuck sake.  In comes the corner and Fabianski gets airborne again to punch it away but clatters into Wood and is down and not moving.  Nasty.  There’s a lot of concern and the stretcher is on straight away and oxygen masks and all sorts.  Jan Bednarek, his Poland team mate comes up to check on him, as does Aaron Ramsdale and eventually off he goes to the whole ground applauding and on comes Areola.

More crosses and more carnage.  We have obviously been working on our deliveries into the box and Matty Fernandes finds himself in a wide area and there’s no thought of going backwards as he slings the ball along the six yard line and Tall Paul goes flying in with Todibo and it comes off the West Ham defender and goes behind.

Yet another crossing opportunity is created with Big Les swinging it out to Sugawara on the right and from the corner of the penalty area, his ball is perfect for Tall Paul again and surely this time…. Mistimes it and it’s straight up Areola.

Half time and what a difference.  It’s direct, it’s exciting, it’s fast paced and it’s still 0-0. Not scoring when on top is clearly an issue and I am already getting worried about us dying on our arses in the second half but in isolation, that 45 minutes was very good indeed.  We also restricted West Ham to not very much after Soler’s shot onto the bar after five minutes.

We start the second half well with Tall Paul again winning the ball up front, this time from a tackle and KWP skips round Guillermo who then, looking obviously pissed off launches him into the air. Saints players around the referee, obviously not happy and out comes the red card. Scenes. But we’re off to VAR.

Hi there – Stockley Park here
Can you review my red card decision please boys
Oh do fuck off, it’s Boxing day – I’ve been on the piss for 36 hours
So have I, that’s why I might have got this wrong – going to the screen – talk me through it
OK, is he out of control – yes, has he lost his shit – yes, has the two footed lunge landed – no, it came up short and he clattered into him anyway.
So, what do you reckon?
What’s the mood in the ground from the fans around the screen?
Oh the Saints fans are 1000% convinced we’re going to overturn it because they haven’t had one off us all season.
Do that then.

Guess What's Happened Again

A West Ham attack comes to nothing as Fullkrug tries to put Kudus through and there’s no danger but Sugawara has a complete mare and shanks it off for a corner for no fucking reason whatsoever.  In comes the corner, Soucek wins the first knock, THB away, back in, THB away again back out to Alvarez who crosses to the back stick where Soucek heads it across, flicked on by Fullkrug and there is Bowen in front of Ramsdale to score. For fuck sake. New manager or not, we will still find a way to give away a preventable soft fucking goal.

Let’s see what Ivan has got with substitutions and it’s Flynn Downs who’s going off which must be a fitness issue, to be replaced by Joe Aribo and Sugawara has clearly not made himself popular with the corner he’s given away that and so on comes James Bree. To me that’s two substitutions that have made the team weaker.

KWP is not bothered though, and he picks up the ball on the left and cut in before sliding a lovely ball between the defenders to meet the runner, who is Fernandes, who takes a swing with his left foot and it goes narrowly wide to the far post.

Nah, that One Is Going Wide As Well

With Fabiański having gone off with a concussion, we get an extra substitute and they all get used as time drifts by with KWP, Armstrong, Fernandes and Ugochukwu all going off to be replaced by Manning, Sulemana, Dibling and Lallana. Yeah, not sure about all that.

Ryan Manning is launching throws into the box, and from one of those it’s flicked on by THB and Tall Paul can only flick it into the side netting. Manning gives up the long throw option next time and works it short to Lallana, who cross into the box is met by Tall Paul leaning back, and his header drops wide of the far post.

There is one final chance in the last minute as we win the ball high up on the right hand side and Tyler Dibling carries it into the box and he absolutely has to square it for Tall Paul but instead of that, he has a swipe with his left foot and it’s high and wide. Fucking hell.

96, 97, the end. Bollocks. I never really felt that we were going to score in the second half, even though there was no lack of effort and intent.  We were overall, ridiculously unlucky to lose that game. The problem of course came from not scoring in the first half when we were on top and as the energy levels dropped in the second half as they were always going to, the substitutes brought on, in the main, did not really add that much and so the team gradually got worse as the game went on.

In the first half, Saints looked like a pretty good football team. It was an energetic, it was exciting, and we put West Ham under pressure. The only thing missing of course was the goal. Tall Paul of course should’ve scored one, if not two and he also brought a ridiculous save out of Fabiański with another headed effort. Matty Fernandes also should’ve done better with a header as well.  As we got into the second half, there was the incident of the non-sending off which when it went to VAR, was always going to be overturned.  The fact is that there wasn’t much contact but he did go flying in, almost in retaliation for getting beaten seconds before. He lost his head and lost control but there was a crushing inevitability of that being overturned.  I’m not sure it was a clear and obvious error to warrant an overturn but overall I think the correct decision was reached.

Soon after that of course we coughed up what turned out to be the winning goal. Ramsdale didn’t cover himself in glory by not coming for the ball but the goal stems from Sugawara needlessly giving away a corner and after that we were chasing the game and as said earlier, the substitutions didn’t do us any favours overall.  Downes coming off for Aribo actually made the energy level of the team drop and Bree coming on for Sugawara meant that that side of the pitch was instantly offering nothing going forward. Adam Armstrong had had a half decent half a game before disappearing, and his replacement Sulemana was absolutely shit and clearly couldn’t have cared less.  The sooner we get that guy out of the club the better.  I’d take £5 million, but then I’m not Rasmus Ankersen’s ego, that made the decision to sign him in the first place.  

Big Les Comes Alive

Man of the match for me was Lesley Ugochukwu in midfield who was superb from the first minute until when he went off, barely wasting a pass and carrying on from his excellence substitute appearance against Fulham last week. Ran everywhere, tackled everything, headed everything and didn’t give the ball away. Brilliant performance from a player who has been frozen so far this season.  He obviously has it in the locker so it does make you wonder how it’s been unseen until now.

The main talking point from the selection was of course to Paul Onuachu. If you leave his finishing aside for a second, he was absolutely superb in everything that centre forwards are supposed to do. Holding the ball up, bringing others into play, passing the ball, taking people on…and then it came to the finishing.  I think he definitely should’ve scored once, at the end of the first half, and the early one from KWP’s volleyed cross was not great either but none of the other headers were quite clear cut but you can see that he is going to be an absolutely vital player for us going forward.   More games and more sharpness will make a difference.  He is in the team to stay as long as he stays fit and today showed just what a good player he can be. If we are going to have some sort of miracle this season, he is the difference-maker.

Other players who seemed to be elevated by the new boss were Matty Fernandes, who like Tall Paul, did everything but score and I was also impressed by KWP on the left.  The three centre backs all did well and handled the “big fucking German” as the West Ham fans sang.

If this was near the start of the season, you would’ve watched this game and thought that things are definitely going turn and that we will be fine. That might still be the case of course with a miracle, but we needed to win today. We needed the three points and the belief it would’ve given us to carry on and get a few more good results. The fact that we didn’t even get a draw is pretty gut-wrenching and it was a bit of a smash and grab for West Ham to be honest.

Here’s a thing though, I actually enjoyed the game.  I enjoyed the fact that we had a committed, attacking display and that we created chances throughout the game.  There was intent to create chances. There was a commitment to press the opposition, which was great to see.   We do need to save energy a bit though or else it’s going be like the bad days of Ralph in that if we’re not out of sight after an hour, we will die on our arses and struggle to close games out, especially as our squad is not strong enough to bring on a load of substitutes and for the quality not to go down.  Ivan Juric’s first game in charge after only a couple of training sessions, showed a team that is at least capable of winning games at Premier League level.  You would think that we will only get better.

First things first this season is to beat Derby’s record for being shite.  I saw enough today to suggest we’ll do that and after that who knows.  I know – we get relegated.  We need about 30 points from the remaining 20 games and that’s Europa League Qualifying form, so that isn’t happening but at least today showed that we are going to give it a go in the remaining games.

Up the Fucking Saints,

Pre-Season Part 1 - Business Done Early

 

Let's Get To Work

Just a few weeks ago, Saints of course won the playoffs and planning for the new season started in earnest.  Playoffs instead of automatics meant we have less time than all the others as a result of us having three extra matches and so you need to hit the ground running to sort the squad out for what is already an almighty challenge…. But then The Euro’s happened and so it was all a bit slow.   The cogs have begun to turn however.

Summer business started with the recruitment of someone who we had been seen in the crowd on the big Wembley screens on that glorious day.  Sat next to Matt le Tissier in the crowd was one Adam Lallana and a few days later it turned out that not only was he there to support the boys and catch up with old friends, but he was there as a guest of the club because he was about to sign for us. At 36 years old, his best days are undoubtedly behind him but it’s an experienced head in a dressing room that is going to need them in the coming season.  There is the elephant in the room however, which is the fact that he didn’t exactly leave in the best of circumstances back in 2014. In 2014 he was in the England squad as Southampton captain and was out in Brazil in Roy Hodgson’s absolute clusterfuck World Cup campaign which saw us be the first team eliminated.   Roy had said he wanted no players conducting transfer business in Brazil but there was Adam, managing to get pictured signing a Liverpool shirt whilst still a Saints player and saying that he hoped he would be signing for them.  Not good PR that.

Lallana the Last Time He Played 90 Minutes

Upon his return, it appeared that he threw his toys out and refused to train before signing for the Scousers and being seen off with a two-line entry on the official Saints website.  If Twitter had been a big thing back then it would have had #FuckOff, #GoodRiddance and #Judas all over it. He tried to calm it all down by taking out a full-page advert in The Echo which just made him look #ThickAsMince.  The question for Saints fans is “how long do you want to hold a grudge for?“.  Speaking as someone who can hold a grudge with the best of them, even I can’t be arsed to get to ten years.  The bottom line is we’ve given a player a one-year deal and he is going to try to have a positive input, so I have no problem with him being here. He’s not going to be a 90-minute player because he never was, even when he was in his early 20s but we’re going to need everybody - fans and players pulling in the same direction so I see no point in being angry about him being here.  Other options are available of course.

Next up was the official unveiling of Taylor Harwood-Bellis as a Saints player once July 1st ticked around. This was of course revealed in the aftermath of the playoff final, as if we needed any more good news that day, and here he is, England’s future centre half and probable Southampton captain if we can hang onto him for long enough… and that will be the issue if he continues to develop as he should.

THB - About to Embark on the Mother of all Benders

Another playoff hero was Alex McCarthy who managed to earn himself another two-year contract with his very solid performances in the run in to promotion.  A prime example of how things can change very quickly in football and as things stand, he’ll be a first choice Premier League goalkeeper again in August unless we bring in someone else.

Russell Martin signed a new contract as well which was an unexpected bit of good news.  It was a surprise to me as I assume that his initial contract included a promotion bonus and a higher level of pay if wen went up.  What it does do however is say that Sport Republic trust him and want to back him and to me, it says that they are going to keep their nerve even if we do have a wobbly patch, which is undoubtedly going to happen.

More Free Taylor, Rather than Free Tella

The problem position of left back was then addressed with Charlie Taylor arriving from Burnley on a free transfer. Having spent seven years out of the last eight in the Premier League, he’s a player that certainly has the correct level of experience.  It’s not a signing to set the pulse racing but it is solid as we absolutely know that he can do it at this level and again brings Premier League experience that we don’t have much of. I would imagine, all things being equal, that he will be the starting left back or left wing back, with Ryan Manning as his back up.

Next up was Ronnie Edwards, a promising young centre half signed from Peterborough. He has been in the England Under-21 squad with THB and Saints have been interested in him for about two years but finally got the deal done for about £3 million quid which is almost a no-lose gamble.   Fans of other clubs are certainly seeing this as a good deal and an impressive piece of transfer business.  Time will tell of course.  I would anticipate Ronnie being a back up to start with, but he will certainly get minutes as the season goes on.  He has played at Championship level before but this is obviously going to be a massive step up for him.

Future's Bright

And here’s another centre back with Nathan Wood joining from Swansea.  Apparently, we offered £7 million this time last year, but Swansea didn’t want to do business with us after the Russell Martin compensations dick waving contest, that their board was involved in with ours.  So anyway, fast forward a year and we sign him for £3 million.  Maybe they think they’ll win the £2 million they are suing Russell for and maybe they think that £3 million plus £2 million equals £7 million.  They certainly taught us a lesson there.  Anyway, as with Ronnie Edwards – time will tell and like with Ronnie, I can see a back-up role at the start of the season.

It has been widely accepted that Kyle Walker-Peters is going to leave this summer as he enters the last year of his contract. A couple of clubs have been repeatedly linked with making a bid for him, namely West Ham and Spurs. As I write, nothing has happened but the have proactively moved in the transfer market to mitigate the risk of him going with the arrival of Yukinari Sugawara, a Japanese international right back who was plying his trade in the Eredivisie with AZ Alkmaar.  We’ve had some hits and misses out of the Dutch league in the past with Dusan Tadic and Graziano Pellè being in the hits column and Steve DeRidder being in the other. Sugawara’s stats in the Dutch league point towards an attacking right back who is going to be far more suited to playing as a wingback than a conventional right back in a four. Whilst it probably points towards us playing three at the back more often than not this season, it is also good to have a player in place before it became a mad panic and we ended up paying over the odds because teams knew we were desperate.  Yuki’s first interview revealed a charming, respectful, humble and funny individual who will become a massive fans favourite if he plays as well as he talks.

No Caption Necessary - This Just Made Me Smile

Remember me talking about West Ham just now?  Well, the media was full of talk of swap-deals with Flynn Downes and KWP, with a bit of Danny Ings thrown in.  We all know that swap deals are not a thing any more and  just a couple of days on from Russell Martin saying that he would cry himself to sleep if we didn’t sign Flynn Downes, we went out and gave Russell a good nights sleep by signing the aforementioned Flynn Downes from West Ham. With news having broken of us having agreed a fee of £18 million. I assumed that this was all going to go through in good time, so it was still a surprise to see him come running out down the catwalk a day later, at the 2024/25 Puma kit launch at St Mary’s. This one signing above all others, gives me a great sense of relief because we were basically a mid table Championship side whenever Downes didn’t play last season, so it would’ve left a massive expensive hole to fill if we didn’t sign him.  From Flynn‘s point of view, he was weighing up leaving the club he supports and being a bit-part player against being the first name of the team sheet at a Premier League club where he is absolutely loved by everyone connected with the club from manager to supporters.  Also, the signing means that we've signed the West Ham player and we still have KWP, with West Ham now rumoured to want Aaron Wan-Bissaka instead. 

Relief. Everywhere.

Outgoings are also going to play a major part in the summer rebuild and we had quite a few from the relegation season that were never going to play a part in the squad this time around and that needed to be addressed.  The first out was Romain Perraud, moving to Betis in Spain, which is a move that is testament to having a good agent.  He didn’t set the world alight in France last year so I did expect us to have a bit of a problem in moving him on but job done.  Romain just never fitted the system with Russell Martin so this was complete inevitable. He was always a player who tried his best in the relegation season, despite being inexplicably left out quite a few times.  I have a feeling that in ten years’ time, people will see a picture of him in a Saints shirt and struggle to remember who he was.

Perraud was one of the ‘loaned out’ army of players who either didn’t want to play in the Championship, or who Russell Martin thought weren’t good enough – which brings to Lyanco.  The chest-thumping nutjob with passion for days and his own emoji (which was dodgy when used in the wrong context) is off to Atletico Mineiro in his native Brazil.  He had the odd decent moment in a Saints shirt, in amongst a fair few liability moments, and his antics probably bought him more slack than they should have in the relegation season, given the amount of half-arsed shite that went on around him.  He seemed to genuinely care and you can’t help but want him to do well. Duje Caleta-Car moved on to Lyon and in contrast, no one really gives a shit.

I Still Think Duje Should Have Just Lamped The Twat

Another of the loaned out was Mateuz Lis, the goalkeeper who we signed purely to loan out it seems.  Having spent last season starring for Goztepe, he’s now back and training with the first team. Does he have a future here?  I doubt it but it would certainly be a turn up.

There is unquestionably still a lot to do.  For example, Wee Man is still a Newcastle player.  Che Adams has left the club officially and is currently unemployed, same as he was whilst doing shuttle runs up front for Scotland in the Euros.  The futures of Charly Alcaraz and Armel Bella-Kotchap are still unresolved, with various rumours of varying likelihood being punted about on the bag of shit that is the internet during the transfer window.  Alcaraz to Spurs and Newcastle, ABK to anywhere but Southampton.  What’s happening with Sulemana?  What’s happening with Mara?

Finally, we have the enigma that is Tall Paul.  A roaring success at Trabzonspor but they don't want to pay any money for him.  The usual shithousing tactics are coming out - their board 'demanding' we accept their piss-take offer, stuff in the media that Paul will only accept Trabzonspor.  Fucking do one you clowns.  He's worth £10 million of anyone's money and to be honest, I'd rather keep him or sell to almost anyone else.

Roy Weighs In on the Tall Paul Saga

For me, with five defenders being signed already, it’s the expensive end of the pitch that needs the work now.  A striker to replace Adams, preferably a physical one and then the midfield.  Even having signed Downes, we probably need one more in midfield as well with both Stuart Armstrong and Joe Rothwell departing from last seasons squad and only Lallana arriving so far. I like the sound of Matt O’Riley from Celtic but the buzz around that one seems to have calmed down and he’s being linked with everyone. Then of course, there is the keeper situation – yes, Macca is here for a year but you assume we’d need one more.  Where does Mateuz Lis fit in and why do these Aaron Ramsdale on loan rumours not disappear.  As it stands, KWP and Jan Bednarek are still here – but be be prepared to be reading that they have agreed contracts with lots of clubs without a fee being agreed with Saints yet.  Love the click-bait.

Overall I think we’ve made a solid start to the summer.  Not a lot of money has been spent in bringing in the likes of Lallana, Edwards, Wood, Taylor and Sugawara to compliment the relatively big money buys of THB and Downes.  Also, all of this business has been done before the first friendly.  There is more money needing to be spent at the top end however as anyone can see.  Currently, we have just two senior strikers – Adam Armstrong who failed to fire in two seasons of Premier League football and Ross Stewart who has failed to stand up for nearly two seasons.  Hopefully they both prove that they can hack it this season but either way, you can’t go into a season with just two strikers.  I am sure that it is going to take time.

Just under a month until the trip to St James’ Park.  That will fly by.

James Ward-Prowse Has Left the Building

 

The Inevitable Departure of James Ward-Prowse

To be honest, I knew this day would come from about January 2023, when in my mind, I accepted that Saints were going to get relegated at the end of the season. The day has now come and James Ward-Prowse has left Southampton.  It all aligned.

At 28 years old and absolutely at his peak, it was always going to happen for so many reasons.  The main one of course, is that he’s far too good for the Championship and there were always going to be Premier League suitors. 

Next up, he had recently found himself marginalised from the England squad and the inevitable feeling was that if he played for more high-profile club then he would certainly have been given more chances, despite never letting England down when he has played. It has always been this way. If you play for Southampton - you’ll get in the squad for qualifiers and friendlies but when it comes down to an actual tournament, you are not getting near the squad because an average player who plays for a bigger club and hardly gets any minutes on the pitch, will be preferred to someone who plays for Southampton who plays 90 minutes every week.  Playing for Saints makes you easy to drop to accommodate an Arsenal Reserve defender who was never ever going to play a minute at Euro 2020 for example.  JWP still harbours ambitions of playing international football and if you feel deep down that playing for Southampton in the Premier League is counting against you, it doesn't take a genius to work out what playing for Southampton in the Championship is going to do for your chances.

Get Yourself a Move to a Bigger Club

Financial reasons would also have played a part, from the clubs point of view, as he is the highest earning player at the club and as we all know, once you get relegated, the financial belt has to be pulled in a little bit more.  Also, after being at the club for twenty years, it would have been very difficult to stand in his way if a respectable offer (and this is a respectable offer) had come in

I’ve seen quite a few fans saying that he should stay for a year in the Championship and that he’s giving up his legend status but he isn’t really. Comparisons to long serving legends of the past don’t really stack up either.  Matt Le Tissier, as he has often admitted, would’ve left if we had got relegated and the last time I remember a comparable Saints player not leaving when we got relegated was Mick Channon in 1973.  That’s fifty years ago and football has moved on a bit since then.  Back then you could play for England from the second tier and the disparity in money and prestige wasn't there.  JWP could have stayed in his comfort zone here, that would have been the easy thing to do but he's chosen to shake things up and prove himself again. Taking the emotion of being a Saints fan out of it for a second, I would have been a bit disappointed in him if he had stayed.

JWP was always going to leave this summer and the only questions were where would he go and for how much?

The price that we were willing to sell him was always quoted at around the £40 million mark. The fact that we eventually sold him for £30 million tells you all you need to know about how accurate the press reported ‘expected fees’ are. In short, I find it very unlikely that any selling club is going to put the fee out there, so the figures are probably arbitrary. There was always a feeling that he would not be on the radar of the really big clubs, so it was always going to be one at Europa League level and the team in the end was West Ham, fresh off of winning the Europa Conference League and therefore qualifying for the Europa league next season and fresh from selling Declan Rice, so needing midfield reinforcements.

Going to West Ham is a bit of a risk. Yes they have European football this season but it always seems to be a club that lurches from one crisis to another. Even now it seems that some inside West Ham didn’t really want this transfer to go ahead and it’s David Moyes who is the transfers biggest cheerleader. It’s a risk because David Moyes always seems about two games from the sack at West Ham and there are plenty calling for him to go even now, having just won a European trophy. 

He also has to satisfy a new fan base, a fan base which historically has been very quick to turn if expectations are not met. JWP could have five dodgy games for Saints and the credit in the bank would mean that no one would really question him and everyone knew that his form would return. If he starts off with five dodgy games at West Ham then the knives will be out. If he does well though, many West Ham fans will realise that just labelling him as a free kick merchant was as ridiculous as Saints fans know it is.  Yes, he is outstanding at free kicks and they of course catch the eye but it’s certainly not a case of just because he’s outstanding at one thing, he is average at everything else.  The tracking back, the passing, the energy, the fitness.  He isn’t your Declan Rice replacement but will do a great job if partnered with the correct players in the centre of midfield.  Seeing him wearing a West Ham kit and doing little videos which end with ‘Come on you Irons’, will never not seem odd and maybe it’s just in my head, but he looked very awkward when doing it.

 

JWP and One of His Allies - Who We Got Rid Of

I attach no blame whatsoever to JWP. At 28 he has probably got four peak years left as a player and why would you want to spend 25% of that time at least, in the Championship?  The blame for his departure, completely lies with Southampton Football Club over the last three years, with the gradual decline over the first two of those and the complete shambles of last season which you can pin on any number of contributors – owners, managers, poor players, half-arsed players. If we play West Ham in the FA Cup this season, their fans will chant "James Ward-Prowse, He Left Cos You're Shit" and who could argue?  JWP has actually been captain for those last three years but no one could really point a finger in his direction.  You can only swim against the tide, carrying everyone on your back, for so long.

As a captain and as a player his performances were beyond reproach, despite the ridiculous workload that he was under. Basically, this was his brief - You have to be the captain, you have to score most of the goals, you have to provide most of the assists and do all that whilst playing as a deep No 6 because no one else is disciplined enough to do it.  By the way, you have to do all that whilst it’s a complete and utter shambles everywhere else with incompetent managers, poor standard players and players who don’t care oh and just to make it more of a challenge, over the last couple of years, we got rid of Nathan Redmond, Oriol Romeu and Fraser Forster, three of your biggest allies and three of your best mates.  

All we had to do to keep him was stay in the Premier League and we butchered it completely.  There is no way that he would’ve left if we had managed to stay up. It's a sad day but we, the club, made our own bed and now we have to lie in it.  Actions have consequences.  It's Saints fault he's not spending his entire career here, not his.

There's a Child on the Pitch, 2012

So, I feel that we have to remember what he’s done for the club and how much service he has given, wish him well and remember the good times.  JWP‘s first appearance of Saints came in 2011 when as a 16-year-old, he was picked to play in the League Cup game against Crystal Palace when Saints were in the Championship.  He also played in the FA Cup that season against Coventry and scored his first goal.  Nigel Adkins got us promoted and the opening game of the Premier League season in 2012 was away at Champions Manchester City and Ward-Prowse was on the teamsheet, as a 17 year-old.  

Premier League Debut at 17

From that moment in August 2012 to our relegation in May 2023, his career at Saints has completely encompassed the 11 seasons that we were in the Premier League and his only game outside the top flight was the opening game of this season at Sheffield Wednesday.  He’s had nine permanent managers in that time and they’ve all picked him regularly.

Significantly, he got regular game time under both Mauricio Pochettino and Ronald Koeman and when you consider the players we had at those times, to be an Academy lad of 20 to 22, getting games even as a substitute, in a team packed with internationals is no mean feat.  It's hard for Academy lads to get games when there is always the latest new flashy thing from Europe arriving to play in your position. Ralph Hasenhuttl was the manager who got him to toughen up and perform as a central midfielder in a two, something that never looked possible before.  Made captain after Pierre Hojbjerg left for Spurs and keeping his head above water and in the main, maintaining performance levels whilst the squad was getting weaker and weaker and seeing his number of goals and assists going up whilst everything else was crashing down.

Most people younger than 20 will struggle to remember a time when Saints put a team out on the pitch that didn’t have JWP in it, such has been his record of being available and being selected.  His last four seasons for the club have seen him play 38, 38, 36 and 38 Premier League games.  The four seasons before that saw 33, 30, 30 and 26 and you have to go back to that initial Premier League season of 2012/13 to find a season where he played less than 25 out of 38 Premier League games.

As our longest serving player, his leaving is a severing of the last playing connection to the last decent generation of young players who came through the club Academy. JWP of course broke through with Luke Shaw, Sam McQueen, Harrison Reed and Callum Chambers. Shaw and Chambers of course couldn’t leave quickly enough.

Don't Shoot From There, It's Miles Out

Having said that he is about considerably more than free-kicks, my personal favourite JWP moments from his 11 years in the first team of course, include some free-kicks.  The one against Spurs at St Mary‘s to win the game 2-1, the one at Wolves which was ridiculous and best of all, a non-free-kick moment - getting Wilfried Zaha sent off at St Mary‘s. Yes, JWP could be a proper shithouse. I find some comfort in the fact that though Zaha has now left Palace and JWP doesn’t play for Saints anymore, he will still be living rent-free in the heads of the Palace fan base next season.

Hi Wilf!

He's signed a four-year deal at West Ham but keep on eye on what’s going on in three years’ time.  It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if he comes home but for that to even be an option, we have to get back into the Premier League and the only way we’re going to do that is if we move on from him and get things right, starting with adequately replacing him.

When some of these players who leave give it the “Once a Saint Always a Saint” upon departure, I replace the word “Saint” with something unprintable.  “Once a Saint Always a Saint” rings true for James Ward-Prowse however and hopefully he’ll be lining up against us next season in the league… and not because West Ham have been relegated.  JWP has moved on and so must we.

Club legend?  For me, he's up there and I wish him all the best.

Premier League Match 29 - West Ham 1 Southampton 0

 

At the start of the season it would’ve been perfectly believable that we would go into a game against West Ham at the Dildo Dome in April, in last place in the league.  However, no one would’ve believed you if you said West Ham would be just one place above us and if we beat them, the Hammers go bottom of the league. You also wouldn’t be believed if you said that the manager who presided over this would still be in a job but David Moyes is still here, in part because West Ham are doing well in Europe though not in the Champions League or in the Europa League but in the relatively new third tier Europa Conference League. I’m sure they would like to win it but at the expense of staying in the Premier League? Possibly not.

Anyway, despite being 19th in the table, West Ham still have a lot of good players and players who have caused us problems in the past.  Declan Rice has always been excellent in midfield against us and the likes of Bowen, Benrahma, Antonio and Soucek have all had their moments against us before. They of course also now have the snake with hamstrings, with Danny Ings having recently transferred there from Aston Villa as he tries to complete as many moves to Premier League teams as he possibly can before his knees pack up.  Regardless of my irritation at Danny Ings, it cannot be denied that we would be a better team if he still played for us and he has recently given West Ham the cutting edge that they seem to lack, even with Michail Antonio and Gianluca Scamacca this season.

The international break will have given Ruben Selles his first real chance to bed any ideas in so we may see something slightly different today but the bottom line is it doesn’t matter what we see as long as we get a positive result at the game. A draw would just about be acceptable, a win would be amazing and give us a real springboard towards safety this season but a defeat in this game will make things very tough even for the most optimistic of Saints fans.

The international break has seen pluses and minuses on the injury front.  Che Adams came back injured from Scotland duty, and so mysteriously did Mohammed Salisu despite not actually playing for Ghana.  It doesn’t look like ABK is going to recover in time for this game but the good news was that Jan Bednarek got through two games with Poland.  

Because we are playing on Sunday there have already been some significant results this weekend with Bournemouth managing a win over Fulham and Crystal Palace getting a bounce out of the pensioner, with a last-minute win against Leicester which is another result towards my dream scenario of Leicester and Brendan Rodgers getting relegated.  Anyway – it doesn’t matter a toss what other teams do if we don’t get points on the board ourselves.

Team news and fuck me – what the fuck is that?  Caleta-Car in next to Bednarek is fine but it’s clearly the 4-2-2-2 again with Elyounoussi in the side.  Up front is Mara and Walcott.  I know Walcott has been decent for the past few games but Mara from the start is a massive leap of faith bearing in mind he’s only ever played well from the bench and then, only on a couple of occasions.  The three attacking players we signed in January for near on £50 million are all on the bench, with Mislav Orsic joining Tall Paul and Sulemana in wondering what the fuck they signed for us for.
 
Saints start the game reasonably well and West Ham aren’t getting anywhere with any possession that they have. The question remains as to whether we can actually threaten their goal or not and there is a brief flutter as we build up down the right hand side with some patient passing before the ball gets fed in by KWP to Walcott who chips up for himself before volleying left-footed a couple of yards wide of the near post.

15 minutes of not much happens and then there is a highlight when news filters through that Brendan Rodgers has been sacked by Leicester for basically, being a smug arsehole.

Back on the pitch, West Ham are struggling to get out of their half because we are pressing really well and the Hammers fans begin to give their team some shit when they pass sideways and backwards. Fear not though West Ham, as we lose the ball 10 yards into the West Ham half and the ball gets popped forward to Bowen who kicks Caleta-Car as he runs into him and Paul Tierney gives Bowen a free kick for being the one that hits the ground in a heap. If anything, it should be a free kick to us.

Good Marking Lads - Trust the Process

In it comes and there is Aguerd totally unmarked to head past Bazunu from the edge of the box. All our defenders are playing statues in time-honoured fashion and Bazunu has not got anywhere near it.  All the Saints players are appealing for offside and we are off to VAR

“Hi Paul – Stockley Park here”
“Can’t believe they scored from that shit free kick I gave them”
“Well it might be offside mate”
“Cool, let’s hope so, take your time”

(Tierney hears footsteps, a door locking, the unmistakable sound of a man having a shit, then a flush, then another flush)

“Where the fuck have you been?”
“You said take your time… and when you’ve gotta go”
“For fucks sake”
“Double flusher as well mate – Howard Webb was well impressed”
“…and the offside?”
“I knew before I went for a shit – two players offside but it doesn’t reach them so it's fine”

Goal. Fuck’s sake. Why the fuck did that take four minutes?

Straight from the kick-off Saints have a little bit of urgency about themselves, with Lavia running the ball out of defence and finding Perraud on the left. He plays it down the line to Elyounoussi who returns it back into the middle to where Perraud meets it and hits it first time through some players and Fabiański must see it late but gets down well to push it away for a corner.  Top save that.

The next opportunity comes from a free-kick just inside the West Ham half and instead of slinging it into the mixer JWP plays it short to KWP who feeds into a Stuart Armstrong who blindly runs into a defender with eight of our players in front of the ball. West Ham break and luckily for us it’s Kehrer who is on the end of the final pass and his first touch is terrible, allowing the hard-working Elyounoussi to get in front of him and shepherd the ball back to Bazunu.

Another West Ham break sees Bowen put away down the left-hand side and he’s allowed to cut back onto his right foot before curling a ball over Bazunu, off of the crossbar and out. If it’s not over already with just being one goal behind, it certainly would be with two.

Half-time and surely Ruben has to do something about the fact that we are never going to score a goal in a million fucking years the way we are playing.  Out we come and it looks like we are still trusting the fucking process and no changes made.

Ruben wastes everyone’s time for another 10 minutes before he eventually gets rid of Mara and Elyounoussi.  Mara has been so poor and Elyounoussi has done his usual - hard work, no end product whatsoever.  On comes Sulemana and Alcaraz which basically means that we have Theo Walcott playing as a number nine with Alcaraz just behind him. A wide midfielder and a box the box midfielder as our two strikers when we need a goal, for fuck’s sake.

Sulemana tries his best and runs powerfully in a straight line till he gets to the penalty area and tries to lay it back to Perraud but only managed to start of another West Ham break and the ball goes upfront to Danny Snakeings, remember him? He’s done absolutely fuck all today and he runs into trouble again before laying the ball off to Bowen who shoots over.

Sulemana carries on making an absolute mockery of the fact that he didn’t start the game and he wins the ball back from Paqueta in West Ham’s half and sets off towards goal with real intent, before shooting wide.  Our next attack wins a corner and JWP’s delivery goes over the back and it’s picked up by Romeo Lavia on the edge of the box and he works on his right foot before drilling it low for Fabiański to save easily enough.

Danny Snakes Off

It’s time to put some players out of their misery and David Moyes goes first removing Danny Snakeings and putting on Michail Antonio. Selles removes Stuart Armstrong who has been nothing short of pathetic and Theo Walcott, who has tried hard up there on his own, is removed and on comes Tall Paul and Ainsley Maitland-Niles, who looks like he’s playing on the right wing.

Alcaraz tries a hopeful effort which Fabianski saves easily and we are broken on again as Bowen gets down the right hand side and hammers over a low cross which flicks off Caleta-Car, forcing Baz to tip it over the bar.

85 minutes gone and Saints build up the left with Perraud. He exchanges passes with JWP  who is now in space and from the left hand side he puts over an inswinging cross which Tall Paul rises and meets and crashes a header onto the crossbar and out. The ball is recycled to KWP who fires over with his left foot. Fuck me… cross it with quality towards the giant guy and we nearly score. Who knew?

There are four minutes in normal time left and 3 minutes extra but West Ham managed those pretty well playing keep ball up our end and winning a couple of corners. No one gets angry, no one goes and kicks anyone and say we slump to yet another 1-0 defeat where we have done next to fuck all in all honesty.

Well what a tedious, insipid, passive, predictable pile of wank that was. Absolutely fucking shit from the moment the team was announced until the first substitutions and better but not great untilthe final whistle.  I hate myself for thinking we might have woken up over the international break and might actually have some new ideas or urgency.

Absolute fucking shite.  Yet again, another 50-50 game against a crap team and we set up not to lose and absolutely shit the bed, losing 1-0 yet again. We are fucking crap and it will never cease to amaze me how all three of our managers this season have done the same fucking thing in so many of these games. Yes we don’t have the best players but for fuck‘s sake, play with some attacking intent. We might lose anyway, in fact we probably will but have a fucking go and you never know.

So, team selection. A front four of Mara, Walcott, Elyounoussi and Armstrong is fucking useless. Utterly predictable that we were going to have absolutely no goal threat whatsoever and so it proved.  Four players picked because of what they do when we haven’t got the ball.  So Ruben – we’ve set up with 10 ‘defenders’.  So, we’re playing for 0-0… and now we’re 1-0 down so now what?  For fucks sake.

I think we had one shot in the first half, which came as a direct reaction of us going 1-0 down and it came from a full-back, Perraud.  Perraud and KWP were our biggest goal threats and they are defenders ladies and gentlemen. Our creative (I use the term in an incredibly sarcastic way) midfield players, Armstrong and Elyounoussi, provided absolutely fuck all. With Elyounoussi it’s entirely predictable and has been said a thousand times before with his lack of quality on the ball. It is now apparently 52 games for club and country without scoring a goal. Stuart Armstrong has obviously been away with Scotland and is absolutely not fit enough to play anything other than one game a week.  It was like he was playing in slow motion today.

Meanwhile, Kamaldeen Sulemana rots on the bench because his recovery runs aren’t intense enough apparently and Sam Edozie, who does actually defend pretty well, is nowhere to be seen.  Theo Walcott tried his best and made his runs in exactly the same way that he did against Spurs but this time he was up there with Sekou Mara who once again proved that he should never start games.

I reckon there can only have been a couple of times where Mara actually retained possession, let alone did anything that might threaten the opposition goal. As the second half progressed with us doing absolutely nothing for the first 10 minutes, in place of Elyounoussi and Mara came Alcaraz and Sulemana which basically meant that Walcott was playing as the main number nine striker, where he has virtually never played in his 18 year professional career.  Eventually, Ruben decided to stick Tall Paul on the pitch and he came up with our best chance when we actually got a decent cross into the box for him to attack, with his very good header coming back off the bar. 

It’s a lack of intensity that gets me. It’s a seeming lack of awareness of what our situation is and what sort of team we are.  I’m sick of hearing this shit about us being process driven. “Trust the Process” – fuck off!!! We cannot afford to waste time not trying to score a goal because we find it so fucking difficult to score a goal. If we don’t get players in the box then we’re not going to score and we’re not gonna win free kicks for JWP to have a shot.  Honestly, when we’ve got the ball, we’re okay in the back two-thirds and that’s it. No fucking idea what to do in the final third. So easy to defend against – can you imagine an opposition mangers' team-talk.  Keep compact behind the ball, don’t give away free kicks in shooting range, wait for them to fuck up at the back.  That’s it.

It’s been the same all season and all three managers. Remember though that Ruben Selles has been there throughout, so he has seen every one of these games and has analysed every single one of these performances whilst Assistant Manager for Ralph and Nathan Jones, yet he’s doing the same thing that has failed in all these previous games.  He says he’s waited a long time for his opportunity and that he wants to put his mark on it – fucking do it then.  Don’t just regurgitate Ralph’s tactics that stopped working – one of the reasons he got sacked.  Selles’ tactics are just Ralph-Lite, which means Selles himself is Ralph Little.

What the Fuck Am I Doing Here?

Today he was playing against David Moyes, a manager who everyone knows is negative but he has achieved what he has achieved in the game by being this way and the one thing you can’t do in a tight game against a David Moyes team is to give them a goal start. Once you’ve gone behind then he’s perfectly happy to keep nine men behind the ball at all times and just play on a break and he is comfortable with that. What you have to do with a manager like Moyes is take him out of his comfort zone and score the first goal, which you are never gonna do if you don’t play with any intent to score a goal.  Yes, we had loads of possession in the first half but how many shots did we have. Fucking none before West Ham went ahead.

We’ve all done it, sat and looked at the last 10 fixtures and thought where we could get the points and yes it’s very tight down there even with today’s result but honestly, we are so fucking shit the other teams results are not going to matter in the slightest. We are fucked and we have been fucked ever since the moment we appointed Nathan Jones.

If Selles doesn’t get it by now, that when we play the other crap teams, we have to have a goal threat, he never will.   Next up we’ve got someone not crap as it’s Manchester City and after that they will be just eight games of this wretched season left before our return to the Championship is complete. I expect it to be confirmed way before then.