Showing posts with label croatia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label croatia. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 20, 2022

World Cup 2022 Part 4 - The Knockouts

 

Qatar Making Sure It's Not Just About the Winners

3/12/22 – Round of 16
Netherlands v USA
The last 16 got underway with the Netherlands playing the USA. It never ceases to amaze me how much the Americans annoy me when it comes to football. From the insistence of calling it soccer to the U.S.A. chants, which remind me of shit behaviour of their fans in the Ryder Cup. Today on social media I managed to see a clip of Joe Biden, the current president saying “it’s called soccer”, whilst pretending to receive a pass. I wonder what the chances are of him being around when the next World Cup, overbloated to 48 teams, is held in a combination of Canada, Mexico and the good old U.S.A, U.S.A, U.S.A, I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN…. Fuck off!.

Anyway, hopefully the Netherlands would turn up and sort them out and the first half went exactly according to my plan with their ridiculous full back Denzel Dumfries, setting up the first goal for Memphis Depay and the second for Daley Blind on the stroke of half-time. The second half saw the Dutch butchering any number of opportunities, usually through trying to give the ball to Stephen Bergwijn or receive it and it looked for one horrible moment like the USA would somehow snatch something from the game when Wright, their substitute scored quite possibly the luckiest goal in history as it hit his heel and looped up over the goalkeeper and dropped into the far corner of the net. That will have had the nurses a bit worried in the Biden Carehome.

Anyway, the Dutch then decided to stop pissing about in the final third and with Blind having the ball out on the left and Dumfries completely unmarked on the right hand side of the penalty area, it was just a case of if the cross had enough quality on it and it did and the right back buried it and with it, all the USA chants and Star-Spangled Banner and all the fancy dress dickheads In the crowd can go home. With that, Louis Van Gaal’s orange army went through to the quarter-finals.

Argentina v Australia
Argentina against Australia is one of those games where you want both teams to lose but before the kick-off I was expecting the most one-sided game of the tournament. Didn’t exactly turn out that way because though Argentina dominated pretty much from the start, all they had to show for it was a brilliant goal by Messi and they went in 1-0 up at half-time. It looked like it was all over at the start the second half when Australian goalkeeper Mat Ryan pissed about, took a horrendous touch and was robbed by Julian Alvarez who turned in the simplest goal he will have ever scored to make it 2-0. The Aussies had spirit though and had a stroke of luck when a shot was heading for the corner flag but instead of going onwards towards the corner flag it hit an Argentinian defender who was just trying to get back in position and flew in the far corner of the net. The Aussies actually had a chance to send it into extra time but Aston Villa’s Emi Martínez made a decent save to preserve Argentina‘s place in the quarter-finals. They will of course play against the Netherlands.

4/12/22
France v Poland


Giving the Keeper 'The Eyes' From 25 Yards is Taking the Piss

Last 16 day 2, started with France taking on Poland. Again I was expecting this to be one-sided and theough Poland probably should’ve taken the lead in the first half, once Olivier Giroud put the French ahead just before half-time then it was pretty obvious what was gonna happen in the second half. Incidentally, Giroud, often a player ridiculed his now France’s all-time record goalscorer, ahead of Thierry Henry, Zidane, Platini and all those other great players that they’ve had. Respect.

The story of the second half was that it was time for Mbappe to do his thing, sending the goalkeeper the wrong way from open play, flashing one into the net from the edge of the box and then repeating the trick as the game ran down. Poland got a penalty in the last minute which was converted by Robert Lewandowski in what will probably be his final act at a World Cup finals.

England v Senegal

Seems That Jordan Henderson is Cool Again

England were next up Next against Senegal and Southgate decided on just one change with Marcus Rashford being unlucky to drop out and Bukayo Saka coming back in. The first half an hour was very ropey with England being very pedestrian and coughing up a couple of chances that a better team would’ve taken. We were indebted to a very good save from Pickford to keep the game goalless. He might have short arms but it’s a good job one of them was long enough to get in the way of a shot from Sarr. On 35 minutes, it all changed though as Jude Bellingham broke down the left and superbly picked out Jordan Henderson with his pullback and the Liverpool captain made no mistake. England were going to be slightly fortunate to be going in one ahead at half-time but he got even better in injury time as another break inspired by Bellingham, saw Foden square to Harry Kane on the edge of the box, with just the goalkeeper to be and there’s only one place that’s ending up. Game over.

England are clearly just concentrating on keeping it tight for the opening of the second half but managed to pinch another goal as it was Foden this time in getting away on the left-hand side and crossed it for Bukayo Saka to produce a lovely finish past Edouard Mendy to make it three and it meant that the rest of the game was much like the Wales game, with England emptying the bench and resting players and get into the final whistle with no alarms whatsoever.

Again, it has to be said that Gareth Southgate got a completely right but now comes the real test as we play our first really good side in the shape of France. I really hope Southgate sticks with the back four but I suspect he won’t and that he’ll go with a back five which basically means that one out of Henderson, Bellingham, Saka or Foden will be left out. Be brave Gareth. If we go super defensive and get beat then it’s not gonna be a good look. If however, we have a go and get beat, most people will forgive it.

5/12/22
Japan v Croatia


Can Yoshida Take a Pen?  No

Japan and Croatia are up next, in a meeting of the universally loved Japanese and Dejan Lovren.  It was all Japan in the first half and they took the lead just before half-time when the corner dropped to Celtic’s mahi to put them in front. Unfortunately, the Japanese could only last 10 minutes of the second half before a Kramaric cross from the right is superbly headed in by Ivan Perišić.  Neither team could find another goal in normal time or in extra time so for the first time in this World Cup, we had a penalty shootout.  As a Southampton fan, it was somewhat strange to see the two captains shaking hands for the coin toss, seeing as they were both once Southampton teammates. One of course being a very popular Maya Yoshida and the other one being the twat Lovren, who admittedly was Croatia’s third choice captain as the other two had been substituted.


Unfortunately, the Japanese basically shit the bed with three of their penalty takers, including Yoshida, taking one pace run-ups and hitting the kind of penalties that if the keeper goes the right way, then he is going to save it. Croatia went through with comparatively little fuss or tension. The only consolation was that it was not Lovren who scored the winning penalty.

Brazil v South Korea
This game of course should probably have been Brazil against Uruguay which would’ve been an interesting test for the South American favourites for the tournament but as it was, South Korea were in town and it wasn’t a test at all.

Four goals in the opening half an hour meant that the rest of the game was like a training game with South Korea making the store slightly more respectable in the second half. Not that you can be too much into it because of the standard of the opposition but Brazil looked very impressive in the first half with goals from Vinicius Jr, Neymar, Richarlison and Lucas Paqueta. They still haven’t been tested though and will probably only marginally be tested more by Croatia in the quarter-finals.

6/12/22
Spain v Morocco


Morocco Officially Goes Mental

In all the games in this round, there was a clear favourite and so far, every favourite had gone through with the minimum of fuss but now it was time for Spain against Morocco.

A team that passes the ball to death against a team were quite happy to sit in and defend and have so far in this World Cup, looked very adept at doing that. The game went exactly as suspected with Spain having a ridiculous amount of possession and then getting to the edge of the penalty area and then passing it again. Morocco took every chance they could to break on Spain with pace and they looked the better side throughout the first half. On the left wing of course they had Sofiane Boufal, Southampton nearly – legend who is such a ridiculously fun player to watch even though the end product isn’t often there.

Anyway, the second half went on with Spain again passing instead of shooting and Morocco got more and more entrenched and it was pretty boring and we reached 90 without any real chances for either side. In extra time it got marginally more interesting as the jeopardy increased and the best chance felt of the Spanish right back in 120th minute as he was picked out at the back post but managed to volley against the far post from a tight angle and so we went to penalties. Spain clearly don’t practice shooting because they don’t do it so why would you practice something that you don’t do but unfortunately that extended to penalties with three of the worst penalties that you could possibly pull out at this time. One against the post and two absolutely shit ones that the keeper just fell on. It eventually came round to a Hakimi who had the opportunity to take the winning penalty against the country of his birth and like a complete shit house he just dinked it down the middle with the goalkeeper diving the wrong way. Every Moroccan in the stadium went absolutely bat shit mental and as the news filtered around the world, it seems that every Moroccan in every major city went absolutely mental as well. Spain it seems, will never learn. They can however, think about it on the way home.

Portugal v Switzerland
The last game of the round was Portugal against Switzerland and this was actually the one that I thought beforehand that the underdog might win. As I’ve said before, there’s not much point to Switzerland in these tournaments but here they are with a genuine chance against a team that hasn’t looked that good but the Portugal boss had an ace up his sleeve having seen Manchester United become a much better side once they dropped no club Ronnie. So, the main prima-donna was on the bench and his replacement Gonçalo Ramos, smashed in a hat-trick as Portugal absolutely buried Switzerland by 6-1. The annoying thing was the Portugal actually looked really good which is a shame because even with No-Club Ronnie not featuring until the last few minutes, they still have Bruno Fernandes and that’s enough for anyone to hate them. Through they go to play Morocco in the next round and it’s kind of hard to see lightning strike in twice with that one.

9/12/22 - Quarter Finals
Brazil v Croatia


Brazil: not Dancing

Quarter-finals in Brazil against Croatia was first up in a game that would provide the first test of any sort that Brazil have had. Whilst Croatia are more workmanlike than inspiring, they are considerably better than anything Brazil have played so far. First half boring….but Brazil had a better chances with the excellent Livakovic saving everything, second-half also boring And much the same as the first, first period of extra time also boring and then Neymar picked up the ball, set off on a run, played a couple of 1-2’s, kept on going and ended up firing Brazil into the lead. The second period of extra time began with Brazil being far too attack minded than they needed to be given the situation and they eventually lost the ball with five men in front of it and only one of the five decided to try and run back as Croatia broke up the left wing, crossed low and there was Petković to score with the aid of a deflection to send the game to penalties.

Croatia keep her Livakovic had already proved he knew what he was doing in the shootout win against Japan and he did it again saving the 1st two Brazilian penalties. Croatia did the business and it eventually fell to Marquinhos with a penalty to keep Brazil in it and he twatted it off the post. Neymar, who saved himself for the glory fifth penalty, didn’t get to take one. How many fucking times have we seen the world’s biggest players fail to step up with it matters.

Croatia march onto the semi-finals where they will play the winner of the Argentina and Netherlands match and Brazil go home after flattering to deceive yes again. Some blame must surely be placed on the manager for playing four forwards, none of whom are interested in tracking back or doing the dirty work when they haven’t got the ball and when one of your two holding midfielders is Lucas Paqueta then you are always going to struggle against a well organised team like Croatia are. Neymar has unfortunately spawned a collection of similar type of players. They are similar in that they are not really interested in doing the hard part of the game and incidentally, they are all Neymar blonde and they are all covered in tattoos right up to the chins. Players like Anthony, Pedro and Rodrygo, really have a long way to go.  They should start with being individual, rather than being a poor copy of someone else.


Argentina v Netherlands

The Shithouse Derby

This game was going nowhere really.  In a poor first half, Argentina took the lead thanks to ridiculous pass by Messi which sent right back Molina through to pass it into the net. The second half saw Messi convert a penalty just after the hour mark after Denzel Dumfries had clumsily brought down the Argentinian left back on the edge of the penalty area. The game seemed to be meandering towards a routine Argentina win until Louis van Gaal pressed the ‘Route 1’ button, sending on Wout Weghorst and Luuk DeJong and launching it. Weghorst pulled one back with a really good flick header, being marked as he was by Manchester United midget Lisandro Martinez and with Argentina losing their discipline and giving away loads of free kicks around the edge of the box, the Dutch came up with something wonderfully inventive and rather than a direct shot, just rolled the freekick into Weghorst on the penalty spot who held off a defender and turned and equalised to send the game to extra time.

It was remarkable that given the Dutch had so much success with playing Route 1 in the last 10 minutes, they then stopped doing it and the game meandered through extra-time and despite Argentina hitting the post, we ended up with penalties again.

Virgil van Dijk stepped up first and saw his effort easily pushed away by Emi Martínez. Messi scored and then Berghuiss saw his penalty saved as well so the Dutch were already in the shit. Argentina did miss one which meant it went right to the end with Lautaro Martinez converting the winning penalty. There was so much shithousing, dreadful tackling and fucking bizarre refereeing in this game the both teams had about eight players booked, courtesy of a ridiculous Spanish referee who desperately wanted it to all be about him.  It was great fun to see players losing their shit and launching into tackles and smashing the ball at the dugouts and all this sort of stuff. When Edgar Davids, complete with sunglasses and wearing a suit, tries to start a fight on the bench, then you know it’s gonna be entertaining. Argentina are basically a team of uncompromising thugs and players who run all day. There is very little in terms of creativity in the team but of course, they have Messi and there are echoes of Argentina‘s 1986 which was very very similar but they had Maradona. Messi 2022 isn’t quite as good as Maradona 1986 but it will be interesting to see whether it’s enough.

Anyway, after all that it’s Argentina against Croatia in the first semi-final.

10/12/22
Portugal v Morocco


It's All About Me

Whilst the world is media focused on No-Club Ronnie, those who are interested in team sports focused on Portugal against Morocco for a place in the semi-final. Morocco have of course exceeded everybody’s expectations so far and Portugal have been a bunch of twats. I think everyone knew how this game was going to go from a stylistic point of view, lots of possession by Portugal with Morocco defending deep and then hitting them hard on the break and that’s how it turned out Joao Felix had a couple of early chances and bought a good save out of the Morocco keeper and U2 singer Bono, before a break up the left wing saw a cross lobbed into the box and the Portuguese keeper came out like an absolute fucking idiot and got completely out jumped by En-Nesyri to give Morocco a one nil lead. What everyone has learnt from this World Cup is that you do not give Morocco the lead.

Bruno Fernandes hit the bar with a cross as the first half drew to a close and the second half just saw Portugal in the ascendancy without really testing the keeper. No-Club Ronnie made his way onto the pitch for the last 35 minutes but looked like a player who has gone over the hill and is cart-wheeling down the other side.  In the end it all became about Portugal histrionics in front of the referee and even a late red card from Morocco couldn’t derail them and they became the first African country to reach the semi-finals of the World Cup. No-Club Ronnie predictably disappeared down the tunnel, barely acknowledging anybody. It was all about him of course. Bye Portugal.

England v France

Projectile Launched into Qatar Sky

The only game that mattered as far as we were concerned was England against France. Would England and Southgate show they had truly come of age and turned a corner or would France show that they are just a class above. Would Southgate go super safe and pick a third centre back. The signs were very encouraging from that point of view as Gareth had his big boy pants on and picked exactly the same team that played against Senegal.

An early Giroud header was easily saved by Pickford before we got the first look at what was going to be a very difficult afternoon of trying to understand what the fucking referee was doing.  Bukayo Saka clearly had his legs wide away from him at the French end of the pitch but I wasn’t given as a foul and so France built up and eventually the ball was squared to Tchouameni, 30 yards out and he absolutely arrowed it into the corner.  Debates as to whether Pickford should have done slightly better but a great strike.  Fuck.

Harry Kane spun onto a Saka pass and saw his effort beaten out by Lloris as England tried to hit back before Kane again got away from the clumsy Upamecano, who brought him down on the edge of the box for the referee give fuck all anyway. Kane then tried from the edge of the box and saw his effort deflected and his Spurs teammate and goal pull off a ‘one for the cameras’ save.

The second half began with an England corner been cleared out to Bellingham on the edge of the box and his superb effort was unfortunate a little bit too central and again the keeper knocked over the bar. England got the break they needed when Saka played a 1-2 with Bellingham in the penalty area and Tchouameni clumsily took down the Arsenal man. Even this rather random referee couldn’t not give it and Kane stepped up to send Lloris the wrong way.

England seemed to take their collective foot off the gas a little bit having equalised and Rabiot bought a good save out of Pickford but England was still the team in the ascendency and Maguire was unfortunate to see a header flick the outside of a post.  Pickford was called into action again to beat out an Olivier Giroud volley but it was a temporary reprieve as the former Arsenal man, who everyone used to disprespect, including some of his French teammates, was there to bullet a header into the net from Griezmann‘s cross after getting there ahead of Maguire.

Southgate hadn’t made any changes at this point and having gone behind, decided now was the moment so I came Henderson and Saka and on came Sterling and Mount to my great personal deflation.  However, a bit of a hopeful ball into the box towards Mount brought maximum reward as Theo Hernandez absolutely brainlessly barged him in the back. Fucking ref didn’t give it of course but VAR got this one right and having had a look at the slow motion, there was again, no way he couldn’t give it as Hernandez was not looking at the ball at any point. Kane versus Lloris part two. Up steps England’s captain and puts up a fucking balloon.

Rashford and Grealish came on for Foden and the injured Stones for the last few minutes and we want a free kick on the edge of the box with more brain-dead French defending. It was Rashford’s moment and he had to score but he put it over the bar and out England went, once more.

Bollocks. The wait goes on. In the past two tournaments, though we’ve got further in that we got to a semi-final and then a final, I don’t feel as much disappointment with this exit as I did with those. With those other two tournaments I felt that we just shit the bed when it mattered and I put a lot of that down to Gareth Southgate‘s conservative approach to things. There are things that in hindsight didn’t work out today. He left it too long to make the changes and I’m not sure that bringing on a very out of form Mason Mount and a very jetlagged Raheem Sterling was really the right thing to do. If it worked however then Southgate would be the hero and that’s the way it works. Personally, I feel that as a manager, Southgate is getting better and for me he’s earned the right to carry on. Whether he will want to carry on or not is the question now.  He immediately spoke of the amount of stick he got after the 4-0 home Nations League defeat to Hungary.  I don’t feel that it’s particularly realistic to complain about getting battered after a defeat like that but maybe it’s a sign that he’s had enough of the scrutiny that comes with being the England manager after six years and three major tournaments. It may well be that he decides that this is a good time to bow out because his reputation is intact and there’s not many managers who get to choose their future.  This seems like the FA want him to carry on though so we’ll just have to wait until the dust settles. I will say that there does seem to be a lack of obvious candidates to replace him.

Some solace can be taken in the fact that the average age of the squad is pretty low and players like Phil Foden, Bukayo Saka, Jude Bellingham and Declan Rice are only going to be getting better. The detractors will say that we have done what we always do and there is an element of truth in that. We’ve beaten all the teams who are comfortably ranked lower than us in Iran, Wales and Senegal but we could only draw with the USA and we got beaten by the first elite team that we came up against. It always seems to be the same way. You can argue it either way, maybe it’s time for a change to give us that extra kick to get us over the line or maybe we should be careful what we wish for.

Today there have been a lot of fingers pointed at the referee and he was truly shocking. There was no way that it wasn’t a foul on Bukayo Saka in the build up to their goal but we had the players back by the time France scored but no one was close enough to Tchouameni. The referee gave us a penalty at the start the second half which he couldn’t really not give and after viewing the monitor, decided to give us a second one as well. The reason we lost is because we missed a penalty and we missed the last minute free-kick. If you want to win tight games against the opposition, then you cannot afford to miss chances like that. France didn’t create many openings but they scored two goals and the bottom line is that is why they are going through to the semi-final against Morocco and that is probably why they will win the whole tournament, again. The good news is that we can look forward to another fucking re-release of Three Lions in 18 months time.

13/12/22 Semi-Finals
Argentina v Croatia


Alvarez Celebrates Messi Beating Half the Team

Whenever England go out, what follows has a certain apathy about it all, as far as I’m concerned. I looked at the two semi-finals and saw two traditional heavyweights against two teams who have over achieved so far and the question would be whether this semi-final was going to be a game too far for either Croatia or Morocco. Croatia against Argentina started off looking like it was going to be a decent close game with Croatia dominated possession but having absolutely nothing upfront.

Eventually the deadlock was broken with Álvarez, how shall we say, winning a penalty by knocking the ball past goalkeeper and then crashing into him. Could argue this one both ways but it was given of course an up stepped Messi to spank it into the top corner. Álvarez scored at start the second half to put the game to bed but there is still time for the coup de grace from Messi as he turned the otherwise excellent Gvardiol inside out on the right wing before driving towards the goal along the by-line and knocking it back for Álvarez to sweep into the net. 3-0 to Argentina and Messi and his supporting cast get through to the final. In some ways it’s an absolute fucking travesty that Argentina have got there because they literally are a goalkeeper, a bunch of thugs and one special player.

14/12/22
France v Morocco

Boufal Booked for Getting in the Way of Hernandez

Morocco had trouble before the game against France even started with Aguerd, one of the starting centre backs, pulling out just before the game. They were a bit of a shambles has the game started, far removed from the well-oiled defensive machine that they’ve been so far and went 1-0 down after a bit of pinball resulted in Hernandez putting them ahead after four minutes. Morocco then lost Roman Saiss after about 15 minutes because he couldn’t run but once they got their fit defenders on the pitch they looks a lot better.

Morocco started playing really fast paced counter-attacking football and were denied what  looked like a clear penalty as Hernandez played the ball, clattered Boufal and somehow Boufal got booked for being fouled in the penalty area. Absolutely fucking bizarre. Anyway, for all Morocco’s endeavour, like Croatia they have very little up front and went in at half-time 1-0 down. The second half had more or less exclusive Morocco pressure for the first 20 minutes before France scored again on the break during the small part to a very lucky deflection that took the ball into the path of substitute Kolo Muani, who couldn’t miss. Morocco kept going to be fair, but all they did was illustrate their inadequacies at the top end of the pitch, managing to miss ridiculous chances and so the game eventually petered out to give us an Argentina against France final.

From an England point of view, I was watching it thinking that if we had beaten France, we would’ve struggled against this Morocco side who played with no fear and fair play to them for a great tournmanet.

17/12/22
3rd Place Playoff
Croatia v Morocco
Croatia beat Morocco 2-1 and no one outside of those two countries gave a shit.  Seriously, no one.

18/12/22
World Cup Final
France v Argentina


The Key Moment in the Final - 123rd Minute

To the final and the build-up has been nauseating with everyone forgetting that they would be 20 other players on the pitch apart from Messi and and Mbappé. Gianni Infantino opened his big fat fucking mouth again and declared it as being the best World Cup ever, which it clearly isn’t if you use metrics like the number of fans attending or the quality of the football. What it probably means is that FIFA have made the most cash out of it. He also spoke about wanting to create a club World Cup with 32 teams in it, which I guess is because FIFA don’t like the success of the UEFA Champions League and what their own piece of the action. Another horrendous idea.

He did say one thing that was welcome though and that was that the 48 team World Cup with the 16 groups of three would be put in the bin where it belonged and though it will still be 48 teams, it is now almost certain that it will be groups of four so we won’t have any corrupt games in the first phase. He said it was because the four-team groups were incredibly exciting in this World Cup and to be fair, he has a point but I do wonder about the real reason he has backtracked.

To the final and Argentina tore into France in the first half with the French barely seeming able to raise a jog, let alone compete with the intensity of the Argentines. France seemed to be half asleep and Dembélé was certainly asleep as DiMaria went round him and waited for the faintest of touches which Dembélé duly provided and over went di Maria, which allowed Messi to stroke in the penalty and the worlds media to stroke themselves into a frenzy.

Going behind didn’t wake France up at all and from their first real attack, Argentina won the ball, broke and via Messi, Álvarez, McAllister and superb finish provided by DiMaria, Argentina went 2-0 up and seemingly coasting. French manager Didier Deschamps decided that he had had enough of the shit he was watching and Dembélé and Giroud were hooked before half-time to be replaced by Thuram and Kolo Muani.

The opening of the second half was pretty dull until Deschamps went for broke, sending on Camavinga and Coman and taken off Griezmann and defender Fernandez. With more attacking players now than you can shake a stick at, Mbappé woke up when Kolo Muani got behind Otamendi who predictably hauled him back for an obvious penalty that Mbappé easily converted. Within a minute it was level as Messi was dispossessed by Coman, who went forward and fed and Mbappé.  Mbappé flicked the ball up to Kolo Muani’s head and went for the return and volleyed it first time across Martinez and into the far corner. Fucking ridiculous goal. France have been utter bollocks but once they’ve woken up, they were amazing. France looked the more likely in normal time but an extra half hour it is.

France are Awake

As the Dutch did when they completed a similar turnaround against Argentina, France then went back into their shell a bit and allowed Argentina to work themselves back into the game. Into the second half of extra time and Argentina got themselves in front again as Lautaro Martinez actually managed to shoot towards the goal for once, forcing Lloris into a decent size before Messi bundled the rebound over the line. With Argentina once more thinking they had won it, the referee then stepped in and gave a penalty for handball when Montiel charged down an Mbappé shot with his elbow clearly moving towards the ball. Excellent refereeing and the correct decision.  Mbappé again, no problem and a hat-trick in a World Cup Final.

We were well past 120 minutes when Kolo Muani found himself clean through after a mistake by Otamendi, but with just Martinez to beat he managed to hit the outstretched leg of the goalkeeper. Argentina broke and a perfect cross was right onto the head of Lautaro Martinez who proved once again that he is absolutely fucking shit by producing a 50p header of the worst kind.

Penalties and there was only ever going to be one winner and that was always going to be Emiliano Martinez. Absolute shit house goalkeeping of the best kind and even managed to get himself booked during the shoot out for throwing the ball away. This was after he’d already saved Kingsley Coman‘s kick it was no surprise when he picked Tchouameni for his main shithousing, throwing the ball away so the French youngster had to go and get it and put it back on the spot.  Yellow card in the bank and Martinez watched Tchouameni’s klick pull wide. Eventually it fell to Montiel to send Hugo Lloris the wrong way from the spot to give Argentina their first World Cup since 1986. Lloris had given off Peter Shilton 1990 vibes by basically collapsing in the goal for every penalty and France had done an England Euro 2020 and sent up kids to do an experienced players’ job.

The final provided great theatre and it was a ridiculously exciting game once France started their comeback in the end but I feel that when the dust has settled, people look at this Argentina side and wonder how on Earth they managed to win it. Personally I don’t feel the standard of this World Cup has been particularly good, with a number of teams seemingly having no striker. Argentina have won this through being hard uncompromising bastards with the sprinkling of magic that Messi provides. It was enough and and now, the fanboys of No-Club Ronnie can shut up. At 35, we are probably seeing the last of Messi in the World Cup. It wouldn’t surprise me if he retired altogether at the end of the season after he inevitably signs off with winning the Ballon D’Or.

So, the latest corruptly awarded World Cup finishes.  FIFA and Infantino got out of jail because in the main, the football was decent, which it was always going to be.  The hosts got what they paid for, a wave if positivity washing over their country. They dressed Messi in some sort of Qatari cloak for him to receive the World Cup – what the hosts and the like of Infantino fail to realise is that it isn’t about them.  It’s about the football and it always will be.  The World Cup would happen without FIFA but could FIFA exist without the football? I found myself less invested with every passing World Cup to be honest and there will come a day in to not too distant future where the Football Associations of the various countries get together and break away.

For now though, we’re all off to Mexico, Canada and the good ol’ U, S of A, the latter of which is of course a country with no human rights issues if you don’t count women of course… and they clearly don’t.



No Caption Necessary

Friday, December 2, 2022

World Cup 2022 Part 3 - Groups E-H

No One Wants to See Germans Crying 😂

 Group E – Germany, Japan, Spain, Costa Rica

23/11/22
It’s that team in White, starting their campaign against Japan and will surely be a comfortable enough win for the team that always turns up for tournaments. Wrong, massively. Germany should’ve been out of sight in the first half but all they had show for it was a Gundogan penalty, won courtesy of a hilarious challenge by the Japanese goalkeeper who just dived into the back of a player. The Germans seem pretty much in control until, like Argentina against the Saudis, they were undone by two quickfire goals, the second one being a brilliant bit of control of a long ball and smashing it high into the net from a narrow angle. Absolutely marvellous stuff to see the Germans get beat.

It was compounded later as Spain annihilated Costa Rica 7-0. Spain looked good but Costa Rica looked even worse than Iran so I would imagine they are going to take hammerings in their last two games as well. This makes that particular group really interesting because you’ve got to expect Japan to beat Costa Rica and then Germany will play Spain knowing that unless they win, they are going home, knocked out the tournament in two games.  That would be a real shame.

27/11/22
Japan had one job to do. Japan just had to beat the team that have been beaten 7-0 in their first game. If Japan can beat Costa Rica then Germany are absolutely fucked.  Anyway, Japan didn’t win an even worse, they actually contrived to lose to Costa Rica who had one shot all game which looped over the Japanese goalkeeper who basically jumped downwards. It was horrific, not just for Japan, but for everyone who wanted the Germans to go out with no fuss.

So, with three teams on three points and Germany on nothing, Spain took on Germany and what turned out to be a really entertaining game. Germany thought they’d scored just before half-time through Antonio Rüdiger but much of the amusement of everyone who isn’t German, it was disallowed for a tight offside.  It all got slightly surreal in the second half as Álvaro Morata came off the bench for the second game running and managed to score. Germany’s substitute replied though with about seven minutes ago as Fullkrug smashed in an unstoppable shot which means that Germany go into the last game against Costa Rica, knowing that win will in all likelihood, put them through. You had one job Japan… and you fucked it for everyone.

1/12/22
The final matches were absolutely amazing. To start with, Germany took the lead against Costa Rica and when Spain went to head against Japan, it must be assumed that Spain and Germany were going to qualify. However, 10 minutes after half time and Japan had scored twice and Costa Rica had equalised.

It got even more amazing when Costa Rica went in front so as it stood at that particular time, Japan and Costa Rica were going through and Spain and Germany were going out. It was too much to hope for and in typical Germany fashion, they hit back to win 4-2 but it really didn’t matter as long as the Japan and Spain score stayed the same.  Spain were guilty of what they are often guilty of – pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, no cutting edge.  I do wonder if it crossed the mind of any Spanish players that unless Germany had scored a further six goals, they were through even with a defeat but fair play to them, they kept playing and kept the Japanese honest.



About that Winning Japanese Goal

The main controversy of course was the second Japanese goal. The original cross that was hooked back in before it was bundled into the net, looked over the line on first viewing and that’s what the linesman thought because he flagged and the referee initially disallowed the goal. VAR had other ideas though and despite no view being shown which proved that the ball wasn’t over the line, the goal was given. This could be classed as ‘outrageous’ or dare I say it ‘corrupt’ but I go with ‘hilarious’ because it ultimately is what knocked the Germans out.

As I said when they played Costa Rica, Japan had one job to do and that was to put the Germans out.  They did it, in the most roundabout, difficult way possible but they did it and go on to face Croatia in the last 16. Spain is reward for squeaking through is it going against Morocco which won’t be easy for them.

Group F – Belgium, Croatia, Morocco, Canada



Lovren Hits the Net, Lukaku Doesn't

23/11/22
The opening game of group F was a piss boring draw between Morocco and Croatia. Croatia are a team that are creaking and don’t seem to have any forwards so struggled to break down a well organised Morocco defence.  Perisic is still their best attacker, Modric at 37 their best midfielder and in Dejan Lovren, they have a defender of sorts. 0-0 and instantly forgettable.

Belgium and Canada saw the Canadians absolutely run the game in the first half but somehow go in 1-0 down as Michy Batshuayi actually kicked the ball in the right direction for once following a long ball that the Canadian defence obligingly missed. Belgium looked about as far away from being prospective tournament winners as you could possibly be. They still have Vertonghen and Alderweireld in defence and also Leander Dendoncker, who doesn’t even play there for his club. Axel Witsel continues to be a mystifying player and you wonder what on earth he actually does and they just looked very old and average and it’s sad seeing Eden Hazard as he is now, wrecked by so many injuries. Alphonso Davies missed a penalty for Canada and they should’ve had another one at the end of the first half but didn’t get it, just before the goal. The second half was more even but Canada ran out of legs and don’t seem to have a player who can stick a ball in the net.  With Belgium looking like it’s one tournament too many and Croatia the same, this is definitely the ‘Group of Life’.

27/11/22
Belgium took on Morocco, clearly hoping that the luck that was with them like it was when they beat Canada… and it wasn’t.  They actually didn’t have anything to thank luck for but Morocco won 2-0 and totally deserved to do so as the fraud Roberto Martinez got found out again by team that had more legs, more organisation and wanted to win more than the Red Devil’s Golden Generation. Honestly, the average Belgian is going to look back at this era of their national team when they are in the international wilderness in a few years and be like we are with England’s Golden Generation.  How the fuck didn’t we win anything with those players? Belgium’s answer will be Roberto Martinez in the same way that ours is Sven the Charlatan. 

There is a theme developing in this World Cup that if you get in the faces of the alleged best teams and make it difficult for them, they can’t handle it. Morocco didn’t give Belgium a second and totally deserved the win.  Canada must have been hoping for the same against Croatia but there was no shock, despite Canada taking the lead after two minutes through a superb Alphonso Davies header. Croatia didn’t panic and eventually run out easy 4-1 winners with ex-Leicester City flop Andrej Kramaric bagging a couple of goals. Belgium basically have to get something out of their game against Croatia or they are going home and about eight of their over 30s are heading into international retirement, along with Roberto Martinez.

1/12/22
All of the interest in the last round of games centred around the battle of the teams who were too old and therefore playing one tournament together too many. Croatia against Belgium was going on whilst Morocco were easily disposing of Canada 2-1 in the other game.

The game between the European Hasbeens was diabolical in the first half before coming to life with the second half and being slightly less diabolical. Croatia had a better approach play but Belgium created all the chances with second-half substitute Romelu Lukaku being guilty of about four glaring misses. I ended up feeling a bit sorry for him at the end but not for Roberto Martinez who has always been a fraud and like I said before, Belgium are going to so regret trusting him with their best generation of players. 0-0 it finished, so Croatia went through in second place behind group winners Morocco.

Group G – Brazil, Serbia, Switzerland, Cameroon


Massive Arsehole Scores Ridiculously Good Goal


24/11/22
Switzerland.  What’s the point? I mean seriously. Always qualify, always dull. The opening game against Cameroon was his dull as you’d expect until late Embolo goal, won it for the Swiss. Cameroon are similar to the Swiss in that they always seem to qualify but then do very very little.  Both the Swiss and the Cameroonians will be competing in a mini-league with Serbia to see who qualifies behind Brazil, who will more than likely win every game.  

The Serbs were the first to face Brazil and gave it a good go in the first half before being beaten by two Richarlison goals in the second half. Richarlison is of course a massive arsehole but the quality of his second goal was superb as he flicked it up for himself before scissor kicking it into the net from the edge of the box.  That has to be applauded, even though he’s an arsehole. Did I mention that he’s an arsehole?  Another arsehole, Neymar did very little and got substituted and Brazil looked a better side without him. They have a ridiculous array of attacking talent when you consider that Rodrygo, Anthony and Gabriel Jesus were all on the bench.  A bit like England really but Brazil’s manager will use them.

28/11/22
Serbia and Cameroon played out a very entertaining 3-3 draw with Serbia racing into a 3-1 lead before Cameroon hit back. Cameroon’s second goal is an outrageous scooped lob by Aboubakar (like that famous one Karel Poborsky scored) whilst everyone stopped waiting for it to be called offside. It was a ridiculously brilliant goal but his celebration was muted until after VAR confirmed he was onside. So, a point each in the mini league to finish second behind Brazil.

What’s the point of Switzerland? They turned up against Brazil and they tried to keep it tight and manage to do so but it was somewhat inevitable that Brazil would eventually score and the only surprise is that it came from Casemiro, who found himself in the Switzerland penalty area and smashed in a brilliant goal with a first time lash.

Second place behind Brazil will go to whoever wins the Serbia against Switzerland game in the final games.  That will have a bit of politics in it as well because Serbia have been dickheads as usual having an ‘Kosovo is Serbian’ flag seen in their changing room and Switzerland have Shaqiri and Xhaka, two ethnic Albanians, so all sorts of fun predicted in the last game. At least there will be a point to Switzerland in this game and I would imagine they will take second place in the group as Brazil will surely dispatch Cameroon.

2/12/22
With the Brazil and Cameroon game not having much riding on it, all the tension was on the Serbia against Switzerland game which was probably going to kick off at some point for political reasons. Anyhow, whilst the Brazil game was 0-0, Switzerland took the lead through little fat Xherdan Shaqiri before Serbia hit back through a Mitrovic header and a good finish by Vlahovic and took the lead to put themselves in a qualifying position.   Back came the Swiss however through Embolo and Freuler to lead 3–2. I have pondered in this World Cup what the point of Switzerland is and the point of Switzerland is to piss off Serbia and it all got very fractious in the last few minutes with Granit Xhaka in the centre of it as usual. With Serbia needing two goals, the game was up really on the news that Cameroon had nicked a last minute winner against Brazil reserves didn’t really change anything much. Brazil will play South Korea in the next round whereas Switzerland will take on Portugal. I have a feeling that Switzerland are the sort of team that Portugal will not enjoy playing against.


Group H – Portugal, Uruguay, Ghana, South Korea


Ghana lost, but Somehow Won in a Way

24/11/22
Group H started with a very dull goalless draw between Uruguay and South Korea. Uruguay look good on paper with a good blend of experienced and younger players but it never really happened against South Korea who probably, if anyone, should’ve won it. Not a lot to say about either team on that showing to be honest

Portugal are the team to dislike above all others at the moment. So many petulant arseholes in one squad. Diving around all over the fucking place and just generally being whining bastards. Oh and they have Ronaldo and he’s 37 and he can’t do what he used to do so now he is restricted solely to diving and he dived to good effect to win a penalty as Mohammed Salisu stuck his foot in rather daftly and gave him the chance to go over. I really hoped that when VAR was introduced that it would sort out this kind of shit but because of the “is it a clear and obvious error“, there’s always enough leeway to mean that the diving bastard gets away with it. Of course, he fucking scored. Back came Ghana though with an equaliser from Andre Ayew and it looked like we are up for storming end to the game until Portugal scored twice in five minutes. Whilst we all thought the game was done at that point, Ghana got another one back and then came in amazing incident last minute with the Portuguese keeper didn’t check behind him and didn’t notice that Iñaki Williams was loitering.  He rolled the ball out before the Williams nicked it off him and then slipped as he went to shoot. What a shame that was. Would’ve been absolutely fucking hilarious but as it was, the diving cheating petulant bastards got three points.

28/11/22
Ghana were first in action in the second round of matches, in a game they really had to win against South Korea and it looked like plain sailing for the West Africans with the mighty Southampton centre back Mohammed Salisu, scoring a slightly controversial opener. It was controversial because the pass to him him was basically thrown to him by Andre Ayew but cheers, Son’s crying.  Anyway, there was nothing controversial about the second Ghanaian goal by Mohammed Kudus. As with the previous game against Portugal, just when you think Ghana have got control of things, it completely went to shit and two headed goals by Cho, brought South Korea level only for Ghana to virtually go straight back up the other end and score again through Kudus with the assist being provided by a fantastic air shot by Inaki Williams which basically took out about four defenders.

Portugal against Uruguay was always going to be a dirge and the only surprise was that it wasn’t the game with the most extra time added in the tournament, given the theatrical and petulant nature of both of these teams. It looks like No Club Ronaldo had opened the scoring as he wheeled away celebrating that he was the greatest thing since sliced bread - but a quick replay showed that he had not actually touched Bruno Fernandes in-swinging cross so the player still at Manchester United got given the goal.  Both No-Club Ronnie and Piers Morgan were furious.  Bruno followed it up after another absolutely shambles of a VAR decision for handball gifted them a penalty. With No-Club Ronnie off the pitch, no doubt still waving his arms around about not being able to claim the goalie didn’t touch, Fernandes scored a penalty to give Portugal two wins out of two.

This group is of course all about who come second behind Portugal and you have to say that in Ghana are the favourites right now.

2/12/22
Ghana took on Uruguay and Portugal played South Korea in the last round of games.  Portugal were already through and any of the other three could still have made it but at the start of the game you would’ve said that the winners of the Ghana v Uruguay match would be favourites.

Portugal took an early lead in their game and Ghana had a glorious opportunity to do the same in theirs when the impressive Mohammed Kudus was carted over by the Uruguay goalkeeper.  Up stepped Andre Ayew to try and banish the memories of Asamoah Gyan in 2010 and he completely fucked it with a piss weak penalty that was easily saved. 10 minutes later and Uruguay, ironically inspired by the arch shithouse Luis Suárez, went two goals in front with two goals scored by de Arrascaeta.  Just as half-time was approaching, No-club Ronnie provided an assist for South Korea in his own penalty area so now it was all looking very interesting but as it stood, Uruguay were going through.

The second half of the Ghana game was simmering along with Ghana needing a point to go through and Uruguay thinking that they had done enough, so much so that they took off Suarez, Nunez and de Arrascaeta , probably to save them for the next round.  Oh dear - they reckoned without South Korea taking the lead through Chan, which meant that South Korea were ahead of them on goals scored. Portugal didn’t really give a shit about losing and that game was finished whilst there was still seven minutes of the Ghana v Uruguay game to go with both teams going for it whilst Luis Suárez cried on the bench. With one minute left to go, Edinson Cavani basically threw himself in front of a Ghana player and initiated contact and then cried like a bitch when he didn’t get the penalty. At full time they have gone mental all around the referee and he was forced to run off the pitch. What a bunch of wankers. Go home.  Good riddance.

It was a shame for Ghana to go out but I’m sure they will have taken some consolation from the fact that they took some revenge for 2010 and played a big part in Uruguay getting knocked out and had Luis Suárez crying at what was no doubt the end of his World Cup career.

Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Euro 2020 Part 4 - (OK, I Accept That There's a Possibility That) It's Coming Home

 

Cheer Up Thomas!

Stop press, England want to offer Gareth Southgate a new contract to take him up to 2024. Do we never learn anything? Didn’t we do this with Fabio Capello and then we absolutely stunk in the World Cup in 2010 and then couldn’t get rid of him because it would’ve cost too much money? It’s absolutely ludicrous to even think about offering Southgate a new contract until this tournament is over. Fuck me, if we go out and play shit negative football and get beaten by the Germans on Tuesday, then this will have been a tournament played exclusively at Wembley and we will have sucked ass both in reality and in public perception. Just no. Don’t fucking do it.

Day 14 Saturday 26th June – Wales 0 Denmark 4, Italy 2 Austria 0


But Ref... We've Travelled Fucking Miles

Moving on - In the 1998 World Cup, there was a round after the first group stage which had 16 teams in it and it was called “The Second Round”. In that round, England lost to Argentina on penalties when David Beckham kicked Simeone up the arse.  The point of bringing this up is that it is no longer called the Second Round but the Round of 16 which as you know, is the number of teams that should’ve been in the tournament in the first place. We don’t call it the Round of Eight or the Round of Four, when we get to the quarter-finals and semi-finals and there’s never been a Round of 32 anywhere. I don’t know why but it just annoys me.

A bit like the coverage of the Welsh in this tournament. Every time we get a studio full of Welsh people - Gabby Logan, Ashley Williams, Hal Robson-Turmeric-Supplements-Kanu and ex-Saints legend Mark Hughes. On top of that, we get Robbie “The Prick’s Prick” Savage on co-commentary, with insightful comments like “wow” and “phew”. Ryan Giggs is nowhere to be seen. Surprise that! It’s like he doesn’t exist.

Savage had a little bit to get excited about in the first 20 minutes as Wales started the better and Bale put a long-range drive narrowly wide. Denmark sussed out the way Wales were playing and tweaked their formation and from that moment on, it was simply a case of how many Denmark would win by. It’s safe to say that they absolutely pissed it. Four goals to nil and Wales lost their shit at the end and started hacking into people. The ball started rolling at the end of the first half with Maehle and Damsgaard combining to release Dolberg who rifled a superb shot into the bottom corner from 25 yards. The second goal was game over and there is an element of controversy about it because it was probably a free-kick to Wales up the other end of the pitch but maybe instead of worrying about that, they could’ve actually done some defending and it might have been helpful when the cross came into the box, if Neco Williams hadn’t tried to use the left foot that he clearly hasn’t got and hadn’t spammed it back across his own goal for Dolberg to make it 2-0. The third goal from Maehle confirmed that he has been one of the best players in this tournament. As an aside, it’s interesting that he got linked with Southampton last year - I think he may be out of our £10 million price range by now.  

Harry Wilson, who is a horrible little shithouse, then decided that he would hack Maehle down in full flight with no interest whatsoever in the ball and then looked surprised when the referee sent him off. To be fair you don’t usually get sent off for this sort of tackle as it wasn’t dangerous as such but I have no problem with players getting sent off for challenges where they are about 10 yards from the ball and just deliberately taking a player out.  Denmark scored a fourth through Braithwaite in the last couple of minutes and this was particularly hilarious because there was a very long VAR check, so Wales had to wait around a good few minutes at the end of a game that they had already lost, just to find out if they’d lost it by more.

Back to the studio for some Taff-punditry, which of course focused on the potential foul in the build up to the second goal and the fact that in the build up for the same goal, it might have gone out of play.  They showed a replay of Braithwaite clearly keeping the ball in play and then went back to the pundits who said “well that looked out”.  No it fucking didn’t you twat. Then we had “no excuses but…“  and then all the excuses about having to travel more than the Denmark team were wheeled out.  Yeah, Denmark have had it far easier than Wales.. they had a player nearly die on the pitch… shut up!

Interim manager Rob Page gave an interview which he will probably regret later.  He seemed to be implying that it was totally unfair because they were the better side for the first 20 minutes until the Denmark manager changed his tactics. That’s how football works you fucking League Two idiot. Manager spots a problem and changes it so team is better. Surprising that no one is discussing one of the ready-made excuses, which is that the proper manager wasn’t there. Maybe the England team are filming a celebratory video of Wales going out… But somehow I doubt it because we might not be very good, but we are not a bunch of small time tinpot wankers.

Denmark are going to take some beating. They play as a team and are technically very, very good. After all they’ve been through, all I can say is good luck to them and I hope they go far. They play attacking football, have an astute manager and have had to delve deep into their squad and just seem to be getting better and better as the tournament goes on.

Italy against Austria should really have been a walk in the park for the Italians but there was a question mark over them because the best team they had faced in their group was Wales. However, tonight‘s opponents Austria, were pretty ropey in their group games as well and qualified due to finishing above Ukraine and North Macedonia so no big deal really. The first half was mainly all Italy but they didn’t look like scoring. Lots of good play in midfield and then usually getting into the final third and then losing the ball. The second-half carried on in much the same vein with Austria coming more into it and it look like a shock was on the cards and 75 minutes when Arnautovic headed in. It would’ve been the first goal Italy conceded since about 1938 but if we go to VAR and the goal is correctly ruled out. The decision is undoubtedly correct and it’s made all the more funny because it’s Arnautovic of course. Into extra time we went and Mancini brought on Chiesa for the misfiring Berardi and it was the sub who opened the scoring, producing a really smart finish from the right and side of the box, nodding the ball backwards to create himself an angle and they’re smashing it in first time with his left foot. Another sub Passina, made it 2-0 not long after that and so the Austrian challenge fizzled out. To be fair, they acquitted themselves pretty well but it’s the Italians who go on to play the winner of the very interesting looking Belgium versus Portugal game.

Day 15 - Sunday 27th June – Netherlands 0 Czech Republic 2, Belgium 1 Portugal 0


A Greater and Lesser Hazard

Like the Italians, the Dutch have got this far, winning three games out of three and not playing anyone any good. They also, like the Italians, have played all of their games at home and this was their first trip somewhere else in Europe, to Budapest to take on the Czech Republic who had of course qualified in third place in England’s group. I got the impression that the Dutch thought they were going to steam roller this but one thing that was apparent was that they weren’t playing as a team where is the Czech’s really were, defending as a unit and attacking with purpose. 0-0 at half time and then 10 minutes into the second-half, the defining moment as Malen got clean through and ran in on goal with just a goalkeeper to beat.  He tried to go round him instead of slotting it and Vaslik pulled off a good old fashion block at the forwards feet.  Straight from that the ball went up the other end and de Ligt should’ve dealt with it but he slipped over and with Schick about to run through on goal he shovelled it back with his hand. The referee initially just booked him, VAR got involved, correctly sent the ref to the monitor and he decided on second viewing that it denied a clear goalscoring opportunity, so off he went. Technology and referee working perfectly to quickly get the right decision.

That shouldn’t necessarily have meant that the Dutch caved in but manager Frank de Boer royally fucked up by keeping five at the back with a back three of De Vrij, Blind and van Aanholt. The Czech’s had already looked dangerous from free kicks with de Ligt on the pitch, so the Dutch could really have done without Stekelenburg needlessly juggling the ball out of play and then van Aanholt needlessly giving away a stupid fail from the corner. Over came the freekick, headed back and there was Holes to thump a header past the defender on the line. Stekelenburg should’ve been in goal but he made a half-arsed attempt to try and catch the initial freekick and was way out of position. The Dutch needed their big players to step up but the big players just did nothing. Frenkie De Jong got all petulant and Memphis Depay didn’t seem to find a single Dutch player with any of his passes. As it turned out the Czech’s broke again down the left, pulled the ball back and there was Schick to sweep a superb left footed finish first time in at the near post. Brilliant goal and a thoroughly deserved win.

Portugal against Belgium was of course, the first real heavyweight clash of the tournament and for the first half, it was fucking boring. Portugal’s default mode is to be really, really dull and defensive and Belgium didn’t have the wit to break them down. Just before half-time, Thorgan Hazard the Lesser, picked up the ball on the left hand side about 30 yards out and just lashed it. Rui Patricio took a step to his right which turned out to be fatal as the ball moved a mile in the air and sped past him on the other side. Bit of a goalkeeping error because the ball didn’t exactly go into the corner. From that moment on, Portugal were a team transformed and threw the sink at it, throwing on attacker after attacker to support the previously isolated Cristiano Ronaldo.

It probably didn’t feel like it at the time but Belgium saw it out relatively comfortably. The experience of Alderweireld, Vermaelen and Vertonghen, even though they have an average age of about 37, did the job they were required to do. Portugal hit the post through Guerreiro but other than that, Courtois was barely called upon. Belgium go through to what should be a fantastic game against Italy in the quarter-finals but will have to do it without Kevin De Bruyne who was cynically taken out by some snide little arsehole called Paulinho who Portugal had a midfield. They might also have to do without Eden Hazard the Greater, who twinged one of his little fat hamstrings again. As the game ended, Pepe went into “I’m 38 and I’m probably retiring and I don’t give a fuck“ mode and started wiping players out but anyone who had “Pepe red card” on their betting slip was ultimately disappointed.  Personally, I had “Ronaldo crying like a baby” on my accumulator and I lost, as the great man managed to keep it in, this time.

Day 16 - Monday 28th June – Croatia 3 Spain 5 (aet), France 3 Switzerland 3 (4-5 pens)


Not Funny At All

I had a feeling that Croatia in Spain was going to be a decent game but for the first half an hour, it didn’t really look like it. Croatia sat deep in Spain did that pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, Morata, miss thing. Our favourite profligate striker had a glorious chance with a free header from 5 yards out but chose sideways instead of forwards and so the chance went begging. Hilariously, Spanish wonderkid Pedri, then pinged a ball straight back to his own goalkeeper and Simon totally missed it to put Croatia 1-0 in front. 40 yard own goal by the 18-year-old. For fucks sake Simon!  Whilst the masochist in me was hoping that it would be the only goal of the game, it’s probably quite good for the mental well-being of the goalkeeper that Spain equalised when The Croat keeper could only parry out a shot from the left and there was Sarabia to ram it into the roof of the net.

The second-half started and it was all Spain with Ferran Torres on the left, picking out Azpilicueta, who had continued his run after starting the move, with a superb cross to make it 2-1. Spain suddenly turned into peak Xavi & Iniesta Spain and it was soon 3-1, with a bizarre goal as they pinged a big diagonal out to the right wing and Ferren Torres ran in front of the Croatian left back and just walked unopposed to the goal before passing it into the corner. Game over, or so we thought.

85 minutes gone and still nothing to see here until Modrić suddenly found himself running in on the goalkeeper and following a spot of pinball, Orsic managed to bundle it over the line. It wasn’t finished there then as we got to 92 minutes Orsic swung over a brilliant cross on the left-hand side and there was Pasalic, totally unmarked to bullet the header past Simon to send us to extra time.

Croatia had the first big chance of extra time as a ball pinged around in Spanish box and fell to Kramaric, once of Leicester City, about 6 yards out he managed to hit the goalkeeper when he had the whole goal to either side and above him to hit. Great save, shite finish. Talking of shite finishers, at the other end and across from the right wing by Olmo, was missed by the Croatian right back and Morata is possessed by the spirit of something or someone decent, brings it down and smashes it into the roof of the net for them to put the Spanish in front again.  That’s it - the Spanish score another goal as well which doesn’t matter because Croatia are now officially done – they clearly missed the suspended “one of the best defenders in the world”.

Having got my breath back from that game, it was time for France against Switzerland which on paper, didn’t promise anything much. France have been functional so far and Switzerland have been bang average. However, France started the game very sluggishly and Switzerland looked bang up for it and it was made much more interesting after 10 minutes when Zuber’s cross on the left was superbly headed in by Seferovic.  Deschamps is an interesting manager in that he chose today to totally change the formation that France have been playing and the back three off of Verane, Lenglet and Kimpembe, played like they had never met each other before. With Rabiot out of position on the left and Pavard not pushing forward, the midfield two of Kante and Pogba were getting overrun, with Granit Xhaka being the star of the show.

In the second half, we got to see the real France for 20 minutes but only after Switzerland are awarded and miss a penalty, awarded for a quite ridiculous challenge by Pavard on Zuber which the ref gave after a VAR check.  Rodriguez’ penalty though was one of those where if Lloris goes the right way then he saves it and sure enough, he did. 10 minutes later and France are 3-1 up. First Griezmann put Benzema through and he produced a ridiculous bit of  skill to get the ball in front of him before poking into the net. Next up, a shot by substitute Griezmann, was deflected up in the air and there was Benzema to nod in from virtually under the bar and then Pogba.  He’s an enigma and he’s not everyone’s cup of tea but fuck me, did he produce something quite ridiculously brilliant, bending a shot into the top corner from about 30 yards.  Like Pogba. France looked absolutely brilliant and it all went a bit showboat and everyone was talking about the quarter-final against Spain, which made what happened next even more funny.

3-2 with 10 minutes to go as a cross from the right wing was powerfully headed home again by Seferovic.  You would have thought that Varane and Kimpembe would have good enough memories to remember that half an hour ago, this guy scored when completely unmarked.  It still look like the Swiss we’re going to run out of time, then Pogba pissed around in midfield and lost the ball, one pass from Xhaka and substitute Gavranovic easily stepped round Kimpembe, who totally sold himself, and fired into the corner to send it to extra time but not before Coman went up the other end and hit the bar.  Not a lot happened in extra time, so penalties it was.

Now, bearing in mind Switzerland’s first choice penalty taker was absolutely shocking, I was expecting France to win this comfortably but Switzerland went first and the first nine kicks were all comfortably scored and then up steps Mbappe.  He’d been shite today with most of the French attacks breaking down on him, usually through him holding the ball too long and trying a shot which was inevitably blocked. Could he score a penalty with the eyes of the world on him? Nope, Jan Sommer guessed right and saved it and so the Swiss go through to play Spain in the quarter-finals after all.  It’s always nice when the favourites go out isn’t it – especially when they’ve pissed it away.


No, Definitely Not Funny

What a mental day of football that was.

Day 17 Tuesday 29th June - England 2 Germany 0, Ukraine 2 Sweden 1 (aet)


Sterling, Grealish, Shaw and a Pitch Invader

Rumours started to emerge that Gareth Southgate was going to go with a back five against Germany and his rumour proved to be correct with the only change from the Czech Republic game being Jack Grealish left out and Kieran Trippier brought in.  I have to admit to being disappointed but not remotely surprised. The last time England use this formation was in the Europa league when it ended up as a 7-0-3 and there was no connection between the midfield and the front players at all. If you play attacking football and lose, there is a bit of forgiveness because at least you are having a go. If you set up to be dour and defensive and don’t win then the sympathy will be in short supply because they will be absolutely nothing to fall back on. I guess you have to admire Southgate for having the courage of his convictions.

The first half was pretty uneventful with England failing to come up with any decent balls into the box and Germany not being much better. England had one effort from Sterling from distance which Neuer saved comfortably and the German Shane Long, Timo Werner had an effort which was well smothered by Pickford.  Right on half time a chance fell to Harry Kane but his attempt to take a touch and finish gave away his lack of form, as the ball ran away from him.  An on-form Kane would have shot first time.  The formation wasn’t really working with the full-backs not getting forward and Rice and Phillips therefore having to go and press on their own.

The second half saw an early attempt from Havertz, acrobatically tipped over by Pickford. Yes it was straight at him but he absolutely fucking hammered it so he did well to get it over the bar. 65 minutes and nothing much happening and the cautious one decided it was time to bring on the attacking players from the bench. In order to do this of course, he had to take off one of our attacking players because you can never have too many of them and Saka came off for Grealish. Then it happened. Sterling picked up the ball in midfield and ran directly towards the goal, fed Kane, back to Grealish and the perfectly weighted ball in front of Shaw to roll in from the left and Sterling it made in his way into the box to put it under Neuer. Get in.

Sterling had a go at going from hero to zero by coughing up possession in midfield and one pass from Havertz later, Thomas Müller of all people was clean through on goal but when faced with the mighty Pickford, he totally shat his pants in un-German fashion and dribbled it wide of the left-hand post. That miss would’ve brought on a really intense scratch and sniff session from his manager.

Harry Kane has basically been walking about upfront for the whole of the tournament so far and I don’t reckon there was an England fan out there who would’ve complained if he’d been substituted at some point but he was still here and he was in the right place as Shaw carried the ball forwards, got the ball out to Grealish on the left and he put over a perfect cross for Kane to stoop and head into the net. Game over. See you later Germany.

Efficient is often a word used in connection with Germans and German football but England were the efficient ones today. We did what we had to do to win the game and you can’t criticise that. Sure, we are not the most entertaining side but we are very well organised, very hard to beat and we have enough good players to create enough to score. Portugal won the tournament last time, playing the same way.  It’s a formula that will be hard for a lot of people to buy in to but whilst wins against the likes of Czech Republic and Croatia are nice, they don’t really convince anyone.  This is Germany however and this is a statement win, this was a 4-1 vs Holland in Euro 96 win. The mood has changed and even the more cynical are now getting cautiously optimistic – that’s me by the way.  Fuck it - give Gareth a new contract.  England will find out who they play after the next game in a few hours but it’s in Rome on Saturday and there is the potential for this to be the only away game that we play in the entire tournament. We are never going to have a better chance of reaching a major international final.

So, Sweden versus Ukraine. The game actually started in quite entertaining fashion with Ukraine taking the lead, well created by Yarmolenko and finish superbly by Zinchenko. Twenty minutes later Sweden were level when Forsberg took aim from the edge of the box and got a fortunate deflection which bounced the ball over the goalkeeper. Half-time came and went and if the first half had been surprisingly entertaining, the second half was shite. Both teams hit the post but in general terms it was piss poor. This led to the inevitable extra time when both teams just started kicking the fuck out of each other. Sweden’s Danielsson was sent off for a high follow-through after clearly winning the ball. Once it went to VAR and got slowed down, he was a dead man. Extra time trundled on with Ukraine kind of half looking to take advantage of having one more man and Sweden just being content to hold on for penalties. 121 minutes on the clock and ball finds its way out to Zinchenko on the left and he gets over a perfect cross and one of the many substitutes, Dovbyk (I swear Jonathan Pearce called him Dogdick) stoops to crash the header past Olsen to send Ukraine through to play England.

Quarter-final predictions:
Belgium 1 Italy 2
Czech Republic 1 Denmark 3
England 2 Ukraine 0
Spain 2 Switzerland 1

Caveat: My predictions for the Round of 16 were absolute shite… Three winners out of eight, those being Denmark, Italy and England