World Cup 2022 Part 3 - Groups E-H

No One Wants to See Germans Crying 😂

 Group E – Germany, Japan, Spain, Costa Rica

23/11/22
It’s that team in White, starting their campaign against Japan and will surely be a comfortable enough win for the team that always turns up for tournaments. Wrong, massively. Germany should’ve been out of sight in the first half but all they had show for it was a Gundogan penalty, won courtesy of a hilarious challenge by the Japanese goalkeeper who just dived into the back of a player. The Germans seem pretty much in control until, like Argentina against the Saudis, they were undone by two quickfire goals, the second one being a brilliant bit of control of a long ball and smashing it high into the net from a narrow angle. Absolutely marvellous stuff to see the Germans get beat.

It was compounded later as Spain annihilated Costa Rica 7-0. Spain looked good but Costa Rica looked even worse than Iran so I would imagine they are going to take hammerings in their last two games as well. This makes that particular group really interesting because you’ve got to expect Japan to beat Costa Rica and then Germany will play Spain knowing that unless they win, they are going home, knocked out the tournament in two games.  That would be a real shame.

27/11/22
Japan had one job to do. Japan just had to beat the team that have been beaten 7-0 in their first game. If Japan can beat Costa Rica then Germany are absolutely fucked.  Anyway, Japan didn’t win an even worse, they actually contrived to lose to Costa Rica who had one shot all game which looped over the Japanese goalkeeper who basically jumped downwards. It was horrific, not just for Japan, but for everyone who wanted the Germans to go out with no fuss.

So, with three teams on three points and Germany on nothing, Spain took on Germany and what turned out to be a really entertaining game. Germany thought they’d scored just before half-time through Antonio Rüdiger but much of the amusement of everyone who isn’t German, it was disallowed for a tight offside.  It all got slightly surreal in the second half as Álvaro Morata came off the bench for the second game running and managed to score. Germany’s substitute replied though with about seven minutes ago as Fullkrug smashed in an unstoppable shot which means that Germany go into the last game against Costa Rica, knowing that win will in all likelihood, put them through. You had one job Japan… and you fucked it for everyone.

1/12/22
The final matches were absolutely amazing. To start with, Germany took the lead against Costa Rica and when Spain went to head against Japan, it must be assumed that Spain and Germany were going to qualify. However, 10 minutes after half time and Japan had scored twice and Costa Rica had equalised.

It got even more amazing when Costa Rica went in front so as it stood at that particular time, Japan and Costa Rica were going through and Spain and Germany were going out. It was too much to hope for and in typical Germany fashion, they hit back to win 4-2 but it really didn’t matter as long as the Japan and Spain score stayed the same.  Spain were guilty of what they are often guilty of – pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, no cutting edge.  I do wonder if it crossed the mind of any Spanish players that unless Germany had scored a further six goals, they were through even with a defeat but fair play to them, they kept playing and kept the Japanese honest.

About that Winning Japanese Goal

The main controversy of course was the second Japanese goal. The original cross that was hooked back in before it was bundled into the net, looked over the line on first viewing and that’s what the linesman thought because he flagged and the referee initially disallowed the goal. VAR had other ideas though and despite no view being shown which proved that the ball wasn’t over the line, the goal was given. This could be classed as ‘outrageous’ or dare I say it ‘corrupt’ but I go with ‘hilarious’ because it ultimately is what knocked the Germans out.

As I said when they played Costa Rica, Japan had one job to do and that was to put the Germans out.  They did it, in the most roundabout, difficult way possible but they did it and go on to face Croatia in the last 16. Spain is reward for squeaking through is it going against Morocco which won’t be easy for them.

Group F – Belgium, Croatia, Morocco, Canada

Lovren Hits the Net, Lukaku Doesn't

23/11/22
The opening game of group F was a piss boring draw between Morocco and Croatia. Croatia are a team that are creaking and don’t seem to have any forwards so struggled to break down a well organised Morocco defence.  Perisic is still their best attacker, Modric at 37 their best midfielder and in Dejan Lovren, they have a defender of sorts. 0-0 and instantly forgettable.

Belgium and Canada saw the Canadians absolutely run the game in the first half but somehow go in 1-0 down as Michy Batshuayi actually kicked the ball in the right direction for once following a long ball that the Canadian defence obligingly missed. Belgium looked about as far away from being prospective tournament winners as you could possibly be. They still have Vertonghen and Alderweireld in defence and also Leander Dendoncker, who doesn’t even play there for his club. Axel Witsel continues to be a mystifying player and you wonder what on earth he actually does and they just looked very old and average and it’s sad seeing Eden Hazard as he is now, wrecked by so many injuries. Alphonso Davies missed a penalty for Canada and they should’ve had another one at the end of the first half but didn’t get it, just before the goal. The second half was more even but Canada ran out of legs and don’t seem to have a player who can stick a ball in the net.  With Belgium looking like it’s one tournament too many and Croatia the same, this is definitely the ‘Group of Life’.

27/11/22
Belgium took on Morocco, clearly hoping that the luck that was with them like it was when they beat Canada… and it wasn’t.  They actually didn’t have anything to thank luck for but Morocco won 2-0 and totally deserved to do so as the fraud Roberto Martinez got found out again by team that had more legs, more organisation and wanted to win more than the Red Devil’s Golden Generation. Honestly, the average Belgian is going to look back at this era of their national team when they are in the international wilderness in a few years and be like we are with England’s Golden Generation.  How the fuck didn’t we win anything with those players? Belgium’s answer will be Roberto Martinez in the same way that ours is Sven the Charlatan. 

There is a theme developing in this World Cup that if you get in the faces of the alleged best teams and make it difficult for them, they can’t handle it. Morocco didn’t give Belgium a second and totally deserved the win.  Canada must have been hoping for the same against Croatia but there was no shock, despite Canada taking the lead after two minutes through a superb Alphonso Davies header. Croatia didn’t panic and eventually run out easy 4-1 winners with ex-Leicester City flop Andrej Kramaric bagging a couple of goals. Belgium basically have to get something out of their game against Croatia or they are going home and about eight of their over 30s are heading into international retirement, along with Roberto Martinez.

1/12/22
All of the interest in the last round of games centred around the battle of the teams who were too old and therefore playing one tournament together too many. Croatia against Belgium was going on whilst Morocco were easily disposing of Canada 2-1 in the other game.

The game between the European Hasbeens was diabolical in the first half before coming to life with the second half and being slightly less diabolical. Croatia had a better approach play but Belgium created all the chances with second-half substitute Romelu Lukaku being guilty of about four glaring misses. I ended up feeling a bit sorry for him at the end but not for Roberto Martinez who has always been a fraud and like I said before, Belgium are going to so regret trusting him with their best generation of players. 0-0 it finished, so Croatia went through in second place behind group winners Morocco.

Group G – Brazil, Serbia, Switzerland, Cameroon

Massive Arsehole Scores Ridiculously Good Goal

24/11/22
Switzerland.  What’s the point? I mean seriously. Always qualify, always dull. The opening game against Cameroon was his dull as you’d expect until late Embolo goal, won it for the Swiss. Cameroon are similar to the Swiss in that they always seem to qualify but then do very very little.  Both the Swiss and the Cameroonians will be competing in a mini-league with Serbia to see who qualifies behind Brazil, who will more than likely win every game.  

The Serbs were the first to face Brazil and gave it a good go in the first half before being beaten by two Richarlison goals in the second half. Richarlison is of course a massive arsehole but the quality of his second goal was superb as he flicked it up for himself before scissor kicking it into the net from the edge of the box.  That has to be applauded, even though he’s an arsehole. Did I mention that he’s an arsehole?  Another arsehole, Neymar did very little and got substituted and Brazil looked a better side without him. They have a ridiculous array of attacking talent when you consider that Rodrygo, Anthony and Gabriel Jesus were all on the bench.  A bit like England really but Brazil’s manager will use them.

28/11/22
Serbia and Cameroon played out a very entertaining 3-3 draw with Serbia racing into a 3-1 lead before Cameroon hit back. Cameroon’s second goal is an outrageous scooped lob by Aboubakar (like that famous one Karel Poborsky scored) whilst everyone stopped waiting for it to be called offside. It was a ridiculously brilliant goal but his celebration was muted until after VAR confirmed he was onside. So, a point each in the mini league to finish second behind Brazil.

What’s the point of Switzerland? They turned up against Brazil and they tried to keep it tight and manage to do so but it was somewhat inevitable that Brazil would eventually score and the only surprise is that it came from Casemiro, who found himself in the Switzerland penalty area and smashed in a brilliant goal with a first time lash.

Second place behind Brazil will go to whoever wins the Serbia against Switzerland game in the final games.  That will have a bit of politics in it as well because Serbia have been dickheads as usual having an ‘Kosovo is Serbian’ flag seen in their changing room and Switzerland have Shaqiri and Xhaka, two ethnic Albanians, so all sorts of fun predicted in the last game. At least there will be a point to Switzerland in this game and I would imagine they will take second place in the group as Brazil will surely dispatch Cameroon.

2/12/22
With the Brazil and Cameroon game not having much riding on it, all the tension was on the Serbia against Switzerland game which was probably going to kick off at some point for political reasons. Anyhow, whilst the Brazil game was 0-0, Switzerland took the lead through little fat Xherdan Shaqiri before Serbia hit back through a Mitrovic header and a good finish by Vlahovic and took the lead to put themselves in a qualifying position.   Back came the Swiss however through Embolo and Freuler to lead 3–2. I have pondered in this World Cup what the point of Switzerland is and the point of Switzerland is to piss off Serbia and it all got very fractious in the last few minutes with Granit Xhaka in the centre of it as usual. With Serbia needing two goals, the game was up really on the news that Cameroon had nicked a last minute winner against Brazil reserves didn’t really change anything much. Brazil will play South Korea in the next round whereas Switzerland will take on Portugal. I have a feeling that Switzerland are the sort of team that Portugal will not enjoy playing against.

Group H – Portugal, Uruguay, Ghana, South Korea

Ghana lost, but Somehow Won in a Way

24/11/22
Group H started with a very dull goalless draw between Uruguay and South Korea. Uruguay look good on paper with a good blend of experienced and younger players but it never really happened against South Korea who probably, if anyone, should’ve won it. Not a lot to say about either team on that showing to be honest

Portugal are the team to dislike above all others at the moment. So many petulant arseholes in one squad. Diving around all over the fucking place and just generally being whining bastards. Oh and they have Ronaldo and he’s 37 and he can’t do what he used to do so now he is restricted solely to diving and he dived to good effect to win a penalty as Mohammed Salisu stuck his foot in rather daftly and gave him the chance to go over. I really hoped that when VAR was introduced that it would sort out this kind of shit but because of the “is it a clear and obvious error“, there’s always enough leeway to mean that the diving bastard gets away with it. Of course, he fucking scored. Back came Ghana though with an equaliser from Andre Ayew and it looked like we are up for storming end to the game until Portugal scored twice in five minutes. Whilst we all thought the game was done at that point, Ghana got another one back and then came in amazing incident last minute with the Portuguese keeper didn’t check behind him and didn’t notice that Iñaki Williams was loitering.  He rolled the ball out before the Williams nicked it off him and then slipped as he went to shoot. What a shame that was. Would’ve been absolutely fucking hilarious but as it was, the diving cheating petulant bastards got three points.

28/11/22
Ghana were first in action in the second round of matches, in a game they really had to win against South Korea and it looked like plain sailing for the West Africans with the mighty Southampton centre back Mohammed Salisu, scoring a slightly controversial opener. It was controversial because the pass to him him was basically thrown to him by Andre Ayew but cheers, Son’s crying.  Anyway, there was nothing controversial about the second Ghanaian goal by Mohammed Kudus. As with the previous game against Portugal, just when you think Ghana have got control of things, it completely went to shit and two headed goals by Cho, brought South Korea level only for Ghana to virtually go straight back up the other end and score again through Kudus with the assist being provided by a fantastic air shot by Inaki Williams which basically took out about four defenders.

Portugal against Uruguay was always going to be a dirge and the only surprise was that it wasn’t the game with the most extra time added in the tournament, given the theatrical and petulant nature of both of these teams. It looks like No Club Ronaldo had opened the scoring as he wheeled away celebrating that he was the greatest thing since sliced bread - but a quick replay showed that he had not actually touched Bruno Fernandes in-swinging cross so the player still at Manchester United got given the goal.  Both No-Club Ronnie and Piers Morgan were furious.  Bruno followed it up after another absolutely shambles of a VAR decision for handball gifted them a penalty. With No-Club Ronnie off the pitch, no doubt still waving his arms around about not being able to claim the goalie didn’t touch, Fernandes scored a penalty to give Portugal two wins out of two.

This group is of course all about who come second behind Portugal and you have to say that in Ghana are the favourites right now.

2/12/22
Ghana took on Uruguay and Portugal played South Korea in the last round of games.  Portugal were already through and any of the other three could still have made it but at the start of the game you would’ve said that the winners of the Ghana v Uruguay match would be favourites.

Portugal took an early lead in their game and Ghana had a glorious opportunity to do the same in theirs when the impressive Mohammed Kudus was carted over by the Uruguay goalkeeper.  Up stepped Andre Ayew to try and banish the memories of Asamoah Gyan in 2010 and he completely fucked it with a piss weak penalty that was easily saved. 10 minutes later and Uruguay, ironically inspired by the arch shithouse Luis Suárez, went two goals in front with two goals scored by de Arrascaeta.  Just as half-time was approaching, No-club Ronnie provided an assist for South Korea in his own penalty area so now it was all looking very interesting but as it stood, Uruguay were going through.

The second half of the Ghana game was simmering along with Ghana needing a point to go through and Uruguay thinking that they had done enough, so much so that they took off Suarez, Nunez and de Arrascaeta , probably to save them for the next round.  Oh dear - they reckoned without South Korea taking the lead through Chan, which meant that South Korea were ahead of them on goals scored. Portugal didn’t really give a shit about losing and that game was finished whilst there was still seven minutes of the Ghana v Uruguay game to go with both teams going for it whilst Luis Suárez cried on the bench. With one minute left to go, Edinson Cavani basically threw himself in front of a Ghana player and initiated contact and then cried like a bitch when he didn’t get the penalty. At full time they have gone mental all around the referee and he was forced to run off the pitch. What a bunch of wankers. Go home.  Good riddance.

It was a shame for Ghana to go out but I’m sure they will have taken some consolation from the fact that they took some revenge for 2010 and played a big part in Uruguay getting knocked out and had Luis Suárez crying at what was no doubt the end of his World Cup career.

World Cup 2014 Part 10 - Brazilian Hacking Enquiry

David Luiz points out who Brazil kicked the shit out of

4/7/14

Quarter Finals

France 0 Germany 1

 Before this game, my humble opinion was that France were a really good bet to win the World Cup as they don’t have any obvious weaknesses but first they have to get past Ze Germans and with Ze Germans it is psychological as they always reach the semi final.   France have the first half chance as Benzema sidefooted wastefully wide and on 12 minutes he was made to pay as Kroos curled in a free kick and Hummels got up and flicked it in giving Lloris no chance.  You sensed that France would ned a quick response and Neuer had to save well from Valbuena and then comfortably from Benzema who looked like he was having one of those games which makes you wonder why the hell he’s so highly rated.  The second half saw half chances come and go for France without ever really testing Neuer and Germany should have wrapped it up on the break as Ozil got down the let and put in on a plate for Schurrle who passed it straight to the keeper in really piss-poor fashion.   With time running but, Benzema got through again but was too wide and his shot was easily beaten away by Neuer.  The four players screming for a pass in the middle were not impressed.  A poor game, a poor performance from France and a professional job done by ze Germans.  “Professional” means much rolling around and timewasting, by the way.

Brazil 2 Colombia 1

Thin Brazil and you think of the beautiful game.  There has always been a harder edge to their game but now it’s almost tat he exclusion of anything beautiful.  The tactics they emplyed in this game was to basically target James Rodriguez and kick the hell out of him.  Of course, this should be allowed to work because the referee will stamp it out but there’s a new concept in this tournament – it’s called Refereenho who basically allows Brazil to get away with murder.  Paulinho should have been booked after five minutes and Fernandinho after 10.  Off the ball blocks were ignored and Rodriguez in particular spent the first half sitting on the ground wondering what had just hit him.  Brazil went 1-0 up on 8 minutes as Sanchez completely dozed off at the back post and a flick on was easily converted by Thiago Silva.  The kicking continued, not only on Rodriguez but on Cuadrado and still the cards stayed in the pocket, except for when Silva got booked for stopping the keeper rolling it out quickly.  He should have drop kicked him in the chest as that would be allowed.  Colombia offered little up front as it had been kicked out of them. 

The second half started better for Colombia and the old man of the side, Yepes, had the ball in the net only for it to be ruled out for an earlier offside.  Up the park went Brazil and disbelief all around as Rodriguez clipped Paulinho and the yellow card came out.  David Luiz sidefooted an incredible free kick over the wall and in from 35 yards and it was party time.  With nothing now to lose, Colombia piled forward and Bacca was put through only to be hammered by Cesar – penalty and a red card surely.  No, just a yellow – fuck off!!!!  Up steps Rodriguez to score his 6^th of the tournament as the lucky Cesar went the wrong way.  The one notable incident before the end was Zuniga steaming into Neymar from behind and with a knee n the back, put Brazil’s only flair player out of the tournament with a fractured vertebra.  Nasty.  Phil Scolari may want to reflect on the fact that you quite often reap what you sow.  He had the balls to complain that Neymar had been hunted down in all their matches and he still decided to appeal Silva’s yellow card on the basis of nothing whatsoever but you know, I’d have done the same if I was him.  Brazil are getting away with murder at this tournament.

I can’t believe I’m saying this but I hope the Germans beat them.

".... and then the complete c**t took me off"

5/7/14

Argentina 1 Belgium 0

Having looked better in the USA game, it was a case of which Belgium turned up today.  On paper they look a better all round side than Argentina but Argentina have the magic man in Messi who is streets ahead of Hazard who is Belgium’s most talented player.  The Argies took the lead on 8 minutes as Messi picked out di Maria and his pass infield was deflected up in the air but in front of Higuain who without breaking stride, lashed it first time past Courtois and into the corner of the net for 1-0.  The sides traded chances without ever looking like adding to the scoreline with Messi putting a free kick over the bar and Mirallas heading a decent chance wide from a Vertonghen cross.  Fellaini was doing his usual in midfield in that he finds it impossible to go near an opposition player without fouling them.  If football had a basketball style disciplinary code whereby you have 5 fouls and then you’re off, then Fellaini woudn’t get past half tie in any game he plays.  Into the second half and Higuain set off on a run from halfway and goes straight for goal, megging Kompany on the way who has bottled it and when presented with just Courtois to beat, Higuain loses composure and hits the bar.  There was little urgency from Belgoim and they only created a couple of chances.  Vertonghen again put in a cross which Fellaini headed over and and when it did eventually get a bit frantic in the last 5 minutes, Lukaku’s pull back was half cleared and Witsel smashed it over the bar from the edge of the penalty area.  In between those two chances, Messi had been put clean through against Courtois but had surprising made a balls of it.  So, 1-0 to Argentina it finished and you can’t help but feel that Belgium flattered to deceive.  Didn’t Januzaj do a lot as well – no, he did sod all.  Overrated perchance. 

Netherlands 0 Costa Rica 0 (Netherlands win 4-2 on pens)

I expect the Dutch were expecting to play Uruguay, Italy, or maybe dear old useless England when the draw was made.  Actually, they were expecting to be knocked out by Spain but here they are playing Costa Rica.  The Costa Rica boys have been superb so far and desperately deserve to be where they are but I had a feeling gong into this that this was one game too far.  The first half though was pretty boring with the best chances falling to the Dutch with Navas pulling off a decent save from van Persie and then being ready to save the rebound from Sneijder.  Sneijder pinged a free kick off the post and with Costa Rica offering so little up front, Van Persie had two great chances in the 2^nd half to score what would surely be the winning goal when first he saw navas again block is near post drive and then the contrived to completely miss a superb cross from Sneijder when it looked easier to score than play the airshot that he did.  It certainly wasn’t RVP’s day as Blind gets down the left, crosses low and RVP at back post, shoots and sees it hit Tejeda who is back on the line and deflect up onto the bar and out.  Extra time is more cagey but Costa Rica have a decent shout for a penalty as Vlaar clumsily fouls Bolanos and though he went down like a sack of shit, there was contact there.  Something has happened to Costa Rica at half time and they have their best chance to score as Umana goes on a mazy and ends up with a clear shot at Cilessen which the keeper superbly keeps out.  There is just enough time for the Dutch to have their head int heir hands again as Sneijder curls in a shot from the left of the penalty area which beats Navas and comes back off the bar.  There are 120 minutes up and Van Gaal brings on Tim Krul in place of Cilessen and he hasn’t touched the ball before it goes to penalties. 

As we all saw, Krul went the right way on every penalty and saved the 2^nd and 4^th and was allowed by the ref to get away with so much gamesmanship that it was all anyone spoke about afterwards.  I wonder if there are any rules as to what happens if the referee red cards a keeper in the shootout?  Unlikely I guess but the Dutch are through to play Argentina.  Many a time I've seen a striker put on in the last minute because he's taken a penalty so why is the substitution such a big deal.  I guess it's a bigger deal for keepers as you live for these moments.  I can't believe Cillesen didn't know it was happening before the game and he'll be back in goal in the semi final.

So, Brazil v Germany and Argentina v Holland.  An all South American Final and you have 2 teams that don’t like each other much – an all European Final and you have 2 teams who don’t like each other much – Voller v Rijkaard 2 perhaps and Dutch banners about Germans nicking their bike.  I’ll stick my neck out and predict an all European final.

World Cup 2014 Part 8 - Brazil Shits Itself and Robben Dives into Quarter Finals

Rearrange the Letters in HULK and it spells SHIT (if you change a few)

28/6/14

2^nd Round – Brazil 1 Chile 1 (Brazil win 3-2 on penalties)

The knockout stages started with the host nation in a game which according to manager Scolari, they really didn’t want against Chile.  I love the way Chile approach things – they haven’t got many great individual players but they are so much more than the sum of their parts and they play as if their lives depend on it.  That said, they fell behind on 18 minutes when a cross was flicked on and was bindled into the net at the far post with David Luiz getting the credit.  There is a curious phenomena at this World Cup where the replay proves something quite different and the commentators refuse to alter their original belief.  It’s quite clearly an own goal by Jara who has stuck a leg out but no matter how many times this is shown, it’s still David Luiz’ goal and then FIFA announce that it’s Luiz’ goal.  It ultimately doesn’t matter a shit but Luiz hasn’t even got a touch there.  Against the script and therefore hugely funny was a Chile equalizer before half time. Marcelo took a throw in near his own corner flag and threw it to Hulk who had the first touch of a man wearing concrete wellies.  Aranguiz nicks in and passes infield to Sanchez who, being unmarked as he is, fires it past Cesar and into the far corner.  Great finish but shocking play from Brazil.  Much has been said about bent refereeing favouring the host nation but Howard Webb hasn’t read the script as a long cross picks out Hulk who controls around the shoulder area and mis-hits it into the net off his knee.  It looks perfectly ok and then gets disallowed for handball.  It’s marginal to say the least but fair play to Webb, he believes he’s right and disallows it and shows a yellow card to Hulk.  Scolari is going beserk and you just know that Webb is on his way home now.  Personally I think it’s a harsh decision and if Chile had had a goal disallowed like that then we’d all have been going nuts.  The problem with Brazil is that they have some right shit payers and they keep the quota the same by removing Fred and bringing on Jo who is slightly more mobile but still shite.  Hulk is their most likely forward to score but he mixes up great runs with throwing himself on the ground.  Extra time passes and Brazil collectively shites its pants and Panilla smacks the bar from 25 yards on 119 minutes and we have our first penalty shootout.

The penalty shootout is an average affair and it’s 3-2 to Brazil as Gonzalo Jara takes the fifth Chilean penalty and hits the inside of the post and Brazil are through – just.  Needless to say, Hulk missed.

2^nd Round – Colombia 2 Uruguay 0

Before this game we get word that Luis Suarez has made a statement and it’s that he slipped and kept his balance only by plunging his teeth into the shoulder of Chiellini.  This is about as hilarious as when an MP says that he slipped and fell into that rent boy.  By showing no remorse and no admission that anything was wrong, he should really be slapped with a longer ban whch of course, won’t happen.  To the game itself and Colombia are the better side throughout and a new global star is born as James Rodriguez controls a high ball on his chest with his back to goal, chests is sideways in the same movement and volleys it left footed in off the bar.  It’s a ridiculous goal and put the Colombians 1-0 u after half an hour.  It’s 2-0 straight after half time as the Uruguayans are carved open and Cuadrado cushioned a header back for Rodriguez to score again.  Cuadrado seems to be a very influential player and he’s got nifty dance move as all the Colombians do their thang corner flag.  Ospina made a couple of saves as Uruguay belatedly went for it but Uruguay and their fans with their Suarez masks are gone.  Colombia will be a major threat to Brazil in the quarter finals.

How to Make Sure the Ref Gives It

29/6/14

2^nd Round – Netherlands 2 Mexico 1

The first half of this was interesting without ever really catching fire, unlike anyone who was in the stadium as the temperatures were ridiculous – so much so that we had the first ‘cooling break’ of the tournament after half an hour which gives FIFA delegates a chance to do some spread betting.  Mexico looked the better side but in truth, neither really looked like scoring though the Dutch should have had a penalty when Robben was hacked over twice in one move but not given.  The Mexicans went 1-0 up straight after half time as the ‘useless at Spurs’ Giovani dos Santos lashed in a shot from 30 yards which gave the keeper no chance and sent his manager pogoing round the technical area in celebration.  Mexican keeper Ochoa came into his own at that point and made a series of saves, mainly good reaction stops to efforts fired straight at him.  The best of which was an instinctive block from a close range de Vrij volley which bounced off his hands, onto the post and away.  The second cooling break sw van Gall replace van Persie with Huntelaar which basically heralded a change of tactic to ‘long diagonal ball’.  It worked though with 2 minutes to go as Huntelaaar headed down a cross at the far post and Schnijder, despite being invisible all tournament, fired brilliantly into the bottom corner from 20 yards showing that the keeper is beatable if you stop shooting straight at him.  Extra-time here we come but a last Dutch attack saw them feed Robben who attacked the box, skipped past one lunge and then went down under a tired hack from Marquez.  Has he touched him? yes, is it a dive? yes, should it have been a penalty? In my opinion yes.  Up stepped Huntelaar, 2-1 and we get to hear Chiles calling him van Huntelaar in the post match shambles but the Netherlands march on and the Mexican manager Herrera throws a colossal wobbler but what a legend he has been.

2^nd Round – Costa Rica 1 Greece 1 (Costa Rica win 5-4 on penalties)

Let’s face it, the first half was shit as it always seems to be when Greece are playing and they should have taken the lead on half time as Salpingidis met a superb cross from the left on the full and Navas deflected it wide with his foot.  Five mintes after half time it was the Costa Ricans who took the lead as Fulham reject Bryan Ruiz sidefooted home beautifully from the edge of the box and everyone just watch it rll in.  The should have had a penalty as well for a clear handball a bit later but they handed Greece a lifeline when Duarte lunged in and was sent off for a second yellow. Greece are hardly known for their skills in chasing the game but they now have a chance which they took until the 91^st minute to take as Papasthatopoulos rammed home a rebound.  Extra time and the ten men were now clear 2^nd favourites and Greece had the best chances extra time but it was penalties again.  The Greek manager managed to get himself sent to the stands at this point and there were 7 successful spot kicks with neither keeper getting near any of them until, with Costa Rica leading 4-3, Navas superbly saved Gekas’ kick and Umana casually stroked home the winner.  Costa Rica in the last 8 and the only team they’ve played who they didn’t beat… bloody England.

Keeper Legend

30/6/14

2^nd Round – France 2 Nigeria 0

The biggest surprise of the World Cup is not Costa Rica making the last 8 – it’s been that France haven’t had to send a player home yet.  Nigeria on the face of it should cause them any problems but they do and have the ball in the net as Emunike slides it past Lloris only for a very tight (but correct) offside flag to deny the Africans.  France are playing some decent stuff though and it’s amusing that Paul Pogba is at the centre of it.  This is the guy that Man United had but never gave him a chance and so he left.  Now he’s one of the best central midfielders in Europe and United have Tom Cleverley.  Pogba drives forward and sets up Valbuena who picks him out with the cross but Pogba’s volley is spectacularly kept out by Enyeama.  The seond half sees Nigeria looking like the better side but France creating the chances.  Benzema plays a quick 1-2 to get free and his shot is half blocked by Enyeama and then hacked off the line by Moses then following a corner, the ball finds its way out to Cabaye on the egge of the box and his angled volley hits the bar on the far side with the keeper nowhere.  Enyeama had been having a great game for Nigeria but he handed the game to France on the 80^th minute when he came for a cross, got nowhere near catching it and just flapped it up in the air for Pogba to head into the empty net.  In the last minute, a Valbuena cross was deflected into his own net by Yobo to confirm French passage into the next round to play the winners of ze Germans and Algeria.  For me, the French are still a good bet to win it – they seem solid all over the pitch and don;t have any obvious weaknesses.

2^nd Round – Germany 2 Algeria 1 (after extra time)

Joachim Low seems to have a strange compulsion to play players out of position.  The have centre backs at full back on both sides and Philip Lahm who is one of the best  in the World in either full back position, playing in midfield.  Germany are basically very lethargic and not very good.  Most of their play goes through Mesut Ozil who then gives the ball away.  Algeria look dangerous on their forays forward with Neuer often having to race from his line to compensate for a ponderous back 4.  He’s out and making a superb sliding tackle on Slimani which could easily have resulted in a goal or a red card.  Slimani has the ball in the net as he slides in a Musa cross but he’s offside.  Ze Germans are having chances though and the excellent Rais MBohli pulls of an excellent double save from Mario Gotze.  The bloody keeper is at it again when he somehow blocks a point blank header from Thomas Muller and then is up to smother the rebound from Schurrle.  The reason I say ‘bloody’ keeper is because I have Germany to win in 90 minutes as part of an accumulator.  It goes against every fibre of my being to want ze Germans to win and typically, they are messing me about.  The keeper makes a wonderful finger tip save from Lahm and the 90 minutes are up, the bets are screwed and now I can support Algeria.  As soon as extra time starts they concede a goal as Muller gets down the left, crosses behind Schurrle who manages to drag a leg and flick it into the net past MBohli – could have done that a minute earlier you git.  It’s soon 2-0 as Ozil passes the ball in the right direction to Schurrle.  His shot is blocked by a defender and the rebound falls kindly for Ozil to smash it in the net.  Algeria give it a spirited response and pull one back with a minute to do as Fegouli (who has what looks like a maxi-pad taped to his head) crosses and Djabou rams it into the net on the volley.  Too little too late though and the very average Germans are through to play France.  Algeria go out with their head held high having given it a real go in almost exactly the same way as England didn’t.

I know who you learnt that shit celebration off of

1/7/14

2^nd Round – Argentina 1 Switzerland 0 (after extra time)

I’ve kind of been ignoring Argentina in this World Cup so far as they’ve progressed through a pretty easy group.  Excellent attack, good midfield, dodgy defence.  They surely would have too much for Switzerland but the Swiss have the best chances of the first half as Xhaka hits one from the edge of the box which requires a decent stop from Romero, who then saves the shot from the rebound for good measure.  The keeper gets lucky before half time as Shaquiri plays Drmic though and Romero comes, then stops, then goes back and Drmic made a right balls of it and his attempted chip landed in the keepers arms. Argentina wake up after half time with Higuain having a header tipped over by Benaglio and Messi teeing himself up for a volley from the edge of the box which narrowly clears the bar.  Messi is of course the main threat and some quality dribbling in the box sees him find a yard and fire for the bottom corner but again, Benaglio gets down well to save.  It’s all Argentina at the start of extra time and Benaglio is there again to superbly deny di Maria who is shooting on sight virtually every time he gets the ball.  Its 2 minutes to penalties when Messi picks it up on halfway, skips away from a tackle and slides it right to di Maria who passes it into the far corner of the net.  Great finish and Switzerland are done.... or are they.  Time is up as a cross is swung over, Dzemaili gets his hed to it and it thumps off the base of the post, rebounds back, hits Dzemaili on the knee and trickles wide.  Argentina through but not particularly convincing.

2^nd Round – Belgium 2 USA 1 (after extra time)

Belgium have had enough of Lukaku and dropped him with Devock Origi taking his place.  He has the first shot after 30 seconds and Tim Howard saves it – and so the pattern of this match is established.  The match sees better quality from the Belgians in the face of great spirit by the Diving German’s Yanks but Howard makes save after save after save from Origi, Mirallas and Kompany.  In nearly all cases though, it’s poor finishing and Howard would have been mortified if any of those had beaten him.  The Yanks have a great chance to win it as Dempsey heads down int he box and Waldalowski blazes wide from 5 yards.  It’’s a shocking miss but hte lino has flagged which is odd and he was about 3 yards onside.  0-0 at full time and so we’re on extra time patrol again and like the German game the other night, a goal is soon coming as Lukaku bulldozes down the right, cuts in and pulls it back to de Bruyne who takes a touch, turns and lashes past Howard.  It looks like it’s all over before the first half of extra time is up as another Belgian break ends up with de Bruyne on the left and his pass is perfect for Lukaku to sweep it into the net for 2-0.  From looking dead on the ir feet though, the Yanks rally in the last 15 minutes, get a goal back through a mis-hit volley from Green and then pen Belgium back.  Jones fired narrowly wide and the n a cleverly worked free kick saw the ball break to Dempsey but his te poke was smothered by the onrushing Courtois.  2-1 in the end but a massive effort from the USA who went down with all guns blazing.  How said it is that I’m thinking that England would have little chance against America.  Coach Jurgen is still a massive, massive helmet though.  Belgium through to play Argentina and fair play to them.

For me, the pick of the quarter finals is Brazil v Colombia.  If the referee is fair then I see Colombia winning it to be honest, probably after extra time as I can’t see Brazil dealing with Cuadrado and James Rodriguez. I’m going for France against Germany in what will probably be a dour affair, Netherlands against Costa Rica where the Costa Rica bubble will burst and Argentina against Belgium after extra time.  I never win my accumulators so ignore me.

World Cup 2014 Part 5 - Fred in Movement Shocker and Suarez Has Another Nibble

Fabio's World Cup Record is not improving

22/6/14

With England gone I have gone into a bit of a malaise about the World Cup.  I’ve never ereally been the sort to watch 90 minutes on TV of  match where I’m not supporting wither team and the clusterf**k of commentators they have on BBC and ITV in particular are enough to make anyone switch off.  So here’s a catch up of the post-England elimination.

Group H – Belgium 1 Russia 0

In recent tournaments, Russia have always started well and looked like a very skilful attacking side and then blown it.  They brought in Fabio Capello to manage them and now they are boring (pragmatic is the buzzword) and will blow it anyway.  A draw with South Korea was followed by a quite tedious game against Belgium.  There was one chance in the first half when Kokorin headed wide from 5 yards.  It’s the sort of chance that a 10 year old would score if he shut his eyes and just let the ball hit his face.  The highly fancied (not by me) Belgians woke up in the 85^th minute as Mirallas hit a post and they scored in the 88^th minute as Origi, who intriguingly, doesn’t play in England, was on hand to put away a pull back from Hazard.  Capello’s charges can still go through if they beat Algeria but I wouldn’t bet on it.

Group H - South Korea 2 Algeria 4

A really good attacking game which was made all the more entertaining but he fact that South Korea can’t defend for shit.  The first goal was straight out of the England manual as a massive welly forward was missed by everyone and Slimani held of a couple of half-arsed challenges to dink it over the keeper.  The keeper Fah Keung-Crahp was certainly at fault with the second as he came for a corner but before it got to him, Halliche got u and powered it into the net.  2-0 became 3-0 when another long ball found Slimani who easily brought it down and fed Djabou to wrap up the game.  A ridiculous goal got the Koreans back into it when another hoof forward was controlled by Son Heung-Min between his shoulder blades but it worked for him as he turned and smashed it through the keeper.  They had a chance to make it 3-2 but it soon went the other way as Algeria tiptoed through the defence and a nice passing move ended with Brahimi slotting home.  There was still 20 minutes to go when Lukk Ki-Git scored off his knee after another long ball caused carnage but Korea achieved distinction by being the first team I’ve seen so far who are probably worse than England.  As long as they avoid defeat against Russia, then Algeria will be going through.

Group G – USA 2 Portugal 2

Portugal were so bad in their first game that they had to be better here and it took all of 5 minutes to take the lead against the USA as a cross from the left found its way through so abysmal defending by Geoff Cameron for Nani to score as the keeper Howard, sat on his arse.  He made amends after a fashion right on half time when after making a right hash of a Nani shot and allowing it to come back off the post, he changed direction superbly to palm the rebound away.  The second half saw Portugal and Ronaldo do nothing much and the US nearly equalised when a Bradley shot was cleared off the line with the keeper nowhere.  They did eventually tie the soccerball scores in the 19^th minute of the second period when Jermaine Jones picked up a cleared corner and easily cut inside his marker but fairly lashed it into the far corner from 20 yards for 1-1.  With 10 to go the Yanks took the lead as Portugal defended abysmally as Dempsey managed to turn a cross into the net with his stomach.  It’s really strange watching a game where you want both teams to lose but I was looking forward to the tears when Ronaldo got knocked out but that pleasure will have to wait a few days as with 90 minutes up, Ronaldo put in a wonderful cross from the right and Varela dived in to power a header past Tourette Tim Fucking Shit Bollocks Howard to make it 2-2 and leave the Americans in pole position to qualify behind ze Germans.

Fred celebrates moving 5 yards

23/6/14

Group B – Netherlands 2 Chile 0

Away we go with the group deciders and both Netherlands and Chile had one eye on the next round as they were both already through.  It’s nice to get your job done with a game to spare – just ask England.  Both teams rested a few players but it was still a decent enough game.  Chile had first half chances from set pieces and Arjen Robben was at it again for the Dutch, causing mayhem whenever he ran with the ball.  Both he and Depuy tested Bravo with long range efforts before they finally took the lead as a free kick was swung in by Robber and substitute Fer scored with virtually his first touch as he powered in a header.  Chile tried to chase the game and had a half shout for a penalty but committing men forwards is suicide against the Dutch as Robben got away down the left and got his head up to pick up Depuy who steamed in and got the touch for 2-0.  

Group B – Spain 3 Australia 0

Usually, a dead rubber is a dead rubber for one team but this match had the distinction of being dead for both participants.  I’m taking the piss but I wish I’d been smart enough to have some money on that at the start of the tournament.  Spain had a Villa-Torres partnership up front and looked dangerous every time they went forward with Iniesta in brilliant form in central midfield in what will surely be his post-World Cup position.  They took the lead as Villa backheeled a Juanfran cross past Ryan.  Juanfran had been released by a slide-rule Iniesta pass and he was at it again as they went 2-0 up in the second half as he put Torres clean through and even he couldn’t miss.  Mata made it 3-0 after Fabregas picked him out and he took all the time he needed to control it and pass it through the keepers legs.  Australia were pretty decent to be fair until they ran out of steam and though they’ve finished bottom with zero points, they are showing signs of getting better which is annoying.  Spain are out of course but have enough players who will still be around in 2016 to be a serious threat for the next Euro’s.  You have been warned.

Group A – Brazil 4 Cameroon 1

On paper this looks like it should be a slaughter and it’s all going according to plan as Neymar opens the scoring and everyone is happy.  Cameroon however summoned up a bit of the spirit of 1990 and equalised when Matip was on hand to stab in a cross from the left wing.  The calculators briefly come out as there is a slight chance that Brazil might go out which would be hilarious but Neymar is having none of it and turns a player inside out as he runs at the penalty area before smashing it low past a wrong-footed keeper.  In 1982 when Brazil were magnificent, they had Zico, Socrates, Eder, Falcao etc but they had a big lump of a centre forward who was useless called Serginho.  The 2014 Brazil have Fred who is really really bad and as immobile as they come but even he can;t miss when presented with an open goal from 5 yards to make it 3-1.  All over bar the shouting but Fernandinho bundles through to roll in the 4^th and Brazil have won the group and will paly against Chile in the 2^nd Round.  I’m sure that the referee will be chosen carefully for that one. 

Group A – Mexico 3 Croatia 1

The first half of this was pretty average.  Croatia had to win but didn;t really look like a side who believed that they could.  They are almost England-esque in the way they shoehorn players into the wrong positions with Rakitic and Modric both deployed deep in midfield when neither can tackle or neither have much defensive awareness.  Mexico came closest to scoring when Herrera smacked the bar from 30 yards but otherwise the first half was lame.

The second half started in much the same way and with about 20 minutes to go it was like a bomb went off and Croatia just collapsed.  Marquez headed them in front from a corner and within 10 minutes it was 3-0 with Guardado finishing off a brilliant move by driving past the hapless Pleitikosa and Javier Hernandez nodding in from his usual distance of two feet. The best bit was the spectacle of the Mexican manager going absolutely but celebrating his sides goals, pulling ridiculous faces and being wrestled to the floor by players and support staff.  Compare and contrast to Roy Hodgson – the most uninspiring manager ever.  Croatia got a consolation goal through Perisic but no one cared and Mexico go through to play the Netherlands in what should be a fantastic game.

Animal.

24/6/14

Group D – England 0 Costa Rica 0

Hodgson decided that this was a game he could use to give the rest of the squad a game and so we got to witness the future of English football in Frank Lampard, James Milner, Chris Smalling and Ben Foster.  In the next breath he’ll be moaning that we don’t have enough friendlies to hone our team.  Surely better to mix and match as if it was the first game of the next qualifying tournament but no matter really – we’re out after all and he’s keeping his job.  To be brutally honest, I didn’t even watch this as I couldn’t be bothered, this was despite the presence of two Saints players in the team in Lallana and Shaw.  A month ago I’d have been gagging to watch this game for this reason alone but more of that later.  Costa Rica didn;t need to win as they’d already qualified and England didn’t know how to win.  Sturridge missed chances again and though he should have had a penalty in the first half – that was about it.  Boring game, boring performance, boring manager but Uncle Roy said we played well – really?  Costa Rica win the group and fair play to them.

Group D -  Uruguay 1 Italy 0

Before it became apparent how crap England were, I thought the Italians looked decent but the defeat to Costa Rica showed up their limitations which were all on display again here.  Pirlo had a free kick which caused some panic for Muslera but other than that they produced very little.  Marchisio managed to get sent off for a ridiculous stamp tackle in the 2^nd half and Uruguay were the better side and forced Buffon into a number of decent saves.  They eventually did win as Gaston Ramirez swung in a corner and Godin, who should of course have been sent off against England and not playing here, headed the winner and put Uruguay through and Italy out.  The game will of course only be remembered for Hannibal Suarez going for it again and biting Chiellini on the shoulder.  He then compunded it by diving on the ground and pretending his teeth hurt.  I expect they did as shoulders can be quite tough if you bite them.  He obviously has serious mental issues, as do the Uruguayan representatives who defend him as if it’s an everyday thing.  Sorry – none of your other players do it.  I’m sure there have been other players who have bitten someone but I can't think of one off hand and 3 times in a few years?  The guy is a fucking animal and if he’d done that 3 times on the street then he’d be in prison, or a zoo.  

**Update: Suarez banned for 4 months from all football.... good news for Rickie Lambert I guess.  Personally, I think it should have been 6 months with a suspended life ban if he does it again. 

World Cup 2014 Part 4 - Iran are better than England.

Suarez points to where Gerrard flicked it on

19/6/14

Group C – Colombia 2 Ivory Coast 1

Colombia looked the better side all the way though this and took the lead in the second half as Rodriguez easily headed in a corner from virtually in front of the keeper.  Ivory Coast again left Drogba on the bench and went 2-0 down when they tried to play out of defence and got caught and Colombia chose the right option and Quintero scored.  Gervinho, with his forehead hidden by a scarf, scoored a bloody good goal to make it 2-1 as he danced through about 4 challenges as he cut in from the left and scored as the keeper didn’t cover himself in glory.  So, Colombia are virtually through but Ivory Coast should still make it as long as they don’t get beaten by Greece.

Group D – England 1 Uruguay 2

It was time to do or die for England and Mr Dynamic picked the same side that played against Italy other than putting Rooney and Sterling in the best positions.  I wanted to see Barkley, Lallana and Shaw from the start to give it a bit more energy but no – same old, same old with Danny Welbeck picked as an attacker, mainly for his defensive ability, in a game we really have to win.  Uruguay had Suarez starting and you have to wonder how fit he is bearing in mind that 4 days ago they didn’t bring him on when they were losing to Costa Rica.  Within 10 minutes you could tell that we were going to be shit.  None of the front 6 looked at the races with Sterling and Sturridge giving the ball away constantly.  Rooney was at least trying and trying to influence things but his touch was awful and he too was just giving it away.  Henderson and Gerrard weren’t providing any legs in the midfield at all and didn’t appear to be helping the attack or the defence.  Fucking rubbish.  We got a free kick on the edge of the box in absolute perfect position for a right footer as Godin picked up a booking for a deliberate handball.  Rooney was going to take it and whilst I’m sure a lot of the nation was on the edge of their seats expecting him to score, I was there with the feeling I used to get when Bradley Wright-Phillips got through on goal.  I knew he’d fucking miss and sure enough, Rooney put it over the bar.  There really is no excuse for not getting it on target you useless squirrel headed granny shagging bastard. Same with the header that he hit the bar with from 2 feet out.

Cavani was working a lot harder than in Uruguay’s last game as a result of partnering the clearly half-fit Suarez but he picked the ball up after Gerrard had given it away and clipped a great ball over Jagielka in exactly the same way that Italy had played one over Cahill and Suarez peeled away and looped a header across Hart and into the net.  Good goal, piss poor defending, bollocks.  New FIFA rules came into play after that as it’s clearly not against the rules to run away from the ball and forearm smash a player in the throat as Godin did to Sturridge.  Give a free kick for a forearm smash but it’s not worth a second yellow.  We fucked up the free kick and went in 1-0 down.

Surely the old fucker is going to get some energy on the pitch at the start of the second half but fucking not a bit of it.  Same XI the start the second half.  I’m sure Gerrard came onto the pitch in a fucking wheelchair with an oxygen mask on.  I’m sure Hodgson has put sedatives in the drinks at half time as we look even more half arsed after the break. Cavani got through and sitefooted a sitter wide of the far post.

Finally, someone on the England bench, probably Gary Neville, realises that we are going to achieve fuck all and makes a change with Sterling being the name pulled out of the hat to come off.  He’s been piss poor but equally, any of the front 6 could have come off.  Barkley is on and what do you know a bit more energy and dynamism and we immediately look a better team.  Rooney had another golden chance as he hammered in a shot from the edge of the box but having made the space he shouldn’t have given Muslera a chance but he pulled off a decent save.

With 15 minutes to go, the pressure paid off as Sturridge produced something for the first time and sent Johnson away who won a tackle and it bounced across the goal and Rooney this time, could not possibly miss and beat Muslera to make it 1-1.  So, a point isn’t bad at the end of the day and at least it gets us into the last game with a bit of a chance.  With 5 minutes to go, Muslera booms a ball forward, Gerrard takes his eye off it and flicks it on straight to Suarez who takes it on and smashes it past Hart to make it 2-1.  What was Gerrard doing?  Where was the centre half covering round? Fuck off.  In exactly the same way as against Germany 4 years ago, we’ve been done by a big boot forward that we’ve allowed to bounce.  I have no words for how shite it is to concede a goal in this way at a World Cup but we’ve done it, twice.  The last 5 minutes produce nothing of note.  Hodgson gives Rickie Lambert 4 minutes in place of Henderson who I had forgotten was playing.  What’s he supposed to do with 4 minutes Roy, you wanker? 

And so it came to pass that we lost. 2 out of 2 and then they start shitting on on TV about how we can still qualify if Italy win every game and then we beat Costa Rica and blah blah fucking blah.  No chance. For starters, we won’t beat Costa Rica.  If we get to that game and we’re not out yet then Hodgson will pick the same team again and wonder why we get the same inept tired bollocks and get beat again.  Let’s face it, it was always going to be difficult but a decent, brave manager would have realised that we needed legs out there.   I can’t believe I’m saying this as he’s such an inept footballer but James Milner would have added more than Gerrard out there today because at least he’d have got about the park. It’s all very well saying we had a young squad – yes we did but not enough of them were on the pitch.  You also had in-form players like Lallana who has had a great season, not being used and players who have been shite like Welbeck picked to start.  Then you have Rooney and our obsession with him and Roy falling into the same trap of every other England manager and picking him regardless and indulging him despite the fact he does nothing to warrant it.  It was actually one of his better games today –  and he was still very average.  Ross Barkley is going to end up like le Tissier – managers would never pick le Tiss and Gazza in the same side and Gazza was always going to be preferred.  The same is going to happen with Barkley and Rooney unless someone has the balls and you know that Roy Hodgson is not going to have the balls.  I’ll finish the England post-mortem after our inevitable exit next Tuesday.  I’m too pissed at the moment.

Group D – Japan 0 Greece 0

Boring.  Couldn’t be arsed to watch this after the England fiasco.  Like England, Two teams that won’t be missed.

The Italians console eachother as only they know how.

20/6/14

Group D – Italy 0 Costa Rica 1

There is something in you subconscious as a football fan that you will hope for any route possible for your team to get through to the next round.  However, relying as we are on an Italian win in this game, I’m really hoping that we are put out of our misery so I don’t have to listen to Chiles quoting mathematical equations on the probability of England going through.  Make no mistake, Italy were terrible but Costa Rica were decent with lots of energy and invention in their play – attributes that are in complete contrast with those of the England team.  They worked out that Pirlo was the best Italian player nd they didn’t give him time on the ball which is hardly a tactical masterstroke but it is one that was beyond Roy Hodgson.  Costa Rica really should have had a penalty just before half time as Chiellini clattered Campbell with the ball in a different post code but not given.  Unreal.... a minute later however they took the lead as Diaz put over a superb cross on the run from the left and Bryan Ruiz, who spent last season getting hounded out of Fulham, rose to head in off the underside of the bar.  Italy were marginally better int he second half without ever looking like scoring and so Costa Rica won and went though, Italy have a winner-take-all game vs Uruguay in which they need a draw... and England are shit and out and Balotelli loses his bet and doesn't get to kiss the Queen - he gets to stick his tongue in Camilla Parker-Bowles instead.

Group E – Switzerland 2 France 5

Laughably, Switzerland are ranked 6 in the world due to FIFA’s stupid system for working out rankings whereby you will rise by playing ropey sides in friendlies or by being Swiss like Sepp Blatter.  No payments have been accepted for this assertion.  Switzerland must have played a lot of ropey sies in friendlies to be ranked above France who tore them apart in the first half and were 3-0 up at half time.  They had this centre forward playing called Olivier Giroud who is no relation to the lump who ponces about up front for Arsenal.  Mind you he was helped by an enforced substitution for the Swiss which saw Phillippe Senderos, possibly the worst defender I’ve ever seen, come on to mark him.  Giroud just constantly bullied the hapless Senderos and rose unmarked to thump in a header from a corner for 1-0.  Within a minute it was two as Matuidi ran through the inside left channel without anyone going to challenge him and scored at Benaglio’s near post.  France managed to miss a penalty after that when Benzema’s poor effort was saved and Cabaye came up with a contender for miss of the  tournament by hitting the bar from the rebound from 5 yards with the keeper nowhere.  Not to be denied though, it was 3-0 just before half time as France broke and Giroud put a perfect pass in for Valbuena to score easily. 4-0 through Benzema and 5-0 when Sissoko took advantage of more shambolic defending.  The Swiss got a couple back as Dzemaili tried a free kick from 40 yards which Benzema stepped over in the wall to give his own keeper no chance and Xhaka scored easily as he beat the offside trap.  It has to be said that France look very very decent indeed but they’ll of course be playing better sides than Honduras and Switzerland.

Group E – Honduras 1 Ecuador 2

Ecuador were the attest team to have to man up against the Honduran kick-to-kill squad.  With both teams having lost their first game, the losers were all but gone.  Honduras took the lead with a goal straight out of the Allardyce coaching manual as a big hoof forward was allowed to bounce and Costly ran through and smashed it in for 1-0.  It was soon all square though as Paredes shanked a shot across the penalty area for the Valencia who’s not the shtty Manchester United one, diverted it in.  Honduras really should have gone back in front but Costly’s header pooled onto the post and Bengtson then tried to claim that he’d scored from the rebound, despite clearly punching the ball in with his forearm, the cheating little bastard.  Euador looked the team most likely in the second half and duly won it when Ayovi swung in a free kick and Enner Valencia once more was the man on the spot to score.  Chances are that both of these teams will be heading out but I’m sure France will rest a few versus Ecuador so you never know.

Safe to say, No Iran fans looked like this.

21/6/13

Group G - Germany 2 Ghana 2

The first half of this was pretty poor as Germany huffed and puffed but Ghana played the better football and so we arrived a half time at 0-0 and maybe Germany aren’t the all conquering super power that they are made out to be.  One thing that will never be in doubt though is that they are lucky bastards as 10 minutes in the second half, Thomas Muller crossed and Gotze scored as he ran in, bollocksed up his header but it hit his knee as it dropped off his face and flew into the net.  Ghana equalised straight away with a proper header from Andre Ayew and we were looking at a very amusing scoreline 10 minutes later as Lahm gave the ball away to Muntari who slipped it through for Gyan who smashed it past Neuer.  Ze Germans never just lie down and give up though and sent on Schweinsteiger and Klose and the latter scored with his first tough from 6 inches out to draw level with the proper Ronaldo in terms of World Cup Finals goals.  It seemed inevitable that ze Germans would go on and win but Ghana held out and got the point they deserved and fair play.  Anything that stalls ze Germans is good news.  Germany will of course go through but Ghana now have a shout if they can beat Portugal.

Group F - Argentina 1 Iran 0

Argentina must have looked at this game when the draw was made and thought it was going to be a slaughter.  Messi and Aguero and di Maria against…. Who exactly? Ashkan Dejagah from relegated Fulham.  The expected massacre didn’t materialize though – Garaty missed a sitter with a header and Aguero should have scored but Iran had their moments on the break suggesting that the Argentine defence is going to be their undoing again as it was 4 years ago under that fat little ‘hand of God’ tosser.  Irn have a player called Ghoochannejhad and on the back of his shirt it says ‘Reza’ so that’ll do from now on.  Anyway, he got in a great header in the second half and Romero had to claw it away as Iran played with a belief and a spirit that made England look embarrassing.  The Argies had their moments mostly through Messi but Iran could so easily have been in front.  There was a penalty should where Zabaleta scraped the top of the ball and his follow through cleaned out Dejagah.  There’s no way that the ref could have seen the brush on the ball so how has he not given that as a pen.  Regardless, Dejagah forced a top drawer save out of Romero again as he attempted a van Persie header over the keeper but he just got his claws to it.  Reza had another chance as he raced away with Romero saving well again but with 93 on the clock, Messi picked up the ball 25 yards out and curled a wonderful shot into the far corner of the net.  They were lucky and they celebrated like they’d just scored against England in a winner-takes-the-Falklands match.  I wish England could play like Iran though.

Group F - Nigeria 1 Bosnia-Herzigovina 0

Two of the more boring teams produced a game which was decent in parts.  Again there was a shocker from a lino as Dzeko was put through, miles onside, only to slot it home and it not be given.  Again it changed the game as Nigeria soon scored as a pull back from the right was slotted in by Odemwingie who was playing for his next transfer.  Bosnian midfielder Pjanic was on a one man mission to get Edin Dzeko a goal but he continued to miss for the rest of the match, capping it all in the last few minutes by scuffing a shot from 8 yards which hit the keepers foot and hit the post.  Nigeria held on and Bosnia are on their way home.