EFL Championship Match 35 - Birmingham City 3 Southampton 4

Ari-BO

What have John Eustace, Wayne Rooney, Tony Mowbray and Mark Venus all got in common? Yes, they’ve all been managers of Birmingham City this season but for various different reasons. John Eustace was the manager because he was doing well even though the owners didn’t really want him because he wasn’t a big name. Wayne Rooney was the manager because the owners wanted a big name that was known to American markets.  Tony Mowbray was the manager because Wayne Rooney was fucking shit and suddenly, having a big name for American markets wasn’t such a high priority. Mark Venus is the manager because Tony Mowbray is ill and get well soon Tony, one of footballs good guys.  It all adds up to a clusterfuck of a season for a club that should be pushing the play-off places and that line below sixth place but instead find themselves being worried about the line near the bottom of the table.

Having got the FA Cup out of the way with the defeat at Liverpool, this game is absolutely crucial for Saints chances of nicking an automatic promotion place at the end of the season. Despite the 22 match unbeaten run in the league, three defeats in the last four have left us with very little margin for error especially given the form of Leeds United who currently reside in second place and looks very capable of chasing down Leicester City. Whether or not Saints can challenge the top two is certainly going to come down to the away games we have left at Ipswich, Leicester and Leeds.  Lose to the likes of Birmingham however and automatic promotion is nothing but a pipe dream.

The season kind of starts here for us now and Russell Martin has to get the team right and that hopefully includes Flynn Downes who has been pictured in training montages from Staplewood but didn’t feature in the Liverpool game, which was predictable and also didn’t feature in the defeat by Millwall.

The main feature of the press conference leading up to this game was the personal abuse that Will Smallbone got online after the Liverpool defeat, which of course crossed the line between criticism of him as a footballer and personal abuse.  I thought it was a good thing for Russell Martin to highlight and also, good of him to make a distinction between what is acceptable and what is not.

To the team news and its pluses and minuses as far as I’m concerned. Flynn Downes is back which is huge but the player who basically replaces KWP in the lineup it’s of course, Jack Shoehorn Stephens, which means that either he or THB is going to be playing it right back. Smallbone is in the side with Joe Aribo the unlucky one to miss out, I presume still blowing out of his arse from Wednesday night.

Any idea that we were going to be more defensively solid today with Downes back in the side, lasted all of a minute as Bacuna fires in a crossfield ball from the left, which is controlled by the hand of Miyoshi, who practically fucking catches it, and then absolutely smashes it and it flicks off Manning, across Baz and into the far top corner. Brilliant finish but it’s easy for it to be a brilliant finish if you’ve patted it down for yourself.  Fucks sake.

Miyoshi Scores a Free Kick After Placing the Ball

It's nearly 2-0 straight after Adams gets dispossessed in midfield and Bacuna strides on and takes aim from the edge of the box and it smacks the post, bounces out onto the back of Baz and squirts wide.

We then begin to play and we are passing through Birmingham’s midfield relatively easily.  Arma crosses from the left and Brooks attempts a volley which is down and into the ground and wide.  Another chance comes and goes as Arma loses the ball to Laird, wins it back and sends Che Adams in on goal from the left but his sidefoot is shit and straight at the keeper. Smallbone drives forward, onto Adams who flicks it round the corner first time to Brooks and he slides a beautifully weighted ball into Adam Armstrong who takes it first time… goal, 1-1, get in!.  Everything about that goal is class.  Very close for the offside but we are owed one for earlier, regardless.

Having equalised, we then go for a variation of the Wee Man West Brom corner routine and it’s swung over by Brooks and met with a decent header by Manning at the back post but it hits Ruddy and deflects away, mainly because the old git can’t get out of the way in time.  Maybe it’s the snow that’s now coming down but Che Adams looks in the mood today against his former club and from 25 yards he has a go out of nowhere and it skids across the turf, past the ageing Ruddy and smacks off the post and wide.  Brooks then feeds Smallbone in what would have been a repeat of the goal, but his shot hits Ruddy on the arse as he sits down and squirts wide for a corner.  Another chance goes begging as we cut through them again and Downes takes aim from the edge of the box and straight at the keeper.

John Ruddy Accidentally Saves One

As we reach 40 minutes with Saints having dominated, there’s a big boot forward by Sanderson and Bednarek makes a total bollocks of it and it slides off his head and goes straight to Stansfield running through and he absolutely lashes it into the top of the net above Baz to give Birmingham a quite frankly ridiculous 2-1 lead. For fuck‘s sake, again.

Saints try and get back into it before half time and we are knocking the ball about on the edge of their box until Downes feeds Adam Armstrong once again he takes it first time and with Ruddy signalling that it’s going over, it dips late and pings off the top of the bar and out.  We win it back and create another chance for Smallbone which he drills narrowly wide of the far post.  Half time and this second half could well be season defining.  No changes and off we go.

An early chance with Adams feeding Arma on the left, goes begging with a scuffed effort at the keeper but next time around, Smallbone gives a short ball to Brooks, who cuts across the pitch as he always does, onto his left foot but with no one closing him down, he almost casually bends it round Ruddy and into the net to level things up again.

From our next attack after the restart we win a corner.  Smallbone takes it and it’s knee-height and cleared to Stansfield who can only clear as far as Smallbone on the right and he gets his head up and crosses it first time to the back post where Adams brings it down, has a little stumble and then manages to poke it into the far corner of the net. 3-2 and this game is mental.  Che is calm though with the respectful lack of celebration.

No Celebrations Required From Che

With Birmingham seeing the game slipping away, captain Dion Sanderson then comes steaming in on Smallbone in midfield and the big clumsy bollocks turns his back and goes in with studs up in a stamp motion and catches him high and the referee stops our four on three attack to go straight over and send him off.  To be fair, he thought it was a red card challenge straight away but if he’d let play go on for even five seconds, Adams puts Brooks in and we score… or maybe not but the point is, let it go for a few seconds when there’s a clear advantage – you can still send him off afterwards.

As the game restarts, Bacuna decides to wipe out Smallbone for no readily apparent reason and the referee does nothing but then Smallbone gets him back and gets a yellow of his own. He is public enemy number one in the blue part of Birmingham.  With Edozie having just come on for Brooks, there’s another change as Aribo comes on for Smallbone.

You would think that our possession-based play and always trying to find the spare man, would be perfect against ten men but we begin to get a bit ragged as the Blues fans get behind their team.  After some sloppy play by Aribo in midfield, Birmingham attack down our right and Laird stops, goes and pisses past Ryan Manning.  The cross is pulled back to Stansfield who shoots and sees it hit the far post and bounce out to Bacuna who can’t miss and doesn’t.  We just can’t defend today.

Substitution time and the face of it there doesn’t seem to be much thought going into this other than throwing on fresh players with the shit-tuplets of Sulemana, Rothwell and Mara coming on for Downes, Adams and Manning.  You would say that with our new 3-3-4 formation, we’re either going to win or lose and drawing is not an option.  Sulemana might make a difference with his pace but the other two won’t and I’m prepared to put that out there and hope to be proved wrong.

Sulemana wins a corner on the left and Rothwell hits the first man with it and then we win one on the left.  Luckily Stuart Armstrong is still on the pitch to take the corner so Rothwell doesn’t get the opportunity to put it nowhere near anyone, and he hangs up a ball towards the 6 yard line, headed down by THB and there is big Joe to take a touch, swivel and smash it into the net. 4–3-pandemonium.  Three points, thank you and goodnight.

Well, we won and it was ridiculously entertaining for the neutral.  Four goals, a late winner, three points – what’s not to like about that?  Quite a lot actually, but first let’s talk about the attacking play which at times was quite breathtaking today.  We could and probably scored more than the four we got as we created so many good chances.  Brooks and Smallbone were having a field day on our right and the creativity was off the scale but we missed chances again.  However, if we had any strikers who were ‘one shot, one goal’ merchants, they wouldn’t be playing in the Championship for us.

It’s another game where we have basically got out of jail despite being a fucking nightmare defensively from start to finish. Three really bad goals conceded which meant that we ended up making incredibly heavy work of it, even after Birmingham big donkey Sanderson got sent off.  I can’t get away from the fact that we are letting in so many goals. Clean sheets get you promoted and get you up the table and we had the magic formula for that during our long unbeaten run.  We were keeping loads of clean sheets with a settled back four and goalkeeper with Downes in front of them.  We can only hope that when KWP is fit that he comes straight back in right back and Jack Stephens returns to the substitutes bench. We had a brilliant centre back pairing who played off each other and knew exactly how to deal with long balls pumped into our half for example, but changing it means uncertainty and the amount of times that our defenders were looking round at each other proves that the uncertainty is now there. Conceding three goals against Birmingham is just not good enough. It was another game similar to Huddersfield and occasionally it will work but more often than not, simply trying to outscore the opposition knowing that they are going to score at least two, will not work and Russell Martin knows that.

Make no mistake, Birmingham‘s first goal should never have stood, it was a fucking blatant handball. Last year I watched JWP put the ball where he wanted to with his hands and then smash it into the net. Thing is, they were free kicks and this wasn’t much different. How the ref and linesman can miss that is totally beyond me but I guess it evens up the THB offside header we had against them at St Mary‘s.

Saints response to going behind was decent and a good flowing team move ended with Brooks putting the ball through for a suspiciously offside looking Adam Armstrong (unproven) to score first time through Ruddy. Adam is much more likely to score if he doesn’t have to take a touch.

As said, we completely controlled from the 20th minute until the 44th, missing a few chances and then conceded a goal that wouldn’t have looked out of place on the Veracity Ground in front of three men and a dog, with a big boot down the middle and Bednarek being unable to make his mind up between letting it run and heading it and basically doing neither. Conjecture of course but I reckon if he was playing centre back with THB, that goal wouldn’t have happened because he would’ve known exactly where Taylor would be.

The two goals in a few minutes at the start of the second half, along with the deserved red card for big donkey Sanderson and it looked like we were going to canter to the finish line. Brooks’ goal was a brilliant finish but shit defending to not put any pressure on him and Adams’ goal is the product of determination to still score after slipping over and before that, an excellent piece of anticipation and a superb pick out by Smallbone.

Everyone of Birmingham persuasion is saying it isn’t a red card but I don’t really know what they’re looking at as he turns his back on Smallbone and then stamps down.  Yes, he doesn’t catch him fully but there’s definitely contact and it’s a dangerous way to go into a tackle so these days, I have absolutely no surprise that the referee sent him off.  As soon as he turned his back on the player he was tackling, it just looked like he was trying to do him and even if that wasn’t the intention, it’s so shit and gives the ref the opportunity.

Ryan Manning is not a great defender. His more obvious gaffes lead to him being scapegoated and then of course there’s a reaction to him being scapegoated and people look past certain things, but the way he allowed Laird to just walk past him and put the cross in that led to the third Birmingham goal was under 11s defending and his drift infield and leaving his man on the first goal wasn’t great either.  Jack Stephens didn’t cover himself in glory on the third goal either, allowing Stansfield to get that shot away.

And then Joe turns up in the 94th minute. Always believe in your soul etc.  I have never seen him turn and move so fast when he realises he’s running the wrong way to celebrate with the fans behind the goal.

The sub-plot of today’s game is the performance of Will Smallbone of course got two assists for the second and third goals. He’s had a tough week with all the social media abuse but showed strength of character to come through it.  He plays well when he’s not deployed as a defensive midfielder.  He’s a good player when played in the correct position with the right people around him and where I disagree with Russell Martin is Russell‘s assertion that Will is flexible and can play number of positions and I just don’t think he is.  Before being switched to cover Downes’ absence, he had been playing well ever since Joe Aribo went to the Afcon and Joe Rothwell was signed.  Put him back in the correct position and he plays well again.

Russell Picks the Man of the Match

Three points and dropped points today for Leeds and Leicester so the gap to the top two closes. We have to back this up now and break our losing streak at home when Preston visit on Wednesday. Let’s hope we have the regular back four in place from the start of the game and up the fucking Saints.

EFL Championship Match 14 - Southampton 3 Birmingham City 1

 

A Clearly Onside THB Celebrates VAR not Ruining the Championship

Hypocrisy Warning: I am going to complain about the media focusing on the Birmingham manager and then I'm going to focus on him.  Such is life.

Live on Sky Super League Six Sports, for the 12:30 kick-off of Wayne Rooney’s Birmingham City travelling to Southampton. You can imagine it now as Sky Sports cream off over the return of one of the main players on whom they have built their empire. “Wayne Rooney’s Birmingham” will it go in the lexicon along with “Frank Lampard’s Derby” and “Steven Gerrard Aston Villa”.  That after all, is what Sky Sports is all about, individuals and if the individuals play for one of the Super League Six then so much the better.  It’s been a long time since Rooney was at United and it’s been even longer since he was any good as a player, prematurely turning into that inevitable fat lad that he was always going to become. He had a retirement lap of honour at Everton before disappearing off to America, first as a player and then as an unsuccessful manager. In between times he was manager of Derby County and got sold an absolute turd of a job and he did reasonably well, bearing in mind the rug was pulled from under him somewhat with points deductions and all that stuff which saw an inevitable descent into League 1 for the Rams.

Usually when a manager gets a new job mid season, it’s because the team is near the bottom of the league and the previous manager has been shit. Birmingham were sixth when the USA-based owners of the Blues, backed by the PR stunt that is Tom Brady’s involvement, decided to get rid of manager John Eustace after two consecutive comfortable wins.  It’s always been well known that there is occasionally ‘new manager bounce’ for an underperforming team when they get a new boss. Rooney has so far, with two losses in a row, gone someway to proving that bringing a new manager into a relatively successful team, will fuck things up and you won’t so much get a new manager bounce, as a new manager splat.

You would think that American owners coming into a Championship club would be very interested in getting promoted into the big money and so replacing a manager who was doing well and had a team in the playoff positions, could be seen as slightly strange from a football point of view.  However, It doesn’t take a genius to work out why the owners have done it, what with Rooney’s profile of being a former Premier League Sky Sports legend and it certainly suits them that he has connections with a good ol’ US of A and is well known there.

According to my fag packet maths, there has been approximately 62 hours since the final whistle at Preston and the kick-off of this game. Approximately 21 of those hours would’ve been spent asleep so 41 hours to get everything sorted for this game. When you look at it like that, it becomes obvious why they’re absolutely had to be rotation in these three games.  I was expecting a swathe of returning players for this game including THB, Manning, Stuart Armstrong, Sulemana and Charly Alcaraz and most of that happened, the one exception being that James Bree kept his place at left back, with Manning only making it back as far as the bench.

Birmingham’s line-up included Lukas Jutkiewicz, a Southampton born player who was linked with us repeatedly when we were in the Championship last time around, mainly because Nicola Cortese had banned the Daily Echo at the time so they were making stuff up and the Southampton link was too good an opportunity to miss.

Birmingham right back Cody Drameh is one who we were linked with at the start of the season before KWP decided to slum it in the Championship and Drameh is up against Sulemana today and their first battle ends in a corner after four minutes. Stuart Armstrong takes it short to brother Adam and gets it back before switching again to Adam.  Whilst we’re all expecting a right foot cross he sells Drameh a dummy and swings over a left footed cross and it’s one of those ones where you know it’s a goal before it happens.  There is no way THB is going to miss and bang, he doesn’t and it’s 1-0 as he powers a header past John Ruddy and into the net.  Come on!!!

Play That Fuckin' Goal Music!

If Rooney was looking for a response, he didn’t get it and Sulemana and Stuart Armstrong combine on the left, with Armstrong playing it inside the hapless Drameh and Sulemana burns past before making his way along the goal line and rolling it across to Alcaraz at the back post who cannot miss from literally two yards.  2-0 and this is a piece of piss so far.

Rooney had made a comment in the week that he wanted his team to play football but the Birmingham centre backs Sanderson and Aiwo have absolutely no interest in doing so and they have no ability to do it either. Consequently, Birmingham are just leathering the ball forward and we then win it and keep it for a few minutes before they pick it up and leather it forward again.

We get to 44 minutes with absolutely no problem whatsoever and everybody is working incredibly hard. Adam Armstrong steams back into his own half dispossess Dembélé but unfortunately then plays a shit ball to give it away again.  Birmingham launch it forward from halfway as they do, towards Burke and Bazunu has what can only be described as a brain fart and comes steaming out of his goal when there is absolutely no need and as Burke flicks it on, Bazunu clatters into the back of him. Fuck me that’s a clear penalty.  Oh, hang on he’s pointing past the penalty spot for a goal-kick…. what the fuck? I cannot believe we have got away with that… absolutely ridiculous. That’s up there with the Bednarek rugby tackle at Stoke.

Normal service is then resumed at the other side end of the pitch with Stuart Armstrong taking a pass from Downes and flicking a superb ball through the Birmingham defence for Adam Armstrong to run onto. Coming in from the left with just Ruddy to beat, he knocks it past the keeper but it rolls wide of the far post. Poor finish in truth and it really should’ve been 3-0.

Half-time and this has been relatively simple so far. It’s hard to imagine Birmingham being as bad in the second half but can’t complain at all about being 2-0 up.  It’s been a really good atmosphere in the Chapel End where I am.  No ‘moan when you’re winning’ for a change.

The second half starts in exactly the same vein with Saints on the ball through Smallbone and via Alcaraz, Stuart Armstrong is teed on the edge of the box but the magnificently haired beautiful Scotsman scuffs it through to the keeper who again, should’ve been worked.  And another chance goes begging as KWP puts over a wonderful cross and Adam Armstrong gets in front of the defender to connect with a header but it’s somehow managed to slide off his face and go past the far post again.

It’s surely a matter of time before we score the third goal but then Ruddy launches one 80 yards down the park, Jutkiewicz nods it on ahead of THB and KWP mis-controls allowing Stansfield to run through and finish well past Baz. For fuck‘s sake – talk about undeserved. At the end of the day, any goal is a good goal but not exactly the great football Wayne was talking about.

Unbelievably, Birmingham now look like they can equalise and we are suddenly looking a bit shit and not clearing the ball, giving them encouragement. Stuart Armstrong fucks up when Baz bowls the ball out to him and loses it, allowing Drameh to get to the line and fire a dangerous ball across which could easily found Stansfield again.  Wake up lads for fucks sake.

Another five minutes go by and we seem to settle down a bit again with Downes winning the ball higher the pitch and knocking it off to Alcaraz who skims is in a shot that Ruddy saves well but at least we’re back up the other end.  Charly and Kamaldeen are off to be replaced with Fraser and Aribo - the latter of which has me scratching my head a little bit.  Saints seem to have retained a bit of control then Downes put Fraser away and for a second it looks like he has a chance to chip the goalkeeper and he has a go…. and it’s woeful.

Edozie and Charles come on for Stuart Armstrong and Smallbone so we now have more energy about us and Charles finds Fraser out on the left and he puts a cross in, nodded down by Edozie and Adam Armstrong wraps his foot round it to smash into the net for 3-1. Get in, game over, 100% record intact for Wayne.

The Goals and Assists Just Keep Coming

Birmingham are a beaten team now and give the ball away on halfway to Fraser and not put off by his previous effort, he tries another long-range chip against Ruddy but he’s gone Full Geoff Thomas and no one wants to go Full Geoff Thomas and it goes closer to the corner flag. Keep trying Wee Man.

And there we have it, another three points, four wins out of the last five and another very good performance. Yes there was a little five minute spell after Birmingham scored when it could’ve been a bit sketchy but other than that it was domination pretty much from start to finish. If I may talk about Mr Rooney’s team for a moment, I thought they were absolutely shit for a vast majority of the game.  Rooney came in with bold words about making them a passing team but they weren’t interested and for all the talk of passing football they scored a goal by smashing the ball up the pitch taking advantage of a dip in concentration. 3-1 flattered Birmingham I thought.

Like with the Preston manager Ryan Lowe on Wednesday, all Wayne could come up with was to blame the referee for a non-penalty.  I actually have a bit more sympathy for Rooney than I had for Ryan Lowe at Preston because Baz has completely wiped out Burke and I don’t really know why that hasn’t been given. Would it have made a difference to the game? I very much doubt it and it always felt like a game that we would always have won comfortably.

A Manager Whose Team Just Smash it Up the Park, with Russell Martin

Aside from the blip where we let the goal in, where I think both THB and KWP could’ve done better, Saints were largely excellent with good performances all over the team. I’ll tell you though, if we had a good striker it would transform this team. Adam Armstrong played as the number nine today and you can’t knock a goal and an assist from 90 minutes work.  On the downside, so much of our play going forward broke down on him however until we start making the ball stick up-front we are always going to be a team that struggles to create enough chances and score the goals that our amount of possession demands. What I mean by that is that we had the same number of on-target shots as Birmingham and we had the ball 75% of the time.  So, we should’ve won far more comfortably today and again, it’s another game where I’m thinking about what Ross Stewart is going to add to this team when he gets fit.

Elsewhere, Baz didn’t have much to do and only had one flaky moments where he came out of the edge of his box in the first half and clattered a Birmingham striker when he didn’t really need to be there as there was a covering defender. THB and Bednarek were very solid in central defence.  The standout performer in the back for for me was James Bree who was pretty faultless, not getting beaten at all down his wing and using the ball sensibly and effectively and keeping things very simple. He is also much better in the air than the average fullback so when Birmingham were trying to launch bombs down his wing, it wasn’t really a danger. It’s also a good bit of management to leave Bree in the team because Ryan Manning is seen by many as being almost like a teachers pet for Russell Martin, but Bree has got his chance through suspension and has taken that chance and played well so it’s really good from that point of view to leave him in because it tells any player that thought their place in the side was guaranteed, that maybe it isn’t.  It also tells fringe players that if you make the most of your chance, you may well stay on the team – something that a player like Sekou Mara should bear in mind.

Stuart Armstrong was superb in midfield, showing exactly what was missing in the Preston game until he came on as a substitute and then there was Flynn Downes who has hit a superb little vein of form over the last four or five games. Absolutely everywhere to make sure that Birmingham never got a foothold, winning the ball back multiple times and then not giving it away.

Sulemana and Alcaraz combined brilliantly for the second goal and it was interesting seeing Alcaraz play a wider role today which I think is exactly where he played for Racing club in Argentina. I guess he was picking up tips on how to play that position from Lionel Messi on the recent Argentina camp.  I expect to see sixty goals from him before the end of the season.

Another pleasing day and it was nice to back up the two previous good results with a third one. In fact, that’s 14 points out of 18 since our four-game slump. Things are still building and though we are in a decent place, we are not perfect but as I said, a clinical ruthless striker transforms this team.

Bring on another test of character at Millwall next week.  Up the Fucking Saints.

NPC Match 29 - Birmingham 0 Southampton 0

It was a bad day to be a Fox

A sense of optimism had crept over (most of) the fanbase of the Mighty Saints with the second half showing against Cardiff and the signing of Billy Sharp.  All positive thoughts are going to be needed today for a game at Birmingham who are steaming up the league like the proverbial train. In addition to the 11 men in blue that we have in front of us – we also have the Sky cameras which up until now almost invariably means that we play in a shite manner.  Knowing Nigel’s attention to detail we’ve probably been training this week with the Youth team dressed up as cameramen on the side of the pitch at Staplewood.

Sky also means that the game kicks off at 5.20 so everyone else has played... well nearly everyone.  West Ham have managed to beat Millwall despite playing nearly the whole match with 10 men.  Their winner featured a rugby tackle on the Millwall keeper which was straight out of the “Big Sam football at its best” coaching manual.  Fatso said afterwards that it was his best ever win as a manager, not that he likes blowing his own trumpet or anything.  Pompey were having their ‘Pack the Park’ match against Hull, only they weren’t as it was a bit cold so they called it off which is really piss poor when you consider what’s at stake there.  I hope they re-arrange it before the court date for the sake of all the fans who have forked out.

I wasn’t expecting too many changes to the SFC starting XI aside from Billy Sharp starting instead of David Connolly and that’s what we got except Connolly kept his place and the new man was on the bench alongside the returning Guly do Prado.  Nigel had obviously looked at the blizzard-like conditions and decided that a Brazilian would be ideally suited for this particular challenge.  

We of course, duffed Birmingham 4-1 at the start of the season when we were surprising everyone and they were patching a team together following relegation from the Premiership last year.  Liam Ridgewell won’t be playing for them as he’s been pushed out to West Brom who are in the Premier League – it really is beyond belief who a player that bad can be in a Premier League squad.   They also had the situation facing that other lot in blue in that their owner had been arrested for alleged money laundering and had his assets frozen.  Since we stuffed them though, they’ve had a creditable performance in the Europa League before rising up the league on the back of some very good recent results.  They still have that accent though...

Working Man’s Club, TV on, Beer in hand, let’s go… oh look, the pitch is white and it’s snowing like a bastard.  The referee, Phil Dowd, is on loan from the Premiership which invariably gives you some ‘interpretation’ issues....

The game starts and you can’t see the ball on the TV.  It’s not orange like the traditional ‘snow ball’, it’s yellow which just looks like white from a distance.  The players are playing upright – by that I mean that it’s like watch a game on an artificial pitch – no one is tackling and everyone is waddling around trying not to fall over.  When I say no one is tackling of course, I mean no one except Morgan who demonstrates that he can give free kicks away in the snow as well on a normal pitch with a clumsy effort on the edge of our box.  Murphy slams the free kick into Sir Rickie in the wall (bet that stung) and then hoofs the rebound out of the ground.  Birmingham create another chance soon after as Spector crosses and the giant N’Daw rises above both Fonte and Martin and glances his header just wide.

Saints seem to get a handle on the conditions at this point and are passing the ball now.  Lallana and Punch are showing up very well and combine from a short corner routine which ends in Adam firing in a cross which deflects off a Birmingham player and flies into the side netting.

The next incident involved Fox executing a perfect hard but fair tackle on Burke who squealed like a pig.   Over strides Mr Premiership Fussy Bollocks and books him for winning the ball.  I can imagine the report when it’s sent in to the FA.  “Mr Fox slid in and won the ball – however, Mr Burke performed a triple somersault with pike and made a noise a like a pig being skewered so I therefore decided that I had to book Mr Fox forthwith.  Mr Fox needs to master the art of detaching his right leg so it’s nowhere near the player when he tackles with his left foot”.

Nothing much happens in the rest of the first half – we probably have about 70% possession but do nothing in the final third at all and I mean nothing, not one shot on or off target.  We’ve played the better football by a mile but Birmingham have had the better chances.

Birmingham start the second half well and nearly score straight away as Marlon King gets the ball from the full back and despite all the women in the club shouting ‘No’, Marlon shoots anyway and Superkelv flies across to superbly tip it past the post.  As the club reverberates to a chorus of “She said no”, the corner is cleared.

It’s time for Billy Connolly or more accurately, Billy on for Connolly.  Before the new boy has had chance to touch the ball, we clear a Birmingham attack and Fox wins a challenge with Mutch inside our box.  Again the Birmingham player goes over in loud fashion, only this time Dowd gives us the free kick.  Every Birmingham report I’ve read on the game thinks it was a penalty when you can see clear as day that Mutch swings his leg to shoot, Fox goes in and wins the ball, knocking it away and Mutch continues his kick and boots Danny’s foot.  How the fuck can anyone think this is a penalty and in my opinion the referee has got this one spot on.

Billy Sharp’s first involvement with Saints is to fasten onto a Sir Rickie knock down and he should have hit it with his left but tried to cut onto his right and was closed down meaning the chance was lost.  I reckon that one way or another, given a proper pitch instead of an ice rink, this would have been in the net.

On come the cavalry with Deano coming on for Corky and Punch, after another good game, being replaced with the man from Brazil, wearing gloves, a hat, tights, ski suit and a balaclava.  It’s like Cool Runnings without the bobsleigh.  The substitutions looked like an attempt to win the match to me but it all went to shit a minute later as Burke took on Fox for pace, knocked it too far and Fox ill-advisedly gave him a little push.  Burke went to ground and slid in the snow on his bum.   Whilst the stewards were despatched to look for the sniper, a free kick fair enough but a yellow card – you are having one there ref.  Absolutely stupid decision.  Foxy realises there’s no point in arguing and walks off.

What the fuck is the game coming to now?  What do you know – we get a Premier League ref and we get one of the most ridiculous red cards I’ve ever seen.  The first yellow wasn’t even a foul and the second one was a slight push when the winger had already overrun the ball.  Yes, it was a foul but never worth a yellow card.   With a regular championship referee, even with the idiot we had last week, Fox would still be on the pitch and we wouldn’t be about to play the last 10 minutes with Deano at right back and Frazer on the left.

Having witnessed that – the next action is Guly bearing down on goal and Caldwell cynically takes him out.  There is no question and it is 100% deliberate.  Yellow card only issued due to their being a covering defender.  The point is that he gets a yellow card for an offence which was totally pre-meditated and more of a foul than either of the Fox challenges.  Still, we have a free kick from 25 yards out so we can mete out our own justice.  Up steps Sir Rickie and bang… no, hang on, it’s a wanky little chip to the back stick which gets headed away…. Aaaaargh!!!

We play out the remaining few minutes without alarm and without shooting, the final whistle goes and we’ve got a point which I’m well chuffed with.   I can’t help but wonder though if we’d score more goals and maybe win more matches if someone actually had a fucking shot occasionally.  I mean, I love Sir Rickie and all that and I’m sure all Saints fans do but what the fuck was that?  A free kick, well in range, snow and slippery shit all over the pitch, we haven’t had a shot all game, last minute – fucking hit it!!!

In truth, no one deserved to win the game, despite what I’ve read on Birmingham slanted reports since the game finished.  Nigel had it spot on when he said that we played some great stuff without any end product.  There was only one team trying to play football out there but if you don’t shoot, you don’t win.  The main performers for us were Superkelv, Fonte and Aaron Martin who all ensured that Brum had very few chances.  Punch was the pick of the midfielders again and Lallana was superb in the first half – second half though, I only saw him at the end when he was shaking hands with someone.  Billy Sharp had a quiet debut and ended up in midfield after Foxy got sent off.  We’ll have to wait for Burnley at home on Saturday before we get the chance to see him and Sir Rickie start a game together.

To the neutral observer, todays game would have been a complete bag of shite which is kind of poetic justice as there is no way that game should have been played nor would have been played if it wasn’t on Sky.  The ball wasn’t rolling properly in the snow and if the ball had been slowing up on a wet pitch then it would have been called off due to the pitch being waterlogged.  Also, you could see that players were adjusting the way they played to avoid getting injured etc.  So it shouldn’t have been played in my opinion though I’m ultimately glad it was.   It’s ironic that if it had kicked off at 3pm instead of the latest stupid kick off time of 5.20pm, then all would have been fine as they snow didn’t really come on until 5pm.

Having gone a man down I was pleased to get a point but what is it with refs at the moment.  We’ve had a few recently with D’Arsehole at Brighton, that twat last week against Cardiff and Dowd today.  Can we have that guy who gave us that penalty against Brighton when Fonte was a yard outside the box – I liked him!!!.  To be fair, Phil Dowd got most things right today but the two he got wrong both involved Danny Fox.  I don’t care what anyone says – the first yellow card is not even a foul.  He’s gone in hard, won the ball and the opponent made a loud noise.  I read one report where it was stated that Burke complained to the ref that Fox was deliberately trying to injure him.  If that report is true then Burke needs to have a word with himself the pathetic little shit.

Next up is the FA Cup replay against Millwall where I expect to see several chances with the likes of Bart, Harding, Jaidi, Chappers, Deano, de Ridder, Tadanari Lee and Barnard coming into the side.  The reward is a home tie against Bolton in Round 5, it’s worth having so let’s get out there and fucking do it.

NPC Match 7 - Southampton 4 Birmingham 1

If Charlie Played Football.... he'd play for Saints

It’s Sunday afternoon and there is an alleged money laundering outfit on the South Coast who play in Blue. I of course, can only be referring to Birmingham City who have turned up at SMS having had a very average start to their first season back in the Championship since relegation. Bizarrely, they are in Europe this year courtesy of winning the Carling Cup last year with a completely different side and a different manager and before their owner got charged with money laundering... gone are the days when qualification for Europe would have prevented players leaving in the event of relegation. The manager now is Chris Hughton who got promoted from this division with Newcastle a couple of years ago but the relegated side he managed then, had held on to all their players so I would say that his task is tougher now and we’ll find out how good he is this time around.

The Blues had brought the rain with them – Dad and I had managed to walk across the Itchen Bridge without getting wet and we were just approaching the ground when it battered down in biblical fashion. There are several types of rain, ranging from ‘barely more than mist’ to ‘fucking hell I’m soaked’. Walking or running made no difference as within seconds you were as wet as you could possibly be.

We of course went into this Sunday match with the knowledge that if we won we’d go back to the top of the league. Not that it’s happened often in our history but the added pressure usually guarantees that we will fuck up. Not being the sort to be too worried by history, I expected us to be top come 5pm and the team I picked in my mind was the same as Nigel’s with Frazer Richardson returning to right back and Corky going back into midfield with Morgan dropping to the bench. Birmingham had a few notables with Chris Wood and Marlon King up front. Wood was of course on loan at Brighton last year and missed a penalty at SMS whilst King has had more prison terms than most players have had clubs. They also had Liam Ridgewell who scores a fair few goals for a defender but for some reason I’ve always thought that he was really thick.

It’s hammering down as the game kicks off and the first threat is averted by a sharp save from Superkelv as Wood skidded in a free kick which took a couple of deflections. Saints were trying to get their passing football going in the deluge and from our first real attack we got a corner. Danny Fox trotted over to the right to take it and as it came over, down went Sir Rickie courtesy of a double handed barge from Caldwell. It’s funny how you could tell, even from miles away that it was a penalty from the way he went down. After the predictable belly-aching to the official who, let’s face it, was unlikely to change his mind – up stepped Sir Rickie to bang it off of the left hand post (22,000 people momentarily crap themselves) and in. The chants of “we are top of the league” from the Northam Massive are a tad early I feel.

What you need when you have gone 1-0 is experienced defenders like Liam Ridgewell to keep it tight and not give anything silly away, like a free kick from a blatant barge on David Connolly. 6 foot 2 versus 5 foot 5 in an aerial challenge. Thick idiot. Sir Rickie delegated the free kick duty to Danny Fox who delegated getting it on target to someone else as he wafted it miles over the bar.

We were bouncing again in no time though as Richardson went down the wing, into the vacant space where Ridgewell should have been and crossed to where the Gulyman was and with a swivewl and a volley, the ball was on its way past Myhill and into the net for 2-0. Birmingham actually look like a semi-decent side when they have the ball but the forwards are in the pocket of Jos and Jose. I guess if they’d been girls then King could have punched them in the face, big man that he is. In contrast, a feature of our play is the superb link up play with Sir Rickie and in particular David Connolly, receiving passes to feet and making it stick, either getting fouled or ensuring we keep the ball. Connolly, despite having spent a fair time out injured is obviously not scared of a tackle and he keeps getting up no matter how many times he gets carted up in the air by agricultural defenders.

Part 2 of ‘Where is Ridgewell?’ is just around the corner as Richardson again gets to the bye line, courtesy of a lovely 1-2 with the Gulyman and crosses in for Adam Lallana to make it 3-0 just after the half hour. It’s glorious stuff – we’ve hardly had a shot aside from all 3 goals… talk about taking your chances.

Birmingham have a little spell just before half time when keeper Myhill manages to keep his kicks on the pitch instead of just hoofing them straight out on the left touchline. On 45 they get another free kick, which Wood again fizzes in low and Superkelv gathers first time with no hint of a possible spillage. Good stuff, Half time, 3-0, Chuckle Brothers talking complete bollocks, all is well with the world. The feel good factor even extends to the half time competition as ‘Annoying Bald Bloke with the Mic’ totally rigs a competition so the kid wins the signed Sir Rickie shirt instead of the adult. It’s actually quite funny for an Annoying Bald Bloke.

At the start of the second half and not for the first time, Chris Burke flopped to ground under not much of a challenge from Big Jos. It was dead centre and right on the edge of the box and even though Wood didn’t seem to hit it cleanly, the wall jumped over it and the ball nestled in the corner, giving Superkelv no chance, bugger. Birmingham inconsiderately, weren’t going to go away like they were supposed to and for the next 10 minutes, even though we kept playing, Brum had a couple of chances with Curtis Davies putting a free header over from a corner and then Stephen Carr forgot for a second that he’s 47 years old and went on a mazy down the right before crashing a shot back off the far post.

Brum’s attacking efforts were leaving spaces though and from one break, starting with Adam Lallana in his own half, Saints pinged it about and within 3 passes Adam was curling an effort just wide at the other end. Lallana is really getting into the game by now and some serious skill leaves Stephen Carr looking more like Alan Carr (ie – a complete twat). The trouble is that when you make a seasoned pro look like a mug, they inevitably steam back and cart you up in the air which is what duly happened and the yellow card was inevitable.

It’s all a bit open for mine and Nigel’s liking and so it’s time for some Bald Psycho to shut the game down as Chappers comes on for the Gulyman who must have been dreaming of Brazil and delighted to come off as it was once again, pissing down. If Chappers was supposed to shut things down then he wasn’t listening as he immediately found himself clean through but running out of angle and the danger was cleared. Saints are suddenly in full control again and calm all over the pitch – it amazes me how many times Superkelv is allowed to just pass it along the floor to either Corky or Deano to then lay it off and start another attack. Brum never seemed to get to grips with that at all and I wonder if Ridgewell is their tactician in chief.

Corky got a bit of a battering after one attack and it eventually substituted and replaced with Morgan Schneiderlin. Isn’t it great to have some decent players on the bench when you think that a few years ago, we always had some twats who were never good enough who you never felt would make things better, let alone have an impact. Morgan of course is just going to pass the ball about and enable us to close the game down.

Game over a couple of minutes later as following some excellent movement and timing of runs, Chappers fastens onto a Lallana pass with just the keeper to beat and he casually takes a touch and rolls it past him into the far corner – brilliant move, pass and finish. Love it!!!

To emphasize bench strength, on comes Steve de Ridder for Lallana and he immediately does Carr for skill who hangs onto him and pulls him down. It’s s 2nd yellow all day long but the ref inexplicably lets him off as there is only a few minutes to go. OK, it wouldn’t have benefitted us much in this game but whoever Brum are playing next week might be a bit pissed that he got let off like that. Hopefully they’re playing the Skates and if they are – well played ref.

There is still time for Connolly to be denied what looked like a perfectly good goal by an offside flag which was a shame as he totally deserved a goal for his overall play which was different class. Man of the match in my view. End of the match, 4-1, I say we are top of the league.

There were some seriously large performances all over the pitch today with no one having a bad game. I’ve already mentioned the forwards and I feel that Hammond and Cork totally dominated the midfield and Jose and Jos had Wood and King pretty much in the pocket all game. Hooiveld seemed to be getting his starting position wrong on the headers in the first half but seemed to take a couple of steps back in the 2nd and got much more distance on his clearances. He’s not bad for a Celtic reject and will do us just fine in this division. We had a couple of hairy moments in the full back positions but when you attack as much as we do, that’s always going to happen. 13 home league wins in a row – it doesn’t get much much better than this.

Nigel’s post match picked out Kelvin Davis for praise and rightly so as he was excellent today. I’m not his biggest fan by any stretch but today his handling was excellent and he did what he needed to do at all times. Adam Lallana’s interview was more interesting, pointing out that the players were disappointed to let Birmingham back into it at the start of the 2nd half and that we had to stop giving free kicks away on the edge of the box. Jos Hooiveld acknowledged the same on Twitter as well and apologised for the free kick he gave away for Birmingham’s goal. This is great stuff as it shows they’re not complacent and will sort things out.

There’s a bloke who sits two along from me who during a game is a heart attack waiting to happen. Last year he was very unsure about Nigel Adkins and with about 5 games to go, actually said “if we go up, I’d still replace the manager”. Today it was “everything he said and does, seems to have a touch of genius about it”. You can only laugh really …

We’re in action again on Wednesday night against Preston in the Carling Cup. Expect changes, expect Chappers, Schneiderlin, de Ridder, Martin, Dicko, Bartman, Johnno Pace, expect a closed Itchen Stand, expect no buses, expect it to piss with rain, expect it to be freezing, expect Neil Mellor to score against us and expect Preston manager Phil Brown to have a big tan and be a complete knob.

Carling Cup Round 2 - Southampton 1 Birmingham 2

Cup fever gripped the town again - sort of - as Premiership Birmingham City landed at St.Marys. Saints were shorn of new signings Hammond and Trotman who were cup tied and Schneiderlin and Paterson who were benched. Thomas, Wotton, Murty and Saganowski started the game.

Again, here is the story of the game from the Dublin correspondent, watching Sky Sports in his B&B. Ed Chamberlin is presenting the show and he's a Saints fan. Paul Jewell is the expert summariser watching the Saints game and he's a bell end, a classic case of a decent football player / manager who is absolutely no good whatsoever at being on TV.

For the first half, all I'm hearing is 'It's all Southampton' which is encouraging but the lack of a goal to show for it is less so. 'Should have had a penalty', 'should have scored' etc etc. There are not as many updates from St.Marys as you would normally get because another featured game is West Ham against Millwall and it's all kicking off outside and inside the ground. Quelle surprise.

Half time comes and goes and Saints finally turn pressure into a goal from Lallana. 'Over to St.Marys with more news', says Ed. "Ehhhhhhh, Merty injured like and he don't steh down if 'ees net injered", says Paul in his best scouse. So, Murty is injured and replaced by Simon Midget Gillett which is a blow because Murty is solid as you like but it's nice to see Gillett on the pitch as he was one of the better performers in last years ultimately successful quest to get relegated.

"Ehhhhhhh, if anyone's going to score it'll be Southampton"... says Paul and five minutes later, Birmingham are winning 2-1. "Ehhhhhhhh, goals change games" says the insightful one. One last update as the final whistle goes and that's it, out of the cup, West Ham and Millwall, to the delight of the Met, have gone to extra time so the fans can spend another half and hour beating the crap out of eachother.

As far as Saints are concerned, it sounds like we played really well for all bar the last 10 minutes which is an improvement when you consider the relative strength of the opposition and the changes we had to make in the team. Out of the cup which is a shame but we have bigger fish to fry and that fish is caled Stockport County and we're at Edgley Park on Saturday to play another team who should really have started this season on -10 as well. They went into administration after us but because they got enough points last season, they had 10 deducted from their total then, rather than now so were in effect, not punished in the slightest. Good one...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/league_cup/8222630.stm