Premier League Match 30 - Southampton 1 Crystal Palace 1

 

Big Striker on Pitch, Cross the Ball, Goal - Football is a Simple Game

After a glorious undefeated two-and-a-half weeks since our last game, comes the visit of Crystal Palace to St Mary’s. In recent years has gone by, a game against Palace was always be seen as an opportunity for three points because even if they were better than us in any given season, they were never that much better and there was always the opportunity for JWP to get under Wilfred Zaha’s skin And for Palace not to perform. How things have changed. It would be a major shock if Saints do anything other than lose to Palace today with the relevant trajectories of the two clubs. Since they got over their dodgy start the season, Palace have been in excellent form and have won their last six away games without conceding a goal. Saints have a similar streak in home games but we’ve lost the fucking lot usually, so law will be working down on this game and predicting a Saints win but somehow, I don’t think so.

Palace’s recovery in the second half of the season has coincided with an FA Cup run which on Saturday saw them reach the semi-final at the expense of Fulham. It was a game where Palace didn’t have much possession but when they got some, they were deadly with it with Eze, fresh from scoring his first goal for England a few days before, scoring a brilliant first goal which showed Palace being everything that we are not - direct, incisive and with players with the ability to go past people and having a bit of that ‘end product’ thing never goes amiss. The front three of Eze, Sarr and Mateta are the envy of most in the league and you would be hard pressed to find a better front three much better, anywhere in the division and there are some of the super league clubs who would certainly be better if they had those three Palace attackers instead of what they got.  I’m looking at you Spurs, Manchester United, Chelsea and probably even Arsenal.

It’s not just the attack though. The midfield boasts the excellent pairing of Jefferson Lerma and Adam Walton who is surely destined to go on and have a long England career. At the back they have current England International Mark Guehi and Dean Henderson in goal is not too shabby either. They will face a summer of vultures circling for their top players and it has to be remembered that they lost Michael Olise to Bayern Munich last summer but have still thrived. They are the perfect example of doing it right.

Meanwhile, in our camp, Ivan Juric highlighted the importance in his pre-match press conference of not finishing as the worst Premier League team of all time. Talk about lofty ambitions. Well Ivan, if you are as fucking woeful as you have been so far, then I’d say it’s a game on.  Infuriatingly, he also repeated the mantra that you have to decide on a style of play and then sign players accordingly. Yeah, that’s the long-term view you fucking arsehole but that doesn’t really work if you can’t sign any players and you come into the team mid-season. Every time he opens his mouth, I just want him to shut the fuck up.  Again I’m pondering the age old adage that the manager sets the tone for the team and the team reflects the managers personality. That probably explains why the current state of our team is “meh”.

More usefully he did give a fitness update and Will Smallbone is out but James Bree, Jan Bednarek and THB are all fit and available. I have in my mind an eleven for this game and a formation and I think that the further that we deviate from that, the worse we will be. Needless to say, my formation has a striker in it, it doesn’t have a back three and it doesn’t contain James Bree or any of the other painfully Championship players that we have littered around the squad.

A highlight of many a recent Saints experience is the team announcement, when you can usually decide if there’s going to be any chance of anything positive happening.  Having had the long break, the question was if Ivan Juric had spent the time actually learning anything about his players and there was a cautious thumbs up, when the eleven names became apparent.  The headline for me was Flynn Downes starting alongside Lesley Ugochukwu, which gave hope that the midfield wouldn’t be shit.  Full backs on the correct sides in KWP and Manning and praise the lord above (if you believe in all that), a striker in Tall Paul.

Away we go in front of a relatively sparse crowd.  There are so many visible gaps in all four stands as the combination of an evening kick-off and being shite have made up a lot of peoples minds for them.  Palace work the ball out to Mitchell on the left and he fizzes one into Mateta, who spins past Bednarek and accelerates into space and from 20 yards he fires it it over Ramsdale and we are collectively waiting for the net to bulge… but it hits the bar and bounces down. Fuck me that was close and that would’ve shredded the atmosphere at a stroke.

We begin to grow into the game soon after and Tall Paul holds it up for KWP to burst through the middle but he can’t get a shot away and the ball bounces out to Big Les, who runs at the edge of the box and it pings around a bit before Les lays it back to Fernandes whose shot deflects over for a corner. positive stuff.  Ok, it’s just a corner but we had four players in the box.

Twenty minutes and Fernandes finds Downes and some lovely one touch between THB Downes and Fernandes and the one we desperately want to keep next year, gets his head up and curls a lovely cross onto the forehead of the big man and Tall Paul heads powerfully down in Henderson can only help it into the net. Fuck me, we are winning. The Northam are absolutely on fire with their chants of “We are staying up”, which drew a generous round of applause from the Palace fans as we fly up the ‘As It Stands’ table and we’re now just the 17 points adrift.

Saints Celebrate Flying Up the 'As it Stands' Table.

The Palace response is for Eze to skip across the pitch to the right and find Clyne and his low ball into Mateta sees the big man spin once more and fire in a shot through two defenders and Ramsdale seems to twist in mid-air and pulls off a tremendous safe down low to his left.

Saints finish the half the stronger though as THB chips it down the right wing to where Guehi gets there before Fernandes but the England man fucks up and plays a shit ball across towards Lacroix, but Tall Paul tries to take it first time and drags it wide.

KWP steps in an wins a  tackle to allow Fernandes to break through midfield and he drops his shoulder and is gone past Lerma and Wharton before finding KWP, who has continued his run and his low ball across is too far in front of Tall Paul. The ball eventually comes back in from Sulemana and THB and KWP get each other’s way and Palace clear it.  The attacking intensity has been there today for more or less the first time this season.  Multiple players involved in build-ups and looking to be positive.

Half time and that was decent.  No complaints and thoughts turn to the second half and I just hope that we keep this eleven on the pitch for as long as possible as virtually any substitution is going to weaken things, especially in midfield where Downes and Big Les have been superb and the reason why Palace have looked disjointed.  Eze and Sarr have been anonymous and Mateta’s strength and ability to turn past defenders has really been the only threat.

We try and get on the front foot in the second half and then Sulamana gives the ball away in embarrassing fashion, allowing Sarr to sprint forward and find Eze on the left, but he drags his shot into the side netting.  Sarr has come to life and Clyne finds some space and plays a lovely ball in behind to pick up Sarr’s run but Stephens slides in to execute a perfect tackle to win the ball and not give away a penalty despite Sarr beating the ground in frustration. Brilliant tackle.

Subs are going to be key in the second half and Glasner blinks first with a triple sub, which includes Nketiah coming on for Mateta, which should on the face of it, be a good thing for us.  We then give ourselves some work to do and give the Palace sub a chance, as a terrible back passed by Bednarek is short and Ramsdale has to come flying out at the feet of Nketiah and gets trodden on for his efforts as the ball deflects away for a corner.  Another Palace break and Downes hauls down Eze at the third attempts about thirty yards out and picks up a yellow card and a two-game ban for ten yellows.  Shit.  Of more immediate concern is the free kick but Eze is having a beast of a game and launches it high into the Chapel.

Twenty to go and Big Les is limping and Aribo is on, and the difference is alarming as Joe fails to get to the pace of the game at all and we now look under more pressure.  Manning goes down injured ten minutes later and Welington is on and Juric removes the pace of Sulemana to bring Dibling on and move Fernandes to the left.  The removal of Sulemana sems to bring more pressure as Palace now have no threat in behind to worry about. 

In truth though, despite having more possession now, Palace don’t really look a threat and I’m looking to the side to see how many minutes are to be added as we reach two minutes to go.  There’s a collective gasp as ‘8’ is displayed but to be fair, we’ve been wasting time for thirty minutes so I’m not shocked by that number.

So, ten minutes total left to be played and Ivan feels to need to make more changes. Tall Paul has hit the deck and needs to go off and he has replaced with Cameron Archer but the other one just gives me the shits as Flynn Downes, who has been far and away our best player and the reason why we have looked defensively solid, is going off to re-replaced by the worst defender in the squad, Yuki Sugawara. There then follows a few seconds of carnage as Yuki tries to explain to everybody where they’re supposed to be and the upshot is that Fernandes has dropped back into midfield and Yuki is on the left wing because… I don’t fucking know why.

It takes all of three minutes. Lerma launches in a long throw from our right and THB heads up in the air and then wins the second challenge to head it back to Lerma.  No one really closes him down and he crosses it in and substitute Franca has got himself free to flick a header inside Ramsdale‘s near post.  Fucks sake.  My first instinct was that he scored from exactly the area where Downes would’ve been defending.

Now it’s just a case of whether we’ll lose or not and Dibling gives the ball away in the right back area and Palace work across the top of the box and Nketiah turns and smashes a shot narrowly over the bar. Fucking hell that looked a lot closer than it actually was.  Saints are still trying to win it and there’s one long or throw from THB which is headed away and that’s the end of it.

Final whistle and a point at home. Fucking annoying that it isn’t three, but we would all have taken a point, probably even at half-time. There was a lot that was good about the performance today with Juric employing common sense when picking his team and doing the obvious , namely picking two central midfielders who can both run, tackle and drive the team forward. It was also balanced with KWP on the right and Manning on the left and the returning Jack Stephens gave us the back three from the playoffs from last year so everyone knew what they were doing.  Oh yes, and we had a striker.  

Consequently, we started well and after the narrow escape with Mateta hitting the bar after two minutes, we were a better side for the vast majority of the first half, causing Palace constant problems and eventually taking the lead with Tall Paul’s header. That’s why you pick a striker.  The second half and the fact that it’s now 25 points lost from winning positions, are  illustrations of the fact that even if we get the starting XI more or less right, the substitutes will always kill it and so we should make as few as possible.  Big Les had to come off but his replacement Joe Aribo didn’t get to the pace of the game at all and was a passenger lumbering around in midfield. Suddenly the snap and the pace of the midfield was not quite there with Flynn Downes left to do it on his own. Welington for Manning didn’t make things any weaker but taking Sulemana off for Dibling was a strange one because it took away an outlet and with no pace up front, Palace could step up and also, Tyler does not suit a team trying to play quickly on the break.  Cameron Archer for Tall Paul had to happen because Paul was knackered, but I’m really struggling with the substitution of Downes. 

Flynn was having a great game and he’s banned for the next two games as he’s got ten yellows, and he was still standing up and doing his job so did he really need to come off?  Sugawara coming on and swapping players about and what do you know, an unmarked player in the middle, 1-1.  Juric still doesn’t seem to get that we need runners / tacklers in midfield and he left us for twelve minutes with the pairing of the non-running, tracking or tackling Arrbo and Fernandes, whose strengths certainly lie elsewhere. The area that Downes had been defending on set pieces, just in front of the front post was where the equaliser came from because it was someone else’s job after he went off. In the post-match press conference Juric said that Downes had to come off because of injury.  We’ve got no way of knowing of course but I’m not convinced.  What exactly was he saving him for?

He's Back.  Briefly

Apart from Flynn, who gave the kind of performance that we were hoping he would produce every week when we signed him, there were also excellent contributions from all of the back three with Jack Stephens being the standout. The challenge for Jack will be putting together a run of form to keep him in the side because that’s always been his problem in the past. Capable of the odd good game but never really capable of stringing a run of games together. Bednarek had a couple of dodgy moments on his first game back but was very combative with Mateta and THB was solid also, though he will probably think he should’ve done better with the initial header before Palace scored.  KWP had an excellent game on the right hand side, digging in strongly defensively and driving forward well. We are certainly going to miss him when he goes. Big Les in midfield had an excellent game and seemed to feed off the energy of having Downes next to him.  He won’t make it at Chelsea of course because it’s fairly impossible to do so when you’re competing for a place in a midfield that has two £100 million players and a £50 million player.  I expect to see Big Les at another Premier League club next season and Palace would actually be a good destination for him.

I was talking about doing the obvious thing in relation to the midfield and another obvious obvious thing was playing Tall Paul up front. Yes, he looks clumsy at times and looks like the brain is not sending the signals quickly enough to his feet, but say what you like, it’s four goals in nine games for the big man now which is more than Adam Armstrong has ever scored in a Premier League season and is a very impressive statistic when playing up top on your own in a team as bad as us.

Having had a whole load of time since the last game, the next one away at Spurs comes round very quickly on Sunday. With Wolves playing at Ipswich on Saturday, we could well be mathematically relegated on Sunday if we lose. Hopefully we can take the positives from today into the rest of the season and hopefully Juric won’t deviate too much from the tactics and the team that played today. I expect he will though.

Up the fucking Saints.

Premier League Match 19 - Crystal Palace 2 Southampton 1

 

So This is Refereeing in England?

It’s exactly half-way through the season after today’s game against Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park.  19 games will have been played out of 36 and we will have played every team once.  If we lose this one, we will have just the 6 points - double that and we have 12 and we will not be the worst Premier League team of all time. As seasons objectives go, it’s not a great achievement.  Selhurst Park – I was here for the end of the Great Escape in 1998 when we beat Wimbledon.  This today is of course the start of the Great Escape 2025… is it fuck!

Spoiler Alert - He Didn't Make It

Palace are members of what is being known this season as the Shite Six. No one in the media is calling it that but you know what I mean. It’s the three promoted clubs plus Wolves, Everton and Crystal Palace. The three that go down are going to come from those six teams, so we have to target this game for a win.  At least after the game against West Ham, you feel that we might actually have a chance of winning it.

It shouldn’t have been this way for Palace this season. Last year in the second half of the season under Oliver Glasner, they were excellent and had he been there the entire season, they would probably have been challenging for the European places. As it is they have missed their window somewhat, losing Joakim Andersen and Michael Olise from last years squad and not replacing them with players on the same level. Having said that, Lacroix and Sarr are gradually getting better as are Crystal Palace themselves. They will of course have been delighted recently with a win in the Strange Derby between them and Brighton.

Palace had the gift last season of Jean-Claude Mateta discovering how to score goals and having a physically imposing centre forward who can score 15-ish goals this season is an absolute godsend if you are a team in the bottom half of the league. If Mateta can repeat that this season then Palace will be absolutely fine and whilst he’s not been as prolific as last year, when he probably had, a little bit of an element of surprise about him, he is still doing well enough to suggest that the goals are going to come.

Also in their ranks is one of our ex-players in Nathaniel Clyne, now well into his thirties but a player for us associated with the Pochettino era and one of the first to tread the path from Southampton to Liverpool, when all that shit was going on.  As an aside, it has amused me greatly this week to see another right back, namely Trent Alexander-Arnold being heavily linked with moving to Real Madrid and all the Liverpool fans losing their minds over it. What goes around comes around, twats.

Ivan Juric’s press conferences this week haven’t really given much away as to what team he’s going to put out for Saints today. I imagine it will be largely the same as what played against West Ham with maybe Cameron Archer coming into the mix if he’s fully fit. According to Ivan, Tyler Dibling has been looking tired and that’s why he’s on the bench, which I think is fair enough. It looks like Armel Bella-Kotchap has been given another clean slate and told to get himself fit and get himself back in contention for the team. That guy has so many clean slates, he could tile a bastard roof. I’ve been guilty of being impressed by this in the past and I’ve heard it said a few times recently about ABK being a full German international, but if we drill into that a little bit, he got selected for a World Cup squad and didn’t play and Germany got knocked out by Japan, so maybe being a German squad player isn’t all it was once cracked up to be.  Also, England are higher in the world rankings than Germany at the moment and Lewis Dunk is a full England International.  However, Dunk would walk into Saints current side so I might be arguing myself in circles there.

Team news and it’s a bit of a WTF.  Downes out altogether and Big Les on the bench, meaning that Aribo and Fernandes are the midfield two bringing the intensity required for a Juric team.  Other than Will Smallbone, Joe Aribo is the last player I’d pick to do that.  Bree is in for Sugawara which is just what we want, a right back who wasn’t good enough for us in the Championship.  Armstrong has kept his place and I’m beginning to wonder if he has incriminating photographs from the Sports Republic Christmas Party.

The first quarter of an hour goes by and we are the better side but nothing tangible yet until we win the ball in the centre of the park go right to Dibling and then back across the pitch and until it eventually ends up with KWP and with just the defender in front of him decides to take Munoz on for pace and pisses past him. His pull back finds Armstrong who takes a swing at it and scuffs across goal but fortunately there is Tyler to turn it into the net from just in front of Henderson. Brilliant by KWP, a large slice of luck from Armstrong’s miskick but will take it and 1-0 and the Great Escape 2025 is on…. is it fuck.

The Great Escape 2025 - It's On.... Is it Fuck!

After the restart is still Saints on top with KWP putting in another ball from the left, after a decent burst forward by Woody. The cross is over the top of Tall Paul but ends up with Breezy on the far side and his volley down and into the ground is comfortably claimed by Henderson.

After about twenty minutes, the inevitable happens with Palace getting more dominant in midfield through Hughes and Lerma, with Aribo and Fernandes being unable to stem the tide. Lerma has a blast from the edge of the box which is beaten out by Ramsdale and we survive and then Palace win a corner as Sarr’s attempted cross is blocked by Ramsdale.  Hughes swings in the corner to the near post and it’s all very untidy with Ramsdale picking up a very clear shove off of Mateta and the ball ends up in the net for a combination of Chalobah and THB.  Surely that’s a foul but unbelievably, Michael Salisbury gives the fucking goal, but we are off to VAR.

Hello Michael, Scotty at Stockley Park here.  We’re just checking this goal. What was your on-field decision.  Hard to tell because you did fuck all?

I gave nothing because I’ve got you guys as back up. I just couldn’t be arsed to make a decision in real time.  Been on the piss and am a bit tired.

Yeah, but it matters Michael.

Does it??

Yes you twat, because High Priest Howard Webb told Southampton a few weeks ago that the on-field decision carries weight, which became a thing at half time after we disallowed one of their goals that got given on-field in the first half.

Yeah, but they’ve got a new manager since Wolves now, so we reset don’t we?

Fair point Michael…. but unless the decision is clearly and obviously wrong, we have to go with the on-field decision and you by your own admission, haven’t bastard well made one have you.

So what’s the verdict?

Mateta might have put his hand into Ramsdale‘s ribs and shoved him against the post ... but he's still conscious... and then Chalobah might have climbed all over Harwood-Bellis and held him down... but it's only a light choke hold, so nothing definite.... so we’re gonna give a goal and get Dermot Gallagher, Danny Murphy and all those other cunts to back us up on TV.

Nice one Scotty.

Oh just fuck right off. What’s the fucking point in even trying to compete in these games? Fucking absurd.  In what world is that given as a goal?

Mateta versus Bednarek is becoming a bit of a battle and the Palace giant gets up to flick a ball on, which Sarr takes in his stride and sets off towards goal and his low effort is brilliantly kept out by Ramsdale.  Another corner comes in from Hughes and once again we don’t have a player keeping Mateta off of Ramsdale so it’s more carnage and the ball drops to Lerma at the back post and he tries kind of overhead scissors kick which Ramsdale has to beat away.

Palace nearly take the lead with the next attack as Sarr sends Mitchell away on the left and a lovely low cross is begging to be put in by Munoz at the back post but he, somewhat fortunately for us, manages to hit KWP’s heel as he’s facing the wrong way right in front of the goal.

Half time and it took 20 minutes, but the lightweight midfield has completely come home to roost now and we haven’t had a kick for the last twenty five minutes. We have been reduced to launching long balls to Tall Paul and it’s just not enough to just do that. There has to be some sort of quality on the ball up to him and we have to get some runners around him otherwise he’s got absolutely no chance,  Personally I've stopped caring since the Palace goal.  The Premier League is Fucking Bent.

At the start of the second half we get a free kick in the middle of the park which Fernandes chips forward to Armstrong who feeds it first time out to Bree and his cross is met by THB at the far post but Palace get rid of it for a corner. Apparently, we have had 78 corners this season without scoring and this one is no different.  No set piece coach appointed since the last one pissed off.

Big Les is warming up within two minutes of the restart and it takes a further three to get him on the pitch in place of Joe Aribo, who jogs off faster than he has been getting about the midfield. Meanwhile, Mateta wins a corner and Hughes takes it short this time to Eze and then crosses it in.  It’s headed away by Tall Paul and then played back into the mixer and Munoz hooks it back across. Fernandes tries to take a touch on the edge of the box and Eze seizes on it and smashes it into the bottom corner, giving Ramsdale absolutely no chance at all.  For fuck sake.  Another one for the non-existent set piece coach.

Saints respond pretty well with Big Les finding Fernandes about 25 yards out he takes on three Palace defenders before shooting from more or less the penalty spot, but Henderson helps it over the bar.  Another corner, another failure.

Armstrong and Tall Paul are next to be replaced and on come Archer and Sule-fucking-mana. THB gets done by Eze on the edge of the box and wrestles him to the floor and from the resulting free-kick, Eze a blast it hits the foot on someone in the wall as they jumped and the ball bounces down hits the ground and spoons up over the bar. Fortunate to say the least.

Michael Salisbury the referee hasn’t been useless twat for about twenty minutes but then he decides it’s time and it’s long overdue as Fernandes goes up for a header with five foot two Tyrick Mitchell who doesn’t jump and because Fernandes wins the ball cleanly and Mitchell hits the deck, that of course is a yellow card and Fernandes missing our next game. Well done Michael Salisbury - Useless fucker, to give him his full title.

As we get towards the end, it really should be a time for Palace to get nervous but it’s almost like the bad old days because we look completely done, with no real ideas. Two of our best players, Dibling and KWP are then replaced with Lallana and Manning, but without Tall Paul on the pitch, there really doesn’t seem to be any idea of how to attack.  One last big launch forward by Ramsdale in the 95th minute, headed out and that’s the end of that and another defeat.  The Great Escape 2025 will have to wait for another week at least.

And there you have it. More depressing crap for a number of reasons.  Like West Ham last week, Palace weren’t great, but we have found a way to lose both games through our complete lack of ability to defend set pieces and the second phase from the set piece.  Palace nor West Ham have scored from open play against us but we simply do not react when the initial set piece is cleared.  

Palace‘s first goal today was of course from a set piece as well but that one slightly more complicated because it is yet another shit joke from referee, linesman and VAR. It just makes me feel that the sooner we are out of this league, the better.  Maybe that's what The Great Escape 2025 is about - getting out of this shite league.  I despair at the state the game has got itself into.  I just wish I didn’t have to put up with another five fucking months of it.  In any division of any professional football league, apart from the Premier League, that goal is disallowed a hundred times out of a hundred.  Let’s be honest – it’s disallowed in the Premier League a vast majority of the time but not today.  In the Championship, where we will soon be, the referee sees a coming together between the striker and the goalkeeper and blows the whistle and disallows it.  In the Premier League however, the referees do fuck all, thinking VAR will sort it out, but of course VAR doesn’t sort it out, not today anyway as it just goes with the referees non-decision. Of course, it only does this when it feels like it because it didn’t do this when we played at Wolves the other week, when our goal got disallowed despite being given on the field and then PGMOL insisted that decision was correct.

Here's the Second Foul - Holding and Strangling

We will probably get another apology for this one or another acknowledgement but at the end of the day it’s another complete pile of shit that has gone against us and gifted Palace an equaliser. Also, remember Brighton when they checked the on-field decision, found it was wrong and then went and found something else and that was that Armstrong was interfering with the keeper from fifteen yards away.  I guess that if Arma had thrown him into a post then it would have been allowed.  Also today, let’s not overlook the fact that Chalobah was clearly fouling THB as well and he’s the actual goalscorer. That goal should’ve been a disallowed for two reasons and they found none, probably because they weren’t looking.

However, regardless of the fact it should have been chalked off – it was a shit set up for the corner.  A defender should be moving Mateta away from Ramsdale and because we are so lacking in leaders and thinking, we allowed Mateta a free shove at the keeper for all the remaining Palace corners in the game.  It’s almost as if we don’t have a set piece coach… oh yes, we don’t. Well, we might have, It was Matt Gill at one point and now he’s gone and there was another guy coming in but he needed a work permit and that hasn’t been announced as yet.  Maybe we’ll replace Jason Wilcox one day as well Rasmus.  Just a thought.

Even though they were on top, you can argue that that goal changed the game and of course Palace scored in the second half with another piss-poorly defended free kick as we have cleared it a couple of times before losing the ball and Eze scores. A carbon copy of the West Ham goal in the incompetence of getting the ball clear.

Again, I am very dubious of the substitutions made by the new manager. Limited though he is, our whole attacking philosophy now is based around Tall Paul, so when you take him off, you better have some sort of Plan B, but we didn’t have any. The substitution of Adam Armstrong was amazing as well because even though he had been absolutely embarrassingly absent for 65 minutes, apart from his mis-hit assist, we took him off and replaced him with the only player in the squad guaranteed to do even less in Sule-fucking-mana. If this is to put him in the shop window to encourage teams to buy him then I think we would be better off not playing him because they are more likely to realise that he is absolutely shit.  It’s not his fault alone though that the second half was dreadful and we didn’t test Dean Henderson at all.

Going back to the start, the team selection today was weird. There is no common-sense link between the way Juric wants his midfielders to play and picking Joe Aribo as one of them. We might have got away with it if Flynn Downes or Lesley Ugochukwu had been picked alongside him but Joe and Matty Fernandes was just too lightweight and lacking in intensity and once Palace got a grip of that area of the pitch after about twenty minutes, we were never in it again after that and if you’re making Will Hughes look like a worldbeater, then there is a problem.  I am hoping that Juric is learning quickly and this kind of strangeness will soon stop.

So, halfway through the season and six points. It’s been a fucking nightmare so far and no mistake. The transfer window is upon us now and we have to find players who can make a difference this year and are also happy to play in the Championship next year.  That’s gonna be a difficult sell because we are also going to have to sell being on less money next year despite the damage having been done before you arrived. We have to clear some space in the squad and there are certainly players that we need to see the back of. .I’m guessing that we are going into the New Year knowing that things can only get better because they can’t really get any fucking worse.

Next is Brentford at St Mary’s, a team that has not won an away game all season. I wonder what will happen.

Up the fucking Saints.

Premier League Match 31 - Southampton 0 Crystal Palace 2

 

Saints Voice Panel Address Sport Republic

Here we go again at St.Mary’s in a game that we have to win.  It’s not about the performance, the potential or the process or any other such shit - it is about the result, plain and simple and the result has to be at Southampton win, otherwise our chances of being in the Championship next season go up to about 95%. If Ruben Selles is not looking at the league table and working this out for himself, then he is the only person who isn’t.

Ruben’s seeming lack of appreciation of the situation, which is borne out in both his team selections and the way the team performs on the pitch, almost had me pondering one day last week that he had been given a free pass for the Club to be relegated and for him to have a go at bringing the club back next season.  If however, we go down with the whimper that we have displayed so far, then he is the last person I would want to be masterminding trying to win over half of the games to get us promoted next season.

Today we faced a Palace side who were one of the nine teams in the bottom half of the league who were threatened by relegation a few weeks ago.  They were 12th and we were 20th but there was only four points between us. Now there is 10 points and Palace are not remotely threatened by relegation at all. I don’t think anyone saw such an upturn when Palace appointed Roy Hodgson to succeed Patrick Viera but here we are with Hodgson having masterminded two wins out of two so far. Not only that, the goals have been flowing and not only that, they’ve been flowing without Wilfried Zaha.  In Zaha‘s absence, the creativity in the side has been provided by Michael Olise and Eberechi Eze who have proved what excellent players they are. Apparently, we were in the mix to sign these players when they left their previous clubs but didn’t pursue it, probably because they thought about attacking first, rather than defending.

The weakness in his Palace side is the full backs, with the slots usually being filled by Joel Ward and Tyrick Mitchell who can both be got it. If we are to win this game then we absolutely have to give these to a hard time.  Their 5-1 win at Leeds last week will have I’m sure, sent Ruben Selles into a tailspin, which will probably be reflected in his line-up this afternoon. I wonder how many players we are going to pick for their defensive qualities?

After the game against West Ham where he basically picked 11 players because what they could do against the ball, I am not holding out much hope. Basically, if Che Adams is unfit to return then in my opinion, Paul Onuachu actually has to play…. But I bet he doesn’t. I also hope that Selles doesn’t buy into the fact that Mara and Djenepo were half decent off the bench last week. It’s laughable to see some people big up Djenepo’s case, saying he deserves to start as if one stumbling run past three players makes up for 3 1/2 years of utter shit. However, if you ask me if you would prefer Djenepo or Elyounoussi in the team, then I would go for the Mali magician every time. That’s where we are right now. We are so fucking dismal as an attacking team that I am calling for Moussa Djenepo to start ahead of someone else.

Once more into the breach my friends. It’s shit or bust time.

Team news and oh my lord.  We have made just one change for the Manchester City game.  In one respect it’s good news because Elyounoussi has been left out but that is massively balanced out and then some by the fact that Joe Aribo has been picked instead. Anyone got the slightest fucking idea why? Has he torn it up in some B team games or has he been brilliant in cameos off the bench? I don’t think so. Is Aribo going to add urgency to the team? I really don’t think so. It’s amazing that he’s managed to leave Elyounoussi out of the team and make it worse.  Unless Aribo is playing right up front then we have no strikers again.

The game starts horrifically as Alcaraz hits a ball back towards Bazunu who then decides not to chase it and Maitland-Niles assumes that it’s going to go out on the left hand side but Jordan Ayew keeps running and keeps it in. Ayew cuts in and shoots and it’s deflected to the edge of the box where Cheik Doucoure smashes over the bar. Great start lads, really alert and on it.

Saints eventually start to play and win a corner on the left which JWP rolls into the near post, Walcott comes short and superbly passes the ball into the path of Aribo who lashes it miles over the bar with his favoured left foot. Great corner move with shit execution at the end.

Palace aren’t really offering much at all but the first time they put anything together the ball is chipped over the top to Michael Olise but he does look miles offside as he goes around the goalkeeper easily and scores.  Up goes the flag and no harm done.

Saints are the better side without looking amazing and certainly without testing the goalkeeper.  Walcott gets down the right hand side and slings over a cross. As usual, we don’t really have anyone attacking the ball in the middle but Sulemana comes in from the wider area and Ward has to head it for a corner.   In it comes from JWP more conventionally this time, it’s cleared out to the right hand side of the box where Alcaraz tries a ridiculous volley which is on target but easily caught by Johnstone.

Some more decent build-up sees Walcott hold the ball up for Alcaraz and though he gets run off at the ball, it drops to Sulemana who perfectly picks out Walcott’s run on the right hand side and Theo smashes it over the fucking bar. We’re not gonna have any clearer openings than that.

The last 20 minutes of the first half were played at almost a testimonial pace.  It was hard for Saints to get anything going in an attack because basically there was no one in the middle up front.  Alcaraz was always running into that area and Aribo was jogging up the inside left channel but neither were showing short and so most of the attacks broke down or we had to go backwards.  Considering this is a game we have to win, we cannot afford to have 20 minute spells where we do absolutely fuck all.

Half-time and though Palace have been absolutely there for the taking, we have not done enough.  There is no tempo to our attacks and no real urgency in our play.  No changes at half time though and as is usually the case when you change nothing, nothing much different happens.  Palace have clearly upped the tempo as Hodgson, whilst sucking on a Werther’s Original, has recognized that we are the easiest 3 points imaginable if they step it up.

Ten minutes in and Palace build up their right hand side with Olise finding Eze. He drills it across field to Ayew who controls easily and then just as easily beats the flat-footed Maitland-Niles' completely half-arsed challenge before crossing it into the middle and it all goes tits up because Bazunu just flaps the cross down and Eze has continued his run and is completely unmarked and knocks into an empty net.  Fucks sake. Pathetic.  Ayew’s cross was going nowhere until Bazunu touched it and Eze had not been tracked as he ran into the box by our midfield. We have 35 minutes to score 2 goals.

FPL: Goal - Eze, Assist - Maitland-Niles, Bazunu

Selles brings on Tall Paul and Djenepo in place of the ineffective Walcott and Aribo and we are now 4–2-3-1.  I would call Aribo sluggish but slugs move faster than that.

Palace look much more likely than us and nearly score again courtesy of an incredibly casual bit of defending by Bednarek, who assumes that the ball is going to roll out of play and allows Ward to get his foot to it and pass it across the 6 yard line but luckily no one was running in.

It’s a short-lived reprieve though as Doucoure again easily finds Eze in space about 35 yards out and he skips round Djenepo before drilling a diagonal shot into the far corner giving Baz no chance at all. Two-nil, season over.

We do have a bit of a defiant gurgle as we disappear down the plug hole and the urgency that we should’ve had from the first whistle is now present and it all stems from an Argentinian kid who we signed in January.  Djenepo finds Alcaraz in the inside right channel and he takes aim and smashes a shot past Johnstone and it pings off the inside of the post and comes out.  Two minutes later, a cross into the mixer from Maitland-Niles sees Alcaraz challenge Joel Ward in the air and has the ball bounces off Ward’s back, Alcaraz tries a volley which narrowly flies over the bar. Another shot comes in this little bit of excitement as ABK ventures out from the back and decides to have a go and brings a full-length save out of Johnstone. It’s a decent effort but no goalkeeper should really be beaten from there.  More pressure as Sulemana crosses the ball in at Tall Paul’s knee-height but it deflects up in the air and Onuachu from a standing start, gets his head to it but can only head it straight at the goalkeeper.

With Saints doing all the attacking and actually putting a team under a bit of pressure, the Polo-Neck Prick decides to take off the main player responsible for the resurgence.  Fucking twat.  It was very difficult to not treat the Family Stand to some NSFW language.  Alcaraz and Sulemana off, Stuart Armstrong and Edozie on.  I fucking give up.  Selles is a fucking idiot.

Predictably, the momentum is killed, the balloon is punctured, the boat is holed beneath the water line and the Selles substitutions have taken the pressure off and handed the initiative back to Palace.  As it begins to calm down again and Palace gain a measure of control you see another issue. Tall Paul comes short for the ball when we’ve got it in midfield and everyone’s got so used to there not being anyone there, they just go sideways and backwards.  It’s fucking abysmal.  Either that or the midfielders have decided Paul is shit and they’re not going to give him the ball.

Palace should score again with Olise teeing up Ayew but he smashes it into the Palace fans of the Northam.   ABK picks of a booking for hauling down Olise and from the free kick, Olise smashes it across Baz and it clipped the outside of the post.

Man in Polo-Neck Wonders Why We're Shit

Earlier on, I used the phrase ‘shit or bust’, which kind of means that one side of the equation is good and the other side is bad.  Well not after today. We are officially bust and that was fucking shit. I’m trying not to get angry about it anymore and just find it funny, and it is funny.

We are laughably, pathetically bad. Manager, players, the works. Laughably, pathetically bad. Palace were bad too, especially in the first half but once they scored, due to yet another questionable bit of goalkeeping by Gavin Bazunu, we were absolutely fucking dead. Palace had enough about them to score a second goal and at that point the referee might as well have blown his whistle. We actually played with a little bit of urgency five minutes after the second goal went in and had a few shots but then the architect of our urgency, Charly Alcaraz was substituted, of course he was.   Can’t have Saints playing with any momentum can we.  Ruben Selles is a fucking idiot.

That in fact, was confirmed before the game when the only change he made from the Manchester City game was to leave out Elyounoussi, which was a good move but then he replaced him with fucking Joe Aribo. When your team needs a bit of urgency, the last thing you need is Joe Aribo who is the most casual, laid-back player we have ever had and I’m including Matthew Le Tissier in that.  The difference of course was that Le Tissier was brilliant and he could get away with being casual because he would do something brilliant to win you the game. Joe Aribo is really not going to do that and once the pace of any game that he plays in, has gone above pre-season friendly pace, then guy just hasn’t got it. The great Aribo experiment lasted until the hour mark when both he and Theo Walcott were taken off.  Theo has unfortunately had his two decent games for the season and he once again added very little after the first 20 minutes.

We were actually okay for the first 15 minutes with Sulemana to the fore. We created a few openings down the left-hand side where predictably, Joel Ward was struggling but it soon fizzled out and our strike force of box-to-box midfielder Alcaraz and lying-on-a-deckchair-casual-as-fuck midfielder Aribo didn’t threaten to give Sam Johnstone anything to do.

Afterwards, Selles said that picking an actual striker wouldn’t have made a difference, which is a prick thing to say when you haven’t scored.  After the first 15 minutes we had no one up front for the midfielders to try and pass to, so we of course went sideways and backwards.  In the second half when we did have a striker on, the midfield had stopped looking to pass the ball forward so even when Onuachu came short for a pass on the floor, it never came.

Selles has conned us all with the two victories he got in his first three games. Hindsight shows that they were against a desperately poor Chelsea side and a desperately poor Leicester side who are going to be joining us in the Championship next season unless there’s some sort of miracle in the Midlands.  It’s unlikely as they’ve appointed Dean Smith, in a move that on the face of it, is nearly as bad as our managerial appointments this season.

More madness was that in this game, a game that we had to win, a game that we had to be on the front foot and attacking, he picked KWP on the left, on his wrong side just to accommodate Ainsley Maitland-Niles who couldn’t have been less arsed if he tried.   Perraud can attack and he can score and you’ll always get more out of KWP on the right.  Everyone knows this and so does Selles so we can only assume he wasn’t interested in attacking.  So, aside from giving Aribo a run for his money as the most casual lackadaisical player on the pitch, AMN’s attempt at defending on the first goal was particularly shit.  His fucking nightmare started in the first minute when he didn’t bother to go and chase a ball that he thought was rolling out for a throw and Jordan Ayew put his foot down and kept it in. Absolute fucking joke. Mercifully, Maitland-Niles can’t play next week against Arsenal.

I can’t mention the first goal without talking about Bazunu again.  He has to come out of the side.  I would argue that it is doing him more long-term damage to be left in the side at this point.  Last three games have seen him at fault on goals in all three and today’s effort was pathetic again, just palming it down into the middle of the penalty area.  I know that McCarthy has hardly played all season but get him in the side now, for Bazunu’s long term benefit.  Bazunu isn’t “Angus Gunn” bad, but he needs to come out of the side now.

So who played well? I thought ABK had a decent game and Romeo Lavia did his best when he wasn't losing Eze but virtually everyone else was shit.  Selles eventually threw on Tall Paul but as has become customary, we didn’t put one cross on his head and the only effort he managed on goal was from a shin-high cross that a Palace defender booted straight up in the air. Basically, we have absolutely no idea.  You wouldn’t think it would be too difficult to practice what to do if Paul is on the pitch.  Long balls up to his chest and crosses into the box.  You don’t need coaching badges or a fucking Playbook to work that out.

We are like the monster in your nightmares that won’t fucking die at the moment, or like that troublesome turd that just won’t fucking flush. Shit results for Everton, Forest, Leeds and Leicester mean that the gap is still only four points, so there will still be those looking at the league table thinking that we can get out of it. We are not going to get out of it. We are fucking shit. I would be perfectly happy if Ruben Selles decides that this management lark is not for him and went back to being everyone’s friend as one of the coaches. Put someone else in charge for the rest of the season and get a proper manager in for the Championship.

The thought of having this joker in charge next season is horrendous to be quite honest but do you trust Sport Republic to make the right decision?  League leaders Arsenal away on Friday.  Up the fucking Saints.

FA Cup 3rd Round - Crystal Palace 1 Southampton 2

 

The Magic and Miracle of the FA Cup

After our depressing couple of weeks in the league, maybe the FA Cup will be a respite. It doesn’t help that we’ve been drawn away at Selhurst Park for our annual cup meeting with Crystal Palace. Palace are of course another Premier League side, managed by a Premier League legend. Patrick Vieira’s legend was of course built up as one of the main men in the all conquering Arsenal team under Arsène Wenger.  He also won a World Cup with France of course, as well as playing for Manchester City, Juventus and AC Milan. He took that experience of the Premier League and the top leagues in Europe and began a managerial career which it has included a stint as manager of Nice in the French top division, before taking the Crystal Palace job. Whilst there have been a few bumps in the road, it has to be said that he has made Palace considerably better to the extent that this season, they are very unlikely to be anywhere near the bottom three. All that top level experience…. you see where I’m going with this.

I have not been able to shake off the misery that was inflicted on Wednesday night by Nathan Jones. His simplistic view of football boiled that game down to a mistake by Lyanco and a miss by Che Adams. He doesn’t seem to see the 94 minutes of spirit crushing shit football that we played. Since the game I’ve been thinking more about Sport Republic and their decision to hire Jones. Apparently they weren’t even there on Wednesday night so no one even witnessed the misery that Jones has inflicted on us. If Ankersenn is a football man, like he allegedly is then I fail to see how you could watch that game and be even remotely happy with any of it. The fact that no one was even there is a bit like taking a massive shit in the corner of a room and then leaving it. Turn up and watch what you’ve created, you fuckers.

"I Am Looking Forward to Squinting Into the Floodlights" 

On the other side of the coin, the transfer window saw our first signing in Mislav Orsic, a Croatian attacking midfielder/winger. Whilst he looks brilliant on his YouTube highlight reel (hello Agustin Delgado) the facts are these. The highest level of football has ever played is the Croatian league where there are basically two teams, Hajduk Split and Dinamo Zagreb who we signed him from. At age 30, there is obviously a question mark but he went to the World Cup with Croatia, scored a brilliant goal to win the 3^rd place playoff, depatched a penalty in the shoot-out win against Brazil and also had another assist in a group game.  He only doesn’t start for the national team because he plays the same position as Ivan Perisic.  He obviously has something about him. The mystery is that Nathan Jones is a manager whose past record shows that he doesn’t really want to play with wingers.  I find myself in a strange position of hoping that players are being signed for whoever is next in the hot seat. I imagine that if Jones had his way, the first player through the door would be a 7 foot four centre forward like Shaquille O’Neal or Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

Saints fanbase seems to be pretty united in thinking that Jones has to go already and whilst this is on one hand quite ridiculous after so few games, it is very indicative of just how shit things are looking.  I of course want us to win today but there will be a definite consolation if we get knocked out and put in another shit performance.  Maybe we could have a goal from open play today or maybe even a shot on target. I’m fully expecting Jakim Andersen and Mark Guehi to be heading the ball a lot.

It's another day when I look at the 11 players on the team sheet and have no idea – could be 3 at the back, could be 4.  Palace have gone strong and as far as I can see, it’s just Eze who I would expect to be playing who is on the bench.  Our mate Wilf is playing and as the game starts, it’s apparent that he is directly up against Lyanco, who is right back in a flat 4.  It’s 4-2-3-1 by the look of it, Caleta-Car and Salisu in the middle, JWP and AMN in midfield with Arma, Aribo and Edozie behind Adams.

Zaha clearly fancies his chances against Lyanco and runs at him straight away, cutting onto his right foot before seeing his shot flick off of Caleta-Car and over.  It’s the only excitement of the opening 15 minutes as it’s a shit game with neither team particularly interested in keeping the ball down.

There’s a bit of pinball on the left-hand side as both teams take it in turns to welly it up in the air and one Salisu clearance drops into midfield to the scrote Will Hughes.  He knocks it forward to Zaha who flicks around the corner and Edouard, who gets a lucky bounce to bundle past Caleta-Car and as he reaches the edge of the box he shoots… straight through Bazunu and into the net.  Oh the shock. 1-0 down.

We respond by still being shit and it should be 2-0 to them straight away as Zaha’s flick sends Olise away down the left-hand side and he crosses low along a 6 yard line to wear Jordan Ayew comes flying in and luckily for us, proves how shit it is by hitting the bar from 6 yards. Honestly, we are fucking rubbish.

The attacking play that we legendarily put together against Nottingham Forest comes to the fore again as we attempt a straight hoof up the pitch towards Che, miles over his head and  straight through to Guaita in the Palace goal.  This is a cue for the travelling 3000 to start a chorus of “Nathan Jones, your football is shit“. It’s seriously impressive to be that bad that you get a whole away end who are in the main intent on having a good day out, chanting that.

Nathan Argues with 3000 People Who Think His Football is Shit

Saints win a free kick on the left hand side and as usual, it’s Edozie Taking players on before getting cynically tripped by Ayew. It’s not a great angle for JWP but who can blame him for having a shot and it’s going in but Guaita punches it away. We have actually had a shot on target klaxon.

On the half hour there is the rare occurrence of Joe Aribo actually running with the ball down the left-hand side before he cynically raked by Skate bastard Joel Ward. Absolutely disgusting tackle which he only gets a yellow card for.  I’m not just saying this because he’s Skate bastard but that is the sort of challenge that should be a red card, nowhere near the ball and dangerous.

From about 40 yards out and out wide, JWP curls in the freekick and it’s in a good area and all the Saints players run towards it and Joel Ward, the aforementioned Skate bastard, decides to duck and it bounces once and Guaita has not covered the flight of the free-kick at all and so it nettles in the net. What a fucking weird goal but we will take it.  Thanks very much Joel.

We get to half-time without too many alarms as Palace try and hit back. I think we could all done with AMN’s flick header not being so near to Baz’s right hand post but the good news was, despite being absolute shit for the majority of the first half we get in at 1-1.

The second half starts and something weird happened in that we are now trying to play football.  Palace have a corner which is headed out by Caleta-Car and Perraud send Edozie scampering away at the right hand side he gets to the edge of the penalty area before tries to pick out Adam Armstrong but puts it behind him.  Regardless, it was promising and showed a bit of intent. However, we do have to worry about Palace breaking on us and the ball eventually finds its way out to Zaha on the left hand side.  His shot is blocked by Lyanco before Olise drills it straight at Baz.

On the hour mark we make a substitution with Mara coming on for Adams in what seemed entirely pre-planned.  There is some more decent play on the left-hand side between Aribo and Edozie and AMN is was given the chance to clip a cross into the box which Adam Armstrong flicks his head at and Guaita is forced into a save away to his left. What the fuck is this? We’re actually playing some decent stuff.

Palace have the ball out on the right and Joakim Andersen plays it back to Guaita who is 10 yards outside his penalty area. He takes what can only be described as an abysmally shit touch and gets the ball stuck under his feet allowing Adam Armstrong to get close and then the keeper smacks it off Armstrong and it lands perfectly for the striker to walk into the penalty area and roll it into the net. Fucking hell, we are winning and that’s two completely ridiculous goals that Palace have thrown us.

We Laugh in the Face of Your Long Ball Shit

Palace, who have been really poor since half time put in a bit of effort with Zaha busting past Lyanco on the left hand side but under the slightest of contact from our floundering Serbian Brazilian nightmare, Zaha hits the deck but to be fair he doesn’t really appeal and that’s never going to get given.

KWP has come on so we’ve now gone to the four of the back to try and deal with Zaha down the left wing. Palace have brought on Eze and the two of the combine and Zaha shot again deflects off of Lyanco and loops wide.

Another break out of defence sees JWP find AMN in midfield and a lovely chip over the top sends Mara away and even though we strongly suspect he’s offside, which he is, and he will probably miss, which he does, it again is another confusing episode where we are actually playing football rather than just smashing it up into the floodlights.  It’s almost as if the players know we are better when we pass it.

And with that, the referees had enough and we are through to the fourth round. I never saw that coming.

Bloody hell we won a game but what a strange game.  For the first 20 to 25 minutes we were embarrassingly bad again and Palace took the lead and should’ve scored a second but managed to hit the bar from 6 yards. After we had the gift of the freekick which Joel Ward gets the assist for by leaving it and letting it bounce into the net. In the second half we were relatively decent for most of it without showing any quality and were given another gift by the goalkeeper playing silly bastards and getting tackled by Adam Armstrong. It was a really good bit of pressing and luckily today, it was the one time out of 100 where it pays off.

So we had those two massive bits of luck and other than that I think I remember one shot on target from Armstrong’s flicked header.  We tried to play more football than we did against Forest but that is not exactly difficult, so it just leaves me confused as to why the fuck we played prehistoric football on Wednesday and at least tried to play today. I do wonder if some home truths have been said in the direction of the manager during the week.  Maybe by the players or maybe by the owners.

Not Today Wilf

Jones said in his interview after the game that it had been a tough week and today I think the bottom line is that he has got out of jail with a get out of jail free card being thrown to him by the opposition.  We once again proved that we are much better with a back four and there was an unexpected success right back where Lyanco did a pretty good job against Zaha.  Sure, he got turned inside out a couple of times but that’s gonna happen to everybody and it happened to KWP when he came on for the last 10 minutes.  Lyanco stays in the team because we are a team of soft buggers. He is one of the few with a bit of grunt in his game but of course he is calamity prone so it’s swings and roundabouts. Gavin Bazunu had a relatively quiet game but the goal we conceded didn’t look fantastic and seemed to go right through him.

Duje Caleta-Car had a decent game today and he too has a bit of nasty in him. He is uncomplicated as a defender but that is the sort of performance that I think will keep him in the team with ABK out injured.

In midfield, JWP again did the business when needed. He got caught on the ball a couple of times because there was absolutely no one to pass to and but again he showed his value as a player and captain. Che had another ridiculously tough afternoon upfront competing for scraps with two massive centre backs but it’s Adam Armstrong‘s day with his first goal in fucking ages.

I did notice a touch of humility about Jones in one of his interviews, saying that he too was like Adam Armstrong, decent in the Championship but trying to prove himself in the Premier League. Today’s win and winning goal doesn’t really change my opinion on either of those quests. The players worked incredibly hard today so that’s one thing. They aren’t phoning it in to get rid of the manager.  Jones decided to argue with the assertion that his football is shit, saying that we have to be an up-tempo team so we are going to give the ball away on occasions.  Fuck me!  Deluded.  Why was the ball up in the floodlights for all of Wednesday and 25 minutes of today?

It almost seems like an incidental detail with all the stuff going on around the manager but the 4^th Round draw was made and we got League 1 Blackpool at home, which of course, is another golden chance to progress.

Next up is Manchester City in the Carabao Cup and of course we would be favourites to lose that game whoever was the manager. Ralph always used to do pretty well in these games against City and it’ll be interesting to see if Nathan Jones has got anything that might cause Pep Guardiola any anxieties. It is a bit like taking a pea shooter to a gunfight.

Premier League Match 13 - Crystal Palace 1 Southampton 0

 

Richard - Show Me That Piece of Paper When We Get to Half-Time

An away trip to Selhurst Park where we’ve always had a fairly decent record having one win one draw and one defeat in our last three visits. Of course, all anyone wants to talk about when we play Crystal Palace is Wilfried Zaha and one way or another, he will be at the centre of things today.

Zaha the footballer is ridiculously talented and he of course should by now have moved on to bigger and better things than Crystal Palace but we all know the reason that he hasn’t. On the face of it, he is a prodigiously talented, pacey winger or inside forward and over the past couple of years has added more end product to his game whilst playing for a team that has been mid-table or slightly lower. It was no surprise that last season, his numbers improved with Patrick Vieira as manager, as opposed to Roy Hodgson and I half expected him to move on this summer but once again it didn’t happen.

In the past, Palace have been able to hold him to his long-term contract and ask for a fee of £80m plus, which of course no one was prepared to spend and another couple of years have gone by since then and it seems there’s been no serious interest in a player who is now nearly 30. The major flaw in his game of course is the temperament which can manifest itself in a couple of ways. The first is that he just drifts out of games and you don’t notice him but this is something that he has certainly changed in the last couple of years. The other of course is his tendency to completely lose his shit when provoked. It will be interesting to see if Saints employ some wind up tactics today especially with the possibility of Lyanco being in that area of the pitch as well.

From an attacking point of view, it’s not just Zaha who we have to worry about these days with Eberechi Eze and Michael Olise being decent sources of creativity. Palace are not great in a centre forward position with Odsonne Edouard looking a bit like Christian Benteke part two. Last year of course, Palace had Conor Gallagher in the centre of midfield and they are missing him this season having not brought in a decent replacement for the Chelsea loanee. The central defence is strong with Guehi and Andersson being one of the better combinations outside of the Super League 6 but I feel that the full backs can be got at, Joel Ward because he basically isn’t very good and Tyrick Mitchell because of his slight stature and inexperience.

Saints need to step up in this game as we cannot afford another game against a team who are going to be around us this season to go by, after our dismal showings against Villa, Wolves and Everton.  Two of the managers of those two clubs have since been sacked, which shows you how shit they were and both Bruno Lage and Steven Gerrard masterminded (if that’s the right word) wins against us.  It is about how we play today. In common with us, Palace have also made Frank Lampard look like a managerial genius recently and their defeat was arguably even worse, capitulating 3-0 at Goodison Park last week. Once again, we are facing a team that will be relatively low on confidence so we have to unsettled them early and not do what we did against Wolves and Villa and allow them to grow into the game. Over to you Ralph, we lose or we learn remember.

Well it looks like a Lyanco versus Zaha is happening because we have basically gone with the shape that was successful in the second half against Arsenal so Elyounoussi will be right wing back and Che Adams is fit to return in place of Adam Armstrong.  I can’t help but feel that this is Ralph rewarding players who were decent last week, rather than picking a team for this particular game.  Anyhow, Palace are pretty much as expected with Schlupp and Milivojević being the midfield that we have to get at. If they are allowed to freely get the ball to Zaha, Eze and Olise, then we could be in for a difficult afternoon.

Saints actually start quite well with a JWP corner causing a bit of chaos in the 6 yard box but Palace get away with it. Palace’s first foray forward sees them first to the ball about three times in the centre of midfield before Zaha gets away on the left and his low cross was somehow not turned into the net by the sliding Edouard.

We get another example of the shambles of modern officiating after that as Adams spins away on the halfway line and is allowed to get to the edge of the box and cut inside a very half-arsed challenge from Anderssen before curling a shot onto the outside of the post. Everyone goes ‘oooooh’ but the reason that Anderssen wasn’t arsed becomes abundantly clear when the linesman sticks his flag up after the ball has gone out. Absolutely fucking ridiculous. The replay proves that Adams was the only player in the Palace half when the ball was released so I'm sure the flag dickhead could've flagged that one early.

Zaha vs Lyanco: More Fun in Theory Than In Reality

And then the moment we had all been waiting for happened as Zaha knocked the ball off, time stood still, civilisations rose and fell and then Lyanco battered into the back of him. Yellow card for Lyanco and Zaha has a little kick out and gets a yellow as well, which sees Big Patrick on the sidelines kick off.  Fuck knows why – you kick out at a player then you’re lucky it’s not a red.

We are lucky not to go one down soon after as a long ball forward picks out Edouard who flicks it to Olise, who has made a superb diagonal run off the wing. Back it goes to Edouard and he smashes it into the net. Offside, very narrowly but again a very good indication of what we do not do when we are attacking, in running across the pitch to lose defenders.

It’s a false dawn though as far as keeping a clean sheet is concerned and it doesn’t take long to happen.  JWP and Lyanco play triangles and come away with the ball and then Lyanco dawdles and is knocked off the ball by Zaha.  Zaha runs straight into the vacant centre back area and finds Mitchell overlapping on the left and his cross is easily turn into the nearby Edouard. It looks offside to me at first glance but it isn’t and Palace deservedly lead.

Half-time and Ralph has to correct one of the more obvious team selection fuck ups by taking off Diallo, who has been completely invisible and replacing him with Ainsley Maitland-Niles. Away we go and straight away, Saints are passing the ball better and with more confidence.

Che Adams is of course well known for doing all the hard work.  He does this by controlling a long ball whilst holding off Andersson and then links with JWP and he’s clean through against the keeper with ball on his right foot.  Surely this is there to bend around the keeper and inside the far post but no, straight at Guaita.  Has to score.

We are in the ascendency now despite the miss. Caleta-Car strides our defence and links up with AMN.  Forward we go with the ball eventually being given to Stuart Armstrong on the left and he cuts in and smashes it at the near post but unfortunately, he’s 100% accurate and it hits the near post and we get the consolation of a corner as the ball bounces back off of Ward.

Saints are now actually pressing and what do you know, Palace are making mistakes.  Elyounoussi closes down Mitchell and the ball rebounds into midfield where Adams again does the hard work, flicking it around the corner to Aribo, taking on the return pass and as it opens up on his left foot, again he smashes it straight at the goalkeeper.

There’s another chance with Perraud and Adams teeing up JWP, who smashes it a couple of feet wide.  Fuck.  Here come the subs with Elyounoussi and Perraud making way for Djenepo and Edozie and we go full ‘wingers as wing backs’.  Shit or bust but at least it’s positive.

Palace are butchering chances to put the game to bed with Ayew totally failing to pick out Zaha in the middle and instead finding our one and only defender, AMN.  The new wing-backs get involved fairly quickly and there’s a decent move with a bit of purpose that ends with Edozie getting through on the right hand side and hammering a ball across which more by luck than judgement, Guaita manages to get away from the goal.

Mara is on for Stuart Armstrong and in the 90th minute we build, going back into our own half four times in the process before Djenepo breaks rank and puts over a cross which is speculative at best and Mara heads about 20 yards wide.  That sums us up.  Where’s the urgency?  Where’s the attacking plan?  Full time.

Well, we did exactly what we did in the Wolves and Villa games, thus proving that we didn’t learn when we lost, we just lost and then decided to make the same mistakes in more games. Today’s first half was as bad as we have been all season with absolutely no attacking idea, culminating in us going behind just before half-time. We had a couple of chances wasted at the start of the second half but then kind of period of nothing where we had no urgency and it all finished up in the 90th minute with us just passing the ball about and Palace quite happy with 11 behind the ball and us with no plan of how to get through. You sense that we would’ve passed it around until the referee blew his final whistle but eventually someone thought they’d better actually get the ball into the mixer. Garbage.

So, like the Wolves and Villa game we were passive as shit in the first half and allowed the lacking in confidence opposition to build into the game and go in with a 1-0 half-time lead and we did the same again today. In the second half of the other two games we were a little better without ever really looking like scoring and today was exactly the same.  Yes we missed a couple of chances, one of which should definitely have gone in but “We win or we learn”, my big fat fucking hairy arse.

Ralph ultimately got the team wrong and it was not a surprise to me that he picked as close as he could to the Arsenal second half 11.  He did this last year if you remember when we beat Arsenal and then we went to Burnley in the next match for a completely different assignment against a different style of team and he picked the same team again, played the same way and we stunk the place out.  I think the idea as far as Ralph is concerned is to reward the players who played well last week and there is something in that but there is considerably more in picking a team to beat the specific opposition that you are playing against. Do we really pay Ralph the big bucks to stumble across things that work once and the keep trying them regardless of the opposition?  It was obviously not working in that first half – why wait to half time to change it?  I wonder if it is too much of an ego thing to change a team before half time?

Palace away is different to Arsenal at home.  Palace were there to be got at but we didn’t do that and we didn’t expose their lack of confidence and we allowed them to get the ball to the good players and this is why we end up with yet another defeat against a very average team.

Many Saints fans, myself included were looking forward to the Lyanco against Zaha battle but it occurred to me pretty quickly that whilst they are equally had a chance of getting sent off, if it comes down to actual footballing ability then Zaha is streets ahead. Lyanco did well to not get sent off today but he got totally done for what proved to be the winning goal, losing the ball to Zaha his own half.  His personality is such that you really want him to do well but today wasn't a great day for him and unless he managed to get Zaha sent off without getting sent off himself, it was never going to be.  Not having a proper right back and Lyanco being dragged into wide areas didn't help either.

Overall, the back three weren’t bad but the wing-backs offered little going forward especially.  Elyounoussi I think got one decent ball in the Palace half and that was a blocked tackle.  Perraud struggled to get forward and we got easily bypassed in midfield with Diallo again not providing the positional discipline needed to help make the team function.  AMN had a decent half and is clearly ahead now in terms of being the Romeo Lavia replacement but with Lavia nearing fitness, he can soon be used to cover the right back issue.

Che - Everything but the Finish.

Armstrong and Aribo had nice moments but too few and far between and it was another day where the lack of attacking options after the transfer window came back to bite us again. I’m refusing to have a go at Che Adams because he is by far and away the best that we’ve got and he had a decent game today in terms of everything but that which he is judged on - goals.  When you look at our attacking options to change the game, they are basically Adam Armstrong, Theo Walcott and Sekou Mara. There’s a very good chance that whatever player you take off to bring on one of those three is going to result in a downgrading of the teams attacking threat. And another thing, why did we persist with three at the back, even in the last 10 minutes.

So, last week might of been a step forward as far as Ralph was concerned, today was a great leap backwards in what was a pretty dismal defeat. Next up is Newcastle at home – moaning Eddie Howe and all – we need to turn up, for 90 minutes against a very well organized and energetic Newcastle side.