Premier League Match 22 - Nottingham Forest 3 Southampton 2

Flynn Clearly Upset at Not Getting the Red Card He Wanted

If you just look at how Nottingham Forest have done this season with their recruitment and their performance on the pitch, it’s impossible not to be impressed by the way they’ve gone about things, currently sitting in the Champions League places after fighting relegation in each of the last two seasons.

However, the last two seasons and the way they’ve gone about it, have great significance into where they are right now of course. They are in their third season in the Premier League and the key, as we all know is surviving the first season. The way Forest did this was by spray recruiting over 20 players to bolster their squad for the first season, and it worked and they just about stayed up, whilst we ourselves took the drop.  They clearly overspent in season 1 and got punished for it last season, in season 2, when they were deducted points, what they had gained and the players they had signed in order to stay up the previous season, they managed to comfortably stay up last season as well, even with the deductions.  Such is the gap between the Championship and the Premier League, and the shambles that is the governance of the PSR rules, you do wonder if newly promoted clubs in the future will have a look at this and think it’s a worthwhile tactic.  Anyhow, this brings us to Forest’s brilliantly targeted recruitment this summer, that has seen them flying near the top of the league all season.

When we played them at St Mary’s in our first home game, it was seen as a game against a potential relegation rival. It’s somehow doesn’t seem so bad now that we were shit in that game and lost 1-0.  They play a game by defending deep and hitting teams on the break and it’s been working for them this season so far. The pace on the wings of Anthony Elanga and Callum Hudson-Odoi and the all round ability of Morgan Gibbs White, cause any team problems.  In addition they have that precious commodity, a centre forward who not only occupies defenders but scores goals in Chris Wood.  To get an Indian summer out of a striker who up until this season, had always been a bit of a journeyman, is absolutely solid gold for Forest.

The midfield and defence is strong as well with James Ward-Prowse currently the fifth choice central midfielder and the defensive pairing of Murillo and Malenkovic is as good as anyone.  The full-backs Aina and Neco Williams are strong as well. He won’t win the goalkeeper of the season award but Matz Sels, has certainly been the best that I have seen this season.

There hasn’t been any real news out of Saints this week after the Manchester United implosion.  Today is another game to see whether we’ve learned enough lessons to not get beaten this time around. Somehow I don’t think we’re going to be good enough to get anything today, especially given we’ve had 48 hours less than Forest to recover, which is a joke and another example of TV schedules coming before players, fans and integrity of the league.

Oh look at that – Forest are at full strength and we are not, having to rest Ugochukwu and Sulemana, who would definitely be playing if they were capable.  With Tyler Dibling injured there are three changes with Downes, Archer and Armstrong coming in.  I do not have much faith in that forward line I have to say.

Let Him Shoot Lads, See How That Goes

Away we go and a predictable pattern of us having the ball and going nowhere, with Forest waiting for an opportunity to break.  Ten minutes gone and Forest win a throw out on our right about ten yards in our half.   The ball gets thrown to Gibbs-White who lays it off first time round the corner to Anderson, who has walked away from the sleeping Fernandes and now he accelerates towards the edge of the penalty area with our entire midfield trailing in his wake.  None of the defenders come and close him down so he clearly thinks ‘fuck it I’ll have a go’ and has a shot from the edge of the box which flashes right into the bottom corner of the net. Fucking hell, we are shit.  Ivan is kicking bottles around on the sideline it doesn’t matter how much training and preparation you do if you are going to do something as monumentally shit as not tracking a runner and not closing down.

Another fifteen go by with some more propaganda football from us, which looks pretty but goes nowhere.  There is an opportunity in there by instead of shooting first time, Arma shows off his amazing Premier League first touch and the ball goes behind him.  Downes needlessly gives the ball to Jimmy Champo, who has Bednarek gesturing to him to pass it out to Sugawara, but instead of that he does Jimmy Champo things and plays it straight to Bednarek, who is not expecting it.  One shit touch later and Hudson-Odoi picks up the ball and drives towards the edge of the penalty area and just like the first goal, no fucker goes to close him down and he fizzes and unstoppable shot across Ramsdale into the corner of the net. Fucking wankers.

More propaganda follows until the ball goes up to Chris Wood, who knocks it out to Aina on the right wing. KWP can’t be fucking bothered to get anywhere near him and so allows the cross into the mixer and there is Chris Wood, totally unmarked by all three of our central defenders, rising to nod the ball powerfully down off the turf and beating Ramsdale‘s dive. Fucking wankers, again.  3-0.

KWP at least seems to be trying to make up for his mistake and goes up the left before close control takes him past two players but he drags his shot narrowly wide of Sels near post.  At least we’ve made him at least worry that he might have to do some work.  Time ticks around to 45 minutes and Gibbs-White keeps the ball in by our goal line and over steams Downes, who pulls off what I can only describe as a forearm smash into the Forest skippers’ face.  The ref Anthony Taylor, gives a free-kick and Downes gets a yellow card. Anthony Taylor can hear VAR in his ear.

Anthony, did you see that?

Yeah, overzealous challenge, yellow card, dealt with it.

Are you having a fucking laugh?

What do you mean?

The little blonde cockney twat has basically forearm smashed him in the face without looking at the ball once

Looked perfectly fair to me lad,  I’m the best referee in the country you know, just an honest challenge - a coming together.

I know what you’re doing Anthony.

What?

It’s that Howard Webb directive isn’t it? You know, we’ve given Southampton fuck all this season, so we can even it up now because it doesn’t matter anymore,

That’s right chaps. I fucked them when it mattered, so now they are relegated and have lost today already, we can chuck them a couple of bones, the soft Southern Bastards.

VAR, What Is It Good For?

I have absolutely no fucking idea how that is not a red card but anyway we get to half time without any further damage. That was honestly about as bad as it fucking gets.  The difference between the energy that Forest have got and the desire to cover the ground and the levels that our wankers achieve, is night and day.  We are absolutely shit in both penalty areas and our midfield can only be bothered when we are making our little propaganda passes in the middle of the pitch. Lose the ball and they just jog.

Anyway, Big Les is on at half time to replace Downes, and his suicide mission to get sent off has failed.  We start the second half a bit better but it’s Forest who are the more incisive and Elanga has a free shot from six yards which Ramsdale blocks and the rebound is thumped goalwards by Wood and Ramsdale saves again.

Armstrong and Archer are off after an hour of both being complete wank and are replaced with Sulemana and Tall Paul.  We at last look like we have a bit of purpose in attack and a deep cross comes in from Sugawara, it’s headed down by Tall Paul and Big Les lines one up but it’s going miles wide until it hits Bednarek in the middle and loops over Sels to make it 3-1.  Another goal for our current highest Premier League goal scorer.

Oh hang on, another VAR check…

Anthony, I can see from the first image that Aina’s foot is behind Bednarek when he makes contact with the ball

So it’s a goal then?

Hang on we better draw the lines because the licence for the etch-a-sketch runs out in a week or so, so we better get some use out of it.

[Time goes by, civilisations rise and fall.]

Okay, we’ve drawn the lines and Aina‘s foot clearly plays him onside.

Well done lads.

Straight up the other end go Forest and win a free kick out on the left. Elanga swings it in and Malenkovic heads it straight at Ramsdale but what the fuck is that? Ramsdale has finally been infected by the Saints virus and thrown it into his own net. Fucking hell. 4-1 but hey, ho, we’re off to VAR again.

What are we looking at lads?

Potential offside against Chris Wood, Anthony.

But he didn’t touch the ball.

I know that, but he was stood offside and he went towards the ball and threw himself into the pile of bodies competing for the ball – so I’d say he’s interfering with play, wouldn’t you?

But I’m the best referee in the country and I gave the goal…. Oh ok, so this one is going to get chalked off then?

Yes, but what we have to do is show enough replays and leave enough time so that every commentator in the world can do mental gymnastics and come up with stupid bullshit theories as to why this goal should be allowed.

I’ll go for a piss then while you do that

Hang on, we’re going to send you to the screen.

OK, that makes me look impressive.

Rambo gets lucky.  Once again that took a hell of a long time to give it a decision that was clearly going to be given one way. Call me a conspiracy theorist but they do seem to try and find every possible fucking reason to give the decision against us and with these two, there is absolutely no way that they could.

Forest have brought on a winger who looks like Jack Grealish if you ordered him off of Wish.  Jota Silva is his name and he heads down a ball to Wood about six yards out and he turns into the Wood of old and thighs it over the bar. 

Saints are still in the game somehow as we reach 90 minutes and there are twelve to go, probably due to a combination of VAR reviews and Neco Williams rolling around on the ground for no reason.  We get a free kick out on the right and work it quick to KWP. Who booms in a deep cross and Tall Paul rises majestically and thumps a header towards goal which Sels pushes around the post.  Forest appear to be shitting it now and it’s all us.  A few minutes later, and Sulemana drives down the wing gets past the full-back and hammers it across and Sels pushes it behind for a corner. What did they say about buses, wait ages for one and then two come along at the same time.  It’s the same as goals from corners as in it comes in from Fernandes and Tall Paul has totally lost his marker and absolutely thumps a header into the top corner of the net. The big man has done it last. Get in.

Legend Status Unlocked

They are definitely shitting it now and Nuno is regretting taking Elanga and Gibbs-White off.  Meanwhile, Big Les runs at the right hand side of the Forest defence and gets to the line before his ball across is bundled behind for another corner. In comes the corner again and Bednarek gets up and flicks it goalwards and it’s past the keeper and Aina somehow performs gymnastics to hook the ball off of the goal line. Fuck off. Can’t we even have one fucking game where someone from the opposition doesn’t do something fucking brilliant. Bastard.

As we approach the last minute of the 12, Smallbone goes forward and gets brought down but Anthony Taylor decides that a blatant foul is not a foul and allows Forest to break, which they do straight out the middle of the pitch but in complete contrast to the first half, Big Les gets back to snuff out the danger but all to no avail as the final whistle goes.

Balls… and a mightily relieved stadium of Nottingham Forest supporters breathes a huge sigh of relief for just about holding on against potentially the shittiest team in Premier League history. We saved face in that second half, but ultimately if you are as shit as we were in the first half , then any improvement is basically worth nothing because the game has already gone.

When we talk about Derby in the context of being the worst Premier League team ever, I find it hard to imagine that Derby were as bad as we were in that first half today. Our attack was absolutely fucking useless. Our defence were passive bystanding arseholes and our midfield was okay when they were passing the ball around under no pressure, but when we lost the ball, they were absolutely fucking useless. They seem to be a lack of effort, a lack of desire to run, a lack of fitness and a lack of anything that makes a half decent football team. The first goal was down to the midfield not tracking runners from a throw for fuck sake. The second goal was down to bad decision making and the third goal was down to absolutely no pressure being put on the guy crossing the ball and an unmarked centre forward. in addition to that, we were lucky not to be down in 10 men as VAR again proved it’s uselessness with Flynn Downs getting away with a forearm smash on Morgan Gibbs White.

Lesley Ugochukwu made a huge difference in the second half and we actually started playing.  We also started having some sort of threat upfront when the absolutely fucking useless duo of Armstrong and Archer went off. Archer is a good finisher and Armstrong is usually a willing runner but both of them are so shit at everything else that you need to have as a minimum requirement to be a striker in the Premier League. Sulemana and Tall Paul might just be the stereotypical big guy and quick guy combination, but with Tyler Dibling injured for the next month or so, they certainly put their hands up to be the forwards for the foreseeable future.

Joe Aribo was outstanding against Manchester United and he was outstanding again today and even ended up playing as a central defender as we chased the game. Flynn Downes played with aggression in the first half. The trouble was he was never close enough to any of the Forest players to win a tackle without leaving something on whichever Forest player he clattered into. As I said he was lucky not to get sent off for the challenge on Gibbs White alone but there were three or four others that could easily have bought yellow cards before that.

Defensively there was the calamity for the second goal which has I said, can at least partly be laid at the feet of James Bree who played a dumb pass.  He also winds me up the way he works himself into a crossing position and we have people in the box to hit, and then he turns back and passes it sideways. Wanker. Take a chance and put the ball in the box you never know we might score a goal.

Paul Onuachu’s goal today will probably end up being our highlight of the season. I love goals like that– an absolutely dominant brilliant header from the corner thumping into the net. I am really pleased for him and let’s hope it starts a little run of goals for the big man with Tyler’s injury. He should certainly be given more chances.

I’m going to give Ivan Juric a bit of a pass today because he doesn’t send his team out to make basic shit mistakes and not run like they did in the first half. The only thing I’m criticising him for is leaving Archer and Armstrong on after half time when they should’ve come off straight away at half time and the absolutely pointless introduction of Will Smallbone, who again was a liability when he came on, with his fastest running speed is as usual the same as his average speed. Just jogs about, which is not what you want when you’re trying to build a team with a little bit of intensity in it. 

There was a lot to like about the second half, but because of the first half, Forest were playing within themselves and just trying to see the game out. If you want to clear indication of that then look at the substitutions Nuno was making before our second goal. Yes, it would’ve been nice to catch them out but like with Manchester United last week, this is another ‘nearly’ performance. If we haven’t learnt by now that you’ve got to do it for 90 minutes and doing it for 45 or 75 just isn’t enough, then I doubt this group of players is ever going to learn.

Our quest to get the six points required to not be the shittest team in Premier League history, return to St Mary’s next week where we play Newcastle.  That’ll be easy then.

Premier League Match 2 - Southampton 0 Nottingham Forest 1

 

And then it all went Tits Up When the Game Started

First game back at St Mary’s after a promotion and everyone is hoping that as fans, we give Nottingham Forest, the West Brom treatment. Oh, hang on a minute. The club have dropped a little bit of a bollocks here because they made a big deal about the atmosphere created against West Brom and how brilliant it was and how helpful it was.. but now everyone is being told not to bring the flares and not around at the atmosphere because the club will get a huge fine from the Premier League killjoys. It will be interesting to see if that particular cat can be put back in the bag.

On the pitch and Nottingham Forest is a game that we have to target a win from for at least to pick up our first point of the season. Forest survived a points deduction last season and avoided relegation and will be hoping that under Nuno Espírito Santo, they could be comfortably in mid table and not even in the conversation this season. They opened up last week at home to Bournemouth and were pegged back by an 87th minute equaliser, having taken the lead through blunt instrument Chris Wood. Wood is supported these days by a trio of decent attacking options in Callum Hudson Odoi, Morgan Gibbs White and Anthony Elanga. It could be an open game given the attacking talents on show, or it could be a very cagey effort as both teams realise the importance of not getting beat today.

Another week and another new signing with the arrival of 20-year-old Mateus Fernandes from Sporting Lisbon.  None of the ITK transfer aficionados / bullshit merchants had been linking this one to us until just before it happened.  He will go into direct competition with Will Smallbone and Joe Aribo and it remains to be seen whether, assuming he gets in the team, he can provide the creativity that we are lacking at the moment. With this being in addition to the recent acquisition of Lesley Ugochukwu, we now seem to be very well stocked in midfield, so much so that Shea Charles is 99% certain to be allowed to go on loan to Sheffield Wednesday in the Championship for the season.

The way I feel about Shea is that we have been promoted one season two early for him and that this is a very good move for him, having picked up a fair bit of experience in the Championship last season. Sheffield Wednesday are probably going to be a decent side in that division this year and as long as he gets regular game time, he should improve. The guy has a very high ceiling and this will hopefully be the making of him.

We now have five genuine midfield options for three positions - Downes, Aribo, Smallbone, Fernándes and Ugochukwu. We know that Flynn Downes is going to play as long as he is fit so more often than not it’s going to be two from four.   Maybe not though because in addition to those mentioned, you of course have Adam Lallana and Tyler Dibling which is why I think there’s rumours that are persisting of James Ward-Prowse coming back on loan from West Ham, are bollocks.

The exit door beckoned for Sekou Mara and Strasbourg pulled him through it, throwing us £10 million quid in return. This is virtually what we paid for the player two years ago and in those two years, he hasn’t done enough to suggest he’ll turn any potential into anything worth keeping. I am amazed we have not lost any money on him and it’s definitely a good move for us, for him and it remains to be seen whether it’s a good move for Strasbourg. Sekou had a few flashes of brilliance during his two years at Southampton but the overriding memory will be that of a player who had numerous chances and never really made the most of them. For me, he was always a player who never really looked like he knew the standards that he had to reach every time he stepped on the pitch. When you are a fringe player, every opportunity to step onto the pitch has to be grasped with both hands and at times he just looked like he didn’t have a clue that he had to actually put in some effort. Some of the rare highlights were a very good finish against Manchester City in the Carabao Cup (not his fault but it kept Nathan Jones in a job for a few extra weeks), an FA Cup goal against Watford last year blasted in from about 25 yards and a brilliant through ball in the Premier League in his second game, to give KWP a goal at home to Leeds.

I can’t imagine that this one is going to sting at some point in the future though there is a parallel universe where we wake up and the year is 2032 and Sekou Mara has just broken Olivier Giroud’s long standing French national team goal scoring record. At least he stayed fit enough for us to get him out the door, unlike his fellow chuckle brother, Kamaldeen Sulemana.

Same starting XI for us though hopefully we’ll be playing in a different way to last week and be looking to take the game to Forest.  The ground has changed of course with safe standing in the whole of the Northam End.  It looks decent from the opposite end of the pitch where I am.  The club have really done well there to push past any obstacles and get that done. It’s slightly weird having the away fans off to my left I have to say but as has always been the case in my fifty years of going to football matches, they’ll be quiet if we give them nothing to get excited about.
Here we fucking go - Forest look the more dangerous team from the start with Callum Hudson-Odoi cut it in from the left and finding Williams out on the right.  A quick 1-2 and gets in far too easily and is bearing down on McCarthy from a narrow angle but the keeper blocks it off for a corner. Ben Brereton Diaz has tracked Williams all the way back and he’s closest to him which tells me that all forwards are being detailed to follow the full backs all the way back. Hmmm.

Brereton Diaz gets a chance to run at the right hand side of Forest defence, which he does with purpose and the ball eventually finds its way to KWP on the edge of the box and his shot flicks of a defender and goes over.  The momentum is lost as Will Smallbone picks out the first defender at the near post in a rerun of every corner we had last week. You have to admire Yuki Sugawara’s optimism as his left foot volley lands closer to his Japanese homeland than it does to the back of the net.

Saints are committing bodies forward but lose the ball and a Championship v Premier League difference is highlighted Aina bursts forward from left back, exchanges passes with Hudson Odoi and Bednarek can’t get over quick enough and Aina is away.  He gets to the left-hand edge of the penalty area before chipping it to the back post and Chris Wood could only thump the header straight at McCarthy. I don’t remember Bednarek getting caught out like that once last season and it’s an indicator of the different levels.

More Forest pressure and we repel a couple of crosses before Sangare picks it up 30 yards out and decides to try his luck with McCarthy having to tip it over the bar. Milinković wins the header at the near post and it flicks off of someone and goes for another corner the other side and we don’t defend that one convincingly either as the ball pings around after a couple of missed clearances and Gibbs-White eventually puts it over.

More Forest pressure and another corner and more carnage and the ball is eventually fired into the box by Williams and bounces to Wood on the right of the 6 yard box. He fires it across and there are three Forest players queueing up to tap in but the ball hits the shin of Milinković and goes wide. We are so lucky to get away with that.

Time for a rare attack and KWP gets the ball out on the left and then cuts across the top of the box and works space for a shot before drilling it straight down the goalkeepers throat. It’s a relative positive end to what hasn’t particularly been a positive half but we’ve had a good look at what’s required and the good news is that we are still at 0-0.

I Couldn't Find a Picture of a Forest Centre Back in a Challenge

Half-time in the worrying bit for me is that we have not bothered their central defenders at all Our tactical set up it’s really fucking bizarre because there is absolutely no one playing as a central striker. Like at Newcastle last week, we are trying to score a goal without a number 9 and without a number 10. The two players who are supposed to be our forward players, Adam Armstrong and Ben Brereton Diaz are hardly in the game.

The second half starts quite positively with Brereton Diaz fallen fouled by Sangare’s third attempt at hacking down a Saints player.  KWP eventually gets the ball and does the fast foot shuffle before seeing a shot blocked by a corner. We tried a short corner routine this time which was equally as bad as the corners we have put into the box.

A loose Smallbone pass in midfield sets Forest away towards our goal with Elanga running headlong at the defence before Stephens dives in with an excellent block to take it out for a corner. Defending from all three of our central defenders as largely been excellent but there’s a bit too much pressure coming down on them.  If any team is going to score then it isn’t us.

THB has mixed solid with shaky and he gives a ball away on her right with Hudson Odoi‘s cross being controlled and volleyed by wood and forest win another corner. In it comes from Elanga, headed clear as far as Williams and his shot is blocked.  Aribo should clear it but he’s not strong enough and hits the deck – never a foul.  In it comes again from Hudson Odoi headed down by Gibbs-White, half cleared and straight back to him, fuck, unmarked five yards out.  What an absolutely shit goal.  Aribo should clear it and when the cross comes in to Gibbs-White but when he doesn’t and the cross comes back in, we have six players in the penalty area just ball watching.

20 minutes ago so what have we got.  Adam Armstrong has had one of those games where he just doesn’t look good enough and so off he comes for Sam Edozie and soon after, Sugawara is replaced with Cameron Archer. Like last week Russell leaves all three central defenders on the pitch with Jack Stephens is going to left back.  That lasts one more attack as Elanga gets a run at Stephens and absolutely barbeques him before being crowded out. We just about get away with that one before THB is substituted along with what has become a midfield dead-zone of Smallbone and Aribo.  On comes a proper left back in Charlie Taylor and Mateus Fernandes and Tyler Dibling to get us going forward from midfield rather than sideways.

We now have a presence in the middle of the attack and Stephens brings the ball forward and passes into Archer’s feet.   That’s a first for today.  Out to BBD on the left and more by luck than judgement, we get the ball out to Charlie Taylor and his low cross is inches in front of Archer sliding in. 87 minutes and we finally made Forest sweat a bit.

Six minutes of injury time and we don’t force Sels into a save.  I didn’t even know the keepers name to be honest and I guess those watching on TV around the world wouldn’t know who he was either as he hasn’t done anything.  There doesn’t seem to be any belief in the team that we can score and there’s certainly very little expectation in the crowd.  There’s none from me.  I’ve got pretty good at knowing when it isn’t happening over the years – when you have a lack of players gambling and getting in goalscoring areas, it’s usually not happening…. And that’s the end.

I Will Win This Game Without a 9 or a 10

Breaking the 4^th Wall or whatever here, but I know that I’m going to find it difficult to write this next part.  On the one hand you don’t want to be too negative because it’s the first game back in the Premier League and only the second game of the season.  On the other hand, you have to look at the game in isolation and it really was monumentally shit on all kinds of levels.  So, here goes…

In 2012 when we last got promoted to the Premier League, we lost at Manchester City as expected in the first game and then were at home to Wigan in the first home game and the expectation was there for a performance and a win.  On that day we got outplayed and had a major wake up call with a 2-0 defeat.  Well that was somewhat deflating and today had the same energy. There really wasn’t a lot about that performance that you can put in the positive column. A few individual performances were decent and offered hope, like the appearances of Mateus Fernandes and Tyler Dibling off of the bench and also Cameron Archer giving us a bit of a presence at centre forward. The defence was solid and Flynn Downes was outstanding especially given that Forest midfielders were trying to get him sent off for the moment he got booked towards the end of the first half.  Other than that it was dreadful, to be honest.

I am completely at a loss as to what the fuck that was from a tactical perspective. You are never going to win a game at Premier League level if you don’t have a presence in and around the central defenders of the opposition. I’d love to know how Russell thought we were going to score a goal with our two strikers playing 50 yards apart on either wing. I just don’t understand the logic. I remember Ralph Hasenhüttl talking about the ‘Red Zone’, where statistically, most goals are scored from.  Roughly, the ‘Red Zone’ was central, from the edge of the box to the six-yard line.  Who was going to break into the danger area and get in and around the penalty spot and score a goal? Certainly not BBD or Armstrong as they were too wide and even if the play was on the opposite wing, neither appeared in the centre forward position.  There was no way Aribo or Smallbone have the energy to get there and if they do, they aren’t quick enough to get back. The one midfielder who got in the box was Flynn Downes in the first half and when we lost the ball, Forest counter-attacked with all three of our midfielders completely out of the game.

When you play three at the back with wing-backs, the wing-backs have to supply the width going forward but whenever Sugawara or KWP got forward, they had a striker occupying the place where they would normally run into. In addition to that, you often had one of the number eight midfielders over there as well, so on the left we had KWP, Aribo and BBD all within five or six yards of the touchline.  Adam Armstrong meanwhile, while that was going on, was in between the fullback and the furthest centre back from the ball and there was absolutely no one in the middle…. xG of 0.000000000001… actually it was 0.2

If it was the opposition that had played like that, I’d be saying that they set up for 0-0 from the first whistle but when teams do come and set up for 0-0, they usually have one guy as a central striker and then about 50 yards between him and the midfield.  It might not work but that always have that one guy just to give them a slight hope of nicking a goal. I’ve never seen it done in such a bizarre way as we did it today and I am at a total loss as to how that system was supposed to work and how we were supposed to score.  We are trying to score, without a number 9 and without a number 10 - not even  false 9.  We've played this way in the Getafe friendly and in the opening two league games - no goals and not much sign of one.

Defensively we are okay but we are miles off it as an attacking side. No one wants to be too negative at the start of a season but this is not exactly unexpected given the players we have got at the top end of the pitch. BBD at least ran forward with intent but he needs to be playing nearer to the goal. Joe Aribo put himself about strongly but towards the end of the first half, the game just started passing him by and he ultimately made the mistake that led to the Forest goal.  Will Smallbone did a couple of nice things but otherwise really struggled and he disappeared completely, with his first thought always to play a safety first wall pass straight back to where it came from.  On quite a few occasions, one of the centre backs would break the lines and beat the press and then Will would pass it straight back, bringing any players who were out of the game, right back into it again.  That’s not enough when you are one of the four players nearest to the opposition goal.  The difference when Tyler Dibling came on was remarkable because he is always scanning round looking where the gaps are and looking to drive forward. Both he and Fernandes showed the way to do it.  Maybe not from the start yet but it won’t be long.

Adam Armstrong is a big worry. Russell Martin knows that he is a big worry as well because at 1-0 down, the first substitution was to take him off. Armstrong is supposed to be “The Man” most likely to score us a goal so the fact that he chose to take him off it’s quite telling.  He struggled big time today and over the two games we’ve had so far is done nothing to dispel the fear that he is just not good enough at this level.  Part of it was tactical but he looks to have no confidence in himself and his touch was loose, which you cannot afford to do at Premier League level because better defenders will just take the ball off you.  He needs to get his head round playing in this division and needs to do it quickly.  This season is really his last chance to do it at this level because if he fails this season, it's hard to see him being given another chance by us or anyone else in the top flight.

Basically, we didn’t stretch the Forest defence at all until the introduction of Dibling, Fernandes and Archer. It wasn’t until the 85th minute that the Forest goalkeeper was in anyway extended and that was just to pluck a cross out of the air.  Archer came closest to scoring from Taylor’s driven cross but overall, I didn’t feel like we were going to score at all, in much the same way that I felt up in Newcastle last week. Performances like that at home with zero goal threat against a pretty average Premier League team, are not going to be acceptable going forward.

Forest were okay but nothing more. Surprisingly, they are a bit more expansive than they used to be under Steve Cooper and are very quick on the break with Hudson-Odoi and Elanga. They probably should’ve scored more and would’ve done but from some decent defending. Alex McCarthy was by far the busier of the two goalkeepers and Forest deserved to win and 1-0 flattered us.  Though Forest weren’t brilliant, they were considerably better than any team we played at St Mary‘s in the Championship last season. We are going to play many better teams than them this season and we have to be better ourselves. Russell Martin talks about a lot about bravery but the way we set out today wasn’t brave for a home game against Forest. It was very cautious and remained so until we went behind.

The learning curve is unforgiving in the Premier League but learn we must, all of Sport Republic, Russell Martin and the players.  We have to give ourselves the chance to win games and that is a club wide thing.  Players in, players out, tough decisions to be made by the manager, bravery and standards being better.

So, the last week of the transfer window, a midweek Carabao trip to Cardiff and an away game at the scene of Nathan Jones’ legendary Brentford press conference.

Up the Fucking Saints

Premier League Match 35 - Nottingham Forest 4 Southampton 3

Quick Lads, Just Another 2 Goals and 10 Points needed in 4 minutes

With 10 games to go, I looked at the Games against West Ham, Palace, Bournemouth and today’s game at Nottingham Forest and said that we would need 10 points from those four games to have a chance of staying up. As we have the grand total of fuck all from the first three of those games, I guess we need 10 points today. It’s even worse than it sounds because in those three games against very limited opposition, we haven’t even scored a goal so the omens are not good for today as we take on a Forest side two places and six points above us. It is absolutely bizarre that if we win this game today, we could actually be within three points of four other teams. Everything suggests that we won’t win, however.

The main thing that suggests we won’t win, apart from our form against the weakest sides, is the manager who has in those games, not even been brave enough to pick one striker.  Will the handbrake finally come off today? Has anyone at the club actually realised that we have to win this one?  Selles himself still seems to be completely deluded that things are going okay and that we are building towards getting decent results. At the rate we are improving I would say we will start getting some decent results in about 2027, by which time we will be in the National League South.  Whilst that may seem far-fetched, Selles saying that he intends to be Saints manager for 10 years means that it’s probably a lot more realistic than you would think. Please. God. No.

Elsewhere in Relegationland, Leeds have appointed Sam Allardyce and he presided over his first of four games on Saturday and they were beaten 2–1 at Manchester City. If ever a scoreline doesn’t reflect the game then it’s this because if Manchester City hadn’t been playing Real Madrid in the Champions League on Tuesday and weren’t clearly just doing enough to get over the line today, they would’ve won by six or seven because whatever Fat Sam would have you believe, Leeds were shite and I still have them as favourites to go down with us.

Even if we win today I still don’t think we will have a prayer of staying up because we have to string some results together which we haven’t done for a year and a half but a win today would make it very interesting down the bottom. Forest know that if they win this then there will be one team definitely going down – us, and they will be halfway safe. Lose this and their last three games will suddenly look much more difficult, and they will really be in the shit.  As the game drew near, results from earlier in the day came in with Leicester getting smashed 5-3 at Fulham and Brighton phoning it in against Everton and allowing Everton a mind-bending 5-1 win thanks to some hideous defending.

Saints team news arrived and for once, I’m not wondering who on earth is where and why there are random names involved.  Macca in goal, KWP and AMN at full backs, ABK and Bednarek, Lavia and JWP and what looks like a line of Stuart Armstrong, Alcaraz and Walcott behind Che Adams.  Perraud aside – this is probably our strongest side.

Saints started the game well with the Forest looking nervous. Stuart Armstrong wins the ball on the left-hand side and passes forwards to Walcott running into space in from the right side.  He feeds Adams and he should hit it first time but of course he has to cut in back to his right foot and Felipe makes the block for a corner.

The next 15 minutes are really promising with us dominating possession and looking the better side and then Che Adams gives away a free kick in the Forest left back area which shouldn’t be any cause for alarm. Shouldn’t be really as it’s 80 yards from our goal.

A quick free-kick tapped forward to Gibbs-White who has no Saints player anywhere near him and as usual when you don’t put any pressure on the ball, he just turns and has time to play a ball over the top of the defence to Johnson sprinting away behind Maitland-Niles.  A first time cross and there is Awoniyi to crash into the net as he gets the ball in front of Bednarek who has had to leave his man to mark the player that ABK isn’t marking.  For fucks sake.  1-0.  The other thing to mention about this goal is that McCarthy is doing a very passable impression of a hologram.

Once more, there should be no danger as Alcaraz picks up the ball in the left back position but he dithers with it, rather than clearing it and gets robbed.   When the cross comes in, it causes carnage and Walcott half clears it and then KWP does the same but back it comes and eventually the ball gets knocked for Awoniyi to hold off ABK’s powderpuff challenge and smash it into the net. 20 minutes gone, 2-0 and Championship Here We Come!

Forest attack again down the left-hand side but turn out and start to pass the ball around in midfield and JWP gets a foot in on a heavy touch by Gibbs-White and sends Adams away on the halfway line.  Adams finds Stuart Armstrong on the left and he superbly picks out Alcaraz 6 yards out who passes it into the net. Game on, perhaps.

Now we’re throwing players forward which is all well and good until Armstrong’s pass doesn’t reach AMN on the left.  One pass and Johnson is away and ABK really has to take him out but he tries to outpace him and get shrugged off it and again Bednarek has to come steaming across to bail out his centre back partner.  ABK isn’t getting up because he’s made of biscuits and not for the first time I’m wondering how ABK always manages to get injured when he’s having a shocker of a game and it’s just all a bit too difficult.  That’s four times this season that he’s had to be substituted in the first half of games now.  On comes Lyanco who is definitely not made of biscuits.

As we approach half time, Aurier’s simple throw-in is flicked over his head by Yates and AMN appears to have dealt with the situation but as he goes to clear it Johnson gets a toe to the ball from behind him and AMN boots his foot. There is no way that that’s not going to get given as a penalty and sure enough, there you have it.  I know it’s unlucky because AMN has just gone to kick the ball but it’s somehow typical for a player who is totally unaware of anything that is going on around him

JWP Tries to Argue the Penalty on the Grounds that AMN Never Knows Where Anyone Is

Gibbs-White is on the penalty and I wonder if he knows like I do, that McCarthy is just gonna collapse on the ground at the corner of the goal… Oh yes he does, straight down the middle, 3–1.

Half-time and 3-1 down in a game we have to win.  Well that’s fucked then isn’t it.  Regardless of how you attack, you are going to lose any game where you defend like we have. Absolutely pathetic.

So, relegated though we are, we come out well at the start of the second half and put Forest under a little bit of pressure again and Stuart Armstrong wins a corner out on the left-hand side.  In it comes from JWP and Lyanco muscles his way away from his marker before bulleting a header straight at Navas in the Forest goal and he flaps into the net to give us the slightest hope again. 3–2

Sulemana is on for Walcott and in a season where hope never seems to last very long, it doesn’t again as Saints have the ball twice and twice they try and play it forward, once to Sulemana who loses it because the defender wants it more and then again to Adams who loses it because the defender wants it more and Forest attack down our right hand side with the aid of a lucky deflection the ball finds Johnson in behind AMN who is kind of wandering about and Johnson’s cross is superbly flicked by Gibbs-White into the path of Danilo who crashes it past the hologram to make it 4-2 and it really doesn’t fucking matter anymore does it?

I can’t even be bothered to get annoyed about the latest edition of ‘Selles Subs’, where he changes three players and makes us instantly worse. On comes Tall Paul, Adam Armstrong and Sam Edozie and off go Adams, Stuart Armstrong and Alcaraz.

With Paul on, of course we stop crossing the ball and start taking short corners.  Edozie doesn’t cross the ball because it as he has to do 15 step overs first, but he does find Sulemana, who hammers in a shot from the left-hand side which is shovelled away by Navas.  The rebound falls to Adam Armstrong but instead of smashing it at the goal with a goalkeeper on the ground, he smashes it sideways and it hits Tall Paul on the ankle and bounces off for a goal kick. It’s the best cross he’s been given so far, three inches off the ground.

It looks like another shambles at the back as Gibbs-White takes free-kick on halfway and finds the centre back Felipe on the penalty spot and he knocks into the net and does a somersault and all that shit before it’s confirmed that he’s offside, so he looks a bit of a bell-end.  The offside is more by luck than judgement, with Onuachu being behind the rest of the defensive line.

Having given Forest a somewhat fortuitous penalty at the end of the first half, it’s our turn at the end of the second as Navas pushes a ball out towards Lavia who takes a touch, before being impeded by the clumsy Sam Surridge. It’s as generous as you like from Michael Oliver but there is contact and VAR isn’t gonna overturn it and up steps JWP to smash it down the middle with Navas diving out of the way.

There are still four minutes to go and every time we get the ball there is noticeable nerves from the Forest fans but relax lads, you’re playing against us.  We are now about long balls up to Tall Paul and he brings one down really well on his chest and spins and hits it and wins a corner.  With everybody including the hologram up from the back, the corner is crap and cleared and after 100 minutes, the referee has had enough and so a win that will probably keep Forest up, but a defeat that leaves us eight points plus shite goal difference behind fourth bottom Everton, with three games left. Yep, we’re fucked.  The Saints players look crestfallen at the end.  It's almost as if they finally realise.

They Are Looking at a Fat Lady Singing

Well that’s the end of that then. All you can say about today’s performance is that at least we were entertaining and we at least showed some attacking intent which has been missing for virtually the whole of the season.  It was better than losing 1-0.  It’s too little too late though because of course when we tried to attack, we forgot all about defending. You have to do the basics to be a functioning football team and the defenders have to be able to defend one-on-one and three of our back four just totally gave up the ghost today with only Bednarek standing out as having a decent game.  ABK was absolutely pathetic on the first two Forest goals, being totally unaware of the player who he is supposed to be marking on the first and then getting completely bodied out of the way on the second. It was absolutely no surprise to anybody when he went down injured straight after that and had to go off.

That will probably be the last time we see him in a Southampton shirt.

KWP tried to attack but his defending was all over the place and what the fuck can you say about Maitland Niles? Okay he was playing out of position at left back but fucking hell.  It was hilarious to watch the plan that Cosplay Pep had obviously hatched which was for us to be a Poundshop version of Manchester City using John Stones as the template for Maitland-Niles playing fullback but moving into the centre of midfield when we had the ball. Just what you need when your team can’t do the basics.  The trouble is, as anyone watches Man City will tell you, that whereas John Stones pops the ball around and can pass it short and long, Maitland-Niles it’s just shit. There is a lot of variety in the way he gives the ball away, sometimes overhitting it, sometimes underhitting it, sometimes just passing it straight to an opposition player. I wouldn’t want him in the Championship next season even if it’s a free transfer and he didn’t want any wages.  

The goalkeeper - Gavin Bazunu got deservedly dropped a few games ago but McCarthy put in a hologram of the performance today – four on target, four goals. We really need to move him on next season and buy a better experienced goalkeeper to be number one, not just because of today but because he’s not very good at the end of the day and Baz isn’t ready to be a No 1 yet.

I hadn’t got too many complaints about the way Selles set up the team. It was 4-2-3-1 or 4-3-3 depending on your point of view.   The midfield three of Alcaraz, Lavia and JWP were pretty good, especially in the first half as Stu Armstrong and Theo Walcott both started the game well before fading halfway through the second half.  Aside from the AMN bollocks, the only real criticism I have a Selles today was the substitution at the end, bringing on Adam Armstrong ahead of Sekou Mara. If Adam Armstrong has your answer then you’re clearly not listening to the question, especially as Mara has actually been decent off the bench before.  Selles has waited until we were virtually on life-support before he decided to let the handbrake off a little bit and allow us to attack but it was too little too late and it should have happened two months ago - it’s now 10 games without a win and that is why we are getting relegated.  If this team had been allowed to play this way against Palace, Bournemouth and West Ham to name but three, we might ave got more points than the zero we did get by playing False 9 Cautious bollocks.

Today, we started the game pretty well for 15/20 minutes before the double ABK whammy and once we got back to 2-1, we of course had to score the next goal but the penalty given against AMN killed us just before half-time. Once again, we got back to within one goal with Lyanco’s header but ended up throwing in another one to make it impossible. JWP’s late penalty just made Forest sweat a bit. It was never going to be enough for us.

Fail to beat Fulham next Saturday and it will be mathematically certain and thank fuck for that and it will be over and we can concentrate on the players who actually want to be here next season and who are going to make some sort of positive contribution in turning the Good Ship Southampton around.  It starts of course with the Board who I hope are hard at work lining up people to put in place in the senior positions at the club, so we can at least have a chance of coming straight back.  The manager is clearly the most important of those positions so get it done and let them get to work on next years squad.  Not you Ruben.