World Cup 2014 Part 6 - Samaras Doesn't Dive For Once and Messi Walks on Water

Unbelievably, this isn't a dive.

24/6/14 (Continued)

Group C – Greece 2 Ivory Coast 1

Ivory Coast needed a draw and Greece had to win so it all got interesting when Tiote dawdled about in midfield and Greece nicked the ball and ran though and Samaris scored easily.  Spurred on by actually scoring a goal, Greece nearly scored again as a long ranger from Karagounis hit the bar.  It was all Ivory Coast in the second half and they equalized with 15 minutes to as Gervinho and his forehead set up Bony who couldn’t miss and didn’t. With Ivory Coast one minute from the second round, Samaras takes a tumble in the box under the challenge of Sio.  He’s a cheating diving bastard at the bets of times so I’m sceptical but for once it’s not a dive as the defender has caught his foot as he pulled it back to shoot.  Samaras himself takes the penalty and though Barry goes the right way, it’s over him and in and there’s barely time to kick off.  A national stereotype maybe but I guess there are some serious plates being smashed all over Greece.  It’s had to get away from the impression that they are complete shite though.  The Ivorians really should have finished second – they have far more ability in their ranks than Greece but they haven’t the discipline and seem to cough up ridiculous goals in every game.

Group C – Japan 1 Colombia 4

Colombia emerged from this match looking like one of the favourites to win the whole thing but make no mistake, Japan weren’t very good.  Needing a win to have any chance of going through, they shot themselves in the foot when having shepherded the striker away from goal, Konno dived in and hacked him down.  Penalty, Cuadrado, 1-0.  Japan are ok coming forward though and went close a couple of times before right on half time, Honda cut in from the right and crossed for Okazaki to athletically head past the keeper.  Game on…. But not for long as James Rodriguez (that’s “James” pronounced “Ham-mez”) put Jackson Martinez through to finish with ease.  The same combination put the game to bed in the 80^th minutes with Rodriguez again putting a superb ball through and Martinez turning a defender inside out before scoring with aplomb.  Just tot take the piss in the last minute Rodriguez danced through, turned Saints’ Maya Yoshida inside out and then chipped over the keeper to make it 4-1.  It has to be said that Colombia look bloody good and their game against a Suarez-less Uruguay should see them into the last 8.

You shouldn't put the little bloke on the end

25/6/14

Group F – Bosnia-Herzigovina 3 Iran 1

Iran actually had a shout of going through in the group but it looked to me like they never really believed it.  Bosnia looked to more dangerous from the outset and after having one shot tipped over the bar, Edin Dzeko gave them the lead, arrowing one intot he bottom corbner from 25 yards.  He’s an odd player, part genius, part donkey.  Iran were stung into life and hit the bar but in the second half it was back to Bosnian control and Dzeko slid Pjanic through to roll it under the keeper for 2-0.  With 10 minutes to go Iran got one back as following a bout of pinball from a corner, the man with Reza on his back tapped in following a low cross.  It woke the Bosnians up though and in the last minute they gave the scoreline a more realistic look when Vrsajevic got put away in the same way as Pjanic earlier but on the other side – same result though.  Bosnia are a bit unlucky as the shit decision they got when Dzeko’s perfectly good goal against Nigeria has cost them. They certainly looked good enough to go through from this group and another team, like Iran who play with a real pride in their shirt in exactly the same way that England don’t.

Group F – Nigeria 2 Argentina 3

Let’s face it, Messi is a genius.  He put Argentina ahead when di Maria’s shot came back off the post and could have bounced to anyone but it bounced to Messi about 15 yards out and his rising drive nearly ripped the net off.  For all his attacking genius though, Argentina are ropey as you like in defence and allowed Nigeria to score straight away as Musa picked up the ball on the left, cut inside and smashed a fabulous shot across Romero and intot he far corner.  The rest of the first half was about di Maria shooting from anywhere and Enyeama just about keeping him out but the keeper was rooted on 45 as messi’s 30 yard free kick was clipped over the wall and beautifully into the top corner.  Their lead lasted only a minute longer than last time (though there was half time in the middle) as Nigeria came straight out and played Musa through and again he was absolutely dead-eye to equalize.  The winnign goal owed more than a little bit to good forture as Lavezzi’s corner was flicked on, hot Rojo on the knee and bounced past Enyeama.  Di maria carried on his one man mission to score but couldn’t manage it and Nigeria knew by this time that they wre going through regardless.  I would be amazed if the Argies won the World cup with their defence.  Nigeria will give it a go against France but I can only see them having the one more game.

 Group E – Ecuador 0 France 0

An mainly tedious game between Ecuador who had to win but they weren’t good enough and France who didn’t need to win and didn’t look that bothered.  Squad rotation by the Franch saw Morgan Schneiderlin make a full debut and France were tidy in possession without really letting Ecuador have a sniff.  One Enner Valencia header from a Montero cross was all that Lloris had to deal with and that was easy enough.  The second half wasn’t much better, the main talking point being Antonio Valencia getting sent off for a two footer on Digne.  Phil Neville on commentary managed to watch the incident and say it wasn’t a red about 10 times without mentioning once that he had both feet off the ground and it was dangerous.   These United lads certainly stick together.  Anyway, Ecuador are out now so they can discuss it at their leisure.

Group E – Honduras 0 Switzerland 3

Honduras are a team that won’t be missed but they had one last chance to boost the amount of players in Brazil’s hospitals when they played Switzerland.  The Swiss are nothing remarkable either but they have an outstanding player in Shaquiri who took just 6 minutes to open the scoring, collecting a throw and cutting across the top of the box before lashing a 25 yarder into the far corner.  Brilliant goal.  It was 2-0 on the half hour as the Honduran defence went walkabout and Drmic put Shaquiri though again against the keeper and he was never going to miss.  Honduras had one kicked off the line and it should have been a penalty and a red card against Djourou but it wasn;t given and you knew what was coming next as Drmic got free on the left again, beat his man and laid it on a plate for Shaquiri’s hat-trick.  So the Swiss go through where they’re likely to play Argentina.  If they can defend properly (not pick Senderos) then they may have a squeak but I can’t see it somehow.

World Cup 2014 Part 4 - Iran are better than England.

Suarez points to where Gerrard flicked it on

19/6/14

Group C – Colombia 2 Ivory Coast 1

Colombia looked the better side all the way though this and took the lead in the second half as Rodriguez easily headed in a corner from virtually in front of the keeper.  Ivory Coast again left Drogba on the bench and went 2-0 down when they tried to play out of defence and got caught and Colombia chose the right option and Quintero scored.  Gervinho, with his forehead hidden by a scarf, scoored a bloody good goal to make it 2-1 as he danced through about 4 challenges as he cut in from the left and scored as the keeper didn’t cover himself in glory.  So, Colombia are virtually through but Ivory Coast should still make it as long as they don’t get beaten by Greece.

Group D – England 1 Uruguay 2

It was time to do or die for England and Mr Dynamic picked the same side that played against Italy other than putting Rooney and Sterling in the best positions.  I wanted to see Barkley, Lallana and Shaw from the start to give it a bit more energy but no – same old, same old with Danny Welbeck picked as an attacker, mainly for his defensive ability, in a game we really have to win.  Uruguay had Suarez starting and you have to wonder how fit he is bearing in mind that 4 days ago they didn’t bring him on when they were losing to Costa Rica.  Within 10 minutes you could tell that we were going to be shit.  None of the front 6 looked at the races with Sterling and Sturridge giving the ball away constantly.  Rooney was at least trying and trying to influence things but his touch was awful and he too was just giving it away.  Henderson and Gerrard weren’t providing any legs in the midfield at all and didn’t appear to be helping the attack or the defence.  Fucking rubbish.  We got a free kick on the edge of the box in absolute perfect position for a right footer as Godin picked up a booking for a deliberate handball.  Rooney was going to take it and whilst I’m sure a lot of the nation was on the edge of their seats expecting him to score, I was there with the feeling I used to get when Bradley Wright-Phillips got through on goal.  I knew he’d fucking miss and sure enough, Rooney put it over the bar.  There really is no excuse for not getting it on target you useless squirrel headed granny shagging bastard. Same with the header that he hit the bar with from 2 feet out.

Cavani was working a lot harder than in Uruguay’s last game as a result of partnering the clearly half-fit Suarez but he picked the ball up after Gerrard had given it away and clipped a great ball over Jagielka in exactly the same way that Italy had played one over Cahill and Suarez peeled away and looped a header across Hart and into the net.  Good goal, piss poor defending, bollocks.  New FIFA rules came into play after that as it’s clearly not against the rules to run away from the ball and forearm smash a player in the throat as Godin did to Sturridge.  Give a free kick for a forearm smash but it’s not worth a second yellow.  We fucked up the free kick and went in 1-0 down.

Surely the old fucker is going to get some energy on the pitch at the start of the second half but fucking not a bit of it.  Same XI the start the second half.  I’m sure Gerrard came onto the pitch in a fucking wheelchair with an oxygen mask on.  I’m sure Hodgson has put sedatives in the drinks at half time as we look even more half arsed after the break. Cavani got through and sitefooted a sitter wide of the far post.

Finally, someone on the England bench, probably Gary Neville, realises that we are going to achieve fuck all and makes a change with Sterling being the name pulled out of the hat to come off.  He’s been piss poor but equally, any of the front 6 could have come off.  Barkley is on and what do you know a bit more energy and dynamism and we immediately look a better team.  Rooney had another golden chance as he hammered in a shot from the edge of the box but having made the space he shouldn’t have given Muslera a chance but he pulled off a decent save.

With 15 minutes to go, the pressure paid off as Sturridge produced something for the first time and sent Johnson away who won a tackle and it bounced across the goal and Rooney this time, could not possibly miss and beat Muslera to make it 1-1.  So, a point isn’t bad at the end of the day and at least it gets us into the last game with a bit of a chance.  With 5 minutes to go, Muslera booms a ball forward, Gerrard takes his eye off it and flicks it on straight to Suarez who takes it on and smashes it past Hart to make it 2-1.  What was Gerrard doing?  Where was the centre half covering round? Fuck off.  In exactly the same way as against Germany 4 years ago, we’ve been done by a big boot forward that we’ve allowed to bounce.  I have no words for how shite it is to concede a goal in this way at a World Cup but we’ve done it, twice.  The last 5 minutes produce nothing of note.  Hodgson gives Rickie Lambert 4 minutes in place of Henderson who I had forgotten was playing.  What’s he supposed to do with 4 minutes Roy, you wanker? 

And so it came to pass that we lost. 2 out of 2 and then they start shitting on on TV about how we can still qualify if Italy win every game and then we beat Costa Rica and blah blah fucking blah.  No chance. For starters, we won’t beat Costa Rica.  If we get to that game and we’re not out yet then Hodgson will pick the same team again and wonder why we get the same inept tired bollocks and get beat again.  Let’s face it, it was always going to be difficult but a decent, brave manager would have realised that we needed legs out there.   I can’t believe I’m saying this as he’s such an inept footballer but James Milner would have added more than Gerrard out there today because at least he’d have got about the park. It’s all very well saying we had a young squad – yes we did but not enough of them were on the pitch.  You also had in-form players like Lallana who has had a great season, not being used and players who have been shite like Welbeck picked to start.  Then you have Rooney and our obsession with him and Roy falling into the same trap of every other England manager and picking him regardless and indulging him despite the fact he does nothing to warrant it.  It was actually one of his better games today –  and he was still very average.  Ross Barkley is going to end up like le Tissier – managers would never pick le Tiss and Gazza in the same side and Gazza was always going to be preferred.  The same is going to happen with Barkley and Rooney unless someone has the balls and you know that Roy Hodgson is not going to have the balls.  I’ll finish the England post-mortem after our inevitable exit next Tuesday.  I’m too pissed at the moment.

Group D – Japan 0 Greece 0

Boring.  Couldn’t be arsed to watch this after the England fiasco.  Like England, Two teams that won’t be missed.

The Italians console eachother as only they know how.

20/6/14

Group D – Italy 0 Costa Rica 1

There is something in you subconscious as a football fan that you will hope for any route possible for your team to get through to the next round.  However, relying as we are on an Italian win in this game, I’m really hoping that we are put out of our misery so I don’t have to listen to Chiles quoting mathematical equations on the probability of England going through.  Make no mistake, Italy were terrible but Costa Rica were decent with lots of energy and invention in their play – attributes that are in complete contrast with those of the England team.  They worked out that Pirlo was the best Italian player nd they didn’t give him time on the ball which is hardly a tactical masterstroke but it is one that was beyond Roy Hodgson.  Costa Rica really should have had a penalty just before half time as Chiellini clattered Campbell with the ball in a different post code but not given.  Unreal.... a minute later however they took the lead as Diaz put over a superb cross on the run from the left and Bryan Ruiz, who spent last season getting hounded out of Fulham, rose to head in off the underside of the bar.  Italy were marginally better int he second half without ever looking like scoring and so Costa Rica won and went though, Italy have a winner-take-all game vs Uruguay in which they need a draw... and England are shit and out and Balotelli loses his bet and doesn't get to kiss the Queen - he gets to stick his tongue in Camilla Parker-Bowles instead.

Group E – Switzerland 2 France 5

Laughably, Switzerland are ranked 6 in the world due to FIFA’s stupid system for working out rankings whereby you will rise by playing ropey sides in friendlies or by being Swiss like Sepp Blatter.  No payments have been accepted for this assertion.  Switzerland must have played a lot of ropey sies in friendlies to be ranked above France who tore them apart in the first half and were 3-0 up at half time.  They had this centre forward playing called Olivier Giroud who is no relation to the lump who ponces about up front for Arsenal.  Mind you he was helped by an enforced substitution for the Swiss which saw Phillippe Senderos, possibly the worst defender I’ve ever seen, come on to mark him.  Giroud just constantly bullied the hapless Senderos and rose unmarked to thump in a header from a corner for 1-0.  Within a minute it was two as Matuidi ran through the inside left channel without anyone going to challenge him and scored at Benaglio’s near post.  France managed to miss a penalty after that when Benzema’s poor effort was saved and Cabaye came up with a contender for miss of the  tournament by hitting the bar from the rebound from 5 yards with the keeper nowhere.  Not to be denied though, it was 3-0 just before half time as France broke and Giroud put a perfect pass in for Valbuena to score easily. 4-0 through Benzema and 5-0 when Sissoko took advantage of more shambolic defending.  The Swiss got a couple back as Dzemaili tried a free kick from 40 yards which Benzema stepped over in the wall to give his own keeper no chance and Xhaka scored easily as he beat the offside trap.  It has to be said that France look very very decent indeed but they’ll of course be playing better sides than Honduras and Switzerland.

Group E – Honduras 1 Ecuador 2

Ecuador were the attest team to have to man up against the Honduran kick-to-kill squad.  With both teams having lost their first game, the losers were all but gone.  Honduras took the lead with a goal straight out of the Allardyce coaching manual as a big hoof forward was allowed to bounce and Costly ran through and smashed it in for 1-0.  It was soon all square though as Paredes shanked a shot across the penalty area for the Valencia who’s not the shtty Manchester United one, diverted it in.  Honduras really should have gone back in front but Costly’s header pooled onto the post and Bengtson then tried to claim that he’d scored from the rebound, despite clearly punching the ball in with his forearm, the cheating little bastard.  Euador looked the team most likely in the second half and duly won it when Ayovi swung in a free kick and Enner Valencia once more was the man on the spot to score.  Chances are that both of these teams will be heading out but I’m sure France will rest a few versus Ecuador so you never know.

Safe to say, No Iran fans looked like this.

21/6/13

Group G - Germany 2 Ghana 2

The first half of this was pretty poor as Germany huffed and puffed but Ghana played the better football and so we arrived a half time at 0-0 and maybe Germany aren’t the all conquering super power that they are made out to be.  One thing that will never be in doubt though is that they are lucky bastards as 10 minutes in the second half, Thomas Muller crossed and Gotze scored as he ran in, bollocksed up his header but it hit his knee as it dropped off his face and flew into the net.  Ghana equalised straight away with a proper header from Andre Ayew and we were looking at a very amusing scoreline 10 minutes later as Lahm gave the ball away to Muntari who slipped it through for Gyan who smashed it past Neuer.  Ze Germans never just lie down and give up though and sent on Schweinsteiger and Klose and the latter scored with his first tough from 6 inches out to draw level with the proper Ronaldo in terms of World Cup Finals goals.  It seemed inevitable that ze Germans would go on and win but Ghana held out and got the point they deserved and fair play.  Anything that stalls ze Germans is good news.  Germany will of course go through but Ghana now have a shout if they can beat Portugal.

Group F - Argentina 1 Iran 0

Argentina must have looked at this game when the draw was made and thought it was going to be a slaughter.  Messi and Aguero and di Maria against…. Who exactly? Ashkan Dejagah from relegated Fulham.  The expected massacre didn’t materialize though – Garaty missed a sitter with a header and Aguero should have scored but Iran had their moments on the break suggesting that the Argentine defence is going to be their undoing again as it was 4 years ago under that fat little ‘hand of God’ tosser.  Irn have a player called Ghoochannejhad and on the back of his shirt it says ‘Reza’ so that’ll do from now on.  Anyway, he got in a great header in the second half and Romero had to claw it away as Iran played with a belief and a spirit that made England look embarrassing.  The Argies had their moments mostly through Messi but Iran could so easily have been in front.  There was a penalty should where Zabaleta scraped the top of the ball and his follow through cleaned out Dejagah.  There’s no way that the ref could have seen the brush on the ball so how has he not given that as a pen.  Regardless, Dejagah forced a top drawer save out of Romero again as he attempted a van Persie header over the keeper but he just got his claws to it.  Reza had another chance as he raced away with Romero saving well again but with 93 on the clock, Messi picked up the ball 25 yards out and curled a wonderful shot into the far corner of the net.  They were lucky and they celebrated like they’d just scored against England in a winner-takes-the-Falklands match.  I wish England could play like Iran though.

Group F - Nigeria 1 Bosnia-Herzigovina 0

Two of the more boring teams produced a game which was decent in parts.  Again there was a shocker from a lino as Dzeko was put through, miles onside, only to slot it home and it not be given.  Again it changed the game as Nigeria soon scored as a pull back from the right was slotted in by Odemwingie who was playing for his next transfer.  Bosnian midfielder Pjanic was on a one man mission to get Edin Dzeko a goal but he continued to miss for the rest of the match, capping it all in the last few minutes by scuffing a shot from 8 yards which hit the keepers foot and hit the post.  Nigeria held on and Bosnia are on their way home.

World Cup 2014 Part 2 - Germany in Ruthless Efficiency Shocker

Honduras in Red Card Shocker

15/6/14

Group C – Ivory Coast 2 Japan 1

This is the ghost game of the tournament, played as it was at 2am GMT.  Japan started well and played some nice football and took the lead with a great strike by Keisuke Honda.  Ivory Coast were displaying everything that you’d expect with some awesome pace and power, combined with undisciplined and basically psss-poor defending.  The tide was turning gradually and it seemed a metter of time before the Ivorians scored and it came after half time when a cross from the right by Aurier was powered in by Bony.  A minute later and the game had completely turned around as Aurier played in another superb cross onto the very sizeable forehead of Gervinho whose header should have been kept out by Kawashima but he allowed it to dribble inside the near post.  Nice for Gervinho and his forehead to get a  goal and it turned out to be the winner.

Group E – Switzerland 2 Ecuador 1

I though that this would be a boring cagey affair but it was anything but.  Switzerland (whose presence at Number 6 in the World Rankings prove that the World Rankings are a joke) went behind when they forgot to mark at a free kick and Enner Valencia had a free header which he buried in the same way that he buried the one against England in the warm-up game.  Half time came and went and Switzerland brought on Mehmedi and he managhed to score with his first touch as Ecuador forgot that marking at a coner is kind of essential and a free header from 5 yards is not a good thing to allow.  The second half was end to end with the Swiss having a perfectly legitimate goal ruled out for a non-existent offside.  In the 93^rd minute with both teams still going for it, Ecuador broke up field and Enner Valencia chose the wrong option and lost the ball instead of playing an easy pass. Away went the Swiss and despite a scything attemped foul, the ref allowed Bahrami to play on and two passes later, Seferovic was on hand to sweep it first time into the net.  94^th minute winner and lovely. 

Group E – France 3 Honduras 0

The kick-to-kill Hondurans were up next against France who are a decent outside bet to do well in the tournament despite being robbed of Franck Ribery before the tournament. France were obviously a different class to their opponents and known thug Wilson Palacios managed to kick it all off by smashing into Pogba who retaliated a bit and we had the first 16 man brawl of the tournament.  Back to the football and the game was effectively over just before half time when Palacios brought down Benzema for a penalty and a red card and Benzema picked himself up to score.  France played within themselves, probably trying not to get injured and scored twice more though a horrible bobbly effort that the keeper juggled over the line and a last minute effort from Benzema to get off to a decent start.   The own goal brought a goal awarded by goal line technology but still, even with the ball over the line and proved by technology, Jonathan Pierce was still convinced it wasn’t in.  What a complete cock.

Group F – Argentina 2 Bosnia-Herzegovina 1

Argentina have virtually been given a bye through to the next round but the most difficult of their games was up first as they played Bosnia-Herzigovina.  Within 5 minutes it was even easier as Messi swung in a free kick and Kolasinac stuck it in his own net.  I think you’ll find that Messi is good enough to not need anyone’s help.  Far from being the cakewalk that everyone expected, the rest of the fist half was quite dull but the main man lit up the second as he scampered towards the box, played a 1-2 with Higuain and beat a couple more before firing in off the post.  Again it should have been the queue for more goals and for Argentina to show their dominance but it didn’t and Bosnia pulled one back with 5 to go as Ibisevic poked one through the keepers legs.  No real alarms in the last 5 minutes but maybe Argentina aren’t as good as they are reckoned to be.  Lets hope that they’re average.

Even though it's Germany, it's always amusing when it's Ronaldo

16/6/14

Group G - Germany 4 Portugal 0

Speaking as someone who had a bet on Portugal to win the whole thing, I was looking forward to this game and Ronaldo beating ze Germans on his own.  You expect Germany to be, well Germany but I expected Portugal to have more flair and put up a decent showing.  10 minutes in and Germany score through a Thomas Muller penalty as the Portuguese defence decide it’s much better to grab someone’s arm and throw them over than actually defend properly.  Half an hour in and it’s 2-0 as they allow Hummels a free header from a corner which he buries.  What you want from your big experienced players is for them to stand up and be counted but Ronaldo was missing in action and Pepe first threw an arm in Muller’s face and then just to make sure that the referee did something, he dropped the nut on him when he was on the ground.  Off you go and if the Portuguese manager has any bollocks then he’ll send him home.  Muller is a whiny little bitch and made the most of the challenge but Pepe is a complete asshole and deserves everything he gets. Just as half time approached and Portugal could maybe have regrouped, Bruno Alves tried to clear from inside the box and instead hit it against Muller who turned and smashed in the third.  The second half was damage limitation for Portugal and the sight of Ballon D’Or winner Ronaldo sulking about whenever he lost the ball was a sight to behold.  Brilliant player but a shit attitude.  Ze Germans made it 4-0 and Muller got his hat-trick when he pounced on a rebound after the keeper parried Schurrle’s shot.

Overall, ze Germans looked fucking scary.  The three attacking midfielders in Ozil, Gotze and Muller were unplayable and though I hate to say it, they look superb as a team.  Hope lies in the fact that they’ve started the last couple of tournaments very well before feeling the pressure and blowing it and lets hope they do the same this time and keep up their 18 year trophy drought.  As he left the pitch, Ronaldo ripped off his shirt but he didn’t pull the Mr Muscles pose – I assume because his impending book already has a cover.

Group F - Iran 0 Nigeria 0

Well it had to happen.  Every game so far had had its share of goals and excitement and then we had Iran v Nigeria.  Nigeria has to make the running as Iran defended and that isn’t easy when your midfield fulcrum is John Obi Mikel.  He wears the symbolic No.10 shirt as well which really says ‘I’m the man and I make things happen’ only it doesn’t when you stroll around like it’s all too much effort for you. The less said about this game the better as it was shite.  Nigeria’s main striker is Shola Ameobi for fucks sake and the fact that Nigeria desperately wanted him to declare for them rather than wait for an England call up says it all really.  This was a good point for Iran but piss poor from Nigeria who will struggle to cause Argentina and Bosnia any problems on this showing.

Group G - Ghana 1 USA 2

Whoever loses this is basically out as they have 2 matches to go against Germany and Portugal so it’s important to make a decent start.  I expect that both managers said this to their players as they went out so I expect the Ghana boss was very pissed off when they were playing statues as the USA tore into them and scored after 35 seconds.  Clint Dempsey was the man, he of the contorted face and acting like he’s been shot and imploring the referee every time he’s in a challenge.  Jozy Altidore or to give him his full title, Jozy Altidore, one of the worst players I’ve ever seen, did the US a favour by limping off but not before he’s missed a sitter by drilling at the keeper when he had the whole goal to aim at.  An even first half ended and Ghana dominated after the restart but it took until the 82 minute for them to equalize though Ayew.  Their relief was short lived though as they allowed Brookes to score with a header from a corner and the USA had won – tossers.  The only saving grace is that they are very unlikely to make the next round.  They are of course managed by Jurgen Klinsmann which is another reason to hate them.  He celebrates goals as a manager in the same way he did as a player and whilst it’s good to see passion on the sidelines – he’ll always be the twat who made diving an artform in the 90s.

World Cup Warm Up and the Transfer Request Mystery

It's a Merseyside Wankfest

I was reading all the blogs I wrote for the 2010 World Cup and there were lots of them.  I wondered how I found the time before I remembered that I was unemployed at the time.  So, I’m going to struggle to keep this up but here goes….

As a Saints fan, the build-up to the World Cup has been a painful one.  Rickie Lambert has of course been sold to Liverpool and the bad news (or bad rumours) has just kept on coming as allegedly, Adam Lallana, Luke Shaw and Dejan Lovren have all indicated that they want to leave.  I say allegedly because the news has been drip fed to the world at convenient times and always by the same two journalists – Ben Smith of the British Bollocks Corporation and Neil Ashton of the Daily Bastard.  Who really knows if it’s true or not?  All 3 have allegedly made it known that they want to leave but haven't handed in transfer requests as that means that any 'loyalty' (don't laugh!!!) payments would be withheld.  Forget being a footballer for a minute - I as a human being would not be capable of signing a 5 year contract like Lallana has done and one year later, asking to leave and keep my loyalty payments.  I thought a verbal agreement was binding so why isn't a verbal indication that you want to leave.  In my opinion, if you have verbally indicated that you want to leave then you have in fact handed in a transfer request.  No doubt though, it's all weighted in favour of the players. For now, I'm just sticking my head in the sand on this one and hoping it isn't true.

We are ripe for speculation though as we have no manager at the moment though according to Les Reed, this is a situation that will change shortly.  The main name in the frame is Ronald Koeman who seems to tick every box that you could possibly want to tick – most importantly the ones which concern playing progressive attacking football and working with young players from the academy.  So – it’s not all doom and gloom but for me anyway, it has taken the edge off of the World Cup a bit.  So, we had 3 in the England squad and now we have 2 who both may or may not have played their last games for us. 

Around the other countries we have Dejan with Croatia who is the same and Gaston Raimrez with Uruguay who at least has not been making any noises about leaving as he leaves all that to his agent.  That leaves us with Morgan Schneiderlin who has made the French squad but is of course, on the radar of Arsene bloody Wenger.  Morgan got the call because of an injury to Franck Ribery which means there is one less theatrical diving bastard to wind me up this summer.  Also of course, Maya Yoshida is there with Japan and he’ll definitely be a Saints player next season so maybe we should all follow Japan.

Enough of Southampton for now and we’ve had the England friendlies to keep us entertained – and I use the word 'entertain' lightly.  First up was Peru at home which saw a comfortable 3-0 win with a great goal from Sturridge and two set piece goals from Cahill and Jagielka.  Adam Lallana again played well in this one and Wayne Rooney was garbage.  The side reflected what was thought to be Uncle Roy’s first choice with Henderson in midfield and Welbeck in the side on the left.  Rooney aside, the main nightmare was Glen Johnson who was appalling at right back. 

A flight to Miami later and England were playing Ecuador and the reserves were in the side.  The two defensive midfielders were Lampard and Wilshere and with Jones and Smalling at centre backs and James fuking Milner at right back – is there any wonder that Luke Shaw looked our best defender.  Even he got caught out though as Milner failed to close down, Smalling missed the cross and Luke got caught ball watching as the striker got in front of him and buried the header.  Back came England with Liverpool’s Lambert hotting the post and then Rooney nicked the goal off him from 2 yards out.  2-1 up just after half time as the excellent and exciting Barkley set off on a run, played in Liverpool’s Lambert who smashed it home.  England couldn’t hold on though and a chronic lack of closing down by Lampard and Wilshere resulted in an Ecuadorian sub smashing one in from miles out.  Media darling Raheem Sterling came on as a sub and got himself sent off for a stupid tackle as the game petered out and finished 2-2. 

It served to highlight how shite some of Uncle Roy’s squad picks are.  Milner was fucking horrendous at right back, constantly out of position which you can kind of forgive him for.  However, I can’t forgive him passing the ball five yards straight to the opposition which he did at regular intervals.  That has nothing to do with his position on the field but everything to do with the fact he just isn't very good.  Meanwhile, Nathaniel Clyne sits at home watching on TV.  Chris Smalling gave an object lesson how not the play centre half, continually screwing things up, missing punts downfield from the keeper and being 5 yards behind the other 3 defenders.  Alex Chamberlain played well until he got injured and Ross Barkley was superb.  Hodgson dug him out for giving the ball away but it wasn’t him who perfectly dissected his own defence to set up a chance for Ecuador – no, that was golden child Rooney who is still seen as undroppable and irreplaceable, when he does nothing in an England shirt to warrant it.  Then there was Liverpool’s Lambert – no matter how many times you say it or hear the ITV twat commentators say it – it doesn’t make it any easier.  Saints are never mentioned in connection with him now.  It's like we have been airbrushed from history - it's now Liverpool - rejected - beetroot - lower leagues - England - Liverpool.

The first team were back for the Honduras friendly and the less said about that the better as they tried to kick us off the park.  As a game it was shite and a 0-0 draw but the worrying thing was that Sturridge missed 3 very good chances, one of which was through him deciding to try and Hollywood chip over the keeper, rather than square it for a tap-in.

So – the warm up matches have been played, the stadiums have nearly been completed, the brown envelopes have been stuffed, the corrupt Qatar 2022 vote is being swept under the carpet and Sepp Blatter is still in charge.  It’s time for the World Cup to start.

World Cup Part 10 - The Brazilian Way

She's bored... but who cares

FRIDAY 25th JUNE

Brazil v Portugal was supposed to be the match of the tournament – well it certainly was the most attractive looking fixture in the groups. Trouble is that neither team needed to win and neither team seemed too bothered about winning. In short – it was shit and like a training game. Brazil nearly fluked it in the last minute when a hopelessly off target shot was nearly deflected over the keeper but this would have been an accident. Talking point of the game was when Brazil’s Juan blatantly handled, denying Ronaldo a run on goal. There’s only one decision available to the ref at this point and it’s a red card… but he bottled it and went for yellow so I hope it’s his last game. A sending off at that point may have made it interesting but as it was…. Boredom and apathy. Brazil had rested a couple and the players who came in looked very very ordinary… Julio Baptista… he was average years ago when he played for Arsenal. On the sideline, Dunga was doing his nut and Carlos Queiroz was standing there, smug personified. I don't like him and this comes from the year he spent doing Sir Alex's post match interviews for him.

There were some losers as a result of the bore draw, other than the fans who’d paid to watch. They were the Ivory Coast who needed a Brazil win and a goal avalanche against North Korea to get them thorough. They won 3-0 but it didn’t matter, though there was a fantastic piece and control and shot from Drogba which led directly to the 2nd goal.

The last group to be finished saw Spain v Chile and Switzerland v Honduras. Despite havnig won their opening two games, Chile were vulnerable as if they lost, Switzerland only needed to beat Honduras by two goals. Spain had to win to make sure of progressing and they got a decent start on 25 minutes when the keeper came out and tackled Torres on the edge of the box and the clearance fell straight to David Villa who thumped it back first time into the empty net from 40 yards. Pardon my ignorance but why does David Villa have 'DAVID VILLA' on the back of his shirt and not just 'VILLA' ? Anyhow, 2-0 quarter of an hour later as Inesta passed in a lovely shot rom the edge of the box. In the build up to this goal, Torres had been tripped off the ball by a Chilean defender who had already been booked so 2-0 and 10 men. Chile got one back after half time when Millar's shot was deflected by Pique but around the hour mark, with the other game still being 0-0, everyone seemed to settle for a 2-1 win for Spain and it all went to shit and keep ball broke out. Spain are pretty good at keeping the ball anyway but they're especially good at keeping it in their half when all the Chileans are in their own half. Pretty bloody poor really.

So, Spain won 2-1 and the bloody boring Swiss couldn't manage a goal against honduras and drew 0-0 meaning Spain and Chile deservedly go through and now we know the last 16. My predictions are as follows...

1. Uruguay to beat South Korea 2-0 - with Forlan and Suarez up front, Uruguay have the firepower to dispose of South Korea who both score and let in quite a few. Don't think much of the Koreans who were lucky they had the truly dreadful Greeks and Nigerians in their group.
2. Ghana to beat USA on penalties after a 1-1 draw - maybe I'm being a bit optimistic here because Ghana have only scored two goals and both of them were penalties. I think I just don't want the USA getting into the last 8 and it would be cool if an African team kept going.
3. Holland to beat Slovakia by more than two- as close to a 'gimme' as you're going to get. The Dutch haven't been tested defensively as yet and they won't here either.
4. Brazil to beat Chile - but only just. Brazil won't be as bad as today but the Chileans have a lot of talent and are a little unhinged so I predict a riot. The return of man city reject, Robinho and Elano should make Brazil function better, as will the return of that Kaka bloke.
5. Argentina to beat Mexico 3-0- the Argies are just too strong. Mexico are a tidy side but I can see them getting blown away here. Messi hasn't scored yet, bet he does here....
6. England to beat Germany 2-1 - they're not great and I'm sure we won't go in with an inferiority complex. The same staring XI as the Slovenia game should see us nick this one. Like Messi, Rooney is waiting to go. Hopefully, stupid, burnt out England will kick and rush their way into the quarter finals. This last sentence brough to you by Franz Beckenbauer (who is now in 'damage limitation' mode).
7. Japan to beat Paraguay 1-0 - though Paraguay play some decent stuff, I see Japan winning as they have more of a cutting edge up front with Honda and Endo and Paraguay need 15 chances to score a goal.
8. Spain to beat Portugal 1-0 and that Ronaldo ponce to be blubbing like a baby at the end. Portugal have not shown that they can attack against anyone other than North Korea and I expect them to be rally cagey... and lose.

So - my predicted quarter finals are... Uruguay v Ghana, Holland v Brazil, Argentina v England and Japan v Spain

World Cup Part 6 - Fabio takes no Shit

...and the winner by TKO is...

...the Italian Stallion..... Fabio Capello

MONDAY 21st JUNE

The return of the winker that is Christiano Ronaldo as Portugal took on the inscrutable North Koreans. The first half was a contest with Portugal going in 1-0 up through a goal from Mereiles. In the second half, North Korea made the mistake of trying to get back into it and soon found themselves 4-0 down before falling apart completely and ending up getting dicked 7-0. Pretty boy managed a goal as he tackled the keeper, got lucky as the ball came down on the back of his neck before he nonchalantly volleyed it in. The bloke is a genius but he has a face you would never tire of punching. North Korea out and have fun explaining that one to your leader, chaps.

Chile were up next against Switzerland who made things hard for themselves by going down to 10 men on the half hour when West Ham’s Bahrami, swung a couple of stiff arms in quick succession which was all the referee needed to send him on his way. Switzerland, because they are the most unambitious and defensive team in earth, managed to hold out with 10 men for ages before Mark Gonzalez (another of Rafa’s buys that didn’t quite work out) headed in the winner. Chile continued peppering the goal but couldn’t put it to bed and the Swiss had a glorious chance to snactch a draw I the last minute but their centre forward missed an open goal from about 8 yards. Dreadful, dreadful miss. Chile for their part look like Paraguay did last night, great going forward but wasteful.

Spain were up next against Honduras and this was a run of the mill 2-0 victory with both goals from David Villa who really should have been sent off for a bit of a gay slap as at defender. It is was in an English league game, he’d get a retrospective red card as the ref didn’t see it so it will be interesting to see if he gets banned here. The Honduran defender went down a good 8 seconds after the contact which was hilarious and pathetic in equal measure. Villa also managed to miss a penalty as well but it didn’t matter as Spain knew they had done enough. If they beat Chile in the final game then they will go through as they will be above the Chileans on 6 points. However, Switzerland will no doubt beat Honduras so it’ll probably be three teams on 6 points and I’d say that Chile will be the vulnerable ones despite having won their two games so far. What is ironic is that Chile or Switzerland could go out with 6 points whereas England, USA and Italy could go through with 3. I think Chile v Spain will be a brilliant game and if Chile get a point then Spain are going home…

Oh yeah, the soap operas of France and England… word is coming out of the French camp that some players may refuse to play against South Africa…. For me, if that happens then France should be thrown out of the 2014 World Cup. More importantly and less surprisingly, Fabio Capello has firmly dismissed the hysteria brought up by John Terry’s press conference yesterday. He confirmed that it was just John Terry and none of the other players, basically shooting his mouth off and it’s a ‘big mistake’ to do this in public. Oh to be a fly on the wall when he speaks to JT….. Personally I think Terry will have done the camp some good with his outburst – at the end of the day he wants to win and I don’t really know why but it has made me more confident than I was, that victory will be achieved on Wednesday and we’ll squeak through….but I feel that Capello has won this particular battle and reasserted his authority completely. The media will be in meltdown until Wednesday though and tomorrow’s papers will be worth avoiding. The Daily Mail today used the word ‘Mutiny’, thus keeping up their 100% record when it comes to being completely fucking wrong.

World Cup Part 3 - Allez les Bleus

Hey Shorty, France are shit !!!

WEDNESDAY 16th JUNE

The final games of the first round of matches take place today with Honduras facing Chile, two teams who I knew nothing about. Chile have been tipped by many to be a surprise package and they certainly played some good stuff, battering Honduras for pretty much the whole match but only winning 1-0. They play an almost Spanish style of football so it should be good to watch when the two teams meet in their group. Today though, Spain were playing Switzerland and set about them in their usual way of pass, pass, pass and you’re not having it. I’m sure the possession stats at one point showed Spain with 104% but despite all this, all they didn’t test the keeper in the first half. Alan Shearer, Lee Dixon and Clarence Seedorf were all confidently predicting a Spain win, ‘matter of time’ and all that so they must have been amused to see the Swiss take the lead after 52 minutes with a goal that involved a cartwheel, a kick in the head, bodies everywhere and a toe poke finish from 3 yards. Spain continued to play some beautiful football but the closest they got was Xavi Alonso smashing a shot onto the bar. It was a strange effort for this World Cup in that it was from outside the box and he managed to hit it properly and not send it into orbit or bobble it along the ground. It must be the ball that’s causing this but maybe players are getting the hang of it. Anyhow – the Swiss held on for 1-0 to prove what you can achieve with hard work. Spain should still be ok as they’ll beat Honduras and should beat Chile but I reckon the Chileans will give them a scare. Spain will do well to win the group now so if they go through as second place, are likely to play Brazil in the 2nd Round.

South Africa played Uruguay in the first of the 2nd round of matches and got hammered. As I said earlier, I’m wanting them to go out and this has virtually done for them. 1-0 down to a deflected Forlan effort and being outplayed, their keeper hacked down Suarez, the Uruguay forward who looks about 12. Penalty, red card, five minute delay whilst new keeper puts his boots and gloves on, Forlan, 2-0, Good night South Africa and the fucking horns fell silent for a minute if blissful silence. Salt was rubbed in the wound in the 94th minute with a 3rd goal was bundled in. Diego Forlan looks a great player, the complete opposite of what he looked in his years at Man Utd. All Saints fans remember his first goal for them which was of course, against us when he ripped his shirt off and won the ball back whilst trying to put his shirt back on.

So, Uruguay now have 4 points, South Africa, France and Mexico 1. What we need is Mexico to beat France tomorrow and then Uruguay and Mexico can hold hands for 90 minutes and draw 0-0 which would eliminate both France and South Africa. As cunning plans go, it’s pretty cunning.

So, everyone’s played once and the best so far…. Germany, the worst….. France.

THURSDAY 17th JUNE

Today is the day that the World Cup actually got intertesting as decent football broke out, especially in the Argentina v South Korea match, though it has to be said that a lot of this was down to abysmal defending. Gonzalo Higuain scored a hat-trick from a combined distance of 4 yards in addition to a comedy own goal and Korea’s goal was down to an Argie giving them the ball ten yards out and asking them to have a shot. All cameras again were on Diego Cocaine on the sidelines and much though I dislike the little bastard, his press conferences are amusing. He followed up his assertion that his players could have sex as long as the women did all the work by telling the world that his girlfriend was 31, blonde and beautiful.

Greece and Nigeria were producing one of those games that is mind buggeringly dreadful until one of the Nigerians, in a dispute over a throw in, decided the best way to sort it out was to boot the Greek player in the thigh, right in front of the referee. Off you go and even a plea of temporary insanity won’t save you pal. Nigeria were 1-0 up at the time but Greece soon equalized with a big defletion before winning it in the second half with a Jubulani goal. A shot was thumped in from the edge of the box and was heading to the keepers left until is suddenly diverted and hit his hand just in front of his right knee. The rebound was not kind and so Greece won 2-1 and now have a very decent chance of going through, unlike Nigeria who need a miracle.
Also needing a miracle are plucky France who despite being overwhelming underdogs against Mexico, managed to keep the score down to 2-0 is a display of passion, spirit and determination. The determination and steel of Evra and Gallas, the world class ability of Abidal,Gignac and Govou. To be honest, France were completely consistent with their first match – absolutely dreadful with no team spirit, hence at the end, all the remaining players warming up miles away from the bench so Raymond Domenech Football Genius couldn’t have put them on, even if he’d wanted to. Mexico on the other hand were pretty handy with a goal from Hernandez and a penalty from Blanco who looks the same age and weight as me (41 and 15 stone). The penalty was hilarious – Barrera ran at the defence, Evra gave up and just let him run into the box where he waited until Abidal dived in like a twat and fell over him.

Goodbye France… my cunning plan from yesterday is taking shape … France and South Africa out… couldn’t have scripted that one better myself.