League Cup 3rd Round - Sheffield United 2 Southampton 2 (Saints win 4-3 on penalties)

 

Gonna Miss the Vital Penalty Later On, You Arsehole!

Sheffield United away in the Carabao Cup 3rd round at Bramall Lane is certainly not the easiest game we could’ve been given at this stage of the tournament. Whilst I fully expect The Blades to rest players because they will be focused on getting back into the Premier League, they still have a squad of players who have performed relatively well at Premier League level not so long ago. Fleck, Baldock, Egan, Hourihane and Bogle are all half decent and then they’ve got a couple they were shit at Premier League level like Rhian Brewster who did, lest we forget, cost them more than Saints have ever paid for a player. They will of course have Ollie McBurnie.  How could I forget – oh yeah, I know, I forgot him because he’s a twat. Who remembers in pulling out a ridiculous dive at St Mary’s and injuring his shoulder when he landed. Hilarious.

I am anticipating the debut of our latest signing today which was the whole £6 million we spent on Lyanco Vojnovic from Torino. All we’ve seen of him so far is his social media, which has been a mixture of good wholesome family stuff and mad promoting of the club, which is to be applauded. He does seem like a real character so I’m really hoping that he is playing tonight.

In the aftermath of the Manchester City game, there has been a concerted media campaign about “the foul” in much the same way that there was when Bruno Fernandes got tackled, which led to the first goal at St Mary’s. This of course is a big dirty lie because it’s Southampton of course and no one gives a fuck. I had it said to me on Twitter by a sad bitter United fan, probably based overseas, that the Walker charge on Adam Armstrong was the same as the Stephens / Fernandes incident. Yeah, just a couple of major differences, Jack Stephens got the fucking ball and a decision wasn’t overturned by VAR.  We March On.

Our team for today was in the event, surprisingly predictable. Fraser returned in goal, Valery and Perraud at full-backs with Lyanco making his debut alongside Salisu. There was a surprise in midfield where JWP was rested to bring in Diallo. Redmond and Djenepo were on the wings with Broja and Tella upfront. The Blades rested quite a few. There was no Billy Sharp or David McGoldrick but Arsehole McBurnie was in the team along with Brewster, still searching for his first goal.

Away we go and very disjointed.  It only took us eight minutes to go behind with Bogle getting past Perraud far too easily following a throw and his pull-back went right across to the left hand side where ex-Skate Enda Stevens was completely unmarked and rammed it into the net giving Forster no chance. It’s tempting to look at Valery because it’s his man who scored but Valery is picking up someone else so there is clearly been some sort of communication issue somewhere but either way, one fucking nil down and a Skate has scored. Tremendous.

The Lyanco-Salisu centre back pairing doesn’t look too clever and Ollie Burke gets away down the left before crossing right across the 6 yard box but thankfully no one is there.  Up the other end through Valery and via Broja, the ball is worked back to Romeu, who clips it in first time and there to glance a free header into the net for about 10 yards out is Ibrahima Diallo for his first ever goal against anybody. Football is a simple game, get good crosses into the box and have runners arriving from midfield.

Lyanco is having a right battle with Arsehole McBurnie but he ends up on his arse in one challenge and N’Diaye gets a run at Salisu. Through the legs he goes with a possible accidental nutmeg but thankfully he shat himself as Fraser came out and poked it wide.

McBurnie then leaves something on Lyanco as he heads the ball away, which Lyanco is not terribly happy with and Valery stands up for his man but McBurnie of course gives him a shove into Lyanco and it all kicks off. A yellow card for both Lyanco and the Arsehole and level at half time.

The second-half starts with the anonymous Redmond now being even more anonymous on the bench and JWP has come on and we seem to have shuffled to a back three with Romeu dropping in between Lyanco and Salisu – the theory is that as Lyanco’s interpreter, Ori can sort him out a bit. We start off with a decent move down the left which eventually leads to a shot from Diallo which Broja catches (literally) in an offside position before rolling it into the net. That’s not going to count for all sorts of reasons.

A few minutes later, after a good run and cross by Perraud and a shot from Tella, we win a corner. Tella rolls it short to JWP who gives it back to him and Tella makes his way towards the penalty area before rolling across low and Salisu has darted away from his marker to side foot it into the net. Really good finish from the big man and 2-1 and we really should close this out now.

Quality Finish From the Big Man

Where would be the fun in that though?  The lead doesn’t last long as we try and play the ball across the defence with JWP and Romeu being on one wavelength and Lyanco being on a different one altogether.  His attempted return pass to JWP is a shocker and presents it to the opposition.  A quick cross to the back stick and there is the Arsehole McBurnie and he really can’t miss. Bollocks.

There is a chance to win it in the last five minutes. Che Adams has come on as a sub and is getting a huge amount of stick from the Blades fans because he left Sheffield United about six years ago, which seems kind of pathetic but he produces one of those Che Adams misses that you cannot quite get your head around as Perraud gets down the left and puts over a wonderful curling cross and Adams meets it 5 yards out gets a good connection and smashes it towards the goal but the goalkeeper Foderingham somehow throws himself across and claws it out. Great save but how the fuck has he not scored that?

There is one last chance to win it as Broja goes barrelling away down the right hand side leaving a trail of players in his wake before getting his head up and playing a lovely ball across to where the sliding Adams can’t get a touch and Shefford United get away with it again.

Straight to penalties it is then.  It’s hardly England in the Euros Final but tense nonetheless.  No one wants to lose to a team with Arsehole McBurnie in it.

JWP – well we know what side it’s going…. top corner, good luck saving that! 1-0

Norwood – you realise just how big Forster is in this scenario…. Goal, he’s properly hit that and a good pen but Forster has got fairly close to it. 1-1

Che Adams (Booooooooo! Booooooooo! – why are we booing Dad?  It’s what we do son, Boooooo!) – Goal, ssssshhhhh! 2-1

Brewster – This has got to be a chance, his confidence must be lower than McBurnie’s IQ, here he comes, oooooh, dance steps, that always works…. SAVED!  To be fair, he’s hit that well and it’s a great save by the big man.  2-1 Advantage Saints. Has Brewster actually scored for Sheffield United yet – even in training?  Fancy doing the wanky stutter steps, which worked so well in the Euros for England. Anyone want to do that thing where you divide Brewster’s transfer fee by the number of goals he’s scored and work out how much each goal cost. You can’t because dividing by fucking zero is a bit of a hard thing to do.

Fraser Was Not About to be the First Keeper Brewster Scored Against

Back to the pens - Armando Broja is next, hmmmm, not over confident as he’s not had a great game… and off a short run up he absolutely lamps it to the goalkeepers right but to be fair, Foderingham takes off and pulls off and equally impressive saved to the one that Fraser just pulled off – Balls, 2-1, one miss each.

Osborne – everyone has gone keepers right so far…. creams it down the middle and Fraser is going to his right again, 2-2

Diallo – I have confidence in the man…. off a short run…. casually sidefoots it past the keeper to the left. Lovely pen, 3-2

Arsehole McBurney - Miss it you big fucking shit house, miss it, then start a fight with yourself you twat….. bang, keepers left, SAVED Fraser, fuck you McBurnie.  3-2 and Match Point and it’s your fault.

I can’t think who’s going to be next…. Perraud?... Romeu – ok then.  Tonight’s captain strolls up and…. casually sends the keeper the wrong way to put us through to the last 16.  Get in!!!

Well we certainly made unnecessarily hard work of that but if we’d closed it out for a 2-1 win, we wouldn’t have got to see Arsehole McBurnie missing the kick that sent his team out of the League Cup, so putting ourselves through a penalty shootout was well worth it in the end.

The main talking point for us that I was always going to be the performance of the Lyanco and how he settled in. To be fair, he had a bit of a shocker at times but as Ralph has said, it is always going to take time with him being new to the country, not speaking the language and Sheffield United are about as far removed from the football he is used to that anyone could be. Give him time. There are plenty of players around who have not had great debuts but have become consistent performers. Jan Bednarek is a good example of someone who joined for a similar sort of fee and look like he didn’t have a clue for his first four or five games.

Talking of our central defenders, it was revealed by Ralph after the game that Jack Stephens will be out for about 12 weeks with a knee injury which is not great news. It’s desperately unlucky for Jack who had gone from 4^th choice last season to being a first team regular and it does mean that Lyanco is now the first choice replacement so he might not have as much time as Ralph would like to adapt to English football. There is of course also the option of promoting Dynel Simeu from the B team and I imagine that will happen.

It was nice for Fraser Forster to have a moment in the Sun. He is certainly the best goalkeeper we’ve got when it comes to saving penalties so that worked out well today. Another interesting performance today was Ibrahima Diallo who played slightly further forward at various points of the game especially in the second half. It was good for him to prove to himself that he can be a gold threat as well. From what I saw I was slightly disappointed with Armando Broja who needs to work on his consistency because for about 80 minutes of this game, he seemed very static.

There is a certain irony that the only job that Harry Redknapp is suitable for in football these days is drawing balls out of a sack, bearing in mind but he looks like a ball sack.  I know it’s not Harry‘s fault but we didn’t have long to wait to find out who we were playing once the draw had commenced and we were in the first game drawn out and got fucking Chelsea away from home. Well, bollocks!. Let’s enjoy tonight’s excitement and bring on the Wolves on Sunday.

Premier League Match 27 - Sheffield United 0 Southampton 2

 

Unleash the Thunderbastard

There was a point where I didn’t think we would even be having a conversation about whether a game was a must win game or not but here we are. This is what tends to happen if you have 8 defeats out of 9 or 1 point out of 27.

The mitigating factors have been well documented but all that stops now. There are no excuses left. Today we are playing the team at the bottom of the league, who have been there all season, they have had two days less rest than us and their injuries are much worse than ours.

We’ve had some positive news with both Kyle Walker-Peters and Ibrahima Diallo being back in full training along with Takumi Minamino. Sheffield United on the other hand have only two central defenders left because the rest are all injured and they had another one sent off on Wednesday night.

I’ve seen it mentioned that this is more like a “must not lose” game. Bullshit. We are playing a team who are demonstrably crap and all the cards are stacked in our favour and as long as we match them for work rate and all those intangibles like heart and guts, we have to be winning this game. As mentioned, they are light in defence and even though they are all fit, they don’t have a striker worthy of the name at Premier League level. No excuses.

Team news is in and this proves that we have no excuses with KWP, Diallo and Minamino all starting.  Nathan Tella also selected with Redmond and Djenepo on the bench so the only question was would it be Minamino or Tella up front with Danny Ings.  For the Blades, the shite forward lottery has been won by McGoldrick and Brewster and their back three is all players who wouldn’t be playing there normally.

Saints start well and are on the front foot and immediately win a couple of free kicks over on the left hand side because Tella is too fast for their defenders and they keep bringing him down. There are about eight minutes gone and Bertrand swings in a free-kick from the left hand side and it’s pretty uneventful but in the aftermath Danny Ings is sat on the ground and this doesn’t look good. After a brief examination from the physios, the rolling fingers gesture is out and Ings is off to be replaced by Che Adams.

The ball begins bouncing off our forward players and it looks like it’s going to be a day where we struggle to score but the ball over the top to Tella is on and Diallo picks up the ball about 30 yards from our goal, gets his head up and pings a big diagonal over the top into the path of Tella, who controls and streaks past Ampadu who clumsily carts him over in the penalty area. There seems to be a slight delay whilst Paul Tierney catches up with play and gives a penalty.  Quick VAR check and no, Ampadu has got nowhere near the ball and up steps JWP with this full free-kick routine and whips it into the bottom left hand corner, giving Ramsdale absolutely no chance.  We’ve scored a goal!

Free-Kick, Penalty, Easy.

The Blades get a free-kick about 40 yards out on the left hand side which gives us a chance to practice our high-line-statues-pray-for-offside method of defending free kicks. John Fleck puts a great ball in to be fair and it goes all the way across to Bryan at the far post who heads it down using his nose and up and over the bar but our master plan has worked again and he’s offside.

To be fair to Sheffield United, they are playing some decent stuff through midfield and are actually finding quite a lot of room in our defence and another good ball comes over from the right and side which McGoldrick controls and pokes goal-wards, forcing Forster into a decent save low down but once again, it’s offside. They have a shout for a penalty just after this but when you see the replay, Bogle has made what can only be described as an embarrassing cheating pathetic fucker of a dive to try and con the referee. When are we going to start booking players for this?

We approach half time and we are totally in control, passing the ball around at the back waiting for the half-time whistle, until JWP plays it into midfield to Diallo who plays one of the worst passes that I’ve ever seen, straight to Brewster who plays McGoldrick in. The master marksman advances and is clean through on Forster, who he knows is 6 foot 7 tall and so trying to chip him was probably the dumbest option he could possibly have taken.  Cheers for the catching practice. So, we get away with it and go into the break 1-0 up.

It’s been a decent enough first half and I’m happy that we are leading. Diallo has struggled a little bit in the centre of midfield but in my opinion we need to keep him on and for him to play through it because if we take him off then we are having to pull players out of position to cover yet again. If we keep playing the ball to Tella and he keeps running into the space behind the defence then we are likely to get more free kicks and maybe even a red card for someone because the Sheffield United defenders just can’t handle him.

Saints first attack of the second-half sees Armstrong drive forward from midfield get to the edge of the penalty area and then feed right to KWP. His low cross finds Adams beyond the back post. Adams tries to hit it across goal and Ramsdale makes a decent save and Baldock clears it as far as Lundstram.  The danger looks over but he tries to chip the ball forward and succeeds only in hitting Bertrand’s head with it. As the ball loops up Armstrong reacts well and chest it into the path of Adams who from the edge of the box, hits an absolute thunderbastard of a shot on the half volley, screaming into the near post top corner, giving Ramsdale absolutely no chance. What a fucking goal! Honestly, he has played like a Make-a-Wish competition winner since he’s come on but that is a fucking brilliant goal.  Get in!

Suddenly the game has become quite easy. Sheffield United are pushing forward but without any quality and it leaves us with huge amounts of space on the break. Nathan Tella is the first one to have a go, left footed from the edge of the box and it’s a good effort destined for the bottom corner but fair play to Ramsdale, he gets across and makes a decent save.

Armstrong on the left hand side plays a cute ball outside the full back to the overlapping Bertrand and his cross along the 6 yard line is met by Minamino who, given his previous performances in a Saints shirt, you expect to bulge the net but he hits it rather disappointingly wide of the near post.  It’s nearly a Stuart Armstrong wonderland as he cuts across from the left wing and works a shooting position before cutting it back towards the post and narrowly wide.

Sheffield United are still trying to play and the ball goes to Bogel the Dive, who rather than do anything with it, decides to take another shit dive.  It is literally right in front of the referee who sees it, waves play on and we break again through Minamino. His ball puts Adams through on the right and side and he has a clear run to the goal but he ignores Armstrong inside him and he doesn’t really show much conviction with his shot and Ramsdale blocks again.

Redmond is on for Tella now and again we break up a Blades attack and create an almost identical chance. This time it’s Redmond who cuts in from the right hand side and with Armstrong, Adams and Minamino in support, he hits a tame effort at  the goalkeeper which again Ramsdale saves comfortably.

With just 30 seconds left, Fleck goes straight through the back of Adams and we have a little handbags punch-up in which McBurnie decides it’s a good idea to take on Vestergaard.  They both get booked and Fleck gets booked and away we go with a free kick.  The Blades have one more attack, get in on our right and cross it and big Fraser sticks a boot to it. As it lands on the edge of the box McBurnie decides to go for a dive under a challenge from Djenepo and we break again through Armstrong, who again finds Redmond and a defender falls over in front of him but still manages to stop him.

We won a game. This is not a drill. Southampton FC have won a league game.

Don’t get me wrong, none of this matters but if we weren’t in the situation that we are in and you look at this game in isolation, we should’ve won it about 5-0. We didn’t win it 5-0 because we butchered a series of chances in the second-half, either playing a shite final ball, drilling it straight at the goalkeeper or picking the wrong man to pass to. Sticking the ball in the net is the most difficult part of the game but bloody hell, we do nothing if not prove that sticking the ball in the net is the most difficult part of the game.

Nathan Tella: So Fast He Doesn't Touch the Ground

First mention today must go to Ralph because I thought that starting line-up was absolutely perfect. Personally I would have played Minamino upfront and Tella on the wing but playing Tella as a striker with his pace, was exactly the right thing to do and was proven by the amount of times he was fouled, including for the penalty in the first half. Tella had a superb game I thought, especially in the first half.  His only thought was to run in behind them or to play the ball into the space behind the Sheffield United defenders and turn them round and make them do something.... like panic and give penalties away. For that alone he deserves an extended run in the team and it’s something that is probably likely to happen, given Danny Ings injury.

When Danny got injured, it was exactly the right thing to do to put Adams on because of his record against Sheffield United and with it being his former club and all that. Adams played the first half like he was a competition winner but what a fucking goal that was, absolutely smashing the shit out of it. Brilliant.  You can’t hit a ball better than that.

Got to mention the big man Fraser Forster today who didn’t have the most to do but did everything he had to do really well. The difference in this guy to when he was last in the team is ridiculous. It’s really strange to see him arriving on-screen to get involved in the play when it’s only just in our half sometimes. He’s doing weird shit like heading the ball out of play in a left back position 30 yards outside the penalty area and stuff like that. A couple of years ago he would still have been nailed to the goal-line but he is now affecting the game. He even ran 40 yards out of his goal to get involved in the punch-up at the end.

The return of KWP was absolutely huge for the balance the side and Bednarek and Vestergaard both benefited from having our first choice back 4 in place for the first time in quite a while. Diallo made a difference in midfield and I was pleased that Ralph kept him on even though he had a couple of dodgy moments, especially that ball he gave away at the end of the first half but he’s rusty and he’ll be much better for getting through the game. It doesn’t matter if he plays in the next game against Manchester City or not but it was definitely the right thing to leave him on today because if we had taken him off, we would’ve been pulling Armstrong in from the wing to stick him in central midfield and disrupting things.

Takumi Minamino is a strange player. There is obvious quality in him which is shown in previous games as well as today but he has the ability to look like a 17-year-old playing his first ever game a professional level where he does some really dumb naive things or panics and just kicks it anywhere.

Sheffield United will be going down this year, of that there is absolutely no doubt. The reason they are going down is not because they don’t play nice football because they do. Through midfield they were actually not too bad but their strikers are absolute fucking dog shit and this isn’t news.  McGoldrick had some decent touches but he can’t run, Brewster is a big unit and put himself about but he just gives up and stops running and then can’t be bothered. For £25 million he is absolutely pathetic. Mousset is shite and just kicks the ball randomly out of play and Billy Sharp is 47. I’ve left of the best till last in Oli McBurnie who is a fucking arsehole. It’s alright being an arsehole if you’re a good player but he’s got the double whammy of being an arsehole and being absolutely fucking shit. He’s in the conversation for the most out of his depth Premier League player that I’ve ever seen and how this guy steals a living as a Premier League footballer is totally beyond me. You could see that the Saints players thought he was an arsehole as well and they were queuing up to try and get him to do something stupid to get sent off in the last couple of minutes.

Anyway, our chances of joining Sheffield United in the Championship next season look a bit further away now as 33 points looks a hell of a lot better than 30 and as I write, we are now 10 points clear of the relegation zone. One more win should just about do it. You’ll be hard pressed to have much optimism about picking up that win in our next game which happens to be Manchester City away who, assuming they beat Manchester United (update: they lost), will be looking for their 23rd consecutive win in a row (update: not now). Having won today, we will at least be able to shrug our shoulders regardless of the result on Wednesday. It’s a great feeling to win a game. Up the fucking Saints.

Premier League Match 12 - Southampton 3 Sheffield United 0

 

And We're Back in the Ground

If ever there was a game that was tailor-made to bring us crashing back down to earth then it’s this one at home to a Sheffield United side have only got one point all season. Combined with that is the fact that this is the first game with any fans back in the ground and as you know, there was a narrative a while ago the Saints fans were somehow responsible for our home form. I was thought that this was bollocks but I guess we’ll see.

Chris Wilder’s Sheffield United took the division a storm last season and you could’ve argued that he should’ve won Manager of the Year instead of that German bloke with the teeth, bearing in mind the resources Wilder had to work with. They did start to fall away with the restart after the long break and unfortunately, they have carried that form into the season losing 10 out of their first 11 matches.  You know that they are going to win at some point and you have to think that they are due a change in fortune because they haven’t lost any of those games by more than one goal. With a striking roll call that includes David McGoldrick, Oli McBurnie, Lys Mousset, Rhian Brewster and 34-year-old Billy Sharp, one goal is usually all the opposition needs.

This summer they splashed £24 million on Rhian Brewster, a striker who had only played 20 games at Championship level, in another example of Liverpool getting an obscene amount of money for their squad players who are probably never going to be good enough to play for them. Unsurprisingly, Brewster has looked like the step up is a bit daunting for him, what with playing for a struggling team but, for the amount of money if they have shelled out, they really need him to score about 15 goals this season, or else they are really going to be up against it.

Let me get this right, I love Billy Sharp and when I look back on it, it’s one of the things that I wasn’t terribly impressed with Nigel Adkins about, not giving Billy a chance in the Premier League for Saints. All water under the bridge now I’m sure and Billy has spent the last eight years playing for his boyhood club and cementing his place as a club legend. Now however, he’s looking his age.  Last year, at the other end of the pitch they had Dean Henderson on loan, who has gone back to Manchester United and they’ve replaced him with Aaron Ramsdale from Bournemouth who is the kind of goalkeeper who pulls off eye-catching saves on shots that he really should save but seems to have zero presences, especially on crossed balls.

I like Chris Wilder and winding up Jurgen Klopp should always be appreciated. With him being a former Saints apprentice, I really hope he survives regardless of what happens with the Blades this season. I have nothing against them at all and hope that they do stay out but to stay up for the position that they are in at the moment will take a monumental effort and hopefully that won’t start until after today.

There was a few soundbites from the fans forum that was held this week featuring Martin Semmens, Toby Steele and Ralph Hasenhuttl - The main one being that Alex Crook is full of shit and just makes it up and has no facts. Well colour me surprised. This means that the Danny Ings and Ryan Bertrand contract extensions are not as imminent as Alex Crock (of shit) was making out.  Personally I think it’s good when the media are called out occasionally as we now live in a culture where quite often, the news is driven by the media rather than reported by it.  It’s all well and good until you consider the scenario where journo makes something up which is reported on a Sky platform, which causes odds to change and brings in loads of bets on Sky Bet.

Moving on and today it does however appear that we have a clean bill of health going into the game so they really are no excuses. It’s been an interesting week on social media as well with some of the lucky 2000 being unable to realise that it might actually be pissing people off who didn’t get a ticket. Then you’ve had the ones who have been going on for weeks about football not being the same and not wanting to go back until they can drink 15 pints and jump all over their mates again. Surprisingly enough, when offered a ticket, these people have not turned it down. I’m searching for the word to sum these people up. I can’t think of one so I’ll have to go with “wankers“. It is especially galling when these wankers get tickets and others (including me) do not. I will say that I am genuinely happy for the vast majority of got the chance to go to the game.

Team news and we’ve gone with the side that finished against Brighton with Ings coming in for Djenepo and Walcott dropping to the left wing.  The bench is solid with the main news being that Dan N’Lundulu is preferred to Shane Long and that Mohammed Salisu has been seen in St Mary’s.  The Blades have brought in Jagielka and Billy Sharp, who are 72 between them.  McBurnie is playing and he’s shit.

Away we go and the Blades have 5 at the back and are sitting in, hoping that McBurnie and Sharp can do something up front.  Unsurprisingly, it’s Saints with all the possession and we create some half chances through Adams who has a couple of shots blocked and then Romeu tries a wild swing from the edge of the box which goes miles wide.  Adams then turns superbly away from his marker and plays Ings through.  He tries to poke it through Ramsdale’s legs but the keeper wins and it’s offside anyway.

Armstrong and Walcott swap wings and Vestergaard changes it up from 40 yard diagonals and steps into midfield, sends one defender for a hot dog and play in Ings who wins the corner off Jagielka. The corner comes over from JWP and Vestergaard meets it under challenge and heads is just wide.  There was a time when he didn’t get anywhere near any corners but now he looks disappointed if he doesn’t score.

Enda Stevens decides to try and play football in midfield but falls over and loses the ball and stops Walcott streaking away by grabbing the ball with his arm. It’s only ever going to be a yellow card but Saints basically had a two on one break so I think you could argue that he has deliberately prevented a goalscoring opportunity. I don’t blame him but maybe that’s a rule that needs looking at.

As I’ve said, Oli McBurnie is shit. He is also a nasty little prick, taking out Bednarek in the air and then hitting the same player with a late tackle which goes unpunished by the referee. So, two cowards challenges and McBurnie’s next action is to be tackled by KWP and throw himself to the ground in a big swan dive. Unfortunately for the twat, when he lands he seems to have dislocated his shoulder or his collarbone or something like that. What an absolute cock.

35 gone and KWP is fouled out of on the right and JWP whips in the free-kick. Jagielka heads it up in the air when Ramsdale really should’ve come and claimed it and no one really challenges Bednarek for the dropping ball and then Ramsdale and Egan seem to leave it to each other as Adams gets to swing a leg at it and pokes it into the net. A bit of a strange goal but who cares?  Not I, not the 2000 and 1-0 up.

Half-time arrives and another goal really should do it. Sheffield United can’t be that bad again and start the second-half quite well and after about five minutes I find myself saying a sentence I never thought I’d say “they will be a better side with McGoldrick on“.  Then it happens, McGoldrick is on for shit McBurnie who is still obviously feeling his self-inflicted injury two minutes after half-time.  Sheffield United win an actual corner and over it comes from Fleck and Egan heads it way over the bar. Billy Sharp get a good reception which he acknowledges, as he’s replaced by Rhian Brewster.

Saints are stepping it up now and it seems like it’s going to happen and then it does as Armstrong breaks, plays a 1-2 with Ings and shoots and sees it take a horrible deflection off of Jagielka and wrong-foots Ramsdale into the net for 2-0 and 3 points.

Walcott’s direct running is causing all sorts of problems and one run down the middle sees him get trashed by a combination of Ampadu and Egan. JWP takes it of course but it’s at the outer limit of his range and it just flicks the top of the net as it goes over.  There's another opening as Adams tries to set up Ings with a clever ball but the rusty King of the Scummers is offside once again Ramsdale’s save is once again unnecessary.

Redmond is on for Walcott for the last 15. Adams is fouled on the right hand side by 48-year-old Jagielka and JWP’s freekick goes right across from right to left where Redmond picks it up, plays a 1-2 with Romeu and then passes it into the far corner of the net. Brilliant goal.

It's Better When Long is Not on the Bench

A couple more subs with Diallo and N’Lundulu coming on for Romeu and Adams and with a bit of luck, big Dan could have scored with his first touch as he closed down the keeper and blocked the clearance.  For the last 5 we passed it about with Diallo and KWP in particular showing some lovely footwork to keep the ball against some Blades who couldn't cut their way out of a paper bag.

A textbook win for the mighty Saints and up to 3rd in the league. Goal in the first half, goal in the second half and then put the icing on the cake at the end, all the while keeping quite possibly the most comfortable clean sheet you could ever keep.  Completed it mate.

It was a great day for Ralph.  Not only did we boss the game from start to finish more or less, but significantly, we put three substitutes on who all contributed in a positive way. Nathan Redmond of course got his goal but Ibrahima Diallo and Dan N’Lundulu also looked the part when they came on.  Ralph had a tear in his eye when celebrating in front of the fans at the end as well – what a guy!  I found his post match interview very interesting, especially the part about using the six months without fans to change things and make every aspect of the team better with no fan pressure.  I absolutely guarantee that a lot of teams and managers wouldn’t have even given this a thought and these are the sort of advantages that we need to take as of course, we can’t spend huge money.

Today, we had obliging opponents.  Sheffield United were absolutely fucking dreadful from start to finish and I don’t think Alex McCarthy even had to get his kit dirty or be remotely bothered by anything that was going on in front of him. Having said that Sheffield United strikers weren’t very good, we saw five of them today and they were all varying degrees of Championship and League 1.  Oli McBurnie was of course the highlight. What an absolutely massive weapon.  Billy Sharp hasn’t got it at this level any more and then we had David McGoldrick, who actually looked the best out of the five and that tells you all you need to know. Lys Mousset didn’t have much time to be fair but they need to see if they’ve got the receipt for Brewster. Look at the effort N’Lundulu put in to try to make things happen when he came on and he looked lively and interested throughout. Brewster just stood there. Pathetic.  There’s an old adage that says that you are only as good as your strikers and if that’s true, then Sheffield United are fucked. 

Elsewhere, they were just really average with Phil Jagielka looking every year of his 38 and Sander Berge leaving you wondering how on earth he’s got the fairly decent reputation that he has got.  Slow and clumsy and he must’ve got caught in possession about 5 times.  Ramsdale did ok but didn’t take command of the first goal which turned out of course to be the most important one. Much though I’d like Sheffield United to stay up, they haven’t got a chance if they carry on playing like that. They weren’t so much toothless in attack, they didn’t have gums or a jawbone either.

Che Adams was of course the scorer of the first goal and in my opinion he was our best player today and with some really lively and inventive forward play and totally deserving of the goal he got. Stuart Armstrong was back on it today I feel that Walcott also did a good job with his direct running. He knows he’s probably going to get hacked over but he does it anyway, takes the hits and keeps on getting up. It was a decent first performance by Walcott in front of some of the St Mary‘s fans.

Danny Ings did look a bit rusty, as is to be expected but leaving him on for the whole 90 minutes will still be a good thing and it’s only going to get better from here on in.  Another positive is that we scored three goals without him getting one.  It goes without saying that JWP and Romeu ran the midfield and the back four did everything they had to do, which admittedly wasn’t much.  There was some superb running and dribbling by KWP and some excellent passing as usual, by Vestergaard.

Today’s game was on Sky Sports and the coverage was very enjoyable because of the presence of Efan Ekoku as the co-commentator who was absolutely excellent. No cliches and calling out McBurnie‘s dive for what it was. So much better than Alan Smith. It’s a noticeable thing that when we have commentators and pundits who come from lower down the football pyramid and not the usual suspects, it is a lot better. I’ve thought the same of Matt Murray and Chris Iwelumo recently. These guys actually do their research and know more about the “other 14” than your Big six pundits can ever be bothered to find out.

Up to 3rd place in the league and the lowest place we can possibly be at the end of this weekend is 4th. How long before we officially become part of the big six? Ha ha - maybe if Arsenal get relegated. And it’s Arsenal at next at The Emirates, where we never win. They will have 2000 fans in place (Edit: they won’t) so they will have the same number of vocal fans that they normally do. Bring it on.

Premier League Match 38 - Southampton 3 Sheffield United 1

"But Boss, We're Going to Look Fucking Stupid Doing This With No Fans"

And so this season finally ends with the visit of Sheffield United to an empty St Mary‘s. As I write, Sky are sorting out their schedules for the final Sunday of the season and I’m sure that the race for 11th will be on the priority channels. We will guarantee 11th place if we get a better result than Everton get against Bournemouth at Goodison Park. I guess that Bournemouth have a little bit of motivation for their own purposes.

Sheffield United have been one of the stories of the season, coming straight out of the Championship and for a long time, looking like they were going to finish high enough to qualify for the Europa league. That particular dream has died a little bit over the last few weeks but in all honesty, that probably won’t be a bad thing in the long term. Manager Chris Wilder, a former Saints apprentice no less, should be manager of the year. He won’t be of course but if you judge a manager on getting the most out of what he’s got available then Wilder would certainly be the man.

There are other Saints connections as well with Billy Sharp of course being their club captain, though he doesn’t often seem to be in the starting line-up these days. I will always see it as a bit of a black mark against Nigel Adkins that he never gave Billy Sharp a chance in the Premier League when we got promoted in 2012 but I guess sometimes you just have to make decisions on a player. One player I never ever saw as a Premier League player is David McGoldrick, who ironically, usually keeps Sharp out of the team. McGoldrick had the misfortune of having to carry the goalscoring burden in the infamous Poortvliet / Wotte season when we got relegated from the Championship. He was sold to raise funds after our ignominious fall into administration. I don’t think anyone thought he was particularly brilliant but he’s certainly done incredibly well to have the career that he has had and especially to be a regular Premier League starter. For us, he was the main striker in a shite team so it can’t have been easy for the then 19-year-old.

We won 1-0 at Bramall Lane early on in the season, after which I expressed an opinion that they would be relegated.  This is why I never make any money out of gambling.

During the week, the Pierre Hojbjerg transfer story has gathered pace this week. It looks like Saints accepted a bid from Everton and Spurs and Levy are still playing silly bastards because they know that Pierre actually wants to join them. As I’ve said before, good luck to the guy who has always given 100% whenever he has put a Saints shirt on despite wanting to leave. No, not you Virgil. What I want out of this is for the player to leave as soon as possible and for Saints to reinvest the money in the playing squad and that includes securing Kyle Walker-Peters. Personally, I don’t give a shit where Pierre ends up.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we managed to do the KWP deal separately and up front, so the Pierre deal can play out without Levy holding all the cards.

Anyway, with the new season announced to be starting in mid September, all of this transfers stuff is going to happen fairly quickly so mercifully, it’s a smaller window where we have to put up with every ITK in the book, speculating wildly with an air of authority.

Ralph names the expected team for today with the only surprise being Vestergaard in the team and Bednarek on the bench.  I guess that he’s not 100%. Jan is joined on the bench by the usual suspects and Dan N’Lundulu is this weeks ‘yet to make an appearance’ academy player.  McGoldrick isn’t in the 18 for The Blades and so Billy Sharp is picked to partner McBurnie up front.

Saints start brightly and attack which ends with Armstrong finding Danny Ings and Ings getting brought down on the edge of the box but the ref is not having any of it. The Blades pay on on whilst we appeal and a ball down our left hand side allows Billy Sharp to give Vestergaard a 5 yard start and still beat him to the ball and then muscle away from him and bear down on goal. It looks for all the world that Sharp is going to score but McCarthy stands up very well to block it for a corner.  Sadly, it's a crystal clear indication of Vestergaard's limitations and weaknesses... outpaced by 34 year old Billy Sharp who was never quick anyway.

It’s a short lived reprieve though as from the Blades next attack, ex-Skate Stevens crosses the ball in from the left hand side, Vestergaard takes his eye off the ball under a challenge from Sharp and it goes through his legs, wrong footing Bertrand who has lost Lundstram who easily knocks into the net for 1-0.  Another shit goal added to the catalogue of shit goals conceded at St Mary’s this season.

There is another blow as Armstrong can’t run off a knock so Smallbone is on.  KWP then fucks up and gives the ball straight to a Blades player and away goes Billy Sharp again through the inside left channel. This time he gets his head up and picks out Lundstram at the back post and his point blank blast at the goal is brilliantly saved by McCarthy.

The rest of the first half is spent with us playing at testimonial pace trying to find our way past the massed deep defence of Sheffield United and predictably, getting nowhere despite Redmond's best efforts. We reach half time without having made Henderson do anything with his gloves.

The second-half starts with more intent and the ball is pinging around in midfield without anybody really doing anything deliberately. Danny Ings mis-controls and Sheffield United midfielder Berge slides in for a tackle on Smallbone and accidentally pokes the ball through to Che Adams. There doesn’t seem to be any danger at all but Che takes the shot really early and it flies past Henderson at his near post. Really good opportunist goal and really bad goalkeeping from the man hoping to be in goal for Manchester United next season.  Che is on fire.  Revolution.

Suddenly, the game has completely changed with Saints picking up a gear and passing it quickly through midfield. A ball back from Ings allows Smallbone to try first time left foot curler which would’ve taken out someone in the crowd, if only anyone had been there.

Having made two really good saves in the first half and seeing us get back into the game and be the better side, Alex McCarthy then had a massive brain fart and passes the ball straight to Billy Sharp. Unlike Nketiah a few weeks ago, Sharp dithers is on the ball and Romeu comes crunching in to clatter everything and we survive.

Five minutes later and Sharp's dithering in front of goal comes back to haunt him as Saints build, despite some very hefty Blades challenges with JWP finding KWP out on the right and the player we hope to be signing pretty soon after the season ends, runs at the end of the edge of the penalty area cuts across, smashes it left footed, hits a Sheffield United defender in the stomach and poleaxes him and Che Adams takes one touch before smashing into the net to make it for 2-1.  Really good finish.  Che is on fire.  Revolution.

A feature of these Restart games has been our fitness and it’s really weird but the Blades have noticeably completely gone. They’re not getting back nearly as quickly or attacking with an intent whatsoever and it’s just a case of whether we can get another goal to put this to bed. The excellent Redmond carries a ball down the left hand side and feeds into Ings who takes a shocking touch back inside but the but the ball  breaks to Redmond who hits the keeper.  Fuck! Oh, hang on a minute, the ref’s given a penalty because Ings has been taken out by Norwood as he passed the ball.   Saints and penalties have not been a good combination this season but it’s Danny Ings again.  Please don’t stutter, please don’t stutter, just hit the fucking thing, bang, 3-1, that’s how you fucking do it.

Shane Long is on for Adams which is a bit of an odd one. We are 3-1 up with 10 minutes to go and we’ve got a young centre forward on the bench who hasn’t made his debut yet.  Get him on…. Maybe Ralph isn’t the sentimental type and wants them to earn it and this is proved when Obafemi comes on for Romeu for the last couple of minutes.

The referee blows his whistle to bring the worlds’ longest football season to an end and it’s been a very nice end to the season for Saints with an unbeaten seven match run to finish things off.

It didn’t look terribly clever at half time when in truth, we could have been completely out of the game. it looked like another one of those games where we give away a shit goal against a team that is content to just defend but once more, we showed we are made of sterner stuff these days and to be honest, we played them off the park in the second half and totally deserved to win. Our fitness again shone through as the Blades looked totally gassed out in the second half. Che Adams getting the goal just after the restart was the turning point of the game and from then on there was really no doubt we were going to win. We had the one shaky moment at 1-1 when McCarthy, for reasons unknown passed the ball straight to Billy Sharp but we had that bit of luck today whereby we got away with a couple of defensive mistakes.

Overall, McCarthy had a very good game apart from the one aberration, KWP was again excellent and will hopefully not be his last game in a red and white shirt and Romeu and JWP bossed the midfield. Romeu has really stepped up since Pierre stopped being picked to start games and he has shown that there is a place for him next season, which was looking in doubt for a while. Redmond had a really good game and overall, has had a decent end to the season and he was lively again today, playing with his head up and causing all sorts of problems down the left flank, especially in the second half. Upfront, Che is again showing the difference that confidence makes to a striker with two expertly taking goals. Danny Ings didn’t have the best of games but again showed what a gifted player he is and he showed that he can take penalties properly.  The Danny and Che strike force for next season is looking very promising indeed.

Next Years Strikeforce, Next Years Right-Back

Sheffield United have had a brilliant season but today illustrated the problem is that they have with not having a clinical striker. We could’ve been dead and buried at half time but Billy Sharp let us off the hook. It will be interesting to see how the Blades get on next season. I hope they do well because Chris Wilder is a breath of fresh air and it’s great to have a totally down to earth manager in the top half of the Premier league.

Elsewhere, the main issues of the day were that Bournemouth won at Everton but still got relegated because Villa got a point at West Ham.  I'm sure that the more special Bournemouth fans will miss their manufactured rivalry and will maybe start one up with someone like QPR.  Still, they won the St Mary's Trophy this year so I'm sure that they're happy and at least they have a shiny new ground as an investment for the future with all the millions they earned from five years in the Premier League.... oh wait.... still at the Dean Court Vitality Shed... apparently they invested in electronic turnstiles though so it's not all bad.  Watford also got relegated because their owners are fuckwits and they deserve it. The other issues were about the Champions League qualification and go and look it up on the internet because I don’t give a fuck.

Maybe we will next year though (joking!). With a few more additions there is a real chance that we could be seriously decent next season. I’m not a big fan of stats but one that I found interesting was that since the 9-0, we have got two more points than Leicester and Leicester finished fifth this season. That is the challenge - to do it over an entire season.

It’s currently looking encouraging that supporters may make it back in the grounds before too long but without the fans, I think Project Restart has been a surprising success. It has been good that every single game has been on television and this is something that I hope is continued for next season. The five substitutes rule can get in the fucking bin and I don’t really care if the water breaks stay or not, though it does seem to suit us with us having a proactive manager.

The season finishes with us in 11th place which is a tremendous achievement bearing in mind where we have been at various points of the season. In these financially challenging times, the extra prize money will be most welcome and it’s lovely to end the season with the whole club, from Martin Semmens on down, seemingly heading in the right direction.  Oh for a good transfer window.

Roll on approximately eight weeks time, when we all start up again.  With every finished season we are one step closer to the point where 9-0 doesn't get mentioned.  I'm actually quite liking it now though as it's become a positive - we lost 9-0 and we still beat you.