World Cup 2014 Part 8 - Brazil Shits Itself and Robben Dives into Quarter Finals

Rearrange the Letters in HULK and it spells SHIT (if you change a few)

28/6/14

2^nd Round – Brazil 1 Chile 1 (Brazil win 3-2 on penalties)

The knockout stages started with the host nation in a game which according to manager Scolari, they really didn’t want against Chile.  I love the way Chile approach things – they haven’t got many great individual players but they are so much more than the sum of their parts and they play as if their lives depend on it.  That said, they fell behind on 18 minutes when a cross was flicked on and was bindled into the net at the far post with David Luiz getting the credit.  There is a curious phenomena at this World Cup where the replay proves something quite different and the commentators refuse to alter their original belief.  It’s quite clearly an own goal by Jara who has stuck a leg out but no matter how many times this is shown, it’s still David Luiz’ goal and then FIFA announce that it’s Luiz’ goal.  It ultimately doesn’t matter a shit but Luiz hasn’t even got a touch there.  Against the script and therefore hugely funny was a Chile equalizer before half time. Marcelo took a throw in near his own corner flag and threw it to Hulk who had the first touch of a man wearing concrete wellies.  Aranguiz nicks in and passes infield to Sanchez who, being unmarked as he is, fires it past Cesar and into the far corner.  Great finish but shocking play from Brazil.  Much has been said about bent refereeing favouring the host nation but Howard Webb hasn’t read the script as a long cross picks out Hulk who controls around the shoulder area and mis-hits it into the net off his knee.  It looks perfectly ok and then gets disallowed for handball.  It’s marginal to say the least but fair play to Webb, he believes he’s right and disallows it and shows a yellow card to Hulk.  Scolari is going beserk and you just know that Webb is on his way home now.  Personally I think it’s a harsh decision and if Chile had had a goal disallowed like that then we’d all have been going nuts.  The problem with Brazil is that they have some right shit payers and they keep the quota the same by removing Fred and bringing on Jo who is slightly more mobile but still shite.  Hulk is their most likely forward to score but he mixes up great runs with throwing himself on the ground.  Extra time passes and Brazil collectively shites its pants and Panilla smacks the bar from 25 yards on 119 minutes and we have our first penalty shootout.

The penalty shootout is an average affair and it’s 3-2 to Brazil as Gonzalo Jara takes the fifth Chilean penalty and hits the inside of the post and Brazil are through – just.  Needless to say, Hulk missed.

2^nd Round – Colombia 2 Uruguay 0

Before this game we get word that Luis Suarez has made a statement and it’s that he slipped and kept his balance only by plunging his teeth into the shoulder of Chiellini.  This is about as hilarious as when an MP says that he slipped and fell into that rent boy.  By showing no remorse and no admission that anything was wrong, he should really be slapped with a longer ban whch of course, won’t happen.  To the game itself and Colombia are the better side throughout and a new global star is born as James Rodriguez controls a high ball on his chest with his back to goal, chests is sideways in the same movement and volleys it left footed in off the bar.  It’s a ridiculous goal and put the Colombians 1-0 u after half an hour.  It’s 2-0 straight after half time as the Uruguayans are carved open and Cuadrado cushioned a header back for Rodriguez to score again.  Cuadrado seems to be a very influential player and he’s got nifty dance move as all the Colombians do their thang corner flag.  Ospina made a couple of saves as Uruguay belatedly went for it but Uruguay and their fans with their Suarez masks are gone.  Colombia will be a major threat to Brazil in the quarter finals.

How to Make Sure the Ref Gives It

29/6/14

2^nd Round – Netherlands 2 Mexico 1

The first half of this was interesting without ever really catching fire, unlike anyone who was in the stadium as the temperatures were ridiculous – so much so that we had the first ‘cooling break’ of the tournament after half an hour which gives FIFA delegates a chance to do some spread betting.  Mexico looked the better side but in truth, neither really looked like scoring though the Dutch should have had a penalty when Robben was hacked over twice in one move but not given.  The Mexicans went 1-0 up straight after half time as the ‘useless at Spurs’ Giovani dos Santos lashed in a shot from 30 yards which gave the keeper no chance and sent his manager pogoing round the technical area in celebration.  Mexican keeper Ochoa came into his own at that point and made a series of saves, mainly good reaction stops to efforts fired straight at him.  The best of which was an instinctive block from a close range de Vrij volley which bounced off his hands, onto the post and away.  The second cooling break sw van Gall replace van Persie with Huntelaar which basically heralded a change of tactic to ‘long diagonal ball’.  It worked though with 2 minutes to go as Huntelaaar headed down a cross at the far post and Schnijder, despite being invisible all tournament, fired brilliantly into the bottom corner from 20 yards showing that the keeper is beatable if you stop shooting straight at him.  Extra-time here we come but a last Dutch attack saw them feed Robben who attacked the box, skipped past one lunge and then went down under a tired hack from Marquez.  Has he touched him? yes, is it a dive? yes, should it have been a penalty? In my opinion yes.  Up stepped Huntelaar, 2-1 and we get to hear Chiles calling him van Huntelaar in the post match shambles but the Netherlands march on and the Mexican manager Herrera throws a colossal wobbler but what a legend he has been.

2^nd Round – Costa Rica 1 Greece 1 (Costa Rica win 5-4 on penalties)

Let’s face it, the first half was shit as it always seems to be when Greece are playing and they should have taken the lead on half time as Salpingidis met a superb cross from the left on the full and Navas deflected it wide with his foot.  Five mintes after half time it was the Costa Ricans who took the lead as Fulham reject Bryan Ruiz sidefooted home beautifully from the edge of the box and everyone just watch it rll in.  The should have had a penalty as well for a clear handball a bit later but they handed Greece a lifeline when Duarte lunged in and was sent off for a second yellow. Greece are hardly known for their skills in chasing the game but they now have a chance which they took until the 91^st minute to take as Papasthatopoulos rammed home a rebound.  Extra time and the ten men were now clear 2^nd favourites and Greece had the best chances extra time but it was penalties again.  The Greek manager managed to get himself sent to the stands at this point and there were 7 successful spot kicks with neither keeper getting near any of them until, with Costa Rica leading 4-3, Navas superbly saved Gekas’ kick and Umana casually stroked home the winner.  Costa Rica in the last 8 and the only team they’ve played who they didn’t beat… bloody England.

Keeper Legend

30/6/14

2^nd Round – France 2 Nigeria 0

The biggest surprise of the World Cup is not Costa Rica making the last 8 – it’s been that France haven’t had to send a player home yet.  Nigeria on the face of it should cause them any problems but they do and have the ball in the net as Emunike slides it past Lloris only for a very tight (but correct) offside flag to deny the Africans.  France are playing some decent stuff though and it’s amusing that Paul Pogba is at the centre of it.  This is the guy that Man United had but never gave him a chance and so he left.  Now he’s one of the best central midfielders in Europe and United have Tom Cleverley.  Pogba drives forward and sets up Valbuena who picks him out with the cross but Pogba’s volley is spectacularly kept out by Enyeama.  The seond half sees Nigeria looking like the better side but France creating the chances.  Benzema plays a quick 1-2 to get free and his shot is half blocked by Enyeama and then hacked off the line by Moses then following a corner, the ball finds its way out to Cabaye on the egge of the box and his angled volley hits the bar on the far side with the keeper nowhere.  Enyeama had been having a great game for Nigeria but he handed the game to France on the 80^th minute when he came for a cross, got nowhere near catching it and just flapped it up in the air for Pogba to head into the empty net.  In the last minute, a Valbuena cross was deflected into his own net by Yobo to confirm French passage into the next round to play the winners of ze Germans and Algeria.  For me, the French are still a good bet to win it – they seem solid all over the pitch and don;t have any obvious weaknesses.

2^nd Round – Germany 2 Algeria 1 (after extra time)

Joachim Low seems to have a strange compulsion to play players out of position.  The have centre backs at full back on both sides and Philip Lahm who is one of the best  in the World in either full back position, playing in midfield.  Germany are basically very lethargic and not very good.  Most of their play goes through Mesut Ozil who then gives the ball away.  Algeria look dangerous on their forays forward with Neuer often having to race from his line to compensate for a ponderous back 4.  He’s out and making a superb sliding tackle on Slimani which could easily have resulted in a goal or a red card.  Slimani has the ball in the net as he slides in a Musa cross but he’s offside.  Ze Germans are having chances though and the excellent Rais MBohli pulls of an excellent double save from Mario Gotze.  The bloody keeper is at it again when he somehow blocks a point blank header from Thomas Muller and then is up to smother the rebound from Schurrle.  The reason I say ‘bloody’ keeper is because I have Germany to win in 90 minutes as part of an accumulator.  It goes against every fibre of my being to want ze Germans to win and typically, they are messing me about.  The keeper makes a wonderful finger tip save from Lahm and the 90 minutes are up, the bets are screwed and now I can support Algeria.  As soon as extra time starts they concede a goal as Muller gets down the left, crosses behind Schurrle who manages to drag a leg and flick it into the net past MBohli – could have done that a minute earlier you git.  It’s soon 2-0 as Ozil passes the ball in the right direction to Schurrle.  His shot is blocked by a defender and the rebound falls kindly for Ozil to smash it in the net.  Algeria give it a spirited response and pull one back with a minute to do as Fegouli (who has what looks like a maxi-pad taped to his head) crosses and Djabou rams it into the net on the volley.  Too little too late though and the very average Germans are through to play France.  Algeria go out with their head held high having given it a real go in almost exactly the same way as England didn’t.

I know who you learnt that shit celebration off of

1/7/14

2^nd Round – Argentina 1 Switzerland 0 (after extra time)

I’ve kind of been ignoring Argentina in this World Cup so far as they’ve progressed through a pretty easy group.  Excellent attack, good midfield, dodgy defence.  They surely would have too much for Switzerland but the Swiss have the best chances of the first half as Xhaka hits one from the edge of the box which requires a decent stop from Romero, who then saves the shot from the rebound for good measure.  The keeper gets lucky before half time as Shaquiri plays Drmic though and Romero comes, then stops, then goes back and Drmic made a right balls of it and his attempted chip landed in the keepers arms. Argentina wake up after half time with Higuain having a header tipped over by Benaglio and Messi teeing himself up for a volley from the edge of the box which narrowly clears the bar.  Messi is of course the main threat and some quality dribbling in the box sees him find a yard and fire for the bottom corner but again, Benaglio gets down well to save.  It’s all Argentina at the start of extra time and Benaglio is there again to superbly deny di Maria who is shooting on sight virtually every time he gets the ball.  Its 2 minutes to penalties when Messi picks it up on halfway, skips away from a tackle and slides it right to di Maria who passes it into the far corner of the net.  Great finish and Switzerland are done.... or are they.  Time is up as a cross is swung over, Dzemaili gets his hed to it and it thumps off the base of the post, rebounds back, hits Dzemaili on the knee and trickles wide.  Argentina through but not particularly convincing.

2^nd Round – Belgium 2 USA 1 (after extra time)

Belgium have had enough of Lukaku and dropped him with Devock Origi taking his place.  He has the first shot after 30 seconds and Tim Howard saves it – and so the pattern of this match is established.  The match sees better quality from the Belgians in the face of great spirit by the Diving German’s Yanks but Howard makes save after save after save from Origi, Mirallas and Kompany.  In nearly all cases though, it’s poor finishing and Howard would have been mortified if any of those had beaten him.  The Yanks have a great chance to win it as Dempsey heads down int he box and Waldalowski blazes wide from 5 yards.  It’’s a shocking miss but hte lino has flagged which is odd and he was about 3 yards onside.  0-0 at full time and so we’re on extra time patrol again and like the German game the other night, a goal is soon coming as Lukaku bulldozes down the right, cuts in and pulls it back to de Bruyne who takes a touch, turns and lashes past Howard.  It looks like it’s all over before the first half of extra time is up as another Belgian break ends up with de Bruyne on the left and his pass is perfect for Lukaku to sweep it into the net for 2-0.  From looking dead on the ir feet though, the Yanks rally in the last 15 minutes, get a goal back through a mis-hit volley from Green and then pen Belgium back.  Jones fired narrowly wide and the n a cleverly worked free kick saw the ball break to Dempsey but his te poke was smothered by the onrushing Courtois.  2-1 in the end but a massive effort from the USA who went down with all guns blazing.  How said it is that I’m thinking that England would have little chance against America.  Coach Jurgen is still a massive, massive helmet though.  Belgium through to play Argentina and fair play to them.

For me, the pick of the quarter finals is Brazil v Colombia.  If the referee is fair then I see Colombia winning it to be honest, probably after extra time as I can’t see Brazil dealing with Cuadrado and James Rodriguez. I’m going for France against Germany in what will probably be a dour affair, Netherlands against Costa Rica where the Costa Rica bubble will burst and Argentina against Belgium after extra time.  I never win my accumulators so ignore me.

World Cup 2014 Part 5 - Fred in Movement Shocker and Suarez Has Another Nibble

Fabio's World Cup Record is not improving

22/6/14

With England gone I have gone into a bit of a malaise about the World Cup.  I’ve never ereally been the sort to watch 90 minutes on TV of  match where I’m not supporting wither team and the clusterf**k of commentators they have on BBC and ITV in particular are enough to make anyone switch off.  So here’s a catch up of the post-England elimination.

Group H – Belgium 1 Russia 0

In recent tournaments, Russia have always started well and looked like a very skilful attacking side and then blown it.  They brought in Fabio Capello to manage them and now they are boring (pragmatic is the buzzword) and will blow it anyway.  A draw with South Korea was followed by a quite tedious game against Belgium.  There was one chance in the first half when Kokorin headed wide from 5 yards.  It’s the sort of chance that a 10 year old would score if he shut his eyes and just let the ball hit his face.  The highly fancied (not by me) Belgians woke up in the 85^th minute as Mirallas hit a post and they scored in the 88^th minute as Origi, who intriguingly, doesn’t play in England, was on hand to put away a pull back from Hazard.  Capello’s charges can still go through if they beat Algeria but I wouldn’t bet on it.

Group H - South Korea 2 Algeria 4

A really good attacking game which was made all the more entertaining but he fact that South Korea can’t defend for shit.  The first goal was straight out of the England manual as a massive welly forward was missed by everyone and Slimani held of a couple of half-arsed challenges to dink it over the keeper.  The keeper Fah Keung-Crahp was certainly at fault with the second as he came for a corner but before it got to him, Halliche got u and powered it into the net.  2-0 became 3-0 when another long ball found Slimani who easily brought it down and fed Djabou to wrap up the game.  A ridiculous goal got the Koreans back into it when another hoof forward was controlled by Son Heung-Min between his shoulder blades but it worked for him as he turned and smashed it through the keeper.  They had a chance to make it 3-2 but it soon went the other way as Algeria tiptoed through the defence and a nice passing move ended with Brahimi slotting home.  There was still 20 minutes to go when Lukk Ki-Git scored off his knee after another long ball caused carnage but Korea achieved distinction by being the first team I’ve seen so far who are probably worse than England.  As long as they avoid defeat against Russia, then Algeria will be going through.

Group G – USA 2 Portugal 2

Portugal were so bad in their first game that they had to be better here and it took all of 5 minutes to take the lead against the USA as a cross from the left found its way through so abysmal defending by Geoff Cameron for Nani to score as the keeper Howard, sat on his arse.  He made amends after a fashion right on half time when after making a right hash of a Nani shot and allowing it to come back off the post, he changed direction superbly to palm the rebound away.  The second half saw Portugal and Ronaldo do nothing much and the US nearly equalised when a Bradley shot was cleared off the line with the keeper nowhere.  They did eventually tie the soccerball scores in the 19^th minute of the second period when Jermaine Jones picked up a cleared corner and easily cut inside his marker but fairly lashed it into the far corner from 20 yards for 1-1.  With 10 to go the Yanks took the lead as Portugal defended abysmally as Dempsey managed to turn a cross into the net with his stomach.  It’s really strange watching a game where you want both teams to lose but I was looking forward to the tears when Ronaldo got knocked out but that pleasure will have to wait a few days as with 90 minutes up, Ronaldo put in a wonderful cross from the right and Varela dived in to power a header past Tourette Tim Fucking Shit Bollocks Howard to make it 2-2 and leave the Americans in pole position to qualify behind ze Germans.

Fred celebrates moving 5 yards

23/6/14

Group B – Netherlands 2 Chile 0

Away we go with the group deciders and both Netherlands and Chile had one eye on the next round as they were both already through.  It’s nice to get your job done with a game to spare – just ask England.  Both teams rested a few players but it was still a decent enough game.  Chile had first half chances from set pieces and Arjen Robben was at it again for the Dutch, causing mayhem whenever he ran with the ball.  Both he and Depuy tested Bravo with long range efforts before they finally took the lead as a free kick was swung in by Robber and substitute Fer scored with virtually his first touch as he powered in a header.  Chile tried to chase the game and had a half shout for a penalty but committing men forwards is suicide against the Dutch as Robben got away down the left and got his head up to pick up Depuy who steamed in and got the touch for 2-0.  

Group B – Spain 3 Australia 0

Usually, a dead rubber is a dead rubber for one team but this match had the distinction of being dead for both participants.  I’m taking the piss but I wish I’d been smart enough to have some money on that at the start of the tournament.  Spain had a Villa-Torres partnership up front and looked dangerous every time they went forward with Iniesta in brilliant form in central midfield in what will surely be his post-World Cup position.  They took the lead as Villa backheeled a Juanfran cross past Ryan.  Juanfran had been released by a slide-rule Iniesta pass and he was at it again as they went 2-0 up in the second half as he put Torres clean through and even he couldn’t miss.  Mata made it 3-0 after Fabregas picked him out and he took all the time he needed to control it and pass it through the keepers legs.  Australia were pretty decent to be fair until they ran out of steam and though they’ve finished bottom with zero points, they are showing signs of getting better which is annoying.  Spain are out of course but have enough players who will still be around in 2016 to be a serious threat for the next Euro’s.  You have been warned.

Group A – Brazil 4 Cameroon 1

On paper this looks like it should be a slaughter and it’s all going according to plan as Neymar opens the scoring and everyone is happy.  Cameroon however summoned up a bit of the spirit of 1990 and equalised when Matip was on hand to stab in a cross from the left wing.  The calculators briefly come out as there is a slight chance that Brazil might go out which would be hilarious but Neymar is having none of it and turns a player inside out as he runs at the penalty area before smashing it low past a wrong-footed keeper.  In 1982 when Brazil were magnificent, they had Zico, Socrates, Eder, Falcao etc but they had a big lump of a centre forward who was useless called Serginho.  The 2014 Brazil have Fred who is really really bad and as immobile as they come but even he can;t miss when presented with an open goal from 5 yards to make it 3-1.  All over bar the shouting but Fernandinho bundles through to roll in the 4^th and Brazil have won the group and will paly against Chile in the 2^nd Round.  I’m sure that the referee will be chosen carefully for that one. 

Group A – Mexico 3 Croatia 1

The first half of this was pretty average.  Croatia had to win but didn;t really look like a side who believed that they could.  They are almost England-esque in the way they shoehorn players into the wrong positions with Rakitic and Modric both deployed deep in midfield when neither can tackle or neither have much defensive awareness.  Mexico came closest to scoring when Herrera smacked the bar from 30 yards but otherwise the first half was lame.

The second half started in much the same way and with about 20 minutes to go it was like a bomb went off and Croatia just collapsed.  Marquez headed them in front from a corner and within 10 minutes it was 3-0 with Guardado finishing off a brilliant move by driving past the hapless Pleitikosa and Javier Hernandez nodding in from his usual distance of two feet. The best bit was the spectacle of the Mexican manager going absolutely but celebrating his sides goals, pulling ridiculous faces and being wrestled to the floor by players and support staff.  Compare and contrast to Roy Hodgson – the most uninspiring manager ever.  Croatia got a consolation goal through Perisic but no one cared and Mexico go through to play the Netherlands in what should be a fantastic game.

Animal.

24/6/14

Group D – England 0 Costa Rica 0

Hodgson decided that this was a game he could use to give the rest of the squad a game and so we got to witness the future of English football in Frank Lampard, James Milner, Chris Smalling and Ben Foster.  In the next breath he’ll be moaning that we don’t have enough friendlies to hone our team.  Surely better to mix and match as if it was the first game of the next qualifying tournament but no matter really – we’re out after all and he’s keeping his job.  To be brutally honest, I didn’t even watch this as I couldn’t be bothered, this was despite the presence of two Saints players in the team in Lallana and Shaw.  A month ago I’d have been gagging to watch this game for this reason alone but more of that later.  Costa Rica didn;t need to win as they’d already qualified and England didn’t know how to win.  Sturridge missed chances again and though he should have had a penalty in the first half – that was about it.  Boring game, boring performance, boring manager but Uncle Roy said we played well – really?  Costa Rica win the group and fair play to them.

Group D -  Uruguay 1 Italy 0

Before it became apparent how crap England were, I thought the Italians looked decent but the defeat to Costa Rica showed up their limitations which were all on display again here.  Pirlo had a free kick which caused some panic for Muslera but other than that they produced very little.  Marchisio managed to get sent off for a ridiculous stamp tackle in the 2^nd half and Uruguay were the better side and forced Buffon into a number of decent saves.  They eventually did win as Gaston Ramirez swung in a corner and Godin, who should of course have been sent off against England and not playing here, headed the winner and put Uruguay through and Italy out.  The game will of course only be remembered for Hannibal Suarez going for it again and biting Chiellini on the shoulder.  He then compunded it by diving on the ground and pretending his teeth hurt.  I expect they did as shoulders can be quite tough if you bite them.  He obviously has serious mental issues, as do the Uruguayan representatives who defend him as if it’s an everyday thing.  Sorry – none of your other players do it.  I’m sure there have been other players who have bitten someone but I can't think of one off hand and 3 times in a few years?  The guy is a fucking animal and if he’d done that 3 times on the street then he’d be in prison, or a zoo.  

**Update: Suarez banned for 4 months from all football.... good news for Rickie Lambert I guess.  Personally, I think it should have been 6 months with a suspended life ban if he does it again. 

World Cup 2014 Part 3 - Changing of the Guard

Did someone say ...Siberia?

17/6/14

Group H - Belgium 2 Algeria 1

The highly rated Belgians faced Algeria as the final group got under way.  They’re highly rated in this country because a majority of them play in the Premier League but then, so do all of the England players and we’re world beaters after all.  As if to prove my point, Belgium went 1-0 down as Vertonghen got caught ball watching and did what Vertonghen does and grabber to forwards arm and pulled him down. Penalty and to my mind it should have been a red card but no matter as up stepped Feghouli and set Courtois the wrong way with one of those shit penalties that was the easiest save imaginable if he went the other way.  Belgium huffed and puffed until the 70^th minute and it was a premier League player who finally equalized for them and the shock was that it was a player who has been shite this season as Fellani got his wig on a cross and powered home a header in exactly the sort of way he used to do for Everton before he fucked himself up by joining Man United.  With 20 minutes left there was only going to be one outcome and sure enough Belgium scored again when Hazard played a ball to Mertens who had acres and he smashed it past the excellent Algerian keeper MBohli and into the roof of the net.

Group A - Brazil 0 Mexico 0

Mexico were not here to roll over and die but they knew that if you have a shot and Julio Cesar turns it over the bar, then it’s a goal kick.  Ochoa, the keeper at the other end saved well from a Neymar header and a close range blast from the same player as Brazil made chances without ever really looking like a top class team. Marcelo got in after a fantastic crossfile ball from Luiz but decided to have a dive like a complete wanker and to my amazement, the referee didn’t give it so that will probably be his last game officiating at this World Cup.  Ochoa made another fantastic reflex save from Thiago Silva’s point bank header and Mexico kept Brazil thinking at the other end.  Brazil are not going to win it with this team.  They’d have a chance if they had a striker but Fred is an absolute liability.  In two games he’s hardly touched the ball because he doesn’t move. 

Group H - Russia 1 South Korea 1

It’s a bit odd that Brazil and Mexico have played their 2^nd game before these two have started but here we are in the presence of Fabio Capello and his Russians.  This game was obviously played with a big round bar of soap instead of a ball – either that or both goalkeepers were shit, especially Akinfeev for Russia who spilled everything but got away with it until Lee Keun-ho shot from 25 yards and the keeper got his hands to it and virtually threw it over his shoulder and into the net.  Capello made a sub and put on Kerzhakov and within two minutes he’s equalized as a clearance smacked into a Russian player and dropped for him to turn it past the keeper.

"To be fair Fernando, you are shite"

18/6/14

Group B - Netherlands 3 Australia 2

It would be great if Australia got annihilated and it looks like it might happen as Arjen Robben started running from the halfway line and didn’t stop until he’d beaten the entire Aussie defence and smashed it across the keeper and into the net.  Happy days but fair play to the Aussies as Tim Cahill smashed in one of the best goals you’ll ever see, fastening on to a ball chipped across from the right and crashing it into the net with a left footed volley which I cannot possibly do justice to.  The the ref go involved and gave the Aussies a penalty for handball which was ridiculous as the defender as not even looking and Jedinak put the Aussies 2-1 up but the hope didn’t last long as van Persie levelled which he will do if you give him a free shot from 10 yards.  The winner was amusing as substitute Depay tried a pot shot from miles out and the keeper went down in instalments and away it swerved and into the net.  Bye Australia.

Group B - Spain 0 Chile 2

With the Dutch having won earlier in the day, Spain went into this game knowing that if they lost then they would be out.  Del Bosque realised that he had to do something and so he dropped Xavi which though he was poor against the Dutch, looked like a ludicrous decision when the equally anonymous David Silva and Diego Costa were retained with David Villa and Fabregas on the bench, not to mention Cazorla and Mata.  Even after a goalless half an hour you could see that Spain were stuggling.  They got hustled out of their stride by the high pressing game of the Chileans and kept giving the ball away.  Xabi Alonso was having mare and it was he who coughed up the ball to Alexis Sanchez who drew the defender and slipped the ball inside to Aranguiz to moved it on to Vargas who scored expertly.  Another player who had survived the Dutch game was Iker Casillas and he again showed why he should have by flapping a long range free kick back into the middle and Aranguiz brilliantly put away the rebound.  Half time 2-0 and Spain have had it.  To be fair they tried in the second half but theor best chances fell to two players who were never going to score as long as they had a hole in their arses as Busquets put an open goal wide and Diego Costa gave us hope that Chelsea have signed another duff Spanish striker.  Talking of which, del Bosque replaced Costa with Torres with 20 to go whilst Davis Villa sat and watched on.  Carzorla made things better when he came on and forced a couple of saves out of the excellent Brava but Chile easily held on and totally deserved to win.  As for Spain – well they got old and the manager failed to use younger fitter squad players and stuck with the tried and tested and old in conditions that didn’t suit them.  Mata, Fabregas and Cazorla should all have played more and Casillas is shot to bits having not played any football this season.  It will be a new broom for Spain as the manager will doubtless go and we’ve probably seen the last of Xavi, David Villa, Xabi Alonso, Torres and Casillas.  They’ve been brilliant in their time but it looks like their time has gone.  It wasn’t even a surprise that they lost today – the only surprise is that Sergio Ramos didn’t wipe someone out and get sent off after a 21 man brawl.  I wonder if they can flog Costa back to Brazil?

Group A - Croatia 4 Cameroon 0

Croatia, probably fuelled by the shite referiing they got against Brazil, tore into Cameroon at the start and took ten minutes to go 1-0 up as Mandzukic squared and Olic tapped in at the far post.  Cameroon then showed their amazing discipline as Alex Song produced a kind of martial arts flying elbow down a players back as he was running away from him.  Quite bizarre and a great spot from the officials to send the twat off.  It was still 1-0 at half time but there was no way this was going to end in any other way than a hammering.  Perisic got away down the left and cut in with no challenge to slip it past the keeper who dived the wrong way.  Mandzukic then scored with a header from a corner as no one challenged him and the same player rounded off the scoring as Eduardo’s tame effort was present to him by a chocolate wristed goalkeeper.  The game ended with Assou-Ekotto pushing his head into the face of another one of his players.  They’re a shambles and Croatia have a do or die match against Mexico.

Tomorrow it's time for England... oh joy.

World Cup 2014 Part 1 - FIFA Buy the Referee and Hodgson Cocks It Up.

Dejan Lovren might not agree with the Ref

12/6/14

Group A – Brazil 3 Croatia 1

Day 1 and Brazil are up first against Croatia and away we go after watching J-Lo shake her thing about (very nice too) and kids releasing doves and all that stuff that makes it look like FIFA is a wonderful, pure, selfless organization.  There’s a brief feel-good element to things and then you see Adrian Chiles for the first time.  Since they won their World Cup winners medals in 1998 and 2006 respectively, Patrick Vieira and Fabio Cannavaro must have been waiting for the moment when they got to share a TV studio with a bumbling, clueless potato and Lee Dixon.

After two cracking national anthems and the players giving it loads with veins in the next bulging, the actual football started and the script went up in the air as Croatia scored as Jelavic scuffed a shot into the path of Marcelo who finished with aplomb straight into his own net.  Goal line technology was broadcast by ITV which said it had crossed the line which I think everyone realised when it hit the back of the net and stayed there.  Neymar then threw a silly arm-raised challenge at Modric and caught him in the face.  It was a bit of a wet slap so I think yellow was just about right but if you could pick one player in this tournament who will not get sent off in the first half then it would be Neymar.  He could murder someone basically.  Five minutes later he picks a ball up in midfield and runs before scuffing a shot into the corner, off the post to make it 1-1.  The ball passes through Lovren’s legs on its way in but it’s shocking from Pleitikosa in goal who just seems to collapse.  Half time and Brazil have had the possession but Croatia have looked dangerous on the break and the more incisive.

The second half starts with Brazil pressure and then it changes round and Croatia are in the ascendency and testing Cesar in the Brazil goal before the ghost of South Korea 2002 rears its ugly head as we can’t have the host nation struggling.  Fred backs into Lovren and slides his feet forwards so he falls over and the ref gives a penalty.  It’s a joke, hometown, bent decision.  You just have to look at the fact that he couldn’t wait to give it, gave it instantly and with great relish.  Neymar danced and stuttered his way up to the penalty and Pleitikosa went the right way, got 2 hands to it and still shoved it in the net.  Croatia had chances before the end and had a goal disallowed (rightly in my view) but got done on the break as Oscar poked in a shot from the edge of the box and Pleitikosa completed his hat-trick by doing the collapsing goalkeeper thing again.  Overall it was a decent game of decent attacking football but the hometown bent refereeing leaves a cloud.  I liked the cocaine-in-a-can thing for marking out where the wall should be and matches involving Colombia and Mexico should be great for this reason alone but I wasn’t impressed with the imaginary card waving from the Brazilians, particularly when Gene Hackman Scolari joined in.  Waving an imaginary card is basically dissent as you’re disagreeing with the ref so you should book players for it.

Brazil will of course win Group A as it’s in the contract.  The group also contains Mexico and Cameroon.  The hosts aren’t great at the back with David Luiz being a walking mistake and there’s space behind Marcelo and Dani Alves if you can get at them.  Up front, Fred was useless, completely hopeless but Neymar was different class altogether and Oscar played well on the right after a shaky start.  Croatia could still go through of course but without Mandzukic they are short up front.  Neither Olic nor Jelavic look the answer at all.  I did like their manager Niko Kovac who didn’t pull any punches in his post match interview, the gist of which was that we may as well all give up and go home if that’s a penalty.  He might not be far wrong.

That my Friends, is a header!

13/6/14

Group A – Mexico 1 Cameroon 0

What we needed after the farcical refereeing performance yesterday was a controversy free game and that’s exactly what we didn’t get as Mexico were the better side against a pretty dismal Cameroon and had two goals disallowed in the first half for offside.  The first one was level and no benefit of the doubt was given to the attacker and the second one was ridiculous.  A cross came in and the striker was miles onside but it flicked off a Cameroon defender which in the mind of the linesman, made him offside.  Absolute horse shit.  The linesman couldn’t tell the difference between a Mexican in a green shirt and a big black bloke in a yellow shirt.  Players dream of scoring even one goal in a World Cup but Giovanni dos Santos had two legitimate goals disallowed because the lino had been on the cocaine in a can before the game.  Luckily for Mexico iit wasn’t decisive as they scored the winner in the second half when Peralta followed in and scored then the ball bounced back to him.  Cameroon have some good players but were pretty ordinary and Mexico’s game with Croatia will decide who goes through behind Brazil.

Group B - Spain 1 Netherlands 5

Initial fears that we were going to get Friday the 13^th: Spain v Netherlands: The Sequel, looked well founded as Nigel de Jong went piling into players but without approaching neck level like he did 4 years ago.  Spain have a new striker in Diego Costa who they bought from Brazil.  The guy was born in Brazil and played for Brazil  in a couple of friendlies but now he’s Spanish.  OK, that’s a fucking stupid rule especially when you consider that Brazil haven’t played any competitive games for 4 years.  Having said that I’m not sure that the Confederations Cup counts.  So Spain now have a striker and he won a penalty when de Vrij went steaming in like a twat and Costa hurdled the challenge and trod on de Vrij as he slid by and fell over.  Penalty – really?  Anyway, up stepped Xabi Alonso to score and we all sat back waiting for a masterclass of possession.  The Dutch however had failed to read the script and equalised soon after as Daley Blind bombed over a huge cross from the left and van Persie scored with a fantastic diving header which he lobbed over Casillas.  Fabulous goal and half time.  

The 2nd half was a procession but not towards the Dutch goal.  Spain went pass, pass, pass, pass, pass and lost it, the Dutch went for the throat.  Blind played another great ball for Robben who danced around Ramos and Pique before smashing past Casillas and 3-1 then arrived as Casillas flapped at a cross and de Vrij bundled it in.  To be fair to the keeper, it was a foul on him by van Persie but he was nowhere near the cross.  Casillas then made sure that everyone knew that he had gone to shit and controlled a back pass straight to van Persie and the only thing that was going to make him miss was shock.  Needless to say, he didn’t miss and 4-1 became 5-1 as Robben got in a foot race with Ramos from half way and Casillas made it easy for him by flying out like a complete arse.  It could have been 6-1 but to be fair, Casillas made a superb double save from Wynaldum and then from Robben but bloody hell, Spain suddenly got old.  All that was left was for the hapless Torres to come on as a sub and dawdle over a tap in, allowing Blind to tackle him practically on the goal line.   The Spanish were very average but the Dutch had their moment like England did when we smashed Germany by the same score.  He question remains if the Dutch will build on it or under achieve like we did.

Group B – Chile 3 Australia 1

Australia are a bit like the United States in that I don’t like them at all.  They’re usually just a team of athletes who are organized but this time, the coach has ditched nearly all the experienced players and is going with the youth who are obviously not very good as they’ve been getting humped in their warm-up matches.  So, hopes are high that they’re going to get a pasting, especially when Chile scored twice in the first 15 minutes through Alexis  Sanchez and Valdavia.  The expected annihilation didn’t materialize though as Tim Cahill pulled on back with a trademark header from a right wing cross.  Australia had the odd situation which could have led to an equalizer but Chile put it to bed near the end as Jean Beausajour made it 3-1 with an arrowed finish from the edge of the box.  Off you go Australia.  Chile against Spain will be a bit tasty now.

"I can play shit in any of the forward positions"

14/6/14

Group C – Colombia 3 Greece 0

There was no way on God’s green earth that I was going to make a special effort to watch a game involving Greece unless I had to.  Their World Cup is going to be, turn up, play three games, have about 2 shots in 3 games, lose and go home in time for tea.  It took them all of 5 minutes to fall behind to the decent looking Colombians when Amero wandered up from the back and scuffed in a shot which was deflected past the keeper.  The rest of the first half was fairly even and the Greeks had a penalty shout at the start of the second as Samaras weaved into the box before having a dive instead of carrying on.  Serves you right you wanker.  2-0 through Gutierrez from a flick on from a corner and then Gekas hit the bar from 4 yards out when the preferred option would surely have been to nod into the gaping empty net.  He used to play for a dodgy Southern based Engish club in blue if I remember correctly.  Rodriguez sidefooted home for 3-0 and the game was all over, Greece had been more attacking than I expected but they’re shit, basically.  Colombia looked like a side who will reach the knockout stages and whoever plays them will fancy their chances.  They do however have mad goal celebrations.

Group D – Uruguay 1 Costa Rica 3

I was expecting a procession towards the Costa Rica goal for this game even with Uruguay being without Luis Suarez and so it proved for the first half.  A rugby tackle in the box brought a penalty to Uruguay which Cavani converted.  I dunno about you but I think Cavani is severely overrated but his goal was the difference at half time.  Ten minutes after half time and the beer kicked in and I went to the loo and when I’d got back, Costa Rica were 2-1 up.  Joel Campbell smashed in the first as a free kick broke to him inside the penalty area and then Duarte rose above everyone at the back stick and headed and headed across Muslera and in the other side of the goal.  Uruguay’s defending was carnage despite Godin and Lugano performing the same wrestling moves that had won them a penalty at the other end.  Uruguay had half an hour to find a goal and produced nothing with Cavani anonymous and 3 substitutions tellingly leaving Suarez on the bench and none of the incoming players providing any spark.  A Costa Rican sub fastened onto a through ball from the excellent Campbell and slid it first time under Muslera who came rushing out like an idiot.  Man of the Match Joel Campbell is one of the players that Arsenal have been stockpiling who hasn’t played a first team game for them and has just been out on loan everywhere.  Well that wasn't in the script for this group - Cat released, pigeons everywhere.

Group D – Italy 2 England 1

News came through whilst the Uruguay game was happening that Raheem Sterling was going to start and Adam Lallana had been dropped.  This on its own was a bit concerning as it meant that Welbeck was still in the side but then the whispers started that Sterling was in the 10 role and Rooney had been shunted left into a role where we have about 5 players who are more effective.  This ‘leak’ was confirmed before kick off so  I assume we can chalk this one down to Lallana being the easiest to drop.  England started well and Sterling had the whole country on it’s feet when he fired in a shot from 30 yards which sped past the keeper and hit the side netting.  For all the world it looked like a goal and I’m sure I wasn’t alone in being off my chair, shouting and generally making a tit of myself.  Italy were immediately tearing us a new one down the left where Darmiann and Candreva were up against Baines as Rooney totally failed to give him any cover. They opened the scoring from a corner as we switched off, Pirlo stepped over the corner and Marchisio took a touch before lashing it through the crowd and into the net with Rooney failing to get anything on it as it whistled past him.  Back came England straight away though and a good break and ball by Sterling allowed Rooney to curl a delightful cross to Sturridge who buried it on the half volley to make it 1-1.  We had a good go at going 2-1 down before half time as Hart went walkabout and then kind of half got back in his goal.  The Italian chipped him easily and Jagielka got back on the line to head over.  It was interesting that they didn’t show the goal line technology graphic when they’d previously been showing it when the ball hit the net and stayed there.  I guess that they couldn’t stand the thought of Phil Neville commentating on it in his monotone drawl.

Acknowledgement that the Rooney experiment hasn’t worked came when Hodgson switched Rooney and Welbeck over but it was still bad and within 10 minutes Italy were back in front as Baines was exposed again 2v1 and he then compounded it by not marking either player.  A cross from the right and Balotelli got in behind Cahill to give Hart no chance with a header.  Liability Johnson had followed his man into the centre forward position so either through lack of communication or just bad marking we were 2-1 down.  We had at least 4 players blowing out of their arses by the hour mark but Hodgson took off Welbeck who wasn’t one of them and brought on Barkley who immediately looked lively.  Henderson was next to be removed and Wilshere come on which made me thing that Hodgson was just doing it by numbers.  He knew Barkley should have started so he was first sub, Wilshere was in the team before injury so he’s on next and I predicted that Lallana would be on next as he was unlucky to be dropped.  Sure enough, when Sturridge copped a dead leg, Lallana came on when it really should have been Lambert.  We had the one glorious chance to equalize and it fell to Rooney who cut inside a defender and with the whole goal to aim at on his right foot, he shat it wide of the near post in abysmal Sunday League fashion.  Rooney finally got to play up front when Sturridge went off, and predictably did nothing.  Wilshere’s contribution involved running headlong into three players and wondering why he lost the ball and didn’t get a free kick.

The second half was poor and Hodgson was mainly to blame.  Rooney should have come off on the hour mark, closely followed by Gerrard who looked really old on that performance.  Contrast with Pirlo who is a year older and was outstanding for Italy as we didn’t get near him.  Welbeck was having a decent game until he was subbed to indulge Rooney some more.  Aside from the cross for the goal, Rooney was woeful both with and without the ball and does not deserve to start the next match.  He will be indulged though like he always is despite doing absolutely nothing to justify it.  Sturridge is better up front, Sterling, Barkley and Lallana are better in the hole, Sterling, Chamberlain and Lallana are better in the wing positions.  He simply does not deserve to start.... but he will.  Also, he’d be a very good impact sub to bring on with something to prove.   Hodgson has to sort himself out and pick his best team.  If you want a comparison then think 1966 and Alf Ramsey.  Everyone played with wingers at the time but Alf decided not to as we’d be a better team without them.  Jimmy Greaves was our best striker but Alf decided that we were a better team with a Geoff Hurst – Roger Hunt partnership up front. How did that one work out in the end?

My marks out of 10 are: Hart 6, Johnson 6, Baines 5, Jagielka 7, Cahill 6, Gerrard 5, Henderson 6, Welbeck 6, Sterling 7, Rooney 5, Sturridge 7

It has to be said though that we played pretty well and probably deserved a draw which we would have got against a team a little less streetwise than the Italians.  It annoys me that we allowed Pirlo to run the game in the same way as we did two years ago but going forward we were more inventive than of late.  We need to go the whole hog though and leave out the players who drag us back.

Uruguay on Thursday is now a must win.

England Drag Saints Stars Down to Their Level!

Jay, Adam and Rickie play "Spot the Player Who Shouldn't Be Here"

England friendlies are boring and pretty much a waste of time as a rule.  What you get is a starting XI which will be devoid of Liverpool, Arsenal and Man United players as they will all pull out injured.  In their place will be reserves from the same teams who don’t get a game in the Premier League and therefore can be spared by their respective clubs Irish, French and Scottish managers.  Hence, players like Tom Cleverley have 20 caps and someone like James Milner has approaching 50, despite neither being good enough to get a regular Premier League game for their clubs.  This time is actually a bit different though and we, as Saints fans are interested.

Maybe it’s because Saints are sitting 3^rd in the League and therefore it can’t really be criticized but to his credit, Roy Hodgson has decided to have a look at some Saints players with Sir Rickie, Adam Lallana and Jay Rodriguez in the squad.  Sir Rickie or course has become a bit of a regular since the start of this season but it’s a first time inclusion for the other two.  I don’t think anyone was surprised at Adam’s inclusion buy Jay’s call up came as a massive surprise to me as for me, he’s not shown anywhere near the level of consistency over a period of time to warrant it... mind you, it’s never stopped call ups for many of the others in the squad.

As the game approached we had a spate of withdrawals with Carrick and Welbeck being the first to go, followed by Gerrard and Sturridge.  Then there was a bit of a heart-in-mouth moment as Sir Rickie pulled out with a kind of unspecified muscle injury... aarrrrgh!  He never gets injured to what the fuck has happened there?  All of this increased the chances of the other two getting a game and as it turned out, they were both named in the starting XI, on either side of Squirrel Head in the England attack.

The national anthems saw the two Saints boys standing next to eachother with Adam looking composed and Jay looking somewhere between nervous and terrified.  There’s been a lot of talk recently about the Saints pressing game and you could see that England were set up to try and do the same.  Rooney was chasing around, Adam and J-Rod were pushing up, as was Milner from midfield.  However, Lampard, Wilshere and the back four were miles back and Chile were good enough to pop it about until they got past our pressing four and then attack.

England quickly went 1-0 down as none of the back 4 covered themselves in glory.  Cahill was recovering from getting a ball in the chest, Johnson allowed the cross to come in too easily, Jones was out of position and Baines allowed Sanchez to get in front of him and head down past the lumbering Forster in goal.

Adam looked confident but his first time in the spotlight came when taking two corners from the right hand side.  His set pieces have always been a bit hit and miss and he hit the first man with one and then tried a short on to Johnson which went straight to a Chile player as the nation groaned.  After that though he got into it, some superb close control as you’d expect and came close to equalizing as he picked up a Squirrel pass and saw his shot half-blocked away for a corner.  Jay on the other hand found no space out on the left and seemed to be starved of possession as England consistently went right.  He didn’t do anything wrong but then he didn’t do anything to make anyone take notice either.  Both Saints were decent in their defensive work in that they got back and helped out the full backs – Adam getting back to put a tackle in to concede a corner after Baines had done what Adam did earlier and passed a corner straight to a Chilean player.  There was one ‘shit youself’ moment as Adam overstretched for a ball and collapsed but mercifully he got up and carried on.   Jay was subbed on the hour and Adam with 15 to go and Gary Cahill managed to give away a second goal, presenting the ball to Sanchez on the half way line who ran through and scored after waiting for the big cry of ‘TIMBERRRRR!’ and then waiting for Forster to topple over and crash to earth, just to make it easy for him.

There was some entirely predictable Saints baiting in the media in the immediate aftermath of the game, referring rather childishly to “the failed Southampton experiment” but it seems that on reflection, most are agreed that Adam Lallana was one of England’s best players, if not the best.  Jay I feel, will look back and wish he’d done more with his opportunity and he must be hoping that Hodgson has seen enough in training to give him another go.  There must be a lot in that as players like Milner and Cleverley must be magnificent in training because they repeatedly do jack shit of any use when they get on the pitch.

Onto the Germany game and England have a much stronger line-up with Adam Lallana again in the starting XI, playing in an attacking midfield three with Squirrel Head and Andros Townsend behind selfish little arrogant twat Daniel Sturridge.   Sir Rickie and J-Rod were on the bench and England have a decent side out bar the inclusion of Man United’s 5^th choice centre half in Smalling and about their 8^th choice midfielder in Cleverley.

We had a decent five minutes at the start looking much more alert and alive than we did against Chile.  Adam was stationed out in the graveyard slot on the left and hardly getting a touch of the ball as England went through Townsend on the right who is very direct but frequently just runs into defenders.  The German reserve team we were up against weren’t offering much but were containing us comfortably, mainly due to Rooney having one of those games where you wonder if he’s ever seen a football before and where do I start on Daniel Sturridge?  Football, as you are taught when you are 5 years old, is a team game.  England winning the World Cup was still a recent memory when I was growing up and there was always talk of Sir Alf picking the best team and not the best individuals with Jimmy Greaves not playing and all that.  I’m sure Sturridge is brilliant in training and has a load of skill but in training he’s got a ball to himself.  In a team context where you have to occasionally share the ball with a team mate, he’s a fucking greedy twat who adds nothing and makes the team worse.  Elsewhere, Kyle Walker made a bid to do the impossible and be worse than Glenn Johnson and the highlight was him firing a free kick across the pitch from right to left about 40 yards behind Ashley Cole and out for a throw in.  Possession is King.

As we approached half time, the Germans had their first attack with Hart having to beat away Mertesacker’s header which he won easily ahead of Smalling.  The ball ended out on the right and was crossed straight back in where Mertesacker again beat Smalling and guided a very good header into the far corner of the net giving Hart no chance at all.

Adam started the second half on fire, looking after the ball well, spinning past players and laying it off for one of Mr.Greed or Squirrel Head to lose it.  It’s been said for years that England don’t look comfortable in possession but in Adam we have a player who is.  Another one was sat on the bench, probably laughing to himself every time Mr.Greed cocked something up.  Andros Townsend was a threat and cut in and smacked a left footed shot onto the post.  Townsend does some flash things which make you overlook that he’s run headlong into traffic the previous 10 times he’s had the ball and not delivered the cross.  Methinks he’d be better on the left.

Henderson is about to come on and I assume Cleverley is going off but Roy’s given up on the result and it’s Gerrard going off.  Henderson’s first contribution is to play a superb ball through the German defence to Sturridge who tries to use his one foot to control it instead of the one he should have used and the chance is gone.  Heather Mills is more two footed than Sturridge.

Sir Rickie eventually comes on with 15 to go in place of Lallana and as Rooney has already been replaced with Barkley, he’s up front with Sturridge.  The big man’s 15 minutes saw him keep possession, lay off four long passes up to him straight to an England player and generally contribute more in 15 minutes than Sturridge managed in 90.  We didn’t manage any more shots however and so we lost 1-0 to Germany’s reserves.

These two friendlies will have served a purpose if Roy Hodgson learns some lessons and has the courage to act on them.  Hart is still our best goalkeeper by a mile, Johnson and Walker are both garbage and an alternative (who plays right back for Saints) is required. Smalling and Jones aren’t good enough yet and Cleverley and Henderson are piss poor, Sturridge should not start and Townsend needs to get his head up more often.

Out of the Saints boys I’d say Adam Lallana has done himself the world of good and will have moved significantly up the pecking order.  Though he only played 15 minutes, I’d be surprised if Sir Rickie hasn’t shown more value to Roy Hodgson, especially as he’s seen Sturridge play like that!  Sir Rickie has never played up front with Squirrel Head and the Double Scouse combination really should be given a go – I guarantee it would make that part of the team function a lot better.  J-Rod will I think be relying on injuries to get near the squad again before the World Cup but you never know.  If he manages to rattle in 10 goals before the next squad is picked then he’ll get another chance.  If there’s any justice in the world then Nathaniel Clyne will have greatly benefited from the performances of Johnson and Walker.

Watching England friendlies is still frustrating though.  Now back to the real stuff on Saturday.  Bring on The Gooners, a 2-0 win and top of the league, in my dreams.

World Cup Part 13 - The Day after the Shite Before

She's happy, so am I.

MONDAY 28th JUNE

Holland v Slovakia in the afternoon game, a game for which I and everyone everywhere in any part of the world that was not Slovakia, predicted a Dutch win. Arjen Robben made his first start so many of the spread betting companies would have been running their Robben specials:- Minute of first injury, minute of first blatant dive and maybe even minute of first goal. The Dutch had been steady and not spectacular in their games so far but they’d won the lot so at the end of the day, I doubt they care much. This was likely to be more of the same and so it proved as the Slovak defence allowed Robben to cut onto the only foot he can kick with and true to form, he lashed the Dutch in front on 18 minutes. The rest of the first half was pretty tame but the second half opened out with the Slovaks having good chances through Stoch which was well tipped over by Stekelenberg in the Dutch goal and through Vittek who never looked like he believed he could score. All the Slovakia attacks were coming via the managers son Weiss, who despite looking about 14, looked a very decent player. Game over with ten minutes to go as the Slovak keeper came rushing out with no plan or idea and Dirk Kuyt beat him to the ball before squaring to Schneijder to fire into an empty net. Slovakia probably deserved a goal and duly got one though a last minute penalty by Vittek to give him four goals for the tournament.

He’s one of my hate figures but I have to say, in the interest of fairness, that Dirk Kuyt had a brilliant game. Ok, he’s taken over from Ruud Van Nistelrooy as the ugliest Dutch player but he was excellent today nonetheless. Talking of ugly players and again with a Liverpool connection – Martin Skrtel, bloody hell. He shouldn’t be allowed to play in any match that kicks off before 9pm in case there are kids watching.

To the evening and Brazil v Chile. Brazil, near as dammit, had their first XI on the pitch and what a difference to the last match. Juan, the centre half who should have been suspended, opened the scoring on the half hour with a thumping header from a Maicon corner and though you could argue that Chile were having most of the possession and looking good, Brazil never looked like conceding (which reminded me of England not) and always carried a threat themselves. This was illustrated five minutes later when Robinho broke away at pace on the left, fed the ball into Kaka who weighted a brilliant pass into Luis Fabiano who went round the keeper and slotted for 2-0. Brilliant goal. Half time came and went but we were all done on the hour when Ramires ran through three half headrted challenges before the ball broke to Robinho to curl it first time into the corner. Another brilliant finish and game over. Chile kept going in the quest to get the goal they deserved but not to be and Brazil through to play Holland in the Quarters. Interestingly, most observers seem to think that Howard Webb had a decent match refereeing this so maybe England do have a chance of getting to the final after all. With all due respect Howard, it’s just not the same…

Meanwhile in Rustenberg, Fabio Capello is facing the media and offering up player tiredness as an excuse and admitting that he spoke to his boss at the FA and said he wants to stay on. The FA are taking two weeks to decide which means they are looking to see if they can afford to sack him having removed the ‘fuck off with no compensation’ clause just before the tournament started. If memory serves, didn’t they do that with Sven Goran Eriksson before Euro 2004 where we were similarly shite. Joking aside, I expect they’re weighing up where they could get anyone who could do better. Certainly, no one could be better qualified than Capello but as I said yesterday, he lost the plot when it mattered most. Interesting to think back to Eriksson who also, always did well in qualification before being as useful as an ash tray on a motorbike in the tournaments… makes you think that it must be the players who either can’t handle the pressure, are too knackered or who just aren’t good enough to play against the really good sides. Certainly though, I feel that there are managers out there who could have got more out of our players and though I hate to endorse him, Harry Redknapp is the one who springs to mind. If Capello is gone in a couple of weeks though, expect the tax evasion case against ‘Arry to miraculously fall apart….

Our fans have been praised though for being well behaved which is nice though I bet there was at least one incident last night of a German fan being hospitalised with a Vuvuzela sticking out of his arse.

A circus midget sucking on two golf tees.

World Cup Part 10 - The Brazilian Way

She's bored... but who cares

FRIDAY 25th JUNE

Brazil v Portugal was supposed to be the match of the tournament – well it certainly was the most attractive looking fixture in the groups. Trouble is that neither team needed to win and neither team seemed too bothered about winning. In short – it was shit and like a training game. Brazil nearly fluked it in the last minute when a hopelessly off target shot was nearly deflected over the keeper but this would have been an accident. Talking point of the game was when Brazil’s Juan blatantly handled, denying Ronaldo a run on goal. There’s only one decision available to the ref at this point and it’s a red card… but he bottled it and went for yellow so I hope it’s his last game. A sending off at that point may have made it interesting but as it was…. Boredom and apathy. Brazil had rested a couple and the players who came in looked very very ordinary… Julio Baptista… he was average years ago when he played for Arsenal. On the sideline, Dunga was doing his nut and Carlos Queiroz was standing there, smug personified. I don't like him and this comes from the year he spent doing Sir Alex's post match interviews for him.

There were some losers as a result of the bore draw, other than the fans who’d paid to watch. They were the Ivory Coast who needed a Brazil win and a goal avalanche against North Korea to get them thorough. They won 3-0 but it didn’t matter, though there was a fantastic piece and control and shot from Drogba which led directly to the 2nd goal.

The last group to be finished saw Spain v Chile and Switzerland v Honduras. Despite havnig won their opening two games, Chile were vulnerable as if they lost, Switzerland only needed to beat Honduras by two goals. Spain had to win to make sure of progressing and they got a decent start on 25 minutes when the keeper came out and tackled Torres on the edge of the box and the clearance fell straight to David Villa who thumped it back first time into the empty net from 40 yards. Pardon my ignorance but why does David Villa have 'DAVID VILLA' on the back of his shirt and not just 'VILLA' ? Anyhow, 2-0 quarter of an hour later as Inesta passed in a lovely shot rom the edge of the box. In the build up to this goal, Torres had been tripped off the ball by a Chilean defender who had already been booked so 2-0 and 10 men. Chile got one back after half time when Millar's shot was deflected by Pique but around the hour mark, with the other game still being 0-0, everyone seemed to settle for a 2-1 win for Spain and it all went to shit and keep ball broke out. Spain are pretty good at keeping the ball anyway but they're especially good at keeping it in their half when all the Chileans are in their own half. Pretty bloody poor really.

So, Spain won 2-1 and the bloody boring Swiss couldn't manage a goal against honduras and drew 0-0 meaning Spain and Chile deservedly go through and now we know the last 16. My predictions are as follows...

1. Uruguay to beat South Korea 2-0 - with Forlan and Suarez up front, Uruguay have the firepower to dispose of South Korea who both score and let in quite a few. Don't think much of the Koreans who were lucky they had the truly dreadful Greeks and Nigerians in their group.
2. Ghana to beat USA on penalties after a 1-1 draw - maybe I'm being a bit optimistic here because Ghana have only scored two goals and both of them were penalties. I think I just don't want the USA getting into the last 8 and it would be cool if an African team kept going.
3. Holland to beat Slovakia by more than two- as close to a 'gimme' as you're going to get. The Dutch haven't been tested defensively as yet and they won't here either.
4. Brazil to beat Chile - but only just. Brazil won't be as bad as today but the Chileans have a lot of talent and are a little unhinged so I predict a riot. The return of man city reject, Robinho and Elano should make Brazil function better, as will the return of that Kaka bloke.
5. Argentina to beat Mexico 3-0- the Argies are just too strong. Mexico are a tidy side but I can see them getting blown away here. Messi hasn't scored yet, bet he does here....
6. England to beat Germany 2-1 - they're not great and I'm sure we won't go in with an inferiority complex. The same staring XI as the Slovenia game should see us nick this one. Like Messi, Rooney is waiting to go. Hopefully, stupid, burnt out England will kick and rush their way into the quarter finals. This last sentence brough to you by Franz Beckenbauer (who is now in 'damage limitation' mode).
7. Japan to beat Paraguay 1-0 - though Paraguay play some decent stuff, I see Japan winning as they have more of a cutting edge up front with Honda and Endo and Paraguay need 15 chances to score a goal.
8. Spain to beat Portugal 1-0 and that Ronaldo ponce to be blubbing like a baby at the end. Portugal have not shown that they can attack against anyone other than North Korea and I expect them to be rally cagey... and lose.

So - my predicted quarter finals are... Uruguay v Ghana, Holland v Brazil, Argentina v England and Japan v Spain