JPT Southern Section Round 1 - Southampton 0 Swindon 3

Pericard volleys in the first (excellent stuff from the Swindon Advertiser)

The day after the morning before and how would Saints react to having no manager. There had been a statement from the clubs PR department regarding us being fully focussed on retaining our trophy, that trophy being the Johnstone’s Paint Trophy, won by Alan Pardew. A day of bewilderment and daydreaming on my part, had been punctuated by an email from a Pompey supporting mate of mine – it simply said “Paul Hart – ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.....” followed by another 2 pages of “ha”. I saw the rumour in the middle of all the deadline day panic buys and remembered that last time, we were linked with Tony Adams so there is obviously a Skate somewhere, on a wind up.

This JPT game was a big game for me as I was bringing my (just turned) 6 year old son to his first competitive game meaning it would be the first time he heard me use some new words. He’d only previously been to the Ajax friendly so I was in ‘friendly language’ mode. My two daughters were also present so it was a bit of family day. As i’d refused to pay the £10.50 to park near SMS, we got the bus from Woolston and that cost nearly £4 for the four of us. As we got to the ground, daughter 1 had her bag searched for “pictures of Alan Pardew” as the steward put it. A jovial start to the evening.

To the teams and Saints had changed a few from the 4-0 hammering of Bristol Rovers. Jaidi was back to give Martin a break in defence and Guly do Prado replaced Lallana in midfield. Up front, Barnard was left out to give Connolly a game. Swindon seemed to have a team of youngsters out there but had Charlie Austin and Vincent Pericard up front for them – the former having given us a hard time last year and the latter being an ex-Saint, ex-Skate and a handful when he can be bothered.

Kick off and ‘ALAN PARDEW’S RED AND WHITE ARMY’ is blasting out of the Northam. Guly do Prado had lined up on the left in a straight swap for Lallana which was my first disappointment of the evening as he’s totally right footed and he looked completely lost, not touching the ball for the first 10 minutes. The first player who stood out was Puncheon who twisted and turned into a shooting position before firing just past the near post. Also showing up well was Deano who was giving it some hammer in the centre of the park, flying into challenges like a man who was on the verge of taking someone out... and then there was the main in the blue who was shite and generally not giving any free kicks for anything as he simply didn’t understand what a foul is. Deano went up for a header, won it and then got nutted by the Swindon player competing. Not a bad foul but a foul to anyone watching. Play on. He eventually stops it when he realises that Hammond hasn’t got up and that he needs the trainer on ... and that he has blood dripping down his shirt from his head... and he has to change his shirt... and he has to put on of those daft turban things on that makes him look like a Teletubby.

The Northam End were doing their best to get my kids acquainted with football humour at its best. I was dreading having to explain how someone would stick Paul Hart up their arse. My son was still in World Cup mode and thought that Lambert was in fact, Lampard. I pointed out that Sir Rickie was our main goalscorer and that David Connolly was the one falling over a lot and gifting the ball back to the opposition. I was going to point out our marauding Frenchman but I couldn’t find him because he was wearing that cloak that makes him invisible. The he appeared a hit a fantastic 50 yard pass out to Puncheon on the right wing, a feat he tried to repeat twice more in succession, getting one right and one wrong. Hollywood balls are fine if they work but I’d rather he got involved in the game more often and actually use the ability he has in areas that might hurt the opposition. Ah yes, the opposition...

Harding played the ball up to Guly on the left and he tried to flick it inside the defender and lost the ball from where Swindon worked it out to Austin on the right who left Jaidi for dead and brilliantly hooked over a cross which was spectacularly volleyed home by Vincent bloody Pericard. Superb goal it has to be said and I actually clapped an opposition goal which doesn’t happen often.

Saints have gone a bit wobbly and are struggling to cope at the back. Fonte is having a tough time with the awkward Pericard and Jaidi is just having a mare, like he’s driving a car with four flat tyres. Surely Fonte should be on the quicker Austin and Jaidi on the big lump or that being too obvious. It’s not too bad a performance overall and a nice bit of skill on the left by Do Prado, results in Hardig scufffing a right footed shot straight at the keeper. Half time, 1-0 down.

The second half starts with a big blaze of nothing much and I’m getting the feeling pretty soon that we’re not going to score. Sure enough it’s Swindon who go 2-0 up as a cross is swung in from the left and Austin loses Fonte to score from close in. It’s a diabolical goal to concede as we all stood and watched.

The first change is made on the hour mark when Alex Chamberlain comes on for Puncheon. Now I thought that he had to get a note from his teacher to play an evening game on a school night but here he is and what a difference he makes, running with pace and commitment and challenging defenders to make tackles. This is in direct contrast to what Sir Rickie is doing. He looks like he’s running through treacle to be honest. He can’t run and he can’t get off the ground when he jumps whilst up the other end, Pericard is being a right pain in the arse and not giving Fonte or Jaidi a moments peace.

With just over 20 minutes to go, Dean Wilkins brings on Barnard and Dickson for Butterfield and do Prado. These were two good players to bring on but why not put Guly in his correct position and take the bloody Invisible Schneiderlin off. My kids are getting bored now and who can blame them. When it’s in your blood then you think nothing of sitting through a shit game when you have no chance of turning it round but for them, it was getting tough.

Lee Barnard was running about like a madman, showing a level of commitment that put most of the Saints players to shame when he launched into a bit of a lunging tackle which provoked a few Swindon players into getting involved. The ref, who had carried on being a wanker for the whole match, was only ever going to react one way when he saw the reaction of the Swindon players and Barnard was sent off. The fact that he seemed to show yellow and then a straight red just adds to the farce... apparently his cards were stuck together – idiot.

Because I’m a heartless bastard, I made my kids hang on to 85 minutes before we left. The sweets had all gone and so had everyone’s spirit. We headed towards the Itchen Bridge along with lots of disgruntled fans who were swearing lots. Usually I don’t notice it and I’m probably one of the worst offenders. We heard a cheer from SMS and I wondered for a second but someone on a mobile said ‘it’s three fucking nil now’. I now know that it was Pericard again.

So – so much for the JPT – out in the first round when defending ‘our’ trophy. I wonder when we have to give it back as I don’t remember seeing a squad photo this season which of course, would have had the trophy in it. It’d be a bit embarrassing to have one taken now bearing in mind we’ve already been knocked out and the manager who was in charge when we won it is currently doing a spot of gardening leave. On the radio I heard the interview with Caretaker manager Dean Wilkins who sounds like a decent bloke but he’s wrong when he said we played well-ish and he’s wrong when he said the upheaval didn’t affect the players. It did and we were shit though I have to say, Swindon were deserving winners and that’s now three times in a row that they’ve beaten us so fair play. Austin and Pericard were too much for our defence and Pericard is exactly the sort of player we should have signed as a backup for Sir Rickie. Mind you – on today’s performance, who would have been the back up.

A really bad day at the office with the knock on that Lee Barnard will be suspended for three games and he’s been our best player this season. We’re also hearing that Adam Lallana is unlikely to be fit for a while and seems to be heading for a knee operation. Oh yeah... and we haven’t got a manager but what we do have is the piss take form fans oof other clubs as numerous failures tout themselves for the job. Phil Brown – good at karaoke and public humiliations, not so good at managing football clubs. Mind you – he’d be better than Paul Hart, stuck up your arse or otherwise.

JPT Final - Carlisle 1 Southampton 4 (Wembley Stadium)

Just who is Serigne Ababacar ?

The day had finally arrived when the mighty SFC were to take on Carlisle in the Final of the Johnstone’s Paints Trophy at Wembley Stadium. Though it’s been open a few years now, it is my first trip to the New Wembley Stadium which looks very impressive on the TV, with the arch and all that.

Having travelled to the game on Greyhound Bus No.4, the excitement started to build as the traffic ground to a halt on the A40, in the queue for the Hangar Lane Roundabout which is the worst roundabout to drive around, this side of the Arc de Triomphe. As we queued, in the distance away to the left was the arch. Once the roundabout from hell was negotiated, the shop from hell was spotted when Ikea, Brent Cross came into view. I used to have to come here before they built one of the big yellow and blue boxes in West Quay and the memories came flooding back of the time when I was in the procession of misery round Ikea, a procession that women love and men despise. I stopped because the person in front of me stopped and the trolley behind smacked into my achilles. Sharp intake of breath and off we went again until we stopped again and I was trolley assaulted again – this time I turned round and glared at the small woman who was guilty. Off we go, stop, bang, pain. “Look, it’s perfectly fucking simple, when I stop, you stop”. After this outburst it got very dark. I then looked up (I’m 6 foot 1) to see where the light had gone and saw this woman’s son glaring at me. He looked like an American footballer with the pads sewn in under his skin. She bashed her trolley into me twice more on the way round and I didn’t say a thing.

Anyway, round the back of Ikea and up a hill, through and Industrial Estate and there we were, in the coach park – no time to get excited at all. The coach was parked at the arch side of the ground and it (the arch) really didn’t look that big or impressive from the outside. One of the things I loved about the Old Wembley was the look of it from the outside with the Towers and the white walls etc. The new one looks dull as you like and is completely lacking in character. I thought that the big area around the stadium would be full of vendors selling beer and food etc (like they have at the Rose Bowl for example) but there was nothing which of course is a ploy to make you buy stuff inside the stadium. So, there are no vendors and there is precious little of interest aside from one statue of Bobby Moore and that’s it. Is there a Museum or anything ? I assume so but I didn’t find it…

I then made the mistake of going in the Wembley Shop which sold England kit and associated merchandise but also merchandise from the Big 4 and believe it or not, Celtic. What the fuck is going on here. I find it really sad that the National Stadium is not above all this pandering to the big boys and is just another JJB Sports Shop. It should sell England stuff, it should sell Wembley stuff, it should sell stuff for the teams competing on the given day but it should not be selling Man Utd, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea gear when they’re not playing today and it especially shouldn’t sell fucking Celtic gear when they’re not even English and never play at Wembley except in meaningless pre-season tournaments when no one cares. It gets even worse… I went round a corner in the shop and was confronted by a German national team strip. I wanted to be sick or at least, blow my nose on it. At least I can imagine them shifting a few Man Utd shirts but who’s gonna buy a Germany shirt. If you were a German living in London, I can’t imagine you’d think of going to Wembley to pick up a replica shirt. I don’t know if there was a Scotland shirt as I didn’t hang around to find out.

Instead, I went into the ground because I was starving. The food inside was ridiculously overpriced and shite. I asked for a Chilli Dog and the bloke looked at me like I was mad. I pointed out that it was on the menu and not a special request and he disappeared for 5 minutes and came back saying ‘no chilli’. A Chilli Dog without Chilli is of course, a Dog or rather a Microwaved Weiner in a stale bun which I could have brought from Tesco for about 30p. £4 but it tasted so good so it was worth it. Irony Alert !!!!.

OK – time to check out the seats. Once you get sight of the pitch, your impression changes as it’s seriously impressive. Talk about wow factor but now, I’m going to do some more moaning but I don’t really know if I’m moaning at Wembley or at the Saints Ticket Office. I booked into blocks 127 to 131 and I did it on the first day, in the £44 section. I was a wee bit disappointed that I was in block 127 in row 11, looking along the goal-line. Block 131 was near the half way line and was where I really wanted to be and row 11 is too low, especially when you’re in a corner. Some of my mates who are not Season Ticket Holders who booked after me, were in Block 131 so whoever allocated the tickets obviously started at block 127 and worked upwards. Annoying. Anyway – I promise I will stop moaning now….

As we approached kick off time, the 44,000+ Saints fans looked absolutely magnificent. Though the colours were different, it was lump in the throat time, like at Cardiff in 2003. To the team and the outstanding issues were resolved as follows. Morgan Schneiderlin had not recovered from the tight hamstring he picked up last week and was replaced by Paul Wotton whilst Michail Antonio was fit for the first time in about a month and took cup-tied Jason Puncheon’s place on the right wing. Also cup-tied was Lee Barnard whose place went to Papa Waigo N’Diaye whose name caused a few seconds of panic for the stadium announcer. Carlisle had only two players I was vaguely familiar with – Ian Harte who takes a mean free kick but can’t run and Graham Kavanagh who is now 36 but doesn’t look any older than he did when he was 25 when he looked about 50. National Anthem, teams introduced to Mawhinney the Arse and away we go.

For the first 10 minutes, if anything Carlisle were the better side, looking to pass it about in midfield and work their openings. From their first corner, Harding decided that the way to go was World Wrestling Federation and grabbed hold of Grandad Kavanagh as he made his run. At the time I thought nothing of it but when you see a replay it’s pretty bad and I think we can count ourselves a bit fortunate. Most of the Carlisle play revolved around getting the ball out to Robson on their left who was playing against our left footed right back in Harding who comprehensively won the first challenge between the pair which immediately resulted in Robson throwing himself to the floor the next three times he got near the ball. The ref was having none of it though. The tide began to turn when Hammond and Wotton started to get a grip in midfield and Carlisle started to try long balls up to their lone striker who was never going to get an joy competing against the classy Fonte and the brick shithouse Jaidi.

Antonio had started up front with Waigo on the right but when Antonio found himself on his natural right hand side for the first time, he put over a cross towards Lambert where for some reason, the centre back flapped it away with the palm of his hand. From where I was you couldn’t tell what the ref had given but it was as obvious as you like. The only debate was whether he should have been sent off or not. When Sir Rickie is on the pens, the centre back may as well have caught it and thrown it in the net himself as there is only ever one outcome. Bang, top right, 1-0 despite goalkeeper Collin being about five yards off his line when the kick was struck.

Suddenly it was all Saints with two chances in quick succession falling to Lallana. At first I thought he’d scuffed both of them but in fact he made a really good contact with the first and was unfortunate that it buried itself in Collin’s midriff. The second was a bit of a half hit effort and I always feel with Adam that he needs to take a leaf out of Sir Rickie’s book and try and break the net.

Carlisle came back with a couple of efforts of their own with a header from Harte bouncing off the top of the bar and a hooked shot from Marc Double-Barrell landing on top of the net – neither of which caused me or Kelvin Davis any bother. Every time they attacked, Saints looked likely to score and Sir Rickie fashioned an opening for the impressive Antonio that he hit well but Collin turned aside.

Ian Harte is an interesting player in that he won 50+ caps for Ireland and played in the Leeds side that played in the Champions League Semi Final and then he kind of dropped off the map and ended up playng for a crap Spanish side (Levante if memory serves). He was only about 27 when this happened and now he’s only 32 but you can see the problem. He was a left back in his prime and even then was regarded as being a bit slow and having the turning circle of a ocean liner. He is now, even at league 1 standard, too slow to play left back and not good enough in the air to play centre back. Holding midfield role I reckon. Anyway, today he’s a centre back and was getting comprehensively beaten to every header by Sir Rickie including an important one on 44 minutes when Sir Rickie flicked on a long Antonio throw from the right and Lallana stole in completely unmarked at the back stick to head past Collin for 2-0.

It nearly got even better a minute later when following a dreadful foul on Papa Waigo on the left wing, Sir Rickie swung in the free kick which went about a foot wide of the far point having just avoided the lunging Jaidi. Half time and so far so good. My feeling was that our only problem was going to be if Carlisle got one back straight away but I really couldn’t see it. They seemed to have nothing up front and it was carnage every time we got near their penalty area.

The second half started like the first with Carlisle having a spell of keeping the ball and zipping it about but the first time they gave it away, Sir Rickie went gallivanting up the left wing and laid it inside to Papa Waigo who hit a delightful pass with the outside of his right back back to Sir Rickie who had continued his gallivant. Before he collapsed of exhaustion he crossed it to where Horwood was the covering defender. He tried to let it run across him being completely oblivious to Antonio behind him who burgled him and smashed it goalwards where it was parried upwards by Collin’s face. There waiting for it to come down was Papa Waigo who nodded into the empty net for 3-0. The celebrations were long and milked for all they were worth – a run to the crowd in the corner (where I was), a group hug with Lallana and Lambert and then he remembered that he hadn’t done the Waigo shuffle and set off behind the goal to perform his masterpiece. The only questions now were – is it called a parry if it comes off his face and how many would we get ?

Deflated, Carlisle resorted again to hoof and hope – Jaidi headed everything away and Fonte was so laid back he was in a deckchair. Harding and Mills had totally shut down the flanks and whilst not offering much going forward – they didn’t really have to because others were doing just fine on their own. On 59 minutes, Sir Rickie won another header before the ball broke to Antonio who nudged it past a defender and smashed in a left footed half volley which gave poor Collin no hope. 4-0 and a dance for the crowd to match the Waigo effort from earlier.

To be honest, the next half an hour was shite and who can be surprised. The game was won and Carlisle were deflated. To be fair, Carlisle kept trying and following a magnificent spirit lifting performance from Golden Elvis in the crowd, Carlisle got a consolation goal in the 86th minute when sub Madine flicked in an Ian Harte free kick which was given for sod all but it would be churlish to complain too much.

Saints threw on all three subs in the last 15 with Simon Gillett on for Papa Waigo, David Connolly on for Paul Wotton and finally, for what will probably be his last appearance for Saints, Chris Perry on for Radhi Jaidi. Only Gillett made any kind of mark on the game with a snap shot at the near post which Collin tipped wide.

Final whistle – Southampton 4 Carlisle United 1. Southampton win the Johnstone’s Paints Trophy 2010.

Following Carlisle’s trudge up the steps, it was our turn and soon, Dean Hammond and Kelvin Davis were lifting up the seriously large Johnstone’s Paints Trophy. Papa Waigo managed to get himself too excited and tried to get in the way of all the photographs at the key moment. Typical Papa, always five yards ahead of where he should be.

Watching the presentation – it seems funny to me that Markus Liebherr has his own little camera which he takes to every match. I’m hoping that some of his photos get published in the Saints website one day. Nicola Cortese looked very happy and it was a nice moment when he and King Alan were together. A rift? I don’t really think so. Don’t believe the hype, don’t believe the Daily Echo and don’t believe that fat oaf Martin Samuel in the Daily Mail. All it is, is their opinion but written in a forceful way so you think they have the inside track. As we know, the Daily Echo does not have the inside track and I think it’s safe to assume that Martin Samuel doesn’t either. We’re all better off forming our own opinions.

I’ve followed Saints since 1976 as I’ve said before, I was a 7 year old thinking we’d win something every year. I’m now 41 and we’ve finally won something to add to the FA Cup in 1976. Call it a minor competition, call it what you like – I don’t give a shit. I was there. 50,000+ of us were there as it turns out and we had a fantastic time. Wembley, the playing arena is fantastic. Wembley, the rest of it is a bit disappointing but nothing ruins the day – not even the two hour wait to get clear of Hangar Lane on the way home..

Thankyou Markus, Nicola, King Alan, all the players and Serigne Ababacar who apparently is the Senegalese God of Offside.

JPT Final Preview

So… all the league fixtures are done for now and the next game is the Johnstone Paints Trophy Final at Wembley Stadium v Carlisle United.

It’s worth having a little recap here of our progress in the competition so far. To see blog entries - click this link http://leagueoneminus10.blogspot.com/search/label/JPT

We got a bye in the first round and in the 2nd, got a home draw against Torquay and we were quickly 2-0 down. I think that at this point, if they didn’t already, most fans saw this cup as an irrelevance and we didn’t care, it was beneath us, it was a waste of time, stupid little tin pot trophy etc etc. Two close range goals from Papa Waigo and Paul Wotton hitting home the winning penalty in the shoot-out... and we were happy enough.

The 3rd round brought us Charlton at home and the motivation for this game was there due to the quality of the opposition, the game being live on Sky and Pards being their much-hated ex-manager. We thrashed them 2-1 with goals from Wayne Thomas and Sir Rickie. We were totally dominant in the game with Charlton spawning a last minute consolation. Now we were all taking it quite seriously.

The Southern Regional Semi-Final brought another home draw, this time against Norwich City – more decent opposition and once again, despite a goal from Papa Waigo, we were losing 2-1 with a minute to go. Following a forearm smash by Michail Antonio on deserving recipient Grant Holt, once again, that man Papa Waigo popped up to force a penalty shootout which we won with James and Antonio’s misses cancelled out by three excellent saves by the Bart Man and so it fell to Wayne Thomas of all people, to stroke home the winning penalty. Now we were taking it very seriously indeed.

The Regional Final was against the Fake Dons and we won the away leg 1-0 with a goal from Michail Antonio and really should have won by more. We over-celebrated in full view of renowned cretin Karl Robinson. In between the first and second legs, we pulled a neat trick out of the bag and signed their best player in Jason Puncheon and even though he was cup tied and couldn’t play for us, we won the 2nd leg 3-1 at a bit of a canter with goals from Lambert, Lallana and a funny own goal. We’re going to Wem-ber-ley.

The ticket allocations were announced and we were given 44,000 which at the time, I thought we’d be hard pressed to sell. Despite a ticket office phone meltdown, I got mine on Day 1, only to find the best seats had sold out. Within a couple of weeks we had shifted 40,000 and rumours were that there would be no general sale which is astounding really but astounding in a good way. The ‘sold out’ signs went up and then the rumblings began about trying to possibly getting more tickets, especially when it emerged that Carlisle were only bringing 20,000 and there would be approximately 20,000 empty seats. Don Nicola Cortese weighed in and revealed that he had offered to pay for extra stewards and also had explained to the FA, how to allocate us extra seats and avoid segregation issues (the poor reason that we’d been given for no extra tickets). It seems though that the FA would rather save face than have an extra 15,000 fans paying approximately £30 a ticket. That’s nearly half a million quid which is more ammunition for the ‘FA is a joke’ brigade. I hope someone is sacked over that as it’s not as if they couldn’t do with the money as the Wembley pitch has just had to yet again, be relaid at great expense. The cost of the new pitch would easily have been covered by the income from the extra tickets they could have let us sell. Idiots.

Going back to the pitch for a second… there has been a load of negative publicity over the state of the Wembley pitch and talk as to whether it’s been a factor in players getting injured etc. Maybe they relaid it because of that but they probably did it because the Saints are in town. The JPT Final will be the first match played on it and after that it’ll probably be a couple of Rugby League matches and a Take That gig before they have to bring in another new pitch. Maybe it’s the Take That gig that rots the pitch with all the women in the audience wetting themselves.

And here we are…. Four days to go and we have an injury crisis. In League 1, we are usually or occasionally fielding 4 players who are cup tied for the JPT in Lee Barnard, Jason Puncheon, Dan Seaborne and Jon Otsemobor. None of those can play and in addition, Wayne Thomas and Graeme Murty are definitely out and there are question marks over Adam Lallana, Radhi Jaidi, Morgan Schneiderlin, David Connolly and Lloyd James.

I’m going to try and predict the team. Warning – I’m usually useless at this.

Goalkeeper : Kelvin Davis, enough said. Bart on the bench.
Right Back: Dan Harding has played here for the last two league games so I expect him to start the final here unless Wayne Thomas miraculously recovers or Pards wants to play both Harding and Mills down the left. Of course there is also the option of pulling out a strange one and playing Paul Wotton (very slow) or Simon Gillett (very short) here. Of these two I’d play Wotton I guess though the prospect of him lighting up Wembley with one of his special tackles when the ball has long since gone is one that makes me shudder. In addition there is the horrible prospect of Lloyd James playing here. Please No.
Left Back: Joseph Mills unless he gets pushed into midfield with Harding behind him.
Centre Backs: Jose Fonte and Radhi Jaidi though Chris Perry will play if Jaidi fails to make it. I hope that Perry gets on the pitch at some point as he’s been a good player for us and this will be his last season with the club.
Right midfield: Adam Lallana or maybe Papa Waigo if Adam plays on the left and we’re not bothered about the right winger tracking back Michail Antonio would be starting here if he was fit and it must be devastating for him to miss out.
Left midfield: I think (and I worry) that Lee Holmes will get the nod here despite not being in the League 1 squad for about a month. He came into the squad after Christmas and surprisingly, started a few games and has disappeared as quickly as he arrived despite not doing too badly. There is always the possibility though, that he is injured. Other possibilities are to play Lallana here with Waigo on the right or to play Joseph Mills with Harding at left back.
Centre Midfielders: Dean Hammond and Morgan Schneiderlin though expect Paul Wotton or maybe Simon Gillett to play here if Schneiderlin misses out. I would slightly favour Gillett out of the two as keeping the ball is not really a Wotton strength.
Strikers: Rickie Lambert and Papa Waigo N’Diaye with David Connolly fit only for the bench. It’s a big pitch so expect Papa to be offside by even further than usual but also expect Connolly to be given 20-25 minutes at the end.

There is always a ‘fairytale’ story around team selection for Cup Finals. Remember at Cardiff 2003 when Chris Baird came from nowhere to start the final. This years Chris Baird could be either Simon Gillett or Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain though I do think that both of these will end up on the bench.

I have watched Saints at Wembley three times: Charity Shield in 1976, League Cup Final in 1979, ZDS Cup Final in 1992. Lost, lost and lost again. I, of course, also went to Cardiff in 2003 where we lost again. So, yes I want to enjoy the day and yes I know it’s not the most important cup competition in the world but on Sunday it’s one that I desperately want us to win. In 2003, the feeling I came away with was of a great day and the fact that we lost was almost secondary after a while. There is no question that we should win this one and there will be no consolation for the 44,000 travelling Saints and the 15,000 unable to get a ticket, if we don’t.

Come on you Reds. (not Yellows this time)

JPT Southern Final 2nd Leg - Southampton 3 MK Dons 1 (Saints win 4-1 on aggregate)

Wem-ber-ley

This one is hurting. I usually accept that I have to miss midweek games due to work but this is killing me. For starters, I had a ticket and was intending to go but then I got made redundant at work and as a contractor, I then had to take every bit of work that was going. So, I’ve paid for a ticket and now I’m paying again by sitting in an Internet café listening to The Saints Player. Assuming that I’m here for the duration, it’s going to cost another tenner. Small price to pay though. It’s a night of JPT Rock ‘n’ Roll action with Saints v Fakes and also Carlisle v Leeds in the other Area Final with Carlisle 2-1 up from the away leg.

Since the Exeter game, Don Nicola Cortese has decided to put a bit of a squeeze on Pards’ knackers and publically declared that he expects better results in the league. Personally I think he’s stating the obvious but I question whether it really needed saying in public. Surely he could have just had a quiet word or alternatively, left a horses head in his bed.

To the team and at last, Hammond is back. Tonights centre back pairing is Fonte and Jaidi which would be my first choice anyway. Fonte is of course not cup tied for the JPT, having played for a team not bad enough to enter it. Dan Harding is recalled in place of Heather Mills and our “JPT specialists” (copyright The Dickhead on Radio Solent) Antonio and Thomas make up the right hand side of the team. The Fake Dons on the other hand have a bit of an injury crisis, plus the fact that Jason Puncheon can’t play for them as he’s moved on to better things. Punch’s place in the squad has been taken by Alex Rae who is 40.

Fast start for Saints and we swarm all over them but the first JPT news of the night is that Carlisle are 1-0 up against Leeds making it 3-1 on aggregate. In a totally unrelated aside, Pompey have gone 1-0 down v Sunderland and had Ricardo Rocha sent off. He’ll now be banned for the FA Cup game at SMS on Saturday (if it takes place) which is karma because he was signed despite Pompey owing millions to everyone.

Papa Waigo, our other JPT specialist, is looking dangerous but there is a strange development in that Sir Rickie is taking all the free kicks from wide areas. So, having spoken about decreasing his workload, Pards now has him taking free kicks and expecting him to get his head on the end of the cross!!! Madness I say, Pardew out!!! Seriously though, why can’t Lallana or Morgan “Dead Ball Specialist” Schneiderlin take them.

Dave Merrington - now he is a genius and he is prone to those Nostradamus moments, predicting the exact opposite of what is about to happen. For once he is spot on with “it’s a matter of time before Saints score” as Sir Rickie takes some time off from taking free kicks, goal kicks and throw ins and gets in the box to collect a ball from a neat pass by Waigo and make it 1-0 on the night, 2-0 on aggregate. Solent Dickhead gives his “March to the Arch” saying an airing for the first time.

More strangeness happens as Sir Rickie is now taking corners from both sides and you know what happens – takes one from the left, ball gets put behind again for a corner on the right. Meanwhile, Papa Waigo N’Doffside makes his first appearance for a few weeks but all is forgiven on the half hour as following an Antonio run and a hurried MK clearance, the ball hit Woodards in the guts and bounces into the net for a very funny own goal. It’s the second daft own goal we’ve got in recent weeks and this one is hilarious. I have had to get this description from my Dad as the genius on the radio did it no justice at all with “Antonio….. own goal”

Meanwhile, several thousand miles away, Leeds equalize at Carlisle but it’s still 3-2 to Carlisle on aggregate.

It’s still all Saints, going for the proverbial jugular and you sense that the Fake Dons know the game is up and resort to Ince tactics as Waigo collects an elbow in the face. His subsequent conversation with the ref must have been strange as he speaks no English whatsoever.

A regular feature of all games against the Fake Dons this year has been the game you can play whenever the ball rolls towards Gueret, in the Fake Dons goal… “which angle will the ball slice off his foot at ?” He manages a 20 degree one which is not too bad, then a 45 but then surpasses himself with a 90 which is a far out as you can be without going backwards. Whilst Gueret is slicing for all his life’s worth, Carlisle are slicing through Leeds again and it’s 2-1 on the night, 4-2 on aggregate. Radio Solent Dickhead goes into overdrive with “it’s Saints v Carlisle at Wembley on March 28th”.

Saints respond to this by throwing some awful defending into the mix as Harding says “after you”, Fonte says “after you” (in Portuguese) and Jaidi says “after you” (in French) and Randall just puts it in the net. Suddenly we’re panicking and looking for half time as the Fakes pile it on without actually having another shot. Half time, 2-1, 3-1 on aggregate.

During the half time break, news filters through that Leeds have scored twice in the last 10 and now it’s 4-4 on aggregate and penalties are about to start. The second half starts at SMS and Sir Rickie is still taking corners. I’m temporarily distracted as nothing much is going on at SMS, so I start watching the Carlisle v Leeds penalties on BBC text updates. 1-0, Leeds miss, 2-0, 2-1, 3-1, 3-2, Carlisle miss, 3-3, 4-3 and Dickhead announces on the radio that Carlisle are through, 4-4. Come on Carlisle!!! 5-4, 5-5, 6-5, Leeds miss and Carlisle are finally through but Solent Dickhead is not as confident as before, as it’s now “Carlisle versus the winners of tonight”

We’re into the last half hour and it’s stopped being an interesting game as Saints appear to have settled for what they have and it’s just turned into a niggle-fest in midfield with nothing much happening. Solent Dickhead punctuates the tension by announcing after a foul by Wilbraham, that Saints have a "free cock" which sounds like the sort of thing Avram Grant allegedly has in Unit 1, Horton Heath.

With 15 left, Pards decides that it’s time to bolster the midfield and Wotton comes on for Schneiderlin who has once again, flattered to deceive. Solent Dickhead announces that James has come on but of course, he hasn’t. Those who have “less than 2 minutes” on the spread betting for “First Wotton Foul” are duly rewarded as Wotton goes slicing and dicing like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill. It’s getting more and more niggly and the Master of Niggle and Very Fast Driving, Wayne Thomas tries to start a fight and gets booked. Ince’s last throw of the dice is to bring on the 40 year old midfielder just in time for Saints to wrap it all up with a goal from Lallana – 3-1 on the night, 4-1 on aggregate, 5 minutes left and we’re going to Wem-ber-ley….

Despite the formality of what’s about to happen and having already been booked, Thommo decides that it’s worth running 40 yards to get involved in Fonte’s ruck with the ever irritating Wilbraham. Yellow for Wilbraham, lecture for Thommo who is immediately substituted to a standing ovation. He leaves the pitch to 29,000 people cheering in the Fake Dons bench giving him the large one. I like Thommo but when the red mist comes down, it really comes down…

Game over, job done and as I mentioned before, we’re going to Wem-ber-ley. I look forward to the post game insight from Karl ‘Bullshit’ Robinson, the Fake Dons assistant manager. Was our celebration ok Karl?, did you outplay us again Karl? Winning was all that mattered tonight and we completed the job with something to spare. In truth, one gifted goal aside, the Fake Dons never threatened.

Now we move on to the matter of playing our nearest and dearest rivals in the FA Cup on Saturday. It’s transpired that it could well be their last ever game as the High Court has given them a 7 day extension to find a shedload of clean money in the washing machine which is assuming they’ve paid the electricity bill to operate the washing machine. We could win and go through and bizarrely, we could draw and go through. Forgetting all that and concentrating on the game – I’m worried that our midfield will get overrun as that’s where Pompey’s strength is and we’re weak there. Hammond is of course, not up to full speed yet and for me, Schneiderlin is just not effective enough. Personally I’d play three in the centre – Hammond, James and Lallana breaking forward to support Sir Rickie. I’m not the manager though and for that we should be grateful….

For us Saints fans, it’s all set up to be a beautiful weekend and all we can do is hope Pards and the team can deliver. To echo the programme notes of the late great Alan Ball, get home safely…

JPT Southern Final 1st Leg - MK Dons 0 Southampton 1

Groundstaff prepare the World Cup pitch at stadium:mk

It’s 6.45 and I’m in the pub, my usual pub with my usual football watching pint of Guinness. It’s a tactical Guinness because I can’t drink them quickly – if I drink lager when watching football then I’ve got an empty glass every 15 minutes and I end up completely shedded. Trying to work the day after a lager evening watching the play off defeat to Derby (120mins plus penalties) is one of those memories that never goes away.

It’s JPT time again with us away at the stadium:mk – what a wanky name, especially when written in lower case letters like it always seems to be. This is one of the grounds earmarked to be developed should England win the bid to host the World Cup in 2018 with Milton Keynes being the hotbed of football that it is – all that history and tradition etc.

So, Guinness in hand and the TV is on with no sound and the teamsheet is flashed upon screen. Due to a combination of injuries (Hammond), illness (Harding) and being cup tied (Seabourne and Otsemobor), there are a total of five changes with Holmes dropping to the bench. Into the side came Thomas, Perry and Mills to the defence and Antonio and Wotton to the midfield. Instead of reverting to Davis as captain as you would expect, Pards gave the armband to Jose Fonte in only his second start.

Away we go and Saints tear into them from the off and nearly take he lead in the first minute as after staying forward, Captain Fonte controlled well and lashed a shot just wide. Two things were immediately obvious, one was that Saints were well up for it and looked by far the stronger side and the other was that the pitch was like a ploughed field. Antonio went on a mazy run and after beating a player had to check back when confronted with a cabbage and some turnips.

A glorious chance presented itself ten minutes in with Antonio breaking down the right with Lallana streaking in the middle from the left. The whole pub (well, me anyway) stood and yelled ‘pass it’ but Antonio didn’t get his head up and allowed the covering defender to get to him whilst Lallana stood in the middle with his arms in the air making vague flappy motions.

Lallana got his chance for real a few minutes later when again, Antonio burst clear and this time squared it. The covering defender tripped over a cabbage and left Lallana with just the ball and a load of time for company. Instead of taking a touch he took it first time and half hit it straight at the keeper who flapped it away. How many more chances were we going to create without scoring? Answer… none.

A free-kick from Mills on the left was headed on by Lambert where Michail Antonio controlled before swivelling and firing in off of the far post. Great finish and a thoroughly deserved lead. The camera pans to what appears to be a cardboard cut out of Paul Ince in the stand.

Last week I said that I very rarely note an opposition player anymore but I have to say that Jason Puncheon looks a very good player for Milton Keynes. He scored a good free kick against us at SMS and tonight he was looking like the only player who would cause us any problems. Meanwhile, the World Cup pitch was getting worse as the game went on and on first view, I thought it was responsible for James going over in the penalty area. On replay though, he was hoofed up in the air by a clumsy challenge and as they say …”I’ve seen ‘em given”. It’s still really all Saints and Lambert lined up a 30 yard free-kick. Trouble for Rickie now is that there is a level of expectation so when he misses (by bloody miles this time) there is a tangible disappointment.

And that was it. They changed the fucking channel over to the Liverpool v Spurs game. Every second Dubliner is a Liverpool fan and the pub I was in could only show one Sky Channel. My first and most reasonable argument was that the Liverpool game didn’t kick off until 8pm in half an hour but the barman was probably a fucking plastic Scouser so wanted to watch the preamble. My second argument that Liverpool were shit, our game would be better and the fat waiter would get sacked after the game was a bit less reasonable. It was time for a one man pub crawl in search of the game. The next pub I went in was showing the Liverpool game and the Villa / Blackburn Carling Cup Semi. It’s a good job I didn’t try to argue that our game would be better entertainment than that game as it ended 6-4. I realised then that I was not going to find it and headed home. Half time text as I was walking home in the rain, 1-0 to the mighty Yellows.

At home, the internet connection was down and things are not going well. There is no mention of the game on the radio so all I have is internet commentary on my phone which is not great and costs a fortune. Needs must though… it still reads like it’s mostly Saintsand the time ticks on. Holmes is on for Lallana and he immediately gets booked for kicking the ball away. Nice one.

Ten minutes to go and still 1-0 and not much in terms of goal threat from the Fake Dons and then Schneiderlin gets sent off for handbags after pushing the guy who provoked him. It’s frustrating and the ref should have handled it better but by the letter of the law he had to go and so we were down to 10 men. Regardless, we repelled the little amount of pressure that was put on us and won by what I would call a comfortable 1-0.

The aftermath of the game was dominated by some comments by the Fake Dons assistant manager who was not impressed by the Saints players and fans celebrations after the game. After all it was only half time and we were apparently celebrating like we’d already won it. If memory serves, we got the hump with Derby after the first leg of the playoff semi final when we lost at home. At the time I thought it was pretty naff to mention it in public as it just sounded like sour grapes and this time is no different. Why not celebrate anyway… you’ve just gone away from home and won. I’d like for Billy Nomates MK Fake Dons assistant manager to write a guideline for celebrating a win in the away leg of a two legged fixture. Apparently they’re going to use it for motivation. Is he suggesting that his players weren’t motivated and they will be for the return leg. Moron – shut up, you got outplayed by the better side and all that despite giving us a cabbage patch to play on.

It’s the return of everyone’s favourite Irish Psychopath Roy Keane on Saturday with Saints taking on Ipswich in the 4th Round of the FA Cup. I think we have a decent chance in this one but Pards is going to struggle with the selection especially in the centre of midfield with Hammond injured and now Schneiderlin suspended. Wotton will play and I assume be partnered with James if he’s not needed at right back. Thing is that I think he will be as all three of the new defenders are cup tied so Thomas will have to play centre back with Perry unless he throws in Aaron Martin. An alternative could be to play James at right back and bring Oscar Gobern Carlton Palmer into the midfield. Doesn’t matter who we pick… Bring it on.

JPT Southern Semi Final - Southampton 2 Norwich 2 (Southampton win 6-5 on pens)

Saints celebrate Trotters not having to take one

Pic from http://www.saintsfc.co.uk/page/Gallery/0,,10280~1906537,00.html

Norwich were our visitors in the More-Important-Than-The-World-Cup Johnstone Paints Trophy Southern Semi Final. By dividing the competition North and South, the organizers were hoping to cut down on travelling for the away teams and their fans so Norwich must have been delighted to get a 400 mile midweek round trip. Serves them right for living there I guess.

Much talk in the build-up, due to our climb up the league, as to whether we should field a full side in this match. Questions like ‘would you rather win tonight or on Saturday at Leeds ?’. This is a dumb question in my book as I believe in being greedy and going for both - aim for the starts and you may get there, aim low and you certainly won't. Too many football matches are lost by managers thinking about the following game rather than the one in front of them. With James, Jaidi, Hammond and Harding all on 4 yellows, it would have been easy to imagine Pards leaving all four out. As it was, he only left out Jaidi with Connolly rested and Antonio dropped to the bench where he sat next to Shocking Forecast. Neal Trotman, Papa Waigo and Jacob Mellis (remember him) coming into the side which lined up in a 4-5-1 formation in front of an incredibly healthy crowd of over 15,400. Let's see how many Pompey get for their upcoming home FA Cup tie.

Saints started well and fashioned an early chance for Mellis which was parried aside by the Norwich keeper after decent build-up from Hammond and Waigo. We didn’t have to wait long for the opening goal as in the 13th minute, Papa Waigo ran onto a defence splitter from James (yes, you heard me) and despite the keeper getting a touch, it just about made it over the line. I think I’m gonna dance now !!!

Norwich then realised that the game had started and responded well with Chris Martin forcing a save from Bart. If it had been Chris Martin from Coldplay then it would have been a goal as Bart would have fallen asleep. More Norwich pressure and from a corner into the box we had “Set Piece Defensive Uncertainty” making an unwelcome return as no one really took charge and the ball fell to Doherty who smashed in the equalizer. I’m sure the Leeds game will see the Return of the Jaidi.

I’m listening to the Kris and Dave show on Solent… Kris fancies himself as a bit of a Motty but as opposed to coming out with a fact along the lines of ‘Saints have only beaten Norwich once when an African player scored and that was in 1934’… he comes out with ‘Papa likes teams that play in yellow’. In a week where the Saints have banned the Daily Echo, can Nicola Cortese also ban Kris Temple for no other reason than that he’s rubbish.

Two minutes to half time and it’s all Norwich and the Saints Player thing, crashes and it takes 25 minutes to get connected again. On the way back it gives me the option of listening to Saints or Norwich commentary. I am tempted with Radio Naarrrrrich but decide to stick with the Kris and Dave comedy hour.

I’m finally back and we have Wotton on for Schneiderlin and a change of tactics with the introduction of the diamond midfield which didn’t seem to sort out any problems and we were soon 2-1 down when following more defensive confusion and a race for the ball which Bart lost, it fell to Chris Martin to roll in for 2-1… and it was all Yellow.

There was more reshuffling from Pards, with Antonio, fresh from his terrible display at the weekend, replacing Mellis. Antonio immediately made a difference though as he ran at the defence and was cynically brought down by Nelson. I’m wondering whether or not, totally cynical fouls should get a red card regardless of whether it’s a goal scoring opportunity or not. I’ve decided that they shouldn’t and yellow is enough because there are enough red cards flying about…. Schneiderlin deliberately tripped a guy on Saturday for example, not viciously but totally deliberately nonetheless.

The game was petering out and to be honest, we never even looked like scoring. The last throw of the dice was to throw on another defender, Thomas, which seemed bizarre but we went 3-5-2 with Harding and Antonio out wide and Lloyd James at sweeper. Kris Temple responded to this interesting tactical development by stating that Saints wouldn’t lose because they only lose at home to teams starting with B…. Brighton, Bristol Rovers and Birmingham. Well done Kris.

In the 3rd minute of the added 3 minutes, pantomime villain Grant Holt decided to feign inury and roll around a lot, causing the referee to stop his watch which gave us a final chance to lob it into the box. From the ensuing ping-pong, the ball fell to Papa Waigo and SMS went nuts. 2-2, seconds to go. Bizarrely, I get a text saying the goal has been scored by Dan Harding… Harding and Waigo look the same after all. Kris is on fire with “2-2, Papa with two goals, teams in yellow, in the JPT, we didn’t lose because Norwich doesn’t start with a B”. Radio Solent have a commentator beginning with a T-W-A-T…..

And so to penalties and in brackets is my confidence that a goal will be scored.

Holt (100%) – he’s a t0sser but it’s too much to hope for…. Goal, 0-1
Lambert (100%) - bang, goal, 1-1
Russell Martin (95%) – goal, 1-2
Waigo (50%) - this could be interesting - goal top corner, I should have had more confidence, 2-2
Chris Martin (90%) – Miss and don’t make any more records!!! – goal, 2-3
James (30%) - not confident in the slightest – missed, 2-3
Nelson (50%) - goal and we're 4-2 down and screwed. Saved by Bart – COME ON!!!, 2-3
Lallana (90%) – goal, finger nails gone, 3-3
Russell (75%) – COME ON BART!!!... goal, 3-4
Wotton (75%) – he’s going to smash it… goal, 4-4

Sudden death and now for the people who really didn’t want to take one

Otsemobor (60%) – goal, it’s always the 6th taker that misses… who’s up for us, 4-5
Hammond (100%) – goal, 5-5
Gill (50%) – young sub, defender, this is a chance…SAVED BY BART, 5-5
Antonio (50%) - to win it - where is Harding !!!! – miss, AAAAARGH!!!, 5-5
McDonald (75%)- another young sub….SAVED BY BART AGAIN!!!!, 5-5

I breathe and ponder who we have left. I make it Harding, Thomas and Bart. I don’t even want to contemplate Trotman who would probably try and head it or tackle it in.
It’s big Wayne Thomas (50%) – Just smash it…..GOAL!!!! Norwich 5 Saints 6. I jump and bang my knuckles on the ceiling.

Kris is on fire with Thomas and Waigo being declared JPT specialists and Saints being on a March to the Arch (I actually quite like the last bit). In the Area final we will be playing my favourites, the fake Dons… and they have Darren Powell. Bring it on.

Overall, it sounds like we didn’t play well but who cares, job done, no yellow cards, bring on Dirty Leeds.

Johnstone Paints Trophy 3rd Round - Southampton 2 Charlton 1

Now, do I lie about it meaning more to beat Charlton or not...

JPT time again and it’s Charlton at home for us. The Charlton fans will be looking forward to it as it’s against the manager who they see as the anti-Christ and us Saints fans will be looking forward to hopefully keeping the winning run going. In the last round, Saints got a gate that was bigger than all the other games put together but no chance of that tonight as Sky, in their wisdom, have decided to put this on the TV. In this case, I’ll forgive them as I at least will have a chance to watch it in my Dublin local. I can’t see there being a problem getting a seat in front of the TV for this one.

Watching Saints in the pub over here is usually a painful experience as we usually lose and people walk past, wondering why you’re getting so animated at a game that doesn’t involve the big 4. The first Saints match I watched over here was the playoff defeat to Derby. At the start of the game it was just me and Kelvin immediately flapped a goal in. My short outburst of swearing brought a few raised eyebrows. By the time Do Do Do Johnny Viafara had put us 2-1 up I had made so much noise that I had a small gathering with me. Leon Best’s ridiculous own goal (still don’t know how he did that, the tosser), Rasiak putting us in front again and the penalty shoot out starting meant I now had a crowd and by the time Idiakez sent his penalty into orbit, I had a lot of sympathy, a big bar bill and the beginnings of a headache which ultimately would last for two days.

The team selection tonight would tell us a lot about how seriously Pards was taking it. In the last round he rested a few but we were playing a League 2 side so it was understandable. Tonight we’re playing against a strong side and we don’t play again until Sunday so I’m hoping for everyone being present and correct…. and I was happy. Be it because Pards really wants to with the JPT or be it because he wants to stick one finger up to Charlton, we had the same 10 outfield players as Saturday with Bart in goal instead of the rested Kelvin. The only minor surprise is that Wayne Thomas kept his place ahead of Trotman who Preston had kindly made available for this one.

Saints steamed into Charlton from the off and really should have had the lead in two minutes as Charlton keeper Ikeme came for a cross and got no where near it leaving Captain Hammond with a free header at the back post with half a goal to aim at….which he totally made a mess of. Charlton awoke from their slumbers and did nothing as Antonio scared the hell out of them down the right and smashed in a shot which Ikeme beat away. Chances followed for Lambert and Connolly and then there was a tricky moment as Charlton got in our half and Bart had to pick up a half hit scuffer from Wagstaff.

On 35 minutes Saints finally took the lead as a James corner was missed by all the usual suspects and smashed into the net by Wayne Thomas for his first goal since a jumpers for goalposts match on the village green in 1985. The near 14,000 crowd (wow!) crowd at St Mary’s and one man in a pub in Dublin expected more and two minutes later, Connolly cut in from the right and curled a lovely left footed shot a foot wide of the far post.

We have got to try and sign Michail Antonio. All wingers are frustrating at times when the delivery is a bit wayward but this lad makes things happen and he commits defenders. He’s not frightened to shoot either and he forced another good save from Ikeme before half time when he cut in off the wing and smashed in a shot which t some part of the keepers anatomy and deflected onto the near post. Charlton meanwhile, were terrible.

Half time, Southampton 1 Ikeme 0. Pint of Guinness please.

Saints were forced into a change at half time with Schneiderlin being replaced by Trotman. Whilst it would have been amusing watching Trotters slot into central midfield and spraying passes about in that cultured way of his, I was thankful that we reshuffled with James going into midfield and ‘goalscoring centre back’ Wayne Thomas being moved to right back.

No doubt with the angry words of Phil Parkinson ringing in their ears, Charlton kicked off the second half and attacked a bit. They put me in mind of the Saints side of last year under the watchful eye of Jan the Complete Moron – one lad up front who is totally unsuited to playing up front on his own and much more suitable players on the bench. Still, the lone striker ‘wash trying very hard to make a goal for the boysh’.

On the hour mark, Papa Waigo came on for the clearly tiring Connolly who has played more football in the past week than in the previous two years. The dancing man was immediately involved, cutting in from the left wing and curling a shot for the far corner that was tipped away well by that bloody goalkeeper again. Unperturbed, following a neat passing move involving Waigo and Lallana, Lambert tried exactly the same effort only this time, Ikeme developed chocolate wrists and couldn’t keep it out. 64 minutes, 2-0 and really… game over.

The last half an hour was pretty tame but I thought there might be some stick for Deon Burton when he came on, being an ex-Skate and all that. There was none however and I think this was because no one recognized him as the last time he was here (playing for Brentford I think), he had a huge afro that was conspicuously absent. Highlight of this period of the game for me was Lloyd James executing a real cruncher of a tackle on Jonjo Shelvey who deserves all he gets, simply for being called Jonjo.

92 minutes were up and Saints were sitting back trying to play out the game when the usual happened. Following a great save from Bart, the ball was returned and Leon McKenzie fired home from 6 yards to make it 2-1. I never had one single moment when I thought Charlton would score again and in fact, they didn’t get in our half again aside from the one desperate boot forward as the final whistle went.

Positives are that we won and we’re now in the Southern Area Semi Finals against one of Hereford, Norwich and the Fake Dons. It’s a one legged affair still so I’m hoping for anyone at home, preferably Hereford. Bart did what he had to do pretty well and had no chance for the goal and the team as a whole looks very confident and capable of scoring all the time. Unbelievably, Charlton are one of the better League 1 sides so it’s a good win… on this showing though, we are light years ahead of them and the league positions will be crossing come the season end. Negatives were that we sat too deep in the last 20 minutes and really should have been 4 or 5 up by the time Charlton got their goal. Mind you, Ikeme made some brilliant saves but as is his lot when you’re a keeper, will be remembered for the balls he made of the 2nd goal.

Yes, I was the only person watching it in the pub.

Next up…. Brighton at home on Sunday.

Johnstone Paints Trophy 2nd Round - Southampton 2 Torquay 2 (Saints win 5-3 on pens)

" That is Torquay Madam !"

Once upon a time, long ago, someone invented a Cup competition for teams who he felt sorry for. These teams were untouched by Premiership millions and the immediate undignified scramble to get access to the Premiership millions. Actually, it was before the Premiership (yes, football did exist before) but you get my drift. The teams in this cup competition would have a chance to play against teams of similar ability (pretty crap) for the prize of a day out at Wembley. Some would say this is patronising.

Until this season of course, we fans of the once mighty Southampton FC had not been interested in the slightest in the Associate Members Freight Rover Leyland DAF Autoglass Auto Windscreen LDV Vans Johnstone Paints Mickey Mouse Small Fry Tin Pot Cup, to give it all of its’ titles down the years. It was something Bournemouth entered and of no interest or consequence. The only time it ever registered on my personal radar was last year when Luton Town won it and protested against the Football League who had at the start of last season, under the guidance of the Mawhinney the Arse, deducted them 30 points in a move to ensure their relegation. . This year…. It’s important.

It’s important to Alan Pardew and he said as much in the pre-match interviews and it’s important to me and to many others I’m guessing. I’m 40 years old and have had three Wembley trips with the Saints: the 1976 Charity Shield which I barely remember, the 1979 League Cup Final which I remember a bit about and the 1992 Zenith Data Systems Cup Final which I remember well. The ZDS Cup is a good comparison as it was a minor competition in that all the big boys weren’t in it. Getting to the final was a great thing for me personally and I had a great day out. I didn’t care that it was a minor trophy and I didn’t care about who wasn’t in it and who wasn’t taking it seriously. We were in it and we were at Wembley and that was all that mattered.

Who can spot the common factor with all these appearance at Wembley ? Yes that’s right, we lost every bastard one of them….

Torquay are our opponents in the Regional 2nd Round (we got a bye through the 1st) and we’ve tinkered a bit with Trotman, Jaidi, Lallana and Mellis being rested and replaced with Perry, Thomas, Gillett and recently acquired loan from Reading, Michail Antonio, of whom we have been told by Pardew to ‘not expect too much’. All I know about Torquay is that they have only just recently got back in League 2, Fawlty Towers was based there and a friend of mine who supports Plymouth, refers to them unaffectionately as Torqueer.

Seeing as we have a fairly stong line-up, I’m expecting this game to not be too much bother …. 1-0 to Torquay….Jesus. Apparently it’s a blunder by Kelvin Davis but never mind, we’ll storm back and put them in their place. 2-0 to Torquay from penalty conceded by Kelvin Davis who gets booked for his trouble. Kelvin is obviously having a stormer of a game.

Half time – ah well, Micky Mouse Trophy – not bothered about it anyway, pointless!!

So having not expected too much of Antonio, I was proved right when he was substituted along with Gillett. They’re replaced with Mills and Saganowski which could only make things better.

The second half is all Saints by the sound of it and we are rewarded with a Double Waigo – two scruffy goals from a combined distance of about 3 yards. Both teams have chances but no winner.

Full time We have officially failed to beat the team in 91st place in the League… and straight to penalties. The 25p a minute texts are going to come flying thick and fast`now…..

Lambert – no problem here surely, Goal – Saints 1 Torquay 0
Wroe – Missssssssssssit, Goal – Saints 1 Torquay 1
Waigo – this could go anywhere, Goal – Saints 2 Torquay 1
Robertson – Come on Kelvin!!!, Goal – Saints 2 Torquay 2
James – Oh no, not confident, just smash it, Goal – Saints 3 Torquay 2
Nicholson – This time…..saved, YESSSSSSS – Saints 3 Torquay 2
Mills – Never trust left footed penalty takers, GET IN – Saints 4 Torquay 2
Mansell – Go on, miss you bugger, Goal – Saints 4 Torquay 3
Wotton – yer having a laugh, surely Saganowski will take it, Goal – Saints win 5-3 on penalties.

Funny how things turn round…. Kelvin goes from hero to goat and back again and the Johnstone Paints Cup goes from important to pointless and back again. So, we scraped it but who cares? It’s one step on the road to Wembley in the most important cup competition of the year….forget the Champions League… the Johnstone Paints Trophy is where it’s at.