FA Cup 3rd Round Replay - Southampton 2 Derby 2 (Derby win 5-3 on penalties)

What Happened Next?

Derby at home in the FA Reserve Team Trophy 3rd Round replay which we have to play because we couldn’t hold onto a 2-0 lead when we went up to Derby last week.

I have to admit that I was thinking about giving this game a miss but then my sons football team decided to go en masse so here I am again. We get there and it occurs to that even at 50 years old, once I got in the ground and see all the lights on the pitch and all that, I actually felt guilty for even contemplating not coming to the game. There is a decent enough crowd in with only the Chapel Stand being closed. Since I’d had my will I/won’t I moment about coming to the game, it had been selected for live screening on BBC 1 so I have to admit I was surprised by the amount of people that were present.

But what players will be present? Well, there were a few from the Leicester game with Vestergaard and Stephens at the back, Romeu and JWP in the middle and Stuart Armstrong and Shane Long upfront. These were augmented by Kayne Ramsay, Tyreke Johnson, Cedric, Muhammad Elyounoussi and Angus Gunn. Derby had a few more first teamers as this time around with Harry Wilson and Mason Mount, on loan from Liverpool and Chelsea respectively, in the starting line-up. I still think that it is fucking ridiculous that loan players can play in the FA Cup but that’s a whole other argument for another day. Derby are of course managed by Frank Lampard and have it seems, officially change their name to Frank Lampard’s Derby County because it seems to be in the contract that you can’t mention Derby without mentioning the managers name.

I’m expecting a back four but we appear to have lined up with five at the back and Johnson at left wing-back which is going to be interesting because he plays as an attacking winger for the Under 23s.

We start the better of the two sides and should take the lead on 10 minutes and JWP whips a corner from the right hand side which was met by the master header of the ball, Jack Stephens... and so ended up in the Northam.

If Jack’s heading ability is a recurring theme then so is Shane Long and his finishing as Stephens and JWP combine to put Tyreke Johnson away on the left and he puts over an absolutely perfect cross which Long meets 5 yards out and manages to hit the goalkeeper. The rebound goes straight to Armstrong who manages to play tunnel ball with it as it disappears through his legs and Derby clear it again.

Derby are looking very comfortable and are playing some decent football and create a superb opening on the half hour which is gifted to them by Ramsey just passing the ball aimlessly out of defence and giving it away 20 yards out. The ball is fed into Waghorn it takes a touch and plays Bryson in and he slots it past Gunn with a really good finish and opening goal for Derby. There are no complaints from any of our players and no complaints from our supporters. Time goes by, civilisations rise and fall, continents drift, ice caps melt in and then the goal gets disallowed by VAR. on the one hand, it’s very funny but on the other hand it’s fucking ridiculous.

Half-time and it’s fucking cold.

It is no surprise that Johnson is hooked off at half-time having been booked in the first half and with the Valery incident from last week fresh in the mind. On comes Nathan Redmond with Cedric going to left back in a flat back four.

Long distant shooting seems to be the order of the day at the start of the second-half with Wilson hitting one that Gunn saved relatively comfortably and then Redmond coming in from the left and hammering one near post which brought a decent reaction save from Roos. In the 10 minutes he has been on the pitch you can see that Nathan Redmond is operating at a completely higher level than all of our other attacking players.

The game needs a goal and much to my surprise, it’s us that goes in front as Ramsey wins ball down the right hand side as a Derby player collapsed looking for a free-kick. Long finds Elyounoussi he chips of a perfect across for Long at the back post.  Shane does what he always does and finds a way to miss as his point-blank header is cleared off the line but it pops up for Armstrong and the man with the perfect hair nods into the net.

There’s not much from Derby in the way of a response and we go further ahead five minutes later as Stephens breaks up the play in defence and surges through the midfield before slotting the ball through to Redmond. One-on-one with the keeper and there’s only one winner there as he’s chips it over the onrushing Roos to make it 2-0. The difference between a confident Nathan Redmond and last year’s version is huge. There is no way he would’ve scored that last year.

Shane Long has been struggling since picking up a knock at the end of the first half and he is replaced with Sam Gallagher for what should be a fairly simple canter into the next round. Yeah right.

Most of the Derby threat is coming down our right hand side with Cedric playing out of position at left back and Elyounoussi not doing any tracking back at all in the left wing position. Derby full-back Bogle picks up the ball and runs at Cedric and it looks like our man can’t be bothered to tackle him so he kind of body checks in with his arse as he runs past to give away a free-kick just outside the box on the corner of the penalty area. No I don’t profess to follow the Championship but I know that Harry Wilson is left footed and has spanked in about 10 goals from outside the box including a few spectacular free kicks. I know that he’s going to shoot but it doesn’t seem that anyone else, including Angus Gunn thinks he’s going to hit it from there. The two man wall is woefully inadequate as Wilson smashes it across and it nestles in the far corner.

10 minutes to go and can we fuck it up? Of course we can as Wilson is allowed to cross from the right hand side and it’s a goal we’ve conceded so many times before with the ball sailing over Jack Stephens and our right-sided defender not covering round. The forward with the free header is Waghorn and the defendant not covering round is Ramsay.

We do have a great chance to win it on 90 minutes as Redmond plays a quick 1-2 with Armstrong and cuts in from the left hand side. He should shoot but instead he knocks it across the goal and Elyounoussi can’t get there at the back post.

90 minutes are up, extra time is looming and it’s still fucking cold.

The first half of extra time sees Callum Slattery on for Armstrong and there’s nothing much to report other than Gallagher getting brought down and JWP sending a free-kick comfortably over the bar.

15 to go, still fucking cold. Mercifully, we don’t have another half time relay.

If Saints were the better team in the first half of extra time, then Derby are the better team in the second with Lawrence heading a very presentable chance well over the bar and then us nearly falling for a long throw routine as Vestergaard gets beaten in the air, the ball goes over Stephens yet again and Ramsey is not marking his plate yet again and Lawrence yet again heading over the bar.

Having survived those scares, Ramsey collapses with cramp and is replaced with Targett and in the last few minutes we had two glorious chances to win it as firstly Romeu charges through from midfield, gives it to Redmond whose touch is unfortunately heavy and Roos comes running out to block it. In the last second, Slattery who is kind of playing as a right winger perfectly picks out Elyounoussi with a cross but instead of smashing into the net like any relatively competent player would’ve done, our man pulls out the air shot and falls on his arse.

Fuck, penalties it is and it’s still fucking cold.

Here we go, Derby first.

Waghorn smashes it high down the middle

JWP scores comfortably like at Leicester

Ex-Skate fucking knobhead David Nugent comfortably sends Gunn the wrong way and milks it like the fucking hasbeen that he is.

Redmond. I know he scored one in the last shootout and he’s playing with confidence but he has always been a shaky penalty taker and… Fucking hell that’s crap... wide and high and shit

Mason Mount, in off the bar whilst Gunn collapses in a corner. It would be nice if you actually went the right fucking way, even once.

Up steps to 6 foot 7 penalty taker. It will never not look odd but Vestergaard buries it easily enough.

Lawrence.... Gunn goes the wrong way yet again.

Targett.... last seen are missing a penalty in the Everton shootout. This time.... has to score… Straight down the middle but got away with it.

Keogh. Derby captain. Looks about 45 years old… Sends Gunn the wrong way again.

Bollocks, we lost, and it still fucking cold.

As the last penalty hit the net as we knew it would, the FA Cup adventure was over for another season. It’s a shame in a way as it always is to go out of any competition but I think in this case we have to look at the bigger picture. By making an almighty bollocks of the start of the season we almost gave up our right to have an FA Cup run because the league is more important obviously. If we were sitting happily in mid-table then you really should have a go at the FA Cup but being down near the bottom makes it a different scenario.

It was a strange game with the two teams taking turns to really lack energy and intensity. Of course when it goes to penalties, anyone can win but there does appear to be something fundamentally wrong with Angus Gunn and his penalty saving technique. He is now faced 11 successive penalties in the shootout defeats to Leicester and Derby and in truth, he hasn’t even got close to saving even one. I think you would expect a training mannequin tied to the crossbar to save more than that. Still, it’s not his fault that Nathan Redmond smashed his penalty into the crowd which was a shame because he was by far and away our best player.

It was an interesting debut for Tyreke Johnson who I don’t think has ever played left wingback in his life and I am sure that he would have stayed on if it wasn’t for the booking and his tendency to slide into tackles. He put over a couple of great crosses to be fair and was overall, quite promising. The same can be said for Kayne Ramsey who overall played pretty well but he did get caught ball watching on both the Derby disallowed goal and the equaliser. On the equaliser, he really looks like he been taking right-back tips from Cedric as the ball came over, sailed over Jack Stephens head and Ramsey’s man scored. Cedric had a strange match, at some point looking energetic, at other points looking like he couldn’t be bothered like on the tackle that led to the first goal when he brought the guy down because of throwing his hip at him as he ran past. Very strange.

In midfield, Romeu and JWP were pretty good throughout but we had problems further forward where, aside from floating up a really good cross for the first goal, Elyounoussi again failed to provide any evidence as to why we bought him. He doesn’t appear to be quick, he doesn’t appear to have a trick to get past people and he doesn’t appear to have much composure. I noticed another worrying thing in that when he made any sort of run he appeared to be blowing and struggling to get back. The Derby come back all came down our left hand side in the second half where Moi wasn’t tracking back and Cedric was obviously battling with playing on the wrong side.

Upfront, it was good to see Armstrong get on the scoresheet again and Shane Long did some decent work before he got injured but have a pair of them combined to not put us in front from one of Johnson’s brilliant crosses I will never know..

Fair play to Derby and fat Frank and through to the next round to play Accrington and good luck to them. We have bigger fish to fry in the shape of Everton coming to town on Saturday where we will have Hojbjerg and Valery returning to the team. That will be an interesting one because neither Romeu or JWP deserve to be left out. With Long being injured, the good news is that Danny Ings will be involved and with Austin also available, to take up a place on the bench no doubt. That position is covered with the somewhat rusty looking Sam Gallagher also in the mix. Whisper It quietly but Ryan Bertrand might also be fit.

So whilst it would’ve been nice to win today, I don’t feel that it is the end of the world that we lost. I could’ve done without freezing my bollocks off for 120 minutes plus penalties before we lost but such is life.  Did I mention that it was fucking cold?

Bring on the Premier League again and let Ralph work his magic with a full squad. You never know which Everton side it’s going to turn up so it’s a good chance to get another three points on the board.

FA Cup 3rd Round - Derby 2 Southampton 2

Ralph Congratulates Southampton's Entire Goal Threat

I usually refer to what ever the League Cup is called these days as the Reserve Team Trophy. The FA Cup, has been going the same way especially when you are a Premier League side, drawn against a lower division side.  It also happens for teams who are in with a shout of getting promoted, especially those with a chance of getting promoted to the promised land of the Premier League. So, with one team in the relegation zone in the Premier League and another in the play-off zone in the Championship, I can only assume we will not be seeing many first-team regulars on the pitch today at Pride Park for Derby versus Southampton. Maybe this is the reason why this is one of the very few games that has not been moved from the Saturday 3 pm slot but that’s another discussion.

I didn’t expect there to be any way that Ralph Hasenhüttl would not rotate the squad and sure enough, it came to pass with the only Redmond, Vestergaard, Cedric and JWP being in the side who are likely to play in the next league game. Callum Slattery was awarded his first full start alongside JWP with Matt Targett and Jack Stephens in the back four. On the wings we had Nathan Redmond and Mo Elyounoussi was given another chance and upfront we had the dream team, the double talisman, the deadly duo, the dynamic duo, yep you guessed it, Long and Austin with a chance to prove their credentials in preparation for their transfers to Championship clubs either in January or next summer. Captain for the day was JWP.

Usually, when there are two scratch teams who are not familiar with each other at all, the first 15 minutes is really dull and nothing happens but something did happen and it was something very surprising in that we took the lead. Cedric lobbed a throw-in down the line, Long flicked infield and suddenly Redmond seem to have half of the pitch to himself and he accelerated into it before firing across the goalkeeper and no matter what the commentators say, it was going in anyway before Keogh made sure and everyone said it was an own goal.

Everyone was interested in how Callum Slattery was going to fare in midfield but the first time he was really noticed was when he lost the ball in their half sparking a Derby break with Marriott combining with Holmes who kind of ran out of angle before shooting straight at Gunn at the new post. Derby didn’t have many attacks but they looked dangerous when they had them and found some joy against our somewhat lightweight central midfield with Holmes again having a decent chance on the edge of the box but curling it wide. We don’t really look like scoring a second goal as our strikers didn’t really look like they even knew what sport they were playing.  Trampoline touches or the inability to play a basic 5 yard ball were the order of the day.

We had taken the lead five minutes into the first half and lo and behold, five minutes of the second-half, Austin made his first positive contribution of the game by laying the ball off to Redmond but this is really all Redmond’s work as he advanced and then curled an unstoppable shot over the top of the keeper and into the far top corner.  Great goal and how well is this lad playing now?

This game was comfortable now and then followed 10 minutes of almost total Saints possession and Derby appear to give up but as you know from watching Saints this season, it only takes one little thing and it all goes to shit. One ball through to Lawrence who is been played onside by Cedric he very inventively chips the ball up and Marriott it’s a really good controlled volley giving Gunn no chance at all. Jack Stephens bravery must be noted here as he turned his back in case the ball hit him.

Peak Southampton is reached five minutes later as Vestergaard under no pressure, passes it straight out of play. Derby take the throw, move the ball from their right to left, Lawrence picks it up in midfield and absolutely no one closes down as he saunters to the edge of the box before firing it across Gunn and into the corner to make it to 2-2. For fuck’s sake. Another feature of this goal was Jack Stephens once again looking at our goalkeeper with his back turned to the striker who was having a shot.  Cedric didn’t close down the player with the ball and our right winger who should have been tracking back, Elyounoussi… wasn’t even in our own half.

Having woken up to the fact that we are going to get knocked out if it carries on like this, Saints find a bit of life. Shane Long gets free on the right but pisses around until he loses it gets lucky as it breaks to Austin, who to be fair pulls out an excellent cross and picks out Elyounoussi - 6 yards out, unmarked, with just a goalkeeper to beat and the ball at a perfect height so what does he do? - cushion the header straight at the goalkeeper. Honestly, it’s one of the worst headers I have ever seen from that position. Absolutely pathetic.

Ralph has seen enough with Elyounoussi straight off to be replaced by Marcus Barnes for his debut and Tyreke Johnson is on for Charlie Austin who clearly has it written in his contract somewhere but he can’t play 90 minutes against anybody. There is time for us to try and lose it as ex-Skate and all round knobhead David Nugent sets up Marriott with more or less an open goal on the edge of the box but luckily he smashes it over the bar And his lack of composure is the only reason why we are still in the FA Cup this year.

First things first, we didn’t get knocked out. It was a bit of a return to the bad old days where we were comfortably leading and managed to switch off the 10 minutes and totally fucked it up. We really should be in the fourth round proper and everyone would say it was a job well done but as it is, we have to play again at St.Marys in the next couple weeks which at least takes one more game out of the Pierre Hojbjerg suspension.

When you going to talk about who did well today then you really have to start with Nathan Redmond who was superb throughout and is turning very quickly into the kind of player that he always had the potential to be. Callum Slattery did okay for a first game considering how lightweight the midfield was and I am sure he will get another chance when hopefully he will have a bit more muscle around him to give him more of a chance to express himself. The defence had very very little to do until the mad 10 minutes when they looked absolutely shocking. Cedric and Stephens at right back and right centre back has always been a disaster, the famous Cedric/Stephens corridor of uncertainty and so it proved again today.  Mind you, Stephens can’t see it because he’s got his back turned.  Vestergaard always looks shaky in a back four and Targett just always look shaky whenever he has to do any defending.  

The three players who really needed to need to step up today and prove something to Ralph, were Elyounoussi, Long and Austin and all three of them were absolutely shit. Austin gave one of his best hangover performances, barely raising a jog and hardly having a touch again.  Elyounoussi is a player with absolutely zero confidence and he capped it off with that header. When you have a free header from five yards, cushioning it straight to the goalkeeper is really not what you should be doing for fucks sake.  The trouble is that Moi has never shown anything so there’s nothing for fans to fall back on.  By that I mean that with Boufal, you could at least see there was skill there and he did the odd decent thing so people cut him a bit of slack.  When Redmond was struggling you could see the pace and potential.  Moi doesn’t seem to be particularly blessed in any department at the moment – pace, skill, vision etc.  We need to see something.

Shane produced his full repertoire of not reading the game, blind alley reactive running, Jack Russell impersonation chasing the ball and trampoline touches. The fucking worrying thing is that Danny Ings is injured, Michael Obafemi is injured, Sam Gallagher is injured, Manolo Gabbiadini is being sold probably to Sampdoria and Charlie Austin is probably going to get banned for his two fingered farewell and fuck off effort against Manchester City and Shane Long is therefore the only fit striker that we have for the forthcoming league games. Marcus Barnes didn’t really stick his hand up today but he is going to be there or thereabouts unless someone miraculously gets fit or we sign another striker.

So we now have a replay to look forward to and the prize for winning that, is a 4^th Round trip to Accrington Stanley which is one to get the away travellers buzzing as apparently we haven’t played there since 1959. That of course is a very winnable game should we get there which should focus the mind is a little bit more on the Derby replay.

Next we go to Leicester in the league and despite beating both Chelsea and Manchester City recently, Claude Puel is back under pressure because he has managed to lose at home to Cardiff and now away at Newport in the FA Cup. As a mid-table side with absolutely nothing to play for, you would think that he would prioritise the FA Cup and put out a strong team but not a bit of it.  It really isn’t going to take too much for the fans to turn on him there so an early goal should do nicely as long as we don’t fuck it up again like we did today.

NPC Match 32 - Southampton 4 Derby County 0

日本では、これは我々がそれを行う方法です。

Derby County were our visitors to SMS today – a team who started the season well but are looking primed and ready to make a late bid for relegation as they haven’t won in 5 and have hardly scored a goal.  They are of course managed by ‘Young Nigel’ Clough who I think it’s fair to say, didn’t get his father’s charisma or on evidence seen so far, his managerial ability.  In his favour is the fact that he’s not Darren Ferguson.

Derby were of course the team that beat us in the playoff final in 2007 which in turn sparked our descent into administration and life in League 1.  The planets must be aligned or something as Derby are on the South Coast and the Skates have just gone into administration.  Scandalously they have only got a ten point deduction, despite it being their second time in two years and not having paid off any of the previously agreed 20p in the £1 CVA.  The court did one sensible thing and barred that Greek bloke from being the administrator.  This can only be a good thing for them.  I feel that they should have got about a 25 point deduction as repeat offenders and for repeatedly signing overpaid players since the last administration but it’s done now.  I hope they get relegated but I’m glad that it looks like they’re not going to go out of business.  It means that we get to play them in April and hopefully we will bury them.

In other SFC news, Billy Sharp got some vile abuse on Twitter regarding his son who died at two days old.  It’s a good thing that this abuse got to the national media and hopefully the complete asshole who posted it will get the justice he deserves for being the lowest of the low.  In more positive news, Danny Butterfield got a year extension on his contract which to me anyway, was a bit surprising given that he’s 32 and only played 2 games this year.  

Butters would surely have been playing today but he’s injured as well as Frazer.  I was hoping that Jack Stephens would be called up from the Under 18s but Nigel decided to again go with the totally left footed Dan Harding at right back.  Chappers made a welcome return to the right wing as Guly had one of those illnesses that is always worse when it’s cold and raining.  There was again no keeper on the bench and with Frazer missing, no first choice substitute.  I wonder who the victim would be if needed.  My money was on Deano.  Not that we needed additional motivation but West Ham weren’t playing to day so win and we were back on top of the league, at least until West Ham hoofed their way back above us.  Talking of West Ham, they’ve decided not to appeal the Skate sending off last week – perhaps he did hit in the face after all.

Saints start the game like they mean business and it’s good to have some Bald Psycho charging about the pitch once more.  Harding’s low free kick is fumbled away by Fielding and the tone is set.  We win a corner after 15 minutes and from a Fox delivery, Big Jos throws himself at the ball about 6 yards out and bundles it in with his thigh I think.  No matter though and it’s 1-0 and time to pose the question to Young Nigel – what have you got?  

The answer appears to be ‘not a lot’ as from the next Fox corner it’s nearly 2-0 as a defender meets it this time and slices it wide of his own goal.  Derby aren't being allowed to settle at all with Morgan imperiously ruling the midfield, breaking up play and spraying the ball around.  Chappers still seems a bit rusty but his presence has terrifying effect on the left back who is a little tiny chap with only slightly more hair who hoofs it away before Chappers gets anywhere near him.

We do have the left footed right back factor though and Harding is looking completely awkward in the role.  It’s his pass though that Lallana’s first touch takes past a defender before he curls a left footed effort just wide.  Adam is at it again a minute later but drives a loose ball wide of the post as Young Nigel looks on in boring fashion.  That chance was created by the battling Sharp who wins and loses the ball 3 times while chasing his first touch.

Harding skids over another cack-footed cross from the right which every one misses until it reaches Sir Rickie who obviously wasn’t expect everyone to miss it and sidefooted it over the bar.   Derby then remind us that they’re here as Ward fires in a shot following a corner and Superkelv gets down well to hold onto it.

Talking of goalkeepers – Frank Fielding was a pain in the arse when we played at Derby earlier in the season and he has a go at doing the same today as he gets down well to stop a Cork daisy cutter which would have made a lot of money for Ladbrokes if it had gone in.  He’s at it again a few minutes later though as Sir Rickie’s free kick is on its way in until the bugger takes off and tips it over the bar.

Derby have a little spell of possession and I can’t make up my mind if we’re backing off or they’re imposing themselves on us.  The bottom line is that they produce sod all and some of the final balls are hilarious as they go straight off for a goal kick and you can’t even tell which forward they’re aiming at.  One (in fact two) worrying thing is that both Big Jos and Billy Sharp are limping slightly but we reach half time with a 1-0 lead and don’t look in too much trouble to be honest.

As the players leave the pitch, the fitness coach comes out and Jos does a few stretch before disappearing down the tunnel with the coach giving the universally known signal for ‘he’s fucked’.  We are about to begin the second half and we have two subs ready to come on.  One predictably is Aaron Martin and the other is Tadanari Lee, preferred to Connolly I suspect because of the space that is appearing behind the Derby defenders.

With Sharp and Big Jos having gone off, Derby tried to take advantage of any uncertainty there might have been and for about five minutes it looked like there may be a decent side in there somewhere despite there being no threat up front at all.  Saints create the first decent chance of the second half with Sir Rickie bulldozing his way down the left and flipping it back to Lallana who ignored the better placed Lee’s shout of whatever ‘get out the fucking way’ is in Japanese and hooked it goalwards to where Fielding tipped it over the bar.

This save gives us another corner on our right which Dead Ball Fox swings in.  This time it’s Aaron Martin who goes up for the header and reacts quickest to the loose ball and hooks it high into the net for 2-0 and you would think – game over.  Saints up the ante at this point and the passes are beginning to flow.  Young Nigel must have been looking on in a boring kind of way as his team got nowhere near us.  Lallana wins the ball in our half, plays a 1-2 with Lee before setting Cork away.  Corky underhits the pass out to Fox who manages to ride the lunging tackle before crossing to where Adam steers it in on the volley as Fielding kind of watched.  Brilliant goal.

Punch comes on for the tiring Chappers who has proved that he’s the man who seems to make us tick.  Also coming on is Derby forward Steve Davies who has been out of the game since an accidental collision with Jose Fonte at Derby, left him with a fractured skull.

Meanwhile, over in Japan.

コルクは、防衛から抜け出す作られ、右の背中にかかった忠成リーにそれを果たし卿リッキーとして遠く離れて先頭に立たれたチップの野心的な"足の外側"でリーを見つけることを試みた、庭を作り、その後打ちつけネットの反対側の右上にフィールディングを越えショットのロケット。 （Goooooooooooooooooooooal!！）誰も彼が行って、彼のトレードマークアーチャーのお祝いを引っ張ってオフとして彼をキャッチしようとされていません。それは、これらの偉大な瞬間の一つだったあなたが話しのタイヤ決している。それは幻想的なストライキだ。

Punch had slotted seamlessly into the side and created a chance for Corky which was blocked before it missed the target or was saved.  We indulged in a bit of piss take passing and Sir Rickie played the last 5 minutes like a bloke who was going out on the piss tonight – which he was, seeing as how he’d just turned 30.  There was just time for Harding to forget he was on the right hand side and hilariously mark the winger on completely the wrong side but no damage done.

Full time and EIEIEIO up the football league we go.  Only one place but it’s as high as we could go today so we’ll take it.  Our early season home form swagger is well and truly back despite the makeshift right back and the injury disruptions we had today – brilliant.  It wasn’t all brilliant as Derby had their moments but if you can play a whole Championship match and restrict the opposition to one little spell of possession with which they produced fuck all then you’ve done pretty well.  On the way out of the ground it was announced that the Skates had lost and therefore move effortlessly into the bottom 3 as we moved back to the top.  If Carlsberg made Saturdays...

Our Nigel was one happy fella afterwards, talking up Tadanari Lee’s goal in particular, together as one and all the cliches.  Young Nigel Cough was boring in his appraisal of his team getting ripped apart.  For me, we were excellent today with the pick of the bunch being Morgan Schneiderlin who was everywhere, both defensively and prompting the attacks.  The rest of midfielders all put in a shift with Lallana virtually unplayable at times and back to his very best.  Chappers still looked a bit rusty but the team is better when he’s in it and Corky had one of his best games for us even if he has taken over from Morgan as the player who should get booked for time wasting when he has a shot.  Danny Fox managed a hat-trick of assists but the individual highlight of the day was in the goal he wasn’t involved in which was of course the finish from Tadanari Lee.  Derby for their part, join Watford as the worst team I’ve seen at St.Mary’s this season.  Wouldn’t have scored if they’d played all night.

West Ham and a few others play in midweek but we are next in action on Saturday with a trip to the aforementioned Watford.  Time to take our home form on the road I feel.  Hopefully we’ll have a right back fit (nothing against Dan who was ok today)  and same side please unless Billy or Jos don’t make it.

The newspapers focussed most of their report on this game focussing on Lee’s goal and one said that we played the song about wanking, ‘Turning Japanese’ over the tannoy at the end of the game.  Never heard it myself so maybe, just maybe it was inaccurate, lazy, wrong journalism or maybe my need for a pee meant I was out of the ground before it came on.

By the way… the original English version of the 4^th goal was this:

Cork made a break out of defence and tried to find Lee with an ambitious ‘outside of the foot’ chip which was headed away as far as Sir Rickie who played it to Tadanari Lee who took on the right back, made a yard and then lashed a rocket of a shot across Fielding into the opposite top corner of the net. (Goooooooooooooooooooooal!!!!).  No one was going to catch him as off he went and pulled his trademark Archer celebration.  It was one of those great moments that you will never tire of talking about.  It’s a fantastic strike.

No mention of Ricky Lord or creating a garden which is what you get through Google Translate.

COYR!!!

NPC Match 11 - Derby 1 Southampton 1

Nigel's Hologram Gives Another Interview

A trip to pride Park to play Derby County who are in 3rd place in the table, just three points behind us so on the face of it, a very difficult game in store. Derby… oh yes, I remember the playoff win which was an aggregate defeat and the Derby fans being completely… interesting. It all seems such a long time ago now… Whiskey George in charge, no defenders and all that.

A full two weeks have passed since our last game and in that time, as far as SFC are concerned, it’s all been fairly quiet aside from the trial date for Lee Barnard being moved yet again. By the time this gets to court, he’ll have retired anyway and it won’t be Saints problem any more. Also, how reliable is the evidence of a load of blokes who were pissed at the time going to be about two years after the event?

In the great wide world of football, England have qualified for the European Championships after a glorious exhibition of football against Montenegro in which Rooney got sent off for taking a kick at someone. He of course, has been banned for the first three games and everyone is saying we should still take him…. Fuck off!!! There are loads of reason why not to take him but the obvious one for me is that he was useless in the last tournament and got sent off in the one before that so leave the twat behind. Talking of twats… Carlos Tevez. Breaking news as the Derby game approached was that Steve Cotterill has left the Skates and joined Forest. The Cotterill Comedy Corner has been a regular highlight of my Saturday afternoons for a while now and I’ll miss it. Forest certainly have the Midas touch with managerial appointments as they got Schteve McClaren last time. As for the Skates, lets hope they get some Russian no one has heard of or better still, appoint Stuart Gray who is their current caretaker.

To today and Nigel Adkins has a problem with Adam Lallana not being fit. With Lee Holmes being half decent in the last game, one might expect him to play but he’s not even made the bench and instead, Nigel has decided with need some Bald Psycho from the start this time out on the left with Morgan preferred to Deano in the middle. The rest of the team is as expected with Harding returning to the bench.

Bearing in mind that we have made ropey starts in the last few away games, it’s frustrating and annoying that after 3 minutes of this one, we are 1-0 down as Morgan and Corky combine to give the ball away on half way but the danger should really have been averted by Jose Fonte who instead of hoofing it into touch, tried to tackle the man and keep it in play. Unfortunately, the ball rebounded to a Derby player who cut in and this eventually led to a shot which Kelvin parried it out to Robinson who tapped into the empty net. TV replays confirmed later that Robinson was offside on the original shot so the goal shouldn’t have stood but the fact is that it was an easily defendable goal and we blew it again.

To Saints credit, this is more or less the last we hear of Derby as at attacking force for the rest of the first half as Saints set about passing them to death. We have a couple of half chances with both fall to Chappers and our first really decent chance falls to the Gulyman who, after a slick passing move (phrase borrowed from my ‘Daily Echo Football Reporting for Beginners Manual’), gets a cute pass from Chappers and curls one for the far corner which is well tipped round by Thingy, the England squad goalkeeper who no one has heard of.

Merringtitus is outraged when a Gulyman corner is met by Fonte whose header is blocked on the line by Steven Davies. Handball!!! Screams my radio but it really isn’t, unless he has an extra arm growing out of the middle of his chest. Derby are beginning to panic a bit with the defending and Roberts hoofs Connolly up in the air as he turns him to give us a free kick 25 yards out. Derby put about 14 players and a few ball boys in the wall and Sir Rickie scuffs it along the ground, into the wall from where it rebounds to Chappers who had obviously been watching too much Rugby World Cup as he leans back and fires over the bar from the edge of the box.

Half time and still 1-0 down despite having about 80% possession since Derby scored. A strong start to the second half was required and we were still passing it around in patient fashion and created a chance for Sir Rickie who shimmied (yes he did) his way into the penalty area and curled it too close to Thingy who made a comfortable save. In truth, he should have foregone the shimmy and just lashed it with his left foot.

On the hour mark Nigel decided to try and change the games, bringing on Steve de Ridder for Chappers who was in truth, a bit unlucky to be hooked. I’m not sure how much the substitution had to do with it but within a minute we were level as another passing move ended with a 1-2 between Sir Rickie and Connolly, a waltz past the last defender and Sir Rickie buried the shot past Thingy and into the far corner – great finish and totally deserved.

The Solent boys on the radio are reporting that Frazer Richardson has an arse injury but they are going out of their way to avoid saying ‘buttock’ as well as ‘arse’, ’bum’, ‘butt’, or ‘ringpiece’. Eventually they settle for ‘Glute’ as the full back flies past Frazer and his injured arse and fires in a cross which causes much diving about on the floor and flapping in our penalty area before Robinson’s shot hits Morgan and is cleared. Soon after, Deano is on in midfield and Corky goes to right back as his arse is in perfect working order.

We have got the goal after dominating for an hour and then, for some reason, Derby have come back into it again. It’s very end to end for a bit with no real clear cut chances but then there’s a longish break as Fonte goes up with Davies for a routine challenge and the Portuguese Man of War wins the header and Davies is left on the ground with a nasty looking dent in his forehead. Ouch…. No matter how many times I watched it afterwards, I really couldn’t see how it happened.

Dave is getting Merringtitus over Derby attacking down our left and Nigel is obviously on Dave’s wavelength and replaces the Gulyman and brings on Dan Harding on the left wing with de Ridder moving to the right. Derby have a half chance which will go down officially as ‘cleared off the line’ by the Gulyman when it fact, the header from Shackell just floated towards him and it would have hit him if he hadn’t headed it.

We have our obligatory last second chance as de Ridder, who is causing panic every time he gets the ball, digs out a great cross from the right which picks out Sir Rickie beyond the back post. His header back across is just behind Harding and just a bit too far in front of Deano and Derby smuggle it away. There then follows a clueless Radio Solent inquest into why Sir Rickie didn’t head at the goal which he’d never have scored in from where he was. He’d have had to have fucking curled it round the near post, off his head.

Final whistle and a hard earned point on the road. On the balance of play we deserved to win but overall, you’ve got to be happy with a point against a team just two places behind you. Positives today were the performances of Corky and Chappers in midfield and Steve de Ridder made a difference when he came on. Man of the match though was Sir Rickie, who was in superb form and the Derby defence really didn’t know what to do with him.

Nigel did his usual in the post match interview and ignored every question he was asked and talked about the club as a whole and how we try and play. I am developing a theory that Saints don’t send him out for post match interviews but instead send a hologram which is pre-programmed, allowing Nigel to take care of business. Unusually for us, we managed to pick up four bookings today with Fox, Fonte, Morgan and Sir Rickie all seeing yellow suggesting over-zealous refereeing in a game with little or no malice.

Up next we have a massive game against West Ham on Tuesday which doesn’t give much time for Adam Lallana’s foot and Frazer’s arse to make a recovery. Look at West Ham’s line up and it’s full of Premiership players and of course, they have Big Sam as manager. He’ll be hoping that Carew, Cole, Nolan, Noble, Collison and all that will fancy facing the full force of Saints at SMS on Tuesday… and they still have Robert Green in goal who I will never forgive for that goal he let in at the World Cup when I taught my kids some new swear words. First v Second, bring it on!!!