Our Claus, In the Middle of the Pub

Claus - Five Minutes into his interview

But first...

There have been a couple of major stories in the transfer market since the last blog entry with the Alexander Buttner deal hitting the buffers for now as a mysterious ‘third party’ came into play.  Vitesse Arnhem exonerated themselves and Saints against any wrongdoing and we all jumped to conclusions like it was some mysterious agent and like the Tevez saga and all that.  Turns out that it’s his Dad wanting a cut if the media is to believed (which of course it usually isn’t).  “Mr Cortese, please can you pay an extra.....drrrrr (phone goes dead)”

Steven Davis has signed from the Pompey of the North as he exercised his right to quit rather than be transferred to the new version of Rangers, the Derangers.  He’s a central midfield player with 50 odd caps for Northern Ireland and Premier League experience so it’s all good as far as I’m concerned.  The Derangers new Chairman however is not happy and is kicking up stink about Davis and a number of other Rangers players refusal to become Derangers and instead, taking up the opportunity which is open to them, by law, to sort themselves out.  It seems however that he’s arguing against this basic employment law and is doomed to failure so all things being equal, we’ve got a decent new player on our hands after his appeal is heard and he’s told to piss off.

Steve - in Liverpool shirt.

We’ve been recently linked with Wilfried Zaha (he of the toys out of the pram) and Nathaniel Clyne from Palace which seems a fair swap for letting them have Aaron Martin on loan for a season.  If that cames off then that would be right wing and right back sorted.  We also know that we need a goalkeeper and at least one centre back for the squad and talking of Saints centre backs…

The only Saints centre back in the news has been Claus Lundekvam who really needed to engage brain before opening mouth.  The genie is out of that particular bottle now though as he’s accused everyone of spot fixing, betting on the first throw and the like during his time at SFC.   Everyone was apparently at it, both teams etc.  Having I assume, noticed that cricketers have gone to jail over similar accusations, I would expect that he thought long and hard before opening his mouth... or maybe not as this is Claus after all who may have been sat under a bridge drinking out of a bottle wrapped in a paper bag with nothing but a dog on a string and Paul Merson for company.  I’m sure many of us Saints fans remember seeing him in Jumping Jaks totally pissed out of his head either after a Saturday game or on occasions on a Friday before a game.  I’m sure everyone remembers his confessions of a post-retirement drug issue, of financial problems and of his arrest for assault of a business partner.  Francis Benali, a truly respected and trustworthy SFC legend of that period of time, alluded to Claus’ personal problems when questioned about the allegations and said he knew nothing of it which is the same story as Matt le Tissier, David Hirst and Paul Williams have repeated. 

It’s notable that Claus has mentioned no names specifically which makes me think, when considered along with his more wayward tendencies, that this is either a complete load of bollocks or that he’s exaggerated the extent and breadth of it to muddy the waters of his own involvement.  Either way he should have shut the fuck up and I really hope he’s making no money out of these allegations.  It affects the way he’s thought of by fans as well and as a player with over 400 appearances- that’s a real shame.  I’m sure no one at SFC 2012 gives a shit about the allegation except maybe Jason Dodd who of course, was a player at that time.  Pompey fans taking the moral high ground is hilarious though – paid back those charities, schools and local businesses yet have you boys?

So, we’ve got a pissed ex-player making things difficult but down the road they have 8 players (Blue Few) who they have to sell (Blue Fewer) before a takeover by a bloke who has owned it twice can take over again (Blue Murder).  As he only wants it for asset stripping, the fact that they’ve been deducted 10 points for the forthcoming League 1 season won’t bother him in the slightest but the fact that 5 years of restrictions have been put in place regarding how much of the debt he can wipe off and how soon he actually has to pay some money to creditors may well see him run for the hills and leave the club right in the shite as it could be time for the fans who have pledged a grand to the Pompey Supporters Trust to actually cough up.  We await with bated breath.  Basically, they have no choice as the League have grown a pair and pulled out the “play by our rules or fuck off” card.  My criticism of the League is that they should have done this two years ago after the 2010 administration which would have saved creditors, charities and schools etc a lot of money.

Cue “its not fair” and “not our fault” and “a big boy did it and ran away” and a big “WHO THE FUCK IS LAUGHING NOW ?”…

Anyhow, as far as this blog goes it’s kind of cool that I started it three years ago when we were bottom of League 1 with -10 points and Pompey were in the Premier League and now it’s the complete opposite – so it’s all down to me and I take all the credit. 

I thank you.

How embarassing

Alex on his debut - how the Pompey fans celebrated

http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/sport/pompey/pompey-past/portsmouth-ace-makes-england-squad-1-3894311

Let’s face it, that lot down the road are embarrassing.

In summary and probably missing stuff - From Gun Runners to Fat Skint Arabs to non-existent Arabs to prossie bothering managers to loan sharks to convicted fraudsters to the best fans in the world ™ to Can’t Pack the Park to Fratton Park is falling down to training in Southampton to ripping of charities twice to ripping off schools twice to administration twice to quality of quantity to 36k a week journeymen to paying win bonuses to their CEO to....well everything really.

Regular readers will know that I don't have much time for the press (see the Lukas Jutkiewicz piece) but a new low has been reached since the season ended with the announcement of the England squad for the Euro 2012 tournament. That paragon of truth and telling it how it isn’t, the Portsmouth Evening News, ran an article titled ‘Portsmouth Ace in England Squad’. I saw that and thought they were bigging up Glen Johnson and Jermain Defoe – a little bit embarrassing I thought cos they’re not at Pompey now and are two of the players they should never have bought as they could never afford them but technically, they were Pompey players once up on a time. Defoe in particular is not well liked down there but still, he was a Pompey player.

I know that there is journalistic license but Christ on a bike… they are talking about Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain who, in case you didn’t know, has played for Arsenal since August 2011 and before that he played for Southampton where he has been, playing all his football since he was 8 years old. As far as we all know, he’s never even played kids 5 a side in a team that was affiliated to Portsmouth Football Club. He developed in the Southampton Academy, made his first team debut at 16, tore up League 1 for a season and was then sold to one of the best teams in the country for 15 million quid. The fee for the Pompey Ace was not paid to Pompey but to Southampton. But you knew all this... and here’s a quick Q&A...

Did Pompey develop him? No.

Did Pompey fans chant his name? No.

Did Pompey fans feel pride when he made his first team debut? No.

Did Pompey fans get his name printed on their shirts? No.

Did Pompey fans leap to their feet as he tore past players on the wing? No.

Did Pompey fans stand there open mouthed when he chipped the keeper from a ridiculous angle? No, no and unsurprisingly, no again.

When all these things happened, if a Pompey fan had seen it, he would have shouted ‘Scummer, Scummer, F**king Scummer’ or somesuch at him, much like they used to do when he went home on the train in his Southampton tracksuit when he was a kid, as reported by his father.

The story of course is that his Dad is an ex-Pompey player who sent his son to Southampton’s Academy because then, as now, Pompey’s is shite and Southampton’s is one of the best in the country. Alex was born in Portsmouth and went to school there and that’s the whole basis of The News claiming that he’s a Portsmouth Ace. Why not Portsmouth-born Ace? By saying ‘Portsmouth Ace’, you are implying the football team and so shock of shocks, the headline is just completely embarrassing. Trying to somehow claim Alex is one of Pompey’s own is a bit like claiming money that you raised after saying it was for charities…. Can’t think who’d do such a dishonest thing.

I think I’ve missed a trick by not writing something where Saints claim credit for Darren Anderton’s international career as after all, he was a Bitterne Park schoolboy. No, I wouldn’t do that as it would be too embarrassing. He’s one of Pompey’s in the same way that Alex is one of ours.

The question for me is; what are The News trying to achieve? Are they trying to make Pompey fans feel better about things, to deflect attention away from the fact that they may well not have a club to support in a weeks time? Maybe they just want to try and wind up the Saints fans and get a reaction. Well, they’ve done that I guess but it’s not an indignant reaction, it’s just a completely-embarrassed-feel-sorry-for-you cringe.

I myself was born in Southampton but lived in Portsmouth country, in Waterlooville from age 8 to age 23 so Mr Portsmouth Evening News, you could probably claim my blog for Pompey. If you want to call me a Pompey blogger then go ahead – people will read it and laugh at you, much as people with half a brain will have laughed at your Alex article.

Let me ask this – if Alex hadn’t signed for Arsenal and was still a Southampton player? Would The News have written it then? The criteria they have used to justify their viewpoint wouldn’t be any different but maybe, just maybe, it would have been just a little too embarrassing…. even for the Portsmouth Evening News.

PS... Since writing this, I've found an earlier article which is even better.... altogether now... CRINGE!!!!

http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/sport/england-bow-for-portsmouth-talent-1-3889219

NPC Match 41 - Southampton 2 Portsmouth 2

Lightning Strikes.... Twice!

All the pre-match posturing, bile and vitriol was now done and it was time for the real posturing, bile and vitriol to begin.  The ground was filling up, the bubble was causing peace and tranquility everywhere and the South Coast Derby was at SMS once more.  This, my Brighton and Bournemouth supporting friends, is a rivalry.

I think the bubble is a good idea but I do miss the journey to the ground, seeing opposition supporters and exchanging friendly one fingered acknowledgements.  Whilst on the journey in, I heard an interview on the radio where the leader of one of the Pompey fan groups was on one of the bubble coaches basically saying that he didn’t like it cos he wanted to get shitfaced.  I hope that Hampshire Police ask for his contribution to the debate should this ever happen again.

To the ground and it’s full and it looks great, even if there are 3000 Skates in there.  To the team news and Sir Rickie is fit to partner Billy Sharp with Guly moving back onto the right wing in place of Chappers who has gone altogether from the squad.  Deano is in the side in place of Corky and I can tell that I’m nervous as I go into full rant mode at anyone who’ll listen when I find out the subs.  Barnard, de Ridder, Cork…. Ok fine with those three … Martin, ok…. and Harding.  What!!!  OK, I know Nigel wants to be positive and have 5 outfield subs but why be negative then and have 2 out and out defenders when Cork is there who can cover all of the defensive positions in an emergency.  Harding and Martin can both only cover one position each so surely having Chappers or Punch on there would be more positive.  Meanwhile, the Skates have replaced the injured Thorne and Tal Ben 38k a week with Jailbird Etuhu and Ricardo Rocha

The game starts with Lallana running at the Pompey defence and appealing for two free kicks, both of which were rightly ignored by the referee provided by the Premier League, Mr Swarbrick.  The ref is interested a minute later though as Morgan gets robbed by Norris and then pulls him back by the arm for a free kick and a yellow card.  It’s 1-1 on the card count a few minutes later as Maguire catches Fonte over on the left wing and we have a few handbags before the Derby forward is booked.

 

The early game clattering is complete after 6 minutes when Morgan flew in to tackle Varney who saw him coming and smashed his studs into Morgan’s knee and off he went in obvious pain to be replaced with Cork.  For what it’s worth, I don’t think Varney went in to ‘do’ him but it was a forwards challenge to say the least.  Nigel is not happy and the ref gets an earful, I assume it wasn’t anything to do with buses or together as one.

Pompey are certainly leaving their mark where they can and the officials are missing most of it, including Rocha throwing at elbow at Lallana as they compete for a ball near the touchline.  Rocha is having a dodgy few minutes as he then needlessly trips Billy on the left wing.  Big Jos launches himself at Adam’s free kick and gets in front of Ashdown who spills and recovers the ball.  The first real effort on goal fell to Kelvin Etuhu who didn’t really get hold of his effort and Superkelv parried with a degree of comfort.  When we get our passing going we look good and one such passage of play ends with a rising drive from Fox which Ashdown tips over the bar which according to Swarbrick rules, is a goal kick.

Jose is trying to get things moving for us by bringing the ball out of defence and he makes some decent ground and beats a couple of players before laying it off to Deano.  Enough time then passes for you to nip off, run a hot bath and have a good soak before Scott Allan arrives and clatters him.  Play goes on and we win a corner as Rocha puts it out and the Skate twat is on a mission and decides to welly the ball into the crowd from point blank range before responding to Adam’s probable assertion that he was a prick, by clipping him round the face.  Following a ref-lino conversation, all of that added up to a yellow card for Rocha and nothing but a word for Allan whose tackle was so fucking late it’s unbelievable but not as unbelievable as Mr Swarbrick’s decision not to book him. 

27 minutes have gone and from the corner conceded by the prick, Lallana’s delivery from the left is cleared high by Pearce to the edge of the box where Sir Rickie heads it back into a ruck of players to where Billy Sharp controls and manages to flick it up and poke it into the net past Ashdown and set off in celebration towards the stunned Skates fans, finger at the lips in the time honoured tradition.  Adam is bit naughty running behind the goal to join in but we’re in front, poachers goal, get the fuck in.  Needless to say, Mr Premiership Bollocks decides to book Billy who will one day score a goal without getting booked afterwards.

Five minutes later and Allan manages to kick Fonte up in the air again and this time it’s deemed worthy of a booking but it’s not nearly as bad as the last one.  We’re on the up now and surge forward again with Billy producing a volley which is at a comfortable height for Ashdown to save.  From everything being alright, it suddenly and out of nowhere went to shit.  A chip down the left by Maguire was chased by Etuhu who eventually laid it back to Maguire who advanced to the corner of the penalty area and absolutely smashed it into the near top corner to make it 1-1.  Where the fuck did that come from?  How he had to confidence to even try a shot from there is a bit of a mystery but what a goal.  At first I thought that Superkelv must have been at fault but to criticize him for that would be very harsh indeed.  The comatose Skates fans couldn’t believe it, having probably settled for a chastening afternoon and there seemed to be a pause before they realised it was in.

The shock around the ground lasted for a good five minutes and we were certainly knocked out of our stride both by the goal and by the continuing strongarm tactics which were still not being noticed by any of the officials.  They do notice Varney tripping Lallana though and the resultant free kick sees Sir Rickie line it up from the left corner of the penalty and Ashdown only put two men in the wall.  The free kick nearly knocks him over but it’s central enough for him to parry up in the air and for the Skates to scramble away as far as Lallana whose volley clipped both Jose and the post on its way out of play.  Very close.

There is just time for another pair of chances as Sir Rickie weights a perfect ball behind Rekik for Guly who smashes it at the near post which is covered by the sprawling Ashdown.  Foxy’s corner is met by big Jos who kind of throws himself at it but the ball flies wide.

In our usual half time brains trust meeting I decreed that we would score again based on the logic that we were looking very dangerous at set pieces and that the Skates weren’t good enough defensively to not give us a load of free kicks and corners in the second half.

The second half starts and like the first, Pompey create the first chance as Varney does well down the left and feeds Maguire who shows the reason why Derby loaned him out by sidefooting horribly wide.  We take 10 minutes to fashion our first chance of the half and again it’s another pair of chances.  Firstly a ball comes back out of the Skates box and Lallana volleys it only to see Ashdown take off and pull of a brilliant save.  From Adam’s corner, Jose meets it with a full blooded header from 8 yards and Ashdown takes off again and somehow shovels it over the bar – another brilliant save, bastard.  I thought he was supposed to be dodgy.

Guly then moved quicker and with more purpose than he had done all match on the hour mark when he was substituted.  I don’t think he even looked at the number of the player being replaced, just knew there was a sub being made and went, having put in his second complete shithouse of a performance against the Skates this season.  On came Steeeve to hopefully give us something down the right where there had been nothing so far.

Nothing much happened for the next 20 minutes aside from a Maguire free kick which wasn’t exactly off the training ground as he hit the wall and then smashed the rebound at the sun.  Steeeve is completely redundant on the right as we’re not getting the ball to him at all with Corky getting caught in possession and decent pressure from the Skates midfield meaning that we’re resorting to hoofing it forwards to Sir Rickie a bit too often.  The Skates are playing what Gordon Strachan would call ‘propaganda football’ in that they were passing it about nicely but not doing anything with it with the final ball often being aimless.

Voldemort made his first substitution, replacing the ineffective Etuhu with Dave Kitson.  What a strange player Kitson is – he can’t jump without doing this strange windmill thing with both his arms above his head.  He then went up for a header with Frazer and lost it, while windmilling his arms about before bleating to the ref and holding up an imaginary yellow card when there wasn’t even the suggestion of a foul.  You would think that silly windmill thing + imaginary card waving + shite footballer = Wanker.  In fact it equals £20,000 a week.

As the game moves into the last five minutes it’s all us again with another near thing from a free kick, given away by the Ginger magician.  Foxy’s freekick is headed back across by Sir Rickie to where Jose gets airborne and smashes it over the bar.  Aaaargh!!! Next it’s Adam Lallana’s turn as he allows a Jose pass to run through, giving him a run at Ashdown.  He should have taken it left footed but tried to go round Ashdown who flies out and clips him but Adam takes another couple of steps before running out of room and pulling out a horrible dive for which he should get booked but doesn’t.

And so we arrive in the last minute and it looks like the Skates have survived but they give us as chance as Rekik makes his one mistake of the match and slices it to Steeeeve who tries to pick someone out when he maybe should have shot and Rocha slices it over his own bar for another corner.  Adam’s corner is flicked on and poked into the net by Billy Sharp but the lino’s flag is up straight away for offside.  Fuck it.  Deano has gone nuts at he ref and he’s going over to have a word with the lino, a quick conflab and fuck me…. he’s given the goal.  After a quick “fuckinghaveityouskatebastarrrrrrrrrds” I don’t know what emotion I’m feeling most, relief, joy…?  Actually, I just think it’s funny as the Skates all surround the ref.  Turns out the the corner was flicked on by Varney and so Billy can’t be offside.  Well played ref, genius.

There are three minutes of the additional four minutes remaining and the next time the ball goes out, off goes Billy to be replaced by Dan Harding who goes to the left of midfield with Lallana floating around in the centre.  A ball lumped forwards beats everyone and goes through to Superkelv and I thought that that was going to be it.  But fucking no…. they get the ball back, aided and abetted by the fact that we only have one up front now and an aimless straight ball is tossed forward by Rocha and headed out by Jose.  It drops to Norris who is completely free in enough space to build a new Tesco and unhindered by any of our midfielders, catches it superbly and smashes it into the net for another superb goal.

There is still a minute to go and we manage one more attack with Lallana getting a head to a Frazer cross but the ball, rather fittingly ends up with Ashdown who saves comfortably. 

The End.  Fuck.  FUCK. ING. HELL. Final whistle and like the first game at Fratton Park, the Skates celebrated a draw like they’d won the fucking World Cup.  Fair enough though, I’d have done exactly the same had the roles been reversed.  Talk about sickening.

When I first thought about it I decided that it was a fair result as they’d played better football than us in the second half in particular but hang on a minute, they’ve had 4 world class moments from players that are not usually capable of that with Maguire, Norris and Ashdown twice, producing moments that are almost certainly up there with anything they have ever or ever will produce.  Ashdown wouldn’t have even been playing if they hadn’t had to offload Henderson to Fat Sam.  I remember Kelvin making a comfortable save from Etuhu in the first half but other than that, no Pompey efforts on target whereas we peppered them but it was almost all from set pieces.  Having seen the highlights, in which pretty passing going nowhere is not featured, we battered them pretty much.  Like the game at Fratton, we should have won but Pompey managed to drag something out of the bag to snatch a point both times showing that they can do it when they want to.  We can’t be too harsh on ourselves though – their keeper had the game of his life and look at their goals.  I guess that over ten matches a team attempts 20 twenty-five-yarders and maybe one flies in and the rest are blocked or shit and fly into the crowd.  The Skates had two fly into the corners of the net in one match.

It could not be said that we played well though and the midfield was absent completely in the second half.  I thought the back four did ok defensively but Foxy in particular was guilty of some poor crossing.  Deano huffed about in midfield and did some good things but Corky kept getting caught in possession.  On the wings, Adam flattered to deceive a bit, as did Steeeeeve but Guly was worse than that, he was abysmal.  I don’t go for the Guly-bashing by default as lots seem to do but he was bloody dreadful today – no crosses, no tackles, no urgency, no decent balls and he’s been pretty poor since Christmas and the time has surely come now to take him out of the side for a bit.  Up front, Sir Rickie was quite well shackled by a combination of Pearce, Rocha and the referee giving him fuck all and I’ve almost come to expect that Billy Sharp will not appear to do too much but he will score goals.  It seems that whenever there is a bundle of players and the ball ends up in the net, it’s Billy that’s put it there.  His all round game is improving though with each game and I think that with a bit of patience and a full pre-season, he’ll be improving for a while.

For the Skates, well Ashdown looked world class and if you ask any Skate fan, he usually isn’t.  I was very impressed with Rekik at left back who just looked like a quality footballer and they’ve pulled a right stroke in getting him on loan, likewise Scott Allan who played well once the referee allowed him to get away with some very dubious tackling.  Halford did his ‘destroyer’ job in midfield pretty well without ever looking entirely comfortable there and the forwards were a nuisance without looking particularly threatening – two world class goals aside…. Sounds daft doesn’t it?

Nigel was attempting to be positive afterwards but his ‘one point gained’ line was not fooling anybody.  I was waiting for the interviewer to say “fuck off Nigel, it’s two points dropped isn’t it?”.   If I’d been the interviewer I’d have written my own P45 by pointing out that like the game at Fratton Park, Pompey were not threatening our goal at all and you made a sub and switched it around and we allow them to score.  You want to waste time then fine but take Billy off and put Barney on.

I can’t usually be arsed to talk about referees but today we have to as we needed a strong referee today to take hold of the inevitable ‘kick them off the park’ tactics that were coming our way and we got Mr Swarbrick who was shit.  How on earth can Scott Allan not get booked for his ridiculous late hack on Jose?  How did Rocha stay on the pitch?  He didn’t even give a foul for Varney crippling Morgan, then booked Billy Sharp for celebrating a goal, then failed to book Adam Lallana for a horrible dive. OK, he did well on our second goal but fucking hell.

I guess that if the game had petered out at 1-1 then we wouldn’t all be as pissed off but having been in front with 2 minutes to go, it’s a complete pisser to have only got one point instead of three.  I also guess that if we’d won 2-1 then Mr Swarbrick would be our hero and not the person we’re all pointing at.  The Fat Sam Total Football Academy and Reading must be delighted with us dropping points today but we still went back to the top of the league, ahead of the Royals on goal difference and four points and goal difference ahead of Fat Sam.

So, no bragging rights for us which is a shame but there you go – ultimately that doesn’t matter.  Still, no time to dwell on it and barely enough time to draw the fabled blue line underneath this game and move on as we have 48 hours-ish before we kick off against mid-table Palace at Selhurst Park.

5 games left, 11 points needed.

Skates Preview 2

I can't find a better picture than this so I'm using it again...

By way of a preview of the Derby on Saturday – here’s a Scummers and Skates summary of the week leading upto it.  We sit clear at the top by 2 points from Reading and 6 clear of 3rd place West Ham whereas they sit 5 points adrift of safety.  Both teams got royally stuffed in their last games with us losing 3-0 at playoff-chasing Blackpool and them losing 5-1 to Burnley who this year, are a mid-table nothing team.

Monday 2nd April

SCUMMERS: Rumours emanating from the indiscreet Japanese media say that Tadanari Lee is out for 4-6 months with an ankle injury picked up in training and meanwhile, Nigel has been fending off more rumours that Sir Rickie has had an op and is out for the season. A Plymouth Youth player called Sam Gallagher has signed for Saints on Academy terms so ignore all that stuff I said about Arsenal nicking Luke Shaw as the boot is on the other foot here.  I hope that Plymouth have been sufficiently compensated and have not been ripped off.  With the rules being the way they now are, I expect they’ve been ripped off.

SKATES:  It appears that The Skates have an injury question over George Thorne, one of their loan players from West Brom who they are “not paying a penny for honest Guv”.  He was their best player against us earlier in the season and if he doesn’t make it then it’s going to be difficult to guess their team as they have so many options in the squad.  Hopefully it means that Mokoena will play.  Meanwhile, the self appointed Best Fans in the World ™ have not yet sold out their allocation and there are a number who have bought tickets but are too thick to realise that you HAVE to buy coach travel in order to get your ticket.  This was also the first working day after the CVA from Pompey’s 2009 Administration, officially failed as admitted by Trevor Birch.  The Football league have done nothing, thus proving that you get a points deduction for exiting administration without a CVA (Leeds, Luton, Bournemouth) but you can agree a CVA and then ignore it and not get punished.

Tuesday 3rd April

SCUMMERS: Sir Rickie will be fit sooner rather than later, say sources at SFC but these same sources have not yet commented on the story about Tadanari Lee being out for a long time so who knows what to believe.  I won’t believe he’s fit until the teamsheet is handed in at 12.15pm on Saturday and the big man is on it.  If he’s not fit and it was down to me, I’d pick Billy Sharp and Lee Barnard up front.

SKATES: Understanding the ‘Bubble’ operation in order to herd Pompey fans into and out of St.Mary’s has obviously been too difficult for some as any number between 100 and 1000 fans (depending on what you read) who have bought a voucher for a ticket, have not bought the compulsory coach travel to go with it.  When Saints visited Fratton earlier in the season you got both voucher and coach ticket at the same time, however, the coach company, for some unknown reason, didn’t trust the Skates to pay for the tickets do they didn’t release them in advance.  There are rumours of 50 - 200 or so tickets being unsold as well.  Pompey manager Michael Voldemort is apparently working on a list of players to sign for next season – I wonder what club he’ll be at?

Wednesday 4th April

SCUMMERS: There’s an article on Lee Barnard which appears on the official website which is being seen by some as an indication that Sir Rickie won’t be fit for Saturday.   There was also confirmation that the home areas of SMS on Saturday have completely sold out.  Talking of strikers, Sam Gallagher made his first appearance for the Under 16’s and scored a hat-trick, as did Jake Sinclair for the Under 18’s.  Both teams won 4-1 which could be an omen, if you believe that sort of crap.

SKATES: Voldemort revels that one of his transfer targets is a Championship player who will also play in League 1 if the Skates go down – so, after years of paying Premiership players to play in the Championship, they’re now going to pay Championship players to play in League 1.  The burning issue of whether the said player would also turn out in Blue Square South Division 9 wasn’t addressed.   Not sure their fans will see the irony in Voldemort’s statement – God there are some morons on Twitter.  I like the ones who write #oneteaminhampshire – they’re a few months early especially in the light of the new that the only potential buyer mentioned so far, the Portsmouth Supporters Trust will have to raise £8 million in a couple of months to buy the club.  Once they’ve done that they just have to find another £350,000 every month, just to pay Kitson, Lawrence and Ben Haim.   I genuinely hope they succeed in buying the club but I wouldn’t be betting any money on it.  Other news is that they’ve extended the loan of Chris Maguire who has been decent find for them, scoring a couple of goals and he’ll be their major threat on Saturday.

BOTH: A lot of fans on both sides have been questioning why the game isn’t being shown on TV.  I don’t know if this has come from an official source or not but one thing I read was that there was too much audible swearing on the coverage from Fratton earlier in the season.  Dunno why but I found that hilarious.

Thursday 5th April

SCUMMERS:  Sir Rickie is fit and firing in the goals in training according to Nigel.  I like this news and I like it a lot.

SKATES: Voldemort says that Saturday’s game is perfect for them.  I guess he’s right - if they get something from the game then it sets them up superbly for a tilt at staying up, get battered however and it’s expected.  The whole season is one big ‘free hit’ for Voldemort really as no one will blame him for anything that goes wrong due to all the ‘off the pitch’ shite.  He has to sort out Saturday without George Thorne who is out for the season so don’t be surprised if they exercise the one out, one in policy and try to sign Tevez on loan for Saturday and the Football league allow them.  It’s blood boiling time as Avram Grant is interviewed and he wants the Skates to summon up the ‘spirit of 2010’ when their team of Premiership players and illegal loans beat our League 1 team with a few players missing, by 4-1.  The spirit of 2010 then went and paid for a wank at Horton Heath allegedly.

Friday 6th April

SCUMMERS: We have had a day of press conferences with Nigel sounding confident and very calm about the game.   Hopefully this will transmit to the players who won’t get too involved in any silly bastards which could result in a red card.  Danny Fox, no doubt one of our more fiery players, sounds well up for it and Superkelv came out and talked of the pain remaining from the 2010 match, stressing that it was a lot closer than the 4-1 scoreline suggests.  Our two main Auto promotion rivals played today with Reading making heavy weather of beating Leeds and West Ham thumping Barnsley at Oakwell.  Reading are now top, a point ahead of us and West Ham are three points back with both having played a game more.

SKATES: Voldemort stresses that the Skates are coming for a win – well he has to say that for to reasons, 1 is that they are 5 points adrift of safety so whilst a point will be one more than they should get, it’s not much use in the scheme of things.  2 is that he’s hardly going to say anything else – we’re hoping to nick a draw or we’ll just be grateful not to get totally fucked.

So, it’s here at last, the Skates are in town for a league game for the first time since 2004.  This would be huge regardless of league positions but with both clubs desperate for points, it’s even more so.  Our primary concern has to be keeping our results as good as the ones West Ham and Reading are getting but leaving other teams aside for a moment - we really need to win this one to get the bragging rights back and be able to take the piss without fear until the next time we play them by which time (lets face it) many of us currently under the age of 30 could be dribbling into our soup in a rest home.

The Skate mates I have were really buying into the 'one man team' thing this week and hoping that Sir Rickie was out.  I get annoyed with the one man team thing but it has to be said, we didn't exactly disprove it last week.  It got me thinking who I was worried about on their side and to be honest, there isn't really any players who stand out.  Jos and Jose should be able to play Varney and Maguire ok and Thorne being out means Morgan and Corky should find it easier win the midfield battle against Norris and one other.  We will have the usual right-wing conundrum but because of the Skates favouring a diamond midfield, I can see Chappers being given the nod.  Up front I would anticipate Sir Rickie and Billy Sharp which means Guly on the bench which probably won't happen.

Prediction… Saints 2 Skates 0

Can’t wait….

COYR

Get Yer Coat, You've Pulled

Pompey - Seriously (sort of)

This is probably out of date by the time you read it.... I kept adding bits to it thought I'd better stop before it ended up as total disorganised rubbish (as opposed to partially disorganised rubbish).  Also... it's impossible to summarize the whole story.  So, having got all my excuses out the way....

At the start of the Leicester crap defeat blog, I was talking of floating unpleasant things floating in the Solent.  Yes, it’s time to talk about Pompey again though unlike the detritus floating in the Solent, Pompey have always seemed to be the turd that will not flush, no matter how much paper, water or other turds you put on top of it.

This weeks’ news is that Pompey’s prospective new owner, Joseph Cala, the Sicilian Man from Atlantis with the Underwater Hotels which don’t exist, has pulled out of the purchase.  This is a shame from one point of view because he sounded hilarious, wanting to buy it because it reminded him of Pompeii, the city that was buried by a volcano.  Just as hilarious was an argument on Twitter between Cala and Brian Howe, another potential owner which was in full swing until the Twitter version of Cala turned out to be someone else entirely, thus not making Mr Howe look particularly bright, expending time and energy arguing with someone even less credible than the real Joseph Cala.

So, where are we?  Well, as far as the football club is concerned; despite their last 6 months and a load of new players having been funded with probably laundered Lithuanian and Latvian money and despite them having no money to pay their players this month and despite their parent company being in administration with no income from anywhere else coming in.... they still haven’t been deducted points yet.  The question on everyone's lips is of course....why the fuck not? 

Apparently, the League are making up their mind as to whether CSI and Pompey are inextricably linked?  My arse they’re not!  Lets face it, the Skates have an administrator in effect as the parent company currently has nothing else besides good old PFC – despite what anyone of a Skate persuasion may say, it is EXACTLY the same situation as with Saints a few years back.  They are being controlled by Admin Andy, the Greek God of Questionable Practice who found them their last saviour.  There was some vague assertion put forward that the Football Club was being controlled by the Board but you’ve only got to listen to the gathering depression that is their Chief Exec Mr Lampitt to realise that this is bollocks. So come on Football League, get it done and get those points wiped off.... about 20 seems about right.

Pompey Chief Exec and former Head of Integrity (ha ha ha) at the FA Mr Lampitt, gave a remarkable interview on Saturday in which he attacked the Portsmouth Evening News for a story stating that Pompey owed £1.6m to the tax man before calming down and admitting that they did in fact owe £1.6m to the tax man.  This is what’s known in the interview trade as ‘Doing a Cotterill’.  He also stated that they were dependent on the parent company for money and they’d chosen to pay their players and not pay their tax bill for the past 2 months which sure is a guaranteed vote winner in these times of austerity.  This also puts Lampitt in the same bracket as Peter Storrie who was Chief Exec the last time they decided to use HMRC as a bank. 

In addition, they haven’t even started paying the 20p in the pound CVA they agreed last time (which wiped about £70 million off their debt in a kind of ‘tough shit, you’re not having it back’ kind of way), haven’t paid back the small creditors in full like they promised (including charities and schools) and it turns out that they knew (from the 3^rd January apparently) that there was a Winding Up Petition from HMRC on the way and (wait for it)...a week later they signed a new player, even if it was a cheap one who had just come out of prison.  Their argument is that they released a high wage earner (Relegation Hreidarsson) and signed a player on a lot less but the fact is that Hreidarsson wasn’t playing so didn’t need ‘replacing’ as such.  Also, even if they’re only paying the ex-con ten quid a week, it’s money the taxman could do with. ..... and they call us Scum?!?

Meanwhile, Milan Mandaric, Harry Redknapp and the Ghost of his late dog have gone to court having been charged with tax evasion regarding questionable financial irregularities that all happened when they were Chairman, Manager and Manager’s Dog at guess which club.... ?

a) Portsmouth,

b) Pompey,

c) The Skates. 

Rosie (for that was the dog) apparently is dead now though it is unconfirmed whether she choked whilst trying to eat a tax return. So, it’s all happening at once – approximately 10 years of slightly dodgy shit all hitting the fan at the same time.

The way I see it is that Pompey have a Winding up Petition from HMRC.  The only options they have regarding the WUP is pay it in full, be liquidated or go into administration yet again.  I don’t reckon they’ve got £1.6 million behind the sofa (unless they borrow the sofa that Rosie 47 used to sit on).  The sofa option is all they are left with as a WUP means that you can’t use your bank accounts, hence they’ve asked for cash-only payments for their next home game, blaming that on a system glitch (you couldn’t make it up – but they do).  The cash only rule implies that their player may well be paid in brown paper bags at the end of January.  At least doing it that way means the tax bill will be less I guess.  Going into administration would be fraught with danger as HMRC would be the main creditor and they are not going to agree to a reduced payment so it would just delay the inevitable. 

Usually of course, you would expect the parent company to pay the bills for them but they can’t because they’re in administration because assets are frozen as the owner is in jail for alleged money laundering.  Failing that, you would expect the loan shark who is the main creditor of the parent company to put some money in to keep it going but he’s refusing for now to throw more good money after bad. 

A WUP means the company (Pompey) can’t be sold... well actually it appears they can be but HMRC are in control in that they have final approval.  (Act of insolvency.... points deduction... come on Football League..!!!).  The other option of course, is to raise £1.6 million by selling players and playing the kids in the first team but even that has complications as you’re not supposed to trade whilst under a WUP and I also read somewhere that any money from player sales should go to the creditors who were shafted by the last CVA (I don’t know if that’s true or not)...  Selling players and trying to raise £1.6million seems the best option they have at this moment in time so best get to selling players then Mr Lampitt and while you’re at it, try not to sign any more, even if they have just come out of prison.

I’m only really concerned about football to be honest and do not want them to go out of business.  As I’ve said before, I have loads of mates who are of the blue persuasion and their kids all proudly wear their colours and that’s fine with me.  I’d prefer the see those kids wearing Pompey shirts than Man Utd or Chelsea etc as it least it shows an affinity to a local team that their parents and grandparents probably supported – I like all that.   I do however want the Football league to do what’s right though and hit them hard with a points penalty – one that actually has an effect unlike the last one.  This has no effect at all on Saints as it won’t make any difference to us this year if Pompey get docked points or not, in fact, it would be better for us if they folded as the teams around us would lose more points than ourselves.  My stance is solely to do with the integrity (that word again) of the competition though I admit that a bit of my motivation may be for giggles.  If they get walloped with a meaningful points deduction (see Luton Town) then I’ll be happy that football justice has finally been done.

Sadly though (and I do genuinely mean that) I don’t think points deductions are going to be an issue for anyone however because this time, I really can see no way out for them.  After last time, they have definitely picked the wrong enemy.  You don’t fuck with the tax man once, let alone twice and especially when  a) you fucked him over for about £40 million quid a couple of years back and b) it’s clearly stated that the taxman doesn’t like the special rules that seem to exist for football clubs.  The stupidity of not paying tax and inviting the WUP is beyond belief really.

PS... since I wrote this, having gone away with abuse ringing in his ears from both Pompey and Admin Andy, the Man from Atlantis has come back on the scene and is making noises about buying them again.  If by some miracle this happens, we’ll all be back here again in next to no time.

By the way - a sincere 'good luck' to the supporters groups who are trying to make a difference – you have taken on one mother of an uphill battle but fair play to you for trying.

NPC Match 22 - Portsmouth 1 Southampton 1

Needed another one!!!

The waiting is over and for the first time since 2005, we return to Fratton Park for a derby game in the League. As has been covered in the preview, the last time was completely abysmal. Not being one to be swayed by superstition, I have taken up residence in the same armchair, in the same house as I was in then. Last time around I more or less swore in front of my mum for the whole 90 minutes and taught her a whole load of new words. I will endeavour not to swear this time which will be nigh on impossible… and even if I manage it, my Dad will fail spectacularly. So here we are in front of the BBC who inform us that the game is referred to as El Classicoast - not in my house it isn't.

The build up to the game has been quite low key from both camps. The main Saints talking point has been whether Kelvin would make it and we’ll soon find out. I’m hoping Chappers had made a miraculous recovery but I can’t see it somehow. Pompey have declared that Liam Lawrence is fit which could work either way. On one hand he’s a decent player but on the other, he’s a walking red card. Both managers have said that they know what it means to the fans – hardly going to say anything else are they – but does Nigel know how hostile this is going to be and has he warned the players about the smell of rotten fish? It’ll be an extra motivation for The Skates to actually be playing in front of a crowd. I expect their players will wonder where the fuck all the extra people have come from and why they couldn’t give a shit every other week; you’ve only come to watch Southampton.

The Skates are of course, once more looking for a buyer and Andrew Andronikou, the bloke who is charged with finding them one, is the same crook who got in the last one, Mr Antonov of CSI. The preferred choice, whose £10 million investment saved the club, has now been arrested for money laundering so you could say that Mr Andronikou succeeded in his brief to find the perfect owner for Pompey. Surely if he gets found guilty then that injection into the club is illegal… well that’s for another day. Pompey message boards are full of people blaming the FA for declaring the latest crook to be Fit and Proper, rather than blaming the guy who chose him, who as I said, is back again like the bad smell of rotten fish. If the FA had stepped in and said CSI couldn’t take over then the club would have gone bust anyhow. How comforting it must be for the Skates to have Mr Andronikou as your knight in shining armour. An interesting Skate viewpoint is that today’s game would show the club in a good light for any potential investor as it will be a full ground, great atmosphere etc. If some dickhead with £100 million plus of real money to tip into a black hole comes along, will they be grateful to us as a result? The 12,000 they got last week wouldn’t have looked quite as impressive, would it?

To the dismay of all those of a Blue persuasion, Superkelv had recovered to consign Bart to the bench. The rest of the team is as you’d expect with Morgan again being asked to play down the right. The Skates had lost Varney to injury but brought back Liam Lawrence who had recovered from injury, much to the dismay of those of a Blue persuasion who wanted Huseklepp to start.

Away we go and it becomes a bit of a hoof-fest straight away with neither team wanting to give the opposition anything. Whenever football breaks out on the pitch it becomes obvious that Pompey are set up like an away side hoping for a point. Norris is supposed to be up supporting Kitson but he’s nowhere near him and any ball up to him is meat and drink to Big Jos.

There are no meaty challenges flying about much to my surprise but you can always rely on Deano and he smashed into Halford but the referee (or Premiership referee Mark Halsey to give him his full title) saw nothing untoward with it. When a booking did come it was for absolutely nothing as Cork breathed on Kitson who stood there waving his arms at the ref. I assumed it was for dissent but the TV replay more or less proved that Corky said nothing. The decision seemed particularly odd as within a minute, Mullins had hoofed both Corky and Deano up in the air with no card coming out.
Lallana is the one class act on the pitch and showed his intent with a slalom down the left which left Halford and Mullins on their respective backsides. The one opening of the first half though fell to the Skates when Big Jos failed to deal with a big punt forward from the Pompey keeper and the ball fell to Norris who bobbled a shot wide from the edge of the box. Oh look lads, we’ve had a crappy bobbly effort wide of the post… lets all sing Amarillo. Zzzzzz. And while we're at it, every time the Scummers get a throw in, chuck the ball away.

Both teams were awarded free kicks in threatening positions as the half drew to a close but Sir Rickie put his tamely straight at the keeper and Halford curled his wide. The commentators made a big deal of his effort even though it was well wide and always going wide, which kind of showed how poor the first half had been in terms of goalmouth incident.

Mind you, even if the game had been awesome, then the BBC would have made it look bad. Their insistence on showing close ups of players when the game was going on, their total failure to deal with the over-exposure caused by the strip of sun on our right wing and their insistence on showing replays when there were passages of play that people would prefer to be watching, all added to the general feeling of ‘crap game’. I hate to say it as Sky is the devil.... but Sky coverage is much better. Still, BBC is better than ITV, just because it doesn’t have Mr Potato Head, Adrian Wanker Chiles on it.
Saints have obviously responded better to the half time manager chats and start the second half very well. Sir Rickie sends in a cross-cum-shot which Morgan narrowly fails to make contact with before Henderson grabs it. We’re upping the possession and forcing the Skates back, resulting in Mattock earning a yellow card for flattening the Gulyman which was pointless as if he hadn’t tackled him, the Gulyman would have either fallen over or mis-controlled it anyway, he was having that kind of game. Foxy’s free kick was perfect and met by Lallana at the back stick but he cushioned his volley over the bar.

Just after the hour mark came the moment we’d been waiting for as Mullins pushed Deano in the air to give us another free kick from the right. Fox again went to take it and curled it in to where Sir Rickie beat Pearce in the air to glance it into the net for 1-0. Cue bruised shin on the coffee table. There is something truly different about scoring against the Skates.

Voldemort reached for the bench and brought on Huseklepp in place of Liam Lawrence who I had honestly forgotten was playing. The expected Pompey fightback didn’t materialise at all as Saints took over and gave a lesson in how to dominate a game... and not score. The Pompey fans, by now completely silent were forced to watch as Sir Rickie put Lallana through but he fannied about allowing Skate defenders to get back and cover instead of going straight for the goal.

A sub each as Harding came on for and unhappy looking Foxy and Voldemort obviously decided he was going to hoof it long by sending on Futacs for Mullins. The football lesson without the finishing lesson continued with the Gulyman shanking one wide across the goal and then being smothered by Henderson as he got on the end of a cute Sir Rickie pass. Adam Lallana put Morgan through and he, in entirely predictable fashion, missed the target and as we arrived at the last 5 minutes, Pompey hadn’t even seen our goal and didn’t look like scoring in the slightest. Corky and Deano were ruling the midfield with Cork in particular winning tackles all over the place. Ginger magician was still the only player up front as Futacs doesn’t qualify as a player and all the service up to him was 15 feet up in the air at least.

And so it came to pass in the season of goodwill that the bastards scored. Another big welly forward by Henderson was not dealt with and resulted in Harding giving a corner away that he really should have cleared for a throw. The incoming corner was won by Thorne at the back post and his knock across was met by Joel Ward who made no mistake, nodding it past the Gulyman on the post.
Saints poured forward again for the remaining five minutes but could only manage one half chance for Sir Rickie which he volleyed over the bar. Full time, 1-1 and the bastards had well and truly got out of jail. We, on the other hand, only have ourselves to blame. The game ended and he Skate fans celebrated like they’d won the league. All a bit surreal really.

Full time. Bollocks. Two points dropped. Yes I would have taken that at the start but Pompey were fucking shite and we should have beaten them. It’s especially annoying as in the 2nd half we totally bossed it but we left them in with a chance by not scoring a second goal. One needlessly conceded corner and it’s 1-1. Pompey really were dreadful and didn’t string 3 passes together for the whole match. They’ll win some games because they’re compact and well organized now but every one will be 1-0. Some decent players in Ward and Thorne and I have to admit, I think they have a decent manager who speaks well and seems to be alright which is a bit of shame as you want them to have a manager like Steve Cotterill who is a) a shit manager and b) a twat. Still, it’s not about them bastards, it’s about us.

I thought the defence played well today and the midfield got a real grip in the second half. Kelvin had nothing to do and defensively, we were very solid. Why on earth Nigel brought on Harding for Fox is beyond me. We’re keeping a clean sheet and they are not getting near our goal so why replace a defender? We are in desperate need to Chappers getting fit top give us balance on the right. Morgan does some decent stuff out there but we’re just not as good without some Bald Psycho. Up front, Sir Rickie did his thing and did it well but the Gulyman had a shithouse of a game – the harder he tried, the worse it got. He’s getting pilloried for the Pompey goal in the media and it was likewise on the BBC as well which I think is a bit harsh. Was he supposed to be on the post and if so, who was supposed to be marking Ward? His main problem was at the other end where he continually gave the ball away. Pompey’s defence is so slow that I think Steeeeeve would have been a good player to bring on with 10 to go to really stretch them.

Maybe I’m letting my frustration at not winning boil over but I found our post match interviews a little annoying. First up was Sir Rickie saying that we should have only need one goal to win a game and then Nigel saying he thought we had it won. OK, we should have only needed one goal to beat that shite but you can’t have the mindset that the game was won at 1-0 with 10 minutes to go. Sorry but bollocks is it. Any team can get a goal from hoofing it into the box or from a corner which is exactly what happened. You need a second goal… Pompey set out for a draw and defended deep – once we scored the game plan should have been to exploit the extra space and score a 2nd. The game isn’t won at 1-fucking-0. Pompey were never going to score with the way they were playing and to be fair, Appleton realised that and sent on Futacs who, despite being shite, is a big lump of shite who has to be marked and causes problems even without touching the ball. In hindsight we missed a trick, maybe stick Aaron Martin on as he’s 6 foot 4 and will head away the inevitable aerial bombardment.

On the plus side, we’re still top of the league going into Christmas but it’s now only by one point from West Ham who won on Saturday. It should have been three and more importantly, we’d have been able to at least partly banish the memories of getting dicked, down at that shit hole the last time we went and maybe that would be the last of the fucking morons singing Amarillo. More good news is that for the all the improvement under Appleton (to give Voldemort his full name), the Skates are still pretty shite. We are in our worst form of the season right now and they’re in their best run. Wow. Maybe the draw means that we’ll only get one point deducted when they get chucked out the league, instead of three. If that happens (probably won’t) then I hope it happens after the return at SMS when we will hopefully smash them out of sight.

Happy Christmas and overall it’s been a brilliant year for Saints so far – promoted into the Championship and at the top of the league. Could have been better though if we’d beaten the Skate Bastards. Still, as I said at the end of the last game against them – I wouldn’t swap their future for ours.

Hoof it up to the Ginger one !!!!

Skates Preview

Normally I don’t do match previews but this next game kind of demands it.  It’s ok that players and manager peddle the line that it’s “just another game” or whatever but for you and me, the average fan, it really isn’t – we have history you see.  My history is this...

I was born in Southampton in 1968 and lived in Netley until the day that Elvis died in 1977.  Before that, Dad started taking me to watch the mighty SFC... at Fratton Park... on the North Terrace... which was one of the home sections.  Yep, my first ever game of football was at Fratton Park in 1976, just after the FA Cup Semi Final when Ossie, Steele and McCalliog were still drunk.  All I can remember about the game is my Dad holding me up on a barrier for the whole match and asking Dad what ‘Channon is a wanker’ meant and ‘why are they saying that Dad?’.  His reply was “because they haven’t got a player as good as him son”. We won 1-0 and Channon scored in the 89^th minute and Pompey were relegated as a result which was of course, completely lost on 7 year old me.     My first game was our last win in the League at Fratton Park. 

Not long afterwards, Dad got a job in Hilsea and so, as the M27 wasn’t finished, we moved to Waterlooville so I spent a lot of my early years in Pompey country.  The hatred hadn’t really kicked off at that point and I could openly wear my colours at school in PE lessons etc but that changed a bit in 1984 when I was 15.  We got them in the FA Cup 4^th Round, when once again it was the 89^th minute, Armstrong… MORAN, 1-0.  We really should have lost that game but Alan Biley smashed one over the bar from about 5 yards a minute before we scored.  Dad and I couldn’t get a ticket for the Saints cage at the Milton Road end, so I was in with the Pompey fans on the North Terrace once again and it was murder keeping quiet, especially in the 89^th minute.  We were parked somewhere up the Eastern Road and we walked all the way to the car in silence, trying to look as miserable as all the Pompey fans.  There was one nightmare moment when I saw someone from my school (who I didn’t get on with) but luckily, he didn’t see me.   Getting ‘outed’ at that particular time would not have had a happy ending.  The celebrations started when we got home and school on Monday was interesting, especially the football practice when I got kicked to bits. 

Pompey v Saints, 1984, Part 1

Pompey v Saints, 1984, Part 2

In 1987 I was 19 and Pompey made it to Division 1 (for a season).  It was an odd year because as well as being a season ticket holder at The Dell, I also saw about 10 Pompey home games that year with my mates.  I used to snigger to myself when they lost (which they usually did) and it was amusing to see the false hope on their faces when they got something out of a game.  I don’t think I actually saw them win so I considered myself a lucky charm.  We played them at Fratton Park and drew 2-2 with two goals from Colin Clarke.  We really should have won this one but bad defending allowed Pompey to score with virtually their only two shots.  This was my last trip to Fratton Park to watch Saints as the carnage I saw before and at the end of that game made me realise that sometimes, it just isn’t worth it.  The Police tactics of keeping us in at end and then buggering off when the Pompey fans got round the back of the away end, didn’t really do us any favours.  A Saints fan next to me being felled by a half brick which had been thrown over didn’t really whet my appetite for more either.  I was on my own for this one and thought that safety in numbers was the way to go so I ended up getting a train to Southampton, having a pint and then getting another train back to Cosham before a bus back to Waterlooville.   I went to The Dell later on that season for my first Derby at home.  We lost 2-0 and were crap, missing a succession of sitters and getting what we deserved.  The defeat stuck in the throat a bit but the pain was eased a bit by Pompey getting relegated soon after.

Part 1 of the Fratton game, includes unforgiveable prediction from Channon

Our door was darkened again 9 years later.  It was 1996 and the FA Cup again.   I’m now 27 and living in an SO postcode.   The Dell was by now down to 15,000 people and the Pompey fans seemed very quiet that day.  Mind you, we dicked them 3-0 with two goals from Jim Magilton and one from Neil Shipperley so they didn’t have much to shout about.  If memory serves they were managed by managerial genius Terry Fenwick with Dave Merrington being in our dug out.  It wasn’t  entirely straight forward and without alarm though as Pompey were denied what looked a clear penalty when Doddsy clipped Paul Walsh.  I met Paul Walsh in a pub a few years back and accused him of diving 12 years previously.  ‘Bollocks was it’ was his reply.  As for the rivalry…. well, there was no need for me to ‘hate’ Pompey at that point as they were in a lower division to us and but for the luck of the FA Cup draw, not on our radar.

Fast forward 7 years and Pompey have made it once more into the Premier League and bizarrely, we get drawn against them in the League Cup at St Mary’s.  This one matters as we’re now in the same league and their fans are giving it the large one after their runaway promotion.   It was a bit of a fiery atmosphere with some interesting stuff at Woolston train station on the way to the game.  It was quite an easy win by 2-0 with Marsden setting up Beattie for the first (cue the famous ‘ear cupping’ photo) and then Beattie slowing down just enough to make de Zeeuw run into him for a pen and a sending off.  2-0 and lovely. 

Next up was the league game in December and I personally escorted two of my Skate mates to the ground.  They weren’t expecting a result as we were flying at the time and so it proved as we really pissed this one by 3-0 with Doddsy scoring straight from a corner to open the scoring.  Marian Pahars made his last decent contribution in a Saints shirt by scoring a brilliant second and then Beatts, every Pompey fans’ favourite Scummer, rounded it off in the last minute with a diving header.  This win moved us into 4^th place and a Champions League qualifying spot which was as good as it ever got as soon after, Gordon Strachan left and our plummet began.  Our plan of all going in the same car wasn’t very well thought out as the Skates obviously, weren’t allowed to go towards the Itchen Bridge where I’d parked, so I had to drive all the way round to Bitterne the long way, eventually meeting two very disgruntled mates outside the Station Pub by Bitterne station.  “If you’d beaten us I would have made you fucking walk”, I said. Their replies are not printable.  After the game, it transpired that The Cunt with the Bell (to give him his full title) had been pissing on the seats at St Mary’s.  Quite how this didn’t result in a life ban for the twat is beyond me... can hardly be mistaken identity can it.

I was parked in front of a TV to watch us at Fratton when Pompey desperately needed a win to give them a chance of staying up and we’d achieved mid-table mediocrity under new manager Paul Sturrock.  We were clearly intimidated by the hostile atmosphere and were rubbish, deservedly losing 1-0 to a Yakubu strike but the moment I remember is a late Kevin Phillips shot pinging off the inside of a post and back out – they may well have been relegated had that gone in.  As it was, that win proved a springboard for them to stay up quite comfortably.  If they’d gone down, it would have spared us the following season.

It wasn’t all bad though....we had another new manager for the next meeting in November 2004 – I use the term manager loosely.  It turned out to be Steve Wigley’s one win in the 18 matches that set our relegation more or less in stone.  Goals from a nice strike from Dexter Blackstock and a Kevin Phillips header and gave us a 2-1 win following Pompey taking the lead when Claus (I think) nodded one over Kasey Keller, just before Keller clattered into him.  My Skate mates once again came to the game, only this time they didn’t fancy meeting a gloating Scummer afterwards and so they got the park and ride back from Bursledon.  They got the gloating Scummer on the phone that evening.

We are led to believe that the FA Cup draw is an open draw and anyone can get anyone.  There are no seedings and it’s all fair.  The only time I have thought this not to be true was in 2005 when Harry Redknapp had just left Pompey to join Saints as manager and to say that he was a hate figure with the Skates is an understatement.  Southampton v Portsmouth – what a surprise!!!  To add more aggro to the situation, Ted Bates, the single most important figure in Southampton Football Club history, had just died and in the days before a minutes applause was the norm, the minutes silence was never going to be observed by that lot.  If it was tense before some Pompey fans started chanting ‘Scummer, scummer’ then it was a positively evil atmosphere afterwards.  Yes it was always going to happen but even so.... filth.  So, against a backdrop of Judas chants and incredibly irate Saints fans, Matt Oakley gave us the lead with a 25 yard thunderbolt and 29,000 Saints fans yelled ‘fucking have that you bastards’.  Pompey equalised soon after with a Yakubu penalty, awarded when the ref bought a horrible dive by Diomansy Kamara.  Pompey had a complete clown in goal in Costas Chalkias and we had a Higginbotham goal ruled out for offside even though Pompey had a player on the line.  Of course, the offside rule says there needs to be 2 players but one is usually the keeper.  Costas was about 25 yards out at the time having come for a superman punch and totally missed it.  We sneaked it in the last minute when Matt Taylor got harshly penalised for handball and Peter Crouch sent Chalkias the wrong way.

This is one of the best videos ever.... (Warning...explicit but very funny language)

In front of the TV again for the next League match in April when we were in real danger of going down and Pompey were doing ok.  In possibly the biggest non-performance that I can remember from Saints, we got annihilated 4-1 which flattered us and the score could have been anything.  We were 2-0 down in no time and Henri Camara got one back to make it 2-1.  Far from it sparking us into life, we let in 2 more as Antii Niemi had his one and only mare for Saints to make it 4-1 with only half an hour gone.  Pompey missed so many chances in the second half it was untrue.  I have never been so angry about a performance in my life, a mood not helped by Harry Redknapp ‘accidentally’ heading towards the wrong dugout at the start to him giving the thumbs up to the Pompey directors at the end.  Of course there was the famous rendition of ‘Amarillo’ which went on for the whole of the second half.  We hated that and it added to the anger but you have to give credit where it’s due… we were supposed to hate it.  It’s a shame our team of wankers obviously didn’t give a shit.   About 8 months later of course, we’d been relegated and Harry wanted permission to talk to Pompey about their newly vacant manager’s position and a war of words erupted between Rupert Lowe and Milan Mandaric.  It’s odd hearing an argument between two sides and you hate both of them.  The scumbag went back to his ‘spiritual home’ and certain people in football, who may or not have been connected with Harry’s family, made a load of money betting on it (allegedly).

If you want to watch a video of this... go find it yourself.

Our double relegation put the boot totally on the other foot and we were not on their radar until 2010 and it was FA Cup time once more and I covered this match here....

http://leagueoneminus10.blogspot.com/2010/02/fa-cup-5th-round-southampton-1.html

The record books show that we lost 4-1 (again) and but like the game in 2003 when we went 4^th in the League, it was the winning teams high water mark and from then on, things went a bit wrong for the victors.  In this case, Pompey’s financial cheating (yes, I think we can use that word) came home to roost and they were relegated and in administration at the end of the season, owing over £100 million in total including debts to charities, schools and local businesses.  It still really rankles with me that we got our 10 points penalty for going into Administration at the start of the following season when it really had an effect and they got theirs when they were virtually relegated already and it had no effect whatsoever.

So, 2011 and here we go again in the Championship.  So far this season, we’ve been outstanding in the main and are top of the league and have been since September.  They have been a shambles and a disgrace to football and society whilst still not paying back the charities, schools and local businesses.  It just so happens that as we approach this game, on the pitch, we’ve had a little wobble and they’ve won a couple under their new manager Michael Appleton.  This game has attracted more attention from the national media than usual because of the ‘bubble’ which involves the Police insisting you travel on official coaches and only get given your match ticket on the coach.  If I was 23 then I’d think this was a horrible idea but as I’m 43, I agree with it.

I’m still mentally scarred by the last two visits to Fratton Park and the non-performances we put in, especially in the 4-1 defeat….so first and foremost, I want us to play to our potential.  Do that and we will win the game as we are the better side, which is why we’re 17 points clear of them.  They may have won a couple of games but they haven’t played particularly well so we have nothing to be afraid of.  Fans of football and fans of fairness and even playing fields, should want us to win this game.  From our point of view though, we just want to put one over them because we own them one.  As I’ve said, I have lots of friends who are Pompey fans and they’re all sound as you like (hi guys!!!)  Their club though is, in my humble opinion, an utter disgrace and a bigger disgrace is that they’ve been allowed to get away with it.

We’re Coming For You.  I hope that Kelvin, Frazer, Danny, Jose, Jos, Morgan, Deano, Corky, Adam, Guly, Sir Rickie, Bart, Dan, Lee, Aaron and Steeeeeeve are.  Time for men to stand up and be counted and time for heroes.

I predict, Pompey 1 Saints 2.

COYR.