World Cup 2022 Part 2 - Groups A-D

Serious Football Heritage Country

Group A – Qatar, Netherlands, Senegal, Ecuador

20/11/22
So, all eyes will be on the games involving Qatar, playing in their own government run tournament. A government that appear to think nothing of throwing money at things to get what they want.  Qatar versus Ecuador. I have absolutely no desire to watch the opening ceremony or any of the build-up shit so 4 pm it is for the opening game, which is of course Qatar’s easiest game on paper against the South American minnows. I’m actually looking forward to when Qatar play the Dutch because if there’s anyone at this World Cup involved with any of the teams who is going to say it as it is, it’s Louis van Gaal. Partly because of his age and the fact that he has had health issues but mostly because, the man don’t give a fuck.

Anyway, the game was basically League 1 standard and it was pleasing to see that Qatar were absolutely shit and got easily beaten 2-0. It was also amusing to see banks of Qatar fans who had obviously all been given the same T-shirt to wear and it was amazing to see the load of them fucked off as soon as they went a couple of goals behind. In the second half they were massive gaps in the crowds where the fanatical Qatari football fans should’ve been. It was comforting to see that Qatar are not going to be around the tournament for very long.

21/11/22
A potential last 16 game for England is against a team from a Group A. It seemed likely on the face of it that the top two were playing in the next game and oh my God it was shite. Senegal had no ambition beyond getting a point and the Dutch didn’t seem to have the quality to do anything in the final third and so it came to an 80th minute goal to break the deadlock from Cody Gakpo who, before the goal had been fucking dreadful along with the rest of the Dutch attacking players. Senegal woke up and went for it but got done with Davy Klaassen scoring a second which almost certainly means that the Dutch will win the group.

25/11/22
Qatar got the second round of games under way with a match against Senegal which they of course, really had to win and to the delight of everybody outside Qatar, they lost 3-1. The first goal was hilarious as a Qatar defender controlled the ball in the area and then sat on his arse. To be fair, Qatar probably should’ve had a penalty which may well have levelled the game up for once it went 2-0 at the start of the second half, they were dead in the water, or the desert.

Senegal of course gave themselves a really good chance of making the next round especially with Netherlands and Ecuador playing out a 1-1 draw in the other game in the group. Cody Gakpo once again found the net for the Netherlands and it was the former West Ham straiker Enner Valencia who once again came to Ecuador‘s rescue. All Ecuador need to do to reach the second round is of course avoid defeat against Senegal. I would back the Dutch to record the biggest win of the tournament so far against Qatar who are officially out of their own World Cup, probably never to be seen again on the world football stage.  It’ll be interesting to see how many of their ultras turn up for it.

29/11/22
There was nothing much riding on the Netherlands v Qatar game as we all knew that the Dutch would win and it was just a case of ‘how many’.  Cody Gakpo scored for the third game in a row and a Frenkie de Jong goal meant that Man United fans would have been going to town on themselves over both goalscorers.

Senegal found themselves in front early against Ecuador but the game was decided in 5 minutes in the second half as Ecuador equalised, thus putting themselves through as it stood, but then conceded straight away, which ultimately knocked them out.  They won’t really be missed and Senegal at this stage looked the most likely opponents for England in the last 16.  Their manager used to play for Portsmouth you know…

Fuckin' Have It

Group B – England, Iran, USA, Wales

21/11/22
England against Iran is the 1 pm kick-off. England have been concentrating mainly on virtue signalling since they got out to Qatar. A training session with some migrant workers and the commitment for our captain to wear a One Love armband. FIFA then said that Kane couldn’t wear it and so we completely caved in like the pussies that we are.

To the game in Southgate picked what was for him and adventurous 4-3-3 formation which still found room for Harry Maguire and the major disappointment for me was Mason Mount starting ahead of Phil Foden. Iran came into the World Cup with the reputation of being hard to beat and hard to break down with a good defence. I don’t know what teams they have been playing to build up that reputation and to rise to 20th in the world in the FIFA world rankings but they were absolutely fucking dire. Once England went ahead and the 35th minute through Jude Bellingham, it was simply a case of how many England would get. In the end it was six with Iran replying with one Maguire assist as he dozed off and one penalty in the last minute which was absolutely hilarious. In the first half, Maguire had been wrestle-thrown to the ground without VAR getting the referee involved but in the last minute, the slightest shirt pulled by John Stones saw the referee go to the pitch-side monitor and give the penalty.

Media folk were going overboard about England being potential winners a problem for England has never been against the shite teams as we’ve always been able to beat them. Will Southgate maintain his bottle and his bravery when we play someone decent and will the defensive side of our game stand up? Jude Bellingham was the star of the show today and to have a 19-year-old with that all round game and the amount of composure playing in the centre midfield is an amazing thing. Purely in terms of putting on a performance in the first game of the tournament and beating who is in front of you, it was an excellent start for the Three Lions with the other goals by Saka (2), Sterling, Rashford and Grealish.

Next up was Wales, 1958 and all that and a game in England’s group against the USA, who are always ranked highly but are never anything much more than a very functional team who are relatively difficult to beat. USA actually play pretty well in the first half and thoroughly deserve their 1-0 lead, given to them by Timothy Weah, son of George, second cousin therefore of Ali Dia, Southampton legend.  Wales pressed the ‘big man’ button at halftime with Kiefer Moore coming on at front and his presence rattled the Americans so much that they gave away an absolutely brain-dead penalty with 10 to go, which Gareth Bale comfortably converted. It was more or less the only time that Bale kicked the ball in the right direction all game but he was hailed as a genius by the commentators in a moment of ridiculous over exaggeration. If you were going to mark Bale out of 10 for the game that you would be struggling to award more than 5 for his overall performance. However, it does give Wales a great chance for making the last 16 because you would like to think that Wales should comfortably see off Iran but stranger things have happened…. And they did…

25/11/22
Wales played Iran, no doubt buoyed by the fact that England had thrashed them so easily but this was a different Iran that showed up. Not that different however… it’s just that Wales were all kinds of shite. The big change to their game plan against the States was to play Moore from the start but if they thought Iran’s defence was going to buckle as easily as it did against England, and they were sadly mistaken and aided by some somewhat lenient refereeing, Iran got stuck in from the first whistle. It was 0-0 with 10 minutes to go until Wayne Hennessey came donkeying out of his goal like a twat and carted over to Taremi, the Iranian centre forward, and after VAR check, it was decided that wellying a forward in the head when you are last man and 40 yards from goal is a red card offence.  In the 90th minute, Iran scored after Joe Allen had given the ball away with a shit clearance and it was Allen again with the assist as he gave the ball away up the pitch which allowed Iran to break free to seal the win in the 98th minute.

The main take away from this game was that Gareth Bale is absolutely done as a top-level footballer. He can’t run anymore and that was what his game was all about. He’ll probably put on a masterclass against England in the third game but you would have to say the odds are against it. I do hope that when Wales go out of the tournament that no one from England is tempted to make a tinpot arrogant celebration video. That would never do.

Southgate picked an unchanged team and England were expected to beat the USA but England didn’t turn up and we are slightly fortunate to go in at half-time at 0-0 with Christian Pulisic having hit the bar. The second half was turgid in what turned out to be a really crap substandard game. For all of the USA’s huff and puff, they didn’t threaten Pickford’s goal at all in the second half and England didn’t do a thing either. It was a spot of redemption for Harry Maguire he was by far and away England’s best player. Luke Shaw wasn’t bad, but Southgate needs to have a good old look at the rest of them.  England never got going with the forwards players that sparkled so much against Iran, being nowhere to be seen. Saka, Sterling, Kane, Bellingham and particular Mason Mount - all shit.

There was some hope from the bench in the shape of Jack Grealish but Mason Mount stayed on the pitch for 90 minutes whilst Phil Foden watched on. I can understand Southgate picking the same team that played against Iran but there was nothing in this performance, so he has to change it against the Welsh. He said himself that those 11 players who played so well, deserve to start and there’s a case for that, but likewise, the same 11 do not deserve to start against Wales, having stunk the place out today. Mason Mount will probably still start the fucking game. 

I don’t feel that there is much tolerance of Southgate anymore.  Despite our last two tournament performances (semi-finals and runners-up) there is a feeling that he’s held us back in some way because we’ve limped out of both tournaments with a whimper, just sitting back and waiting to get beat.  A point today isn’t a bad result in the context of the group but performances like that won’t do him any favours.  We’ve played an organized hard-working team and done nothing really.

29/11/22

More Wales Goalkeeper Shenanigans

In the build-up to the game, Iran against USA threatened to turn into the political shit fest that it was always going to. There was one particularly aggressive interview by an Iranian journalist of Tyler Adams, the USA midfielder but he handled it exceptionally well. I know this has nothing to do with Qatar but it seems to be a theme of this World Cup that very young footballers are having to be politicians whilst the politicians don’t say or do much at all.

England played Wales with Wales needing a win of any kind and hoping that USA and Iran ended in a draw.  The first part of the equation of course was Wales beating England. England didn’t really have anything to fear with regards to qualification for the next round, in fact they would’ve had to have lost by 4 to give themselves a chance of being knocked out. I don’t know what the odds were but there’s never been more of a certainty than England not losing by 4 to this Wales team.  Southgate changed the team a bit with Trippier, Mount, Saka and Sterling all left out having been crap against the States and being replaced with Walker, Henderson, Foden and Rashford.

The first half saw endless England possession with Wales barely getting out of their half and it got even worse for Wales at half-time when Gareth Bale failed to emerge for the second half. Apparently, he had a tight hamstring, I mean, what is he saving himself for?  Frightened of getting injured for golf? This is Wales in the first World Cup since 1958. Not exactly going out on his shield, is he?

In the other game, the USA were winning 1-0 courtesy of a goal by the cringingly nicknamed Captain America Christian Pulisic so as it stood, they are going through in second place.

Whilst the first half was frustrating from an England point of view, with Rashford missing the one good chance of the half, he more than made up for it in the second half when England were awarded a free kick on the edge of the box and Rashford superbly conned Danny Ward in the Welsh goal into taking one step to his right as the ball flew past him to his left. Great strike, poor goalkeeping.

Foden Points the Way Forward

From the kick-off, Wales tried to keep possession but merely succeeded in giving the ball away at left back when Ben Davies was tackled by Rashford. The ball broke to Kane and he hit a superb first time cross along the ground which Foden rammed into the net on the back post. Game over. England scored a third with Rashford cutting from the right wing before smashing the ball through an embarrassing attempt to stop it by Danny Ward and the rest of the game is extremely comfortable as England brought all the fringe players on to give them some minutes and rested the likes of Kane, Rice and Shaw.

Meanwhile in the World War 3 game, despite nine minutes of injury time which must’ve given everyone the shits a little bit, USA managed to hold on to their 1-0 lead and therefore qualify in second place. The USA go onto play the Netherlands whilst England face Senegal.

Once more, there is a euphoria around England but the note of caution is that we have once more comprehensively put away a very poor team and England can always do that. Senegal will be a tougher test because they are a decent side, they play with a hell of a lot of spirit and knockout games always raise the levels because it’s do or die.  It was a good night for the manager though and Gareth Southgate got everything right from the selection at the start right on through.  England are a better side without Mount and Sterling so let’s keep it that way.

As for Wales, well ultimately it was all rather disappointing, and they finished deservedly bottom of the group without a win. This was a knockout game for them and given the ‘Do-or-Die’ options, they chose to just curl up and die.  I was amazed that they didn’t even have a go. At 2-0 they could’ve got the next goal and then who knows, but they just sat back, let in a third and then settled for getting beat 3-0.

There will surely be some players heading into international retirement and a bit of a rebuild. Gareth Bale indicated after the game that he wanted to carry on but seriously, he can’t carry on as a forward because it just looks like he simply can’t run anymore and that his legs are gone, which of course happens to everyone at some point. With his game at his prime all being about his strong running, maybe he has to reinvent himself as a defensive midfielder or something so he can still be on the pitch, still be an influence in games and to younger players and still be there for those big moments that he’s still good at - free kicks and penalties. It’s a shame when great players can’t do what they used to do but it happens to everybody but it looks like a combination of getting older, not playing for Real Madrid for the best part of three years and then playing in America, has caught up with him and in fact, he’s gone a hell of a lot further downhill since his spell Tottenham a couple years ago.

Don't Cry For Me Argentina

Group C – Argentina, Saudi Arabia, Poland, Mexico

22/11/22
Messi, Argentina, tournament favourites up against Saudi Arabia. The major first-half  surprise was Argentina only being one up due to having a couple of goals disallowed for very tight offsides. The goal they did get was courtesy of a very dubiously awarded Messi penalty when it looked like Palacios grabbed a defender and then threw himself to the floor. Having barely set foot in the Argentinian half in the first half, it was therefore amazing and bloody funny to see the Saudis be 2-1 up after the hour mark. From now on it was a case of whether Argentina could break down the massed ranks of Saudi defenders and they did fuck all really and fell to one of the most embarrassing defeats imaginable. This wasn’t funny at all.  Argentina may well recover because it’s a poor group but I’m not having some of their players when you’re talking in terms of winning the tournament.  Otamendi, Tagliafico, Di Maria to name but three.

There are certain players in the world that the media always big up as being a real top level talent but I look at them and just think they are shit. Angel DiMaria is one that I have seen play several times and though he’s played for some unbelievable clubs in Real Madrid, Manchester United and Paris Saint-Germain, I’ve only ever seen him be one footed shite and he did it again today when his country most needed him. You always in a feeling sorry for Messi because of the lesser players that he has to play with in the national team. For years It was Gonzalo Higuain who was very average and today, the much-hyped Lautaro Martinez didn’t look much good either.

The other two teams in the group served up a turd of a game - fucking awful. Mexico and Poland was notable only for Robert Lewandowski missing a penalty.  Two dull sides and that is why Argentina will probably still make it through.

26/11/22
Argentina had a must win game against Mexico and couldn’t have had more suitable opponents.  Even with that, the game was still shite until Messi speared in a shot from the edge of the box to give Argentina the lead.  He really is all they’ve got still.  Mexico didn’t get near the Argentina goal and Fernandez made it 2-0 in the last few minutes with a superb curling effort into the top corner.  Argentina will still win the group.

Gerrard Slips, Ba Scores

Poland and Saudi Arabia finally saw Poland show up for a game in a major tournament.  It wasn’t plain sailing after a very dodgy penalty was awarded against them but Al-Dawsari, the hero of their win against Argentina, saw Woijczecjieczzjk Szezczzxczzezceny save it and then the rebound, which paved the way for Robert Lewandowski to tee up Zielinski to put the Poles 1-0 up.  Poland’s main man had never scored at a World Cup so he will have been delighted when the Saudi centre back let a ball roll under his foot in Steven Gerrard style, which gave him a clear run on goal.  He didn’t miss.  I’m a huge fan of Lewandowski.  No bullshit about him and a real team player.  He does all the dirty work chasing back when Poland haven’t got the ball and is a real leader of what is basically a very average team. They’ll need a point against Argentina to go through which I can’t see them getting so anyone winning the other game will be well placed to overtake them.

30/11/22
Poland are a team who have a history of always fucking it up when it really matters and so it proved again as they were comfortably beaten 2-0 by Argentina. They weren’t helped by a scandalous referee decision to award a penalty against them (and for Messi) after a VAR check but justice was done because Messi’s was expertly turned aside by Woijczecjieczzjk Szezczzxczzezceny.  With the unmistakeable stench of corruption around this tournament, it does make you wonder if the sponsors want Messi to stay in the tournament a while longer.

All the save did was delay the inevitable though as Brighton’s Alexis MacAllister bobbled one into the net off his standing leg and Manchester City’s Julian Alvarez scored a goal that he properly intended, smashing it into the top corner.

All eyes we’re on the other game where Mexico were leading Saudi Arabia 2-0 courtesy of a tap-in and one of the best free kick goals you will ever see. As we approached the 95th minute, Mexico we’re going out to Poland courtesy of having more yellow cards and they went for it, throwing bodies forward and Saudi Arabia broke away, a quick 1-2 and pulled a goal back which basically meant that Poland squeaked through.

Mbappe - This Group is Shite

Group D – France, Denmark, Australia, Tunisia

22/11/22
Denmark and Tunisia was just fucking boring and was remarkable only for the fact that Christian Eriksen was playing in a major tournament again. Denmark looked solid as you’d expect but no cutting edge at all. 0-0

France went behind to a really well worked goal by Australia but when the French got into their stride they looked really good with goals by Rabiot, two from Giroud, deputising for the injured Benzema and one for the ridiculously talented Mbappé, making a nice easy win in the end. I hear lots of stories about Mbappé in the way behaves at PSG but the guy is a ridiculous footballer and based on what I’ve seen so far, looks the most accomplished individual player in the world at the moment. The thought of him coming up against England’s defence in the quarter-finals is not an appetising one.  It’s annoying how good France are, even without three of their biggest players in Kante, Pogba and Benzema.  Imagine England without Kane, Rice and Bellingham.

26/11/22
I have a theory with this group that France are potential winners of the World Cup and everyone else in the group is average as shite. There was no change needed to this theory in the second round of games as Australia beat Tunisia 1-0 and then France only needed to play in fits and starts to beat Denmark 2–1. It was Mbappé again who made the difference with another two goals, again showing that he is the best individual player in this tournament. I’m sure the diving fucker Ronaldo would disagree. The question is really, who comes second of this group and with Denmark left to play, my money would actually be on Australia.

30/11/22
France and three shit teams finished off the group with France putting out reserve side and losing 1-0 to Tunisia with a goal scored by Wahbi Khazri, who I remember playing for Sunderland about 10 years ago and being a complete dick. France thought they’d equalised in the last second through Antoine Griezmann but it was ruled out for offside. Basically the winners of the other game were always going to go through and Denmark, complete with their kit that “didn’t want to be noticed“, lost 1-0 to bloody Australia and finished bottom of the group and therefore, weren’t noticed themselves in this tournament.

Australia’s reward is the game against Argentina in the next round whilst Poland have to play France. I think we can safely predict how those two games are going to turn out.

World Cup 2014 Part 6 - Samaras Doesn't Dive For Once and Messi Walks on Water

Unbelievably, this isn't a dive.

24/6/14 (Continued)

Group C – Greece 2 Ivory Coast 1

Ivory Coast needed a draw and Greece had to win so it all got interesting when Tiote dawdled about in midfield and Greece nicked the ball and ran though and Samaris scored easily.  Spurred on by actually scoring a goal, Greece nearly scored again as a long ranger from Karagounis hit the bar.  It was all Ivory Coast in the second half and they equalized with 15 minutes to as Gervinho and his forehead set up Bony who couldn’t miss and didn’t. With Ivory Coast one minute from the second round, Samaras takes a tumble in the box under the challenge of Sio.  He’s a cheating diving bastard at the bets of times so I’m sceptical but for once it’s not a dive as the defender has caught his foot as he pulled it back to shoot.  Samaras himself takes the penalty and though Barry goes the right way, it’s over him and in and there’s barely time to kick off.  A national stereotype maybe but I guess there are some serious plates being smashed all over Greece.  It’s had to get away from the impression that they are complete shite though.  The Ivorians really should have finished second – they have far more ability in their ranks than Greece but they haven’t the discipline and seem to cough up ridiculous goals in every game.

Group C – Japan 1 Colombia 4

Colombia emerged from this match looking like one of the favourites to win the whole thing but make no mistake, Japan weren’t very good.  Needing a win to have any chance of going through, they shot themselves in the foot when having shepherded the striker away from goal, Konno dived in and hacked him down.  Penalty, Cuadrado, 1-0.  Japan are ok coming forward though and went close a couple of times before right on half time, Honda cut in from the right and crossed for Okazaki to athletically head past the keeper.  Game on…. But not for long as James Rodriguez (that’s “James” pronounced “Ham-mez”) put Jackson Martinez through to finish with ease.  The same combination put the game to bed in the 80^th minutes with Rodriguez again putting a superb ball through and Martinez turning a defender inside out before scoring with aplomb.  Just tot take the piss in the last minute Rodriguez danced through, turned Saints’ Maya Yoshida inside out and then chipped over the keeper to make it 4-1.  It has to be said that Colombia look bloody good and their game against a Suarez-less Uruguay should see them into the last 8.

You shouldn't put the little bloke on the end

25/6/14

Group F – Bosnia-Herzigovina 3 Iran 1

Iran actually had a shout of going through in the group but it looked to me like they never really believed it.  Bosnia looked to more dangerous from the outset and after having one shot tipped over the bar, Edin Dzeko gave them the lead, arrowing one intot he bottom corbner from 25 yards.  He’s an odd player, part genius, part donkey.  Iran were stung into life and hit the bar but in the second half it was back to Bosnian control and Dzeko slid Pjanic through to roll it under the keeper for 2-0.  With 10 minutes to go Iran got one back as following a bout of pinball from a corner, the man with Reza on his back tapped in following a low cross.  It woke the Bosnians up though and in the last minute they gave the scoreline a more realistic look when Vrsajevic got put away in the same way as Pjanic earlier but on the other side – same result though.  Bosnia are a bit unlucky as the shit decision they got when Dzeko’s perfectly good goal against Nigeria has cost them. They certainly looked good enough to go through from this group and another team, like Iran who play with a real pride in their shirt in exactly the same way that England don’t.

Group F – Nigeria 2 Argentina 3

Let’s face it, Messi is a genius.  He put Argentina ahead when di Maria’s shot came back off the post and could have bounced to anyone but it bounced to Messi about 15 yards out and his rising drive nearly ripped the net off.  For all his attacking genius though, Argentina are ropey as you like in defence and allowed Nigeria to score straight away as Musa picked up the ball on the left, cut inside and smashed a fabulous shot across Romero and intot he far corner.  The rest of the first half was about di Maria shooting from anywhere and Enyeama just about keeping him out but the keeper was rooted on 45 as messi’s 30 yard free kick was clipped over the wall and beautifully into the top corner.  Their lead lasted only a minute longer than last time (though there was half time in the middle) as Nigeria came straight out and played Musa through and again he was absolutely dead-eye to equalize.  The winnign goal owed more than a little bit to good forture as Lavezzi’s corner was flicked on, hot Rojo on the knee and bounced past Enyeama.  Di maria carried on his one man mission to score but couldn’t manage it and Nigeria knew by this time that they wre going through regardless.  I would be amazed if the Argies won the World cup with their defence.  Nigeria will give it a go against France but I can only see them having the one more game.

 Group E – Ecuador 0 France 0

An mainly tedious game between Ecuador who had to win but they weren’t good enough and France who didn’t need to win and didn’t look that bothered.  Squad rotation by the Franch saw Morgan Schneiderlin make a full debut and France were tidy in possession without really letting Ecuador have a sniff.  One Enner Valencia header from a Montero cross was all that Lloris had to deal with and that was easy enough.  The second half wasn’t much better, the main talking point being Antonio Valencia getting sent off for a two footer on Digne.  Phil Neville on commentary managed to watch the incident and say it wasn’t a red about 10 times without mentioning once that he had both feet off the ground and it was dangerous.   These United lads certainly stick together.  Anyway, Ecuador are out now so they can discuss it at their leisure.

Group E – Honduras 0 Switzerland 3

Honduras are a team that won’t be missed but they had one last chance to boost the amount of players in Brazil’s hospitals when they played Switzerland.  The Swiss are nothing remarkable either but they have an outstanding player in Shaquiri who took just 6 minutes to open the scoring, collecting a throw and cutting across the top of the box before lashing a 25 yarder into the far corner.  Brilliant goal.  It was 2-0 on the half hour as the Honduran defence went walkabout and Drmic put Shaquiri though again against the keeper and he was never going to miss.  Honduras had one kicked off the line and it should have been a penalty and a red card against Djourou but it wasn;t given and you knew what was coming next as Drmic got free on the left again, beat his man and laid it on a plate for Shaquiri’s hat-trick.  So the Swiss go through where they’re likely to play Argentina.  If they can defend properly (not pick Senderos) then they may have a squeak but I can’t see it somehow.

World Cup 2014 Part 4 - Iran are better than England.

Suarez points to where Gerrard flicked it on

19/6/14

Group C – Colombia 2 Ivory Coast 1

Colombia looked the better side all the way though this and took the lead in the second half as Rodriguez easily headed in a corner from virtually in front of the keeper.  Ivory Coast again left Drogba on the bench and went 2-0 down when they tried to play out of defence and got caught and Colombia chose the right option and Quintero scored.  Gervinho, with his forehead hidden by a scarf, scoored a bloody good goal to make it 2-1 as he danced through about 4 challenges as he cut in from the left and scored as the keeper didn’t cover himself in glory.  So, Colombia are virtually through but Ivory Coast should still make it as long as they don’t get beaten by Greece.

Group D – England 1 Uruguay 2

It was time to do or die for England and Mr Dynamic picked the same side that played against Italy other than putting Rooney and Sterling in the best positions.  I wanted to see Barkley, Lallana and Shaw from the start to give it a bit more energy but no – same old, same old with Danny Welbeck picked as an attacker, mainly for his defensive ability, in a game we really have to win.  Uruguay had Suarez starting and you have to wonder how fit he is bearing in mind that 4 days ago they didn’t bring him on when they were losing to Costa Rica.  Within 10 minutes you could tell that we were going to be shit.  None of the front 6 looked at the races with Sterling and Sturridge giving the ball away constantly.  Rooney was at least trying and trying to influence things but his touch was awful and he too was just giving it away.  Henderson and Gerrard weren’t providing any legs in the midfield at all and didn’t appear to be helping the attack or the defence.  Fucking rubbish.  We got a free kick on the edge of the box in absolute perfect position for a right footer as Godin picked up a booking for a deliberate handball.  Rooney was going to take it and whilst I’m sure a lot of the nation was on the edge of their seats expecting him to score, I was there with the feeling I used to get when Bradley Wright-Phillips got through on goal.  I knew he’d fucking miss and sure enough, Rooney put it over the bar.  There really is no excuse for not getting it on target you useless squirrel headed granny shagging bastard. Same with the header that he hit the bar with from 2 feet out.

Cavani was working a lot harder than in Uruguay’s last game as a result of partnering the clearly half-fit Suarez but he picked the ball up after Gerrard had given it away and clipped a great ball over Jagielka in exactly the same way that Italy had played one over Cahill and Suarez peeled away and looped a header across Hart and into the net.  Good goal, piss poor defending, bollocks.  New FIFA rules came into play after that as it’s clearly not against the rules to run away from the ball and forearm smash a player in the throat as Godin did to Sturridge.  Give a free kick for a forearm smash but it’s not worth a second yellow.  We fucked up the free kick and went in 1-0 down.

Surely the old fucker is going to get some energy on the pitch at the start of the second half but fucking not a bit of it.  Same XI the start the second half.  I’m sure Gerrard came onto the pitch in a fucking wheelchair with an oxygen mask on.  I’m sure Hodgson has put sedatives in the drinks at half time as we look even more half arsed after the break. Cavani got through and sitefooted a sitter wide of the far post.

Finally, someone on the England bench, probably Gary Neville, realises that we are going to achieve fuck all and makes a change with Sterling being the name pulled out of the hat to come off.  He’s been piss poor but equally, any of the front 6 could have come off.  Barkley is on and what do you know a bit more energy and dynamism and we immediately look a better team.  Rooney had another golden chance as he hammered in a shot from the edge of the box but having made the space he shouldn’t have given Muslera a chance but he pulled off a decent save.

With 15 minutes to go, the pressure paid off as Sturridge produced something for the first time and sent Johnson away who won a tackle and it bounced across the goal and Rooney this time, could not possibly miss and beat Muslera to make it 1-1.  So, a point isn’t bad at the end of the day and at least it gets us into the last game with a bit of a chance.  With 5 minutes to go, Muslera booms a ball forward, Gerrard takes his eye off it and flicks it on straight to Suarez who takes it on and smashes it past Hart to make it 2-1.  What was Gerrard doing?  Where was the centre half covering round? Fuck off.  In exactly the same way as against Germany 4 years ago, we’ve been done by a big boot forward that we’ve allowed to bounce.  I have no words for how shite it is to concede a goal in this way at a World Cup but we’ve done it, twice.  The last 5 minutes produce nothing of note.  Hodgson gives Rickie Lambert 4 minutes in place of Henderson who I had forgotten was playing.  What’s he supposed to do with 4 minutes Roy, you wanker? 

And so it came to pass that we lost. 2 out of 2 and then they start shitting on on TV about how we can still qualify if Italy win every game and then we beat Costa Rica and blah blah fucking blah.  No chance. For starters, we won’t beat Costa Rica.  If we get to that game and we’re not out yet then Hodgson will pick the same team again and wonder why we get the same inept tired bollocks and get beat again.  Let’s face it, it was always going to be difficult but a decent, brave manager would have realised that we needed legs out there.   I can’t believe I’m saying this as he’s such an inept footballer but James Milner would have added more than Gerrard out there today because at least he’d have got about the park. It’s all very well saying we had a young squad – yes we did but not enough of them were on the pitch.  You also had in-form players like Lallana who has had a great season, not being used and players who have been shite like Welbeck picked to start.  Then you have Rooney and our obsession with him and Roy falling into the same trap of every other England manager and picking him regardless and indulging him despite the fact he does nothing to warrant it.  It was actually one of his better games today –  and he was still very average.  Ross Barkley is going to end up like le Tissier – managers would never pick le Tiss and Gazza in the same side and Gazza was always going to be preferred.  The same is going to happen with Barkley and Rooney unless someone has the balls and you know that Roy Hodgson is not going to have the balls.  I’ll finish the England post-mortem after our inevitable exit next Tuesday.  I’m too pissed at the moment.

Group D – Japan 0 Greece 0

Boring.  Couldn’t be arsed to watch this after the England fiasco.  Like England, Two teams that won’t be missed.

The Italians console eachother as only they know how.

20/6/14

Group D – Italy 0 Costa Rica 1

There is something in you subconscious as a football fan that you will hope for any route possible for your team to get through to the next round.  However, relying as we are on an Italian win in this game, I’m really hoping that we are put out of our misery so I don’t have to listen to Chiles quoting mathematical equations on the probability of England going through.  Make no mistake, Italy were terrible but Costa Rica were decent with lots of energy and invention in their play – attributes that are in complete contrast with those of the England team.  They worked out that Pirlo was the best Italian player nd they didn’t give him time on the ball which is hardly a tactical masterstroke but it is one that was beyond Roy Hodgson.  Costa Rica really should have had a penalty just before half time as Chiellini clattered Campbell with the ball in a different post code but not given.  Unreal.... a minute later however they took the lead as Diaz put over a superb cross on the run from the left and Bryan Ruiz, who spent last season getting hounded out of Fulham, rose to head in off the underside of the bar.  Italy were marginally better int he second half without ever looking like scoring and so Costa Rica won and went though, Italy have a winner-take-all game vs Uruguay in which they need a draw... and England are shit and out and Balotelli loses his bet and doesn't get to kiss the Queen - he gets to stick his tongue in Camilla Parker-Bowles instead.

Group E – Switzerland 2 France 5

Laughably, Switzerland are ranked 6 in the world due to FIFA’s stupid system for working out rankings whereby you will rise by playing ropey sides in friendlies or by being Swiss like Sepp Blatter.  No payments have been accepted for this assertion.  Switzerland must have played a lot of ropey sies in friendlies to be ranked above France who tore them apart in the first half and were 3-0 up at half time.  They had this centre forward playing called Olivier Giroud who is no relation to the lump who ponces about up front for Arsenal.  Mind you he was helped by an enforced substitution for the Swiss which saw Phillippe Senderos, possibly the worst defender I’ve ever seen, come on to mark him.  Giroud just constantly bullied the hapless Senderos and rose unmarked to thump in a header from a corner for 1-0.  Within a minute it was two as Matuidi ran through the inside left channel without anyone going to challenge him and scored at Benaglio’s near post.  France managed to miss a penalty after that when Benzema’s poor effort was saved and Cabaye came up with a contender for miss of the  tournament by hitting the bar from the rebound from 5 yards with the keeper nowhere.  Not to be denied though, it was 3-0 just before half time as France broke and Giroud put a perfect pass in for Valbuena to score easily. 4-0 through Benzema and 5-0 when Sissoko took advantage of more shambolic defending.  The Swiss got a couple back as Dzemaili tried a free kick from 40 yards which Benzema stepped over in the wall to give his own keeper no chance and Xhaka scored easily as he beat the offside trap.  It has to be said that France look very very decent indeed but they’ll of course be playing better sides than Honduras and Switzerland.

Group E – Honduras 1 Ecuador 2

Ecuador were the attest team to have to man up against the Honduran kick-to-kill squad.  With both teams having lost their first game, the losers were all but gone.  Honduras took the lead with a goal straight out of the Allardyce coaching manual as a big hoof forward was allowed to bounce and Costly ran through and smashed it in for 1-0.  It was soon all square though as Paredes shanked a shot across the penalty area for the Valencia who’s not the shtty Manchester United one, diverted it in.  Honduras really should have gone back in front but Costly’s header pooled onto the post and Bengtson then tried to claim that he’d scored from the rebound, despite clearly punching the ball in with his forearm, the cheating little bastard.  Euador looked the team most likely in the second half and duly won it when Ayovi swung in a free kick and Enner Valencia once more was the man on the spot to score.  Chances are that both of these teams will be heading out but I’m sure France will rest a few versus Ecuador so you never know.

Safe to say, No Iran fans looked like this.

21/6/13

Group G - Germany 2 Ghana 2

The first half of this was pretty poor as Germany huffed and puffed but Ghana played the better football and so we arrived a half time at 0-0 and maybe Germany aren’t the all conquering super power that they are made out to be.  One thing that will never be in doubt though is that they are lucky bastards as 10 minutes in the second half, Thomas Muller crossed and Gotze scored as he ran in, bollocksed up his header but it hit his knee as it dropped off his face and flew into the net.  Ghana equalised straight away with a proper header from Andre Ayew and we were looking at a very amusing scoreline 10 minutes later as Lahm gave the ball away to Muntari who slipped it through for Gyan who smashed it past Neuer.  Ze Germans never just lie down and give up though and sent on Schweinsteiger and Klose and the latter scored with his first tough from 6 inches out to draw level with the proper Ronaldo in terms of World Cup Finals goals.  It seemed inevitable that ze Germans would go on and win but Ghana held out and got the point they deserved and fair play.  Anything that stalls ze Germans is good news.  Germany will of course go through but Ghana now have a shout if they can beat Portugal.

Group F - Argentina 1 Iran 0

Argentina must have looked at this game when the draw was made and thought it was going to be a slaughter.  Messi and Aguero and di Maria against…. Who exactly? Ashkan Dejagah from relegated Fulham.  The expected massacre didn’t materialize though – Garaty missed a sitter with a header and Aguero should have scored but Iran had their moments on the break suggesting that the Argentine defence is going to be their undoing again as it was 4 years ago under that fat little ‘hand of God’ tosser.  Irn have a player called Ghoochannejhad and on the back of his shirt it says ‘Reza’ so that’ll do from now on.  Anyway, he got in a great header in the second half and Romero had to claw it away as Iran played with a belief and a spirit that made England look embarrassing.  The Argies had their moments mostly through Messi but Iran could so easily have been in front.  There was a penalty should where Zabaleta scraped the top of the ball and his follow through cleaned out Dejagah.  There’s no way that the ref could have seen the brush on the ball so how has he not given that as a pen.  Regardless, Dejagah forced a top drawer save out of Romero again as he attempted a van Persie header over the keeper but he just got his claws to it.  Reza had another chance as he raced away with Romero saving well again but with 93 on the clock, Messi picked up the ball 25 yards out and curled a wonderful shot into the far corner of the net.  They were lucky and they celebrated like they’d just scored against England in a winner-takes-the-Falklands match.  I wish England could play like Iran though.

Group F - Nigeria 1 Bosnia-Herzigovina 0

Two of the more boring teams produced a game which was decent in parts.  Again there was a shocker from a lino as Dzeko was put through, miles onside, only to slot it home and it not be given.  Again it changed the game as Nigeria soon scored as a pull back from the right was slotted in by Odemwingie who was playing for his next transfer.  Bosnian midfielder Pjanic was on a one man mission to get Edin Dzeko a goal but he continued to miss for the rest of the match, capping it all in the last few minutes by scuffing a shot from 8 yards which hit the keepers foot and hit the post.  Nigeria held on and Bosnia are on their way home.

World Cup 2014 Part 2 - Germany in Ruthless Efficiency Shocker

Honduras in Red Card Shocker

15/6/14

Group C – Ivory Coast 2 Japan 1

This is the ghost game of the tournament, played as it was at 2am GMT.  Japan started well and played some nice football and took the lead with a great strike by Keisuke Honda.  Ivory Coast were displaying everything that you’d expect with some awesome pace and power, combined with undisciplined and basically psss-poor defending.  The tide was turning gradually and it seemed a metter of time before the Ivorians scored and it came after half time when a cross from the right by Aurier was powered in by Bony.  A minute later and the game had completely turned around as Aurier played in another superb cross onto the very sizeable forehead of Gervinho whose header should have been kept out by Kawashima but he allowed it to dribble inside the near post.  Nice for Gervinho and his forehead to get a  goal and it turned out to be the winner.

Group E – Switzerland 2 Ecuador 1

I though that this would be a boring cagey affair but it was anything but.  Switzerland (whose presence at Number 6 in the World Rankings prove that the World Rankings are a joke) went behind when they forgot to mark at a free kick and Enner Valencia had a free header which he buried in the same way that he buried the one against England in the warm-up game.  Half time came and went and Switzerland brought on Mehmedi and he managhed to score with his first touch as Ecuador forgot that marking at a coner is kind of essential and a free header from 5 yards is not a good thing to allow.  The second half was end to end with the Swiss having a perfectly legitimate goal ruled out for a non-existent offside.  In the 93^rd minute with both teams still going for it, Ecuador broke up field and Enner Valencia chose the wrong option and lost the ball instead of playing an easy pass. Away went the Swiss and despite a scything attemped foul, the ref allowed Bahrami to play on and two passes later, Seferovic was on hand to sweep it first time into the net.  94^th minute winner and lovely. 

Group E – France 3 Honduras 0

The kick-to-kill Hondurans were up next against France who are a decent outside bet to do well in the tournament despite being robbed of Franck Ribery before the tournament. France were obviously a different class to their opponents and known thug Wilson Palacios managed to kick it all off by smashing into Pogba who retaliated a bit and we had the first 16 man brawl of the tournament.  Back to the football and the game was effectively over just before half time when Palacios brought down Benzema for a penalty and a red card and Benzema picked himself up to score.  France played within themselves, probably trying not to get injured and scored twice more though a horrible bobbly effort that the keeper juggled over the line and a last minute effort from Benzema to get off to a decent start.   The own goal brought a goal awarded by goal line technology but still, even with the ball over the line and proved by technology, Jonathan Pierce was still convinced it wasn’t in.  What a complete cock.

Group F – Argentina 2 Bosnia-Herzegovina 1

Argentina have virtually been given a bye through to the next round but the most difficult of their games was up first as they played Bosnia-Herzigovina.  Within 5 minutes it was even easier as Messi swung in a free kick and Kolasinac stuck it in his own net.  I think you’ll find that Messi is good enough to not need anyone’s help.  Far from being the cakewalk that everyone expected, the rest of the fist half was quite dull but the main man lit up the second as he scampered towards the box, played a 1-2 with Higuain and beat a couple more before firing in off the post.  Again it should have been the queue for more goals and for Argentina to show their dominance but it didn’t and Bosnia pulled one back with 5 to go as Ibisevic poked one through the keepers legs.  No real alarms in the last 5 minutes but maybe Argentina aren’t as good as they are reckoned to be.  Lets hope that they’re average.

Even though it's Germany, it's always amusing when it's Ronaldo

16/6/14

Group G - Germany 4 Portugal 0

Speaking as someone who had a bet on Portugal to win the whole thing, I was looking forward to this game and Ronaldo beating ze Germans on his own.  You expect Germany to be, well Germany but I expected Portugal to have more flair and put up a decent showing.  10 minutes in and Germany score through a Thomas Muller penalty as the Portuguese defence decide it’s much better to grab someone’s arm and throw them over than actually defend properly.  Half an hour in and it’s 2-0 as they allow Hummels a free header from a corner which he buries.  What you want from your big experienced players is for them to stand up and be counted but Ronaldo was missing in action and Pepe first threw an arm in Muller’s face and then just to make sure that the referee did something, he dropped the nut on him when he was on the ground.  Off you go and if the Portuguese manager has any bollocks then he’ll send him home.  Muller is a whiny little bitch and made the most of the challenge but Pepe is a complete asshole and deserves everything he gets. Just as half time approached and Portugal could maybe have regrouped, Bruno Alves tried to clear from inside the box and instead hit it against Muller who turned and smashed in the third.  The second half was damage limitation for Portugal and the sight of Ballon D’Or winner Ronaldo sulking about whenever he lost the ball was a sight to behold.  Brilliant player but a shit attitude.  Ze Germans made it 4-0 and Muller got his hat-trick when he pounced on a rebound after the keeper parried Schurrle’s shot.

Overall, ze Germans looked fucking scary.  The three attacking midfielders in Ozil, Gotze and Muller were unplayable and though I hate to say it, they look superb as a team.  Hope lies in the fact that they’ve started the last couple of tournaments very well before feeling the pressure and blowing it and lets hope they do the same this time and keep up their 18 year trophy drought.  As he left the pitch, Ronaldo ripped off his shirt but he didn’t pull the Mr Muscles pose – I assume because his impending book already has a cover.

Group F - Iran 0 Nigeria 0

Well it had to happen.  Every game so far had had its share of goals and excitement and then we had Iran v Nigeria.  Nigeria has to make the running as Iran defended and that isn’t easy when your midfield fulcrum is John Obi Mikel.  He wears the symbolic No.10 shirt as well which really says ‘I’m the man and I make things happen’ only it doesn’t when you stroll around like it’s all too much effort for you. The less said about this game the better as it was shite.  Nigeria’s main striker is Shola Ameobi for fucks sake and the fact that Nigeria desperately wanted him to declare for them rather than wait for an England call up says it all really.  This was a good point for Iran but piss poor from Nigeria who will struggle to cause Argentina and Bosnia any problems on this showing.

Group G - Ghana 1 USA 2

Whoever loses this is basically out as they have 2 matches to go against Germany and Portugal so it’s important to make a decent start.  I expect that both managers said this to their players as they went out so I expect the Ghana boss was very pissed off when they were playing statues as the USA tore into them and scored after 35 seconds.  Clint Dempsey was the man, he of the contorted face and acting like he’s been shot and imploring the referee every time he’s in a challenge.  Jozy Altidore or to give him his full title, Jozy Altidore, one of the worst players I’ve ever seen, did the US a favour by limping off but not before he’s missed a sitter by drilling at the keeper when he had the whole goal to aim at.  An even first half ended and Ghana dominated after the restart but it took until the 82 minute for them to equalize though Ayew.  Their relief was short lived though as they allowed Brookes to score with a header from a corner and the USA had won – tossers.  The only saving grace is that they are very unlikely to make the next round.  They are of course managed by Jurgen Klinsmann which is another reason to hate them.  He celebrates goals as a manager in the same way he did as a player and whilst it’s good to see passion on the sidelines – he’ll always be the twat who made diving an artform in the 90s.

World Cup Warm Up and the Transfer Request Mystery

It's a Merseyside Wankfest

I was reading all the blogs I wrote for the 2010 World Cup and there were lots of them.  I wondered how I found the time before I remembered that I was unemployed at the time.  So, I’m going to struggle to keep this up but here goes….

As a Saints fan, the build-up to the World Cup has been a painful one.  Rickie Lambert has of course been sold to Liverpool and the bad news (or bad rumours) has just kept on coming as allegedly, Adam Lallana, Luke Shaw and Dejan Lovren have all indicated that they want to leave.  I say allegedly because the news has been drip fed to the world at convenient times and always by the same two journalists – Ben Smith of the British Bollocks Corporation and Neil Ashton of the Daily Bastard.  Who really knows if it’s true or not?  All 3 have allegedly made it known that they want to leave but haven't handed in transfer requests as that means that any 'loyalty' (don't laugh!!!) payments would be withheld.  Forget being a footballer for a minute - I as a human being would not be capable of signing a 5 year contract like Lallana has done and one year later, asking to leave and keep my loyalty payments.  I thought a verbal agreement was binding so why isn't a verbal indication that you want to leave.  In my opinion, if you have verbally indicated that you want to leave then you have in fact handed in a transfer request.  No doubt though, it's all weighted in favour of the players. For now, I'm just sticking my head in the sand on this one and hoping it isn't true.

We are ripe for speculation though as we have no manager at the moment though according to Les Reed, this is a situation that will change shortly.  The main name in the frame is Ronald Koeman who seems to tick every box that you could possibly want to tick – most importantly the ones which concern playing progressive attacking football and working with young players from the academy.  So – it’s not all doom and gloom but for me anyway, it has taken the edge off of the World Cup a bit.  So, we had 3 in the England squad and now we have 2 who both may or may not have played their last games for us. 

Around the other countries we have Dejan with Croatia who is the same and Gaston Raimrez with Uruguay who at least has not been making any noises about leaving as he leaves all that to his agent.  That leaves us with Morgan Schneiderlin who has made the French squad but is of course, on the radar of Arsene bloody Wenger.  Morgan got the call because of an injury to Franck Ribery which means there is one less theatrical diving bastard to wind me up this summer.  Also of course, Maya Yoshida is there with Japan and he’ll definitely be a Saints player next season so maybe we should all follow Japan.

Enough of Southampton for now and we’ve had the England friendlies to keep us entertained – and I use the word 'entertain' lightly.  First up was Peru at home which saw a comfortable 3-0 win with a great goal from Sturridge and two set piece goals from Cahill and Jagielka.  Adam Lallana again played well in this one and Wayne Rooney was garbage.  The side reflected what was thought to be Uncle Roy’s first choice with Henderson in midfield and Welbeck in the side on the left.  Rooney aside, the main nightmare was Glen Johnson who was appalling at right back. 

A flight to Miami later and England were playing Ecuador and the reserves were in the side.  The two defensive midfielders were Lampard and Wilshere and with Jones and Smalling at centre backs and James fuking Milner at right back – is there any wonder that Luke Shaw looked our best defender.  Even he got caught out though as Milner failed to close down, Smalling missed the cross and Luke got caught ball watching as the striker got in front of him and buried the header.  Back came England with Liverpool’s Lambert hotting the post and then Rooney nicked the goal off him from 2 yards out.  2-1 up just after half time as the excellent and exciting Barkley set off on a run, played in Liverpool’s Lambert who smashed it home.  England couldn’t hold on though and a chronic lack of closing down by Lampard and Wilshere resulted in an Ecuadorian sub smashing one in from miles out.  Media darling Raheem Sterling came on as a sub and got himself sent off for a stupid tackle as the game petered out and finished 2-2. 

It served to highlight how shite some of Uncle Roy’s squad picks are.  Milner was fucking horrendous at right back, constantly out of position which you can kind of forgive him for.  However, I can’t forgive him passing the ball five yards straight to the opposition which he did at regular intervals.  That has nothing to do with his position on the field but everything to do with the fact he just isn't very good.  Meanwhile, Nathaniel Clyne sits at home watching on TV.  Chris Smalling gave an object lesson how not the play centre half, continually screwing things up, missing punts downfield from the keeper and being 5 yards behind the other 3 defenders.  Alex Chamberlain played well until he got injured and Ross Barkley was superb.  Hodgson dug him out for giving the ball away but it wasn’t him who perfectly dissected his own defence to set up a chance for Ecuador – no, that was golden child Rooney who is still seen as undroppable and irreplaceable, when he does nothing in an England shirt to warrant it.  Then there was Liverpool’s Lambert – no matter how many times you say it or hear the ITV twat commentators say it – it doesn’t make it any easier.  Saints are never mentioned in connection with him now.  It's like we have been airbrushed from history - it's now Liverpool - rejected - beetroot - lower leagues - England - Liverpool.

The first team were back for the Honduras friendly and the less said about that the better as they tried to kick us off the park.  As a game it was shite and a 0-0 draw but the worrying thing was that Sturridge missed 3 very good chances, one of which was through him deciding to try and Hollywood chip over the keeper, rather than square it for a tap-in.

So – the warm up matches have been played, the stadiums have nearly been completed, the brown envelopes have been stuffed, the corrupt Qatar 2022 vote is being swept under the carpet and Sepp Blatter is still in charge.  It’s time for the World Cup to start.