Capital One Cup 5th Round - Southampton 1 Liverpool 6

6-1 and Still a Fucking Twat

When the draw was made for the Capital One Cup Quarter Final and we got Liverpool, it initially looked like a decent draw but since then of course, Jurgen Klopp has got them playing pretty well.  Not as well as the media hype would have you believe and it’s a bit early for many Liverpool fans to be proclaiming him as the new Shankly or Paisley but he’s undoubtedly had an effect.  It remains to be seen whether he’ll realise that Milner and Henderson are both complete shit and that Lovren and Lallana are both complete twats – if he masters that then I’ll believe he’s a great manager.  They are playing well though and a 4-1 win at Manchester City a week ago made many sit up and notice.  I thought I might stop hating them as much once that slimy smug tosser Rodgers was sacked but whilst Lallana is still there and I’m still confronted with that fucking awful Nivea advert on my TV then it’ll still be a team I want to beat, right up there with Spurs.

The advert… well it starts with some beard stroking and then we then see a montage of things that are hitting Lallana in the face but it’s not realistic because Brendan Rodgers balls are not featured.  What we get is a granny closing in for a snog which couldn’t have been in there is Wayne Rooney was in the advert.  Cut to a fake changing room scene and Coutinho is kind of in the background because he has some sort of self awareness and he wants to get paid but he doesn’t want to make himself look a complete helmet.  No such worries for Skrtel, who rubs Nivea into his arms like he’s about to stick his arms up the back end of a cow and deliver a calf and we then see Adam stroking his beard again and he’s enjoying it just a little bit too much.  Cut to the money shot of Adam holding a pot of Nivea to the camera with the other two in the background.  Lallana couldn’t look more of a knob if he tried.  The biggest surprise is that he’s made it through to the end of the advert and not been replaced by another player two-thirds of the way through.

Anyhow, back to the football and it’s the Capital One Cup Quarter Final and it has to be decided tonight with penalties if we have to.  If truth be told I’m not too optimistic, given our alarming habit of having 20-30 minutes off in the middle of games.  We will be up for it though, of that there is no doubt and I hope the fans are too.  In the eyes of the national media, Saints are merely there to provide opposition for Liverpool and Klopp who really are the media darlings who are currently falling over themselves to report Klopp’s every breath, mainly centred on whether Coutinho will be fit or not.

Ronald’s pre-match press conference tells us that José Fonte is not going to be fit and that means that Caulker starts.  Other than that I expect to see a proper first choice starting XI with Tadic, Pellè, Clasie and Cédric all in the side with JWP, Long, Romeu and Yoshida all on the bench.  The other three quarter finals were all completed yesterday with Everton, Man City and Stoke all getting through – three teams that we’ve played and lost to this season.

Correct on the team front and it looks like Liverpool have left a few out.  Sturridge is playing though, as is Niveatwat.  Pirlo is in midfield – no wait that’s Joe Allen with a beard.  At the back they have Lovren who we could do with a horrendous mistake from.  I’m finding all this out from my phone as I walk to the ground having been delayed in traffic and not being able to park the car.  I end up over in a multi-storey near the Ocean Village cinema and this is only relevant because as we got to the ground and through the turnstiles which had a ridiculously large queue outside, there’s a cheer.  It’s obvious that someone has scored but not obvious who from the volume and it’s not until Sadio Mané’s name is read out that I realise we’ve taken 39 seconds to take the lead.  Well, they have a slightly makeshift line up so hitting them hard and early was certainly in the gameplan.  For the record, Tadic put Bertrand away on the left and his cross dropped to the back post where Sadio arrived to head past Bogdan.  Looked great from where I was in the Chapel concourse.

It’s looking good straight afterwards.  Tadic has the full back Randall on toast and Lovren and Skrtel can’t handle Pellè at all.  We look like we mean business and we’re going to get a second goal pretty quickly.  A header from Big Vic is clawed away by the keeper and Tadic is cynically blocked off by Randall for the first yellow card of the game.  Robbie Madley is the referee… we had him at Chelsea when we had a mixture of excellent refereeing (the Falcao dive) and gross incompetence (Sadio’s booking for diving when hacked over twice and Virgil not given a pen when Ivanovic ripped his shirt off).  Davis then fired over and after 10 minutes, the tide began to turn as Liverpool began knocking it about.  It looked like one of our slacking off periods was about to happen and it did – we sat back and let them dictate the game.

Allen clipped a ball over the top to Sturridge whose control was shite and it ran towards the right back position.  Sturridge picked it up, Caulker didn’t get close enough and then showed Sturridge onto his preferred left foot and he smashed it past Stekelenburg for Liverpool to score with their first shot… cue the wanker dance in front of the Saints fans in the corner.  Don’t injure yourself doing that you twat.  Five minutes later they have their second shot as Can put a great ball through and Sturridge was in acres.  He had so much space that I thought he must be offside but sadly not, it was just shit defending and bang, 2-1 down.  Our midfield is hopeless.  Big Vic is doing his thing but Clasie has curled up and died.  Liverpool are putting him under pressure and he’s disappeared.

We had a half shout for a penalty for handball but I don’t know why anyone even gets excited for those these days.  There was certainly no way Madley was going to give it.  In general though, Liverpool were now in complete control.  Niveatwat came over to the Chapel / Kingsland corner to take his second corner of the game (the first had sailed over every one and out for a throw).  This one’s better and it’s half cleared to Moreno who smashes it hard and low and it flicks off a player in the penalty area (Origi) and 3-1. Fuck off.  It’s nearly 4-1 right on half time as a cross comes in from our left and Niveatwat has a free header from 4 yards but luckily, Clasie appears and makes his one contribution of the half to brilliantly hook it away.  Niveatwat scoring right in front of me would have been a bit much to bear.  Sometimes you know at half time when a game is done and this is one such day.  We’ve been fucking crap for 35 minutes and deserve to be 3-1 down. 

Half time is spend pondering what we can do to get back into it but the fact is that the 11 that are out there is our best available.  Could bring Juanmi or Martina on I guess.  As it is we change formation and go with 3 at the back with Big Vic in between Caulker and Virgil.  I can see this maybe working against a weaker side who are sitting back and not attacking much but not today.  It looks like Bertrand is in midfield and Tadic is a kind of left wing back… this can only end well.

We look a bit interested for 5 minutes but Liverpool are taking it quite easy and still dominating possession.  We’ve got fuck all in midfield now and Joe Allen is looking like Zidane, finding space all over the place.  On the hour mark, Sturridge goes off and Ibe comes on and we replace Clasie and Cedric with JWP and Long.  Well – might as well get beat by loads than by 3-1, replacing a lightweight midfielder with a lightweight midfielder and a full back with a striker.  It nearly works as Tadic gets in another cross and Long can’t seem to get off the ground as it slides off his head and wide.  The next goal is either going to make it interesting or kill it stone dead and predictably it’s the latter as Ibe puts a good ball through to Origi and the man who has done absolutely nothing his entire Liverpool career, creams it into the roof of the net from the edge of the box giving Maarten no chance at all.  Four fucking one.

Oh look, five fucking one as Moreno goes down the left, impeded by absolutely no fucker, crosses and there’s Ibe with all the time in the world to control it and smash it past the keeper.  All it needs is a Nivetwat goal to round it off and has a go but slices it horribly wide.  People are streaming out of the ground and whilst usually this boils my piss, today it hard to be too harsh on the deserters.

Damage limitation as Romeu comes on for Davis and maybe it did limit the damage with just the one more goal with Origi completing a hat-trick with a free header from a cross by a teenage substitute who had run round Caulker like he wasn’t fucking there .  Fucking garbage.

In some ways it’s easier to take than losing 2-1 in the last minute but that was right up in the ‘hard to swallow’ stakes.  We all crapped on about a move to Liverpool being a sideways move for all our players – anyone think that now?  Now that they haven’t got a retard running the side they look pretty good and even previously bad players look decent.  From tonight’s line up, Skrtel, Lovren, Moreno, Allen, Can, Lallana & Origi (to name but 7) all look twice the players they looked under Rodgers.   Make no mistake, Liverpool were very good and very clinical with their finishing but we made them look like Barcelona with a display that was as bad as you could ever wish to see.  Origi’s hat-trick and the final score put me in mind of a game against Spurs in ’95 when we were ahead and then conceded 6 with Ronny Rosenthal scoring a hat-trick.  Neither Rosenthal or Origi had done anything with their respective clubs to suggest what was coming but it came against Saints.  Is it a freak result?  Maybe, but we were really bad.

I watch The True Geordie videos on You Tube every week and the recurring theme as Newcastle lurch from one heavy defeat to another is that the Toon fans don’t need a team that wins but they do need a team that tries.  I’ve never been able to level that criticism at Saints before but tonight there was large parts of that game where we didn’t try.  Everyone looked energetic when we had the ball but it’s when you haven’t got it that you notice who can and who can’t be bothered.

Pretty much the whole game was a disaster after the first 10 minutes.  The midfield disappeared and from that point on, Liverpool pissed it.  You can point fingers at virtually everyone including the manager (who at least acknowledged his failings).  What the fuck was going on in the second half?  I understand the fact that it’s a cup game and you have to go for it but you have to have to have a bit of brain about it.  If you’re going to move Big Vic to the back then you are taking our one midfielder with any strength out of the midfield. Surely then you have to bring Romeu on or else what’s going to happen?  I’d love to know what instructions were given to Bertrand.  Where the hell was he playing?  He clearly didn’t know and was one of the worst at not being arsed when we lost the ball.

Was Tadic, a player who doesn’t defend, really at left wing back?  Does Vic have any clue about marking players?  The amount of space that Origi had in the second half suggests not.  When playing with 3 centre backs, surely they have too be relatively close together, not miles apart. Caulker is passable, just about, maybe... as a centre back in a back four but due to a lack of cover at right back, was kind of playing as the right centre back in the three and also at right back with loads of space around him and he doesn’t have much pace and has the turning circle of The Titanic and they exploited it massively.  Mind you, he was awful in the first half as well, especially on the first goal.  Get close, don’t let him turn, show him onto his weaker foot.  Any of those would have done but no, back off, let him turn and send him onto his favourite foot... bang!.  Clasie showed another deficiency in his game today, playing like a 12 year old in a mans game.  Liverpool put him under pressure and he just disappeared.  Sure he’s a good passer but he’s got to show it and show more desire to get on the ball and influence the game or else he’s a waste of a shirt.

Why did we switch off yet again after starting well?  It’s like we have a collection of players with the memory span of a goldfish.  They can remember what they’re supposed to be doing for a short time and then they just start wandering about with no plan and no clue.  After the first 10 when we were all over them we went back to long ball up to Pellè... boom! Tadic & Bertrand stopped taking on the already booked novice full back who would almost certainly have been sent off if we’d kept running at him? Why stop attacking the obvious weakness?  Everything should have gone down that side, much like how Liverpool pinpointed the massive space around Caulker in the 2^nd half.

Positives.... err, none!  I guess it proved how good José Fonte is and I guess it proves to the board that we’re not as good as all the #wemarchon cringe bollocks stuff suggests we are.  However, I did smile when Niveatwat, displaying his usual lack of self-awareness and horrific PR fuckwittery, tried to go and applaud the Northam at the end of the game.  Not a good idea when you’ve just won 6-1 and everyone’s pissed off anyway and he got a predictable response.  It might have had more chance of being accepted if Liverpool had lost Adam.

On a day where stories hit the papers with Ronald hinting that the ‘sell expensive buy cheap’ policy was not sustainable long term, it’s worth having a ponder on what happens this summer when no doubt, Big Vic and Sadio Mané will be off.  We’ll probably get about £40 million for the pair and what will we do with it?  With the money from the new TV deal kicking in as well, another summer of cheap buys is not going to go down too well – not least with Ronald.  Of course, spending big does not always bring results (Ramirez, Osvaldo).  We have a slightly deeper squad now but the quality of the starting XI is down.  Thoughts of improving on last season seem somewhat fanciful today, to say the least.

However, on Saturday we have Villa at home.  A win in that one will make things feel very different.  They are properly in complete disarray so it should be a great game.  Personally I’d like to see Harrison Reed brought into the side to add some bite into the midfield.  That I think is our problem area as no combination of any three players has looked entirely convincing all season so why not give him a go.  Part of being a Saints fan is dealing with the disappointments and part of it now is dealing with horrendous exits from Cup competitions with bottle job performances like this one.  Getting beaten by Sheffield United at this stage last season was pretty bad and an abysmal performance and you could argue that though it’s Liverpool and not a League 1 side, we’ve surpassed ourselves tonight. 

Fucking rubbish.

Capital One Cup 4th Round - Southampton 2 Aston Villa 1

Two Miracles.  Maya Scores and Gaston on the Pitch

It’s bizarre being on the cusp of a quarter final having played just one round but here we are playing Aston Villa at home with the last 8 the prize for winning.  Of course, we got to the last 8 last year and the draw opened up with a game against a League 1 side and we blew it horribly but this year a few of the big sides have already gone out (Arsenal, Chelsea) and so have Spurs.  Villa at home is maybe more difficult that it could have been as Captain Bellend Tim Sherwood has been sacked afdter Saturday’s 7th defeat in 8 games and has yet to be replaced.  Bottom line is that this Villa squad looks very weak so Kevin MacDonald, in charge for tonight, shouldn’t make too much of a difference.

As always there is the not knowing how seriously we are going to take this competition, even though the club has declared it’s going to take the cups extremely seriously this season having spend almost the entire Liebherr era doing the opposite.  We have a stronger squad this season but it’s still a bit of a moment when Ronald throws 7 changes at us.  Mercifully, Stekelenburg is one of the four, along with Virgil, Graziano and Big Vic who completes his rehabilitation from the transfer window dummy spitting episode by being named captain for the night.  There are starting places for Maya at right back, Caulker and Targett in defence, JWP and Romeu in midfield and Juanmi and The Great Gaston up front.  On paper is looks like a decent side but why 7 changes?  Villa have rested a few as well but as they’re near the bottom of the league you wonder if it matters.  On paper again it looks ok. Agbonlahor and Gestede up front looks alright with pace and aerial ability between them.  Regular centre backs Richards and Lescott are missing though so that might be good for us and I’ve never rated either full back Hutton and Richardson.  Guzan is a decent keeper as well when he’s not doing a Boruc and passing balls straight to attackers.

Away we go an immediately we’re a shambles at the back as Targett appears to have an aversion to getting the ball clear which we eventually manage when Virgil takes charge.  Villa are set up in a 4-4-2 with the obvious intention to get crosses in to Gestede.  The equally giant Caulker should be able to deal with anything that comes in and for now the delivery isn’t good enough.

The first real action is an attempt is from Villa as Bacuna worked his way in from the right, beating Targett twice before firing at Stekelenburg at a comfortable height for him to push away.  Everyone in the stadium then had 25 minutes which they’re never going to get back as the level of excitement varied between none and zero.  We had a brief flicker of excitement when we won a free kick 30 yards out on the right but Gaston’s effort was always going over the bar.

As first halves go, it was really, really boring and now it’s over.  Hopefully Ronald will be able to breathe some sort of life into the team otherwise we’ll be looking at a long night of extra time.

Someone’s obviously had a word with Maya at half time about full backs needing to get forward and he’s off, breaking at speed with the ball.  He plays a 1-2 with Gaston and from the edge of the penalty area, drills it with his left foot and sees it beat the last defender and Guzan and just inside the post.  Great finish and off he goes to celebrate with enthusiasm that is never matched by strikers when they score.  So, 1-0 and what have Villa got?  Not a lot.

We get a bit of pressure down the right but Saints are working hard to keep the lead and not give Villa a sniff.  No one is working harder than Juanmi.  He may not have done much in an attacking sense but hammering back and executing one of the best sliding recovery tackles I’ve ever seen, at least shows a massive commitment to the cause.

Agbonlahor turned up for the first time and attempts a right footed curler which Stekelenburg walked across to and pushed away for a corner when he really should have caiught it.  Villa’s soon-to-be-departing assistant manager obviously sees this as a sign that Agbonlahor is in good form and substitutes Gestede who has actually looked like he might have a goal in him.  On comes Scott Sinclair who retired when he joined Man City a few years back and has never really got back on the horse since.

The subs are on for us with Davis and Tadic on for Ramirez and Juanmi.  Davis going into the centre with JWP pushed to the right hand side.  The introduction of the two subs instantly raises the level of performance of the team with Davis in particular adding some purpose.  One cross from Tadic is headed over by Pellè and the next is controlled by the big man with his back to goal and he turns the defender and curls an effort over the bar.

The second goal soon arrives as Davis won the ball in midfield and quickly fed Tadic on the left.  He delayed his cross for just long enough for Graziano to peel off the back of Clark and then chipped a perfectly weighted cross which the Big Beautiful Italian crashed into the net on the volley.  Brilliant goal.

The game was dead and buried now and job done.  Alcopop Grealish was on by this stage and caused a few moments by running at Maya but the Villa attacks were sporadic and in the main unthreatening until the 94^th minute when Jordan Ayew – the shit Ayew brother, went down under a challenge for Virgil to concede a penalty.  Bloody hell – that looked very soft as he appeared to get the ball.  Mind you, there was no need to make the tackle as he was facing the wrong way.  Anyhow, up stepped Sinclair to send the keeper the wrong way and make it 2-1.  There was just enough time for us to kick off and lose the ball and that was that.

I guess that the end justifies the means as we are safely through to the quarter-finals despite making seven changes.  We were able to do this, not by playing particularly brilliantly ourselves but courtesy of the fact that Villa were dreadful.  It might look close with a final score at 2-1 but it really wasn’t.  They just seemed content to pass the ball about without going anywhere. Every time they try to play any sort of progressive football they just gave the ball away. The odd pot shot and comfortable save for Stekelenburg and that was it. That cocky little shit with the tampons for shin pads, Grealish looked decent when he came on but other than that they were very poor. What the hell has happened to Agbonlahor? He has terrorised us before with his pace, tenacity and movement but he looks like he's been smashing down pies and pints as he barely moved. I don't even think he's 30 yet but he played like he was about 42.

Once the first goal went in, any self belief that Villa had totally disappeared and it was very comfortable from that point on.  It doesn’t matter who they get in as manager as they have a very average selection of players which they cant change until January so it’ll be case of staying in touch until then and hoping that two or three new players turns them around.   It has to be said that they were beaten by two superb goals that we scored with excellent finishes and lovely assists, especially the one from Tadic.

Most of the post match interviews centred around Maya Yoshida and his goal. When Steve Davis scored at Chelsea, we kind of knew we were going to win and win your makeshift right back plays a 1-2 and smashes a shot into the corner from 25 yards with his left foot, you kind of know it's going to be your day.  The decent performers today were Virgil, Romeu and Tadic was excellent when he came on.  Gaston did ok with some really good touches and running with the ball and if it’s a shoot out between him and Juanmi then I’d take the Uruguayan any time.  Juanmi worked hard and the tackle on Hutton was brilliant but I still don’t really see it.  As a small striker he needs to either be lightning quick, very strong or very skilful and he hasn’t proved any of those yet.  It was his best appearance for us by far however.  Not having his best appearance was JWP with even his delivery from corners being well off the mark.

The draw.... Liverpool at home in the quarter final. This will be interesting because

a) The Klopp bandwagon will be hurtling at 500mph by then even if he still hasn’t won a league game

b) They put out a very inexperienced team against Bournemouth tonight – will they do the same against us?

c) Clyne, Lovren and Niveatwat.

Home draw and avoiding Man City... You gotta be happy with that.

That's not till December though. We have the visit of Bournemouth to St Mary's.  I’ll let tophers decide whether it’s a derby or a rivalry or whatever.  For me, it’s a home game against a team that is struggling down near the bottom who have been tanked 5-1 in their past two league games and we should be winning this one.  Their management will be trying to stress the importance to the morale of their fans and their fans will be giving it the large one in the build up like they always do and our job is to send them back home with the same result as they usually get.

Capital One Cup 3rd Round - MK Dons 0 Southampton 6

Who the Hell is This?

A chance to get over the United game with a trip back in time to the abysmally named stadium:MK for a Capitol Carling Milk League Cup game against Franchise FC., or the Fake Dons if you prefer.  These days they are in the Championship and not doing very well in it.  When we exited Europe on that great night in Denmark, a few comments were made about how the club could now have a better go at doing well in the League Cup and tonight will tell us how serious that statement was.  There is no way however that we’re going to play everyone from the usual league starting XI.

On Monday the Under 21’s played and won against Reading to go top of their league but more significantly, Ryan Bertrand played 45 minutes.  More good news is that Jordy Clasie is back in training but the Franchise game has come too quick for him.  Who could blame him if he didn’t fancy coming here. 

Graziano clearly didn’t fancy it either with a slight foot injury keeping him out but the starting XI contained Long, J-Rod and Mané in his absence.  Juanmi was also in the side, basically giving us 4 forwards which has a worrying echo of the Everton home game.  Steve Davis is back to partner Romeu in midfield and the keeper and back 4 is what should have started on Sunday with Cédric coming in for the Japanese Back Pass King.  All that lot suggests to me that we’re taking it fairly seriously.  There is no sign of Cuco Martina after his clown show on Sunday (or maybe he’s being rested!) and Stephen Caulker seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth.  Maybe Ronald’s decided that there is a reason he’s been relegated two years running.

Karl Robinson is manager of the Franchise and back in the day when he was assistant manager, he was a bit of a gobshite.  It seems that he’s still got tendencies to be similar with a pre-match declaration that he ‘didn’t care’ about this game with a league game coming up on Saturday.  I’m guessing that the Franchise hardcore fans (if such a thing exists) who are turning up tonight might not like that statement too much and you wonder how motivational that’ll be for their players.

A quick search reveals there is no live stream for this game on the internet so I’m going back to League 1 and listening to the radio.  It’s comforting to know that in an ever changing world, you can still tune the dial to 96.1 and catch Merringtitus.

A potentially tricky game gets underway and we’re all over them and they don’t seem to be playing with any urgency at all.  It takes all of 5 minutes for the first goal to arrive as J-Rood picks up the ball on the left near the halfway line and sets off.  He’s past the midfield and dummying the centre back who over commits before opening himself out and sidefooting it past the keeper and inside the far post.  Great goal but he’s basically walked through.

Franchise kick off and immediately lose the ball and Long is put away down the right.  His cross finds Cédric who arrives in exactly the way that an out of position centre back wouldn’t have done and then ruins it by smashing over the bar.  It’s just so easy and Romeu takes aim from 30 yards and skims a shot just over the bar.  The resistance, if you can call it that lasts until the 9^th minute as Franchise try to play out from the back and pass it straight to Sadio Mané about 30 yards out.  He simply runs past the defence including the player responsible for the shite pass, draws the keeper and flips it over him for 2-0.

The expected Franchise fightback doesn’t really happen but Diego Poyet, son of our old nemesis Gus, at least produces a decent pass to Baker who has a shot which Stekelenburg picks up.  We get a bit sloppy for a minute as Cédric tries to cushion a header back to the keeper but it slides off his head for a corner and we all have a flap and an airshot at the ball when the corner comes over but get away with it.

If the game isn’t won already, it is on 25 minutes as Long again gets free on the left and centres to Mané who is on the penalty spot.  He easily beats the last defender by feigning to shoot before contemptuously putting it past the keeper for 3-0.  Their defence is absolute shit.

Mané is absolutely running riot and plays a neat 1-2 with Shane before teeing up Juanmi but the Spaniard’s shot is straight at the keeper and he fumbles it over the bar in none too convincing fashion.  The next attack is classic Steve Davis as he tenaciously wins the ball in midfield and sets off leaving midfielders in his wake.  He gets to the edge of the box and opens himself out like J-Rod and that’s where the comparison ends.  It’s almost like the ball has turned into one of those Frido plastic balls you used to win at a fairground as it flies off his foot at a ridiculous angle and endangers a ballboy.

J-Rod is continuing his shoot-on-sight policy and smashes one just wide from 30 yards before The Fakes make a substitution which is always amusing as the substituted player, who has come off because he’s been shite, doesn’t know whether to limp off to save face or not.  There’s another highlight for the Franchise with 5 to go until half time when Stekelenburg touched the ball.

With us playing in green and pissing all over the opposition, it must be a bit like playing for Celtic for Virgil Van Dijk and we get treated to the first mazy out of defence as he runs miles with the ball before teeing up J-Rod whose shot is blocked.

After half time, I guess that there is the possibility of the Fakes getting an early goal back and then the Ghost of Tranmere emerging but it’s unlikely and it’s impossible because the first action of the second half is for Shane Long to try and get on the end of a Cédric cross and McFadzean to lean on him like a falling tree and the ref points to the spot.  The sentimental thing to do would be to let Sadio complete his hat-trick but when you’ve sent 16 months out injured and you’re a striker, you want to take it so up steps J-Rod and buries it down the middle as the keeper dives. 4-0.

Sub time as we approach the hour mark and Ryan Bertrand makes a welcome return in place of Targett.  The stoppage to allow the sub is another clumsy McFadzean foul and up steps Virgil and curls the free kick from quite a way out and it skims the bar and over, which is what the keeper was obviously betting on as he stood flat footed and watched it.

Bloody hell it’s Gaston Ramirez in a Saints shirt.  On comes the enigma to replace Sadio Mané and immediately gets on the ball to try and make things happen… and he does.  Picking up the ball on the right hand side and putting a superb pass over the top to send Juanmi away.  Juanmi is clear with Long and J-Rod in the middle and he attempts to roll it into J-Rod’s path but cocks it up but we get lucky when a defender tries to hack it away and succeeds in blasting it straight at Shane and it flies into the net off his chest.

Franchise have sent on the mascot and he looks familiar to a mascot who won a competition to come on as a sub for Saints a few years back.  Oh yes it’s Ben Reeves who has just enough time to look around before Steve Davis puts Shane through again in the inside right channel and he rifles it first time past the keeper again for 6-0.

Maya Yoshida is on for Virgil who come off because he was bored shitless and the rest of the game focussed on Gaston and his contribution.  Whatever way you look at it, he’d be a better option off the bench than Juanmi who looks like he’d benefit from a few months playing 90 minutes for the Under 21s.  Nicky Maynard is on for the Fakes and I remember him being a thorn in our side in League 1 and Championship days but all he manages today is a dive.  The home fans have emptied out of the ground long before the final whistle – in fact they’d gone about 95 minutes before the final whistle.  Nice stadium, shit club, shit team.  Bye.

Well that was a piece of piss.  We were good but the Franchise Fake Dons were shockingly bad which is what you’d expect when you’re average anyway and your manager doesn’t give a toss.  It was an absolute stroll from the moment J-Rod started his run for the first goal.   There were decent performances all round with the goalscorers leading the way, ably backed up by Romeu and Davis in particular and even Gaston looked good when he came on.  Mind you, performing when 4-0 against a Championship team whose manager doesn’t give a shit is not hard.  It was too hard for Juanmi however who failed his chance to prove that he is going to have what it takes.  Early days I guess but he wasn’t great.

Onwards and after Liverpool had finished scraping by League 2 Carlisle at Anfield on penalties (including a miss by Nivea Boy), the draw for the next round was made and we got Villa at home and a chance to bring forward Captain Bellend Tim Sherwood’s nervous breakdown which he will no doubt have – it’s just a case of when.  That’s for another day though – next up is Swansea at home in the league and we rather need a win and Ronald rather needs to pick the right side and today just might have changed his thinking in some areas. 

Capital One Cup 5th Round - Sheffield United 1 Southampton 0

Saints at Wembley - Good Wasn't It!

Saints players and staff have been on a two day holiday in the frozen Northern wastelands in preparation for the Capital One Cup Quarter Final at Bramall Lane against Sheffield United.  When I think of Sheffield United I think of horrible games in the 90s with Brian Deane involved.  Dave Bassett was their manager and the football was not what you could ever call pretty.  Waft it up to Deans who is 6 foot 5 and all elbows and aggression.  Relegated from the Premier League when Hans Segers may or may not have let goals deliberately which saved Everton and relegated again when West Ham were allowed to break every rule going and basically play ineligible players.  I can understand supporters with longer memories feeling a bit hard done by and they have my sympathy for that.  Then you have the recent Ched Evans where the club decided they would test out fan reaction by letting the convicted unapologetic rapist train with them, no doubt hoping that no one would care too much and they could sign him on the cheap.  Fortunately for the decent fans of the club, the outrage was such that it became impossible.  Today of course, I hope they get stuffed.

The target for Saints this season is probably to get into Europe and whilst the Champions League dream has been shown to be a bit optimistic in recent weeks, the Europa League is obtainable and this is the easiest route into it.  Personally I don’t give a shit about European competition – I want to get to Wembley and win a Cup.  Mind you, even if we win today then it won’t be easy as the other Quarter Finals could easily see Chelsea, Liverpool and Tottenham in the semi-finals or more favourably, Derby, Bournemouth and Newcastle.

The team news saw us put out a fairly strong looking side as you’d expect. Shane Long leads the line, flanked by Mané and Bertrand (what?) with the midfield 3 being the returning Morgan Schneiderlin, Big Vic and JWP.  The back 4 had Matty Targett at left back and Florin Gardos instead of Toby Alderweireld but it looks decent on paper though I’m really not sure about Bertrand on the wing.  Sheffield United are these days managed by Nigel Clough who I hated as a player because he always used to score against us.

In a marvellous start for us, the referee gives the Blades a free kick for fuck all and they lob it into the box. Fraser is underneath it but McEverly whacks him with an arm and he spills it.  It’s hooked goalwards and eventually bounces on top of the bar and over.  It’s all gone a bit Dave Bassett and Neil Warnock.  However there’s nothing long ball about their next move as they build up through midfield and a shot comes in from Reed which is always going over but it’s a decent effort.

Our first effort is a break down the left as Bertrand turns the defence.  Long hassles the defender into a mistake and his cross is well defended before Mané can make contact and hoof it over the bar probably.  The ref gives a goal kick of course.

At half time there’s an admission that Bertrand on the wing isn’t working and Lloyd Isgrove is on for the unfortunate Matt Targett.  The change has done nothing for the way we are playing though and it’s all Sheffield.  They our down the left and the cross misses everyone except Murphy who is at the back post all alone and luckily for us he shats it over the bar.

Isgrove has been deployed on the right where he is clearly not comfortable but he gets involved picking up a ball from Morgan before sliging in a right footed cross which is flicked on and JWP ghosts in at the back and tries to head for the far corner but it drops just wide.  JWP is up next also, picking up a ball in midfield before driving forward and taking aim from 35 yards but unfortunately he was aiming at Row Z.

In reality there’s only one team who looks like scoring and it’s not us.  A Murphy cross from the right wing is flicked on and Frase has to get down extremely sharply to turn it away before Clyney blocks the follow up.  Fraser is at it again straight afterwards as a United striker tees up an incoming midfielder and his shot is confidently blocked by the big man and turned over the bar.  From the corner, Fraser slaps it clear to Mané on the edge of the box and he allows himself to be dispossessed and then brings him down.  The Blades players are of course all howling for a penalty and for Mané to be sent off but as it is, they get a free kick right on the line.  A shambolic looking wall does nothing as he absolutely smashes it at Fraser who makes the save but can’t hold it and it squirts free.  Of course you need defenders to react but none do and McNulty bundles it into the net.  It had been coming.

In the aftermath of the goal, Chris Morgan, Clough’s assistant is sent to the stands for reasons unknown but bearing in mind what a massive thug he was as a player then he probably deserved it.  When we eventually restart, Morgan pings a beautiful ball out to Mané on the left and he just runs straight into Flynn who launches a counter attack and Big Vic just hoiks him over for an obvious booking meaning he’s out of the Everton game on Saturday.  Morgan is clearly not impressed with Mané’s effort.

He was probably not very impressed when his ball to Isgrove was picked up and slotted through for Mané to produce a low weak shot at the near post that the keeper easily kicked away for a corner.  There was more easy work for the keeper as JWP’s corner landed on top of him with no one near.

Mané has not been great but he’s probably been the most likely to score and Ronald replaces him with Mayuka.  We’ve given up.  I remember when 4-4-2 Magazine said he was the 85^th best player in the world or whatever.  I was 84^th and Stephen Hawking was 83^rd, so ridiculous is that claim.  He. Is. Shite.

So now we’re playing with 10 and a Bertrand mistake allows McNulty to be put through against Fraser but the big man stands up well and blocks the shot.  Probably too save him from being sent off, Big Vic is replaced with Toby Alderweireld when it really would have been better to take Morgan off and make sure he didn’t get booked and suspended for Saturday as well…. Which he duly did with a stupid tackle born out of frustration.  He’ll probably do a French magazine interview over Christmas and blame it on his move not going through in the summer.

It’s all shit now and Forster is performing more heroics to keep another shot out with Gardos blocking the rebound.  Another foul and Morgan is now trying to get himself sent off by kicking the ball away.  He has to go really but possibly because he’s got fed up with the relentless badgering from the Sheffield United bench, the referee doesn’t do it.

What else can go wrong? Oh yes, big boot forward and Gardos allows McNulty to push him about and he lets the ball bounce past him and McNulty is after it until Florin pulls him down.  Off you go.  Amateur hour.  The resulting free kick is shite but it doesn’t matter.  They’ve battered us to be honest and totally deserved their win.  Ronald is off without shaking Nigel Clough’s hand and what a great day.

So where do we start with that?  Let’s do a Good Bad and Ugly.  One of these categories might not take long.

The Good:

Fraser Forster made some great saves to keep us in it and give us a flattering scoreline which we didn’t deserve. If we’d lost 3 or 4-0 we couldn’t have complained.  I’m going to forgive him for the goal as it was a free kick from right on the edge of the box and was absolutely smashed at him.  Where were the defenders to bail him out?

The Bad:

JWP joined the ranks of players who’ve hit consistently shite dead ball deliveries this season.  Having said that, he is considerably better than many others this season.  Mitigating circumstances in that he’s only in his second game in 3 months and he will improve.  Will Lloyd Isgrove improve?  He came on and did next to nothing.  He was put on the right wing and he’s totally left footed but someone had to play out there as Mané was still on the pitch.  He didn’t look comfortable out there at all though and there’s no excuse for doing that little.  The one time I saw him beat the left back he tried to cut it back onto his left foot

and lost it. He isn’t gong to get many chances so he needs to do more when he does.  He’s not 18 and is running out of time to prove he has what it takes.

The Ugly (and in some cases, the Fucking Horrendously Ugly):

By refusing to shake hands with Nigel Clough, Koeman achieved nothing expect making himself look like the bad guy in the eyes of the casual observer.   I understand where he’s coming from as it appears the Sheffield United bench was behaving pretty unpleasantly but you should shake hands even if you don’t want to and take up the issue later.  No one will care about the underlying issues and will just focus on the non-handshake.

The fact that we are a Premier League side with a vaunted academy and our talk about pathways to the first team and all that, makes it inexcusable and tinpot that we didn’t have a full bench.  It makes it look like we were taking the game lightly.  Ok, an extra sub probably wouldn’t have made a difference to the result but Ryan Seager or Sam McQueen would have got something out of it even if they’d only watched.  Also, they couldn’t have been worse than many out there today.  It’s worrying that Tadic and Davis weren’t even fit enough to sit on the bench.

Sadio Mane was appalling in his decision making and general contribution.  He tried hard but is completely out of form and his contribution to the winning goal sums it up.  When the ball went to him it had disaster written all over it and he was always going to bring the guy down.  Up front he looked more dangerous than anyone but ultimately ruined everything with taking the wrong option or miscontrolling the ball or mis-hitting a pass etc.  He has taken over from Guly as the team scapegoat which is predictable and somewhat pathetic.   Shane Long for me had a totally ineffective game. “He works hard” is what’s always said in his defence and yes he does but that’s a bare minimum requirement.  His hold up play was non-existent and when he got the ball he’d invariably knock it past the centre back and then not get to it before the covering defender.  He had no shots again in 90 minutes against a league 1 side, didn’t look like a threat in their box once.

The experiment of Bertrand on the wing was a waste of time and no surprise to me.  People were saying it was a good idea before the start pointing to him playing there for Chelsea in a Champions League Final.  Slight difference – in said Champions League Final, Chelsea were parking the bus against Bayern Munich and Bertrand was deployed as an extra left back in front of Ashley Cole to cope with the threat of Arjen Robben.  Sheffield United don’t have Arjen Robben the last time I checked so in our formation, Ryan was a forward and it was never going to work.

We all know that bookings happen and consequently, so do suspensions.  We also know that referees screw up and book players when they don’t deserve it.  With that in mind, you can’t afford to get booked for stupid stuff.  Big Vic and Morgan today, deliberately fouled Sheffield United players when they had no chance of getting the ball so the only outcome was that they’d be suspended for Saturday against Everton.  Morgan in particular then tried to get himself sent off by kicking the ball away after he’d already been booked.  He should have gone, no question and was very lucky that the ref decided to not apply the rules and ignore the rantings of Nigel Clough and his bench.  Pelle’s booking against Burnley was similarly stupid as have been some of his other bookings and his absence today meant we never even looked like scoring and there was no one holding the ball up to allow midfielders to get forward.

The pre-season exodus is beginning to hurt us now.  We replaced like for like and plugged the holes in the First XI but we haven’t really increased the depth of the squad which we would have needed to do even if no one had left.  Lambert would have been an ideal man to have in the squad to replace Pellè when needed and though I hate to say it, the same applied for Lallana with Tadic.  The young players we have now just look a little too young so we could have done with Calum Chambers as well if he hadn’t chosen to fuck off.

Back to “The Ugly”.  Florin Gardos needs to man up.  He’s 6 foot 4 and allegedly a tough tackling no nonsense defender.  Well, I didn’t see that on Tuesday.  I saw a player getting bullied and shoved around and a player who let the ball bounce and both of these failings contributed to his red card when he didn’t get to the bounce of the ball and then allowed the striker to roll round him before hauling him down. 

And at risk of repeating myself from every blog I’ve ever written when he’s made an appearance, Mayuka was truly horrific again.  The bloke hasn’t got a clue and I’m struggling to think of a worse Saints player ever who has got on the pitch.  Even Ali Dia had a fucking shot.  Mayuka never seems to even touch the ball suggesting that he has no awareness or football brain whatsoever. What is the point of him being on the bench?  We loan out Gaston Ramirez and keep this fucking idiot?  I know he’s probably not on big wages but what the actual fuck is he doing on the bench when Ryan Seager or Sam McQueen cannot possibly be worse.  Mayuka was not the reason we lost today and he came on in the middle of a horrific team performance but he’s dreadful in whatever situation he comes on.  He was shit when he came on in the 8-0 game against Sunderland when they’d given up.

The biggest problem is that we were outfought and outplayed by a League 1 side.  At 1-0 there was only one team creating chances and looking like scoring and there was only one team winning the second balls and making life difficult and it wasn’t us.  4500 Saints fans paid to watch that game and paid to travel up with the hope of cup semi-final.  If you play well and fight hard and get beat then no one minds but there’s a feeling that we didn’t give it 100%.  However, flooding Twitter with demands for refunds is moronic.  Sometimes in away game your team will be shite.  It’s part of the gamble when you decide to go.  Christ, during the Branfoot days people would have been asking for refunds after an away win because the performances were so bad.

Moving on as that’s all we can do and Everton at home awaits on Saturday.  The midfield options look very thin as Morgan and Big Vic are banned and Corky and Steve Davis are injured.  Davis might make it but even so, Toby Alderweireld will have to play in midfield with Maya at the back.  Tadic is injured so I guess it will be the returning Pellè up front with Long and Mané who are desperately out of form. I expect to see a lot of Academy kids on the bench and whatever team is out there will be trying to arrest a run of 5 defeats in a row.  This sure isn’t going to be easy.

Keep the faith… again.

Capital One Cup 4th Round - Stoke 2 Southampton 3

Pellè gets Booked for Yelling at a Ginger Steward

Two games in four days against Stoke would not be on the top of most managers’ “To Do” list but here we are again.  My opinions on Stoke can be found at the start and end of Saturday’s blog…. I don’t like them.

The fall out from the weekends games involving other teams was that Spurs lost again so to take the heat off of that, the London media fired up the “Let’s try and make a Transfer” spin and bullshit machine again.  Pochettino wants Jay Rodriguez again for anything between £15 and £25 million depending on how sensationalist they want to be.... and of course they want Schneiderlin.... and so do Arsenal.  West Ham are getting it with their players as well so we’re following the well worn path of a smaller club doing well, therefore they must be slapped back down.  I’m sure there’s nothing concrete in this but Saints got rumoured to be in for Harry Kane for £10million from Spurs.  I really hope that this is someone at Saints putting a bullshit rumour out there just to yank Spurs’ chain a bit.  I dn;t really want us to sink to their level but sometimes you gotta have your fun.

So, Capital One now sponsor the competition that in my head is “The League Cup” and we are at the 4^th Round Stage and win tonight and we’re in the Quarter Finals.  Ronald has made 4 changes from Saturday with Shane Long, Florin Gardos, Matty Targett and Big Vic coming in for the injured Sadio Mané and the rotated Alderweireld, Bertrand and Cork who are all on the bench.  I strongly suspect that Mark Hughes doesn’t read this blog but he’s done what I suggested and brought in Diouf, Arnautovic and Bojan and left out the Giraffe, Moses and common thug Charlie Adam.

To my surprise we’re playing a 4-4-2 with Long up front with Pellè, rather than on the wing as we play in the league.  I’m expecting Stoke to come tearing into us but they don’t really and the first real action of the game sees Morgan and Big Vic sort out a potential issue in defence and feed Pellè.  He goes left allowing Matt Targett bring the ball forward on the left and slip it back inside to Graziano.  He seems to be looking right to lay it off to Steve Davis but instead, he smashes it from 30 yards and it curls round the dive of Begovic and flicks the inside of the post on its way into the top corner of the net - GOAAAAAAAAALAAAZZZZZZOOOOOO! As a commentator in his Italian homeland might have said.

Stoke seem more up for it for a bit and pile on a bit of pressure without forcing Fraser into any serious action and in entirely clinical fashion, we take our second chance as a move down the right sees a wonderful reverse ball from Tadic intot he path of the overlapping Davis and his pull back is despatched past Begovic for Shane Long’s first Saints’ goal.

It’s nearly 3-0 and virtually game over a few minutes later as Tadic produces a ridiculous sand wedge chip onto Pellè’s chest and he brings it down superbly before pashing it over the bar.  Stoke have the ball in the net not long after after a long diagonal finds Walters beating Targett in the air.  The balls eventually falls via Diouf to Walters who smashed it over Fraser and into the net but the flag and whistle had already gone so there’s really no point in berating the linesman you twat.

A great passing move with some flicks and general showboating later and we win a corner which eventually sees Gardos nod over the bar.  Hughes did not look happy as the players headed off at half time and I’m sure that words were said at half time.  At risk of sounding that I have Merringtitus, the key to defending a 2-0 advantage is to survive the first 15 minutes without conceding a goal so what do we do?  We doze off at a free kick on the half way line which Stoke pass short to Nzonzi and then we allowed Nzonzi to run unchallenged to the point where he had a free shot which he fired along the ground and past Fraser and into the corner.  On first viewing I thought the big man should have done better in goal and on second viewing later, I still did.

We have woken up now and Tadic is trying to put the game to bed by setting up a 3^rd goal.  Firstly he puts Long through but his effort is well blocked by Begovic and the ex-Skate is at it again as Big Vic plays a 1-2 with Dusan and smashes in a shot which he kept out as well.

Shane Long is really proving his worth. He picks the ball up twice and starts running with it and Stoke’s 2^nd half directive of ‘kick everything’ comes into play as he gets trashed twice and Stoke get two bookings.  2 balls to Long, 2 fouls, 2 yellow cards, 2 shite free kicks into the box that are easily cleared.

There’s a casual element creeping into our play at both ends of the pitch.  Tadic butchers a 3 on 3 break with a sloppy pass behind Graziano and then we get really lucky at the other end as Gardos gets caught in two minds as to whether to clear or knock it back and in the end he just miscontrols the ball and Bojan is away and here’s where the luck comes in.  Bojan has a simple pass to set Diouf up for a tap in but Bojan is shit and his cross is cleared by José Fonte, much to Florin’s relief.

What you need when you’re chasing a game is a couple of inspiring substitutions or failing that, Charlie Adam.  He’s on with the Giraffe and Bojan and Cameron are off.  Florin Gardos looks like he’s got his gaffe on his mind still as he initially does well to read a ball into the box and then gets robbed by Diouf and again gets lucky as the pass goes astray.  Adam’s first involvement is to take a hack at Morgan after he’s turned away from him.  He’s nowhere near the ball and it’s completely deliberate.  He gets the booking and then psses and moans about it.  It’s a borderline red card for what is basically a lash out at another player. I hate players like him.

Another player who I dislike intensely is Jon Walters.  Saints have the ball and there’s an injury from yet another clattering.  The drop ball happens and Bardsley gives us it back but he’s played it down the wing.  As Forster goes to get it, Walters chases him down and Fraser wellies it into touch.  Walters can’t be surprised that it all kicks off and ends with Bardsley, who’s not been at Stoke long enough to be a complete prick, giving us the ball back again.  More fouls as Long is again clattered meaning he’s been clattered the last 4 times he’s had the ball.

The pressure is building though and Stoke win what seems like 8 consecutive corners.  Wilson heads one wide off a Saints player, Forster flaps and misses another, Stoke take one short and win another corner from it and then finally we break as a corner is flicked on and Diouf has a free header at the back stick to make it 2-2.  I’m not sure why Targett and Long were the nearest players to the centre forward but it’s happened and shit, 2-2.

I’m sure all Saints fans are expecting Stoke to win it now and we all collectively shit ourselves as Diouf turns and drills in a shot which pings off the inside of the  post and across the goal.  He’s offside and the flag goes up but the smell of brown trousers is palpable.

Into the last 5 minutes and extra time is looming and no one wants that, least of all the Giraffe.  He leads with his elbow in a challenge with Targett and catches him across the chest and gets deservedly booked.  A minute later Crouch miscontrols the ball and makes up for it by catching Steve Davis up near his thigh.  What a dickhead and off you go.  There are no complaints from the Stoke players including Shawcross (who is always in the referees ear) which really tells you all you need to know.  So, down to 10 men when they had fought back and were on top and the ultimate punishment is dished out. Davis chips in the free kick which misses everyone except Pieters who doesn’t adjust, the ball drops down and Graziano swivels and blasts it into the top corner, 3-2 and get the fuck in!  He’s over the barrier and in the crowd and there’s a yellow card waiting for him when he gets back on the pitch.  It’s a small concern right now but he must only be one booking from a suspension.  It does wind me up when players get booked for celebrating with their own fans.  If you goad opposition fans then fair enough but I’ve long since given up on common sense from the Premier League and FA.

6 minutes injury time!!! What!!! To be fair, we were dawdling quite a bit at 2-1 and we delay further by bringing on Alderweireld and Cork for Gardos and Steve Davis.  The only alarm is a decent overhead effort from Diouf from the edge of the box which goes through a ruck of players but Fraser graps it comfortably enough.  We run down the last 2 minutes easily enough and that’s it, 3-2, quarter finals, come on!!!!

It’s a bit harsh on Stoke at the end as they’re worked really hard to get back into it.  A quick glance at their web forums shows fans generally berating the referee for not clamping down on timewasting.  I think they should be thanking for ref for not overly clamping down on assault and battery.  Hughes obviously sent them out in the second half to try and kick us off the park and it, along with pulling a goal back so quickly, nearly worked.  The subs came on – Adam could have quite easily been sent off and Crouch was sent off.  I’m sure the way they see it is that they tried playing football in the first half and were outplayed, so they reverted to type in the second half, went long ball and just kicked everything that moved.  The story of the bookings tells you all you need to know as well.  Including the 2 bookings for Crouch, Stoke had 5, all for bad fouls, we had 2, one for dissent at a Stoke foul and one for celebrating a goal.

Ronald Koeman came out with a couple more ‘honesty’ classics, basically saying that we deserved to win as we played all the football, Charlie Adam should have been sent off and best of all, commented that Stoke sent Crouch on (so they could launch it) and that was not the way we like to play.  Interviewers persist with the ‘are you surprised at your start’ line of questioning.  When is it not just a ‘start’?  When will all the deserters cease to be mentioned?  We’ve won 9 games out of the last 10.  Imagine the collective creaming off in the media if van Gaal got 9 wins out of 10 out of Man United.

The draw for the next round was made after the game with Chelsea being the team to avoid, closely followed by Liverpool and Spurs with Bournemouth and Sheffield United being the ones you want.  I was convinced we were going to get Chelsea.

Derby... will play Chelsea... happy days, avoided Chelsea...

Tottenham ..... no, not them bastards, we always lose to them.... will play Newcastle.

Bournemouth.... here we go, come on, come on... will play Liverpool.

Come on now... home draw please... and Sheffield United .... will play Southampton

You gotta be happy with that.  Ok, it’s our 4^th away tie in a row but it’s the lowest ranked team left in the competition, League 1 Sheffield United at Bramall Lane.  A difficult game but more difficult than Stoke or Arsenal away – I don’t think so.  Bring it on with a great chance of making the semi-finals.

Back to the league on Saturday and our quest for our first title since I was a kid playing Subbuteo against myself in 1981.  We play a Hull City side who have picked up some decent results this season as they look to consolidate in the Premier League.  Gaston Ramirez won’t do anything as he’s on loan from us which is pretty similar to what he’d do if he could play.  It’s a game we will be looking to win and I’m sure the players will be up for it.  Hopefully we’ve achieved the impossible and emerged from 2 games in 4 days with Stoke without too many injures and we can keep Manchester City behind us for at least another week.  Let’s fucking do this.

Capital One Cup 3rd Round - Arsenal 1 Southampton 2

Bastards! They Didn't Play Their Kids for Me to Look At

The Carling Cup has in living memory, been a glorified Reserves competition for the big clubs and for the last few seasons, we’ve been treating it as that was as well.  Pochettino certainly didn’t give a shit about any cup competition and the same was true of Nigel Adkins before him.  Maybe it was a Cortese thing but whatever the reason in the past, Ronald Koeman showed against Millwall that we are going to have a right go at it.  This new intent from the club has been noted by the fans and hence, we have 5200 people in the Emirates tonight.  It has to be said though that prices of a tenner a ticket which I assume had to be agreed with Arsenal have definitely played their part so fair play to both clubs.

I started guessing who Wenger would put in his side by looking at their squad.  How ridiculous is it that a club with that much money and resources and 100 consecutive years of Champions League qualification can only have 6 defenders.  I can’t think of any outside of Debuchy, Mertersacker, Koscielny, Gibbs, Monreal and Chambers.  Wenger has obviously done marvellous things as Arsenal manager but that is bordering on the negligent, rivalled only by the situation at Old Trafford.  Anyhow, with Debuchy being injured as well I really can’t see too many of the first choice defenders being picked.  Maybe a couple of the 400 attacking midfielders they have can fill the void – there’s an opportunity for us here.

Sadio Mane is picked to start and forms a front 3 with Pelle and Tadic with the prolific Big Vic recalled to partner Morgan and Steve Davis in midfield.  The defence sees Matty Targett picked instead of Bertrand and Florin Gardos comes in to partner Jose as Maya is still recovering from the Bony assaults at the weekend. The Master Child Catcher has caught some children from elsewhere other than Saints and they are all in the defence as predicted, along with Calum Chambers who I wish well in his Arsenal career but I hope he’s complete shit tonight.  Wenger’s defender issue has at least given him an opportunity to play a few games for his new club, unlike some of our other dearly departeds.  There are familiar international names elsewhere though with Wilshere, Sanchez, Rosicky, Diaby & Podolski, along with World Cup stars Ospina and Campbell.

It’s a fairly open game from the start and we carve out a great chance as Pelle knocks down to Tadic who clips a lovely ball into Davis who has broken from the midfield.  He gets there before the keeper but just pokes it at him and the chance has gone.  To me, he should have done better having got to the ball first but never mind.

Arsenal have some serious players up front and in midfield and look dangerous when they get the ball in and around our defenders.  Wilshere and Sanchez combine before Sanchez is breathed on by Fonte and hits the deck.  The ref buys it and the free kick is about 20 yards out, just to the left of centre, up steps Sanchez and curls it over the wall and into the top corner.  All Fraser can do it wave it goodbye.  It’s a brilliant free kick but it pisses me off that the decision is soft to say the least.  It’s also worrying for the rest of the game because you know Arsenal’s little midfielders are going to be diving around everywhere.

Sadio Mane has had a few darts at Coquelin at left back but he switches sides to have a run at Bellerin at right back who looks about 12.  Arsenal’s Academy players come from two sources, abroad or from Southampton.  Targett and Davis get the ball out to Mane who runs at Bellerin from the left wing and the youngster does well and stops him getting to the line.  Mane tries to head across the box and is heading away from goal when Rosicky comes flying in and catches him. Down he goes in slightly theatrical fashion and penalty given.   Definite foul regardless.  Rosicky is making that wasp chewing face and is waving his arms about but he hasn’t got any cause to, other than at his own stupidity.  Dusan Tadic is on the penalties and he calmly puts it down the middle as Ospina dives out of the way.  I must admit that I prefer the Lambert style of penalties where you’ve got a 99% chance of a goal even if the keeper goes the right way but it’ll do for now.

I like Alexis Sanchez.  He’s a great player and was marvellous for Chile in the World Cup but in my mind he goes from that to being a complete twat and figure of hate with one wave of an imaginary yellow card.  Big Vic has clattered him to be fair but keep your imaginary cards in your pocket you fucking twat.  The real yellow card comes out for Vic and the big man is going to have to be very careful from now on.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, imaginary card waving should get you a yellow card straight away.

Saints are creating the better chances still and Targett feeds Pelle who superbly puts Mane in again behind Bellerin but the ball seems to get stuck under his feet and Bellerin gets back to clear.  There’s another decent chance for us as Tadic runs at the right hand side of the defence.  The ball gets away from him but an Arsenal clearance hit Clyne on the knee and bounces loose to Pelle who turns and hits it an instant and grazes the outside of the post.

Our midfield are absolutely bossing it in there and feeding Mane whenever they can.  Another attacking run from the wide man wins us a corner and Tadic’ kick from the left is nodded clear by Chambers to Clyne.  He’s 40 yards out, one touch to control and bang!  GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!! He’s absolutely leathered it and Ospina has no chance as he shifts his weight the wrong way and it rips past him into the roof of the net.  What a fucking goal. Have some of that then.

The most pressing task is to get back to the dressing room 2-1 in front and we have a good go at not doing that as Sanchez plays Podolski in but he goes near post and Fraser calmly deflects it away with his forearm.  One does not simply beat Forster at the near post.  The corner is shite and over everyone and so we are deservedly leading.

The question of whether we’d try and soak up pressure or go for a third goal is answered straight away in the second half as Mane releases Targett with a superb backheel and he swings it over to Tadic on the right who cushions a cross behind Pelle and Davis comes steaming in but hits it straight at Ospina.  Again, the ginger master of the baize really should have scored.

It’s all Saints again and Arsenal are beginning to show signs of desperation in appealing for a penalty as Campbell hits the deck having been brushed by Fonte.  Even though it’s never a foul in a million years, when you’re away at a Big 4 club, it’s always a relief when the ref actually doesn’t give something.  He give us a free kick however when Diaby has a shocking first touch, Mane nips in and Diaby hoofs him up in the air and truly looks like a player who is not in control of his legs.  The free kick is roughly from where Sanchez scored from and though Tadic beats the wall with a low drive, Ospina get across to save well.

Wenger is getting a bit frustrated on the sidelines.  The John Cleese silly walks are coming out and so are some big guns from the bench as Cazorla and Chamberlain come on, the latter to a largely positive reception.  Their arrival coincides with a bit of Arsenal pressure and Bellerin gets away on the right and crosses into Sanchez who toe pokes it but the ball hits The Bohemoth in the chest and is cleared.  Cazorla might be good going forward but he’s a liability if there’s a tackle for him to win and Tadic does him completely with a turn and we’re away again as the ball moves to Davis, to Pelle and finally to Mane on the left who shoots across the goal and it looks close but it goes for a throw so it can’t have been really.  It’s more or less the last contribution from the new man as he’s substituted and Shane Long comes on to basically be annoying.

Chamberlain makes his one positive contribution and skins Targett who seems to pull up but Fonte reads the cross beautifully to clear.  The biggest threat to us is that the ref is going to fall for a dive and Rosicky flops over an imaginary leg and buys one which luckily they waste with Gardos clearing.  There is classic Jack Wilshere a minute later as he runs headlong at the defence, knocks the ball too far and then launches himself into Fonte and dives on the floor.  He’s a little twat and the ref should book him but of course, instead of that he gives Arsenal a free kick right on the edge of the box.  If he’s dived a bit further they’d have had a penalty I assume.  Luckily it’s a bit too close and Sanchez can’t get it over the giant Pelle and Gardos section of the wall.

We should make the game safe with a great break down the left.  Steve Davis and Graziano combine to feed Tadic in the middle and he should step over it or poke it to the totally unmarked Shane Long but he seems to get caught in two minds, gets tackled and a great chance is lost.  We have another great chance as we win a corner and Davis swings it over.  It’s a totally free header for Graziano from 10 yards and he rises superbly and heads it over the fucking bar.  I’m sorry but that has to go in. Fuck.

The clearly struggling Targett has had a magnificent game but he’s cramped up and Bertrand is on.  I’m sure Matty was taking the piss a little bit but getting booked for not limping off quick enough is a bit harsh.  90 minutes are up and you just know that as we’re away at a big club that it’s gonna be at least 4 minutes despite there being no stoppages and sure enough it is 4.  Wanting the make sure that Arsenal have the maximum opportunity to equalize, the ref manages to book Fraser for time wasting and then rightly books Pelle for running back 30 yards just to grab an Arsenal midfielder round the shoulders.  We are in truth the only team who looks like scoring again and a Tadic break down the left results in a cross which cuts out the keeper but Long arrives just after the ball flies past and careers into the net.

The generous 4 minutes of injury time were up and then we had 90 seconds more but finally the ref got fed up with waiting for Arsenal to score and blew the whistle to confirm our first win at the Emirates and our first win away to Arsenal for donkeys. Marvellous stuff and totally deserved.  These are great days and every game seems to bring new positives to the table.  Today it was the exciting debut of Sadio Mane who though he gets shoved off the ball a bit easily, proved to be a right handful and seems to have a speed of though and movement which is going to hopefully means he doesn’t turn out to be another Mayuka.  It was also a full debut for Florin Gardos who was playing against Sanchez who cost £35 million and Podolski who has about 50 goals for Germany.  He played with a real air of calmness about him and didn’t seem rattled at all, brought the ball out comfortably and really looked the part.  With Toby Alderweireld also competing for a place at centre back, we can confidently say “off you fuck, Dejan”.  We got both of those players for about 60% of what Liverpool gave us for Lovren.

The defending as a whole was superb but the game was won in midfield where Morgan, Big Vic and Steve Davis were magnificent.  Big Vic in particular played well after his booking to ensure he didn’t give any Arsenal players a chance to dive and get him sent off and he looks more of an all-round midfielder, now he’s not limited to instructions which were basically “sit in front of the centre backs and don’t move”.  My only gripe is that we should have scored more as there was some wasteful finishing from Pelle and Davis and some chances butchered with a poor final ball.  Davis gets in positions to score 10 goals a season but his finishing is woeful.  The approach play to set up the chances though was excellent with Tadic at the heart of most things but Pelle is looking more at home as an attacking spearhead with every game.

Oddly, the two main ‘Meltdown’ merchants in the media, Neil Ashton and Ben Smith, both chose tonight to break with their usual bollockspeak and give Saints some praise.  To be honest, you can’t help but praise the start to the season we have made.  A win at Arsenal, albeit a rotated Arsenal, will make even a blind man see it appears.  Wenger gave Saints credit too which I felt was genuine but it also deflects any criticism away from him for disrespecting another cup competition and away from his players who in the main, didn’t do it tonight.  I’m sure there will be plenty saying Arsenal had a weak line up and all that shit but it’s Arsene Wenger’s fault that he has no reserve defenders who have any experience.   Him moaning about us committing fouls in midfield is a bit rich when all his midfielders do is dive about like little bitches to try and cheat free kicks out of referees.  They don’t need to do that as the players concerned are all better than that. He's probably just pissed off that with the exception of Matt Targett, we didn't have a team full of youngsters for him too salivate over.

Ronald Koeman was obviously delighted with the win and the performances of Targett and Mane and with the team as a whole but most pleasing for me was the insistence of ‘feet on the ground’ for the QPR game on Saturday.  Ronald knows that no one wants to lose to that twitchy bastard.  

And what about ‘that’ goal.  I’m sure Clyney will get picked for England now as the goal will be reshown everywhere and everyone will be talking about him.  In truth, the goal should make no difference to whether he gets in the England squad or not.  He’s the best right back we have by miles and that was true before and after the goal.  What a fucking goal though.  There is nothing quite like the ball hitting the roof of the net from miles out and a goalkeeper lying on his back, wondering what the fuck just happened.

So into the last 16 and the draw is being made tonight.  (Stop Press: We got a shite draw away at Stoke).  A bit of bad news came through that JWP has a fracture in his foot and is likely to be out for 10 weeks which is a bummer but on the upside, we have players to cover that position and it’ll maybe give Harrison Reed a chance to join the 18 and step up.  Now it’s back to the Premier League and come to us you twitchy bastard and bring Rio Ferdinand with you and let’s see what he’s like with Sadio running at him.  Come on You Reds!!!

Capital One Cup - Millwall 0 Southampton 2

"I aimed at Row Z as usual...."

One of the main moans about last season was the performances in the cups and the teams selected.  In both cups we ended up playing Sunderland away and playing half a team and getting beaten without much of a fight as Pochettino prioritised an 8^th placed finish.  Todays’ team selection would tell us a lot about how Ronald Koeman and and maybe the new board, think of things regarding cup competitions.  As it turns out, we only made 3 changes from the weekend whereas Millwall (managed by our old mate Ian Holloway) made 8.  Out to Bertrand, Morgan and Tadic and in come Matty Targett, Lloyd Isgrove and Shane Long.  I was a bit surprised not to see Gardos in the starting XI but I’m sure his time will come.  He’s on the bench along with Gaston Ramirez who once again is on his way beck from injury.

As we recover from our summer of players with questionable characters, for the sake of balance it’s worth noting that the Millwall side includes one of those shown the door as we moved up the leagues and I think it’s safe to say that Richard Chaplow would not have walked out of the club unless he was pushed.

The start of the game is reasonable and we are getting down the wings and Targett and Clyne are fizzing crosses over and Big Vic is passing behind our own players so normal service.  It then all goes to pot and turns into a midfield scuffling match which is going nowhere and it horrible to watch with neither team creating anything. On the half hour Isgrove goes down injured and has to go off to be replaced by Tadic so we’ve actually got stronger with a  substitution which in round 2 of the League Cup is more or less unheard of.

We have a half chance from a corner as Tadic’ delivery is flicked miles wide.  From the resulting goal kick we defend like 8 year olds and everyone leaves it and Gueye is 1 on 1 with Fraser but with glory in his eyes he slices wide in horribly shite fashion.  The rest of the first half is pitiful as well and Saints first team fails to show anything to trouble Millwall reserves.  I expect that a few Dutch swear words will be flying about at half time.

The shockingly bad first half has prompted a chance as Corky is on for Big Vic who can rest his neck muscles in preparation for watching West Ham hoof the ball over his head on Saturday.  There’s no immediate improvement though and Easter picks it up and runs at the defence and gets to the edge of the box before driving a shot across the goal and about two feet wide of the far post.

Suddenly, it’s a brilliant game as Saints remember that they are the Premier League side and they can play decent football as we carve our way up the right hand side. Eventually Clyne gets his head up and pulls the cross back to Tadic who hits it and Forde tips it over the bar.  Shane Long, his international team mate indicates that it was one for the cameras which is a bit harsh.

Millwall are contributing to a new spell of pressure for Saints by trying to play out of defence but Tadic nicks the ball off them about 30 yards out and tees up Pelle who turns his marker and thumps in a shot but it’s high and central and again and Forde tips it over the bar.  What happens next is a bit of Saints history and I’m sure that someone (not me) has put a quid on Jack Cork to score the first goal in every Saints game for the past 3 years…. Well today’s the day and Tadic swings over a left footed corner and Corky, totally unmarked, powers a header into the net.  Get in.  I’m actually listening to this game with Dave Merrington expert analysis which I haven’t done for a few years.  He describes Corky’s header as ‘a good connect’.  What the fuck is that about?

I have to say that im liking the way Millwall are playing with John Marquis up front playing well and Easter in midfield is decent.  Chappers is having a bit of a mare in his first game for 5 months and he lashes one miles over the bar in tired fashion when there were many better options, just before he gets substituted.

Another build up down the right from Saints, this time involving a bit of skill by Long by which he aims to cross it with his right foot but instead shoves it to Clyne with his standing foot.  England’s best right back produces and superb cross on the run and Pelle gets up well and heads back across the goal and it clips the post and wide with Forde nowhere.  The big Italian is now looking slightly pissed off with his failure to score as well as smouldering and swarthy for all the ladies.

Coky is having a great game in midfield and switches the play ance more to England’s number 2 who once more gets his head up and picks out JWP on the edge of the box who clips a right footed effort wide of the far post.  This is but a break from the Saga of Graziano.  This time Tadic picks him out in the box but the ball won’t come down for him to hit.  When it does he’s facing the wrong way and so improvises and back heels it but it squirts wide.

Having read a load of shite criticism of him after the Baggies game, it’s great to hear the away fans chanting his name.  Magnificent stuff and the fans are at it again as we build up down the left with Tadic again teeing up Pelle but this time he sidefoots just high and wide.  The mortified look on his face is getting more pronounced with every miss but the ‘Graziano’ chants are getting louder and louder.

Millwall, lest we forget are still in the game and Williams has a long range blast which is on target but Fraser casually punches it away from danger but this is just a break from Saints pressure and this time it’s Dusan Tadic who creates a yard for himself by shaping to shoot twice before eventually curling one at the far post and missing by not much.

91, 92 and it looks for all the world like 1-0 will be enough but a final break and Davis puts Pelle through on goal, a good connect…. 2-0 and the big man is very happy.  I am waiting for the offside flag to go up but it doesn’t and so Graziano has his goal and everyone is happy, except Ian Holloway who is a helmet and he always will be.

The second half performance was pretty good and we really should have wrapped it up long before Graziano’s goal but having capitulated horribly in cup competition last season, I’m not going to moan about a 2-0 win.  It’s a very important goal for the confidence of the big man and how nice too see Corky come on and make a massive deference.  He’s being challenged to make a case for his selection and for a new contract and he got given a chance and took it.  Fair play to him and he’ll be keeping JWP, Steve Davis and Big Vic on their toes.

As far as our league compaign is concerned, it’s important to remember that Millwall rested a few players so we can hardly be said to be the finished article as yet but we played well in the second half and looked decent.  However, as Ronald reminded everyone afterwards, we were desperately poor in the first half and this shouldn’t be forgotten and it certainly won’t be by him.  The fact that he picked such a strong team for this fixture augurs well for our cup campaigns this season and the draw for the next round has thrown us a really interesting one…. Arsenal away.   Wenger will no doubt field a team of reserves and will no doubt be hoping we do the same so he can work himself up into a frenzy afterwards.  I hate the fucking Child Catcher and the good news is that we’ll play a strong side and have a great chance of winning.

Next up we have a trip to Upton Park and West Ham.  They’ve started the season well but we have to be going there looking for a win.  Carroll and Nolan are both out injured and Fat Sam is their manager.  They’re still going to hoof the ball so I wouldn’t be surprised to see Florin Gardos come in for that one.  Hopefully Graziano can go on a run now and with the backing of the away fans, he will at least be encouraged.  Maybe 2 goals in 3 games will help the more unintelligent of our home fans to give him a chance as well.

PS – Roy Hodgson has successfully managed to kill off my interest in the England football team.  Not even Graham Taylor, Steve McLaren or Sven Goran Erikssen (or Adrian Chiles) managed that but Hodgson has.  Firstly, he’s taken a player who hasn’t had a meaningful good game for England in 10 years and made him captain.  Wayne Fucking Rooney… I ask you.  Yet more reward for a player who does not warrant it, yet more cementing of his undroppable status which he doesn’t deserve. 

Then there’s the issue of Calum Chambers getting called up as a right back.  He’s played 3 games for Arsenal at centre back and suddenly he’s better than he was before the World Cup?  Apparently Arsene has said he’s ready.  Does Hodgson only pick players when a club manager says it’s ok?  Senile old goat.  Meanwhile, Nathaniel Clyne doesn’t get picked but that’s a double edged sword.  He of course should be England’s first choice right back and should have been for the World Cup but if he was then no doubt Brendon fucking Rodgers would have started a whispering campaign in the press to get him to Liverpool. 

The rest of the squad is littered with examples that make you question Hodgson’s suitability and competence.  Fabian Delph and Jack Colback in the squad despite being as bang average as you could be?  Phil Jones still in the squad despite being shite this season and last? James Milner still in the squad despite not playing this season and not being able to kick a ball in a straight line? Andros Townsend recalled as he was in good form a year ago? Danny Welbeck still in the squad despite not playing for United except in a 4-0 defeat to MK Dons?  Rickie Lambert still in the squad despite hardly playing for Liverpool and only 4 minutes game time in the World Cup?  Hodgson has lost the plot – if he ever had it.  Well done Greg Dyke – give him another vote of confidence.

So – who could he have picked instead… I’ll have a look and let you know.

PPS – I’ll still watch the game…