Premier League Match 27 - Chelsea 4 Southampton 0

A Contender for 'Picture To Sum Up a Season'

After the win against Ipswich, we looked at the three incoming home games of Burnley in the cup, Bournemouth and Brighton as a chance to build some momentum before Chelsea away and Liverpool away came along. We have built some momentum in that we have got worse in every single game. If Burnley was light brown shit that will come off your clothes in the washing machine, Bournemouth was dark brown which will always leave a mark no matter how many times you wash it and Brighton was a black sticky tar shit where you just throw clothes on the bonfire.

Chelsea away today it is. Chelsea have been shit as well in terms of their results recently. Not to the level of our good selves of course but it’s all about expectations having spent billions of Todd Boehly‘s money and flouting PSR rules as Amortisation FC, I don’t expect they were expecting to have three defeat in a row at any point, but here we are with an FA Cup and Premier League defeat at Brighton and a Premier League defeat at Aston Villa as their last three results.  Earlier on in the season, Chelsea looked set to establish themselves as the main challengers to Liverpool for the title but no sooner had that position being established, they shat the bed.  To be fair to the manager Enzo Maresca, he did say that it was too early for them and he has been proved right. This bit of insight doesn’t stop me having a smug little grin about Maresca because he was a smug twat last year when he was leading Leicester to the Championship title and he just has that aura about him.  He will probably be getting sacked in the summer I would imagine, such as the way at Chelsea.  Both he and their fans have recently been bleating about the injuries they have but do me a fucking favour - you spent a billion and in the last game against Villa they were forced to play a £50 million winger in Pedro Neto, as a striker.  Cry me a fucking river.  They still have the mics of Jaden Sancho, Tosin Adarabiyo, Robert Sanchez and Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall on their bench against Villa, so excuse me if I’m not feeling too sorry for them.

So after three defeat in a row, they will of course be looking to put all that right against today’s visitors who are hapless Southampton. It’s been interesting to see what adjective every journalist has been putting before Southampton when they talk about us. I’ve seen hapless, hopeless, struggling and my personal favourite “completely fucking useless”… Oh, that was me. Chris Sutton made a little joke about our fans looking forward to having a day out in Norwich next season. He’s a funny lad is Chris…. Nice to provide humour to those who don’t usually have any.

Chelsea‘s main threats are basically everyone but in particular it’s Cole Palmer, who has gone off the boil a little bit recently but he would’ve been given an ego boost by every FPL manager triple captaining him for this week.  There’s a small matter of their two £100 million plus midfielders in Enzo Fernandez and Moises Caicedo to deal with and it can’t really be an injury crisis at Chelsea if Reece James is fit, which he currently is.

They of course annihilated us 5-1 earlier on this season at St Mary’s in a game that is best remembered for the captain Jack hair pull on Marc Cucurella.  With Bednarek being injured on Saturday there is a good chance that Captain Jack makes a return to the starting line-up today though we are hearing that THB is fit as well. I can’t really see Joe Aribo playing in defence today because we have no Big Les available for the midfield as he can’t play against his parent club.  If Ivan Aribo and Smallbone in midfield, then I think I might have an early night.

With a mixture of anticipation and dread, I take the team news and Will Smallbone is playing again, alongside Flynn Downs I assume. The back three is a shit right back in James Bree, an unfit central defender in Bella-Karavan and a midfielder in Joe Aribo. There are three central defenders on the bench, namely Jack Stephens, THB and Nathan Wood.  Surely you could’ve got two half games out of them and then put Aribo in midfield?  Is that too obvious? Elsewhere, Tall Paul is our striker which is a bit like being put in solitary confinement as he won’t see another Saints player.

Saints surprisingly actually start the game reasonably well and Chelsea‘s fans are getting very nervous every time their goalkeeper Jorgensen has the ball because he has to play out of course and no one looks particularly confident. From one such attempt to play out, Jimmy Champo gets a foot in and Smallbone picks up the ball and slides it through for Tall Paul to swing a leg at it and smash it into orbit.  If the Matthew Harding stand wasn’t fucking huge, it would’ve been bouncing down the road.

There’s a warning straight after as Enzo Fernandez place a simple straight pass through to Cole Palmer and you would be laughing if you didn’t know what a good player he is, as he puts it well wide.   It almost looked like he’s booted that into his standing foot.

The warning is not heeded though as ABK tussles with Neto and the ball bounces away to Sugawara who is facing our own goal.  For reasons that I can’t work out he just smashes it aimlessly back towards our goal and it bounces away off of Jimmy Champo and falls to Enzo Fernandez in midfield, who slides a lovely ball through the defence to Cole Palmer who is on the penalty spot with just Ramsdale to beat but it’s Rambo to the rescue again and deflects his effort wide for a corner. From the corner, it’s easily flicked on by Tosin and Nkunku has wrestled his way past the most half arsed of half arsed challenges by Smallbone and nods into the net from a yard out. Pathetic.

Whilst it’s still only one we have a chance and Sulemana gets on the ball after some decent buildup playing involving Downes Fernandes and KWP and has a run at Gusto at right back and absolutely pisses past him before standing up an excellent cross into the middle.  Because of his size, Tall Paul has a tendency to look half asleep but when we actually give him some service and there’s a cross to attack, he comes alive and leaps and powers the header goalwards but Jorgensen reacts well to claw it out. Good cross good header and a decent save.

After that brief respite, now we can get back to the normal business of Chelsea just pissing through our defence and Enzo Fernandez again puts Cole Palmer through coming in from the right hand side and on his trusty left foot he rolls it wider the far post. How the fuck we are only one down is beyond me.  The man for man marking system that we haven’t changed has makeshift central defender Aribo picking up Cole Palmer, so it really isn’t surprising how that one’s going.  This isn’t Joe Aribo’s fault.

Though we’ve ridden our luck so far, it’s about to run out and Downes pass forward is intercepted by Cucurella.  On to Nkunku it goes and then to Neto who has a free shot from about eight yards and absolutely thunders it past Ramsdale at his near post but a free shot from eight yards is always gonna end up in the net.  Where the fuck was the defence?

We are now in collapse-mode and Neto clips a free kick into the box from the left and it’s a meat and potatoes cross but it floats over a Tall Paul‘s head and Levi Colwill meets it to powerfully headed down past Ramsdale.  Three fucking nil and here we go again.

Yuki Finding Out That Being Able to Defend Even a Little Bit, Might be Useful

We get to half time without any more suicidal defending and the tactical master that is Juric decides to bring on a centre back and remove of the makeshift players he’s got there currently.  Off comes Jimmy Champo for THB.

To the shock of no one, Saints immediately looked tighter but the Chelsea chances still keep coming and Cole Palmer keeps on sending them into orbit higher above the crossbar.  The game goes into a bit of a holding pattern as Chelsea know they’ve won and Saints just want to not get humiliated.  KWP goes down and is replaced by Manning on the hour mark and Tall Paul is replaced with Dibling, which means that Ivan now has us playing with a false nine.  Maresca takes the chance to give some minutes to kids and those who never play, with Dewsbury-Hall and a kid called Tyrick George replacing Sancho and Neto.

Chelsea sub George has a decent chance as Fernandes gets caught with a ball in the middle of the Chelsea half and the youngster loses his head at the last moment and smashes it high into the stands  We actually venture into Chelsea‘s half and have a corner which is cleared out as far as Ryan Manning who tries a ridiculously speculative shot from 30 yards, scuffs it straight to a Chelsea player and they fly forward, with us mainly jogging back.  Gusto finds substitute George, who gets to the line and pulls it back for fucking Cucurella to take a touch, get a mirror out, adjust his hair, flick a v-sign at Jack Stephens and then still have time to easily score the fourth. Ivan sent on Archer for Downes with ten to go so he could no doubt have a look at the Fernandes – Smallbone wall of steel in midfield in preparation for Liverpool away.  It was as awesome as you’d expect and the game cringed to the end, with just gallows humour from the very loud away section to entertain everyone.

Another Contender for the 'Picture To Sum Up a Season'

Well, in an amazingly unpredictable turn of events that no one saw coming, that was fucking shit, inept, apathetic, half-arsed and any negative adjective that springs to mind. Nine losses out of ten for Ivan the Terrible now and let’s not confuse the issue by saying that the players are bad, which they undoubtedly are. Ivan Juric is shit and the players, crap though most of them are, are not running for him we are worse organised defensively than we were under Russell Martin and unbelievably, he’s even managed to make the attacking play worse.  The random selections of out of position players are now just fucking crazy and he is adding absolutely nothing apart from evermore increasingly being the lightning rod for everyone’s dissatisfaction which means that some of it at least doesn’t land at Sport Republic’s door. There are nineteen other teams in the Premier League who don’t play this defensive system, and they are all higher up the table than us.  Funny that.

We actually weren’t bad today until the first goal went in, but when it went in it had a massive deflating effect on everyone, probably because it was from such a predictable source, as Smallbone’s piss weak defending at a corner allowed Nkunku to head in from two yards. After that, we had the header from Tall Paul after good work from Sulemana, which was clawed out by their goalkeeper and when the second goal soon followed and that was another absolute classic with Flynn Downs giving the ball away and then James Bree deciding not to defend, but to make a forward run ahead of the ball when we’ve already lost it.   Great instincts Jimbo – a makeshift three-man defence and you do a runner.  Yes it was Downes to played a shit pass but it shouldn’t be the case that when a midfielder plays a shit pass, there is no defence behind him.

The third was dreadful defending from a set piece, with Tall Paul missing a header and various other players not bothering to mark anyone and once again, Aaron Ramsdale was completely exposed. The second half was marginally better defensively because Chelsea didn’t need to score any more goals and because we bought on THB, which certainly strengthened things somewhat. It’s amazing what happens when you play defenders in defence.  We still let in a fourth though as that dick Cucurella was left unmarked by the non-defending Sugawara and had acres in our penalty area, to pick his spot.

The most damning thing for Juric is the lack of running from players. Echoes of the Spurs home game which finally did for Russell Martin.  There was one amazing incident in the second half where Aribo and Fernandes attacked down the left got to the edge of the penalty area and then we lost the ball and one pass and Chelsea were three on three at the other end which kind of made it look like we only had five outfield players on the pitch. Players aren’t running and players aren’t thinking. No one cuts off passing lanes, probably because everybody is trying to mark their own player so it stands the reason that one long ball is gonna present a situation where we are in the shit. It’s absurd on so many levels.

So, Ivan the Terrible picked his terrible team and rather predictably there were absolutely no changes to the style of defending from the weekend which we always suspected would be the case because there wasn’t much time, but then why say you’re gonna do it if you’re clearly not going to.  We had the same mishmash of misfits in defence and Smallbone in midfield, contributing nothing to the defensive effort and on top of that, Sugawara, possibly the worst defensive fullback we’ve had since Lee Todd - who could’ve predicted that that wasn’t going to work against the team chasing a Champions League spot.

Ramsdale did his best as usual and kept the score down but without quite the heroics of Saturday and ABK did a decent job despite his obvious lack of fitness. Sulemana had a couple of threatening moments where he looked like he might actually turn some of the fart into actual shit but aside from that and THB‘s contribution to the second half, we were fucking awful, with Sugawara, Smallbone and Bree being comfortably the deepest out of their depth.

It was lucky for us that Cole Palmer somehow managed to continue his vein of poor form because if he had been even at 70% of his best level, this would’ve been about 7-0.  I wonder if Ivan congratulated Joe Aribo as his man (Palmer) didn’t score.  As it was, Chelsea settled for four and we allowed that smug bastard Maresca to put on three untried kids before the end of the game. Fucking embarrassing.

Eleven games to go now and eleven days before the next one, which should be used to get Ivan Juric on a one-way ticket back to Croatia and to install Simon Rusk as caretaker manager for the rest of the season.  I feel that at least then the players would put some effort in and the disillusionment that they are obviously feeling with Ivan the Terrible in charge can at least be put aside for the end of season running and give something to the fans in the form of a couple of decent performances in the remaining games.

I watched this game on TNT Sports and all you could hear was the Saints fans, who were truly magnificent in their gallows humour and noise. The downside was that I had to listen to Rio Ferdinand adding absolutely nothing to the commentary, so I now feel more stupid than I was at the start of the game and have lost some brain cells.  I do wonder if these broadcasters ever listen back to the commentators and give them some sort of performance review because if they do, Rio will be looking for another job at the end of the season.

Eleven glorious days off before we have to deal with this shit again and eleven games to go.

Premier League Match 14 - Southampton 1 Chelsea 5

 

Count the Twats in this Photograph

What we have here is a meeting between Southampton, with not many good Premier League players and most of them being unavailable, and Chelsea who have about forty Premier League quality players, some of whom haven’t even been given a squad number. Such as life in the Premier League and it would be totally unfair if we didn’t have such a rigorous Financial Fair Play System and VAR to level the playing fields between the haves and they have nots.  My mum always told me not to be sarcastic.

Chelsea have surprised many this season with Enzo Maresca moulding a team together that at this moment in time, is looking like the second-best team in the country behind Liverpool. The players that were ruthlessly discarded at the start of the season, seem to have been discarded correctly and on the pitch, Chelsea are firing despite every transfer window seeming to be a shambolic scattergun monopoly money effort by Todd Boehly.  Not that Chelsea fans care where the money comes from.  There seems something essentially wrong about the huge fees and eight-year deals and amortisation and all that but they haven’t broken any rules that anyone could enforce and that’s the key.  Every time a new rule is brought in, find a way round it.

Leading the way for the Blues this season has of course been Cole Palmer who has gone from being a bit-part player with Manchester City to the future of English International football in just over a year.  Chelsea would appear to have found the centre forward they have been missing for years as well in Nicolas Jackson who, although he misses a lot, scores enough to keep him near the top of the goalscoring charts in the Premier League, so you can’t really knock it.

The midfield looks to be very strong with usually two out of £100 million Caicedo, £100 million Enzo Fernandez and £50 million Romeo Lavia being chosen. Romeo Lavia of course left Saints a year and a half ago with endless potential and a seemingly suspect attitude towards putting in the work to stay fit. After virtually a year out with the yet another injury, he has at times this year kept out Enzo Fernandez, an Argentinian World Cup winner.

By contrast, in midfield today, Saints have anyone who can stand up and vaguely play that position because of suspensions to Flynn Downes and injuries to Adam Lallana and ineligibility of Lesley Ugochukwu who cannot play against his parent club. The three in there today are most likely to be Aribo, Fernandes and AN Other.  Our defence is also going to be decidedly makeshift as well with both starting central defenders, THB and Bednarek being out. Jack Stephens is likely to be partnering out of position fullbacks in the back three today, in front of our fourth-choice goalkeeper.  Yes, the comparison between Saints and Chelsea is plainly ridiculous.

Yes, we shouldn’t have a fucking prayer of doing anything today and even if we do, we’ve still got to get past VAR. The shambles of our last three games has been gathering some interest nationally but no one outside of Southampton really cares and there is one thing you can guarantee, we won’t get given a soft decision today, so it’s just as well that apologies and acknowledgement from PGMOL and sympathy from virtually every national media pundit are worth more than Premier League points.  Oh sorry mum, there goes that sarcasm again.

What I’ve enjoyed in particular about the VAR shambles is the way people have fallen over themselves to justify why Arsenal’s goal against us got given and our goal against Brighton got ruled out. Just fuck off. You’re not fooling anybody.

Back to today and the Chelsea team sheet is as interesting as ours. They’ve made seven changes, but their team still looks very strong, as you would expect as they’ve spent billions on their squad. We look positively mid-table Championship but here we go. Lumley keeps his place in goal and there are starts for Nathan Wood, James Bree, Ryan Manning and Ryan Fraser. Our midfield looks our strongest area with Aribo and Fernandes but they are up against £200 million worth. My first reaction was to think that Maresca is being incredibly arrogant with changing all these players from his usual first choice, but when you see that some of the players bought in are the likes of Madueke, Nkunku and Joao Felix, then I guess all that he is doing is picking a team that he thinks is strong enough to win the game.

We look half decent in the opening five minutes and cause a few problems but the first time Chelsea get our half they win a corner which is swung in from the left by Enzo and Disasi gets up ahead of a really wet, limp attempt at a punch by Lumley and nods into the net at the near post. The word pathetic doesn’t even do that justice.  Lumley is saying that Cucurella fouled him and there’s a suggestion of a nudge but not enough. The only chance of getting that is throwing yourself on the ground.

Saints look unaffected and go forward with Manning finding KWP who puts in Archer behind Gusto. Archers finds KWP again, who manages to spin past Enzo’s weak challenge before knocking into the middle where Aribo has arrived, just like he did against Leicester and easily knocks in the pullback for 1-1.  Get in!  Some proper half-arsed Chelsea defending and we need to look to keep taking advantage of their makeshift defence and new keeper.

Joe Shuts Up the Chelsea Fans Until Our Next Disaster

Before we have any chance to start enjoying it and revelling in the Chelsea fans silence, Lumley has the ball five yards outside his penalty area and knocks a ball out to KWP and it’s fucking suicide-ball again as Chelsea swarm him and Madueke nicks the ball and passes it past Lumley to Nkunku and with Lumley floundering around twenty yards from goal, he rolls into the empty net. Once again, pathetic doesn’t even begin to cover it.

No, The Goalkeeper Isn't Supposed to be There

Lumley then has to have a few minutes of people cheering every time he actually clears the ball but he’s called into serious action as Joao Felix spreads the ball from left to right and Cole Palmer is through and Lumley dives the wrong way but the ball hits his outstretched hand and bounces off a post for a corner. Danger, not over of course as Palmer swings it in and it’s another bombscare as Tosin gets up and his header bounces off the bar.

And then the game dies as a contest as Chelsea cut us open and Felix finds Madueke, who runs at Manning who doesn’t get close enough and the Chelsea and England man easily passes it into the far corner.  A really good finish but again, really easy and 3-1

We are still gamely having a go and Archer picks up the ball on the left and wins a corner.  Bree trots over to take it, but before he does so, there is a scuffle between Stephens and Cucarella and the Spanish hairnet model is rolling around like he’s been shot. Players surround Stephens and the stricken Spaniard who clearly is not injured at all and then the referee gets involved and we are off to VAR.

Tony, Tony, Stockley Park here, this is urgent

What is it?

Hair pull on Cucurella by Stephens

I don’t believe it mate – he’s the captain and everything

We know… however, do you remember the last time someone pulled Cucurella’s hair

Yeah, that Romero thug at Spurs threw him on the ground and Big Mikey Dean ignored it because he was allegedly on the gear in the VAR room

That’s the one, anyway, this is a red card now, as it should have been then.

So Stephens knew this was a red and did it anyway

Sure did

What a twat, red card it is then.

It’s all change and we moved to a back four with KWP at right back and an amazing centre back pairing of James Bree and Nathan Wood, which you wouldn’t even put out in the Carabao Cup.  Another Chelsea corner on the left, another in swinger another absolute bomb scare from Lumley and the ball lands with Tosin to crack it against the post and somehow we get to halftime without any further damage.  This is fucking miserable, and the only consolation is that we can no longer lose this game 9-0 because we have already scored. There are however, with the rain and the red card and the fact it’s an evening game, undeniable parallels to that infamous Leicester home game.

The ten men are doing considerably better than the eleven did at the start of the second half after we survive the opening thirty seconds when Felix has a free header at the back post and somehow puts it wide.  Fernandes and Archer combine to send Aribo away down the left and his low cross is met by Fernandes from six yards, but his effort hits Jorgenson‘s foot and is cleared away.  He really has to score there.
 
After that minor scare, Chelsea step it up and we are not getting anywhere because we haven’t got the ball.  Ryan Fraser and Adam Armstrong are done on the hour mark and replaced with the Chuckle Brothers of Sulemana and Brereton Diaz.  Archer follows to be replaced by Sugawara, which means BBD can go and be useless in another position. We then have a pitch invader who stewards half-heartedly chase around the pitch for a bit and when he eventually fucks off to go and receive his banning order from the ground, our concentration goes with him.  Chelsea come forward with Enzo running through our non-midfield and sending and Nkunku through and he bundles it past the goalkeeper and Palmer rolls it into an empty net.  How long to go?  Too fucking long and Sulemana gives the ball away once more and Gusto finds Sancho on the right and it’s too easy for him to drill it past Lumley at his near post and 5-1.

Chelsea don’t need to score any more so they don’t and thank fuck that’s over. All that’s left is to walk back to the car and oh good, it’s fucking pissing down. Miserable.

Well, we got the beating that we were expecting to get and with the team we were able to put out, no one should be in the slightest bit surprised. We would’ve lost anyway even if we kept eleven players on the pitch for the whole game and it’s worth remembering that we were 3-1 down already, before Jack Stephens did his thing.

Jack Stephens is the captain of the club and in a weakened team, therefore has to step up to the mark and lead by word and deed.  To do what he did is absolutely unforgivable and shows the mentality of a player who should not be the captain and if Russell Martin was a strong leader, he would be stripped of the captaincy during the four-game ban that he now has.  Of course didn’t pull Cucurella‘s hair hard enough to send him spinning into a vortex of pain on the St Mary’s turf but as everyone knows, Cucurella is going to make a meal of it and even if he doesn’t, what the fuck have you gained by tugging on his hair?  Basically, with VAR, you are always going to get sent off so you might as well have smacked him in the face and broken his fucking nose. Getting sent off in that manner he has let down absolutely everyone - the manager, the fans and most of all, his fellow players who then had to play an hour against one of the best teams in the country, with ten men. I’m not gonna be too critical of the players on the pitch in the second half because they had to make up for Captain Idiot, which made performing well that much harder.

Stephens should of course be stripped to the captaincy, and he should be fined two weeks wages. He clearly isn’t captain material. He’s managed to get himself sent off twice this season already, has already missed five games and is now going to miss another four. Let’s not forget that he got sent off for a stupid reckless tackle against Man United and then called the referee and assistant what all the fans were calling him today.  When you add into that the fact that as we all know, he isn’t a particularly good player and his performance in the opening half an hour was non-existent, there’s not really very much in his favour.  James Bree and Nathan Wood played reasonably well today and deserve the minutes on the pitch that Stephens would get in the future.

In the defence there were some decent individual performances from the likes of the aforementioned Bree, Wood, Ryan Manning and KWP, though as a unit, they were all over the fucking place but that wasn’t necessarily solely their fault.  In midfield, both Joe Aribo especially, and Ryan Fraser, were pretty good when they had the ball but neither of them picked up Chelsea players when we didn’t have possession, so Chelsea could always get out of defence and then Matty Fernandes was left more or less on his own trying to stem the side before they got to our back four. With players as good as Chelsea have got, it is a recipe for disaster if the midfield doesn’t track players and makes it too easy for them to get the ball to the likes of Palmer and Mudueke.

Flappity Flap, Bombscare, Goal

Joe Lumley - no goalkeeping, just vibes.  He had a decent game against Brighton, but it was always gonna come crashing down today. He’s basically a League One level goalkeeper and though he made some good saves in the second half, the damage was done with his incredibly wet attempt at a punch for the first goal and heaven only knows what the fuck he was trying to do with the second goal. His non-existence on corners was absolutely frightening and makes you realise how much better Alex McCarthy is as a goalkeeper, certainly in that regard. At least he has some presence when the ball gets crossed into the box and hopefully, he’s fit enough to start against Villa.

In the first half I thought we had acquitted ourselves pretty well and we caused them problems, only to be let down a couple of times by having no quality on the ball into the box. The one occasion that was different being the brilliance of KWP to set up Joe Aribo’s goal. Adam Armstrong, Ryan Fraser and Ryan Manning often found themselves in wide areas and the delivery was 100% picking out a Chelsea player. We did cause them a few problems in the first half until Chelsea upped a gear and just dominated possession and didn’t let us build many attacks at all but then, we got tired as we only had ten.

Russell Martin came out with the brave and proud of the players bullshit and highlighted the positives and I guess he has to do that because we have another game in three days.  He can rightly be proud of the effort of the remaining ten.  He dodged the Stephens questions with the catch-all “no one will be more disappointed than Jack”.  Really?  Will Jack be more disappointed than anyone who came to watch, or the rest of his teammates who then had to play against one of the best teams in the country with ten players?  Behind closed doors, he has got to tear a strip off of Stephens and it would be ironic if Stephens moment of fucking stupidity is what gets Russell Martin sacked given that he is the player that Russell has put the most faith in, despite not really deserving it.

A familiar moan about Russell today is that.he has got to realise that players as limited as we had on the pitch today are not capable of making the right decisions as to where to play the short quick passes out of our own penalty area. They are not good enough and they will make bad decisions. You've heard that phrase about polishing a turd, well we're not even polishing it, we are telling the turd that it's Brazil 1970 and sending it out on the pitch.  We got away with a few in the second half so it could have been even worse, in particular when Lumley knocked one absolutely suicidal ball to Nathan Wood that there was absolutely no need to play.  The noise around Russell Martin is only going to intensify after this defeat. It won’t be 100% because of the weakened team we had to put out and because of Stephens doing what he did, but we’ve given away yet another stupid goal, where the goalkeeper has felt empowered, to play a suicide ball to a player on the edge of our own penalty area in a central position. Maybe the players are too scared to go against the managers wishes but if I was the goalkeeper and the player wanted a ball in that position like KWP did, then I would be telling him to fuck off to be honest, and not giving him the ball there, because the risk against the reward is just not worth it. Lose the ball there and it’s a goal against you, every fucking time and every opposition team is going to be looking for it now. Lose the ball in a wide area and at least you have a chance of defending what comes next. Is it that the players are not good enough to make correct decisions or is it because they are scared to make decisions?  

No one could be surprised if Russell Martin was relieved of his duties simply on results alone.  There has been quite a lot of talk about whether Russell Martin is doing what’s best for Saints or doing what’s best for his career, but I think he’s getting to the stage now where it will actually be quite damaging for him because we are making high profile mistakes in virtually every game and it’s not going to go unnoticed. This will stick to him in the future.  We talk about Vincent Kompany failing upwards when he played a similar style at Burnley and he got relegated and ended up with the Bayern Munich job.  The difference is that Kompany had a stellar playing career to fall back on and that always guarantees you managerial opportunities, even if your team gets relegated.

I’ve said in the past we need to have someone better lined up if we decide to pull the trigger on Russell Martin. Graham Potter is still out there and if that feels too ambitious, then Danny Rohl at Sheffield Wednesday would surely be interested. I really do hope that Sports Republic are sounding out these people, because it would be a dereliction of duty to not be doing so. Personally, I am not happy about us being a laughing stock and that is what we are in danger of becoming if we keep on giving these stupid goals away.  From the outside, we seem to be shrugging our shoulders and accepting that that’s okay. It isn’t.

Aston Villa away on Saturday and tonight, they ended their recent poor run with a comfortable home win against Brentford. We will at least have Flynn Downes, THB and Tyler Dibling available for that game, as well as Jan Bednarek and Tall Paul, which will make us immeasurably stronger. I would be very, very tempted to put Alex McCarthy back in goal as long as he can stand up.  Another bonus of course is that Jack Stephens won’t be able to play because he’s a fucking irresponsible idiot.

Up the fucking Saints

Premier League Match 23 - Chelsea 0 Southampton 1

 

Ruben: Cool as F**k

What a week. With Nathan Jones put out of his misery on Sunday morning, it was widely accepted that Ruben Selles would be running the side against Chelsea and there would be no drama this week.  As it happened however, it was anything but quiet as it looked like a deal was agreed with Jesse Marsch and all that needed to happen was for him to rock up on Wednesday and sign the deal but for whatever reason, it didn’t happen.  Depending on who you talk to, we either dodged a bullet or we missed out.  The way I feel about it is that I had got my head round the fact that he was coming and was quite positive about it but now it’s fallen through and I’m kind of shrugging my shoulders, not giving a shit and just waiting for what’s next. To be honest, it’s got Ruben Selles for the rest of the season written all over it.

Personally, I don’t really have a problem with that. If it was October then I would have a problem with it because there is still a massive amount of the season to go. We tried to replace Ralph with a permanent manager in the shape of Jones and it was a total fucking clusterfuck, so much so that whoever comes next cannot be worse and they will not get blamed. The blame will be on Nathan Jones and on Sport Republic.  The saga with Jesse Marsch has reflect badly on Sport Republic again, whether it was their fault or not and it’s interesting to see Rasmus Ankersen coming under a bit of flak. 

When Sport Republic arrived, the word was that they were going to carry on in the background and let Martin Semmens run the club in the same way that he had been doing before but it’s clear now that Rasmus has taken a more front and central role and what happens when you do that is that you become responsible when things go wrong and you have to take shit as it’s thrown at you. I somehow get the feeling that Rasmus hasn’t had to deal with that so far.  The question regarding Rasmus is, what has he got when data doesn’t work?

Also, receiving shit on a daily basis is Graham Potter, who left a nice cushy job at Brighton to take over the Chelsea hot seat. It’s not as hot as it used to be because under the previous owner Roman Abramovich, he would undoubtedly have been fired by now. Maybe because Vladimir Putin isn’t paying the bills anymore, they have to think a bit before firing the manager. Only joking, Chelsea aren’t exactly shy at spending a pretty penny with something like £600 million having been spent since the arrival of Todd Boehly as the new overlord. There always seems to be something not terribly ethical about the way Chelsea do things and they have quite openly ducked under FFP rules by giving all their new signings eight year contracts which basically means the cost to spread out over those eight years and amortisation comes into play so if you sign a player for £80 million on an eight year contract, then only £10 million a year is going towards your FFP spend. It’s a loophole and of course, not what FFP was designed for.  The loophole is going to be closed but Chelsea seem almost triumphant that they’ve fucked everybody over with it. The story was building up quite a bit of traction until Manchester City‘s alleged financial doping became front-page news.

The bottom line is that Chelsea have got a ridiculously expensive squad that was pretty decent already and it’s now been supplemented by the likes of Argentinian World Cup winner Enzo Fernandez, João Félix, Noni Madueke and Mykhailo Mudryk. These players are all huge names with huge reputations but it’s still to be seen whether Potter or anyone else can make a team out of them.

Chelsea are of course one of only four teams we have beaten this season so it will be unlikely double this afternoon if we can pull it off.  Ruben was put in front of the press on Friday and what a breath of fresh air that was. Nothing but positivity and belief both in himself and the club.  I love the fact that he said straight off the bat that he wanted the job permanently and felt that he was ready. On the face of it that’s a dangerous thing to say when you’re trying to get a tune out of what has been a shitshow from start to finish this season but it’s a massive statement to say I can do this job and I can keep us up. Let’s see.

I made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going get annoyed when I saw the line-up.  The first jarring name was Bednarek but then I noticed that Salisu was neither in the team or the squad so there was clearly an injury there.  Elyounoussi‘s name was not one particularly wanted to see but I can kind of understand it in an away game against one of the big clubs. There was a welcome return for Stuart Armstrong to the starting 11 and with KWP on the bench presumably not at 100% there was a start a right back for Ainsley Maitland Niles, in what is undoubtedly his best position.

There was undoubtably some interesting names not included in the 18. The Croatians were both absent which is interesting and sparks a conversation about exactly what was going on. There was also no place in the squad for James Bree, Sam Edozie or Joe Aribo.

Chelsea’s line-up was full of ridiculously expensive players but Mason Mount still gets a game. Ah look, Mount has his own banner in the crowd. Mason Mount, the boy who had a dream. Get to fuck you Skate Bastard.  Hardly John Terry- Captain, Leader, Legend is it?  Maybe ‘The Boy who hasn’t played well for a couple of years’.

Away we go and it looks like a 4-4-2 formation for us in a bit of a throwback to the Ralph days with Elyounoussi left and Stuart Armstrong on the right.  Saints have an early chance on three minutes as Bednarek and Maitland-Niles play out from the back with a ball finding JWP in the middle and his first time ping over the top of the defence gives Sulemana a chance to run and Badiashille makes a complete bollocks of it and allows Sulemana get ahead of him.   His shot is blocked well by Kepa and Stuart Armstrong hits the rebound from 30 yards and it’s kicked off the line. Decent effort, decent start.

The next time we win the ball it goes out to Tall Paul on the left and Koulibaly comes stamping in with a tackle, brushes the ball and catches Paul on the thigh.  This could well be a red card but it’s David Coote so it’s a yellow… for fuck‘s sake, how fucking high is that?

Teamwork is beating individualism at the moment and there’s another half chance when JWP intercepts on the left hand side and after Elyounoussi has run into a dead end in recycled it, JWP whips in across towards Tall Paul who has pulled onto Chilwell and he gets up above the left back and Badiashille and plants his header back the way it came and it drops just wide of the post.

The inevitable Chelsea threat comes when Perraud gives the ball away on our left to Madueke, who takes off before hitting a low shot which Baz shovels round for a corner.  ABK goes into the book for blocking a Fofana break and then Mason Mount does similar to Lavia and gets nothing.  David Coote ladies and gentlemen.

A feature of our play is the ball up to Tall Paul which he rather expertly is chesting down whilst holding off defenders before laying off.   Chelsea meanwhile, play some nice stuff to get through on the right hand side Azpilicueta drills into the side netting.

It's Happened Again

As half-time approaches we’re still just about the better side and Stuart Armstrong picks up the ball and runs from right to left before being upended by Azpilicueta on the edge of the box in prime JWP territory. Happy days, here we go.  It is remarkable how teams react when they give us a free kick in this area with players holding their heads and all sorts. With good reason of course as up steps JWP, up and over the wall and spearing down into the bottom corner before Kepa can get across. 1-0, get the fuck in.

Half-time – we can fucking do this.  Chelsea will undoubtedly bring on millions from the bench but if we keep our shape and some threat on the break, we can do this.  In the event there’s just make a couple of changes at half-time with Raheem Sterling and Wesley Fofana (£130 million between them) coming on to replace the other Fofana and Koulibaly (£40 million between them) – so a £90 million upgrade, divided by 25 years with amortisation…. Equals the FFP limit minus a tenner.

No alarms in the first quarter of an hour after half time and it’s time for Ruben Selles to make his first subs and off come all the forwards with Tall Paul, Sulemana and Stuart Armstrong off for Mara, Adam Armstrong and Walcott.  Hmmm.. clearly giving up on scoring a second goal and just upping the energy in the press.  I’d have left Tall Paul on for sure.

Anyway, Havertz at £72 million comes or not long after and is immediately involved as Sterling picks him out on the right hand side and he returns the ball back to Sterling on the penalty spot he looks like he has to score but he reckons without Maitland-Niles throwing himself in the way.

More pressure as Badiashille volleys one down the left-hand side and Havertz knocks ABK over and his cross picks out Sterling at the back post and again he has to score as he heads it past Bazunu but Perraud has got back on the line to block it and as Sterling has another go, Lavia gets to him and it flicks off of Romeo and over the bar.  Big fist-pumping celebration things going on.  It’s great.  We ain’t letting this go today.

Yep, That's a High Boot

AMN plays a 1-2 with Walcott as we build up down the right and Walcott’s cross is met by Adam Armstrong but Kepa gets there at exactly the same time and it goes off for a corner.  JWP’s corner is headed out and back in and Mara takes off to try a scissor kick but succeeds only in booting Azpilicueta flush in the face.  Fuck, that’s a bad one. 10 minutes go by with Azpilicueta on the deck but he seems to be okay as he goes off on a stretcher. In amongst it all, David Coote has waved a yellow card at the clearly shaken Mara whilst Stamford Bridge yells for a red which to be honest, I’m surprised he doesn’t get.

£85 million Mudryk come on with Havertz and hasn’t been involved as yet and his first involvement is to knock the ball past Theo Walcott and then dive like a motherfucker to win a free kick on the left-hand edge of the penalty area as Chelsea look at it.  Joao Felix curls it goalwards predictably and Baz punches it away and Havertz picks up and gives the ball to Gallagher who bundles past ABK and shoots but Baz sticks out of strong arm to knock it away. From that, straight down the right-hand side with Walcott switching play to the left and putting Mara through but just as he looks like he’s going to burn off the last defender and have a shot at goal, in comes the tackle and the chance goes.  Can you imagine the Chelsea fume if he had scored?

90 gone, 12 to go for fucks sake.

Every minute in extra time feels like about five but they tick by without too many alarms until Chelsea win a corner on the right hand side which is slung into the mixer by Gallagher, headed out and Mudryk connects on the volley and it flies about a yard wide whilst we collectively shite ourselves.  I’m sure Todd expects him to get it on target for £85 million.  David Coote blows up.

Tall Paul Takes Everyone On At the Same Time

What a fucking win that is. Any win against one of the Super League Six is something to be celebrated massively but being bottom of the league, with a new manager, against a team of spent £600 million in the recent past, at their home ground - fucking inject it.

There were two sides to this performance.  The first half and the start of the second was about of being in their face and forcing them into mistakes and we did that superbly through the energy in midfield and upfront. The front two of Paul Onuachu and Kamaldeen Sulemana were a constant threat with their combination of power and pace, ably supported by Stuart Armstrong form the right.  I did have a bit of a sharp intake of breath when the first substitutions were made. Tall Paul is obviously our most physical player up front, Sulemana is obviously our quickest and most dynamic and Stuart Armstrong is probably our most intelligent and take them all off at once seemed a hell of a risk. but Adam Armstrong, Sekou Mara and Theo Walcott continued the hard work but obviously without the goal threat that the original three posed in the first half.  Ultimately, the end justifies the means.

Then the attention switched to the defence with AMN being superb at right back, ABK providing that a bit of insurance that pace at the back provides and Romain Perraud, of course cleared the Sterling effort off the line and celebrated like he’d just won the World Cup. Then there was Janny B, who I’m sure would not have played if Salisu was fit but he did all that was asked of him. In a back four he’s not so bad because he has to take responsibility.

Then we have the midfield.  Of course, we had a JWP free-kick and his normal work ethic around the park but the highlight for me was Romeo Lavia bossing that area against Enzo Fernandez. This is a 19-year-old kid playing against £105 million World Cup winner. Still, Enzo has the duration of his eight-year contract to try and get his own back.

Tall Paul in particular had a really good first half with his physical presence drawing fouls and on another day, Koulibaly woould’ve been sent off. When you can stamp on the blokes thigh and the guy is stood up and he’s 6 foot 7, that kinda tells you how high the challenge was. The referee however was David Coote who is not one of the ones you want when you referee when you play against one of the big clubs. However, he could also have deemed Sekou Mara’s attempted overhead kick as dangerous and sent him off for that as that was definitely high.

With today’s result and the Jesse Marsch fiasco during the week, I can’t see any way that we won’t appoint Ruben Selles for the rest of the season. He’s won his first game at Stamford Bridge and he actually wants the job, Press conferences were good and the players clearly want him to get the job. The key thing though is that he wants the job and he believes that he can get us out of the mess that we are in.

There’s not going to be any decent long-term bet managers who want the job at this moment in time because of where we are in the league and the relatively few games that are left and they won’t believe that they can get us out of it which is why they won’t take the job.

It will be interesting to see how Selles sets up for a home game where of course, our record is absolutely abysmal. I would imagine the likes of Charly Alcaraz for example, will more than likely feature in games where there is more of an onus on us to attack.

We did a job on Chelsea today. We were a team and they were a bunch of very expensive individuals. It is amusing in the extreme that they have spent the thick end of £600 million and can’t beat the bottom of the league Southampton at home. It just goes to show but no matter how much money you spend and how many FFP rules you take the piss out of, it’s still 11 against 11 and the best team will win. Thanks to Ruben Selles and the boys, we were the best team today but now we have to back it up and be the best team away at Leeds next week.

If we can win that one then I might start to believe that we have a chance of staying up. Today is a massive step in the right direction but we have achieved nothing yet.

Get the Fuck Over There and Keep Going

Premier League Match 5 - Southampton 2 Chelsea 1

 

Romeo, Romeo.... There You Are Romeo

And the Super League clubs just keep on coming with Chelsea being visitors to St Mary‘s today. Last year was the worst game of a season which had quite a few lows in it but none quite as low as the 6-0 defeat that Chelsea handed us at our own ground.  That was a game that was awful both from the players and the manager.

The main architect of that Chelsea win was probably Timo Werner who thankfully, has moved on and I say thankfully because he scored about 80% of his Chelsea goals against us. Chelsea of course had a few issues last year, what with the previous owner being mates with the guy who invaded another country and all that. There was a glorious moment when it looked as if Chelsea would actually face some sort of consequence for having dodgy money for the last 20 years but of course that didn’t come to pass and they’ve been taken over by consortium run by an American Todd Boely, who seems to be able to put as much money into it as the previous owner did. This of course will satisfy the Chelsea fans and their sense of entitlement because a majority will have forgotten the old Second Division days and the club being sold for a quid to Ken Bates. There aren’t many queueing up to say “I was there when we were shit“.

They did lose a few players in the summer who they probably would’ve lost anyway regardless of the ownership. Their best defender Antonio Rüdiger moved to Real Madrid and the underrated Andreas Christensen to Barcelona. I don’t know if they’ve registered him yet but regardless, he is not at Chelsea anymore. In have come Kalidou Koulibaly, a much desired centre half and it looks like they’re going to bring in Wesley Fofana from Leicester after they have finished putting the final nail in Brendan Rodgers coffin. The slightly scattergun, money spraying approach got a bit weird when they signed Cucurella from Brighton for a ridiculously inflated £60 million. The main signing at the top end of the pitch is of course Raheem Sterling who has joined from Manchester City. I’ve never been totally on board with Raheem Sterling but his goal record is as good as anyone’s in his position and he should be able to form a decent partnership with Kai Havertz upfront, even though Havertz is more of an attacking midfielder than a striker. There are a few players who seem to have fallen from the reckoning this season in Christian Pulisic and Hakim Ziyech but regardless of what team Chelsea put out, this is still going to be a massive test for us today - European Champions just over a year ago, remember. 

Oh yeah, they of course have Skate Bastard Mason Mount who’s in danger of being the next Dele Alli with his form going off a cliff in the last six months and he will see a game against Southampton, against who he always seems to play well, as the perfect situation to remind everybody what he is about.

It’s been all positive about Saints since the Manchester United game at the weekend. Despite virtually every media outlet questioning the McTominay juggling non-penalty, nothing of course will happen about it. I guess we might get an apology from PGLOL at some point but don’t hold your breath and what fucking use is that anyway?

As I write, we are just two days left to the transfer window closes, it has been silly season on the rumour mill again with Saints being linked to strikers that Super League clubs are interested in full fees of £50 to £60 million. Yawn. There has also been the resurrections of links from a couple of years ago with Ainsley Maitland-Niles on the ‘get rid’ list at Arsenal. Remember, he joined West Brom instead of us a couple of years ago declaring that he didn’t want to play fullback and he only wanted to play in central midfield. If he signed for us then he’d be third choice in central midfield at best and a cover fullback, so I can’t see that happening either (UPDATE – I might have been wrong here – ha ha)

Getting to the game today has been an absolute fucking nightmare. Fans coming out of the Ageas Bowl and an accident on one of the motorway junctions have made Hedge End a huge car park, so having dropped off my passengers by the gas holders in Northam, I eventually made it to my usual parking spot in Ocean Village and then had to run like fuck, consequently, I was blowing a bit like Luke Shaw after recovery run by the time I got to the ground. I’ve heard the team news on the radio whilst sitting in the traffic we had Perraud, and Diallo starting instead of Djenepo and Aribo. One interesting thing was that Oriol Romeu was not on the bench which further fuelled the rumours that he is about to leave, with a potential three-year deal to Girona, in his home region of Catalonia, where he is from.

Away we go and Chelsea the better side.  We are struggling to get a foot on the ball and keeping it is proving difficult also with both Diallo and JWP looking slightly lost.  Adams is seeing how much Thiago Silva fancies it but Chelsea create an early chance with Jorginho finding Mount and onto Sterling and he has a free shot from the edge of the box on his left foot and he scuffs it through to Baz.

We don’t wake up and Chelsea remain the better side.   Loftus Cheek runs forward with he ball and and plays Sterling through and this time he fails thanks to another one of those ridiculously good tackles by ABK and a resulting scramble sees Bazunu fall on the ball.

Whilst we’re all feeling good about ourselves about how great our defending is, it all goes to shit as Havertz sends Mount weaving into the box.  His initial cross to Sterling is blocked by the sliding Perraud and Bazunu, but Sterling is up quickest to turns and find an open goal in front of him which he can’t miss.  Bollocks.

Saints are pretty direct today and here's why - ABK bangs one forward and Adams flicks on to Adam Armstrong who tries to give it back to Che but Azpilicueta puts it out for a corner. JWP plays it in and Azpilicueta flicks it clear to the edge of the box to where Romeo Lavia  takes a touch before bending it round the onrushing Mount and past Mendy before he can react.  What a great hit that was.

As we approach half time we are coming more into the game and previously quiet players are waking up.  Diallo dribbles past Jorginho’s half-arsed challenge and via JWP, the ball reaches Perraud on the left.  As he about to cross it, all the Chelsea forwards retreat towards their own goal but Perraud cuts it back to Adam Armstrong who has stayed out, and he smashes into the net left-footed with a heavy deflection of Koulibaly. Just before half-time, fucking beautiful.  Chelsea end – silent.

And it's All Gone Quiet Over There

As the ref blows for half-time, Che is fighting for the ball with Jorginho in the centre circle and manages to boot the ball in his face.  Jorginho, clearly mortally wounded by being hit by the ball realises everyone is laughing at him and then leads four Chelsea players in berating the referee. Arseholes – just get off the pitch.

At half time I am basking in the glory of an unexpected lead.  We may not win but the last 20 minutes of the half have been great.  Chelsea will undoubtedly be better in the second half but this time last year we were 4-0 down.

Right, can we get away from this habit of conceding at the start of the second half?  Chelsea have brought on Kovacic for Loftus-Cheek and ten minutes in and it’s Chelsea who seem rattled. Koulibaly gives the ball away to Adam Armstrong and though he recovers, Perraud wins it back again and stands up a beautiful cross to the back post and Elyounoussi must score…. Fuck, No – he heads it at Cucurella in front of the keeper and when the rebound loops to him, tries an overhead volley thing which Mendy saves comfortably.
 
Oh shite, Lavia has done his hamstring on a recovery run and has to come off, with Joe Aribo taking his place with JWP dropping into a more familiar position.  Tommy Tuchel rolls the dice as well five minutes later with Broja, Chilwell and Pulisic coming on for Azpilicueta, Jorginho and Havertz, who have all be pretty poor.  Broja gets a decent reception as our fans in the main have a bit of class about them, unlike the Abramovich-apologists up the other end.

We nearly score again soon after as Adams batters Cucurella and wins a corner, which has the ridiculously-wigged defender raging at the linesman.  In it comes from JWP, flicked on, bundled goalward by Salisu and flicked off the line by Thiago Silva.  15 to go and on comes Djenepo for the cramping Perraud and there’s only a slight alarm when Sterling gets in on the left and his cross goes straight to Bazunu.

Chelsea create a half chance as a deep cross is met by Broja at the back post but luckily, his heading hasn;t improved and Baz saves it comfortably enough.  Five to go and it’s Lyanco time as he replaces Adam Armstrong.  He actually goes to left back and Moussa is pushed forward, which makes sense until Lyanco brainlessly bundles through Pulisic on the wing.  We get away with it and then it’s just a case of dealing with obligatory last minute corner with the Chelsea goalkeeper up and the biggest cheer of the day is for the Lyanco clearance that takes the remaining 30 seconds to come down out of the clouds…. And we fucking won.

Every win is a great win but any win against one of the Super League clubs, with the entitled fan base who are a massive bunch of wankers, is slightly better. What can I say lads, the better side won.  So did the side that was more committed, had the better shape about them and had the better individual performers.  It’s another win having gone behind as well, which continues this remarkable turnaround that sees us finishing games strongly. We weren’t just hanging on either because there was only one team that had chances in the second half. The only chance Chelsea had come from a player who was with us last year.

Bazunu in all truth didn’t have a great deal to do, protected as he was by the man mountains of ABK and Salisu. Both full-backs were absolutely superb from a defensive point of view and it was nice to see the returning Perraud set up one goal and provide what should have been another when that Elyounoussi should’ve scored. 

Romeo Lavia is going to be a huge player and we should enjoy him while we can but it looks like we are unfortunately going to be without him for a few weeks after his hamstring injury. After the game against Manchester United, I thought that the only weakness that this kid has is that he can’t shoot but he certainly put that one to bed today. Next to him, Ibrahima Diallo came in from the cold, started the game poorly but grew into it and in the second half he was looking much more confident, having had a major hand in the second goal. He’s got to look at this as an opportunity to play a few games now so hopefully he can step up. JWP seem to struggle a little bit in an unfamiliar number 10 role but again, kept us moving and continued his decent start of the season.

So, Some People Think I Can't Shoot

Adam Armstrong is no longer looking awkward out of that left-hand side. There is still lots of things that he does that are far too predictable but if he can offer a goal threat from that side, then he will stay in the team because his work ethic today was absolutely fantastic, as was the work ethic of the much maligned (by me) Mohamed Elyounoussi, who put in an unbelievable shift, especially in the second half. He has limitations going forward and it’s frustrating how many times he just takes too long to do something before getting dispossessed but defensively, he held his ground superbly on the right-hand side.

The guy who is quickly becoming the main man however is Che Adams. From physically moving Thiago Silva out the way in the first minute, to controlling long balls on his chest when surrounded by defenders in the 95th, he was superb today. No goal but immeasurable value added to the team.  It’s brilliant how he’s changed his game to be more aggressive and more of a worry to defenders.  He is using his size and strength and bringing that unmistakable “non-league” mentality where he is showing no respect for defenders, in the same way that Rickie Lambert did and Jamie Vardy does for Leicester.  Playing like that we have the option of mixing it up a bit more, rather than having to play through teams, which is an option we've not truly had since a certain beautiful 6 foot 4 Italian man left.

As for Chelschester United and their scattergun approach to recruitment. That’s the worst Chelsea side I’ve seen down here for years.   Raheem Sterling scored a goal which owed more than a little bit to luck but missed a couple of sitters and was largely anonymous in the second half.  Havertz, nothing, Ziyech, nothing apart from a lot of rolling around, Pulisic, embarrassing. Thiago Silva and Koulibaly got absolutely battered around by our attack Rottweiler, Che Adams. We certainly caught them on a good day with Kanté being injured and Kovacic only fit for half the game but in their absence, Jorginho and Loftus-Cheek didn’t show up and nor did Mason Skate Bastard. It was amusing to see him losing his shit towards the end of the game and it obviously hasn’t taken Cucurella long to be affected by the entitled virus, as every little tiny thing that didn’t go his way was greeted with a hand waving and throwing the toys out.  On that showing he’s certainly no upgrade on Marcos Alonso.

The entitled fans were something else as well. Made a lot of noise until their goal and then settled back, probably assuming that they were going to win it easily and then barely raised a noise throughout the second half when the team wasn’t doing particularly well and actually needed them.  The entitlement born out of 20 years of dodgy money is large. I must however praise the brass-neck of the Chelsea fan in a traffic jam by Crosshouse on the way out of the ground, when he was blasting “blue is the colour” out of his car. Arrogant bell-end. You just lost to Southampton.

At least Thomas Tuchel didn’t try and pretend that Chelsea with a better side of his post match interview, which is what he did after the 3-0 defeat against Leeds. He focused purely on their feelings which is fair enough. As for the other dug out, it’s fantastic to see the coaches all working together and showing a real sense of unity. It seems to be rubbing off on the players on the pitch. I am still waiting for the retraction from the Daily Mail about the players not playing for the manager. If there was a rat in the camp then it wasn’t anyone who was anything to do with that performance last night.

It’s been a truly monumental effort from the boys over the last four days with two games against Super League clubs.  The team survived the two games better than the pitch, which looked a bit shit.  We were just an Andy Madley away from having four points out of six. So, from an opening five games that I initially thought we would struggle to get more than a couple of points from, we have got seven and now we move onto games where there are points to be had if we can put in the same level of performance, starting with Wolves away on Saturday. They have struggled at the start of the season as well and if we can overcome the one downside of today, the injury to Romeo Lavia, and we should be targeting at least a point on Saturday. Up the fucking Saints.