Premier League Match 22 - Nottingham Forest 3 Southampton 2

Flynn Clearly Upset at Not Getting the Red Card He Wanted

If you just look at how Nottingham Forest have done this season with their recruitment and their performance on the pitch, it’s impossible not to be impressed by the way they’ve gone about things, currently sitting in the Champions League places after fighting relegation in each of the last two seasons.

However, the last two seasons and the way they’ve gone about it, have great significance into where they are right now of course. They are in their third season in the Premier League and the key, as we all know is surviving the first season. The way Forest did this was by spray recruiting over 20 players to bolster their squad for the first season, and it worked and they just about stayed up, whilst we ourselves took the drop.  They clearly overspent in season 1 and got punished for it last season, in season 2, when they were deducted points, what they had gained and the players they had signed in order to stay up the previous season, they managed to comfortably stay up last season as well, even with the deductions.  Such is the gap between the Championship and the Premier League, and the shambles that is the governance of the PSR rules, you do wonder if newly promoted clubs in the future will have a look at this and think it’s a worthwhile tactic.  Anyhow, this brings us to Forest’s brilliantly targeted recruitment this summer, that has seen them flying near the top of the league all season.

When we played them at St Mary’s in our first home game, it was seen as a game against a potential relegation rival. It’s somehow doesn’t seem so bad now that we were shit in that game and lost 1-0.  They play a game by defending deep and hitting teams on the break and it’s been working for them this season so far. The pace on the wings of Anthony Elanga and Callum Hudson-Odoi and the all round ability of Morgan Gibbs White, cause any team problems.  In addition they have that precious commodity, a centre forward who not only occupies defenders but scores goals in Chris Wood.  To get an Indian summer out of a striker who up until this season, had always been a bit of a journeyman, is absolutely solid gold for Forest.

The midfield and defence is strong as well with James Ward-Prowse currently the fifth choice central midfielder and the defensive pairing of Murillo and Malenkovic is as good as anyone.  The full-backs Aina and Neco Williams are strong as well. He won’t win the goalkeeper of the season award but Matz Sels, has certainly been the best that I have seen this season.

There hasn’t been any real news out of Saints this week after the Manchester United implosion.  Today is another game to see whether we’ve learned enough lessons to not get beaten this time around. Somehow I don’t think we’re going to be good enough to get anything today, especially given we’ve had 48 hours less than Forest to recover, which is a joke and another example of TV schedules coming before players, fans and integrity of the league.

Oh look at that – Forest are at full strength and we are not, having to rest Ugochukwu and Sulemana, who would definitely be playing if they were capable.  With Tyler Dibling injured there are three changes with Downes, Archer and Armstrong coming in.  I do not have much faith in that forward line I have to say.

Let Him Shoot Lads, See How That Goes

Away we go and a predictable pattern of us having the ball and going nowhere, with Forest waiting for an opportunity to break.  Ten minutes gone and Forest win a throw out on our right about ten yards in our half.   The ball gets thrown to Gibbs-White who lays it off first time round the corner to Anderson, who has walked away from the sleeping Fernandes and now he accelerates towards the edge of the penalty area with our entire midfield trailing in his wake.  None of the defenders come and close him down so he clearly thinks ‘fuck it I’ll have a go’ and has a shot from the edge of the box which flashes right into the bottom corner of the net. Fucking hell, we are shit.  Ivan is kicking bottles around on the sideline it doesn’t matter how much training and preparation you do if you are going to do something as monumentally shit as not tracking a runner and not closing down.

Another fifteen go by with some more propaganda football from us, which looks pretty but goes nowhere.  There is an opportunity in there by instead of shooting first time, Arma shows off his amazing Premier League first touch and the ball goes behind him.  Downes needlessly gives the ball to Jimmy Champo, who has Bednarek gesturing to him to pass it out to Sugawara, but instead of that he does Jimmy Champo things and plays it straight to Bednarek, who is not expecting it.  One shit touch later and Hudson-Odoi picks up the ball and drives towards the edge of the penalty area and just like the first goal, no fucker goes to close him down and he fizzes and unstoppable shot across Ramsdale into the corner of the net. Fucking wankers.

More propaganda follows until the ball goes up to Chris Wood, who knocks it out to Aina on the right wing. KWP can’t be fucking bothered to get anywhere near him and so allows the cross into the mixer and there is Chris Wood, totally unmarked by all three of our central defenders, rising to nod the ball powerfully down off the turf and beating Ramsdale‘s dive. Fucking wankers, again.  3-0.

KWP at least seems to be trying to make up for his mistake and goes up the left before close control takes him past two players but he drags his shot narrowly wide of Sels near post.  At least we’ve made him at least worry that he might have to do some work.  Time ticks around to 45 minutes and Gibbs-White keeps the ball in by our goal line and over steams Downes, who pulls off what I can only describe as a forearm smash into the Forest skippers’ face.  The ref Anthony Taylor, gives a free-kick and Downes gets a yellow card. Anthony Taylor can hear VAR in his ear.

Anthony, did you see that?

Yeah, overzealous challenge, yellow card, dealt with it.

Are you having a fucking laugh?

What do you mean?

The little blonde cockney twat has basically forearm smashed him in the face without looking at the ball once

Looked perfectly fair to me lad,  I’m the best referee in the country you know, just an honest challenge - a coming together.

I know what you’re doing Anthony.

What?

It’s that Howard Webb directive isn’t it? You know, we’ve given Southampton fuck all this season, so we can even it up now because it doesn’t matter anymore,

That’s right chaps. I fucked them when it mattered, so now they are relegated and have lost today already, we can chuck them a couple of bones, the soft Southern Bastards.

VAR, What Is It Good For?

I have absolutely no fucking idea how that is not a red card but anyway we get to half time without any further damage. That was honestly about as bad as it fucking gets.  The difference between the energy that Forest have got and the desire to cover the ground and the levels that our wankers achieve, is night and day.  We are absolutely shit in both penalty areas and our midfield can only be bothered when we are making our little propaganda passes in the middle of the pitch. Lose the ball and they just jog.

Anyway, Big Les is on at half time to replace Downes, and his suicide mission to get sent off has failed.  We start the second half a bit better but it’s Forest who are the more incisive and Elanga has a free shot from six yards which Ramsdale blocks and the rebound is thumped goalwards by Wood and Ramsdale saves again.

Armstrong and Archer are off after an hour of both being complete wank and are replaced with Sulemana and Tall Paul.  We at last look like we have a bit of purpose in attack and a deep cross comes in from Sugawara, it’s headed down by Tall Paul and Big Les lines one up but it’s going miles wide until it hits Bednarek in the middle and loops over Sels to make it 3-1.  Another goal for our current highest Premier League goal scorer.

Oh hang on, another VAR check…

Anthony, I can see from the first image that Aina’s foot is behind Bednarek when he makes contact with the ball

So it’s a goal then?

Hang on we better draw the lines because the licence for the etch-a-sketch runs out in a week or so, so we better get some use out of it.

[Time goes by, civilisations rise and fall.]

Okay, we’ve drawn the lines and Aina‘s foot clearly plays him onside.

Well done lads.

Straight up the other end go Forest and win a free kick out on the left. Elanga swings it in and Malenkovic heads it straight at Ramsdale but what the fuck is that? Ramsdale has finally been infected by the Saints virus and thrown it into his own net. Fucking hell. 4-1 but hey, ho, we’re off to VAR again.

What are we looking at lads?

Potential offside against Chris Wood, Anthony.

But he didn’t touch the ball.

I know that, but he was stood offside and he went towards the ball and threw himself into the pile of bodies competing for the ball – so I’d say he’s interfering with play, wouldn’t you?

But I’m the best referee in the country and I gave the goal…. Oh ok, so this one is going to get chalked off then?

Yes, but what we have to do is show enough replays and leave enough time so that every commentator in the world can do mental gymnastics and come up with stupid bullshit theories as to why this goal should be allowed.

I’ll go for a piss then while you do that

Hang on, we’re going to send you to the screen.

OK, that makes me look impressive.

Rambo gets lucky.  Once again that took a hell of a long time to give it a decision that was clearly going to be given one way. Call me a conspiracy theorist but they do seem to try and find every possible fucking reason to give the decision against us and with these two, there is absolutely no way that they could.

Forest have brought on a winger who looks like Jack Grealish if you ordered him off of Wish.  Jota Silva is his name and he heads down a ball to Wood about six yards out and he turns into the Wood of old and thighs it over the bar. 

Saints are still in the game somehow as we reach 90 minutes and there are twelve to go, probably due to a combination of VAR reviews and Neco Williams rolling around on the ground for no reason.  We get a free kick out on the right and work it quick to KWP. Who booms in a deep cross and Tall Paul rises majestically and thumps a header towards goal which Sels pushes around the post.  Forest appear to be shitting it now and it’s all us.  A few minutes later, and Sulemana drives down the wing gets past the full-back and hammers it across and Sels pushes it behind for a corner. What did they say about buses, wait ages for one and then two come along at the same time.  It’s the same as goals from corners as in it comes in from Fernandes and Tall Paul has totally lost his marker and absolutely thumps a header into the top corner of the net. The big man has done it last. Get in.

Legend Status Unlocked

They are definitely shitting it now and Nuno is regretting taking Elanga and Gibbs-White off.  Meanwhile, Big Les runs at the right hand side of the Forest defence and gets to the line before his ball across is bundled behind for another corner. In comes the corner again and Bednarek gets up and flicks it goalwards and it’s past the keeper and Aina somehow performs gymnastics to hook the ball off of the goal line. Fuck off. Can’t we even have one fucking game where someone from the opposition doesn’t do something fucking brilliant. Bastard.

As we approach the last minute of the 12, Smallbone goes forward and gets brought down but Anthony Taylor decides that a blatant foul is not a foul and allows Forest to break, which they do straight out the middle of the pitch but in complete contrast to the first half, Big Les gets back to snuff out the danger but all to no avail as the final whistle goes.

Balls… and a mightily relieved stadium of Nottingham Forest supporters breathes a huge sigh of relief for just about holding on against potentially the shittiest team in Premier League history. We saved face in that second half, but ultimately if you are as shit as we were in the first half , then any improvement is basically worth nothing because the game has already gone.

When we talk about Derby in the context of being the worst Premier League team ever, I find it hard to imagine that Derby were as bad as we were in that first half today. Our attack was absolutely fucking useless. Our defence were passive bystanding arseholes and our midfield was okay when they were passing the ball around under no pressure, but when we lost the ball, they were absolutely fucking useless. They seem to be a lack of effort, a lack of desire to run, a lack of fitness and a lack of anything that makes a half decent football team. The first goal was down to the midfield not tracking runners from a throw for fuck sake. The second goal was down to bad decision making and the third goal was down to absolutely no pressure being put on the guy crossing the ball and an unmarked centre forward. in addition to that, we were lucky not to be down in 10 men as VAR again proved it’s uselessness with Flynn Downs getting away with a forearm smash on Morgan Gibbs White.

Lesley Ugochukwu made a huge difference in the second half and we actually started playing.  We also started having some sort of threat upfront when the absolutely fucking useless duo of Armstrong and Archer went off. Archer is a good finisher and Armstrong is usually a willing runner but both of them are so shit at everything else that you need to have as a minimum requirement to be a striker in the Premier League. Sulemana and Tall Paul might just be the stereotypical big guy and quick guy combination, but with Tyler Dibling injured for the next month or so, they certainly put their hands up to be the forwards for the foreseeable future.

Joe Aribo was outstanding against Manchester United and he was outstanding again today and even ended up playing as a central defender as we chased the game. Flynn Downes played with aggression in the first half. The trouble was he was never close enough to any of the Forest players to win a tackle without leaving something on whichever Forest player he clattered into. As I said he was lucky not to get sent off for the challenge on Gibbs White alone but there were three or four others that could easily have bought yellow cards before that.

Defensively there was the calamity for the second goal which has I said, can at least partly be laid at the feet of James Bree who played a dumb pass.  He also winds me up the way he works himself into a crossing position and we have people in the box to hit, and then he turns back and passes it sideways. Wanker. Take a chance and put the ball in the box you never know we might score a goal.

Paul Onuachu’s goal today will probably end up being our highlight of the season. I love goals like that– an absolutely dominant brilliant header from the corner thumping into the net. I am really pleased for him and let’s hope it starts a little run of goals for the big man with Tyler’s injury. He should certainly be given more chances.

I’m going to give Ivan Juric a bit of a pass today because he doesn’t send his team out to make basic shit mistakes and not run like they did in the first half. The only thing I’m criticising him for is leaving Archer and Armstrong on after half time when they should’ve come off straight away at half time and the absolutely pointless introduction of Will Smallbone, who again was a liability when he came on, with his fastest running speed is as usual the same as his average speed. Just jogs about, which is not what you want when you’re trying to build a team with a little bit of intensity in it. 

There was a lot to like about the second half, but because of the first half, Forest were playing within themselves and just trying to see the game out. If you want to clear indication of that then look at the substitutions Nuno was making before our second goal. Yes, it would’ve been nice to catch them out but like with Manchester United last week, this is another ‘nearly’ performance. If we haven’t learnt by now that you’ve got to do it for 90 minutes and doing it for 45 or 75 just isn’t enough, then I doubt this group of players is ever going to learn.

Our quest to get the six points required to not be the shittest team in Premier League history, return to St Mary’s next week where we play Newcastle.  That’ll be easy then.