Premier League Match 23 - Southampton 1 Newcastle 3

 

Well It Started Well

The game that Newcastle fans have been waiting for since the opening day this season, has now arrived. So incensed they were at winning with 10 men against us, that this game has been looming like some sort of obsession for them. It’s all a bit weird.   The incident that got them all revved up was of course Ben Brereton Diaz taking a dive when Fabian Schär stuck is nut in.   They don’t seem to be remotely interested in the cause / effect side of things.  Schär caused it by sticking is nut and Brereton Diaz produced the effect of throwing himself to the ground and rolling around like a little bitch.  I don’t think there’s a Saints fan out there who doesn’t think that our guy was embarrassing that day, but there were plenty of Newcastle fans who don’t think their guy did anything wrong, which is completely mental.  A recurring theme of the last few weeks has been mental gymnastics. The mental gymnastics that people do to try and arrive at different decisions when VAR is involved and in the way they defend the indefensible and this is a similar example.  You would think it would’ve been diffused by either the fact they won the game, the passage of time since then, the fact we are bottom of the league and going down, or even that fact the player in question has been loaned out by us to Sheffield United, but no, the Geordies are still fuming about it. Fucking weird.

They’ve been having such a tough time with it recently as well.  Nine wins in a row, which was only brought to a halt last week with a surprisingly heavy defeat at home by Eddie Howe’s former club, our friends from down the road in Bournemouth.  We got used to hearing from Eddie Howe all the time of course when he was the Bournemouth manager, and on Radio Solent all the time.  He was a moaning old bastard even then.  He must be under pressure to deliver this season at Newcastle and they have a pretty good chance of getting a Champions League spot given the flaky nature of the top of the Premier League.  It could well be very important that they do that because you can’t imagine that players like Alexander Isak, Bruno Guimaraes and even Anthony Gordon will be happy not playing Champions League football.

Having been beaten by Bournemouth last week, this is a course the ideal game for them to start another run with.  Saints have so far proven themselves to be completely incapable of stringing together 90 minute performances, so that will be the aim today and the Newcastle will be hoping to put another nail in our already nailed shut relegation coffin.

Ivan Juric was the bearer of bad news that his press conference when it emerged that came in Sulemana will not be fit for this game, nor of course will Tyler Dibling and our new signing, Albert Gronbaek be an option for next week but not for today.  The major news of the week of course was Gronbaek signing from Rennes in France.  He’s only been there since the start of the season but hasn’t settled and we will be hoping he brings his Norwegian League form to the Premier League. That’s a lot to ask for but we will be hoping that as a full Danish international, he will be able to bring something to the party. It sounds like he plays the same sort of position as Matty Fernandes, but whatever he is, he puts some of our lesser players further down the pecking order.  

Today, Saints have to front up physically against the gigantic units that are Newcastle and if we decide to have fifteen minutes where we collectively stop running, then this is going to be ugly.  Fifteen minutes until kick-off and I’m watching the warm-ups from the Chapel End. With the reconfiguration of the ground, I now have the opposition players warming up in front of me and some things immediately stand out. There’s the physical size of players like Burn and Joelinton, there’s also the speed and touch on display in their warmup rondos. Then we get to the shooting drill and every player is accurate and the ball is zipping into the top corners with the goalkeepers not given a chance. A quick glance at the other end sees a lot of shots closer to the moon than the goal. It’s about levels and standards.

The opening 10 minutes are all Newcastle, but we hold them at bay comfortably enough and eventually get a bit of possession in their half with Fernandes spreading the ball out to Jimmy Champo. His ball down the line finds KWP who turns back and sets it up for Champo to cross it into the box first time and Bednarek has ambled into the box and has not been picked up and rises to thump a header past Dubravka. Fuck me, we are 1-0 up.

I Wonder if VAR Noticed the Shirt Pull?

We take a bit of confidence from that, and Adam Armstrong gets the ball out onto the left before firing a hopeful effort straight at Dubravka. Newcastle start playing now and Fernandes gets booked for chopping down Livramento in full flight. The ball gets played into the box and headed clear to Bruno on the edge of the box and his cute reverse ball sends Isak through and he goes over in a heap with Aribo in attendance.  The ref gives a corner but he’s got the dreaded voice in his ear.

Errrr Sammy-boy, Stockley Park here

Yes, what?

What are you doing mate?

Corner – untidy challenge

Yeah, I know that’s what you’ve given but we’re looking for something… hang on

[Scotty hangs on for three minutes]…. Is it clearly and obviously a wrong decision?

Now, now Scotty, we don’t do fucking ‘clear and obvious’ any more

What do we do then?

We do ‘high bar’

What does that mean?

No one knows what it fucking means mate and one man’s high bar in another man’s low bar, that’s the point mate, it makes us unaccountable

So what you’re saying is that you’re going to tell me I’m wrong, and overrule me and all that ‘onfield decision carries weight’ stuff is bollocks, when you feel like it….

Fucking right… however, we’ll send you to the screen first to use up more time

Cheers lads
 
To the surprise of no one, it’s a penalty and it’s Isak who is on it and he isn’t going to fucking miss is he….. No, he isn’t and he calmly rolls it into the opposite corner to where McCarthy has gone. Shit.

Five minutes later and Tall Paul is pushed off the ball by Burn and the ball breaks to Murphy on the right hand side and the player who famously waived Caleta-Car off in the League cup semi-final a couple years ago, waltzes past Aribo and then slides the ball through to Isak who takes a ridiculous first touch before passing it into the corner of the net. Absolutely quality goal and there’s nothing you can do about that without spending Saudi levels of cash on a striker.

The game now has a chance of getting grim as Gordon picks out Joelinton in the box and he turns and smashes a shot off the post.  It was actually a really good save by McCarthy and it wouldn’t have counted anyway because Joelinton was offside.  Isak then picks up the ball in the inside left channel, before going for his hat-trick with a cross shot which McCarthy saves with his foot.

Samuel Barrott the referee has given us absolutely fuck all so far and there’s another one as Big Les breathes on Joelinton, which throws him off balance so much that he lunges in studs up on Tall Paul’s ankle. Nothing given and no review so that’s a Newcastle free kick. It seems that you can commit murder after the whistle has gone and get away with it.

Half time and it’s been ok.  Yes, we’re behind but at least we’re competing.  A couple of players are struggling with Manning unable to get away from the hardworking Murphy and provide any ammunition from the left and Arma has disappeared after a lively opening ten minutes or so.

The second half starts with Manning winning a corner off of Livramento.  With our new found power at corners,  there is a bit of expectancy as Fernandes whip the ball along the 6 yard line, Dubravka flaps it out and THB attempts to hook it back over his own head, but Dubravka gets back to make a decent save, pushing over the bar,

The next goal is of course going to be vital and we know that if Newcastle score it then the game is over and with that, the ball bounces in midfield for Tonali who gambles on himself to win it and heads it forward to Isak, one touch to Gordon and another touch to Tonali who has continued his run untracked by the FA Gambling Commission and he’s cleaned through and you can bet on Tonali… you can definitely bet on Tonali not missing… in fact it’s odds on that Tonali will score and you know that if he was allowed, he’d have money on it himself for a goal at any time and Isak to get the first goal.  Anyway… against McCarthy and he’s not going to miss and he doesn’t. 3-1 game over, betting slips handed in. Fuck.

Bruno Clearly Had Money On It As Well

Newcastle know that the game is over so they play within themselves from that point on and we don’t really do anything either, and it’s boring bollocks, punctuated with the odd Newcastle chance. Lewis Hall goes down on the edge of the box and is screaming for a penalty and maybe Bednarek is a little bit fortunate to get away with pulling him back. Murphy then takes aim from the edge of the box and McCarthy gets the slightest of touches to push it onto the post,

It's substitution time which is always a bit of a nightmare for us, but at least he’s picked the right two to come off with Ryan Manning and Adam Armstrong departing to be replaced with Sugawara and Archer.  Newcastle are still occasionally looking for another goal and Joelinton manages to fire the ball past McCarthy but Bednarek has got back onto the line and it kind of hits him and rolls away for a corner.

It's rolling eyes in the head time as the excellent Big Les is replaced with Smallbone, which Ivan is clearly only doing for shits and giggles.  85 gone and a big boot clear by McCarthy is misjudged by Schar and Fernandes is through against Dubravka and like with Tonali earlier, but without all the gambling gags, he doesn’t look like he’s ever going to miss and he pings it into the net to give us a fighting chance.  Oh hang on, we are off to fucking VAR again.

You’ve done it again Sammy-boy

What?

Given a goal … now we’re got to look for a reason to definitely allow it

Hang on… onfield decision is goal, surely you look for a reason to definitely disallow it

We do what we please mate…. Hang on whilst we check.

[Scotty hangs on for four minutes]

Offside Sammy… you’re wrong again

Even though Schar went to head it?

Yeah but we can’t prove he did touch it

Can you prove he didn’t touch it?

Don’t be smart Sammy-boy, disallow please.

Oh well, it could’ve been exciting for the last 10 minutes . Another overturn of the on field decision.  I bet we don’t come last of that particular fucking table this season.  In the event, nothing much happens in the last 10 minutes. Juric makes another joke substitution bringing on Lallana to partner Smallbone in the midfield engineless room and Ryan Fraser comes on at right back, which means that the calamity defending of Sugawara is now in the place where it can do most damage in the centre of defence.  Another couple of Newcastle chances ensue, with McCarthy again doing well to block a shot from Almiron.

And so another game ends in defeat.  Not too many complaints, as we were beaten by the better side and at least we kept playing for the whole game. We needed everything to go our way to get anything out today and not a lot did.  Two decisions went for us in real time but were both inevitably changed by VAR.  Both reviews took four minutes each, so clearly not obvious howlers.  Newcastle would probably have won anyway but we needed those things to go for us to make up the seismic gap in quality between the two teams.

The overturn by VAR call for the penalty was absolutely inevitable but I do question whether it’s clear enough to overturn it with the alleged high bar for overturning decisions and the original decision carrying weight and all that shit.  Yes, it was probably a foul by Aribo on Isak, but nothing with VAR should surprise anyone because they clearly make it up as they go along. Yes they probably got it right today by the clarity of the process to arrive at decisions is all over the place.  If the same thing happens next week, they probably wouldn’t give it and the onfield decision would be upheld and there is the problem. 

Newcastle’s goal at the start of the second half, which killed the game somewhat, was followed half an hour of absolute boredom before we thought we’d got a goal back through Fernandes and we might be in for a decent last 10 minutes… but no, the decision again went our way, and then they spent ages yet again looking for conclusive proof that the goal should’ve been given, instead of what they should be doing which was looking for conclusive proof that it should be disallowed.  A four-minute review for VAR again and offside.  We won’t have this shit to put up with for much longer and we won’t be singing “it’s not football any more”.  Another joke was that only five minutes were added at the end for a four-minute VAR check, six substitutions and a goal… and that’s before you even get to ‘normal’ extra time.  Not that I gave a shit because be it five or ten extra minutes, it wouldn’t have made a difference.

Outside of the VAR random decision generator, Samuel Barrott was fucking horrendous. He didn’t give us a thing in the first half and Dan Burn was allowed to throw Tall Paul around without a single free kick given against him and the incident with Joelinton’s lunge and high foot on Tall Paul wasn’t even looked at because Big Les has breathed on him a second earlier.

Well That's One Way to Stop Him

So, the quality issue.  Up front, they had Alexander Isak and Anthony Gordon and we had Tall Paul and Adam Armstrong.  The End.  Well it's not the end as they have better players all over the pitch but it's the starkest comparison.  It was hard to argue against any of the starters playing given what has transpired over the last few weeks but if you take a step back and look at the team, there are six Championship level players in there. One or two might play well enough, but the rest won’t and you are gonna struggle to win any games because of that. Newcastle were at full strength and it really showed.    Of the six, Alex McCarthy did pretty well and wasn’t at fault for any of the goals conceded and made three excellent saves.  Jimmy Champo, Tall Paul and Joe Aribo were ok without being outstanding, but Ryan Manning and Adam Armstrong really struggled.  None of those six should be in a first choice XI in the Premier League but here we are.

Having opened the scoring with a lovely cross into the box by Jimmy Champo and a header by Bednarek, we then continued to work crossing positions and then didn’t cross the ball.  It’s maddening.  The mindset from Russell Martin’s era is still very much present at times where we just don’t put the opposition defence under pressure, and instead we turn back to the halfway line with some grand vision of scoring the perfect goal.

Ivan Juric maintained his hundred percent record and though there are slight improvements, we are continually losing and there are still some mystifying substitutions going on. Ryan Fraser going right wing back and Sugawara to centre back, when he could have brought on ABK? Mental. Ending the game with a midfield of Smallbone and Lallana, whilst Flynn Downs doesn’t make it off the bench. What the fuck?  Juric can’t afford to lose next week.  It’s Ipswich away and if we do, I feel that getting less points than the all-embarrassing Derby team is very much on the cards.

Up the Fucking Saints.