Premier League Match 4 - Southampton 0 Manchester United 1

 

Madley and Ten Hag Congratulate McTominay on his Juggling Skills

Manchester United at St Mary‘s for a stupid kickoff time of 12:30 on a Saturday at the behest of BT Sport. I wonder if the actual Manchester-based fans of United still get pissed off about early kick-off is on the South coast or do they just accept it these days. All of the fuckers who live closer to Southampton than Manchester probably don’t care too much.

It’s easy to have an opinion about Manchester United. Usually, fans of other clubs just hate them, which came from the best part of 20 years of them being ridiculously successful. I expect United fans were quite happy fans of other clubs hate them but I don’t expect they are quite prepared for any ridicule that comes their way these days.  Luckily, I’m old enough to still find it fucking hilarious when you look at the decline over the post Fergie years, especially in relation to how far behind their Manchester noisy neighbours they are.

Well last year they were shocking and finished sixth and in the summer they appointed a new manager Erik Ten Hag from Ajax and then initially, didn’t really support him in the transfer market. You would’ve thought they would’ve had four players in the door as soon as the new manager arrived but they didn’t. The first three players they signed with all players with Ten Hag connections and didn’t seem initially to address the problem areas in their squad.

Tyrel Malacia joined and immediately became Wayne Shaw’s under study (or it seemed until last week). Then they signed Christian Eriksen, seemingly because they could and for no other real reason because he plays in exactly the same position as Bruno Fernandes. After that they addressed the gaping chasm at centre half and signed 5 foot 9 inch Lisandro Martinez and Ten Hag decided initially to drop Rafael Varane and still leave Harry Maguire and his Caravan in the team.

As you can tell, this little summary would’ve sounded a lot different if it had been written six days ago after they lost their first match pathetically, at home to Brighton and then got smashed 4-0 away at Brentford. Last time out of course, they beat Liverpool and today will prove one way or another whether they can back up one good performance where they actually worked really hard.

The magic ingredient for Ten Hag was to actually leave out Maguire and Wayne Shaw and also Cristiano Ronaldo, who at 37 and with it all being about him, isn’t too keen on being the modern striker, who has to be pressing defenders when they haven’t got the ball. Who would’ve believed that leaving Maguire out and playing multiple Champions League winning Varane would make the team stronger? Who would’ve believed that Malacia, stepping out of the darkness cast by Shaw’s considerable shadow would’ve been a good thing? Who would’ve believed that having a centre forward that actually played for the team instead of himself would’ve been better?

Oh, there is also a small matter of them spending £70 million on multiple La Liga and multiple Champions League winner Casemiro. It will be his first game today so we’ve got to hope that he finds the pace of the Premier League a little bit too much, which may be a bit hopeful considering his played against English sides in European competitions many times. Yes the Glazers are shit owners because they’ve taken loads of money out the club but undoubtedly a major problem has been what the not inconsiderable funds have been spent on by the side of the boardroom that supposed to know about football.  At Southampton we think our owners are great for spending a total of about about £20 million less on 6 players than what United have just spent on one player.  It’s all about entitlement, I guess.

Team news is in and just the one change for Saints with Che Adams of course coming in for Sekou Mara.  The only surprise for me is that Elyounoussi is again preferred to Stuart Armstrong.  United have left Casemiro on the bench and pick the same side that they put out against Liverpool last week so no Maguire, no Ronaldo and no Wayne Shaw.  In Maguire’s absence, Ten Hag has chosen Whining Bitch Face Fernandes as the captain.

Shaw Takes His Place on the Bench

An even opening to the game but United carve out an early opportunity, with Dalot winning the ball after Djenepo missed a tackle.  The United full back failed to pick out Whining Bitch Face in the middle and sailed it over his head.

I’m not usually one for these clapping efforts during games but the 10^th minute saw a clap for David Armstrong which was enthusiastically picked up.  The screen was showing goals that David scored against United but the ploy nearly backfired and but for some ridiculously brave defending it would have done.  Dalot put in a good cross, KWP won the header against Whining Bitch Face, the ball dropped for Elanga to smash it goalwards forcing a great save out of Baz… but the ball loops down to Whining Bitch Face it it’s blocked again by KWP and then Eriksen has a go and ABK throws himself in the way.  Were we a bit lucky or was it brilliant defending?  Who cares, still 0-0.

The left side of United’s defence looks like the place to go for and Adams has realised this.  It’s not just that Martinez is 5 foot 9, it’s that Malacia at left back is Tariq Lamptey sized.  Fair play to the two United players though, they look pretty tough and it’s a good battle with Che.  We do have the edge in the air though and a JWP corner into the 6 yard box is missed by everyone, controlled by ABK and leaning back, he lashes it over the bar.

An ABK Unit

We have one more chance before half time as Salisu heads a clearance forward, Adam Armstrong picks it up and runs directly at the defence before crossing along the ground to Adams, who holds off Martinez, turns and smashes it straight at de Gea.

Half time and a decent half from us.  I can see it ending 0-0 to be honest and neither team seem to have the cutting edge.  We’ve looked pretty solid however and the commitment has certainly been there.  United seem to go up a gear at the start of the second half and Elanga plays a couple of 1-2’s with Rashford and Whining Bitch Face and as he gets into the box, he is halted by a superbly timed ABK tackle.

It’s a temporary reprieve however as Elanga cuts in off his wing, plays a 1-2 with Sancho and finds Dalot and the full back pulls it back to the edge of the area and there is Bruno Whining Bitch Face to steer a really controlled sidefoot volley into the net.  Shit.  What have we got?

Well we’ve got a bench so on comes Stuart Armstrong for Elyounoussi, which surprises no one.  Following the corner of the ball gets cleared out as far as KWP on the halfway line and he lobs a straight ball back in the direction of Adams, who is up against McTominay.   Adams chests it down and the the ball hits McTominay’s arm once, then again and then a third time for good measure.  Andy Madley immediately signals that it’s not handball despite… you know…. the three times with his arm thing and we’re off to the VAR room as Che Adams is going absolutely mental at him.

"Hi there Brooksy – Che Adams has gone full Braveheart on me – something about a handball"

"Can confirm that the Adams chests it down and the ball hits McTominay’s arm to take it away from Adams, Andy."

"OK, so he gained an advantage?"

"Certainly."

"OK, let’s give a penalty…"

(The sound of Brooksy being punched to the floor comes over the headphones)

“THIS IS HOWARD WEBB, THIS IS HOWARD WEBB, KING OF PGMOL

“Errr, hello Howard”

“IT IS NOT HANDBALL”

“Why not exactly?

“IT’S HIT HIS ARM ONCE, THEN TWICE, THEN THREE TIMES”

“Surely more reason to give it, yes?”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO, IF IT HITS HIM ONCE IT MIGHT BE HANDBALL BUT IF IT HITS 3 TIMES… WHAT IS IT ANDY?

“Err…. Juggling?”

EXACTLY, HANDBALL IS AN OFFENCE BUT THERE’S NO LAW AGAINST JUGGLING”

“Oh, I guess not….”

“I’M BACK MOTHER F*CKERS, GOD BLESS THE GLAZERS, GOD BLESS SIR ALEX”

We've Had Issues With the Madley Family Before

Lavia sends Adam Armstrong away on the left and he uses Djenepo as a decoy before standing up a good cross with his left foot which is well met by Aribo but he can only direct it straight at de Gea and he shovels it out but unfortunately it’s just too high for KWP running in and he can only head the rebound over the bar.

Mara is on for Adam Armstrong and Perraud for Djenepo but then we go full ‘outside the box’ mental and Lyanco is on for Aribo and it looks like he’s playing up front.  So, we’ve sent on a nutjob centre back to play up front and United have sent on Casemiro, their £70 million serial Champions League winner and also, Cristiano Ronaldo.  Ronaldo has a few yards on Salisu as he tries to break into our penalty area but Salisu absolutely eats up the ground and easily dispossesses him.

Six minutes goes up on the board so there’s still time and we’re still pressing.  Stuart Armstrong puts a cross over from the left hand side which is headed back in by KWP from beyond the far post and Mara tries and overhead kick, which he executes really well but it’s hacked away from just in front of the line.

After some United timewasting over a throw in, we have one last attack has Big Baz launches one down the middle. As he has done all day, Adams wins it and knocks it down, JWP crosses it to the back post and Mara tries a cushioned volley, which in truth does not go far wide of the far post.

Andy Madley blows the whistle spot on 96 minutes, despite United wasting a good two minutes in injury time and making a substitution, which is supposed to add a compulsory 30 seconds, thus adding ‘not being able to tell the time’, to the list of things that he can’t fucking do.  The final whistle completed the worst performance out of any of the people on the grass today. Useless fucker…. Seriously - when a player can use his hand three times in a second in the penalty area and it not get given either by the referee or the useless twats at Stockley Park, then we have a fucking problem.

Apart from the useless fucking officials, we lost today because United just had that one moment of attacking quality in the second half which was the superb move that led to the goal. It was a shame it was Whining Bitch Face who scored but it was a really good goal. Attack wise, we just didn’t really get going today despite the best efforts of Che Adams who battered the United defenders around all afternoon. There was just not enough from the likes of Adam Armstrong, Aribo and Elyounoussi behind him and consequently we didn’t test De Gea anywhere near enough.

Serious Talent

As well as Adams, there were good performances all over the park and if we get that cutting edge upfront, we will be a serious team this season. The defence was largely excellent, including Moussa Djenepo again with excellent performances at centre back by ABK and Salisu, who certainly seems to be getting back to his best. KWP had a solid game against a tricky Sancho as well.  Did you see this weeks “Not playing for the Manager“ award, as sponsored by the Daily Mail?  That was the bit when all the defenders were throwing themselves at the ball to try and stop United scoring in the first half. ABK also managed to be the biggest attacking threat outside of Che Adams but the less said about his finishing, the better.

Whereas United can spend £70 million on a Champions League winning player in the centre of midfield, Saints have spent about £12 million for an 18 year old in Romeo Lavia, who had another excellent game next to JWP who again put in a really good shift.in midfield and neither deserved to be on the losing side.  Overall, I felt we were unlucky to lose. If the referee does his job then we get a draw but the referee didn’t do his job. Will there be any repercussions for the referee not doing his job? Of course there fucking won’t.  Not content with having every single advantage under the fucking sun, they have to have dodgy officials as well. I hate coming away from games against the Super League clubs thinking that we’ve been done in some way by the officials but that feeling is inevitable today.

It was interesting that the Match of the Day highlights focused on a handball that was given against a defender last week and saying that that was probably the reason why it wasn’t given today as they were admitting they were wrong last week. Fucking great that is. Where is the consistency? Someone will look at the handball today during the week and decide that this one probably should’ve been a penalty and will be given next week, probably against us.

Back to Save the Day

In a week where Manchester United‘s favourite referee Howard Webb, was confirmed as PGMOL leader, Andy Madley does his work for him and has an absolute shit of a game. Not only did United to get the big decision of the game, they also got the small ones, same as it ever was.  It’s actually the little decisions that kill you – all the pulling the shirt tactical fouls without getting a yellow card or better still, pulling a player back, then letting go and escaping the booking because play has gone on.  As for the big decisions, before VAR, you had no choice but to accept shit decisions against the big clubs and in your mind you could put it down to the pace of the game and everyone is human and all that kind of stuff.  Now, with VAR, there is no excuse but it still happens, so you were left thinking that it just happens deliberately.

Overall, there are many reasons to be pleased about the state of things as we’re going to next Tuesday‘s home game against Chelsea. The signings we have made are all making the team better and there has been a gradual increase in performance levels since we went to four at the back against Leeds.  There is now absolutely no way that we are going back to the five at the back model with the successful start made by Salisu and Bella-Kotchap as a pairing. They have proved that they are good enough and they have proved they can play as a pair. We still have things to work out at the top end of the pitch and hopefully there’s some movement on that front in the next few days before the transfer window closes.

As I said against Spurs, it’s not games against the Super League clubs that define our season in terms of results.  In those games, it’s nice to nick something but it’s ultimately about putting in a performance and looking like we are progressing and we certainly did that today.  When you play the Super League teams, if you’re going to lose then it’s about the way that you lose and the performance that you give. Against Spurs, the performance was unacceptable but today it was decent and we were unlucky and there is not one fan complaining about the amount of effort we put in.   For me, football is very simple and the match day experience is very simple.  I want to players in red and white to give full effort for 90 minutes and then I’ll clap them off the pitch and go home happy that we gave it our all. We did that today.

Carabao Cup 2nd Round - Cambridge 0 Southampton 3

 

That's What You Call an Entrance

Carabao Cup second round time again and this year we are away at Cambridge United who we apparently have never played in a full first-team game before. I’m pretty sure that we have played them in the Checkatrade trophy with our under 23s but that’s about it.  It will no doubt be a chance for us to play all the squad players and it might provide some pointers as to who is likely to be out the door when the transfer window closes on September 1st.

Cambridge are one of those sides in League One who could probably finish anywhere between 4th and 24th and it will certainly be their target to make the play-offs this season. Cambridge have never really been in our orbit, even when we were floundering around in League One. Those with a long memory like myself remember them having a very good cup run in the 80s when John Beck was their manager and their team featured Mr Homes Under the Hammer Stairs Up to the Bedroom, Dion Dublin. This was of course before he signed for Manchester United, then Coventry and we became the only team he ever scored against.  He may well be here today as the stairs he goes up in Cambridge, lead to the Boardroom, rather than the bedroom.

Dion... Before and After

Team news and shock of shocks, Saints are resting a load of players for this game, with Oriol Romeu captaining the side which contains virtually everyone not in the first team picture in the league at the moment. McCarthy is in goal with the back four featuring youngster Lewis Payne at right back, Yan Valery at left back and Bednarek and Lyanco in the middle. Diallo and Romeu are anchoring the midfield and the other four have more of a first team look about them with Adam Armstrong, Stuart Armstrong, Elyounoussi and man of the moment, Che Adams.

For some reason, when we line-up for these type of games in recent seasons, I don’t feel like we’re not going to be at it and so it proved as after three minutes as Valery gets a cross over from the left hand side and Adams turns a defender and rifles it in the bottom corner of the net but unfortunately, the ball’s hit his hand on the way through and the referee quite correctly disallows it. What you can say is that it was a great finish from a player clearly playing with a lot of confidence.

If Che Adams confidence is borne out of his performances over the last few games then I have no idea Elyounoussi’s confidence is from but he tries to score goal of the season, taking down a high Adam Armstrong cross on his chest before producing a wonderful turn and volley but he unfortunately doesn’t quite hit it properly and the goalkeeper manages to shovel it round the post.

Cambridge aren’t giving us any problems whatsoever and it’s just a case of how long it’s gonna take before the first goal goes in and it’s not long in arriving as Adam Armstrong shows the difference between League 1 defenders and the Premier League defenders by easily being able to hold off a defender on the edge of the box and roll the ball into the path of Payne on the right hand side and the youngsters low cross is turned into the net by Adams from virtually on the 6 yard line. There doesn’t seem to be anyone asking for offside which is surprising and the goal stands, I guess that the ball has come backwards.

Cambridge respond top the goal by still not offering much but if they do attack and we then play out from defence, we look very dangerous as our willing runners are able to drive forward virtually unchallenged. Adam Armstrong again causes havoc picking up a pass from brother Stuart and the pull-back deflects goalward off a Cambridge defender and is cleared off the line.

Lewis Payne again goes bombing down the right before finding Adams in the middle and he pulls it back to Adam Armstrong who cannot buy a fucking goal as he beats the keeper but a defender running back towards the goal manages to stick out a heel and block it.

Half-time and no worries really.  Might have to weather a bit of a storm at some point but it seems more likely that a second goal will kill it stone dead.  There’s a brief flurry from Cambridge at the start of the second half but nothing much and it’s soon ‘as you were’ regarding any thoughts of it getting any more difficult as Stuart Armstrong brings an early save out of Mannion in the Cambridge goal.

The game is put to bed not long after that and Stuart Armstrong again starts the move down the left hand side which results in Che Adams having a shot blocked, Romeu’s follow-up is saved by the keeper but unfortunately for Mannion, it bounces straight out to Che Adams who is completely unmarked to smash into the net.  2-0 Game over. Cambridge are complaining about a potential handball in the build-up but when you see the replay, it’s basically been hit into the back of Adams and he wasn’t even looking at it so that’s not going to get given as handball, even with VAR in the Premier League.

Easy, this Centre Forward Lark

It’s now a case of how many we are going to get with Romeu demonstrating why he’s never been a great goal scorer, screwing a good chance wide. Valery then cuts in from the left hand side and forces a good save by Mannion down low to his left.  He looks a decent keper to be fair and he’s acquitted himself really well.

Time to roll the dice and bring on some subs with Joe Aribo, Sekou Mara, Moussa Djenepo and Dominic Ballard coming on. It’s a big moment for Ballard in particular seeing as it’s his first team debut.  Valery has now switched to the right hand side and picks up a pass/clearance by McCarthy which takes out the left back and Yan’s cross goes behind Sekou Mara but picks out Dominic Ballard on the penalty spot and his first shot is again blocked by the goalkeeper but the youngster will not be denied and follows in knocks it into the roof of the net with his left foot. Brilliant stuff.

Another youngster in Diamond Edwards get s a run out for the last few minutes, which ends a perfect nights work – clean sheet, three goals, no injuries and a straightforward progression into the next round.

To be honest, this was pretty comfortable. Cambridge had a couple of moments but once the first goal went in from Che, then it was never in doubt. We were also never going to repeat last years’ 8-0 win at this stage which was of course against Newport County, so it was amusing that the same Newport County won 3–2 tonight against our friends from a few miles to the east.

The main positives to take out of the game are of course Che continuing his hot streak with four goals in about the last 90 minutes that he’s played. Strikers thrive on goals and take confidence from them so it’s never a bad thing regardless of who the opposition is. He has probably already guaranteed that he will be our top scorer of the season with the four goals that he’s got. Other positives of course were the performances of Lewis Payne and Dom Ballard.  Ballard had the very obvious moment of scoring his goal with virtually his first kick and Payne acquitted himself well at right back and got the assist for the first child goal of course.  Maybe these two will be the next to come through the Academy and establish themselves in a way that no one has really done since JWP nearly 10 years ago.

It was of course our first game since the passing of David Armstrong.  His name was chanted in the crowd today and of course, since Saturday when the news of his passing began filtering through, I have been thinking a lot about David Armstrong and also thinking about Saints players from around at the same time.  One of those was of course Steve Moran, who also scored with practically his first touch when he made his debut as a late substitute. If Dom Ballard goes on to have the impact that Steve Moran did, then we are all going to be very happy with things.

Next up is Manchester United at home on Saturday lunchtime, which has suddenly became more difficult than it was a week ago because they actually managed to beat Liverpool on Monday and played with some intensity, having left out all the players who can’t run. Hopefully they won’t be able to do it two games in a row but whatever United turns up, as long as a decent version of Southampton turns up, we have got a very good chance of backing up our win at Leicester with another three points. Up the fucking Saints.

David Armstrong

 

Rest In Peace David Armstrong

In the aftermath of our win against Leicester, sad news came through that a true Saints legend had passed away. I am of an age where I saw the entirety of David Armstrong’s Saints career and I feel privileged to have done so.

So, what I remember about David Armstrong, the player.

David‘s main strengths were what he added within the context of a team.  The most obvious things were goals from midfield and a natural balance on the left-hand side.

In my lifetime, Southampton have had what I would call two ‘best’ teams for different reasons. The Channon-Keegan-Ball team of around 1981 and the team that finished second in the league in 1984.

Southampton 1980-81

(Katalinic, Channon, Waldron, Holmes, Agboola, Graham Baker, David Armstrong, Keegan, McMenemy, Ball, Moran, Williams, Hebberd, Watson, Golac, Nicholl, Wells)

Back then it was a strategy for Lawrie McMenemy to sign players who everyone else thought were over the hill and get an extra year or two out of them. Lawrie supplemented those players with players out of the youth team and occasionally there was a player from his mid 20s who joined and one such was David Armstrong.  Consequently, there was a lot of churn between one season and the next but there were four players who managed to play regularly for both the Keegan era entertainers and the side that finished second. Those four were Nick Holmes, Steve Williams, Steve Moran and David Armstrong.

Southampton 1983-84

(Danny Wallace, Agboola, Foyle, Rofe, Steve Baker)
(Chatterley, Mills, Waldron, Sperring, Shilton, Ken Armstrong, Baird, Mortimore)

(Moran, Worthington, Holmes, McMenemy, Williams, Wright, David Armstrong)

To say that David had the knack of appearing at the right place at the right time was a massive understatement. It was crazy how many goals he would score just by arriving at the edge of the box to usually finish with his left foot but he also got in there to score quite a few headers as well. The game I remember most was a home game against Manchester United where he had two key involvements. One was managing to be half a yard offside as Kevin Keegan executed one of the most ridiculous overhead kicks into the top corner. It’s hilarious to watch when you bear in mind today’s interpretation of the offside rule but back then if a single player was behind the last defender, even if they were not interfering with play, nor in the goalkeepers eyeline - that was offside. No matter though because Armstrong turned up in the right place at the right time to dance through the defence and score the winner, in front of a Milton Road End containing a 13-year-old yours truly.  A few years later of course, there was the assist of all assists with the right footed cross, perfectly onto the foot of Steve Moran at Fratton Park in 1984.

There were 59 goals in 222 games for Saints in the League, from a player who did his fair share of defensive work and also towards the end of his Saints career, played a number of games at left back. His goal return in successive seasons for Saints was 16, 8, 15, 10, 10 from midfield. How much would you pay for a player who could do that these days?

Three England caps, one earned whilst at Middlesbrough and two earned whilst at Saints, tells the story that people outside of Middlesbrough and Southampton didn’t know quite how good he was and in terms of wider recognition, he always passed under the radar.  Then as now, you’d have got more England caps playing for a mid-table big club, than you would playing for Saints, regardless of our lofty league position in those years.

Later in his Saints career, Armstrong struggled with an ankle injury that restricted his involvement. It’s a shame he couldn’t have stayed fit for another couple of years because then he would’ve played with the Le Tissier – Shearer - Rodney Wallace team of 1987.

Make no mistake, David Armstrong is an absolute Southampton legend. He was an absolutely key player in those two early 80s Saints sides and perhaps only Nick Holmes, (because he played in the 1976 FA Cup Winning side), can lay claim to having played for more iconic Saints line-ups.

After retirement he became a familiar voice on the radio and one occasion I remember was him turning up on talkSPORT at a time when Saints were going very well with Mauricio Pochettino as manager. The clowns at talkSPORT were trying to talk down the fact that Saints were a good side that year but David Armstrong was having absolutely none of it and talked us up and wouldn’t have a word said against us. Saints in his blood all those years later.

A brilliant player and by all accounts, lovely approachable man and it’s really sad that he’s gone at the relatively young age of 67. For me he is synonymous with a time when football was better and the team that I supported was the envy of most of the country.  

Condolences to his family and friends.

Rest in Peace David Armstrong, Saints Legend

Premier League Match 3 - Leicester City 1 Southampton 2

 

Air Che

A trip to Leicester and a chance to cash in on the momentum created by the last 20 minutes and the comeback against Leeds. We last played here not long ago, in fact the last away game of last season when we got smashed 4–1 in a game which neatly ended Jon Moss’ visible refereeing career, with him demonstrating that he doesn’t know the fucking rules regarding who to give the ball back to when the game is stopped. At least we won’t have Jon Moss to blame today, unless he’s on VAR duty of course.

Leicester have bigger expectations than they used to have, which comes with the territory of winning two major trophies in the last seven years and qualifying for Europe on three or four occasions. Consequently, a draw and a defeat from the first two games was not what the doctor ordered and the natives are already getting a little bit restless. The person copping most of the angst is of course the manager Mr Brendan Rodgers, famous for shopping at the Saints Megastore many times in the past.  He used Rickie Lambert as the loss leader so he could sign Adam Lallana and Dejan Lovren when he was at Liverpool and after he lost his job there, he has more recently, hilariously, brought in Ryan Bertrand and Jannik Vestergaard, who have been injured and out-of-favour respectively for the whole of last season and the start of this.

The recent two seem to be contributing factors to the fact that Leicester haven’t signed a single player this summer and are in some sort of financial difficulty as far as FFP is concerned. The only transfer rumours involving Leicester have been outgoing ones and though Kasper Schmeichel was probably nearing the end of his career, his departure has left a bit of a hole with Danny Ward not stepping up to the plate of us far. There are also big issues with touted moves away for Wesley Fofana (Chelsea), James Maddison (Newcastle) and Youri Tielemans (Arsenal). Meanwhile, Leicester are being linked with Alex McCarthy and Jan Bednarek. These jokes write themselves.

Regardless of any difficulty, Leicester can still put a very good team out on the pitch and will cause us problems, especially James Maddison who always seems to completely run the game whenever we play against them. There is certainly a job for Romeo Lavia to do against him today. They of course also have the now 35-year-old shit house Jaime Vardy who, if the Match of the Day highlights of the game against Arsenal are anything to go by, still likes a dive when there’s no one near him.  As he gets older and slower, expect that even more.

There have been a couple of rumours about incoming players for Saints this week and a lot of chat about our formation. Many people seem to be frothing at the mouth and demanding we start the game with a 4-2-2-2 formation, to which I wonder who they are going to play at left back. Moussa isn’t even really a wing back, let alone a left back in a flat back four and Yan Valery isn’t getting on the pitch any time soon, even though it seems very obvious to put him on the right and KWP on the left.

Having said that, the team news is very interesting with what looks like a back four with Moussa at left back.  Bravery, in the extreme. That aside, the talking point is that Che Adams is not playing after being massively influential in last weeks’ comeback. I assume this is because he apparently has only trained once during the week but to my mind, last week demonstrated how important he is, so get him on the pitch from the start.  Maybe though, this is part of the five subs theory and it getting more like rugby union where we have starters and finishers as opposed to a first 11 and a bench. Sekou Mara is starting, as are Adam Armstrong and Joe Aribo, for their contributions last week but by that logic, Elyounoussi should be nowhere near the starting line-up…. but there he is.

An interesting pointer on the bench is that Theo Walcott is back from the dead and on there but there is no place for Nathan Redmond.  I assume this is because Ralph knows that no one is going to come in and take Theo off our hands but someone might take Redmond before the end of the transfer window.

Leicester’s player-power issues see wantaway players Youri Tielemans only on the bench and Wesley Fofana nowhere. How these fuckers have the nerve to collect their wages is beyond me.  Whilst player power is fucking dreadful, it can be forgiven in one way when it happens to Brendan Rodgers, so it’s amusing when Brendan’s players go ‘Full Lallana’.

Away we go and the first significant action is Vardy running into the left channel and when ABK becomes favourite in the footrace, the shithouse kicks his foot into ABK and hits the deck appealing for a penalty.  Not the first appeal that’s gone against the Vardy family in the past month.

Our first real attack is created by Elyounoussi who wins the ball off of the donkey Amartey and clips a ball over the defence for Mara to run onto.  He looks offside but as you have to do, he takes it on and slots a great finish past Ward and into the corner, only to see the flag instantly raised.  Look at what you could have won.  To be fair, it’s not even close.

Barnes tries to take on KWP and a tangle of legs means a Leicester free kick from wide on the left.  I’m not sure what Maddison intended with his delivery but whatever it was, Bazunu punched it clear easily enough.  We stay solid until a shit sideways pass from Lavia, presents the ball to Barnes who drives forward and shanks it well wide.  Poor effort considering it’s on his strong left side.  The rest of the first half is somewhat of a nonentity.

The second half starts and Salisu brings down Perez on the right-hand side in slightly clumsy fashion to give Leicester a free-kick in shooting range.  Up steps Maddison and bends it round the wall and it beats Baz’ dive and skims in at the near post.  Fuck.  Looks like Baz got the wall wrong as you shouldn’t get beaten from there like that.  Never mind, we only really start playing when we go behind, don’t we lads.

On the hour mark the first sub with Che Adams on for Mara and immediately there’s a change as Che bring down a long ball whilst holding off Evans and gets us playing from higher up the pitch.  The gets fed to KWP and his deep cross is met beyond the back stick by Aribo and his side-footed cross hits Castagne’s arm, away from his body.  Nothing given and we eventually win a corner. Off to VAR we go.

Hi, it’s Mikey Salisbury at the King Power here.

Did you call yourself “Mikey”?

Sure did…

You can’t do that – there’s only one “Mikey” and it’s Big Mikey Dean.  He's sat on his throne in front of the big telly, using Jon Moss as a footstool.

Fair enough - I'll never be Mikey... What can I be then?

You can be plain old Michael – no one goes “Full Mikey” unless it’s the big man.

OK – Southampton have made a very polite enquiry for handball.. and they said please!

What no swearing or spitting?

No

Fuck ‘em then… you know what Big Mikey says?

What’s that?

Soft Southern Bastards

Oh ok....

Michael my friend, I’ve had a look and it hits his hand, which is away from his body

That’s a penalty then?

No Michael – Soft Southern Bastards remember?

What is the handball law now anyway?

Fucked if I know Michael – play on!

In comes the JWP corner and ABK meets it and we all go up…. And then we all go down as again as it doesn’t go goalwards and gets cleared.  Saints have upped the pressure now and are looking threatening and it’s long throw time from the left and Sali winds one up.  In it comes towards ABK and he deftly lays it back and Adams has peeled off into space and confidently knocks it past the keeper.  TRAINING GROUND SET PIECE MOVE KLAXON!!!  Come on, we can fucking win this.

With that aim in mind we make an Armstrong substitution with Stuart replacing Adam and the new Armstrong is soon involved as we break with Adams giving his the opportunity to send Aribo running through and round the keeper and hitting the deck.  He’s almost apologising as he gets up but that’s a dive and a deserved booking.  My only question is how Vardy got away with that one earlier.

Saints are by miles the better side now with JWP winning the ball off of Ndidi and Tielemans in midfield and getting us going.  Elyounoussi spreads it to KWP and we revisit the Tottenham Hotspur stadium from last year as KWP rolls it back, JWP crosses it first time and there is Che to get parallel to the ground about four feet up and acrobatically scissor-volley it into the net.

There is still six minutes left of the 90 and then the board goes up with a big number fucking 6 on it.  The Saints Brains Trust have another sub ready and it’s Lyanco, so I assume we’re going to a back three but no, Lyanco is in midfield and piling into everything and everyone and smashing the ball miles.  This is hilarious but penny for the thoughts of Romeu and Diallo.

There are no alarms, even when Dewsbury-Hall appeals for a penalty after a perfectly timed ABK challenge.  Get up you wanker. There are 95 minutes on the clock when Dewsbury-Hall brainlessly barges into KWP in our right back slot and gives us a free kick which we are going to take fucking ages over.  That’s it, the game is won. 40 seconds are going to have elapsed before we take it and we are just gonna smash it absolutely miles.  This we do and create another chance as Stuart Armstrong doesn’t give it up and hooks the ball back and Che swivels and gets away another shot which hits the post and bounces away.  That would have been perfect but never mind.  Full time.

What a fucking win that is.

Recognize this Ayoze?

I am raising a middle-finger on each hand - one for Brendan and one for Jamie Vardy.  If I had a third middle-finger, I'd raise it for the Daily Mail and their “players not playing for the manager” narrative. Another comeback and this time for the win. Everything about this win was absolutely perfect.  Not only was it against a good side and a good manager (despite what the more entitled Leicester fans think right now), it’s also a win in this opening run of five games that we really didn’t expect, which takes a bit of pressure off the forthcoming home games against Man United and Chelsea.

There were lots of similarities with the Leeds game last week in that we were okay without being fantastic, certainly from an attacking point of view, until Leicester scored and then we made some substitutions.  Today, it was Che Adams who came off the bench, scored two great goals and generally put in a superb centre forward performance, unsettling the defenders and causing no end of problems... and he pulled out the 'Ayoze Perez' celebration when he scored the winner. If there was any doubt in anyone’s mind over whether we should keep Che or not, then it was surely banished today.  Che will get the headlines but there were many other worthwhile recipients as well.

Shit, He's a Unit, Better Dive...

Armel Bella-Kotchap was brilliant.  Not only did he set up the first goal but he did his job with the minimum of fuss and imposed himself on the Leicester strikers from the start.  There was no standing off and letting the strikers dictate like we did at Spurs.  A couple of the opposition of course, Vardy and Dewsbury-Hall resorted to diving and complaining about perfectly fair tackles from the big man. The right foot - left foot partnership with Salisu looks like it’s here to stay. They will undoubtedly have rash moment due to inexperience, but our defence looked so much better today, restricting Leicester to basically zero chances from open play.

If someone has suggested to you a week ago that Moussa Djenepo could play left back in the back four, then you would’ve been ringing up the men in white coats to take that person away but Moussa was brilliant today. Defensively solid, which is a first and he posed a threat going forward.  I also love the way he's developed the confidence to cross it with his left foot.  Neither the defending or the left foot are natural to him but he’s working to improve and really concentrating and he deserves all the plaudits he’s getting.

Elsewhere, the partnership of JWP and Romeo Lavia in midfield is showing real promise. Sekou Mara did okay upfront for an hour and the only real issues were in the other attacking positions where Adam Armstrong and Elyounoussi in particular struggled to affect the game much. Joe Aribo again showed some marvellous touches but managing to get booked for diving, in a game where Jamie Vardy is playing, takes some doing.  No argument with Joe‘s booking however, just a bit of an issue with how Vardy can kick a defender and hit the deck claiming a penalty.

Referee Michael Salisbury was okay in truth.  I thought we should have had a penalty but who knows what the handball is these days and on another penalty shout, he totally fell for Dewsbury-Hall pretending to be injured after he had barged over ABK in the Leicester penalty area.

It’s another feather in the cap for Ralph and another one for the new Brains Trust coaching team around him on the side of the pitch. To see Ruben Selles and Richard Kitzbichler involved in the discussions before the ultimately successful substitutions gives you as a Saints fan, a warm feeling inside that already after three games, we are seeing the benefit of replacing the coaching staff.  It won’t always work like that but so far so good. When even mad shit like Moussa at left back and Lyanco in midfield is working, then you just have to roll with it as long as you can. There seemed to be a lot of different formations at play out there today as well with 4-2-2-2, 4-3-3 and 4-2-3-1 all getting a run out at various points.  Of course, there was the long throw routine straight off the training ground as well.

Karma Bites Brendan on the Arse

It seems somewhat childish to end what was a brilliant day for Southampton, with a dig at Leicester but as it’s Brendan Rodgers I think it’s justified.  There are few people in the game who I find as annoying as Brendan and whilst you should never revel in the misfortune of others, with Brendan it is entirely justified.

Remember this from 2014.

“I have absolutely no sympathy for Southampton.  They have a choice as a club, they don’t have to sell, they had that choice.  Maybe Southampton’s objectives have changed.  They were on course to be a Champions League Club I believe but obviously that has changed.  It’s the nature of it.  The players will want to compete at the highest level they possibly can”

Remember this as all your best players get picked off, you smug twat.

Premier League Match 2 - Southampton 2 Leeds United 2

 

Kyle Saves The Day

Leeds, Leeds dirty Leeds in our first home game of the season and one which presents the most likely chance of getting three points out of the opening five games. Whilst I would normally have this one down as a ‘must win’, after the Spurs defeat and performance, I would settle for a point and putting in at half decent performance.

Leeds had an interesting summer with losing their two best players in Raphinha and Kalvin Phillips but they have been active in the transfer market and the general feeling amongst Leeds fans is that they have a better squad than last year with the arrivals of in particular Brenden Aaronson, Marc Roca, Tyler Adams and Luis Sinisterra. Not easy to tell at this point of course but it’s good to have optimism I guess. They started the season with a decent win against Wolves but as it stands at the moment, I would expect Leeds to be better than last season but still in the bottom six or seven clubs at the end of season.  Jesse Marsch is in his first full season and I find him a somewhat grating personality but he did a job that he was employed to do at the tail end of last season so good luck to him.

In the week leading up to the Leeds game there was the fans forum which was a little bit spiky but no more than you’d expect given our current form but none of the exchanges between the fans present and Martin Semmens or Ralph, were anything too controversial. Semmens repeated his line that 90% of what you read in the media is wrong and to prove it, said that we would not be loaning Che Adams out to anyone, which was a media narrative this week. There were a couple of questions where the answers were I think, misinterpreted to give people something additional to be angry about.  I really am in two minds about these forums because on the one hand, it’s good to engage with fan groups but on the other, I’m not sure that anything positive ever really comes out of them.

On the heels of that, the Daily Bastard Mail, the ultimate piece of shit newspaper along with the Sun, reported that Ralph had lost the dressing room and hinted at “sources” leaking information that some players went to senior figures on the board in the close season to raise questions about Ralph’s continued employment.  The article was penned by the Daily Bastard’s North East reporter.  A bit odd considering Southampton is as far away from the North East as you can get before you hit France.

First of all, the story could be completely made up, cobbled together from the fans forum issues and various other sources, maybe even this one that you are reading.  Anyone could have written it.  Not that The Daily Bastard ever makes anything up.

Assuming for a second that it isn’t completely made up bullshit, I have absolutely no fucking time whatsoever for players who do this. It’s more than likely going to be players who are not in the team and if you are a Premier League footballer and you can’t get into our team then you are the type of character who can’t motivate yourself and therefore wants to blame everybody else for your failings anyway. We have too many players with a soft mentality and no desire to improve themselves so it’s much easier to blame the manager. Player power can fuck right off especially when the players in question are clearly not performing. There are always going to be disgruntled players when the team is not doing particularly well and there are players who are not involved but there are many reasons why we have too many players at the moment and one of the reasons is no one wants to buy any of the useless fuckers who are not in the team.  The leak could also have come from an ex-player who left the summer it was not particularly happy about having to do so but it’s the link with the north-east I find most baffling/interesting.

All that will happen is what happened in the wake of the 9-0 defeat against Leicester in the board said to the players in question, you will be leaving before the manager does. I don’t buy the talkSPORT line that this is the beginning of the end for the manager, I actually think it will make his position stronger.

One thing that is certain is that things are on edge at the moment so we could undoubtedly do with a result today.  Back to the football and I am of course hoping that they are changes after last week and I think there will be. Whether they go far enough it’s another matter. As the team news landed there was the welcome inclusion of Armel Bella-Kotchap, Stuart Armstrong and Che Adams.  Moi Elyounoussi came in from nowhere and replaced Joe Aribo who dropped to the bench…. Strange.  It was the back 3 again with both Bednarek and Djenepo keeping their places.  Worryingly, Romain Perraud wasn’t even on the bench.

It’s quite a cagey opening with Leeds pressing us well but Saints lokoing more solid than they did against Spurs, though this is not difficult. On about 20 minutes Elyounoussi seizes on a loose ball in midfield and gets his head up and slides a ball through to Stuart Armstrong who is virtually clean through. As he tries to accelerate away, Llorente just wipes out everything, man and ball. Nothing given by the man with a whistle up his ass but when the ball does go out of play, we do get a VAR check and off we go to Stockley Park..

“Hi this is Stockley Park, Simon Hooper speaking, would you mind confirming your identity?”

“Okay, I am Tony Harrington Premier League referee”.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m new to the list this season. I’ve been promoted from the Manchester Sunday League Division 8 because John Moss, Mike Dean and Martin Atkinson can’t be arsed anymore and are now full-time VAR officials”

“Fair enough, Do you wanna have a look at that challenge by Llorente on Armstrong?”
“No mate, I’ve made my decision and we can’t have me being undermined on my big day now can we?”

“I’ve had a quick look and he gets the ball but he’s scythed through his leg to get there”

“Remember the directive, light touch, so for the first few weeks of the season at least you can steam through someone as long as you get a tiny little bit of the ball, it’s fine. Have you checked that with anyone else Hoops?”

“Kind of. Mossy is on the third course of a five-course dinner and he did actually look up at the screen whilst letting out enormous burp and Big Mikey D is in the corner with some strippers, shouting “I am the law”.

“Sorry Hoops, I’m not charging the decision with 3000 Leeds nut jobs at one end of the ground and that odd American dude is still fist pumping in the air after the tackle.”

“Fuck it, leave it then”.

“Will do Hoops”

Oh well, would’ve been handy playing against 10 men.

Armstrong is involved again as KWP gets down the right hand side and gets over a cross which is met by the magnificently haired Scotsman but it bounces off a defender back off of Stu and off for a goal kick.

Leads have basically sussed that the referee is fucking useless and are now leaving a foot in whenever they can and fair enough, it’s working. Llorente takes it one step further and plays basketball to control a ball and is allowed to play on. His pass to Rodrigo though is intercepted by ABK who just sets off, driving forward to the edge of the box and smashing in the left foot shot which went about a yard wide. Brilliant effort.

Patrick Bamford, as we all know is made of biscuits and he unfortunately breaks down again with no one near him, so he has to be substituted and on comes little shit Dan James to present us with a different type of problem. When he actually bothers to stay on his feet, James is a decent player and he gets himself in on goal in the inside left channel and gets in a good effort across the keeper but Big Baz puts out a strong hand to push it wide.

Half-time and again we can only assume that Ralph said “go out and play like a lot of wankers for the first couple of minutes so if we can let a goal in and make it really difficult for ourselves“, because that’s exactly what we did as a couple of shanked clearances saw the ball end up with Jack Harrison out on the left and his cross took out everybody and found Rodrigo, who darted in front of Still-in-Bednarek to flick it past Baz. Fucks sake.

Saints looks slightly stunned and all of a sudden you start to notice more than you did in the first half that we have got absolutely no way of attacking. None of the defenders are good enough to pass through the lines and the midfielders are too static and don’t open up passing lines to make it easy for them. Whilst this lack of attacking is going on, Leeds win a corner on the right, in it comes and Struijk gets up to nod goalwards and it loops up over Baz and Rodrigo knocks it in from practically on the goal line. Clearly onside, 2-0, fuck it.

Ralph rolls the dice and brings on Adam Armstrong and Aribo in like for like changes for Elyounoussi and Stuart Armstrong who have been shite and average respectively.  After a few minutes of nothing much aside from a soft Aribo header from a Djenepo cross, another change as Ralph brings on Sekou Mara and takes off Back-to-Bednarek, so we have reverted to 4-2-2-2 with them Arma out on the left.

Here Comes the Aribo Dance

Arma is immediately involved, playing a good 1-2 with Che before crossing the ball low into Aribo who seems to have taken too long as Meslier comes to challenge him but he skips around him with the ball tied to his toe and smashes it into the net. Just maybe….

Mara isn’t involved much in his first five minutes on the pitch but then he comes alive, picking up a ball from Adams on the edge of the box and he produces a lovely turn to make himself space and then slide the ball superbly in between the centre back in full back to pick up KWP’s run and he keeps his nerve to bury it under Meslier to make it 2-2.

Mara is in the game now and straight after that he picks up another chest-down from Adams and find himself half a yard before hammering in a shot with his right foot which is heading towards the top corner but unfortunately Meslier sees it all the way and parries it away.  Of course we have a minor scare as Leeds have one more attack which ends in big Baz having to beat away a shot which is straight at him.  The end and one point gained rather than two lost.

Maybe the North-East correspondent for the Daily Bastard Mail can write a piece about how often teams that are not playing for the manager come back from 2-0 down with 20 minutes to go?

Daily Mail - It's Shit

It wasn’t the perfect performance by any means but at least there was some encouragement. For the first 70 minutes we were pretty stodgy and didn’t look like we had a goal in us. The big change of course came when we reverted to a flat back four and Sekou Mara came on and that, added to the impetus provided by the earlier substitutes, Joe Aribo and Adam Armstrong, completely changed the game around and maybe even changed the narrative of our season.  Leeds were very good for the first 70 minutes and deserved their lead because of the way they snapped into all the challenges and the way they worked out exactly how far they could go with the referee who was on the lenient side. Whether it was just because Leeds ran out of steam because and couldn’t play with that intensity for 90 minutes or whether it was because they just wilted when they were put under a bit of pressure is hard to tell.

What isn’t hard to tell is that Jesse Marsch is a bit of a bell-end. Anyone who goes into full Klopp fist-pumping celebration mode when they win a fucking corner is clearly a little bit of a dick. Interesting that the DJ played “American Idiot” at half-time – I see you Mr DJ.

Leeds were just about the better side in the first half and certainly played with more intent. Having said that, there was a key moment when Stuart Armstrong was put through and got cleaned out man and ball by Diego Llorente. I know that Llorente brushes the ball with his studs but he’s already scissored Armstrong‘s back leg by that point so again I’m wondering what they are looking at in the VAR room. I think it’s one of those that if the ref had given the free kick and sent him off, it wouldn’t have been overturned.

The second half started with our usual concession of a goal within 30 seconds but unlike last week, there was no offside flag to save us. The second goal was just a standard header from a corner although there was an element of luck involved in the way Struijk’s header looped off up, which took Bazunu out of the game and allowed Rodrigo to head in from virtually under the crossbar.

Ralph got his substitutions right today with Stuart Armstrong having been pretty ineffective but still much better than Elyounoussi, who was shocking. The guy doesn’t run when we have got the ball. He just stands there with all passing lanes to him blocked and doesn’t make an angle. Joe Aribo and Adam Armstrong immediately made things better before the switch to a back four electrified us. Aribo had the ball tied to his foot before eventually slotting in Adam Armstrong‘s pull-back from the left and the second goal is a ridiculous pass from Mara inside the full back for KWP to finish. The roof would have come off off if Mara’s no-backlift snapshot from the edge of the box had found the top corner and not forced a very good save out of Meslier.  2-0 and you fucked it up as Give It Away by the Red Hot Chili Peppers played at the end. Yes Mr DJ, I noticed.

So, the flat back four. When we went for it at the end of the game it was really noticeable how ABK and Salisu stepped up. When you only have two centre backs you have absolutely no choice but to take responsibility.  Back threes take much more communication. The first goal is a classic example of the back three not working as Rodrigo made a diagonal run away from Salisu and in front of Bednarek.  Bednarek it wasn’t looking and was unaware he was there and probably didn’t get a call.  Overall, Bednarek had another poor, passive game and should not be the middle one of the three if that’s the way we go. I know they are young and raw and will make mistakes but ABK and Salisu should certainly be the two centre backs if we play a four. We’ve already proved in two games that we make mistakes in a back three and it hasn’t tightened us up at all, so we may as well have the extra attacking player on the pitch.

Talking of attacking – stop the press but Moussa Djenepo was excellent today.  Defensively, he is still a train wreck but he was the only one looking to provide a spark in the first hour of the game and if we revert to the 4-2-2-2 formation, has certainly done enough today to earn himself a chance on the left wing, certainly ahead of Elyounoussi.  Che Adams showed exactly why he has to be the focal point of the attack as he led a 90 minute battle with Leeds centre backs. With a better referee he would’ve won a lot more free -kicks around the box but his presence and work ethic certainly helped the cause today.  Adam Armstrong also had a good day as a sub on the left hand side and the combination play with Adams that led to Aribo’s goal was excellent.

So, a point feels a bit like a win bearing in mind where we were with 20 minutes to go. An important point for Ralph and the club as a whole which leaves everybody feeling have a little better then if we’d just limped to a 2-0 defeat. Ralph couldn’t resist a little dig post match about changing the headlines and we move on to Leicester next week. It will be very interesting to see how Ralph goes with the team selection because Leicester have not started the season particularly well so it’s not as if they are playing with a lot of confidence. I say go with the flat back four and take the game to them.