Premier League Match 6 - Liverpool 3 Southampton 0

Hughes Demonstrates How Big the Massive Shit Was That Saints took on the Visiting Fans

A nice easy game at Anfield against Liverpool.

Whilst we have been throwing away two goal leads against Brighton, Liverpool have been beating absolutely everybody that the Premier League has put in front of them and also Paris St Germain in Europe - Neymar, Cavani, Mbappe and all that lot. Having played against that front line I somehow doubt but they are shitting themselves at the prospect of facing a Southampton attack whose best attacker is actually a Liverpool player technically and can’t play today. Wouldn’t it just be a great football story if Shane Long was a thorn in their side today. I’m trying not to laugh as I write that.

Last year has Liverpool pissed all over us in both games, winnign 3-0 at Anfield and 2-0 at St.Mary’s.  The abiding memory of the home game was van Dijk just strolling through the game and not breaking sweat along with the rest of the Liverpool defenders.  The away game was patehetic as well and over as a contest before the game started.  Whilst I’m expecting us to be tougher to beat today and not allow Liverpool to just coast through the second half, I have absolutely zero expectation of anything other than defeat. I feel that we will see a return to the 5-4-1 formation with Shane on his own upfront, hopefully supported by Redmond and Elyonoussi from the wings with probably Yoshida slotting in between the two centre backs. It would also be a surprise if Oriel Romeu didn’t play today as well.  I hope it’s a back 5.  The thought of the slow Vestergaard and Hoedt playing against Salah and Mane is scary as you like.

Usually I spit bile at Liverpool and part of me really just can’t be bothered but on the other hand, it is still fun from time to time. On the face of it, they have a charismatic manager and they have a great team playing fast paced attacking football so what’s not to like? The reality is though but I think Klopp is a fucking twat and the arrogance and sense of entitlement put across by the Liverpool-centric media and their fans on any platform you care to mention, makes them about as a likeable as a dose of gout.  It really has come to something when you would prefer absolutely anyone else to win a trophy.  Personally, I’d rather Manchester United won the Premier League and a hate them.  I draw the line at Pompey in cup competitions but that’s not remotely realistic anyway.

So, it’s great to see them fail. It’s great to see Adam Lallana and his career go down the dump. It’s great to see Dejan Lovren fuck up a regular basis but we won’t worry about him today because the chances of him playing, what with the emergence of Joe Gomez and that pesky perjury trial in Croatia, are next to nothing. I’ve done this a million times but the pursuit of van Dijk and the way it got swept under the carpet was absolutely fucking disgraceful and yes, it’s still rankles and nothing would give me more pleasure than him fucking up this afternoon. Then of course you have the YNWA Brigade should be called the YNWAWISU (when it suits us) after the treatment of Karius after the Champions League final last season. It was all abuse and death threats until they paid £70 million for a new goalkeeper and then they decided to be nice to him again.  Then of course there’s the fact that you can’t turn on a TV football programme, read any paper, read any stuff on the net – without it all being about Liverpool winning the league.  Wankers, all of them. 

Mark Hughes has this week been talking up Charlie Austin’s form in training. All well and good that he’s looking in better form but is he fit enough to play for longer than 45 minutes?  I assume the shout out was some sort of motivation because at some point we are going to need him today. I would say it’s very unlikely that he will start the game as a game upfront when you are not gonna have much of the ball is not really his game.  Maybe it will be like that famous game at United when he came on as a sub and score the winner with his first touch.

Hmmm, interesting selection in the event as it looks like a 4-5-1 with Ings being replaced with Romeu and Elyonoussi with Targett.  To me that looks both very negative and unlikely to work as we do in fact have the twin giants against two of the quickest strikers around.  Liverpool are giving Shaqiri his first start and four attackers shows that Klopp is not really worried that we’ll be much of a goal threat.

We start ok and then lose the ball on the edge of the Liverpool area when Lemina fucks about.  From the break, Liverpool win a corner and play it short to Robertson who slides a ball inside the full back to Shaqiri.  Cedric comes over and makes no effort to stop the cross and it flicks off of Long and hits a startled Hoedt and bounces over the line.  Fuck sake.  I thought Wes was a bit unlucky there and there are certainly others more to blame.  5 mins, 1-0 and game over probably.

Now that just stopping them from scoring is out of the window, our attempts to attack rest mainly with Redmond who again looks on fire, finding space behind Robertson and he’s clipped by Firmino as he goes to cross the ball but doesn’t make a big enough meal of it so is never going to get a penalty for it.

Liverpool cut us open again and Salah is brilliantly threaded in between our centre backs and Cedric appears and pulls out a superb tackle to knock it out for a corner.  Danger averted you would think but oh no, over it comes and Matip at the back post has a free header which he puts in the top corner giving Macca no chance.  It’s another zonal marking classic as no one has blocked Matip and Vestergaard is too far away from him to get there in time. 20 mins, 2-0 and game over definitely.

Oddly, we’re nto actually playing that badly when we’re not letting in goals and we get the ball in decent areas but there’s only Shane in the box at best.  A decent pull back from Targett is missed by Long and that twat who used to play for us has to clear it for a corner.  Liverpool break out again and Romeu mullers into Shaqiri, from the front, wins the ball and gets booked for it, I think because the little fat prick went up in the air.  Lemina wanders over as Romeu is getting booked which is the first contribution he has made in the game.  Yep, he’s back to the Mario from last season and not giving a flying one.

We are still living very dangerously at the back with Vestergaard being left 1v1 with Salah but just about get away with it because Salah is not completely on his game though his clever backheel past the post was brilliant and unlucky.  As we reach 45 minutes we get two ‘predictables’.  One is that we will let a goal in as soon as there’s a break coming up and the other is that it will be from a soft free kick award.  Slah goes down under Hoedt’s challenge and the free kick from 25 yards is smacked against the bar by Shaqiri but bounces down and unsurprisingly, no one in a yellow shirt reacts and Salah can’t miss.  3-0 and game fucked and can we go home?

The second half is bollocks testimonial paced football. Liverpool don’t need another goal and all we are interested in is keeping the score down.  Armstrong and Bednarek come on for Romeu and Targett and we are now playing the formation we should have been playing from the start and despite the lack of pace in the game now, we look much better for it.  Vestergaard looks better in the centre of the three and we can get some players further up the pitch.  Austin comes on for Long with 20 or so to go and the game plays out.  Salah thinks he’s scored again but he’s run back on the pitch and was offside and we finally have a shot on 91 minutes when Austin takes a diagonal pass and drills it at the near post and Alisson saves easily.  Crap.

Well that was shit.  Exactly the same as last season where the game was over after 5 minutes and the rest of the game was damage limitation and a waste of everyone’s time and money.  I read before the game about a woman on the Isle of Wight who had a 3.30am alarm call to travel up to Anfield today.  I really hope she enjoyed her day despite the team giving her absolutely nothing to be happy about.  One of my son's mates was going to his first away game today as a birthday present.  So, there’s people like them and people all over the world who got up at stupid times to watch the game on TV or whatever.  Nothing to cheer about.  Nothing to get excited about. Pathetic.  You’ve got to have some fucking bollocks about you to play in the Premier League.  Most Saints fans are realistic and know that we’re not going to go toe to toe with Liverpool at Anfield but we did nothing, turned up, lost, fucked off home.

I wanted Mario Lemina gone in the summer and no matter how good he can be when he wants to be, whenever the going gets tough, like against a top 6 side or in a relegation battle, he just can’t be bothered and strolls about.  I absolutely loath his attitude.  If I was Hughes I’d be tempted to let the coach leave without him and he can drive himself home… oh no!  Maybe Lemina was audition for Klopp and Liverpool – he proved that he was brilliant at setting up Liverpool counter attacks.  So… he was a waste of space and others were below par today with Bertrand having his worst game that I can remember in a Saints shirt.  The Targett on the wing experiment didn’t work – it was probably to double up on Salah but he didn’t play out there in the first half at least.

I think Hughes got more or less everything wrong today.  The initial formation was wrong, the Targett thing was wrong, leaving Lemina on was wrong.  Having chosen to play 4 at the back, one of Hoedt or Vestergaard should have been left out for Bednarek or Yoshida.

Zonal marking was brought in last season because we couldn’t defend corners because we didn’t have any good headers of the ball and there was improvement.  However, we have a 6ft 4 centre back in Hoedt and a 6 foot 7 one in Vestergaard and they’re not marking players and we’re relying on smaller players to block the oppositions huge units in front of them and it isn’t working.  After a World Cup where the grappling in the box was highlighted, surely a system that relies on physical contact in the box is not the way to go.

Liverpool?  They’re a really good side and as long as van Dijk and their first choice strikers stay fit, the will run City very close this season.  They certainly won’t have an easier three points then they got today.

Next up for us is Wolves away, a newly promoted side who are looking much better than us.  At least our Liverpool player will be able to play for us.

Premier League Match 5 - Southampton 2 Brighton 2

Duffy and Montoya's Sideline business Should Have Given Us a Clue

After what feels like an age, we have another Premier League football match against Brighton in the dreadful Monday night slot. The perception of the start of the both of these teams have made will be shaped massively e way or another by tonight’s result. Brighton at home is it game which we should of course be looking to win but over the last two seasons, we have not won many home games against teams in and around us in the league. Teams that come to sit tight usually leave St Mary’s with a 1-1 draw or a 1-0 win.

All our players came back from international week with no injuries. Alex McCarthy had to sit and watch two piss poor England performances from the bench, the second of which was whilst a goalkeeper who is not playing very well in the Championship, played 90 minutes.  Still, Gareth Southgate has promised to only pick in-form Premier League players from now on so that’s good isn’t it.

Today, we have exactly the same starting line-up as we had against Crystal Palace before the international break which means that Shane Long starts upfront alongside Danny Ings. The bench is slightly odd with no Oriol Romeu, Stuart Armstrong or Sam Gallagher with Steve Davis being the surprise inclusion.

The game is of course a Monday night game because it is live on Sky and whether it was Sky or whether it was the club or a combination of both that was responsible, three minutes before kick-off will stay with me till I’m in my grave. Flashing strobe lights on the roof of the stands, loud nightclub music, pyrotechnics. What the fuck is this? When I filled out that fucking questionnaire at the end of the season, I don’t recall there being a section about turning St.Mary’s into a fucking nightclub before the game starts. To be fair, it was very well done and looking around me, including looking at to my own kids, they enjoyed it (aside from my son being momentarily worried that my photo-sensitve epilepsy might make an unwelcome return.   Though the kids enjoyed it, I am however, a 49-year- old man who remembers life before the Premier League and the Americanisation of football which is now gathering pace and it’s fucking dreadful. The 39th game and four quarters are just around the corner folks. Loads of empty seats up in the top corners but never mind Ralph.  My plastic clacker has been launched five rows down and with that particular ritual out the way, the game can begin.

A decent start... by Brighton as we wsettle for being passive and letting them have the ball.  They don’t really have much at all despite playing out and out wingers in Knockaert and March.  Propper is supposed to be supporting Murray but he isn’t really and any ball up to Murray is dealt with comfortably by Hoedt.  Its notable that Murray isn’t standing near Vestergaard.

Redmond is first to show for us as he burns Montoya and finds Ings whose shot is deflected wide.  Over it comes and a free header for Hojbjerg who heads across and it pings about.  Ings has a shot cleared and the ball lashes to Hoedt to volleys it in true centre half fashion, over the bar.

Brighton’s tactics are obvious – boom it up to Murray and when they don’t have the ball they content themselves with cynically pulling back any player who gets away from them but they have an ally in Anthony Taylor who wants to play on at every opportunity.  The shit looking Bassouma breaks from midfield and Hoedt pulls out a superb man and ball effort to stop him and gets a boot in the head for his trouble.

Not long after that, Lemina gives the ball away before winning it back and Eloynoussi crosses and it’s headed out to Hojbjerg who takes a touch and smashes it.  Remarkably, it absolutely arrows into the bottom corner with a little bit of late swing on it.  Brilliant strike.  On first glance I thought the keeper maybe should have done better but on the big screen replay, he didn’t have a prayer.

Now – we usually find a way to fuck up after a goal has gone in but the rest of the first half is played mainly in the Brighton half as Brighton just tot up the fouls / advantages without having anyone booked.  I don’t usually leave my seat at half time but I suddenly had a moment of horror at the prospect of another potential nightclub session so I went for a piss.

The second half starts and it was obvious that Brighton wouldn’t be that bad again and they get on the front foot and look the better side.  Suddenly, our centre backs aren’t looking so assured and Hojbjerg and Lemina aren’t dominating as they were in the first half.  Against the run of play, the ball finds its way to Ings and he neatly sidesteps Dunk and drives into the box where Gaetan Bong clumsily runs across the back of his legs and even Anthiny Taylor can’t wave play on for that one.  After the usual delaying shithousery, Ings pauses his run up and neatly passes it into the net past Ryan to make it 2-0.  He’s one of our own.

From the kick off, brighton launch it and win a throw.  Once it’s back in play, Redmond closes down Montoya who throws himself to the ground and wins a free kick.  That looked bollocks.  In it comes from Knockaert and we’re playing Zonal Marking Statues and Shane Duffy gets his head to it and nods it in as easily as you like.  Fucks sake.  Long is the nearest player to him and McCarthy hasn’t covered himself in glory with a kind of forward then back motion.  Bollocks.

Having not really touched the ball all game, Shane Long has a five minute purple patch of involvement as he twice has a chance to run at the last defender and both times he loses his footing.  Then he has a chance as he reached a through ball before the keeper but he launches it into the crowd instead of near the goal.  No one is surprised and off he goes for Gabbiadini with Eloynoussi replaced by JWP a few minutes later.  Gabbi has a difficult chance when Ryan shanks a clearance at him but his 40 yard plus effort sailed well wide.  Final sub, Steve ‘not on the Pace’ Davis on for Ings.  Why take Ings off?  He can’t play next week against Liverpool.

I’m waiting for the equaliser – I’ve got my money on a Murray far post header but as the clock hits 90 I have a slight optimism that we’ll hang on.  Brighton hoof it forwards and it’s flicked on and Vestergaard does well to blocked Knockaert’s shot for a corner.  Over it comes and Murray gets  a header on goal and Macca swings an arm and knocks it away – another corner.  Over it comes – penalty as a Brighton player sprawls on the ground.  Fuck off!  They don’t show it in the stadium of course but later I see that it’s bollocks.  Slight touch by JWP on Duffy and a huge fucking dive.  Taylor couldn’t wait to give it.  Murray rolls it down the middle of the goal as McCarthy dives out of the way.  Shit.

We have time for one more attack and win a free kick as Locadia brings down Hojbjerg 30 yards out.  It’s right of centre so Bertrand pulls rank on JWP and though it’s a decent effort, it’s never going to beat Ryan and he makes a save comfortably enough.  Anthony Taylor has had enough.  Full time.

Fuck. Ing. Hell. Another two points dropped against a piss poor side at home. How do we fucking do it every time?  Can’t really argue with the fairness of the result but the referee was a factor over the 90 minutes and then we fucked ourselves over by allowing Brighton to press us and not have a fucking clue what to do when they did it. Yet again we didn’t react to game changing incidents. We played pretty well after our first goal to be fair but once Brighton got their first goal, we just went to shit. There are three inevitables in life – death, taxes and Saints fucking up a game that they should have won comfortably.  It had a complete inevitability about it but when we got to 91 minutes I kind of thought we might of got away with it. Enter Shane Duffy and Anthony Taylor.

Taylor’s performance will divide opinion. Neutrals will think it was great because he let the game flow and Brighton fans will think it’s great because of the award of the last minute soft penalty. Saints fans should think he was fucking dreadful. It’s all very well waving ‘play on’ when someone’s got hold of someone else’s shirt but go back and book them afterwards because at the end of the day they have still committed the cynical foul and it is a booking offence.  By playing advantage you’ve basically said “I’m ignoring this foul because it benefits the team with the ball“.  However, not going back and booking whatever Brighton player it happened to be, allowed them to kick the shit out of us from the first minute to the last. They didn’t get a booking until 76 minutes when in reality I should’ve had four booked in the first half. This is one of the things that allowed Brighton to be much better in the second half. We can certainly have grievance with the referee and the more I see of Duffy’s fall in the box, the worse it gets – he’s a fucking cheat basically and Montoya’s fall for the free kick for the first goal is soft as well. Having not given a fucking thing all game, excluding our hundred percent nailed on penalty, Tayler decides that the slightest push by JWP on man mountain Duffy is worthy of a penalty. Great consistency there ref, well done. Makes interesting to the Sky audience though doesn’t it, so a round applause and a fucking Gold star to Anthony Taylor.

Ref aside, Saints only have themselves to blame yet again for not closing out the lead against a very average team. Yet again we proved that we can’t handle game changing incidents. After Ings scored his penalty, All we need to do was 10 minutes of controlled football but what do we do? Leave a 6 foot 5 centre half with a free header from 5 yards about 30 seconds after the restart.

Individually, most of the players were excellent in the first half with Hoedt, Hojbjerg and Redmond particularly standing out. In the second half in Brighton pressed, our midfield got over run and we didn’t deal with it. Our second goal was against the run of play so overall you probably have to say it was a fair result in terms of chances created and pressure applied.

Shane Practices His First Touch

I actually bore myself talking about Shane Long.  It puts me in a bad mood, as do the Shane Long apologists.  I’m sorry but he is crap and we are never going to move on from what we are, a lower mid-table side, when we are picking players as limited as Shane Long. We all know what he does, he runs around a lot and that’s it. It’s not even intelligent running most of the time. Usually it’s chasing after an opposition player who has got the ball. He is not making darting runs into space like Gabbiadini or Ings do. He is a reactive forward but as I’ve said countless times before, he has no footballing ability whatsoever and is playing with zero confidence. A couple of times in the second-half he was in good positions and just fell over. Now anyone can slip at any point but it’s just so entirely predictable with him. The one chance he had anywhere near the opposition goal he flipped away from the Brighton goalkeeper but the wrong way and straight out of play for a goal kick.  It was like watching that “have it” advert with Peter Kay and it just isn’t funny anymore and I’m fed up with arguing with people he just see his running around at some sort of asset. As an absolute last resort and only if it’s a choice between him and Austin, would I start Long in an away game. He should never ever start at home. People have been crying out for two strikers and we finally do it and one of them is him. 1 goal in 50 games or whatever it is.

One thing that is for certain is that we have to learn to manage games. In five games now we have chronically underachieved in two of them in that we should’ve got a point at home to Leicester and we should’ve won against Brighton. It is a trend that has been going on for a long time and it will take time for Hughes to sort out. There is no quick fix. It’s easy to say that we shouldn’t have taken the strikers off but we were struggling to get any sort of grip in midfield even before we scored our second goal. In my opinion we need to close ranks in this kind of situation, get the four midfielders narrow and ensure there is some sort of protection the central defenders as in the second half they completely went missing. Worrying thing is the Brighton didn’t actually have to do that much, just up the effort and work hard. There was nothing scientific about what I did because they’re not a good enough team to do anything particularly scientific but fair play to them, they kept going and we didn’t deal with it. We are getting better. It is not as if we have been dreadful for the entire 90 minutes as we were frequently under Pellegrino. As we all know though, the game lasts for longer than 70 minutes which seems to be about our limit right now.

It will come. Maybe not next week... as we have Liverpool away and Danny Ings can’t play.

Hopefully it’s a one off but this will be known as the nightclub match. I never used to be big on going to nightclubs but when I did go it was loads of flashing lights and loud thumping music and the evening always promised much and it looked like I was gonna win for most of it and it usually ended with crushing disappointment. It was nice to be reminded of all that.

Premier League Match 4 - Crystal Palace 0 Southampton 2

A Better Dive from Pierre

This time last year we played Crystal Palace and it was Roy Hodgson‘s first game having been appointed to replace the hapless Ronald de Boer after four matches. We left Selhurst Park with a 1-0 win which really should’ve been much much more. Roy certainly got Palace playing though and in the end they stayed up quite comfortably, including turning us over at S.Mary’s in January.

There is no such thing as a one man team but as far as Palace are concerned, if Wilfried Zaha doesn’t play then they don’t win. One could only assume that our game plan beforehand was to stop Zaha from playing. Seeing as we now pick up shedloads more bookings then we used to, now Hughes is in charge, I fully expect us to adopt the ‘kick to kill’ approach which will mean that on some of the occasions when Zaha hits the deck, he will actually have been fouled instead of just diving like he always does. Great player though, it has to be said. It would certainly make Manchester United’s team better at the moment… Ha ha.

After the Brighton game and the praise that Hughes handed out to Sam Gallagher, I was somewhat disappointed to see that the big man hadn’t even made the bench and even more disappointed to see Shane Long, once again in the starting line-up. It was another run-out in midfield for the Hojbjerg-Lemina axis and overall it was attacking line-up with both wingers in Redmond and Elyonoussi and Ings joining Long upfront.

The main news was in the Palace line-up with Zaha out injured and therefore a debut for Jordan Ayew, who played for Swansea last year and was shit but that somehow earned him and move to Palace in the summer. Talking of shit, Benteke was upfront for them and he is on goalscoring barren spell right up there with Shane Long. I think 3 in 34 games. Hoedt and Vestergaard should really relish playing against the big man.

For some reason I find it amusing that from the kick off, we go back to Vestergaard who launches it and we win a throw in the corner.  Bertrand takes and Redders flicks on and Sakho and Hennessey make a really good effort to give us a goal by running into eachother, clearly panicked by the goalscoring prowess of Shane.  They just about get away with it.  To be fair to Shane, he is causing panic in the defence and he nearly fastens onto a cross from Cedric but it comes out to Hojbjerg who shots powerfully and sees it tipped over the bar.

You can tell that Benteke is ages without a goal as he is resorting to cheating, pathetically collapsing when anyone goes near him.  He’s supported up front by Jordan Ayew who is as explained earlier, shite.  We really have to take advantage of Zaha’s absence.  We win a free kick out on the right after Elyonoussi is manhandled and his delivery is aimed at Ings but met by Milovojevic’ flying header which Hennessey has to tip over the bar.

It’s been a comfortable first half but some namby Cedric defending puts us in a spot of bother as half time approaches and Milvojevic tries his luck from 30 yards and it’s comfortable for McCarthy.  Another goalless first half but we’ve been by far the better side.

A minute into the second half, total football breaks out.  McCarthy’s short goal kick is worked out to Cedric via Hojbjerg and Vestergaard in panicky fashion.  Cedric looks long towards Shane who misses it but the ball is misjudged by Kelly and Ings is in, toe poke, goal.  Only have one up front and we don’t score but we’ve got two, even if one of them never scores.  Get in.

Unbelievably, Palace also go all total football with Kelly striding out of defence, pass, pass, pass and then McArthur curls one in from 25 yards which pings off the angle of post and bar but I’m sure England’s number 1 had it covered.  Straight after that, carnage as Bentake smashes through Cedric and McCarthy blocks his shot, the rebound comes back in and Hoedt suddenly has the ball 2 yards in front of his own goal and produces a horrible scuffed clearance which means he has to throw himself at the next shot and there’s handball appeals and all sorts but we get away with it again.

Long is down and not carrying on and so the pace and work rate up front is gone because here comes Austin.  Within a minute it’s Cedric down the wing and a deflected cross which Austin scuffs goalwards and Wan-Bissaka strangely sticks a hand out to stop a shot that was barely going to reach the goal.  Penalty.  Austin of course grabs the ball and dribbles a horrific piece of shit down the middle of the goal and Hennessey, despite diving, easily kicks it away.  Fucks sake.

Another glorious chance goes begging when Cedric again plays it in and a superb flick by Ings gives Redders a chance.  He smashes it first time and Hennessey saves well at the near post and the rebound pops up and Elyonoussi gets a foot to it but can’t keep it down and it bounces off the bar and over.

Our final two substitutions can be looked at in two ways.  We’re either shutting up shop or handing the initiative to Palace with Ings and Elyonoussi coming off and Romeu and Targett coming on.  Targett goes left wing ahead of Bertrand and Romeu splits Hojbjerg and Lemina leaving Kebab boy up front on his own.  It’s now all Palace.  A cross from the left, a header back across and there’s Benteke with a free header with just McCarthy to beat.  Luckily, as previously explained, Benteke is shit and his header gives McCarthy a chance and it hits his knee and is cleared.

6 bastard minutes extra… and it’s all Palace.  Van Aanholt looks like he’s about the pull the trigger but we nick it off him and Hoedt calmly plays a lovely ball out to Targett on the left.  A ball inside and Hojbjerg is tanking it up from the back, past the last defender and I’ve no fucking idea what Hennessey was doing out there and Pierre rolled it past him from the edge of the box.  Get the fuck in!  We’re actually going to win.

Oh I do love a last-minute goal when it goes in our favour. What a bloody good win that is to get the season up and running. I am beginning to see things I like in this Southampton team. There is an element of ‘back to basics’ about it which has completely come from the manager. I can only speculate as to what made him throw away the three at the back formation which we played last season and all the way through preseason… but in games against teams that are not in the traditional top six, it does seem like a good idea. Maybe it’s a way to get both Redmond and Elyounoussi on the pitch at the same time or maybe it’s just a want to have more of a goal threat and two strikers (even if one of them is Shane Long).

Upfront, we look for more dynamic with Danny Ings being on the pitch and whilst many would prefer to see Gabbiadini partnering him, there is clearly something not right on that score. Hojbjerg and Lemina in the centre of midfield is again, more dynamic than having Romeu playing but there is no way you can see Romeu not playing against the big boys. That midfield pairing will work as long as Lemena can do it consistently and not going to his “can’t be arsed” mode. At the back, it’s clear that the two giants, Hoedt and Vestergaard will be first choice and whilst it will be scary against pacy attacking sides, in the main it will be fine. They had their moments today but in the main, they defended exceptionally well and if they were the sort of defenders who never make mistakes, they wouldn’t be playing for Southampton and Jurgen Klopp would be whisking them away to Blackpool for clandestine meetings.

I made a joke before again about the kick to kill approach that we now seem to have. It of course was an exaggeration but I don’t think we are a team to be fucked with anymore.  We will not be shrinking violets and will not get bullied by the more physical teams.

In the game overall, we were on top majority of the game and having got in front, the win was preserved buy some solid defending, really good goalkeeping and a shite centre forward for Crystal Palace. I wasn’t too enamoured with sitting back and trying to defend for the last 10 minutes but we got away with it and because of the confidence that we are playing with at the moment managed to break away and score a second goal when previously we would’ve just launched into touch.

The players are clearly playing for the manager as well. There are players clearly prepared to run through brick walls and there are smiling faces all over the place. Our captain was called out by many last year for looking generally miserable and after the disappointment he’s had an international level in the past few months, you could excuse him for not being over happy with life but there was one photo when the second goal went in - big beaming smile and clearly pumped up about our first win of the season. Not the best English left back, my arse. The second goal was also a bit of redemption for Pierre Hojbjerg after he was a major contributory factor as to why we lost to Leicester last time out with his rather stupid sending off. He deserves this moment today as he had an absolutely brilliant game.

The only real negative’s from today’s performance was Charlie Austin again whose lack of movement is at odds with the seemingly more dynamic approach that Hughes is trying to bring to the side. The penalty was absolutely fucking horrendous.  He had an argument with Tadic about taking penalties a couple of seasons ago, Austin said that the main centre forward should take the penalties. The main centre forward is now Danny Ings. Previously, Austin has always dribbled his penalties into one corner or another and up till now he has always sent the goalkeeper the wrong way. If the keeper goes the right way then he saves it and even if he goes the wrong way, he saves it if you dribble it down the centre of the goal like he did today. It was a bit of a mystery today, when we had a game plan that revolved around mobile strikers, why there was only one striker on the bench, with that being the immobile one.

So, we go into the international break with a win and as it stands, we are 10th in the league so suddenly it’s not looking too grim but we were in a similar position after a few games on the Pellegrino last season. The main thing is that this win makes us all feel that we are heading in the right direction after two years of the opposite.

League Cup 2nd Round - Brighton 0 Southampton 1

You Go Down the Wing and Cross it Nath!  I'll Sort It!

An away trip to Brighton in the Reserve Team Trophy. You can hope all you like that the manager is going to play as close to a first-team is possible to try and get some confidence or to work on team shape or pattern or something like that but you know deep down that it’s going to be all the fringe squad players that are playing. You also know that Brighton, whose main priority this season is going to be very much staying up, are going to do exactly the same thing. As the more established Premier League side with a bigger squad, you would expect our side to be better than theirs but since when has anything ever worked out the way you thought it would.

In the event, Saints made 10 changes with only Elyonoussi surviving from the Leicester defeat. The only Academy youngster in the side was Matty Targett with both Josh Sims and Harrison Reed having gone out on loan this week. There was a place on the bench for Sam Gallagher with both Ings and Long not being involved at all. Making their first appearances of the season were Angus Gunn , Steve Davis, Maya Yoshida and Jan Bednarek.

It’s like a testimonial with the only difference being that there are no competition winners out there or someone’s 8 year old son.  Anyway, putting negativity aside for a second, we really should take the lead on 8 minutes when following a JWP cross and a deflection, Elyonoussi sees his point bank header blocked and then Yoshida’s follow up is easily cleared off the line.

Brighton’s reserves, not many of whom I’ve heard of, create a chance with Jahanbakhsh (who I have heard of) running through some non-existent challenges on our right and firing just over the bar from the edge of the box.  The rest of the first half is utter forgettable shit with just a shot wide from Armstrong after a decent run and a long ranger from Gabbiadini which actually forces a save out of Button in goal for the Seagulls.  Boring 0-0.  Half time.

You just know that this game is 0-0 and penalties or 1-0.  Brighton have the first attempts to make it the latter when Armstrong bottles out of at tackle on our right and it’s the old cross from our left routine with a slight twist.  Usually, the ball sails over Stephens and Cedric’s man heads at goal.  This time with Stephens at right back, it sails over him and Gyokeres heads down but Gunn gets across well to push it away.

JWP is unlucky with a free kick which hits Button in the chest as he decided not to use his hands for some reason and there’s an almighty scramble in our penalty area, the highlight of which is a great block from Bednarek to deny Kayal.

On 70 minutes, Sparky decides to try and raise the game above tedium level because he couldn’t be arsed with a penalty shoot-out and on comes Gallagher for Romeu.  The new boy immediately starts putting himself about and putting defenders under pressure.  It’s good to see.  More subs a few minutes later with Redmond and Auston coming on for Gabbiadini and Armstrong and then a glorious chance to take the lead.  Button has a fucking nightmare, toe ending a ball with his standing foot before playing an airshot and Gallagher nicks it off him, stays composed and tees up Austin who has two defenders on the line but surely he must score right?  Just put your laces through it right?  Wrong – wanky sidefoot easily kicked off the line.  Fuck sake.

One last chance with Brighton now playing for penalties. Gallagher to Elyonoussi who switches play superbly out to Redders on the left.  The man with the new found confidence stands up the defender, takes him on and floats over a superb left foot cross right on the head of Austin who thumps home a header which Button gets a hand to and can’t keep out.  Thank you and good night.

The most important thing about any game of Cup football is to win it and to be in the hat for the next round. I am using this as a justification for the fucking dreadful game that just happened. Our reserves were marginally less shit than their reserves. The identity of the goalscorer did illustrate a point that I have been crapping on about for a while now which is that Charlie Austin is better as a substitute because we don’t have to burn a substitution every time he starts because he’s too knackered to play more than an hour and he will be better against tired defenders.

All three substitutes were game changers today. Sam Gallagher was excellent when he came on and he added a completely different dimension to our attack that Brighton couldn’t deal with. The other two subs were Redmond and Austin who combined for the goal. Elsewhere, I was really hoping that Jack Stephens would put his hand up as alternative to the recently dreadful Cedric at right back but he totally failed to do so, looking like a fish up a tree for most of the match and the old failing in the air was horribly evident as well and led to the closest Brighton got to scoring.  Steve Davis had a tidy match in midfield and Matt Targett showed in patches, why Fulham were allegedly willing to spend £15 million on him.

It is not a surprise to me that our second string wasn’t much worse than the first string. We have a deep squad which is pretty equal in ability right across it. There are a few who didn’t play tonight who would make the team better like Vestergaard, Ings and Bertrand but other than those three you could almost mix and match.

Next up is a much more important league game against Crystal Palace away.  Another tough game but one that we really need to be getting something out of. I know it’s only the fourth time but you really don’t wanna be in the bottom three which is where we will be should we get beaten on Saturday.

PS… we got the shittiest of shit draws in the next round… Everton away.  For fucks sake.

Premier League Match 3 - Southampton 1 Leicester 2

Pierre Tries to Convince Jon Moss that He Was Six Inches Behind Play

Miraculously, Claude Puel still has a job at Leicester after for all the world looking like he would lose it in the summer. Many people had different turning points with regards to their support for Pellegrino last season but a lot of them turned on the 4-1 defeat by Leicester. We should use that game as motivation today to help toward a positive result. Leicester have no Jamie Vardy today as he was sent off last week but can still call on the number of very good players have they signed in the wake of the miraculous championship win.  They managed to keep hold of Harry Maguire after the World Cup despite the media trying to sell him to Manchester United.  Harry of course is the centre back who most Saints fans didn’t want to sign when he left Hull, before we signed Wesley Hoedt.

Saints make four changes from the Everton defeat with Vestergaard , Elyonoussi, Hojbjerg and Shane Long coming in for Austin, JWP, Romeu and Stephens. On the face of it there are some positives with this but the inclusion of Shane Long has the effect of depressing the fuck out of me. I would like anyone to answer me this? What on earth has that guy done in the past two years to warrant starting a Premier League football match? Anyone suggesting anything remotely related to “he runs a lot“ will not be taken seriously. It used to be the case that a striker that was going through a bad patch (usually about 10 games) would go and play in the reserves, hopefully banging a few goals to get his confidence up and then get picked again. There was nothing wrong with that system. Nowadays, it seems that the misfiring striker just gets given chance after chance after chance after chance and continues to play like he doesn’t even know what a football is and for that he gets an extended contract. Leaving out Romeu is an interesting call as well, bearing in mind that every time Hojbjerg and Lemina have played together so far, it has been a complete disaster.

Saints start the game pretty well and create the first chance as Elyounoussi cuts in from the left and sees his mis-hit shot kicked away by Schmeichel.  Leicester of course have James Maddison playing for them who was of course, according the ever reliable Sky Sources, signing for us in the summer.  Once a load of people had bet on that outcome, he of course signed for Leicester which was a shame as he looks decent – so much so that Hojbjerg grabs him in midfield to stop him getting away and Jon Moss books him.  With Austin being on the bench today there is no chance to compare Moss and Austin on the fitness stakes.

Redmond is continuing his strong start to the season and Amartey, the Leicester right back is getting destroyed every time the ball goes left.  On this occasion, Nathan pisses past him and Schmeichel turns his cross out for a corner.  In it comes flat from Elyounoussi and Vestergaard meets it on the edge of the box but it bounces down and wide.

Whilst the flow of play is generally towards the Leicester goal, it is notable that when they break, we are all over the shop and luckily, they usually choose the wrong pass. One last chance for Saints before half time with Bertrand and Redmond combining down the left again, a good low ball into Ings and he makes space brilliantly with his turn against the defender, only to hit his shot too close to Schmeichel who claws it out.  He’s not as big a bastard as his Dad but he’s irritatingly good just the same.  And so another St.Mary’s half time arrives with no goal.

The second half doesn’t start to promisingly with Wesley Hoedt again displaying that he can’t go a full 90 without a nightmare happening.  Firstly he gives the ball away and gets away with it when the cross is cleared back to him.  Then he calmly allies on the ball and gets tackled and McCarthy has to save the incoming shot.  It illustrates Hoedt, after over a year in the English game, still doesn’t get that strikers don’t give you time on the ball if they’re in close proximity, unless they’re Charlie Austin of course.

In a change to the published script, there’s a bit of build up on the right and Hojbjerg squirts the ball across and it finds it’s way to Ryan Bertrand on the edge of the box and he absolutely creams it past Schmeichel and screaming into the top corner.  What a strike.  Having won the ‘Losing the Most Points from Winning Positions’ Trophy last season, we set about defending that crown when three minutes later we get a Weslunge, a Leicester break and when the cross comes in, Cedric rises like a salmon and heads it off the back of his head and behind him straight to Gray who turns and smashes it in.  Utter wank from Mr Euro 16 Tight Shirt Boyband Twat.

On 70, we set about winning the game by taking off our best striker in Ings and bringing on Austin but the key incident to the whole game was 7 minutes later when we win the ball back high as Leicester overplay and Hojbjerg breaks into the area.  Ndidi has a grab and Pierre keeps going before Amartey pulls out of making any tackle and Pierre pulls out a ridiculous dive and having already been booked, he has to go and even Fat Jon Moss couldn’t miss that one from his position about 50 yards behind play.  Well played Pierre – fucking hell.

Austin should of course be following Hojbjerg down the tunnel but Romeu comes on for Elyonoussi.  Far from reorganizing, we have gone to shit and Chilwell jinks in from the Leicester left and fires at the near post but McCarthy is equal to it.  A typical Shane Long performance (100% effort, 0% goal threat) comes to an end as Armstrong comes on as we appear to settle for 1-1.

Just as it looks like we night get away with it but then Maguire picks the ball up on our right and cuts infield.  Austin tries to close him down but he’s waiting for his change at the bar so he doesn’t get close enough and Maguire scuffs it goalwards, through Romeu’s legs, through Vestergaard’s legs and unsurprisingly, McCarthy is unsighted and it settles in the bottom corner.  For fucks sake.  The End.

Well fuck it. Another kick in the bollocks. It seems that any event, good or bad in the game just sees us go to shit. We score a goal, we panic and go to shit. We concede a goal, we then panic some more and go to shit some more. Someone gets sent off, we completely go to shit. Teams with strong mentalities and leadership respond to changes in the game in a positive way, regardless of whether the incident in question was positive or negative for their team. We just don’t do that at the moment and haven’t since Koeman days. There’s a reason some teams, like Bournemouth for example, gain loads of points from losing positions and there is a reason why Saints continue to do the complete opposite..

Having played reasonably well in the first half, we finally took the lead the great strike from Ryan Bertrand then pissed it away within three minutes thanks to a horrific bit of defending by Cedric. Usually, when a ball his crossed over on the left hand side he just get smashed into oblivion by the player he supposed to be marking but today he went one better actually presented the ball to the guy he was supposed to be marking. To be fair, Elyonoussi got in his way a bit but I don’t know about you, I was taught to call for the ball when it was in the air when I was about seven years old and regardless of who got in the way, to keep my eye on it.

Following Pierre’s red card for being a fucking dick (no more really needs to be said on that), we of course let in the tunnelball 94th minute winner.  Maybe our centre forward should have been marking Maguire in the first place or at least closing down. Whilst I’m not remotely impressed that Long was picked to start the game, once the red card happened, the player that should’ve been taken off was of course Austin because he can’t run, even though he has only been on the pitch for 20 minutes. A knackered Shane Long will do more chasing and harrying then a fresh Charlie Austin. That’s the one fucking thing that Shane Long is good at. I know a substitute is going to kick off about being substituted but this is top level professional sport and the team is, or should be everything.

Fan reaction has been typically OTT and absurd. I don’t know what people expect really as Hughes tries to unpick two years of complete fucking shambles. It really isn’t going to happen overnight and he is going to get some things wrong in the meantime. Jack Stephens last week was a wrong call, Shane Long this week was a wrong call.

There were some positives today despite what you may read on Twitter. The midfield pairing of Hojbjerg and Lemina looks better than it ever has before, which is not hard admittedly, well… It was better until Pierre was a dick. Nathan Redmond had another very good game on the wing and seems to have rediscovered his love of running at players.

An interesting call for Hughes this week is how to use the Brighton league cup game. Personally, I would field of the strongest side but I suspect it will be used to give players like Steve Davis and Jan Bednarek a game. The main thing I would like to say is an alternative right back tried, be it Jack Stephens, Matt Targett, Maya Yoshida or Jan Valery.

Bring it on.

Premier League Match 2 - Everton 2 Southampton 1

Classic Stephens and Cedric Defending

Everton. We always lose to Everton. I’ve been saying that since the 80s. The level of delusion an entitlement which shot through the roof last season when they started lobbing Loadsamoney around, has continued this season. Richarlison was brought in for Watford for a fee potentially rising to 50,000,000 had everyone wondering what the fuck was going on but to be fair, the new man started with two girls last week in their entertaining away draw with walls. They also went on a massive spending spree on the last day of the transfer window which makes it all look a bit unplanned but to be honest, Everton could pick 11 fat blokes out of the crowd and stick them in an Everton kit and they would still beat Southampton at Goodison. We actually got a draw here last season but it felt like a defeat because we let in a goal in the last second.

After being the reason that Marco Silva lost his job at Watford at the start of last season, it was only fair that Everton should kick fat Sam into touch and give Marco the job of the new season. He seems to be quite a decent manager if also one with slightly questionable ethics regarding walking out on clubs as soon as a better opportunity comes along. But Ronald Koeman before him though,He won’t get back better opportunity Unless he makes a decent job of the Everton role.

I was hoping for us to line up with more or less what we finished with against Burnley but it didn’t happen.  Ings came in but Austin stayed in… what the fuck – both Elyounoussi and Vestergaard injured.  So – it looks like 4-4-2 with Stephens and Hoedt as the centre backs.  Oh sweet fucking Lord.

You can tell what sort of game it’s going to be as Pickford launches one and in best Tyro Under 10s fashion, we let it bounce in between our midfield and defence.  Embarrassing,  Romeu is embarrassed as he bundles Tosun over and gives away a free kick.  Sigurdsson takes the free kick into Keans who wins the header with no challenge or jump from Stephens and luckily it’s straight at McCarthy.  Having noticed the weakness, Everton just go for it every time, just lobbing it forwards towards our centre back disasters – free headers galore on the edge of box.

Everton look as bad as us defensively and following a Redmond run and foul on him, JWP picks out Austin who heads wide when he really should have done better.  This is just a temporary jurney up to the other end for the ball and it’s soon pinging around our penalty area with no one taking charge until Hoedt pulls out his signature move, The Weslunge  This is the one where he’s lost concentration and usually out of position so he launches in like a pub player and clatters someone.  Sigurdsson collects the Weslunge and gets up and cleverly, with everyone expecting more aerial bombardment as we’re shit at that, he plays it short and finds out that we’re shit at that as well as Schneiderling turns it round the corner with a clever pass and Walcott is clean through and has a free shot from 10 yards.  1-0.

Another few minutes and another Weslunge – this time on Tosun who is the latest in a long line of big centre forwards who would fall over if you farted near them.  The Weslunge earns a booking this time and this time it is aerial and Keane again rises above the static Stephens and heads at McCarthy.  How Stephens thinks he’s heading the ball clear without jumping is anyone’s guess.

Despite us being generally arse, it should be 1-1. Hoedt takes time off from Weslunging to ping a great crossfield ball to JWP who feeds Cedric and miraculously, Cedric hits one from miles out and it’s on target and Pickford spills it straight to Ings who crashes it off the bar and away from 6 yards.  What a miss.  Replays later show that Pickford got a touch and got lucky but you have to score from there.  Guess what happens when you don’t… another ‘soft as fuck’ goal at the other end.  Build up down our left, Coleman reverses the ball to Walcott who has not been tracked and he’s got all the time in the world to cross it and returning from last season we have the Stephens/Cedric Corridor of Uncertainty.  The cross sails over Stephens and Richarlison gets above Cedric and heads in easily.  Fucking pathetic and to make matters worse, it’s fucking Richarlison who just dives all the time.

Ings flashes a header wide from a JWP corner as the half comes to an end but it’s Gooodison Park Normal Service Resumed for Saints.  Dogshit.

We have nothing to lose in the second half as we’ve lost already and we start well with Bertrand running at the right hand side of Everton’s defence and feeding Ings whose shot is deflected wide.  We’re all over them and a decent move ends with Romeu’s Row Z bound shot being deflected wide for a corner.  In it comes from JWP, flicked on by Lemina and there’s Ings to knock it in from 6 yards.  Bloody hell we’ve scored.

It’s time for the pre-determined removal of Austin who is gasping for a fag, kebab and a pint and on comes a competition winner because we clearly don’t need another goal.  Yep…. iiiiiiit’s Shane. FFS!  Soon after we’re lucky to still be in the game as Walcott scores but it’s disallowed for a non-existent offside in the build-up.  Walcott is then guilty of a horrific miss after Everton carve us open, dragging wide after Sigurdsson put it on a plate.  Sigurdsson certainly looks better now Everton don’t have Rooney getting in his way.

With 10 to go we finally bring Gabbi on for Romeu but we create very little – the one main chance coming from a JWP free kick which Pickford blocks away from the near post.  Everton are the better side in the last 10 and McCarthy again has to save from Gueye as Everton held out relatively comfortably.  We lost at Goodison.  Quelle surprise!

I have to say I’m slightly mystified by Mark Hughes thought process regarding the lineup for this game. No doubt he had originally planned on a 4-4-2 formation with Vestergaard partnering Hoedt in the centre of the defence. When Vestergaard dropped out though, he was left with the partnership of Stephens and Hoedt who proved last season that they are not good enough as a pair and you need a third centre back or else you’re going to be shit. Maybe we practised with four at the back all week and decided that he didn’t want to throw a weeks training out of the window at the last minute. I can kind of understand that. He must know deep down though that those two would be a disaster. The second Everton goal was absolute textbook last season with a cross coming in from our left, Stephens being absolutely fucking nowhere and Cedric’s man scoring with a header. I only wish I had put money on it before the game. The first goal was a well worked free-kick but we were asleep and made it so easy for Walcott to help himself to a goal.

Austin again proved that it is a mistake for him to start games because there is no way on earth he is going to last 90 minutes. Substitutions are for changing the game not for replacing and fit players who are absolutely blowing out of their arse holes after an hour. He has a talent for scoring goals but he is more likely to do that if he comes on against tiring defenders and we don’t have to have a premeditated substitute every fucking game.

If we are to start with two strikers then it absolutely has to be Ings and Gabbiadini. Ings looks a terrific player. When his name first got mentioned I wasn’t over enthusiastic about it but that opinion has changed slightly now. It’s great that Ings got off the mark with his goal today but he will know that he really should’ve had two when he gave Pickford the opportunity to make that lucky save in the first half. Some will call it a brilliant save but having dropped a basic shot to the striker the keeper just spreads some self and he gets lucky if the ball hits him or not. Basically, Ings should have just rolled it along the ground.

I do trust Hughes to get it right. Eventually, my money is on Hoedt and Stephens being back ups to Yoshida and Vestergaard and on Austin being the striker that we bring in when we need a goal with 20 to go. I also see the more reliable Hojbjerg coming into the team ahead of Lemina who once again was as flaky as you like.

So, one point out of six and a defeat at Goodison Park. All this is pretty much standard so there really is nothing to get worried about yet. Leicester at home was one of the biggest shit house games from last year when we got absolutely dicked 4-1. A repeat of that is not an option and I expect us to get it right.