Pompey - Seriously (sort of)

This is probably out of date by the time you read it.... I kept adding bits to it thought I'd better stop before it ended up as total disorganised rubbish (as opposed to partially disorganised rubbish).  Also... it's impossible to summarize the whole story.  So, having got all my excuses out the way....

At the start of the Leicester crap defeat blog, I was talking of floating unpleasant things floating in the Solent.  Yes, it’s time to talk about Pompey again though unlike the detritus floating in the Solent, Pompey have always seemed to be the turd that will not flush, no matter how much paper, water or other turds you put on top of it.

This weeks’ news is that Pompey’s prospective new owner, Joseph Cala, the Sicilian Man from Atlantis with the Underwater Hotels which don’t exist, has pulled out of the purchase.  This is a shame from one point of view because he sounded hilarious, wanting to buy it because it reminded him of Pompeii, the city that was buried by a volcano.  Just as hilarious was an argument on Twitter between Cala and Brian Howe, another potential owner which was in full swing until the Twitter version of Cala turned out to be someone else entirely, thus not making Mr Howe look particularly bright, expending time and energy arguing with someone even less credible than the real Joseph Cala.

So, where are we?  Well, as far as the football club is concerned; despite their last 6 months and a load of new players having been funded with probably laundered Lithuanian and Latvian money and despite them having no money to pay their players this month and despite their parent company being in administration with no income from anywhere else coming in.... they still haven’t been deducted points yet.  The question on everyone's lips is of course....why the fuck not? 

Apparently, the League are making up their mind as to whether CSI and Pompey are inextricably linked?  My arse they’re not!  Lets face it, the Skates have an administrator in effect as the parent company currently has nothing else besides good old PFC – despite what anyone of a Skate persuasion may say, it is EXACTLY the same situation as with Saints a few years back.  They are being controlled by Admin Andy, the Greek God of Questionable Practice who found them their last saviour.  There was some vague assertion put forward that the Football Club was being controlled by the Board but you’ve only got to listen to the gathering depression that is their Chief Exec Mr Lampitt to realise that this is bollocks. So come on Football League, get it done and get those points wiped off.... about 20 seems about right.

Pompey Chief Exec and former Head of Integrity (ha ha ha) at the FA Mr Lampitt, gave a remarkable interview on Saturday in which he attacked the Portsmouth Evening News for a story stating that Pompey owed £1.6m to the tax man before calming down and admitting that they did in fact owe £1.6m to the tax man.  This is what’s known in the interview trade as ‘Doing a Cotterill’.  He also stated that they were dependent on the parent company for money and they’d chosen to pay their players and not pay their tax bill for the past 2 months which sure is a guaranteed vote winner in these times of austerity.  This also puts Lampitt in the same bracket as Peter Storrie who was Chief Exec the last time they decided to use HMRC as a bank. 

In addition, they haven’t even started paying the 20p in the pound CVA they agreed last time (which wiped about £70 million off their debt in a kind of ‘tough shit, you’re not having it back’ kind of way), haven’t paid back the small creditors in full like they promised (including charities and schools) and it turns out that they knew (from the 3^rd January apparently) that there was a Winding Up Petition from HMRC on the way and (wait for it)...a week later they signed a new player, even if it was a cheap one who had just come out of prison.  Their argument is that they released a high wage earner (Relegation Hreidarsson) and signed a player on a lot less but the fact is that Hreidarsson wasn’t playing so didn’t need ‘replacing’ as such.  Also, even if they’re only paying the ex-con ten quid a week, it’s money the taxman could do with. ..... and they call us Scum?!?

Meanwhile, Milan Mandaric, Harry Redknapp and the Ghost of his late dog have gone to court having been charged with tax evasion regarding questionable financial irregularities that all happened when they were Chairman, Manager and Manager’s Dog at guess which club.... ?

a) Portsmouth,

b) Pompey,

c) The Skates. 

Rosie (for that was the dog) apparently is dead now though it is unconfirmed whether she choked whilst trying to eat a tax return. So, it’s all happening at once – approximately 10 years of slightly dodgy shit all hitting the fan at the same time.

The way I see it is that Pompey have a Winding up Petition from HMRC.  The only options they have regarding the WUP is pay it in full, be liquidated or go into administration yet again.  I don’t reckon they’ve got £1.6 million behind the sofa (unless they borrow the sofa that Rosie 47 used to sit on).  The sofa option is all they are left with as a WUP means that you can’t use your bank accounts, hence they’ve asked for cash-only payments for their next home game, blaming that on a system glitch (you couldn’t make it up – but they do).  The cash only rule implies that their player may well be paid in brown paper bags at the end of January.  At least doing it that way means the tax bill will be less I guess.  Going into administration would be fraught with danger as HMRC would be the main creditor and they are not going to agree to a reduced payment so it would just delay the inevitable. 

Usually of course, you would expect the parent company to pay the bills for them but they can’t because they’re in administration because assets are frozen as the owner is in jail for alleged money laundering.  Failing that, you would expect the loan shark who is the main creditor of the parent company to put some money in to keep it going but he’s refusing for now to throw more good money after bad. 

A WUP means the company (Pompey) can’t be sold... well actually it appears they can be but HMRC are in control in that they have final approval.  (Act of insolvency.... points deduction... come on Football League..!!!).  The other option of course, is to raise £1.6 million by selling players and playing the kids in the first team but even that has complications as you’re not supposed to trade whilst under a WUP and I also read somewhere that any money from player sales should go to the creditors who were shafted by the last CVA (I don’t know if that’s true or not)...  Selling players and trying to raise £1.6million seems the best option they have at this moment in time so best get to selling players then Mr Lampitt and while you’re at it, try not to sign any more, even if they have just come out of prison.

I’m only really concerned about football to be honest and do not want them to go out of business.  As I’ve said before, I have loads of mates who are of the blue persuasion and their kids all proudly wear their colours and that’s fine with me.  I’d prefer the see those kids wearing Pompey shirts than Man Utd or Chelsea etc as it least it shows an affinity to a local team that their parents and grandparents probably supported – I like all that.   I do however want the Football league to do what’s right though and hit them hard with a points penalty – one that actually has an effect unlike the last one.  This has no effect at all on Saints as it won’t make any difference to us this year if Pompey get docked points or not, in fact, it would be better for us if they folded as the teams around us would lose more points than ourselves.  My stance is solely to do with the integrity (that word again) of the competition though I admit that a bit of my motivation may be for giggles.  If they get walloped with a meaningful points deduction (see Luton Town) then I’ll be happy that football justice has finally been done.

Sadly though (and I do genuinely mean that) I don’t think points deductions are going to be an issue for anyone however because this time, I really can see no way out for them.  After last time, they have definitely picked the wrong enemy.  You don’t fuck with the tax man once, let alone twice and especially when  a) you fucked him over for about £40 million quid a couple of years back and b) it’s clearly stated that the taxman doesn’t like the special rules that seem to exist for football clubs.  The stupidity of not paying tax and inviting the WUP is beyond belief really.

PS... since I wrote this, having gone away with abuse ringing in his ears from both Pompey and Admin Andy, the Man from Atlantis has come back on the scene and is making noises about buying them again.  If by some miracle this happens, we’ll all be back here again in next to no time.

By the way - a sincere 'good luck' to the supporters groups who are trying to make a difference – you have taken on one mother of an uphill battle but fair play to you for trying.