NPC Match 26 - Nottingham Forest 0 Southampton 3

Cotterill speaks: 'oooof it farwaaard to Maaaaarlon

Forest away today but first, the news. Since our last game, Tadanari Lee has got the necessary work permit approval from the FA and now it’s down to the Department of Employment to rubber stamp it. Getting past the FA is allegedly the tricky one when it comes to work permits and it transpired that we were knocked back originally as he’d only played in 10 of Japan’s 20 competitive internationals in the last 2 years and not the 15 required. I guess the fact that he’s played in the last 10 was what swung it in the end. These rules only apply if you’re not a big club as Man United and Liverpool regularly sign American reserve goalkeepers who have played as many internationals as me.

Celtic manager Neil Lennon has confirmed that we put a bid in for Gary Hooper who played for Nigel Adkins at Scunthorpe. He’s very high profile now, scoring for fun in the SPL which should bring a note of caution due to the standard of the football. For example, his strike partner Anthony Stokes scores loads up there but did nothing for Sunderland and nothing on loan spells at Sheffield United and Palace. He’s only scored goals at Falkirk, Hibernian and Celtic – are you seeing a pattern here? Hooper looks decent though and it would be a bit of coup if we could get him in.

To today - those of us of a certain age will always associate Nottingham Forest with Brian Clough and Saints visiting the City Ground and invariably getting beat. It’s an amusing one for me looking back as I managed to get thrown out of the City Ground once for the crime of foul and abusive language at Russell Osman. To set the scene, it was an FA Cup game, it was pssing with rain and for some reason, the roof of the stand we were in was designed specifically to let all the rain in. We were 1-0 up in the 80th minute and thanks to a Stuart Pearce inspired Forest, managed to be losing 3-1 as we got into the last minute. We got a throw in and Russell came across to take it, right in front of me. Before he took it, he put his hands through his luxurious hair to make sure it was in place. I can’t remember what I said exactly but it had lots of nasty words in it. I do however remember the hand on the shoulder and being escorted out by two stewards, soaking wet, in the 92nd minute, when a lot of the Saints fans had left already. Those who were around me gave me a standing ovation as I left, which was a nice touch.

Anyway, maybe it’s a sign of how far Forest have fallen but in the seat that used to be occupied by the aforementioned legendary Clough, now sits Steve Cotterill who, as we know from following his career at The Skates, is not a great manager and gives very amusing ‘a West Country village somewhere is missing its idiot’ post-match interviews. It’s always been a mystery to me how so many managers fail everywhere they go and keep getting decent jobs? They’ve had it so tough at Forest recently that unbelievably, they pine for that horrible little shit Billy Davies who had them up the top end of this league but then, I’d pine for Billy Davies if I’d subsequently been subjected to Schteve McClaren and Cotterill as replacements. Cloughie would be turning in his grave. Cotterill’s line up included a new big centre forward in Marlon Harewood so we knew from the team sheet what was coming and it would be hoooooooof. Surely though, Cotterill would look at the fact that Hooiveld and Martin are 12ft 8 between them and come up with a plan B.

There was concern in my head about who we’d have playing with virtually all our strikers being injured or suspended. As it turned out, we were able to pair the wee Irishman with the big Brazilan. The midfield saw Corky on the right hand side with Deano, Morgan and Adam Lallana in their usual positions. The back 4 saw Dan Harding retained at right back following his decent performance in the FA Cup at Coventry with the aforementioned giants in the centre and Foxy on the left. Superkelv was back in goal.

Away we go and the game soon settles into a pattern with Saints attempting to pass and move and Forest getting the ball and hoooooof. The first two chances of the game are shared as Deano finds loads of space on the edge of the box and fires one in, forcing a save from Camp and then Tudgay attempts a lob from a Harewood pass which is comfortably caught by Superkelv.

It’s a kind of nondescript first half hour until Big Jos picks up a deserved booking for cynically fouling Tudgay who is on his way past him, having fastened onto an errant Schneiderlin cross field ball. The resulting free kick is smashed low and hard by McGugan and breaks to Harewood who has an open goal to aim at for a second but delays long enough to allow Big Jos to throw himself in the way of the shot. A minute later and we were in front as a ball out of defence is neatly and expertly flicked on by Forest captain Chambers to Cork who was in acres on the right. He cut in along the line and found the man who is always in space, David Connolly who surprised everyone by scuffing his shot into the keeper. The rebound fell to the Gulyman who smashed in into the net from about 10 yards. Get in!!!

Forest came to back in an attempt to find an equalizer before half time and won a corner following great defending by Deano. The kick was flicked on, Aaron Martin did some ball watching and Lynch climbed high at the back post and all the Forest fans went yeahhhhh... followed quickly by ohhhhhh as he headed the simple looking chance over the bar. One more alarm though before the sanctuary of the dressing room as McGugan fired in another long range free kick which Superkelv shovelled away.

It’s half time and time to fart around on the internet and yes, there’s a decent stream of the game which comes from Al Jazeera TV. Last time I saw anything from them, it was an ‘I’m still alive’ video from Osama bin Laden who interestingly, hasn’t been ruled out yet as a potential new owner for Pompey.

It all got controversial very quickly at the start of the second half as Big Jos returned another hoof forward and Chambers came steaming in on Connolly from miles away, leading with his arm, banging him in the side of the head. Deano who was the closest player to the incident, went nuts indicating an elbow and after the obligatory handbags and the accused doing the usual shrug of guilt, the ref showed the red card. I really don’t see how anyone can have any complaints about it. The question is not ‘was there intent?’, the question is ‘was it dangerous?’ and the answer is clearly yes. If you lead with your arm then you’re asking for trouble. For what it’s worth, my opinion is that Chambers is a moron and saw his opportunity to leave a marker on a forward so yeah, I reckon he meant it. Why the fuck does he need his arm up there to beat the colossus David Connolly in the air.... he's about 5 foot 3.  On the line, the Bumpkin has completely lost it, jumping up and down and pointing and shouting at the Saints bench from the safety of being behind several people. Apparently he was having a go at Jim Stannard who is our keeper coach and is a big lad so it would have been a laugh if he’d got to him.

As is always the way with incidents like this, Connolly is of course, now being booed for getting smacked in the face by an idiot and he starts a move which continues with Lallana flying down the wing and crossing, Connolly stepping over it and Guly showing the killer instincts of vegetarian in an abattoir as he lashed it horribly over the bar.

The second goal will surely be only a matter of time and that time is now as we work it across from left to right before Harding switches onto his left foot and delivers in to the box which Morgan gets a bit of a lucky flick on and guess who’s found the right place to be? 2-0 and the Irishman should apply to be the next Sherriff of Nottingham, given his popularity at this precise moment.

The Gulyman is having a rest as the game goes on, kind of sat on his bum in the centre circle. It looks like a repeat of the bum injury suffered in the Brighton game and he’s off to be replaced by Lee Holmes. It makes no difference to our attacking play though as Lallana feeds Deano who rolls it into the path of Morgan. Whilst everyone behind the goal covers their faces and hopes the ball doesn’t hit them, Morgan takes aim and with my gag last week about paintballing raging through his mind, smashed it into the bottom corner from 30 yards. To be fair, the keeper should have stopped it but it’s a great strike.

The rest of the game is basically target practice with Saints against Lee Camp. Firstly, Lallana feeds Holmes who curls in a superb left footed shot which Camp claws away at full stretch. He then tips over a Deano piledriver from the edge of the box before saving again from a deflected Danny Fox shot. He doesn’t need to save the next one as Connolly’s flick header finds Aaron Martin at the back stick who plays a horrible air shot which as we’re 3-0 and the game is nearly over, is actually quite funny.

Final whistle and happy days are here again. Make no mistake; this was a quality result playing some quality football. I know Forest are in the bottom three but then so were Doncaster and Bristol City and we lost to both of them. I guess the difference was that both those two sides had spirit and a manager who was getting something out of the team. The much anticipated post-match Village Idiot interview didn’t disappoint as he said the interviewer was harsh for saying that Saints were the better side throughout, just before he admitted that Saints were the best team when Forest had 11 and the best team when Forest had 10. He had a moan at the ref for not giving them a free kick for nothing just before the red card and he had a moan about our bench getting the player sent off. Steve, I reckon it may have been your player leading with his arm and banging Connolly in the head that got him sent off. Nigel was a happy boy, pointing out that we’ve now played 2 games without Sir Rickie and won them both. I must say that Nigel appears to have the ability to learn from mistakes – playing Corky on the right is much better than playing Morgan there. Jack is more adaptable for starters and has played a lot at right back so is more comfortable in the wide areas.

The sending off was not the turning point in this game as we more or less dominated it from the off. The turning point came a couple of months back when Forest loaded the gun and then took aim at their own foot and pulled the trigger by appointing Cotterill. Joking aside, we won this easily and but for Lee Camp it could quite easily have been 6-0 at the end. Forest looked like a team that is heading down to League 1 which they should not be with the players they have. Draw your own conclusions on that one.

We stayed at the top of the league with Middlesbrough losing at home to Burnley and Cardiff drawing at Doncaster. West Ham managed to win 1-0 but the fact that it was against the Skates is a bit of a consolation. No doubt we will be dislodged from the top of the league next week for a couple of days as West Ham are at home to ..... wait for it ..... Nottingham Forest (come on Steve Cotterill, managerial genius) and we don’t play until Monday against Nigel Pearson’s Leicester City who have still not recovered from the Sven inspired random collecting of players. They have a lot of good players though so on their day, they could easily put it together so it’ll be a tough one. Sir Rickie will still be suspended but Nigel seemed confident of having players back. One interesting thing will be the Gulyman’s injury. If he’s not fit, the next available striker could be the man waiting for his Department of Employment papers to come through.

The bus is back on the road. Come on Your Reds!!!