Standard Kingslander Moaning Old Bastard
In the car on the way to the ground, I hear on the radio that we are making SIX changes which causes a bit of an intake of breath until your realise that Connolly and Lallana coming in makes the team stronger and Richardson, Harding, Stephens and Seaborne don’t make it weaker. Personally I would have preferred to see Dickson and Chaplow starting but after Saturday in particular, in Nigel we Trust. The point is that the squad is very strong.
There was another change I need to report in that the Chuckle Brothers were not sat together – for some reason they were sat apart as the whiny stupid one was right behind me and the unfunny moronic one was four seats away.... still in earshot though. My theory is that they hate eachother and their bi-weekly “Who is the biggest twat” competition had turned nasty.
The game started and Hartlepool quickly had Richey Hunphreys (Age 38) up front and ten players behind the ball. However, they didn’t have anyone in the proximity of Dan Harding who flew down the wing and fired over a superb low cross which no one had read. A shame as an early goal would have made this an immediately more comfortable afternoon.
We thought the early(ish) goal had come just after the quarter of an hour when Lallana was worked into space by Connolly before a bit of trickery gave him enough space to stand up a lovely cross, right onto the head of the Gulyman on the back post who thumped his header into the net. The keeper thought it was a goal (judging by the way he wellied the ball back to the halfway line) and so did most of SMS the flag was up – very, very tight but probably the correct call.
I’m not saying for a second that I know everything about the game but I’ve been watching Saints for 36 of my 42 years so I’d like to think I know a bit. I find it both incredible and exasperating that some of those around me in the Kingsland Central have probably been watching football since Ted Bates was a player but all they do its moan and don’t seem to have a clue. It’s quite incredible when as soon as a pass goes sideways they start kicking off – “gerrit fooorwerd”. For their information, Saints were passing it about nicely, looking for the right opening and trying to draw out the massed ranks of Hartlepool defenders. Some of the balls into the forwards feet from all the midfielders, showed really good technique and Lambert and Connolly were looking after the ball well and making it stick.
Dean Hammond turned up in the left wing position following a bout of passing and chipped in a cross with the outside of his right foot, to a cacophony of moaning from the people around me. The cross dropped perfectly over the left back to where Sir Rickie controlled on his chest and smashed goalwards, nearly knocking Flinders off his feet as it hit him.
Dan Seaborne is having a bit of a mixed bag a usual but in the main, he’s defending well and keeping Humphreys (Age 42) at arms length. The ball gets played up to Humphreys on the half way line and for some reason, Desperate Dan goes straight through the back of him to pick up the most obvious yellow card you’ve ever seen. He would have got booked even if Mother Theresa was refereeing. She’d have yellow carded him and told him to stop being an arse.
The Gulyman is in magic mode a minute later as he takes on three Hartlepool defenders in a space the size of a telephone box. He got a poked shot away too but the increasingly overworked Flinders came out and blocked with his feet.
Half time comes and goes without the Chuckle Brothers talking to eachother. Also – the big fat bloke who has no awareness of his personal space, decides to go for his lunchtime burger, hot dog, pie and 3 pints, via the gangway at the other end of the row and not via the one at my end. He had a bit of a delay getting to the food at the last match as there was a standard Kingslander in the way with a walking stick and a telegram from the Queen. His years of getting up quickly were long gone and I don’t think fatty wanted to chance being late for the food again. In more important news, Huddersfield were beating Dagenham and Redbridge (who play like us without Lambert) 2-1.
Thankfully, it only took 5 minutes of the second half for the breakthrough to come as The Gulyman expertly backheeled the ball through the defence into the path of Sir Rickie who was barged down by Collins as he was about to shoot. Penalty and a harsh red card but in the referees defence: it was a foul and he was the last man. Flinders goes one way, ball flies into the opposite top corner so 1-0 up against 10 men.
We should really have steamrollered them from this point on but it didn’t really happen as we seemed to get a bit tentative and all cramped up in the middle of the park. Hartlepool had nothing to lose and started committing a few more bodies forward and nearly equalized just before the hour when Richardson and Davis left it to eachother, allowing some little bloke a free shot which he tried to left over Davis who mercifully, clawed it away.
David Connolly was having a good game and worked a chance for himself before firing just wide but Saints were suddenly not really at the races so Nigel sent Chappers on for the Gulyman. This meant tactical weirdness as Hammond was moved out onto the right of the diamond with Chaplow on the left and Stephens sitting deep. Needless to say, this didn’t make the play any smoother so two days after praising Nigel’s substitutions and tinkering to the heights, I’m wondering what exactly he’s up to. That’s football I guess.
May I digress a little - I had a perception of the Chuckle Brothers that they were relatively new to watching football, hence how little they knew about the game or anything remotely to do with it. That was until the Unfunny one shouted out that Richardson was playing like Jim Magilton. Hang on a minute, Jim was in our midfield in the mid-90s, meaning that the Unfunny one has been watching Saints for 15 years or so at least. One questions is... How can that be when he knows so little ? Another question is.... How come it doesn;t look like anyone has punched him yet?
Though looking slightly disjointed, the midfield carved open the Hartlepool defence as Stephens fed Sir Rickie is flicked a great pass through to the one player you would want in a 1v1 situation against the keeper. Connolly took aim and it was a real shock when the net didn’t bulge and Flinders blocked it low down.
We were into the last 10 and the Connolly miss had at least sparked saints back to life when Lallana went on a mazy and was dumped to the ground in Sir Rickie territory, just right of centre. Everyone knew he was going to shoot, especially the Hartlepool defence who were no where when the ball was chipped in onto Fonte’s head and he made no mistake just guiding the ball into the far corner. 2-0 and game over.
There was enough time left for Fonte and Lallana to get a rest and on came Aaron Martin and Johnno Pace. Johnno pulled out his classic signature move of “push it past the full back and run like fuck” but the full back couldn’t be arsed to chase him so he dumped him on the ground. Full time and 2-0 to us, 2-1 to Huddersfield – as you were but one game less to go.
OK, that’s that one out the way and onto Brentford which is the one I was worried about but when you look all all three games now, they suddenly look more difficult than they looked a month ago. Brentford have nothing to play for but it’s always a tough place to go, Plymouth looked dead and buried with their -10 and all that but they have given themselves a chance now and Walsall are one place above the relegation zone when a month ago they looked like they’d already be relegated by now. Huddersfield have to go to Brighton – come on Gus, you know you want to get the 100 points (which I said you couldn’t get now cos my maths was terrible). In my dreams, we win at Brentford on Saturday and Brighton beat Huddersfield which mean that we’re 3 points ahead with a big goal difference advantage and they only have 1 game left… bet that doesn’t happen though.
24,000 fans in SMS today along with about 14 from Hartlepool and Nigel acknowledged the level of support. He tried to keep a roof on the bus and make sure no one gets carried away and we’re still only chipping away. His perception is obviously that the crowd stuck with the team and didn’t get apprehensive and stayed patient. I can categorically say that many in the central Kingsland did nothing of the sort and just moaned constantly throughout. If we do manage to go up, I think some of these people might explode when we’re not dominating every single match.
I’m back at work and as you may or may not know, I work in Brighton. I formed a one man guard of honour this morning and clapped a couple of Brighton fans into the office and I got told to go forth and multiply. All’s fair in football banter and my chorus of “It’s just like watching ..... Dagenham and Redbridge” went down a bit better.
3 games left, 6 points needed
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