League 1 Match 43 - Southampton 2 Hartlepool 0

Standard Kingslander Moaning Old Bastard

Due to the lunacy of the Easter fixture schedule, we are playing again, two days after the Lord Mayor’s Show at Brighton. The fixture computer really is a joke with Hartlepool having to travel to the South Coast from the Arctic Circle on Easter Monday. This is the same fixture computer which always has us visiting Hartlepool on a Tuesday night. Auto promotion rivals Huddersfield are at home to Dagenham and Redbridge so neither us nor them would be expecting the other to drop points.

In the car on the way to the ground, I hear on the radio that we are making SIX changes which causes a bit of an intake of breath until your realise that Connolly and Lallana coming in makes the team stronger and Richardson, Harding, Stephens and Seaborne don’t make it weaker. Personally I would have preferred to see Dickson and Chaplow starting but after Saturday in particular, in Nigel we Trust. The point is that the squad is very strong.

There was another change I need to report in that the Chuckle Brothers were not sat together – for some reason they were sat apart as the whiny stupid one was right behind me and the unfunny moronic one was four seats away.... still in earshot though. My theory is that they hate eachother and their bi-weekly “Who is the biggest twat” competition had turned nasty.

The game started and Hartlepool quickly had Richey Hunphreys (Age 38) up front and ten players behind the ball. However, they didn’t have anyone in the proximity of Dan Harding who flew down the wing and fired over a superb low cross which no one had read. A shame as an early goal would have made this an immediately more comfortable afternoon.

We thought the early(ish) goal had come just after the quarter of an hour when Lallana was worked into space by Connolly before a bit of trickery gave him enough space to stand up a lovely cross, right onto the head of the Gulyman on the back post who thumped his header into the net. The keeper thought it was a goal (judging by the way he wellied the ball back to the halfway line) and so did most of SMS the flag was up – very, very tight but probably the correct call.

I’m not saying for a second that I know everything about the game but I’ve been watching Saints for 36 of my 42 years so I’d like to think I know a bit. I find it both incredible and exasperating that some of those around me in the Kingsland Central have probably been watching football since Ted Bates was a player but all they do its moan and don’t seem to have a clue. It’s quite incredible when as soon as a pass goes sideways they start kicking off – “gerrit fooorwerd”. For their information, Saints were passing it about nicely, looking for the right opening and trying to draw out the massed ranks of Hartlepool defenders. Some of the balls into the forwards feet from all the midfielders, showed really good technique and Lambert and Connolly were looking after the ball well and making it stick.

Dean Hammond turned up in the left wing position following a bout of passing and chipped in a cross with the outside of his right foot, to a cacophony of moaning from the people around me. The cross dropped perfectly over the left back to where Sir Rickie controlled on his chest and smashed goalwards, nearly knocking Flinders off his feet as it hit him.

Dan Seaborne is having a bit of a mixed bag a usual but in the main, he’s defending well and keeping Humphreys (Age 42) at arms length. The ball gets played up to Humphreys on the half way line and for some reason, Desperate Dan goes straight through the back of him to pick up the most obvious yellow card you’ve ever seen. He would have got booked even if Mother Theresa was refereeing. She’d have yellow carded him and told him to stop being an arse.

The Gulyman is in magic mode a minute later as he takes on three Hartlepool defenders in a space the size of a telephone box. He got a poked shot away too but the increasingly overworked Flinders came out and blocked with his feet.

Half time comes and goes without the Chuckle Brothers talking to eachother. Also – the big fat bloke who has no awareness of his personal space, decides to go for his lunchtime burger, hot dog, pie and 3 pints, via the gangway at the other end of the row and not via the one at my end. He had a bit of a delay getting to the food at the last match as there was a standard Kingslander in the way with a walking stick and a telegram from the Queen. His years of getting up quickly were long gone and I don’t think fatty wanted to chance being late for the food again. In more important news, Huddersfield were beating Dagenham and Redbridge (who play like us without Lambert) 2-1.

Thankfully, it only took 5 minutes of the second half for the breakthrough to come as The Gulyman expertly backheeled the ball through the defence into the path of Sir Rickie who was barged down by Collins as he was about to shoot. Penalty and a harsh red card but in the referees defence: it was a foul and he was the last man. Flinders goes one way, ball flies into the opposite top corner so 1-0 up against 10 men.

We should really have steamrollered them from this point on but it didn’t really happen as we seemed to get a bit tentative and all cramped up in the middle of the park. Hartlepool had nothing to lose and started committing a few more bodies forward and nearly equalized just before the hour when Richardson and Davis left it to eachother, allowing some little bloke a free shot which he tried to left over Davis who mercifully, clawed it away.

David Connolly was having a good game and worked a chance for himself before firing just wide but Saints were suddenly not really at the races so Nigel sent Chappers on for the Gulyman. This meant tactical weirdness as Hammond was moved out onto the right of the diamond with Chaplow on the left and Stephens sitting deep. Needless to say, this didn’t make the play any smoother so two days after praising Nigel’s substitutions and tinkering to the heights, I’m wondering what exactly he’s up to. That’s football I guess.

May I digress a little - I had a perception of the Chuckle Brothers that they were relatively new to watching football, hence how little they knew about the game or anything remotely to do with it. That was until the Unfunny one shouted out that Richardson was playing like Jim Magilton. Hang on a minute, Jim was in our midfield in the mid-90s, meaning that the Unfunny one has been watching Saints for 15 years or so at least. One questions is... How can that be when he knows so little ? Another question is.... How come it doesn;t look like anyone has punched him yet?

Though looking slightly disjointed, the midfield carved open the Hartlepool defence as Stephens fed Sir Rickie is flicked a great pass through to the one player you would want in a 1v1 situation against the keeper. Connolly took aim and it was a real shock when the net didn’t bulge and Flinders blocked it low down.
We were into the last 10 and the Connolly miss had at least sparked saints back to life when Lallana went on a mazy and was dumped to the ground in Sir Rickie territory, just right of centre. Everyone knew he was going to shoot, especially the Hartlepool defence who were no where when the ball was chipped in onto Fonte’s head and he made no mistake just guiding the ball into the far corner. 2-0 and game over.

There was enough time left for Fonte and Lallana to get a rest and on came Aaron Martin and Johnno Pace. Johnno pulled out his classic signature move of “push it past the full back and run like fuck” but the full back couldn’t be arsed to chase him so he dumped him on the ground. Full time and 2-0 to us, 2-1 to Huddersfield – as you were but one game less to go.

OK, that’s that one out the way and onto Brentford which is the one I was worried about but when you look all all three games now, they suddenly look more difficult than they looked a month ago. Brentford have nothing to play for but it’s always a tough place to go, Plymouth looked dead and buried with their -10 and all that but they have given themselves a chance now and Walsall are one place above the relegation zone when a month ago they looked like they’d already be relegated by now. Huddersfield have to go to Brighton – come on Gus, you know you want to get the 100 points (which I said you couldn’t get now cos my maths was terrible). In my dreams, we win at Brentford on Saturday and Brighton beat Huddersfield which mean that we’re 3 points ahead with a big goal difference advantage and they only have 1 game left… bet that doesn’t happen though.

24,000 fans in SMS today along with about 14 from Hartlepool and Nigel acknowledged the level of support. He tried to keep a roof on the bus and make sure no one gets carried away and we’re still only chipping away. His perception is obviously that the crowd stuck with the team and didn’t get apprehensive and stayed patient. I can categorically say that many in the central Kingsland did nothing of the sort and just moaned constantly throughout. If we do manage to go up, I think some of these people might explode when we’re not dominating every single match.

I’m back at work and as you may or may not know, I work in Brighton. I formed a one man guard of honour this morning and clapped a couple of Brighton fans into the office and I got told to go forth and multiply. All’s fair in football banter and my chorus of “It’s just like watching ..... Dagenham and Redbridge” went down a bit better.

3 games left, 6 points needed

League 1 Match 42 - Brighton 1 Southampton 2

Out-thought, Outplayed, Out-Managed

A trip to one of the worst grounds in League football to play against newly crowned Champions of League 1, Brighton and Hove Albion. Gus Poyet, the manager, has build a team with not a lot of money that has maintained a superb level of consistency throughout the season and they totally deserve to win the league. So, Gus was a great player and is proving to be a good manager.

Yesterday, both Huddersfield and Peterborough had played in matches that I was hopeful they would drop points in. I fully expected Huddersfield to lose to the Fake Dons but they won handsomely by 3-1, despite not playing very well. Fantastic result for them – bastards. Peterborough and Fergie Zero however, lost to a last minute goal at Leyton Orient…. Excuse me being childish but ha ha fucking ha.

In the league last year, Brighton came to SMS in what was ironically, Poyet’s first game in charge and won 3-1. Within a day, they had a DVD of the game on the shelves which I remember thinking at the time as being a bit pathetic and small time. Pathetic and small time have reached a new level today though with none other than the official match programme having a dig at Saints and Nigel Adkins on the front cover in response to a pretty jokey remark Nigel made around Christmas. When asked if Brighton would be major challengers to Saints this year, Nigel smiled and said ‘if they can keep up with us’. In this age of cut and paste and twist, remarks get blown out of all proportion and the maximum offence possible is taken. Instead of having a touch of class and ignoring it and celebrating winning the league, we get the dig in the programme, a pre-match playlist including ‘Catch us if you Can’ and ‘Making Plans for Nigel’ and an interview from Poyet referring to the Adkins remark and the fact that they want to get to 100 points. More acceptably, we had some humour from the Brighton fans with some decent banners which is what you expect but I feel the stuff from the staff of Brighton just shows one thing – small time. Let’s face it, it’s rare for a team to win a division so to spend the lap of honour baiting the opposition rather than celebrating yourselves… small time.   

We further wound them up by refusing to do a ‘Guard of Honour’ as they came out onto the pitch.  Personally, I’d have been furious if we’d done this.  Fuck ‘em.  Incidentally, did anyone hear that tool Adrian Durham on talkSHITE during the week suggesting we were a disgrace for not doing it.  You have to remember that a) he’s a Peterborough fan and b) he’s a professional Devil’s advocate who cannot possibly believe half the crap he comes out with.  Fair play to Alan McLoughlin on Solent who despite being mainly an ex-Skate (and a little bit an ex-Saint) said we were right not to do it.

To the game and there were 2 changes for Saints with Oscar the Ninja and Chaplow coming on for Stephens and Barnard. Oscar was making his first start of the season in the League which I found strange in such a big game but in Nigel we Trust. On the bench were the potential game changers – Lallana, Connolly and N’Guessan. Brighton had their first choice team out as after all, playing some kids and losing would make them look stupid given all the winding up they were doing.

Saints start well and on five minutes have the first chance as the Gulyman plays a 1-2 with Sir Rickie before rounding Wankergren and running out of pitch. Just before he does so he gets a shot in which is smuggled away off the line. Five minutes later we have a free kick with Sir Rickie takes, hard and low but straight at Wankergren.

A good start but then the half settled into being quite a tepid affair which was spent mainly in midfield with half chances falling to Murray and the Gulyman, neither of whom tested the opposition keeper. Saints forward line is non-functioning with Johnno Pace in particular, not touching the ball.

Saints have shaded the first half and would have been quite happy with half time and 0-0 but that didn’t happen as we gift wrapped Brighton a goal when following a boot forward from the keeper and a flick on, Jaidi’s back pass sold Davis short and he was beaten to it by Barnes who scored with aplomb. Jesus – what a terrible goal. Jaidi has been a rock for the past few months but this was dreadfully casual and really not what was required. Shit.

Half time and 1-0 to the Champions. Can we keep up ?

Adam Lallana came on for Johnno Pace at the start of the second half. Hopefully someone gave Johnno a ball to play with while he was getting changed because he hadn’t seen one all afternoon. The first notable action of the second half was Davis winning a 50-50 with Murray and flattening him. Murray hobbled round for a few minutes before going off, being replaced by Chris Wood, he who missed the dodgy pen they got awarded at SMS.

Lallana is making an immediate difference being as he is the best player in the League and on 55 he fed Dicko whose superb cross was missed by irritating shit El Abd, brought down by the Gulyman and smashed goalwards.  It had ‘goal’ written all over it until Wankergren spread himself and got lucky as it hit him and flew over the bar. To be fair, it’s a top save – there, I praised him. He’s still a wanker though.

On the hour mark we got one of those incidents when you begin to wonder if it’s going to be your day as Butters gets in a good cross from the right and Sir Rickie, totally unmarked, leaps high to power a header against the post with Wankergren beaten. Head in hands all round. Ohhhhhhh!!!

Wankergren decides that he hasn’t been as big a bell end as he usually is and decides to over react to something (don’t know what) and get in Chaplow’s face. Strange fellow is Casper. Maybe it stems from getting promoted out of this division with Leeds who immediately decided he wasn’t good enough for the Championship and got rid. Maybe he’s in a bad mood cos Brighton have gone up to the Championship and he’s waiting for that ‘not required’ call from his agent. He’s indebted to his defenders again a while later as Lallana gets a shot away which beats the keeper only for Bridcutt to get back to head it clear. Aaaarrrgh!!!!

Brighton remind us that they’re still here a minute later as Noone, who has just replaced the goalscorer Barnes, skins Butters and creates a chance for Wood which he really should have done better with but we’ll take him hoofing it over the bar all day long. Also hoofing it over the bar is Oscar the Ninja who gets on the end of another Lallana and Dicko production before getting his legs in a knot and scooping over from the edge of the box. Aaaaaaaargh !!!! The strain of getting his legs in a knot has done for Oscar who is replaced by David Connolly. There are ten minutes to go and Brighton are winning so of course, it’s time for all the ball boys to fuck off and go and do something else.

8 minutes of normal time to go and this time it’s Hammond who provides the cross which is just a little too far ahead of Chaplow who gets a 50-50 to go for with Wankergren. It’s as predictable as you like that Chappers comes away with a booking and it’s also predictable that Wankergren stays down a good three minutes longer than is necessary from the studs in the thigh that he got. You reap what you sow Casper.

Another minute gone and another chance for Saints as Chaplow wins ball in the Brighton area and instead of shooting, ;ays it back to Sir Rickie who instead of bulging the net - misses. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite!!!! It’s not happening is it?

Oh but it was happening a minute later as Butters got enough room on the right to swing in a cross which Sir Rickie headed down. One second it was behind Connolly but the next, he’d swivelled and turned it past Wankergren. Poachers goal, great goal, come on you Saints. The sight of me punching the air and shouting ‘YES, GET IN!!!” must have been a bit strange for my fellow inhabitants at Royal Victoria Country Park. My dog just looked at me as if I’d said ‘biscuit’.

On the radio, the Saints fans are coming across loud and clear which is some effort considering they are about 3 miles away from the pitch. They’re called Brighton and Hove Albion because the pitch is in Brighton and the away end is in Hove at this joke of a ground.

Saints get a free kick in their own half out on the left wing and the master of all creative free kicks, Kelvin Davis goes to take it. He booms it forward towards the back post to where Jose Fonte Baby, rises like Big Ron in his prime and heads it over Wankergren and drops it in at the far post. Off comes the shirt, round the running track in 40 seconds, across the long jump pit, over the steeplechase barrier and with a hop, skip and a jump he’s with the Saints fans who have all gone nuts and the advertising boards have fallen down. If it had been politically correct for me to get semi-naked and run across the park and hug strangers then I would have. I settled though for more shouting and fist pumps.

Five minutes of injury time for all of Brighton’s time wasting but no alarms and no ball boys. Final whistle, oh yeah baby!!!

Heaven. Fucking have some of that you pathetic bastards. Fabulous win and one which I thought we were never going to get. It just looked like it was never going to happen when chance after chance got created and missed. As it was St.Georges Day, it would have been kind of poetic if an Englishman had scored but we’ll settle for St.Patrick and did you know that St.George was also at one time, the patron Saint of Portugal and then he was replaced by Jose Fonte…. Part of that’s true anyway.

Tis also true that Gus is an ungracious bastard. He refused to shake the winning managers’ hand at the end and he gave a very bitter interview where he described us as Dagenham and Redbridge with added Rickie Lambert. Tosser – how sour are those grapes boy? Apparently they pay all the football and that’s why they won the league. Remind me how you got your goal today... oh yes, big hoof forward, flick on, dodgy backpass - a well crafted total football goal then?  To call us a long ball team is ridiculous – we dominated the game pretty much from start to finish and the fucking “holier than thou” approach cracks me up considering they came to SMS and started wasting time from the first minute, they have a keeper who feigns injury to waste time, they have Adam El Abd who has a history of collapsing when nowhere near anyone and trying to get opponents sent off, they have ball boys that disappear on 80 minutes when they are winning, they wave imaginary cards from the dug out (something that has annoyed both us and Huddersfield this season). I wonder, did the ball boys come back when you went 2-1 down Gus? Tool. Where’s your 100 points now? Oh yeah you can’t get there.  Well done for winning the league – can we play you every week?

Gus was today comprehensively outmanaged by Nigel Adkins who kept trying things and kept changing things and eventually found that Brighton couldn’t defend balls into their box and weren’t effective if you pressured them high up the pitch. What did Gus do to counteract what Adkins was doing? He could have pushed his defence up and played a higher line meaning a long ball would have gone through to the keeper – Forte had gone off so we didn’t have much pace up top but no, all he did was piss and moan afterwards. Better get used to the long ball in the Championship Gus, especially as you’ve just flagged up that you can’t defend it.

Nigel took all the banter and bullshit that came his way and kept smiling and got on with it. The gamesmanship obviously annoys him and so does the handshake refusal. He said it shows that you’re a lesser man and he’s right. Maybe Poyet has apologised for that when he calmed down but I bet he hasn’t. Adkins was proved to be a genius in this game. The narrow midfield does my head in but he kept with it and kept chopping and changing to get an advantage and won. Fabulous performance from everybody, especially the manager. It no doubt helped that Brighton had already won the league and maybe all the aggro was a ploy to make sure their players were all up for it.

Our one remaining rival for 2nd place, Huddersfield, go to Brighton next week and Poyet’s team selection should be interesting as he had his best side out today. Next up for Saints is an Easter Monday game v Hartlepool. I expect a bit of squad rotation with Lallana on the bench again and no doubt it will be tight but I can’t see us blowing up in this game, that’ll probably happen at Brentford.

4 games to go, 9 points needed.

Genius!!!

Adkins pic from http://www.saintsfc.co.uk/page/Gallery/0,,10280~2345537,00.html

League 1 Match 41 - Southampton 1 Bristol Rovers 0

Johnno practices sliding the ball off of his face.

 After the Rochdale defeat and the using up of one of our games in hand, we now faced relegation threatened Bristol Rovers. Strange things happen when we play Bristol Rovers like us winning 4-0 at their place and the manager getting sacked. I guess the strangest thing today would be if we didn’t win.

The main news of the week was the pathetic allocation we had been given for the Brentford away game as the Police said that they were worried about being able to police a large 12,000 crowd. Strange one. Dad and I went to the ticket office and handed in the form to apply for Brentford tickets. We apply more in hope than expectation as it would take a miracle and a load of incorrectly filled in forms for us to get lucky as we haven’t been away all season. I can’t believe there will be about 5000 empty seats and in fact there won’t as there will be a load of Saints in the Brentford end. If the Police were worried about the crowd control then they’re going to have a lot more to worry about as a result of their decision. Idiots.

Back to today and as kick off approached, it was nice to see a decent away following in the ground and it was clear that a few of our ‘missing 10,000’ had made the trip as well. The sun was shining and even the paper towel dispensers in the Gents, were populated with paper towels. The much anticipated return of Adam Lallana didn’t happen and given our lack of width at Spotland, it was a bit worrying to see both The Gulyman and Johnno Pace in the starting line up, neither of whom are wingers. Dicko moved to left back and Butters and Richardson swapped over again with the former getting the start in a scenario which is a bit like when Shilton and Clemence played alternate games for England in the late 70s. Chaplow returned from missing the Rochdale game to add baldness to the bench. Someone notices that there is a female linesperson and it all goes a bit Andy Gray amongst the older residents of the Kingsland Rest Home Stand which is fitting as it is non other than Sian Massey, the lino at the centre of the storm.

The game starts and the Whining Idiot Chuckle brother moans when Sir Rickie doesn’t win the first header and then again when Stephens (I think) commits the first foul. Two moans in three minutes or one every 90 seconds. It’s a lightening pace to start off at – can he keep it up for the full 90?

Ignoring him for a second, Johnno is on the left with Guly on the right. From the first time Rovers get the ball it is obvious that Johnno doesn’t have much idea where he is supposed to be from a defensive point of view as he handed a runner over to Dickson who was already marking someone. Player Manager Campbell eventually finds himself in space but his shot is blocked by a flying Portuguese man of war.

Saints are a bit shaky and the ball gets played over the top to Kuffour who is a least 5 yards offside which the linesman would have seen if he’d been anywhere near up with play. The flag stays down and Superkelv comes flying out to block the airshot as Kuffour swings and misses. I can confirm that this was the male linesman.

Saints finally string something together on 15 minutes as Barnard comes left and chips in a superb cross which is met on the volley by the Gulyman and with three quarters of SMS on its feet, Gas keeper Logan throws a foot at it and kicks it away at the near post. Great effort, great save.

The referee Mr Whitestone has obviously got tired of 23,000 people watching the football and decides to make 23,000 watch him instead as Stephens gets totally trashed with a tackle which is nowhere near the ball and totally pre-meditaded, which was deemed not bad enough for a booking. In that one second he gave the signal that everyone could kick lumps out of eachother and it was just a case of who got hacked down next. Dickson was the unfortunate recipient of a really crap late tackle and then the moron got his book out. From then on it was stop-start where for 20 minutes, tackling wasn’t allowed and a free kick was given every time there was a challenge.

Trying to take the attention away from the ref was Danny Butterfield who treated us to five consecutive misplaced passes in a row, every single one being greeted with universal moaning from a hell of a lot of people. He got out of the rut by collecting a superb Dicko cross which no one had attacked and swinging it back in to Johnno Pace who had a free header from six yards. From the way that the header slid off his face, down onto ground and onto the bar – we can assume that heading is not a Johnno Pace strong point.

Lee Barnard is a 100% trier which endears him to the fans but he does have an annoying streak in him and it surfaced again on the half hour as he had a dive in the Rovers box. To be fair he didn’t appeal but it all kicked off which players getting his face and it forced the whistling muppet to take action which he duly did with both Barney and Player Manager Campbell getting booked.

The big man had a problem and Radhi has to go off to be replaced by Dan Seaborne who suddenly became the creative outlet for the side with everyone flooding him with the ball. As Hammond and Stephens were not making themselves available for a pass, guess what happened, Boom... From one such hoof, the ball was heading out to Johnno Pace and as it sailed over his head, he stuck up and arm and caught it. Linesman (Female) flagged as it wasn’t out of play, Johnno got booked and everyone went nuts at the ref. Though I don’t like defnding the berk, he had to book him as the rules state that a deliberate handball is a booking. Though it was stupid and harmless and Johnno obviously thought the ball was out, it was deliberate and therefore he had to get booked. Referees are not allowed to have common sense.

Half time arrived and though we’d played ok and created a few chances, it was going to take more than that against a determined Gas side who had parked the bus a bit. I assume this is not the Nigel Adkins party Bus. The moan count from the Whining Bastard stood at 20. 20 separate moans in 45 minutes so one every two and a bit minutes in a really whiny voice. I may move my season ticket next year.

The second half started at a much faster pace and a clearly fired up Deano picked up a booking for one of those Wotton tackles that was so late it was nearly Sunday. Then started the procession towards the Rovers goal with Johnno pace playing a neat 1-2 with Sir Rickie before poking wide from about 8 yards. At this point, call it blind optimism if you like but I was totally convinced that we were going to score.

That confidence took a bit of a knock five minutes later when following another Dickson surge to the line and cross, Barney went up for a header and landed awkwardly to depart on a stretcher. At least there were no flashing blue lights this time. He was replaced with David Connolly who again, had been given a day pass from the Holmes and Connolly Suite of the SFC Rehabilitation Centre.

More chances came and went as it became like the Alamo. Connolly worked some space and hung up a superb cross which Sir Rickie managed to head over from about 7 yards. He had to clamber all over a defender to get to it but he still should have scored. Then Butters put over a beauty which took out the keeper and landed beyond the far post on Johnno Pace’s head and unsurprisingly, he headed it in the wrong direction, choosing backwards instead of going for the gaping goal.

Johnno could have had three goals but he had none and was replaced with Dany N’Guessan. Personally I would have taken the Gulyman off as he wasn’t doing much and at least Johnno was getting into position to miss. Sir Rickie had another shot which fizzed just wide. Tick tock, tick tock, 80 minutes gone… still confident.

The breakthrough finally came on 82 minutes when the improving Stephens fed Sir Rickie who slipped a neat ball through to The Gulyman who took it in his stride, gave it some severe Samba rhythm as he danced round two players before smashing it past Logan for a superb finish and thus the SMS faithful heaved a huge sigh of relief and the ones near me even stopped moaning for a bit.

The Gas threw on two subs up front who looked lively but they were never going to get back into it though there was one offside call (well spotted Sian) which caused a few heart flutters. The last meaningful action of the game was Sir Rickie feeding in N’Guessan who smashed a powerful left foot shot which Logan tipped over to continue the annoyingly good game he was having.

Final whistle and phew!!! It was a close run thing but as I said, from about 60 minutes onwards, I was 100% confident that we would score even if I would have substituted the goalscorer when Forte went off. Shows how much I know. Whilst I’m showing how much I know, assuming Barnard is out next week, I’d start with Connolly and then bring on Johnno when Connolly gets tired / injured. I thought Connolly was superb when he came on today, showing better movement and more intelligence than virtually every other player in this league aside from Paul Wotton. A mention too, for Dany N’Guessan who, despite being pronounced Na-Goosen by the bloke next to me, proved how much better it is to have some natural width in the team. Fair play to Bristol Rovers who made it difficult for us and with the spirit of their team and their excellent fans backing, I hope they stay up.

Maybe it was the tension as we get down to the nuts of the season but I really noticed today how much some people moan. I’m not talking about the Whiny Cluless Chuckle Brother Twat who sits behind me, I mean he’s got something seriously wrong with him but there were loads today. Bloody hell, it isn’t going to be easy is it?

My Adkins Bingo card showed that he said ‘chipping away’ four times in his post match interview. There was no mention of ‘Bus’, or ‘in the building’ which I hope will be saved for the end of season promotion party when he can use all the Adkins-isms in one sentence. In fact, if there are any players reading (I strongly suspect that there isn’t). I want to hear a player do an interview where they say ‘simple as that’, ‘its about winning games of football’, ‘listen’, ‘shut him down’ as well as the others mentioned here. Slightly more importantly, it sounds like Lallana will be fit for next week and I guess we’ll learn more about Barnard and Big Radhi in the coming days.

As it turns out, a draw today would have been a disaster as Huddersfield managed to win at Charlton and Peterborough came back from a goal down to win 2-1 v Plymouth who irritatingly, managed to miss a penalty in the last minute. Brighton duly won at Walsall to confirm that they are the Champions though it was interesting that they didn’t get the trophy at Walsall – they’ll get it at their next home game which is next Saturday... against Southampton. Hopefully they will be in party mood and not be 100% on it – hopefully they will get the trophy before the game and wind everyone up. What I know is that it would send some signal if we managed to be the first team to win there this season.

Today (Monday) saw the announcement of the League 1 Team of the Year which is bizarrely lopsided in our favour with 5 of our players in it and only 3 from Brighton who are currently 16 points ahead of us. This is voted for by the League 1 players (which will be lost on many Brighton fans I’m sure) and it’s a bit embarrassing. We may have the individuals but it’s a team game I guess. Anyway, well done to Kelvin Davis, Dan Harding, Jose Fonte, Adam Lallana and Alex Chamberlain. Now the Brighton fans will have even more reason not to like us.

5 games to go, 12 points needed.

League 1 Match 40 - Rochdale 2 Southampton 0

Welcome to Rochdale

Tuesday night, Rochdale. Can there be a more unappetising place to be? Maybe Hartlepool comes close or Fratton railway station on a Friday night at closing time.

We went up to 2nd on Saturday with our win against Leyton Orient and suddenly everybody starts talking like it’s a formality. Some of that came from Darren Ferguson and Lee Clark, no doubt trying some mind games. This is Saints you fools and until it’s the 94th minute and we’re 3-0 up, there is no such thing as a formality. Nigel Adkins’ positivity is unbreakable though as we take on Rochdale in one of our games in hand, postponed from earlier in the season when the fact that they allow rugby league to be played on this pitch, meant it was one of only 2 games postponed in the entire country.

Dale Stephens and Frazer Richardson come in for Chaplow and Butterfield and Adam Lallana is again on the bench. It is noticeable however that he doesn’t take part in the warm up, suggesting that either all is not well with him and he’ll only be called upon in an extreme emergency or it suggests that he’s so good that he doesn’t need to practice or warm up. We have a diamond formation in midfield again, oh dear.

The game starts and we are given immediate notice that this isn’t going to be easy as Thompson gets free from a corner and heads just over. It’s end to end though and Sir Rickie fires in a free kick from somewhere near Manchester which the mildly-amusingly named Owain Fon Williams tips past the post. He’s at it again a while later as a neat move involving Dickson and Barnard ends with the Gulyman taking aim from miles out and hammering in a shot which kicks up off of the ploughed field but unfortunately, not enough to beat the keeper.

Back come Rochdale and following a generously awarded free kick, where Fonte slid in in ugly fashion but took the ball, Gary Jones fires just wide, probably because he’s as ugly as Carlos Tevez but in a very different way. Rochdale definitely have the upper hand at this stage and following a poorish header and subsequent airshot by Jaidi, O’Grady finds himself 1 v 1 but doesn’t look confident as he goes through and Kelvin spread himself well to save with his feet.

I have a deep sense of foreboding that it’s only a matter of time before we let a goal in and it duly arrives as play is switched quickly from right to left and we have no one in the right midfield position (diamond working well again) which allows the left winger a free run at Richardson. His cross is deep but Thompson rises above a complete wet lettuce challenge from Harding and loops the header back over Davis and in at the far post. One player 100% committed, one player not.

Heading towards half time at 1-0 down and at least we have the hope of the half time magician that is Adkins, turning it round and us producing the usual improvement in the 2nd half. Rochdale however, haven’t read that particular script and O’Grady made a reservation at the Kelvin Davis Restaurant – todays menu featuring his speciality near post dish, whereby he serves up a fucking goal on a plate. O’Grady got through on our left hand side and pressured by no defender whatsoever, hit an average kind of shot at the near post which Kelvin butchered into the net. THIS. HAPPENS. TOO. OFTEN.

All that happened between now and half time was Harding being substituted and Johnno Pace coming on. Harding limped away but this may have been a face saving gesture. Johnno was in Fake Dons territory again, coming on at 2-0 down with Davis having just served up some more near post rubbish.

I’m in my usual away game position of listening to the radio whilst trying to shirk as many ‘dad’ duties as I possibly can. Dunno what it is but I never leave a game early even when we’re getting dicked and there is seconds to go but the prospect of listening to Merrington and the other berk is less than appealing at 2-0 down. I finish the shortest bed time story ever and go against my better judgement and decide to listen to the 2nd half.

The second half starts and we look much more up for the fight and we soon have a chance as Johnno Pace intercepts a crossfield ball and he’s away – Run Forrest! He streaks away from one man and is about to go beyond the last defender and bear down on the keeper when for some strange reason, he decides to shoot from 25 yards instead of committing the last defender and Fon Williams flaps it wide

Rochdale produce a little bit going forward but it’s mainly Saints pressure with corner after corner being won and corner after corner being taken badly by Guly. From one that was decent, Jaidi rose and thumped a header goalwards which Fon Williams again tipped over. There was an overriding sense of ‘not going to be our day’ as the half went on. Jaidi went off in a straight swap with Seaborne and Nigel decided that we had to have a go for the last 20 and Lallana come on for the ineffective Stephens.

Lallana immediately showed that he was the best player on the pitch when despite playing well within himself, he managed to spark us into life curling in a shot which was fisted away by the ever alert Fon Williams. Lallana managed to come closest to pulling one back 5 minutes later when he took a pass from Richardson and smashed in a left footed shot which beat the keeper and thudded back off the near post. A bit of ping pong and it ended up with Guly, who probably never envisaged playing on a Tuesday night in Rochdale when he was honing his skills on the beaches of Brazil. His horrible slice off the outside of his right boot ended up closer to the Copacabana than it did to the goal.

Time dribbled away and so it came to pass that Rochdale had done the double over us and deservedly so. As far as we’re concerned it’s a blow but not a huge one. We still have a game in hand and we are still in 2nd place. It of course means that we cannot really afford to lose at Brighton who today beat Dagenham and Redbridge 4-3 to confirm their promotion which can’t be argued with really. They’ve been the most consistent and best side in the division by miles. They of course have a new ground to play in next season so good times for them. So that’s the Seagulls and the Skates in the Championship. Can the Saints join them? Oh yeah and Bournemouth dropped out of the playoff places today and were replaced by Rochdale.... sorry chaps.

Nigel issued an ‘all stick together’ rallying cry at the end of the game which of course, we have to do. He talked of learning lessons and the abysmal failure of a few things today should make the tactics for future games interesting. The diamond formation does not work for us – in simple terms, it makes all our attacks funnel down the middle and restricts the service into Barney and Sir Rickie. Our midfielders aren’t good enough in possession to keep the ball for long periods, even when they have an extra man to pass to. Defensively, it makes our full backs overworked and unprotected and any team with wingers can have a field day. Yet again, we come under a bit of pressure and Harding and Davis are found wanting – hopefully Adam Lallana will be fit for Saturday so Dicko can go to left back. Would you change the keeper with 6 games to go? Personally I would – there are too many goals flying in that he really should be stopping and I don’t see Bart being worse. Also, why wait until the 70th minute to abandon the diamond formation when it really should have gone as soon as we were 1-0 down.

Next up, Bristol Rovers at home who are looking down the barrel of the relegation zone. Get your money on a Sir Rickie hat-trick but before then, have a bet on whether Barney gets banged up on his ABH charge which is back in court this week. No one said it would be easy and today’s defeat just confirms this. I am growing my fingernails so I can chew them all off.

6 games left, 15 point needed.

League 1 Match 39 - Leyton Orient 0 Southampton 2

7 games to go, 15 points needed

OK, 8 games to go and I think we are now down to the nuts of the season. As pivotal weeks go, this one is pretty bloody pivotal, oh yes. We have Leyton Orient away today and Rochdale away on Tuesday who are 7th and 8th respectively in the current league table and I would think that 4 points from those two games would be a major step on the way to getting an automatic spot.

So, off to Brisbane Road or the Snooker Loopy Stadium as it is now known to play in the shadow of the new Olympic Stadium, soon to be the home of West Ham and putting Leyton Orient’s future at risk, if you believe Barry Hearn, which I do. Unfortunately for Barry and Leyton Orient, no one will have given the slightest shit about them when any decision was made. Good luck to him in whatever he wants to achieve with his protest.

The injury worries from the last game have eased slightly with Lallana being fit for the bench though there is no sign of Stephens, Schneiderlin or Chamberlain. There is also no sign of Frazer Richardson, not even on the bench which one can only assume, is down to injury. Chappers comes back in for Stephens and Harding comes in for Lallana with Dicko pushed into midfield. Butters returns at right back and we’re all still N’Guessen where Dany is. Orient are usually mentioned regarding having drawn with Arsenal earlier in the season and getting a trip to Las Vegas as a reward. They have Russell Slade as manager who was Brighton’s manager before Gus Poyet. Bet Brighton prefer what they’ve got now… The referee today is Mark Clattenberg who is reffing his first game after stress leave. He was the ref who decided that Wayne Rooney elbowing a Wigan player in the head was a 'normal coming together' of players.

Saints start well and Dickson is soon flying down the wing from his new and advanced left of diamond position and he gets brought crashing down with a tackle that would have earned a booking had the game been more than 4 minutes ol. The free kick is a bit wide but fear not, Sir Rickie does not recognize’ too wide’ or ‘too far out’ and fizzes a free kick just wide of the far post with Jones the keeper, not very close to it. Following on from that, Orient produce a wonderful move down the left involving Cox (little shit), Tehoue (just shit) and Dawson which ends with Smith getting in front of Fonte to bundle in the cross, only to be given offside. Marginal – I think is the word but we’ll take it.

As we often find, many teams deal with our strength up front and on the wings by adopting a less than subtle approach. Barrett obviously skipped the day in class when they were teaching ‘standing up’ as he decided the best course of action to take when Barnard received a throw in with his back to goal was to smash into the back of him. Another free kick and this time far too wide, so Sir Rickie chipped in for Fonte to smash a free header straight at the keeper when he really should of scored. The reason I know he really should of scored was because Dave Merrington told me so fifteen times in the next five minutes.

Dave only shut up when something significant happened and that significant something was Dickson fastening onto a pass from the Gulyman and setting off down the wing. When he was blocked by the full back, he checked out before managing to somehow (dopey defending) whip a cross over to the near post where it dropped in between the centre backs for Sir Rickie to steal in and thump home a header. Superb cross, dream ball for a centre forward.

Saints continued to look the more likely for the rest of the first half with the best chance falling to Sir Rickie who stabbed over after a flap from Jones at a Harding cross. Orient and Smith had the ball in our net again from close range (6 inches) only to be denied again by the flag which many an Orient fan were threatening to stick up the linesmans arse. It was one of those funny one’s where the keeper was out further than the attacker in question so there has to be two defenders to play him onside and though you could argue that Fonte is a four man defence on his own, the ref wasn’t having any of it. Half time and 1-0 up and Peterborough were winning at Huddersfield by the same score.

Orient start the second half the better and the best effort is an overhead hooked volley by 45 year old McGleish which is tipped over the Superkelv who must have been surprised that a man with a zimmer frame managed to get it goalbound from there. The Radio Solent boys are talking shite as usual but in amongst this is the observation that we are very narrow in midfield and it’s not really offering much defensive cover on the flanks. Nigel however, thinks its time to address a completely different problem and on comes Oscar the Ninja for the Gulyman. On the face of it, it looks like a defensive move until you realise that Ninja has gone to play in the hole behind Sir Rickie and Barney.

Two more subs are made in the next few minutes as Seaborne comes on for Harding and Aaron Martin comes on for Butterfield after the latter picked up a knock and a yellow card when hoofing an Orient player up in the air. These substitutions give us that thing of footballing beauty, a back 4 made up entirely of centre backs, the shortest of which is probably Fonte at 6 foot 2ish.

It is Fonte however who dribbles out of defence with 2 minutes to go and instead of belting it into Row Z and getting back, plays a lovely ball over the top of the left back to Sir Rickie who pays a first time ball across the top of the penalty area to where Barnard steams onto it for a nice sidefoot finish. Superb goal and points in the bag. Barnard has a little goad at the Orient fans behind the goal, no doubt provoked by a shoddy loan spell he had there once.

Orient’s day is summed up when they manage to fashion another chance, only for Dawson to see his shot bounce off the inside of the post and straight to Davis. You have to laugh, don’t you …

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Have it, up to 2nd we go. Fabulous win given the importance of the game and it’s added to even more by both Huddersfield and Peterborough dropping points. Love it, Love it, Love it. Also worth mentioning is that we won without Adam Lallana being required to play. Bournemouth took advantage of us beating one of their nearest rivals for a playoff spot by ….. oh, hang on a minute, they shagged it up and lost at home to Tranmere.

Nigel the Bus Driver was in full flow in his interview and repeated what he has said after every game for the past couple of months about our support being fantastic and the motivating powers of it. I have to say, the support sounded magnificent and when you can provide 50% of the gate for an away game, it really must make a difference. Leyton Orient manager, Russell the Buddha opined that they were the better side and deserved to win. I can’t say because I wasn’t there but he’s entitled to his delusion.

Rochdale on Tuesday night and we all remember the abysmal performance we put in against them at SMS when we lost 2-0. If additional motivation were needed then this should provide it – again, I’d take a point but I back the boys to go and get all 3 again.

League 1 Match 38 - Southampton 2 Charlton 0

He robs from the Skates

Two games ago we played at Charlton and drew 1-1, having a perfectly good winning goal chalked off because the linesman was colourblind and couldn’t see the bright red shirt that was clearly playing Dany N’Guessen onside. Officials haven’t been good to us this season regarding Charlton as the only reason we’re playing them twice in such quick succession is because Andy D’Urso wanted to go home and play with his toys on Boxing Day when all the players and staff of both teams wanted to play.

Since the Fake Dons game, we’ve completed the signing of Jack Stephens from Plymouth who for this season, is only available for the under 18s. The club couldn’t resist having a swipe at The Echo who reported that he was signing a cash plus add-ons 4 year deal when in fact it was a straight fee and a player can only sign for 3 years on his first professional contract. As unbelievable as it may sound - Daily Echo in basic facts wrong shocker. Evening games are great for me, involving as they do, a mad dash home from Brighton before attempting 10 minutes of muti-tasking - this being, changing clothes, shoving some food down my neck, locating season ticket and letting the dog out before he pees on the floor. That done and it’s back in the car, over to Woolston, park up, Itchen Bridge.... 7.45 hurrah!!!

I heard the team news from outside the ground as it was being announced – Richardson, Dickson, Stephens in the starting XI – sounds like Nigel is playing Tinkerman again. As it transpires, Chappers and Butters are benched and Harding is beached altogether. Personally, I’ve been advocating Dickson playing for quite a while and Chappers has been a bit off recently so I’m happy enough. For Charlton, it’s all about Bradley Wright-Phillips who as we all know, is going to score. Today it’s also about Elliott in the Charlton goal whose shirt is bright pink. You could wear that if you were going to a fancy dress party dressed as a penis. If I was a keeper and they’d given me that to wear, it would have been returned to the kit man at 100mph with a demand for a green or a yellow one.

As the teams line up at the start, I cast a quick eye over to the Charlton support which is at a guess, numbering about 300 – truly pathetic. I wonder if when you’re a player and you come out to be greeted by that – it’s got to be a bit deflating. We took over 3000 to a midweek game at their place two weeks ago and whilst I’m not saying we’re fantastic, 300ish is an abysmal number of travelling supporters from a relatively big club for a geographically close game.

Saints had the first chance when they were awarded a free kick on the left hand edge of the box when Christian Dailly jumped for a header and was surprised that the ref spotted both his hands on top of Sir Rickie’s head. Sir Rickie’s hit the free kick well but the Pen1s managed to punch it away. Charlton broke down the left wing with Richardson conspicuously absent and sent in a dangerous cross which was missed by BWP and sliced horribly wide by Wagstaff. Ah Wagstaff! What a pathetic blouse of a footballer. Twice in quick succession he was run off the ball by Ryan Dickson and both times he laid on the ground waving his arms around pleading for a free kick.

Both challenges were 100% not a foul and if Charlton had had any fans there - they’d be embarrassed. After ten minutes, Dad turns to me and comments that Guly hasn’t touched the ball yet which is right enough. He’s stayed out wide but hardly been near the ball all game. 30 seconds later and Sir Rickie plays a ball into Barnard who lays it off in front of the Gulyman who is in acres and running in on the pink one. I was 100% confident he was going to score and he didn’t disappoint and what’s this, a first half goal!

Dickson and Lallana were terrorising the right hand side of the Charlton defence and Charlton were limited in their approach, mainly trying to play balls over the top for BWP to run onto. Many of these balls however, resulted in Jaidi v BWP heading competitions which was a bit like Monster Truck v Tricycle. I was hoping to see the Jaidi ‘Train’ move where everyone in his path gets killed but he was finding it easy enough just jumping and cleanly powering it away.

Hammond and Stephens of course hadn’t had the necessary time to get used to eachother and were therefore occupying the same area of the pitch for much of the time. A lot of our attacking impetus seemed to break down in the centre with Stephens in particular taking pace out of the attacks. In the main we were keeping the ball well enough though with Barnard and Lallana a constant threat.

Wagstaff then demonstrated that there may be a footballer in there after all with a decent drive from about 20 yards which Kelvin pushed away. Disruption ahoy a few minutes later as all eyes were on a Saints attack and no one was looking at Stephens who was crumpled in a heap in the centre circle, the victim of what is assumed to be a late, off the ball tackle. Off he went on a stretcher to be replaced by Chappers who was wearing the latest footballers fashion accessory, suspender belts on the back of his legs. Anyone remember the Robbie Fowler nose plaster?

Half time and 50% of the Charlton fans disappeared to the concourse whilst the remaining 6 stayed in their seats.

It was a kind on nondescript start to the second half with an airing of Sloop John B.... Bradley Wright-Phillips, he’s always offside. Great stuff but all was well with the world just before the hour mark as Hammond fired in a shot which was pushed wide by the Pink member to Guly who weighed up the options before pulling back for Barnard to tap in at the back post for 2-0. The Northam started chanting “The Saints are going up” which is a chant I will save until it is mathematically certain.

The sound of chickens being counted was silenced when Lallana went down in a heap and after a minute was helped off and replaced by Oscar the Ninja so we replaced a tricky skilful, beautifully balanced player with Bambi on Ice and his Amazing Uncoordinated Legs.

I was mildly narked with my fellow Saints fans a minute later when BWP was substituted. There were Saints fans actually applauding him off and not ironically with hand gestures. Hang on, he was useless for us for 3 years, got paid a fortune, he hardly seemed to try and he couldn’t hit a cows arse with a banjo, or a guitar, or a double bass, or the whole orchestra. One of the major positives of administration was getting rid of this waste of space and now I shall cease my rant.

He had gone and he hadn’t scored. Charlton persisted with their tactic of the ball over the top which had a few issues with the fine detail. 1) Radhi and Jose don’t miss much and 2) if you clear them it will run through to the keeper. Desperately poor. Saints for their part were quite content to run down the game but still looked a threat going forward with Barnard forcing the Penis into a save when fed by the Gulyman who wasn’t doing much but what he did was very effective.

And lo, from the substitutes bench appeared a vision, a mirage, a trick of the light. Yes, David Connolly was about to set foot on a football pitch in place of The Gulyman and so we ended the game with three out and out forwards on the pitch which was kind of strange. I guess that Johnno Pace is being held back for games that are tougher than this one. Not a lot happened in the last ten, save for Connolly showing that he has better off the ball movement then all the rest of the forwards and Ryan Dickson tidying up a rare Charlton break.

It was a victory that was as routine as they come as Charlton were poor in the first half and then they got worse. Some of that was down to Saints not letting them settle at all and strong defensive play from the whole back 4 and Hammond which didn’t allow them to create anything much. A lot of it was down to the fact that Charlton were rubbish and have nothing to play for this season. That said, I think Charlton had one of the best players on the pitch in Miguel Llera who always seemed to be in the way. Charlton’s fans couldn’t even be arsed to boo Frazer Richardson who left them for us and annoyed them in doing so. Very odd.

Nigel’s post match interview brought the news that Lallana was taken off as a precaution and that he should be fine which if true, is what we want to hear as the team has a distinct lack of creativity when he is missing. Also, it was noticeable today that every time he got the ball, Charlton had 3 players round him so he opens up lots of space for others which partially explains why Dickson had such a good game. Dale Stephens injury seemed to be much worse as the stretcher was involved but nothing confirmed as yet. There was no talk of buses and no one was in or out of the building but listen, it was about winning a game of football, simple as that.

We now have a relatively long break of 3 days before a trip to Leyton Orient who are making a late attempt to nick Bournemouth’s playoff spot. Following that we have a midweek trip to Rochdale who are also just outside the playoff places so Saints are going to be the average Bournemouth fans 2nd favourite team for the next two matches. No, they hate us, honestly.

We are now two points behind 2nd placed Huddersfield with two games in hand and all looks good. Another interesting game this weekend is Huddersfield vs Peterborough – a draw would be nice. 8 games to go, 20 points needed.

League 1 Match 37 - Southampton 3 MK Dons 2

Ginger Perm arrives at SMS

And so into April and 8 games in a month. We’d not played for 11 days due to the multitude of Plymouth players away on international duty. Apparently, one was supposed to be playing in a friendly between New Zealand and Japan in Tokyo, you know, just down the road from the nuclear reactor which is threatening to blow up. What a surprise postponement....

Whilst we were inactive, Peterborough played three times, losing to the Fakes and drawing twice which amounts to a bit of a wobble, if not a full ‘wheels falling off’ breakdown. I did cheer a Bournemouth goal though when they equalized in the 94th minute. In my mind I had a picture of Darren Ferguson’s face, all beetroot with rage, when his keeper dropped a clanger. Huddersfield had only played the once and they won that and Brighton were just Brighton - another two matches and another two wins. Brighton aside, the table is getting tighter and the games are getting more vital. Loan window deadline day has been and gone with Saints bringing in Dale Stephens on a ‘loan before you buy’ deal from Oldham who are desperate for the cash. Also desperate for the cash are the aforementioned Plymouth, from whom we are attempting to buy Jack Stephens (no relation to Dale) who has already turned down a move to Fulham. Rumour has it that young boys like Jack are not keen to sign for Fulham and be in the shadow of Michael Jackson. So, with Dale Stephens and Jack Stephens – rumours that Shakin’ Stevens would be the half time entertainment were about as we welcomed the Fake Dons, complete with their decent run of form, decent away record and Karl Gobshite Robinson.

As expected, Adam Lallana has recovered from the injury picked up at Charlton but Alex Chamberlain is out for a couple of weeks at least and you wonder if that’s it for him for the season. The Gulyman came in as his replacement in an otherwise unchanged team. Dale Stephens made the bench, where he was joined by the usual suspects and someone who looked a little bit like David Connolly – but it couldn’t be, surely! On paper, the Fakes have a pretty nondescript collection of players but in the flesh, in full day-glo technicolour, they have a fabulous ginger perm playing at left back who was no doubt happy that his perm wouldn’t have to try and keep up with Chambo on the wing.

I was expecting Guly to line up on the right wing and it was with some disappointment that I realised that Nigel had gone with the diamond midfield which in previous games has neither sparkled nor shone. Regardless, we started well and were pinging the ball about with the Fakes being unable to get out of their half and getting 11 men behind the ball. The man finding the space is Dan Harding who finds himself in a good crossing position before wafting it aimlessly over everyone in the middle.

Guly is showing up well with the touch a control finding players on a regular basis though he does still manage to get knocked over by the ball and perform a kind of crappy backward roll. We are still playing well but all we have to show for the first 20 minutes are daisy cutter shots from Barnard and Lallana and one decent cross from Harding which no one went for. From 20 minutes, Saints movement up front kind of stopped with Barnard, Sir Rickie and Guly all seeming to get in eachothers way.

The Fakes were showing some decent football of their own, confidently keeping it on the deck without creating anything. Their eventual ball forward was usually met by Jaidi whose headers were usually going about 50 yards back up the pitch. One ball up to Baldock was in the air and fell a bit short of him so Radhi managed to get a run on him before heading it away. It was like watching a rabbit being hit by a lorry with Baldock peeling himself off of the ground and having a look on his face like he didn’t know if he was alive or dead.

Big Radhi didn’t have a great moment just after that though as the Fakes won a corner which was delivered by Leven and met by MacKenzie who powered it into the net having lost the big man at the corner. They’d been in our box once and scored. Dammit.

As half time approached, nothing was happening for us and the diamond formation in midfield was as usual, playing into the oppositions hands with everything funnelling into the traffic in the middle. Harding was trying to provide width on the left but his crosses were uniformly shit and Butterfield was not getting forward at all. There was a distinct pedestrian nature about everything and the pace of Chamberlain was being sorely missed. Half time and 1-0 down with Huddersfield winning....booo!

Out we came for the second half with no notable change to either the personnel or the formation. There was also no change to the standard of football we were producing – all huff and puff and Dan Harding getting down the wing and whoosh – throw in, far side. I think that maybe he needs his eyes testing as he appears to believe the goal is further away than it actually is. It’s 15 yards away but he thinks it’s 80.

A difficult day became a very difficult day on the hour mark as the Fakes broke and Baldock found himself one on one with Butters. He created a yard for himself and went for Kelvin’s achilles heel – the near post and straight in it went for 2-0. Two shots, two goals and whilst there was no keeper blame attached to the first goal, this one is one to add to the rubbish ones let in recently against Peterbrough, Walsall, Tranmere and Swindon. He’s in the wrong place and is too far away from the post, about a yard too far to the left. The Fakes fans are chanting “You’re getting beat by a Franchise” and they’re right. Ridiculed by fans of the Fake Dons – could life get worse ?

Nigel reached for the bench and on came Johnno Pace for the ineffective Chappers who hadn’t had much joy in his right midfieldish role. Johnno went to the right with the clear intention of running at the Ginger Perm. Within five minutes, the substitution had paid off when a Sir Rickie cross from the left was allowed to travel all the way across to where Johnno chested it past the Perm before volleying into the net. 2-1 down and game on.

Another sub for Saints as Dale Stephens came on for the Gulyman so now were set in the usual 4-4-2 and we immediately levelled the scores when Lallana fed the overlapping Harding whose cross stayed on the pitch this time and was parried by the keeper out to Johnno, who couldn’t miss, 2-2 and I knew we’d score again.

There were a couple of false alarms with first the keeper saving well from a Hammond header and then watching on helplessly as Lallana tricked past two defenders before firing agonisingly wide. The newly woken up Sir Rickie then fed Barnard who ran out of angle and fired over. Twas but a matter of time though.... and it was Barnard who smashed Saints in front with his left foot as he ran onto Sir Rickie’s pass to send SMS nuts.

The last time the Fakes were in our half they were 2-0 up but now they went for it and put us under pressure which was repelled with Fonte quite clearly throwing one of their players on the ground in a move last seen on Ultimate Fighting Challenge for what should have been a penalty. Following the incident, the ball broke to a Fakes forward who stabbed just wide. Gleeson went nuts at the ref and managed to run into him, picking up a booking. To be fair, it looked accidental so a yellow was probably fair but I bet he shat himself when he realised he’d pushed the ref.

More Fakes pressure and the ref who had let everything go all game, suddenly started giving stuff and from a dubiously awarded free kick, Leven, not distracted by me muttering ‘fuck off’ under my breath, curled over the wall, over Davis and onto the angle of post and bar. There had been 6 substitutions in the 2nd half and so the 5 minutes injury time was no surprise and in the main we defended it well with Lee Barnard earning the only standing ovation ever for running away from the goal and into the corner, where he waited for the defender before getting fouled.

Some keep ball with Lallana followed, along with the final whistle. Phew, got out of jail big time there but it’s a great win. You have to look at the bigger picture though and wonder just how many times we are going to get away with being poor in the first half and pulling it out the bag in the second. With a diamond midfield you rely on the full backs for width and today anyway, Butters didn’t get far enough forward and Harding delivered one good cross in ten. We’ve played that way in a fair few games now and it doesn’t work for us. What did work today of course was the substitutions with both Dale Stephens and particularly Johnno Pace making a massive difference.

Nigel’s post match interview seemed a bit more emotional than usual, as if he was high on the atmosphere of coming back from 2-0 down. He did acknowledge that the diamond didn’t sparkle much and vowed to address it – we shall see. I was waiting for Karl Robinson to come out with some complete rubbish after the game but the boy appears to have grown up a bit and complimented both his team and ours and gave a decent appraisal of the game, thus making me re-write everything I was going to say about him. Fair play Karl – it’s impossible to like the Fake Franchise but they did play pretty well and looked a decent side, even allowing for the Ginger Perm.

In a lot of games in League 1, we don’t get put under much pressure and so the defence and keeper have a pretty easy ride. I find it noticeable that when we go get put under a bit of pressure like today, or in the away game at Peterborough, certain players go to bits and my finger is pointing at Kelvin Davis and Dan Harding. Davis let in another poor goal (like at Peterborough) and Harding was giving me kittens being caught in two minds on several occasions. If you remember, he was terrible at Peterborough and was subbed to stop him getting sent off. Time to step up to the plate boys.

So, 9 games left and how many points do we need.... 22. Next up, Charlton at home on Tuesday, Bradley Wright-Phillips will score but we have to win.... and we will and there will be no Shakin’ Stevens.