World Cup Part 12 - Ok Franz, you were right.

When is a goal, not a goal... ?

SATURDAY 27TH JUNE

Due to England making a balls of the group and finishing second, here we are playing a team we didn’t really want to be playing this early in the competition, Germany in the 2nd round. The mood in the camp seemed to be confident because England were improving and the Germans weren’t as good as they’d looked in beating a desperately poor Australia side 4-0. Also, the German team was very young and our players were at their peak and we had every reason to be optimistic.

Capello had picked the same team as he did for the Slovenia match so Upson was preferred to the fit again King and free from suspension Carragher and Steve Gerrard was again out left with Jermain Defoe up front with Rooney. This was the game when Rooney would fire and actually do something….

For the first twenty minutes, England looked OK-ish and had some decent possession without ever looking like scoring. It was all a bit pedestrian though midfield and the balls upto Defoe and Rooney were not sticking, allowing the Germans to clear without too many problems. Worryingly, on their one foray forward, Klose had got through and James had had to pull off a sharp stop. So, 20 minutes gone and the ball with with Neuer in the German goal and about 5 seconds later it was in our net as his big punt forward sailed over Terry who was in totally the wrong place and bounced ahead of Upson who was not covering behind him. Klose got in, easily holding off Upson to slide the ball past James. An absolutely disgraceful goal to concede. Rule Number 1 of central defending – don’t let the fucking ball bounce, Rule Number 2 – one goes up for the header, one covers behind.

Ten minutes later and it’s even worse as Ozil breaks down the German right where Ashley Cole is nowhere to be seen. Firstly, Upson comes charging out of the middle and overcommits, the ball is slipped to Klose and Terry overcommits as well. So, 3 England defenders out of the game and Johnson has to come across and he gets cut out as Klose slips it to Podolski who has enough time to have a shite first touch before rifling the ball under James and in off the far post. 2-0 and more shit defending.

We needed to score before half time and duly did when Milner’s short corner was crossed by Gerrard for Upson to head home. 55 seconds later were were in dreamland as Defoe fought for a loose ball on the edge of the German box and it popped up for Lampard to cushion a volley over Neuer and in off the bar. Everyone in the ground be they German or English knew it was over the line as did everyone watching on TV around the World. Everyone knew on the first viewing that it was over – except the fucker from Uruguay with the whistle and the fucker from Uruguay with the flag. Meanwhile, the Germans are up our end having a shot in a situation eerily similar to Argentina in 98 when Sol Campbell scored, England had 5 off the pitch celebrating and the Argentines were up our end going for goal. The TV replays confirmed what we all know… it was a good two foot behind the line, miles over, not even close. Half time 2-1 down but still in it and hopefully to be spurred on by the injustice of it all.

England started the second half well and piled on the pressure with the German defence featuring Crouch-a-like Mertersacker creaking under the strain. We got a free kick on the edge of the box when Defoe was fouled on 52 minutes and Lampard for once got it somewhere near the goal, only for it to ping off the bar with Neuer beaten. It’s not going to happen is it… Fifteen minutes later we have nother free kick and this time Lamps fires it into the wall – and ten seconds later it’s in our fucking net again. The ball rebounds off the wall to Barry who instead of hitting it or controlling it, fucks it up and gives it away. Mueller races away and feed Schweinsteiger who carries it forward and returns it to Mueller who smashes it in. There will be some criticism of David James for the goal as it seemed to go through him but hang on a minute, the guy had a free shot from about 10 yards. This goal was totally 100% down to Gareth Barry who is our defensive midfielder, our insurance, our protector of the back 4. Firstly he gave the ball away in a position far too far forward from where he should have been and as Mueller scores, you notice that the midfielder flying in to try and stop him is Frank Lampard and Barry isn’t even in the fucking shot.

Five minutes later it’s all over as another lightning break down our right become critical as Ozil gives Barry a 10 yard start in a 12 yard race a beats him before carrying it forward and squaring for Mueller to score again. Four fucking one and we’re done, game over. Gerrard manages to force a decent save out of Neuer in the closing minutes of the game but we were all done. Capello then made a couple of abysmal substitutions to finish us off. You need to score 3 goals in 15 minutes so what you need is to bring on a striker who never scores, and on plods Heskey. Of course, to feed the striker who never scores you need a winger who can’t beat anyone and can’t cross the ball – so on comes Shaun Wright-Phillips.

David James 8 – Kept us in it in the first half and our best player by a mile despite letting in four goals. Felt sorry for him because of the carnage going on in front of him.
Glen Johnson 3 – Can’t defend for shit, not good enough against decent opposition.
Ashley Cole 4 – best of a bad bunch defensively
John Terry 3 – Had a hand in the first three German goals with bad positioning. Needs a quick, right footed partner to play with.
Matthew Upson 2 – Never an international footballer in a million years.
James Milner 3 – One good cross, deservedly subbed, too slow all game.
Gareth Barry 1 – Garbage. He is not a defensive midfielder. Could maybe do a job as one of two holding midfielders but totally bypassed by the much quicker Germans.
Frank Lampard 6 – thought he did Ok today, scored a perfectly good goal and hit the bar. At least looked like he cared.
Steven Gerrard 5 – not too bad but some dreadful shooting in the second half when there were others better palced. Has not mastered the Jubulani and doesn’t seem to be shoot with it.
Wayne Rooney 1 – Crap, complete crap. Lets not kid ourselves we’d have been any better with Rooney up front on his own – he would still have been shit and there wouldn’t have been anyone near him to pick up all the balls that bobbled off him. He cannot have had four games in a row that bad in his life and we would have done better with Crouch and Defoe up front in all four matches. Biggest let down of the tournament. You’re only as good as your strikers and that means we were shit.
Jermain Defoe 4 – never got a sniff but at least tried hard.
Joe Cole 2 – Came on, gave the ball away, bugger all else.
Emile Heskey 0 – don’t think he touched the ball. There are 50 centre forwards playing up and down the country who are better than this crock of shit.
Shaun Wright-Phillips ? - didn’t play long enough but hif he had, he would have got no more than a 2 because that’s his level.

Fabio Capello – where do you go from here ? I’ve been a big Fabio fan since he came into the job but he’s lost the plot since we qualified. Some truly baffling decisions culminating with todays substitutions. To me, the make up of the squad was poor and the balance of the team was all wrong. We only take 4 strikers and one of them is Heskey who never scores and another is Crouch who is not going to get much game time even though he scores loads of goals. We then leave Walcott at home who can also play as a striker and take Lennon and SWP who are one trick ponies on he right wing. We play our best midfielder out on the left which is fine against crap sides but exposed against decent sides, we have no natural left winger in the squad, we have no decent defensive midfield platform, we have no pace in the centre of defence and even a fit Rio wouldn’t have sorted that one out. The list is endless and a lot of it has to be down to the manager. Build a fucking team, not a collection of individuals. We got away with all this shit and looked good in qualifying because the teams we played were, on the whole, poor. Germany are not poor, they aren’t fantastic either but they are a damn sight better than us.

Germany will play Argentina in the Quarter Final after they predictably blitzed Mexico 3-1. They had a scare early on when Salcido smashed one against the bar but once Tevez gave them the lead the result was never in doubt. The Tevez goal was another farce as he was about five yards offside when he scored. No real issue until they replayed it on the big screen at the ground and everyone saw that it was offside including the ref and lino but they couldn’t change their mind and the goal had to stand. Mexico then imploded as Assorio made a complete balls of a pass across the top of his own box and Higuain nipped in, rounded the keeper and scored. Ten minutes after half time and Tevez showed everyone how the smash the Jubulani and rocketed a shot into the top corner from 25 yards for what for me, is the goal of the tournament so far. Hernandez scored a consolation for Mexico but they were never coming back from that.

When I wrote about the Thierry Henry handball in the France v Ireland playoff game I hoped that technology would now be used instead of continually finding shit reasons why not. Sepp Blatter refused because he is a complete arse. He authorises a new ball that is a fucking nightmare but today we hd a goal that was not given despite being miles over the line and one that was given even though it was proved to be wrong. Both England and Mexico would in all honesty, probably gone out anyway but had the correct decision been reached both times, Mexico would have been 0-0 v Argentina and England would have been 2-2 v Germany – and as we know, goals change games.

Of course, Franz Beckenbauer got to give another interview. Was he modest in victory or did he stick the boot in again like a smug tosser ? Yep. Mick Jagger supported his second losing team in two nights and runour has it that The National Lottery ar paying him to go support Germany in the next round...