Euro 2012 Part 2 - Group of Life / Group of Death

Van Persie: This first touch didn't end up in the net either.

8^th June 2012 – Group A

Euro 2012 got underway with one of the host nations taking centre stage as Poland took on Greece in what on paper must be one of the most uninspiring opening matches ever.  Host nations are always interesting from a refereeing point of view as they always seem to get some horrific decisions go their way as anyone who remembers the 2002 World Cup in South Korea will testify.  Poland started quite well and took the lead then Costas Chalkias (yes, that same arse who played a few times for Pompey) came flying out for a cross he was never going to get and the highly rated Lewandowski nodded in.  So far so good and then the referee decided that winning a header cleanly and then being the player that a Polish player fell into was worthy of two yellow cards and off went a very confused looking Greek player.  I hope the ref gets sent home for this one as it was truly abysmal.  Greece were unsurprisingly pissed off but come out well in the second half and were the better side, equalizing on 50 minutes when the Arsenal keeper and big Scrabble points scorer Szczesny did what the Greek keeper did and was on his arse after missing a cross as Salpingidis scored.  Szczesny’s day got no better when he trashed the goalscorer to give away a penalty and get sent off but at least his replacement saved it and so the game petered out into a 10 versus 10, 1-1 draw.  The closest any player came to scoring after that was a Greek defender smashing a cross narrowly over his own bar which would have been hilarious if it had gone in.  If you took the red cards out of this game and just analysed the quality of the play – it was piss poor.

Next up were the other two teams in Group A as Russia dicked the Czech Republic 4-1.  The Czech’s were poor with only Pilal and Jirosek showing anything.  They didn’t seem to have a midfield and just let Russia piss through there at will.  Russia played will real flair coming forward and it was all thorough Andrey Arshavin who Arsenal fans think is shit.  They think Theo Walcott is shit as well so hopefully he’ll play like Arshavin did here cos the Russian was brilliant.  First half goals by Dzagoev and Shirakov sent the Ruskies in 2-0 up and cruising.  They started the second half slowly and the Czechos got one back through Pilal but having being woken up, the Russians through Dzagoev again and a decent strike from Pavlyuchenko, who should have passed it at least 4 times before smashing it past Petr Cech, gave the scoreline a realistic look.   Cech had a mare of a game, not making horrific mistakes but spending the game standing in the goal, waving at shots flying past him.  Russia did have a centre forward called Kershakov who managed to find new ways of missing the target but despite him, they look like a decent outside bet.  It’s had to tell though as the first decent side they play will be in the quarter finals.  Whoever comes second in this group will be a virtual bye in the quarter finals for whoever wins Group B.

9^th June 2012 – Group B

It’s cliché time and …. The Group of Death – yawn!  Today we have Netherlands against Denmark, the one team in the group who aren’t much good.  Following that we have the clash between two of the teams I dislike the most with Germany against Portugal.  First up were the Dutch who chose Van Persie up front and left Huntelaar on the bench despite his record for the national team of scoring in virtually every match he plays.  By comparison, Denmark’s striker was Nicklas Bendtner.  Arjen Robben was a major threat for the Dutch but he proved that he is the one player that could play with an artificial leg, as long as they replaced his right leg which he never uses.  Attack after attack broke down and chances were missed, usually by Van Persie whose first touch was quite often shocking – he was pretty shite in the last World Cup as well.  20 minutes in and Denmark’s left back ventured forward and the ball broke to the oddly named Krohn-Dehli who weaved through some abysmal defending and fired through Stekelenberg’s legs for 1-0.  It was an amusing goal in that part of it was down to Mark Van Bommel who had managed to lose his man instead of doing what he usually does and kicking the shit out of them.  Robben hit a post when the Danish keeper passed the ball straight to him but when he didn’t pass the ball straight to an orange shirt, the Danish keeper remained largely untroubled for the rest of the first half.  Predictably, the Dutch dominated the second half but things went for the Danes with missed chances and one handball penalty shout in particular when Huntelaar had come on which was scandalously missed by the 3 officials up that end who could have given it.  What the fuck are the assistants behind the goal-line allowed to give?  Denmark held on for 1-0 and fair play to them.  The Dutch are now officially in trouble.  My free advice to the Dutch manager is that Huntelaar is your best centre forward so play him.  Next they are playing ze Germans which could be a bit tasty with Van Bommel coming up against Schweinsteiger.  Talking of ze Germans…

It’s well documented that half of this German team are not German and the half that aren’t is obvious from the anthem which is belted out by Schweinsteiger, Neuer, Badstuber, Hummels etc and half heartedly mimed, mumbled or ignored by Ozil, Khedira, Gomez, Boateng and Podolski.  The United Nations and Portugal then served up 45 minutes of tedious bollocks with Portugal treating us to their usual 9-forty yards-Ronaldo formation and ze Germans trying and failing to break them down with all the prompting by Khedira and Ozil being wasted by the general incompetence of Podolski, Muller and in particular Gomez who has the mobility of an oil tanker.  On half time, Pepe, that well known diving shit had the ball break to him in the penalty area and sidefooted it onto the bar and bounce down on the line and no goal was given.  I was really hoping to see that the ball was three yards over the line to see what Sepp Blatter would say but sadly, it was the correct decision. 

The second half started much the same, albeit with Portugal showing a bit more adventure.  The game was still generally shit and floating like the biggest turd of the lot was Mario Gomez, the German centre forward who can’t run or control the ball.  They were readying Klose to come on for him when Khedira’s cross was deflected to the big lump and fair play, he rose to plant a superb header past Patricio and into the bottom corner of the net as Klose sat down again.  The remainder of the game saw Portugal actually try and score and they looked decent with Varela, Ronaldo, Nani and Oliveira all looking dangerous.  Too little too late though and ze Germans held out to win 1-0.  I didn’t think too much of Germany to be honest and one header in the right direction does not make Gomez a decent centre forward – put it this way, I’d be happier if England’s centre halves were up against Gomez then Klose.  One German I’d like to see get really hammered by someone soon is Thomas Muller.  The slightest of contact sees him pull a ‘pain face’ like he’s just had a red hot poker shoved up his ass.  If Portugal played to their strengths they’d be decent and picking your best players always helps.  If you pick Postiga and leave out Oliveira then you deserve all you get really.