FA Cup 4th Round - Southampton 2 Yeovil 0

One Step Closer.

There once was a time in the recent past, when I had nothing to write about in the buildup to games aside from positive stuff.  After all, it’s been a steady upward progression since this blog started in 2009.  Just recently though, it’s been a whirlwind of shite and this weeks instalment saw a statement from the club that Dani ‘The Prick’ Osvaldo had been banned by 2 weeks by the club for an incident on the training ground.  It turns out that the incident involved him kicking and head-butting Jose Fonte.  Who he nutted is largely irrelevant aside from the fact that the typical Italian coward picked on one of the seemingly more docile members of the squad.  There is one train of thought kicking round that The Prick is trying to engineer a move away from the club and so did it deliberately.  Let’s assume that’s true for a second and say that it therefore stands to reason that he picked Jose out.  Out of the other fit defenders, I’m sure that Jos or Maya would have flattened him and it doesn’t bear thinking about what would have happened if he’s picked on Sir Rickie or King Artur.  I’m sure that Scouse or Polish justice would have prevailed.  I’m only surprised that he didn’t pick on one of the kids.

The message seems to be that The Prick is gone and won’t be welcomed back.  Two weeks neatly takes us past the end of the transfer window and though we may have to take a bit of a financial hit, there will be list of viable clubs looking to do a deal as well as West Ham.  He isn’t going to change, he’s 28 and he’s been drummed out of practically every club he’s ever had which is the only reason we were able to sign him in the first place.  Once he’s gone, there’s no doubt we will find out his side of the story as The Prick won’t be able to keep his mouth shut.  He has severely let everyone down especially Mauricio and there is no excuse.  I’ve seen it written that he may have been frustrated in playing out of position and to this I give the counter argument that this is utter bollocks.  He’s a nutcase, capable of brilliant things like his goal against City but ultimately a fucking waster who thinks he’s better than he is.  Here’s to hoping he moves to a shit club and doesn’t make the Italian World Cup squad.

There was also confirmation this week that Gaston Ramirez and Dejan Lovren would be out for about 2 months each with ankle ligament damage which we all kind of expected.  Hopefully they’ll get back for us in April and the layoff won’t do their individual World Cup chances any harm.

So to today and toYeovil Town at home in the FA Cup 4^th Round.  It’s a nice trip down memory lane to our League 1 days.  Yeovil managed to get promoted via the Playoffs last year and are in the Championship, albeit near the bottom of it.  The biggest shame is that they’ve recently sold Desperate Dan Seaborne as it would have been nice to see him try and prove my assertion that he was barely a footballer, wrong.

There’s always a bit of an intake of breath before the team is announced for an FA Cup match, especially as mention was continually made in the buildup to Arsenal’s visit here on Tuesday night.  As it turns out the line-up wasn’t that bad.  Superkelv in goal, Maya and Jos auditioning to partner Jose on Tuesday and J-Rod given another chance to prove he can lead the line.  There was a welcome (by me anyway) return for Guly on the left with the rest of the team being made up of first team regulars.  Missing were Sir Rickie and King Artur who were both nursing minor knocks and the bench was full of kids with Calum Chambers, Sam Gallagher, Harry Reed, Lloyd Isgrove and Gaz Timebomb all on there.

We made a slowish start and Yeovil seemed quite well set up. They had the standard two banks of four and then Hayter playing off of the obligatory Championship Big Unit in Ismael Miller who looked huge.  Didn’t he used to play for West Brom?  A quick check reveals that he’s now at Nottingham Forest and shock of shocks, he’s on loan. 

Guly has started well for us and his first few touches are received well by the crowd around me anyway (Kingsland centre).  He’s always trying to make things happen but others are letting him down at the moment with Lallana looking off the pace and J-Rod not being strong enough on the ball.  It’s all kind of lame with neither team looking like it has a cutting edge.  As if to illustrate that, our first shot is by Corky and guess where it ended up?

The first serious chance falls to us and J-Rod who moves onto a Morgan pass across the top of the box and sidefoots it straight at the keeper.  My eyes go to the heavens as they seem to do at least once every match at least.  The next chance also falls to J-Rod and this time he leaps superbly to meet Clyne’s hanging cross and thumps a header off of the bar.  Maybe Jay should just head everything.

On 22 minutes, JWP swings over a corner, it clears the main melee of players and a Yeovil defender, for reasons known only to himself, reaches up and handles the ball above his head.  There’s hardly an appeal as it’s that obvious and the referee points to the spot.  The offending player goes to argue with the ref and then the Yoevil skipper wades in and gets booked.  What the fuck are you complaining about guys?  There’s no one near him and he’s stuck his hand above his head and flapped it away.  Call ‘Arry Redknapp to see if he’s put a million on Yeovil conceding a penalty or something.  So, we’ve been given a penalty and Adam Lallana tosses the ball to J-Rod who I assume is going to pass it straight to the goalkeeper.  However, he hands it to Guly who is going to take it.  I can’t say that I’m confident but I’m really hoping for his sake that he scores and thankfully he coolly rolls it in the opposite corner to where Stech has dived.  Guly’s relief is obvious and so is his team-mates delight at the goal.  What’s not to like?

Yeovil seem slightly shellshocked as teams often are after they concede a ridiculous goal and a flowing move ends with Lallana out on the left and his chip across bounces off top of the bar.  The Championship side snap out of it though and create their best chance as Ralls finds space on the left and sends in a low cross. Hayter has got in front of Shaw and gets a toe to it and his effort hits Superkelv who luckily is in the right place.  Back up the other end and a great ball from Corky puts Lallana in possession and he sets it up superbly for J-Rod who has a clear shot from the edge of the box but again he shats it straight at the keeper who doesn’t have to move.  It’s identical to the one he missed at Sunderland when Sir Rickie did the hard work and laid it on a plate, only for J-Rod to casually pass it to the keeper.  Argh! 

The 45 minutes are up and the extra minute has been played but Yeovil break out so the ref plays on.  The ball is eventually crossed over and The Big Unit has a chance at the back post but he leans back and skies it over the bar.  Can we have half time now ref?  Yes we can.

We start the second half like a proverbial bag of shit and Yeovil come very close to scoring as Ayling sidefoots a shot towards the bottom corner by Superkelv defies his 130 years and gets down quickly to push it round the post.

Guly is beginning to tire in what is after all, his first game for nearly a year and he’s hooked on 55 and it’s nice to see Sam Gallagher come on instead of a ‘safe’ replacement like Steven Davis.  No slight on Guly here but with Big Sam up front and J-Rod on the left we immediately look much better balanced.  Talking of forwards, Yeovil are now petering out in that area and Miller is looking seriously slow.  I can’t make up my mind if he’s all muscles (like Radhi Jaidi) or if he’s carrying some serious extra timber (like the Yeovil supporter I saw outside in a 5XL shirt).

Saints are beginning to take over now and the 2^nd and clinching goal only seems like a matter of time away.  JWP smashes one just over from the edge of the box, Stech makes a comfortable save from Clyne as he tries to repeat his goal from the last round and Big Sam gets the ball on the left win, cuts past a defender and hammers it, forcing Stech to parry it out towards the penalty spot and the keeper gets lucky as it falls to no one.

Nathaniel Clyne then gets booked for what I didn’t even think was a foul but it doesn’t matter a few minutes later as Corky drives forward and slides the ball to Big Sam on the right where he bulldozes past the last defender and from a tight angle, fires left footed through the keeper and in.  Great goal and the first of many for the new big man.  All he needs to do now is grow his hair, get some tattoos and glasses and twat a few of his team-mates and he’ll have a good career in the game.  Maybe if this Gallagher was related to Liam or Frank Gallagher then he might be a bit punchy but lets hope he lets his football do the talking.

With 20 minutes to go, Adam Lallana is subbed and Steve Davis comes on with the Irishman’s presence bringing with it a rain and hail storm of biblical proportions for about 10 minutes.  Both teams seemed to struggle with it but it must be easier playing in shocking conditions when you’re 2-0 up than when you’re 2-0 down.

Saints are creating a lot of chances now as the game gets stretched and Yeovil appear to be playing with 7 up front.  From a JWP delivery into the box, big Jos flicks it on, Davis knocks it back across and Big Sam smashes it goalwards where it hits Stech and bounces clear.  From where I was it looked over the line but I expect that goal line technology is switched off for the FA Cup even though it’s certainly available at Premier League grounds.

The monsoon abates and Harrison Reed comes on for JWP.  We must be the only team who brings on an 18 year old and the average age of the team stays the same.  His first contribution is to charge down the right, collect a pass from Steve Davis and then clip a perfect return cross over the centre halves to where Davis saw his volley acrobatically clawed away by Stech.   Big Sam then attempted a ridiculous spin turn in the box and got his shot away but Stech blocked again and the rebound hit Sam and bounced out for a goal kick.  The rest of the game petered out and the final whistle send and the non-green members of the 24,000+ crowd home happy.

It was a pretty comfortable win at the end of it all.  Yeovil had huffed and puffed and had done well in all but the final third where they really barely threatened.  Jos and Maya looked like an accident waiting to happen at all time but weren’t tested enough, even when Yeovil had two 7 footers up front at the end.  Fair play to them though, they came and had a go and their support was magnificent throughout.  I think we’d have probably won anyway but it really helped with that twat gifting us the first goal with the handball for the penalty.  What the hell he was doing I’ll never know.  I hope they manage to achieve their season objective and stay up as there is absolutely nothing to dislike about Yeovil at all.

The post match reaction was predictably all about the two goalscorers.  I’ll have to have a look back through the archives to see why Guly became a scapegoat but it certainly wasn’t for playing like he did today.  He was purposeful and direct in possession and always looking to go forward and make things happen.  He didn’t look interested in sideways and backwards which is a good thing.  Maybe he missed a couple of easy chances way back when in much the same way that J-Rod does in every game.  Whatever the reason it’s clearly ridiculous and if he’s our Pirate replacement for the rest of the season then that’s fine by me. 

The other goalscorer, Sam Gallagher, looks to have something about him.  A good first touch, a touch of skill and a yard of pace and he’s direct as well.  He was looking to make forward runs the whole time and this is something that I hope is not coached out of him in favour of becoming a back-to-goal centre forward.  He had to wait a few minutes for his first touch and when he finally got it out on the left wing, cut in, bang, forcing a save from the keeper – love it!  He got his goal and was unlucky on another couple of occasions.  Once again, if he’s our Pirate replacement for the rest of the season then that’s fine by me.

The other news from the game was the presence of Katharina Liebherr in the Directors Box.  She had obviously decided to show up to see what a meltdown looks like, especially one which she caused herself.  I wonder what she made of it and I wonder what The Sun will make of the picture of this woman who knows nothing about football looking delighted and applauding Sam Gallagher’s goal.

As I write on Sunday, the draw has been made and yet again we’ve got bloody Sunderland away who, as I said last week, are shit but we never beat them.  This is the one boys, this is the one!  The rest of the draw had pitted Man City at home to Chelsea and Arsenal at home to Liverpool so it opens up if we get through as two of the big boys will be history.

Next up we have a nice easy one against Arsenal at home, one of three teams who have a realistic chance of winning the league.  At home we’ve lost to Chelsea and drawn with Man City so The Gunners are going down.  If you’re still looking for a meltdown, follow Piers Morgan on Twitter if we do derail the Arsenal title bid.

 Artur says: Take me on Osvaldo, I Fucking Dare You!

League 1 Match 33 - Southampton 3 Yeovil 0

Remember Me ?

Yeovil at home and let’s not beat about the bush here – we have to win and we should win comfortably. Whilst relatively speaking, Yeovil’s form has picked up recently, they should be there for the taking, especially as they have a few injuries which include Paul Wotton who did a hamstring on Saturday, the kind of injury which plagues all athletes with explosive pace.

Nigel tinkered to the extent of one change with Aaron Martin coming in for the rested Jaidi, who will no doubt be back for the Bournemouth game on Saturday. Talking of which – on the Radio as I was driving to the game, they interviewed a few fans and staff of Bournemouth and all they were talking about was the Saints game at the weekend. Let’s hope they take their eye off the Exeter away game they have tonight. The bench saw the return of Dan Seaborne and Jonathan Forte or Jonno Pace as he appears to be called in every interview Nigel gives about him. Nigel’s latest buzzword is ‘alehouse’ which he used to refer to both the goal we let in at Walsall and the one Yeovil let in last week against Huddersfield. I wonder if he knows the Bill Shankly quote about Saints being an alehouse team. Whilst we’re on the subject of interviews, I wish that our manager and players would stop all this “We are Southampton and we’re everyone’s Cup Final” bollocks. Have a bit of humility chaps as all it does it wind up the opposition and make us look stupid when we lose to Walsall etc.

The first 10 minutes was as scrappy as you could wish to see but it was obvious straight away that Yeovil were not very good. On 12 minutes they won a free kick and it was one of those moments when you see professional footballers do something so ridiculous that it really makes you wonder what on earth they do all week when they are supposed to be training. The free kick was about 25 yards out, to the right of centre. Three players stood over the ball so there I was thinking that they must have worked on some elaborate routine. Player 1 ran over the ball to the left, Player 2 ran over it to the right and Player 3.... tapped it along the ground, straight into the wall of Saints players. Genius.

Saints had a free kick of their own on 15 minutes with a goal and managed to execute it a little bit better than Yeovil. It was strange in the fact that only two players moved. The kick was from the right wing about 40 yards out, Barnard made a run, Butters slid the free kick through to him and Barnard finished across the keeper. If you were in any way connected with Yeovil – you would be mortified at conceding such a preventable goal.

Saints were trying to play out from the back and in doing so, were highlighting a major limitation with the central midfield players as neither Chaplow nor Hammond want the ball passed into them from the defenders. Martin attempted it and Chaplow skewed a pass straight to a Yeovil player before having to hammer back and concede a corner. There was no movement from anyone so the ball usually travelled across the back four and was then hoofed, usually by Davis, usually to no one in particular.
Half time and my God, what a shite performance that was. Still, winning is the key and this was illustrated by the fact that Bournemouth were losing at Exeter.

Nigel’s half time team talk had obviously contained a request for more aimless rubbish as that was the order of the day after the restart. Saints always looked the more capable though as Chambo fed Lallana who put a perfect cross onto the head of Lee Barnard to head in for 2-0. It was nearly hat-trick time a minute later as Barney was again put through by Lallana but this time the keeper got a block on it and the chance was gone.

It was all Saints now and it was no surprise when a 3rd goal arrived courtesy of Chamberlain who picked up a loose ball in midfield and drove forward before lashing a ball into the net, via a deflection which left the keeper trying to dive in two directions at once.

There was a brief interlude and a rest for everyone else when Chambo got the ball in the nuts. I swear that Butterfield and Fonte were having a bit of a giggle but then, there is something about a football hitting testicles which is always funny, as long as the testicles in question aren’t yours. The Kingsland comedian who came out with “can’t have hurt that much cos they haven’t dropped yet” should be applauded.

Saints used the bench with Chappers, Chambo and Lallana making way for Gobern, Richardson and Jonno Pace. The formation kind of went to shit with Sir Rickie dropping into the hole and Butters going into midfield. Chances kept coming though with Gobern firing a decent volley just over and not falling over as he hit it.
Kelvin Davis, who had up to this point kept a clean sheet just by standing there, had his one thing to do for the game when a hopeful cross from the left nearly ended up in the net as he flapped and fumbled it onto the bar. To be fair, he was under pressure from the nearest Yeovil player who was about 30 yards away. His confidence was then tested when Richardson tried to clear a ball up the pitch left footed and managed to hook it horribly and send it straight back to Davis who then had to deal with it.

Oscar Gobern was showing up well in the middle of the park and from a decent tackle, won the ball and send Jonno Pace on his way. With Barnard screaming for a square pass and a tap in for a hat-trick, Jonno ignored him and ran straight into the keeper, without ever looking like he was going to score. I hate to say it but with his physical appearance, the number on his shirt and the lack of goal.... Bradley Wright-Forte.

BWF showed a nice trick or two over on the left wing before being unceremoniously hoofed up in the air by a clearly irritated defender. He managed a couple of spins and a pirouette before landing.

So, 3-0 and easy really. Didn’t play well but didn’t really have to. Before the game, Yeovil were saying that they’d miss Paul Wotton and it’s easy to see that he would have been their best player today. They were very very poor and seemed to have no idea how to approach the game. I dunno about not having a Plan B, they didn’t seem to have a Plan A. Still, it was nice to see Wotton on the pitch at the end, shaking hands with the Saints boys.

So on we roll to Dean Court and a meeting with the Moaning Dorset Bstrds. I have a feeling that their fans would rather win this game than get promoted. Nice that they lost today and if we manage to get the first goal on Saturday it may really knock them back. If we beat them then we go above them on goal difference and we will still have 2 games in hand. A draw won’t be a bad result but the form of Peterborough and Huddersfield demands that we go for the win... which I’m sure we will.

Bring it on!!!

League 1 Match 9 - Yeovil 1 Southampton 1

Read On... all will become clear-ish !

As the season finally started on Saturday, I was looking forward to the game against Yeovil and expecting us to win. I fully appreciate what league we are in now and all that but at risk of sounding patronising, we’re playing Yeovil and we should win and anything less will be a piss poor result. Clearly there was a feel-good factor around the club with Nigel Adkins having got his first win and the never ending positivity he seems to exude, seemingly having an effect on all (except a lot of our supporters of course).

Unsurprisingly, there were no team changes from the Sheffield Wednesday game aside from Jose Fonte returning to the bench. Yeovil manager Terry Skiverton would no doubt have reminded his players of the two games against us last year when we won in the 94th minute at Huish Park and won courtesy of two ridiculous penalty awards at St Mary’s.

The game starts with Yeovil on the front foot and on five minutes we’re lucky to get away with a clear Harding foul in the penalty area which should certainly resulted in a spot kick for the men in green. A lucky escape, which is evened up on 15 minutes when Sir Rickie, who is of course, without a goal from open play this season, gets as close as he has yet to breaking that duck when he takes in a Puncheon pass and smashes a shot against the bar which unfortunately, comes down on the wrong side of the line from our perspective.

For the remainder of the first half there were a few chances per side but nothing that you ever really thought was going to end up in the onion bag. Consequently, as has been the case with a large percentage of our matches this season, we arrive at half time at 0-0. Nigel has looked round the changing room and seen Alex Chamberlain yawning and drinking a cup of hot milk. It’s his bed time and this means that it’s Guly time (a bit like Hammer time but without the irritating fucker in the silly trousers).

With do Prado on the right wing, Saints start the half badly as Superkelv comes flying off his line to try and reach a ball he’s never going to get to, forcing Radhi Jaidi to use his extreme pace to get back and clear off the line.

Saints Player – that technological masterpiece has stopped playing silly buggers and is actually working which means that I can hear Dave Merrington in all his glory. I think he’s developing Motson Syndrome which is laymans terms is the early onset of senility. The off –the-ball running of Lee Barnard is being analysed and Dave says “Ooh he’s very clever, making that Jinxy the Cat run”. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT DAVE!!! In a second I am reminded about how bad he was when he was our manager and now I see why. “Now Franny, I want you to be Muffin the Mule, Doddsy can be Spike the Dog and Matty can be Willo the Wisp”.... anyway....

I’m still recovering from Jinxy the Cat when Schneiderlin, playing further forward than usual, runs at the defence and lays off to do Prado, who turns and rifles the ball in at the far post. We’re winning and it’s Guly Time U Can’t Touch This (Look it up if you’re under 30).

We really should use our superior quality to go on and get a second as Yeovil push for an equalizer but instead of that, we stop passing the ball, which is what got us the lead in the first place and start seeing who can hit Sir Rickie from the farthest away. I imagine that Dan Seaborne could have a good go at that but instead, he tangles with a forward who collapses and gives the ref a chance to make up for missing the penalty earlier on which he duly does. So – two wrong decisions make a right do they ref ? Twat. Penalty despatched with Superkelv going the wrong way, 1-1.

Jinxy the Cat is replaced with Adam Lallana in an effort to re-introduce a passing game but it doesn’t really work. We have a couple of chances as the clock ticks down and Guly comes closest when he cracks one against the post. The ball ends up on the edge of the box where we get fouled and get a free kick in Sir Rickie range. Unfortunately, Sir Rickie hasn’t really got a range at the moment and smacks the free-kick into the wall. Soon afterwards, the ref gets one right and ends the game. Fuck it.

Nigel’s post match interview is quite scathing of the way we started playing hoofball and also how we conceded a cheap penalty. He seemed to be digging at Seaborne for giving it away which is a bit harsh as it wasn’t a bloody foul anyway. However, in my view, Seaborne is comfortably our 4th best centre half out of 4 so if it means Fonte and/or Martin are back in the team next week then happy days.

Positives? Of course there is the Gulyman who got a goal and nearly got two in his first real half of football in the league. Lallana got some more action on the road to full fitness and Sir Rickie is getting closer to hitting the target which he needs to do because if he doesn’t, we are really going to struggle to kill off teams even if we really dominate them. Highlight of the day though was the performance of Schneiderlin who Nigel seems to have got playing further forward and is encouraging his to be more offensive in his play... and I don’t mean kicking someone up the arse which is what he did at Yeovil last year.

There will be some that say that we should be happy with 4 points from these two away games but whilst I would have agreed before Saturday – having won the difficult one, we should have won this one. To put it in context – to get back to the points per game ratio needed for automatic promotion, we’re going to have to win something like 8 games out of the next 10 so dropping points like tonight is not something we can afford to do. It’s a bit reminiscent of last season – midweek trip to shitty ground in pissing rain 1-1 not good enough.

Sorry to go on about this but Jinxy the Cat was the cat in Meet the Parents (Ben Stiller, Robert De Niro) and I can’t imagine for the life of me that Dave Merrington was referring to that and even if he was.... what the hell is he on? Also, I have never seen a cat anywhere that runs or looks like Lee Barnard who has never to my knowledge, coughed up a furball, eaten a mouse or cleaned his own arse with his tongue. On that note, bring on Bournemouth, currently in an automatic promotion spot having won yet again tonight.

League 1 Match 42 - Yeovil 0 Southampton 1

Yeovil Town at Huish Park was the latest of our must win do or die shit or bust matches that we’ve had ever since the Brighton draw which left us with no room for slip ups whatsoever. When they’s come to SMS, Yeovil had put up a decent show and we were on the lucky side with two ridiculous penalty decisions going our way. It was in fact our first win of the season and fortunately, we were considerably different to what we are now.

Yeovil themselves are not completely out of the woods regarding relegation but they should be ok. I hope they stay up but of course, we should beat them and I hope we do – heavily. The ritual of looking out for other teams results has already started this weekend with there being a Friday night fixture which saw Huddersfield beat a totally shocking Millwall side 1-0 in a match which saw a very poor side triumph over a piss poor one. They are both above us in the league and we really wanted Millwall to win that one. Never mind, we can only do our own job.

Pards named the save starting XI again with a truckload of strikers on the bench in Connolly, Barnard and Papa Waigo, balanced out by Perry, Wotton and the returning Radhi Jaidi, five hundred quid lighter in the pocket after losing a ‘Morgan won’t score as long as he has a hole in his ass’ bet.

As you’d expect, Saints flew at the start of the game and a Fonte header and shots from Sir Rickie, Lallana and Puncheon all caused a bit of anxiety to the Yeovil keeper. At the other end, Yeovil were an occasional threat with Superkelv being forced to save from Bowditch who looked lively.

On the half hour and following a break from Antonio, lallana found himself clean through but as he went to collect the pass, it bobbled up behind him forcing him to try the Rene Higuita Scorpion kick thing which inevitably meant that the chance was cleared even though he managed to get it towards the goal. Yeovil took over for the reminder of the half though with Bowditch firing wide when he should have scored and then Tomlin twice going close, once with a header that crept wide and once with a low shot which would have been a goal if he’d not been playing against Superkelv, who got down a pushed it round the post. Both of the chances for Tomlin had come via our right flank where Otsemobor was getting run ragged. Half time, 0-0

Not impressed with the lack of goal threat from his side, Pards threw on Barnard for Antonio at the start of the second half. The opening of the half was quiet but around the hour mark it all started getting interesting as first Sir Rickie fired over and then a Punch effort from a rebound was held by the keeper. Yeovil were still posing a threat, especially down our right hand side where at times, you did wonder if Otsemobor was playing.

Frustration was growing and following a Barnard booking for what can politely be described as a ‘forwards tackle’ (a shit one) it all seemed to be going a bit pear shaped before Morgan Schneiderlin had a good go at making sure it did when, having being shoved by a Yeovil player, decided that the best course of action was of course, to take a big hack at his leg. Prat – off you go. Saints initially went to a 4-3-2 formation with Lallana and Puncheon either side of Hammond but it really wasn’t giving us the platform we needed to try and get the all important goal. Saints had another scare a few minutes later as Fonte took out a forward as he burst through and on another day, he could have been sent off as well.

I had to run out of the room for a second here as my 5 year old had come in demanding a drink. When I returned all off 30 seconds later, the total moron who was on Solent with Diamond Dave said ‘… and Saints are desperately seeking the equalizer’. ‘Fuck’, I said in a voice which was loud enough for me to wonder who else heard me say it. Needless to say it was still 0-0 so cheers, clueless, faceless radio commentator bloke. Back to the game….

Usually in this situation a manager has to decide whether to stick or twist – go solid and make sure of the draw or go for it. The first option today was never an option at all so what did we do – go kamikaze Pards took off Otsemobor (who had been generally poor all game) and Hammond and brought on Connolly and Papa Waigo, the latter rather hysterically, going to right back. Bearing in mind he doesn’t speak any English and his interpreter was in the bath, I bet he didn’t have a fucking clue where he was supposed to be. Lambert dropped deeper so we had a back 3, Papa stationed randomly on the right, Sir Rickie, Punch and Adam in midfield but all pushing forward and Barnard and Connolly up front. Championship Manager comes to Huish Park.

Papa Waigo got to work out on the right and immediately found himself in a great crossing position from which to pick out one of five attackers streaming into the penalty area. Unfortunately, no one was in row 17 behind the goal which was where the cross landed. I wonder if Papa has ever met George Lawrence. Meanwhile, on Radio Solent they are eulogising over Yeovil and talking them up like they’re something fantastic. Again I wonder if I’ve missed three Yeovil goal or something but fear not. Back to the game…

After our bizarre substitutions, Yeovil did the same and pulled off their one striker (Bowditch) and brought on a midfielder which was bizarre as we had 10 men but anyway. 90, 91, 92 and it wasn’t happening despite Saints camping in the last third and winning a succession of corners. The ball found its way out to Papa Waigo again who fired it across and as is more likely to be the case if the cross stays on the pitch, someone (LEE BARNARD!!!!!) got their head on it and nodded it past keeper McCarthy and into the net. Saints went nuts, the fans went nuts, Dave Merrington and the other prat stopped the Yeovil love-fest thy were having on the radio and remembered who their audience was.

There was still time as there always is, for us to have a go at throwing it away and we managed to let the Yeovil centre back jink into our area and fire into the side netting but soon enough, the whistle had gone and we’d prolonged our season again. This team does not know when it is beaten and we play until the 95th minute which is such a pleasant change to the last 5 years when we typically played until about the hour mark and then packed it in. Credit for this much go to Pards, Dean Wilkins and Wally Downes who have obviously instilled this discipline and fitness into this bunch of players. We won with 10 men which is the first tme we've done that since.... the last time Schneiderlin got himself sent off at Milton Keynes in the JPT. If you were being harsh you could say that in some games, Morgan playing is ike playing with 10 but we're going to have to do without him now for 3 of the last 4 games. It'll be interesting to see whether Wotton comes in or whether Punch will switch to central midfield.

Pards’ post match interviews focussed on the Schneiderlin sending off which sounds like it was totally deserved and the shenanigans that went on between the two benches which culminated in Dean Wilkins getting sent to the stands for reacting to the Yeovil bench demanding our players got sent off etc. It’s bad enough when players are waving imaginary cards about (an offence which would being an instant booking if I was in charge) but when the dug outs are doing it then there really is no hope. Pards sounded like he thought Wilkins was totally justified and good on him.

We are still 8 points behind and our game in hand is this week at home to Oldham. Win that and we have 3 games to catch up 5 points on Huddersfield who have two tricky away games and a home game against Colchester (managed by Hoofroyd, still with playoff ambitions themselves). I said that if we beat Bristol Rovers and Yeovil that I'd start to believe. Well, given the wins and the manner of them, I'd say it's still a longshot but if you were to place a bet against us… would you be confident?

League 1 Match 8 - Southampton 2 Yeovil 0

Saints defence says : Where do think you're going pal ?

Another SMS Saturday, another chance to get our first win of the season. I felt confident and here's why... the sun was shining, Saints had just got a point at League leaders Charlton, we were at full strength, we were playing Yeovil who were on a long winless run and also, best of all.... Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest had been replaced behind me with three glorious shiny empty seats. It was surely a sign that today was surely, going to be the day...

Team news and Jaidi is in for his debut. Even watching him during the warm up you can see that he's absolutely huge and though I feel a bit sorry for Chris Perry who has been dropped despite not playing badly at all, it's good to see the man mountain starting. Saganowski is up front so Joseph Mills misses out in the re-shuffle and is on the bench along with Papa Waigo. I'm disappointed that Mills is not in the side as he offers natural width and his exclusion means we are more likely to funnel everything down the middle. Lloyd James will be offering no width on the right and will doubtless be attempting to cross from the half way line again and Lallana will be meandering and wandering and not providing width on the left.

Saints start well and get on the front foot and it's obvious straight away that Yeovil are struggling to deal with Rickie Lambert. Within five minutes they change tactics and have two men marking him the whole time which should mean more space for Saga. Lambo is winning his fair share but Saga is struggling to read where it's going and in that instance I see why maybe Saganowski wanted to leave. League 1 football is all about being direct, flick ons, giving the ball away, winning it back, ball in the air .... all of which really doesn't suit him. He tries and he tries though and in the 18th minute is rewarded when he wriggles free on the left of the penalty area and is tackled, falls over a bit spectacularly and wins a corner.... Hang on a minute, the berk with the whistle has given us a penalty... what the hell was that for? He won the ball clean as you like... we'll have it though. Protests and bewilderment all round, Lambert, bang, 1-0.

Yeovil, suitably aggrieved, come hard at us and we're under pressure as they hoof it up to the big lad up front who is a handful but he's very isolated and he's up against Jaidi and Trotman who are the football equivalent of a pair of nightclub bouncers, "No, you are not coming in sonny, now turn around and take this bruise with you". Talk about uncompromising. Yeovil also have a little 'Jermain Defoe like' striker up front who is like Jermain in that he has two arms and legs and that's about it.... in short, he's rubbish. Along with the bouncers in defence, we have Wayne Thomas and Dan Harding who are both big lads at 6ft 2ish, as well has Hammond and Lambert elsewhere in the side which gives us massive physical presence. It's all a far cry from last years team of Time Bandits and 7 stone weaklings.

However, it doesn't matter how many big lumps you have in the side if no one attacks the ball and a free Yeovil header from a corner went pretty close. Hammondwatch was again proving interesting... sometimes he looks like he's injured and that every step is an effort that he'd rather not make but at other times he is a man possessed. If there is a ball to be won then he makes sure he wins it or that the opponent is on his backside. In an attempt to win a 10/90 challenge at one point, he executed a perfect scythe tackle and hoofed the Yeovil No8 up in the air where he in turn, executed a kind of spin turn triple somersault thing and landed in a heap. The referee in awe, did nothing... unbelievable. Hard though Yeovil tried for the rest of the first half, they weren't really getting anywhere and Saints weren't either to be honest.

Half time and no morons to listen to, fantastic. Half time scores... Aston Villa 2 Pompey 0 Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

The second half starts in a kind of nondescript way with neither side looking likely. Jermain really is bad for Yeovil and sorry to pick on him again but Lloyd James for us, bloody hell. He's been shoved right to accomodate Schneiderlin who is mixing some great stuff with disappearing acts. He is improving though and getting more involved with games and it's nice to see a player who wants to get the ball down and creates some space and time for himself.

After the hour however, it's time for an aimless waft forward towards nobody. The ball runs across the Yeovil left back and brushes his hand. One person out of nearly 20,000 appealed and that was me. 'Handball' I said in a very quiet voice but the linesman, who obviously has the hearing of a bat, heard me and gave us another spawny penalty. The Yeovil players don't really protest because a) they haven't realised it's a pen, or b) they now know for sure that it's not their day. Lambert, bang, 2-0. Game over, it really is. You can never really say this as a Saints fan but it's time to bet your left nut on a Saints win because it's coming baby and Yeovil are not going to score twice.

Mills comes on for Schneiderlin and Papa Waigo comes on for Saga, accompanied by a massive cheer. Now I'm not against giving someone a big welcome but why exactly does he have hero status already ? One goal in the ressies in front of one man and dog at Hungerford, does not a hero make. Is it because he has a cool name .... like Jelle Van Damme..(who was crap) or is it the dance ... which we nearly see after his first touch which is a snapshot at the keeper from 20 yards. A good start and on the plus side he looks lively and unpredictable... on the minus side though there were some worrying Bradley Waigo-Phillips moments as he managed to get caught offside about 4 times...

Mills was now taking our corners and the delivery had improved markedly since Lallana had been removed from the set piece equation. Someone (Jaidi and Trotman perhaps) needs to beat it into him that repeated floating corners over everyone is not likely to lead to a goal. Saints nearly scored again when Trotman got on the end of a Mills corner and hit the keeper with the header and so the game petered out into an easy win with Wotton coming on for Thomas to maintain the 'big lump' quota in the side. Top performers for me today were Lambert and Hammond who were untouchable in their respective areas of the field.

So, -2 and Alan Pardew was happy with the win and not too impressed with the way we played. I'd have to agree with him but I really, really, really don't give a flying one how we win and I'll take all the dodgy penalties going if it means we score one more than them. Winning with style is a bonus and I'm really not bothered about bonuses as bonuses are for the greedy.

I am bothered though, about getting to one point before the Skates so we're at Carlisle and they are at home to Everton. I reckon we're favourites now....