Premier League Match 27 - Newcastle 4 Southampton 2

Watch Out, Watch Out, Pardew's About 

In the two weeks since our win against Man City, we’d had nothing to do but look forward to today’s match against a resurgent Newcastle United who have hit a bit of form courtesy of some decent signings in the transfer window, all from France.  When we played and beat them at St.Mary’s, they had a few injuries so I guess it’s an example of all things evening out over a season as they have about 8 different players available for this game.  They are of course managed by Alan Pardew who can most definitely be credited with making a major contribution to the start of our rise up the leagues – he signed Sir Rickie for starters and 99 goals later, he’s still banging them in for us.  Who would bet against number 100 coming today?  Rumour has it that Pards himself likes banging them in as well of course.

Saints arrive at Newcastle after a quiet two weeks and though it’s a little boring – it’s nice not to have players getting into rucks and falling out of nightclubs.  Talking of Lee Barnard, he played for Oldham yesterday against The Skates and though he didn’t contribute a goal, he did contribute to one of their latest batch of shit players that they can actually probably afford, getting sent off.  It was initially reported (by the official Pompey Twitter feed) that the Skate had punched Barney in the nuts twice and so of course, Twitter was full of ‘facking scummer’ stuff like it was some sort of triumph.  The only problem is that it wasn’t him but another player.  Still, when have facts ever got in the way of a good story in Pompey?  Talking of them down the road, they brought embarrassment upon themselves almost on par with their ‘Alex Chamberlain is one of ours’ routine when they made a big deal of celebrating two of their ex-players scoring against Barcelona.  Kevin Prince Boateng and Sulley Muntari would be two of the players they could never afford who have at least in some small way, contributed to the £150 million shortfall in the Balance column over the past few years.  Enjoy League 2 or the Unibond Southern Division 8 or wherever you are next season.

Meanwhile, back in Newcastle, it’s French Day by way of making their large contingent of French players feel at home.  My Grandfather on my mothers side was a proud Geordie and though he died over 30 years ago, I know he would be turning in his grave at some twat singing the Blaydon Races in French just before kick off.  I remember him singing that to me when I was a kid so that’s a childhood memory ruined.

Mauricio recalled Luke Shaw to left back in place of Fox and the only selection surprise was playing Lallana instead of Puncheon.  Punch has been a bit hit and miss away from home so I can see the logic in this one but it does seem a bit harsh given his performance in the City game.  Also, the Punch and Clyne partnership down the right has been getting better and better as the season has gone on.

Anyway, time for ‘le kick off’ and Saints start well and look right up for it, pressing high up the pitch when Newcastle have it and keeping the ball when we get it.  Corky rumbles forward on 3 minutes and is given time to measure a cross into the box to Sir Rickie who heads down to Morgan who turns and smashes it past Elliot to put us 1-0 up.  Brilliant start and a slightly ironic one, what with it being French Day and all that.

The next ten minutes are fairly even but Newcastle are getting better and better and the chances begin to come.  Firstly, Sissoko lets fly from 25 yards for King Artur to go full length to his left to push it round the post.  Then Debuchy gets down the right and squares to Gouffran who make a total bollocks of his attempted shot but it turns into a great ball to Cisse who looked like he must score from six yards until he pulled out a passable impression of someone very very shit and miscontrolled it before hoofing it miles wide.

Newcastle are in control now and it’s no surprise when they equalize.  Corky’s pass down the line to Clyne is cut out and Newcastle quickly spring into attack down our vacant right back area.  Corky gets back but Gouffran gets down the line and gets nearly to the bastard 6 yard box unchallenged before hammering a shot at the near post which hits Artur and rebounds kindly into the path of Sissoko who has a tap in.  You have to ask if at 1-0 up we really needed to have 7 players in front of the ball when we were attacking as when Corky gave it away, one pass and it was 2v2 with the rest of our players desperately scrambling to get back.  For me, Clyne shouldn’t be making the run behind the left back, either Davis, Lallana or J-Rod should.  Once the game restarts, Newcastle suddenly look like they’re overpowering us and Shaw picks up a yellow card for hauling back Gutierrez.

The referee is not doing us any favours as he allows Tiote to go unpunished for kicking everything in a red shirt and then he stops one of our attacks as Clyne gets bundled over from behind which is a clear foul but he gives the free kick to the French team, presumably because Clyne has touched the ball with his hands as he fell.  Twenty seconds later it’s in our net as Elliot launches the free kick, Shaw misses the header and Cisse smashes a fantastic shot into the net over Artur and in off the bar.  It’s only when you see it afterwards that you realise that he’s offside when the ball is punted forward, no one else gets a touch and the flag should have gone up as soon as he went to play the ball.  What the fuck is the linesman watching?  He has nothing else to watch at all and there are only 4 outfield players in the Saints half as all the rest are in the Newcastle half as a) we were expecting to get a free kick and b) we didn’t prevent the free kick being taken quickly.  Brilliant goal but shit officiating all round.

So, 2-1 down at half time and though we have a few issues with the second goal, it’s a pretty fair reflection of the game so far.  I’m going for a cup of tea in case ‘Le Races de Blaydon’ (or whatever) is given another airing by that twat and another piece of my childhood dies forever.

Saints start the second half well, no doubt spurred on and put on the right road by some translated Spanish from Pochettino.  A ball up the Sir Rickie brought a free kick as the Newcastle centre back with the unpronounceable name managed to get his foot about 7 feet in the air.  25 yards and a decent strike by Sir Rickie which beat the wall but Elliot managed to get a strong hand to it to beat it away. 

From our next attack though we repeat the first half medicine and it’s 2-2 as Lallana bursts inside Santon on our right and slides a ball into the box which is swept into the net by Sir Rickie for his 100^th goal in Saints colours.  It’s all us now and we really should have gone in front when Lallana again got free on the right and stood up a beautiful cross which Sir Rickie threw himself at and headed a foot past the post.  Having got to the header which he had no right to get to, he really should have scored.  There’s another chance straight afterwards as this time, Lallana plays a 1-2 with J-Rod before showing his Achilles heel (ie – the part of his game that’s shite) and dragging a shot wastefully wide when he really should have made the keeper do something other than go and get the ball and take a goal kick.

Luke Shaw appears to be struggling with a bit of a knock and possibly due to being on a yellow card, he gets hauled off and replaced with Danny Fox.  More tactical appears to be the removal of Steve Davis to bring on Gaston Ramirez.  Gaston has been on the pitch about a minute when Newcastle bomb another free kick forward and Fox is on his heels, allowing Debuchy to get the ball first and try to volley it straight across.  Fox is flailing about trying to get back and flapping his arms like he’s trying to fly.  The ball strikes his hand, miles away from his body and Mr Foy is only going to give one thing and quite correctly in my view, it’s a penalty.  Cabaye steps up and sends Artur the wrong way to put us behind again.  It’s just shite defending – it’s not really Danny’s fault that it’s hit his arm but it’s his fault that he’s allowed the free kick to go over him and allowed Debuchy to run free.  You can have all the possession you like and be on top but if you’re going to miss chances and then give goals away by not concentrating then it’s not going to be a great afternoon.

We’re making an attempt to get back into it and then someone loads a gun and gives it to Danny Pistorius and he shoots us stone dead.  Sissoko gets away down our right and hammers in a cross which Fox should have let run but instead he hit it with the outside of his left boot, back across our six yard line and it hits the unfortunate Big Jos and ricochets into the net.  It’s crap of the highest order as even if it hadn’t his Jos it was going back into the danger area and towards three Newcastle players.  I spend my Saturday mornings trying to make sure that 8 year olds don’t pass it across their own goal.  If you want to come to one of our training sessions Danny then I’ll get one of the 8 year olds to teach you.

With ten minutes to go, Punch comes on for the totally ineffective J-Rod who has contributed next to nothing today but it’s too late for him to have an impact and he should have been on at 2-2.  We have a brief moment of hope when Gaston bundles past a challenge before hammering in a shot which the keeper parries before Gaston lifts the rebound over him and onto the bar.  Everyone has stopped though and then you realise that Gaston has shovelled the ball round the defender with his hand.  Obviously frustrated at being caught he then has a dive in the box and quite rightly gets nothing apart from ridicule before chirping away to the ref and getting himself booked.  The game peters out and we find ourselves on the end of a 4-2 defeat which to be honest, we didn’t really deserve.

I wasn’t really expecting anything from the game but it’s a bit of an irritated feeling that I’m left with.  Things certainly seemed to conspire against us today but there’s no doubt we were architects of our own downfall.  The first goal could of rebounded anywhere off of Artur but went straight to Sissoko so that was a bit unlucky even though we contributed by having too many men forwards.  Brilliant though the second goal was in terms of the strike, he was offside and rewinding further, it should have been our free kick at the other end so cheers Mr Foy.  Hopefully Sir Chris Hoy won’t get bombarded with hate-tweets like he did by those oh-so-classy Chelsea fans.  The Match of the Day ‘analysis’ (and I use the term loosely) seems to imply that it should stand because it was a great goal and we should change the rules to allow great goals even if they are offside.  Sorry but complete bollocks – if the flag goes up when it should then he doesn’t even have a shot and in my opinion, the lino should be banned for a week for missing which from his view, was pretty fucking obvious.

We managed to end up with 4 bookings and they got none which is remarkable considering that Tiote spends the game running about and kicking lumps out of whoever is near him.  There was one bit at the end of the first half when he went in high on two players in a succession and didn’t even concede a free kick so I’m guessing he borrowed the Cloak of Invisibility which Yaya Toure had on a couple of weeks back.  Aside from that though we killed ourselves – it was ridiculously bad defending from Danny Fox for both the second half goals and it wasn’t a day for left backs as Luke Shaw missed the header for the second goal.

Certainly Mr Pochettino seemed pissed off at the end.  I wonder if the interpreter is trained so that if Mauricio says “the referee was a right cheating fucker” it gets translated as “we had a harsh decision go against us”.  Pards was unbearably smug afterwards as he had every right to be, putting one over Don Nicola but he did have some nice words for Saints and Sir Rickie in particular which, whether you think they were sincere or not, he didn’t need to do.

For me, we looked ropey today in defence.  The full backs got killed on numerous occasions and the pressing game wasn’t as effective against a side who got it forward quickly and attacked with pace.  Steven Davis was very quiet today and J-Rod was practically non-existent which was a surprise as he’s been playing well.  Adam had a decent 20 minutes at the start of the second half but Gaston was shite when he came on and contributed a handball, a dive, some teddy bear throwing and a yellow card.  Not good enough son.

I guess there’s no choice but to put it down French day as being merde and concentrate on next week which is a big one, home to Queens Park Pompey and the return of our mate ‘Arry.  Forgive and forget, I don’t think so.  Fans will forgive most things as long as 100% effort is put in – this goes for both players and managers.  Upon departure, if a manager admits that his heart wasn’t in it from day one, then I think he deserves all the hostility that he gets.  The best medicine we could dish out though would be to send them back to their Subbuteo stadium with zero points and therefore hammering in another nail in the coffin marked ‘relegation and administration’.  Call me ‘Arry Admin.

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Premier League Match 26 - Southampton 3 Manchester City 1

Champions - My Arse!!!!

Our ultimate failure to win against Wigan put a bit more pressure than was really necessary on today’s game at home to the current Champions, Manchester City.  This season they’ve not quite been a good as last year and I can’t really see them getting near Man United at the top but they still have about a billion quidsworth of players to call upon.  As luck would have it, two of their better players are available again today with Yaya Toure having returned from the African Nations Cup and Vincent Kompany potentially back from the injury he may have got when he launched into yet another two footed tackle and got a grass burn when he landed.

The past week has seen a raft of internationals at all levels and the England U21 gave Saints a headache when Luke Shaw did one training session and injured his ankle, making him unlikely to play today.  A slight knock to Nathaniel Clyne saw us do a Sir Alex and rule him out of England duty.  We also pulled the same stroke on Uruguay with Gaston Ramirez but at least our manager could explain to the Uruguay management in a language they could understand.  Also in the news was the le Tissier and Cortese thing whereby a private one on one meeting was arranged and then Tiss went and aired all his grievances in the media causing the meeting to be canned by The Don.  Personally, I find this issue really really boring.

So, we had the pressure of playing the Champions at home but a bit of that pressure was relieved by the fact that we were playing at Sky o’clock and we knew all the other results before we kicked off.  Reading had not managed to do their usual and spawn a result in the last 5 minutes and had lost to Stoke, Wigan had been buried by Chelsea and most amusingly of all, Queens Park Pompey had been smashed 4-1 at Swansea under the tiffic guidance of ‘Arry Redknapp and Steve Cotterill.   Needless to say, it wasn’t their fault. Though it’s an irrelevance to us, the feelgood factor as also enhanced by Pompey earlier claiming a record 9^th defeat in a row in the South Coast Shit-a-thon at Bournemouth.

We didn’t do a real Sir Alex as both Gaston and Luke were actually injured and not magically recovered by the next league game, Mauricio brought in Danny Fox and Steven Davis as expected but the main talking points were in the City line up.  Kompany didn’t make it so they had the dodgy looking central defensive pair of Garcia (a midfielder) and Lescott (an alien).  The front six however looked quite awesome on paper and they had one of my personal hate figures in Samir Nasri.  I’m sure that off the pitch he’s probably nice to his mum and all that but the impression he gives is that he’s a horrible little shit.  It was good to see that Carlos Tevez wasn’t even on the bench as he was having a personal issue which in the past has been because he’s been asked to be on the bench, or to come off the bench.

We start off playing our usual high line and pressing City so high up the pitch that King Artur is stood next to Joe Hart and Sir Rickie is stood at the back of the Northam End.  City are trying to ping the ball about but not getting too far with it.  On 6 minutes, Gareth Barry plays with his usual urgency and pace and turns like a oil tanker straight into Punch who nicks the ball and sets off.  He plays J-Rod clean through who shows no strikers instinct as his jabbed effort is blocked by Hart but luckily for us it goes straight to Punch who rolls it into the net.  Off he goes to the corner flag and pulls out the very unique bum-wiping celebration in honour of this being the first home game since the Everton ‘Dumpgate’ incident.  There is a quick chorus of “he shits where he wants” which is amusing.  Punch hasn’t had a song for the three years he’s been here but he gets one as soon as he leaves the pitch to have a shite.  What next “Dumpgate – The Rock Opera”

The excitement of us being in front, bum wiping goal celebrations and Aguero immediately firing in a shot which Artur catches easily are obviously too much for someone unknown around me in the Kingsland who has just produced an incredibly eye-watering fart.  It’s a disgrace and if anything happened in the next two minutes then I missed it.

On twenty minutes something very odd happens and we go 2-0 up.  Foxy’s raking long ball puts Sir Rickie away on the right and he cuts in past Clichy and hits a shot left footed which is straight at England’s No 1 but he has a mare and lets it hit his body and go through his legs to where it’s bundled into the net by Steve Davis.  It’s all a bit surreal.

A quick look at the watch reveals that there are still 70 minutes to go which is a bit of a concern but who cares, we’re 2-0 up against the Champions and not even another blast from Swampguts is going to ruin my mood, just make my eyes water a little bit.  The referee Martin Atkinson makes his first decision which gets him noticed when Sir Rickie gets booked for trying to close down Lescott before holding him back.  To be honest though it’s fair enough though I’m not sure about the booking that Big Jos managed to pick up when Dzeko just ran into him.  Jos is playing really well and though Mauricio wants all the defenders to play the ball rather than Allardyce it up the pitch, it’s apparent that Jos has a bit more licence to just concentrate on defending.  They can’t score if it’s 70 yards away can they?

It’s nearly 3-0 on a couple of occasions as we continue to dominate the game.  Firstly J-Rod get s an opportunity from a Big Jos pass and screws his shot across goal and out for a goal kick when he really should have hit the target.  Then Clyne gets forward and picks up a Punch pass before seeing his shot deflected for a corner.  Steve Davis had been knocking in some really good corners but this one was to the edge and Dzeko headed it clear, immediately setting up a 2v2 break.  10 seconds later and nearly 3-0 had become 2-1 as Silva put Zabaleta steaming away up the right before returning it to Dzeko who despite the ball being behind him, expertly scooped it over Boruc and into the net.  Because he’s a big streak of piss he’s always going to look a bit clumsy but that looked like a very good finish to me.

The ref had managed to annoy the home fans with the bookings and then compounded it when Toure blatantly bodychecked Morgan in the midfield to stop a break.  The ball had run loose to Punch so not only did Atkinson butcher the advantage that we had, he then failed to book the offender.  This was made worse as we reached the 44^th minute and J-Rod burst into the box.  Again there was a body check, again there was no contact with the ball and Atkinson bottled it and gave a corner.  Sorry, that’s a penalty all day long and that’s why you get booed off and end up with a crowd of angry players all round you.

My half time break was spent having a quick look on Twitter where the world and his wife who were watching on Sky were saying that it was a definite penalty.  The list of people saying it wasn’t numbered 1 and she had the name of @Martinatkinsonsmum. There was a sense of injustice but to retain a sense of proportion – we were 2-1 up and were in the main, outplaying the Champions.

The anticipated City blitz at the start of the second half didn’t happen and instead we looked the more likely as Sir Rickie fastened onto a ball from Davis in the inside left channel before laying it into the path of Punch who would have had to break out an entire new bum-wipe celebration but alas, he lashed his shot over the bar.  Within five minutes though we’re celebrating again but the goalscorer wasn’t.  Again, Sir Rickie is away down the left and his cross misses everyone but not Gareth Barry who, under pressure from absolutely no one, expertly passes it straight into his own net.  He’s trying to sidefoot it off for a corner by the look of it but it hits his heel and goes straight in.  Great finish lad.

Yaya Toure is a fabulous player but he clearly does not want to be out there today.  He has a free kick which he plays into someones feet and gets it back before ballooning it hopelessly into the crowd.  His head’s gone down though he had managed to put on the cloak of invisibility which means that the referee doesn’t see him.  He’s had the body check on Morgan and the penalty shout after he trashed J-Rod and manages another couple of fouls in quick succession without getting booked.  Meanwhile, City go close as Aguero gets away down our right from a decent Barry pass and bounces a shot towards goal forcing King Artur to pull off a superb save by flinging himself away to his left to tip past the post. 

Mancini finally puts Nasri out of his misery and to my complete lack of concern, on comes James Milner who will hopefully do what he did for England during the week; run up and down and give the ball away lots.  We’re at the hour mark now and Pochettino brings on Lallana for Punch who gets a standing ovation.  Saints have a new sponsorship deal with Eterna who are our new official timekeepers.  I have an issue with their timekeeping as minutes 60 – 80 seemed..... to..... pass..... very..... very..... slowly.

In that 20 minute period we created a few chances with Morgan volleying over and Corky getting into nosebleed territory on the edge of the City box before predictably wellying it into the Chapel End.  City throw on two more subs but bizarrely, it’s two full backs as Kolarov replaces Lescott and soon after, Maicon replaces David Silva who I had genuinely forgotten was playing.  Surely he’s worth leaving on though?  Yaya then finally managed to get booked for an innocuous foul but the ref in fairness, did point to 47 areas of the pitch where he’d committed his previous fouls.

Danny Fox appears to have got cramp and is replaced with Frazer Richardson with Clyne going to left back to combat the mercurial wing talents of Milner.  Meanwhile on the other side, Kolarov, who has done well down the left since he came on, gets free to deliver a brute of a low cross into the mixer which is blocked by a mixture of Big Jos and King Artur who eventually comes up holding onto the ball in exactly the same way that Joe Hart didn’t. 

There are five minutes of normal time left when JWP comes on for Steven Davis which is surprising considering that J-Rod is looking like one of those marathon runners in the final straight when their legs have gone.  To be fair, he’s run his nuts off but I bet a little piece of his heart died when he saw the third sub come on and he was still on the pitch.  Prowsey made a difference though as we regained control and started passing it about again for the duration of the generous 5 minutes injury time that was added.  There was even time for a bit of Ole Ole from the crowd which was a nice bit of banter designed to really wind up opposition fans.  94, 95, done.

Get the fuck in there!!!  Two years ago around this time we were playing away at Exeter and managed to scrape a 2-1 win with a Sir Rickie goal in the 94th minute.  Today we have dicked the Champions of England.  I don’t care if they had an off day… their team cost millions and we dicked them and we should be proud of that.  We were superb from the first minute to the last and dominated the game – of course when you’re watching it as a Saints fan you always feel that conceding two goals in quick succession is just a breath away but once it was over, I realised that City really never looked like getting a point at any time after Barry’s master class in finishing. 

It really is worth looking back to the opening game of the season and comparing the performances of some of our players.  Big Jos was a train wreck in the game at City as the quick feet of Tevez, Nasri and Silva made him look like a clumsy giant trying to play football with a bag on his head.  Today he was brilliant, won everything and did exactly what he had to do when confronted with the aerial threat of Dzeko in what I thought was a Man of the Match performance.  Why Mancini didn’t try putting Aguero or Silva through the middle is beyond me but more of his tactics later.  Then you have Morgan who at City, got bullied all over the pitch by Yaya Toure but today (along with Corky) he ran the game himself forcing Toure to have a sulk and no doubt wish that the Ivory Coast had gone further in the African Cup of Nations so he could  have skipped this one.  There were immense performances right through from King Artur to Sir Rickie and we had strong players on the bench as well to come on ensure the level never dropped.

So, is it the Pochettino effect?  Well today I think it was.  City never dealt with us closing them down (see first goal) but the key difference in this game was the way we closed it out.  Mauricio left Sir Rickie and J-Rod on even though they were both completely fucked because we needed to give City something to think about at their end of the pitch and not just retreat to the edge of our penalty area and wait for the inevitable.  The most glaring comparison is Man United at home where we didn’t look like we had a clue how to close it out when Nigel Adkins took off our three best players and we let van Persie have one goal for every player we took off.

As for City – well it was billed for them as a ‘must win’ but to be honest, some of them didn’t look like they fancied it (Toure, Nasri), some usually excellent players had quiet games (Aguero, Silva) and some just had complete shithouse performances (Lescott, Garcia, Hart)… and then there was Gareth Barry.   I can understand the mistake for the first goal as he’s always been slow (remember him losing a 10 yard race with a 9 yard start for England against Germany in South Africa 2010) and he just got caught being slow but what the fuck was he up to with the 3^rd goal.  Hilarious and thank you very much to a player who has loads of caps for England whereas Jack Cork has none.  If I was a City fan I wouldn’t be too impressed with Mancini for this game – why throw on two full backs to get crosses in when you have Scott Sinclair on the bench? Why take off your one natural centre back when you go to 3 at the back?  Why pick a midfielder at centre back when you have Kolo Toure available?  Why pick Nasri at all?  I’m sure all of these questions will be posed in the match reports in the papers and on the web, most of which will ignore that there was a team in red even playing out there.

Still, I wish we had their problems with only being second in the league and all that.  As it turns out, we’ve gone above Newcastle and are currently 6 points off the drop zone with a better goal difference but I expect that to be down to 4 points after Villa play Dropping-like-a-stone West Ham on Sunday.  We have small break now before a trip to St.James’ Park to play Nouveau Château and their collection of Frenchmen.  The break gives a chance to sit back and feel good about ourselves for a bit and bask in the glow of this win.  It started when I got back to the car and Stan Collymore was on the radio introducing his show on talkSHITE, waxing lyrical about how good we were and how Sir Rickie and Corky deserve an England call up.  Some people at least, seem to be noticing.

We were brilliant today, loved it!!! So what if we handed the title to Man United.

Premier League Match 25 - Wigan 2 Southampton 2

Exclusive: Leaked picture of the 2013/14 Wigan away kit

Today we have a trip to the DW Stadium in Wigan for the first time in Saints history.  It’s our first visit because we’ve never been drawn to go there in a Cup competition and Wigan’s ascent to the Premier League coincided with our plummet down the pyramid.  The DW Stadium is of course, narcissistically named after the Chairman, Dave Whelan who, like John Madejski at Reading, wanted everyone to know who the main man was whenever they visited.  Bearing in mind what a cock he was – we are somewhat fortunate that our ground is not called The Rupert Lowe Bowl or have some sort of Star Trek tribute name… mind you – he did try and call it the Friends Provident Stadium.

Anyway, I digress and I’ve only just started.  Saints have been bombarded with plaudits by the world at large after our performance at Man United and its remarkable how in the media – no one’s really bleating about the way we treated Nigel Adkins any more.  The local media are bleating before the game though that they can’t run a pre-game interview with Mauricio because the interpreter is ill. You couldn’t make it up really. They should just send Dave Merrington down there to tell him what Saints don’t want to do and Mauricio can nod a lot and say ‘Si’ which would make for great radio.  Job Done.

There was only one change to the starting team that played against United with Luke Shaw returning in place of Foxy.  Punch and Gaston were given another chance to impress despite both being hooked at half time on Wednesday.  Adam Lallana was again only deemed fit enough for the bench and Vegard Forren was only deemed fit enough to do laps of Staplewood on his own.

The start of the game is fairly even with Saints continuing the pressing game that they showed against Man United and Wigan trying to play but not really getting anywhere with it.  The first time they do is when Espinoza finds some space behind Clyne and bends in a cross which is met by the toe of di Santo but King Artur flung himself to his left to pull off an outstanding save.

The save was nearly worth double a couple of minutes later as Sir Rickie looked up and put a superb cross straight to Gaston who had beaten the offside trap but with no one near him and loads of time to take a touch if he wanted to and about 8 yards out, he lashed it first time miles over the bar.   It was like when you’re warming up before the start of a Sunday morning game at the park – someone crosses a ball so you try and be flash and just wave your leg at it and do a Peter Kay and volley it into a neighbouring garden or something.  To be honest it was absolute toss.

Wigan are struggling to get out of their half, such is the tenacity being shown by the forwards and midfielders to press the ball but they do win a corner and we cough up an easy goal as Beausejour’s kick is powerfully headed in by Caldwell whose job has been made very easy for him by Yoshida firstly losing him and then compounding the error by Kamikaze-ing in front of Caldwell and missing the header.  Fair enough, it’s a great header by Caldwell but a very preventable goal.

Getting back on level terms quickly would be a good thing and we nearly fluke one back within two minutes and McCarthy’s clearance from the centre of the Wigan defence, hits Morgan and flies towards the top corner, only for Al-Habsi to tip away for a corner.  The rest of the first half is one way traffic as we absolutely camp in the Wigan half but final ball failings are hurting us again with usually Gaston or Punch being the culprit.  We are winning it back very quickly each time we lose it but the closest we get to scoring is Big Jos meeting a corner and his header going about a foot wide with the keeper nowhere.  Half time and ridiculously, we are losing.

For the second game in a row, Gaston is deservedly hooked at half time with Steven Davis coming on to replace the allegedly injured Uruguayan.  The pattern of play is unaffected as we are all over them again and Cork’s cross looks for all the world like it’s heading for Sir Rickie and thus to the back of the net but as the big man dived forward to head it, Scharner got there first and flicked it away as Sir Rickie crawled along the ground having had the ball removed from the equation by the inconsiderate bastard!

“No one expects the Spanish Inquisition” said Monty Python and bearing in mind they were getting battered, Roberto Martinez made what on the face of it was a strange substitution with Gomez, an attacking midfielder, replacing Stam, the right wing back.  I guess it was to try and gain an element of control in midfield and Pochettino immediately decided to make at attacking change of his own with Lallana coming on for Clyne, with Corky going out to right back on the hour mark.

We nearly score straight after the substitution but it has nothing to do with Corky as Sir Rickie gets put away on the right where he turns Figueroa and then lays it across right into Morgan’s run but he goes with it with his right foot instead of his left and manages to not get a decisive touch on it from 6 yards.  ‘Merde’ as Morgan said to himself.  However, surely to Christ we’re going to score soon.

Our new right back was then involved in our long overdue equalizer as a panicky Wigan clearance went straight to him on the right hand edge of the box.  His cross came off a combination of J-Rod and a defender and gave Sir Rickie a 50-50 with Al- Habsi.  If there’s one man you want going for the ball to score a goal when he could potentially get clattered by a goalkeeper then it’s Sir Rickie and true to form, he got there first, stuck it in the net and got a slap off the keeper.  Get in!           

Straight away we’re back on the offensive as Punch weaves his way into the box but having worked a yard, his cross is scuffed along the ground and cleared for a corner.  Any height on it and Sir Rickie was totally unmarked at the back post.  The corner breaks out to Steven Davis who squirted it via a deflection to Yoshida who has a clear shot but he allows Lallana to take it off him and his shot on the turn smacks the post and bounces away.   In hindsight, this would have been best left to the Japanese as he had the better angle – granted he would probably have lashed it anywhere but in the net.

Luke Shaw, as he is now more and more prone to do, burst down the left a la Bale and skinned two players before getting his head up and picking out Sir Rickie beyond the back post with a superb cross.  Unfortunately, the main man managed to shank it back in the direction from which it came and out for a goal kick.  The fact that he missed as opposed to bursting the net has made no difference to his England chances.

Mauricio finally tires of Punch choosing the wrong option (or maybe he’s decided that he may need to go for a shite) and replaces him with James Ward-Prowse for the last 10 minutes.  He slots seamlessly into the side and following a Wigan corner sets J-Rod away down the left.  He bursts away from the last defender and reaches the bye-line before pulling it back perfectly to where Morgan has arrived after an 80 yard sprint.  Bang, 2-1, yeahhhhhhhhh, let’s go mental.  It’s a brilliant goal and expertly illustrates how we want to play.  The two players who made all the ground to get into the box were our defensive midfielder and our left back as Shaw was in close attendance as well.

There are just five minutes to go and you would usually expect an onslaught from the home side but Wigan have been so piss poor today, I just couldn’t see it coming.  However, they won a corner off of Corky and Beausejour’s kick was headed down by Scharner and with Shaw playing him onside, in came Maloney at the back post to knock it past Boruc for a totally undeserved equalizer.  Oh fuck off! A minute later and game over, 2-2, gutted!

Well what a kick in the nuts that was and how the fuck did we not win that.  We absolutely dominated this game and have ended up with just a draw due to two set pieces which we haven’t defended.  Wigan were very, very lucky as they created next to sod all from open play but if you can’t defend balls lobbed into your box then you’re always going to struggle to close a game out.  That’s the last 3 goals we’ve conceded – all from set plays that we should have defended better.  It’s just handing goals to the opposition for fucks sake, you want them to at least have to work a little bit hard for it. Having said that the defending cost us, we’ve also not created as many clear cut chances and scored as many goals as we should have done.   Bollocks! 

If you calm down and forget the scoreline for a minute – we were absolutely outstanding today, the closing down, the movement, the passing and the determination were all there.  Our final ball let us down and Punch and Gaston had absolute shockers out there, both giving it away virtually every time they had it.  I must mention J-Rod who I have not been a big fan of up to now.  He today actually looked somewhere near worth the amount of money we paid for him and his contribution to the second goal was immense.  Corky, Morgan and Davis all had superb games in midfield and JWP did his bit when he came on as well.  Sir Rickie really demonstrated what a good all-round centre forward he is which of course, won’t be enough to get him in the England squad despite being the top scoring English forward in the Premier League.  No, we’ll have to suffer Rooney doing his usual and having his 30^th inept England performance in a row.

I thought Wigan were shite to be honest and aside from the tenacity to hang in there and somehow nick a point, I don’t see how they will possibly finish above us.  A while ago I talked about a need to find 3 teams worse than us.  Back then I chose QPR and Reading and the 3^rd place was undecided.  Despite showing signs of life, I still see them both finishing below us, as will Wigan and Aston Villa.  We have to put some serious daylight between us and the relegation zone as soon as possible though, so we really need to start winning the games that we’re dominating.  It sounds obvious and that’s because it is.

Mauricio spoke of ‘disappointment for the players’ afterwards in that they hadn’t been rewarded for the performance and he’s dead right.  Wigan manager Martinez just waffled in an attempt to cover up that they were woeful and incredibly fucking lucky.  However, Wigan leave the game with one point, the same as us so I’d better stop moaning about it as the grapes are a bit sour.

Next up we have a nice easy one against Man City at SMS.  They are now 10 points behind United in 2^nd place so I think it’s safe to say that they can’t afford to drop any points if they want to win the league again.  Typically, their best player Yaya Toure got knocked out of the African Cup of Nations over the weekend so he’ll be back against us.  Still, we’ll have Mayuka back following Zambia’s exit so that evens it up. 

Premier League Match 24 - Manchester United 2 Southampton 1

"Tres minutos de mierda, vas a tener una risa!"

Since the Everton game, Saints have been away in Barcelona on a warm weather training camp, getting away from the snow and away from FA Cup which we’ve retired from.  Nothing remarkable about that really until you throw in the news that Don Cortese saw fit to give his first interview in about a year.  My overall feeling afterwards was that he came across quite well and basically confirmed what I knew anyway which was that he makes decisions, regardless of whether it makes him popular or not, is 100% convinced he is right and that anyone who disagrees will be sorted.  He also spoke of focussing on the club as a whole and not on individuals and this part I agree with completely.   Celebrity culture and hero worship in this country makes us concentrate on individual footballers and managers when after all, it’s a team game.  The England national team for example, has had decent individuals for years but has it had a decent team?  So, I agree with that bit but I’m not having the ‘we had a good relationship upto the last second’ line about Nigel Adkins.  There’s no fear of this assertion being contradicted though as I’m sure there will be a Non-disclosure agreement in place and you can’t draw a blue line under it if you’re “Swimmin’ with da feeshes”.  Another interesting snippet was that he’d never met Matt le Tissier.  I was at the League 1 promotion celebration dinner myself and so was Tiss and so was the Don.  Maybe they didn’t meet but I’d be surprised if the Don didn’t know Tiss was in the room.

FA Cup 4^th Round weekend came and went with us not in it of course and we now find ourselves visiting Old Trafford in Mauricio Pochettino’s first away game.  Apparently he’s worried about what wine selection to take for Sir Alex so I’d like to offer my suggestion which is to take him a bottle of piss with a label on it.  One selection to really worry about is on the left wing where Guly has been playing but he’s done his knee so he’ll be out for a while.  Adam Lallana is back in training but not match fit so the logical next in line is Steeeeeve.  Please no!  If it was down to me I’d play Danny Fox as he can help Luke Shaw out and also, it gets our best set piece delivery from wide areas on the pitch.  We won’t get too many chances at United so this area is vital and we don’t want to be hitting the shin of the first defender or hoofing it out for a throw on the other side. 

The player facing the media this week has been Vegard Forren – I can’t work out if it’s because he’s playing today (which would be harsh on Big Jos after a clean sheet) or just because he’s just signed from a club managed by United legend Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.  It turned out to be the latter as he didn’t even make the bench in Senor Pochettino’s  selection.  Danny Fox did indeed make the team but it was instead of Luke Shaw who was presumably rested as he was on the bench along with Adam Lallana who wasn’t considered fit enough to start.  J-Rod started wide left as the new manager has obviously watched Steeeeeve in training for five minutes.  United had both Van Persie and the Granny Shagger starting with Welbeck and Kagawa on the wings.  Offering hope for us was the relatively weak central midfield of Carrick and Anderson, the dodgy Smalling at centre back and the worse than dodgy Coco de Gea in goal who looks about on a par with Gazzaniga – the odd flashy save but no presence at all.

I remember one game we played at Old Trafford when the game kicked off and I had said “we’ll be alright if we can hold out until....” and then van Nistelrooy scored the first goal in what would turn out to be a 6-1 defeat.  It was with great delight and an element of going completely mental that Anderson gave the ball away to J-Rod and Morgan broke up the left.  His ball inside was intercepted by Carrick who casually lobbed it back towards Coco who didn’t fancy a collision with J-Rod one bit so he closed his eyes, missed the ball and J-Rod turned it into an empty net.  Fuck me we’re winning. Two years ago we were in League 1 and now we’re winning at Old Trafford.

Unfortunately, the elation and surprise of being in front at the Theatre of Wet Dreams was only just beginning to sink in when we suddenly weren’t winning any more.   Foxy’s throw in was won by United and the ball deflected to Kagawa who flipped it over the defence into the path of Rooney who scored with ease as Jos and Maya lumbered after him and Artur had no chance at all.  Bugger!  United suddenly look very dangerous and are playing with pace.  The tactic seems to be to play it wide and cushion the ball inside to a runner and we can’t handle it at all and need a massive stroke of luck as Rooney puts Kagawa through on the left and his shot thumps against the near post and across the goal and away.

To our credit, we’re still going forward when we can and United seem content to cynically take the foul whenever we get to within 40 yards as they have to half kill someone to get booked at Old Trafford.  Sir Rickie tries to exploit Coco’s nerves from 40 yards but it deflects for a corner and following another cynical foul, this time by Vidic, Gaston tries to emulate his Old Trafford Olympics goal for Uruguay but only succeeds with hitting a shocker miles over the bar.

One of the things that has improved greatly with Luke Shaw in the side is that not as many crosses come into our box from our left as the winger doesn’t have the room.  With Foxy back in the side, Jones finds himself with half the pitch to himself and feeds van Persie who cuts in and shoots which deflects off of Yoshida’s thigh and we’re all expecting it to drop into the net but it floats just over the bar.  Foxy does get in a superb man-and-ball tackle on Rooney as United break again but it’s all a bit desperate and the fact that we’re getting overrun in midfield means you don’t have to be Mystic Meg to predict we’re going to let a goal in soon.

When it comes it’s soft as hell.  Firstly, J-Rod puts in a stupid tackle on Jones who is going nowhere and waiting for the challenge and an opportunity to fall over which duly comes to pass and the ref gives it.  You wouldn’t mind so much but it’s the second time in about 10 minutes that J-Rod has done this.  Last time we got away with it but this time we don’t as van Persie’s cross is well headed back across by Evra as Corky ball watched, to Rooney who buries it into the unguarded goal like he buried one in that Granny a few years back.

The rest of the first half is all about only being 2-1 down at half time and we’re grateful to the Holy Goalie for preserving our margin of losing when he spreads himself well to block from Welbeck who has bundled his way through.  When we do attack we mess it up either with a bad final ball or most frustratingly, from set pieces which we’ve been crap at all season with Foxy being the latest to put a corner over everyone and out the other side.  The final action of the half is for J-Rod to continue his defensive masterclass and give the ball back to United on the edge of our penalty area which forces Morgan to bring down Jones and pick up a booking for hoofing the ball away in frustration.

A quick half-time check on Twitter reveals a level of bedwetting from Saints fans which defies belief.  We are 2-1 down and still in the game, away from home against the best side in the country.  Seriously – get a grip.  It’s like being sat at St.Mary’s with the Chuckle Brothers whining in my ear and moaning about this that and everything.

Pochettino is not pissing about and we make two substitutions with Gaston and Punch (who have both done very little) replaced with Steven Davis and the returning Adam Lallana.  Within five minutes you can see the difference as we get good possession of the football (thanks Nigel) and pin United back.  Our initial spell of pressure results in J-Rod bursting in the box and the ball being cleared upwards and Sir Rickie hitting the dropping ball on the volley which gave Coco a simple enough save.

We’re consistently winning the ball high up the pitch on one such occasion the ball falls to Steven Davis who is proving with every passing shot that his goal on day 1 against Man City was a bit of a one-off.   Sir Alex is clearly not happy that we are dominating the game at this point and his face would have gone even more beetroot when Carrick carelessly carted Lallana over and somehow avoids getting booked for about his 5^th foul.  Sir Rickie’s free kick was straight at Coco but he still managed to flap it into his face and back out into play before diving on it.  I know he has had criticism for recent mistakes and various United people have said this is unfair – no it isn’t because he’s rubbish.  He emphasises this further by bowling the ball straight out to Saints and we eventually win another corner.  Fergie springs into beetroot faced Taggart action and takes off Anderson and Smalling who have both disappeared in the 2^nd half and are contributing very little and replaced them with Dopey Rio (who got battered all over the place by Sir Rickie at SMS) and Rafael.

The word ‘outplayed’ is being bandied about a lot as we keep possession of the ball and have United chasing shadows but once they get it, they’re away up the right and a cross from Nani is right onto the head of van Persie about 6 yards out and his header it brilliantly blocked by King Artur who has thrown the big starfish shape and somehow kept it out.  The miracle save and the warm feeling from it lasts about 10 seconds as the ball goes out to the Granny Shagger on the left and his ‘outside of the right foot’ cross is headed in by van Persie..... who is offside.... just......... haaaaaaaaa!

Back up the other end and J-Rod bursts onto a pass on the edge of the box and is cynically taken out by Vidic in 100% deliberate fashion.  He gets booked but Sir Rickie’s free kick is just a little too close to Coco and he manages to push it away.  The next action is up our end as Rooney shows England form when given a run on goal and knocks it just too far which allows Artur to come flying out and flatten him, taking the ball in the process.

Luke Shaw is on for Danny Fox and immediately he’s revelling in the wing-back role, charging past Rafael and laying it back for Sir Rickie whose shot is blocked and the rebound goes to Morgan who hoofs it a yard over the bar.  Luke is at it again a minute later, hanging up a cross which Sir Rickie does brilliantly to head down and Lallana revealed his Achilles heel and fannied about rather than just putting his fucking laces through it and United cleared again.  The final chance as it turned out was a Clyne cross which J-Rod tried to glance into the far corner but it bobbled a yard wide.  Shit!

Just the three minutes of Fergie time as indicated by the 4^th official which was about half of what would have been signalled if we were winning.  The three minutes tick away with more possession by us but no real threat on Coco’s goal and on 92 minutes and 59 seconds, the ref blew up so Fergie couldn’t add to the list of referee complaints he’s made that the FA will let him off for in a couple of weeks.

We played very well today and in the second half especially, with Fergie, in a rare moment of me not getting annoyed at everything he says, saying we were the best team to play there this season.   Would he have been quite so complimentary if we’d nicked a draw?  Somehow I doubt it but fair play to him anyway.  Mauricio was happy with the praise but ultimately he’d rather have had the point that we deserved.    He also didn’t make the translator remember 5 minutes of Spanish at a time either.  Mauricio can take great credit for our territorial domination of the second half which was quite something though with United only having sporadic attacks, it must be noted that they came closest to scoring the second half whereas we actually didn’t get much on target from open play despite being camped in their half.  Coco was forced into a couple of saves from free kicks and that was about it, aside from when Lallana decided that flicking it sideways from five yards out was a better option than smashing it at the goal which is still driving me nuts a day later.

Pochettino made his mark in the 2nd half in that the full backs were playing as wingers and Morgan was dropping in to make a defensive three with the centre backs when required.  It’ll be interesting to see the reaction of Gaston and Punch in that they’ll have watched from the side and seen us play a hell of a lot better without them on the pitch.  It was another very good display from The Holy Goalie as well with the highlight of course being the save from van Persie and I’ll keep saying it until we do it – extend his contract now!    Playing like he is now, any team would want him – D’you think Fergie didn’t notice the comparison between King Artur and Coco.

When I saw some highlights on TV there was some shots of the respective fans when their teams scored – we went mental whereas United’s 2^nd goal was greeted with what looked like confusion and no idea how to react.  United’s travelling fans are a pretty raucous bunch who (aside from supporting United) are spot on but some of the people at the home games.... oh dear.  I guess that’s the trouble when you turn up expecting to win every game easily – not something that’ll ever happen with us in the Premier League.

Next up we have a bigger game away at Wigan who did a right number on us at SMS back in August.  That defeat aside, we have a good record against relegation rivals this season and we need this to be another one in this sequence.  If I was playing ‘guess the team’ I reckon Shaw, Gaston and Steven Davis will start on Saturday with Foxy, Punch and J-Rod on the bench.    We need to win and I expect us to do so – if we play as well as we did today then we really should be coming home with all 3.