Carabao Cup 3rd Round - Portsmouth 0 Southampton 4 (FOUR)

Danny Ings, Fratton End, Tuesday

It’s here. Portsmouth versus Southampton at Fratton Park in the Carabao Cup 3rd Round.  It’s just another Carabao Cup tie right? Another game in the “What the fuck is it called this year” Trophy?. No it really isn’t. It’s a Game for great deeds to be done and to write your name into the history books.

For me personally, this game makes me first and foremost think about Steve Moran in the last minute in 1984, a goal which could potentially have got 15-year-old me in a spot of bother. There I was, being very, very quiet on the North Terrace at Fratton Park. Living in and going to school in Waterlooville at the time meant that it was the only way I could get to the game. A very tense and scrappy game and 0-0 in the 90th minute and I thought that this was probably going to be the best result possible for my personal safety but then, as now, you can never trust Saints to do what you want. Worthington to Armstrong to Moran, pandemonium in the away end.  To this day I do not know how I managed to keep quiet until we walked half a mile back to the car on the Eastern Road and were out of the city limits.

There is more personal history in that the first of probably a thousand of games that I have seen took place at Fratton Park in 1976. Saints had just won the FA Cup semi-final against Crystal Palace and travelled down to Fratton for a mid week game which again, we won 1-0 in the last minute through Mick Channon. At that time, I was only seven years old but my dad remembers having to lie about what the Pompey fans were chanting about Channon who was of course, every Saints fans favourite player at that time.

The 1984 Steve Moran game was the last time that we won down there which is ridiculous. The four Fratton games since then have ended in two draws and two defeats. You could argue that in the social media age, it is even more important to win the Derby than it was before. The bollocks that was written after the David Norris equaliser the last time the teams met was quite astonishing but that’s what a Derby is all about when even a late equalising goal, in a season that you end up getting relegated and your rivals end up getting promoted, is worth celebrating for years.

We go there as favourites of course as befits our Premier League status and we should win but we won’t if the players are not aware of the situation and aware of the unique (feral) atmosphere that is awaiting them. By ‘unique’ I mean that taking a throw in will be like a scene from that ‘I am Legend’ film where Will Smith was being attacked by those mutated zombie characters.  On our last few visits to Fratton we have had players that just didn’t fancy it and if we have one or two of those, then we are going to be in trouble.

Pompey are of course crap this season. Things started to fall apart at the tail end of last season and they went to from being Champions elect to promotion certainties to automatic hope falls to play-offs to losing in the play-off semi-final… and it was fucking hilarious.  This season, with the departure of a couple of important players, has been pretty underwhelming for a club which was expected to be challenging for the automatic promotion places again. There is a long way to go of course but they just haven’t done it this season which is why Kenny Jackett, a manager with all the charisma of a spoon, is under severe pressure. He will know though that a win against the old enemy or certainly boost his stock with the Pompey faithful, get battered however and it could go the other way.   It will however be a Pompey team that should play at a much higher level than they have been in the league. We have to get out there, silence the crowd and not give them a sniff. They have absolutely nothing to lose so they are going to go for it unless of course all the players want Jackett out the door and the quickest way to do that will be to get hammered. We can only hope.

As I mentioned earlier, I lived in Waterlooville and this was from the age of eight until I was 23 so this gives me a slightly different perspective having basically spent a lot of time in the blue half of Hampshire.  For me, there are two types of Pompey fan. There are the ones that I know who are long standing mates and all as sound as you like and then there are the ones that I don’t know, the perpetrators of the Portsmyths, the ones who genuinely think Norris’ goal was the winner.  Now, thanks to that ‘Why I Hate The Scummers’ video on social media, there are a category all of their own, who think we stole their food. What? for fucks sake.

So who fancies being the next Steve Moran?

I was delighted when I saw the team sheet because there was no fucking around. A back four with Ryan Bertrand and Cedric on the wings with Yoshida and Bednarek in the middle. The usual midfield three were all present and correct and the only real surprise was upfront with Redmond not being deemed fit enough to start, Boufal being dropped to the bench and Danny Ings and Michael Obafemi starting the game. I have a bit of a downer on Michael because of his tampon tendencies of being in for one week and then out for three. Let’s hope he lasts the game.

Away we go and the usual ‘scummers, scummers, scummers’ comes down from the terraces. The touchline on the dugouts side has a bit of room between the side of the pitch and the rabid mob but the other side is very close.  Cedric is over there for the first half and when he goes to take the first throw-in and predictably it gets thrown down the line.  Fair play to Cedric as he refuses to go and get it.

We haven’t started particularly well and there’s a momentary heart-in-mouth moment on 8 minutes as Marquis runs at the defence and tries a show from fucking miles out which skims along the ground and hits the outside of the post.  A few minutes later and it gets dodgy again as Pompey get some joy out of chucking it in the mixer and it breaks to Pitman to strike and he catches it well but Macca sees it all the way and athletically tips it over the bar.

Pompey are winning a lot of second balls and nicking the ball off us in our and a half.  Another corner comes over and Pitman meets it.  Macca gets down brilliantly to save and it looks for all the world that Marquis must score but Bednarek smuggles it off the line and Macca eventually falls on it.  20 minutes gone and we’ve not been in it really.

Our first real attack sees Obafemi play the ball to Ings and his first time shot is blocked by McGillivray and ends up out with JWP on the left.  He feeds it back into Ings who sends two defenders for a hot dog with a turn and then drills it along the ground and into the far corner from the edge of the box.  Danny Ings, Southampton boy, legend status.  Against the run of play and I fucking love it.  1-0.

Danny Rehearses the Knee-Slide.  He'd need it again later

It’s nearly and probably should have been 2-0 a few minutes later as Adams plays a great ball to Ings and he’s 1v1 but hits the keeper.  The rebound falls to Hojbjerg who beats one defender with the shot but Hawkins has got back to block it and the chance goes.

The goal has seen a change in that Pompey don’t see as up for it as they did beforehand.  They still have a few moments, mainly through ‘get it in the mixer’ football as we fail with three attempts to win a header before the ball drops to the big donkey with the ponytail they’ve got and he shows zero technique in shanking it wide.

JWP is coming more into the game now and drives forward from midfield and shoots all the way along the ground.  McGillivray should hold it but is squirms out to Ings who easily beats the full back and pulls it back to JWP but Adams gets in his way and the chance goes.

Another goal before half time would be nice and Curtis gives the ball away to Adams in midfield who feeds Obafemi on the right who slides a brilliant ball in between two defenders to Ings for him to beat the keeper to it and dink it over him for 2-0 and this time it’s a full shithouse knee slide in front of the Fratton End.  Beautiful stuff.  It’s perfect so far – a relatively early goal and then another right on half time and in addition, a few of the Pompey heads have definitely gone down.

Half-time sees a little walk around the pitch by Pompey Derby legends. I recognise Yakubu I think but I hope they all sit down and watch the second half and see their team get absolutely battered.

The next goal is of course going to be vital and we start well with Adams setting up Romeu for quite possibly the worst shot ever which ends up as a scuffed chip about 20 yards wide.  JWP has a shot block and Pompey threaten briefly with Hanstraup getting down the left wing after we’d given the ball away but the excellent Yoshida blocked the cross.  Curtis is the next to get down the left and there’s a bit of pinball in the box before it falls to Pitman who is now completely fucked as he’s played 55 minutes and he kind of watches as Obafemi takes the ball off him whilst he tries to make up his mind what to do.  He compounds this slow brain manoeuvre by hacking over the Saints forward.

On the hour mark it finally gets a bit feisty as Marquis blatantly leaves a late elbow in Yoshida’s ribs.  It takes a lot to get Maya rattled but that did especially as Kevin Friend did his usual ‘fuck all’ about it.  The next time Marquis got it, Maya went to kill him, missed and Marquis dived out of the way without being touched.  Kevin Friend, who is of course all seeing, managed to book Ryan Bertrand.

The game is ticking by without too much alarm.  On 72 minutes we put the game to bed as Cedric brings it forward to Hojbjerg who feeds Ings on the left who burns the right back again and as he tries to beat the last defender as he cuts in, the ball falls loose in the area and there is goalmouth predator Cedric to toe punt it into the net. What the fuck is he doing there – fucking brilliant, 3-0, fucking have that.

To take the piss we now bring on Redmond for Obafemi (who doesn’t look injured) and Long is on for Freeman of Southampton, Danny Ings.  Shane fancies getting his name on the list and tries a shot from halfway down the Eastern Road which is an easy save for the keeper.

The Best fans in the World ™ are staging a bit of an exodus as the clock ticks round to 87 and it increases as Bednarek plays it forward to Redmond and he kind of flicks it to himself which totally seemed to throw Downing and on went Nathan, cutting onto his right foot before drilling it past the keeper from 20 yards.  Brilliant goal and we want 5!  This is beautiful, fucking beautiful.

We had chances on the break to score 5 because Pompey had given up with tracking back but Redmond was too wrapped up in the game to actually pass to any of his teammates but he can be forgiven. Four will do.  It’s a fucking huge margin and emphasized the gulf.

It was Fucking easy.

I keep hearing that Pompey should be proud of their performance. Fuck off. They got completely battered at home by their biggest rivals by 4-0. They were supposed to be the team that was more up for it and I’m sorry but they just weren’t, as soon as the first goal went in. Once the first goal went in, which was brilliant by Danny Ings, you can see the life draining out of two or three of the Portsmouth players who then had their heads down. Their heads went down – how about that? It was supposed to be us that were intimidated at fortress Fratton and us that couldn’t handle the occasion but it does look like their players just melted as soon as the going got a bit tough. Oh yeah, I’d be dead proud of my team if they done that in a local derby. How the fuck do you let your head go down in a game like that? Go and fucking kick someone and try and change something but don’t let your head go down for fuck’s sake. What a bunch of bottle jobs.

They had all the advantages and levellers they could’ve had with the pissing rain and being at home but they still got absolutely fucking battered and barely raised any sort of effort at all in the second half to get back into the game. I’m also hearing that we should’ve won because we are a Premier League side and they’re League 1. Whilst this is true, did they give a fuck about that set of circumstances when it was reversed in the FA Cup a few years ago…. No!  They beat us 4-1 then, with the team that eventually made them bankrupt. We have won by 4-0 today in a fair fight so fuck off – own it! So what if some of you stayed to the end and clapped after your team had just embarrassed themselves against the fucking scummers of all people.

Bednarek vs Zombies

I must however commend the Portsmouth crowd for the dedication in screaming ‘scummers’ at the Saints players when 4-0 down. It is particularly nice to see kids who are between 5 and 10 years old giving it loads whilst being watched proudly by their parents. Usually you feel sorry for kids who have just watch their team get battered... at home.... by their biggest rivals..... but not today.

The four goal winning margin equals the biggest win in any Derby between the two sides. The last time there was a four goal victory was in 1975 when we smashed them by the same score at the Dell. It is the biggest away win in the history of the South Coast Derby. How do you like all of that?  I guess now will get a deluge of “we’ve got more trophies than you’ - if you count ones that one before fucking war and “we’ve won more Derbies than you” - if you count the ones before the professional era (pre-1920)

It’s always the case that the Premier League team has difficulty opening few minutes and that was the case today and we didn’t play particularly well in that time but we still have to be grateful for a couple of good saves from McCarthy.  Of course all of the next bit has to be taken with a pinch of salt because of the opposition that we played but for me, Alex McCarthy again proved that he is Saints best goalkeeper. He looks a lot less likely to make a mistake then Angus Gunn and I for one would be more than happy to be back in the Premier League starting 11. There was also an impressive game from Maya Yoshida. We still had a few weaknesses in the air when Pompey were lumping balls into a box in the first half but we are like this is in the air even when we’ve got the 6 foot 6 bloke playing.  We had a proper left back today and he was beautiful.

Danny Ings proved again that he is our best striker and he now assumes legendary status after two goals and an assist at Fratton. The other Southampton boy in the line-up, JWP (yes I know he’s from Portsmouth) produced one of his best games for a long time and though Michael Obafemi was a bit of a mixed bag, the assist for the second goal was brilliant as was the shit-housing of the Fratton End. Che Adams again struggled and I think it’s maybe time to give him a little break to see if taking the pressure off for a bit will help him to come good. Cedric had a funny game. I thought he was a little bit rattled in the first 20 minutes with the proximity of the zombies on his side of the pitch but he certainly sorted himself out in the second half. I have no idea what he was doing there to ram in the third goal but fair play to him. Nathan Redmond again showed what he can do when one-on-one with and opponent but he did butcher a couple of chances to make it five, simply by holding onto the ball for too long rather than release a better option.

Ultimately, tonight‘s game was one that just had to be won and we did that emphatically. It wasn’t particularly tough and it wasn’t close as I thought it was going to be before the game. I reckoned without Pompey being as shite and as gutless as they were. Just 20 minutes of fight? In a South Coast Derby? You would maybe think not… because of the relative quality of the opposition…. but this will give the players, the manager and the club as a whole a boost which will not do us any harm at all in the following weeks when we do have a run of decent opponents to play against.  Again, despite the opposition, I feel that this game will be quite significant point in the season.  We played a formation that suited our players and it was round pegs in round holes. This is more like I expected us to look like after a pre-season with Ralph. We didn’t look disjointed at any point last night and actually looked like something resembling a coherent well oiled machine.  There was still dodgy moments in defence but let’s face it, we are always going to have those regardless of who we are playing against.

As for Pompey, I genuinely thought they would be challenging for promotion this year. I don’t know much about League 1 currently so all I can do is compare it to the standard that it was when we got promoted out of it. Basically, they are nowhere near the side that we were back then so I really don’t think there’s much chance on that score. There may be a chance of they didn’t have the manager who has the charisma of a spoon but let’s hope Kenny Jackett stays for a long long time to carry on the good work. I didn’t think much of many of their players individually. Marquis put himself about and at least showed some desire to rattle the Saints players. I expected Curtis to be a lot better than he was being a Republic of Ireland international and all that but he just chose the wrong option every time and then after he fucked up he just looked for someone else to blame. I thought I’ve got rid of all my pub analogies when Charlie Austin left but I can certainly bring them out again for Brett Pitman who did in fact look like a bloke who was 8 pints into his evening, weaving through a crowd of people trying to get to the kebab shop. Overall, you would have to say that the gulf between them and us is as big as it has been since the late 70s when they were in Division 4. 

Pompey fans of did themselves proud again.  They somehow try and claim some level of superiority because most of them stayed to the end and sang their 8 syllables and they try and twist Ralph's post -match words to make it sound like he was in love with them or somesuch bollocks.... but at the end of the day, one Pompey fan punched a fucking police horse. “That ‘orse was a facking scumma mate!!!”. The horse punching incident is the one that made the national news the next day so no matter how much you try and talk up your support, all anyone outside of the region will remember this game for regarding your fans is punching a fucking horse (and then of course getting the shoeing off the coppers that he deserved).

Next up we have Tottenham away in a stadium which is almost as nice as Fratton Park. They are not in the best of form at the moment and Mauricio Pochettino has the air of a man who doesn’t really want to be there anymore. Hopefully their Carabao cup experience of getting beaten at Colchester on penalties, will have some sort of negative effect on them and we can leave the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium with a positive result. Right now though, I don’t care. All I care about is that we went to Fratton Park and absolutely fucking battered them.

Whatever happens for the rest of the season, we will always have that.