Pied on for JWP then Eric... Eric! ... Wake Up You Bastard!
Roll
up, roll up. Stoke at home. That in itself is enough to send you running
for the hills as Stoke are well known for coming for a 0-0 and that’s it. It’s ok though because under Claude Puel,
Saints are a wonderful free flowing attacking side with deadly strikers and
midfielders raining shots on goal from midfield. Back in the real world, this is going to be
0-0 and not much to be getting excited about.
Stoke are a side like ourselves in the mid-table ‘boring’ category. No danger of getting relegated and no danger
of doing anything interesting either.
There’s
been no time since the United game for anything interesting to happen off the
pitch and so there’s not much to discuss on our walk across the Itchen Bridge
aside from score predictions (0-0 x3) and the starting line up. Like the fool that I am, I’m convinced Claude
is going to go with the most goal threat that he can but as we get to the other
side I’m on my phone and seeing the same old shit aside from Charlie Austin who
is back up front. This is good news in
itself but would be better if he had a strike partner. As it is we have Dusan Tadic selected again
and some players that may have made it interesting like Boufal, Gabbiadini and
Caceres on the bench. I need a beer.
The
game starts with the ball being knocked back to Stephens and he takes too long
to clear it and gets charged down. Stoke
pick it up on our right and cross it and Stephens again skims a header across
our goal and Diouf smashes it goalwards forcing Fraser to make a decent
save. Our first attacks are by our usual
method of working it down the left wing, hammering it across, everyone missing
it and then hammering it across from the other side. Stoke defend it comfortably. Jack Stephens tries something different by
Waltzing forward and playing a 1-2 but he gets the ball taken off him in the penalty
area – good effort though.
I
remember when Xherdan Shaqiri signed for Stoke – he had a big reputation and no
one could quite believe that he’d gone there but like Bojan before him, he’s
turned to shite under the management of Mark Hughes, resorting to throwing
himself about. We win a free kick on the
left as Redmond is taken out by Diouf and JWP’s cross reaches Stephens at the
back post and he attempts some sort of wild slash at the ball and clears it out
to Bertrand who shoots wide.
Redmond
is quite lively and he skips across the pitch well and finds Cedric on the right. There is no runner in front of him so he
turns back and hits the shitties of shitty passes across the defence with the
outside of his right boot, straight to Peter the Giraffe. It’s a good job that the giraffe is not the
quickest and Maya Yoshida gets back well to hit him man and ball.
Charlie
Austin is showing promising signs and after Tadic puts Bertrand away down the left,
Austin flies in at the cross at the near post but can’t divert it on target. Stoke have a chance from their traditional
set piece method with Fraser staying at home and Diouf heading goalwards only
for Cedric to head off the line. Cedric
is involved again when he goes over the top in the vague direction of Redmond
and Butland tries to convince he’s a footballer and takes a shite touch and
loses it. Redmond has to dance round a
defender before trying to chip the keeper and it’s up and over him and bounces
on top of the bar. Great effort to be
fair but we arrive at half time to a round of applause despite not having had a
shot on target. Four and a half games
without a goal at home. Still, I’m sure
Claude will sort it with his substitutions and tactical mastery.
We
actually start the second half well and with urgency. Bertrand flashes a ball across from the left
and no one is in the box. From the next
move, JWP does the same from the right but there’s no one near enough in the box. Austin was the only one remotely close on
each occasion. The opposite wide players
hadn’t got in, nor had any midfielders, nor had Tadic at 10.
There
was the traditional 10 minutes of nothing that everyone who bought a ticket should
be refunded for and just as it gets to Claude’s phone alarm goes off to say
that it’s 60 minutes gone, time to make two subs, a bomb forward by Butland is
controlled by Giraffe on his chest with no challenge. Away go Stoke and work it out to Cameron on
their right. He stands up a cross to the
back post and Stephens has allowed the Giraffe to wander away to the back stick
to compete with the 5 foot nothing Cedric for the cross. Goal.
Pathetic defending, lack of communication, whatever.
Gabbiadini
and Boufal are ready to come on to take the place of Austin and one other. Mercifully it’s Tadic but Claude tinkers and doesn’t
allow Boufal to play at 10 – he sticks him on the right wing and goes
4-3-3. That isn’t going to work and
enough people know it for Claude to get his first chorus of ‘you don’t know
what you’re doing’.
We
have a little spurt with Romeu bundling down the left and crossing. It’s cleared out to Davis whose shot is well
blocked by Butland and then JWP tries and hits the keeper again. The came the chance we’d been waiting for as
a Cedric chip over finds Gabbiadini – the flag stays down and he advances on
Butland who slips, gets up and Gabbi’s shot hits him on the foot. Fuck, no!!!!
It’s a great save to be fair and then Butland proves that it is totally
his day as a marvellous turn inside by Boufal works him space and he seems to
send Butland the wrong way with his eyes and shoots. Butland is diving completely the wrong way
but it hits his trailing foot and spoons over the bar. Unreal.
Claude’s
final act of the season, 1-0 down at home in a nothing game, is to take of JWP,
our best set piece taker and bring on Jeremy Pied, a right back. He got another louder chorus of ‘You Don’t Know
What You’re Doing’ and deservedly so. There’s
still 5 to go but nothing happens and so it’s five games at home with no
goals. Pathetic.
A
fitting end to the St Mary's season with another turgid boring performance with
zero goals, that shite starting lineup picked by the manager, a shite style of
football and some shite substitutions. In addistion today, we had a shite
selection of players on the bench. Once
again I'm not saying it's Claude’s fault that Gabbiadini couldn't put the ball
in the net when the Stoke keeper was on his arse or that the same stock keeper
pulled off a couple of really good saves and a lucky one. All our chances were
condensed into about a 10 minute period and for the other 80 we did absolutely
fuck all.
Being
a striker for us and missing a chance must be like being on a night out when
you know there is one train that you can get home and missing that train will
leave you completely and utterly fucked because there is another one coming
along for about a month. Again we had the issue of just one player in the box
when the cross comes over. Again we had the issue of none of the three central
midfield players getting into the box. One of the midfield three has to be a
goal threat and we just don't have that. JWP and Davis are both neat and tidy
midfielders but they are too similar and Claude has completely failed to
recognise that in the Premier League home games, you need more of a threat from
midfield. It's not just the recent 455 minutes at St Mary's that we haven't scored
in, it has been the issue the whole fucking season which has seen 17 goals in
19 home games and about 10 games where we haven't scored. Anyone who thinks
that it's good enough it's having a laugh.
Stoke
didn't attack much but Jack Stephens and Maya Yoshida wre in the main ok
despite a couple of dodgy moments and Oriol Romeu and the full backs did pretty
well. Davo and JWP offered very very little and whilst it was good to see
Austin back, all his good work was away from the goal. Redmond occasionally
sparked and was unlucky with the chip but Tadic, bloody hell. Gabbiadini made his runs and was a nuisance
but when the big chance came he fluffed his lines. Boufal... He needs to be
nearer the goal, not picking up the ball with his back to goal on the half way
line.
We've
finished 8th. What a completely flattering fucking joke that is. What we've
done is actually finished top of Division Shit within the Premier League as
highlighted by both West Brom and Bournemouth throwing away half time leads
today which if maintained, would have dropped us to 10th. The standard of the
bottom 13 teams in the Premier League is as bad as it has ever been. That will be forgotten in a couple of years
but not this summer and fans of other clubs will not see the goals scored
column and just see 8th and a cup final.
I don't care, Claude has to go.
Negative
to the last even in a meaningless game, even after 4 home games without a goal.
His last substitution with 10 to go and 1-0 down is to bring in a full back in
a like for like swap with our best set piece taker. It is precisely this that
makes me think that he will never learn and never address the obvious tactical
flaws. He can't bring a second striker on because he hasn't got one on the
bench, despite Austin playing his first game in months and never going to play
much more than an hour. On the bench he has Hojbjerg and Clasie, two
midfielders who play the same position so both not needed and he has Pied who
is a right back and Caceres who has 68 caps for Uruguay, mainly at right back
so Pied was really not needed. Meanwhile, J-Rod was fit and not selected. Gabbiadini and Boufal had already gone on for
the knackered Austin and the shite Tadic who has been awful pretty much all
season. Boufal could have been put right up front but no, shove him wide right
for fucks sake.
I
had no desire to see the lap of honour and I wasn't alone. Claude seems an
alright bloke so I don't want to see him booed by morons but then Steve Wigley
and Jan Poortvliet were probably nice guys too.
All Claude had to go today was pick an attacking team and have a go and
at least the more fair minded would have appreciated that and gone home
relatively happy and maybe with a feeling that he could learn from this season
and be more attacking next year. But no,
stubborn and boring and passive until the very end.
Time
for the summer. I have a feeling that Southampton FC will be in the news quite
a lot. A bizarre season ends.
No comments:
Post a Comment