Premier League Match 21 - Southampton 1 West Bromwich Albion 0

Luckily, Artur woke up for the 89th Minute.

I had a good feeling as I went along to St.Mary’s for the home game against West Bromwich Albion.  There were reports that our injured players were returning soon and also, due to the lack to 90mph winds and hammering rain, I could walk across the Itchen Bridge without fear of taking off and ending up in the water.  Occasionally I used to get a bus across but you can’t now because a combination of ‘correct change only’ unmanned toll booth at one end and a closed road off the roundabout at the other end means the traffic doesn’t move so getting a bus is somewhat pointless.  Anyway, back to the football.

West Brom recently sacked Steve Clarke and have played four games with a caretaker manager called Keith Downing.  Their results have been largely spun as being positive and an unbeaten run but in reality it’s been four games against teams who will be near the bottom and they’ve managed just one win.  In that time they also got dumped out of the FA Cup at home by Palace so not all as good as it seems.  There is a feeling in our camp of a new start after recent troubles and so I’m very positive about today.  The Baggies have just appointed a new manger called Pepe Mel who is Spanish and who hopefully won’t speak English in his press conferences but he’s in the stands today and will take over post-match.

The team news brings great joy in that Guly do Prado is fit again and on the bench.  Guly lovers will have to forgive me a bit of sarcasm as his inclusion on the bench merely made me raise an eyebrow whereas the news that King Artur was back had me and my son fist bumping and high fiving as we took our seats.  My daughter (drafted into the team today in place of my holidaying Dad) wondered what on earth we were doing.  So, the King is back, so is Nathaniel Clyne and aside from Big Vic and his hairline fracture and The Pirate and his Geordie Bollock kicking induced suspension, we have all out major players available.

West Brom have Liam Ridgewell in the team yet again proving that ability needn’t always be a pre-requisite for being a Premier League footballer.  It must be because he’s left footed and their comparative scarcity has made his career as he really is shite.  They have Anelka up front who must be about 45 now along with Shane Long who I watch in the warm up just to see if he practices diving around and whingeing as part of his pre-match routine.  I’ve liked the look of Amalfitano this season and always thought Chris Brunt was a decent player.

Earlier on this season West Brom went to the FA and bitched about penalty decisions that went against them in the light of them getting a shocker given against them at Chelsea.  I didn’t have much sympathy as they also bitched about the one we got at the Hawthorns which was as clear cut as you could ever see.  We ourselves of course, complained about this sort of thing as well but only about one referee, the legendary (in his own mind) Mr Twattenburg but it’s odd that they got an apology from the referees chief and we basically got told to fuck off and get on with it.  That particular episode ended this week as we were told once again that Twattenburg had no case to answer so we may well get the useless attention seeking wiggy twat to referee us pretty soon.  One rule for Everton who dodged him for 6 years, one rule for us.  Ironically, refereeing for us today is Howard Webb who was responsible for our worst (non) decision of the season so far up at Norwich when he deemed that playing basketball in the penalty area was perfectly acceptable.

Away we go and Siants are in possession and start knocking it around in the usual fashion.  The first time West Brom touch it is when a pass out to Clyne is misplaced straight to Ridgewell but instead of controlling it and passing it like any normal footballer would, he gets his feet mixed up and shins it out for a throw with no one near him.  Another misplaced pass results in a goal kick and hang on a minute – Foster is time wasting.  He’s pissing about and re-spotting the ball, addressing it and then stopping.  What a fucking wanker.  Webb has noticed and waves him to get on with it which he eventually does.  I’m just dumbstruck – it’s 0-0 and there are 3 minutes gone.

West Brom are getting as many men as they can behind the ball and once again we have opposition who are playing like the League 1 sides we played a few years back who parked the bus and played for a 0-0.  We’re not really on our game so their packed defence is not being tested by our continual giving away of the ball.  The chances come but none are really testing the time waster in the Baggies goal.  Lallana picks up a ball from Morgan on the edge of the box, spin turns to make a yard and sidefoots it straight to the time waster.

The next quarter of an hour saw a few more hit and hopes which didn’t threaten to goal by varying wide margins.  Firstly Sir Rickie shanks a left footed volley across the goal and wide.  Then Steve Davis picked up a shite clearance and miscued a long range effort into the Northam.  Corky was up next and the winning seat in the Jack Cork ‘Where will the ball land’ competition was Block 41, Row Z, Seat 823.

West Brom manage to stop time wasting for long enough to get in our half and win a free kick as Morgan chops down Anelka.  Steven Reid lines up the free kick from 30 yards but his effort is still rising as it lands in the Chapel Stand.  Shane Long has been quiet due to a lack of possession but he gets away down the right and Dejan goes over and launches him.  It’s a foul but it’s not that bad but Long arches his back and makes a big squealy noise and so the book comes out.  He tries to stand up but falls to the floor again and writhes around a bit more.  The West Brom physio is ambling around the back of the goal either because he knows Long is a faker or because he’s trying to waste time but the ‘injured’ party if off the pitch so they have to get on with it.  Morrison slings in the free kick, King Artur punches and danger averted.

Normal service is resumed with Saints trying to find an opening and Davis chips one into Sir Rickie who from the left hand side of the penalty area, tries to take the net off with a left footed volley but it flies over the bar.  There are 44 minutes gone and the ball boy retrieves the ball from the empty seats between the two sets of fans behind the goal and throws it straight to Foster who unbelievably just kicks it back into the empty seats.  Webb has seen it again but again does nothing apart from standing on half way and gesticulating for him to get on with it.  If I was the ball boy I would definitely have called Foster a choice 4 letter expletive that rhymes with ‘runt’.

The half end with J-Rod smashing one over the bar and so frustratingly, it’s still 0-0.  Half time is spent telling my daughter that it’s all her fault as the last game she saw was West Ham at home which was also 0-0.  Joking aside, we need to do more or this is going to be a repeat.

The second half starts in much the same way as the first – we’ve got the ball and West Brom are all behind it.  Five minutes in and Mulumbu lets the ball roll across him and gets burgled by J-Rod who runs headlong at the goal, gets in range and flashes a shot wide.  The general ‘disrupt at all costs’ approach of the midlanders is illustrated when Clyne gets away from Anelka who brings him down by throwing his zimmer frame in front of him.  Long then uses more conventional methods to hack down Luke Shaw.  There’s no booking from Webb though, just arm-waving childish petulance from Long who is just a wanker.  You’ve hacked him over, you’re nowhere near the ball, just get on with it.  Still smarting from having his tantrum, Long then lunged into Morgan and got the booking he deserved, just for being a complete knob really.

On the hour mark, Mauricio goes for it and removes Corky, despite him once again not being the most deserving candidate for substitution and throws on Gaston Ramirez who has some sort of plaitted tribute to Stevie Wonder on his head.  One can only imagine the banter in training when he turned up with cornrows on his head.  I have my usual fear or a midfield without a holding player but for now, Gaston is looking good as he goes on a mazy across the pitch and is predictably hacked down by Anelka.  The Uruguayan fancies it though and takes the free kick ahead of Sir Rickie and his effort flies over the wall but straight at Foster. 

And then, a moment of quality.  The ball is over with Shaw on the left and is worked back inside to Davis, then Clyne and eventually over to Gaston on the right.  He played a wonderful first time ball inside to Lallana who found himself completely unmarked and he placed it under the time wasting bastard to put us 1-0 up.  Foster then went and got the ball out of the net pretty quickly – the wanker!

West Brom are no longer time wasting and are actually committing players forward but one thing doesn’t change as Lallana breaks away and he his cynically halted by Olsson’s high boot in the midriff for which he gets rightly booked.  From here on in though, the folly of taking Cork off is now apparent as the Baggies are starting to play and put us under pressure and we have no bite in our midfield.  As we reach the last 10 minutes, West Brom send on Berahino, Gera and Vydra (2 strikers and a midfielder) and go for it.  We respond by removing Adam Lallana and bringing on JWP who takes station out on the left.

We were under pressure but not looking particularly threatened until the 89^th minute when my mate Ridgewell got down the left and crossed it Long (it must have been an accident) who was 6 yards out and all on his own.  His flicked and lazy sidefooted effort was kicked away by the large starfish shaped Polish legend in our Goal.  All Hail The King!

We managed a last minute breakaway as Gaston and his hair got forward and hit a shot straight to Foster who had somehow lost his need to waste time and launched it forwards.  The highlight of the game was upon us as Guly came on for J-Rod who had finally managed to get himself substituted after his third poor game in a row.  West Brom had one more free kick for a foul by Shaw but Morrison’s ball in was pushed clear by King Artur and so we managed to secure a thoroughly deserved victory with the final irony being Foster showing enough urgency to be roaming around in our penalty area.  Tosser.

I don’t really care that West Brom dominated the last ten minutes and nearly nicked a point.  Any team that wastes time from the 3^rd minute onwards, deserves to get fuck all out of the game aside from the record for being the earliest that any team has started time wasting.  I’ve never seen anything so pathetic in my life.  Last year, the Baggies came down here, played three up front all game and just attacked for 90 minutes and dicked us 3-0.  Compare that to this year.  I know it’s all about winning but for fucks sake, people are paying to watch 90 minutes of football and be entertained.  In my opinion, Webb should have booked Ben Foster after 3 minutes and told him that if he did it again then he was getting a second yellow and goodbye.  Job done, game flows.  How he didn’t book him when he kicked the ball back into the empty seats just before half time is beyond me.  Pepe Mel apparently has a reputation for playing open attacking positive football.  I wonder how much he enjoyed watching that from his new team.

In truth, this was a not a great game – in fact it was the wrong side of total gash.  We gave the ball away a lot when we tried to attack which was partly down to the massed defence and midfield but some of our passing and (lack of) movement was very poor.  Corky and Davis gave the ball away a lot today whilst in front of them, Sir Rickie seemed to struggle against the behemoth defenders Olsson and McAuley and J-Rod produced another poor game.  He had a great game at Cardiff and since then, not very much at all.  The defence was back to the first choice and we of course looked more solid and of course, the King was back.  Anyone who doubts how much of a problem having a dodgy keeper causes should now be more enlightened after watching today and the Gazza & Kelvin ‘How to be a League 1 Keeper’ shambles of the past few weeks.  “All the great teams start with a great goalkeeper” – who said that?  It wasn’t me it was Brian Clough who was talking about Peter Shilton at the time.  He knew what he was talking about.

We are still 9^th in the league and on the face of it, it looks like we’re in a competition for 8^th place with Newcastle and that’s about it.  I can’t honestly see us catching Man United who are 7^th and I can’t see Swansea, Stoke or Villa or anyone else who is in the bottom half getting near us.  Of course, there are loads of games to go but it will be interesting to see if this influences both our attitude in this January transfer window and our attitude to the FA Cup.  Yeovil is the next home game but before that we have a trip to the Stadium of Light to play against Sunderland who are showing signs of life (4-1 win at Fulham today) but also have a tendency to be shite under our favourite small time dressing room floor shitter Gus Poyet.  It would be nice to give it a big ‘can you keep up’ next week.  Come on You Reds.