Saints spank Posh on the Arse
Today is the 125th anniversary of the Saints being formed and it’s the 42nd anniversary of me being born. My age is relevant as I find it quite worrying that I can clearly remember Saints 100th anniversary game versus Everton at home – we were shite and lost 2-0.
News of the week was Jason Puncheon going out on loan to Millwall, becoming part of that curious phenomenon where a player is deemed not good enough for us in League 1 but good enough for a Championship side (Joseph Mills, Simon Gillett, Wayne Thomas). On the face of it, it’s a bit odd to loan out a player who has started all bar 3 of the games this season but I’m not too disappointed to be honest as this season, he has produced nothing of note and has proven time and again to have no brain whatsoever. His record of having 7 clubs by 23 years old is a bit of a worry as well.
The team showed a couple of changes and I’m pleased to say that for once, I called them right. Barnard came in for Schneiderlin and we reverted to 4-4-2 with Ryan Dickson coming in after the ‘Dan Harding Comedy Hour’ from last week. Mysteriously, Dan Seaborne didn’t even make the bench so his reward for proving he’s not shite is to be left out altogether. Could be injured of course but that didn’t stop Holmes and Connolly making the bench. In the pre-match warm up, the two of them were acclimatising by taking turns lying on a stretcher, waving to the crowd.
All the matches seem to start the same way with Saints on the offensive and not scoring. Alex Chamberlain flew past the full back in exactly the way that Punch doesn’t and crossed on the run straight to a Saints player in exactly the way that Punch doesn’t. Lallana’s volley at the near post was well blocked by the highly rated Lewis in the Posh goal. I say highly rated as he’s in the England set up and has been in the full squad alongside goalkeeping greats such as Ben Foster and Rob Green and oh dear.
For the next ten minutes it’s like the Alamo but still no goals as Barnard has a shot hooked off the line and Fonte climbs well to direct a header straight at the highly Rated one. It’s Sir Rickie time from a free kick but for the 12th time in a row, he clears the wall, the keeper doesn't move and it flicks the side netting and we all go ‘oooooooh’. A quick look up sees Craig Mackail-Smith easily brush Fonte off and head through on goal – piss off – he tries to bend one high into the corner but Superkelv to the rescue and we have been spared conceding a goal from their first foray into our half.
Sir Rickie is causing my friends the Chuckle Brothers to have a moan up at him when right on cue, he controls and slides a ball to Barnard who has a lot to do but from the right hand side of the edge of the area, smashes a shot into the top corner and the Highly Rated one can only wave it goodbye. Time for some floodgates I feel but not before half time and we go in 1-0 up.
At half time there is a parade around the edge of the pitch by all the groups that Saints support in the community. I did wonder at one point if it was going to be over by the time the 150th anniversary came round but it was nice to see so many more people than you get in Fratton Park on an average Saturday afternoon.
Another fast start to the proceedings and within five minutes the game is over. Firstly, Ryan Dickson hit what looked like a shit cross but time stood still as Jose Fonte outjumped the defender and is downward header kind of apologised its way into the net. Strange goal but there was nothing strange about the next goal other than that it was a product of our central midfield as Deano found himself gallivanting down the right wing before hitting a lovely cross to where Chaplow arrived to crash it left footed into the net. 3-0 and having it large. Great goal.
Barnard was immediately substituted as his long term injury that wasn't caused in a nightclub was giving him grief on on came the Gulyman to try and prove he could play in the cold. It also gave the fucking moron Chuckle Brother another uninvited opportunity to tell us how to pronounce his name. Fuck off. Unfortuntely for Guly though, the game was won and so we had 20 minutes of nondescript crap, only punctuated by Radhi Jaidi proving there is a world of difference between a clearance header (of which he is the master) and heading at goal (at which he is nothing short of diabolical). The game needed something to wake it up again and for this reason alone, we should be grateful that Aaron McLean ran through, held off a piss weak challenge from Fonte and fired in for 3-1.
The unlikely catalyst for us waking up was Lee Holmes who came on for Chamberlain and embarked a game to see how many clear chances he could set The Gulyman up with in the twenty minutes that remained. Playing on the wrong side (the right), he immediately crushed my assertion that he had no right foot by perfectly picking out Guly with a cross which he headed well but the Highly Rated one justified his billing with a great save. Highly Rated or not – he wasn't going to save the next Holmes-Guly effort as he curled in a free kick which Guly flicked goalwards, down and in for 4-1 and game over, again. The Chuckle Brother with the Guly obsession decides to give it the big Brazilian ‘Goooooooooooooooooal’ celebration which is actually really annoying as he only wants people to look at him. I don’t and nor do those in my row. Listen carefully to the match commentary and you may be able to hear ten people saying ‘wanker’.
It really should have been five a couple of minutes later as Holmes slid through a lovely ball to put Guly one v one against the keeper. Obviously put off by the reputation heading towards him, Guly shat himself and rolled it wide. Crap but it didn’t matter. So, three key passes to create chances by Lee Holmes or rather, three more key passes than Punch has managed all season.
4-1 and it could have been 10. Easy and very well played. Nigel Adkins is a happy bunny after the game and so are the SMS faithful – even the Chuckle Brother Moaning Twat who sits behind me. In his post match interview, Nigel hints at signings in January and gives unconditional approval to Nicola Cortese which is good to hear. Of course, he can’t say otherwise if he values his friends and family but it’s good to hear nonetheless.
The guys that came into the side today all had good games. Ryan Dickson adds pace and thrust that Harding doesn’t and despite giving the ball away a couple of times, played well enough to get a run in the side and of course, he put over the cross for Jose’s goal, even though I suspect it’s not the best cross he’ll ever hit. Lee Holmes had obviously been listening when Nigel was delivering his ‘Impact’ lecture to the class and he was excellent when he came on, setting up one goal and playing The Gulyman clean through for his nightmare moment. It’s worth remembering that Holmes would not have been on the bench if Punch hadn’t have moved on, proving that you can motivate someone by clearing players out, rather than just being obsessed by bringing players in. Just stay fit for a bit Lee.
Bets part of the performance for me was watching how Hammond and Chaplow played together in central midfield. There’s a better combination in there now with Hammond defending and keeping it simple and Chaplow bombing forward. This is in direct contrast to the Hammond-Schneiderlin combination where Scheneiderlin stayed back and Hammond went forward – neither with much ability to do these jobs.
Next up we have Brighton at home who are still top of the league but are just starting to wobble a little bit. It could be a good time to play them as we’ve won 6 on the bounce at home but I remember looking forward to the game against them last year when we got completely outplayed and stuffed by a far better side. As I work in Brighton, I am looking forward to leaving at 5pm and fighting my way along the A27. I have a feeling that I may be late.
You know on the news when they have the ‘And finally...’ item and it’s always something vaguely amusing. Well.... and finally, having gone 17 games without a goal for Saints due to scuffing it along the ground or lashing it into the crowd, Jason Puncheon today scored in his very first game for Millwall. When presented with a near open goal from about 8 yards, he bobbled a left footed scuffer into the net. When interviewed after the game, Punch said that it was nice to play for a manager who wanted him. I think that tells us all we need to know – loses his place for three games after being shite for ages and throws his toys out. Two million please Millwall – he scores every game, honest and Jason, don’t let the door hit your arse.
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