EFL Championship Match 24 - Southampton 5 Swansea 0

Sam Doesn't Even Need to Look the Right Way

At the tail end of last season, when our relegation from the Premier League had been confirmed, we announced that the perpetually fucking useless Ruben Selles was not going to be our manager and the name in the frame was Russell Martin, the manager of Swansea. The Championship season had of course had already finished and Martin was in dispute with Swansea and quite clearly wanted to leave. Saints approached and it became apparent that Martin wanted to join and then it all kicked off over the compensation. Saints wanted to pay a certain compensation figure, based on the fact that we were in the Championship next year and Swansea wanted us to pay a higher figure because we were still technically a Premier League club even though we were mathematically already down and that Russell Martin’s first game in charge was going to be in the Championship. This dragged on and two boards of grown men and women were unable to act as adults and come to an agreement.

We moved on and so did Swansea, appointing Michael Duff and the fortunes of the two clubs have diverged somewhat with Saints fifteen games unbeaten and Michael Duff being sacked a few weeks ago after generally being derided as a PE Teacher - all of which tells you that Swansea have not been doing particularly well. So now we have it, The Great Compensation Derby.

Russell Martin will have a bit of a strange day today as he still clearly has a lot of affection for Swansea and the supporters there, as illustrated by his ‘Swim away’ goading of Cardiff fans a few weeks back. From a football point of view this will be an interesting one because the number of the Swansea players will know Martin’s way of playing and will know how Saints are going to go about things. They are managerless at the moment with Alan Sheehan taking caretaker charge of today’s game.

I’m a little bit concerned about today because there is no way this should be anything other than a comfortable home win but Sods Law and the Martin connection tells me that it might be otherwise. I’m a bit worried that today might be a day that we cough up a shit goal though losing the ball near our own penalty area as the Swans players will know all the passing moves etc.

The starting XI comes out and Jack Stephens is in it so naturally, the thought process is that we are going to 3 at the back, which seems completely mental as we are on a fifteen game unbeaten run with playing a back four. Basically, Stephens is coming to the side in place of Smallbone, with Manning replacing the injured Bree. Maybe it’s a desire to do something that Swansea won’t be expecting, given the links between the two clubs.  Once in the ground watching the warm-up, it is always worth waiting to see the back line practising their passes and how they line up. From that it looks like Jack is playing right back in a back four because KWP is nowhere to be seen in that particular drill.

Away we go with both teams looking to play, which is good news and it does very much look like the Russell Martin Derby with both teams trying to keep the ball.  Flynn Downes gives away a free kick 40 yards out and in it comes into a good area and Cabango knocks it across and Yates on the stretch smashes it miles over the bar. There was a distinct lack of urgency and movement in the Saints defence but the flag belatedly went up for offside which maybe explains it.

However, offside isn’t saving us from the next chance as Swansea build up down our right and then a big switch out to Humphreys at right back and his cross is met by the completely unmarked ex-Skate Jamal Lowe who absolutely shites it miles over the bar like the irrelevant Skate that he is.

Joe Acknowledges the St Mary's DJ

Saints now start playing, with Edozie getting his first run at his full-back and he completely pisses past him, cuts it back to the edge of the box, Stuart Armstrong’s shot hits Adam Armstrong on the arse and bounces out to Joe Aribo and with a swing of his mighty left peg, it’s on target and then defelcted past the keeper and right into the corner of the net for 1-0.  Fuck me, I thought I’d never see the day and then it all gets very tinpot with the goal music and not only is it not the normal goal music, it’s the music behind the Joe Aribo chant which is of course Spandau Ballet’s Gold.  I think it’s a massive cringe but I have been very outvoted by the crowd around me.

The Cornish Cafu at right back manages to look dangerous and somewhat awkward at the same time as he burst forward and feeds into Adam Armstrong in the ‘D’ and it’s a good turn and shot which is pushed away by Rushworth.  Back come Saints and Edozie absolutely pisses past Humphreys again and flashes a ball across face of goal with no one running in to make any contact. 

Cullen who has already been booked then crudely crashes into Manning as he tries to burst forward.  In the old days, that’s a talking to and ‘one more and you’re off’ but now that has to be a second yellow but no.

Half-time and in truth, Swansea have been one of the better teams we played at home this season so far, at least having the nerve to try and keep the ball and not just let us have it and set everyone behind it. It’ll be interesting to see how they deal with being behind in the second half.  Saints have been ok – Edozie being the brightest spark and I’m not sure this KWP on the wing with the Cornish Cafu at right back is working particularly well.  Also, Adam Armstrong has been way off so far but he’ll probably get an assist for that Stuey shot hitting his arse and bouncing out to Aribo, always believe in your soul etc.

No changes for Saints at half-time and from their own throw, Swansea try to knock it back to the left sided central defender, Nathan Wood, who was linked with Saints in the summer, and under pressure from Arma, he bobbles a horrible pass across to Rushworth who plays a massive fucking airshot and Edozie gets to the ball beyond the back post and backheels it and there’s a big bundle as the defender tries to clear it but that’s clearly over the line and the referees watch confirms it. 2-0.  The keeper has his head in his hands – what a twat.  I could feel sorry for him but it’s hilarious when it’s not your keeper.

But maybe it’s not quite done yet… Alcaraz and Smallbone are on for Downes and Stuart Armstrong, leaving us with the midfield three of the two newly inserted subs and Joe Aribo, which is quite horribly lacking in defensive nous and running but I guess Russell obviously thinks that the game is done and we have to trust him in this regard.  Swansea have a bit of the ball for ten minutes whilst we adjust to the changes and there’s more changes as Wee Man Fraser and Adams come on for the superb Edozie and Jack Stephens.

Wee Man Is Becoming Very Popular

Swansea give the ball away again on the right and Adam Armstrong picks it up and runs and picks out Fraser on the edge of the box and he emphatically strokes it into the top corner of the net to give goalkeeper absolutely no chance. 3-0.  The word you are looking for is ‘clinical’.

Arma goes off to be replaced by Sekou Mara and KWP has reverted to right back with Stephens going off and attack wise, he proves that he is more effective from there straight away, bursting into the box, playing a 1-2 and then from a narrow angle, drilling it straight at the goalkeeper who manages to not make an arse of himself and blocks well.  We don’t have long to wait for number four though as Aribo gets away from his marker on the right and finds Mara and his pull back along the six-yard line is despatched by Ryan Fraser again, first time into the top corner. 4-0.

Swansea bring on a couple of has-beens in Yanick Bolasie and Joe Allen but all Bolasie can do is inspire the Swansea fans to chant his name and all Allen and can do is crash through Charly Alcaraz twice and pick up a deserved booking.

Swansea give the ball away again and Fraser again does that thing where he makes the slightest space and then stands up a superb cross, the goalie has a fucking mare being too close to the near post and Che Adams brings it down on his chest and miraculously, fires it into the roof of the net instead of smashing it straight at the keeper. Five.

We want six… damn, full time.

When we scored four against Blackburn in the last home game, the reason why it happened could be strongly linked to the fact that they only had ten men and just wanted to get out there. Today, Swansea didn’t have that excuse but they reacted very badly to the adversity of the shit second goal that they let in with the keeper playing an air shot. Once again though, we took advantage of the situation and absolutely buried them with three goals as the game wound down.  In the first half, I found myself thinking that Swansea one of the better sides that we have played at home this season as they were decent on the ball and given a better finish by Lowe, would’ve been 1-0 up. You can’t just give up when something goes against you though and if you do that, you deserve to get absolutely stuffed.

Swansea right back Humphreys had an absolute beast of a game. Firstly, Sam Edozie went past him at will whilst he was on the pitch.  Then Humphreys must have been delighted when Edozie went off and then he then watched on as his replacement Ryan Fraser score two goals in five minutes.  Swansea were trying to play a style of football that they were not good enough to do. Matt Grimes kept picking up the ball in midfield and knocking it around thinking the defenders were all as good on the ball as he is and the likes of Nathan Wood just can’t pass the ball around under pressure as demonstrated by the second goal. A shit bobbly 5-yard pass to the goalkeeper is always going to end in disaster.  That was a great piece of invention from Edozie to get that ball goalwards.  Most of our other players would have turned on that and tried to beat a player again.

There were two great finishes by the Wee Man, who is now becoming a bit of a Cult Hero with the St Mary’s faithful. Taking the passes from Adam Armstrong and Sekou Mara to give the keeper absolutely no chance.  Then the Wee Man dug out a superb cross for the fifth goal when, after another shocking bit or Rushworth goalkeeping, Che Adams managed to kick a football in the right direction.

I hope to hear the Aribo goal music another ten times before the end of the season….for fuck‘s sake!

Yep, They Looked Shit As Well

Jack Stephens had a half decent game at right-back but he’s not suited to playing that position really and it’s never a long term solution.  Not least because playing KWP on the wing certainly doesn’t get the best out of him. Ryan Manning had a good game against his former club apart from one defensive shambles when he was far too far in field opening up the Manning Chasm for the cross that ultimately should’ve put us 1-0 down but for the ex-skate not getting his feet in the right place.

So, I thought that today could be a banana skin because of Sods Law and the fact we were playing Russell Martin’s old team. I guess I was wrong. These are the great days people - and it won’t always be like this. We will lose games between now and the end of the season but for the moment anyway, the team looks pretty relentless, the ability to change the game off the bench is there for all to see and we have scored ten goals scored and conceded none in the last three games, which have all been well won.

Sixteen games unbeaten now and with Leeds defeat today, we have finally moved up a place and are now third, just five points behind Ipswich. It’s been a good day for us today with all three of our main rivals dropping points but as you know, in three days time, we go again and we can’t afford any fuck ups against Plymouth. On, on and up the fucking Saints.