Premier League Match 4 - Southampton 0 Manchester United 1

 

Madley and Ten Hag Congratulate McTominay on his Juggling Skills

Manchester United at St Mary‘s for a stupid kickoff time of 12:30 on a Saturday at the behest of BT Sport. I wonder if the actual Manchester-based fans of United still get pissed off about early kick-off is on the South coast or do they just accept it these days. All of the fuckers who live closer to Southampton than Manchester probably don’t care too much.

It’s easy to have an opinion about Manchester United. Usually, fans of other clubs just hate them, which came from the best part of 20 years of them being ridiculously successful. I expect United fans were quite happy fans of other clubs hate them but I don’t expect they are quite prepared for any ridicule that comes their way these days.  Luckily, I’m old enough to still find it fucking hilarious when you look at the decline over the post Fergie years, especially in relation to how far behind their Manchester noisy neighbours they are.

Well last year they were shocking and finished sixth and in the summer they appointed a new manager Erik Ten Hag from Ajax and then initially, didn’t really support him in the transfer market. You would’ve thought they would’ve had four players in the door as soon as the new manager arrived but they didn’t. The first three players they signed with all players with Ten Hag connections and didn’t seem initially to address the problem areas in their squad.

Tyrel Malacia joined and immediately became Wayne Shaw’s under study (or it seemed until last week). Then they signed Christian Eriksen, seemingly because they could and for no other real reason because he plays in exactly the same position as Bruno Fernandes. After that they addressed the gaping chasm at centre half and signed 5 foot 9 inch Lisandro Martinez and Ten Hag decided initially to drop Rafael Varane and still leave Harry Maguire and his Caravan in the team.

As you can tell, this little summary would’ve sounded a lot different if it had been written six days ago after they lost their first match pathetically, at home to Brighton and then got smashed 4-0 away at Brentford. Last time out of course, they beat Liverpool and today will prove one way or another whether they can back up one good performance where they actually worked really hard.

The magic ingredient for Ten Hag was to actually leave out Maguire and Wayne Shaw and also Cristiano Ronaldo, who at 37 and with it all being about him, isn’t too keen on being the modern striker, who has to be pressing defenders when they haven’t got the ball. Who would’ve believed that leaving Maguire out and playing multiple Champions League winning Varane would make the team stronger? Who would’ve believed that Malacia, stepping out of the darkness cast by Shaw’s considerable shadow would’ve been a good thing? Who would’ve believed that having a centre forward that actually played for the team instead of himself would’ve been better?

Oh, there is also a small matter of them spending £70 million on multiple La Liga and multiple Champions League winner Casemiro. It will be his first game today so we’ve got to hope that he finds the pace of the Premier League a little bit too much, which may be a bit hopeful considering his played against English sides in European competitions many times. Yes the Glazers are shit owners because they’ve taken loads of money out the club but undoubtedly a major problem has been what the not inconsiderable funds have been spent on by the side of the boardroom that supposed to know about football.  At Southampton we think our owners are great for spending a total of about about £20 million less on 6 players than what United have just spent on one player.  It’s all about entitlement, I guess.

Team news is in and just the one change for Saints with Che Adams of course coming in for Sekou Mara.  The only surprise for me is that Elyounoussi is again preferred to Stuart Armstrong.  United have left Casemiro on the bench and pick the same side that they put out against Liverpool last week so no Maguire, no Ronaldo and no Wayne Shaw.  In Maguire’s absence, Ten Hag has chosen Whining Bitch Face Fernandes as the captain.

Shaw Takes His Place on the Bench

An even opening to the game but United carve out an early opportunity, with Dalot winning the ball after Djenepo missed a tackle.  The United full back failed to pick out Whining Bitch Face in the middle and sailed it over his head.

I’m not usually one for these clapping efforts during games but the 10^th minute saw a clap for David Armstrong which was enthusiastically picked up.  The screen was showing goals that David scored against United but the ploy nearly backfired and but for some ridiculously brave defending it would have done.  Dalot put in a good cross, KWP won the header against Whining Bitch Face, the ball dropped for Elanga to smash it goalwards forcing a great save out of Baz… but the ball loops down to Whining Bitch Face it it’s blocked again by KWP and then Eriksen has a go and ABK throws himself in the way.  Were we a bit lucky or was it brilliant defending?  Who cares, still 0-0.

The left side of United’s defence looks like the place to go for and Adams has realised this.  It’s not just that Martinez is 5 foot 9, it’s that Malacia at left back is Tariq Lamptey sized.  Fair play to the two United players though, they look pretty tough and it’s a good battle with Che.  We do have the edge in the air though and a JWP corner into the 6 yard box is missed by everyone, controlled by ABK and leaning back, he lashes it over the bar.

An ABK Unit

We have one more chance before half time as Salisu heads a clearance forward, Adam Armstrong picks it up and runs directly at the defence before crossing along the ground to Adams, who holds off Martinez, turns and smashes it straight at de Gea.

Half time and a decent half from us.  I can see it ending 0-0 to be honest and neither team seem to have the cutting edge.  We’ve looked pretty solid however and the commitment has certainly been there.  United seem to go up a gear at the start of the second half and Elanga plays a couple of 1-2’s with Rashford and Whining Bitch Face and as he gets into the box, he is halted by a superbly timed ABK tackle.

It’s a temporary reprieve however as Elanga cuts in off his wing, plays a 1-2 with Sancho and finds Dalot and the full back pulls it back to the edge of the area and there is Bruno Whining Bitch Face to steer a really controlled sidefoot volley into the net.  Shit.  What have we got?

Well we’ve got a bench so on comes Stuart Armstrong for Elyounoussi, which surprises no one.  Following the corner of the ball gets cleared out as far as KWP on the halfway line and he lobs a straight ball back in the direction of Adams, who is up against McTominay.   Adams chests it down and the the ball hits McTominay’s arm once, then again and then a third time for good measure.  Andy Madley immediately signals that it’s not handball despite… you know…. the three times with his arm thing and we’re off to the VAR room as Che Adams is going absolutely mental at him.

"Hi there Brooksy – Che Adams has gone full Braveheart on me – something about a handball"

"Can confirm that the Adams chests it down and the ball hits McTominay’s arm to take it away from Adams, Andy."

"OK, so he gained an advantage?"

"Certainly."

"OK, let’s give a penalty…"

(The sound of Brooksy being punched to the floor comes over the headphones)

“THIS IS HOWARD WEBB, THIS IS HOWARD WEBB, KING OF PGMOL

“Errr, hello Howard”

“IT IS NOT HANDBALL”

“Why not exactly?

“IT’S HIT HIS ARM ONCE, THEN TWICE, THEN THREE TIMES”

“Surely more reason to give it, yes?”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO, IF IT HITS HIM ONCE IT MIGHT BE HANDBALL BUT IF IT HITS 3 TIMES… WHAT IS IT ANDY?

“Err…. Juggling?”

EXACTLY, HANDBALL IS AN OFFENCE BUT THERE’S NO LAW AGAINST JUGGLING”

“Oh, I guess not….”

“I’M BACK MOTHER F*CKERS, GOD BLESS THE GLAZERS, GOD BLESS SIR ALEX”

We've Had Issues With the Madley Family Before

Lavia sends Adam Armstrong away on the left and he uses Djenepo as a decoy before standing up a good cross with his left foot which is well met by Aribo but he can only direct it straight at de Gea and he shovels it out but unfortunately it’s just too high for KWP running in and he can only head the rebound over the bar.

Mara is on for Adam Armstrong and Perraud for Djenepo but then we go full ‘outside the box’ mental and Lyanco is on for Aribo and it looks like he’s playing up front.  So, we’ve sent on a nutjob centre back to play up front and United have sent on Casemiro, their £70 million serial Champions League winner and also, Cristiano Ronaldo.  Ronaldo has a few yards on Salisu as he tries to break into our penalty area but Salisu absolutely eats up the ground and easily dispossesses him.

Six minutes goes up on the board so there’s still time and we’re still pressing.  Stuart Armstrong puts a cross over from the left hand side which is headed back in by KWP from beyond the far post and Mara tries and overhead kick, which he executes really well but it’s hacked away from just in front of the line.

After some United timewasting over a throw in, we have one last attack has Big Baz launches one down the middle. As he has done all day, Adams wins it and knocks it down, JWP crosses it to the back post and Mara tries a cushioned volley, which in truth does not go far wide of the far post.

Andy Madley blows the whistle spot on 96 minutes, despite United wasting a good two minutes in injury time and making a substitution, which is supposed to add a compulsory 30 seconds, thus adding ‘not being able to tell the time’, to the list of things that he can’t fucking do.  The final whistle completed the worst performance out of any of the people on the grass today. Useless fucker…. Seriously - when a player can use his hand three times in a second in the penalty area and it not get given either by the referee or the useless twats at Stockley Park, then we have a fucking problem.

Apart from the useless fucking officials, we lost today because United just had that one moment of attacking quality in the second half which was the superb move that led to the goal. It was a shame it was Whining Bitch Face who scored but it was a really good goal. Attack wise, we just didn’t really get going today despite the best efforts of Che Adams who battered the United defenders around all afternoon. There was just not enough from the likes of Adam Armstrong, Aribo and Elyounoussi behind him and consequently we didn’t test De Gea anywhere near enough.

Serious Talent

As well as Adams, there were good performances all over the park and if we get that cutting edge upfront, we will be a serious team this season. The defence was largely excellent, including Moussa Djenepo again with excellent performances at centre back by ABK and Salisu, who certainly seems to be getting back to his best. KWP had a solid game against a tricky Sancho as well.  Did you see this weeks “Not playing for the Manager“ award, as sponsored by the Daily Mail?  That was the bit when all the defenders were throwing themselves at the ball to try and stop United scoring in the first half. ABK also managed to be the biggest attacking threat outside of Che Adams but the less said about his finishing, the better.

Whereas United can spend £70 million on a Champions League winning player in the centre of midfield, Saints have spent about £12 million for an 18 year old in Romeo Lavia, who had another excellent game next to JWP who again put in a really good shift.in midfield and neither deserved to be on the losing side.  Overall, I felt we were unlucky to lose. If the referee does his job then we get a draw but the referee didn’t do his job. Will there be any repercussions for the referee not doing his job? Of course there fucking won’t.  Not content with having every single advantage under the fucking sun, they have to have dodgy officials as well. I hate coming away from games against the Super League clubs thinking that we’ve been done in some way by the officials but that feeling is inevitable today.

It was interesting that the Match of the Day highlights focused on a handball that was given against a defender last week and saying that that was probably the reason why it wasn’t given today as they were admitting they were wrong last week. Fucking great that is. Where is the consistency? Someone will look at the handball today during the week and decide that this one probably should’ve been a penalty and will be given next week, probably against us.

Back to Save the Day

In a week where Manchester United‘s favourite referee Howard Webb, was confirmed as PGMOL leader, Andy Madley does his work for him and has an absolute shit of a game. Not only did United to get the big decision of the game, they also got the small ones, same as it ever was.  It’s actually the little decisions that kill you – all the pulling the shirt tactical fouls without getting a yellow card or better still, pulling a player back, then letting go and escaping the booking because play has gone on.  As for the big decisions, before VAR, you had no choice but to accept shit decisions against the big clubs and in your mind you could put it down to the pace of the game and everyone is human and all that kind of stuff.  Now, with VAR, there is no excuse but it still happens, so you were left thinking that it just happens deliberately.

Overall, there are many reasons to be pleased about the state of things as we’re going to next Tuesday‘s home game against Chelsea. The signings we have made are all making the team better and there has been a gradual increase in performance levels since we went to four at the back against Leeds.  There is now absolutely no way that we are going back to the five at the back model with the successful start made by Salisu and Bella-Kotchap as a pairing. They have proved that they are good enough and they have proved they can play as a pair. We still have things to work out at the top end of the pitch and hopefully there’s some movement on that front in the next few days before the transfer window closes.

As I said against Spurs, it’s not games against the Super League clubs that define our season in terms of results.  In those games, it’s nice to nick something but it’s ultimately about putting in a performance and looking like we are progressing and we certainly did that today.  When you play the Super League teams, if you’re going to lose then it’s about the way that you lose and the performance that you give. Against Spurs, the performance was unacceptable but today it was decent and we were unlucky and there is not one fan complaining about the amount of effort we put in.   For me, football is very simple and the match day experience is very simple.  I want to players in red and white to give full effort for 90 minutes and then I’ll clap them off the pitch and go home happy that we gave it our all. We did that today.