Premier League Match 38 - Southampton 1 Arsenal 2

 

Ross Stewart - More then Just a Concept.

And finally, we come to the final act of this sorry bag of shite that is masquerading as the Southampton season of 2024/25. I don’t think there will be anyone, not Simon Rusk, not any of the players, and certainly not any of the fans, who will be sorry that this season is finally ending. Out with the old and in with a new but first we have to do negotiate today’s final game against Arsenal at St Mary’s. Whilst it would be amazing to sign off with a win, the one when we’ve had all season at home, suggests that it’s very unlikely and this is before you get into the fact that Arsenal are in fact, quite good.

So, second place for Arsenal and there is the unavoidable feeling that they should’ve done better this season. Liverpool have not been amazing, but Arsenal have not been anywhere near them in terms of challenging for top spot in the Premier League. The highlight of their season was an excellent win over two legs against a very fractured Real Madrid side, but all that did was got them to a Champions League semi-final where they were relatively comfortably beaten by PSG. Mikel Arteta has a habit of talking absolute shite and never more when they have lost a game. He tried to gaslight everyone that they were the better side against PSG.  The truth was that it was quite something seeing Arsenal resembling a Wimbledon side from the late 80s, relying on free kicks and long throws to pose any threat. That’s the way it’s been for Arsenal this season with a remarkable record of scoring goals from corners, which in the main were converted by Gabriel, who is out for the rest of the season.  It shouldn’t be the case when you’re a top side, that losing a central defender takes away about 50% of your goal threat.

Against teams like us though, they have more than enough goal threat with the likes of Saka, Marino, Martinelli and Trossard… and that’s before you even get to the midfield of Odegaard and Rice.  Still, the funniest thing that’s happened at the end of Arsenal’s season is Spurs winning a European trophy. Seeing the mental gymnastics from Arsenal fans trying to convince themselves that they have had a better season than Spurs is quite amusing. The bottom line is that even though we’re in this era in football, where finishing fourth as seen as being better than a trophy, it really fucking isn’t and no one will remember Arsenal‘s 24/25 season whereas every Spurs fan will remember their win in the Europa league, for the rest of their lives.  Anyway, I wish we had their problems.

But enough of the North London shenanigans. We have going to get through and it seems that some of our players fancy an early holiday. We strongly suspect that Jan Bednarek will be joining KWP straight out of the exit door and neither of them are going to play today. Simon Rusk has mumbled some word salad bollocks about very slight injuries, but we all know the truth. THB did pick up an injury last week but he won’t be around either, so we might actually have to deviate from the five at the back template, simply because we haven’t got enough central defenders with Jack Stephens and Nathan Wood the only two available, if you don’t count ABK and as a rule, we don’t because he’s an arsehole. Knowing Simon Rusk however, he will probably play Jimmy Bree as the third central defender.

Today will be a sad day in many respects because we’ll probably be seeing the last game for some of or maybe all of Aaron Ramsdale, Mateus Fernandes and Tyler Dibling.  On the opposite side of the coin, it might be the last time we ever have to watch some of the shit players…. Take your pick.

Will Still - Hopefully won't be listening to the penis on his shoulder.

Having been busy all morning, I’ve not been paying attention to the news and it’s not until I get to the ground that I become aware that we have appointed Will Still as our new manager for next year and that he will be in the ground today. I wonder what he will make of some of the players who are going to be here next year but it’s good news that he’s in the building early.  Maybe he can have a word with one or two and try and convince them to stay.

I feel that Simon Rusk needs to get Saints to put on something approaching and an entertaining performance today. For once, it’s probably more important than the result. We expect to lose of course as we are one of the teams playing today.  Also, it’s Arsenal and we are on course to set a Premier League record of thirty defeats in a season.  When the Rusk team news drops for the last time, it’s a bit fucking mental. There are starts for Charlie Taylor, Nathan Wood, Jay Robinson, Yuki Sugawara and Ross Stewart. What the actual fuck? There seems to be a lot of tactical injuries with Tyler Dibling and Jack Stephens joining those we expected to be missing. It turns out that Captain Jack has broken his wrist in training, probably punching a picture of Cucurella that someone pinned to his locker.  Jack aside, isn’t it strange that some of those missing have hardly missed a game in their entire Saints career and here they are with a move on the horizon and they have the all encompassing “illness”. I don’t know why the club can’t just tell the truth because I’d respect that more than some bullshit explanation and treating me like I’m a fucking idiot.

So, it looks like a back four with three of the four being somewhat amusing selections. None of the missing players are even fit enough to sit on the bench, so we have a youth team player called Moore on there, and I have to look up what his first name is because I’ve never heard of him. Jayden Moore. Welcome.  Arsenal are resting a few as well but the difference is, the likes of Saka, Havertz and Odegaard are on the bench. Even if by some miracle the game is close as we go into the final 20 minutes, I would expect Arteta to bring on the big boys whilst we are bringing on players from the crèche.

For once, the first incident of the day is a Saints attack, with a corner swinging in by Fernandes and headed out as far as Sugawara who absolutely drills it and it hits Declan Rice on the hand and surely to fuck that’s a penalty.  Even our collection of soft arses get animated and surround the referee.  Off we go to VAR for what could be the last time for a while….

Hi there Stockley Park... is that Scotty?
Yes... What do you want Darren… there are 10 games going on today and yours doesn’t matter
I know but they surrounded me
Who did?
Southampton!
What – they never complain about anything, just meekly accept it cos they’re shit
I know, but this really looked like a handball
So what, they’re going down
I know Scotty, but we’ve fucked them over all season and I thought it would be nice.
We fucked them over cos we all had money on them being more shit than Derby, Darren
Oh yeah, I lost a few quid, thought it was a cert
Ok I’ll bloody check… ok I’ve got a decision for you
And...?
Does it strike his hand … yes, away from his body… yes… proximity… not a factor
So a penalty then?
Nah…. Not enough consequence.
Why not?
Because Southampton are shit.
Fair enough… play on.

What a surprise, no penalty. What’s the fucking point?  Bring on next season.

Despite being makeshift, Arsenal are still extremely dangerous and work the ball out to the left wing to Martinelli.  He drops the shoulder to get a yard against Sugawara before standing up across to the back post, which Merino jumps to meet and it can only flick it off the bar. Rambo had it covered, however.

Saints are giving a give a good account of themselves, however, and Wellington is making stuff happen at the attacking end of the pitch as he bursts past Love Island’s Ben White before pulling the ball back into the middle. It comes to nothing until Fernandes wins it back and crosses it back in and Stewart barges past fellow jock Tierney, but can only head wide.

Our back four has not done anything really dumb as yet but then one long ball from Tierney and our central defenders suddenly ten yards behind Martinelli, who has sprung the trap and he’s got the ball.   He just has former team mate Ramsdale to beat but only one winner as  Martinelli takes it early and Rambo saves well.

More Arse pressure as we approach half-time and they win a corner on our right which comes in and we fail to clear properly and then don’t get close enough to Arsenal as they build an attack down our left with White overlapping Martinelli and getting into the box untracked before firing over a low cross which sees Tierney winning the Jock-War, getting in front of Ross Stewart and knocking it into the net. Fuck.

Arsenal sense a second goal before halftime but Saints clear the danger through Taylor and Sulemana bundles past a challenge and has sixty yards to run into.  Usually he stops and turns back but this time he keeps going before inevitably stopping but at least he tried a shot, which gets blocked up in the air and comes down for him to shin roller it into the side netting. That guy is destined to have no end product for the rest of his life at Saints, but at least this time he actually had a shot.

Half time and we haven’t been bad and don’t really deserve to be behind given the penalty farce and the general play.  J-Rob has been decent so far if a little lightweight and the back four were pretty solid once Taylor stopped trying to play left back and settled down a bit.  No changes at half-time and we start the second half relatively well with Robinson being chopped down on the edge of the Arsenal box. Fernandes has been excellent this season, but he is no JWP when it comes to free kicks and it hits the wall.  From the resulting scramble J-Rob picks up the ball and jinks his way past a couple of players before hammering in a shot which Raya has to push away for a corner. Decent from the youngster.  Fernandes may not be JWP with free kicks but he’s getting there with corners and in it comes and up goes the Loch Ness Drogba to flick in a header past Raya and into the net. Fucking hell we’ve scored and Ross Stewart is more than just a myth or a vague concept, he’s actually a goal scorer at Premier League level.

With half an hour to go, it’s all gonna be about Arsenal‘s positive changes from the bench and Saints inevitable worsening of the team. Before that though, Nwaneri plays a delightful ball inside Welington for White to run onto and his low cross is going in off of the combined touch of Rice and Taylor, before Sugawara appears from nowhere.  True to form he just panics and leathers it but it’s away from goal and into Declan Rice and off for an Arsenal corrner, of course, because the referee is a prick.

Rice is getting more involved now and trying to make things happen and he bundles his way into the box and eventually ends up volleying at Ramsdale from about eight yards but Rambo is equal to it again and it’s another blinding save, which unfortunately pops up for Saka to head into the net but the flag has gone up straight away but that still means we have to go off to VAR.

Hi there Scotty at Stocky Park
What do you want again – I thought I told you last time?
It's an Arsenal goal though
OK, best have a look… flag is up though
I know, I thought we could send Saints off with another shocker, just for the lols.
OK, Rice shoots, Saka is miles offside, Ramsdale saves, still offside.
So, can’t overturn that one?
Not really, Saka is smiling as well and apologising – what a nice man
Lovely man.
By the way, you should see the decision we’ve just given Man United….

It’s time for Simon to weaken the team with Robinson and Sulemana going off to be replaced by Archer and Smallbone. It’s not as bad as I fear because Smallbone has gone to where Fernandes was and Matty has gone out wide.  Five minutes later though and there’s another change and this is Rusk doing what he always does and bringing on another defender.  Why the fuck… we’ve been defending well as a four.  Kayi Sanda is on for the limping Big Les.  What this all means is the Smallbone is now in a midfield two with Downes and that as we all know, it’s always a fucking nightmare.  I’m telling anyone who will listen around me that he should’ve brought Aribo on as a straight swap for Les (lesser of two evils), but no, Simple Simon refuses to do things simply and Simon says to bring on another defender and put Will in midfield.

90 minutes up and Saints are on the attack and pushing Arsenal back and the referee and the linesman between them decide to give Arsenal a free kick for absolutely fucking nothing.  They take it quickly whilst we’re arguing and Odegaard, who has been on for fifteen minutes or so, swaps passes with fellow sub Trossard before being faced up by Smallbone, and the Arsenal captain literally walks around the most powderpuff challenge you’ve ever seen and has a free shot from 18 yards which he buries in the bottom corner. For fucks sake. Well done Keep it Simple Simon.

Smallbone, Tired after ten minutes of action, lets Odegaard Walk Round Him.

There are nine minutes of injury time to go and even though we launch some optimistic balls towards Tall Paul, there’s not really any danger for Arsenal and they see the game out like you would expect them to.

And so a predictable defeat in Simon Rusk’s last game and no one should be surprised that we let in a late goal to lose it after a decent and spirited performance.  There are three reasons why the winning goal happened. The first one was the stupid substitution by Rusk, to change the formation that was working and go to a three at the back. This dragged Smallbone back into midfield and we all know what happens when he’s there – he’s a liability in our half.  Everyone knows but we do it anyway.

The second thing was that Flynn Downs got caught up the pitch getting carried away as we attacked. Bearing in mind his partner is now Smallbone, he has to have the brain to stay put, though it’s not his fault the referee and linesman decided to magic up an Arsenal free kick out of nowhere, which was the third reason  Will’s recreation of the Diallo training cone impression against Arsenal, was absolutely pitiful.

When the team was announced, I was dreading us getting beat by five or six but a combination of Arsenal being in beach mode and surprisingly resolute defending meant we were still in the game after an odd opening 10 minutes when it all looked like it was going to be a bit sketchy.  Nathan Wood and Charlie Taylor looked decent in a four because they had to take responsibility and an even bigger surprise was that Yuki Sugawara didn’t look like a train wreck and justified this selection ahead of James Bree.  He was helped when Raheem Sterling was on his side as he has absolutely forgotten how to play football.  Welington on the left, dug in strongly when he had to and he also tried to play going forward and is looking like someone who could well be a mainstay in the team next season.

The watching Will Still would’ve been encouraged by some of the things he saw, not least the performance of Ross Stewart. It was brilliant for him to get a goal and to look a handful. He gets knocked off the ball a little bit too easily but there is certainly a striker there but still can work with next season. The full debut for Jay Robinson will not have been missed by the new manager either and he can be very pleased with his performance.

Though it was very much an end of season game, there was certainly some “what ifs” springing to mind.  What if we had played four the back for the entire season? What if we had Flynn Downs and Big Les in the centre of midfield all season? What if Russell Martin had prioritised some sort of compromise on his playing out from the back principles? Even with all those things being in place, we probably would still have gone down but it wouldn’t have been the colossal shitshow that it ended up being.

Rambo Waves Goodbye

Having seen today’s game, I’m sure that Will Still will be hoping to keep Big Les, Aaron Ramsdale and Matty Fernandes for next season but sadly, it’s looking more and more unlikely than any of those will be around, the first two in particular.  Maybe Will can have a word with Matty and get him to promise us one season in the Championship.  I was pleased that Rambo had a good game today against his former club of course.  As said, I was fearing the worst and that he might ship five or six, so just the two with neither being his fault, is a decent last game.  Two blinding saves from Martinelli and Rice as well for a guy who is without doubt our best goalkeeper, probably since prime Fraser Forster under Ronald Koeman. 

I didn’t stay for the Lap of Defecation.  I couldn’t be bothered.  This season is done and dusted at long last - thank fuck - and it’s all about next year in a different division, with a new manager and a load of new players.  Lots of change coming our way in the next ten weeks and in the words of Joe Strummer (look it up youngsters) – The Future is Unwritten.

Up the Fucking Will Still’s Red and White Army.