Premier League Match 21 - Manchester United 9 Southampton 0

 

Following the ridiculously unlucky defeat Aston Villa, three days later comes a nice easy trip to Old Trafford to play Manchester United. In between the two games came the end of the transfer window which I had kind of forgotten that we were in, given everything that was going on. However, Saints were active but not in a way that you could’ve predicted beforehand.

Going into deadline day we were linked with Ainsley Maitland-Niles from Arsenal, a utility player who plays full-back or in midfield which positionally, was the ideal profile. On the morning of deadline day we were linked with a kind of swap deal to take Josh King from Bournemouth and give them a Shane Long in return. That partly happened but it was only the outgoing bit.

Only Saints could go into a transfer window, needing to increase their full back options and come out of the transfer window having signed a striker and having released two full-backs. Reading between the lines I think we can deduce the following. None out of Jake Vokins, Yan Valery or Callum Slattery have any long-term future at Southampton whilst Ralph is in charge. In the case of Valery in Vokins, neither is seen as good enough to step into the first team as back-ups so there is no point in them being here for the rest of the season. Ralph has played Diallo left back ahead of Vokins and he would rather take JWP, our most influential player, out of his normal position, rather than play Valery. He has also played Djenepo ahead of Valery so the writing is on the wall somewhat. Valery has had some good moments in the Saints shirt. I loved his attitude when he first got into the team, not being intimidated by any of the big names that he played against and of course he chipped in with a couple of goals including a fantastic one at Old Trafford where we are today. Last year was a poor one and he doesn’t look at all comfortable in a flat back four so that’s the end of him I would think. I am slightly mystified about Vokins. How anyone ever at some point look to him and thought he could be a defender has a few questions to answer. The guy doesn’t appear to have any defensive nous whatsoever and so even though the official line is that he is going for experience, he isn’t just going for experience. He’s going because we don’t want him and even in the current injury crisis and fixture pile up, Ralph sees no use for him. Valery and Vokins have gone out on loan to Birmingham and Sunderland respectively.

The facts are that we are hoping to play out the rest of the season with what you would call six first-team defenders. These being KWP, Ryan Bertrand, Jack Stephens, Jan Bednarek, Jannik Vestergaard and Mohammed Salisu. One of these six of course, has not been fit all season and has not played a game of football at any level for a year.  If the fullbacks stay fit available all season then there is no issue. If they don’t then we are moving Jack Stephens to right back and Salisu to left back. At least if he is at left back, we can line up loads of treatment tables and exercise bikes down the left wing and maybe park an ambulance there just in case.

If we stick to these six players, that’s probably not going to be a problem from a defensive point of view but in our system, having full-backs who are not comfortable out there and not going to have a lot going forward, is going to be quite damaging. If less than four out of the six are available for any game then we are moving players into the wrong position or playing one of the two remaining defensive youngster that we have in Kayne Ramsey or Allen Tchaptchet. Ramsay up until yesterday, was behind Yan Valery in the pecking order. Moving JWP out of midfield is damaging and can really only be done if Romeu and Diallo are both fit.

As said, It was rumoured at the start of deadline day that Shane Long was heading to Bournemouth and Josh King was going the other way. In the event, Josh King has joined Everton but Shane has still moved on to Bournemouth on loan for the rest of the season with an option to buy which barring a miracle, they won’t take up. It’s a good move for Shane, who, to be brutally honest, needs to be playing regularly at Championship level these days. In hindsight, it was an overly sentimental mistake to give him a two-year contract. It should’ve been one year with an option for a second. If he plays regularly then he will prove to be a decent addition for Bournemouth in the Championship. Let’s hope he scores a lot of goals, they get promoted and they want to buy him at the end of the season. Shane has provided some great moments for Saints in the past but these were getting fewer and farther between. Since Project Restart he’s only made about two starts and has looked severely off the pace whenever he has come on a substitute. He’s also seen himself fall down the pecking order behind young academy players at times and football is a game that does not stand still and everyone comes to the end at some point.

So, we need a defenders, so of course we signed a guy who plays as a striker or a winger in Takumi Minamino from Liverpool.  A Japanese international who signed for Liverpool from Salzburg at the start the season and has hardly been given a game in the Klopp’s team, despite them going a number of games without score any goals. He most recently played and scored in the 7-0 win at Palace and then wasn’t given a minute in the four or five games where they didn’t score. He has been signed on loan with no option to buy so basically we are helping Liverpool see if he either has what it takes or doesn’t have what it takes in the Premier League. If he turns out to be decent and he will hopefully provide a bit of craft to sort out chances for the strikers.  Minamino basically take over from Shane long as the main back-up striker and he will provide some competition for the wing positions for the likes of Redmond (who has not been playing well), Djenepo (who is made of biscuits) and Walcott (who has done his hamstring).

With all the injuries and lack of defensive signings, it’s almost easy to know what we’re going to put out on the pitch against Manchester United this evening. If JWP is at right back, the central midfield will probably have to contain Stuart Armstrong and if JWP is in midfield, the right back will probably have to be either Kayne Ramsey coming in from the cold or, God forbid, Moussa Djenepo. It’s alright though because it’s not as if 80% of United’s attacking play comes down that side through Luke Shaw and Marcus Rashford.

It will be very surprising if Alex Jankewitz doesn’t start. By heading in a transfer request and demanding chances in the first team, Alex has made a bit of a rod for his own back and put himself under a lot of pressure. Hopefully he starts today and as well but he’s going to be making his debut probably against Paul Pogba and someone like Matic so it’s time to put up or shut up.

So, Manchester United at Old Trafford. The game at St Mary’s earlier on in the season was a bit of a turning point for them as they came from 2-0 down to beat us thanks to Ole Gunnar Solskjaer correcting the initial lethargy from the team by throwing on world-class players and getting away with it. In that game it was Edison Cavani who was absolutely brilliant and put in one of the best performances that I’ve seen by an opposition player in recent memory. They have an embarrassment of riches in terms of the number of players they have and they have been able to rotate and keep their players relatively fresh… well most of them anyway. We know where the strengths are, though it seems to be in individual players rather than any specific areas in the team. Cavani, Rashford, Pogba, Fernandes... it’s actually quite scary. They have weaknesses of course, Wan-Bissaka’s positioning, Harry Maguire‘s lack of pace and David de Gea has always got a mistake in him. They are the sort of team that don’t react very well to being pressured all over the pitch so I’ll be interesting to see if our patched up team can do that. If they can then we have a decent shout but if not and it’s going to be a really tough evening. United fans have gained a certain level of humility of the last seven or eight years since Alex Ferguson left but it all disappeared the moment they hit the top of the league a couple of weeks ago. It’s the old saying about pride comes before a fall because they then lost at home to Sheffield United and drew away at Arsenal so there is now a bit of a gap between them and their noisy neighbours at the top. United will see tonight as an absolute have to win game if they are going to have any potential of winning the league this year. They are up against it anyway but if you can’t be patched up Southampton at home then you’ve got no chance.

The chances of Manchester United winning or of course increased by the unbelievable and quite frankly insulting appointment of Mike Dean as the referee. Not only that, PGMOL are pissing in our faces even more by appointing Lee Mason as the fourth official. Being the fourth official is effectively being stood down from duty because they do absolutely fuck all but it’s amazing that they’ve seen fit to give us those two clowns after what happened against Villa. This is what I mean about us being too nice. We just accepted the shafting that we got off of those two officials on Saturday and so we’ve been given them again. If we kicked up an almighty stink then we may have even got someone halfway competent.

As I look at out line-up on screen there is a sense of foreboding.  Kayne Ramsay has been nowhere for 18 months and Jankewitz starts.  There’s so much that has to go our way to get anything out of this.  Ramsay has to deal with Rashford and Shaw and Jankewitz has to go toe to toe with McTominay, Fred and Bruno Fernandes.

64 - Nearly the Number of Seconds he Lasted

A minute and a half later and it’s all gone to shit.  McTominay intercepts a pass, it bounces away from him and Jankewitz steams in and crunches his studs into McTominay’s thigh.  Mike Dean can’t get the red out quickly enough and to be fair, who can blame him?  It’s horrific and there’s nothing else you can say about it.  Looking forward to the statement from the agent.

We reshuffle with Ings going to the left and Armstrong to the middle.  United swarm all over us and we get to 10 minutes intact which is the first target, 15 minutes negotiated.  Rashford in the left hand corner back to Thick Shaw, over it comes and Wan-Bissaka has lost Ings and scores.  Fuck.  Another few minutes goes by and United again build up on our left.  Djenepo is trying to help Ramsay out but over comes another cross and Rashford sidefoots home, completely unmarked as Stephens has let him go. Double fuck.

A rare attack for us sees a corner come in from JWP and it’s headed straight up and comes down on the edge of the box to Armstrong but Cavani, without looking at the ball once, just smashes into him.  Mike the Twat gives us a free kick but that’s it.  No yellow, no talking to, nothing.  It’s so close to the edge of the box that JWP has to smash it the keepers side and it’s a good effort but de Gea saves well.

It’s but a temporary respite though as United pile forward again.  Their centre halves are standing about 35 yards from our goal and every other player is in or around the box because we’re not getting a foot in and disrupting things.  Rashford picks it up on the right and fires it over and Bednarek has to play it because two players are waiting for a tap in so he does their job for them and puts it in the net.  3-0 – this could be anything…. 4-0 – this could seriously be anything as the Whale Omelette himself crosses from the left and Cavani, completely unimpeded by Stephens who is again marking space, has a free header.

It nearly gets worse before half time as Cavani bundles through some decided half-arsedness from Armstrong and Bednarek and Ramsay comes sliding across and takes him out.  It looks outside the box but Mike Dean would rather give a penalty for shits and giggles and points to the spot.  Off we go to VAR (who is Graham Scott)

“Hi Mikey Boy it’s Scotty”
“What the fuck do you want Scotty, pen all fucking day”
“Nah Mikey, it’s outside the box”
“Is it fuck Scotty, I’ve fucking given it!”
“I know Mikey but Saints got done horribly last game and this is outside the box”
“Fuck ‘em – soft Southern twats didn’t complain afterwards”
“I know Guv but I’ve got a bit of integrity”
“Integrity is for pussies – so you’re seriously fucking telling me that’s a free kick”
“Yes Mikey, sorry”
“I’ve got Bruno in me fucking Fantasy team as well you know”
“He’ll score the free kick though – think of the danger – and it’ll make you look benevolent”
“I do love a bit of danger Scotty, I do – OK you’ve convinced me”
“You won’t regret it Mikey”
“Don’t you fucking do it again Scotty”
“No worries Guv”

So, right on the edge, doubtlessly to Mike’s annoyance.  Bruno tries to be clever and hit it under the wall and fucks it up.  No matter though, 4-0 at half time.

The options for Ralph are non-existent.  From a defence or defensive midfield point of view on the bench, we have Allan Tchaptchet and that’s it.  Other than him it’s a striker, five wingers and two goalkeepers.  Maybe we could put Forster and Lewis on and see if Mike Dean lets us.  Maybe that idea would appeal to the mad bastard.

We actually start the second half quite well and Amstrong is fouled in midfield by United sub van der Beek who Mike Dean actually books. JWP takes the free kick quickly to Adams who shoots while United doze, it’s blocked and then he shoots again and scores in the far corner.  Good goal and a bit of respectability.  Up it goes to VAR and it takes ages

Scotty Draws Some Lines

“Hi Scotty it’s Mikey, what have you got for me, miles offside wasn’t it?”
“I can’t get this fucking Etch-a-Sketch to work Mikey”
“Use a fucking ruler on the screen mate and take a picture with yer phone”
“Can’t prove it’s offside mate”
“Don’t be a twat Scotty, I’ll fucking have you… got two United defenders haven't I”
"What's your fantasy team called Mikey?"
"Mike Dean is a Fucking Legend"
“The Etch-a-Sketch is fucked mate – I’m drawing on the screen with a sharpie”
“Good lad, draw a line through his arm somewhere”
“It still don’t look offside though”
“Turn the fucking resolution down until it pixelates, then do it again Scotty”
“Sorted Mikey, here you go…”
“Fucking ace Scotty, back in my good books, talk later”

… and fuck me, disallowed again and no evidence presented which shows him offside.  It’s not offside with the naked eye and the lines drawn on the still – fuck me – it looks like it passes through Che’s wrist.  Is the line from the wrist of his long-sleeved shirt or what?  Fuck off football.  Absolute fucking joke. Add Graham Scott to the list of incompetent fucking arseholes who referee games in the Premier League. If you can’t prove it’s offside – and you haven’t, then it’s a fucking goal isn’t it.

We’ve nearly got to 70 minutes without any further damage and then Martial picks up a chipped pass, muscles away a powderpuff Bednarek challenge and smashes it high into the net past McCarthy to make it 5-0 and having waited a few minutes, along comes another one as McTominay scores from the edge of the box after Stephens tees him up.

The excitement mounts as we have an attack on the break and it’s good play by Sub Redmond who has come on for Ings, as he does really well to find Adams who really should score with his left foot but he hits a fucking balloon, miles over the bar.  Che would score so many more goals if his left foot was more than just a prop to hold him up.

Allan Tchaptchet has come on for Djenepo for his debut.  6-0 down with 10 men at Old Trafford – keep it tight kid! This is the sort of game that Martial loves, 6-0 up at home against a team that can’t defend and only have 10 men.  He chips one just wide when he only had McCarthy to beat and then decides that all the advantages he has is not enough and he dives like a motherfucker, clipping Bednarek on the way down.  On first view it looks like what it is, a big fucking dive but Mike gives a penalty of course he fucking does.  It's not as if Martial has a history of diving of course.

Oh look, A Dive

“Hi Mike, Scotty here”
“You’re not going to fucking overrule me again are you Scotty?”
“Well it looks like a dive Mike”
“Fuck off was it – look at it from another angle”
“Hang on a bit…. OK Mike, I’ve found one where you can’t 100% tell it was a dive because Martial is obscured”.
“That’ll fucking do ….. you know what would be great Scotty, send me to the monitor. It makes me look progressive and rad”
“No problem Mikey boy… and show you the…”
“Yeah, the image where you can’t 100% tell that it’s a dive”
“What you gonna give Mikey?”
“Penno and a red card Scotty, fuck them namby Southern bastards”
“You da Man Mikey boy”
“I’m a fucking King. {adopts comedy Scots accent} It’s so good Scotty, I have all the power… that’s a Star Trek reference Scotty”
“You’re a legend Mikey”
“How fucking right you are Scotty”.

Mikey Boy Does His Thing

Bruno Fernandes does his wanky skipped run up, goal, 7-0, 9 players and Mike Dean is a cunt.

Still time for more of course and three minutes later, right on 90, a cross comes in from the right, Stephens flicks it over Tchaptchet, Martial controls and scores and in the 93^rd minute, we make it to our favourite score as another cross from the right is headed down by Fernandes and Dan James is all alone in front of goal and pokes it in,  9-0… again… fucks sake.

Feels like I’ve been in before somehow. I don’t know where to start so I think I’ll start by comparing it for the 9-0 defeat to Leicester. For starters, that was at home in front of a crowd and I was there so that was worse... and it rained and I got fucking soaked. I left that game feeling like we were fucking useless, half players gave up and we were going to get relegated. It’s odd that we have been smashed 9-0 tonight and my main concern and overriding emotion is of injustice, even though the main injustices of the day didn’t make any difference to the result as we were going to get hammered anyway but the injustices will the reason we been beaten 9-0 again as opposed to a more manageable score like 5-1 or 6-1.

No one can have any complaint with Alex Jankewitz getting a red card after a minute and a half. It is a ridiculous challenge, nowhere near the ball and halfway up Scott McTominay‘s thigh. It’s an assault basically and whether you are 19 and a minute and a half into your debut or an experienced player with 500 appearances, you’re going to get sent off for that and Mike Dean was 100% correct and any other referee would have shown red for that. That was where it ended in regard to Mike Dean being correct..

As soon as the game restarted he turned into Mike “All About Me” Dean once more. He gave United a penalty at the end of the first half which miraculously got overruled by VAR and was deemed to be outside the box, which it probably was.  We paid for it later on though. The biggest Mike Dean moment was at 6-0 when Anthony Martial clearly dived, clipping Bednarek in the process. Mike gives the penalty, VAR clearly don’t think it is a penalty and away goes Mike to the monitor, looks at it, sees the dive and then comes back, gives a penalty anyway and gives Bednarek a red card. He clearly didn’t like being overruled on the first one and Mike and his ego couldn’t handle it and he thought he’d show them who was in charge and what a big man he is. By sending him to the monitor, Mike Dean was basically being asked to look at his own decision and decide it was wrong. Of course he wasn’t going think it was fucking wrong even presented with incontrovertible evidence. Martial is a twat for diving at 6-0 against 10 men and Mike Dean is clearly incompetent. That leaves us with nine men so of course we are going to let in more goals.

In between the two Mike Dean classics, we then got another goal ruled out for an offside by VAR where the line was drawn from a random point on Che Adams arm. There has not been a single picture anywhere that proves it offside, or a single commentator anywhere who thinks it's offside.  Not one. That would’ve made it 4-1 and of course, we still would have lost but it wouldn’t have been 9-0.

The game is in absolute crisis at the moment. You’re allowed to dive in front of a goal-bound  shot and save it with your hand and that’s not a penalty or a card, you are allowed to dive in the box and not get booked and you will get a penalty and the opposition player will get sent off.  You’ll be deemed offside and a goal disallowed based on wonky lines drawn from a random point your players arm. All of these things are ruining the game regardless of what team the decision goes against.  Offsides is the easiest to improve.  Do it from the furthest forward part of the foot, no vertical lines, no armpits.  Diving is pretty easy in cases like today – if he’s on his way down before the contact, it’s a dive and a yellow card.

Back to the first red card and Alex Jankewitz has made a name for himself for his agent shooting his mouth off and putting in a transfer request. By doing this the agent put a lot more pressure on his player and his player duly fucked up royally. He was probably desperate to prove that he was a good player, fuelled by the comments from his agent, and show United no respect and impose himself early.  Good intent – poor execution.  However, I’m not gonna kill a player because there is absolutely no point.  He’ll learn – hopefully. If Alex has got any sense then he will sack his agent immediately and get himself some better representation, be patient and wait for the chance to come round again.  It’s a big shame because the lad would have had a run of games and has blown the chance to stake a claim.  He’s clearly very talented but he clearly has a problem though because in 25 games in the B Team in Premier League 2, he’s been booked 10 times which two of those bookings being in the same game.

Ralph’s press conference afterwards was basically him saying that there was absolutely nothing he could do because he had no players on the bench and no options to change anything and it’s impossible to argue with that. It wasn’t the lack of defenders that was the problem today because I thought as an inexperienced defender Kayne Ramsey actually did okay. The experienced defenders didn’t cover themselves in glory. I think that by now they should realise that marking space when the cross is coming over does not stop other team scoring. Space never scored a fucking goal whereas opposition attackers standing completely on their own in the penalty area quite often do.

Once the red card happened, the midfield consisted of Ings and Djenepo who are basically strikers and Armstrong was forced to play centrally and he just doesn’t have the discipline or the legs to play as a number six. There was no way that we were going to be able to play in a disciplined enough way to stop United scoring and we just got ripped apart.  If we’d had a Diallo or a Romeu on the bench then they’d have come on for Djenepo and we’d have gone 4-4-1 and kept it solid but we didn’t, we had a kindergarten.  Allan Tchaptchet came on for the last 10 minutes and I would imagine he will be starting in the next game if the FA compound Mike Dean’s uselessness by not rescinding the red card.

The next game is Newcastle away and they are proper shit so we have to at least be having a go at it.  What players we’ll have is anyone’s guess.

Up the fucking Saints.