Give Me Time and I'll Be Just as Shite as You Were
AUGUST 2018
Southampton 0
Burnley 0
I’ve had enough, Hughes has had enough, fuck this.
And so the game ended in a draw. If I had been offered a 0-0
draw at the start the game then I wouldn’t have been particularly impressed
with it but as it happens, it was actually quite good and a quite enjoyable
game – well an enjoyable 2nd half anyway.
Charlie Austin was fucking terrible and barely moved. I
would say that Hughes got the selection of Austin wrong because with both
Cedric and Austin in the starting 11, that is two of your substitutions
predetermined as neither were going to last 90 minutes.
SEPTEMBER 2018
Everton 2
Southampton 1
So – it looks like 4-4-2 with Stephens and Hoedt as the
centre backs. Oh sweet fucking Lord.
… another ‘soft as fuck’ goal at the other
end. Build up down our left, Coleman reverses the ball to Walcott
who has not been tracked and he’s got all the time in the world to cross it and
returning from last season we have the Stephens/Cedric Corridor of
Uncertainty. The cross sails over Stephens and Richarlison gets
above Cedric and heads in easily.
Stephens and Hoedt proved last season that they are not good
enough as a pair and you need a third centre back or else you’re going to be
shit
Eventually, my money is on Hoedt and Stephens being back ups
to Yoshida and Vestergaard and on Austin being the striker that we bring in
when we need a goal with 20 to go. I also see the more reliable Hojbjerg coming
into the team ahead of Lemina who once again was as flaky as you like.
Southampton 1
Leicester 2
Well fuck it.
Another kick in the bollocks. It seems that any event, good or bad in the game
just sees us go to shit. We score a goal, we panic and go to shit. We concede a
goal, we then panic some more and go to shit some more. Someone gets sent off,
we completely go to shit
Having played
reasonably well in the first half, we finally took the lead the great strike
from Ryan Bertrand then pissed it away within three minutes thanks to a
horrific bit of defending by Cedric
Following
Pierre’s red card for being a fucking dick (no more really needs to be said on
that), we of course let in the tunnelball 94th minute winner.
Nathan Redmond
had another very good game on the wing and seems to have rediscovered his love
of running at players.
Crystal Palace 0 Southampton 2
Shane who
misses it but the ball is misjudged by Kelly and Ings is in, toe poke,
goal. Get in.
Cedric down the
wing and a deflected cross which Austin scuffs goalwards and Wan-Bissaka
strangely sticks a hand out to stop a shot that was barely going to reach the
goal. Penalty. Austin of course grabs the ball and
dribbles a horrific piece of shit down the middle of the goal and Hennessey,
despite diving, easily kicks it away. Fucks sake.
I’ve no
fucking idea what Hennessey was doing out there and Pierre rolled it past him
from the edge of the box. Get the fuck in! We’re actually
going to win.
Southampton 2 Brighton 2
It’s headed out to Hojbjerg who takes a touch and smashes
it. Remarkably, it absolutely arrows into the bottom corner with a
little bit of late swing on it. Brilliant strike.
We can certainly have grievance with the referee and the more
I see of Duffy’s fall in the box, the worse it gets – he’s a fucking cheat
basically and Montoya’s fall for the free kick for the first goal is soft as
well.
Ref aside, Saints only have themselves to blame yet again for
not closing out the lead against a very average team. Yet again we proved that
we can’t handle game changing incidents. After Ings scored his penalty, All we
need to do was 10 minutes of controlled football but what do we do? Leave a 6
foot 5 centre half with a free header from 5 yards about 30 seconds after the
restart.
Liverpool 3 Southampton
0
Well that was shit. Exactly the same as last
season where the game was over after 5 minutes and the rest of the game was
damage limitation and a waste of everyone’s time and money. Most Saints fans are realistic and know that
we’re not going to go toe to toe with Liverpool at Anfield but we did nothing,
turned up, lost, fucked off home.
I think
Hughes got more or less everything wrong today. The initial
formation was wrong, the Targett on the wing thing was wrong, leaving Lemina on
was wrong. Having chosen to play 4 at the back, one of Hoedt or
Vestergaard should have been left out for Bednarek or Yoshida.
Liverpool? They’re a really good side and as long
as van Dijk and their first choice strikers stay fit, the will run City very
close this season. They certainly won’t have an easier three points
then they had today.
OCTOBER 2018
Wolves 2 Southampton 0
Lemina has had a good game and then he goes ‘Full
Waster’. He gets tackled and his boot comes off. His boot is pink
which is an issue but not the main issue here – it takes about 10 minutes for
him to put the fucker back on. Even an 8 year old can change a boot
quicker than that.
1-0. Fucking hell. That’d be the 6th preventable
goal in a row that we’ve let in.
Our big finish to try and get a point involves standing off
and letting Wolves pass the ball about. It’s fucking criminal.
We actually won the midfield battle with Hojbjerg and Lemina
(when he wasn’t doing up his fucking boots) having the better of Moutinho and
Neves. How can you win the battle of the all-important midfield and still lose
the fucking game 2-0?
Charlie Austin wrote “fuck off” on his Facebook page
Southampton 0 Chelsea 3
At risk of sounding like Mike Bassett… fucking get into them.
Well
the only surprise there is that Giroud didn’t score.
Comprehensively
outplayed-check,
Goal
from Hazard-check,
Gifted
them at least 1 goal-check
Didn’t
lay a glove on them in midfield-check,
Basically
just turned up and lost-check,
Let in
a goal in the last five minutes-check.
Totally
predictable and so fucking boring.
I really want to know what the thinking was behind bringing
on a striker who has two goals in 60 games when we need two goals with 20
minutes to go
Bournemouth 0
Southampton 0
Eddie Howe has settled for a draw and brings on Gosling in
midfield and takes a striker off but then the key moment. Redmond on
the the right hand side pulls out one of the best crosses you could ever wish
to see. Over it comes, taking out the keeper who misses it and
straight onto the head of Gabbiadini behind him. All he has to do is
cushion it into the empty net…. Onto the roof of the
net. Fuck.
Southampton 0 Newcastle
0
Lemina
wins the ball and feeds Gabbi who produces a superb turn and finds Cedric
overlapping – a good pull back along the top of the box … Shane with a free
shot from 15 yards, 25,000 people including other Saints players with head in
hands.
It
takes a turn for the farcical as Gabbiadini, with three options to pass to,
tries a shot from Bitterne Park which flies into orbit. Another 0-0. Fuck sake.
A lot of Saints fans seem to have it in for JWP. If you can’t
see that we looked much more likely to score in the 15 minutes that he was on
that every other 75 then you really don’t know much about football and I
question both your eyesight and your sanity. We have to find a place for him in
the starting 11
There is no way that the board will be wanting to fire
another manager and admitting that they have fucked up for the third time in a
row - not yet anyway. There is an apathy
and disinterest in the fan base. Personally, I’m kind of in the ‘shrug your
shoulders’ camp. I watch the games and they are in the main fucking boring with
nothing to get you excited and I look at the clock sometimes and it says 35
minutes of gone and I can’t remember anything of note that happened in the
previous 25 minutes. It’s like I’ve been asleep
NOVEMBER 2018
Manchester City 6
Southampton 1
Aguero picks it up, feeds David Silva who slots Sane in and
his cross is smashed into the net by Wesley Hoedt and all the people who had
Hoedt as ‘First Own Goal Scorer’ at odds of 1-50, celebrated wildly. A
bit unfortunate for him as he had to do something with Sterling right behind
him but smashing it into the roof of your own net isn’t a great option.
And so much for that bollocks from the last two games about
our improved defence. Two clean sheet against two teams that didn’t muster a
single attack between them is not quite the same as Manchester City going in
dry. Jack Hindenburg-Stephens not even getting off the ground and getting
beaten in the air by Sane which lead directly to David Silva’s goal. There was
some classic schoolboy from Cedric getting tackled whilst trying to shield the
ball out of play. Not that we would’ve got anything out of the game but we had
just scored and 3-1 down going into half time when he fucked that up
Earth Calling Planet
Gao
“Where do we go from here? We probably won’t go down this
year because there are 5 other teams who are as terrible as we are but it'll be
this year or the next if nothing changes from the top. As it stands,
everything is screwed and the Southampton Way is dead. Les and Ross
need to go – that much is obvious. We no longer attract the best
untapped talent from abroad. We no longer promote youth players and give them a
chance to prove that they can be a genuine Premier league
performer. There is no pathway. We no longer are ahead of
the game in any area and we no longer have an owner who gives a toss.”
What!... that door over there?
No More No Les
“He had to go, he really did. It doesn’t matter how
well anyone does in their first 5 1/2 years in any particular job - if you are
underperforming/very poor for 2 1/2 successive years then you are really up
against it. You could argue that it’s the players or its the managers or it’s
any number of circumstances that have conspired but the fact of the matter is
that Les Reed was the senior board member responsible for the football side of
the club which is the core business. It is failing so he is failing and we have
reached the point where under his stewardship, it was clearly not going to turn
around.”
Southampton 1 Watford 1
To make up for his incompetence, Hooper delivers an
evening-up coup de grace as Redmond brilliantly bursts in between two Watford
players on the right and picks out Austin with his low cross and the Fat
Beered-Up Kebab Munching Pub Player somehow mis-hits it and sends it bobbling
over Foster for 2-0… or so we thought. Celebrations have happened,
time has stood still, civilizations and empires have risen and fallen… and then
it gets disallowed for an imagined offside. Fuck off. Two
wrongs don’t make a right. Two wrongs make a shit referee
It breaks to left back Holebas who hits it and Cedric is
being a wet-lettuce wanker, closing him down sort of, with his back turned and
it flicks off him and past Macca for 1-1.
It was nice to see Charlie Austin and his interview on Match
of the Day where he was basically having a bit of a rant about how we should have
VAR to help the officials. I totally agree with everything he says and he has
gone up a bit in my estimation but still not enough to make up for the fact
that he still looks completely unfit. Whoever said the interview to the tune of
Parklife deserves a medal as well.
Fulham 3 Southampton 2
They work it out left to the full back and Cedric is
ballwatching from the middle and Le Marchon’s stands up a cross and there’s
Mitrovic, stading in a circle of 5 Southampton defenders, like some sort of
training drill. He jabs his head at the ball and the Southampton 5,
who are all 4 defenders and Lemina, admire it as the ball goes past
McCarthy. Fucking useless sacks of shite
Wesley will surely just smash this up the park…
nope. Wesley will surely smash it off Schurrle and win a throw…
nope. Wesley will surely not fuck about and give the ball away…. Yes
he fucking will. Fulham work it into a crossing position, over it
comes, Dwarf Sessegnon beats Yoshida in the air and flicks it on to Mitrovic,
unmarked, goal. F.U.C.K.!!!
Time for a substitution and time to play with 11 and off goes
Charlie the Hologram
So, we’ve just lost to one of the worst teams in the Premier
League so what the hell does that make us?
Today is the day where the tide turned for me. Hughes, like Puel and
Pellegrino seem absolutely incapable of getting a tune of these players and
that’s his job.
DECEMBER 2018
Southampton 2
Manchester United 2
Ok, we’ve tossed away a lead again but we’ve actually played
quite well. For once we have some proper positives to talk about. In
the main the performance was very very good, just that five minutes spell where
we appeared terrified to out a challenge in at the back. The formation worked,
the midfield three were absolutely excellent, Redmond behind the striker but
very very dangerous and much more effective than when he plays out
wide. He just need a goal and the boy will be flying.
The highlight of Valery’s performance for me was when Paul
Pogba, who, lest we forget, is a World Cup winner for Yan’s native country
France, a £90 million superstar player that’s at one of the biggest clubs in
the world, tried to intimidate him. Yan took no shit whatsoever when Pogba
tried to hold him at a throw-in and Yan basically just threw him away. What’s
“get out of my fucking face” in French? Brilliant stuff.
Spark Out
“So farewell to Mark Hughes. His managerial career was
somewhat similar to his playing career at Saints. He joined late in his career
and there was the odd moment where it looked like it was going to work out but
ultimately it will be regarded as a bit of a failure with him leaving with the
lowest win percentage of any manager we’ve ever had”
“So who’s next. As revealed by club pet national journalist
Jeremy Wilson, the name in the frame is Ralph Hasenhüttl who was manager of RB
Leipzig last season. In his last two seasons he has taken them to
2nd and 6th in the Bundesliga. He has the reputation in the media of
being the “Austrian Klopp” (cringe) and whilst we all admire the Klopp style of
football, if Hasenhüttl joins us, we can only hope that he is not a monumental
bell-end like the Liverpool manager.”
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