DECEMBER 2018
Continued
Tottenham 3
Southampton 1
So – Ralph
Hasenhüttl. It’s a brave move by the club to go for a long term
solution rather than to press the Allardyce button but I guess in a way, we did
that last year.
Back to tonight
and Kelvin Davis picked the team and I must admit, when I saw it, I kind of
gave up on any vague notion of us getting a result. It seems like he’s picked
his team based on loyalty to Southampton and being trustworthy. Of
course there’s a place for that but come on - there is no way on Earth that
Steve Davis should be in the side. The wide open spaces of Wembley
against an impressive Spurs side…. Give me strength
To be honest,
we didn’t play that badly but it was the same old story in that it took us a
lot longer than it should have done to score a goal and the goals we gave away
were so simple – not tracking a runner, slicing a ball across our own penalty
area, turning your back on a shot – all straight out of the Under 9’s Playbook
of Shite Defending.
Ralph
Hasenhüttl was in front of the media the next day and was seriously
impressive. No bullshit and a clear message. To
paraphrase – we do things my way. If the players can’t cope they
will fall by the wayside. We have too many players and some will go
and I will be looking at the youngsters. Bring it on Ralph.
Cardiff 1 Southampton 0
After some play
on the left, Redmond gives it to Armstrong, who cuts past Camaraso who dangles
a leg out and over goes Armstrong. Looks a cast iron one on first
watch and on the second viewing it’s one that’s given more often than
not. Moss doesn’t get a second look of course, he just waves it away
like the fat twat that he is. Armstrong is raging and his next contribution is
to lose the ball in midfield and see it lumped forward. No worries
as Vestergaard is in control and knocks it back…. Fuck, he’s virtually trod on
it… rugby tackle now… nope, falls over and Paterson is through and he scuffs it
past McCarthy and into the net. Fucking hell.
The bottom line
is that today, we lost to one of our main relegation rivals, like we did
against Fulham, because we made a catastrophic error in defence.
If Ralph
Hasenhüttl can get this lot playing and get us into mid-table then forget
Klopp, forget Guardiola - he deserves the Manager of the Season award.
Southampton 3 Arsenal 2
Ralph
Hasenhüttl’s first home game and the splendid chap has bought me a beer.
We have lift
off with a move from the back – Romeu finding Armstrong who gives it to Targett
who shifts it away from Bellerin and fizzes over a cross and there’s Ings in
between Lichtsteiner and Koscielny to bullet a header past
Leno. Brilliant cross, brilliant goal. Get
in. It’s rocking – the ground is actually
rocking. Awesome.
Hojbjerg slides
a lovely ball inside the full back to Long and everyone groans as he checks out
rather than running at the goal but he floats a lovely ball over the top of the
flapping Leno and there’s Austin to nod it into an empty net. Lift
off. I’m sure there have been moments like it at St Mary’s but I can’t
remember a recent one…. Mané’s winning goal in the 3-2 come back vs Liverpool
probably.
What is this
feeling? What is this feeling of happiness at the final whistle? If it is your first game in charge and the
winning goal is from a combination of Long and Austin, then you clearly have
something about you.
Huddersfield 1 Southampton 3
Redmond
is already on his bike in front of him and Hojbjerg slots him in as Kongolo
comically falls on his arse trying to intercept and Redmond, without a goal all
season, smashes it past Lossl and into the top corner. Get
in. If ever a player deserved a goal it’s Redders.
Obafemi passes
it into the corner of the net for 3-1 and game over. Get
in. On the bench, Ralph is giving it the full Monty but not as much
as Charlie Austin who is off down the line giving it loads to the home
fans. If an opposition player did this to us then we’d think he was
a dick but that’s quality shithousing.
And so to
Ralph. I was a big fan of Glenn Hoddle as a Saints manager back in the day
because he took Dave Jones’ shit squad and immediately made them better just
with tactics and organisation. The difference the Ralph has made in the space
of two weeks with a failing squad is absolutely ridiculous
Southampton 1 West Ham 2
Redmond
hits it, saved, Romeu tries to chip the keeper, saved and then Redmond piles in
with a Hammers defender and it goes in off his hand as he’s bundled to the
ground. Could be a penalty, could be handball and if VAR was in
place it would take about an hour to sort it out but it’s given as a goal and
we’re somehow 1-0 up. Can we keep it? No.
The main thing you have to say about this game is that the
better team won. West Ham looked quicker and sharper and physically stronger
than us and no one can have any complaints about the result. Having said that,
we could easily have sneaked an undeserved win. How Craig Pawson can be looking
straight at Declan Rice wrestling Jan Bednarek to the ground in the penalty
area and not give a penalty is completely beyond me. Of course, West Ham broke
from that incident and scored the winning goal. Could have been 2-1
to us, ended up 2-1 to them.
As a team, I think we look knackered from about the 20th
minute onwards. The lack of fitness which is been allowed to develop under the
last two managers means that whilst there were initial benefits of Ralph’s
methods, some players looked absolutely out on their feet today
Southampton 1
Manchester City 3
City’s resolve will also be strengthened by the fact that
Liverpool have opened up a seven point lead on them at the top of the Premier
League so I would say the chances of getting anything out of the day or
somewhere between slim and none
It’s
beautiful when all the over-confidence catches up with City and it does when
Zinchenko, who is not on the same level as the other City players, turns inside
in the left back position and gets caught by Hojbjerg. On marches
the captain and lashes it past Ederson who doesn’t move to unbelievably make it
1-1.
And so another advert for the European Super League comes to
an end after a second half which was as boring as it could possibly be with the
game already decided and neither team being that fussed about anything else
happening. Despite all this, Hojbjerg still managed to get himself sent
off which was fucking ridiculous.
Match of the Day 2, went out of their way to do us no favours
whatsoever in that the edit showed Austin being substituted for no reason other
than to show that he flicked the V’s at the City fans as he left the pitch.
That was deemed more highlight-worthy than Kompany’s drop kick.
JANUARY 2019
Chelsea 0 Southampton 0
Austin is on for Armstrong as we try to run down the
clock. Charlie is ideal for this as it takes him so long to jog onto
the pitch. 92, 93 and panto villain Marcos Alonso who hasn’t been a prick
today, decides it high time he was and takes a horrible dive under the
slightest brush from Long and Fat Jon mercifully doesn’t give it.
There was a cohesion about our defending and a concentration
level which lasted for the full 95 minutes. There were no fuck-ups and no
people getting caught out of position. We stayed tight and compact and didn’t
give Chelsea many opportunities at all. Also, we had a bit of luck for a change
because the Morata offside was very very close.
Results elsewhere meant we dropped into the bottom three but
it really is no cause for alarm. We are playing better and you can see we are
getting better and we will climb the league as the season goes on
Leicester 1 Southampton
2
I know he is deadly with a fantastic goalscoring record and
all that but the challenge from Mendy which was to basically jump on his back
with his arms flapping about, was amazingly dumb. There are few complaints
about the penalty being awarded and up steps JWP and smashes a proper penalty
past Schmeichel who did well to get a touch.
Vestergaard headed the corner out to our right and the ball
pings around a bit and then Valery clearly pulls Albrighton back. With no
second yellow being shown to Chilwell in the incident that I must’ve made up, I
am expecting a final warning for Valery but oh no, of course fucking not,
second yellow and off you go.
Shane is in. Usually, this is of course nothing to get
excited about but from a tight angle on the left he hit it, Schmeichel got a
piece of it again but like the penalty, it ended up on the net and fuck me, we
were 2-0 up and Shane has scored and this is not a drill.
What a fucking win that is. An absolutely deserved win in the
face of adversity.
He (Valery) did go down a bit theatrically but at least there
was some contact. Jamie Vardy on the other hand is a fucking 100% cheat. A
dreadful attempt to initiate contact with a defender and he even missed that
with no Saints player even brushing against him.
Ralph is a fucking legend isn’t he? Already
Southampton 2 Everton 1
With no tackle in coming and Digne backing off, JWP takes aim
and smashes the ball past the short one from 20 yards. Brilliant hit.
Half-time and as luck would have it, when I’m on my way out
to the concourse, I see my Everton supporting mate who basically tells me that
Everton are fucking shit and there is only one team going to win this. I hope
he’s right.
A few minutes later, Everton managed to score the own goal
they always seem to contribute when they come down here as Redmond runs at them
again causing panic and Digne caps a great few minutes by winning the tackle
and poking it past the angry dwarf from 25 yards, all the way along the ground.
Maybe if he’d been taller, he might have reached it but who cares, 2-0.
Yaaaaaaaaassssssss! Thank fuck for that. How can there be
four minutes extra signalled and then you play nine? That means that the
initial four minutes was four minutes of time wasting so we had to play another
five. Absolutely fucking ridiculous
Ralph has dispensed with some deadwood and by trusting the
youth, has freshened up the squad without signing a single player. Players are
now playing to a much higher level than before he arrived and we look more
committed, more organised and we have academy players all over the match day 18
FEBRUARY 2019
Southampton 1 Crystal Palace 1
Southampton 1 Crystal Palace 1
The ball is still not finding its way out to JWP and Stephens
goes left again to Targett and then, completely out of character for the rest
of the game, football breaks out. Targett to Redmond to Armstrong
and back to Targett in behind Wan-Bissaka and his pull back is rammed into the
net by JWP to make it 1-1. Didn’t see that coming I have to say.
It’s a clear foul but nothing given. Zaha just
flips. Then the shithousing starts - Firstly JWP fakes to throw the
ball at him and then pats his neck and Zaha slaps him away. Other
players get involved to separate them and JWP is just grinning at
him. Yellow card for Zaha for the slap and then the pulls the
sarcastic applause routine which never ends well and out comes a second card whilst
JWP celebrates. Zaha continues to clap the ref as he walks off and
then has another go over by the dug out. You have been played like a
fiddle you twat.
Burnley 1 Southampton 1
Nathan Redmond 2019 turns and runs at the defence, beats Cork
and then smashes it right-footed into the bottom corner of the net past Heaton
from 20 yards. What a fucking goal. Nathan Redmond 2018 would not
have done that.
Now they’ve gone behind, Dyche reaches deep into his tactical
bag of tricks and makes a tactical tweak which basically means launching the
ball even more but getting more players over 6 foot 4 in the box.
92 minutes played and just one final launch into the box to
survive and it comes towards Crouch and Jack Stephens, for reasons only known
to him, jumps for the header with his arm straight up in the air above his
head. With his eyes shut, a combination of Crouch and himself manage to head
the ball against his own arm
Of course, it’s that prick Ashley Barnes to take it and he
drills it to McCarthy’s left and he doesn’t even move and two points disappear
down the shitter.
I’m in two minds over it. I can’t help but feel that if
Stephens wasn’t so weak in the air, he would’ve just headed the ball away
anyway but, it’s a clear foul by the centre forward so Stephens is a little bit
unlucky.
Southampton 1 Cardiff 2
Cardiff then have an attack which doesn’t involve a long
throw and win a corner. Over it comes from Ralls, Paterson wins a
header and fuck off for fuck sake. 1-0 down with Bamba, unmarked, knocking it
in from two yards.
Over it comes from JWP, a flick on off of Austin’s pint of
Stella and there is Stephens at the back post to apply the finishing touches
with an almost identical goal to Cardiff’s opener. With 5 minutes going
up on the board we still feel that we can win this.
A big punted clearance and it falls to Stephens on our
right. Under a bit of pressure he decides to try and play it
forwards but just presents it to Cardiff. Forward they come working
it out to our left and panic stations set in. We’re all over the
shop with players frantically trying to get back. A cross comes in
and Bednarek half heads it away, in again, a scramble and Zohore scuffs at it
with his studs and it rolls along the ground and into the corner of the
net. Two attacks, two goals. Fuck – just
fuck! Full time.
In my opinion, Ralph had a shocker today.
This is Southampton. No one ever said it was going to be
easy.
Arsenal 2 Southampton 0
Gunn then has to save from Lacazette with his feet and it
looks like we’re going to get absolutely annihilated. Half time and Some
changes have to be made with Jack Stephens being put out of his misery.
Obafemi has darted about and started to look dangerous but
then he went into full sprint mode and surprise surprise, pulled a fucking
hamstring again.
The rest of the second-half is a predictable waste of time
I really don’t know what else to say about Jack Stephens.
Basically, he does not have enough desire to keep the ball out of our fucking
net. So, with Cardiff’s winner last time
out, Stephens has now coughed up three goals in 18 minutes..
MARCH 2019
Southampton 2 Fulham 0
Bertrand himself takes the corner and the keeper flaps it out
to the edge of the box where Romeu meets on the volley. It’s not the cleanest
strike but it goes through a crowd of players and ends up in the net so who
fucking cares. 1-0
Up the fucking Saints. A comfortable win which is
nice. It could, with more ambition in the second half have been a
more emphatic win but the bottom line is, until we can find a striker who can
score 15 goals a season in this league, we are always going to struggle to even
put away the worst of opponents and Fulham were quite possibly the worst of
opponents.
Defensively, there was the odd wobble but in the main, the
return of Maya Yoshida added that element of calm that has been missing.
Manchester United 3 Southampton 2
Referee Stuart Attwell, well known for being fucking useless,
waves it away without any thought whatsoever. I mean, this is instant. He is
not giving a penalty even if the replay shows that Bertrand has a knife between
the shoulder blades
Redmond passes the ball across to Austin and he’s sends it
right to Valery who takes one touch and then bang.... fucking hell... he hits a
fucking howitzer into the near top corner from about 30 yards.
Bertrand is in behind the full back and this time both
shoulders are pulled by Ashley Young inside the area and Bertrand once again
hits the deck. Once again Stuart Attwell is not having any of it
…. and more or less for the first time, Lukaku has kicked it
in the right direction all game. Surprisingly, Stuart Attwell isn’t joining in
with the United celebrations. I half expected him to be there, whirling his
shirt above his head.
JWP takes it and it is perfect, over the wall and swinging
away into the near top corner. 2-2 and fucking have that
…and the big fucker turns and smashes it first time into the
far corner past Gunn who hasn’t a prayer. For fucks sake
Rashford predictably collapses like a heap of shit. Needless
to say there is no way Attwell is not going to give it. Up steps Pogba with his
wanky stutter step and chips it down the middle and Gunn dives and boots it
away.
Even though United have a very likeable manager now, which as
said, is really fucking offputting, they still have some players who are just
wankers.
Bring on VAR – it won’t be perfect but it will struggle to
make things worse and it will highlight which referees are fucking dreadful –
we know anyway but it will be highlighted.
Southampton 2 Tottenham 1
20 minutes gone and we could easily be 4-0 down. The rest of
the first half was spent in a kind of drowsy acceptance of what is going on but
we dig in and get to half-time just the one goal adrift which is a bit of a
result I have to say. Ralph is not
fucking about. Romeo is off, probably because he’s been booked and Austin is off
as well, probably because he’s been shit.
Kevin Friend – He’s One of Your Own
Hilariously, Danny Rose decides to step over it, not
realising that Yan Valery was right behind him.
Up steps JWP and fuck me he’s done it again. Same technique,
same corner, same result and another world-class keeper grasping at thin air as
it flies past him. Bloody hell, we are winning and there are 10 minutes to go.
Southampton have won this game despite 1) Tottenham‘s goal
being offside, 2) Sissoko not being sent off for a combination of deliberately
raking Redmond’s achilles, followed by a push in the chest, followed by a
head-butt, 3) Walker Peters not been sent off for a very deliberate last man
professional foul and 4) no Penalty/free kick being given against Vertonghen
for kicking Sims in the head.
Finally what can you say about Ralph Hasenhuttl. Under him,
with exactly the same squad of players, we have beaten two of the big boys
whereas under the previous three managers, we couldn’t beat any of them
APRIL 2019
Brighton 0 Southampton 1
We are six or seven minutes into the second half and Brighton
are trying to play out of defence on the right hand side. Montoya and Bissouma
manage the fuck it up between them and Hojbjerg nicks the ball. Armstrong finds
Redmond who runs at the defence and weights a perfect pass into Hojbjerg who
has continued his run and the skipper pokes it past Ryan with the outside of
his right foot and it’s all gone a bit mental in the away end. A textbook Ralph
Hasenhuttl goal – win the ball high, take advantage.
“We are Staying Up, I Say We Are Staying Up” – over come the
players for the loudest “Oh When the Saints” of recent times. As the players
disperse – it’s Ralph time. He fucking loves it doesn’t he? What a boy.
What can you say about Ralph? The man, the myth, the legend.
1.5 points a game. That’s absolutely nuts considering he has taken the same
squad that Hughes had. Again it proves what I have said all along which is that
the manager is the most important person of the club. If he knows what he’s
doing then it makes an absolutely huge difference
Southampton 1 Liverpool
3
Ryan Bertrand chips it across and Hojbjerg has run untracked
from midfield. He flicks it on with his head and a Saints player takes it down
with one touch and buries it. Fucking hell, SHAAAAAAAAANE. St Mary’s absolutely
erupts with a mixture of jubilation and possibly laughter. Six minutes gone,
1-0 up and probably 89 minutes to hang on.
Liverpool haven't looks like scoring and they get a linesman
assisted equaliser which seems to have happened a hell of a lot this season.
Henderson finds Salah. Oh fuck. He’s still got about 60 yards to go but we’ve over committed
and only got one back. Bertrand is backing off and you know that Salah is not going
to pass it. If you try and tackle him he’s either going to skip past you or
dive and get you sent off. On he goes – take him out for fucks sake!!! – bang,
goal, fuck off!
…we did not put a dent in their title challenge. They are
fucking wankers and it would’ve been beautiful but never mind, it was always a
long shot.
Now we’re back in 5 letter word territory - the amount of
away fans in the home areas does my fucking head in.
Southampton 3 Wolves 1
I think that in the main Krueger is done a decent job bearing in mind what a chairman is supposed to do and in particular, what he was supposed to do, increase revenue and look after and implement the culture and philosophy of the football club. Some of the Motivational Hockey Guy shit we could’ve done without but at the end of the day he was a positive force and I would say his only real major failing was leaving Les Reed in place for too long at the start of the season.
Redmond, dancing in front of Saiss, gets a foot in and pokes
it past Patricio into the roof of the net and fuck me, we are ahead after about
a minute and a half. It’s just like the Mark Hughes days isn’t it not.
Get in, another three points towards the target and to make
things even more fabulous, Cardiff lost away at Burnley. Apparently they got
given a penalty which was then over ruled so imagine Colin Wanker throwing
another absolute shit fit
Ridiculously, today was almost a run-of-the-mill victory.
There was almost an expectancy to win and we turned up and did the job. Of
course it is not as simple as that. I think that Ralph Hasenhuttl must have
special trousers because he has balls the size of watermelons.
Talking of goal machines, Nathan Redmond was brilliant today
Newcastle 3 Southampton
1
Yoshida tries to pass the ball into Hojbjerg in midfield but
it’s got flashing blue lights on top of it and a siren is wailing as Hayden
steams in and wins the ball which drops to Pérez who is kind of half closed
down by Bednarek and Yoshida and he fires it across the goalkeeper and in off
the far post. Fucks sake. Totally preventable goal.
Pérez has stolen a march on Bertrand, bounces the ball
towards a goal and Gunn has dived early and the ball bounces over the top of
him and in. Absolute shite
Half time and no doubt Ralph is giving it the big one – at
least I hope he is because we’ve been fucking awful.
Lemina, striding forward takes a touch before side footing
superbly into the far corner of the net. Brilliant finish and despite being a
bit of a shambles, maybe we can get something out of this after all.
No matter how patchily we played, we were beaten by the
better side and Newcastle were decent
Watford 1 Southampton 1
Away we go and… Goal, one-nil to the mighty saints. What the
actual fuck?
Another cross comes in, a lucky bounce and there is Andre
Gray to swing a foot at it and it flies into the roof of the net at the near
post. Fuck off. It’s absolutely ridiculous how we’ve managed to do this. There is only a little bit of time left but
it’s enough time from Mike Dean to make a dick of himself again
Absolutely fucking infuriating. No doubt people will try out
the stats about how many points we lost from winning positions and I don’t
really care to be honest. What’s the opposite of clinical? Whatever it is then
that is us.
Having started breathing again and calming down, a point at
the end of the day is huge in the scheme of things. It puts us six points ahead
of Cardiff plus a better goal difference and the last of their three games is
Manchester United away and they are basically going to have to win all three of
their remaining games to have any chance of overtaking us
Southampton 3 Bournemouth 3
the Feckin’ Goal Machine who drills it goalwards, watches it deflect off some half arsed attempt to block by Ake and nestle in the corner of the net. 1-0 and about time and the Shane has done it again.
Fuck off. That is literally the first time they have got
anywhere near our goal
Valery who take son Ake for pace and brilliantly gets the
cross in and there is Matt Targett of all people, at the back stick to head the
ball powerfully across Boruc and into the far side of the goal.
For fucks sake, we can give a goal away from absolutely
anywhere.
Jack Stephens just got the ball. He walks into the centre
circle and passes it straight to Bournemouth player. One pass later and Wilson
is clean through on goal but luckily, he is not is deadly from further out than
5 yards and Gunn manages to block.
What a ridiculous game that was. Brilliant spells of play
from us mixed in with utter garbage with horrific misses and appalling defending
It might feel strange to some to celebrate staying in the
Premier League but this time, we got ourselves into such a hole that has become
a remarkable achievement to be safe with two games to go.
MAY 2019
West Ham 3 Southampton
0
…you’d think that the Feckin’ Goal Machine with four goals in
five would just hit it but for some reason he takes an extra touch, Fredericks
comes in and Long attempts a pretty crappy dive to win a penalty
Well that was pretty shit and almost as pointless as the
Tottenham away game when Ralph had just been appointed after Hughes had been
sacked.
It was a tough day for Ralph. On the one hand he has a duty
to the travelling supporters but on the other hand he has a duty to think about
the long-term.
Southampton 1
Huddersfield 1
The newly crowned double player of the season cuts inside one
man, cuts inside another and with no third Huddersfield defender coming to
close him down, he smashes it over Coleman and ripping into the top of the net.
Fucking brilliant goal.
And then we added another chapter to the “Goals that we
managed to throw the opposition when under no pressure whatsoever“ file.
We are then treated to the worlds slowest pitch invasion by
one fat bastard
PS:
I'm not remotely surprised that the season tailed off a bit in the last few games and it was unrealistic to expect anything different. We have finished 16th and that is where we deserved to finish of course. It took a monumental effort to get safe and as with any monumental effort, you get to the finish line and then you collapse. Imagine running a marathon and when you're on your back on the floor after finishing, someone tells you you have to run another 5 miles but it doesn't really matter. You are not going to attempt the extra miles with the same energy levels.
The last few games aren't important. What is important is the high levels that Ralph Hasenhuttl is capable of getting out of a team and given some of his own players next season and a full pre-season, it promises to be a fun season for everyone.
