Premier League Match 20 - Southampton 1 Manchester City 3

Hojbjerg and Kompany Get Their Deserved Red Cards.  Almost.

Had we beaten West Ham last week then we would be going into this game on the crest of a wave and maybe, though illogically, thinking that we had a chance of upsetting Billionaire City.   However, after the West Ham slap in the face, even the most optimistic won’t be thinking that today as they approach the ground, they will be thinking variations of “we haven’t got a fucking prayer against this lot”.  Mind you, fans of Palace and Leicester will have been saying the same thing recently and they beat City but crucially it was a City without Fernandinho who is the single most important player in amongst all the Galacticos.  With any luck he won’t be playing today which will give us a small chance I guess.  City’s resolve will also be strengthened by the fact that Liverpool have opened up a seven point lead on them at the top of the Premier League so I would say the chances of getting anything out of the day or somewhere between slim and none.  I feel like I’m a bit of a miserable twat being this negative about our chances but I would say it’s being realistic. Sometimes you just know. It’s a bit like turning up to a gunfight with a fucking peashooter.

Ralph said after the West Ham defeat that some players looked tired and he may rotate a few. When I saw the team…. My oh my!  It was a selection that clearly smacked of saving some of our best players for a game we might win.  All of the front three were rested along with Yoshida and Vestergaard.  There was a debut at right back for Kayne Ramsey and starting places for JWP, Jack Stephens, Charlie Austin and strangest of all, Mohammed Elyounoussi. I actually think that one of these changes might be tactical as Vestergaard will get ripped to shreds by the likes of Stirling Agüero and Sané. The composition of the bench gave some real pointers as to which players will likely be leaving in January. There was no place on the bench for Cedric, Hoedt, Gabbiadini or Davis.   When the manager is freshening up the team and you are an international footballer and not even on the bench – you know you have no future.  To be fair, Guardiola went for some rotation as well but it was stuff like leaving out Leroy Sané and playing Bernardo Silva instead - you get the drift.

Early door and Lemina gives the ball away then Stephens compunds this by getting outmuscled by Sterling who is half his size.  Eventually it is worked back to Bernardo and McCarthy pulls off a worldy to keep it out from about 10 yards.  Our first chance follows a break from Hojbjerg, a ball inside to Elyounoussi and the winger clipped a superb ball to Austin who was clean through but instead of hitting it first time, a trampoline touch that Shane Long taught him took it straight to the keeper.  Two minutes later and Bernardo advances down our left, plays a 1-2 with Danilo and this is enough for Lemina to give up helping Targett out and a pull back is despatched by David Silva for the most unsurprising opening goal in history.

City respond to going in front by humiliating us in their 6 yard box, popping first time passes about and the goalkeeper getting involved as well.  Wankers.  Then they pass out and are away with Mahrez running through on goal.  He drills it wide after a long run but it quite brilliant football. Another quite brilliant move cuts us open and McCarthy again has another worldy to keep out Aguero from 5 yards.

There’s more piss-take as Ederson dribbles round a lunging Hojbjerg on his goal line.  We win a corner which feels like something worth celebrating and JWP’s kick is flicked goalwards by Austin and Ederson surprisingly saves it with his hands instead of catching it between his ankles or some such ridiculousness.

It’s beautiful when all the over-confidence catches up with City and it does when Zinchenko, who is not on the same level as the other City players, turns inside in the left back position and gets caught by Hojbjerg.  On marches the captain and lashes it past Ederson who doesn’t move to unbelievably make it 1-1.

Then the key moment – Stephens picks it up on half way and pings a superb diagonal over Zinchenko to JWP who knocks it past his marker, gets in front of him and bears down on goal.  Arm in the back, over he goes, nothing.  Fuck sake.  So, he’s neither dived or been pushed.  Ridiculously unlikely I’d have said.

Guess what happens?  After another minute which included a City goal kick which possibly should have been a corner to us, forward come City, Stephens gets too tight to David Silva and then gets his feet in a mess and passes it straight to Sterling.  He cuts in and crosses, it hits JWP and flies past McCarthy at the near post.   Part self-inflicted and part bad luck but just when we were looking half decent, 2-1 down and a sense of injustice again as ‘2-1 to the referee’ rings round the ground.

With two minutes left til half time we have enough time to concede another goal and it happens with Zinchenko being allowed to cross from our right and Aguero in in between Targett and Bednarek to head in front point blank range.  Maybe Macca could have stopped it but anyway, it’s 3-1 and game over.

Whether it’s because of his papthetic display or for another reason but Lemina is off for Redmond as we start the second half.  That’s about as exciting as the second half got to be honest as no one really gave a toss.  Sterling smashed a shot into McCarthy’s face so that goes down as another good save and Aguero span past Bednarek and Stephens before hitting the bar.  Saints were content with a  holding pattern with the odd clattering tackle with Austin scything through Fernandinho so late that the ball was in another post code.  City weren’t beyond this kind of shithousery as well and Kompany launched a two footed drop kick as Elyounoussi which earned him a yellow when it clearly should have been a red.

Yan Valery came on for Romeu who was clearly being rested for more important challenges and then the ref evened up the non-penalties when Valery looked to have brought down Sterling from behind but nothing doing.  Long came on for Austin cos we needed 2 goals but unfortunately we only have 15 minutes and not the 63 matches that Shane would need to score them.  Charlie signed off with a ‘playful wave’ at the City fans who had been on his case since the Fernandinho tackle.

Mahrez gets clean through from our left and McCarthy again has to keep the score down and all this would be kind of acceptable until Hojbjerg went into full ‘fucking idiot’ mode and trashed through Fernandinho with 5 minutes to go and give the referee the opportunity to send him off.  The ref got this one spot on.

And so another advert for the European Super League comes to an end after a second half which was as boring as it could possibly be with the game already decided and neither team being that fussed about anything else happening.  We’ve lost 9-2 across two games v City this season.  Despite all this, Hojbjerg still managed to get himself sent off which was fucking ridiculous as he now misses, I think, three matches for the red card plus an additional one as it is his second red card of the season. No question, he deserved to go but how the hell Vincent Kompany stayed on the pitch after his two footed airborne effort against Elyounoussi is completely beyond me. After picking up a yellow for the challenge he should’ve got a red for, he then took out Alex McCarthy whilst he was still in the air which is even a bloody foul and a yellow card offence in Rugby Union.

With the score at 1-1, like the West Ham game, we had a very good penalty appeal turned down, like the West Ham game and 30 seconds later we were 2-1 down, like the West Ham game. The penalty appeal today is given if it’s for a big club (see Salah at least 5 times a season) - like the one in the West Ham game.  Hey, even if we had been given the penalty and gone to one in front, I am 1000% sure that we would have lost because City could’ve scored as many goals as they wanted to today but with their two goals just before half-time it was job done and thank you very much and who are we playing next? The team they are playing next is of course Liverpool so they are going to have their eye on that one and of course I hope they win.  Today’s referee was Paul Tierney from Wigan, which is 20 miles from Manchester – maybe he was worried about them not giving a lift home the spineless twat – just saying.  Penalty aside, we also had the Kompany Drop Kick and also we had Danilo refusing to go to the referee to get booked and the referee then sheepishly walking after him rather than giving him a yellow card for the original foul and then a second yellow for being a fucking dick straight afterwards.  

Ralph certainly hadn’t prioritised this game and had chosen it to rest some of our more influential players like Ings, Redmond and Armstrong. This was not a game for Vestergaard with the ball being at the feet of small nimble attackers the whole game so it was a genuine chance for others to show what they could do.  Bednarek in the main played well but did lose Aguero for the third goal. Stephens did some nice things with the ball on at his feet including putting JWP clean through for the non-penalty but his defending was in the main poor and on the second goal it was an absolute joke.  Kayne Ramsey looked terrified in the first half when he was playing as a conventional right back. When he went to the right of a defensive three (a tactical switch probably bought about by him struggling), he actually did quite well but I sensed that he didn’t really want the ball and other Saints players seem to sense that too and very rarely gave it to him. He did put in a couple of decent tackles and for the first game in the Premier League and playing against this calibre of opposition, he can be quite pleased with himself. This will probably be an unpopular opinion but I thought JWP put in a decent shift at right wingback to cover Ramsay and in the centre of midfield, Oriol Romeu and Hojbjerg were excellent until Pierre’s red mist moment.  

Mario Lemina had one of those games where he found himself playing against better players and a better team and instead of deciding to raise his game to show he was worthy of being on the pitch against these players, he just collapsed and couldn’t be bothered and showed and amazingly disrespectful attitude towards his manager, his teammates and the fans who pay to watch him. On the whole he’s been very good this season but today was a throwback to Chelsea in the FA Cup semi-final. He has too many games where it just looks like he can’t be arsed and I sense that Ralph saw that today which is why he got hooked on half-time.  There have been some reports of him playing whilst injured but it happens so often that you have the question his attitude.  Then we had Mohammed Elyounoussi who produced a very passable impression of a hologram, barely touching the ball and when he did, having a virtual hundred percent record at giving the ball back to the opposition.   The odd promising run but zero at the end of it.  Up front, Charlie Austin at least tried but he had to score that chance (provided by Elyounoussi amazingly) but no…. and its games like this when you have to take every chance, let alone when you are clean throughout against the goalkeeper.

Match of the Day 2, went out of their way to do us no favours whatsoever in that the edit showed Austin being substituted for no reason other than to show that he flicked the V’s at the City fans as he left the pitch. That was deemed more highlight-worthy than Kompany’s drop kick or Danilo’s blatant dissent.  More examples of Top 6 refereeing ridiculousness also happened in the Manchester United versus Bournemouth game when Eric Bailly should have been sent off twice and Ashley Young should also have walked. Earlier on in the week we had Mo Salah diving for a penalty which was less obvious and JWP is one today and needless to say, he got given it. To the Big 6 really need monumentally bent referees? Aren’t the bent FFP rules and consequently the fact that they have mega billions of pounds to spend, enough? Clearly not.

Saints start 2019 away at Stamford Bridge and whilst that is in all likelihood going to end in defeat we have reason to be optimistic for the New Year. It is all about staying up and just maybe having a little go in the FA Cup. 2018 has been uniformly bollocks apart from a small spike when Hughes kept us up and the surge of optimism when Hasenhüttl was appointed. I don’t think anyone can doubt that we have the right man in charge now but January is going to be telling as it is up to Ralph Krueger and the board to back the manager as the manager will have a clear picture now regarding which players are fit for purpose and which ones will go.

All aboard for more ups and downs in 2019. Hopefully The proportion of ups compared to downs will be slightly higher this year. Happy New Year to everybody, apart from Liverpool.  Liverpool can get in the fucking bin.

Premier League Match 19 - Southampton 1 West Ham 2

Nathan's "Goal of the Season" Contender Not Enough for Saints

Wasn’t it nice to go through Christmas day and actually be looking forward to the football as part of the festivities. A bit of a shame that it couldn’t be on Boxing Day itself but never mind - tonight will do. Make no mistake about it, West Ham are a good side this year with a good manager in Manuel Pellegrini and some excellent players with Felipe Anderson looking worth every penny of the £40 million they paid for him. Up front they have Janvier Hernandez scoring goals and at the other end, one of the best goalkeeper is in the Premier league last year in Lukas Fabianski who was far too good for the relegated Swansea side he played for. West Ham also have Andy bloody Carroll who of course always scores against us and usually picks the two games against Southampton to be two of the three games a season he is fit for. He’s been coming off the bench recently so it will be an interesting addition to Jannik Vestergaard’s experience of the English game when Carroll makes an appearance.

As I said in the last blog, Saints fans are now looking forward to the rest of the season. West Ham have won four out of the last five games with the one defeat being last week at home to Watford. If Hughes was still in charge then I believe the best we would be hoping for from this game is a point but there is optimism in the fan base now as well as a few thousand more turning up tonight that would have been the case under Hughes.

Unfortunately, Captain Hojbjerg managed to get his fifth booking of the season against Huddersfield so he will be missing tonight but we have a ready-made replacement in Mario Lemina.  Hojbjerg’s role as captain went to Oriol Romeu which brings full circle, the renaissance of the Spaniard and I for one am really pleased for him.  In the event, Lemina for Hojbjerg was the only change in the starting line-up with JWP and Elyounoussi making it back as far as the bench with Michael Obafemi dropping out, presumably injured. West Ham have got so many injuries that they only had six substitutes so allegedly they only have 17 fit players and one of those is Andy Carroll.

We tear into them from the start and have the first chance on a about a minute as Armstrong puts Targett away behind Antonio (who is at right back) and his cross finds Redmond who hits it first time but straight at Fabianski.  Targett is soon in action again but at the other end of the pitch, playing a virtual airshot instead of clearing it and that horrible wasp-faced twat Snodgrarse cuts in from the right and tries to left footed curler which is also straight at the keeper.

After about 15 minutes, West Ham have got a foothold in the game and start to boss it.  Valery is exposed down our right with Cresswell and Anderson running at him and no help on offer from our midfield or anyone else for that matter.  Cresswell pulls a cross back to Perez, who used to be be at Arsenal and now looks like he’s wearing a wig and he scuffs a dreadful effort from 10 yards wide of the far post. A huge let-off

Long time readers of this blog will remember me talking about the Chuckle Brothers who sat behind me in the Kingsland and talked utter shite and moaned at everything from first minute to last.  Well… directly behind me today and two people who could possibly be father and daughter but for the sake of this they are Mr and Mrs Arsehole.  They usually sit about 4 seats along so I can ignore or not hear much of what they say but today they’re right behind me and it’s utter bollocks. It’s the classic screech ‘THAT’S A CLEAR PENALTY REF I CAN SEE IT FROM HERE!!!’.  Having seen the replay of Ings trying to get on the end of Targett’s cross and Antonio’s arm in his back – maybe Mr Arsehole does indeed have x-ray Superman vision and can see from Chapel to Northam.  Maybe he should be the referee instead of Craig Pawson.  I’d take that as Craig couldn’t possibly be as irritating a twat.

West Ham have a final chance before half time with Snodgrarse again trying the left footed curler which goes wide this time but overall I’m pleased to get to half time at 0-0.  It looks like more of the same at the start of the second half and out of nowhere really, the most scrappy-arsed goal you’ve ever seen.  Valery starts it off in the right, looking like he’s going to lose the ball but somehow he stumbles past three challenges and then gives it away and a West Ham clearance is shocking and goes straight to Lemina.  His cross is headed down by Targett and after scuffers from Armstrong and Romeu, the ball breaks to Redmond.  West Ham have assumed it’s offside but Targett is on the deck and not involved.  Redmond hits it, saved, Romeu tries to chip the keeper, saved and then Redmond piles in with a Hammers defender and it goes in off his hand as he’s bundled to the ground.  Could be a penalty, could be handball and if VAR was in place it would take about an hour to sort it out but it’s given as a goal and we’re somehow 1-0 up.  Can we keep it?

No.   The complaints over our goal have barely stopped before Anderson and Cresswell again gang up on Valery.  Anderson to Cresswell, back to Anderson and he smashes it near post and like at Huddersfield it flies past Bednarek and McCarthy sees it late and it flies in at the near post – fuck.  Poor defending, poor goalkeepering and too easy.

Andy Carroll comes on for West Ham and his first aerial challenges sees Romeu comes off worse and holding his head and implying an elbow.  The referee is having none of it though.  His next action is to slide through Romeu and it’s a clear booking but no. Meanwhile, Armstong cuts in from the left and tries a curler to the far post which Fabianski gets across to and we win a corner.  Over it comes from Targett and Bednarek is wrestled to the ground by Rice who is practically on top of him.  Mr Arsehole behind me is not really interested in this on despite it being right in front of us and of course, West Ham break from the non-decision, Antonio finds Anderson and he aint gonna miss.  Bang, 2-1.

We need a goal so of course, we don’t need Shane Long but he’s on first for the clearly knackered Ings with half an hour to go.  Targett sends another cross low across the goal and Long slides in at the near post and misses it.  Up the other end, Vestergaard has to throw himself at Perez as he once more fastens on to another Anderson pass.  To be honest, they look much more likely to score than we do.  Austin is on for Yoshida as Ralph goes for it his first involvement is to try a horrible dive which Mr and Mrs Arsehole scream ‘CLEAR FOUL REFFFFF!!!’ in screechy fashion.  The ref is appalling to be fair and Carroll takes out Lemina off the ball and once more, Pawson ignores it.

Long and Redmond combine to give Lemina a chance but Fabianski again saves his effort and it was offside anyway.  We reach 90 and there are 4 minutes extra but we barely touch the ball in these 4 minutes.  West Ham manage to get Anderson through again and his attempt at a hat-trick is blocked by McCarthy.

The main thing you have to say about this game is that the better team won. West Ham looked quicker and sharper and physically stronger than us and no one can have any complaints about the result. Having said that, we could easily have sneaked an undeserved win. How Craig Pawson can be looking straight at Declan Rice wrestling Jan Bednarek to the ground in the penalty area and not give a penalty is completely beyond me. Of course, West Ham broke from that incident and scored the winning goal.  Could have been 2-1 to us, ended up 2-1 to them.

Today illustrated to me some of the limitations in our squad and whilst Ralph can make a huge difference, he can’t turn average players into good players overnight. With Obafemi out injured, the only pace we had on the bench was Shane Long and he was the first substitute used tonight and if I’m being polite, Shane was poor. If I’m not being polite then he was utterly fucking bollocks. My favourite moment was his Jack Russell impression where he just chased his first touch across the pitch until it ran out for West Ham throw-in after bounced off his knee. It was embarrassing.  I know Ralph wants players who can run but hopefully he’ll see that that’s all Shane can do.  Nice lad, wants to do well, fans want him to do well, tries hard but no.

Also struggling today was Matt Targett.  We tend to think of him as being a youngster in the tradiotional ‘just out of the Academy’ sense but he is not, he is 23 now and should not be putting in for performances where he looks like a nervous 16-year-old making his debut. He produced some good attacking play and put over a couple of really good crosses, admittedly mixed in with some poor ones but he looks like an eight-year-old when it came to defending, dithering when there was a tackle to be made and failing to get back into position quickly enough.  Elsewhere they were poor-ish games for Ings and Armstrong who were both ok in the first half but both completely died in the second half and Mario Lemina  had a terrible game, rekindling memories of his shite ‘why am I here?’ performances last season.  Maybe the fact that Hojbjerg is Ralph’s captain and Romeu is his vice-captain played on his mind a bit.  Yan Valery was given a tough time by Felipe Anderson out on our right but overall I didn’t think he did too badly given that he was left completely exposed time and again with Cresswell and Anderson running at him at times. Alex McCarthy let in another goal that he won’t be happy with. Admittedly, Anderson was not close down particularly well for the first goal but it’s another one that’s being McCarthy on his nearside and unless about 100 years of goalkeeping wisdom has changed (as certain sections of Twitter seem to think), that isn’t good.

It wasn’t all bad with the decent performances coming from the defenders with Bednarek, Yoshida and particularly Vestergaard having good matches. Captain Romeu in midfield justified Ralph’s faith in him and never stopped but he was more or less on his own in there and if you want to play a high intensity game, the midfield has to be on it from first minute to last. Again, Nathan Redmond was our best attacking player and deserved his goal even if it was in the end, a scrappy load of bollocks that went in off his arm.

As a team, I think we look knackered from about the 20th minute onwards. The lack of fitness which is been allowed to develop under the last two managers means that whilst there were initial benefits of Ralph’s methods, some players looked absolutely out on their feet today. I also think today was a reminder that we are not suddenly going to win the vast majority of our matches and smash our way up the league and finish in the top half. It’s going to be a struggle this season and there are going to be setbacks like this one.  We weren't bad but we weren't great either and came up against a better side today.  It happens.  We are playing a long game and this season will always just be about staying up with the real benefit hopefully to be felt after next summer.

With our next two games being Manchester City and Chelsea, if we can get past those two games and not be in the bottom three then we will have done pretty well and be in a decent enough position to ensure we are nowhere near the bottom come the end of the season.

West Ham had some quality performers out there tonight with Declan Rice being the pick of the bunch despite his penalty area wrestling. We just couldn’t deal with the pace and power provided by the likes of him, Antonio, Ogbonna , Diop , Anderson, Diangana and Obiang. When West Ham get a few of their players back then Pellegrini should be able to get them very close to the top six. You have to remember that the guy who scored the goals for them today cost £40 million quid. Having players like that is a huge advantage.  I guess you can afford £40 million for a player when the taxpayer has paid for your ground.  He wouldn’t be with them if they were still at Upton Park – that’s for sure.

Talking of unfair advantages, Manchester City are next. Unbelievably, they have lost their last two games at home to Crystal Palace and the way to Leicester. If we can make it three on the bounce for them, it would be nothing short of a miracle to rival the virgin birth which allegedly happened a few thousand years ago around this time of year.

Premier League Match 18 - Huddersfield 1 Southampton 3

Right Son, Let's Get Down the Pub

One of the biggest failures of last season was failing to beat Huddersfield at home or away. The reason it was such a massive failing was because Huddersfield were fucking dreadful and we weren’t any better than them. With their one good player, Aaron Mooy missing and none of the new players having made much impression, we really should be beating them today and with Chelsea and Manchester City coming up in our next three games, we really need to.

David Wagner got tarred with the same brush that Ralph Hasenhüttl is being tarred with this season, in that Wagner apparently is a good friend of Klopp’s whereas Ralph just gets his teams to play in vaguely similar way. This meant that last season, the media had to mention Liverpool and Klopp every time they mentioned Wagner and Huddersfield last season which I guess was as irritating to their fans as it is to me.  No, scrap that, our recent history with Liverpool means it grates just that little bit more.

After winning hearts and minds last week, Ralph has been at it again this week with visits to hospitals visits to the very young Saints Academy and another very impressive pre-match press conference. One hour before kickoff, a time that I had grown to dread over the last 3 years, just brought more cheer with a totally unchanged side from the excellent performance against Arsenal. This tells the players but if they play well, they will stay in the team and anyone not in the 11 will have to work damn hard to get back in. The subs bench was interesting with three strikers on it with Obafemi joining Long and Austin. The defensive options were Jack Stephens and an Academy full-back called Kayne Ramsey which meant no place for Wesley Hoedt who has gone from Mark Hughes’ first choice to Hasenhüttl’s fifth in a couple of weeks. Mario Lemina was fit to return which meant no bench spot for JWP, Steve Davis or Mo Elyounoussi.

The first significant action of the game was a massive dive in midfield by Huddersfield’s Chris Lowe.  Since leaving the Pet Shop Boys he’s turned into a shit midfielder in much the same way that Jon Moss has turned into a shit referee since leaving Culture Club.  Stuart Attwell, today’s referee has spotted it a mile off and booked him. How desperate do you have to be to pull a horrible dive in midfield at the start of the game?

Cheats don’t prosper as Ings picks up the ball in midfield and as is the way now, we attack.  Ings knocks it past one and Hojbjerg picks it up.  Redmond is already on his bike in front of him and Hojbjerg slots him in as Kongolo comically falls on his arse trying to intercept and Redmond, without a goal all season, smashes it past Lossl and into the top corner.  Get in.  If ever a player deserved a goal it’s Redders.

We pretty much dominate the rest of the first half without giving Huddersfield a sniff and another attack from midfield sees Redmond feed Ings.  Ings tries to reurn it to him on the edge of the box and finds Jorgenson but his first touch is fucking dreadful and Zanka becomes a Wanka and carts Ings over for the clearest penalty ever. Only one player is going to take it and Ings commits Lossl with a stutter step and passes it into the corner.  If he was in the freezer he couldn’t be any more cool and 2-0.

We make an attempt to not get to half time at 2-0, allowing Mounie to fire over on the turn from the edge of the box but he’s crap so it’s well over the bar and I’m really not used to this.  Two goals to the good and cruising.

Huddersfield are nothing if not spirited and put us under pressure at the start of the second half, mainly through launching throw-ins into our box.  From one of these, Pierre heds it straight up in the air and then tries to make up for it but merely compounds his error by heading across goal.  We stand and watch as Jorgenson heads goalwards and Macca flicks out a hand to turn it wide.  I don’t think the replays will do justice to how good a save this is.  If de Gea or Alisson had done it then it would be full scale frantic masturbation time.

If Macca was pleased with that one however, he won’t have been pleased with the next effort on goal as Billing wasn;t closed down and tried a pot shot from 30 yards which swerved past Bednarek (who turned his back) and flew past McCarthy and into the net.  Balls.  You know, I really don’t see a way we’re not winning this even when McCarthy has to be alert to block another shot after another bout of long throw induced chaos.

Ings race is run and I assume Austin is coming on by no, it’s Michael Obafemi for his Hasenhüttl debut.  Within minutes, Vestergaard picks it up on half way and has little mazy past three players and slots a lovely ball past the defenders and Obafemi is in.  He gets there before Lossl and tries to dink it but it roll across the goal and wide. 

Lemina is on for the excellent Armstrong to give us more muscle in midfield and Huddersfield are committing more players forward now and they’re really not good enough to do that and we find more space on the right as Valery puts Redmond away.  Redders tries to take on Schindler and loses it but Schindler takes a shit touch and Redders nicks it off him, knocks it to Obafemi who has pulled into space and the Irishman passes it into the corner of the net for 3-1 and game over.  Get in.  On the bench, Ralph is giving it the full Monty but not as much as Charlie Austin who is off down the line giving it loads to the home fans.  If an opposition player did this to us then we’d think he was a dick but that’s quality shithousing.

No one is going to score the next goal apart from us and Obafemi is through again as Huddersfield gift us the ball on the half way line.  He outpaces the defence but this time he scuffs the left footed effort and Lossl makes a comfortable save.  Never mind, I’m sure he and Ralph will settle for one.

All aboard the Ralph Express. As away wins go, this was pretty comfortable with the result never really being in doubt once Redmond put us into the lead. The second goal before half-time virtually killed it as a contest but Huddersfield got their goal and there were a couple of hairy moments but in the end we should of won much more comfortably than we did.

This whole day had ‘feelgood factor’ written all over it. The team announcement started things off with an unchanged side from the Arsenal win and another youngster making the bench for the first time. There was also of course the free hats to the crowd. 2-0 up at half-time and then another academy lad coming off the bench and scoring the crucial goal. Then you have the attitude of Charlie Austin who was hell bent on winding up the Huddersfield fans and be completely delighted with Obafemi scoring, even though he could justifiably be quite annoyed that he didn’t get on as a substitute.  Then of course, you have King Ralph who again kicked and headed every ball and was being serenaded by the crowd at the end of the game.  Fucking brilliant. It really didn’t take that long to get out of the rut that we have been in, more or less since Ronald Koeman left.

Again, there were no players on the pitch you could point a finger at and say that they underperformed. They know that they have to you now or else they are not going to last long. There is nothing like a little bit of good pressure to make you perform to your capabilities. You know that if your attitude is not 100% and your effort is not 100% than you will be getting it thrown off the train and it’s going to hurt.

Alex McCarthy will be disappointed by the goal but I think it’s the first goal he has let in since he got into the side where he will think that he maybe could’ve done better. It’s a strange one in that I think he saw it late after the shot had gone past the defender and then it seemed to swerve a bit and died on him which ultimately meant that it went in.  Basically though, getting beat on the nearside and nowhere near the post is not a good goal for a keeper to concede. Other than that, he was his usual excellent self.  The defence again was very very solid with Valery and Targett again having very good games at full-backs and the three centre backs stuck to the task against and admittedly week Huddersfield attack. Neither Vestergaard or Bednarek were in the squad for Mark Hughes but they’re great again today and I’ll forgive Jan for turning his back on Billing’s shot. Vestergaard will always struggle against the very pacey attackers but in games like this, he is absolutely ideal. I loved the sight of the 6 foot 7 centre back tiptoeing through three players in midfield and then passing a perfect ball into the striker.

Hojbjerg and Romeu cleaned up in midfield, so much so that Lemina wasn’t missed but he did really well when he came on because he knows that despite playing really well this season, he is not an automatic pick any more, having missed a game through injury.  This is the way it should be.  Ings, Armstrong and Redmond in particular, scared the shit out of Huddersfield at the back and forced them into those mistakes which lead to goals and then there was Obafemi. I was amazed that Ralph put him on to replace Ings ahead of Austin and Long.  He immediately missed the chance when Vestergaard put him through and I was wondering whether it was the right move.  Logically though, it is because Long would’ve missed as well and Austin probably would’ve been in the pub still and not been in that position.  Obafemi tucked away his second chance and probably should’ve had another when he ran through on his own. We have to remember that the lad is 18 and he will make mistakes, he will miss chances but if he doesn’t play, how is he going to get any better? Now he has got his goal, it will be really interesting to see what difference the confidence of that will bring to him.

And so to Ralph. I was a big fan of Glenn Hoddle as a Saints manager back in the day because he took Dave Jones’ shit squad and immediately made them better just with tactics and organisation. The difference the Ralph has made in the space of two weeks with a failing squad is absolutely ridiculous. I was convinced we were going to be rock bottom of the league at Christmas at least four points worse off than what we are already. It’s not just the results though, it’s the performance levels and the intensity and the plan.  In the space of two games, he has got everybody looking forward to the rest of the season where as before, most people were just having the life drained out of them. 

The tactics were basically a 5-2-3 formation with the 5 quickly dropping into shape when we lost the ball with the two in front of them screening and leaving the three up, meaning we were always dangerous on the break and we had players committed forward.  This meant we could pressurize the defence and all three Huddersfield central defenders coughed up goals for us – Kongolo fell over for the first goal, Jorgensen’s crap touch led to him fouling Ings for the second and Schindler lost the ball for the third goal.  Tactically, it worked like a dream.  Later, when Lemina came on, we went 5-3-2 and just left two up but because the two were Obafemi and Redmond, there was pace to burn when Huddersfield committed bodies forward in search of an equalizer.  Long live King Ralph

In his post match interviews, Ralph spoke really well about the tactical differences between this game and the Arsenal game in that Huddersfield would not give us as many chances to win the ball higher up the pitch which is the cornerstone of Ralph’s tactics. However, if you look at the goals, especially the third one, we did manage to win the ball high up the pitch and we regularly forced Huddersfield to defenders into mistakes. People say that Huddersfield made shit mistakes at the back but they were pressured into that and shown up to the players who are not good enough to play out from the back but the problem was that the Huddersfield players thought they were good enough to play out from the back when they should’ve just belted it into Row Z.

As for Huddersfield, I’ve just seen an interview with David Wagner who admittedly, has a very hard job with trying to find any positives with that. One of the positives he found was that they scored a goal at home but he didn’t really mention that it was a bit of a fluke and nine times out of 10, the goalkeeper wouldn’t have misjudged it. Not that I really care about Huddersfield or their manager but they are fucking dreadful and will deservedly be relegated at the end of the season and not be missed by anyone much apart from Saints fans who live near Huddersfield.

Happy Christmas one and all and on to West Ham - hopefully you’re next.

King Ralph

Premier League Match 17 - Southampton 3 Arsenal 2

Ralph Holds Up Charlie Austin After 20 Minutes of Running About

Ralph Hasenhüttl’s first home game and the splendid chap has bought me a beer. It’s not his fault that I was late to the game because a number of ridiculous circumstances but the thought was there and it put everyone in a good mood before kickoff.  I missed out on my freebie because I was refereeing an Under 15‘s match out at Stoneham, which was supposed to be a 10 o’clock kick-off but because Stoneham Lane was completely flooded… and then the fire brigade turned up… and then some people refused to drive through it… we didn’t kick off till 11 and it was mad rush at full-time so I came through the turnstiles at 1:29pm in full refereeing full kit wanker mode, with whistle still round my neck and my son was a full kit wanker also, complete with shinpads.  Who cares?

I don’t care about missing out on the free beer, as long as we put in a performance today. Today from me is not about winning, it is about seeing the potential direction. Of Southampton FC for the rest of the season and for the club to prove to me that we are in someway at least, heading in the right direction. A quick glance the team as I run through the concourse shows three central defenders with Yoshida, presumably playing in between Vestergaard and Bednarek. Mario Lemina is missing, presumed injured and so Romeu continues in midfield. There is the massively welcome return from injury for Danny Ings meaning that beer and kebabs boy is on the bench. The bench also contains Shane Long in case we need anyone to run around and be a distraction.  Whilst I expected Marcus Barnes to be on the bench, that particular spot goes to Tyreke Johnson, making his first appearance in the match day 18.

Apart from issuing beer tokens, Ralph had spent the last week watching two Under-23 matches and obviously liked what he saw in Johnson which is brilliant because it tells the Under 23’s that they have a chance which despite what the powers that be had been saying for the past three years about the pathway, didn’t seem to exist. It does however highlight the ridiculousness of loaning out Josh Sims as he would no douby be in front of Johnson in the pecking order but there you go. I suspect that Hasenhüttl wouldn’t have sanctioned that deal.

Arsenal. They lost the first two games of the season to Manchester City and Chelsea and since then haven’t lost in 22 games in total. They have a leagues top scorer in Pierre Emerick Aubameyang so with our record against the big six clubs, I expect this to be a piece of piss and we will win easily. Their new manager Unai Emery has immediately fixed the flaws that Arsene Wenger could not fix in his last 10 years at the club by finding a new central midfield pairing of Torreira and Guendousi who despite being tiny and very young respectively have raised the level of this undoubtedly talented squad.  Another summer signing is Stephane Lichtsteiner who I know from watching the Swiss national team.  He is a massive shithouse, specialising in the screwed up face and gamesmanship.  Good player but a complete tool.

Away we go and I’m looking at Arsenal’s team on the scoreboard at the Northam End and notice that there’s not one English or even British player on there.  No matter how often this happens, it still seems like a bit of a joke to me.  Anyway, Arsenal create the first chance when a lovely ball over the top by Guendouzi picks out the run of Aubameyang but Macca has read it well and blocks comfortably enough.  The first difference in our approach is evident from our first real attack as Hojbjerg skips round a challenge in midfield and sends Redmond away.  Direct running at the goal rather than crabbing across and Redders finds Armstrong on the left who tries a curler but straight at Leno.  Over on the touchline I can see Big Ralph bouncing around in the technical area as the keeper saves it.

We have lift off with a move from the back – Romeu finding Armstrong who gives it to Targett who shifts it away from Bellerin and fizzes over a cross and there’s Ings in between Lichtsteiner and Koscielny to bullet a header past Leno.  Brilliant cross, brilliant goal.  Get in.  It’s rocking – the ground is actually rocking.  Awesome.

Some things don’t change though – ten minutes later and Arsenal build down our right and Valery gets left 2 on 1 and Monreal gets over a cross.  Mkhitaryan is unmarked and despite Vestergaard’s attempt to intercept the cross, he plants a header past McCarthy for 1-1.  Bollocks.  It’s nearly double bollocks a few minutes later as Torreira gets a low cross in from our left and Aubameyang has a tap in, well he does until Bednarek appears from nowhere with a brilliant tackle.

The value of this is amplified just before half time as once more we wotk up the pitch following a McCarthy catch and the ball passes through Ings, Hojbjerg and Valery to Redmond and he floats in a delightful chip and Ings has again got in between the defenders and cushions a header, looping perfectly over Leno who just turn and watches it drop into the net.  I was directly behind it at the other end of the ground and it was always going in. Half time – bloody hell, we’re winning.

Lacazette is on for Bellering at half time as Arsenal go to 4 at the back but ht ecentre halves are Koscielny and Xhaka so you would think, more chances for us there.  It’s the other end of the pitch we have to worry about first though as Bednarek and McCarthy just about manage to deny Aubameyang again.   We haven’t given away a shithouse of a goal yet today but that changes when Romeu thinks he has the whole pitch to himself and takes ages on the edge of the penalty area and loses it – Mkhitaryan shoots and it deflects off Vestergaard and gives McCarthy no chance.  Fuck’s sake.

As we have become used to losing, we sit and wait for Arsenal to score again and Iwobi really should do but spares us by curling over the bar in shite fashion.  A knock the Redmond has seen Tyreke Johnson warming up but when Redders can’t continue, it’s Shane Long who gets the nod.  Oddly enough, he’s done well against Arsenal in the past.  70 minutes are up and Ings is blowing so Mr High-Press himself is on for A 20 minute waddle.

Hang on – Austin is working like a bastard, knocking defenders around and wins us a corner.  Targett’s delivery is met from 6 yards by Yoshida and he has to score but Leno pulls off a miracle save and keeps it out and GOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLFUCKINGHELLITSSHANELONGGGGGGG…. Offside.  Bollocks!!!!

They’ll fucking score now you watch…. Shit…. More good defending from Vestergaard this time as Aubameyang fires a cross across the penalty area.  We might score or they might score but maybe, just maybe, the season is turning.  Yoshida wins the ball and gives it to Captain.  Hojbjerg slides a lovely ball inside the full back to Long and everyone groans as he checks out rather than running at the goal but he floats a lovely ball over the top of the flapping Leno and there’s Austin to nod it into an empty net.  Lift off.  I’m sure there have been moments like it at St Mary’s but I can’t remember a recent one…. Mané’s winning goal in the 3-2 come back vs Liverpool probably.

As the game winds down, Arsenal don’t look very dangerous with Özil in particular not looking arsed.  Ralph sends on Tyreke Johnson for his debut to chase the ball down and the final action is Bednarek blocking a Mkhitaryan shot and that’s it.  Fucking hell.

What is this feeling? What is this feeling of happiness at the final whistle? Okay, we’ve had the old decent performance and the odd hard earned point but this is something else. We’ve actually won a home game in the Premier League. Not only that, we been one of the big boys in a league game for the first time since Ronald Koeman was in charge. Whatever the media try and tell you, don’t believe this was anything other than a totally deserved victory.  The players did what amounted to a lap of honour and Ralph Hasenhüttl was bouncing around behind then, revving up the crowd and generally cementing his legend status after one home game.

What a difference a manager makes. From the stoic defending of McCarthy, Vestergaard, Bednarek and Yoshida right through to the relentless harrying of the opposition by Redmond, Ings and Armstrong, this was more or less everything that Ralph promised when he took over. We were excellent and no one had what you would call a substandard game. If it is your first game in charge and the winning goal is from a combination of Long and Austin, then you clearly have something about you. Ralph obviously wants the team to play with a lot more energy and he set the tone himself from the sidelines, bouncing up and down and kicking and heading every ball.

The main credit though must go to the players. It would have been very easy for them to let the heads go down as we twice surrendered leads but we kept going and got what we deserved in the end. The game just about ticked every box in that we pressed high, we defended properly, a youngster got on the pitch to make his debut and most importantly, we actually fucking won.

For a team that hasn’t lost in 22 games, I didn’t think that much of Arsenal. The fact that their players roll around on the ground after every single challenge that comes in, wears a bit thin after while. As I said earlier, I didn’t have a single English or British player in the starting 11 which I always find vaguely ridiculous in the English Premier League. I love the fact that we have five British players in the starting 11 and two more coming off the bench. Arsenal brought Mesut Özil off of their bench but he clearly couldn’t be less arsed if he tried.

I’m impressed that Ralph decided today to ditch his favourite back four and go for a three at the back formation which suits our limited central defenders. All three of Vestergaard, Yoshida and Bednarek put in excellent displays. It was particularly pleasing for Vestergaard after the gift horse moment last week. Matt Targett on the left defended strongly and put over one of the best crosses you will ever see for Danny Ings first goal. Yan Valery is clearly better as a wingback than a right back and he put in another very strong performance. The captain was immense in midfield and Oriol Romeu next to him did a great job except for pissing around with the ball to gift Arsenal their second goal.  

Redmond and Armstrong defended superbly from and gave the Arsenal defenders no peace at all, consistently winning the ball in the opposition half and setting the tone for the rest of the performance. Then there was Danny Ings. Back from injury with two goals and it doesn’t get any better than that. The biggest shock though, and I have to mention it, were the performances of Charlie Austin and Shane Long. Forget the fact that they combined for the winning goal for second and just focus on Austin hammering back on the right to smash into a tackle against Monreal and win the ball.  Shane actually had the ball in the net but it was correctly disallowed for offside but best of all, I could not believe what I was watching when he floated that inch perfect cross over the goalkeeper, straight onto Austin’s head.  And the crowd went mental.

Home went a Full Kit Wanker in a referee's kit complete with whistle and his son, covered in mud and wearing shin pads.  My Dad must have been tempted to walk a few yards in front of us. We don't care - we won a game.

The hard work starts now. This was a bonus three points today as no one could’ve expected any more than one of the most. Next up it is Huddersfield away and to paraphrase the old cliche, it’s no good beating Arsenal if you are then going to go and lose to Huddersfield. What this result gives everyone is a lift. Ralph Hasenhüttl has major credit in the bank, the players are feeling good about themselves, the crowd is right behind the team again and the belief that we can get out of this mess is much stronger than it was before kick-off.  Let’s Go.

Premier League Match 16 - Cardiff 1 Southampton 0

"We Win or we Learn" - Ralph Finds Out That We Learn a Lot

Ralph Hasenhüttl’s first game is a trip to Wales and the Cardiff City Stadium. There is a sense of optimism in the air but I would temper that by saying that he really has only had one training session with the team and he has the same shower of shit squad to deal with that Mark Hughes had, so I’m not expecting miracles. Personally, I would be quite happy if we got out of here with a draw today.

Media coverage of Hasenhüttl’s arrival has been mainly positive with many decent articles to be had on his style of play and his man management skills. On the other hand, you have those that just want to compare him to Liverpool’s manager and call him the Austrian Klopp or Klopp of the Alps or whatever. Just fuck off. It would be really nice if not everything had to be about Liverpool in some way.

I spent the morning of the game trying to second-guess what the team would be bearing in mind that Ralph Hasenhüttl has recent experience of the Bundesliga, the Champions League, the Europa league and he had also seen our pathetic effort again Spurs on Wednesday. I really cannot see Yoshida and Stephens being anywhere near the starting 11 so I guessed Vestergaard would start as Ralph would know him from his time with Borussia Mönchengladbach last season. I quickly gave up as once you get past Cedric, Vestergaard, Lemina, McCarthy and Hojbjerg, I had no real idea. In the event he really shook up it with Targett and Valery and at full backs alongside Vestergaard and Bednarek in defence. Oriel Romeu was back in midfield alongside Hojbjerg and Lemina with a front three of Armstrong, Redmond and fucking hell... Well I guess Ralph can’t have been too impressed with Gabbiadini’s efforts on Wednesday because Mr High Pressing high-intensity himself, Charlie Austin is in the side. I think we can safely say we’ve seen the last of Steve Davis in a Saints shirt because he was nowhere to be seen despite the bench containing three central defenders in the two that tanked on Wednesday and Wesley Hoedt.

Cardiff of course are managed by the recently turned 70, Neil Warnock or Colin Wanker as fans of anagrams know him. Fair play to the guy for making a decent fist of the season so far and having strung a few home wins together, Cardiff have given themselves a chance whereas after the first five games it look like they had none whatsoever and would be relegated by January.  They’re better than us anyway. Neil has been saying the right things in the build up, saying that Southampton have the best squad in the bottom half of the Premier league. On paper maybe we do, but on the pitch where it matters, he is sadly mistaken.

So, I’m expecting miracles, not.  We do almost get one with our first attack as Targett puts over a good ow ball from the left and Austin moves.. yes moves in front of his marker and flicks it goalwards but wide.  I know it’s not a goal but it’s a moral victory.  Cardiff’s first attack really should result in a goal with Valery making a mess of a high ball and Bednarek having to bale him out.  The relief was short lived however as it’s crossed back in and Arter really has to score but as befits a man who once put a penalty out of the ground at St.Mary’s he has no composure.  Interesting though that he was completely unmarked.

On 11 minutes Cardiff win a corner and when it comes in it’s utter carnage and the fat looking Paterson can’t get a decent opportunity on target.  Cardiff and Warnock will have noticed that we can’t deal with their favourite tactic of raining the ball down on the defenders and this time it’s Bednarek’s turn to fuck up when he tries to bring down a ball that comes down with snow on it, loses it to Paterson and a combination of Valery and McCarthy snuff out the danger.

The rest of the first half is more even.  Armstrong is guilty of taking too long to shoot when Vestergaard puts him away with an opportunity, seeing his shot blocked for a corner.  When the wind-assisted corner comes in from Targett, Austin takes a swing and it loops up, bounces down on top of the bar and out to Lemina who is 15 yards out and he displays no technique in slicing it over the bar.

The second half starts and Valery, on a booking and having a mare, is off and replaced by Stephens who I expect will display his versatility to the new boss and be dreadful in a second position.  With Ralph’s words no doubt ringin in their ears, we start the second half quite well and look the better side.  Enter the referee who is Mr Jon Moss – or Fat Unfit Jon Moss as he should be known.  Always 30 yards behind the play and if he isn’t he’s got so little oxygen left in his brain after running a bit, he can’t see further than 5 yards, yet alone have enough puff to blow his whistle.

After some play on the left, Redmond gives it to Armstrong, who cuts past Camaraso who dangles a leg out and over goes Armstrong.  Looks a cast iron one on first watch and on the second viewing it’s one that’s given more often than not.  Moss doesn’t get a second look of course, he just waves it away like the fat twat that he is. Armstrong is raging and his next contribution is to lose the ball in midfield and see it lumped forward.  No worries as Vestergaard is in control and knocks it back…. Fuck, he’s virtually trod on it… rugby tackle now… nope, falls over and Paterson is through and he scuffs it past McCarthy and into the net.  Fucking hell.

Gabbi and JWP are on for Austin and Armstrong but we’re done.  You just know we’re done.  Cardiff are the better side and having efforts on goal but we survive and now we’re into the 90^th minute and Redmond on the attack and into the penalty area.  He turns away and gets brought down, inside the box.  Moss is for once right there – this is more obvious than the Armstrong one – no penalty – useless fat twat.

Well fuck it. Another defeat against desperately poor opposition.  Sadly, it was too much to hope for the Ralph would be a miracle worker after five minutes on the Training Ground. I liked the look of the starting line-up but inexperienced players at full backs killed us and then there was the Gift Horse.

Yan Valery can be excused to a degree as it is only his second game and we didn’t really have anyone playing in front of him to give him any protection against the Cardiff wingers. Matt Targett however is 23 now and not a kid any more but he plays like a naïve trainee.  He has a fair amount of first team experience for ourselves and Fulham so he really needs to do better than he did today.  His defensive positioning is comical at times.  As if you didn’t know already, he is nowhere near the level of Ryan Bertrand.

Vestergaard was a strange one, competing well in the air and whilst he looked shaky, I didn’t actually think he was shockingly bad until the Gift Horse moment and Bednarek also had some shaky moment but was mainly leaving everybody wondering how we was ever left out.  Vestergaard’s game however, will only be remembered for the Gift Horse and the goal that we conceded which was absolutely horrific from the big but not so Great Dane.

Vestergaard - The Gift Horse

The midfield looked good in patches with Romeu doing what Romeu does, particularly well in the first half and Lemina and Hojbjerg doing some good and some bad with Lemina missing a very good chance in the first half and Hojbjerg being guilty of giving the ball away to cheaply and too often. Austin looked okay upfront for the first 10 minutes but then he really resorted to type. There were times when you could see that Redmond and Armstrong were buying into the new managers’ philosophy and aggressively closing down Cardiff in wide areas but they were getting no help from Austin who was just loafing about in the middle. Hasenhüttl must’ve been rolling his eyes into his head watching the lack of effort out of possession from his centre forward. I really thought that bearing in mind he actually tried on Wednesday, Austin might have put a shift in today but the 20 minutes of running on Wednesday probably fucked him for this game. I half expected him to put a real shift in and pull a hamstring after half an hour and be out for five months.

As it stands at the moment, I totally believe in Ralph’s philosophy and believe that it will be a success if we don’t get relegated this season and there is a major churn of players in January and in the summer. I just wonder if being 100% committed and working constantly for 95 minutes a game is going to be beyond a fair percentage of the players that we have at the moment.  He's got a week now to work with the players and I expect it'll be fairly different against Arsenal on Sunday.  We may well still lose but we're going to have to accept that if it happens and trust in the man to get it right in the not too distant future.

The bottom line is that today, we lost to one of our main relegation rivals, like we did against Fulham, because we made a catastrophic error in defence.  We can’t do anything about the defenders we have or the lack of striking options we have until January at the absolute earliest so I can see it being a really bumpy ride until then at least. Ralph wants to play with a back four but we haven’t got two central defenders who are good enough when paired together. He also wants to play with one main striker and with Ings injured, we haven’t got anyone to do that job either so it’s not going to be easy. If Ralph Hasenhüttl can get this lot playing and get us into mid-table then forget Klopp, forget Guardiola - he deserves the Manager of the Season award.

Premier League Match 15 - Tottenham 3 Southampton 1

Thank Christ It Was Only One Game

Tottenham away at Wembley Stadium really should be a highly anticipated game but it just seems like one that everyone wants to get out of the way.  It appears that Kelvin Davis is in charge for one game only and indeed it was announced on the morning o the game that Ralph Hasenhüttl starts work in the morning. I guess it will be interesting to see Kelvin’s take on things and what his team selection is, especially bearing in mind there we have actually been a lot better the last couple of games.

So – Ralph Hasenhüttl.  Everything about this guy, from his achievements to the recommendations from former players, from the media and from people who know German football, is very positive. Admittedly that was similar with Pellegrino but anyone with half a brain could look at his teams and realise that they didn’t score many goals and the high pressing game promised by Les Reed was pure bullshit.  It’s a brave move by the club to go for a long term solution rather than to press the Allardyce button but I guess in a way, we did that last year. Ralph has signed a two and a half year contract and I cannot wait to see what he does with the group of players that he is limited to.

Back to tonight and Kelvin Davis picked the team and I must admit, when I saw it, I kind of gave up on any vague notion of us getting a result. It seems like he’s picked his team based on loyalty to Southampton and being trustworthy.  Of course there’s a place for that but come on - there is no way on Earth that Steve Davis should be in the side.  The wide open spaces of Wembley against an impressive Spurs side…. Give me strength.  JWP doesn’t really deserve a recall either and Yan Valerie does not deserve to be left out. I can’t go over Steve Davis starting and Oriol Romeu being on the bench. Staggering.  Yannik Vestergaard has been dropped as we have reverted to a back four with the centre backs being Yoshida and Stephens. I reckon that if you picked any combination of our five average centre backs then Yoshida and Stephens would be the worst and it has proven to be the worst on many occasions. All of our central defenders are okay in a back three but when there is only two of them, they are just not good enough.

Still it’s only Spurs. They fucking hammered as last year and it was absolutely amazing the Pellegrino survived. Due to the Champions League campaign not going great, some Spurs fans are calling for Pochettino to be sacked which is one of the most ridiculous fucking things I’ve ever heard. The guy is an absolute genius to have Spurs in the top four, still with a chance of qualifying from the Champions League group whilst still playing at Wembley whilst having no money to bring in any new players last summer. They bring young English players through and give some first-team experience and though it pains me to say that, there is nothing to dislike about Spurs at the moment and trust me, I used to fucking hate them. They won’t win the league because Manchester City are going to win that but they will finish in the Champions League places, probably with Liverpool and Arsenal.

The crapness of Spurs not having their ground ready yet is illustrated by Wembley being about a third full despite Saints having sold out their allocation.  Spurs clearly aren’t bothered by it though and nearly take the lead after 4 minutes. Dier launches a crossfield ball from the left, Trippier, totally unhindered by the ball watching Targett, heads into the danger area and Son, totally unmarked, hits it first time onto the inside of the near post and away.  Lucky.  Will we learn?  No.

Rose chips a ball down the left to Moura and Cedric gets back from miles out of position to knock it off for a corner.  The corner is worked short and crossed in and there is England’s best striker, 3 yards out with no one anywhere near him to knock it into the net.  It’s embarrassingly bad.  Targett was marking him and let him go, Yoshida just stands there and watches as he knocks it in.  Remember last year when we allowed Kane to score a header from 3 inches out.  Yep, this is almost as bad.

The rest of the first half is a non-event really.  My theory is that Spurs know that they’ve won after 8 minutes.  Having said that, we deserved to equalise when Gabbi worked really hard to hold of Alderweireld and laid a ball back for Hojbjerg and he absolutely smashed it, curling in, right footed and it smacked off the inside of the post and came out.  On the reply, bloody Lloris has got a finger tip to it.  You’ve won the World Cup mate – take it easy for fuck sake.

Half time arrives with not much else happening aside from an effort from Son which is shovelled easily over the bar by McCarthy.  I can’t imagine that the watching Ralph Hasenhüttl made a great deal of that.

Pochettino has obviously suggested that Spurs get out of reverse gear and actually put the game to bed and they duly do, helped of course by ourselves of course.  Six minutes in and Eriksen collapses under the full force of Steven Davis breathing on him.  The incoming Eriksen free kick is pushed wide by Macca and we get another chance to demonstrate our marking at corners.  Over it comes from Tripper and it’s at Davo on the near post but he slices it across goal.  Moura’s unmarked of course and his initial shot is blocked by Stephens but it comes back to him.  Yoshida is the only one who reacts but his reaction is to turn his back and Moura’s second effort bounces in giving McCarthy no chance.  Pathetic.

I am tempted to say it was game over five minutes later but it was actually game over as soon as our team was announced.  Anyway, five minutes later and Matt Targett has the ball in the left back slot and instead of knocking it out when closed down, he smacked it against Moura, it rebounded to Kane and his early cross pas the ball watching Stephens was knocked in by the unmarked Son who had run off of Cedric.  I have no idea where Yoshida was.

At 3-0, Spurs totally switch off and allow us some chances.  JWP curls in a free kick and Yoshida manages his best clearance of the game off of the line at the wrong end.  Then Davo breaks through and instead of shooting, decides to pass it to JWP and give him a difficult chance on his left foot which was comfortably blocked.

What we need of course is Stella Austin coming on and he replaces Gabbi after 70 minutes.  We are making Lloris look like three goalkeepers as Hojbjerg’s shot is parried and JWP manages to hit the keeper from 5 yards out with the whole goal to aim at.  You can tell how little Spurs are putting into it when Redmond skins Trippier, get to the line and pulls it back and Austin turns and shoots low and bloody Lloris saves again.  Austin started his turn on 73 minutes and finished it on 78.

Forgotten man Mo Elyounoussi comes on for Armstrong and manages to hit the bar from 5 yards out after Yoshida flicked on a JWP corner and after it’s cleared and we win it back, Davo lifts it over the top and an offside looking Stella Austin runs through, spills his pint, orders another one and some peanuts, goes for a piss, buys some condoms from the bogs and after a kebab with extra chilli sauce, smashes it past Lloris to bring a smile to Ralp Hasenhüttl’s face.

To be honest, we didn’t play that badly but it was the same old story in that it took us a lot longer than it should have done to score a goal and the goals we gave away were so simple – not tracking a runner, slicing a ball across our own penalty area, turning your back on a shot – all straight out of the Under 9’s Playbook of Shite Defending. We didn’t make Spurs work remotely hard to score their goals or to win this game following the same pattern as 3-0 defeat to Chelsea, the 3-0 defeat to Liverpool and the 6-1 dicking at City. Yoshida and Stephens were predictably fucking dreadful and Steve Davis was predictably slow and out run in midfield. Even two years ago, when we played against the big boys, it was obvious that Davo didn’t have the legs or physicality to keep up anymore and two years on, guess what, he still hasn’t. I don’t care how good he is in training sessions or in small sided games or how good he was in the past. The Premier league is and unforgiving place and Wembley Stadium is an unforgiving place when you can’t get around the park any more.

Talking of not getting around the park any more – Charlie Austin.  Oh hang on – he ran more in 20 minutes in front of the new manager than he has done since he came back from the hamstring injury last season.  This is good but at the same time, annoying.  On the one hand, he must be thinking it was good to score in front of the new manager but on the other hand, he must have been dreading what Ralph Hasenhüttl was about to say in his press conference the following morning.

Ralph and Ralph - Let's Get This One Over With

It wasn’t a bad performance out there today from the likes of Hojbjerg, JWP and Redmond but we missed Lemina and the set up was just wrong.  As I said, let’s just get this one out of the way.

Ralph Hasenhüttl was in front of the media the next day and was seriously impressive.  No bullshit and a clear message.  To paraphrase – we do things my way.  If the players can’t cope they will fall by the wayside.  We have too many players and some will go and I will be looking at the youngsters.  Bring it on Ralph.

Spark Out

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With the Titanic holed beneath the waterline and sinking fast, Ralph and Chairman Gao have decided to rearrange the deckchairs. The particular deckchairs in question are the ones containing Mark Hughes, Eddie Niedzweicki and Mark Bowen and those particular deckchairs have been tossed over the side. It’s not women and children first, it’s Welshmen.  Coming as it does, on the back of our most impressive performance of the season, it is a bit of a surprise but I think we can safely assume that the defeat at Fulham last week persuaded whoever it was holding the gun, to pull the trigger.

When Les Reed was fired, Motivational Hockey Ralph said that he felt the squad was a lot better than the league position showed. He was basically saying that the manager has the tools to get us higher up the league than we are. Unless things had turned around more or less instantly, then Hughes was a dead man walking and of course, whilst performances have been in the main been not bad, in that we should’ve beaten Fulham and we should’ve beaten Manchester United and we should’ve beaten Leicester in the League Cup - we didn’t actually win any of those games..  Results business – off you go.

Hughes did what he was supposed to do last season and kept us up, thus earning the job on a full-time basis. Les Reed was never going to have the bollocks to not appoint him bearing in mind his previous two appointments were shite. He was the manager who had had an audition and passed it but like a player who is great on trial until he earns a permanent contract, that’s when the struggles started.

At the tail end of last season, Hughes had implemented a 5-4-1 formation and we had stayed up. All way through the summer we played a variation of three or five at the back and then after a shit half hour on the first league game against Burnley, he ditched it and we ended up going back to the 90s, playing 4-4-2.  It wasn’t all bad but this of course was on the back of having signed players like Vestergaard, Armstrong and Elyounoussi who don’t on the face of it, fit easily into a 4-4-2 formation. Ironically, in the last two games when we have looked a lot better, we have reverted to 3 at the back and it did actually look like he might actually be getting it right finally but there you go, too little too late, 1 league win out of 14 and off you go.

So who’s next. As revealed by club pet national journalist Jeremy Wilson, the name in the frame is Ralf Hasenhüttl who was manager of RB Leipzig last season.   In his last two seasons he has taken them to 2nd and 6th in the Bundesliga.  He has the reputation of being the Austrian Klopp and whilst we all admire the Klopp style of football, if Hasenhüttl joins us, we can only hope that he is not a monumental bell-end like the Liverpool manager.  If it is Hasenhüttl then we are going to have to get used to having two Ralphs in control of things.  In the mix for the Director of Football role is Paul Mitchell, also at RB Leipzig at the moment. Mitchell is the one credited for the fantastic recruitment we had a few years ago but he’s also the one who fucked off to Spurs and did the dirty on us regarding the Toby Alderweireld deal. I guess we can overlook that if he fancies coming back here. As I write it looks like Hasenhüttl will be announced imminently but it will be Kelvin Davis taking charge of the team for the sacrificial trip to Wembley against Spurs.

So farewell to Mark Hughes. His managerial career was somewhat similar to his playing career at Saints. He joined late in his career and there was the odd moment where it looked like it was going to work out but ultimately it will be regarded as a bit of a failure with him leaving with the lowest win percentage of any manager we’ve ever had.  It’s hard to see where he goes from here having being sacked from two Premier league clubs within 12 months but it won’t be our concern any more. A few of our players have notably improved under him this season with Redmond and Lemina being the obvious two. Good luck to the guy as he is undoubtedly a decent hard-working bloke but it didn’t work in the timeframe it needed to work which was admittedly shorter than usual because of the shambles of the last two managers we have had.

Premier League Match 14 - Southampton 2 Manchester United 2

For a Moment, Everything Was Brilliant

Now for one of those games where had you taken in any of the national media coverage, there was only one team playing. There is a tiny bit of interest in us, probably because Mark Hughes is a Manchester United legend and because of course, the vultures are circling, even though they are probably not because we have no Director of Football. Apparently, there was an out of work manager in the stands against Fulham last week. There you go, 100% that Hughes is on his way and some manager who had a couple of shit spells and English football in the last 10 years, is coming.

Oddly and despite incontrovertible evidence to the contrary, I’m actually feeling quite positive about today. United are not the greatest and I feel like we’ve had least have a decent shout of not getting stuffed.   The formation used at Leicester made us look like a proper team so I am expecting three at the back today.

United haven’t been very good this season. They haven’t been very good for the last three or four seasons and José Mourinho is being José Mourinho and blaming everyone else other than himself.  Last week he was gesturing angrily to nobody when Marcus Rashford missed a sitter which is not exactly great body language for a manager.  I irritate myself by quite liking the guy like I’m in some sort of timewarp back to the time when he first arrived at Chelsea and he was genuinely, a breath of fresh air. He is not anymore of course.  This spirit of forgiveness doesn’t extend to Harry Redknapp who I’m told is proving likable in the celebrity jungle.

Due to my timing of getting in the ground, I actually hear the United team first.  With a  midfield two of Fellaini and Pogba, there doesn’t look to be much creativity in the side.  Ah, Pogba – the player that me and my son always argue over – I generally think he’s turd whereas the younger not-so mini-me thinks he’s great.  He was good in the World Cup when he was playing for his country which he obviously cares about, rather than playing for a manager he wouldn’t even piss on if he was on fire.  United’s creativity - Mata, Martial and Lingard all on the bench and Sanchez out for months after he dropped his wallet on his foot.  Lukaku dropped his wallet as well but he tried to control it and it went under a bush 30 yards away.  Saints have gone with more or less the same side that played against Leicester in midweek  - Targett is out injured so Cedric starts at left back and there are places for the two youngsters in Yan Valery and Michael Obafemi.

It’s a 5.30 kick off and it’s dark and it’s on the TV so of course we have to have pyrotechnic nightclub bollocks and then the game started.

The game starts off tremendously with McCarthy taking a big swing at a backpass and completely missing it.  Rashford backheeled it back into the danger area and Macca ended up smothering a shot from Lukaku.  Just what you want.  Saints started getting in amongst it and looked dangerous, our midfield 3 looking much better than the ponderous Pogba and Fellaini.  United had lined up with McTominay and Matic in a 3 man defence with Phil Jones so there has to be opportunities for us there today….

We build up the right and it gets to Redmond who turns and jinks inside Shaw and away from Fellaini, avoiding the elbow.  A ball into Obafemi and the youngster holds off the defender and plays it wide to Armstrong who takes a touch and absolutely lashes it across de Gea and into the far side of the net.  Fucking get in.  My Dad is clearly heard above the noise shouting “I’ve seen a goal”.

Why The Fuck Haven't I Been Playing All Season? 

After we surprisingly don’t let in a goal straight away, Rashford gives us the ball in midfield and makes up for it by trashing Lemina and earning a yellow card for his trouble.  Redmond and Cedric are standing over it with me fully expecting a Redders knuckle-ball into Row Z.  Up steps Cedric, over the wall and spearing into the near top corner with de Gea helpless. “I’ve seen another goal”.

Bloody hell we’re 2-0 up…. Oh no we’re not and Lukaku has his first goal for months.  There is a chance to cut it off at source but Yoshida gets manshamed by Rashford who pokes it through a half arsed Stephens challenge and Lukaku can’t miss and his first touch smashes it past Macca.

Can we get to half time without another defensive f…. No.  Vestergaard gets easily spun by Rashford who heads to the byline accompanied by Cedric and Yoshida and neither put any sort of tackle or block in and he cuts it back and that little shit Herrera flicks it cleverly under McCarthy to make it 2-2.  Balls.

As half time approaches, Fellaini picks up a booking for a swinging arm which means he won’t be able to go near anyone in the second half because he can’t go near an opposition player without fouling them.

Ok, we’ve tossed away a lead again but we’ve actually played quite well.   Valery and Obafemi look decent and the midfield is on top.  The defence puzzles me.  For such a big guy, Vestergaard is such a namby pamby defender.  He looks better than Hoedt but I just wish he’d get a bit more physical with the strikers.  Yoshida was worse though – bloody crap on both goals.  My mind is taken off all that by  the most crushingly bad excuse for half time entertainment ever, with a painfully shit movie quiz.  Season Ticket Plus for more of this shit anyone?

The second half starts quietly and it takes about 20 minutes for anything to happen and it’s a break by Obafemi who lays it off to Redmond and then pulls up in time honoured “I’ve done my hamstring” fashion.  We keep it alive and Valery and Redders combine to release Armstrong and his cross is into the hobbling Obafemi who is cleaned out by McTominay and Kevin Friend is not interested at all.  Off goes Obafemi and thankfully it’s Gabbiadini and not the Hologram that comes on.

Gabbi soon combines with Armstrong before trying his usual ridiculously optimistic  35 yarder which is straight at de Gea.  Pogba, for he is still playing, then produces a lovely body swerve and just leaves the ball for Lemina to take, lay off to Redmond and he leathers it from 30 yards and de Gea gets airborne and tips over.

Time ticks down and usually you’d be waiting for United to score but they don’t look likely to at all.  Young and McTominay try crosses which are a good 40 yards from the nearest United player.  There’s just no quality there. Davis is on for the clearly knackered Lemina and Davo leads the charge and feeds Gabbi who gets brought down by Young but it’s just too far out and Gabbi’s free kick flies over the bar.  We are definitely int he ascendancy and then the game gets stopped because Lukaku tries to control an easy ball and treads on it.  He's been injured by his first touch.  What a fucking donkey.

Lukaku Had Worked on His First Touch in the Warm-Up

94 minutes and Armstrong concedes a free kick on the edge of our box.  We all wait for the inevitable goal but Young is on the free kick and he hits it about 5 foot off the ground and the first defender heads it out.  The End.

For once we have some proper positives to talk about. In the main the performance was very very good, just that five minutes spell where we appeared terrified to out a challenge in at the back. The formation worked, the midfield three were absolutely excellent, Redmond behind the striker but very very dangerous and much more effective than when he plays out wide.  He just need a goal and the boy will be flying. Everything else is there and for me, one of the best moments of the game was when Redders came over to take a corner in the Chapel/Kingsland corner and he got a massive round of applause from everyone who was there. Redmond actually looks genuinely emotional which I guess, shows what a journey has been on with getting barracked last year by the moron minority.

The two youngsters were excellent with Obafemi again offering loads more than the usual incumbents ever do. Not only did he have pace and work rate, I was also impressed with his intelligent laying off of the ball and in particular his strength bearing in mind he’s not the biggest. I only hope that the injury he got was cramp and not a hamstring tear or anything more serious. Even when he was injured he should have won a penalty when McTominay went straight to the back of him but you don’t get penalties against Manchester United for things like that.

The performance of Yan Valery was exceptional. To come into the team for your first ever start in the Premier League at 19 years old and have the stones to bollock your fellow defenders and to go round like a captain geeing everybody up, are all signs of a player with a great attitude. The highlight of his performance for me was when Paul Pogba, who, lest we forget, is a World Cup winner for Yan’s native country France, a £90 million superstar player that’s at one of the biggest clubs in the world, tried to intimidate him. Yan took no shit whatsoever when Pogba tried to hold him at a throw-in and Yan basically just threw him away. What’s “get out of my fucking face” in French? Brilliant stuff.

On the left and clearly out of position was Cedric, never a player that I have been a huge fan of.  He put in a great performance as well. Okay he didn’t go flying down the wing and put over a succession of left footed crosses but he played the position with a real intelligence and of course, spanking a free kick into the top corner is never a bad thing.

In my opinion, the back three needs tinkering with. Vestergaard needed to play in the middle of the three with Yoshida on the left. In my mind for the future however, a back three of Bertrand, Vestergaard and Stephens is emerging. Stephens was another who was decent today.

Okay it’s only a point but it’s a very positive one now we need to go to Spurs in mid week and put in a performance which is better than the shambolic one we put in there last year.

United got a point due to our defensive frailty and nothing to do with anything that they did. Mourinho picked an unadventurous, and uncreative team and that is the performance that you get. Pogba and Fellaini got completely outplayed in central midfield by Hojbjerg and in particular, Mario Lemina who was absolutely excellent throughout. I’ve seen it said that it was a shop window match for Lemina and there may be an element of truth in that but I really don’t care as in the past, when he’s played against the big sides, Mario has basically downed tools because everything just got a little bit too difficult. No one will be complaining if he continues to put in performances like that.

As an aside, by the time we walked back over the Itchen Bridge to the car, the radio Solent coverage had finished because of the late kick off so without thinking, I flicked on talkSHITE which I very rarely do…. because its fucking garbage. They were running an interview with Mourinho what they ask him if it was a poor result from United bearing in mind where Saints are in the league table. He said that it didn’t matter where Saints were in the league table because they have dangerous players and are a good team, basically saying that Saints are in a false position. After the interview, they had a debate in the studio about Mourinho saying that the leage table doesn’t matter, completely out of context implying that Mourinho said that Manchester United’s. League decision didn’t matter. On the next call was Mr Angry, a United “fan” from London who said he switched off after 35 minutes and said he was never supporting United again. Any presenters worth their salt would have said, well if you switched off then you clearly not a fan and your views are therefore irrelevant. Alternatively, they could have asked him about the opening 35 minutes and really taken the piss. Football media and Manchester United plastic fans. Don’t you just love it?

Finally, Mark Hughes needs to get a bit of credit for formation and players selected. There was no rocket science to what he put out on the pitch today and a lot of it we have been obviously crying out for for quite awhile, particularly the benching of Austin and Hoedt and playing Armstrong in his best position.  It’s not a win but it’s promising.

As I said, off to Spurs in mid week which really is a free hit.