Sorry! I'm a Useless Prick
Saturday and I was surprised to find that we have a home ground.
I was beginning to assume that we were one of these franchise teams that only
played away games or that we were a bit like the Harlem Globetrotters. Sadly,
we are not the Harlem Globetrotters. We
are Southampton and we are in the shit. Our latest attempt to get out of the
shit is a home game against Chelsea, last seasons champions and I expect it
will be easy.
This weeks news has been that the vultures are already circling with many of our players already being linked to moves away. Most of them can fuck off with my blessing but for now we must support them, even the ones who we don’t think are any good or the ones that we think have a shit attitude.
Following last weeks away defeat at Arsenal, Jack Stephens has a course been suspended for three matches and the Arsenal player that got sent off for basically the same offence has been banned three matches as well. This is still unfair really when you consider that their player, Jack Wilshere, instigated the whole incident. Oh, hang on a minute, the Arsenal player who got sent off Mohammed Elneny has been let off so apparently, the video evidence which clearly shows him pushing Cedric in the face, is all a myth, it’s a lie and it didn’t really happen. Ultimately it makes no difference to us but the FA really are a shower of cunts which should come as no surprise to anybody. The FA of course set the ticket prices for the Wembley semi final next week and of course, they are not selling particularly well for any of the four clubs involved. If Man United are struggling to sell tickets, especially tot heir local London fanbase then you’ve clearly got something wrong.
Anyway, with Stephens being suspended, would we revert to a back four or would we put the next cab the rank in at centre back. As soon as the topic of Jan Bednarek came up in the pre-match press conference, then we knew what the answer would be so that was no surprise that the young Pole was given his first start in a five man defence. I’ve seen Bednarek played twice and on both of those games he was weak in the air and even more alarmingly, seem to completely off balance and spending most of his time on his arse. If he plays on the right of the defence of three where Stephens played then he will in all likelihood, be directly up against Eden Hazard so it’s a good job that Hazard is shit then isn’t it.
Elsewhere, the team was exactly the same as the Arsenal game with Long upfront and Austin on the bench. Chelsea have gone with very strong side which is a bit surprisingly to me seeing as the FA Cup next weekend is the only chance they have of winning anything. The only regular not in the starting lineup is Victor Moses and he’s replaced by David Zappacosta. The good news is that they haven’t picked Olivier Giroud, persevering with the shit-every-time-I’ve-seen-him, Alvaro Morata. There were rumours during the week that Antonio Conte had been sacked which in the gloriously entitled world of the Premier league big boys, would be par for the course. The message to anyone who is the manager of one of the big clubs is to win a trophy and then leave because you have absolutely no fucking chance otherwise.
This weeks news has been that the vultures are already circling with many of our players already being linked to moves away. Most of them can fuck off with my blessing but for now we must support them, even the ones who we don’t think are any good or the ones that we think have a shit attitude.
Following last weeks away defeat at Arsenal, Jack Stephens has a course been suspended for three matches and the Arsenal player that got sent off for basically the same offence has been banned three matches as well. This is still unfair really when you consider that their player, Jack Wilshere, instigated the whole incident. Oh, hang on a minute, the Arsenal player who got sent off Mohammed Elneny has been let off so apparently, the video evidence which clearly shows him pushing Cedric in the face, is all a myth, it’s a lie and it didn’t really happen. Ultimately it makes no difference to us but the FA really are a shower of cunts which should come as no surprise to anybody. The FA of course set the ticket prices for the Wembley semi final next week and of course, they are not selling particularly well for any of the four clubs involved. If Man United are struggling to sell tickets, especially tot heir local London fanbase then you’ve clearly got something wrong.
Anyway, with Stephens being suspended, would we revert to a back four or would we put the next cab the rank in at centre back. As soon as the topic of Jan Bednarek came up in the pre-match press conference, then we knew what the answer would be so that was no surprise that the young Pole was given his first start in a five man defence. I’ve seen Bednarek played twice and on both of those games he was weak in the air and even more alarmingly, seem to completely off balance and spending most of his time on his arse. If he plays on the right of the defence of three where Stephens played then he will in all likelihood, be directly up against Eden Hazard so it’s a good job that Hazard is shit then isn’t it.
Elsewhere, the team was exactly the same as the Arsenal game with Long upfront and Austin on the bench. Chelsea have gone with very strong side which is a bit surprisingly to me seeing as the FA Cup next weekend is the only chance they have of winning anything. The only regular not in the starting lineup is Victor Moses and he’s replaced by David Zappacosta. The good news is that they haven’t picked Olivier Giroud, persevering with the shit-every-time-I’ve-seen-him, Alvaro Morata. There were rumours during the week that Antonio Conte had been sacked which in the gloriously entitled world of the Premier league big boys, would be par for the course. The message to anyone who is the manager of one of the big clubs is to win a trophy and then leave because you have absolutely no fucking chance otherwise.
In the time since we had a home game, there has obviously
been some sort of brainstorming session behind the scenes where the match day
experience has been discussed. I can
just imagine Motivational Ralph gathering everyone together for a Think Tank
and discussing that the ‘My Way’ monstrosity was not really the right message
talking about not stopping until we reach the top when we’re third from
bottom. So ‘My Way’ has been binned but
the Think Tank has replaced this with a fucking band. They are stood in the Chapel / Kingsland
corner and they are playing as the game starts, well the drummer is, trying to
beat out something to clap along to. I’m
sorry but fuck right off.
Despite being irritated by the Little Drumming Twat, I enjoy
the start of the game as we start well and look decent. When we haven’t got the ball we allow Chelsea
to have it and only close down when Chelsea get near the final third. We allow the more limited players like Kante
to have the ball but as soon as Hazard gets it we’re all over him. Bednarek has
started well and we look solid.
It’s miracle time on 22 minutes as we play out fro the back
with Hoedt and Hojbjerg and a lovely diagonal ball along the deck behind
Zappacosta and Bertrand is motoring past Azpilicueta and he torches him for
pace and lays the ball back for Tadic to sweep into the net first time. Brilliant goal, brilliant move and an
outstanding run by the skipper and once more, we look like a proper team.
We have our first problem just after that and it’s called
Mike Dean and his linesman. The lino on
Bertrand’s side has already indicated that he doesn’t have a clue by not
knowing which way to give obvious throw-ins and he and Dean fail to spot two
hands from Zappacosta in Bertrand’s back as he heads a cross across the six
yard line and Morata climbs and heads over.
It’s a temporary thing though as we are the more threatening
side. I’ve been a very vocal critic of
Shane Long but he is terrifying them with his running and he decides to let fly
from 30 yards and screws it wide. He is
also winding up the Chelsea defenders and was lucky to escape a booking for a
foul on Azpilicueta which the Chelsea man wasn’t happy about. Long creates another chance for JWP but he doesn’t
quite hit it properly and Courtois saves comfortably enough and the momentary
excitement as the ball rolls to Tadic is killed by the offside flag.
Then it all kicks off.
Chelsea are clearly pissed off with Shane so Marcos Alonso takes an
opportunity to steam in and stamp down on his calf. Mike Dean doesn’t give anything and despite
the stricken player, Fabregas true to form, doesn’t put the ball out and Chelsea attack. JWP is the closest player to the incident and
after remonstrating with Dean, manages to get himself booked. Free kick to Chelsea, yellow
card to JWP, treatment for Shane, shit referee award to Mike Dean. Half time.
The expected battering from Chelsea doesn’t happen at the
start of the second half with Saints looking the better side still. We are looking for Long at every opportunity
and one ball gets him in behind but Christiensen gets back to haul him down
before Long gets up and slips as he hits it, looping it up off of his own
standing foot and for a second it looks like it’s over Courtois but he’s seven
foot tall and tips it over easily enough.
When you play the big boys you hope that their big players don’t
fancy it but unfortunately, Hazard seems determined to make it happen and he
draws the first real save from McCarthy with a blast from a narrow angle which
is dealt with. Willian then has a go
from the edge of the box and McCarthy is again equal to it.
From the next Saints foray, Kante trashes through Hojbjerg
and we win a free kick out on the right.
Chelsea line up on the edge of the box and there’s a big gap for JWP to
drop the ball into which he duly does, Cahill misjudges the flight and there is
Bednarek of all people at the back post to cushion volley it across Courtois
and into the net. Fantastic stuff and we
are staying up and all that. 2-0 against
Chelsea and a goal from Bednarek – it’s written in the stars.
Conte has not read the script and Conte takes off the
utterly shit Morata and the almost as shit Zappacosta and on comes bloody
Giroud and Pedro. Not bad subs those
two. Whilst Chelsea are reorganizing we
manage another break with Long feeding Tadic in the box and he should just hit
it but instead tries to tee up Long again and Fabregas gets back, knocks it
back to Courtois who pick it up but Mike Dean clearly hasn’t read the rule book
for 10 years when that became a free kick to the attacking side.
Hazard is doing his stuff and Hojbjerg gets in a good tackle
which Dean decides is a foul. A quick
free kick out to Alonso and he crosses it unchallenged by either JWP or
Cedric. I know what’s going to happen. Giroud, header, 2-1. Shit. Hoedt has tried to get across from the left
but Yoshida is nowhere.
Oh shit they are seriously ramping it up now, creating a
load of pressure and we have a load of goes at clearing it but don’t. Eventually the ball is worked out to Willian
on the left and once again there is no pressure on the cross and he picks out
the unmarked Hazard and guess what happens when one of the World’s best players
is totally unmarked 8 yards out with the ball at his feet? 2-2.
In the apce of four minutes it has all gone to shit and can
it get worse? Of course it can. Alonso gets tangled up with Romeu and it’s a
50/50 as their both holding eachother but of course it goes Chelsea’s way. Another quick free kick and Hazard, who I may
have mentioned its one of the World’s best players is standing where Cedric
should be and his cross is half cleared and lands at the feet of Giroud and the
Suave Good Looking Bastard smashes it into the net. 8 minutes, 3 goals, fucked.
Austin is on for JWP (why take off our best set piece
taker?) and Sims is on for Tadic as we try to rescue something but you know
that this season, it isn’t going to happen.
Bertrand fires over a croner which Hojbjerg meets but it’s easily saved
by Courtois and Hojbjerg again puts Sims in on goal but he smashes the chance
straight at Courtois once more. The
final throw is Gabbi on for Bednarek on 90 minutes and Gabbi does as much in 3
minutes as he usually does in 70 and doesn’t touch the ball.
Mike Dean gets something right and blows for full time. Shit.
The fans who are worth a shit and are still there give the players a
decent round of applause. There is
something to be proud of today as they gave their all even though the end
result is gutting.
Well that was quite something. Only the Southampton class of
2017/18 could go from 2-0 up and cruising to providing a springboard for safety
to 10 minutes later, being completely and utterly fucked. Unbelievable, yet so
believable. Whether Conte was preparing to make the change anyway I don’t know
but as soon as we scored the second goal Chelsea basically took off two shit
players in Zappacosta and Morata and replaced them with two very good ones in
Giroud and Pedro and we just couldn’t deal with it. There is of course also the
mental aspect but why were we so comfortable at 1-0 but not at 2-1? I said before the game that the longer Giroud
spends on the bench, the better our chances. As soon as that bastard got on the
pitch you absolutely knew that he was going to score. I think it took him about
12 minutes and as soon as the cross came in I knew it was in the net even
before he headed it. From that point on the roof fell in.
On the one hand, it is easy to see what Mark Hughes has
brought to the party. In the first hour we were organised, disciplined and
determined. We had a game plan and we were sticking to it and it was working
brilliantly. We were making up for the fact that our players are not as good as
theirs and we genuinely looked like we were going to win but we are so fragile.
The moment Chelsea got one back, you knew it was going to be a draw at best and
once they got their second pretty quickly afterwards, you just knew that we
were fucked. I’ve seen criticism of Hughes for not doing anything at 2-1, maybe
bringing on our Rockstar Instagram Model. That might be a good suggestion but
let’s not forget that he has been pretty useless against everybody but the
absolute dross in the Premier League this season. Could Hughes have been aware
of the total paralysis that was about a setting on our players who up until
five seconds earlier had been playing really, really well?
We were not helped of course, by the Mike Dean factor. I kind of stop short of calling him a referee because he isn’t really. A strutting peacock perhaps. This guy is fucking useless. The tackle on Shane Long (and I use the term tackle loosely) is one of the worst assaults you will see on the football pitch. Mike Dean, to his credit, is in the absolute perfect position to see it. His view is completely unobstructed and he’s less than 10 yards away from what is a clear stamp on a players leg. It is a straight red card and is not even open to debate. He didn’t even give us a free kick. The player in question, Marcus Alonso, not only stayed on the pitch but of course he had a hand in all three Chelsea goals so after the Jack Wilshere incident from last week where Arsenal basically got away with everything and this incident this week with Chelsea who have basically got away with everything, can you be surprised when people scream about big club bias? Alonso might get a three match ban so he might not play in the semi-final but the fact is that if Mike Dean wasn’t so fucking useless he would’ve been sent off before half-time, sites would’ve had a much better chance of winning this game and he still would’ve been banned for the semi-final. Either way, we are worse off because Mike Dean is useless. It wasn’t just that one tackle, there was loads of other stuff as well, mainly assaults on Shane Long who was not innocent himself but Shane should be grateful of being able to walk this morning. If that had been Harry Kane getting kicked to fuck like that, then you can be sure there would be a massive outcry about it.
We were not helped of course, by the Mike Dean factor. I kind of stop short of calling him a referee because he isn’t really. A strutting peacock perhaps. This guy is fucking useless. The tackle on Shane Long (and I use the term tackle loosely) is one of the worst assaults you will see on the football pitch. Mike Dean, to his credit, is in the absolute perfect position to see it. His view is completely unobstructed and he’s less than 10 yards away from what is a clear stamp on a players leg. It is a straight red card and is not even open to debate. He didn’t even give us a free kick. The player in question, Marcus Alonso, not only stayed on the pitch but of course he had a hand in all three Chelsea goals so after the Jack Wilshere incident from last week where Arsenal basically got away with everything and this incident this week with Chelsea who have basically got away with everything, can you be surprised when people scream about big club bias? Alonso might get a three match ban so he might not play in the semi-final but the fact is that if Mike Dean wasn’t so fucking useless he would’ve been sent off before half-time, sites would’ve had a much better chance of winning this game and he still would’ve been banned for the semi-final. Either way, we are worse off because Mike Dean is useless. It wasn’t just that one tackle, there was loads of other stuff as well, mainly assaults on Shane Long who was not innocent himself but Shane should be grateful of being able to walk this morning. If that had been Harry Kane getting kicked to fuck like that, then you can be sure there would be a massive outcry about it.
I Guess it Was a Bit Far Away for Him to See
As far as the overall picture goes, I don’t think anyone was really expecting to get any points out of Arsenal and Chelsea. The next four games will make or most probably, break us. Leicester, Bournemouth, Swansea, Everton. Basically, we need seven points as West Brom and Stoke will finish below us and Brighton, who are seven points ahead of us have a horrendous run of fixtures against the real top boys and are going to be fortunate to get another point. Brighton are our new targets, especially after Huddersfield manage to win 1-0 against Watford in the 91st minute with their first shot on target.
There were some real positives in the first hour today. The thought of Jan Bednarek playing was horrific before kick-off but he did well and was certainly no worse than Jack Stephens has been. The moment that he popped up with the second goal was one of the most surreal moments of the season but the boy did well and can’t be blamed for the implosion that happened next. He proved that we have four centre backs who are all what you could term as ‘support’ centre backs. We have four supports and no main man which is something which has been incredibly obvious since a certain shithouse left at the end of December. Wesley Hoedt is the best of an average branch but he is similar to Maya in that there’s always the trademark lapse in concentration at some point. I can’t believe that after five years in the Premier League, Maya is still getting too close to the strikers and allowing them to roll him or just trashing through the back of them.
I thought the midfield four were all excellent with Tadic having a marvellous first hour, ably supported by JWP, Romeu and Hojbjerg. Shane Long was superb up front and was a constant pain to the Chelsea defenders who of course were allowed to regularly assault him by Mike Dean.
Hughes has got us playing decent football and we now look like scoring goals but the trade-off has been to our defence is exposed and the players we have are not good enough to deal with it. The route of this started in Summer 2016 with Wanyama leaving and it’s gathered pace ever since January 2017 when Jose Fonte left and a certain shit house going injured. Les Reed, King of Football, has totally failed to address this. Though he has lost all three of his league games so far, I have to say that I have been impressed with Hughes and I hope he is the Manager next season, regardless of what division we are in. The improvements he has made make it even more staggering that we persevered with the dreadful Pellegrino for as long as we did whilst the King of Football sat on his hands and twiddled his thumbs. Everyone could see it, apart from him.
#WeLimpOn To Leicester On Thursday Night
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