Pitch Invader Shows Klopp How It's Done
Though
my hatred of Liverpool has subsided (a bit) with the departure of Brendan
Rodgers, I’m not one of those who worships the ground that Jurgen Klopp walks
on. Sure he’s a very engaging character
who talks well and is very passionate about the game but I find him a bit
contrived. He wants to show the fans he
cares so he celebrates on the touchline like a lunatic. He overdoes it in my opinion as if players
acted like that they’d get charged with inciting the crowd or something
similar. Fans of his own club will love
him but fans of the opposition will mainly think that he’s a twat. He seems to have to celebrate everything,
including getting his players to line up, link hands and salute the Kop when
they snatched a draw at home to West Brom.
I mean – what the fuck? There’s a
balance to be struck – you don’t want to be a robot like Sven Goran Eriksen but
you also don’t want to be on the other end of the spectrum where you are a
lunatic.
The
Red Scousers of course have one or two of our former players. In the ‘wanker’ category, they have Nivea
Twat himself in Adam Lallana who I’ve done to death before and they have Dejan
Lovren who is much more deserving of any abuse to be handed out. He’s a complete shit head and it was of
course, that shit head of his that was at Liverpool when he was still a Saints
player. Fans don’t tend to forget stuff
like that and they will find it massively amusing when you’re playing like a
drain at your dream club. Sadly, he
appears to have turned it around a bit and has been playing relatively well. Their newest recruit from us was Nathaniel
Clyne who has settled in well there but whilst we were disappointed that he
chose to move to Anfield, he didn’t act like a prize prick to get there so
he’ll not be given a hard time.
For
the mighty Saints, Sadio Mané’s red card against Stoke has been rescinded and
Big Vic is available again after completing his 5 match ban. J-Rod played 60 minutes for the under 21s
last week and as the game nears, word comes through that he’s scored a
hat-trick in the Under 21s 5-0 away win against Liverpool. Good news all round and Juanmi’s days of
being anywhere near the first team are hopefully numbered.
Every
previous time Big Vic has come back from suspension, he’s been straight back
into the side but not today. José Fonte
comes back in after a one game ban to replace Targett but otherwise it’s as you
were with Tadic starting ahead of Mané and Martina ahead of Cédric, which I’m
finding increasingly annoying. Clasie
and Romeu continue in the engine room with Davis and Tadic on the wings, Pellé
and Long up front. Daniel Sturridge is
fit, like he always is when Liverpool play us and he’s partnered by Origi who
of course scored a hat-trick when they buried us in the Capital One Cup. Nivea Twat is in midfield with the overrated
Emre Can, the average Allen and Coutinho who is always decent against us. Lovren takes his place alongside Sakho at
centre back which is a potential source of joy for us as they both have a
complete clanger in them. Lovren is
Lovren and Sakho plays like he’s always about to fall over. It appears Clyne is on the left and Flanagan
is on the right. There’s a clause that
Liverpool have to play one ‘cheese before bedtime nightmare’ in every starting
XI and Flanagan gets the nod today ahead of Skrtel. In goal they have Mignolet who seems to make
one high profile fuck up every game so let’s hope he’s true to form today.
Klopp
doesn’t appear to allocate the captaincy based on the usual criteria. Usually it’s your most experienced player or
longest serving or most inspirational or just your best player. It’s unusual for a captain to be chosen
because he’s the ugliest or because he’s the only Scouser but Flanagan it is
and he starts badly when he knocks out a Mané cross for a corner when he had
loads of time. The corner comes in from
Davis and Virgil is up and really should score but it slides off his head and
wide.
Flanagan
again unwittingly sets up our next attack by running with the ball into our box
with no plan and he loses it to Fonte who pings a ball immediately over Lovren
and Long is away and clear. He gets into
the area and Lovren agriculturally just shoves him over with a forearm in the
back of the neck. Penalty definitely,
red card probably… come on ref… nothing.
Fuck off. Here we fucking go
again, same as last year. For Kevin
Friend last year, read Roger East this year.
We
continue flying forward and Davis plays a one two on the edge of the Liverpool
box before finding Graziano who puts a speculative volley over the bar. Our commitment to breaking forward at pace
and with many bodies then bites us in the arse as Martina tries to play a 1-2
with Tadic and we predictably lose it and suddenly we have 8 players in front
of the ball which is with Coutinho. Away
he goes into the vacant right back space before cutting infield and then from
30-ish yards he places a superb shot past Fraser and into the far bottom
corner. Bollocks. Like last year when you couldn’t help but
admire his finish, this is somewhat similar. Should Fraser have stopped it…. He’ll
probably think so.
We
respond to going behind by all flying forward again and Tadic loses it to Sakho
by the Liverpool goal line and Clyne plays it up the left to Coutinho. One ball from him to Origi up the left and
it’s 2v2 again and it’s a nightmare.
Origi carries it forward and gives it to Sturridge and Bertrand allowed
him to open up onto his favoured left foot and find the corner of the net
again. Fucks sake. So the first goal was similar to last season’s
one and this one was horribly similar of the year before when we tried to play
2v2 against Sturridge and Suarez and they scored at will.
We
are not learning, either from the other games or from the first 20 minutes as
we continue to gift Liverpool chances.
Clasie loses out in midfield with a powder puff challenge and Lallana
sends Allen through with only Fraser to beat and luckily, the big man got a
boot to Allen’s shot and we got away with it.
If you get away with one, of course you want to give them another go and
this time Romeu drills a ball at Clasie which he’d never going to be able to
control and away they go again and it’s 3v2, Sturridge gets the ball and we all
close our eyes and luckily, so does he and a shite first touch means he can
only pass it back to Fraser.
Never
mind lads, have another go…. In comes a corner and Graziano’s header is crap and
straight to Allen about 15 yards out and centre and he drills it into the net
and off they go to celebrate only for the flag to belatedly go up because Sakho
is stood in front of Fraser and has jumped over the shot. It is offside but we got very lucky. Only being 2-0 down is something to celebrate
at half time when in truth we should be dead and buried.
The
last half an hour has been shite and Ronald clearly thinks so too so off comes
Tadic and Clasie and on comes Big Vic and Sadio Mané. Klopp has decided to replace Lovren as he was
being called lots of nasty names and was getting a bit upset about it. He’s replaced with the tattooed skeleton that
it Skrtel. Away we go and we look
better. We haven’t actually got an extra
man in midfield but Big Vic is putting himself about whereas Clasie was not.
As
we approach the hour mark, Davis gets away from two namby tackles from Clyne
and Coutinho before sliding a ball in for Pellé which he tries to hit first
time but he puts it wide as Skrtel grabs a handful of shirt and drags him to
the ground. Fuck me he’s given a penalty
and books Skrtel as well. Fair play ref
and well spotted but I suspect he’s realised he fucked up hugely with the Shane
Long one in the first half and is evening it up. Lallana comes over like the little bitch that
he is and gives it loads to the ref and then runs away. Prick.
Anyway, Tadic is off the pitch, JWP isn’t on it and Sir Rickie, James
Beattie and Matt le Tiss are long gone now so who’s on this. Answer,,,, Mané. Up he steps, low and left, saved and Long
stuffs the rebound into the side netting.
BOLLOCKS… Klopp is punching the
air and celebrating like the fatherland have just won the World Cup again. You’re still 2-0 up you fucking helmet.
Hang
on, we’re better than them. A free kick
is awarded for a foul on Davis and it’s chipped in, Virgil heads it across the
goal and Mané can’t quite get on the end of it.
Shiiiiiiit… and then Romeu picks up a ball from Vic and smashes in a
great shot from 30 yards which a flying Mignolet tips over the bar for a goal
kick. Yes, you read that right. We continue to give them a dose of their own
medicine and press them high up the pitch and both the overrated Emre Can and
the overugly Flanagan lose out in tackles and Pellé pays in Mané and he hits it
left footed across Mignolet and into the far corner before Sakhofshit can get
to him. 1-2…. Game on,
Ronald
responds to the goal by replacing Romeu with JWP and Liverpool have Benteke on
for Sturridge. We’re going for it now
but the comeback is nearly over as Davis fucks up in midfield and presents it
to Lallana and it’s 2v2 kamikaze again. Lallana draws Fonte before sliding it to
Benteke who is clean through on Fraser but it’s on his right foot and he shanks
it across goal. He should have headed it
to be fair even though it was on the ground.
He has a left foot and a head and that’s it. Klopp is doing some sort of
impression of a man who is having a heart attack whilst standing up in another
over exaggerated gesture. Sit down you
fucking knob.
Into
the last ten and something has to happen soon.
We’re going long to Pellé and he batters Skrtel and the ball drops to
Davis. Forward to Long and he guides it
into Graziano’s path and the big beautiful man takes it on his left foot and
cracks a fantastic shot from the edge of the box and gives Mignolet no
chance. 2-2 and how’s your arsehole
Jurgen? In the interest of balance I
should say that Ronald is celebrating like a loon.
We
are all over them and they do not fancy it.
It’s just a case of whether we run out of time or not. We’re harrying the shite out of them and they
just want to get rid of the ball.
Flanagan knocks it back to Mignolet who produces his clanger for the
game by scooping it straight up in the air.
Down it comes and Skrtel misses the header and then gets bullied out of
it by all 6 stone of JWP. The ball drops
to Pellé and he plays the same ball as he played for the first goal and Mané is
in and it’s across Mignolet for 3-2 and the place goes mental… and that
includes Ronald who is off down the line like a man who has two achilles
tendons that work. Get in!!!
Klopp
throws on Ojo instead of Henderson because Henderson is shite but Liverpool are
done and there’s nothing going on. A
ball is played into the box and Benteke has a fall but referees are looking for
him after the Palace one a few weeks back so that’ll be a goal kick. Big Vic is bossing it in midfield and he
picks the ball up, turns away from a challenge and suddenly sees a direct line
to the corner flag and takes it. Off he
goes with about three Liverpool players chasing him. You aint catching him and Big Vic is back and
never has a 60 yard run to the corner flag been cheered as enthusiastically.
All
over, we’ve won. That’s not funny at all
is it? It’s hard not to say ‘fuck you’
so I won’t try not to say it and I’ll just say it .... fuck you Liverpool, fuck
you Lallana, fuck you Lovren, fuck you Klopp.
Klopp is acting like a bell end at the final whistle. He’s clearly dishing out a public bollicking
at Benteke (he denied it afterwards), whilst he’s all smiles for all of our
players at the final whistle. Typical
fucking Liverpool manager being more interested in our players than his. Would have been amusing if Benteke had lamped
him one.
Having
had a go at Klopp for his over-celebrations, it’s very amusing to see the
normally cool and reserved Ronald Koeman running down the touchline and
generally giving it the large one. I
expect he just got caught up in the emotion of it all but part of me hopes that
at least part of him was giving Klopp a taste of his own medicine. Tactically, if the first half was Klopp’s,
due in no small part to our kamikaze play in midfield, then Ronald dumped all over
him in the second half. Having players
like Bic Vic and Mané on the bench to bring on gives you a bit more of a chance
of the change working, than if you’re bringing on Juanmi and Yoshida. For all their riches, Klopp and Liverpool
were reduced to bringing on Skrtel (who has always been crap) and Henderson
didn’t even make it off the bench. I
know you don’t have a lot of choice when you’re 2-0 down and you have nothing
to lose but it was great to see Ronald basically say to Tadic and Clasie...’you
two have been shite, off you come’.
Klopp took Lovren off because he had a yellow card and thought he might
get a red which is all well and good if you have a decent replacement. Nein Herr Klopp.
For
us, Pellè was magnificent again, scoring one, setting up two and being brought
down for a penalty... not a bad afternoon’s work. Mané was back to his electric best, despite
missing the penalty so it may be time for him to mirror last season and hit a
good bit of form for the tail end of the season. Likewise Big Vic who was huge when he came on
but when I see him play like this, there’s a part of me that dies because he’s
highly unlikely to be around next season.
The defence was a bit scratchy today but Virgil and José held it
together pretty well in the second half but our best defender by far was
Benteke.
I
would like to congratulate Adam Lallana for playing 90 minutes. Wanker.
Well
I guess we can all start looking at chasing for Europa League qualification
again. We are currently 7th
which will probably miss out this year but 6th should be ok as long
as League Cup winners Man City don’t fall out of the top 4. If you’re looking for a miracle and Champions
League qualification then we are 4 points behind Man City and they have a game
in hand.
Next
up we have Champions-Elect Leicester City.
I can’t say enough positive things about them really but they won’t be
relishing playing us. Last year up there
we didn’t turn up and lost easily but I think this time could be different. That’s for another day after the
international break though so for now we can just say ‘fuck you Liverpool, fuck
you Lallana, fuck you Lovren, fuck you Klopp’.
PS...
You
could probably tell from the write up and you may have seen me moaning about it
on Twitter but I missed this game. The
FA, with their lip service of supporting grass roots football, decreed that
this game was to be played at 1.30 on Sunday at relatively short notice, when
it wasn’t even on a UK TV channel. For
me, with a commitment to coaching an under 12’s team with a 2pm kick off, this
is bad news and no doubt is for many others like me, who voluntarily put time
into grass roots football. Still, as
long as the foreign TV paymasters get their way then I guess all is well with
the world. I guess that at 4pm, this
match would have clashed with yet another super exciting piss boring turgid
Manchester derby. In my opinion, there’s
no need to have these bloody lunch time kick offs unless it’s a security risk
game.
So,
I missed the Saints game, as did three kids in my team who are season ticket
holders, as did their parents who chose to support their kids. We lost by the way which was a bit of a
pisser, so next time, I expect a few more will go to St.Mary’s instead of
playing grass roots football. I expect
the FA will care deeply. On a positive
note, my daughter went to the game and was so excited when she got home she
could hardly speak. Happy days.
PPS
If you've not done so yet, check out the match highlights with commentary from Scouse Legend Jimmy Liddel. see link below
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