Is it a Bird? Is it a Plane? No, it's a THUNDERCUNT
Leicester being top of the league as we move into March is
of course the most ridiculous thing that’s happening right now but not far
behind it is the fact that Chelsea have been shocking. It’s ridiculous because they won the league
at a canter last year, with a squad full of ridiculously good players and with
The Special one in charge. Of course
they have great expectations every season and when you are Chelsea and you hit
a bump in the road then the manager gets fired no matter who he is or what he’s
achieved. Hell, this is the club who
fired a manager about 3 months after winning the Champions League. With the ridiculous amount of money they’ve
spent over the years it is of course very amusing for everyone else that
they’ve been pretty ropey this season and there’s much to dislike about
them. As a supporter of a medium sized
club, outside of your own team doing well there’s nothing quite as good as
seeing one of the giants struggle despite all their resources and natural
advantages.
So, what’s to dislike about Chelsea…. Off the top of my head
there’s Abramovich, Terry, Ivanovic, Fabregas, Matic, Diego Costa, Diego Costa
and of course Diego Costa, the stockpiling of players, the lack of opportunity
for any youngsters and of course, Diego Costa.
Of course they’ve improved massively since Mourinho skulked off and Guus
Hiddink took charge. Hiddink looked like
a busted flush after failing to manage Holland to Euro 16 qualification, which
was after all, the easiest international tournament to qualify for of all time
but he’s come in and done a decent job and they’re unbeaten in about ten games….
But we’re not doing badly either of course and are still comfortably above them
in the league.
We of course have had a couple of weeks off due to our
abdication in the FA Cup and in the break the main news has been that Jay
Rodriguez and Florin Gardos are back in training and will be available for the
first team soon. At the very least this
will mean that we won’t have Juanmi on the bench any more once J-Rod is fit for
action. Considering it’s been a season
where we’ve humped Arsenal 4-0 and won at Old Trafford, the most enjoyable game
was the away win at Stamford Bridge as we were excellent that day and it was
the game when it first became evident that Mourinho was in a slump he wasn’t
going to get out of. Completing a league
double over them would be especially sweet.
On the morning of the game I receive a text from a mate of
mine who supports Crystal Palace and on it was a link to a FourFourTwo article
detailing which referee was the best and worst for each team. No prizes for guessing that Twattenburg was
the worse ref for us (and also Palace) but our best ref was Martin Atkinson who
coincidentally, is in charge today.
Today starts badly from a personal point of view as my Dad has knackered
his achilles so I have to drop him outside the ground which would be ok if we
hadn’t got stuck in horrific traffic.
Having dropped him and my son off (who can’t be arsed to walk with me) I
then unsuccessfully try and park before heading back across the Itchen Bridge
to the Woolston side and end up parking near Sholing station.... at 2.45pm. You know you’re late when you’re running
across the Itchen Bridge and there’s not one supporter on it. Puffing a blowing like a bastard I’m in the
ground as the kick off happens, sitting in an aisle so as not to obstruct
others view. I notice we have Austin up
front but other than that it’s as expected.
The first Chelsea player I notice is Costa with his mask on. He’s an arsehole and that’s nothing to do
with his mask.
We win a couple of corners at the start and from one, Davis
knocks it into Clasie who knocks it straight back and Davo shoots from miles
out on the left towards the near post and it’s deflected behind. That looked like something off the training
ground but was probably an accident. Danger
over and Chelsea attack and Pedro goes down with no one near him and he’s off
and Oscar is on in his place. Not
exactly a bad replacement.
It’s all us at the start and from a Bertrand corner and a
punch by Courtois, we send it back in and Virgil brings it down in the box as
Courtois wandered. He turns and crosses
and Long has a free-ish header at the back post with no keeper but manages to nod it over the
bar. Glorious chance missed it has to be
said.
Saints are looking decent and the front pairing of Austin
and Long are not giving Chelsea any time to play at the back with |Baba Rahman
at left back looking like a little boy on work experience. If Chelsea get into midfield then Romeu and
Clasie are digging in strongly. Chelsea
do knock it about nicely though and create a chance for Oscar whose shot is
easily gathered by Fraser. Charlie Austin
shows what he’s about with a good turn and shot off his left foot which goes
about a foot wide.
The 34th minute passes and Fraser has now broken
the ‘666 minutes without letting in a goal’ record, held by Paul Jones and well
done that man and the defenders in front of him. Diego Costa marks the occasion by treading on
the ball and taking his mask off in a flourish, clearly blaming the mask for
him making a knob of himself.
A ball is clipped over the top of the Chelsea defenders
towards the wing but Baba covers and pulls out a shit header straight to Shane
Long. He knocks it forward and bears down on Courtois who comes rushing out and
then collapses, allowing Shane to clip it over him and into the net to make it
1-0 and everyone goes nuts, us at scoring and the Chelsea fans at the player
who fucked up. Everyone will blame Baba
Rahman for that but Courtois really didn’t do enough to stop it.
The five remaining minute until half time are played
exclusively between the half way line and the edge of our penalty area but
we’re comfortable and so we go in 1-0 up and delighted with life. Not delighted evidently is Guus Hiddink who
in the half time break, decides to throw Baba under a bus for his mistake and
he’s off to be replaced by Kenedy at left back.
The second half starts in much the same way as the first
half ended with Chelsea having a lot of the ball but not doing anything with
it. Hazard (yes, he’s playing) works an
opening for himself and shats it horribly over the bar but he does create
Chelsea’s best chance so far as he gets down the right and fires over a cross
which Costa meets on the volley and buries into the Northam End. Arsehole.
Diego Costa has been quite quiet and his biggest
contribution so far has been taking his mask off to ensure everyone remembers
how ugly he is. Ladies and Gentleman,
it’s time for a five minute performance of the Pantomime called ‘Diego Costa is
a Complete Fucking Arsehole’. A clash
with Virgil leaves the Saint on the ground and the game stops and we put it out
for a throw in, in their left back position.
Costa is already remonstrating with the referee before the ball is out
and carries this on. When Virgil is
back, Chelsea throw it to Ivanovic (their captain) who has obviously agreed to
kick it back to us and he goes to kick it back to Fraser but guess who decides
to chase it down like the complete wanker that he is. Martin Atkinson has lost the plot and
eventually brings it to a halt by giving us a free kick for not much but the
damage is done. A minute later Ryan
Bertrand goes through the back of Costa – yellow card… then the Chelsea
cock-fest continues as Willian collapses in a massive heap, screaming like a
bitch after Clasie barely touches him.
Another yellow card for us and Atkinson is having a mare. Costa eventually gets a yellow card himself
for running over the back of Virgil’s legs but of course he’s all arm waving
and angry which should have course bring a second yellow for the reaction but
of course doesn’t.
It’s a tribute to how far Shane Long has come in the past
couple of months that when he pulls up injured it’s an ‘oh shit’ moment. I have to say that I’m a bit surprised that
it’s Graziano coming on and not a quicker player like Sadio Mané or Dusan Tadic
to partner Austin or a player to bolster the midfield like JWP.
The Costa and Willian incidents all rather reminds me of why
Chelsea are so unlikeable and then a ball gets played over the top and Austin
is competing with Cahill on the edge of the box. Cahill clearly handles it and then falls on
it and he’s brought Austin down. Charlie
is going nuts but the ref gives nothing and nor does the linesman who has the
best view. My exact words to my son were
‘I bet that’s a clear penalty when we see it on Match of the Day’.
Another attack down the right and there’s a collision
between Cedric and Kenedy as Cedric tries to recover a crap Pellè pass. Away go Chelsea with the ball but the lino
who is about two metres away has seen something and is flagging for a free kick
to us. Chelsea have the ball and break
and Atkinson waves play on. Pass, pass,
pass and Fabregas curls a cross in right footed from the left towards Hazard
who doesn’t get a touch but Fraser obviously thought he was going to and the
ball just carries on in apologetic fashion and bounces into the net. Oh fuck off.
What a shit goal. Aside from the
shock of actually conceding one, I’d kind of expected the first goal Fraser let
in to be a worldie but it’s a shite one that he’ll be disappointed in with the
referee majorly involved. Surely if the
linesman flags and he’s 6 inches from the incident then you give it? Surely the linesman should then be in his ear
monitor shouting about what went on? The
only sure thing is that it’s 1-1.
There are 15 minutes to go and we don’t appear to know
whether to push for a winner or sit back and defend the point. We do the latter and you can tell that
Chelsea fancy this now. All of our
attacks are getting as far as Graziano who just gives the ball away. He tries a first time flick every time
instead of shielding the ball and being strong and laying it off. It’s odd as we have two big strikers on and
we’re not playing in a more direct fashion.
Austin makes way for Mané but we’re still not creating much when we
manage to get hold of the ball.
More Chelsea pressure, Willian fires just wide and then and
they win a corner from a Fabregas cross that hits Romeu. We seem to be pretty good at defending
corners these days but in it comes and Ivanovic gets above a powder puff
challenge from Virgil, thumps a header down and it appears to hit Fraser’s
wrist and he can’t keep it out. Fuck
it. We’re a busted flush now and there’s
no sense that we’re going to get an equaliser in the 4 extra minutes. JWP is on for Targett in case we get a free
kick but we don’t and slip to our first defeat in 7 games. Bollocks.
So where do we start?
Let’s start with a massive thundercunt and Diego Costa is a massive thundercunt. It wasn’t plan to stir things up or anything
like that – he’s just a thundercunt. He got in a state when he caught Virgil in
the face and then it’s down to the referee to sort him out which he of course
didn’t. The act of giving the ball back
when an opposition player has been injured is the ‘sporting’ or ‘gentlemanly’
thing to do. Surely chasing it down when
your captain has basically agreed to be gentlemanly, is ungentlemanly conduct and
should therefore be a booking. Martin
Atkinson, allegedly our favourite referee, may as well have given Costa the
whistle from that point on. I’d rather
get relegated than have a complete wanker like Costa in the team.
Shithead Costa and the spineless referee were not the reason
that we lost though. We tried to play
the game out from too deep and there was only one team who wanted to win that
game and if you have to pick one of the two sides and say one deserved to win
then it would be them. The way both
goals came about was frustrating but them’s the breaks. Fraser will be pissed off with the first goal
in particular though it is a difficult one with the players flying in but
unfortunately, if no one gets a touch you end up looking dumb if the cross goes
in. It was a shock to us to actually
concede one I think. I think it would be
harsh in the extreme to point a finger over the second goal as Ivanovic has had
a free header from 6 yards.
Ronald had a bit of shocker with the substitution. If we’d gone long ball with Pellé and Austin
up front then I could have understood it but we carried on the same and it
meant that the Chelsea defence could step up without too much fear of being
turned around and then just camped in our half.
The key moment for me in the game is the Austin penalty shout. It was a penalty and should have been
given. The incident with the linesman
and the first Chelsea goal was that he flagged for Kenedy kicking out at Cédric
so the ref should have brought it back, booked Kenedy and given us a free
kick. One theory that was put to me was
that the linesman was so crap throughout that the ref didn’t trust him by then
and just ignored him. It’s possible I
guess but surely the three officials have to work as a team. I will say a word for Guus Hiddink who seems
a top bloke which probably explains why he never takes the Chelsea job
permanently because then he’d have to conform to their ‘be a wanker’ policy.
Moving on and the good news is that we have another game in
a few days and it’s Bournemouth away at the Goldsands Vitality Community Dean
Court or whatever it’s called these days.
I can’t be arsed with the ‘Is it a Derby?’ question that everyone seems
obsessed with. All I’ll say is that we
don’t want Bournemouth to be commissioning a celebratory DVD straight after the
game. They’re hovering just about the
relegation zone and it’s a game we should be confident of winning. I hope they stay up but they can do it
without getting any points from Tuesday.
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