Premier League Match 31 - Southampton 3 Liverpool 2

Pitch Invader Shows Klopp How It's Done

Though my hatred of Liverpool has subsided (a bit) with the departure of Brendan Rodgers, I’m not one of those who worships the ground that Jurgen Klopp walks on.  Sure he’s a very engaging character who talks well and is very passionate about the game but I find him a bit contrived.  He wants to show the fans he cares so he celebrates on the touchline like a lunatic.  He overdoes it in my opinion as if players acted like that they’d get charged with inciting the crowd or something similar.  Fans of his own club will love him but fans of the opposition will mainly think that he’s a twat.  He seems to have to celebrate everything, including getting his players to line up, link hands and salute the Kop when they snatched a draw at home to West Brom.  I mean – what the fuck?  There’s a balance to be struck – you don’t want to be a robot like Sven Goran Eriksen but you also don’t want to be on the other end of the spectrum where you are a lunatic.

                                                                                   

The Red Scousers of course have one or two of our former players.  In the ‘wanker’ category, they have Nivea Twat himself in Adam Lallana who I’ve done to death before and they have Dejan Lovren who is much more deserving of any abuse to be handed out.  He’s a complete shit head and it was of course, that shit head of his that was at Liverpool when he was still a Saints player.  Fans don’t tend to forget stuff like that and they will find it massively amusing when you’re playing like a drain at your dream club.  Sadly, he appears to have turned it around a bit and has been playing relatively well.  Their newest recruit from us was Nathaniel Clyne who has settled in well there but whilst we were disappointed that he chose to move to Anfield, he didn’t act like a prize prick to get there so he’ll not be given a hard time.

For the mighty Saints, Sadio Mané’s red card against Stoke has been rescinded and Big Vic is available again after completing his 5 match ban.  J-Rod played 60 minutes for the under 21s last week and as the game nears, word comes through that he’s scored a hat-trick in the Under 21s 5-0 away win against Liverpool.  Good news all round and Juanmi’s days of being anywhere near the first team are hopefully numbered.

Every previous time Big Vic has come back from suspension, he’s been straight back into the side but not today.  José Fonte comes back in after a one game ban to replace Targett but otherwise it’s as you were with Tadic starting ahead of Mané and Martina ahead of Cédric, which I’m finding increasingly annoying.  Clasie and Romeu continue in the engine room with Davis and Tadic on the wings, Pellé and Long up front.  Daniel Sturridge is fit, like he always is when Liverpool play us and he’s partnered by Origi who of course scored a hat-trick when they buried us in the Capital One Cup.  Nivea Twat is in midfield with the overrated Emre Can, the average Allen and Coutinho who is always decent against us.  Lovren takes his place alongside Sakho at centre back which is a potential source of joy for us as they both have a complete clanger in them.  Lovren is Lovren and Sakho plays like he’s always about to fall over.  It appears Clyne is on the left and Flanagan is on the right.  There’s a clause that Liverpool have to play one ‘cheese before bedtime nightmare’ in every starting XI and Flanagan gets the nod today ahead of Skrtel.  In goal they have Mignolet who seems to make one high profile fuck up every game so let’s hope he’s true to form today.

Klopp doesn’t appear to allocate the captaincy based on the usual criteria.  Usually it’s your most experienced player or longest serving or most inspirational or just your best player.  It’s unusual for a captain to be chosen because he’s the ugliest or because he’s the only Scouser but Flanagan it is and he starts badly when he knocks out a Mané cross for a corner when he had loads of time.  The corner comes in from Davis and Virgil is up and really should score but it slides off his head and wide.

Flanagan again unwittingly sets up our next attack by running with the ball into our box with no plan and he loses it to Fonte who pings a ball immediately over Lovren and Long is away and clear.  He gets into the area and Lovren agriculturally just shoves him over with a forearm in the back of the neck.  Penalty definitely, red card probably… come on ref… nothing.  Fuck off.  Here we fucking go again, same as last year.  For Kevin Friend last year, read Roger East this year. 

We continue flying forward and Davis plays a one two on the edge of the Liverpool box before finding Graziano who puts a speculative volley over the bar.  Our commitment to breaking forward at pace and with many bodies then bites us in the arse as Martina tries to play a 1-2 with Tadic and we predictably lose it and suddenly we have 8 players in front of the ball which is with Coutinho.  Away he goes into the vacant right back space before cutting infield and then from 30-ish yards he places a superb shot past Fraser and into the far bottom corner.  Bollocks.  Like last year when you couldn’t help but admire his finish, this is somewhat similar. Should Fraser have stopped it…. He’ll probably think so.

We respond to going behind by all flying forward again and Tadic loses it to Sakho by the Liverpool goal line and Clyne plays it up the left to Coutinho.  One ball from him to Origi up the left and it’s 2v2 again and it’s a nightmare.  Origi carries it forward and gives it to Sturridge and Bertrand allowed him to open up onto his favoured left foot and find the corner of the net again.  Fucks sake.  So the first goal was similar to last season’s one and this one was horribly similar of the year before when we tried to play 2v2 against Sturridge and Suarez and they scored at will.

We are not learning, either from the other games or from the first 20 minutes as we continue to gift Liverpool chances.  Clasie loses out in midfield with a powder puff challenge and Lallana sends Allen through with only Fraser to beat and luckily, the big man got a boot to Allen’s shot and we got away with it.  If you get away with one, of course you want to give them another go and this time Romeu drills a ball at Clasie which he’d never going to be able to control and away they go again and it’s 3v2, Sturridge gets the ball and we all close our eyes and luckily, so does he and a shite first touch means he can only pass it back to Fraser.

Never mind lads, have another go…. In comes a corner and Graziano’s header is crap and straight to Allen about 15 yards out and centre and he drills it into the net and off they go to celebrate only for the flag to belatedly go up because Sakho is stood in front of Fraser and has jumped over the shot.  It is offside but we got very lucky.  Only being 2-0 down is something to celebrate at half time when in truth we should be dead and buried.

The last half an hour has been shite and Ronald clearly thinks so too so off comes Tadic and Clasie and on comes Big Vic and Sadio Mané.  Klopp has decided to replace Lovren as he was being called lots of nasty names and was getting a bit upset about it.  He’s replaced with the tattooed skeleton that it Skrtel.  Away we go and we look better.  We haven’t actually got an extra man in midfield but Big Vic is putting himself about whereas Clasie was not.

As we approach the hour mark, Davis gets away from two namby tackles from Clyne and Coutinho before sliding a ball in for Pellé which he tries to hit first time but he puts it wide as Skrtel grabs a handful of shirt and drags him to the ground.  Fuck me he’s given a penalty and books Skrtel as well.  Fair play ref and well spotted but I suspect he’s realised he fucked up hugely with the Shane Long one in the first half and is evening it up.  Lallana comes over like the little bitch that he is and gives it loads to the ref and then runs away.  Prick.  Anyway, Tadic is off the pitch, JWP isn’t on it and Sir Rickie, James Beattie and Matt le Tiss are long gone now so who’s on this.  Answer,,,, Mané.  Up he steps, low and left, saved and Long stuffs the rebound into the side netting.  BOLLOCKS…  Klopp is punching the air and celebrating like the fatherland have just won the World Cup again.  You’re still 2-0 up you fucking helmet.

Hang on, we’re better than them.  A free kick is awarded for a foul on Davis and it’s chipped in, Virgil heads it across the goal and Mané can’t quite get on the end of it.  Shiiiiiiit… and then Romeu picks up a ball from Vic and smashes in a great shot from 30 yards which a flying Mignolet tips over the bar for a goal kick.  Yes, you read that right.  We continue to give them a dose of their own medicine and press them high up the pitch and both the overrated Emre Can and the overugly Flanagan lose out in tackles and Pellé pays in Mané and he hits it left footed across Mignolet and into the far corner before Sakhofshit can get to him.  1-2…. Game on,

Ronald responds to the goal by replacing Romeu with JWP and Liverpool have Benteke on for Sturridge.  We’re going for it now but the comeback is nearly over as Davis fucks up in midfield and presents it to Lallana and it’s 2v2 kamikaze again.  Lallana draws Fonte before sliding it to Benteke who is clean through on Fraser but it’s on his right foot and he shanks it across goal.  He should have headed it to be fair even though it was on the ground.  He has a left foot and a head and that’s it. Klopp is doing some sort of impression of a man who is having a heart attack whilst standing up in another over exaggerated gesture.  Sit down you fucking knob.

Into the last ten and something has to happen soon.  We’re going long to Pellé and he batters Skrtel and the ball drops to Davis.  Forward to Long and he guides it into Graziano’s path and the big beautiful man takes it on his left foot and cracks a fantastic shot from the edge of the box and gives Mignolet no chance.  2-2 and how’s your arsehole Jurgen?  In the interest of balance I should say that Ronald is celebrating like a loon.

We are all over them and they do not fancy it.  It’s just a case of whether we run out of time or not.  We’re harrying the shite out of them and they just want to get rid of the ball.  Flanagan knocks it back to Mignolet who produces his clanger for the game by scooping it straight up in the air.  Down it comes and Skrtel misses the header and then gets bullied out of it by all 6 stone of JWP.  The ball drops to Pellé and he plays the same ball as he played for the first goal and Mané is in and it’s across Mignolet for 3-2 and the place goes mental… and that includes Ronald who is off down the line like a man who has two achilles tendons that work.  Get in!!!

Klopp throws on Ojo instead of Henderson because Henderson is shite but Liverpool are done and there’s nothing going on.  A ball is played into the box and Benteke has a fall but referees are looking for him after the Palace one a few weeks back so that’ll be a goal kick.  Big Vic is bossing it in midfield and he picks the ball up, turns away from a challenge and suddenly sees a direct line to the corner flag and takes it.  Off he goes with about three Liverpool players chasing him.  You aint catching him and Big Vic is back and never has a 60 yard run to the corner flag been cheered as enthusiastically.

All over, we’ve won.  That’s not funny at all is it?  It’s hard not to say ‘fuck you’ so I won’t try not to say it and I’ll just say it .... fuck you Liverpool, fuck you Lallana, fuck you Lovren, fuck you Klopp.  Klopp is acting like a bell end at the final whistle.  He’s clearly dishing out a public bollicking at Benteke (he denied it afterwards), whilst he’s all smiles for all of our players at the final whistle.  Typical fucking Liverpool manager being more interested in our players than his.  Would have been amusing if Benteke had lamped him one.

Having had a go at Klopp for his over-celebrations, it’s very amusing to see the normally cool and reserved Ronald Koeman running down the touchline and generally giving it the large one.  I expect he just got caught up in the emotion of it all but part of me hopes that at least part of him was giving Klopp a taste of his own medicine.  Tactically, if the first half was Klopp’s, due in no small part to our kamikaze play in midfield, then Ronald dumped all over him in the second half.  Having players like Bic Vic and Mané on the bench to bring on gives you a bit more of a chance of the change working, than if you’re bringing on Juanmi and Yoshida.  For all their riches, Klopp and Liverpool were reduced to bringing on Skrtel (who has always been crap) and Henderson didn’t even make it off the bench.  I know you don’t have a lot of choice when you’re 2-0 down and you have nothing to lose but it was great to see Ronald basically say to Tadic and Clasie...’you two have been shite, off you come’.  Klopp took Lovren off because he had a yellow card and thought he might get a red which is all well and good if you have a decent replacement.  Nein Herr Klopp.

For us, Pellè was magnificent again, scoring one, setting up two and being brought down for a penalty... not a bad afternoon’s work.  Mané was back to his electric best, despite missing the penalty so it may be time for him to mirror last season and hit a good bit of form for the tail end of the season.  Likewise Big Vic who was huge when he came on but when I see him play like this, there’s a part of me that dies because he’s highly unlikely to be around next season.  The defence was a bit scratchy today but Virgil and José held it together pretty well in the second half but our best defender by far was Benteke.

I would like to congratulate Adam Lallana for playing 90 minutes.  Wanker.

Well I guess we can all start looking at chasing for Europa League qualification again.  We are currently 7^th which will probably miss out this year but 6^th should be ok as long as League Cup winners Man City don’t fall out of the top 4.  If you’re looking for a miracle and Champions League qualification then we are 4 points behind Man City and they have a game in hand.

Next up we have Champions-Elect Leicester City.  I can’t say enough positive things about them really but they won’t be relishing playing us.  Last year up there we didn’t turn up and lost easily but I think this time could be different.  That’s for another day after the international break though so for now we can just say ‘fuck you Liverpool, fuck you Lallana, fuck you Lovren, fuck you Klopp’.

PS...

You could probably tell from the write up and you may have seen me moaning about it on Twitter but I missed this game.  The FA, with their lip service of supporting grass roots football, decreed that this game was to be played at 1.30 on Sunday at relatively short notice, when it wasn’t even on a UK TV channel.  For me, with a commitment to coaching an under 12’s team with a 2pm kick off, this is bad news and no doubt is for many others like me, who voluntarily put time into grass roots football.  Still, as long as the foreign TV paymasters get their way then I guess all is well with the world.  I guess that at 4pm, this match would have clashed with yet another super exciting piss boring turgid Manchester derby.  In my opinion, there’s no need to have these bloody lunch time kick offs unless it’s a security risk game.

So, I missed the Saints game, as did three kids in my team who are season ticket holders, as did their parents who chose to support their kids.  We lost by the way which was a bit of a pisser, so next time, I expect a few more will go to St.Mary’s instead of playing grass roots football.  I expect the FA will care deeply.  On a positive note, my daughter went to the game and was so excited when she got home she could hardly speak.  Happy days.

PPS

If you've not done so yet, check out the match highlights with commentary from Scouse Legend Jimmy Liddel. see link below

https://www.facebook.com/ynfathehub/videos/vb.516588825044684/1000856233284605/?type=2&theater

Premier League Match 30 - Stoke 1 Southampton 2

....for Tadic to Shoot!!!

Stoke away is one of the less appetising fixtures of the season and no matter how much better they are than under Pulis, they’re still Stoke.  I was one who scoffed at the appointment of Mark Hughes but fair play, he’s done well and they’ve signed some very good player, only let down by still having Charlie Adam who is still a complete scrote.  They’ve had a similar season to ourselves – a few games of great form, followed by a few games where they look useless.  Typically though, they’re on a good run now and their key defender Ryan Shawcross is back for today.  He really should go to the Euros and be part of the starting XI but he won’t as shite like Jones, Smalling and Cahill are all Roy’s boys.  How good might a Shawcross and Stones partnership be? We'll never know.

Elsewhere, Stoke have Shaqiri, Arnautovic, Affelay, Bojan and Joselu so they’re a handful.  There’s been a lot of talk at Saints this week about ambition and the chase for Europe.  You hope it’s true but after 3 dodgy results in a row, the cynical among us would wonder if it’s a bit of PR to make every player interviewed talk about pushing for the Europa League.  On that score, Stoke have gone above us in the past few weeks so this game is key to any hopes of finishing in the top 6 or 7.  How much do we want it?  Some good news is that it looks like J-Rod is ready to play for the Under-21s which should see him back in contention for the first team for the Liverpool game next week.  After that there is an international break and Charlie Austin should be back after that.  For today though there’s a choice of Pellè, Long, Mané and Tadic for the forward roles… oh and Juanmi.

I picked up a bit of flak last week for my slating of Juanmi but I stand by it.  I don’t give a shite how good he looked on You Tube whilst playing for Malaga – as a player he has to find a way to be effective in the English Premier League and he’s completely failed to do that so far.

Today we have to replace Jose Fonte and his job as captain goes to Steven Davis and his job as centre back goes to Ryan Bertrand which as far as I know is the first time he’s been asked to play centre back in four man defence.  Usually against Stoke you have an aerial threat to deal with but they don’t really play that way any more which means that Yoshida is on the bench.  I guess his less than stellar contribution to the Sunderland goal last week didn’t help him either.  Elsewhere, Shane Long is back to replace Sadio Mané who lost the toss of a coin with Dusan Tadic as to who starts. 

We start well and have the first effort on goal as Long curls in a good cross from the left which Graziano headed goalwards, only for Butland to comfortably tip it over the bar for a corner.  Davis takes the corner from the left and whilst Shawcross was wrestling Virgil, Graziano has lost Wollscheid and flicks a header over Butland and in for his first goal since an Under 12s game in Italy.  No matter how much they change their style from the Pulis days, it will always be amusing to see Stoke concede a goal from a set piece.  Great start and important in that it quietens the noisy Stoke crowd.

Stoke themselves seem a bit subdued and we’re looking very good and Martina pulls out a superb pass up the line to send Long away up the right.  Tadic is getting into the middle but Long only has eyes for one thing and hammers it and Butland blocks it.

It’s all going really well and then fucking hell it’s 2-0.  A cross is hoisted in from the right which Graziano has to retrieve from the opposite touchline and he plays it to Tadic who finds a bit of space before poking it through to the galloping Italian who curls a shot into the far corner which appeared to go over Butland’s arm.  Who cares, 2-fucking-0.

One of the Stoke threats clearly doesn’t fancy it much and Shaqiri goes off to be replaced by Bojan.  Romeu is bossing the midfield for us and he strides forward to lash an effort just over.  One day soon, one of these is going to fly into the top corner and he will celebrate by doing a Ketsbaia and kicking the shite out of an advertising hoarding.

Right on half time Stoke are attacking and we break it up with Davis playing a great ball up the line to send Long away again.  This time he plays a perfect ball to Tadic, right onto his favoured left foot but he chops back onto his right, taking out Shawcross and the keeper but instead of just rolling it into the empty net with his right, he tried to take another touch and a defender gets into rob him and the chance has gone.  It should be 3-0 and it should be all over. Just fucking hit it man…

So, the Tadic miss will be the pivotal point of the game if Stoke come back in the second half which of course they will because they can;t be much worse than they have been so far.  Their main player is Arnautovic and he’s acting like an arsehole and blaming everyone when he loses the ball.  Good player but a bit of an arsehole and he has a hairstyle just screams ‘dickhead’ at you.  Anyway, it’s half time probably as dominant a half as we’ve produced all season.

Sure enough, it takes all of 7 minutes for Stoke to find a goal as Martina gets caught out defensively as Afellay gets down the left and crosses and Virgil doesn’t cover himself in glory as Arnautovic gets in front of him and flicks it into the net giving Fraser no chance.  Bollocks, 2-1, let’s all swear at Tadic.

Here we go – all Stoke now and after passing it about on the edge of our box, Arnautovic shoots again and Fraser parries strongly.  Five minutes later and it looks like Diouf must score but Virgil threw himself at it and managed to deflect it for a corner.  Clasie is having a bit of an ineffective time in the centre of midfield so he’s off to be replaced with JWP who immediately gets on the ball and starts us passing it again.

Saints have weathered the storm a bit and are looking dangerous again.  Pellè picks it up about 30 yards out and chips a lovely ball over the defence and Tadic is onto it, Butland comes flying out and takes him out, penalty…. Goal kick.  Fuck off Lee Mason, he’s absolutely murdered him.  Linesman useless, referee useless.  Booked for diving then?  No, nothing.  Butland wouldn;t have been sent off because it's not a goalscoring opportunity as Tadic would have pissed about with it for 10 minutes having gone round the keeper.

Anyhow, Tadic is off to be replaced with Mané as we approach the 80 minute mark and Stoke have sent for the giraffe with Crouch coming on.  Up front for us, Long has obviously been bugging the shit out of Wollscheid all game as when the ball gets played up to Shane, the Stoke defender can’t even be bothered to make it look like a fair challenge and just wraps an arm round him and throws him on the floor.  Up steps JWP and hits a pearler which beats Butland all ends up and crashes back off the bar.

It’s almost like Lee Mason has been reading the Mark Twattenburg guide to refereeing as ensures that everyone is talking about him afterwards with another piece of shite refereeing as Mané competes with Pieters for a header and there’s a clash of heads.  Red card as the Stoke player hits the deck.  Are you completely taking the piss?  Couldn’t wait to get the card out. Wanker. Oh look, the red card has magical healing properties as Pieters is alright as soon as the card is brandished.

A few minutes later and a few long balls into the box repelled by Virgil and Maya, who came on for Targett when they threw the giraffe on and Mason gets something right and blows the final whistle.  It's a good job that his complete clown show didn't mean we dropped any points.

Usually when I’m here at the end of the game moaning about the referee it’s on the back of a defeat and probably sounds like sour grapes so it’s from a position of strength in that we’ve won the game that I can have a pop at Lee Mason.  It’s the big decisions that define a referee like penalties and red cards and that means that Lee Mason is fucking woeful.  The only people int he ground who didn't think that was a penalty was two – Mason and the lino.  Butland certainly knew, as did the two other closest Stoke players.  When I saw it first time I didn’t even shout as it was that obvious.  It’s a bit like giving it a prolonged ‘owzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttt!’ when all three stumps are flat on the ground when you’re playing cricket.  It’s out, it’s obvious, no need to appeal.  Goal kick – twat.  So Butland hasn’t fouled him but Tadic hasn’t dived either cos he hasn;t been booked so how has he ended up on the floor then?  I guess he just fell over.  The red card for Mané is just as ridiculous.  He’s not had his elbow up at any point and at worst they’ve just clashed heads so what has he seen that makes that a red card, brandished with a flourish and very quickly.  Nothing was kicking off and no Stoke players were furious so he didn’t have to act quickly to calm it all down.  Fucking useless refereeing which has been universally condemned on both incidents.  With any luck, the Sadio dismissal will be overturned but we will never get back what felt like about an hour we had to endure, waiting for Stoke to equalize.

Off course, it should never have come to that as it should have been 3-0 and game over at half time but Tadic had a complete mare with that chance.  Just fucking hit it man!  It’s on your left foot so why swap it to your weaker foot.  If he shoots first time and hits the keeper then everyone goes ‘oooh’ and we move on.  As it is, everyone goes ‘c*nt’ and is talking about it for weeks and you’re getting the piss ripped out of you on Match of the Day.

On a more positive note, early season Graziano was back and what a player he is when he plays like this.  There is a massive difference between his level of performance when on form and when not and I think we all know by now that he just has to ride the wave whilst it’s going well.  James Beattie was very similar in that regard, a world beater for a few games and then non-footballer for a few.  The fact is that when he plays well he’s unplayable and even the much vaunted Shawcross couldn’t get near him today.

Ronald got this game spot on as well from the selection of Bertrand at centre back to the leaving out of Mané.  Yoshida was brought on to combat the Giraffe coming on and we managed to hold out relatively comfortably and bringing on JWP for Clasie gave got us going again and helped get us some impetus again going forwards.  It would have been nice if JWP’s free kick had gone in instead of hitting the bar as it would have been a goal of the season contender but there you go, you can’t have everything.  Virgil was immense again in defence and I was also impressed by Romeu again (Big Vic back next week), Bertrand, Davis, Long and whisper it softly, Cuco Martina who was pretty good throughout.

Pre-match I had this down as a routine 2-0 defeat but the players showed that they are taking the quest for Europe seriously and if we get a result against Liverpool at St Mary’s next week then we may be fishing out the passports for a trip to somewhere shite in a qualifying round.  Unfortunately, Steven Caulker won’t be playing for Liverpool next week but the good news is that he won’t be playing for us either so we may do a little better than the 6-1 defeat we managed last time in the Capital One cup.

  Dusan.... just-a-fucking-shoot

Premier League Match 29 - Southampton 1 Sunderland 1

Virgil Secures Player of the Season

Sunderland are in town hoping to not get beaten 8-0 again like they were last time.  In truth, much water has flowed under bridges since then as since that day, Sunderland have sacked Gus Poyet, hired Dick Advocaat, stayed up, seen Dick resign, seen Dick change his mind, seen Dick leave by mutual consent, appointed Sam Allardyce, sign a load of new players and harbour a paedophile.

Usually at this point I talk about what’s been going on with Saints since the last game but there’s not been much.  Shane Long is out for one match and Charlie Austin for about a month.  Sunderland on the other hand have had the Adam Johnson situation.  On the face of it, the club had been aware of his guilt in kissing a 15 year old since the start of this season but they have continued to play him and hid the fact that they knew.  It also appears that the PFA knew all about it as well but now it’s all gone very quiet with the only sound being people desperately covering their arse which ironically, is probably what Adam Johnson will be doing in prison.  I would be very very uncomfortable if my club had hidden the fact that we were playing a player who had done that and admitted to it.  I wonder if Fat Sam knew – I’d like to think that he didn’t as whilst I don’t like the way his teams play football, he doesn’t seem the type of bloke who’d play Johnson if he had known.  He seems like the type who would have kicked seven bells of shit out of him.  Moving on…

UPDATE:  The Sunderland CEO has thrown herself under a bus and said she acted alone and no one else at the club knew.  OK then….

I assumed we’d have three at the back but it’s a back 4 with Martina at right back and Cédric on the bench.  Ok then.  Clasie is back in midfield with Romeu and Steve Davis and we have last seasons front three in Tadic, Mané and Pellè.  On the bench is a new name and what a name in Olofela Olomolo who’s an Under 18s striker and is destined to be the scourge of stadium announcers everywhere.  He’s on the bench due to the injuries to Austin, Long, J-Rod and Ryan Seager.  We do have another striker on the bench but it’s Juanmi.  Sunderland have a few different players to last year and Jermain Defoe is on the bench.  In goal they have Mannone who gave us one of the worst performances by a keeper at St Mary’s ever in his last appearance here.

The game has a strange start as we attack down the right, lose the ball and it get cleared as far as Khazri on the left wing about 40 yards out and he seems to have a fit of temper and lashes it straight out for a corner for us.  Very odd.  The corner is cleared and then the same player trashes through the back of Mané, gets a yellow card and gives us a free kick.  It’s in exactly the same position as Ritchie’s was for Bournemouth on Tuesday and Bertrand tries to whip in the same style of free kick (hammering it at the goal) but puts too much height on it.

Graziano hasn’t scored since Rome was built and you can see why when he gets the ball in a lot of space on the edge of the box but instead of taking it on and shooting he just balloons a first time effort closer to the corner flag than the goal.  Our next chance is a very good one and it’s promising for later as Mané gets down the left and chips it in to Pellè who heads down perfectly for Tadic to shoot but he bounces it into the ground and it flips up at a nice height for Mannone to push over the bar.  Bertrand’s corner is straight to the keeper who we are making look good when he really isn’t.

To be fair to Sunderland, they are having their moments and to be fair to Fat Sam, they’re not just wellying the ball up to N’Doye.  He picks it up on the Saints right and Virgil is across and takes him out.  It’s not that bad and there’s no injury but there’s an audible blood curdling girlie scream and so Virgil goes in the book.  Khazri is on the free kick and he’s obviously been watching the second Bournemouth goal as he curls it towards the back past from miles out and Fraser again seems rooted too the spot before flailing his arms about at the last minute and he gets lucky as he flaps it onto the post and Kirchoff hits the rebound miles over.

The game is pretty dull and so is the chanting from the Sunderland end.  I can’t hear all the words but it’s the latest trendy chant with “….I just don’t think you understand” in it.  Boring as fuck and van Aanholt gets down the left and puts over a decent ball which Rodwell meets and skews his volley into the crowd.  Rodwell was of course a good player once when he was at Everton but he followed the money to Man City and his career died before he moved on to Sunderland… a bit like Adam Johnson really but without being a nonce.

Playing well for Saints is Oriol Romeu and he starts a flowing move which goes through Pellè and Bertrand whose low cross is met by the sliding Spaniard but he can’t get enough on it to beat Mannone.  The last action of the first half is the 6 foot 4 Kirchoff having a massive dive when challenged by the giant that is Jordy Clasie.  It’s too pathetic for words.  The lino has given it from 5 yards away and the ref almost seems to apologise to Clasie as he comes over.

If anything we’ve been the better side without looking fluent and the front three look woefully out of form.  Pellè is at least bringing others into play but Tadic and Mané are way off the pace.  So, when your front three are not on it, you need to get your set pieces right so winning three corners at the start of the second half and seeing Davis hit the first man twice and then Bertrand clear everyone and out for a goal kick… is very frustrating.

Borini has a couple of chances for Sunderland, firstly dropping out to pick up a van Dijk clearing header and volleying just over and then trying to score from a tight angle which Fraser blocked well.  There’s then a spate of substitutions which brings Defoe on for them, whilst we take off Clasie and Davis and throw on JWP and make the curious decision to play with ten as fucking Juanmi comes on.

Khazri is one of the more annoying players I’ve ever seen and then he goes ‘full pathetic’.  After a nothing clash with Graziano, he goes down when there’s nothing wrong.  Pellè clearly thinks he’s being ridiculous and tries to pull him to his feet but he wrestles himself away and throws himself to the floor again like a three year old having a massive tantrum in a supermarket aisle whilst his mother sighs and everyone else looks away, glad that it’s not their child.  What a wanker.

On we go with nothing much happening aside from Juanmi getting brushed off the ball with ease before Fat Sam decides to remove Khazri as it’s embarrassing and on comes one of my favourite players, Seb Larsson, he with the face of someone chewing a wasp which was licking piss off a stinging nettle.  Straight after that…. disaster as a ball forward finds Borini and he’s suddenly away from Fonte who has the choice of ‘let him shoot’ or ‘dive in’.  He opts for the latter and it’s kind of a wrestling throw tackle which he tries to make look like an untidy challenge but the ref has blown and he’s off.  Bollocks.

The free kick from van Aanholt is well saved by Fraser and we eventually bring on Yoshida for Mané and within a minute he’s allowed Kone to beat him with ease in the box and feed it across to where Defoe is and he isn’t going to miss and 1-0, ten men and 10 to go.  The Northam respond to our plight with a chant of ‘paedo, paedo, paedo’ at the Sunderland fans which is rather simple and rather disgracefully, there’s a rush for the exits in all four of our stands which doesn’t improve my mood.

So what are these twats going to miss?  Well, quite a lot as we start playing with a bit of intensity going forward.  Martina bursts forward and slides a ball too far in front of Pellè before getting involved again and getting on the end of a short pass in the box and side footing straight at Mannone when he really should have laced it.  Virgil is playing up front and we have a kind of 2-3-3 formation going on.  I know that’s one player less than ten but we have Juanmi on the pitch.  Fat Sam takes off Kirchoff and brings on O’Shea as he’s panicking but too late as Tadic picks it up on the left and pulls it back low and Virgil has pulled away from his defender and whips a first time shot inside the near post to make it 1-1.  What a finish that it.  Deserved.  The Sunderland players are shattered and another 2 minutes and I think we could have won it but there’s only another 30 seconds.  It’s a great goal and a great moment and one of the best things about it is that all the Saints fans who in a show of true support, fucked off when the Sunderland goal went it will have missed it.

It’s odd how this game has been reported in the media in that it appears we somehow robbed them of two points by equalising in the last minute when we had ten players.  If you look at the game overall there was only one side that deserved to win it and that was us.  Their keeper kept them in it and they never really looked like scoring until Fonte got sent off.  They’ll see it as a perfect away performance until the last minute.  Keep it tight, nick a goal and hold on… whoops.  Fat Sam was bemoaning the fact that they sat back but hang on... he took off a midfielder and put on a centre back so by definition he was inviting it.

I have no complaints about the red card and José had to go.  I thought at that point though that Ronald took the wrong player off as Mané was beginning to show signs of life and we could have done with his pace as an outlet.  He should have been brutal about it and taken Juanmi straight off again.  That bloke is absolute bollocks though that’s not really fair as ‘bollocks’ do at least have a purpose.  There is nothing about him that suggests there’s a Premier League footballer in there – nothing at all.  I’ve downgraded him to ‘worse than Mayuka’ which takes some doing.  At least Mayuka had pace – this guy has nothing.  It was good to see Olomola on the bench but I knew that Juanmi would get on first but there’s no point in putting him on, ever.  He’s shit and I hope we fuck him off back to Spain as soon as possible as we don’t want him hanging around picking up wages for three years.  Not a season long loan, not a try before you buy, just get shot of him.

We weren’t great today of course but we still did enough to win.  The final third was generally poor with Mané still playing at Salford level and Tadic not putting in a decent ball all game until the last minute.  I thought Pellè did ok in the main but he’s devoid of confidence in front of goal.  When we are struggling to score and our strikers aren’t really on it, we need to have JWP on the pitch.  When he’s not the set pieces are fucking awful.  That little spate of corners hitting the first man or clearing everyone just makes me angry.  It’s such a waste when you have a flappy goalkeeper like Mannone against you and an ideal chance to put him under pressure.

Talking of flappy goalkeepers, Fraser did ok aside from that free kick in the first half which was horrible again as he froze (a la Bournemouth) but he just about got away with it…. And then there was Virgil van Dijk – Player of the Season.  I’ll be amazed if anyone else even gets a vote for them aside from their immediate family.  He was magnificent throughout yet again and of course he scored and what a great finish.  The other stand out player was Oriol Romeu who did all his usual work in winning the ball back but also drove the team forwards and he’s a good passer of the ball as well.  The defence in the main coped well but why on earth was Martina playing.  There are two different Martina’s – pre and post Arsenal Wondergoal.  Pre-Arsenal, I thought he was dogshit, then post-Arsenal you think that there might be something worth persevering with but there really isn’t.  Today he broke well and got in good positions but his ball into the box was uniformly terrible.  Cédric wasn’t great against Bournemouth but then, no one was so why leave him out today when we needed some quality coming in from the flanks.  There is no hiding that Yoshida was weak as you like on the goal as well and it’s an area we need to address and soon, Maybe Florin Gardos is the answer to maybe Jack Stephens or Jason McCarthy but it needs sorting.

We’ve slid down the table a bit and currently sit in 9^th but still in touch with the top 6.  Chelsea are lurking ominously behind us though so it’s going to be tough and we need to go on another run again or else (stating the obvious) we’re going to end up 13^th and falling behind teams like Stoke and West Brom.  It was a bit odd today that it was only when we went down to 10 that we played with anything like the urgency we played with when he humped this lot 8-0 last season.  It just shows how much you can achieve by being positive and playing with energy, regardless of how many players you have on the pitch.

Next up is the big question – can we do it at Stoke?

Premier League Match 28 - Bournemouth 2 Southampton 0

Not Fraser's Best Moment Ever

A trip down the road to the west to play Bournemouth at the Goldsands Vitality Dean Court Sandbanks Redknapp Superdrome.  Triffic.   I have to say that when we were playing them in League 1, I always found Eddie Howe annoying with the amount of moaning that he did and the amount of excuses he came up with but to be fair, he seems to have listened back to some of his old interviews and drawn the same conclusions himself.  He’s been a breath of fresh air this season and his Bournemouth side have tried to play decent football all the time with a spirit that has made up for a bit of a lack of quality at times.  When we beat them At St Mary’s, they were a team without a striker as Glenn Murray doesn’t count but in the transfer window they punted some cash on Benik Afobe who has done very well for them and filled the void left by Callum Wilson’s injury.  They really should stay up and I hope they do but they can do it without three points tonight.

We can’t have a build up to a Saints / Bournemouth game without as ‘is it a Derby’ debate.  I no longer care and will waste no time on it here aside from saying that if we lose, it will not kill me like a defeat to Pompey would, it won’t hurt any more than losing to any other team from the bottom six.

Ronald has decided to mix it up for this game and Maya is in, in place of Matt Targett with Ryan Bertrand moving out to wing back.  It’s disappointing that Clasie still can’t play three games in a week and so JWP comes in but the surprise is that Mané is included instead of Steve Davis which leaves us with three out and out attackers and not much in midfield.  Bournemouth look to be set up in a standard 4-4-2 with King and Afobe up front and threat from the wings in Gradel and Ritchie.  It’s a very attacking line up from both sides so I guess it’ll be won in midfield.  If we can win that battle we’ll get at Cook and Francis who are not the best.  Then it’s just King Artur to beat.  I still think he was a great keeper for us and a massive step up from what we had.

Bournemouth start with intensity and pretty soon, Ritchie is having a shot and Fraser blocks it out for a corner.  Good start for them and though we clear the corner, we need to get a foothold in the game.  There are tackles flying in (mainly from them) and Ritchie pulls out a bad one to clatter Bertrand but Mike Dean just gives a free kick.  We create a decent chance with some build up down the right and Cédric gets to the line and pulls it back for Austin who slams it wide of the near post when he really should have hit the target.

Bournemouth look good with the ball and are putting us under pressure and win a few more corners which we again deal with before Ritchie goes through Mané and once again escapes without being booked.  Mané recovers well enough to get on the end of a chance which sits right up before he smashes it over the bar.

Bournemouth are playing the ref well and Josh King gets to the edge of our box and collapses like a sack of shit under minimal contact and they get a free kick which Ritchie slams into the wall.  It’s clearly a tactic of the home side to fall over at every opportunity and Daniels tries it to halt a break up his side but miraculously, the ref waves play on and we eventually get a free kick which JWP swings in and it’s headed straight up in the air for Boruc to catch.

It seems to be fairly even in terms of territory but they look much more intense than we do.  A ball into the right corner should be cleared by Fonte but he tries to shield the ball out and gets burgled by King.  The Saints skipper then compounds the error by getting back goal side and then fouling King on the edge of the box when he was going nowhere.  Stupid foul though again, the Bournemouth player went down like a sack of shit.  We have a one man wall and so Ritchie hammers in the free kick on target and Fraser reacts late and punches the ball into the middle where Cook reacts and hooks it into the top corner from behind him to make it 1-0.  Deserved goal and a lot of work to do.

It goes another 5 minutes and Cédric getting skinned by Gradel before Ronald’s had enough and Yoshida is sacrificed to change the formation and Steve Davis is on which is a bit harsh as he’d done nothing wrong.  Davis will hopefully correct the issue we have of no control in midfield.  JWP had started ok but had faded away as Romeu was struggling to do it all on his own.

The period from here to half time consisted of us giving the ball away which was down to a lack of spark and technical ability but also down to the aggressive pressing from Bournemouth which wasn’t allowing anyone time on the ball.  Mike Dean appears to feel sorry for us when he doesn’t book Romeu for an agricultural assault on Smith.  José Fonte is having a mare and any attacking play we do string together falls down as soon as it gets to Sadio Mané who takes all the impetus out of any attack by having too many touches or he just gives it away.  Either way, it’s shite.

Half time comes in a strange fashion as the 4th official Kevin Friend (he of the infamous Liverpool home game last year) falls over in the dugout and knocks himself out causing all sorts of confusion.  Half time – rubbish.

We really need to come out firing in the second half and at least play with more intensity but instead of that we look second best to every ball and if we do build any pressure then Mané stupidly fouls someone to give the initiative back to Bournemouth.  They win corner after corner and the count is currently at 9-0 but we do eventually get on that particular scoresheet when Cédric wins one.  I feel like celebrating this small victory and it makes Cédric a candidate for our man of the match so far as he’s actually won a corner but then he gets pinged for a foul throw which means that the Saints Man of the Match award is up for grabs again.

Midtjylannd away, Sunderland away in the cup, Sheffield United away… this is on a par with any of them.  We are fucking shite.  The forwards and the quality of ball up to them has made it so easy for the centre backs and a change is forced on us as Austin pulls up and Pellè is on with 25 to go.  Immediately there is an improvement as the ball starts to stick with Graziano obviously having been told that his appearance against Chelsea was utter wank.  The big man expertly cushions a header over a defender to Long who tries to shoot first time but Cook gets there first and clears with Shane kicking the bottom of his foot and getting injured.

Long is back on after a while and there is a definite change occurring without us looking much like scoring.  The Bournemouth threat is definitely subsiding and an hour late, we’re finally getting into it.  Arter has to go off injured to be replaced by Gosling and Tadic gets his first run out for a while as Long can’t go on.  King has run his race as well to be replaced by Grabban who refused to sign a new deal for Bournemouth a while ago, fucked off to Norwich where he hardly played and then came back with his tail between his legs.  All he did at Norwich was grow a shite beard by the look of it.

It’s small beer but at least we’re at the right end of the pitch.  Tadic gets a cross in which causes a bit of panic and Pellé almost catches Boruc out with an opportunist effort from 25 yards which bounces just wide.  Mané is still shite but you never know, we might just nick a draw here.  Then the ball gets played up the right to Afobe who is breathed on by van Dijk and the six foot 3 musclebound striker hits the deck like he’s been hit by a fucking train and Mike Dean buys it again.  Fuck off.  In it comes from Ritchie and Fraser does fuck all until it’s too late and whilst he comes lurching out to flatten van Dijk, Afobe gets his head to it and nods it in.  Bullshit. What is Fraser doing?  He doesn’t even have his arms up like he’s expecting the ball to just drop into his midriff.  Horrible misjudgement.

It’s dead now it really is. Bournemouth have done fuck all attacking wise this half but they’ve still found a way to score and now their energy and pressing will see them home comfortably.  We do nothing except huff and puff for the rest of the game with Mané going closest when he tries to lift a ball over Boruc but he’s a better keeper than Courtois and spreads himself well to block.  Mike Dean continues to be a cock right to the end with no judgement as to what is actually a foul and what is just a player throwing himself over and it peters out into the easiest win that Bournemouth will have all season.

Well that was fucking useless.  We have a few things to point at as reasons why it didn’t go our way but the facts are that Bournemouth wanted it more than us, Bournemouth were better than us and Bournemouth deserved to win.  However, they weren’t going to score from open play any more than we were but two free kicks and two goalkeeping errors did for us.  The first free kick was fair enough I thought. Fonte dicked around in the corner and did what I tell my Under 12 team not to do….”Do not attempts to shield the ball over the line if you have a forward putting you under pressure”.  Having made the mistake he then wrestles the striker to the ground when he was going nowhere and the ref had to give it.  The free kick for the second goal is bullshit though.  Afobe just collapses which was a theme from Bournemouth whenever there was any pressure from a Saints player and on all bar one occasion in the first half, Mike Dean bought it and gave them a free kick.  It wouldn’t have mattered if he hadn’t however because we were shite and would have done nothing with any further possession we had except kick it away.  I also believe that if you are the team on the front foot and putting more effort in, most of the decisions will go your way so by extension of that, we didn’t deserve anything off the referee.

We did look like we were getting into the game and had had a slightly less than shit 10 minutes once Graziano came on but the second goal killed it.  What the fuck was Fraser doing?  I can kind of forgive him the first goal as it was smashed at him and he saw it late but the second one is terrible as he takes far too long to make up his mind to go for it and by the time he moves, it’s already a goal as Afobe is up and Virgil is (I assume) responding to a call and not going for it.

Mike Dean was shite throughout, staring off with not booking Ritchie in the first 10 minutes for two pretty ropey challenges and the Kevin Friend incident made it a bad day all round for the officials.  Again though, it sounds like excuses and though it didn’t help, they were better than us and deserved to win.  Arter and Surman won the midfield with Romeu working hard throughout but JWP flitted in and out and Davis was very ineffective when he came on.  He wasn’t alone.  The forwards got next to no service and when they did they just ran up blind alleys and achieved nothing.  He’s out for a month or so now but I was expecting Austin to put a high percentage of his chances away but aside from the Man United goal he’s not hit the target – I’m thinking West Ham at home at the end and the early chance tonight in particular.  Austin and Long were however, light years ahead of Sadio Mané who was complete shite.  If he wants a move to Manchester then he’d better hope Salford have got some cash as that’s the level he’s been playing at since October.  Our best period of the game coincided with Graziano and Tadic being on the pitch. I’m not a massive Yoshida fan but I felt sorry for him being sacrificed when it wasn’t him who just royally fucked up and put us 1-0 down.  Aside from that incident, José had a mare and it was really only Virgil, Ryan Bertrand, Romeu and Pellè who came out of that game with any credit at all.

Ronald said that he made the substitution early to cope with Daniels on the Bournemouth left.  Has he never seen him play before then?  He was able to cause havoc because we weren’t closing down and when we had the ball we gave it away so quickly we couldn’t force him back.  Cédric was busy marking Gradel so why not move Mané over to the right wing to force Daniels back?  Mind you, Mané would have just stood there and watched Daniels fly past him.  Ronald’s right about one thing – it’s not tactics that lost the game, it just the lack of basic desire to do the ugly things that win you a game of football.  Bournemouth were happy to do that and we weren’t, hence the result and good luck to them.

The performance and the whole game reminded me massively of the away game in Midtjylland.  Small tight ground, evening kick off, other team is mad for it, we can’t be arsed, no inspiration, not going to score if we play all fucking night.  Garbage.  Next up we have Sunderland at home and another performance like this one will completely kill any European ambition we have.

By the way, if you want to show your mum how much you care, then I’m sure a celebratory DVD entitled ‘Smashing the Scummers’ will be available from the Bournemouth club shop in time for Mothers Day.

Premier League Match 27 - Southampton 1 Chelsea 2

Is it a Bird? Is it a Plane?  No, it's a THUNDERCUNT

Leicester being top of the league as we move into March is of course the most ridiculous thing that’s happening right now but not far behind it is the fact that Chelsea have been shocking.  It’s ridiculous because they won the league at a canter last year, with a squad full of ridiculously good players and with The Special one in charge.  Of course they have great expectations every season and when you are Chelsea and you hit a bump in the road then the manager gets fired no matter who he is or what he’s achieved.  Hell, this is the club who fired a manager about 3 months after winning the Champions League.  With the ridiculous amount of money they’ve spent over the years it is of course very amusing for everyone else that they’ve been pretty ropey this season and there’s much to dislike about them.  As a supporter of a medium sized club, outside of your own team doing well there’s nothing quite as good as seeing one of the giants struggle despite all their resources and natural advantages.

So, what’s to dislike about Chelsea…. Off the top of my head there’s Abramovich, Terry, Ivanovic, Fabregas, Matic, Diego Costa, Diego Costa and of course Diego Costa, the stockpiling of players, the lack of opportunity for any youngsters and of course, Diego Costa.  Of course they’ve improved massively since Mourinho skulked off and Guus Hiddink took charge.  Hiddink looked like a busted flush after failing to manage Holland to Euro 16 qualification, which was after all, the easiest international tournament to qualify for of all time but he’s come in and done a decent job and they’re unbeaten in about ten games…. But we’re not doing badly either of course and are still comfortably above them in the league.

We of course have had a couple of weeks off due to our abdication in the FA Cup and in the break the main news has been that Jay Rodriguez and Florin Gardos are back in training and will be available for the first team soon.  At the very least this will mean that we won’t have Juanmi on the bench any more once J-Rod is fit for action.  Considering it’s been a season where we’ve humped Arsenal 4-0 and won at Old Trafford, the most enjoyable game was the away win at Stamford Bridge as we were excellent that day and it was the game when it first became evident that Mourinho was in a slump he wasn’t going to get out of.  Completing a league double over them would be especially sweet.

On the morning of the game I receive a text from a mate of mine who supports Crystal Palace and on it was a link to a FourFourTwo article detailing which referee was the best and worst for each team.  No prizes for guessing that Twattenburg was the worse ref for us (and also Palace) but our best ref was Martin Atkinson who coincidentally, is in charge today.  Today starts badly from a personal point of view as my Dad has knackered his achilles so I have to drop him outside the ground which would be ok if we hadn’t got stuck in horrific traffic.  Having dropped him and my son off (who can’t be arsed to walk with me) I then unsuccessfully try and park before heading back across the Itchen Bridge to the Woolston side and end up parking near Sholing station.... at 2.45pm.  You know you’re late when you’re running across the Itchen Bridge and there’s not one supporter on it.  Puffing a blowing like a bastard I’m in the ground as the kick off happens, sitting in an aisle so as not to obstruct others view.  I notice we have Austin up front but other than that it’s as expected.  The first Chelsea player I notice is Costa with his mask on.  He’s an arsehole and that’s nothing to do with his mask.

We win a couple of corners at the start and from one, Davis knocks it into Clasie who knocks it straight back and Davo shoots from miles out on the left towards the near post and it’s deflected behind.  That looked like something off the training ground but was probably an accident.  Danger over and Chelsea attack and Pedro goes down with no one near him and he’s off and Oscar is on in his place.  Not exactly a bad replacement.

It’s all us at the start and from a Bertrand corner and a punch by Courtois, we send it back in and Virgil brings it down in the box as Courtois wandered.  He turns and crosses and Long has a free-ish header at the back post with no  keeper but manages to nod it over the bar.  Glorious chance missed it has to be said.

Saints are looking decent and the front pairing of Austin and Long are not giving Chelsea any time to play at the back with |Baba Rahman at left back looking like a little boy on work experience.  If Chelsea get into midfield then Romeu and Clasie are digging in strongly.  Chelsea do knock it about nicely though and create a chance for Oscar whose shot is easily gathered by Fraser.  Charlie Austin shows what he’s about with a good turn and shot off his left foot which goes about a foot wide.

The 34^th minute passes and Fraser has now broken the ‘666 minutes without letting in a goal’ record, held by Paul Jones and well done that man and the defenders in front of him.  Diego Costa marks the occasion by treading on the ball and taking his mask off in a flourish, clearly blaming the mask for him making a knob of himself.

A ball is clipped over the top of the Chelsea defenders towards the wing but Baba covers and pulls out a shit header straight to Shane Long. He knocks it forward and bears down on Courtois who comes rushing out and then collapses, allowing Shane to clip it over him and into the net to make it 1-0 and everyone goes nuts, us at scoring and the Chelsea fans at the player who fucked up.  Everyone will blame Baba Rahman for that but Courtois really didn’t do enough to stop it.

The five remaining minute until half time are played exclusively between the half way line and the edge of our penalty area but we’re comfortable and so we go in 1-0 up and delighted with life.  Not delighted evidently is Guus Hiddink who in the half time break, decides to throw Baba under a bus for his mistake and he’s off to be replaced by Kenedy at left back.

The second half starts in much the same way as the first half ended with Chelsea having a lot of the ball but not doing anything with it.  Hazard (yes, he’s playing) works an opening for himself and shats it horribly over the bar but he does create Chelsea’s best chance so far as he gets down the right and fires over a cross which Costa meets on the volley and buries into the Northam End. Arsehole.

Diego Costa has been quite quiet and his biggest contribution so far has been taking his mask off to ensure everyone remembers how ugly he is.  Ladies and Gentleman, it’s time for a five minute performance of the Pantomime called ‘Diego Costa is a Complete Fucking Arsehole’.  A clash with Virgil leaves the Saint on the ground and the game stops and we put it out for a throw in, in their left back position.  Costa is already remonstrating with the referee before the ball is out and carries this on.  When Virgil is back, Chelsea throw it to Ivanovic (their captain) who has obviously agreed to kick it back to us and he goes to kick it back to Fraser but guess who decides to chase it down like the complete wanker that he is.  Martin Atkinson has lost the plot and eventually brings it to a halt by giving us a free kick for not much but the damage is done.  A minute later Ryan Bertrand goes through the back of Costa – yellow card… then the Chelsea cock-fest continues as Willian collapses in a massive heap, screaming like a bitch after Clasie barely touches him.  Another yellow card for us and Atkinson is having a mare.  Costa eventually gets a yellow card himself for running over the back of Virgil’s legs but of course he’s all arm waving and angry which should have course bring a second yellow for the reaction but of course doesn’t.

It’s a tribute to how far Shane Long has come in the past couple of months that when he pulls up injured it’s an ‘oh shit’ moment.  I have to say that I’m a bit surprised that it’s Graziano coming on and not a quicker player like Sadio Mané or Dusan Tadic to partner Austin or a player to bolster the midfield like JWP.

The Costa and Willian incidents all rather reminds me of why Chelsea are so unlikeable and then a ball gets played over the top and Austin is competing with Cahill on the edge of the box.  Cahill clearly handles it and then falls on it and he’s brought Austin down.  Charlie is going nuts but the ref gives nothing and nor does the linesman who has the best view.  My exact words to my son were ‘I bet that’s a clear penalty when we see it on Match of the Day’.

Another attack down the right and there’s a collision between Cedric and Kenedy as Cedric tries to recover a crap Pellè pass.  Away go Chelsea with the ball but the lino who is about two metres away has seen something and is flagging for a free kick to us.  Chelsea have the ball and break and Atkinson waves play on.  Pass, pass, pass and Fabregas curls a cross in right footed from the left towards Hazard who doesn’t get a touch but Fraser obviously thought he was going to and the ball just carries on in apologetic fashion and bounces into the net.  Oh fuck off.  What a shit goal.  Aside from the shock of actually conceding one, I’d kind of expected the first goal Fraser let in to be a worldie but it’s a shite one that he’ll be disappointed in with the referee majorly involved.  Surely if the linesman flags and he’s 6 inches from the incident then you give it?  Surely the linesman should then be in his ear monitor shouting about what went on?  The only sure thing is that it’s 1-1.

There are 15 minutes to go and we don’t appear to know whether to push for a winner or sit back and defend the point.  We do the latter and you can tell that Chelsea fancy this now.  All of our attacks are getting as far as Graziano who just gives the ball away.  He tries a first time flick every time instead of shielding the ball and being strong and laying it off.  It’s odd as we have two big strikers on and we’re not playing in a more direct fashion.  Austin makes way for Mané but we’re still not creating much when we manage to get hold of the ball.

More Chelsea pressure, Willian fires just wide and then and they win a corner from a Fabregas cross that hits Romeu.  We seem to be pretty good at defending corners these days but in it comes and Ivanovic gets above a powder puff challenge from Virgil, thumps a header down and it appears to hit Fraser’s wrist and he can’t keep it out.  Fuck it.  We’re a busted flush now and there’s no sense that we’re going to get an equaliser in the 4 extra minutes.  JWP is on for Targett in case we get a free kick but we don’t and slip to our first defeat in 7 games.  Bollocks.

So where do we start?  Let’s start with a massive thundercunt and Diego Costa is a massive thundercunt.  It wasn’t plan to stir things up or anything like that – he’s just a thundercunt. He got in a state when he caught Virgil in the face and then it’s down to the referee to sort him out which he of course didn’t.  The act of giving the ball back when an opposition player has been injured is the ‘sporting’ or ‘gentlemanly’ thing to do.  Surely chasing it down when your captain has basically agreed to be gentlemanly, is ungentlemanly conduct and should therefore be a booking.  Martin Atkinson, allegedly our favourite referee, may as well have given Costa the whistle from that point on.  I’d rather get relegated than have a complete wanker like Costa in the team.

Shithead Costa and the spineless referee were not the reason that we lost though.  We tried to play the game out from too deep and there was only one team who wanted to win that game and if you have to pick one of the two sides and say one deserved to win then it would be them.  The way both goals came about was frustrating but them’s the breaks.  Fraser will be pissed off with the first goal in particular though it is a difficult one with the players flying in but unfortunately, if no one gets a touch you end up looking dumb if the cross goes in.  It was a shock to us to actually concede one I think.  I think it would be harsh in the extreme to point a finger over the second goal as Ivanovic has had a free header from 6 yards.

Ronald had a bit of shocker with the substitution.  If we’d gone long ball with Pellé and Austin up front then I could have understood it but we carried on the same and it meant that the Chelsea defence could step up without too much fear of being turned around and then just camped in our half.  The key moment for me in the game is the Austin penalty shout.  It was a penalty and should have been given.  The incident with the linesman and the first Chelsea goal was that he flagged for Kenedy kicking out at Cédric so the ref should have brought it back, booked Kenedy and given us a free kick.  One theory that was put to me was that the linesman was so crap throughout that the ref didn’t trust him by then and just ignored him.  It’s possible I guess but surely the three officials have to work as a team.  I will say a word for Guus Hiddink who seems a top bloke which probably explains why he never takes the Chelsea job permanently because then he’d have to conform to their ‘be a wanker’ policy.

Moving on and the good news is that we have another game in a few days and it’s Bournemouth away at the Goldsands Vitality Community Dean Court or whatever it’s called these days.  I can’t be arsed with the ‘Is it a Derby?’ question that everyone seems obsessed with.  All I’ll say is that we don’t want Bournemouth to be commissioning a celebratory DVD straight after the game.  They’re hovering just about the relegation zone and it’s a game we should be confident of winning.  I hope they stay up but they can do it without getting any points from Tuesday.