Bollocks, revisited.
When we looked at the fixture list a while back, successive
away games at West Brom, Everton, Stoke and Sunderland looked like a chance to
get some serious points on the board when we were still playing like a side who
might qualify for the Champions League.
The first three of those games have passed and we’ve got precisely zero
points from them despite the opposition being decidedly average in all of
them. Sunderland have been a very
amusing team to watch from afar this season as under our old mate Gus Poyet
they fell to a number of complete hammerings where they basically went a goal
behind and then gave up, never more so of course than at St Mary’s where we
beat them 8-0. I would settle for 1-0
today.
Gus of course got sacked which was amusing, as was he game
that preceded it when he got the obligatory fan exodus at half time with one of
them getting along the touchline far enough to throw a season ticket at
him. Whether said fan would have applied
for a new copy when Dick Advocaaat took over is another thing. He’s managed to mastermind a win over
Newcastle which, let’s face it, a small child could do but they’re in the
relegation zone and have three games left after this one to save themselves.
There appears to be a new deadline for Nathaniel Clyne to
sign a new contract and it’s in 10 days time.
Personally I would be amazed if he’s here next season even though both
Ronald Koeman and Les Reed have said that talks are going well and that the
player is happy. Reed also set us our
new 5 year target which is to be in the Champions League…. Well, all you can
say is that the last 5 year plan worked out fine and I would settle for getting
there before Fucking Liverpool or Fucking Spurs. Probably the best news of the week though was
that Jay Rodriguez made it back out onto the training pitch which is just as
well as his Dad has been tweeting newspaper stories about Man City wanting to
buy him. You will get a tirade on here
of monumental proportions if he leaves in the summer.
To today and we have no Morgan as he’s done his knee. It’s not too serious but he’ll be out for the
rest of the season but never fear…. Big Vic is here, back from his two game
suspension. Steve Davis pays the price
for not being able to shoot straight and is replaced by Shane Long with JWP
keeping his place. There is a return to
the bench for Filip Djuricic who has got fit enough to return to complete his
underwhelming loan spell. Advocaat has
changed this Sunderland side and Danny Graham is in it. Graham scored a few goals for Swansea about 5
years ago and has not scored since. He’s
up front with Jermain Defoe. I have no
real evidence to back this opinion up but I’ve always thought he’s a right
twat. I’m trying to remember why I think
that. They have John O’Shea in defence
who during a 4-1 home defeat by Crystal Palace, gave one of the worst displays
of defending I’ve ever seen. He will be
climbing all over Graziano from minute 1 so we need a decent referee today and
we’ve got Mike Jones who I’ve not really got an opinion about. Sunderland have Noncin’ Johnson on the
bench. With the coaching staff having laptops
and ipads now, I wonder if Johnson is allowed to go within 10 yards of one at
the moment.
An decent start for us as we win a corner following good
work by JWP and Clyney. The kick is
headed clear to Big Vic who hits row shit with his shot. Sunderland get on the front foot. Firstly, Larsoon stops chewing that wasp he’s
always got in his mouth and swings over a free kick from the left which Jones
heads down and straight at Superkelv.
Following us giving the ball away, Graham has a half chance but he
lashes it over the bar and his 37 year wait for a goal goes on.
We are producing absolutely nothing and it’s already looking
like one of ‘those’ away performances.
If we can sneak a goal from somewhere and get ahead then Sunderland
might capitulate as normal. However, taking
the lead is not on the menu on 19 minutes as a ball gets bombed forwards,
Yoshida manages to head it straight up in the air and José Fonte jumps to
volley it clear but Graham has come from his blindside and José has kicked him
in the head. Mike Jones points to the
spo as soon as you like and then has to ignore Larsson who is pleading for a red
card like the horrible little fucker that he is. Cattermole then decides to take up the ‘get
him sent off’ challenge and has veins bulging out of his head as he harangues the
referee. By definition, if it’s Danny
Graham then it’s not a goalscoring chance and there’s no way he was going to
catch his own header. Once the
Sunderland players had stopped being cunts, Jordi Gomez stepped up and passed
it into the corner. As it hit the net,
Superkelv managed a half arsed dive.
Shit, 1-0.
Straight from the kick off we work the ball to the player
who Sunderland tried to get sent off and he launched it forwards towards
Graziano but out came Pantillimon and was going to catch it easily until Billy
Jones took him out in mid-air, forcing the giant keeper to drop it at Sadio
Mané’s feet and he tucked it into the empty net. Have that you fuckers! 1-1. Pantillimon has taken out O’Shea as well so
he’s off. On the one hand it’s bad news
because he can be a liability but on the toher hand, Vergini is on and we all
remember his superb own goal at St Mary’s.
The equaliser has temporarily masked the fact that we’ve
been shit but we do create another chance soon after as a superb Alderweireld
pass with the outsie of his bot, finds Bertrand whose fizzed cross is just
behind Graziano and though he gets his head to it, he can’t direct it properly
and it flies over the bar. Sunderland
are soon back on the attack with Van Aanholt feeding Wickham who shites a
sidefot shot way over the bar. We do
have an attack which ends with the ball sitting up nicely for Clyney but his
volley flies comfortably wide. In the
main though it’s Sunderland with Wickham, Defoe and Graham all being denied in
the same incident by a combination of flailing defenders and goalkeeper and
generally not being very good. The final
chance of the half is from a free kick by the wasp chewer which is straight at
Superkelv and he looks every one of the 54 years as he gets down to push it
away. Half time and we’ve been utter
bollocks. The missing Morgan and Davis
have been severely missed and the team is not knitting together at all.
With Shane Long having done nothing, it’s not surprise that
he’s off at half time and I expected Davis to be jogging onto the field but
instead it’s Djuricic. Really? It’s almost a masterstoke on 50 minutes
though as a genius Vergini tries to pass out of defence before realising that
he’s shit and gives to ball straight to Djuricic who takes a decent first touch
to make space and then lashes a hopeless effort high and wide.
A pass from Bertrand to JWP catches him on his heels and
Cattermole is in and driving upfield. His
pass puts Graham away on the right and he pisses past Yoshida. Yoshida then gets half a tackle in but it’s a
real namby effort and the ball is passed in to Defoe who should hit it first
time but his touch is bad and in comes JWP, down goes Defoe, Yoshida hacks
clear, penalty again given by the sprinting ref Mike Jones who manages to get
the red card out whilst sprinting and JWP is off despite Yoshida covering. Up steps Gomez, opposite corner, 2-1.
With 10 men we start playing. Clyney gets down the right and
beats van Aanholt before corssing to Pellè whose shot hits the sliding Coates on the arm which he’s
waving about over his head but there’s no way that’s going to get given and
predictably it isn’t. Sunderland aren’t
a threat at all for the rest of the game and it’s just a case of whether we can
score or not. Steve Davis is finally
brought on for Big Vic and Elia is on for Mané who was kicked out of the game
by Cattermole, all after he’d been booked for trashing Alderweireld. Sunderland meanwhile have brought on Rodwell
and Noncin’ Johnson who I cannot believe is in the squad, let alone on the pitch. As we reach the 88th minute, a
Davis cross from the left finds its way to Young Mr Bean but Djuricic’ shot is
blocked and bounced up kindly for Pantillimon.
Sunderland are clearly bricking it as the game ticks down. Vergini is trying to be calm and dribbles it
into his own corner under pressure from Pellè before trying a stupid backheel
which Pellè controls and passes to Clyne.
His low cross is met sweetly first time by Alderweireld but his shot is
too close to Pantilliumon who blocks well.
Full time and fuck off.
Well … shit.
Again. Another all too familiar
away defeat. This time we had a red card
thrown into the mix as well but that kind of masks the piss poor performance we
put in against a piss poor Sunderland side which will still be relegated despite
today. They got lucky today though. It seems to be a season where no penalties
are given but they got two today and they weren’t going to score any other way. I have no complaints for the first
penalty. José has gone to volley it
clear when the ball is six foot off the ground and Graham has got there first
and he’s wellied him in the head. The
second penalty is debateable though as Defoe’s tough has taken the ball away
from him and JWP has turned, got his body in between Defoe and the ball. Defoe has then kicked the back of JWP’s leg
and gone down. The fucking ref couldn’t
wait to get the red card out either and Maya was clearly covering as Defoe’s
shite touch had taken the ball towards him.
Looks to me that Jones bought the pressure brought on him by Cattermole
and Larsson to send Fonte off for the first penalty. Utter helmets all three of them. It’s not the red card that meant we lost
though but the penalty is. Do you reckon
Sunderland would have scored from open play?
We definitely got he shitty end of the stick with the referee today as
Sunderland were allowed to more or less do what they liked.
Unlike me, Koeman is a gentleman and preferred to focus on how
we could be decent with ten men but poor with eleven. I did question before the game how decent a
midfield three of Vic, Toby and JWP was going to be and Shane Long for me just doesn’t
warrant a starting place. It’s slo
noticeable that we’ve let in two goals in our last 3 matches. Obviously, we have a geriatric keeper in goal
but we’ve tried to fix a problem in midfield with either Vic or Morgan being
unavailable, by disrupting the previously best defence in the country and
playing Toby in midfield. We do not look
as solid with Maya at the back and if you want to be hyper critical, Maya has
had a hand in the last 3 goals we’ve conceded.
Harrison Reed needs to start if one of Big Vic or Morgan is
missing. Failing that we should pay JWP
as a holding midfielder, failing that Steve Davis as a holding midfielder.
The away for that was so goo up until recently has now gone
to shit as we succumb to a succession of narrow defeats. In the race for 5th, we didn’t
lose as much ground as we could have done with Fucking Liverpool predictably
beating QPR but needing an 87th minute winner after a red card for
QPR to do so. Fucking Spurs on the toher
hand lost to Man City so like I say – it could have been worse. Slightly worrying though is that Swansea
moved within 4 points of us in 8th.
Next up is another banana skin away game at Leicester who
have won 5 out of the last 6. Play like
we did today and we’re going to get beat so we’d better hope for a good week on
the training ground and a decent response on Saturday. We want to see Nigel Pearson completely
losing the plot in his post match interview with maybe a warthog thrown in with
the usual ostritch.
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